Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on RUclips. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on RUclips. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/
This video had me in tears. I have just existed for most of my life, waiting for the day that would finally come when I would be as you put it "healed". Never realizing that I was living out this story that something had to be fixed first before I would be suitable for life. I have read so many self help books, seen therapists and prayed for healing for many years and no one has ever said "there is nothing wrong with you". The tears started flowing and I want to thank you so much for making and sharing this video. God bless you!!
S Ivey YES! I'm right there with you! Until I watched Alan's video, I've felt like a self improvement project for many years especially right now. I've been putting alot of pressure on and shaming myself for where I'm at in life. I need to learn ways of maturing myself from where I'm at in my life right now. Thank you for your comment!
Thank you Alan R You cannot possibly re ealize how much I needed someone to say this to me rt. now. I had to try really hard not to cry so I could hear it all. Im so glad I subscribed to you.
You should put out an app that has only one button, and when we push it, we hear your voice saying "There is nothing wrong with you." You could save the world with that one app, Dr, Roberge! Thank you. I soooo needed to hear this right now. I love all your videos, but this one hit the target.
Thank you, Alan! I heard you and I love you. And I love me too -- shame-based thinking and all! You make it so clear that real healing is a matter of self-acceptance, not self-improvement.
Thank you Mike for the kind, friendly message. I like your summary "real healing is a matter of self-acceptance, not self-improvement." I'm glad this video resonates with you.
Wonderful. Join us in the community to document your exceptional self-care, share insights, and give and receive support. www.alanrobarge.com/community
I know I’m 6 years late but watching this has given me such a sense of relief and for the first time I think loving myself might be possible. Thank you.
I'm so glad to hear that. Thank you for letting me know this is helpful and thanks for valuing my work. If this content is helpful then you may also like joining us in the conversations around topics like friending ourselves in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
This brought me in tears. I'm feeling so exhausted and desperate because I try so much to heal but, instead I feel worse and worse... This video is the best one I've ever watched. Thank you so much. You are a real blessing. 🙏💗
Alan you say things that even with years of therapy I have never heard! I spent so much money trying to boost myself up and all it did was make me feel that I was missing something. If only I did it this way if only I did it that way.... We have this quote at my school “Everything you need to know is within you.” I took that as intuition though now I dare say it is to know me. I felt a feeling of release in my gut and I “heard” for the first time a small faint voice saying “I’m here”. I have been beating myself up most of my life. I too have asked “What is wrong with me?” Today I am giving myself permission to learn from my mistakes and to use my curious mind to start learning what brings me joy instead of how to repair some preconceived brokenness. Bless you Alan your heart comes through your messages so much so that your messages touch my own heart .🤗
Yet another brilliant video that is healing to my soul. Thank you for all you do, Alan. Your videos, our Facebook group....all of it. You are deeply appreciated.
exactly what I needed right now. Could you please consider making a video on how to LEARN the feeling of belonging or how to recognize it? How to LEARN to be OK with the feeling of someone caring about you? For those of neglect and abandonment, such a feeling is completely unfamiliar so we run away from it. I don't want to feel ashamed, but I do think that I absolutely need to get comfortable with those feelings but I don't know how. Would HUGELY appreciate your insight.
Wow. I needed this today. Edit: I tell myself I'm broken and I can't be fixed. I tell myself that I'm not worthy of having a healthy, reciprocal relationship until I'm "healed." I always seem to want the ones who don't want me.
Also i am christian and i do feel like in church everyone talks about healing and how all these things are wrong with us as people and that has kind of made me even more self conscious always asking god to heal me from social anxiety, depression and pcos and i feel that because i am not healed yet i am in a horrible place stuck in life but now i see that i can be healed and that may not mean getting rid of all of what i think is wrong with me, but getting to a place of acceptance and learning how to deal with what i have as healing.. thank you so much for these videos. They have helped me so much and when you speak i feel as if everything your saying is about me. I am truly blessed to have come across your videos
This video what I needed to hear today. Because that's exactly how I have been treating myself lately and it causes more suffering too. Cultivating self compassion and acceptance unconditionally is so important. The moment you wanted to cry in the end is also touched to my wounded self. Thank you for making and sharing ongoing videos on RUclips. I appreciate it very much!
Wow, SO timely. I JUST got back from a doctor visit dealing with issues brought about by my own behaviors... I cried at the doc's (something I always avoid doing) and said to her that I'm too old to be dealing with something like this, I should know better by now, etc... When I left her office, I thought, why the hell did I say those cruel things about myself. I'm just a person living my life. Period. Yes, I need not make those same mistakes that led to my health issues, and I will try my best not to. But even if I do make those mistakes again - I'm still just a person living my life the best I know how.
What a sweet message! I spent many years "working" on myself and was filled with self- loathing. Luckily, I discovered meditation and am learning to observe myself with curiosity. It has made such a difference in my life and I experience so much more joy now. Thank you for all your videos .
This Little Light of Mine, I'm Gonna Let it Shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.❤
Wow..that statement "you are not a self improvement project" is everything to me!!! I can't believe I'm 33 years old and only just hearing this.. for the last 10 years I have actively worked to "fix" what's wrong with me, living in the shadow of my childhood trauma and concluding I am just a broken dysfunctional individual who can never be happy until "healed". I put so much pressure on myself, analysing my social behaviour or performance at work or what others think of me it's exhausting. It's so validating to know that I'm not the only one who has been feeling this way and we can retrain our brain differently.
Thank you for the meaningful comment and thank you for sharing your experience. Glad this video is helpful. Many of us can relate with seeing ourselves as a self-improvement project. This comes up in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
You are the BEST, Alan! There's so much more I want to say...but it's nearly 2 AM and I need my rest. I can't get enough of the voice you offer to any kind of human suffering. And while I might agree with a previous comment that you "should write a book" your personal delivery via these RUclips videos has resonated on a level that none of the other channels have achieved. You've hit every nerve...and assured me I'm OK. Thank you, kind sir. KNOW THAT YOU ARE APPRECIATED! Until next time... goodnight.
