This one is GOLD. I will say after finding out about her in limerence with someone 2 weeks ago, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotion. I’ve gone through all three options and the ONLY way is to better yourself. I will also say these 2 weeks have felt like 2 years! I guess it’s true that nothing worth while will come quickly or easily
I wouldnt feels like you if me n my ex dont hv kids. I hv few experience with women who did this to me and I was really happy that they left me bc we dont hv kids that time. At the end of the day, they came back to me expecting me to get them back but i was be honest to them that I cant. Even after saying that they still wanna hv sex with me.
Geoffrey, thank you for this amazing work you do. No one ever taught me how to be a man and a good husband. These videos have helped me be a better person. I’m so much better with myself and those I love around me. It’s even made me become a better father. I will use everything I’ve learned to teach my kids so they don’t have to go through what I have and learn the hard way. I will not quit and will continue to work on myself. I will not be discouraged with my wife’s rejection. Did put her through a lot and she held on as much as she could. It’s still too new for her and hopefully she can see my improvements are permanent.
Thankyou very much Geoffrey, this is exactly what my wife is feeling and the worst did happen to me but I do know where I went wrong and I am working on fixing me again and becoming the best version of me I can be. We both got complacent in life and I got lazy and was controlling and selfish. I hate my old self for it but ultimately it's her decision to make. She is in the military and she has gone away for 2 months which I believe is a blessing in disguise. I told her just to sit back and watch the changes as I dig down and become the best version of me and get back into the shape I want to be in so I feel happy in my own skin. Become attractive again. You are so right when you say to reverse the roles and see what it's like to be in that prison. I was dragging her down and I was so wrong to do so. All I can do now is work hard and give it time. I know it's gon a take longer than 2 months but it'll be a damn good start. She said she loved me but was in love with me and then when she said she wanted a divorce my whole life crumbled before me. So many emotions and I did exactly what you said not to do before I stumbled upon your videos. I am working hard on it and I know deep down inside she wants that connection again but she needs to see the changes actually happen and stick. I will never fall off track again. She said she wanted space so I'm letting her lead all the texts first and she can respond whenever she wants to. The only person I am in control of is me. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart for all the hard work you put into these videos. I will one day to attain the confidence you have and ambition. I will get there. Nick Jackson. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart
Hi Nick! I love your mindset here! Going to share with you one my favorites stories below. This one is with Jason, he is a student and a team member. He too got complacent, he too choose to "bet" on himself. Check it out and come back and let me know what you thought about his story. ruclips.net/video/FoxjQ_NCuVo/видео.html
My partner shut down and ended our relationship when we started to get to the top tier values. I am doing internal work, yes it takes time to retrain my brain. I'm working on us even though she isn't here kind of relationship repair.
Really powerful insights. ..GIVE HER FREEDOM TO LEAVE AND PROVIDE HER THE HIGH VALUES SO SHE WON'T..at the same time become that awesome person..thanks...eye opener
my wife pull away from December until this month. I use all technique to fix the problem but all the time is wrong. but last 4 day only I keep quiet but when she ask anything I help but I don't engaged engage engage in with anything with her. but yesterday night she start to be romantic with me and today call me but still I don't show any neediness at all because I don't want to fail again this time. but for they way she talk and the way I see her in the video there is someone in the picture. all face like she say sorry.............. 😕😕tell
@@zenahussein2242 that's beautiful man keep at it be patient. I'm still trying to gain her trust more and more and I'm going to start giving her flowers and small things. I'm nervous but I have to do it.
I am a woman watching your videos because I love knowing both sides to a story. This video is by far one of the best ones Ive watched. Great work! Never sugar coat! 👌❤
Geoffrey understands feeling trapped for life. He's stuck in the matrix. Another great video. The best break down of the reason she's leaving or with someone else, even when youve been the provider and done the chores. It's about the emotional safety and that ascention of the pyramid.
Very humbling to think that I can’t force her to stay because we all have a short life. That took my pain away and made me realize so much. That’s what I needed to hear. Thank you
Life changing program! Trust me! This is the only program that made sense to me. No other program shows you how to take action. This goes so much deeper than surface level.
Be sure to check out first my free 90 min master class to learn if my program and working one on one with me is a right fit for you. relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass
I get mixed signal from her. I know she got limerence to someone but whenever she got trying times i'm always here for her and never have a doubt to help her (financially, work etc) and I whenever I tried to invite her she said yes and we enjoy each company and both happy. I still don't get why she hasnt comback to me. P.S I will never give up, I'll do everything for her. I'll just continue whatever I'm doing and continue love her. I just can't help bu to be sad.
I'm in this position right now, wife involved with someone and me desperately trying to fight to keep her. And boy do I stumble but I'm trying to work on myself. The patience part is just killing me. Makes me feel like I'm in a race with this guy for her heart and I'm at the beginning and he's nearly at the finish line.
This is exactly where I'm stuck now with my wife, we are separated for almost 3 months now but not yet divorce, she left me because she wants more in life and wants to be happy, she have also started dating other men, I've already tried everything to win her back, we've been married for over 8 years now and have 2 small kids, a 5 year old boy and a 3 year old baby girl, the only thing I can do now is to be more successful in life and strive for a more high level value lifestyle so that she can see the changes in me. Although I feel miserable everyday I'm going to do my best to apply these changes in myself. Thanks for the video Geoffrey, appreciate it. I have also left a comment in the Scott video you have posted that really inspired me as well.
@@tyetr9853 Mine filed for divorce little over a month ago. Everything changed June 27th for us and she moved out first week of July. Mine is not coming back. I've given up hope and now have to go through the legal process with her. Sorry I don't have better news. I hope anyone else going through this is able to turn it around.
Thank you Geoffrey. You are such a great help. You provide a sense of direction for us whom have lost there sense of direction and confidence to choose a path. Again, thank you!
This is such an eye opening video on Limerence, my wife is in this condition. I believe I have detachment trauma and attaining self growth seems so hard right know.
9 months in this situation with my wife, there is no fix for this period! its a process that must run its course. All the research I have done it typically on average is 18 months, but up to 3 years, patience, time, compassion, internal work every day.
So guys I've been going through this and I think the worst maybe over. It's absolutely toxic and heartbreaking, to say the least. I'm at the year and a half mark now, and I commited 2 years to save my marriage. My advice is to try to survive the toxicity, push back on unacceptable behavior, go to counseling, treat her how you would want to be treated if you fell into this trap, yes its so frustrating, i know but set boundaries and stick to them, if you say something do it, learn and educate your self about women's emotions and relationship foundation. Listen, listen, listen! I isolated from everything and everyone I was so devastated, spending my every moment obsessing of where I went wrong and how to fix it. If I had to do over again I would of kept being me and worked on listening, perception and the basic building blocks of a relationship. It literally has been the hardest thing in my life to deal with.
What’s you situation now mate? My ex (14 years) is 6 months into her limerence but she’s still unconsciously working on us by having conversations and watching the videos I send
It's getting better but it moves at a snail pace, I notice progress is more on a month to month basis. All you can do is work on yourself, be the best you can be, know you do the right thing everyday. It just takes time, so if she worth it, wait and be patient but it takes a long time, there is no secret to fixing this other than waiting it out patiently. After awhile I embraced the process and focused on the things it taught me about myself and my wife. You won't awaken her or snap her back into reality, she needs to learn it for herself, the same way we all do. Educate is good but it doesn't change their reality of how they feel in limerence, just time for the hormone levels to come back to normal levels which takes forever.
@@cred3566 has she been with the LO for a year and an half? Where are you 2 at this stage? I had 1:30 hour conversation with my ex the other week and she opened up more than she’s ever done. But been giving her space (no contact apart from our kid talk) but ever time she steps forward it’s like she forces herself to pull back because she not ready to admit her reality (rebound/monkey branch) but I know I’m planting seeds and she can feel my changes. I really struggled to untether at first but after the phone call I realised that I had, I was bothered about the outcome!
Wondering what limerence really is. To me it’s an obsession with someone inappropriate or unattainable to ease your pain like an addiction. What you seem to be talking about here is a crush by the sounds. So I think the fault can be on the woman’s part as well if she has this illness of limerence. She may have a trauma background for example. I’d love to have this point clarified
I am out of limerence now, yet I wish my husband watched this video before it "all happened", I never wanted to fell in love with someone else in first place but we were drowning. It was for me like the search for rescue from outside. You are so right about high level.
@@tyetr9853 I stayed. I woke up, saw the truth. I switched focus from outside healing to inside healing. Reality checks. More reality checks. Reality checks every day.
