Omg! Yes. But its funny how if they have something to say, they take all the time they need to say it, complain, yell, etc. But the minute you ask them to clarify something or you now want to express your opinion and not even yelling or being disrespectful they say they dont want to argue.
Omg I hear that one ALL THE TIME and I know for sure he's lying when he says "OK, SUMMER" smh it took me a year to realize how mentally and emotionally abused I've been. Didn't notice until my mother passed and he treated me so horrible, I couldn't believe he was so incapable of ANY empathy whatsoever
My ex literally used to say this to me towards the end while she was cheating on me. Also whenever I brought up an issue she would say “get over it” like wtf.
Nothing is more true. They know what reality is and that we know it. This is exactly why they continue to try to discredit reality and use human nature to justify their actions while denying ( destroying)
"You are the problem," we saw 2 couples therapists and both times, as long as my problems were the center of the discussion, great. But the minute the microscope turned to his problems he'd quit and accuse the therapist of being incompetent. 😳😡
Dealing with this behavior is draining. When addressing the issue of not showing up, I always got "You are just trying to get what you want. You have to wait!" No accountability. I have been so productive at home and sleeping peacefully since I went no contact. Thank you, Lee, for sharing this information.
10 gaslighting phrases Stop being insecure You're being paranoid You're being emotional You take everything too seriously I'm not the problem, you are That wasn't my intention You're crazy or need help. You're remembering wrong. Everyone agrees w/me Gaslighting isn't real.
How about when the person says they never said or did the things that the person is saying upset them? I have also had a covert narcissist use gaslighting to mimic me and everything I do as if they were the ones saying or doing often good things and then saying I never did those things that they did them and then denying things they did do and saying those things never happened. Denying that a person did not do a thing or saying they did do something when they did not is classic covert malignant abuse especially when this goes on for many years with the person making that person question their own memory of things and their own sanity. I did not even know what gaslighting was even though I was married to someone who practiced it on me our entire marriage. I was married 17 years to this person who used gaslighting to harm me psychologically to say that I never worked a day in my life and that I never did good things for my kids, to say that all the good things that were done were only done by him. I have repeatedly had the response, "You're crazy." "It is just you, not me" "That never happened." "I never said that or I never did that" I had this man my ex who I was married to all those years and never had issues with stolen cards or stealing report his credit and debit cards stolen when he was ready to get rid of me and that ended up causing me to be treated like a thief in many places I had been shopping for years and years. This had the effect in some places where suddenly I was being treated like I was a shoplifter. My ex who I had confronted about this because I was told he had done it by these places of business where we had accounts with them together, and he admitted it at that time only later to deny he ever did it suggesting I am crazy and or stupid as usual. I even had my ex of 17 years try to portray me as the abusive one, he would use all kinds of attacks against me and laugh and joke while doing it that later lead to my own children doing this to me, they are now expert gaslighters always questioning my memory of things telling me that things did not happen at all or that I am not remembering it right. This is a horrible form of abuse that often children raised like this do not even know they are doing it.
He says, "I was just joking." To that I say, "Don't make ME the BUTT of YOUR jokes!!!" Every single one of the things you have said, HE used on me! 🔥🔥🔥
In every joke, there is always some truth. And when the jokes are repeated, it's obvious. Always watch for patterns, and they will reveal everything. 😉
Yes! He shared a "joke" that we have been having issues with for months, and I got upset and he didn't like how I reacted to his so called "joke" that hurt me. He suddenly pushed the blame to me saying he will never be enough me, screaming at me. And I'm like what just happened?!
I’m so frustrated I’m suffering from depression. My husband tells me I have the problem. He never takes accountability for anything everything is my fault. I question myself all the time. I can’t disagree or have my own opinions. Always, dismissing me and tells me things didn’t happen the way it actually did. I’m so tired. I’m planning my escape. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m not valued or heard.
I'm writing to tell you, being invalidated, being so close in the house with someone showing you disdain, makes you so sad you become depressed. As humans, we can't tolerate this, as social creatures. It feels like you are more tired than you ever have been. This is sign you are in trouble. Good for you, because your body and mind are saying enough, and, I'm telling you, there's no fighting that. I had 16 mos long recovery, just beginning to sleep well, feel peaceful. Much luck 👍🤝
I'm going through the same exact thing. I'm planning my escape as well. We have four children together. It's truly toxic and mental state is at stake. It's mentally exhausting
I feel your pain. I was with my ex husband for 14 years and had the exact same treatment. I never felt more alone than when I was with him. Each day I would be in tears and even then I'd get "for god sake what you crying about now, if your not happy, there's the door" or "I haven't made you cry today"
I was feeling the same way until I went no contact and practiced self care.I surround myself with people who feed my soul, I get mani/pedi, fly my kite,watch comedies etc .Take care of yourself..sending an abundance of strength your way
My BF tells Me the same thing. He thinks that because He hasnt recently hit Me with a closed fist that he's not really Hitting Me and that one day I'm really going to come across SomeBody who beats my ass.
I agree I blamed myself for years. I seriously thought I was going crazy. Always trying to fix myself. Fast forward 22 years and I learn I AM NOT CRAZY. And that no matter what I do/did we will have problems if I ask genuine questions.
Same here, I’m so hurt that I have to plan a nice nasty escape asap. I’m going to continue to be quiet and mild until I move to another city im September. No contact
Amen to all those classics.. and there's a new one some male narcissists use: "You're just so Aggressive".. implying that your unfeminine for simply speaking up for yourself in the most fundamental way. It can be particularly hurtful to hear this from an intimate partner and believe it. My response ultimately "No, I'm not aggressive I'm just an equal".. silenced him.
My ex would tell me I’m so mean. No, I just stood up for myself and tried to hold true to my boundaries. But yes, it hurt. It used to make me feel like a terrible partner.
Any sort of standing up for ourselves or even just questioning anything puts us in the weird aggressive category. I find it helpful to turn the tables & ask whether whatever they see me as doing or saying wrong is viewed the same way if I were male.
@@PebbleBeachSouth yes and unfortunately, that may've been the point.. to make you feel like a terrible partner. I finally understood that was the case in my relationship when, quite literally, everything I I said and did was a problem.. wishing you healing & happiness💕
"You're being too emotional." My husband treated me like a child and would say, "I'm not going to reward your crying by giving you what you want, or you're going to cry for everything." If I wanted or needed attention or support I had to do it without breaking into tears or else it was game- over. It was emotional jail. My feelings were discounted big time. Thank you for your helpful videos. My divorce is almost final And I struggle because I still love him, he DOES have some qualities I'm going to miss, but the gaslighting, discounting, and blame shifting were the deal breakers that could not be ignored. Thank you!
When you said, "That's not my intention" I suddenly had multiple flashbacks to every single time my husband has said, "That's not my point" in the last 5 years...wow😢
This is crazy. How do narcissist people know what to say? How do they all know the same phrases? Every phrase you mentioned, I have heard from the same person...for years. Do they all read the same manual? Yes, I used to argue the truth. It's difficult to break out of.
🔥yep they will tell their family and friends lies and then say their friends hate you. They will cheat on you and then when you confront them about it they’ll turn everything around on you and say you’re the one gaslighting them😂
Luckily, I’m able to be alone and I can play the silent game longer. I can’t be phased with his words. But my words cut like knives. My ex was a bonafide narcissist and he copied my arguing style . He was impressed. It’s been 6 months and I’m still ignoring him. Lol. Game on
A lot of these words have a.k.a works, like you're trippin or you're argumentative, he got the I was just playing one. I've heard that one twice so far
“That’s not my intention”-after doing something that I clearly communicated is hurtful to me. “You acting like isn’t fair to me” -after poking, poking, and poking until receiving an explosive response from me. “I don’t remember that happening” -said that to avoid taking accountability for anything I bring up, but somehow can remember everything I’ve ever said.
