My 1 year old daughter just said her first words! She rapped the entire Hamilton musical! And she did the choreography! And the entire country started clapping! Then some government agents came and took her away for testing or something. Hopefully they'll give her back at some point.
Yesterday my little son told me in the middle of the night, “mother, why do people tell lies? Do they want approval from other people? Do they want to make laugh? Why? People should only lie with wholesome intentions.” My son was 3 days old
when i was almost one my mom got mad at me for throwing away her sweets. then i said "my dearest mother, those sweets are not healthy." Those were my first words. She started crying tears of joy and then everybody from our apartment building came in and clapped. Later, my mom died from natural causes and i was adopted by obama.
I went to a Michelle Obama concert once. She pulled me onto the stage and we sang classic 80s rock songs together. Then she looked at me and said, "keep the change, luv" in a posh British accent. I fainted and fell and then Gwen Stefani caught me and said, "I bet the oranges are burnt, huh?" I fainted and then I fainted. True story.
My daughters first words were literally "For me, despair is not a goal, or a set of principles, or a lifestyle, or even an instinct... It's what defines me-” Couldn’t be happier, even if she didn’t finish the sentence. I can tell little Junko will grow up to help so many people
One time I was singing in the bathroom in my school. I thought that I was alone but there was a bully in the stall next to the mirror who got on top of it and recorded me singing and post it on (insert social media) everybody in the school saw it and when they saw be the next day they started clapping and praising me saying how talented I was. Then Obama came over and offered me to sing at the white House. This took place in 2014 Now, I'm doja cat
So basicly my wife just gave birth to our hour old child and in the hospital he recited the entire book of the art of war and a bus behind us clapped like my hour year old knows this
Lukewarm Water Me first reply, me one year old and go to highschool and I can do algebra 1 I work for my mommy and me know how count money and I have credit card
well *ACTUALLY* my kids first words were “hey what’s up you guys, if you’re new to my channel, what’s up how’s it going?, and if you’re coming back what’s up? how’s it going? it’s very good to see you again.”
@@cance.dressing you get an extra greeting at the begining of every video.So subscribe to my channel...F O R A N E X T R A G R E E T I N G. F O L K S *CLAP*
I love how, like, it could have been super easily explained that like, "i honestly just never put it together," or, "I'm not really familiar with how Zip Codes work" could have worked. I'm 23 and I barely know my own home address...but then they jump the shark and go the amnesia route. It's perfect
OMG I'M SO PROUD OF HIM. As a fellow 5 year old parent, I know how hard it can be to raise your middle-aged children. It's such a hastle! Congratulations!
@@Akuma-qv5zi still wouldn't make sense even if the ages were switched, since women are unable to birth children after 50-51 or sometimes in their 40's.
no cap my mom was yelling at the delivery man and my dog physically said, "only I can yell at them!" and proceeded to transform into cinderella. All the dogs in the neighborhood escaped and barked in approval.
My sister did “technically” not talk until she was able to say phrases and names and shit, but it’s not like she was just brain dead for three years and then suddenly acquired the knowledge to speak sentences and stuff. She just didn’t like talking
My childs first words were actually: "Father, I find it saddening that our fellow human beeings feel so inadequate about themselves that they wouldn`t even lie about something they themselves accomplished but that they have to live out success through obvious make belief about their offspring." So yeah. Looking for an exorcist.
My 2 year old son was at a mcdonalds and the cashier told my son he's stupid and my son said "You made a mistake mortal, you do not know my power. I can invert your organs with my finger, I can destroy your life with moving my tiny eyes, your spine will collapse in 30 seconds if you do not apologize and give me the entire store for free.". Then everyone started clapping 😊
This morning, my 2 year old son saw a woman refusing to wear a mask in Del Taco, so he stood up and said 'Do not call me handsome, if you ain't gonna hand me some of that badonkydonk!' Everyone clapped and the barista gave us free cappuccinos for life! #proudmom
"Pull the plug!" "Shes not even on life support. There is no plug to pull." "Then put her on life support and pull the plug." One of my favorite lines, probably ever
I’m 14 years old and my 16 year old daughter just said her first words after I gave her her first beer and she said “The government is corrupt” she’s only 5
Wait until you watch "the disastrous life of Saiki kusuo", he was teleporting to shop groceries when 1 year old. In fact, he started talking when he was 1 month old. Its his parents writing these posts.
One time my mom was pregnant with me and the hospital gave her epidural, so she was a little loopy. Well she popped the baby out and when she was signing the documents as far as what name would be, I yelled and told her “Think of the consequences before you write anything down lady.”
I just picked up my dog from the shelter and I tried to take a picture of him with my phone and he said “mother, we don’t need smart phones. Just be in the moment
15:15 The first story (the yes I can one) honestly could be true. There are stories of kids who don’t talk until they’re older. Sometimes it’s because their parents fight a lot or sometimes because they just aren’t ready to talk. But they can talk in full sentences because they listen to others talking
but talking is more than listening and understand words. you still have to practice moving your mouth, tongue, throat, vocal chords, etc. like it's still a thing you have to practice. so sure they might say mutilple words in one "sentence" but it will be incoherent and rather garbled because they don't have the skills yet to properly control the sounds.
when my kid was a month old she recited the entire Bill Of Rights and the Constitution, and then obama showed up and awarded her the noble peace prize. kids are the greatest haha.
That pen pal one is so funny because he could've said, "oh, it was a pen pal service you sent the letters to, to protect everyone's privacy." But instead my guy just goes with amnesia.
Tbh atleast here were I am peps call ''penpals'' even through mail penpal-friends. So he could have easly ''corrected'' himself by saying ''oh there was no adress bc....'' Ore heck just ''well I am pretty stupid, somehow didn't noticed.'' Would have 100% worked for me tbh...
But you shouldn't really be able to pull the dumb card. They claim they were penpals for 30 YEARS. You mean you ain't moved, they ain't moved, or you havnt talked to your neighbor in all that time when both y'all have been living there. You don't realize your atleast 35 year old ass is writing almost the same address on an envelope twice?? Playing the dumb car would just straight up not work, maybe if you only think about it for like 5 seconds at the most, but any more than that and it's busted
I still can't believe how hilarious this dude is "Pull the plug" "She isn't on life support, there's no plug to pull" "Well put her on life support and then pull the plug"
One day I when I went to the swimming pool with my unborn child I asked her why she didn't speak yet. Then she turned and said "Ive been speaking for years. I am that pen pal you have been talking to ever since you were a child. You just had amnesia and couldn't remember." Then she did a fortnight dance and the pool manager exploded
Omg my 2 month old actually started babbling so i took out my camera and recorded her and she said "A 3.5-ounce (100-gram) serving of chicken breast provides 165 calories, 31 grams of protein and 3.6 grams of fat (1). That means that approximately 80% of the calories in chicken breast come from protein, and 20% come from fat." im such a proud mama!! unfortunately i tripped over frozen gluten free pancake mix and my phone flew out my hands and all the way to ibiza so its a shame i lost the video but im still a proud mama!