How long did it take for you to come out of limerence? I'm in this situation with my wife, I'm 9 months in, it's been a horrible emotional roller coaster for her and I. Things seem to be changing ever so slightly month to month but it feels like forever.
As a woman who had just gone through limerence, you are spot on about why it happened. My partner is only capable of providing me with physical tier value and I have been emotionally and psychologically iced out for years. Thus I began fantasizing about old relationships where there were a lot of passion (albeit toxic). It was a way for me to self soothe and regulate the hopelessness I felt in my current relationship. Once I worked on myself and healed the parts of myself that was attracted to toxicity (my ex mirrored toxic parts of my childhood that felt familiar to me). I not only realised that my limerent feelings towards him were not love, those feelings disappeared in an instant. I was in fact, still in love with my partner. However... I am still choosing to walk away from him and leaving our 6 years of relationship behind because unfortunately he does not see how important those higher tier values are within a relationship... He has been working on superficial changes like communication skills and verbal validation... But it's robotic and only shows me how much he still has to go... I wish I could send this to him...but that's just more chasing, fixing, and controlling energy on my part.. I know that real growth has to come from his own genuine desire to grow. I hope your channel blows up because this is the kind of content that could heal an entire generation of wounded masculines, and it's what the world needs right now.
@@MicahMadru Self love and purpose (so he isn't dependent on me to provide validation and direction in life). Authenticity is another big one. For example, instead of burying uncomfortable feelings and avoiding vulnerability and accountability, and deflecting uncomfortable feelings onto me, he needs to work on being comfortable feelings those emotions, and then responding to me in a compassionate and authentic way. For me, these are measures of emotional and spiritual maturity. It's not something you can mimic, I think. But I think once you see the value in being authentic, it will change you forever. The reward is intimacy. If you can't be authentic with your loved ones, you've never really met them, and there is no real intimacy.
@@jasminet3419you must realise he’s probably coming from a place of anxious desperation tho? Them change’s don’t sound superficial to me! Plus there’s only so much a person can change at 1 go and he’s worked out from HIS own feelings of what’s going wrong that them changes are what’s needed. Have you even asked him what you was not providing for him in the relationship? As individuals we can only take 💯 responsibility and accountability for our 50%. I think you missing the true meaning of Geoffrey’s work with what you’ve wrote here.
If you are in limerence with someone else, you don't even provide the low level loyalty and belonging to your partner anymore. Why do you expect them to meet your high level needs when you aren't reciprocating ? Unless you are providing him the whole hierarchy of needs in return, we really have to weight if the juice is worth the squeeze. Often it isn't.
This was awesome ~~ Thanks for emphasizing the changes that could be made from within so as not to take it so personal when your partner strays.. I’m not partnered at this point, but I’m deeply infatuated with someone at the present and going through limerance pretty bad.. and it’s simply because I’m at a down place in life right now and this person seems to fill a void.. I’m pretty sure that once things get back on track and I rebuild my self esteem, I’ll no longer be so obsessed.. Thanks for your videos.. You’re doing a great service to men and women!
What I've learned that took way too long is that blame can be perfectly justifiable, moral, factually correct, and you aren't wrong for blaming her. You are, however, engaging in something useless. The thinking is useless if you want to save the relationship. If you want to run around feeling like a justified victim you can do that. You'll die alone or at least without her, but you'll have that feeling of self satisfaction. Good luck with that
Geoffrey, amazing video. I needed to see this. I am going to continue working on the small things I have overlooked that he has told me about for years and work hard on being a better listener to my wife. Thank you.
Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? ----------------------- Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited) 💪 Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass 🎁 Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions 🗣 Join the FB Group! -> facebook.com/groups/1032426806961329/ 🎉 To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! ruclips.net/p/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU STORIES OF CLIENTS WHO HAVE BROKEN THROUGH LIMERENCE: Meet Scott - From Having Divorce Papers Filed to Partner Choosing Him Again ruclips.net/video/lZ067u3t4Z8/видео.html How Jason Went From a Hopeless Marriage to Wife Choosing to Come Back Though His Internal Shifts ruclips.net/video/FoxjQ_NCuVo/видео.html Meet Jason - She Hated Me & Now Things Are Better Than Ever! ruclips.net/video/lk1eUoqzz44/видео.html How Spencer Saved His Marriage From Long Distance (Against All Odds) ruclips.net/video/2FrWvS6wx2I/видео.html Meet John - In Just 3 Months, She Ended Her Affair & Chose The New Me [WARNING: CONTROVERSIAL] ruclips.net/video/W5JmlI_vOCI/видео.html Meet David - This Saved My Hopeless Marriage (7 Courses, Many Counselors & Therapists Could Not) ruclips.net/video/rP71NgrkAyQ/видео.html Collection of Inspiring Client Stories: ruclips.net/p/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU
Your a very wise man. I have to be honest. How you describe these other video's your point on. These are the same things I also notice in most other video's. When I research this stuff this is what Im looking for. Most other videos make things worse. Where your take are facts that can really help. Im not looking for others to tell me my relationship is done, or who's fault it is. Im looking for logical straightforward answers.
I'm in a scenario where she's coming out of limerance, she choosing me. However she still wants to stay in contact as "friends" with the guy she was in limerance in. How do you shake the thoughts/emotions that shake the foundation of trust towards her?
I was in same place in February. I wouldn’t accept “friends.” I told her that wasn’t acceptable and stood my ground and it worked for me. You have to be willing to walk away though if they are trying to have their cake and eat it too. At least that is what I learned.
I’m the limerent wife. I told my husband that I needed time before getting to that place of total disconnection from my limerent partner. I am glad he respected my process. I see a lot of people making limerence synonymous with lust or cheating. It isn’t. It’s a COPING mechanism for deep trauma. So while my spouse may see disconnecting from my limerent partner as evidence that I am doing better and not being tempered to cheat, the reality is, if not handled with care my unaddressed childhood trauma can manifest into something worse. I became limerent as a teen to escape my hell reality. I didn’t do drugs, I didn’t drink , I wasn’t promiscuous . I “dreamed”. That was my choice of drug/coping. Affirming the reality of who I am, what I have and what I’ve gained in this life is a good start to giving me/your spouse the confidence to let go. Your limerent spouse needs to be cocooned in reality or opportunities where she is re-invited to live in the present. It will take some time but she become free. Keep the focus on the trauma , not the lust and make sure she does too. Keep her accountable to a high degree of self awareness. Just thought I’d share this being I’m it right now.
@@tb87670 I don’t know all of the details of your marriage and how much her limerence plays a factor in her decision but it sounds like sabotage or her seeking a justified way to manifest the ideas and thoughts she’s played out in her mind. The best response to this would be to give her what she wants … confidently. I know that sounds crazy but most people go into an emotional rampage in situations like this trying so hard to keep their spouse put. But honestly no contact, and putting the power in her hands to choose her destiny while keeping your worthiness as a spouse in tact will be a better way of her coming around to reality. Just don’t do the begging stuff. She needs to know that leaving the marriage isn’t just a loss for you but for her as well. What was the value she saw in you at the start of the relationship ? Grab a hold of that and reinstate it. There must be something you provide and offer her that no other man can provide. She’s convinced that this isn’t true, but you can’t be convinced of it too else all fails. My husband checks me all the time on his value. He even asks me to point out what men I’ve been with or which of my friends husbands are providing and sacrificing the way he does for me. These are reality checks that are more like a slap back to life. I have a good thing, and because I know that this is reality I choose to fight the lie that says my limerence is what’s real.
So basically become better , but my advice is if she decides cheat move on and be that better for next person don't wait on somebody running to other ppl ,
Hi Jennifer, So glad you found it helpful. I addressed this topic due to suggestions over the last few weeks from the comment section. Do you have any ideas for videos you would like to see in the future?
@@GeoffreySetiawan I would love a video with guidance on how the romantic/intimate part of the relationship should look like while trying to work on becoming bulletproof and untethering. He says he doesn’t want to be with me still, doesn’t see me as his wife anymore after our separation, doesn’t see us ever being able to have that kind of commitment anymore but every now in then when it seems convenient or seems like maybe he’s just lonely he will want my company. I say yes because I don’t want him to feel like I’m rejecting him and lose any progress but I can’t help to think I’m just being used and I’m doing this all wrong.