They cannot handle emotions. They cannot process them in a healthy way, Especially someone else's . Glad you're recognizing it, so you can get away and go grey rock And then no contact a s a p. They are blocked from being able To process emotions in a balanced way, Because typically the mother Manipulated them with Her emotions and feelings. You will typically hear phrases like, You're attacking me, Or you're bullying me, When You attempt to speak Rationally about your feelings. It's so great that you spotted it right away and it will not change. Never make an excuse for someone's immature behavior.. Just walk away. It will not change.
You also mentioned that you gave him a reaction. Do not. Do not react. They are energy vampires looking to get a fix. Go gray rock as soon as you can. Wish him love and light... And hope that he finds someone else to place his interest on, Or find a safe way to fade out of his life. Never talk about anything positive that happens to you. And make sure others do not mention Anything that is going on in your life to him. Be boring. Use this as a science experiment so that you can spot the red flags even quicker .. With a co worker, Employer, Best friend, etc😊 Spend the time getting to know yourself and loving yourself first and maintaining balance, Get practice in Setting clear boundaries with family friends etc.. so that someone like this cannot get even this close to you ever again. ❤
I'm sorry but he is funny 😂😂. But he nailed it. He described gaslighting better then any other video I've seen. My boyfriend says all these things to me. When he said they'll even have questioning your own census, he ain't lying 😆😆😆. One day I was finna cook some chicken but it was spoiled it smelled so bad. But my boyfriend claim it smelled fresh. I threw it away😆
I hear this one a lot. "I'm always the problem" He makes seem like I'm blaming him of something everytime I try to express my feelings. Also who you be listening to like I'm not capable of fell the way I feel on my on.
OMG! I’ve been hearing, That’s not what I said!” and “If you ask anybody, they’ll agree with me!” my whole marriage and did not know it was gaslighting!
Whenever I look back on the years with my narc it's perplexing to me how often I've heard many of these phrases without even realizing what was happening to me back then. Fighting every single day just to have my thoughts and feelings acknowledged by someone who played the game of the three monkeys... Thank you for spreading awareness, Lee! 🙏
My narcissist always said “ that’s not how it went down “ when I tried to argue the truth! When I tried to hold him accountable he literally told me a story as if I did not live it as if I was not there! After 10 years I figured out the manipulation. I started drinking wine to cope with feeling like I was insane.I am so sad that I wasted so much time blaming myself . Thank you for your videos they give me strength! I am not insane, that did happen, I should not be ashamed! I have also realized that I always feel like am in trouble…I don’t do anything wrong but I always feel like I am in Trouble, I am waiting for the ax to fall!
I finally started calling it the MULTIVERSE. No matter what happens, there is always an alternative version, who said what, what happens, the villian is the hero. All of that.
Wow this video is sooooo good it’s literally verbatim “you’re the problem”. If you weren’t being this way we wouldn’t be here 😂😂😂😂 and that wasn’t my intention 😂😂😂😂
I went out on a date with a guy who tried to say something negative about how I looked. When I reacted and asked him, "What do you mean I have a mustache?" He said, "Oh, but I like it." I do not have a mustache. But I was looking hard in the mirror to see if I had one. He made some other back end compliments which is another form of gaslighting. Making comments about the way that I talk saying that I talk proper but he liked it and shaming me because I am practicing celibacy. Needless to say I canceled the second date. He didn't take it very well.
I regularly get "your to sensitive and over reacted" or says to me "I'm worried about your mental health! You need to go and see somone and get yourself some help" The list goes on
My response has always been, "What part of your 'joke' was funny? I must have missed the beginning, middle & punchline. Please explain it to me." 😇 Usually leaves my husband silent or he gives me the silent treatment for the rest of the day, which at this point I'm good with... LOLZ (Long story how we got to this point...😢)
Hello, I just want to thank you for your channel. Professionally talking, I just monitored for 3 years of a narcissistic person from other culture living in a Christian, Western and near North Pole culture. I think for me it has been a learning curve, but to people involved in it including the narcissistist, it has been just an ordinary day in Hell or beyond!
Man, you helped me see the signs early on and I cut loose quick. That person was hurt because I walked away before the destruction could get going. I saw it and dipped out really fast. My peace means everything to me and I'm going to protect it at any cost.
He never spoke the truth about it.. I felt like I was the one going crazy.. I felt it and even when he left, he still lied about it until I had proof 😢
Whenever I would call him out on stuff and expect accountability, he said I'm gaslighting him lol. I said that is not what that means. Sadly I know what it means.
9:00 am Thursday. Everything you’ve said is right on point. Here’s one I get all the time. “Please do not tell me your stress or your problems Get a therapist or talk to a girl friend but don’t tell me “. But let me just add that he can call me and tell me all his struggles and stresses but if I do it I’m fucked up. No compassion no empathy. It’s mind blowing how I can be there for him for EVERYTHING but if I need him maybe just to vent or actually need him to help me … I’m crazy
Yep, the Superiority and smugness.. your problems couldn't possibly rise to the level of importance of his.. or rise to a level deserving of his time or concern.. despite what you've made time for. The level of haughtiness and arrogance is uncanny with a narcissist.
I knew for 17 years that I was dealing with an extremely toxic narcissistic man but it wasn’t until 2 months ago that I finally kicked his ass to the curb. My ex 1000% used every single one of these tactics on me all of the time, frequently, if not daily for 17 years. I would separate from him and always ended up going back out of fear of being alone. I have been building up to permanently cutting him loose for such a long time and finally I did. Kicked him out of the brand new house that I bought all on my own, blocked him and have not spoken to him in two months. This jerk would gaslight me so bad and like you said..when I would bring attention to the fact that he was gaslighting me, he would of course call me crazy and tell me I had no idea what the term meant, when in fact, I had studied it at great length. Also, like you said, he would question my memory about damn near everything. Funny though, it is well known w amongst my family and friends that I have the most detailed memory that most of them have ever seen, yet this loser tried to convince me that I had problems with my memory! he would also accuse me of blacking out and not remembering what I said 😂 I kid you not he checked off 10 out of the 10 things you mentioned. I am so happy that I finally said enough is enough. I have made so many constructive and positive life changes in two months and I don’t miss that sucker one bit.😊🙏 let me add that in 17 years he never apologized to me once, he blamed me for everything and never accepted responsibility or accountability for anything.
@@renerenewed thank you! It took years of tears to finally get to the point where I could start laughing at the ridiculousness of his antics and behavior😊❤️
He always talks about my “great memory “, “ Nothing ever gets past you”…. I’m getting back to it after… so much, and when he said, “yeah Ann, as usual, you’ll get through it”,… I heard such disappointment in his voice. He’s been here for support. Gone now but coming back?…I have three appointments tomorrow and can’t take my daughter. Her Dx is autism…
Me too. I hate my gaslighting husband. If I had somewhere to go I'd be gone this second. I hate the sight of him. I hope he leaves for work and just does not return. I'd jump for joy to be free!
Me too, he tries to make it seem all I do is worry about and take care of my family.. Please don't talk about mines and I won't talk about yours. He says he doesn't have to be here and don't want to, I tell him he is definitely free to go, then he goes where? To bed! I wish this wasn't my house or I would leave..smh
I was talking to a man that was passive aggressive. When I read him after he tried to challenge my boundaries of not having sex with him after only talking to him for ONE MONTH! He told me that I had too many boundaries, that I was too sensitive and “that was a problem…and everybody knows that.” Really??? And you didn’t think it was a problem that you wanted to have sex with me after only talking - not even having had a date yet??? Bruuuh…you got me twisted!! Blocked!!!