Alan, I cannot tell you how much these videos mean to me. I have spent my entire life as a self improvement project - in fact, when I was 10 years old I once created an actual list of things I wanted to change to be more liked and more popular in school. I had a very traumatic childhood and blamed myself forever. I've been in therapy my whole life and right now, in this moment, you are the first person to ever drill down that I am okay exactly as I am. Alan, I know you have saved so many lives literally and figuratively. Thank you so much for embracing your empathy, intelligence, awareness, and exceptional communication skills to deliver your life changing content to the world. It means so much more than you could ever imagine to so many of us 💜
wow, thanks for letting me know these videos are helpful for you. Empathy for what you went through. Many of us struggle with this self improvement project perspective. I appreciate the feedback. Thank you for valuing my work. Glad is offers benefit. Also, since the videos are helpful, I want to share about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Friending ourselves is a topic in the Community and it can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Been in the most awful place - full of self-hatred and self loathing but watching a few of these videos has given me some peace of mind for the first time in years. Just the most amazing man
Wow. Thank you. I’ve been doing my self improvement project for years. Every time a relationship ends, I go back to the drawing board because I *must* have missed something somewhere.
I appreciate the feedback. Glad this content spoke to you. thanks for commenting. There are more humans like this in the world! If you haven't already heard about it you may also like the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community I welcome you joining us as a member.
I am a new therapist and I truly wish I could be around you and learn from you, I think whatever you have been through somehow made it so valuable to be around you, Love and respect to you.
Shahrzad, I am glad this material resonate with you. If you would like to deepen your understanding of attachment distress, please consider entering the conversation in the online membership community I started. You are invited to join other like-minded learners who value mapping out a plan of self-directed healing and want to share their insights with others. We are a kind, supportive group of folks committed to changing old patterns of relating. Please know you are welcome to be part of the community. You can learn more and register here: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Dear Alan, You can not in this life know how much you have helped me. Until I found your channel, my mind was a rick and morty season. I fundamentally believed that I could never be understood, seen, or known. I never knew that anyone could really go into the synthesis of some of my most profoundly deep feelings about myself. You are doing something good in a way that you may never know. But I thank you so dearly for seeing me, for helping me see myself and explaining my pain to me. The smoke screen is clearing and even though that does not instantly cure the ailments of our minds, it sure brings a lot of inner peace. Thank you for your practical strategies and patient analysis. I am super grateful for you. Much loooovee
Khadijah, Thank you for valuing my material. I’m glad this one resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Interesting perspective. I had never considered this before. Imagine if you had a child/family member who suffered epileptic seizures, any decent person would never look at them and tell them "there's something wrong with you". Many of us were dealt some unpleasant cards, but it doesn't mean we are any less of a worthy (of love) human being. I'd heard of this in many different ways, but for some reason it never sank in before. Thank you, Alan, for sharing this and making it so much clearer. I can imagine it will be very helpful for me.
I actually found this video because I have recently come to the same conclusion and am looking to reinforce it with anyone else out there who can confirm this realization. It is actually what buddhists and other eastern religions are teaching. It's absolutely true what you say. I've finally given up on looking for all the reasons and proof why I'm not worthy of love and what all is wrong with me. Instead I look for all the proof that defies these ridiculous beliefs. Thank you for your wisdom. Namaste.
When we think we are not ok or not good enough. We are telling ourselves a story based on our experiences. Disbelieving this story is a key to unconditional personal acceptance.
Plato, Thank you for valuing my material. I’m glad this one resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you for watching. Many of us can relate to that same feeling, and it can be overwhelming sometimes. That's why I decided to create my online Community, Improve Your Relationships. It is not a therapy group, but a skills learning community full of support, encouragement, growth, and healing. We discuss topics like this and so much more. You're not alone. Learn more here: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Dude....you have no idea what a God send you are. this is the most aweosme dialogue and im subscribing right now. thank u for saying things that i feel but dont have the words to articulate
I am always searching for what is wrong with me. I have ADHD and that is diagnosed. But I grew up with a narcissistic mother who made me believe that I was broken. This recent realisation has stopped me from constantly looking up what is wrong with me on Google. At school I was super quiet and I told myself no one liked me when really I was just quiet and shy and I was embarassed just to exist amongst other people. It's horrible to think about. I overthink and I see the patterns you explain in me. Last year I convinced myself I was autistic but thankfully my partner made me realise that I am not before spending a lot of money on a diagnosis. Thank you thank you thank you! I am subscribing for more videos like this.
thank you so much for telling it straight. i needed to hear your words.i feel i am defective in some way living with a p.d and i do make myself a self improvement project. im addicted to youtube watching any videos i can to find ' the one' that will heal me and make me a better person.i never saw it as aggression before.so much to think about and heed.thank you for your compassion and straight talking.
Thank you for being a man who has the courage to emote, you don't see that very often and I have a great deal of respect for that vulnerability and openness.
Oh ! I became emotional too. There’s so much burden we carry . I have written down some points while u were talking . Will refer to them often . U r lovely so lovely 🙏
Thanks for feedback and valuing my work. These are great affirmations. We can never have enough conversations about allowing in kindness for ourselves. If you are not subscribed to the channel, please do. Also let your friends know about this video. Thanks.
This little light of mine I'm going to let it shine! Learned that one when I was about 5. 5 was a rough year. Thanks for sharing this video so much! I really needed to hear this!
This video is a mood elevator. I loved when you cried. Thank you for caring about us. PS I love that you do your videos without reading a teleprompter. It's all from the heart ❤️
Kathryn, thanks for valuing my content and letting me know how impactful it is for you. I am so glad to hear you get benefit from my work. Please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a contribution and/or joining us in the community. Supporting content creation makes it possible for future high quality content to be added to my channel. You can also check out the community and getting in on our great conversations. Thanks again for letting me know the videos are helpful. Here are the URL's to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/donate and for the community Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you for the kind words. Glad you are finding benefit. And thanks for valuing my work. If you like this content then you may also like joining us in the Improve Your Relationships Community Program: www.alanrobarge.com/community
God bless you Alan! I'm glad I subscribed to your channel and wish you success with it. Your videos are so informative and relatable and I like the fact there's no jargon either.
