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Reacting to: 25 yr Old Socially Awkward Virgin Seeks Help!
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- Опубликовано: 28 июн 2021
- Todays request comes from a young man looking working as a software developer, making $10,000 a month, looking for feedback on his socially awkward way of living, and dating women. Lets see if we can help him out...
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#Anxiety #Virgin #Dating
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Gabe Zolna is the most interesting man ever
Hey Rich reposting a reply here in case the dude comes by. There's some constructive criticism for you too. He's considering lying because he has nothing interesting to say and where it comes to being a virgin Richard failed to adequately answer the question. He said the what (you don't have to tell her you're a virgin or justify it to anyone) but not the how: don't lie, imply. Don't answer the question of how many partners if it comes up (you never want to answer that question directly anyway). Redirect suggestively and keep her guessing. "Probably less than you but I rather not know for sure" is a good default answer for you. It's totally true and if you do it well she'll think you're lying. She will find out later (can't fake experience, but you can and should ask if she is enjoying whatever it is you're doing, within reason). But hey, by then you won't be a virgin anymore 😉 Good luck!
Replying to David Rogers who said "Some gal is going to roll thi$ kid": Yeah, that is a good point. If you're seeing this DO NOT FALL IN LOVE! Treat them as frenemy plates to be spun in parallel for at least 5 years until you have the experience to begin to tell the difference. That's how you really fuck up your life. And trust me, even then we all can still get played sometimes...
At least he has the courage to do something about it
That's half the problem solved. Just needs to implement the feedback. Keep it up dude!
Pretty sure he's a late bloomer, he's already settled and has a very advantage height, never too late
yup, its only men who have to do something about if if they want to have any success or results in their dating life, not women though
Rich wrote this letter himself. It's made up.
25 is not old…he can change his fate. 💪🏼
Seen guys in their 70’s who have been blue pilled betas all their life….it’s horrible !
for real i see older betes too and its honesty just heartbreaking lol
70 year old virgins? Lmao man that would basically be hell
25 is old. We have to stop telling people that they have time. People in their mid 30s are still lost because society does not educate the youth to show a sense of urgency when you enter adulthood
@@exandious867 soooo true
@@WeaponryFitness22 25 is not old, but I do get your point in developing a sense of urgency. Life comes at you FAST so having to something and take care of it quickly will pay dividends
Social awkwardness and social anxiety has literally stolen this man's life. Sad.
Not stolen it, just delayed it. These things can be overcome, if he works towards it.
His life is not over. He's still young and in his physical prime. If he makes a huge turnaround he can definitely become high value before his 30's.
he's only 25 lmao
Hahaha, give him 5 years he's gonna put us all to shame. Plus, these years he lost were always going to be the hardest for a young guy who is socially awkward in the modern age. He'll be just fine.
He could do something about it like taking antidepressants
He needs to look at the positives. He has probably dodged a lot of bullets and as long as he starts from now he is still ahead of the game
His situation is not that bad. He's young, attractive and makes decent income. His life is pretty much the same as mine except I'm 50 and have no real skills. I'm also partially disabled which I can't do physical work like I used to. I'm trying to change. And I can say this. It seems like yesterday that I was 25. I used to be in pretty good shape and worked out all the time. But I screwed up my life by sleepwalking through life. I went to bed at 25 in good shape and I woke up at 50 with no skills and partially disabled scratching my head wondering how I got here. The older you get the faster time goes. This guy needs to get on track like rapidly cause if you think it's hard changing at 25 just try it at 50 Don't make the same mistake as me
The best time to plant a tree is 20+ years ago. The second best time is now. Good luck in your journey it's never too late
This just made me tear up. I'm afraid I'm following in the same path. It's just worse, because I know it's happening and still do nothing.
respect
Hey man, props to you for sharing your story. I believe at the age of 50 some things are harder to do, but make the rest of your life the best of your life.
@@FearlessMindset thanks. I'm trying. I like telling young men about my mistakes hoping they won't do what I did. I'd love to give a tedex talk to a audience of young men. I'd scarre them straight
It sounds like his social anxiety has actually protected him from the greatest mistake most men make. At his age he should be about 1/2 way though his first marriage and about 6 years away from having most of his 5-10K taken in the form of alimony and child support.
@Tim Barrett my situation is pretty much same I'm 19 also.
The US Marines completely destroyed the social anxiety I had.
With all the 'woke' shit, CRT propaganda and anti-male garbage pushed now within the U.S. federal govt. and military branches, I think this would make his anxiety probably worse
Next on my check list join the marines
@@gman8042 i dont think the rank and file marines are down with the bullshit
Semper Fi!
@@gman8042 Marines is like the only branch left that is not infested with all that SJW shit. However that could change soon.
Dude has some ball to seek help. Many just let things be the way they are.
The OP is a great example of what it takes to be high net worth. Have a heart of gold, have a solid vision, have virtually no vices and work with intense focus and passion 12 hours a day for years on end.
Seems like a guy who'll be incredibly successful in the future
This guy is in his own head way to much. My advice take more chances and think less, and 25 isn't old.
My tip for people to overcome Social anxiety is too move far from your home town were people recognize you. Next is to practice human interactions with random people, and don't go full head on after the "beauty of the block". Also don't be obsessed with Platonic passions to very attractive women...they usually go after males with already strong personalities and good assets. There are plenty of other nice women around.