You don’t have to start a new relationship with your ex partner but playing the victim as it sounds like you’re doing absolves you of any fault! You know you wasn’t the man you should of been so stay humble and do the work 👍🏻
@@GeoffreySetiawan Thank you. The past 2 months have been incredibly dark for me. You and Jason have been a beacon of hope and answers for me. I may not have been the one to jump out of this relationship and pursue someone else but my behaviors got us here. It still hurts a lot though.
Geoffrey is it still possible to reattach my wife while seperated for 6 months now i know it will take another 3 to 6 months after hopefully making that 10 percent to join your program but it's worth it in my book to grow and transform I'm willing to put in that work for the right motives of transforming and not tethering to the outcome. Wish I would have known about you sooner, been studying all your videos although there's much more I'm hungry for that knowledge and right approach to start those difficult convos and break through that stonewalling, we do comunicate everyday through txt an occasional very occasional phone call every now and then but I feel like I don't make that impact properly although i have been doing my best to listen, paraphrase and stuff she just won't open up about relationship stuff and we're more just having peaceful convos about regular life but I want to dive deep and I've been taking it day by day by day but there's no emotional safety for her to even open up about how her day was and stuff so I'm hungry for more Geoffrey.
So what is being said here is that if your not smart enough to provide her with higher standards then your screwed so you either need to let her go and be alone or try to find someone who is less intelligent than you so you actually can lift them up
What if youve done everything a husband can do and its never enough. I agree what your saying but some women cant change their nature. Ill be doing this for myself and better myself.
What about if you love her men, you love her. If You know you fucked up in some point because you can not be what you don’t know, but you know you can show up differently if you have another chance.Don’t give up for your love , fight for it.Everyone deserve a second chance. Relationships are about repairing and not replacing.
Hi Renato S, Check out this list of people that started out where you are are of not knowing what they didn't know, then decided to do something about it. ruclips.net/p/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU
I agree with you Renato. If you love her, really love her, and you have a family with her, it’s hard to give up. But only giving up and moving on will work. If anything works, it’s moving on. Especially if she paints you as bad. That’s when you need to show with your actions that you are a good man and try to move on. I agree. Relationships are for repairing, not replacing. Well said.
The process never changes. wether our partner is in limerence or not. Wether it is with the opposite sex or now. The way we resolve it and work through it remains the same.
Let me ask you one more question. I know that no matter what the answer is. Working on bettering yourself is always the best option. When you say limerence doesn't last forever I agree. But people can be addicted to that feeling of limerence or the honeymoon stage. They can still be addicted to the attention of the opposite sex right? I know that it doesnt matter. That at the end of the day your still doing yourself and her better by accepting your own issues and becoming a better person. \
VERY eye opening!! It makes so much more sense what she was telling me all allong, but could not name it precisely! Thank you very much for this video! First video I'm watching about this topic in which I could learn actually something usefull!
What if she has BPD and she has done this with multiple guys and she texts you that it’s over so to her chasing this married man that she now thinks is the second coming of Christ
So instead of talking to you about what you're missing, your partner goes for someone else. Then you have to display your worth again in the hope they come back. Then when they do, you're good? You don't have to worry about them changing their mind again? I'm not trying to troll, I'm really having trouble with how this doesn't end up destroying your self esteem?
What if you do all these changes and realize they don't bring you these high level values? You stray and expect they stumble across this video and implement the changes themselves?
My now ex wife left me and her children to with another man in a different state. I don't ever want her back. How can I get over my sadness and start my life over?
My question is how does a low manipulating chump offer my wife high value? They are low working on an emotionally affected woman. I don’t understand how you say they offer this when the chump is low value??
The disheartening part of this, and I do believe what is presented here is solid and true, is that there is always someone out there who is better - more fit, makes more money, has more power, etc. Eventually one of those people will cross paths with your partner and they will choose the better option. You either get better than them, or they will leave permanently. It isn't over there either because another will come at some point and you will face the same challenge once again. It's continuous growth or be alone. Just don't forget to enjoy the time that you have - nothing lasts forever.
Hi Nate, Yes, if you are not willing to make the right, the massive and the permanent changes needed then your partner will never commit to spending their one and only life with you.
So the net is that all love is transactional and dependant on the others fulfillment? Isnt something like passionate sexual fulfillment entirely dependant on the individual?
What can happen of my wife is having an affair and a limerence with someone just like her she is they are identical she only be gone 1 week and I'm trying to change for good your videos are helping me a lot
Its hard for some to except that its not everybody else. Most of our problems comes from within. I think many get their views from hollywood movies. We see in movies that love is love and we should be accepted for who we are. But the truth is most of us cant accept who we really are. So we blame everything else. which might seem to work for us at times. But others are not as easily convinced as we are. We can come up with any kind and all kinds of justifications. but just because we accept them doesn't mean others have to or should.
Hi rob, I agree with your first statement. But unfortunately, most deem it hard to admit that we have more power and influence on our current situation than we care to acknowledge. It is often common to say we are victims, we have no control, or it is the other person's vault. As a result, taking ownership, learning from these situations, and being better because of them becomes much more challenging.
@@GeoffreySetiawan I completely agree. I have no issues taking ownership. My problem seems to be execution. I don't want to miss read a situation, or make assumptions that are wrong. Most of the time I know what the right thing to do is, but knowing and doing is completely different. It took hitting bottom a number of times for me to realize that I really know nothing. There has been times in my life I felt like I knew almost everything and had a good grip on how things work. Just to find out that I didn't know as much as I thought. Its done a number on my ego.
Thank you for your program but I would like you to talk about a situation where a guy is dating a girl who has another boyfriend who she does love too... I'm in this situation guide me through
Help me! My wife and best friend of 20 years has separated from me 4 months ago - some mistakes have been made around controlling behaviour, but I didn't realise that at the time as she didn't communicate with me - all of this has come about after.... We've lived a year at her mums (understandably hard) and she asked for space and instantly started sleeping with another man. I feel she is in limerence. I've done a lot of begging (wrongly) but I've completely backed off from that recently I'm doing what I can to better myself. We have 2 young sons so we talk, obviously. Any advice???? She's the ONE FOR ME but I feel she's emotionally GONE 😔
@@justinclark1182So sorry to hear that. My husband of 16 years (we have two young kids) is signing a lease with his affair partner and they will have our kids 50/50. I didn't know it could hurt this bad. You are not alone in this. Hugs.
What a great guy you are Geoffrey, if only i watched these videos before she finished with me. It's too late now ! I will practice these changes ., But I know it's too late !
@@GeoffreySetiawan , you are 💯 the best relationship advisor on RUclips ! I have spent 7 weeks doing things wrong .. on plus side I have been hitting the gym and changed my physical self .down from 89kg to 81 kg and shifted my depression , the shock of the relationship cured my depression which was one of the main reason she ended it and my lack of motivation. Now I will go no contact for 2 weeks and work on doing things I never did .. If she sees the changes I have made it might make the difference if not I have made the changes for a positive outcome for myself ! A win win . Thankyou for all your videos ..
Great information. Now what’s your take on the whole concept of “letting them go and they will come back mentality that RUclips seems to be talking about the most??? Most importantly does that mentality even matter having in our tool box???
Hi Lucid Jords, Check out this video to see my approach to this and please feel free to follow up with any questions you may have. ruclips.net/video/LK0gJ7oFciE/видео.html
So what exactly am I doing to save my marriage when it comes to her? Am I contacting her still? Or am I having no contact during this time and keep the contact about our child only? I understand to work on myself but how do I interact with her ?
Hi Pen and the sword, I have a wealth of knowledge on my channel that speak about this. Here is just one of my many videos on this topic. ruclips.net/video/6akN8wMEc6Q/видео.html
13:14 I'm sorry to say but this is a realistic standard that all adults should come to at some point. To think you can have everything all the time is unrealistic, juvenile, and a problem of shallow people. No one is perfect but if your partner is willing to let go of you and the value you provide for something like a little more excitement, aesthetic reasons, or pressure in her social circles or media consumption then that frankly reflects poorly on them and no amount of understanding and twisting yourself into a pretzel to validate their impulses is going to change that. It's very sad to me that thos understanding seems to be increasingly lost in this generation for both men and women. Yes if you are an immoral person who is just looking for excitement and sexual thrills as a woman you can just spread your legs and as a man if you have the social status and capital you can attain that, but these are shallow and in the long term should rightfully make you feel hollow and ashamed. Enough apologetics for the impulsive and morally weak who don't value YOU adequately.