Further….in my experience a man who emphasizes the value of “communication “ is a habitual liar…can you add to that thought? Every man who from the start harps on the importance of communication has turned out to be harmfully deceitful and narcissistic
All of them! But number 9!!! He always said his sister said this n that. His kids said this n that. His dad said this n that. When I would say I'm gonna set em straight cuz they got it wrong. He would say no no just leave it alone, they don't know what they're talking about. I love you babe. He had me believing everyone hated me and was always talking behind my back and that he had my back. I would be so uncomfortable around his family, then he would get mad at me for being so quiet around them. It was him all along, cuz his family seemed to love me. ( he had me thinking they were 2face when it wasn't so)
Honestly, I would not doubt what he said because they are HIS family, and they probably said how they really felt to him in private, but then pretended otherwise when you are around. They aren't likely to reveal that other side to you. My husband said some mean stuff to me his family said about me, and I confided that to the one person in his family that I actually thought I had a good relationship with and hadn't bad mouthed me to him. Imagine my surprise when she apologized to me then because that particular ugliness had come from her! And she was the one who I actually thought I had a real relationship with. I had always suspected that the others were faking nice towards me for his benefit, but he would always insist that they loved me, and that I was part of his family. However, he pulled his own claws out a few years back and told me I was Not part of his family, that they didn't consider me part of the family, and they didn't care for me - and repeated it several times to make certain I got the message. Oh, I did, and I have never spent time with them since. After that, he tried to gaslight me into believing he'd never said all that, and demanded I spend time with his family again, but I believe my ears over the lies. I also spoke with a therapist, and she basically confirmed how I had felt all along, and that it was his family, and, "they don't care for you or about you." They care about him. Period. They will play along to make you feel part of things if it benefits him - and them - but YOU are not part of that family. They will drop you in an instant if he wants them to. Consider what he told you to be truth coming out with a roar because he wants to use their words to hurt you, and because 'seem' to love you is not actually loving you. He is also enjoying placing you in that sick situation where you know awful things have been said about you, but then pretending like he is the only one there who has your back, and then making you hang out with his family. Would someone who truly had your back make you go around people who have trash talked you? No, they wouldn't - unless forcing you to do something so uncomfortable gives them a bit of a sadistic thrill. Also, if he has told you something ugly they said, you are under no obligation to go around them and pretend otherwise. You could make all their hearts jump by telling them you know what they said about you. Watch how quickly they turn their heads and glare at him, stutter an excuse, or drop their heads and look embarrassed. Those reactions will tell you a lot. Well, you could do that, but the best idea is to simply protect yourself and remove yourself from all these people who do NOT care about you. I am sorry to put it so bluntly, but you need to know the truth so you can live your life for yourself instead of as a chew toy for other people. I truly wish you the best.
@CarolinaCarolina-ph9mx thank you I appreciate your feedback and I'm sorry you went thru it too. I agree with everything you said. I can remember certain moments like you described. However I am 11 months no contact , so I am out of it now. I was sharing what I WENT thru but am not anymore. God bless you on ur healing journey too. We gotta stick together, no one truly knows what we've been thru more than each other that have similar experiences
@@mandyavalos1416 I am so glad to hear you are out. I am not yet, but probably not much longer before I am. It is heartbreaking, isn't it, what they do to us - pull us along to every family function making us invest our hearts into their families, full on lying that their family is our family, too. Yet, behind the scenes, there is a whole other drama created by that family where you are the enemy, so your spouse will throw you under the bus and run over you first chance they get, then haul you back up - dazed and with tire tracks all over you - and start demanding you go to more family functions - so they can knock you down many times more, and keep driving their now spiked tires across your back . . . They will do it all while screaming they are the victim, which draws their families in closer to protect their adult-baby monster. Yes, we do all need to stick together because most people on the outside, fortunately, do not have a clue about relationships like this. However, I would bet it is far more common than suspected. It is very hidden, and most of the women that are victims to this sort of behavior don't have the first clue where to look to even understand what has happened to them. I didn't for too many precious, wasted years. Some men truly do believe that because they have a p*nis, they were created to rule over us. No, Dude, ruling over someone shows you are WEAK, not strong! They must control and can't partner because they are too weak to allow a female some sort of control over her own life. Once we do stand up for ourselves, they would rather totally discard us than partner with us. Spineless. Most women want partners, not masters, but do you think even a single one of them would ask and give us the chance to say. "No, I don't want you to rule over me!" However, AI is advancing, and some of the robot ladies are being pretty. Soon men may be able to just buy their own robot woman to order around, which will work until even the robot gets sick of being treated like a chew toy, so then uses their laser eyes to blast the abusive men to another planet. 🤣
@@MentalHealness thanks for reading my post🤗 When I was tired of all the blame shifting, lies, and name calling, I asked him to leave. He took all the furniture he'd bought and sent me a text stating God will take care of you like he always has. He left me with mattresses on the floor. I had just given my daughter my furniture two days prior. I am glad I have a good career and financially stable. He was too and had another house full of furniture. He also took the engagement ring. A month later, he wanted to talk and wanted to know how to fix it, but said that I put myself on the floor and everything was my fault. He also said I did not know how to love him, but was asking me back. Make that make sense. I only showed that man love, but he turned out to be a narc and very cold towards me. He just wanted to play games, and tried to justify it with false accusations. I am healing, partly due to your messages.
My exwife used to call me crazy all the time. After awhile I said yea I am cause you made me crazy. They look for you to say no I'm not and get upset and argue.
Don't know what i wd do without your vids ❤ my entire family NPD😭 i did therepy..its over but now thx to your confirmations & input on npd it helps me get thru thx u 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I was just accused of being insecure 😮 He told me someone at work was being over friendly, I asked him if it was the new girl he had told me about. He was just smiling and didn't reply. Then send me a song about he only wants to be with me. Uuff
He body slammed me , then proceeds to tell me (still 2 years later); that I fell and I must not remember correctly Or I opened up about an assault that happened to me, and he questioned me so much gave different "scenarios" on how it "actually happened" I started to imagine and actually things that never happened. Orrrrr that he's here for his children who he hasn't done a thing for besides 'disappear' Love it 😂
🤣 love your list ‼️‼️‼️ also they always love to call you " toxic " / I had a very very successful business man that could not manipulate me tell me to come down off my pedestal ‼️‼️ and I know he said it because his money didn't move me ‼️‼️‼️ I was not impressed with him and his stuff .
I hear this the most: - it was a misunderstanding - you are overacting - you are "maybe" resentful - you are too emotional - I was joking. ( when they atack you "covert" actually in the worst way)
I have a mother that does ALL of the 10 things you mention. Having any kind of realistic conversation with her, on ANY level is a total waste of time and very tiring.
We need a video on how to just kiss ass and get along with a narcissist because at this point if u ain’t cut the cord and believe patterns over promise yet… just be Quiet and cut the supply put all the love back into you!!
This man has given me so many OMG! moments making me realize that I am a victim of narcissistic abuse! Everything he says now makes sense and describes to the "t" my ex I just recently left! I'm still struggling because I deeply love the man and feel guilty for leaving him in his time of need. So Lee please help me cope and bring back my strong, happy self!
I have watched many other people talking about narcissim on you tube . I visited many channels in different languages . But only your channel made my vision of narcissism more clear. I found all the answers to many questions that I have been looking for years! God bless you! Keep going and helping many other people ❤😊
I bought the Self Love Journal! I appreciate your content. Impact over intent! 6:05 He told me he slept with my Sister! Then he said he lied and said that because I believed he'd do such things. He said that he was upset because I thought so little of him that I'd believe he would cheat. He said he's a good guy. He said I am sorry you believed I would ever hurt you like that. 😮 That's so crazy!! What?!
My partner is so sofisticated. Working on himself, meditating etc. He’s building a center where we’re supposed to help people with personal development. So when anyone questions his actions, he always goes to “we all have traumas to work with. Thats that persons wounds. It’s typical during these times. She or he has to look at themselves”. And he’s criticized me a lot for not being able to have “high roof” conversations. Something he can have with other people without them taking it all so personally. (Another way of telling me I’m too sensitive)..