Solid statements
@@MrFloneil when I started to ignore attractive women, and look at them as "random" women, I felt a signifying difference around them. Some started to be as friends, and I started to realize, some very attractive women had few straight male friends, due to some of them crossed the line trying to flirt. Also, having very attractive women as friends, tend to leave a huge impression on other women, as a sign of confidence. Nowadays I don't "lose time" trying to date those type of women, also in the long run, you have to deal with the constant flirting of random guys, and her superiority look, knowing how they are so desired.
@@RogerM88 gem, thanks
@@bugrilyus as an example. I met one of the cutest and nicest girls I ever knew. She was a foreign to the city at the time, and I helped her in the adaptation. She was that type of girl that smiled every time you talked, even if your content was boring. After some time, I was with a friend and she passed by us, and I talked to her for some time, the guy was so obsessed with how nice she was, you almost saw the instant love look in his eyes. He started to be a little too flirty, while the girl was just trying to be nice. After she left, the dude, wouldn't shut up about her, and why I had to bring her to some coffee so we could talk all three more time.
@@jorgez.e3111 These Media brainwashing that "nice guy has to try dating the hot chick", getting quiet annoying. There are plenty of girls without that Model magazine body, but way better in all other aspects. Also sexual attraction and passion tends to go away after a while...love, companion and friendship are what holds with time. I had a very attractive girlfriend, but in terms of personality we were so incompatible, that some times I wouldn't even feel that sexual attraction or desire to be near her. Had a colegue of mine with a "smoking hot show", and the guy was getting nuts with jealousy, since his girlfriend was a very friendly person and was flirted all the time by random dudes.
1" Software developer, 2"self employed, 3" self taught!!!, 4" 10k a month!!!
This is literally what im working towards now teaching my self code so i can freelence.
This guy has a great start from my point seeing he is doing what i want to do.
Yeah same here XD
this is what I do. it took me 4 years. i also left the USA with remote income because western woman are just terrible compared with eastern europe. good luck
@@perfection9669 Yea western culture is slowly seaping its way into everything.
Im in jamaica and the girls here are following everything american girls do..
Don't recommend relationships with them at all
@@camronthaxter3491 yes its very bad. you pretty much need to move to a non English speaking country now to escape. i chose Ukraine it has it own set of issues but its worth for me IMO. either way working remote will save you a ton of headaches dealing with bad people in the workplace! get on it!
@@perfection9669 Facts bro🙏
Top 5-10% height and making about double the average for his age group. Homie just was overthinking things and/or had bad/no role models. It was the same for me until I was nearly 24 only I didn’t have his height nor his income until I was a bit older. He’ll be alright.
he just needs to hit the gym he will get confidence
Some gal is going roll thi$ kid ... Pick him clean ... Real player going to smell him a mile away .
@@davidrodgers9558 Yeah, that is a good point. If you're seeing this DO NOT FALL IN LOVE! Treat them as frenemy plates to be spun in parallel for at least 5 years until you have the experience to begin to tell the difference. And trust me, even then we all still fuck up sometimes...
True I am not his height and i am minimum wage at 24, but applying for colleges, i dropped out because of depression, but i am better now and ready to mingle again and build a future.
But i have learned to handle women and i am fairly confident and i chose a manual labour job to stay fit while I am applying for colleges
@@Gaphalor .. sigh ... Never forget ..nice guys finish last ... Sucks are mother's lied to all men/sons .. It's all about Them.... All the time.. Stay out of Their way.. ? ... Peace
I was that guy 8 years ago.
He just needs to put himself in social settings & practice talking. Bars, clubs, or just approach people (time & place) 👀
what do you do if you if you are alone and you go to clubs?
I am dealing with social anxiety now but going to a club or bar alone makes me feel even worse.
@@FryCook87 you can go to a club by yourself
Shit even going out for walks to local parks, trails, hikes works, etc.
@@devinscott8680 where do I find hiking trails?
@@FryCook87 Don't let those guys give you bad advice.
Going to a club alone is a TERRIBLE idea, if you are socially anxious. NOTHING will happen. I did it multiple times, you will just stand around awkwardly and feel more awkward every minute. Noone will talk to you or approach you.
If you live in a country where people go to bars alone, sit at the bar, talk to the barkeeper and to other guests, that's what I would try to do every other night.
In lots of countries though, you go to bars in groups, then just skip that.
Skip walks, hikes etc, because those are ALONE lol!
Skip approaching random people because you basically won't have the courage to. And it doesn'T make sense.
Try out different hobbies which aren't done by yourself. You're into running? Run with a running group. Dancing is great ((!!!!!!)) for getting used to touch, talk, flirt and move with girls. (it's basically the best you can do). Go to language courses, go to soccer, tennis, crossfit clubs. Gym is also good, but takes a bit more effort to get into contact because usually people do it on their own or with their buddy.
The best is of course university and workplace, just start asking people things. About their weekend, how they are feeling or if you don'T know something, ask for where things are, how to do things.... what they are doing for lunch (usually they will invite you then) or just say "hey, I'd like to go to this place for lunch, you want to join?"
Ugh, I'm 25 and struggled with SA my whole life. What helps me get over SA is to remember how seldom people think of you. Everybody is in their own world.
how does that work? I mean, of course you don't think of me, but all the people you are interacting with, are by definition thinking of you while you are interacting.
💯💯💯
Another way of saying it is that “nobody really cares” so you can do what you want. Nobody focuses on your screw ups or thinks about it for more than two seconds.