Now to our view - Do you realize just how big of an ask it is to ask someone to spend their one and only life with you? If you are going to ask someone to commit to something that big, is it really unrealistic, juvenile, and "shallow" for your partner to think "I don't think this is making me feel very fulfilled?" What would you do if you were unhappy in a lifelong contract you signed, and if you even so much as suggest that you are unhappy, you are called "unrealistic, juvenile, and "shallow""? Imagine that catch-22. Lose if you express yourself because you'll be called "unrealistic, juvenile, and "shallow""? Lose if you don't. You're just supposed to sit there and suppress whatever feelings or dreams you think you have for your one and only life, and lower your standards to accept that you have signed a lifelong contract you can't get out of. We discuss this in this video if you're interested in seeing a different perspective. If not, you're free to carry on thinking however you wish! ruclips.net/video/vIMAYdW8kPo/видео.html or ruclips.net/video/BFx1A25Oz8c/видео.html
@GeoffreySetiawan I'm not sure who the "we" is in those situation, but I have a certain amount of sympathy. Still, I would argue that the rate of separation, unhappiness, and increasing economic insecurity is largely coming from a place of consumerism both material spiritual that has reached epidemic degrees and is having cataclysmic effects on societal stability, the family structure, and generally the future of society, and they are interrelated to part of this "have my cake and eat it too" or "fear of missing out attitude." Maybe you can find a person that is 2% more aligned in some capacity with your lifestyle choice, excitement, sexual compatability. But the question that isn't being asked or seems to be assumed is "what are giving up for a maybe." As far as I can see committed relationships are the truly valuable and hard thing to find these days so placing that with greater value on the scale of worth is much more pressing, and while I support anyone for leaving abusive situations, situations that involve unfaithfulness, usery, financial irresponsibility, etc. I find it disturbing to normalize this transactional element of relationships. It seems like a bad precedent that needs to be reexamined. If I misjudged though I apologize in advance. I'll look further into your perspective on your channel.
@@_thebigsteve I think we are aligned. We try to solve the problem by asking "How can I (myself) become the person to create the right environment in a relationship so that these higher level & more self-actualized spiritual values beyond money and superficiality can blossom?" So we focus on what is within our locus of control, our response-ability, and what we can DO... Rather than focusing on what others & society needs to fix to right this "problem". :) We = myself, my team, and the 2,000+ active clients we have currently + the 5000+ legacy clients we have. WE are trying to fix this problem by truly changing the way WE each show up to our own relationship & to the world.
Are you a therapist or a coach because I’m the guy who’s in limerence in this situation. I don’t wanna be in limerence and I don’t know what to do because I wanna be with my girlfriend because I know at one point I was so happy with her and I wanna be with her but it’s so hard because I am in limerence with someone else.
Quit worrying about her and worry about you and your kids. You can get back up and maybe she isn’t worth it long term if she left you at your lowest. It feels like you will never be happy again but you can just maybe not with her. If you out in the work on yourself you won’t think about her and you will fine.
Hi rob, I would love to hear your interpretation of this also. But when I talk about identity shifting, it refers to changing the way a person thinks, their new mindset, and in this new thinking how they now communicate and interact with the world.
This is bullshit, making someone the victim for wanting to go outside their marriage and making the one that is being betrayed the bad guy. It is as though the vows for better for worse mean nothing, are you suggesting they be for better or until you get sick of your partner?
As a separated husband who’s wife has betrayed me with an affair, I totally get where you are coming from. I thought the same thing and still have that view. However what Geoffrey is basically saying is that what ever reason my wife went with another guy is a flaw in the relationship and usually is because the guy or girl( if it’s the guy cheating) is not offering any connection whether it be emotional or sexual. They will find it from somewhere else. So the solution is to basically better yourself and if the marriage does end completely then bettering yourself will help to create a better relationship in the future. It’s always a positive to better yourself for many reasons. I have come to realise that I went through depression and over eating, gambling and rejecting my wife which lead to her cheating. But I’m now not going to wallow in self pity. Far from it. I want to improve daily and show I can be a better husband but if there’s no way back then at least I’ve done the work for a better relationship in the future. And knowing what caused my depression and other symptoms of it to make sure I don’t return to that again. Now I know it’s all about clear communication and having boundaries that cannot be shaken. Having clear boundaries attracts the right relationships and that’s a good thing right? Anyway hope this helps 😊
Me and my wife have been seperated almost 6montzs she says she isn't talking to anyone but is open which hurts and now want to like you said, be q better candidate than a potential other ma in the future however recently we talked about getting intimate for a second time and attending therapy so I see that as positive she's been opening up lately too in trying to just build on that cause through these months although some progress was made i get needy or we disagree and get into fights and it's back to square one again and we can go a while before contacting again but I'm approaching different now, I've flirted through txt but she seems more retracted when I do that, but in person it's more positive, am I doing something wrong by flirting should I take it slower ? I don't wanna mess it up or put her in an uncomfortable position to where she doesn't even know how to respond to something that's a bit too much. Pls help me brother
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
This one is GOLD. I will say after finding out about her in limerence with someone 2 weeks ago, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotion. I’ve gone through all three options and the ONLY way is to better yourself. I will also say these 2 weeks have felt like 2 years! I guess it’s true that nothing worth while will come quickly or easily
any update?
I wouldnt feels like you if me n my ex dont hv kids. I hv few experience with women who did this to me and I was really happy that they left me bc we dont hv kids that time. At the end of the day, they came back to me expecting me to get them back but i was be honest to them that I cant. Even after saying that they still wanna hv sex with me.
Geoffrey, thank you for this amazing work you do. No one ever taught me how to be a man and a good husband. These videos have helped me be a better person. I’m so much better with myself and those I love around me. It’s even made me become a better father. I will use everything I’ve learned to teach my kids so they don’t have to go through what I have and learn the hard way. I will not quit and will continue to work on myself. I will not be discouraged with my wife’s rejection. Did put her through a lot and she held on as much as she could. It’s still too new for her and hopefully she can see my improvements are permanent.
GIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE LORD JESUS CHRIST TODAY
How did it play out mate? Hope you still doing the work and feeling better!
Thankyou very much Geoffrey, this is exactly what my wife is feeling and the worst did happen to me but I do know where I went wrong and I am working on fixing me again and becoming the best version of me I can be. We both got complacent in life and I got lazy and was controlling and selfish. I hate my old self for it but ultimately it's her decision to make. She is in the military and she has gone away for 2 months which I believe is a blessing in disguise. I told her just to sit back and watch the changes as I dig down and become the best version of me and get back into the shape I want to be in so I feel happy in my own skin. Become attractive again. You are so right when you say to reverse the roles and see what it's like to be in that prison. I was dragging her down and I was so wrong to do so. All I can do now is work hard and give it time. I know it's gon a take longer than 2 months but it'll be a damn good start. She said she loved me but was in love with me and then when she said she wanted a divorce my whole life crumbled before me. So many emotions and I did exactly what you said not to do before I stumbled upon your videos.
I am working hard on it and I know deep down inside she wants that connection again but she needs to see the changes actually happen and stick. I will never fall off track again. She said she wanted space so I'm letting her lead all the texts first and she can respond whenever she wants to. The only person I am in control of is me.
Thankyou from the bottom of my heart for all the hard work you put into these videos.
I will one day to attain the confidence you have and ambition. I will get there.
Nick Jackson.
Thankyou from the bottom of my heart
Hi Nick! I love your mindset here!
Going to share with you one my favorites stories below.
This one is with Jason, he is a student and a team member. He too got complacent, he too choose to "bet" on himself.
Check it out and come back and let me know what you thought about his story.
ruclips.net/video/FoxjQ_NCuVo/видео.html
What’s your situation right now mate?
I feel honored that you shared your story with us. Thank you for your vulnerability.
My partner shut down and ended our relationship when we started to get to the top tier values. I am doing internal work, yes it takes time to retrain my brain. I'm working on us even though she isn't here kind of relationship repair.
Really powerful insights. ..GIVE HER FREEDOM TO LEAVE AND PROVIDE HER THE HIGH VALUES SO SHE WON'T..at the same time become that awesome person..thanks...eye opener
Exactly!
What exactly is Framework ?
my wife pull away from December until this month. I use all technique to fix the problem but all the time is wrong. but last 4 day only I keep quiet but when she ask anything I help but I don't engaged engage engage in with anything with her. but yesterday night she start to be romantic with me and today call me but still I don't show any neediness at all because I don't want to fail again this time. but for they way she talk and the way I see her in the video there is someone in the picture. all face like she say sorry.............. 😕😕tell
@@zenahussein2242 that's beautiful man keep at it be patient. I'm still trying to gain her trust more and more and I'm going to start giving her flowers and small things. I'm nervous but I have to do it.