Thank you! I have been fixing myself for 25 years and keep waiting for the day to be fixed and live my life. As soon as I finish the ACA steps, I will live!
you had me in tears too...because my mother used to belittle me all my life and tell me i need to be fixed . She always tried to make me feel like everybody else is normal except me. Now, i understand that whatever she said to belittle me was a reflection of her suffering and insecurities ; and that it never had anything to do with me. I had been perfectly fine all along. But for many years i believed there was something deeply wrong with me and that affected all parts of my life.
your story brings up empathy. That sounds painful. I can understand these experiences. I'm reminded how important it is to keep talking about our core beliefs. Glad this video spoke to you. Thanks for the comment.
Clair, I'm glad to hear that this video was helpful for you. Good for you for seeking out healing. If you would like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the links below: Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community Make a direct donation www.alanrobarge.com/donate Thanks again for letting me know the video was helpful.
Thank you thank you thank you. Ill listen over and over. Thank you for your emotion. It was such significant reflection of how I should feel about myself. If I saw someone whipping themselves with a whip until their back was hamburger and they would not give me the whip to stop because they are ashamed of who they are for no good reason, it would make me cry. Yet its what I do emotionally every day to myself. Your response was like an intercession from an angel and tears from god. Thank you for your heart
YES! It made me so happy! I love how your personality shines through your videos! Many people don't dare to do that and would rather fit into the mould! Thanks for this!
You are so welcome! Glad to hear this was moving for you. Appreciate the comment. Also, since you like this video, I want to share about the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. Loving ourselves is a topic that comes up in conversations. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Roodha, thank you for the kind feedback. I feel more of us need to know our own inner goodness. I'm glad to hear you receive benefit from my work. Please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution, checking out my course, and/or joining us in the Community. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality content. Click on the links to learn more: Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Check out the Community unity, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community Make a direct donation www.alanrobarge.com/donate Thanks again for letting me know the video was helpful.
I so appreciate you more than you now Alan. You are REAL and get to the heart of the matter. I so so appreciate you and your wonderful community. Yes, I am hard on myself and I cannot tell you how many times I've said...'there is something wrong with me'. I listened all the way through and saved this video to remind myself that there is nothing wrong with me. Thank you for looking at us and saying: you're lovely. I see my goodness, but in relationships I feel like I'm always doing something wrong. That's when I say: there is something wrong with me. Love you so much, thank you for all you do and for you amazing videos.
Hi Dana, thank you for this lovely comment. I appreciate your feedback and reflection here. So glad the content and community are helpful for you. Thanks for commenting.
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma when I tell you YOU ARE making A HUGE difference in my life, inside and outside the community, I truly mean it. I have been through therapy since I was 15 years old and no one has been as creative as you are in communication to express what is going on. You are the first therapist to enlighten me about attachment trauma. A lightbulb went off when I listened to you, which is why I signed up for the community. One of my favorite videos is: 'He/She is not going to change. Wake UP! I laughed and laughed because it was like you were speaking directly to ME. I have put it on repeat many times and seen in my experience that it's so true. Thank you so so much for your time and working to help others in this world. Have a wonderful day.
thanks for the feedback. Yes, it is a hard realization. Many of us get caught up in this thinking. Glad this video spoke to you. If you like this video then you may also want to check out The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I started to cry JUST before you did. Big hugs sweetheart. I am watching comedy and laughing again. (That's a good sign.) Thank you. I quite recently nearly shouted at my Mother "There's nothing WRONT with me!" From a VERY young age I received that message. Was reading Psychology Toady at 10 or 12 years old. Because my Mom couldn't comfort, nurture, encourage, play, she psychoanalyzed her kids. I am O.K. and, in fact, better than most because my heart is good. Just because those around me find it difficult to love does NOT mean there is something wrong with ME!
I have borderline personality traits, bipolar disorder, and numerous psychological and emotional issues. It's hard for me to accept this video's premise because I've believed there's something wrong with me almost as long as I've been self-aware. I've felt as though I didn't belong, and though conversion to Christianity has helped with that, it's also reinforced both my sense of wrongness and made it a given that I must become someone else - a new creature in Christ, striving to be like Him in every situation and aspect of my life. Thank you for helping me to remember that I'm also a child of God, and that there's nothing wrong with ME - the being I've been for untold ages as we lived in His presence. Becoming mortal made me subject to the conditions of mortality, which include the disorders and experiences that affect my ability to perceive who I am, who others are, and how I live my life in a meaningful, purposeful way. Thank you for giving me something to hash out with my therapist!
I am so grateful to have found you on RUclips. Your genuine care and concern for others warms my heart. I really needed to hear your words at this time in my life because it feels like someone gets me. I could cry too.😊
I have been looking at your videos all day. Working with myself. For 8 hours. I made lot of realizations..i confronted my pain. My fears. I do this because I know there's something right with me but then I fell on this video and I realize that a part of me also have believed the voices of others saying there's something wrong with me. Now I'm also crying. Thank you Alain
Wow Doctor Alan you are such a beautiful human being and whoever gets to have you in their life as their husband/parent/friend... is one lucky bastard. Lots and lots of love to you,you wonderful human being💓
Ice Queen, Thanks for those kind words.I’m glad this material resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
I appreciate the kind words and thank you for valuing my effort. Glad my work brings benefit. If you value this content then please consider becoming a sustaining supporter by joining us in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Learn more by taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
This video found me in May 2024 and it is perfect timing bc I've been having these thoughts of but being enough lately. I also felt like crying. Thank you ❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for all the supportive comments. I am glad to hear you receive benefit from my work. If you would like to become a sustaining supporter and invest in my efforts to offer quality content and also for the creation of new, future videos, please check out the donation options. Glad you find the video helpful. www.alanrobarge.com/donate
One foot in front of the other... there is nothing wrong with you... freedom from the burden... Very hopeful and powerful messages. Thanks a lot. And Your video really was helpful.