@@jemand8462we’re our own worst critics. Be kind to yourself.
Looking at the title of this video, it seems like it was tailor made for me.
And I didn't even have to pay for it!
its called successful targeted advertising for a youtube channel
He wrote the letter himself. You can see that he has word open as a user.
Thank you, this is what I needed to hear. I definitely agree with the keeping your self in bubble wrap, I’m 21 and haven’t experienced shit like going out with friends and doing fun or excited stuff as well as personal development
@Agis Atleast we realize the issue and can do something about it, we have time we’re young. But we have to do it
bro I had my first GF at age 24, she was 21 and I was also her first. Its not as uncommon as people think. Just work on yourself, Pursue excellence, and they will come.
Im 26 btw, this wasn't in the 50s.
@@famus801 I'm 32, and sadly, in the same boat. I'm still somewhat young, but let me be evidence to you 10 years down the road that this ship ain't gonna right itself, if all you do in your free time is stay inside on the computer or phone. This isn't an anime where a random magical girl will crash into your life and whisk you away to adventure. We gotta be our own magical girls. That sounded weird but I'll keep it.
guys, never compare your experience to some young, attractive girl experience. for example for a guy to be able to travel he have to become good earner, for her it's enough to accept proposal in her dm's.
The kid is too much into his own head, bro just relax and enjoy your life, YOU ARE THE SHIT, you make good money, smart, charismatic, successful, good looking, dog you are overthinking make moves and be happy with your decisions. Don't over plan shit. The poor guy was raised by a single mom and probably just needs a fatherly figure.
I was in a similar position when I was younger, and spending 2 years traveling across Asia absolutely solved the s**t out of it. I worked through all the cringe stuff with people I will never see again. Many social anxiety stuff can be solved by pushing through it
Thank you Rich. "You don't need anybody's permission". That's the very point. To me, that's the most difficult thing to understand in that situation. One is unwittingly, permanently trying to stick to old rules to keep feeling somehow safe.
At 25 he can easily turn this around. At least he knows he has a problem.
I play these videos for my teenage son to undo some of the pussification damage i caused him via single motherhood
I had the exact same problem. Unable to solve it for 4-5 years. Finally realized that I was just sleep walking through life because of my anxiety and social awkwardness. Women are not the problem in these cases. First create your life in a way that it doesn't needs women (like hobbies and a long term purpose). Then you will finally have the confidence to include women in your life.
I know where this guy is coming from. I had very high anxiety doing anything, even just going out in public. What I have found is that the stuff that gives me the most anxiety, usually is the stuff I find I enjoyed the most. The higher the anxiety, the more I enjoyed it. Now I seek out stuff that gives me anxiety.
Disclaimer: I am not talking stupidly dangerous stuff (let's drive the car into oncoming traffic) or about illegal stuff (let's go hunt homeless people). Don't be stupid.
what are you talking about then? Give us some examples. And how do you overcome the anxiety to even start doing these things and get the reward of liking it?
I hope he don't fall in love with that 1st one that gets him off
He will, we all did but hopefully she breaks his heart sooner rather than later.
I'm worried about that too....t happened to me and it was brutal.
I wish I could have a half-hour to talk with this dude and give him some advice and pitfalls to avoid.
@@Michael_Wright I reckon if he’s familiar enough with RP to ask help he must be aware of clear warnings.
I lost 10 years failing at that game. Woke up one day 39 and completely alone. It doesn’t take much to end up in purgatory and the amount of heavy lifting required to get out at this age is a serious problem. Here’s hoping this young guy gets it right!
"I'm over 6 feet tall, very good looking. have a successful independent career, earn 6 figures and could potentially live anywhere I want as a digital nomad. MY LIFE SUCKS! PLEASE HELP!"
Hmmmmm ... ok, we never really know what it means to actually be in someone else's shoes, but when some of these guys write in with sob stories then rattle off statistics that actually put them in the top 3% or less of guys anywhere, I can't help but think that they are taking the piss just a little bit. :)
You'd be surprised. If you never go out, don't have any friends or gf. You're bound to learn a skill and be really good at it at some point. But fixing the rest isn't that easy, trust me.
Everything comes at a cost. Everything.
This guy spent his entire life learning software so that he could get a high paying job. At the cost of his social life and life experiences.
He's to smart for his own good. I was like this, it took me forever to realize I was sabotaging myself in these situations. Time, he needs time and probably some more life experience, so going out and doing things will benefit him the most. Go fail miserably at 10 dates and relationships. Most importantly is to not pressure himself to what he thinks society wants from him. Also take a chance and just go for the things he is thinking he wants to do.
35, struggling with medical problems caused by domestic abuse from single mum.
Unemployed, rock bottom.
Unsure how on earth to rectify it.
I feel ya man, I'm 22 turning 23 soon and I'm unemployed, rock bottom, dropped out of college and don't know how to manage my emotions
I’m 22 and he sounds like me though I’m cutting the umbilical cord now. I have strong disdain for beta father who taught me nothing and is a plow horse for the wife; has no hobbies or friends; lives a meager worthless existence.
This idiotic world makes people think that adult virginity is socially awkward. We’re the real idiots here.
12:00 I just picked up my dad's old guitar... some chick bought it for him when he was dating a while back. Started copying a tune I heard a few days ago that I liked... and I'm obsessed. Spending all my free time playing the same 8-second section over and over trying to master it... next step is to call some old work friends that play guitars, maybe they can show me a thing or two...