I am a woman watching your videos because I love knowing both sides to a story. This video is by far one of the best ones Ive watched. Great work! Never sugar coat! 👌❤
Love it, and yes my approach is direct and to the point.
Same here. My husband needed (past tense) to watch this video.
@@LisaCulton i dont think my wasbund could
Geoffrey understands feeling trapped for life. He's stuck in the matrix.
Another great video. The best break down of the reason she's leaving or with someone else, even when youve been the provider and done the chores. It's about the emotional safety and that ascention of the pyramid.
You got it my man!
OKAY GIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE LORD JESUS CHRIST TODAY
@@freddiestranger9783 pls keep your religion to yourself
Very humbling to think that I can’t force her to stay because we all have a short life. That took my pain away and made me realize so much. That’s what I needed to hear. Thank you
So glad you found this video to be helpful. Thank you for your comment and support.
Bullshit. If she is worth it, you should fight for her.
@@renatos7936 i wish but dont wanna fight for any one to stay when they dont want to.
@@renatos7936 i already put it in Gods hands. just gonna improve as a person. and do my best.. i hope all is well with you man,
@@gsf5882 Thats life mayne lol
As a woman with a secret limerence this hits home very hard...
Same..
My wife is in limerence with her ex. He's approaching 50 and she's 30 so I believe he's pitching her a dream relationship.
Happened me too
Life changing program! Trust me! This is the only program that made sense to me. No other program shows you how to take action. This goes so much deeper than surface level.
I love it! Thank you for comment and the support.
Omg. This is LITERALLY what I needed right now!! Thank you so much, I can't wait to start the program!
Be sure to check out first my free 90 min master class to learn if my program and working one on one with me is a right fit for you.
relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass
I get mixed signal from her. I know she got limerence to someone but whenever she got trying times i'm always here for her and never have a doubt to help her (financially, work etc) and I whenever I tried to invite her she said yes and we enjoy each company and both happy. I still don't get why she hasnt comback to me. P.S I will never give up, I'll do everything for her. I'll just continue whatever I'm doing and continue love her. I just can't help bu to be sad.
Same boat man, but I was the ultimate cause of this status. Focus on the subtle things that she did not like about the relationship
I'm in this position right now, wife involved with someone and me desperately trying to fight to keep her. And boy do I stumble but I'm trying to work on myself. The patience part is just killing me. Makes me feel like I'm in a race with this guy for her heart and I'm at the beginning and he's nearly at the finish line.
This is exactly where I'm stuck now with my wife, we are separated for almost 3 months now but not yet divorce, she left me because she wants more in life and wants to be happy, she have also started dating other men, I've already tried everything to win her back, we've been married for over 8 years now and have 2 small kids, a 5 year old boy and a 3 year old baby girl, the only thing I can do now is to be more successful in life and strive for a more high level value lifestyle so that she can see the changes in me. Although I feel miserable everyday I'm going to do my best to apply these changes in myself. Thanks for the video Geoffrey, appreciate it. I have also left a comment in the Scott video you have posted that really inspired me as well.
Hey Gerrit, how is it going now? I'm in the same boat as you. Only about 1 month in.
I’m also in the same situation. I’ll say a prayer for you.
Update us bro
@@FlawleZ31 update us
@@tyetr9853 Mine filed for divorce little over a month ago. Everything changed June 27th for us and she moved out first week of July. Mine is not coming back. I've given up hope and now have to go through the legal process with her. Sorry I don't have better news. I hope anyone else going through this is able to turn it around.
Thank you Geoffrey. You are such a great help. You provide a sense of direction for us whom have lost there sense of direction and confidence to choose a path. Again, thank you!
This is such an eye opening video on Limerence, my wife is in this condition. I believe I have detachment trauma and attaining self growth seems so hard right know.
Update us brother
9 months in this situation with my wife, there is no fix for this period! its a process that must run its course. All the research I have done it typically on average is 18 months, but up to 3 years, patience, time, compassion, internal work every day.
So guys I've been going through this and I think the worst maybe over. It's absolutely toxic and heartbreaking, to say the least. I'm at the year and a half mark now, and I commited 2 years to save my marriage. My advice is to try to survive the toxicity, push back on unacceptable behavior, go to counseling, treat her how you would want to be treated if you fell into this trap, yes its so frustrating, i know but set boundaries and stick to them, if you say something do it, learn and educate your self about women's emotions and relationship foundation. Listen, listen, listen!
I isolated from everything and everyone I was so devastated, spending my every moment obsessing of where I went wrong and how to fix it. If I had to do over again I would of kept being me and worked on listening, perception and the basic building blocks of a relationship. It literally has been the hardest thing in my life to deal with.
What’s you situation now mate? My ex (14 years) is 6 months into her limerence but she’s still unconsciously working on us by having conversations and watching the videos I send
It's getting better but it moves at a snail pace, I notice progress is more on a month to month basis. All you can do is work on yourself, be the best you can be, know you do the right thing everyday. It just takes time, so if she worth it, wait and be patient but it takes a long time, there is no secret to fixing this other than waiting it out patiently. After awhile I embraced the process and focused on the things it taught me about myself and my wife. You won't awaken her or snap her back into reality, she needs to learn it for herself, the same way we all do. Educate is good but it doesn't change their reality of how they feel in limerence, just time for the hormone levels to come back to normal levels which takes forever.
@@cred3566 has she been with the LO for a year and an half? Where are you 2 at this stage? I had 1:30 hour conversation with my ex the other week and she opened up more than she’s ever done. But been giving her space (no contact apart from our kid talk) but ever time she steps forward it’s like she forces herself to pull back because she not ready to admit her reality (rebound/monkey branch) but I know I’m planting seeds and she can feel my changes. I really struggled to untether at first but after the phone call I realised that I had, I was bothered about the outcome!
I feel like you just explained my husbands feelings all in one video. That was eye opening To say the least.
15:52 I had to look up close my eyes on this one. SUPER frustrating! Women are so difficult! I love your content it's opened my mind so much.
No we are not:) We just want Man to be present. It's that simple.
Ultimately, it's the environment. Trust/safety will be priceless as the limerent will share the beginning feelings. You work together to fix it.
Hi Geoff, wanted to ask if you could recommend me some of your videos where you explain more on how to build high level/irreplaceable values?
Wondering what limerence really is. To me it’s an obsession with someone inappropriate or unattainable to ease your pain like an addiction. What you seem to be talking about here is a crush by the sounds. So I think the fault can be on the woman’s part as well if she has this illness of limerence. She may have a trauma background for example. I’d love to have this point clarified
I am out of limerence now, yet I wish my husband watched this video before it "all happened", I never wanted to fell in love with someone else in first place but we were drowning. It was for me like the search for rescue from outside. You are so right about high level.
What made the limerance for the other person end? Did you leave your partner or nah? If so did you regret it?
@@tyetr9853 I stayed. I woke up, saw the truth. I switched focus from outside healing to inside healing. Reality checks. More reality checks. Reality checks every day.
@@tyetr9853also "crappy childhood fairy" channel helped me strongly, lots of usefull informations about limerence and it's roots in PTSD.
@@magnessko ty
How long did it take for you to come out of limerence? I'm in this situation with my wife, I'm 9 months in, it's been a horrible emotional roller coaster for her and I. Things seem to be changing ever so slightly month to month but it feels like forever.
As a woman who had just gone through limerence, you are spot on about why it happened. My partner is only capable of providing me with physical tier value and I have been emotionally and psychologically iced out for years. Thus I began fantasizing about old relationships where there were a lot of passion (albeit toxic). It was a way for me to self soothe and regulate the hopelessness I felt in my current relationship.
Once I worked on myself and healed the parts of myself that was attracted to toxicity (my ex mirrored toxic parts of my childhood that felt familiar to me). I not only realised that my limerent feelings towards him were not love, those feelings disappeared in an instant. I was in fact, still in love with my partner.
However... I am still choosing to walk away from him and leaving our 6 years of relationship behind because unfortunately he does not see how important those higher tier values are within a relationship... He has been working on superficial changes like communication skills and verbal validation... But it's robotic and only shows me how much he still has to go...
I wish I could send this to him...but that's just more chasing, fixing, and controlling energy on my part.. I know that real growth has to come from his own genuine desire to grow.
I hope your channel blows up because this is the kind of content that could heal an entire generation of wounded masculines, and it's what the world needs right now.
