She Needs Space | 3 Deadly Mistakes To Avoid
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2024
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In this week's video, I want to show you what you should do when your wife asks for space and…
Show you why it's actually FAR from over...
The 3 deadliest mistakes people make at this stage...
The 4 key things you need to do to RE-ATTRACT her back!
Through my years of being a relationship coach, I've guided my clients through every possible scenario and given them the tools they need to not only rebuild trust, but to take their relationship to heights it's never been before.
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#sheneedsspace #saveyourmarriage #winherback
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I need this to slap me around I've jack up everything
I’ve been watching his videos for about a year and he has changed my life and my marriage he’s the man for real if you see this comment. Thank you.
Same here. He’s the truth. He’s been saving my marriage too. But more than anything he’s helped me diagnose my problem and improve myself.
Did u ever backslide on ur changes due the some frustrations?
Ive bought so many “win her back” books and took online classes and seminars to get my partner back. This one video changed my life for the better and after over a year of trying, I’m finally on the right track and we’re trying to work things out together now. Thank you sooooo much! I identified that the problem WAS in fact me and I worked on changing the outcome of our relationship for a week after seeing this with awesome results. So THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!
Watching about the catch 22 made me cry. I just hope I can make her feel safe and we can work through things together.
My girl and I agreed 2 months back she would only meet me if she felt like it, not because she felt 'forced' to please me / felt sorry for me. Dates increased to a weekly basis. Her birthday was coming up and I wanted to do something nice so I planned a day out for us, thinking it would be okay because things were starting to change for the better. When I told her I assured her that if she didn't feel comfortable it would be no problem to cancel. A week ago she invited me over for a chat and we sat down in the park.
She told me she wanted time for herself without my presence (which after some questions, i understood as me being too pushy for an outcome i.e. day out), because she wanted to clear her mind on what she wants. She told me she doen't know for how long or if she'll even want to get back in touch after. She also told me she doesn't want me to "wait" for her because she'll still feel pressured to make a decision on whether or not we are back together. I let her speak freely, asked questions, understood her, thanked her for sharing, told her I wouldn't stop working on myself, would move on with my life(not wait for her) and assured her my door will always be open should she want to be in contact again.
Through the whole conversation I remained bulletproof and I actually felt positive, because she was able to tell me all this and I was able to lead, create safetyy and experience this conversation in such a positive way.
Meanwhile it's been a week of no contact and my positivity about the situation hasn't wavered. Feels like my internal shifts to becoming untethered and bulletproof are actually coming together despite the seemingly terrible "outcome".
I am actually happy strangely enough.
Awesome! Nice internal spot to be in. Not sure how much of my videos you have seen, but remember the 4 ingredients to surrender:
1) Plenty of positive & right seeds
2) Absence of negative seeds
3) Sense of agency
4) Time
We need all 4, plant them in the right ways, and to the highest degree possible to be able to allow our partner to FALL into the relationship.
So sounds like you did a great job creating some of these, but don't stop find the right ways to plant all 4!
P.S. Planting seeds does not mean we bombard our partner. We need to be surgical!
Any update man? I did not get the "don't wait for me" comment in my situation, usually that means other people are involved. It's been over a week, did she come back again?
Update, I just got that don't wait on me/see other people bit from wife. Took it well, surprised her. Untethering is hard but it is important.
Update us
@@GeoffreySetiawan My gf give me silent treatment for weeks. I ask her way she said nothing iam just have busy with my works. While its mistake on part, instead no contact i keep dig deeper and admit my mistake to her but she only keep stonewall and read my messages everyday(yes its bombarded because i want to understand her why. iam pushy and was too needy. i need to work on that)
until i said i understand you probably mistaken my questions and messages, iam really i want to make you feel understood you (at that point i just really curious and want to understood her not to have), she finally answer: she struggle with work now and too much going on with her life. I ask her again do you still she said no, iam just want us to be best friends and i dont wanna
lose you either and contact me occasionally, please find someone else.
Iam still on her with private social media along with her female friends (My paradigm is she still love me but the demages i caused too severe in the past with judgmental, controlling, and needy etc)
so, i answer: i cant find someone else but i understand my door is open for always and i will working on my shortcomings no matter. if you have someone else in your mind now, iam ok. i said this because i give you freedom and space. Its not goodbye, thank you and i appreciate you're being open.
iam surprisingly not plead and begging quite happy somehow.
Hey I'm really glad to hear I'm in a very similar experience, after 4 months is it still the same or not?
I was so blind to my victim mentality that I gaslit my wife (and myself) into thinking she had Bi-polar disorder. What she had was very little Emotional Safety and a husband who was too insecure to give her the benefit of the doubt and be understanding when she would come to me with a problem.