Heard all of these from mine. Thank you for this video, as it further solidifies my moves of leaving him/gaining me, with absolutely no desire of ever going back in any capacity. My present/future mind, body, & soul is too sacred for his fuckery. I deserve peace.
The statements I hear the most are eg when i explain a past difficult that involves them, they say " is that how you see it? " that statement then negates my viewpoint. Second incident with same family member when I explain physical acts against me they say " it wasn't that bad". They don't/wont/can't see your reality.
Oh wow...I got so caught up in the arguing my defense when I had no idea what I was dealing with. I was so dumbfounded by his accusations and claims that he saw me with other men, in vehicles with other men, and that we drove right by his work and I stared as if I was looking for him. He was so adamant that this was true that he was treating me as if it was by be cold and distant, and drinking more to deal with "my cheating" and having secret relationships with exs and other women to get back at me or "do it first before it's done to you first" or whatever he told me. It was insane. I still can't believe I stayed as long as I did and I actually argued my innocence. It didn't start that way though. He's accused me of cheating from the very beginning and I was confident and reassuring with him. It was after a few years of these accusations combined with me finding out what he was doing secretly and all the other abuse that I got sucked into the drama. Yuk! I'm so glad I'm out! Even though it hurts its nice to have some sanity.
Your a 100% correct. They will make u feel like yiur 🥺 sorry that everything u do is shit its your fault for everything thats happening. They make u and push u to being someone your not. And its something that is hard to get over even after 3 or 4 years.
How about "I mean or meant no harm", "Stop bringing up the past", " You shouldn't feel like that", " You make me feel like I'm a bad person "!!!!!! I had to literally video tape my husband doing things he tried to make me think I was making up. He even got the Pastor, his family thinking I'm the one with a problem!!!!!! Also, I'm not quite sure how to describe this, "I don't care what people say about me" and "I know people talking bad about me"........ I tried to explain that he is not that important for people to talk about, he was getting respect because of me, so when they left, no one asked anything about him. Now this where I'm lost at, is it paranoid?? Or is it the need to want to be known and talked about???? Even when sharing my feelings he change it to himself, everything is about him, i share something on FB, "why you trying to drag my name thru the mud" or " you trying to make me look bad"😂 Thee post is not "personalized"!!!!! SMH
I told him i dont lie about one dam thing he has done to me. He only denied and continues to deny his reality by thinking he can deny mine. Not anymore he can't. And yes lee i am in therapy. Took my along time to find the right one. He has helped me so much. Plus, since 2010 i have been studying and education myself on myself and narcissism. Its so difficult to remove my whole being from this trama bond. I need to bury him emotionally with my imaginary shovel, rug, and frankly, I am to tired to dig that 6. 😂
Number nine: “everyone agrees with me.” This one is triggering, resonates. This exact phrase was said to me on Dec. 07, 2022. The ex-narc was sending me text after text after text berating me- telling me that I deserved to be thrown to the ground. His words: “everyone agrees with me and you know it”. You’d think I’d be able to forget this, forget the exact date. But I can’t. I’m working thru this, using your self help journal and I’m feeling understanding that I didn’t deserve to be thrown to the ground. And no- actually no one agrees with him. I’m so thankful I found your videos and RUclips channel, Lee. 🙏🏼
The narcissist tactic of saying "everyone agrees with me" is an effective tactic to make you withdraw a large amount of funds out of your self esteem bank account all at once, because they know that by saying it we'll not only feel bullied, but group bullied. The feeling of being potentially group bullied (also known as mobbing) is far more damaging to the senses & paranoia inducing than the feeling of just being bullied by one pathetic individual regardless of whether at the present time you believe that no-one actually agrees with him.
![ARGENTINA vs. BOLIVIA [6-0] | RESUMEN | ELIMINATORIAS SUDAMERICANAS | FECHA 10](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/C3wPtKNbAOA/mqdefault.jpg)
"I don't want to argue" or "I don't want to fight" even though it's a calm discussion.
This ONE ALL DAY, ERR DAY!!
Omg! Yes. But its funny how if they have something to say, they take all the time they need to say it, complain, yell, etc. But the minute you ask them to clarify something or you now want to express your opinion and not even yelling or being disrespectful they say they dont want to argue.
“I am not going down that rabbit hole with you”
Omg! That "I don't want to fight" is the worst.
Let’s not forget “believe what you want “ 😂
If you say so.. smh
💯
@@stephanielewis1828 😂 yes
Omg I hear that one ALL THE TIME and I know for sure he's lying when he says "OK, SUMMER" smh it took me a year to realize how mentally and emotionally abused I've been. Didn't notice until my mother passed and he treated me so horrible, I couldn't believe he was so incapable of ANY empathy whatsoever
This one right here..smh
My favorite one... when a narcissist screws you over and uses the phrase "It's not about you"
My ex literally used to say this to me towards the end while she was cheating on me. Also whenever I brought up an issue she would say “get over it” like wtf.
Arguing is supply. Cut it off, no supply.
“Impact over intent” is golden. Btw, they aren’t making us question “our” reality, they are trying to make us question reality. PERIOD.
Nothing is more true.
They know what reality is and that we know it. This is exactly why they continue to try to discredit reality and use human nature to justify their actions while denying ( destroying)
My ex used “that’s not what I meant”, “not how I meant to say it” etc etc on me every time she hurt me by the end. I think I need one of these shirts!
Narcs try to script and direct reality -- we just happen to be there.
"You are the problem," we saw 2 couples therapists and both times, as long as my problems were the center of the discussion, great. But the minute the microscope turned to his problems he'd quit and accuse the therapist of being incompetent. 😳😡
They will call us jealous of whoever else they are dealing with😂😂😂
😅😅😅
When actually you're just glad they're gone😂😂😂
All ik is " women are jealous, you're jealous and possessive" 😤🙄
Dealing with this behavior is draining. When addressing the issue of not showing up, I always got "You are just trying to get what you want. You have to wait!" No accountability. I have been so productive at home and sleeping peacefully since I went no contact. Thank you, Lee, for sharing this information.
Smh. Yes, it is very draining. He would tell me that I just wanted him to kiss my a** when I'd try to hold him accountable.
10 gaslighting phrases
Stop being insecure
You're being paranoid
You're being emotional
You take everything too seriously
I'm not the problem, you are
That wasn't my intention
You're crazy or need help.
You're remembering wrong.
Everyone agrees w/me
Gaslighting isn't real.
A Saint you are thank you❤
My dude just literally used everyone of these on me just yesterday...smh
I gotten the emotional, taking things too seriously, & I'm not the problem, I don't have problems, you are the problem. 😢
How about when the person says they never said or did the things that the person is saying upset them? I have also had a covert narcissist use gaslighting to mimic me and everything I do as if they were the ones saying or doing often good things and then saying I never did those things that they did them and then denying things they did do and saying those things never happened. Denying that a person did not do a thing or saying they did do something when they did not is classic covert malignant abuse especially when this goes on for many years with the person making that person question their own memory of things and their own sanity.
I did not even know what gaslighting was even though I was married to someone who practiced it on me our entire marriage. I was married 17 years to this person who used gaslighting to harm me psychologically to say that I never worked a day in my life and that I never did good things for my kids, to say that all the good things that were done were only done by him. I have repeatedly had the response, "You're crazy." "It is just you, not me" "That never happened." "I never said that or I never did that" I had this man my ex who I was married to all those years and never had issues with stolen cards or stealing report his credit and debit cards stolen when he was ready to get rid of me and that ended up causing me to be treated like a thief in many places I had been shopping for years and years. This had the effect in some places where suddenly I was being treated like I was a shoplifter. My ex who I had confronted about this because I was told he had done it by these places of business where we had accounts with them together, and he admitted it at that time only later to deny he ever did it suggesting I am crazy and or stupid as usual.