Omg rlly?! My son said the whole bee movie script, but when he was done my camera flew out of mii hands and down the stairs it deletep it self... 😟😞😖🙁😭😢😩😧😦😨😵😬😰😨😱😦🙁😔😒😕😲😳😨😖😟😖😖😨😤😢😭😬😠😡😞😧😧🤯
Today my paralysed deaf blind mute autistic premature 2 day old niece said her first word today (a miracle blessing from God). She said “phone bad book good” and started handing pancakes to homeless people on the floor after a hurricane while telling them to get jobs like the legless man who was using a book as an umbrella. Such an inspiring story ❤️ ❤️
My brothers first words were: *"Mother I would greatly appreciate if you would buy a baked good with lots of carbohydrates shaped as a circle please."*
My son was only a week old when he said "never gonna give you up,never gonna let you down,never gonna run around and desert you,never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye,never gonna tell a lie and hurt you" everyone in the neighborhood clapped.
Yesterday I heard my grandma say: “yo shawty wanna hit a lick?” And I was like “yo hell ya” Then we both snorted a massive amount of cocaine and my step grandpas ashes! Let me tell you...that lady knows how to yodel!
hey kurtis, i know this video is old and i know you won't see this but i'm a little too drunk to care about that right now but i just wanted to tell you that i am grateful that you make content because it's genuinely so comforting and it helps me so much through tough times i'm struggling with a lot personally and watching your videos makes my days just so much more brighter thank you so much for making all this content!!
So my son woke me up one night, in tears. I asked him why and he said, "why do people lie on the internet for clout instead of finding a hobby that could benefit mankind?" And then everyone in the starbucks clapped and the manager got arrested.
i love when someone makes a post lying and then someone else is like “it’s true!! i knew them blah blah” and the op is like “dude i was so obviously lying tf”
When my brother was -4 he came up to me crying, and when I asked him what was wrong he said that I'm on my phone too much. And then he turned into a whale and my dog ate him. I fed my phone to the dog and then he came back alive and everyone clapped. So the lesson is don't be on your phone too much also feed it to your dog.
Im 12 and my 14 year old son said his first words. They were "the cure for cancer is..." He didn't get to finish bc he died. He turns 15 this month. Ima get him a motorcycle.
my first words were: Союз нерушимый республик свободных Сплотила навеки Великая Русь. Да здравствует созданный волей народов Единый, могучий Советский Союз! Славься, Отечество наше свободное, Дружбы, народов надежный оплот! Знамя советское, знамя народное Пусть от победы, к победе ведет! Сквозь грозы сияло нам солнце свободы, И Ленин великий нам путь озарил. Нас вырастил Сталин - на верность народу На труд и на подвиги нас вдохновил. Славься, Отечество чаше свободное, Счастья народов надежный оплот! Знамя советское, знамя народное Пусть от победы к победе ведет! Skvoz grozy siialo nam solntse svobody, I Lenin velikij nam put ozaril. Nas vyrastil Stalin - na vernost narodu Na trud i na podvigi nas vdokhnovil. Slavsia, Otechestvo chashe svobodnoe, Schastia narodov nadezhnyj oplot! Znamia sovetskoe, znamia narodnoe Pust ot pobedy k pobede vedet! Мы армию нашу растили в сраженьях, Захватчиков подлых с дороги сметем! Мы в битвах решаем судьбу поколений, Мы к славе Отчизну свою поведем! Славься, Отечество наше свободное, Славы народов надежный оплот! Знамя советское, знамя народное Пусть от победы к победе ведет
Mine were : "I'm WAY too sleep deprived to deal with your negativity right now." And then everyone in Singapore came to my house and screamed as 456 Alexas played Africa by Toto.
I was playing with my 1 year old (F), and she said "this is your heart." So I said "what are you made of?"and she replied with " Water (35L), Carbon (20Kg), Ammonia (4L), Lime (1.5Kg), Phosphorus (800g), Salt (250g), Saltpeter (100g), Sulfer (80g), Flourine (7.5g), Iron (5g), Silicone (8g), and 15 traces of other elements!" Wow. Sometimes they teach you a thing or two!
When I was -1 I told my mom “mother, Speech is a human vocal communication using language. Each language uses phonetic combinations of vowel and consonant sounds that form the sound of its words (that is, all English words sound different from all French words, even if they are the same word, e.g., "role" or "hotel"), and using those words in their semantic character as words in the lexicon of a language according to the syntactic constraints that govern lexical words' function in a sentence. In speaking, speakers perform many different intentional speech acts, e.g., informing, declaring, asking, persuading, directing, and can use enunciation, intonation, degrees of loudness, tempo, and other non-representational or paralinguistic aspects of vocalization to convey meaning. In their speech, speakers also unintentionally communicate many aspects of their social position such as sex, age, place of origin (through accent), physical states (alertness and sleepiness, vigor or weakness, health or illness), psychological states (emotions or moods), physico-psychological states (sobriety or drunkenness, normal consciousness and trance states), education or experience, and the like.“ Then the people on the plane flying towards our building started clapping
Me first words were " According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. "
My baby said his first words at the young age of 2 months! The first thing he EVER said was “e=mc^2”! He grew up to be Leonardo Da Vinci. I’m so proud of him!!! 😊😊😊
I'm just picturing someone walking around clapping at random ass people for them to be inspired to make shitty unbelievable posts like these and ITS SENDING MEEE-
one time i was at the zoo. the animals all seemed so sad being kept in small enclosures. i knew this wasn’t the life for them so i released ALL the animals from their enclosures to live a good life. everyone started clapping and cheering! they all thought i was a hero and kept clapping!
Beast Burchett lol this is unrelated but once at the end of my school year we had to do a reflection of what we learned. i just answered “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” no cap
3:11 I love how obvious this moment makes the fact that Kurtis just got back from a nation-wide tour with Danny and Drew, cause that aggressive pointing and baby talk is such Danny humour I love it
One of my unfertilized eggs just said to me "Mother, I have decided after much deliberation that I desire to create commentary videos on the internet website known as 'RUclips' when I grow up" and then proceeded to recite the entirety of every Kurtis Conner video from memory. I'm so proud.
I feel like some of these are intentionally making fun of “everyone clapped” stories and were never meant to be taken seriously because there’s no way that fish story was meant to be believed
My first words were "The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start." Crazy right?
I would throw you away and run as fast as I could after filling the trash can you were in with holy water, cause you must’ve been the spawn of Satan. That thing gave me PTSD.
Gotta love how the mom in that scenario is just letting her kid throw junk food to these endangered fish, and the man doing his job and telling him to stop is the bad guy...
@@m0bz0mb38 most schools i know of still only have cameras in the hallways, not each classroom. that would be wayyy expensive, plus there’s not really a need to track a shooter by what classroom they’re in anyways
@@m0bz0mb38 Damn, how many classrooms are there and was it a public school? Can't imagine any public schools in America doing that. Not just using taxes to cover the cost of the cameras, the cost of running them every day, but also storing all the data and deleting it, etc. Someone gotta be paid to deal with all that footage...which will all be the same. But I live in a city, so all the schools in my area have a bunch of rooms, even the private schools. So just one camera in every room would be a lot of cameras and a lot of footage and a lot of electricity.