There's been times, in the past, when I have completely misunderstood her need for space - got offended by it, gave up - but, seeing everything now , how it really is, has completely changed the trajectory of our relationship. I couldn't be more hopeful for the future and happy about the progress so far.
Thank you Geoff!
I can't wait to be able to buy the program!
Love to hear it! Isn't it amazing how much changes when we just choose to see things from a completely different paradigm?
@@GeoffreySetiawan It's truly incredible. It feels like both of our hearts are opening up again!
@@GYMETRIUS Keep leading the change my man!
@@GeoffreySetiawan Absolutely, thank you, Geoffrey 🤟
my situation is the opposite,im the man who needs space from her for same exact reasons but i really enjoyed where you said wanting space means i actually care about Us and dont want to throw it away after dating for years and knowing each other for 4 years
This one, i know now, what I screwed up. Happy i found this advice, sad i found this only now 🤕
I just realized, that it's been years she asked for me specific stuff and I didn't quite get that and ended up ignoring her request. It's been 1 month since she asked for a break, and now I feel bad for her. I thought she wasn't a patience person (Because she easily angry at me), but I just realized that she's actually a patience person. She's able to stay with me for 5 years even tho my personality is shit.
And thanks for the Advice Geoffrey. I'll try to work even harder for myself & her.
Signed up yesterday, Geoffrey. I am glad you guys are out here, cause when I’m having a hard time I circle back to these. As I go through the program I am excited to learn the concepts and see how other people progress. No situation is unique.
Awesome brother! Do the work! The program can take you very far, but only as far as you're willing and able to take yourself :)
This is some of the best quality content and advice I've come across. Thanks for making it available to all of us.
So about 5 weeks ago my wife told me she wants to separate, but still live in the same house and co-parent our 4 year old. She said she's not in love with me anymore and just wants to be co-parents and business partners, and that no matter what I do there's no chance of us getting back together - she's completely over it, and those feelings are gone. At first she was really cold and distant, then we started talking and hanging out a little bit, and then about a week and a half ago she wrote me a note saying she notices all of my changes and really appreciates it from the bottom of her heart. I've started watching your videos and applying your advice- we've had longer conversations and some good moments, but she still seems resistant to rekindling the flame. I can still see the look in her eye though that she cares and loves me but there's still a block there - she says "I love you" to our kid at bedtime, and then to me she just says "good night, see you tomorrow." I don't want to force her or beg, and she also has no plans or desire for either of us to move out, get a divorce, or change her last name back (we do own the house, and it would be really tough financially for both of us to live separately). So what do I do now? I still love her so much and want to respect her wishes, but I really want to get fully back together ---
Updates?
Im also in a situation like this, but less talking. Any updates?
I hate people that don't respond back.
I’m doing this right only because I date a single mom it isn’t easy we keep in contact regardless but just take breaks from physical contact which is fine w me we tend to get carried away and we said we slow it down thanks for this
My gf of 5 years is wanting space and ima have to binge watch these videos to not strive but to do the fall approach … will see how this goes
So, any change of situation?
@@theta0708 we haven’t spoke since Feb 10th and I don’t think we will be ending back together. I wish her the best and I will be trying to evolve as a better person.
I’m very grateful that this isn’t my first time with a long relationship and it has helped me from being in bed and moping around. I know I will be happy in the future.
A lot has happened but I am grateful for being alive and what I have. I’m still struggling with the break up but I have a strong mentality which I’m grateful.
break up as soon as she says this !
Been separated 3 months, we talk daily, hang out maybe once a week and I 100% have taken responsibility for my actions on her leaving, I was not creating safety at all, however I noticed she always brings up the past and all the bad, I always sit and listen and agree and always tell her I’m unable to fix the past I can only build myself for the future. How do I get her to forgive my past or at least see I’m not that person anymore. I feel like she uses the past to stop her from having any feelings towards me now.
Same here brother, my soon-to-be ex-wife always digs up the past, and more often than not events which I had totally forgotten myself. I told her the same thing: I understand how I hurt her, I'm sorry but I can't change the past, just ensure that I become a better person. It's very frustrating because I do not dig up all the things she did wrong in the past (and boy are there many).
@@zphzrhzraefoiaj4974 Same here guys. I am not saying what she did wrong, which was a lot, staying antithetical and telling her I cannot change the past, only the future.
She brings up the past because that is her lived experience. The past provides her everything she knows about you. You are basically asking her to ignore all the actual information she has and believe in a future that doesn't exist yet. That seems like something you'd need to trust in someone to believe. No trust built in the past only leads to a lack of trust in future. Maybe try not asking her to forget everything she knows and instead either work through it with her until she feels satisfied and healed, or move on. But, stop telling her she is wrong to feel the way she does. That will not help your cause.