What are the non superficial changes you think he needs to work on?
@@MicahMadru Self love and purpose (so he isn't dependent on me to provide validation and direction in life). Authenticity is another big one. For example, instead of burying uncomfortable feelings and avoiding vulnerability and accountability, and deflecting uncomfortable feelings onto me, he needs to work on being comfortable feelings those emotions, and then responding to me in a compassionate and authentic way. For me, these are measures of emotional and spiritual maturity.
It's not something you can mimic, I think. But I think once you see the value in being authentic, it will change you forever. The reward is intimacy. If you can't be authentic with your loved ones, you've never really met them, and there is no real intimacy.
It's called betrayal trauma. Actions have consequences.
@@jasminet3419you must realise he’s probably coming from a place of anxious desperation tho? Them change’s don’t sound superficial to me! Plus there’s only so much a person can change at 1 go and he’s worked out from HIS own feelings of what’s going wrong that them changes are what’s needed. Have you even asked him what you was not providing for him in the relationship? As individuals we can only take 💯 responsibility and accountability for our 50%. I think you missing the true meaning of Geoffrey’s work with what you’ve wrote here.
If you are in limerence with someone else, you don't even provide the low level loyalty and belonging to your partner anymore. Why do you expect them to meet your high level needs when you aren't reciprocating ?
Unless you are providing him the whole hierarchy of needs in return, we really have to weight if the juice is worth the squeeze. Often it isn't.
Thanks for this video, my husband is going through this and it is very tough but gotta just work on myself
Your videos are awesome as always but I love how you teach men to think 3 dimensionally. Great stuff!!
HI Tony Kinard,
So glad when people can see my work and videos for their true intent. Than you for your support.
@@GeoffreySetiawan no, thank you for all of your help. Your teachings have been invaluable to me.
Absolute best content on this topic. Thanks.
Incredible approach to this.
This was awesome ~~ Thanks for emphasizing the changes that could be made from within so as not to take it so personal when your partner strays.. I’m not partnered at this point, but I’m deeply infatuated with someone at the present and going through limerance pretty bad.. and it’s simply because I’m at a down place in life right now and this person seems to fill a void.. I’m pretty sure that once things get back on track and I rebuild my self esteem, I’ll no longer be so obsessed.. Thanks for your videos.. You’re doing a great service to men and women!
Yes! you got it!
you have to be as high quality as this video you made, haha. god bless brother 🙏🏻
What I've learned that took way too long is that blame can be perfectly justifiable, moral, factually correct, and you aren't wrong for blaming her. You are, however, engaging in something useless. The thinking is useless if you want to save the relationship.
If you want to run around feeling like a justified victim you can do that. You'll die alone or at least without her, but you'll have that feeling of self satisfaction. Good luck with that
If she is in love with another man she isnt with you to begin with.
@@aar0n709 there's no such thing as being in love.
@@vedinthorn That’s why she left you to begin with.
@@aar0n709 nah. There's just attraction, investment, and communication.
Best video by far on this topic. Thank you for sharing.
I am living this. Great video.
Geoffrey, amazing video. I needed to see this. I am going to continue working on the small things I have overlooked that he has told me about for years and work hard on being a better listener to my wife. Thank you.
Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts?
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STORIES OF CLIENTS WHO HAVE BROKEN THROUGH LIMERENCE:
Meet Scott - From Having Divorce Papers Filed to Partner Choosing Him Again
ruclips.net/video/lZ067u3t4Z8/видео.html
How Jason Went From a Hopeless Marriage to Wife Choosing to Come Back Though His Internal Shifts
ruclips.net/video/FoxjQ_NCuVo/видео.html
Meet Jason - She Hated Me & Now Things Are Better Than Ever!
ruclips.net/video/lk1eUoqzz44/видео.html
How Spencer Saved His Marriage From Long Distance (Against All Odds)
ruclips.net/video/2FrWvS6wx2I/видео.html
Meet John - In Just 3 Months, She Ended Her Affair & Chose The New Me [WARNING: CONTROVERSIAL]
ruclips.net/video/W5JmlI_vOCI/видео.html
Meet David - This Saved My Hopeless Marriage (7 Courses, Many Counselors & Therapists Could Not)
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Collection of Inspiring Client Stories:
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Yes in the same situation, she's with a women what do you recommend
You give great, actionable advice. I hope your career soars! The world needs you and your wisdom.
Your a very wise man. I have to be honest. How you describe these other video's your point on. These are the same things I also notice in most other video's. When I research this stuff this is what Im looking for. Most other videos make things worse. Where your take are facts that can really help. Im not looking for others to tell me my relationship is done, or who's fault it is. Im looking for logical straightforward answers.
Hi robhowell27,
What do you think was the most eye-opening realization you have learned from my content vs others?
Bro your videos has really helped me.
I'm in a scenario where she's coming out of limerance, she choosing me. However she still wants to stay in contact as "friends" with the guy she was in limerance in. How do you shake the thoughts/emotions that shake the foundation of trust towards her?
this bits tough and where I am, I want to trust but my mind keeps saying "but what if...?"
I was in same place in February. I wouldn’t accept “friends.” I told her that wasn’t acceptable and stood my ground and it worked for me. You have to be willing to walk away though if they are trying to have their cake and eat it too. At least that is what I learned.
I’m the limerent wife. I told my husband that I needed time before getting to that place of total disconnection from my limerent partner. I am glad he respected my process. I see a lot of people making limerence synonymous with lust or cheating. It isn’t. It’s a COPING mechanism for deep trauma. So while my spouse may see disconnecting from my limerent partner as evidence that I am doing better and not being tempered to cheat, the reality is, if not handled with care my unaddressed childhood trauma can manifest into something worse. I became limerent as a teen to escape my hell reality. I didn’t do drugs, I didn’t drink , I wasn’t promiscuous . I “dreamed”. That was my choice of drug/coping. Affirming the reality of who I am, what I have and what I’ve gained in this life is a good start to giving me/your spouse the confidence to let go. Your limerent spouse needs to be cocooned in reality or opportunities where she is re-invited to live in the present. It will take some time but she become free. Keep the focus on the trauma , not the lust and make sure she does too. Keep her accountable to a high degree of self awareness. Just thought I’d share this being I’m it right now.
@@RearviewWisdom What do you do about the limerant wife saying that we are done and we should see other people?
@@tb87670 I don’t know all of the details of your marriage and how much her limerence plays a factor in her decision but it sounds like sabotage or her seeking a justified way to manifest the ideas and thoughts she’s played out in her mind. The best response to this would be to give her what she wants … confidently. I know that sounds crazy but most people go into an emotional rampage in situations like this trying so hard to keep their spouse put. But honestly no contact, and putting the power in her hands to choose her destiny while keeping your worthiness as a spouse in tact will be a better way of her coming around to reality.
Just don’t do the begging stuff. She needs to know that leaving the marriage isn’t just a loss for you but for her as well. What was the value she saw in you at the start of the relationship ? Grab a hold of that and reinstate it. There must be something you provide and offer her that no other man can provide. She’s convinced that this isn’t true, but you can’t be convinced of it too else all fails.
My husband checks me all the time on his value. He even asks me to point out what men I’ve been with or which of my friends husbands are providing and sacrificing the way he does for me. These are reality checks that are more like a slap back to life. I have a good thing, and because I know that this is reality I choose to fight the lie that says my limerence is what’s real.
So basically become better , but my advice is if she decides cheat move on and be that better for next person don't wait on somebody running to other ppl ,
I’m divorced. I can say quite assuredly, if my ex had done what Geoffrey is suggesting, he might not be my ex today.
What a gift this video is 🎁
Hi Jennifer,
So glad you found it helpful. I addressed this topic due to suggestions over the last few weeks from the comment section. Do you have any ideas for videos you would like to see in the future?
@@GeoffreySetiawan I would love a video with guidance on how the romantic/intimate part of the relationship should look like while trying to work on becoming bulletproof and untethering. He says he doesn’t want to be with me still, doesn’t see me as his wife anymore after our separation, doesn’t see us ever being able to have that kind of commitment anymore but every now in then when it seems convenient or seems like maybe he’s just lonely he will want my company. I say yes because I don’t want him to feel like I’m rejecting him and lose any progress but I can’t help to think I’m just being used and I’m doing this all wrong.
Im ok with working on my product but then - why would i be willing to offer it to someone who’s already been trading on a different market?