I even had my ex of 17 years try to portray me as the abusive one, he would use all kinds of attacks against me and laugh and joke while doing it that later lead to my own children doing this to me, they are now expert gaslighters always questioning my memory of things telling me that things did not happen at all or that I am not remembering it right. This is a horrible form of abuse that often children raised like this do not even know they are doing it.
I know somebody that ALL this applies! So if I say this to them, I’m a narcissist?
He says, "I was just joking." To that I say, "Don't make ME the BUTT of YOUR jokes!!!" Every single one of the things you have said, HE used on me! 🔥🔥🔥
💯‼️
In every joke, there is always some truth. And when the jokes are repeated, it's obvious. Always watch for patterns, and they will reveal everything. 😉
Heard this so many times "I was just joking calm down can't you take a joke jeez"
Yes! He shared a "joke" that we have been having issues with for months, and I got upset and he didn't like how I reacted to his so called "joke" that hurt me. He suddenly pushed the blame to me saying he will never be enough me, screaming at me. And I'm like what just happened?!
I’m so frustrated I’m suffering from depression. My husband tells me I have the problem. He never takes accountability for anything everything is my fault. I question myself all the time. I can’t disagree or have my own opinions. Always, dismissing me and tells me things didn’t happen the way it actually did. I’m so tired. I’m planning my escape. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m not valued or heard.
I'm writing to tell you, being invalidated, being so close in the house with someone showing you disdain, makes you so sad you become depressed. As humans, we can't tolerate this, as social creatures. It feels like you are more tired than you ever have been. This is sign you are in trouble. Good for you, because your body and mind are saying enough, and, I'm telling you, there's no fighting that. I had 16 mos long recovery, just beginning to sleep well, feel peaceful. Much luck 👍🤝
I'm going through the same exact thing. I'm planning my escape as well. We have four children together. It's truly toxic and mental state is at stake. It's mentally exhausting
I feel your pain. I was with my ex husband for 14 years and had the exact same treatment. I never felt more alone than when I was with him. Each day I would be in tears and even then I'd get "for god sake what you crying about now, if your not happy, there's the door" or "I haven't made you cry today"
Plz stay away from antidepressants, 17 suicides in a 5 mile circumference from a good friends home. Foster sisters brother shot himself Aug 22.
I was feeling the same way until I went no contact and practiced self care.I surround myself with people who feed my soul, I get mani/pedi, fly my kite,watch comedies etc .Take care of yourself..sending an abundance of strength your way
Best one yet… “you don’t know what abuse is” after you tell them that they are being abusive 😔
yep.. diminish your pain in order to disregard it💕
My BF tells Me the same thing. He thinks that because He hasnt recently hit Me with a closed fist that he's not really Hitting Me and that one day I'm really going to come across SomeBody who beats my ass.
I'm a fighter and his butt would've had a problem.
Hopefully this ass of a man is NOT still your BF!
#6 IMPACT over INTENT is golden!!! 😮
This man has helped me to understand what I am really dealing with and the seriousness of self help and mental health.
💪
I agree I blamed myself for years. I seriously thought I was going crazy. Always trying to fix myself. Fast forward 22 years and I learn I AM NOT CRAZY. And that no matter what I do/did we will have problems if I ask genuine questions.
Literally
" I'm sorry YOU feel that way."
‼️‼️
OMG 😳 THIS IS WHAT I BEEN GOING THROUGH FOR 14YRS. BUT IM PLANNING TO LEAVE 🙏🏾THANK YOU LEE
To your health, happiness and well-being💞
Get out now!!! Best of luck!
😮22 years
Same here, I’m so hurt that I have to plan a nice nasty escape asap. I’m going to continue to be quiet and mild until I move to another city im September. No contact
Idk how you did it. I did it for 5 years and I was so exhausted 😩
The gaslighter husband I live with will say "It was not my intention"!
I just tell mine that I'm not gonna mince words. You're wrong and that's end of subject. We're only roommates that's it.
Amen to all those classics.. and there's a new one some male narcissists use: "You're just so Aggressive".. implying that your unfeminine for simply speaking up for yourself in the most fundamental way. It can be particularly hurtful to hear this from an intimate partner and believe it. My response ultimately "No, I'm not aggressive I'm just an equal".. silenced him.
My ex would tell me I’m so mean. No, I just stood up for myself and tried to hold true to my boundaries. But yes, it hurt. It used to make me feel like a terrible partner.
Mine said I was cold hearted when I didn't react.
Any sort of standing up for ourselves or even just questioning anything puts us in the weird aggressive category. I find it helpful to turn the tables & ask whether whatever they see me as doing or saying wrong is viewed the same way if I were male.
@@dubaiedge indeed!💕
@@PebbleBeachSouth yes and unfortunately, that may've been the point.. to make you feel like a terrible partner. I finally understood that was the case in my relationship when, quite literally, everything I I said and did was a problem.. wishing you healing & happiness💕
"Why are you so angry?"
GOD BLESS this man for opening MY EYES TO BULL SHIT.. I WILL NOT LET MY HUSBAND WIN !!!!!!
🔥
"That wasn't my intention..." Holy crap, I've never heard that more in my whole life combined than I have the past couple years.
🙏
This the one.
This! 😡
That one hit me the most too! If I had a penny for every time I’ve heard that I’d be so rich!
@@MsBrandyGreer same! And it's like, "if you didn't intend to make me feel hated, then you shouldn't have said you hate me!" SMH
It's always amusing when they try to act like gaslighting itself is fake.
"You're being too emotional." My husband treated me like a child and would say, "I'm not going to reward your crying by giving you what you want, or you're going to cry for everything." If I wanted or needed attention or support I had to do it without breaking into tears or else it was game- over. It was emotional jail. My feelings were discounted big time. Thank you for your helpful videos. My divorce is almost final And I struggle because I still love him, he DOES have some qualities I'm going to miss, but the gaslighting, discounting, and blame shifting were the deal breakers that could not be ignored. Thank you!
When you said, "That's not my intention" I suddenly had multiple flashbacks to every single time my husband has said, "That's not my point" in the last 5 years...wow😢
This is crazy. How do narcissist people know what to say? How do they all know the same phrases? Every phrase you mentioned, I have heard from the same person...for years. Do they all read the same manual? Yes, I used to argue the truth. It's difficult to break out of.
🔥yep they will tell their family and friends lies and then say their friends hate you. They will cheat on you and then when you confront them about it they’ll turn everything around on you and say you’re the one gaslighting them😂
I used to be told all the time “I’m worried about all the wrong things”
Luckily, I’m able to be alone and I can play the silent game longer. I can’t be phased with his words. But my words cut like knives. My ex was a bonafide narcissist and he copied my arguing style . He was impressed. It’s been 6 months and I’m still ignoring him. Lol. Game on
A lot of these words have a.k.a works, like you're trippin or you're argumentative, he got the I was just playing one. I've heard that one twice so far
“That’s not my intention”-after doing something that I clearly communicated is hurtful to me.
“You acting like isn’t fair to me” -after poking, poking, and poking until receiving an explosive response from me.
“I don’t remember that happening” -said that to avoid taking accountability for anything I bring up, but somehow can remember everything I’ve ever said.
They cannot handle emotions. They cannot process them in a healthy way, Especially someone else's . Glad you're recognizing it, so you can get away and go grey rock And then no contact a s a p. They are blocked from being able To process emotions in a balanced way, Because typically the mother Manipulated them with Her emotions and feelings. You will typically hear phrases like, You're attacking me, Or you're bullying me, When You attempt to speak Rationally about your feelings. It's so great that you spotted it right away and it will not change. Never make an excuse for someone's immature behavior.. Just walk away. It will not change.