@@mudandglitter1609I’m in this guys situation but this comment hit home
You are actually a life saver man
I like this guy.. so much insight into true struggles.
This is great for me to continue working on myself, she asked for a break for things that happened in the relationship, mistakes i made and things from the past. She kept the door open stating that i was her person and the love of her life and that she knows that she's risking losing me for someone else which i have stated that i dont want to be with nobody else. The time is whats making me go crazy at times, but im trying to be a better person and work on the mistakes i made in the relationship.
Thank you for openings my eyes 🥹
So she wants space. I watched some of your other videos and will take that class. I don’t blame her, and am actually seeing and understanding where she tried and how she tried. Agreed to prep divorce papers but she doesn’t seem in a rush to turn them in. I am finally seeing she has lost her feeling of safety with me, and I have put work before the family. Where should I start
I agree with the message from this video... but I still think that a good question is how easy it is to create a sense of security for someone who is diagnosed with anxiety, depression, potentially OCD, has several unhealed traumas and does practically nothing about the above. .. although she is well aware of them. Add avoidant attachement to this and this is exactly the case of my GF, who after 6 months of relationship said that she had to "put it all together in her head" and hasn't spoken to me for a month. Sometimes situations that would make someone laugh cause a disturbance in her sense of security comparable to conscious and intentional cheating. Really... try to feel safe yourself when your relationship is like constantly walking on eggshells, good luck with that.
Thank you this helped me realize what needs to happen in order for positive change to start because i keep pushing her away with me pushing the outcome and instead of the process because she works with a man she kissed we’ve been together 4 years and have a 2 y/o son and I haven’t been their for emotional/financial support for years and I’m wanting the results too fast instead of earning them as time goes because I’m worried about the other man and I over think because I have anxiety and trust issues
Like we always say to our clients - if you are still worried about the threat of "other men", then that means that you're still IN the game...
You have not made your internal shifts deep enough, you have not made the right principles and processes a deep enough part of your lifestyle and your identity...
AKA - Your are not 10x in terms of your ability to create the 5 pillars, execute and manifest the layers of internal changes, etc...
Because once my clients ACTUALLY BECOME 10x, they TRANSCEND the game, and all of these petty worries that seem big to most become trivial...
People who TRANSCEND anything never worry about competition, petty issues, never really feel jealousy, etc...
Does that make sense?
Literally the same scenario with a daughter. Stick with the process, stay poised, and love yourself ➕
I have been watching these videos for a while and have been wanting to join the program but my financial is the issue; but I have been implementing the practices and have made it go from what felt like enemies to being able to hangout with out a lot of anger or mean statements. She is still with the other person but I have gotten to the point of allowing her to pursue that direction while still working on the processes I have established.
Probably the most useful video I've watched .
Your videos are helping my marraige TREMENDOUSLY. Even more than my 100$ hr therapist
atleast subtitles doing its job
Great video, very informative and well explained/executed. Subscribed
Great content!!! It's always great to watch your videos. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge!
Appreciate you my man!
My girlfriend of 2.5 years recently (6 days ago) split with me.
For the day or two following that I asked her to reconsider but I understand her apprehensions since I was not accessible, I was not open, I was not attentive etc. throughout the relationship.
I know she loves me, because she’s stuck around for such a long time, and I’m frustrated that I started to notice things that I can fix, too late.
We’re currently not speaking, and the hardest part about it is going cold turkey.
I’m here for the ride. Going to be watching all of your videos, because if there’s one girl who I can’t lose, it’s her, and so I hope to find ways to make myself a better me through watching your videos.
Thank you!
Any updates?
@@glossyflyer6511 None whatsoever. 😞
@@BoneThxgz brother I am having a similar situation. During an argument she saw my complaints about her with my friends and this really hurt her bad and she said she will give me one more chance and having a conversation about this right after she comes back from her trip because she need some space. Currently I am giving her space because she said she needs one week to calm down herself. And the anxiety is keep hitting me right now. I don’t know I should text her or not.
@@glossyflyer6511 Brother, by the sounds of things you’re in a better boat than me right now.
I’d do anything for her to say “we’ll talk when I’m back,”
If she says she needs space, then give her that space.
Allow her to message you. If she does at least you know it’s because she wants to talk.
On my end, it’s been 23 days now, and I’m torn between distraught, anxious and determined.
Distraught because I love this girl. Anxious because of the unknown. And determined to be better.