I appreciate the kind words. Glad this is helpful. Thanks for valuing the work that evolves out of the Improve Your Relationships Community Program discussions. I welcome you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community
I have been studying self-help for two years (every day). A lot of it really helped me heal! But I am at that place right now where I can say; I was lovable the whole time And I am lovable and enough right Now! And I can thank my cat too. He was sick and the vet told us that it is not treatable; then time goes, i take him to the doctor, who said; He is healthy! Nothing is wrong with him. :D Thank You Alan for making these videos
Thank you alan for this affirmation. I just recently gone through a breakup and had not so good attachments with my ex. The process of healing and choosing myself first is a hard process for me but i'll continue doing the good work for myself. Thank you very much for this video!!! This has affirmed me and given me so much hope to continue loving myself.
629shashi, I understand how challenging this can be to learn a new behavior like loving kindness towards ourselves. I am glad this video spoke to you. I created an 8-week program of self-directed healing work to put healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma got set up on our lives we are able to begin to see longing from a new perspective. We also gain access to inner resources that shift our relationship to the longing. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. If this is something that interests you, you are welcome to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. www.alanrobarge.com/community
You are a true gift Alan. Connect with you far more than any other on YT. Have watched so many hrs of content & have helped me through more than you know. Thank you for being you, that vulnerable emotionally intelligent, kind hearted you. You're a true gift, & you're loved by us
ALANNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! This was so permission giving and showed so much grace to those of living in Shame! You’re such a beautiful spirit. Thank you for this.
Oh my Gosh!!!! This is so poignant for where I am on my journey, it’s timely for sure!!! I have been trying to improve myself since I was a young child!!! I have attachment traumas from the very beginning of my life and i am currently visiting my 83 year mother to help heal some of these issues! As a child/adult , I never felt enough or good enough!!! I have done so much internal connect work on myself the last 5 years! I am finally learning to love and accept myself at age 53!!! Thank you for your work, your efforts, the sharing of your message, and for being your authentic self!!! You are a beautiful human being!! Thanks again!!! Jen
Empathy to you. Thank you for letting me know this video was helpful. If this content is beneficial for you then you may also be interested in checking out the Improve Your Relationships Community where members seek out learning about healing. The community is based on Self-Directed Healing which means you create your own healing plans. You get to pick and choose what is important for you to focus on. Members have reported feeling supported by sharing their healing processes with each other. Getting support from others who are also learning can be very helpful. Consider joining us in the conversations. Check out the Improve Your Relationships Community. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank You "There is nothing Wrong with Me" which released the floodgates, but in a very positive way. It reminded me of the way I felt after watching the Film "Good Will Hunting - its not your fault." But You have managed to help Me understand that I do not need fixing because "I am Lovely the way I am". So simple but so far reaching even if it sounds a little silly, You have helped Me more than You can imagine. Thank You!. You are a lovely person too!.
Thank you, I'm happy that this video resonated with you. So many people experience these same feelings, and we deserve to heal from this. If you liked this video, you might also enjoy my course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. You can learn more by taking the quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Joseph, I am glad to hear that. Glad this video was helpful. Please share this video to friends and others who might also near to hear this message. Thanks for your comment.
What a treasure you are. Your raw emotion touched me deeply and brought to mind that my therapist did much the same as I was recounting some of my history. I was taken aback (in a good way) with her care. I never had anyone give a damn and it touched me deeply. I am caught in this self-improvement cycle, but Honey, there's nothing wrong with me. :) Bless you big, Alan, and thanks.
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Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on RUclips. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on RUclips. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
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Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
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I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
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Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
____
Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
This video had me in tears. I have just existed for most of my life, waiting for the day that would finally come when I would be as you put it "healed". Never realizing that I was living out this story that something had to be fixed first before I would be suitable for life. I have read so many self help books, seen therapists and prayed for healing for many years and no one has ever said "there is nothing wrong with you". The tears started flowing and I want to thank you so much for making and sharing this video. God bless you!!
S Ivey
YES!
I'm right there with you! Until I watched Alan's video, I've felt like a self improvement project for many years especially right now. I've been putting alot of pressure on and shaming myself for where I'm at in life. I need to learn ways of maturing myself from where I'm at in my life right now.
Thank you for your comment!
Me too. 🙏
S Ivey: Well said. Same here.
Yes! Healing is so glamorized that it almost feels like you're broken without it! Self improvement as well. This was an eye opener!
Thank you Alan R
You cannot possibly re ealize how much I needed someone to say this to me rt. now. I had to try really hard not to cry so I could hear it all. Im so glad I subscribed to you.
You're beautiful Dr Robarge
Yes I think so too
I never thought "being OK with who I am" as my fundamental right 😀 what an amazing idea!!!
Thank you Alan you are a beautiful person and your tears are healing. You made me remember that I am worth crying for. Thank you
You should put out an app that has only one button, and when we push it, we hear your voice saying "There is nothing wrong with you." You could save the world with that one app, Dr, Roberge! Thank you. I soooo needed to hear this right now. I love all your videos, but this one hit the target.
lol
You are awesome....I never cried before or after Iraq...now I can cry....I cry to cleanse my pain. It feels great to release💪
Oh that is good to hear. I am glad you found resonance with this video. Thank you for the meaningful comment.
Thank you, Alan! I heard you and I love you. And I love me too -- shame-based thinking and all! You make it so clear that real healing is a matter of self-acceptance, not self-improvement.
Thank you Mike for the kind, friendly message. I like your summary "real healing is a matter of self-acceptance, not self-improvement." I'm glad this video resonates with you.
Yes I like your term too, I'm going to copy it out for myself, thank you & bless you! 💞
Well said too, friend!
I’ve done this cycle and I’m not going to do this anymore! I’m shifting to exceptional self care and acceptance of who I am.
Wonderful. Join us in the community to document your exceptional self-care, share insights, and give and receive support. www.alanrobarge.com/community
I know I’m 6 years late but watching this has given me such a sense of relief and for the first time I think loving myself might be possible. Thank you.
I'm so glad to hear that. Thank you for letting me know this is helpful and thanks for valuing my work.