You also mentioned that you gave him a reaction. Do not. Do not react. They are energy vampires looking to get a fix. Go gray rock as soon as you can. Wish him love and light... And hope that he finds someone else to place his interest on, Or find a safe way to fade out of his life. Never talk about anything positive that happens to you. And make sure others do not mention Anything that is going on in your life to him. Be boring.
Use this as a science experiment so that you can spot the red flags even quicker .. With a co worker, Employer, Best friend, etc😊
Spend the time getting to know yourself and loving yourself first and maintaining balance, Get practice in Setting clear boundaries with family friends etc.. so that someone like this cannot get even this close to you ever again. ❤
I'm sorry but he is funny 😂😂. But he nailed it. He described gaslighting better then any other video I've seen. My boyfriend says all these things to me. When he said they'll even have questioning your own census, he ain't lying 😆😆😆. One day I was finna cook some chicken but it was spoiled it smelled so bad. But my boyfriend claim it smelled fresh. I threw it away😆
I hear this one a lot. "I'm always the problem" He makes seem like I'm blaming him of something everytime I try to express my feelings.
Also who you be listening to like I'm not capable of fell the way I feel on my on.
OMG! I’ve been hearing, That’s not what I said!” and “If you ask anybody, they’ll agree with me!” my whole marriage and did not know it was gaslighting!
Narcissist always stray from the point 😅😅
Whenever I look back on the years with my narc it's perplexing to me how often I've heard many of these phrases without even realizing what was happening to me back then. Fighting every single day just to have my thoughts and feelings acknowledged by someone who played the game of the three monkeys... Thank you for spreading awareness, Lee! 🙏
🙏🏽
My narcissist always said “ that’s not how it went down “ when I tried to argue the truth! When I tried to hold him accountable he literally told me a story as if I did not live it as if I was not there! After 10 years I figured out the manipulation. I started drinking wine to cope with feeling like I was insane.I am so sad that I wasted so much time blaming myself . Thank you for your videos they give me strength! I am not insane, that did happen, I should not be ashamed! I have also realized that I always feel like am in trouble…I don’t do anything wrong but I always feel like I am in
Trouble, I am waiting for the ax to fall!
You just described my life
Xx 30 yr in n just maybe catching on it's more than a control thing x
He made you feel guilty as you trusted his jidgement out of love. You are not crazy. Stay blessed and strong 😘
I finally started calling it the MULTIVERSE. No matter what happens, there is always an alternative version, who said what, what happens, the villian is the hero. All of that.
Wow this video is sooooo good it’s literally verbatim “you’re the problem”. If you weren’t being this way we wouldn’t be here 😂😂😂😂 and that wasn’t my intention 😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂
I went out on a date with a guy who tried to say something negative about how I looked. When I reacted and asked him, "What do you mean I have a mustache?" He said, "Oh, but I like it." I do not have a mustache. But I was looking hard in the mirror to see if I had one. He made some other back end compliments which is another form of gaslighting. Making comments about the way that I talk saying that I talk proper but he liked it and shaming me because I am practicing celibacy. Needless to say I canceled the second date. He didn't take it very well.
"Chik-fil-a ran out of bags and so they were giving out McD bags" 😂😂😂 I wish I had this comedy when I was in pain dealing with my ex-narc.
I regularly get "your to sensitive and over reacted" or says to me "I'm worried about your mental health! You need to go and see somone and get yourself some help"
The list goes on
"You should hear yourself!" Thats the one I hear alot
His favorite line....you can't take a joke! 😑🤛🤛That's not no damn joke!! ..yessss im the problem! Lee speak that truth!!!
My response has always been, "What part of your 'joke' was funny? I must have missed the beginning, middle & punchline. Please explain it to me." 😇
Usually leaves my husband silent or he gives me the silent treatment for the rest of the day, which at this point I'm good with... LOLZ (Long story how we got to this point...😢)
😞😞😞
Hello, I just want to thank you for your channel. Professionally talking, I just monitored for 3 years of a narcissistic person from other culture living in a Christian, Western and near North Pole culture. I think for me it has been a learning curve, but to people involved in it including the narcissistist, it has been just an ordinary day in Hell or beyond!
stay strong on your journey
One time I had a narcissistic friend and I said that's gaslighting and he said you don't even know what that means
🙃🙃
Right! Whenever I would address an issue I may be having with them, they’d say “you’re too emotional” or “there you do whining again”. I HATED that!!!
Man, you helped me see the signs early on and I cut loose quick.
That person was hurt because I walked away before the destruction could get going.
I saw it and dipped out really fast.
My peace means everything to me and I'm going to protect it at any cost.
I wish I did.
@@shemikagreen2657 Sorry!
I wish I knew you and could've told you
you were lucky....18 years of abuse....finally free....big cost
Every single one is point. Its like the same spirit is in every narcissist. Say and do the same thing
They are predictiable once you know and they have the same patterns, i.e autopilot ...
The Bible calls it familiar spirits, which are demons that cohabitate and work together. Narcissist are agents of Satan and demonically possessed.
I have to laugh at these now. My gawd. The crazy responses I’ve gotten 😂😂😂❤ Thanks Lee.
😆
🔥 I endured 23 years of this gaslighting bs!!
I hope the next 23 years are Bliss💞
🔥
I'm not doing this with you... It's every day with you. When he was forming a relationship with someone else and I was asking questions.
He never spoke the truth about it.. I felt like I was the one going crazy.. I felt it and even when he left, he still lied about it until I had proof 😢
Whenever I would call him out on stuff and expect accountability, he said I'm gaslighting him lol. I said that is not what that means. Sadly I know what it means.
I had no idea that by saying your insecure is being narcissist. What if people are narcissist unintentionally.
insecure doesnt always equal narcissists.
9:00 am Thursday. Everything you’ve said is right on point. Here’s one I get all the time.
“Please do not tell me your stress or your problems Get a therapist or talk to a girl friend but don’t tell me “. But let me just add that he can call me and tell me all his struggles and stresses but if I do it I’m fucked up. No compassion no empathy. It’s mind blowing how I can be there for him for EVERYTHING but if I need him maybe just to vent or actually need him to help me … I’m crazy
Yep, the Superiority and smugness.. your problems couldn't possibly rise to the level of importance of his.. or rise to a level deserving of his time or concern.. despite what you've made time for. The level of haughtiness and arrogance is uncanny with a narcissist.
@@jilltoby8 it’s like they want us to feel crazy for wanting the same support we give them.!
@@gayle5214 yup!😉 to health and happiness and knowing one's worth💞
I knew for 17 years that I was dealing with an extremely toxic narcissistic man but it wasn’t until 2 months ago that I finally kicked his ass to the curb. My ex 1000% used every single one of these tactics on me all of the time, frequently, if not daily for 17 years. I would separate from him and always ended up going back out of fear of being alone. I have been building up to permanently cutting him loose for such a long time and finally I did. Kicked him out of the brand new house that I bought all on my own, blocked him and have not spoken to him in two months. This jerk would gaslight me so bad and like you said..when I would bring attention to the fact that he was gaslighting me, he would of course call me crazy and tell me I had no idea what the term meant, when in fact, I had studied it at great length. Also, like you said, he would question my memory about damn near everything. Funny though, it is well known w
amongst my family and friends that I have the most detailed memory that most of them have ever seen, yet this loser tried to convince me that I had problems with my memory! he would also accuse me of blacking out and not remembering what I said 😂 I kid you not he checked off 10 out of the 10 things you mentioned. I am so happy that I finally said enough is enough. I have made so many constructive and positive life changes in two months and I don’t miss that sucker one bit.😊🙏 let me add that in 17 years he never apologized to me once, he blamed me for everything and never accepted responsibility or accountability for anything.