I was actually getting an eye surgery by face tune, and when the surgery was over a fish came outta nowhere and spit in my mouth. No cap. Please don’t call me a liar cause IM NOT.
My son's first words were "According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.Ooh, black and yellow!Let's shake it up a little.Barry! Breakfast is ready!Coming!Hang on a second.Hello?Barry?Adam?Can you believe this is happening?I can't.I'll pick you up.Looking sharp.Use the stairs, Your father paid good money for those.Sorry. I'm excited.Here's the graduate.We're very proud of you, son.A perfect report card, all B's.Very proud.Ma! I got a thing going here.You got lint on your fuzz.Ow! That's me!Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.Bye!Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!Hey, Adam.Hey, Barry.Is that fuzz gel?A little. Special day, graduation.Never thought I'd make it.Three days grade school, three days high school.Those were awkward.Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around The Hive.You did come back different.Hi, Barry. Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.Hear about Frankie?Yeah.You going to the funeral?No, I'm not going.Everybody knows, sting someone, you die.Don't waste it on a squirrel.Such a hothead.I guess he could have just gotten out of the way.I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day.That's why we don't need vacations.Boy, quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances.Well, Adam, today we are men.We are!Bee-men.Amen!Hallelujah!Students, faculty, distinguished bees,please welcome Dean Buzzwell.Welcome, New Hive City graduating class of 9:15.That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries!Will we pick our job today?I heard it's just orientation.Heads up! Here we go.Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times.Wonder what it'll be like?A little scary.Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group.This is it!Wow.Wow.We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life.Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to The Hive.Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey!That girl was hot.She's my cousin!She is?Yes, we're all cousins.Right. You're right.At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence.These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology.What do you think he makes?Not enough.Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman.What does that do?Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it.Saves us millions.Can anyone work on the Krelman?Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones.But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot.But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life.The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that.What's the difference?You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years.So you'll just work us to death?We'll sure try.Wow! That blew my mind!"What's the difference?"How can you say that?One job forever?That's an insane choice to have to make.I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life.But, Adam, how could they never have told us that?Why would you question anything? We're bees.We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth.You ever think maybe things work a little too well here?Like what? Give me one example.I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about.Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach.Wait a second. Check it out.Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!Wow.I've never seen them this close.They know what it's like outside The Hive.Yeah, but some don't come back.Hey, Jocks!Hi, Jocks!You guys did great!You're monsters!You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!I wonder where they were.I don't know.Their day's not planned.Outside The Hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what.You can't just decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that.Right.Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime.It's just a status symbol.Bees make too much of it.Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it.Those ladies?Aren't they our cousins too?Distant. Distant.Look at these two." I'm so proud of him 🥰
my little brother turns 1 year old today and surprisingly he also pronounced his first words today, they were: „Not content with real sufferings, the anxious man imposes imaginary ones on himself; he is a being for whom unreality exists, must exist; otherwise where would he obtain the ration of torment his nature demands?“ All my family clapped
DUDE about 15:20 that IS A THING that happens, however, it's like on a diferent scale, for example oomf talked for the first time at 5, after never saying a THING. iirc it was something along the lines of "[sister's name] stop talking i need to concentrate" keep in mind she did NOT say concentrate correctly, she was speaking the way 5 year old children talk normally.. except it was her first time.
My sweetie’s first words were: “My mommy, Karen, is the prettiest, most bestest mommy in the world! *_ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴠᴀᴄᴄɪɴᴀᴛᴇ ᴍᴇ... I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴀsʟᴇs, ᴀɴᴅ I’ᴍ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪᴇ_* .” I was going to disown her, but she died before I got the chance to.
My 1 year old daughter just said her first words! She rapped the entire Hamilton musical! And she did the choreography! And the entire country started clapping! Then some government agents came and took her away for testing or something. Hopefully they'll give her back at some point.
Hamilton LMAO
Best one yet
It's true, I was there.
Btw love your profile picture, happy Pride!
Lmfao dude holy shit
Btw I love that pfp. Happy pride month!!
@@jackkoscak8501 Happy Pride!! 🌈🌈
Yesterday my little son told me in the middle of the night, “mother, why do people tell lies? Do they want approval from other people? Do they want to make laugh? Why? People should only lie with wholesome intentions.” My son was 3 days old
My baby son is the fourth reincarnation of Kierkegaard 💁🏾♀️ do better
A A Aw shoot!! Man your son sounds Sick!! :0
seems legit
Oh that’s cute! I remember when my son said the exact same thing but with Gandhi quotes at only 78 minutes soooo.....
Daizy Xoxo what?!?! Ok I think you’ve got us beat lol
when i was almost one my mom got mad at me for throwing away her sweets. then i said "my dearest mother, those sweets are not healthy." Those were my first words. She started crying tears of joy and then everybody from our apartment building came in and clapped. Later, my mom died from natural causes and i was adopted by obama.
I'm sorry for your loss😥😢😰😨😱😓😥😢😨😴😴😪😢😢😰😓😪😰😵😰😮😵😳😯😑😨😨😭😓😓😪😢😵😓🤤😨😰😵😵😵😰😱😨😮😧😧😫😩☹️😣😖😔😔😒😒😔😟😟😢😢😰😰😰😲😐😶😯😳😢😓😞😞😞😞😔😖😣😣🙁😒😔😔😟😞😒😴😫😑😑🤧🤧🤧🤧🤔😭😓😪😨😰😱😰😴😰😨😮😵😵😲😲
😔😟😕🙁☹️🥺😩😫😖😣😢😭😤😠😡🥶🥵😳🤯😱🤬😨😰😥😥😓😭😤😠🙁🥺☹️😩🙁😫😕😖😟😣😔😢😟🙁😫🙁😩☹️😩😫☹️😖😕😖😟😣😟😖😫😫🙁😩🙁😩🙁🥺🥺ok
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I went to a Michelle Obama concert once. She pulled me onto the stage and we sang classic 80s rock songs together. Then she looked at me and said, "keep the change, luv" in a posh British accent. I fainted and fell and then Gwen Stefani caught me and said, "I bet the oranges are burnt, huh?" I fainted and then I fainted. True story.
@@SM-qv2om and then everybody clapped
My daughters first words were literally "For me, despair is not a goal, or a set of principles, or a lifestyle, or even an instinct... It's what defines me-” Couldn’t be happier, even if she didn’t finish the sentence. I can tell little Junko will grow up to help so many people
Uh oh
please put her down before she gets to high school
And then Monokuma clapped
@@TheNomad94 yep. Monokuma burst into the room and started clapping
Was gonna like, but you have 69 likes so I can't.
I texted Kurtis Conner and he texted me back and said I'm *his hero*
I FORGOT THAT THE VIDEO WAS ABOUT LYING ON THE INTERNET FOR A SEC AND THOUGHT THIS WAS REAL, BYE- 💀💀💀💀
*claps*
Wow this deserves an A pls class stand all up and clap
And the comment section clapped
Liar! No way that nobody clapped!