You don’t have to start a new relationship with your ex partner but playing the victim as it sounds like you’re doing absolves you of any fault! You know you wasn’t the man you should of been so stay humble and do the work 👍🏻
Is it limerance when they have ended the relationship and pursued someone else? Not avoiding looking within but dint know if this applies to me.
Hi, wether it is or not. The resolution is still the same.
@@GeoffreySetiawan Thank you. The past 2 months have been incredibly dark for me. You and Jason have been a beacon of hope and answers for me. I may not have been the one to jump out of this relationship and pursue someone else but my behaviors got us here. It still hurts a lot though.
@@2BitJesusChannel how's it going ? I'm in the same situation, I'm embodying the new me
I married my LO (which was my husband) i still have a dusting of limerence for him after 5 years
How would provide the high level values if your partner moved out and tells you they want space and you to not pressure them
If you think you can force your partner to see your high level values, then I don't think you understand what the high level values mean :)
@@GeoffreySetiawan not want to force her just wondering how to get her to see them when she’s asking for space and time to think about us
@@leiasnake8365 when they ask for space they already seeing someone else most of the time. Give us an update!
Geoffrey is it still possible to reattach my wife while seperated for 6 months now i know it will take another 3 to 6 months after hopefully making that 10 percent to join your program but it's worth it in my book to grow and transform I'm willing to put in that work for the right motives of transforming and not tethering to the outcome. Wish I would have known about you sooner, been studying all your videos although there's much more I'm hungry for that knowledge and right approach to start those difficult convos and break through that stonewalling, we do comunicate everyday through txt an occasional very occasional phone call every now and then but I feel like I don't make that impact properly although i have been doing my best to listen, paraphrase and stuff she just won't open up about relationship stuff and we're more just having peaceful convos about regular life but I want to dive deep and I've been taking it day by day by day but there's no emotional safety for her to even open up about how her day was and stuff so I'm hungry for more Geoffrey.
So what is being said here is that if your not smart enough to provide her with higher standards then your screwed so you either need to let her go and be alone or try to find someone who is less intelligent than you so you actually can lift them up
What if youve done everything a husband can do and its never enough. I agree what your saying but some women cant change their nature. Ill be doing this for myself and better myself.
#1 self growth video on RUclips.
Love it! Thank you for this comment and support!
What about if you love her men, you love her. If You know you fucked up in some point because you can not be what you don’t know, but you know you can show up differently if you have another chance.Don’t give up for your love , fight for it.Everyone deserve a second chance. Relationships are about repairing and not replacing.
Hi Renato S,
Check out this list of people that started out where you are are of not knowing what they didn't know, then decided to do something about it.
ruclips.net/p/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU
I agree with you Renato.
If you love her, really love her, and you have a family with her, it’s hard to give up. But only giving up and moving on will work. If anything works, it’s moving on. Especially if she paints you as bad. That’s when you need to show with your actions that you are a good man and try to move on.
I agree. Relationships are for repairing, not replacing. Well said.
Love this cause ppl give up too much and it makes me sick all the nay sayers yuck
I completely agree. My hubby is worth fighting for 🥰
What if my wife is in limerance with a female? This dynamic is causing a struggle inside me regarding the possibility of reconciliation.
Yes I'm in the same situation what do you recommend
The process never changes. wether our partner is in limerence or not. Wether it is with the opposite sex or now. The way we resolve it and work through it remains the same.
Let me ask you one more question. I know that no matter what the answer is. Working on bettering yourself is always the best option. When you say limerence doesn't last forever I agree. But people can be addicted to that feeling of limerence or the honeymoon stage. They can still be addicted to the attention of the opposite sex right? I know that it doesnt matter. That at the end of the day your still doing yourself and her better by accepting your own issues and becoming a better person. \
VERY eye opening!! It makes so much more sense what she was telling me all allong, but could not name it precisely! Thank you very much for this video!
First video I'm watching about this topic in which I could learn actually something usefull!
Love it! What part was most eye-opening to you?
What if you have kids, and what if its the husband wanting someone else?
Wow. This is gold.
Can you do a video of high level values and explain more
What if she has BPD and she has done this with multiple guys and she texts you that it’s over so to her chasing this married man that she now thinks is the second coming of Christ
Also we have been married ourselves for 24 yrs and have two wonderful kids
So instead of talking to you about what you're missing, your partner goes for someone else. Then you have to display your worth again in the hope they come back. Then when they do, you're good? You don't have to worry about them changing their mind again?
I'm not trying to troll, I'm really having trouble with how this doesn't end up destroying your self esteem?
What if you do all these changes and realize they don't bring you these high level values? You stray and expect they stumble across this video and implement the changes themselves?
My now ex wife left me and her children to with another man in a different state. I don't ever want her back. How can I get over my sadness and start my life over?
New woman
My question is how does a low manipulating chump offer my wife high value? They are low working on an emotionally affected woman. I don’t understand how you say they offer this when the chump is low value??
This is great information. What is Key Takeaway #3? I don’t see it.
Wow this guy is good, subscribed for sure.
The disheartening part of this, and I do believe what is presented here is solid and true, is that there is always someone out there who is better - more fit, makes more money, has more power, etc. Eventually one of those people will cross paths with your partner and they will choose the better option. You either get better than them, or they will leave permanently. It isn't over there either because another will come at some point and you will face the same challenge once again. It's continuous growth or be alone. Just don't forget to enjoy the time that you have - nothing lasts forever.
Hi Nate,
Yes, if you are not willing to make the right, the massive and the permanent changes needed then your partner will never commit to spending their one and only life with you.
Regardless if you lose your partner especially in a marriage most of those relationships fail.
So the net is that all love is transactional and dependant on the others fulfillment? Isnt something like passionate sexual fulfillment entirely dependant on the individual?
What can happen of my wife is having an affair and a limerence with someone just like her she is they are identical she only be gone 1 week and I'm trying to change for good your videos are helping me a lot
This is SPOT. ON.
Wow this was an eye opener
22:31 you say “neutral at best” but side slide says “natural at best”.
Its hard for some to except that its not everybody else. Most of our problems comes from within. I think many get their views from hollywood movies. We see in movies that love is love and we should be accepted for who we are. But the truth is most of us cant accept who we really are. So we blame everything else. which might seem to work for us at times. But others are not as easily convinced as we are. We can come up with any kind and all kinds of justifications. but just because we accept them doesn't mean others have to or should.
Hi rob,
I agree with your first statement. But unfortunately, most deem it hard to admit that we have more power and influence on our current situation than we care to acknowledge.
It is often common to say we are victims, we have no control, or it is the other person's vault. As a result, taking ownership, learning from these situations, and being better because of them becomes much more challenging.
@@GeoffreySetiawan I completely agree. I have no issues taking ownership. My problem seems to be execution. I don't want to miss read a situation, or make assumptions that are wrong. Most of the time I know what the right thing to do is, but knowing and doing is completely different.
It took hitting bottom a number of times for me to realize that I really know nothing. There has been times in my life I felt like I knew almost everything and had a good grip on how things work. Just to find out that I didn't know as much as I thought. Its done a number on my ego.
Thank you for your program but I would like you to talk about a situation where a guy is dating a girl who has another boyfriend who she does love too... I'm in this situation guide me through
Help me!
My wife and best friend of 20 years has separated from me 4 months ago - some mistakes have been made around controlling behaviour, but I didn't realise that at the time as she didn't communicate with me - all of this has come about after.... We've lived a year at her mums (understandably hard) and she asked for space and instantly started sleeping with another man. I feel she is in limerence.
I've done a lot of begging (wrongly) but I've completely backed off from that recently
I'm doing what I can to better myself. We have 2 young sons so we talk, obviously. Any advice???? She's the ONE FOR ME but I feel she's emotionally GONE 😔
Any update?
@@snethercot9881 she's absolutely long gone. A BILLION miles away.
@@justinclark1182So sorry to hear that. My husband of 16 years (we have two young kids) is signing a lease with his affair partner and they will have our kids 50/50. I didn't know it could hurt this bad. You are not alone in this. Hugs.
@@snethercot9881sorry to hear that, here’s a hug
What a great guy you are Geoffrey, if only i watched these videos before she finished with me. It's too late now !
I will practice these changes ., But I know it's too late !
Thank you again Mark, check out the reply I left on your previous comment. The only way to know you don't have a chance is you stop trying.
@@GeoffreySetiawan , you are 💯 the best relationship advisor on RUclips !