@@renerenewed thank you! It took years of tears to finally get to the point where I could start laughing at the ridiculousness of his antics and behavior😊❤️
So on 👉🏾 point, i had a person tell me STATED THE TERM "EMOTIONAL UNINTELLIGENT "
He always talks about my “great memory “, “ Nothing ever gets past you”….
I’m getting back to it after… so much, and when he said, “yeah Ann, as usual, you’ll get through it”,… I heard such disappointment in his voice. He’s been here for support. Gone now but coming back?…I have three appointments tomorrow and can’t take my daughter. Her Dx is autism…
Im trying desperately to get out of this relationship as we speak. Its way harder than i expected 😢
Me too. I hate my gaslighting husband. If I had somewhere to go I'd be gone this second. I hate the sight of him. I hope he leaves for work and just does not return. I'd jump for joy to be free!
Me too, he tries to make it seem all I do is worry about and take care of my family.. Please don't talk about mines and I won't talk about yours. He says he doesn't have to be here and don't want to, I tell him he is definitely free to go, then he goes where? To bed! I wish this wasn't my house or I would leave..smh
He acts like such a Narcissist and tells me " I get it from you ' . Everything he does bad to me he tells me that he gets it from me!!😡
Narcissist Greatest Hits!!!
You are mean! Acts like my words actually are hurting their feelings 😂
😅 i was skimming through the video and i got to the part where you were like blah blah blah boo beep beep beep 😂 it was funny to me with the skimming.
😅😂
Mine said I'm going to make you look crazy anyway possible to cover up his behavior
😔 that sucks
Ohhhh my....YOU ARE JUST CRAZY, was my EX'S favorite one!
Can we add:
You’re the narcissist!
Anytime I say anything, it doesn’t matter what it is, I’m always referenced as the “Narcissist”
💯💯💯💯
Yup Lmaoo
Good video! I heard, “Why do you think everything I say is about you”. Hmm, maybe because you criticized numerous things you thought I did wrong. 🙄😝
I was talking to a man that was passive aggressive. When I read him after he tried to challenge my boundaries of not having sex with him after only talking to him for ONE MONTH! He told me that I had too many boundaries, that I was too sensitive and “that was a problem…and everybody knows that.” Really??? And you didn’t think it was a problem that you wanted to have sex with me after only talking - not even having had a date yet??? Bruuuh…you got me twisted!! Blocked!!!
Further….in my experience a man who emphasizes the value of “communication “ is a habitual liar…can you add to that thought? Every man who from the start harps on the importance of communication has turned out to be harmfully deceitful and narcissistic
All of them! But number 9!!!
He always said his sister said this n that. His kids said this n that. His dad said this n that.
When I would say I'm gonna set em straight cuz they got it wrong. He would say no no just leave it alone, they don't know what they're talking about. I love you babe.
He had me believing everyone hated me and was always talking behind my back and that he had my back. I would be so uncomfortable around his family, then he would get mad at me for being so quiet around them.
It was him all along, cuz his family seemed to love me. ( he had me thinking they were 2face when it wasn't so)
Honestly, I would not doubt what he said because they are HIS family, and they probably said how they really felt to him in private, but then pretended otherwise when you are around. They aren't likely to reveal that other side to you. My husband said some mean stuff to me his family said about me, and I confided that to the one person in his family that I actually thought I had a good relationship with and hadn't bad mouthed me to him. Imagine my surprise when she apologized to me then because that particular ugliness had come from her! And she was the one who I actually thought I had a real relationship with. I had always suspected that the others were faking nice towards me for his benefit, but he would always insist that they loved me, and that I was part of his family. However, he pulled his own claws out a few years back and told me I was Not part of his family, that they didn't consider me part of the family, and they didn't care for me - and repeated it several times to make certain I got the message. Oh, I did, and I have never spent time with them since. After that, he tried to gaslight me into believing he'd never said all that, and demanded I spend time with his family again, but I believe my ears over the lies. I also spoke with a therapist, and she basically confirmed how I had felt all along, and that it was his family, and, "they don't care for you or about you." They care about him. Period. They will play along to make you feel part of things if it benefits him - and them - but YOU are not part of that family. They will drop you in an instant if he wants them to. Consider what he told you to be truth coming out with a roar because he wants to use their words to hurt you, and because 'seem' to love you is not actually loving you. He is also enjoying placing you in that sick situation where you know awful things have been said about you, but then pretending like he is the only one there who has your back, and then making you hang out with his family. Would someone who truly had your back make you go around people who have trash talked you? No, they wouldn't - unless forcing you to do something so uncomfortable gives them a bit of a sadistic thrill. Also, if he has told you something ugly they said, you are under no obligation to go around them and pretend otherwise. You could make all their hearts jump by telling them you know what they said about you. Watch how quickly they turn their heads and glare at him, stutter an excuse, or drop their heads and look embarrassed. Those reactions will tell you a lot. Well, you could do that, but the best idea is to simply protect yourself and remove yourself from all these people who do NOT care about you. I am sorry to put it so bluntly, but you need to know the truth so you can live your life for yourself instead of as a chew toy for other people. I truly wish you the best.
@CarolinaCarolina-ph9mx thank you I appreciate your feedback and I'm sorry you went thru it too. I agree with everything you said. I can remember certain moments like you described. However I am 11 months no contact , so I am out of it now. I was sharing what I WENT thru but am not anymore. God bless you on ur healing journey too. We gotta stick together, no one truly knows what we've been thru more than each other that have similar experiences
@@mandyavalos1416 I am so glad to hear you are out. I am not yet, but probably not much longer before I am. It is heartbreaking, isn't it, what they do to us - pull us along to every family function making us invest our hearts into their families, full on lying that their family is our family, too. Yet, behind the scenes, there is a whole other drama created by that family where you are the enemy, so your spouse will throw you under the bus and run over you first chance they get, then haul you back up - dazed and with tire tracks all over you - and start demanding you go to more family functions - so they can knock you down many times more, and keep driving their now spiked tires across your back . . . They will do it all while screaming they are the victim, which draws their families in closer to protect their adult-baby monster.
Yes, we do all need to stick together because most people on the outside, fortunately, do not have a clue about relationships like this. However, I would bet it is far more common than suspected. It is very hidden, and most of the women that are victims to this sort of behavior don't have the first clue where to look to even understand what has happened to them. I didn't for too many precious, wasted years. Some men truly do believe that because they have a p*nis, they were created to rule over us. No, Dude, ruling over someone shows you are WEAK, not strong! They must control and can't partner because they are too weak to allow a female some sort of control over her own life. Once we do stand up for ourselves, they would rather totally discard us than partner with us. Spineless. Most women want partners, not masters, but do you think even a single one of them would ask and give us the chance to say. "No, I don't want you to rule over me!" However, AI is advancing, and some of the robot ladies are being pretty. Soon men may be able to just buy their own robot woman to order around, which will work until even the robot gets sick of being treated like a chew toy, so then uses their laser eyes to blast the abusive men to another planet. 🤣
Wow just happened to check you out. And wow so glad your doing this for ppl. God Bless you!
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Everything they say you are, it's really who they are.
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@@MentalHealness thanks for reading my post🤗 When I was tired of all the blame shifting, lies, and name calling, I asked him to leave. He took all the furniture he'd bought and sent me a text stating God will take care of you like he always has. He left me with mattresses on the floor. I had just given my daughter my furniture two days prior. I am glad I have a good career and financially stable. He was too and had another house full of furniture. He also took the engagement ring. A month later, he wanted to talk and wanted to know how to fix it, but said that I put myself on the floor and everything was my fault. He also said I did not know how to love him, but was asking me back. Make that make sense. I only showed that man love, but he turned out to be a narc and very cold towards me. He just wanted to play games, and tried to justify it with false accusations. I am healing, partly due to your messages.
I expressed love and it ruffles his feathers "stop being so obsessive and crazy Cut that crap out."