Use this time to work on yourself too my G. Go for walks. Go to the gym. Learn a new skill. Practice some self constraint. Don’t road rage. Don’t interrupt people whilst they talk. And hopefully it pans out in your favour.
On my end, I’m hoping and praying I haven’t spoken to her for the last time. Idk what else to say 😞
@@glossyflyer6511 Take the fact that I answered so quick to your comment, and going through something similar, as an indication that you’re not the only person feeling how you’re feeling *IN THIS VERY INSTANT*.
Claw yourself back from messaging. Give her the time. Be strong general 🫡
were together for almost 3 years long distance very long distance and broke up with me 5 days ago and said she doesn't feel anything for me anymore and that she doesn't feel happy with me and that she wants to be alone and that she was 100% done with me. in all honesty i didn't realize it at the time but she wanted space in the relationship but i didn't do the right things to give it to her, i asked her how long she felt like that and she said a couple of weeks. it hurts a lot and i don't know what to do i didn't beg or plead i told her that ofc the breakup hurts me because of how i feel but i don't regret the relationship because of how much she loved me. but idk the rules here she didn't unadd me on our main platform she unadded me everywhere else i haven't messaged her on anything since and it didnt end bad. i want her back but idk what to do
Very underrated channel
Like honestly thanks man
You nailed it! That is exactly what my girlfriend said.
OK I'll share her with someone else to make her feel better...I'll wait for her to make a decision with me 😂 shiiieeet she cray cray...
I’ve been watching so many videos but I’ve got two main questions 1) what do I do if she tells me no to a phone call when trying to re-attract her and 2) what do I say on the phone call is she says yes
Hello Geoffrey! Wanted to let you know I started your program 8 months ago and I’m happy to share that you have truly changed my life. Thank Geoffrey!
Great video, very informative and well explained/executed. Subscribed
Not ALWAYS true. She has complete safety w me .
Sometimes the other person is truly crazy and knows it.
They have BPD, they are dismissive avoidant, they suffer from severe anxiety and her mom is a narcissist.
Healing is required before any relationship will work .
Side note: no human should place ALL their happiness on a relationship. Love is more than a feeling. It’s action, even when you don’t feel like it. Both parties in a relationship should realize
True love comes at great expense to oneself .
5:10 Stunned to see exactly how I thought about 'options' I had by the time of breakup. He kept me asking why I would leave without exhausting options when I had only one option left -- leaving.
Thank you.
So many of the things is what I'm doing wrong and how I was thinking
This actually is helping me thanks
I've been stuck on watching your videos and it's an eye opener, my gf asked for space and I just couldn't understand why but I gave her space for just a few days but I got really anxious and reached out after some days and she was super cold to me, I'd say "I love you" and she just doesn't say that to me, and at first she was all committed in the relationship and was even more enthusiastic about it and just two days ago, she asked for a breakup and I felt crushed but I had to let go, it's not easy taking her off my head but I'm trying by watching these videos, I really do want her back but that's the best I can do really
As my clients like to say in their interviews - "Don't waste the pain".
Yes, losing a relationship and having your partner walk away is hard, but pain can be our greatest teacher.
The biggest pain would be if you were too busy moping about, shifting blame, being in denial of your own flaws, and playing victim that you miss the many lessons that "pain" can give you.
And you repeat the same mistakes, leading to the same pain over and over again.
So looking forward to hearing more of your comments as you continue to explore this channel to see what you learned about what went wrong, so you can make the best use of this pain. :)
I’ve kept positive throughout my 9 months separation, not played the victim, admitted to my flaws, shown her I understand the issues, how it must have made her feel, that I’m sorry & working on bettering myself in those areas, not once shifted the blame, seeing issues as an opportunity, etc but she is still just ignoring me. My efforts have just seemed to annoy her & I now find myself blocked everywhere after 9 months. I’m not sure what to do now that I’m blocked.
Remember - It's not just about WHAT we do, but HOW we do it, and to what STANDARD.
E.g. An average basketball player dribbles, shoots, plays and probably practices basketball. But they do it with a very different HOW and STANDARD to NBA players.
So when you say, "not played the victim, admitted to my flaws, shown her I understand the issues, how it must have made her feel, that I’m sorry & working on bettering myself in those areas, not once shifted the blame, seeing issues as an opportunity, etc"
- How certain are you that your definitions of the above are the right HOW and the highest standards possible?
- What makes you so certain?
The tough part about creating safety is that it often lies in our blind spot, and we often do things to destroy safety subconsciously and unknowingly. So often, when we get new clients in, they come in thinking that they have done all the right things, not realizing that for every ONE thing they do to CREATE it, they are unknowingly doing 3 other things that destroy it.
e.g. The example that I gave in the video of my client.