One time I was singing in the bathroom in my school. I thought that I was alone but there was a bully in the stall next to the mirror who got on top of it and recorded me singing and post it on (insert social media) everybody in the school saw it and when they saw be the next day they started clapping and praising me saying how talented I was. Then Obama came over and offered me to sing at the white House.
This took place in 2014
Now, I'm doja cat
WAIT IS THAT... THE OBAMAS?
And then everyone clapped.
You had me in the first half ngl
WHY DONT U SAY SOOOOO?
Holy shit Doja Cat I love you!!1!!!11
So basicly my wife just gave birth to our hour old child and in the hospital he recited the entire book of the art of war and a bus behind us clapped like my hour year old knows this
"hour year old"
That makes the comment even better
He knows a little more about fighting than you do pal!
The bus _itself_ Clapped
You can recognize a lie immediately when someone says “everyone started clapping” or something similar
what if it ended with "and everybody booed me"
@@zubetp then i'd believe it 💀
"and then I saved the world from an evil alien race and everybody booed me"
@@zubetp depends on what the reason behind the booing is
Yeah no that’s when I know damn well it’s satire
“I think I’d be murdered if I didn’t do an extra greeting.” You got that right #kurtisconnerisoverparty
Lukewarm Water Me first reply, me one year old and go to highschool and I can do algebra 1 I work for my mommy and me know how count money and I have credit card
@@mxlkbread7433 what the hell
vashta me no curse, that bad
Haha
@@mxlkbread7433 are you okay?
me: *wakes up from surgery*
me: where's kurtis?
doctor: who do you think gave you the extra greeting?
me: :,(
Eddieee this sent me omfg
who do u fink gave u the teef
Best comment I've seen in a long time 😅
Number one comment of all time, this needs to be pinned
This is everything to me
well *ACTUALLY* my kids first words were “hey what’s up you guys, if you’re new to my channel, what’s up how’s it going?, and if you’re coming back what’s up? how’s it going? it’s very good to see you again.”
@Molly Renee
mom?
And everyone started clapping
In order huh? Impressive
"...See what happened happens when you subscribe to my channel...."
@@cance.dressing you get an extra greeting at the begining of every video.So subscribe to my channel...F O R A N E X T R A G R E E T I N G. F O L K S *CLAP*
I love how, like, it could have been super easily explained that like, "i honestly just never put it together," or, "I'm not really familiar with how Zip Codes work" could have worked. I'm 23 and I barely know my own home address...but then they jump the shark and go the amnesia route. It's perfect
Also there are pen pal services that don’t disclose addresses and that would be SUCH a simple explanation
I’m 5 years old and my 57 year old son just said his first words, he said, “Minecraft good Fortnite bad”! I can’t believe it, he’s only 57
My headaches just reading that lol
lmfao
Well it it was switched saying I'm 57 and my son is 5 that would make a lot more sense so this one isnt so bad
OMG I'M SO PROUD OF HIM. As a fellow 5 year old parent, I know how hard it can be to raise your middle-aged children. It's such a hastle! Congratulations!
@@Akuma-qv5zi still wouldn't make sense even if the ages were switched, since women are unable to birth children after 50-51 or sometimes in their 40's.
"Pull the plug!"
"She's not on life support."
"Then put her on life support and then pull the plug!!"
The likes are at 666-
Ah yes, I too watched the video.
@Inaaya Rathur
Why do people comment things like this?
Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahagahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahajajjajajajahajahahahahah
@@sylviap837 3jjejwjwjw
no cap my mom was yelling at the delivery man and my dog physically said, "only I can yell at them!" and proceeded to transform into cinderella. All the dogs in the neighborhood escaped and barked in approval.
Damn. Really makes you think 🤔
I indeed was the neighborhood
It's true, I was the dog
@@jessicagutierrez6401 what the dog doin
its true, i was the mom
My sister did “technically” not talk until she was able to say phrases and names and shit, but it’s not like she was just brain dead for three years and then suddenly acquired the knowledge to speak sentences and stuff. She just didn’t like talking
My childs first words were actually: "Father, I find it saddening that our fellow human beeings feel so inadequate about themselves that they wouldn`t even lie about something they themselves accomplished but that they have to live out success through obvious make belief about their offspring."
So yeah. Looking for an exorcist.
Yesterday, my 64 year old said his first words in Latin. Yay
hows it going?
Omg this is so true, i was the baby
@@RG-rm6ih how did the exorcism go?
@@carmenmercedes9903 I heard it went good
the eye bit made me cry so hard that a whole bus drove past and clapped
JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA LPM
Dude that’s crazy the exact same thing happened to me
Are you lying too now?
@@wdse24 r/wooosh?
@@thegoods7011 double wooosh i was joking too
“Put her on life support and pull the plug”
I’m using this as a threat
Samesies
😂😂😂
i will actually start saying this
My 2 year old son was at a mcdonalds and the cashier told my son he's stupid and my son said "You made a mistake mortal, you do not know my power. I can invert your organs with my finger, I can destroy your life with moving my tiny eyes, your spine will collapse in 30 seconds if you do not apologize and give me the entire store for free.". Then everyone started clapping 😊
This morning, my 2 year old son saw a woman refusing to wear a mask in Del Taco, so he stood up and said 'Do not call me handsome, if you ain't gonna hand me some of that badonkydonk!' Everyone clapped and the barista gave us free cappuccinos for life! #proudmom
LMAOO
Omg so brave
@@rqyzilla1534 i see you in most of these comments this is amazing
It's true I'm the cashier
@@Vexlith I was the badonkydonk
"Pull the plug!" "Shes not even on life support. There is no plug to pull." "Then put her on life support and pull the plug."
One of my favorite lines, probably ever
Ikr
I’m 200% stealing that joke tho 😂
LOL
One of my favorite insults I've ever heard was "you look like if you took ugly Betty and multiplied her by holy shit"
I’m 14 years old and my 16 year old daughter just said her first words after I gave her her first beer and she said “The government is corrupt” she’s only 5
So wise
this story is touching.
that kid grew up to be Kurtis Conner
Are you- 🤢🤢 are you a-🤢🤢🤢 I cant even say it.. 🤢 are you assuming your child’s gender 🤢🤢🤢
Freckle Feather Why are you assuming I have a child
Wait until you watch "the disastrous life of Saiki kusuo", he was teleporting to shop groceries when 1 year old. In fact, he started talking when he was 1 month old.
Its his parents writing these posts.
“my son started walking on the ceiling when he was a baby”
I love that show ‼
Hel yeah saiki kusuo
yare yare.
HOLY SHIT!! WE FOUND HIM!