My exwife used to call me crazy all the time. After awhile I said yea I am cause you made me crazy. They look for you to say no I'm not and get upset and argue.
Don't know what i wd do without your vids ❤ my entire family NPD😭 i did therepy..its over but now thx to your confirmations & input on npd it helps me get thru thx u 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
You are so welcome🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I was just accused of being insecure 😮 He told me someone at work was being over friendly, I asked him if it was the new girl he had told me about. He was just smiling and didn't reply. Then send me a song about he only wants to be with me. Uuff
Omggggg !!! This is Soooooo spot on !!! WTF ?!?!
Nearly 26 yrs of This!!!!!
Totally Mind fkd me for ALL THESE YRS !!! WHAT NOW ?!?!
He body slammed me , then proceeds to tell me (still 2 years later); that I fell and I must not remember correctly
Or I opened up about an assault that happened to me, and he questioned me so much gave different "scenarios" on how it "actually happened" I started to imagine and actually things that never happened.
Orrrrr that he's here for his children who he hasn't done a thing for besides 'disappear'
Love it 😂
🤣 love your list ‼️‼️‼️ also they always love to call
you " toxic " / I had a very very successful business
man that could not manipulate me tell me to come
down off my pedestal ‼️‼️ and I know he said it
because his money didn't move me ‼️‼️‼️ I was not
impressed with him and his stuff .
That forgetfulness is the bane of my existence 😢
I hear this the most:
- it was a misunderstanding
- you are overacting
- you are "maybe" resentful
- you are too emotional
- I was joking. ( when they atack you "covert" actually in the worst way)
Thank you
One of my favorites:
"I'm not yelling at you.....youll KNOW when im yelling at you.," Yes......like right now. Youre doing it now.
WOW, while they are yelling at the top of their lungs! Lmao, bunch of nuts!
I have a mother that does ALL of the 10 things you mention. Having any kind of realistic conversation with her, on ANY level is a total waste of time and very tiring.
haha, wasn't my intention, that's another classic I've heard many times
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We need a video on how to just kiss ass and get along with a narcissist because at this point if u ain’t cut the cord and believe patterns over promise yet… just be Quiet and cut the supply put all the love back into you!!
I can't believe how fast I fell back into the feelings I had with my ex. I know all these phrases intimately and it's scary! Thank goodness I escaped.
My Narc said about 5 of these. That sums it up 🙌
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This man has given me so many OMG! moments making me realize that I am a victim of narcissistic abuse! Everything he says now makes sense and describes to the "t" my ex I just recently left! I'm still struggling because I deeply love the man and feel guilty for leaving him in his time of need. So Lee please help me cope and bring back my strong, happy self!
I have watched many other people talking about narcissim on you tube . I visited many channels in different languages .
But only your channel made my vision of narcissism more clear. I found all the answers to many questions that I have been looking for years!
God bless you! Keep going and helping many other people ❤😊
I bought the Self Love Journal!
I appreciate your content. Impact over intent! 6:05
He told me he slept with my Sister! Then he said he lied and said that because I believed he'd do such things. He said that he was upset because I thought so little of him that I'd believe he would cheat. He said he's a good guy. He said I am sorry you believed I would ever hurt you like that. 😮 That's so crazy!!
What?!
He'd tell me "Go and see somone to get help for mental state because your dragging the rest of us down with you!
I love love love this!!! What my momma didn’t tell me I’m hearing it in your information.. I’m followinggggg!!!!! 🙌🏻🙌🏻
Love that!
My partner is so sofisticated. Working on himself, meditating etc. He’s building a center where we’re supposed to help people with personal development. So when anyone questions his actions, he always goes to “we all have traumas to work with. Thats that persons wounds. It’s typical during these times. She or he has to look at themselves”. And he’s criticized me a lot for not being able to have “high roof” conversations. Something he can have with other people without them taking it all so personally. (Another way of telling me I’m too sensitive)..
"Your making this complicated"
"I don't have triggers, I've learnt how to control it"
"I don't get angry"
"I'm sober" lool
Heard all of these from mine. Thank you for this video, as it further solidifies my moves of leaving him/gaining me, with absolutely no desire of ever going back in any capacity. My present/future mind, body, & soul is too sacred for his fuckery. I deserve peace.
The statements I hear the most are eg when i explain a past difficult that involves them, they say " is that how you see it? " that statement then negates my viewpoint. Second incident with same family member when I explain physical acts against me they say " it wasn't that bad". They don't/wont/can't see your reality.
Oh wow...I got so caught up in the arguing my defense when I had no idea what I was dealing with. I was so dumbfounded by his accusations and claims that he saw me with other men, in vehicles with other men, and that we drove right by his work and I stared as if I was looking for him. He was so adamant that this was true that he was treating me as if it was by be cold and distant, and drinking more to deal with "my cheating" and having secret relationships with exs and other women to get back at me or "do it first before it's done to you first" or whatever he told me. It was insane. I still can't believe I stayed as long as I did and I actually argued my innocence.
It didn't start that way though. He's accused me of cheating from the very beginning and I was confident and reassuring with him. It was after a few years of these accusations combined with me finding out what he was doing secretly and all the other abuse that I got sucked into the drama. Yuk! I'm so glad I'm out! Even though it hurts its nice to have some sanity.
Accusations of cheating ., when you know you havnt nor would you ever 🥵
Your comment connected to me .. wish I knew you so we could talk /type 🤷♀️😂x good luck in life and thank you 💕
Your a 100% correct. They will make u feel like yiur 🥺 sorry that everything u do is shit its your fault for everything thats happening. They make u and push u to being someone your not. And its something that is hard to get over even after 3 or 4 years.
I would add “ you’re so defensive “
How about "I mean or meant no harm", "Stop bringing up the past", " You shouldn't feel like that", " You make me feel like I'm a bad person "!!!!!! I had to literally video tape my husband doing things he tried to make me think I was making up.
He even got the Pastor, his family thinking I'm the one with a problem!!!!!!
Also, I'm not quite sure how to describe this, "I don't care what people say about me" and "I know people talking bad about me"........ I tried to explain that he is not that important for people to talk about, he was getting respect because of me, so when they left, no one asked anything about him. Now this where I'm lost at, is it paranoid?? Or is it the need to want to be known and talked about????
Even when sharing my feelings he change it to himself, everything is about him, i share something on FB, "why you trying to drag my name thru the mud" or " you trying to make me look bad"😂 Thee post is not "personalized"!!!!! SMH
I told him i dont lie about one dam thing he has done to me. He only denied and continues to deny his reality by thinking he can deny mine. Not anymore he can't. And yes lee i am in therapy. Took my along time to find the right one. He has helped me so much. Plus, since 2010 i have been studying and education myself on myself and narcissism. Its so difficult to remove my whole being from this trama bond. I need to bury him emotionally with my imaginary shovel, rug, and frankly, I am to tired to dig that 6. 😂
Number nine: “everyone agrees with me.” This one is triggering, resonates. This exact phrase was said to me on Dec. 07, 2022. The ex-narc was sending me text after text after text berating me- telling me that I deserved to be thrown to the ground. His words: “everyone agrees with me and you know it”. You’d think I’d be able to forget this, forget the exact date. But I can’t. I’m working thru this, using your self help journal and I’m feeling understanding that I didn’t deserve to be thrown to the ground. And no- actually no one agrees with him. I’m so thankful I found your videos and RUclips channel, Lee. 🙏🏼
The narcissist tactic of saying "everyone agrees with me" is an effective tactic to make you withdraw a large amount of funds out of your self esteem bank account all at once, because they know that by saying it we'll not only feel bullied, but group bullied.
The feeling of being potentially group bullied (also known as mobbing) is far more damaging to the senses & paranoia inducing than the feeling of just being bullied by one pathetic individual regardless of whether at the present time you believe that no-one actually agrees with him.