You really hit the nail on the head with getting hobbies. Can't ever form genuine confidence if you know you're a boring, failing man. You have to at least be working on something you're proud of - and some crap temporary job out of college isn't going to give you that.
Couldn't have covered this topic any better. I had the exact same problem a few years ago, getting out and doing stuff was the fix. What also helped was putting myself in sink or swim situations to force yourself to do the things that scared me or things I didn't want to do.
Video games are the worst thing to get into, they are an addiction
The way this guy thinks is just too negative. He seriously asked if he is romantically damaged for the rest of his life because of lack of experiences growing up😂 Dude is veryy very negative🤦🏻♂️ He gotta realize hes 25, his life is all in his hands
33 and a virgin, i just dont care enough to lose it. Employed, live on my own, have insurance, a 401k and its union protected, id rather be by myself than share it with a woman who just wants stuff
The fuck? Having sex isn’t the same as marriage dude. Use your insurance to go to therapy. I am sure you got issues that are preventing you from your full potential for n life. 33 is way too old to be a virgin. Latest to lose that is early twenties. Latest.
@@DarkKnight-yz2wg not everyone wants a family, why do you care?
@@jimmusthegrimmace Who said anything about family son? I am far from a virgin and I have no kids. Ever heard of safe sex? Incels hide behind that shit. They just can’t get laid. And then decide to shoot us up.
@@DarkKnight-yz2wg so the assumption is those who dont care about getting laid are homicidal? thats paranoid delusion and that delusion is a far greater indicator of violence than not getting laid. lastly, incels aren't celibate by choice, thats where the rage comes from. virgins who dont care aren't incels and dont have the incel mindset. thats just bad shaming language meant to dismiss men's choice.
He will be ok, he's a smart guy. He's ahead of the curve. That social anxiety is just smoke. He'll do just fine in no time.
For me playing sports as a child and into adulthood, then finding salsa dancing helped so much for me. Get out there and live life.
Story of my life. 24 here and haven’t gotten laid
Go to the bar meet someone drunk and get it over with.
That's not a good idea @@tstryker03
Excellent video and advice, reinspired me to start getting out again. I used to be extremely outgoing but after 6 years in a job I hated got depression and feel like I’m starting over again. I need these reminders.
My advice for the guy: He needs to increase his natural (!) testosteron level!! Best way to do that is to hit the gym, get some sun (and/or vitamine D supplement) and be active besides his job.
Why I'm saying that? When he said that he loses sexual interest in a girl once they are chatting, he is (1) too nervous and (2) is more stimulated by deep conversations. Concerning (1) when you are stressed, your cortisol levels increase which is bad for your testosteron (cortisol is an antagonist of testo), this results in being tense, uneasy and not confident. Concerning (2) I can understand him when he feels less attracted in case the conversation is not deep (intellectually). But woman are most attracted to guys who come along as easy, confident and skillful. That's why testo is so important. You become more confident in yourself, do not take things too serious (most importantly also rejections since you know you are the deal, everyone else not noticing that is just not worth your time) and you give the impression of a guys who can handle all problems in the world with ease. Woman love that. When he then also checks the looks department for her, their dates develop a natural flow which will get him laid quickly.
Having a higher testo level for him will reduce his overthinking tendency and increases his risk taking willingness when dealing with woman (and other people as well) which will ultimately result in a more successful social & sex life.
Good advice. Maximizing ur testosteron level will increase ur sex drive. Additonal to exercise and vitamin D, getting enough quality sleep is the most important factor so make sure to get that as well. I will also add: stop watching porn if he does that (which he almost definitely do) and stop fapping, this will increase his sex drive a lot.
This + practice social interactions and try out new things. It doesnt necessarily have to be travel (which is very difficult now anyway), join a martial arts club, take dancing courses, take some courses in blacksmithing etc. etc. just new stuff where you will meet new people. Some of these places (like dancing) can be decent places to meet women too.
Commenting for the algorithm because this is one of your best videos yet Mr. Cooper. I know this will help so many guys.
Thanks rich for the advice, the guy in the mail is literally me in every aspect until I started work on my issue still working on it and exercises "jacking up like u always say " really help my physic ad putting myself out there as u advice thanks alot rish 🙏🏾
Seeing the problem is the first step to change. Good luck to him.
Identified with this one RIch- raised homeschooled and sheltered until college at 18. No friends or any of the typical experiences but the perspective I'd like to add here is one of hope- sure it took me longer to adjust and I had major life setbacks because of my lack of life experience, but now? I am in a unique position to see life just a little different than the drones that have been processed through the system and it gives me an advantage to how I approach things. You are right with this guy, get out there and do some stuff. Find out what you like irl (other than the idea of women). Are you gonna make mistakes? Absolutely. Will the things you learn about life and yourself be worth it? Absolutely. Good luck brother.
I had anxiety attacks to the point that I couldn’t breathe and would become faint and would become angry and scared any time I needed to leave the home. It did not help that I lived in the hood. Some people think it may have been agoraphobia. The only way I got over it was by being forced into highly uncomfortable situations routinely. Sometimes by choice and sometimes not. Eventually I did it voluntarily. It gets better.
uncomfortable situations like...?
6 1, 172lbs and 100k/year...this guy is already top 5% of America. And he is only 25! It would take so little for this guy to just show up and be successful. And he already has charisma enough for a youtube channel that works. This seems like a ploy to advertise his RUclips site or something. This is bizarre.