If this content is helpful then you may also like joining us in the conversations around topics like friending ourselves in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
This is a million dollar gift!!!. I cried also, it felt like a knife was 'finally' pulled out of my heart.
Thank you Alan... OMG THANK YOU !!!!
This brought me in tears.
I'm feeling so exhausted and desperate because I try so much to heal but, instead I feel worse and worse...
This video is the best one I've ever watched. Thank you so much.
You are a real blessing. 🙏💗
Empathy to you. I hear you about the exhaustion. Glad this video is helpful. Thank you for the kind words and for valuing my effort.
Alan you say things that even with years of therapy I have never heard! I spent so much money trying to boost myself up and all it did was make me feel that I was missing something. If only I did it this way if only I did it that way....
We have this quote at my school “Everything you need to know is within you.” I took that as intuition though now I dare say it is to know me. I felt a feeling of release in my gut and I “heard” for the first time a small faint voice saying “I’m here”. I have been beating myself up most of my life. I too have asked “What is wrong with me?” Today I am giving myself permission to learn from my mistakes and to use my curious mind to start learning what brings me joy instead of how to repair some preconceived brokenness. Bless you Alan your heart comes through your messages so much so that your messages touch my own heart .🤗
🙏 this is the first time in my life I have heard this.. "honey, there's nothing wrong with you.." finally sinking in.. Thank you.
Yet another brilliant video that is healing to my soul. Thank you for all you do, Alan. Your videos, our Facebook group....all of it. You are deeply appreciated.
This is me, it’s hard to stop. I’ve been hard on myself all my life, but I feel like I am finally trying to stop these types of actions.
exactly what I needed right now.
Could you please consider making a video on how to LEARN the feeling of belonging or how to recognize it? How to LEARN to be OK with the feeling of someone caring about you?
For those of neglect and abandonment, such a feeling is completely unfamiliar so we run away from it. I don't want to feel ashamed, but I do think that I absolutely need to get comfortable with those feelings but I don't know how.
Would HUGELY appreciate your insight.
This made me cry❤️, I've been ashamed of myself since I was a child
I hear you and you wouldn't believe how many of us can relate with that. Glad this video was moving for you.
Wow. I needed this today. Edit: I tell myself I'm broken and I can't be fixed. I tell myself that I'm not worthy of having a healthy, reciprocal relationship until I'm "healed." I always seem to want the ones who don't want me.
Also i am christian and i do feel like in church everyone talks about healing and how all these things are wrong with us as people and that has kind of made me even more self conscious always asking god to heal me from social anxiety, depression and pcos and i feel that because i am not healed yet i am in a horrible place stuck in life but now i see that i can be healed and that may not mean getting rid of all of what i think is wrong with me, but getting to a place of acceptance and learning how to deal with what i have as healing.. thank you so much for these videos. They have helped me so much and when you speak i feel as if everything your saying is about me. I am truly blessed to have come across your videos
This video what I needed to hear today. Because that's exactly how I have been treating myself lately and it causes more suffering too. Cultivating self compassion and acceptance unconditionally is so important. The moment you wanted to cry in the end is also touched to my wounded self. Thank you for making and sharing ongoing videos on RUclips. I appreciate it very much!
This episode is SO important. Made me bawl. I am sending you TONS of love.
Hi Alan, can you just come over and tell me this on a daily basis? God bless you!
Wow, SO timely. I JUST got back from a doctor visit dealing with issues brought about by my own behaviors... I cried at the doc's (something I always avoid doing) and said to her that I'm too old to be dealing with something like this, I should know better by now, etc... When I left her office, I thought, why the hell did I say those cruel things about myself. I'm just a person living my life. Period. Yes, I need not make those same mistakes that led to my health issues, and I will try my best not to. But even if I do make those mistakes again - I'm still just a person living my life the best I know how.
When Alan started to cry, I burst into tears!
What a sweet message! I spent many years "working" on myself and was filled with self- loathing. Luckily, I discovered meditation and am learning to observe myself with curiosity. It has made such a difference in my life and I experience so much more joy now. Thank you for all your videos .
This Little Light of Mine, I'm Gonna Let it Shine.
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.❤
WHOA! This one should have a big “GOOD FIRST CHOICE!”-banner across the freeze frame. That felt like a baptism in Love. 🙌
Thank you Alan!
It's you who is lovely!
Wow..that statement "you are not a self improvement project" is everything to me!!! I can't believe I'm 33 years old and only just hearing this.. for the last 10 years I have actively worked to "fix" what's wrong with me, living in the shadow of my childhood trauma and concluding I am just a broken dysfunctional individual who can never be happy until "healed". I put so much pressure on myself, analysing my social behaviour or performance at work or what others think of me it's exhausting. It's so validating to know that I'm not the only one who has been feeling this way and we can retrain our brain differently.
Thank you for the meaningful comment and thank you for sharing your experience. Glad this video is helpful.
Many of us can relate with seeing ourselves as a self-improvement project. This comes up in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
You are the BEST, Alan! There's so much more I want to say...but it's nearly 2 AM and I need my rest. I can't get enough of the voice you offer to any kind of human suffering. And while I might agree with a previous comment that you "should write a book" your personal delivery via these RUclips videos has resonated on a level that none of the other channels have achieved. You've hit every nerve...and assured me I'm OK. Thank you, kind sir. KNOW THAT YOU ARE APPRECIATED!
Until next time... goodnight.
9:02 that moment when you hear your own awesome message to others and apply it to yourself real quick by accident... so sweet, bless! 💝🌈🦄
Alan, I cannot tell you how much these videos mean to me. I have spent my entire life as a self improvement project - in fact, when I was 10 years old I once created an actual list of things I wanted to change to be more liked and more popular in school. I had a very traumatic childhood and blamed myself forever. I've been in therapy my whole life and right now, in this moment, you are the first person to ever drill down that I am okay exactly as I am. Alan, I know you have saved so many lives literally and figuratively. Thank you so much for embracing your empathy, intelligence, awareness, and exceptional communication skills to deliver your life changing content to the world. It means so much more than you could ever imagine to so many of us 💜
wow, thanks for letting me know these videos are helpful for you. Empathy for what you went through. Many of us struggle with this self improvement project perspective. I appreciate the feedback. Thank you for valuing my work. Glad is offers benefit.