Today my 1 year old finally spoke, his words were "We live in a society-"
Im14andthisisdeep
@@ssssSTopmotion same bru
*This bitch empty*
My first words-
Get a load of this society
@@kermitthefrog459 call 911 immediately
When Kurtis forgot the folks and the extra greeting: :(
When Editing Kurtis remembered: :)
That extra greeting makes me happy :’)
when Kurtis puts glasses on : :)
aha get it like four eyes cause glasses
relief, am I right)
I can go without the "folks 👏", but not without my extra greeting! 🥺
Kyte VaNa 4 eyes lol
my first word was “mother my human form is limiting”
Mine too
aww! mine were "I crave a sacrifice to keep my physical form in this realm"
Mine was woo woo hoo woo. My parents were pretty concerned.
Mine was aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Idk what mine was but my brothers was fuck- should've seen it coming that he curses to much and is racist and sexist and uses the r slur
One time my mom was pregnant with me and the hospital gave her epidural, so she was a little loopy. Well she popped the baby out and when she was signing the documents as far as what name would be, I yelled and told her “Think of the consequences before you write anything down lady.”
fucked up that she went ahead and named you rosegoldpineapple936 anyway
That is true, I was the epidural
real i was the consequences
this is real i was the documents
Facts I was the mom
“I think I would... be murdered if I didn’t do the extra greeting”
ain’t that the truth
go sub 2 squeebie spider hes my friend and he hates sugar
grandma gammr hh hbhvhvh. h have to gyyy
h in hb un
Id like the comment but it has 666 likes
OwO UwU OwO yep i feel that
Such foreshadowing
I just picked up my dog from the shelter and I tried to take a picture of him with my phone and he said “mother, we don’t need smart phones. Just be in the moment
Ugh, your dog is so polite and understanding. The first time I met my cat, he only said: " get me out of here, dumbass, I want chicken nuggies "
Its true, i was the clapped
@@BoggDog sus
It’s true, I was the phone.
It’s true, I was the dog
Haha my cat's first words were "Sister, i require §ū§țāňåñčə," so cute!
@@iogdavhd4icafhvnonsense540 Dude it's a joke.
@@iogdavhd4icafhvnonsense540 😑
Dam my cats first word was woof, you have a way cooler cat
Have you tried putting your cat in rice
The first words of my cat were “FOOD CONSUMPTION T I M E”, I’m so happy for you 🥰😄
15:15 The first story (the yes I can one) honestly could be true. There are stories of kids who don’t talk until they’re older. Sometimes it’s because their parents fight a lot or sometimes because they just aren’t ready to talk. But they can talk in full sentences because they listen to others talking
but talking is more than listening and understand words. you still have to practice moving your mouth, tongue, throat, vocal chords, etc. like it's still a thing you have to practice. so sure they might say mutilple words in one "sentence" but it will be incoherent and rather garbled because they don't have the skills yet to properly control the sounds.
when my kid was a month old she recited the entire Bill Of Rights and the Constitution, and then obama showed up and awarded her the noble peace prize. kids are the greatest haha.
My kid IS obama
bobebo no way! My dog is also Obama!
Aww
Im obama's great great great great great great grandmother
Nobel* 🙃
That pen pal one is so funny because he could've said, "oh, it was a pen pal service you sent the letters to, to protect everyone's privacy." But instead my guy just goes with amnesia.
My Man forgot he uses a pen pal service, he has amnesia
Tbh atleast here were I am peps call ''penpals'' even through mail penpal-friends. So he could have easly ''corrected'' himself by saying ''oh there was no adress bc....''
Ore heck just ''well I am pretty stupid, somehow didn't noticed.'' Would have 100% worked for me tbh...
But you shouldn't really be able to pull the dumb card. They claim they were penpals for 30 YEARS. You mean you ain't moved, they ain't moved, or you havnt talked to your neighbor in all that time when both y'all have been living there. You don't realize your atleast 35 year old ass is writing almost the same address on an envelope twice?? Playing the dumb car would just straight up not work, maybe if you only think about it for like 5 seconds at the most, but any more than that and it's busted
@@maxbracegirdle9990Still would be a better option
Even the truth would have worked:
“I’m a fawkin’ idiot”
I still can't believe how hilarious this dude is "Pull the plug" "She isn't on life support, there's no plug to pull" "Well put her on life support and then pull the plug"
I saw the joke coming but the delivery was fucking amazing 🤣
One day I when I went to the swimming pool with my unborn child I asked her why she didn't speak yet. Then she turned and said "Ive been speaking for years. I am that pen pal you have been talking to ever since you were a child. You just had amnesia and couldn't remember." Then she did a fortnight dance and the pool manager exploded
Combustion at the pool? Smh my head that is so unprofessional #CancelHimOrHerOrThey(ILoveAllGenders)
*girl wakes up after surgery*
“where’s kurtis conner?”
“he didn’t tell you?”
“what?”
“who do you think gave you the facetune eyes?”
*girl begins crying*
:'-(
Then after that day, she prayed to her cross made out of pepsi
Then everyone in the hospital clapped 👏🏼 💯
Nagito Komaeda haha like if you v I b e d
"I need to go back to my roots" he says whilst forgetting to do his introduction 😂
Graci
I want to like but you’re at 420 so I can’t
Whilst😂
Omg my 2 month old actually started babbling so i took out my camera and recorded her and she said "A 3.5-ounce (100-gram) serving of chicken breast provides 165 calories, 31 grams of protein and 3.6 grams of fat (1). That means that approximately 80% of the calories in chicken breast come from protein, and 20% come from fat." im such a proud mama!! unfortunately i tripped over frozen gluten free pancake mix and my phone flew out my hands and all the way to ibiza so its a shame i lost the video but im still a proud mama!
Omg rlly?! My son said the whole bee movie script, but when he was done my camera flew out of mii hands and down the stairs it deletep it self... 😟😞😖🙁😭😢😩😧😦😨😵😬😰😨😱😦🙁😔😒😕😲😳😨😖😟😖😖😨😤😢😭😬😠😡😞😧😧🤯
What a blessing 👍😊
what a gift from our lord and savior, god straight from heven 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🥰🥰🥰 i give my blessings to you and your child 👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼
so blessed 🤩
omg my SON INVENTED RUNNING ACTUALLY
Today my paralysed deaf blind mute autistic premature 2 day old niece said her first word today (a miracle blessing from God). She said “phone bad book good” and started handing pancakes to homeless people on the floor after a hurricane while telling them to get jobs like the legless man who was using a book as an umbrella. Such an inspiring story ❤️ ❤️
I was the book and I can confirm the generosity your son showed, She was so kind. Truly a good man.
I was the autism. I can confirm
I was the deafness. I can confirm.
I can confirm about the inspiration that this story gives; I was the pancakes.
5:46 whenever Kurtis says "fishy" all I hear in my head is "fishy fishy fishy makin' it stinkeyy"
I was looking for a comment about this 😂😂😂
You're my hero
god i can hear him pressing the button for this on the soundboard now haha
Oop fish in the mouth
@@frogreadingabook I love your name
My brothers first words were: *"Mother I would greatly appreciate if you would buy a baked good with lots of carbohydrates shaped as a circle please."*
Is that an Odd1sOut reference
James ✋😌
Yes to both.
Dango G yes
Cuuki
Whenever Kurtis says “yeah dude?”, an angel gets its wings
I read that as soon as he said it😂
HOLY CAP!