Building my confidence was a direct result of lifting weights and healthier eating.
I was 143lbs @ 6ft3 when I left home and now at 25 years old I'm 220lbs 6ft3
Rich is right, no man will say that building muscle was a waste of time
Social anxiety went away for me when I realized how quickly I could get a girl from a bar to a bedroom.
Your social anxiety might have went away, but the herpes you'll get from sleeping with low value thots won't.
You DON'T NEED a relationship.
Women need relationship.
Men need experience and skills.
I think this resonates with a lot of men today. Media was our role model and misled us to be passive and docile overconsumers, and in a Peter Pan mentality as Jordan Peterson pointed out. Would be a good topic to keep covering.
At least this guy is making moves and getting out there.
Just tell that dude to watch “The secret life of Walter Mitty” at this point…
When I was younger I could spend 11 hours per day playing total annihilation (game). So I experienced no computer fatigue when working online and like this guy never had many reasons to leave the houses except for food. It's a trade off. There are things I can do with software/hardware that many will scratch their head with and like wise there are many social cues and situations that my male friends navigate where I scratch my head. Like rich said balance your time. Schedule a few times out of week where you do something outside with other people until you find something you like.
To this dude:
Take your laptop to Starbucks and code there.
Invest your money in stocks, your coding background will give you advantage in the software and tech sector.
Sit at a park and people watch everyday.
Workout and run 3x a week.
Get a part time job at a Walmart or Home Depot because you will meet hot coworkers and the turnover rate is high.
Those things have worked wonders for me.
Good luck.
Lol i cant work at walmart gotta make cheese bro but i respect the strategy
@@ashog1426 I worked in I.T. got a second job in retail it helped with my depression and loneliness and enabled me to travel to (about) 15 countries
I feel like that guy is approaching things a bit too logically. If I was him, I'd focus on picking up on subtle cues in social interactions. You can train yourself to be more subconsciously aware of others' intent. The less you have to rely on your "active, logical mind", the less you worry and the more confident you get in your judgement. There is no quick fix to this, it's just going out, experiencing, fucking up and learning from it.
I also noticed how he constantly talks himself down.
For example:
-others have more experience,
-others are better at dating,
-others have done more in their life etc...
But at the same time, you invested in other aspects, in which other dudes lack way more than you do. You have a good job, seem ambitious and financially stable. Rather than viewing it as "others are better", just view it as "it's my shortcoming, but I did good at other aspects". Keep your ego at a reasonable level, don't constantly tear it down, but reward yourself for things you do well too!
If you read this, good luck brother - you have great times ahead of you:)
Can see where you are coming from
Especially the thought process that you have deployed
Additionally, If one has had female family members around for some time, including cousins then a lot of subconscious cues to female behaviour can be picked up by direct observation....an attentive 25 year old can pick up the tactics of older women like mother's and grandmothers especially in a 2 parent household when you get to witness mature male female dynamics, even if it's during Christmas or some other gathering...you just have to water it down to your age group to the best of your ability.
That and off course polishing some of your "game"....and Better not be a pushover "yes man" with anyone especially women...no need for pretence just be firm and polite/forthright ...it works eventually
@@nishaad771993 I absolutely agree, he should be able to learn the social dynamics pretty quick if he puts his mind onto it.
Today's modern young women will tear this poor guy apart.
How?
Just had to say thanks for this Rich, it really helped me a lot with my own social anxiety. When I was this dudes age I was blue pill for sure, did not understand women at all so I decided to stop chasing them and just do what I enjoy. I figured if I meet a chick while I'm doing what I enjoy odds are we will have things in common. That's my story and I'm sticking to it, Peace!
Buy a backpack and spend the summer in Europe traveling...stay in hostels and live cheap. You will have more experiences in one summer than you have had your entire life.
I went solo traveling in Europe for 3 weeks a couple years back - even that was enough time to change my outlook on life
Niceee
just do 5g of shrooms
that's great advice actually. But there's a catch, getting your ass up and doing it. I forced myself to travel to australia on my own for 6 weeks and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I even changed my booked flight because I wasn't able to "just go" the first time. When I was there, it was amazing, I opened up a lot. But I also experienced that as soon as I was back home, I couldn't keep up my state of mind and slowly degraded back to the comfort zone. I've done plenty of solo vacations since, because, well I don't have the friends I want to go on vacation with (or simply put I don't have good friends), I open up every time. But it's always the same, after coming back, same old, because at home, you'Re not forced to talk to people, you don'T even have the chance to meet so many new people - or any - and you can't do all those exciting things.
So I think it's a good start, but afterwards, there has to be some big changes, to make it last.
@@jemand8462 Solid advice, I read this book called "Atomic Habits" - it's the environment you're in that resets you back to your default behaviour. I struggled like the guy Rich was giving advice to, still living with my parents at 27/28. So I decided to quit my job, take my laptop to travel Japan, Indonesia and Australia Was away for 6 months but came back completely different, as soon as I was back at my parents the first thing I did was look for a new place to stay (didn't have to be the best, was decent). From there life moved to a better trajectory. @Chris Gray advice is solid, if a person can just go rogue - do it!