Also, since the videos are helpful, I want to share about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Friending ourselves is a topic in the Community and it can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Been in the most awful place - full of self-hatred and self loathing but watching a few of these videos has given me some peace of mind for the first time in years. Just the most amazing man
Such loving compassion, thank you so much for your passion.
Thank you Alan!! I needed to hear this. Had me crying like a baby!!
Glad it resonates with you Susan.
Wow. Thank you. I’ve been doing my self improvement project for years. Every time a relationship ends, I go back to the drawing board because I *must* have missed something somewhere.
THIS made me sob in tears, when you said no you are lovely i burst in tears, thank you , i love you
The world needs more humans like this I’m the world!❤️❤️
I appreciate the feedback. Glad this content spoke to you. thanks for commenting. There are more humans like this in the world!
If you haven't already heard about it you may also like the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community I welcome you joining us as a member.
This video is gold😙
I am a new therapist and I truly wish I could be around you and learn from you, I think whatever you have been through somehow made it so valuable to be around you,
Love and respect to you.
Shahrzad, I am glad this material resonate with you. If you would like to deepen your understanding of attachment distress, please consider entering the conversation in the online membership community I started. You are invited to join other like-minded learners who value mapping out a plan of self-directed healing and want to share their insights with others. We are a kind, supportive group of folks committed to changing old patterns of relating. Please know you are welcome to be part of the community. You can learn more and register here: www.alanrobarge.com/community
I cried too. Your tears mean you truly care, and we all appreciate it more than you know.
Dear Alan,
You can not in this life know how much you have helped me. Until I found your channel, my mind was a rick and morty season. I fundamentally believed that I could never be understood, seen, or known. I never knew that anyone could really go into the synthesis of some of my most profoundly deep feelings about myself. You are doing something good in a way that you may never know. But I thank you so dearly for seeing me, for helping me see myself and explaining my pain to me. The smoke screen is clearing and even though that does not instantly cure the ailments of our minds, it sure brings a lot of inner peace. Thank you for your practical strategies and patient analysis. I am super grateful for you. Much loooovee
Khadijah, Thank you for valuing my material. I’m glad this one resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Interesting perspective. I had never considered this before. Imagine if you had a child/family member who suffered epileptic seizures, any decent person would never look at them and tell them "there's something wrong with you". Many of us were dealt some unpleasant cards, but it doesn't mean we are any less of a worthy (of love) human being. I'd heard of this in many different ways, but for some reason it never sank in before. Thank you, Alan, for sharing this and making it so much clearer. I can imagine it will be very helpful for me.
You sir, are a gift to humanity. (I started crying just before you did)
I actually found this video because I have recently come to the same conclusion and am looking to reinforce it with anyone else out there who can confirm this realization. It is actually what buddhists and other eastern religions are teaching. It's absolutely true what you say. I've finally given up on looking for all the reasons and proof why I'm not worthy of love and what all is wrong with me. Instead I look for all the proof that defies these ridiculous beliefs. Thank you for your wisdom. Namaste.
When we think we are not ok or not good enough. We are telling ourselves a story based on our experiences. Disbelieving this story is a key to unconditional personal acceptance.
You are healing me, Alan. You are healing me. Thank you!!! Thank you, Sir. Cry your tears. Cry all of ou tears! Beautiful soul.
Plato, Thank you for valuing my material. I’m glad this one resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
I sobbed like never before the entire video.
It is most beautiful "no", I ever heard! Thanks for your words. Your are kind with people like me, that always believe that I'm not worthy.
Thank you for watching. Many of us can relate to that same feeling, and it can be overwhelming sometimes. That's why I decided to create my online Community, Improve Your Relationships. It is not a therapy group, but a skills learning community full of support, encouragement, growth, and healing. We discuss topics like this and so much more. You're not alone. Learn more here: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Dude....you have no idea what a God send you are. this is the most aweosme dialogue and im subscribing right now. thank u for saying things that i feel but dont have the words to articulate
I am always searching for what is wrong with me. I have ADHD and that is diagnosed. But I grew up with a narcissistic mother who made me believe that I was broken. This recent realisation has stopped me from constantly looking up what is wrong with me on Google. At school I was super quiet and I told myself no one liked me when really I was just quiet and shy and I was embarassed just to exist amongst other people. It's horrible to think about. I overthink and I see the patterns you explain in me. Last year I convinced myself I was autistic but thankfully my partner made me realise that I am not before spending a lot of money on a diagnosis. Thank you thank you thank you! I am subscribing for more videos like this.
came because of Sia 😭💗 thank you so much . i love you Sia . i needed this .
oumaima oumaima same
thank you so much for telling it straight. i needed to hear your words.i feel i am defective in some way living with a p.d and i do make myself a self improvement project. im addicted to youtube watching any videos i can to find ' the one' that will heal me and make me a better person.i never saw it as aggression before.so much to think about and heed.thank you for your compassion and straight talking.
Thank you for being a man who has the courage to emote, you don't see that very often and I have a great deal of respect for that vulnerability and openness.
Oh ! I became emotional too. There’s so much burden we carry . I have written down some points while u were talking . Will refer to them often . U r lovely so lovely 🙏
I appreciate the kind words. Thanks for valuing my work.
You’re doing amazing Alan, thank you! I’m not going to treat myself like a broken toy or project. I’m allowed to be imperfect
Thanks for feedback and valuing my work. These are great affirmations. We can never have enough conversations about allowing in kindness for ourselves. If you are not subscribed to the channel, please do. Also let your friends know about this video. Thanks.
This little light of mine I'm going to let it shine! Learned that one when I was about 5. 5 was a rough year. Thanks for sharing this video so much! I really needed to hear this!