This still slaps 4 years later. Thank you Kurt 🙏
My son was only a week old when he said "never gonna give you up,never gonna let you down,never gonna run around and desert you,never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye,never gonna tell a lie and hurt you" everyone in the neighborhood clapped.
wow 😍
I did not just get rickrolled by a fucking comment i-
Pfp checks out
And Rick Astley came and clapped
Yes
Yesterday I heard my grandma say:
“yo shawty wanna hit a lick?”
And I was like “yo hell ya”
Then we both snorted a massive amount of cocaine and my step grandpas ashes!
Let me tell you...that lady knows how to yodel!
LMAOOOO
Fluid went out of my nose laughing to this so thank you
KrunchyKat Anytime lmaoooo
This my friend, is a vibe
LITERALLY WHAT
everybody gangster until kurtis almost leaves us extra-greetingless
BAHAHAHAHAAH
Forreal I was about to unsubscribe
Honey Baby for real for real that was NOT what I subbed for 😤
the folks clap is what keeps me going ✊
he was about to lose every subscriber
hey kurtis, i know this video is old and i know you won't see this but i'm a little too drunk to care about that right now
but i just wanted to tell you that i am grateful that you make content because it's genuinely so comforting and it helps me so much through tough times
i'm struggling with a lot personally and watching your videos makes my days just so much more brighter
thank you so much for making all this content!!
kurtis: **literally forgets his intro**
also kurtis: oh yeah i need to go back to my roots
Yes
technically he didn’t have the extra greeting in his older videos so
So my son woke me up one night, in tears. I asked him why and he said, "why do people lie on the internet for clout instead of finding a hobby that could benefit mankind?" And then everyone in the starbucks clapped and the manager got arrested.
I assume the son was 1 month old.
Nah my one day year old child woke me up in tears when I fell asleep at the cafe and umm.. and um said that and everyone clapped and congrated me..
Bruh I said my first word at 2
That final sentence got me so good lol.
So moving 🙏🏼
Guys her eyes are obviously just from a surgery from a bad accident she had when she was 7 like it's a bit obvious y'all smh
Obviously. I got into a car accident last year and now I have anime eyes.
@I am a bot uwu thank you kind sir
@@clara-md3qp so sorry to hear. My cousin was mugged and hit in the face with a bat and now her eyes are massive anime style eyes after many surgeries
kurtis missing the satire on the second one and doing a play by play rant was the funniest thing ever 😭🫶🏽
“I’m as nakey as the day I was born!”
Kurtis was born with a necklace and a nose ring
And you weren't? Damn, that must suck
@@red_dickfigures Wait, everyone isn't born with a necklace and a nose ring?
@@nini-qu5hi yeah, that's what I was thinking
And inked
@@nini-qu5hi I wasn't, I was born with a mouth piercing and a choker, guess everyone is different
My baby's first word was:
"I'm proud to be born in Kurtistown"
My baby's first word was nothing cause he died in the womb
TKN_ASTRO is that a paw patrol pfp
TKN_ASTRO it is. that makes this 10x better
Chenle .mp4 HAHAHA you’re right
My baby's first word was "What's up Greg?"
i love when someone makes a post lying and then someone else is like “it’s true!! i knew them blah blah” and the op is like “dude i was so obviously lying tf”
Love those. I see them every time. It's true, I'm the tumblr text box, I see it all. True story
i like it when people are like "its true i was the floor"
It’s true, I was the story
When my brother was -4 he came up to me crying, and when I asked him what was wrong he said that I'm on my phone too much. And then he turned into a whale and my dog ate him. I fed my phone to the dog and then he came back alive and everyone clapped. So the lesson is don't be on your phone too much also feed it to your dog.
Im 12 and my 14 year old son said his first words. They were "the cure for cancer is..." He didn't get to finish bc he died. He turns 15 this month. Ima get him a motorcycle.
It’s true, I was the motorcycle.
its true i am the son
It's true I was the cure for cancer
Did he die in a motorcycle accident
It's true, I am cancer
(I just realized this was a pun because my sign is cancer)
My baby’s first words were:
The fitness gram pacer test is a multi stage aerobic capacity test...
Jackspedicey????
@@louise4815 lmao
I actually liked PE, but even I agree the pacer test SUCKS BALLS
Emily Jeska I still have to take the pacer test.
One of my friends got the record, but she CHEATED! We all saw it.
throw the whole baby away
I like how he glossed over the fact that one-year-olds can’t really talk
I was talking MUCH before one
Keira. ok well good for u lol
Keira. Right out of the womb definitely
@@keira.1377 I talked before one too, but I think they meant majority don't speak full sentences.
one year olds speak but not really in any coherent way yet
My 4 month old baby look at me, and then re-acted the entirety of Mischa Bachinski’s lines and his songs!!! I started crying and stuff!!!
This comment made me imagine a 4 month old going Mad wicked awesome
My first words as a baby were "comrade, let's abolish the government."
:O mine too
my first words were:
Союз нерушимый республик свободных
Сплотила навеки Великая Русь.
Да здравствует созданный волей народов
Единый, могучий Советский Союз!
Славься, Отечество наше свободное,
Дружбы, народов надежный оплот!
Знамя советское, знамя народное
Пусть от победы, к победе ведет!
Сквозь грозы сияло нам солнце свободы,
И Ленин великий нам путь озарил.
Нас вырастил Сталин - на верность народу
На труд и на подвиги нас вдохновил.
Славься, Отечество чаше свободное,
Счастья народов надежный оплот!
Знамя советское, знамя народное
Пусть от победы к победе ведет!
Skvoz grozy siialo nam solntse svobody,
I Lenin velikij nam put ozaril.
Nas vyrastil Stalin - na vernost narodu
Na trud i na podvigi nas vdokhnovil.
Slavsia, Otechestvo chashe svobodnoe,
Schastia narodov nadezhnyj oplot!
Znamia sovetskoe, znamia narodnoe
Pust ot pobedy k pobede vedet!
Мы армию нашу растили в сраженьях,
Захватчиков подлых с дороги сметем!
Мы в битвах решаем судьбу поколений,
Мы к славе Отчизну свою поведем!
Славься, Отечество наше свободное,
Славы народов надежный оплот!
Знамя советское, знамя народное
Пусть от победы к победе ведет
My first words were: "hey man I'm gunna tear your eyes out!"
Mine were : "I'm WAY too sleep deprived to deal with your negativity right now." And then everyone in Singapore came to my house and screamed as 456 Alexas played Africa by Toto.
Mine was, "Assemble dear comrades, we have to take over." Yeah, I am reborn as Karl Marx.
I was playing with my 1 year old (F), and she said "this is your heart." So I said "what are you made of?"and she replied with " Water (35L), Carbon (20Kg), Ammonia (4L), Lime (1.5Kg), Phosphorus (800g), Salt (250g), Saltpeter (100g), Sulfer (80g), Flourine (7.5g), Iron (5g), Silicone (8g), and 15 traces of other elements!" Wow. Sometimes they teach you a thing or two!