This is almost exactly my situation
Already 30 and am at the point of “old man on bench or something watching nature or waiting for someone to sit and talk”. Moved back in with parent because of illness. Bachelor’s degree at least. Currently working at a private company similar to a Amazon warehouse. 4 years of work still in same starting position. No chance of promotion working off and on 6 days a week.
Illness didn’t show till I was 26.
If I don’t know what a shitty situation that is who does?
In situation not by choice but the “random number game”.
I call friends etc and never receive calls back or people calling me but the telemarket scammers who are fun to talk to.
Both sides of family are annoying me for kids etc.
Well what can you do when life throws a shitty situation at you but to adapt and try and enjoy hobbies.
I'm in this video, and I don't like it! 🤣 Things that helped me? I started doing things that just BROKE my comfort zone. I'm in the same guy's boat, minus the funds. Working on that bit myself. I wanna be self employed, but boy is it difficult for my uneducated ass. Instead, I'm focused on building the best possible brand I can, while grinding out these gains, and putting it out there for all the world to see. The internet's savage nature is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more terrifying than dealing with the real world, at this stage in my life. By getting ahead of that, and facing it head on, I've found some confidence to do regular every day normal stuff, that USE to be way more difficult for me. Working out, and losing well over 100lbs, and gaining muscle has helped A LOT too. Putting my work out there, both fitness, and content creation, helps. It's the mindset of "I can't control what happens, good or bad. But I can control my fear of worrying about what others think of THIS project. I like it, and that's enough."
So yeah, TLDR, express yourself artistically, and show it to the world. Most will ignore it, some will hate it, but someone is gonna think it's litty titty. And that's a beautiful thing, which helped me get going. It was "easy" because it was in my element, but still doing something "new and scary". Loopholes, love em.
Sounds like he’s doing pretty good minus the lack of experience and anxiety. Go volunteer somewhere like Australia to work on a farm for example where they mostly cover your expenses and you get to hang out with other people your age. Or you could come be my greatest disciple
I was a virgin that hadn't dated or kissed a girl until after i turned 26. i was raised in a religion that forbade sex before marriage. I don't recall my father ever talking to me about girls/women, then again his parents didn't talk to him about them either. I yried going to college but everyone in my former religion were like why are yiu doing that, the world isn't going to last long enough for that to matter. I had wanted to enlist but my father informed me that my heart murmur would disqualify me so i didn't try. I told my mom when i was 20 i wanted to eventually get married and have a family. she told me two things, 1. you are too young. and 2. you aren't ready. my mother and father got married at 19 and 20 years old. she didn't say that to my younger sister who dated and married a guy 3 years younger when she was 20 and he had just turned 18, a year later they married. I was a bit awkward around new people but was able to talk to girls. i did go out and do things with friends but none of the girls seemed intetested in me. looking back i feel like a very late bloomer and wish i was back then how i am now. now at 55 i earn more that i ever have, i am 1 debt away from being debt free, however I don't earn enough to attract younger women and i am not into this hookup culture.
You don’t have to dump so hard on the guy dude. He’s red pilled at 25 and that puts him way ahead of anyone who isn’t.
If you want to date a nice girl and companion, avoid places like pubs, bars, and gyms. Try some other group activities like in social work, charity, local libraries, local Church, live music cafe. Are the places to go.
51 year-old with Asperges, it's a real thing. Don't know how to small talk with women. Spend most of my day in my head. Social expectations should be gender neutral.
I'm 25 with Aspergers. 2 years ago I couldn't talk to anyone. Now I have basic small talk skills. You need to go out and slowly expose yourself to scary situations so that you can expand your comfort zone a little bit every time.
He just needs to go out and experience life. Find a gym and make friends with men you meet. Find a hobby outside of video games. Travel to new places and experience new things. You need to fix yourself before you even think about a relationship. You can still date but date multiple women. Nothing serious until you are comfortable in who you are. Don't lie to women it always comes back on you. Remember men have to become. You are still young so you will be fine.
Dude, TRAVEL, TRAVEL, TRAVEL! Best thing I've ever done. Here I am, watching this video rather than getting outside and doing something interesting or working on making money, so thanks for the reminder
Wow…I love the fact that all the men here are so supportive..S/O to Rich and you guys
Rich if you think him only traveling to Ohio and Texas is strange you're drastically underestimating how many places young single men have been to. When there's no gf demanding to travel few dudes actually spend money to take solo trips.
This
Wasn't until my first LTR that I actually went outside of my city and planned a trip (excluding when I was a kid and was dragged along with my mother, aunt and grandmother out of necessity)
1:24
The therapist sounds like he hasn't interacted with other humans for at least 2 decades
I think the guy is stereotypical software engineer, and fortunately unlike many others he as actually turned the lights on and had an awakening. I was very much this type of person when I was 11-18. What changed it for me was getting male company, I played rugby in the UK and established my tribe. Men need tribes. I would recommend getting out there, go watch some sports make male friends. Hang with guys understand how they work, learn. I spend a lot of time with military through work and often travel / socialise, its a massive eye opener. I would stick with the blonde she obviously likes you, tell her you realise you focused on work and are on a journey to find you, she can be part of that exciting journey, get used to being with her have fun, get out in to the world but do not let her preclude you finding your tribe. Richard keep up the great work you are saving a lot of guys from bad outcomes and inspiring. Awesome work.
Good points on doing very unique things and activities. Boosts confidence and makes you way more interesting to family, friends, strangers and the opposite sex.
Dive headfirst into new hobbies. Try out everything that interests you. Talk to people that are involved with things that you're trying out.