5 was a rough year. That breaks my heart . I will pray for you
This video is a mood elevator. I loved when you cried. Thank you for caring about us. PS I love that you do your videos without reading a teleprompter. It's all from the heart ❤️
Kathryn, thanks for valuing my content and letting me know how impactful it is for you. I am so glad to hear you get benefit from my work. Please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a contribution and/or joining us in the community. Supporting content creation makes it possible for future high quality content to be added to my channel. You can also check out the community and getting in on our great conversations. Thanks again for letting me know the videos are helpful. Here are the URL's to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/donate and for the community Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community
You published this video 5 years ago. Pity I found it only today. This video is just priceless. Many thanks.
Thank you for the kind words. Glad you are finding benefit. And thanks for valuing my work.
If you like this content then you may also like joining us in the Improve Your Relationships Community Program:
www.alanrobarge.com/community
God bless you Alan! I'm glad I subscribed to your channel and wish you success with it. Your videos are so informative and relatable and I like the fact there's no jargon either.
" This little light of mine. I'm gonna' let it shine" 😂🎵 Thank you for reminding me 1❤
You're welcome.
Your raw emotion hit me square in the chest. 😢❤
Thanks for letting me know you deeply resonated with this one. Appreciate the feedback. Please also share this video with others who may like it.
Thank you! I have been fixing myself for 25 years and keep waiting for the day to be fixed and live my life. As soon as I finish the ACA steps, I will live!
you had me in tears too...because my mother used to belittle me all my life and tell me i need to be fixed . She always tried to make me feel like everybody else is normal except me. Now, i understand that whatever she said to belittle me was a reflection of her suffering and insecurities ; and that it never had anything to do with me. I had been perfectly fine all along. But for many years i believed there was something deeply wrong with me and that affected all parts of my life.
your story brings up empathy. That sounds painful. I can understand these experiences. I'm reminded how important it is to keep talking about our core beliefs. Glad this video spoke to you. Thanks for the comment.
Sir... I feel like you’re talking directly to me. Thank you sooooo much for reminding me that I’m doing okay. I’m ready to heal.
Clair, I'm glad to hear that this video was helpful for you. Good for you for seeking out healing. If you would like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the links below:
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Make a direct donation
www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Thanks again for letting me know the video was helpful.
Thank you thank you thank you. Ill listen over and over. Thank you for your emotion. It was such significant reflection of how I should feel about myself. If I saw someone whipping themselves with a whip until their back was hamburger and they would not give me the whip to stop because they are ashamed of who they are for no good reason, it would make me cry. Yet its what I do emotionally every day to myself.
Your response was like an intercession from an angel and tears from god. Thank you for your heart
Wow...beautiful but sad point.
YES! It made me so happy! I love how your personality shines through your videos! Many people don't dare to do that and would rather fit into the mould! Thanks for this!
Thank you for the supportive words. Glad to hear the video made you happy.
This episode made me cry in a positive way!!! I received your light Sir Alan!!!! I THANK YOU!!!
You are so welcome! Glad to hear this was moving for you. Appreciate the comment.
Also, since you like this video, I want to share about the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. Loving ourselves is a topic that comes up in conversations. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
before i listen to this, i wanted just to say, i'm glad i found you here dr. Rabarge
your way of explaining things makes me make peace with the world
Roodha, thank you for the kind feedback. I feel more of us need to know our own inner goodness. I'm glad to hear you receive benefit from my work. Please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution, checking out my course, and/or joining us in the Community. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality content. Click on the links to learn more:
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Check out the Community unity, Improve Your Relationships
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Make a direct donation
www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Thanks again for letting me know the video was helpful.
I so appreciate you more than you now Alan. You are REAL and get to the heart of the matter. I so so appreciate you and your wonderful community. Yes, I am hard on myself and I cannot tell you how many times I've said...'there is something wrong with me'. I listened all the way through and saved this video to remind myself that there is nothing wrong with me. Thank you for looking at us and saying: you're lovely. I see my goodness, but in relationships I feel like I'm always doing something wrong. That's when I say: there is something wrong with me. Love you so much, thank you for all you do and for you amazing videos.
Hi Dana, thank you for this lovely comment. I appreciate your feedback and reflection here. So glad the content and community are helpful for you. Thanks for commenting.
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma when I tell you YOU ARE making A HUGE difference in my life, inside and outside the community, I truly mean it. I have been through therapy since I was 15 years old and no one has been as creative as you are in communication to express what is going on. You are the first therapist to enlighten me about attachment trauma. A lightbulb went off when I listened to you, which is why I signed up for the community. One of my favorite videos is: 'He/She is not going to change. Wake UP! I laughed and laughed because it was like you were speaking directly to ME. I have put it on repeat many times and seen in my experience that it's so true. Thank you so so much for your time and working to help others in this world. Have a wonderful day.
"Self improvement project" - that hit hard! Thank you!
thanks for the feedback. Yes, it is a hard realization. Many of us get caught up in this thinking. Glad this video spoke to you. If you like this video then you may also want to check out The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz:
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I started to cry JUST before you did. Big hugs sweetheart. I am watching comedy and laughing again. (That's a good sign.) Thank you. I quite recently nearly shouted at my Mother "There's nothing WRONT with me!" From a VERY young age I received that message. Was reading Psychology Toady at 10 or 12 years old. Because my Mom couldn't comfort, nurture, encourage, play, she psychoanalyzed her kids. I am O.K. and, in fact, better than most because my heart is good. Just because those around me find it difficult to love does NOT mean there is something wrong with ME!
I have borderline personality traits, bipolar disorder, and numerous psychological and emotional issues. It's hard for me to accept this video's premise because I've believed there's something wrong with me almost as long as I've been self-aware. I've felt as though I didn't belong, and though conversion to Christianity has helped with that, it's also reinforced both my sense of wrongness and made it a given that I must become someone else - a new creature in Christ, striving to be like Him in every situation and aspect of my life. Thank you for helping me to remember that I'm also a child of God, and that there's nothing wrong with ME - the being I've been for untold ages as we lived in His presence. Becoming mortal made me subject to the conditions of mortality, which include the disorders and experiences that affect my ability to perceive who I am, who others are, and how I live my life in a meaningful, purposeful way. Thank you for giving me something to hash out with my therapist!