This is why, these paradigm shifts and skills must be mastered to a point where not only can you get it right, but to point where you can't get it wrong.
@@GeoffreySetiawanOne thing I might be getting wrong is that I haven’t untethered from the outcome in terms of trying too hard too often. If my ex ignores me I will wait a week or two & then send another msg even after trying to leave the door open. The problem seems to be she just isn’t open to communication. From what I can see in an old post of hers she is doing no contact to heal herself as she feels the relationship was too toxic. But I’m at the point where she is asking me to stop contacting her & she’s blocked me on everything. Is there a way I can continue to create safety? I feel like I kind of just have to leave it now & just hope I’ve planted enough positive seeds.
Man oh man bless you my man❤
Bro, im a guy. I’m seeing this girl that I really like, I enjoy spending time with her, getting texts from her etc. but Damm I sometimes just want days to myself, and not have to need to chat to her or feel the responsibility to reply to texts and just have me all to myself. When I feel like that I totally don’t feel any negative feelings toward her, I still adore her but I just want to do my own thing. Now imagine when men do this to woman… woman are emotional and if you don’t give them space, they will emotionally feel overwhelmed and that will cause them to feel less attraction and attachment toward you. When their feelings change because of your constant need to be in touch with her, killing her freedom, she will eventually want to move away from you and she looses feelings and attraction. Let woman come to you… bro I almost never text my girl first, I let her come to me. Sometimes she will text me everyday, other times she might not next for a day or two… regardless I don’t change my actions, I’m here when she’s ready. Let woman come to you… they will love you for this.
Thank you for this
I have been watching various videos on this. But yours is something else! I signed up for the masterclass today. If you want to make it work you will do whatever it takes.
Thank you Geo
I agree 100% thank you.
Thank you
I wasnt a safe place for my Wife. She felt trapped with me, unable to express how she felt or what she thought.
This is what happened with my wife and I. I didn’t know til it was too late and she was ready to throw in the towel. When I thought I was losing her, I held on tighter until I choked her (figuratively). She felt like she couldn’t breathe and I wanted to talk all the time. Now, it’s so much worse. 28 years together. We work together in the same building. We have to talk at work but not after. I’m hoping it’s enough space…
there is a lot of "overlap" in your many youtube videos. Surely a lot of the info could be condensed into a few underlying memorable principles guidelines which would be more helpful. Many of the scenarios you describe are to produce a perfect man (who does not exist) with a high maintenance demanding wife or partner. In ALL relationships you love your partner even with some faults (otherwise they would not be human beings!!!).
My girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me over. The last few weeks have been hard for her because of work and I was abit mean one day but for 5 months it was nothing but effortless love.
She told me I make her anxious as I didn’t reply to her message for 5 hours and she if she’s not anxious at work she’s anxious about it. She’s a real introvert, she has a very stressful job. She says she doesn’t have it in her to go back to us been the same anymore.
I’ve left it cool with her and won’t contact her. She’s a deeply emotional person and I do love her but if she’s going then what can I do.
If you’re in a marriage I think this advice is great if she hasn’t cheated.
If you’re not married and she wants space that means she is on her way out and already looking at other options. That means walk away.
Behave like a IDEAL composed BOSS or leader
Great Content. I remain confused because you talk about the fact that emotional safety is at the root of women walking away from men. However, why do women leave their nice guy husbands and boyfriends for biker dudes and rebellious bad boys? Because I am starting to connect with my ex again on friendly terms and I am tempted to acknowledge my weak and needy behavior that contributed to her loss of attraction, including me not creating emotional safety in certain tough conversations when her attraction was teetering. However, I’m afraid that form of apologizing will only lead to a further loss of attraction and give her more power.
I discussed this in many of my videos around masculinity & high-value men discussions.
I would look them up!
Women often fall for "bad guys" because they see these "manifestations" of masculinity and think that these men can "protect" them.
The safety here may or may not be there, but is merely PERCEIVED.
But often, men go overboard with their masculine displays over to the toxic side of things, and these same masculine traits that initially attracted begin to turn women off (Men who can GET women, but cannot KEEP).
The other side isn't good either. No one can feel safe with a pushover, insecure, and a man that bends over backward for her.
The key is to be balanced - which is what the essence of positive masculinity is about.
But like I said, feel free to look up my videos on this!