I hope Video Sponsor sees this.
One important thing I see not mentioned here to tackle social awkwardness and anxiety, is to make the off-screen interactions the very FIRST, and LAST, activity of each and every day.
Doesn’t matter how long it is, whether it’s 1 hour or 6 minutes. Or how many people. The goal here is to accomplish 2 things:
1. By reintroducing this sort of activity to help reset the neuroplasticity of your social framework. Remember, the older you get, the less “plastic” your brain 🧠 is gonna be. There’s a reason behind the saying “old habits die hard”.
2. The FIRST activity fixation, is to delay your stimulus from the dominant habits and shift the focus to where you wanna head to - bettering your social skills. And the LAST wrap up, is to refresh it again before you sleep (the brain 🧠 relays a lot of your daytime neural processes passively during your sleep), AND allows you to consciously review this new approach of life - how you FELT, what did you SAY, what have you OBSERVED, where could you improve, how MUCH did you progressed, compared to the you yesterday.
Every little bit builds. And it applies to everything. Frame control. Game. Your bank accounts. Muscle mass. Keep at it!
Taking up traveling really did change life for me. I was in my early twenties, was tired of waiting for friends to come with me. Just booked a flight to Thailand and the first night in a hostle. And improvised from that day for a month, nothing planned. Picked up some new friends on the road and had an awesome adventure. I can advise to do the same to any socially awkward male. Just talk to other travelers in the hostel, ask if they want to play a party of pool on the fd up pool table of the hostel and you will make friends to travel with. Or do shit on your own and gain some perspective.
Got stuck in a groove of coming home after work and locking myself away, playing video games, ignoring real life, after my divorce. I did this for 4 months before i finally snapped out of it. I could see what was happening to me mentally and just made the choice to change. There isn’t a specific thing that helped, other than a really good friend that never gave up on me. But i can somewhat understand where he is with the social anxiety, as it took me a few weeks to become myself again.
Dude can speak comfortably in front of a crowd and has social anxiety. You're kidding me.
Personal interactions have slightly different requirements than public speaking, no?
@@matorevhu8410 He goes out on dates and talks extensively for hours. It doesn't sound like SA to me.
My Advice:
Ask yourself these question: who are you? what do you want in this life? and how can you take it.
Start working on:
1st: SPIRIT: Start praying, you need guidance from above for spiritual peace.
2nd: HEALTH: Go to the doctor check your hormones, (our generation is fucked, our testosterone levels are so low) and START EATING HEALTHY.
3rd: STRENGTH: Join a fucking Combat Sport Gym, none of that lifting bullshit, I'm talking about FIGHTING like mma, bjj, kickboxing.
4th: MASTERY: Sit and down and write a plan, set your career goals and what you need to do to get to the next level to achieve your financial goals.
5th: CHARISMA: Working on yourself in terms of social interactions, looks, possessions (like cars), adventure, hobbies, travels etc, things that make you interesting to others not just women.
lol he seeks help, at 27 and with Asperger's I haven't had seks or a relationship, I've been blessed.
therapists are mostly all female, hence they teach you to be feminist... You need alpha male therapist which are rare in the therapist field
From a fellow much older Austinite: nothing will boost your confidence more than sleeping with this girl who is interested in you. Go for it, many guys don't even get this chance in this way. Just don't get wrapped up in a relationship. Beware oneitis - it will create more destruction that you can imagine - you are likely prone to it. Also, don't psych yourself out by dwelling on what you have not done. You will almost certainly have things you've wanted to do but hadn't at every stage of life. If you compare yourself to others you're bound to find something to make you feel inadequate. There's always gonna be someone more Chaddier than you. Rich gives great advice. In my view the most important of which is to take action, get out there and do some interesting things. You moved to Austin - that's a great start - bravo!
Yo this is me. Very similar situation almost identical. Thanks Rich I really needed to hear this.
Ayo wtf...i went on a date and I just realized i didn't check her out either💀💀....idk why I'm laughing right now lol
22:10 I relate to this guy 100%. Same experience - bubble wrapped. Not intentionally, my parents were very hands off (read - do whatever the fuck you want with no supervision ever), but I just chose to stay inside and play video games all the time. I was completely obsessed with them from 4 years old through the end of middle school.
In high school, I moved to a slightly different area, and quickly formed the opinion that most of my new classmates were retards. That was a combination of the truth, and was an excuse to not have to talk to people. So, besides a couple of people in high school, I talked to no one, sometimes not even opening my mouth to speak for days at a time. I just went to school half-asleep, went home, played video games, repeat until mid-college, when I got a job at a big fast-food joint with lots of people - had plenty of opportunity to experiment and try different approaches with people, and made friends out of almost everybody - that pulled me out of my shell a little bit.
I still have some major regrets. I got asked out on a date twice while working there, and almost every pretty girl there had an eye for me at some point, but I just flopped at every important point. It's pretty hilarious, in hindsight. At one point, I was in the back area, away from everyone else, hands all over a girl I liked, eyes met... and I sorta backed away and walked off, heart pounding, nauseous as all hell. Still ended up going on a date with her - unlike Mr 25 year old virgin, I am NOT cool on dates, and went from cool and fun at work to a stuttering mess on the date. There was no second date.