LMAO
at least now you know that if you ever die she will probably be able to bring you back with alchemy 😌😌
so smart 🤩
Why'd I say Fahrenheit for f next to 1yo. I don’t even use Fahrenheit I’m Canadian
@@maya-bx3vq it means female. Fahrenheit is F°
As someone who would definitely say “phones don’t belong at school” when they were a kid I can confirm that that lady’s son is a loser.
mood
Same lmao
Same
@@1sor1b her son is a lobster
@@1sor1b me too and i didn't question it
When I was -1 I told my mom “mother, Speech is a human vocal communication using language. Each language uses phonetic combinations of vowel and consonant sounds that form the sound of its words (that is, all English words sound different from all French words, even if they are the same word, e.g., "role" or "hotel"), and using those words in their semantic character as words in the lexicon of a language according to the syntactic constraints that govern lexical words' function in a sentence. In speaking, speakers perform many different intentional speech acts, e.g., informing, declaring, asking, persuading, directing, and can use enunciation, intonation, degrees of loudness, tempo, and other non-representational or paralinguistic aspects of vocalization to convey meaning. In their speech, speakers also unintentionally communicate many aspects of their social position such as sex, age, place of origin (through accent), physical states (alertness and sleepiness, vigor or weakness, health or illness), psychological states (emotions or moods), physico-psychological states (sobriety or drunkenness, normal consciousness and trance states), education or experience, and the like.“
Then the people on the plane flying towards our building started clapping
“Put her on life support and pull the plug!”
- kurtis conner 2019
yeah
Me first words were "
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. "
Gravity: *Why do I hear boss music*
Ya like jazz
*a t s u m u t h e b e e*
And makes a little honey too...
love that profile pic ✌️😭💕✨
My baby said his first words at the young age of 2 months! The first thing he EVER said was “e=mc^2”! He grew up to be Leonardo Da Vinci. I’m so proud of him!!! 😊😊😊
Nolan Dailey My child’s first words were mooooooo he grew up to be a cow, last month we gave him to a farm and everybody clapped
@@gingerbread9691 must've been delicious to eat your own kid and drink his nice nice milk
It was Einstein's formula...
@@mynameisnotlisa r/woooosh
@@mynameisnotlisa r/woooooooooosh
I would have believed the "I'll go to work for you" one if it was said by a 5 year old but a 1 year old?
All these stories are true, I was there clapping
Well I'm the one that gave Curtis all these stories in this video & everyone in the comments sent me 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽😂
I'm just picturing someone walking around clapping at random ass people for them to be inspired to make shitty unbelievable posts like these and ITS SENDING MEEE-
👏👏👏
Girliejax i think ur lying 🤥 🤔
You know, your comment really changes context depending on what definition of "clapping" you mean
'I'm as naked as the day I was born' Kurtis was born with a chain and a nose piercing confirmed
Yeah I mean weren’t you?
*nakey
bay anslie correction nakey
and all of his tattoos
And tattoos
“There are no security cameras in schools”
*Cries in American*
STARKID
Chandler Animated YES
I got confused for a sec cuz I was like ...uh yeah there are
@@ef4253 Not in the actual classroom. Just the halls. They can't put any in the classrooms.
Atomic Duck556 they put them in classrooms in my school
that kid praying at the pibb cross really took "and i pray to my fountain of slush" to a whole new level
one time i was at the zoo. the animals all seemed so sad being kept in small enclosures. i knew this wasn’t the life for them so i released ALL the animals from their enclosures to live a good life. everyone started clapping and cheering! they all thought i was a hero and kept clapping!
I remember that!
and they continued to clap as the animals began eating them. you are a hero!
It’s true, I was the turtles
it's true i was the zoo
It's true, I was the stomach acid digesting the humans
Mom:he’s saying his first word
Baby:m-m-mitochondria is the power house of the cell
This made my morning. Thank you.
Gosh dang it
And everybody clapped
The mighty nugget Never lies but you never lie!
do people actually find this funny
My babies first word was actually “The Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”
Beast Burchett lol this is unrelated but once at the end of my school year we had to do a reflection of what we learned. i just answered “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” no cap
Isn’t that everyone’s
I said every word in the dictionary when I was 4
this was by far the best comment i’ve ever seen
I-
"i need to go back to my roots."
*forgets the extra greeting*
*forgets the 'folks *clap*'*
hmmmm
When Kurtis is so disoriented after tour that he almost forgets the extra greeting
yeah
So true, poor Kurt =(
I died at “You’re my hero.”
Honestly I died when Kurtis entered the screen. That man has perfected the art of satire bits.
I'm yer 1k like :)
3:11 I love how obvious this moment makes the fact that Kurtis just got back from a nation-wide tour with Danny and Drew, cause that aggressive pointing and baby talk is such Danny humour I love it
One of my unfertilized eggs just said to me "Mother, I have decided after much deliberation that I desire to create commentary videos on the internet website known as 'RUclips' when I grow up" and then proceeded to recite the entirety of every Kurtis Conner video from memory. I'm so proud.
She got angry so she ran off on a tampon, it’s true, she’s at the dumpster rn playing cards with the rats 💕
It's true I'm the egg
Would you just, have to keep on birthing children until that specific egg is fertilized? Is it like the 22 convention where you have unlimited babies?
This is true i was the table
Nah bro even the virgins be having periods adding periods at the end of sentences 😭😭😭💀
I feel like some of these are intentionally making fun of “everyone clapped” stories and were never meant to be taken seriously because there’s no way that fish story was meant to be believed
i hope so hahaha
Kurtis Conner you got wooshed my guy
That’s the only one though. I can totally see the rest being “true”.
@@HotStrangethe amnesia pen pals is too stupid to not be a joke
Haha yes that one was definitely a shit post
My first words were "The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start."
Crazy right?
I would throw you away and run as fast as I could after filling the trash can you were in with holy water, cause you must’ve been the spawn of Satan. That thing gave me PTSD.
Your birth sounds like a terrifying experience
@@lune4089 same. That kills the heck out of me
"Kids who don't speak until they can recite an entire lengthy ad are the fucking best."
We called it just beep test in school. And we wanted to kill the teacher
1:10 it was a close one
I know a kid whos first words were a sentence, but they had like serious issues and it was also at 8 years old lol
😲
😛
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what are these replies
they had us in the first half, not gonna lie.
Gotta love how the mom in that scenario is just letting her kid throw junk food to these endangered fish, and the man doing his job and telling him to stop is the bad guy...
Well, the fish was the one who determined that tho! If a fish squirts water on you, that's it 🤷🏾♀️
You also gotta love how Kurtis doesn't know classrooms have cameras lmao
*Well I guess he was before columbine so ig that makes since
@@m0bz0mb38 most schools i know of still only have cameras in the hallways, not each classroom. that would be wayyy expensive, plus there’s not really a need to track a shooter by what classroom they’re in anyways
@@nosebledd 🤷♀️the school I went to had a camera at the back of each classroom and in the hallways and outside the building
@@m0bz0mb38 Damn, how many classrooms are there and was it a public school?