@@GeoffreySetiawan thanks for the reply. I edited the grammar issues from using voice text and accidentally sending prematurely. I will keep looking at your videos…but it is interesting that most coaches have said not to apologize unless you cheated or did something awful. I struggle with the concept of showing awareness so she pleasantly raises her eyebrows versus apologizing and seeming desperate as if I’m chasing and trying to win her back. Perhaps it’s the internal shifts you talk about being at the root of it and women will feel the agenda or ‘tetheredness’
@@HeroPerformance Yup. Anyone who says "not to apologize unless you cheated or did something awful" doesn't understand the true essence of what power means in relationships.
Feel free to look up some videos of mine on the topic of power too! :)
I need space only to recharge
How about if it’s problem with husband and he left does it work the same ?
Hey geoffrey its been some days now of me watching videos of yours and am really realising what i did….my gf she use to say how she would want to marry me and live with me with her whole life untill we get old but now she says that she lost all hope for us….she said that our goals are very different from the both of us and that she needed space..i told her that i would give her space and idid…well she still texts me sometimes about what she is doing and where she is going trying to reassure things for me like dw and all of that when she goes out with her friends…i think that its her mental health rnis not so okay…I remember her telling me how muchshe misses me and how tough things are going on her life and how she lost a friend recently…. I hope you reply to this comment….love from 🇨🇳
Me and gf had an argument. And after I realised my mistake, I apologised to her, she said everything was fine. But it felt a bit odd, so I tried to apologise multiple times because I was too scared. I think I became too intrusive there. I think she indicated the fact that she needs some space but I couldn't do so without just talking to her once. So she got irritated. When we both finally got to talk to each other in person, she scolded me for this behaviour of mine. I tried to explain to her that I really was scared a lot and I wanted to apologise, but she told me that I have already apologized a lot and she's getting irritated by that. She understood that fact that I was scared and then directly told me to give her some space, and I accepted it. Now I've decided not to contact her until she reaches me out again or feels ready to talk. Will doing so be able to heal up what all went wrong. I was just so out of character that I couldn't understand it. Does giving her the space she needs now will help eliminate any negative opinion she must've got on me and make it up for my intrusive behaviour? Please help me out, anyone.
She came back???
@5:30 choice 1 is the mature choice but a lot of people aren't mature enough to do it
What if your partner says she is not comfortable with the first step of effective communication (non verbal touch ) what is a work around around that
We need to always remember to think via the first-principles. The whole purpose behind the non-verbal touch is to allow you to create some sense of softness, comfort and safety in an otherwise tense situation.
And if you begin to think of it this way, my you'll find there there are A LOT of things you can do...
e.g. My clients rely on softening the tone of their voice, softening their body language, softening their gaze and the way they enter into the conversation...
But as I said in this video, you can't fake any of this...
All of these require a lot of the right execution of the subtle micro-expressions and micro-tones.
And to get these micros on point, you must be able to make the right internal shifts, and make then part of your lowest default first.
Tactics alone never work!
Hi Geoffrey , just a quick one . What do i do to get her back after shez asked for space and does no contact rule at this stage work? what are the steps or advice you can give me on this matter? kindly help . Will none contact rule make it worse and make her feel that am not fighting for the relationship?
space is sometimes another guy
Once it’s done it’s done. They didn’t respect you and don’t deserve you
What about when she said she wanted space after I told her I loved her. (We had been going out for a good bit of time by now)
This advice is just men never being allowed to feel bad, putting it all on him.
This Ideas and concepts maybe ok,but the mental energie behind and this modern fast talking is so annoying for me. I just got a headache.
Thankyou dough for your efforts Mr Setiawan
We went semi no contact but I pushed and her mindset changed from hopefull to she sees no future and do not contact me, 4 years we were together and I feel horrible I can't even apologize for pushing
Update
@@jasperkim5945 I took a year to focus on myself, therapy, job, passions my family and friends. It was difficult, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be okay but as time went on I was. I made sure to truly reflect on the entirety of the relationship my faults, her faults, the good not so good accepted everything for what it was and slowly became OK with how it ended with that being done and the constant progression of my career I felt normal again healed. I stopped ruminating, I was OK then I met a really nice girl. I didn’t know if I was too ready, but she asked me out. I said yes and couldn’t be happier. This relationship is already more fulfilling and equal than the last one was and I’m happy that it ended so I can get to this point. I know it’s painful and difficult but take time be very gentle with yourself. reflect, it takes time. A lot of of tears and a lot of ranging emotions. feel them all don’t repress them and you’ll be OK
Question: Does this sort of training enable abusive women? Can it safe-guard us against those kinds of people as well? How can we know? Sometimes, it *IS* their fault but it's made out to be us.
what can I do if she said she needs space to focus on herself and cant be in a relationship while she does that. And not to wait for her. She says its tough to let me go and she needs time to process. She does not konw why she is unhappy. Shes not unhappy with us.