Still figuring this shit out, but at least I know where my problems lie. I'm in NYC every day, so I'm trying to use public transit as my sandbox, try out new things, approaches, etc... but it's tough.
read "the catcher in the rye".
also, I had the same problem back in school. Almost all the girls in my class were into me at some point because I was both the best student and the one who did all the jokes and was naughty towards teachers. But I was so young and told myself that I didn't like all those girls and wanted something better. In hindsight it was just me being a coward and not understanding how girls work.
When I started dating in college finally, it was as you described: I was smooth in uni etc, but when I actually dated a girl I really liked, I didn't know what to do, what to say, totally unsexy.
What helped me: I started going on dates with girls I didn't like. Just random girls on tinder, basically those, who answered back and put in some effort. Which usually weren't the ones I really liked. 5-6s, maybe some 7s.
I basically learned how to go on a date by that and got a lot smoother.
Doesn't mean that I'm completely smooth when I'm dating a 10 (in my point of view) now, but at least I now have the courage to ask for a date because I know I could do it with a good mindset and some luck.
TL;DR: go on as many random tinder dates as you could possibly go and you'll learn how to be relaxed in a date.
@@jemand8462 Great idea, thank you
Great advice on building own experiences which in turn will build social confidence. As the father of boys his age I can say one thing that my guys did that they loved and created many stories- including hopefully some I did not hear - was to do social travel with company like Contiki or Topdeck that targets his age group.
I used to isolate myself for 5 years too i was an illegal immigrant in Germany when i came back to my country dated some low value chicks and i felt awkard around them they had to much masculine energy then i started working out hit the gym read more books but still im not building the status its a hursh country living in Albania i follow Rich since 2019 great content and im hoping getting a personal training one day
This was an awesome video man, thank you!
Stay a Virgin . . . Work on putting money away, buy a house, car, make yourself happy, cause trust me you ain't missing out on anything.
Rich you absolute legend! Greeting from Australia! Listening to your audiobook and watching your vids. Love your work mate.
35. No friends. No money. No women. Chronic pain can't do the things i enjoy. One job has been worse than the last.
Great advice for the entire younger generation, especially dudes from single mom families.
25 years old and ZERO life experiences? How and why was he able to manage that? Who maintained and allowed the bubble he was living in?
ADDITIONAL: One GOOD thing, and it is a BIG thing; he realized there was a problem AND WORKED AT IT!
Plus I am GLAD to see he moved out, part of whatever was going on I think was living at home.
So while he lost a lot of time, it sounds like he is making most of it up now.
I think in a few years this guy will be FAR ahead of where a lot of other guys are his age; while he started out way behind, he is making up for lost time at a rapid rate.
NOTE: BECAREFUL with women; you are VERY vulnerable to getting trapped by some disaster. While you are getting up to speed in all areas, you are at high risk of having a woman run you through the wringer. Even experienced men would have trouble with how things are today, you are at higher risk because of your lack of real world experience; and while reading/yt/books can help, they are NOT a complete substitute for real world experience.
It's more common than you think - otherwise people like rich and rollos channel's wouldn't have guys flooding to their Chanel. And honestly this story probably will become more common
@@jasonking3081 I am starting to see that; these stories are more and more common. Aaron Clarey reports a dramatic rise in is business, plus people who 'know what they need to do', but NEVER do it. I find it VERY alarming this is going on; while what happens is ultimately the guy's responsibility, where were/are all of the other people around him that in the past, that would have provided some guidance or at least made some mention of something he could do to improve himself? It is as though everyone around him at like 'oh, that is perfectly fine, he will be happy continuing on like this' or seem to have absolutely zero awareness that some help or guidance would make his life better.
I do also see, and fear, that this situation is going to become more and more common. At some point the general society might 'wake up' and ask; 'what is going on', but then will give the typical failed blue pill advice and wonder why are we turning out men that are miserable, unhappy and alone; but of course will not make the overall society changes needed to get things back on track for everyone.
its super common in the internet age, i thank God everyday i had parents that didnt give me a smartphone and put me in boyscouts, and music lessons and then when i was in high school i had the confidence to join the football team my parents also made me work througout high school and college
@@exandious867 Same
I agree ....get experiences and show the ladies you are passionate about things you have discovered. Woman love a man that has passions in their lives. It helps form connections authentically. This leads to physical intimacy.
I feel for this guy, at least he has the ( extremely full) balls to ask for help.
Sucks to be a single mom raised gamer.
Such a shame.
My advice to anyone socially anxious and housebound. Do what you need not what you want.
I went through socially anxiety when I was maybe 17-18 but luckily I had my dad, and I worked as a plasterer at his firm. The men were real men...meat and potatoes hairy arsed animals. And I specifically remember being terririfed and terrorised by them...but after 6-12 months I was growing so much, not as soft and easily hurt. Not weak. I ended up joining a thai boxing club....and the rest is history.
I highly recommend
I’m 20 and i’ve been alone during the 8 last months, no friends, no girlfriend I live alone in my studio and do my studies, I listen and watch to Redpill content everyday . I am grateful that I discover the Redpill but I feel like I will never have the flame of experience things with a women anymore, I can’t trust nobody no more. I can handle loneliness, I’m building my business. But the Redpill made me open my eyes and made me mature too much sooner.
For me look at the computer as a tool nothing more, otherwise you will end up living in four corners and not the endless possibilities reality offers!
I genuinely love watching these videos because they help me see the world better from men’s points of views and understand how some of these guys are genuinely good people and not just creepy perverts like my mam always told me growing up