Can't imagine any public schools in America doing that. Not just using taxes to cover the cost of the cameras, the cost of running them every day, but also storing all the data and deleting it, etc. Someone gotta be paid to deal with all that footage...which will all be the same.
But I live in a city, so all the schools in my area have a bunch of rooms, even the private schools. So just one camera in every room would be a lot of cameras and a lot of footage and a lot of electricity.
"oh my God, pull the plug"
"Wh... She's not even on life support, she-"
"WELL THEN PUT HER ON LIFE SUPPORT AND PULL THE PLUG"
I lost it at this point 😂😂😂
Whaaattt, we watched the same video, no way
@@delraveravioli5264 I'm just saying that this part was funny.. lol
Kurtis seems like the type of person to wash his hair with a bar of soap and have it still look awesome
kurtis turning his jokes into long-extended skits for EACH JOKE is what makes him the best channel on this app
well yeah, cause if he didn't have them this would just be the subreddit
r/thathappened, lol.
JustTheWarning he could still tell his jokes w/o including the skits....
i agree ☝🏻
Oop
exactly
“Never heard of cameras in classrooms “
Cries In public school
gaby s my school only have them in hallways
Only classes with special needs kids are supposed to have cameras
Cries in American
I'm around the same age as Kurtis and my public school's classrooms never had security cameras in them. *cries bc I'm getting old asf*
gaby s WE HAVE CAMERA IN THE BATHROOM
I was actually getting an eye surgery by face tune, and when the surgery was over a fish came outta nowhere and spit in my mouth. No cap. Please don’t call me a liar cause IM NOT.
Sister Adalynn cap
peyton revy yeah that’s like the whole point🤨😎😬🙄
Its true i was tbe fish, and everyone clapped
-Cri- -Baby- I remember you. I was the face tune surgeon and I was clapping
Yeah I was there, I was the face thne doctor
My daughter is almost 2. Her most comprehensible sentence was "Mummy is here". First one is, without any doubt, a lie.
My son's first words were "According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.Ooh, black and yellow!Let's shake it up a little.Barry! Breakfast is ready!Coming!Hang on a second.Hello?Barry?Adam?Can you believe this is happening?I can't.I'll pick you up.Looking sharp.Use the stairs, Your father paid good money for those.Sorry. I'm excited.Here's the graduate.We're very proud of you, son.A perfect report card, all B's.Very proud.Ma! I got a thing going here.You got lint on your fuzz.Ow! That's me!Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.Bye!Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!Hey, Adam.Hey, Barry.Is that fuzz gel?A little. Special day, graduation.Never thought I'd make it.Three days grade school, three days high school.Those were awkward.Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around The Hive.You did come back different.Hi, Barry. Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.Hear about Frankie?Yeah.You going to the funeral?No, I'm not going.Everybody knows, sting someone, you die.Don't waste it on a squirrel.Such a hothead.I guess he could have just gotten out of the way.I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day.That's why we don't need vacations.Boy, quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances.Well, Adam, today we are men.We are!Bee-men.Amen!Hallelujah!Students, faculty, distinguished bees,please welcome Dean Buzzwell.Welcome, New Hive City graduating class of 9:15.That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries!Will we pick our job today?I heard it's just orientation.Heads up! Here we go.Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times.Wonder what it'll be like?A little scary.Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group.This is it!Wow.Wow.We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life.Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to The Hive.Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey!That girl was hot.She's my cousin!She is?Yes, we're all cousins.Right. You're right.At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence.These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology.What do you think he makes?Not enough.Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman.What does that do?Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it.Saves us millions.Can anyone work on the Krelman?Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones.But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot.But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life.The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that.What's the difference?You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years.So you'll just work us to death?We'll sure try.Wow! That blew my mind!"What's the difference?"How can you say that?One job forever?That's an insane choice to have to make.I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life.But, Adam, how could they never have told us that?Why would you question anything? We're bees.We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth.You ever think maybe things work a little too well here?Like what? Give me one example.I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about.Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach.Wait a second. Check it out.Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!Wow.I've never seen them this close.They know what it's like outside The Hive.Yeah, but some don't come back.Hey, Jocks!Hi, Jocks!You guys did great!You're monsters!You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!I wonder where they were.I don't know.Their day's not planned.Outside The Hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what.You can't just decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that.Right.Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime.It's just a status symbol.Bees make too much of it.Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it.Those ladies?Aren't they our cousins too?Distant. Distant.Look at these two." I'm so proud of him 🥰
Wow! He said that all at just 3 billion thousand day-years old? You must be so proud
wow!! thank you saiki! using ur psychic powers for good I see :D
Is this...the bee movie script...I love this 😂😂😂
You like Jazz?
He’s smoking that good stuff
when your baby's first sentence is the declaration of independence
Lmao
I do declare -Michael Scott -baby
Hate when that happens
What a weird sentence to read while high
The Declaration of Independence is not a sentence
my little brother turns 1 year old today and surprisingly he also pronounced his first words today, they were: „Not content with real sufferings, the anxious man imposes imaginary ones on himself; he is a being for whom unreality exists, must exist; otherwise where would he obtain the ration of torment his nature demands?“
All my family clapped
Its true I was the family pet
True story, I could hear it from the freezer (I’m those stale waffles in their)
Yeah, I clapped too. I was the flea in the family pet.
i was the dead bathtub flea, it’s true
yes its true. i was the toilet water
DUDE about 15:20 that IS A THING that happens, however, it's like on a diferent scale, for example oomf talked for the first time at 5, after never saying a THING. iirc it was something along the lines of "[sister's name] stop talking i need to concentrate" keep in mind she did NOT say concentrate correctly, she was speaking the way 5 year old children talk normally.. except it was her first time.
“Pull the plug!”
“She’s not on life support”
“Then put her on life support and pull the plug!” 😂 😂 😂
That one made me laugh real hard.. 😂😂😂
Woah, too bad this wasn't in the video and that we didn't hear this joke sooner!
“Then put her on life support and pull the plug” IM ACTUALLY WHEEZING
You have 69 subscribers itz mee
I died lmao
Itz mee I’m getting this tattooed 😂
My baby's first words were "What's up, how's it goin?"
And his second words were "What's up, how's it goin?"
Then everyone in Kurtistown clapped
What a beautiful true story that definitely really happened 😂😂😂
I hope you subscribed to your baby for those second words.
@@megamozaik How do you think I got him to say them in the first place
That really happened, I was the baby's diaper..
All the folks* in Kurtistown clapped
As a gay, disabled, black woman, I am appalled that people would lie on the internet for attention or clout.
My sweetie’s first words were: “My mommy, Karen, is the prettiest, most bestest mommy in the world! *_ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴠᴀᴄᴄɪɴᴀᴛᴇ ᴍᴇ... I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴀsʟᴇs, ᴀɴᴅ I’ᴍ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪᴇ_* .”
I was going to disown her, but she died before I got the chance to.
This made me very happy
@@lordsnek *sigh*
@@therealslimshitty5186 Yeah I know I'm taking things literally, sorry.
Dang man
Lord SNEK You do be kinda right doe. 😰