Just give her space bro. Don't text her. Let her text you.
What if your partner wants space and say they want to be friends for now?
Thank you . Your advise is helping already. Immediately.
I don’t like anything you said . But your right. Do I agree with this mindset ? No I don’t understand it . But you are right 100%
My problem is because of her family having problems affecting her and it boils over to us
Couz of his family having problems it boils down to us 😢
The person who asks for space isn't the victim, they could do option 1 and discuss it like an adult but that requires a level of maturity.
Yep especally avoidants can be very selfish. So I find no or min contact helps.
How about when he wants space but also wants to continue texting and send stuff? It's a little confusing to me. He said it's late to discuss things, he doesn't want to talk and needs space, but wants to continue, like, send memes?
Always a chaser and a chase. Be the chasee lol
Eh kind of close but kind of off too. For my personal issue
I gave her space and she added me back on Snapchat after blocking me but she hasn't said anything yet. What do I do
Wait it out until she contacts you first! Well hopefully you did this five months ago
Do you have any words of wisdom about reaching out after separation? I've been separated for 4 months while I've been working on myself and I think it's time to reach out again with a goal to understand moreso what made her unhappy in the first place and to thank her for showing me (by separating) areas I need to improve. The process has been enjoyable however how do I reach out? Thank you sir
This is what the frameworks are for in our program. We used to have videos teaching people the frameworks, but we had to remove them as we found that people were using them without the internal shifts, with the wrong intentions, etc, that was actually creating more harm than good. I would look at those interviews with Eve and Michael (that we mentioned in the video) to learn more about it.
If you respond to one thing today, I hope it's this one. Is it at least fucked up when there is a specific person that they leave for? I think I would be okay if it weren't for that, but they went out and gave themselves emotionally enough to another person that they want to leave me for that person? I mean, I can't say that I trust her enough to believe that it hasn't been physical, but she says it hasn't been so I only have that to go on... Idk, I'm just having a terrible terrible time. Thanks for this one too.
But how much i Wait?
@Geoffreysetiawan Hi Geoffrey , just a quick one . What do i do to get her back after shez asked for space and does no contact rule at this stage work? what are the steps or advice you can give me on this matter? kindly help . Will none contact rule make it worse and make her feel that am not fighting for the relationship
Hey Great Video. But, I felt this same cycle in my relationship. So she asked for space in July 2023 and same as you described I panicked and immaturely and indirectly denied the request for space or unheard her cry for help. And we had a big fight in Sept. Then eventually she broke up with me in Sept 2023. I know nothing canbe done now. But I must ask what could have prevented that or I there any hope... Thanks for the Help.
Last week my girl told me she want a break. I said ok take your time. After I didn’t bother her no calls no text
You did well. And has she come back?
@@ketobodybuilder2482 she is gone bro . But I’m ok .
My fiancé told me she needed some quite time like 3 months and I felt frustrated and I kept pushing 2 weeks later she broke up with me. What can I do to get her back?
Hi Geoffrey, my wife is dead-set on divorce and I've been watching a lot of your videos these days. I intellectually understand your major points: create emotional safety, a better environment, do not blame, avoid FAE, etc. and these points make a lot of sense.
But what I do feel from your videos, as a consequence, is the complete lack of agency and accountability from the wives/girlfriends. What if your wife is psychologically abusing the children (which in my case -no case is unique, yes-, she is) ? What if she's aggressive, insulting and violent ? What if she displays any other unacceptable or toxic behavior than no sane adult should display ? What then ?
Are we, as men, only supposed to patiently wait to create emotional safety so she may finally understand than she displays unacceptable behavior? The consequence of your teachings kind of feels to me as to consider women as children or animals to soothe, whereas they're supposedly adults with responsibility and intelligence. Thank you.
My humble opinion: You're also free to go away and in return ask for the divorce just like she did, even though I get how hard it is to let go of your family like that. At the end of the day we can't force anyone to change and get better. All we can do at best is to express our feelings and expectations in this relationship in the most rational and untethered way possible. As you're being able to take on that journey of self healing, you're doing it for yourself first and foremost. That kind of falls under Geoffrey's idea of DOING to BE - not to HAVE (he has some videos about it). Now all the safety you're working on to build for her, she should be able to do it for you too. If she can't get better for your family - assuming she needs to - then you have the right to ask for better for your own life. Even if it means to be far from her. No one should accept these types of behaviour from their partner. Even less if you have fixed all of your PERSONAL issues first for real. There is this thing too, where sometimes, once you've healed yourself and are capable of seeing things for what they really are, you realise that your partner is not made for you. You might have chosen (to stay with) her in the first place out of your personal issues or insecurities and not really because you actually like her. Long story short, once you've healed yourself, I'd assume that you now can put yourself in the "wife's" shoes and ask for space, safety, etc. I don't think Geoffrey's videos are here to only blame men in these relationships but to help us make sure we've done everything in our power to fix ourselves and our relationship before actually giving up or moving on. It's basically saying "look at yourself before you start pointing out others default". Hope this makes sense.