I am so grateful to have found you on RUclips. Your genuine care and concern for others warms my heart. I really needed to hear your words at this time in my life because it feels like someone gets me. I could cry too.😊
I have been looking at your videos all day. Working with myself. For 8 hours. I made lot of realizations..i confronted my pain. My fears. I do this because I know there's something right with me but then I fell on this video and I realize that a part of me also have believed the voices of others saying there's something wrong with me. Now I'm also crying. Thank you Alain
Wow
Doctor Alan you are such a beautiful human being and whoever gets to have you in their life as their husband/parent/friend... is one lucky bastard.
Lots and lots of love to you,you wonderful human being💓
Ice Queen, Thanks for those kind words.I’m glad this material resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Alan, you are such a a kind, brilliant man. Thank you for the work and information you share so freely. You are a beautiful empath. GOD bless you. ❤
I appreciate the kind words and thank you for valuing my effort. Glad my work brings benefit.
If you value this content then please consider becoming a sustaining supporter by joining us in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Learn more by taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma thank you for sharing the link! I will!
This one of the greatest most profound human videos on here thank you brother
This video found me in May 2024 and it is perfect timing bc I've been having these thoughts of but being enough lately. I also felt like crying. Thank you ❤❤❤❤❤
I love this angel named Alan Robards.
"You are a lovely human being". The nicest thing I've heard in a while. Thank you Dr. Robarge.
I love this man. Genius way to present. So genuine. So remarkably helpful.
Thank you for all the supportive comments. I am glad to hear you receive benefit from my work. If you would like to become a sustaining supporter and invest in my efforts to offer quality content and also for the creation of new, future videos, please check out the donation options. Glad you find the video helpful. www.alanrobarge.com/donate
One foot in front of the other... there is nothing wrong with you... freedom from the burden... Very hopeful and powerful messages. Thanks a lot. And Your video really was helpful.
I appreciate the kind words. Glad this is helpful. Thanks for valuing the work that evolves out of the Improve Your Relationships Community Program discussions. I welcome you joining us:
www.alanrobarge.com/community
I have been studying self-help for two years (every day). A lot of it really helped me heal! But I am at that place right now where I can say; I was lovable the whole time And I am lovable and enough right Now!
And I can thank my cat too. He was sick and the vet told us that it is not treatable; then time goes, i take him to the doctor, who said; He is healthy! Nothing is wrong with him. :D
Thank You Alan for making these videos
Thank you alan for this affirmation. I just recently gone through a breakup and had not so good attachments with my ex. The process of healing and choosing myself first is a hard process for me but i'll continue doing the good work for myself. Thank you very much for this video!!! This has affirmed me and given me so much hope to continue loving myself.
629shashi, I understand how challenging this can be to learn a new behavior like loving kindness towards ourselves. I am glad this video spoke to you.
I created an 8-week program of self-directed healing work to put healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma got set up on our lives we are able to begin to see longing from a new perspective. We also gain access to inner resources that shift our relationship to the longing. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. If this is something that interests you, you are welcome to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. www.alanrobarge.com/community
You are a true gift Alan. Connect with you far more than any other on YT. Have watched so many hrs of content & have helped me through more than you know. Thank you for being you, that vulnerable emotionally intelligent, kind hearted you. You're a true gift, & you're loved by us
ALANNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! This was so permission giving and showed so much grace to those of living in Shame! You’re such a beautiful spirit. Thank you for this.
This is nice, thank you for the kind words. I'm glad this was helpful for you. Thank you for valuing my work and efforts to offer this content.
Oh my Gosh!!!! This is so poignant for where I am on my journey, it’s timely for sure!!! I have been trying to improve myself since I was a young child!!! I have attachment traumas from the very beginning of my life and i am currently visiting my 83 year mother to help heal some of these issues! As a child/adult , I never felt enough or good enough!!! I have done so much internal connect work on myself the last 5 years! I am finally learning to love and accept myself at age 53!!! Thank you for your work, your efforts, the sharing of your message, and for being your authentic self!!! You are a beautiful human being!! Thanks again!!! Jen
Currently going through the hurt of a break up and this video brought me to tears as well! Thank you! I needed this today!!
Empathy to you. Thank you for letting me know this video was helpful. If this content is beneficial for you then you may also be interested in checking out the Improve Your Relationships Community where members seek out learning about healing. The community is based on Self-Directed Healing which means you create your own healing plans. You get to pick and choose what is important for you to focus on. Members have reported feeling supported by sharing their healing processes with each other. Getting support from others who are also learning can be very helpful. Consider joining us in the conversations.
Check out the Improve Your Relationships Community.
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank You
"There is nothing Wrong with Me" which released the floodgates, but in a very positive way.
It reminded me of the way I felt after watching the Film "Good Will Hunting - its not your fault."
But You have managed to help Me understand that I do not need fixing because "I am Lovely the way I am".
So simple but so far reaching even if it sounds a little silly, You have helped Me more than You can imagine.
Thank You!.
You are a lovely person too!.
You just put in words what a lot of people cant do .. good job
Thank you, I'm happy that this video resonated with you. So many people experience these same feelings, and we deserve to heal from this.
If you liked this video, you might also enjoy my course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. You can learn more by taking the quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I really needed to hear this today. Thank you🥲
Joseph, I am glad to hear that. Glad this video was helpful. Please share this video to friends and others who might also near to hear this message. Thanks for your comment.
I’m so glad I found your channel.
Alan, You nailed it: Accept who you are, Live your Life, Find a New Skill.
Nice summary. Glad you like this one. Thanks for feedback.
Your a genuine, sincere, person.
It is your absolute compassion as well as your wisdom that is so motivating to others Alan. Eternally grateful to you for that.
What a treasure you are. Your raw emotion touched me deeply and brought to mind that my therapist did much the same as I was recounting some of my history. I was taken aback (in a good way) with her care. I never had anyone give a damn and it touched me deeply. I am caught in this self-improvement cycle, but Honey, there's nothing wrong with me. :) Bless you big, Alan, and thanks.
Aww Alan, thank you for your authenticity and providing us with this amazing content. You're a beautiful human ❤
you're such a lovely soul, thank you so so so much