I have spent 7 weeks doing things wrong .. on plus side I have been hitting the gym and changed my physical self .down from 89kg to 81 kg and shifted my depression , the shock of the relationship cured my depression which was one of the main reason she ended it and my lack of motivation.
Now I will go no contact for 2 weeks and work on doing things I never did ..
If she sees the changes I have made it might make the difference if not I have made the changes for a positive outcome for myself ! A win win .
Thankyou for all your videos ..
@@marks5740 update us bro
@@tyetr9853she still dumped her bro
Great information. Now what’s your take on the whole concept of “letting them go and they will come back mentality that RUclips seems to be talking about the most??? Most importantly does that mentality even matter having in our tool box???
Hi Lucid Jords,
Check out this video to see my approach to this and please feel free to follow up with any questions you may have.
ruclips.net/video/LK0gJ7oFciE/видео.html
So what exactly am I doing to save my marriage when it comes to her? Am I contacting her still? Or am I having no contact during this time and keep the contact about our child only? I understand to work on myself but how do I interact with her ?
Hi Pen and the sword,
I have a wealth of knowledge on my channel that speak about this. Here is just one of my many videos on this topic.
ruclips.net/video/6akN8wMEc6Q/видео.html
13:14 I'm sorry to say but this is a realistic standard that all adults should come to at some point. To think you can have everything all the time is unrealistic, juvenile, and a problem of shallow people. No one is perfect but if your partner is willing to let go of you and the value you provide for something like a little more excitement, aesthetic reasons, or pressure in her social circles or media consumption then that frankly reflects poorly on them and no amount of understanding and twisting yourself into a pretzel to validate their impulses is going to change that. It's very sad to me that thos understanding seems to be increasingly lost in this generation for both men and women. Yes if you are an immoral person who is just looking for excitement and sexual thrills as a woman you can just spread your legs and as a man if you have the social status and capital you can attain that, but these are shallow and in the long term should rightfully make you feel hollow and ashamed. Enough apologetics for the impulsive and morally weak who don't value YOU adequately.
Now to our view - Do you realize just how big of an ask it is to ask someone to spend their one and only life with you?
If you are going to ask someone to commit to something that big, is it really unrealistic, juvenile, and "shallow" for your partner to think "I don't think this is making me feel very fulfilled?"
What would you do if you were unhappy in a lifelong contract you signed, and if you even so much as suggest that you are unhappy, you are called "unrealistic, juvenile, and "shallow""?
Imagine that catch-22.
Lose if you express yourself because you'll be called "unrealistic, juvenile, and "shallow""?
Lose if you don't. You're just supposed to sit there and suppress whatever feelings or dreams you think you have for your one and only life, and lower your standards to accept that you have signed a lifelong contract you can't get out of.
We discuss this in this video if you're interested in seeing a different perspective. If not, you're free to carry on thinking however you wish!
ruclips.net/video/vIMAYdW8kPo/видео.html
or
ruclips.net/video/BFx1A25Oz8c/видео.html
@GeoffreySetiawan I'm not sure who the "we" is in those situation, but I have a certain amount of sympathy. Still, I would argue that the rate of separation, unhappiness, and increasing economic insecurity is largely coming from a place of consumerism both material spiritual that has reached epidemic degrees and is having cataclysmic effects on societal stability, the family structure, and generally the future of society, and they are interrelated to part of this "have my cake and eat it too" or "fear of missing out attitude."
Maybe you can find a person that is 2% more aligned in some capacity with your lifestyle choice, excitement, sexual compatability. But the question that isn't being asked or seems to be assumed is "what are giving up for a maybe." As far as I can see committed relationships are the truly valuable and hard thing to find these days so placing that with greater value on the scale of worth is much more pressing, and while I support anyone for leaving abusive situations, situations that involve unfaithfulness, usery, financial irresponsibility, etc. I find it disturbing to normalize this transactional element of relationships. It seems like a bad precedent that needs to be reexamined.
If I misjudged though I apologize in advance. I'll look further into your perspective on your channel.
@@_thebigsteve I think we are aligned.
We try to solve the problem by asking "How can I (myself) become the person to create the right environment in a relationship so that these higher level & more self-actualized spiritual values beyond money and superficiality can blossom?"
So we focus on what is within our locus of control, our response-ability, and what we can DO...
Rather than focusing on what others & society needs to fix to right this "problem". :)
We = myself, my team, and the 2,000+ active clients we have currently + the 5000+ legacy clients we have. WE are trying to fix this problem by truly changing the way WE each show up to our own relationship & to the world.
Are you a therapist or a coach because I’m the guy who’s in limerence in this situation. I don’t wanna be in limerence and I don’t know what to do because I wanna be with my girlfriend because I know at one point I was so happy with her and I wanna be with her but it’s so hard because I am in limerence with someone else.
Not all women have limerence bc of the guy doing something wrong. Some women just crave new supply and attention.
My x and I have children now she is relationship with a rich guy cos I went broke in buisness and also jobless due to pandemic, what should I do?
Quit worrying about her and worry about you and your kids. You can get back up and maybe she isn’t worth it long term if she left you at your lowest. It feels like you will never be happy again but you can just maybe not with her. If you out in the work on yourself you won’t think about her and you will fine.
God this hits hard, thank you for this videos
Can't access Facebook group
Search on YT for Geoffrey Setiawan Facebook. We unfortunately had to remove that free group.
i want to join your program.
Great video
Yes sir, now back to work my guy! You need to be in those program modules.
Might be a stupid question but what is identity shifting?
Hi rob,
I would love to hear your interpretation of this also.
But when I talk about identity shifting, it refers to changing the way a person thinks, their new mindset, and in this new thinking how they now communicate and interact with the world.
Geoffrey thank you for this video, really appreciate you man.
Love it! I will keep them coming.
Quality
Love it!
This is what happened and now we are apart.
8:15 THIS...high level value it where it's at.
10:58 victim mindset
On point! You get it!
Who sets the scale for what is high or low value? At some point it will boil down to you have grown apart.
This is bullshit, making someone the victim for wanting to go outside their marriage and making the one that is being betrayed the bad guy. It is as though the vows for better for worse mean nothing, are you suggesting they be for better or until you get sick of your partner?
As a separated husband who’s wife has betrayed me with an affair, I totally get where you are coming from. I thought the same thing and still have that view. However what Geoffrey is basically saying is that what ever reason my wife went with another guy is a flaw in the relationship and usually is because the guy or girl( if it’s the guy cheating) is not offering any connection whether it be emotional or sexual. They will find it from somewhere else.
So the solution is to basically better yourself and if the marriage does end completely then bettering yourself will help to create a better relationship in the future. It’s always a positive to better yourself for many reasons. I have come to realise that I went through depression and over eating, gambling and rejecting my wife which lead to her cheating. But I’m now not going to wallow in self pity. Far from it. I want to improve daily and show I can be a better husband but if there’s no way back then at least I’ve done the work for a better relationship in the future. And knowing what caused my depression and other symptoms of it to make sure I don’t return to that again.
Now I know it’s all about clear communication and having boundaries that cannot be shaken. Having clear boundaries attracts the right relationships and that’s a good thing right?
Anyway hope this helps 😊
im not receiving the free guide :(
Hi Faby,
Working on my side. Let me know if you are still having issues.
@@GeoffreySetiawan indeed :( nothing comes up on my email :/
The funniest thing The same thing she has been begging us for yrs it’s the same thing we here to learn
I AM IRREPLACEABLE MAN: HEAR ME ROAR!!!!!🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁
GIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE LORD JESUS CHRIST
thats the hard truth but its facts
Hi HondaDriver6,
Once you know the truth, then you can do something about it.
Pls talk about INFATUATION v/s LOVE
I will take this feedback and add it to my content calendar. Thank you.
Me and my wife have been seperated almost 6montzs she says she isn't talking to anyone but is open which hurts and now want to like you said, be q better candidate than a potential other ma in the future however recently we talked about getting intimate for a second time and attending therapy so I see that as positive she's been opening up lately too in trying to just build on that cause through these months although some progress was made i get needy or we disagree and get into fights and it's back to square one again and we can go a while before contacting again but I'm approaching different now, I've flirted through txt but she seems more retracted when I do that, but in person it's more positive, am I doing something wrong by flirting should I take it slower ? I don't wanna mess it up or put her in an uncomfortable position to where she doesn't even know how to respond to something that's a bit too much. Pls help me brother
They only choose u because nobody they want wants them. Sad.
Man, you are a lighthouse these days...
This video can handle..
This with ur can hamble for sure
I really like you Geof
Puppy love?