@@sonnydaotrung5591Thank you very much for your kind words. You're right and I'm in the process of letting go.
I'm taking Geoffrey's words to heart and I'm trying to become a better person. I don't think my marriage can be salvaged and the unacceptable traits I describe were observed by pretty much everybody who knows my wife, so I know it's not just me blaming her. Now, she has issues she must deal with and now that she's leaving I must focus on myself and my children.
are you indonesian? really need such like this in bahasa
What do you do when your spouse that wants to leave said that when you discovered an emotional short lived texting attraction affair?
She's leaving me because I'm 20 years older and she thinks she can find someone as loving more her age and she's scared that she will have to take care of me when we are older and that i will go first and she will be alone
What if she has moved on while she was with you, and later forced you out of the house.
We have 3 kids (really young), she is in love with someone younger then her and he in his mid 20's (she is his first actual relationship).
She has filed for devorce.
Please can you help....i don't want my family to break.
My girlfriend of 9 months just asked me for space like 5 days ago and since this is my first relationship ever, I freaked out because she said she's confused and doesn't know if she wants to be in a relationship or not. I've always tried my best to help her solve any problems and didn't know what to do... I haven't really respected her space since but I'm now starting to realize what she is going through. I'm afraid that I've fucked up tho... any words for a reality check/reassurance?
Take this time and respect her space, it's the BEST thing you can do. You have to do things to work on you and improve on. She told you she doesn't know if she wants to be in a relationship, so you cant use all of your time and emotions trying to convince her what she is unsure of. Give it some time brother, trust me.
any updates?
@@cxsh4x4 She broke up with me close to reaching a year of relationship. I was digging my own grave in that relationship. She is really immature and started reposting on TikTok, talking shit about me. Left me with trust issues and an emotional blockage. Time heals though, and I'm much better (still dealing with the blockage)
@@cxsh4x4 yup, far from being mature and dumped me. Now she says really harsh things about me behind my back and posts really bad shit. Right after we broke up she had someone else to have fun with but it doesnt matter anymore. Its just my situation, dont get caught up on what I say, every case is a case.
Hello Geoffrey!
I like the content! And I’m going trough this we been marry for 5 1/2 years and now we have a son that is 4, but now she ask me for time and space but she cheat on me while she said that she was done with the marriage but because the way I treated her, and now I wanted to change for good you think that it will work because she already cheat on me and I want to change for good?
My wife said she isn't in love with me and never has been. We've been married over 10 years and have kids.I know that she was in love with me though, even if she isn't now. Why does she say that? She moved out to her parents house a few months ago, She says she is never coming back and is filing for divorce. She says this by screaming in my face initially, but now it's through texts. This was out of the blue for me. None of our friends could believe it either. We fell asleep holding hands every night! The shock and trauma are killing me. I'm in counseling and on antidepressants. I had no idea she wasn't happy. She still hasn't told me anything she was unhappy about..her only thing is she was never in love with me. She used to call me the love of her life.She refuses to work on our marriage at all. I am still madly in love with her. I realized two weeks ago that I was critical at times or disrespectful, but it wasn't on purpose my eyes have been opened. I am very hurt that she would walk away without giving us a chance. Our kids are very upset and cry a lot because she's gone. Is there anything I can do to get her give it one more try? She acknowledged that I've made some changes and am working on myself, but that hasn't swayed her. I try to be upbeat and confident and fun when I'm around her now. We were going to dinners and hanging out as a family early on but she is still pursuing divorce and has slowed down on the shared time together. Please help me :(
She is probably having an emotional or physical affair and is re writing your history to justify it in her mind and ease her guilt.... that's my guess, good luck!
i hope this helps me out with my closest female friend :)
7:34
What if I already fucked up everything and I made her feel hopeless after the whole space thing
I met someone. We were friends. It became more. We went out on valentines. I gave her these gifts shes never recieved. Then she said she wanted space. She also said she thinks im tryina lovebomb her. But im just showing affection. I think her instincts are to not fall for any BS. But im for real. Ive done everything right. I think she just scared of falling in luv again. Maybe. Or idk. Fuck space tho lol
The perfect circus, we all think we are perfect or another person is
I get it but once again it's always about the woman's reality. No matter how you feel does not matter.