What if There's Nothing Wrong With You | Susan Henkels | TEDxSedona
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- Опубликовано: 31 май 2024
- We often design our lives around a long list of all the things we believe are wrong with us. The premise of this presentation questions our interpretation of right and wrong and how that interpretation ultimately determines how we decide who we will become as adults, how we choose our important relationships, how we pick our professions, how or if we parent, and what determines the quality of the life we choose. This presentation is a discovery toward what's in the way of having the life you deserve and an easier and more fun way of getting there. You will find ways of releasing judgment and criticism of yourself, begin to consider forgiveness of yourself and others, start making wiser choices, and expand your passion for contribution. Asking the question: What if there's nothing wrong with you?....... can become an ongoing practice for life." usan Munich Henkels. M.S.W is a psychotherapist focused on resolving relationship issues with yourself, your partner, families, family business and organizations. She is committed to clear and honest communication for the best possible outcomes. She is a graduate of the University of Michigan and received a Masters’ degree in Social Work from the George Warren Brown School of Social Work, Washington University in St. Louis, MO.
Susan is also an avid colored pencil artist with a passion for drawing trees and the magic they hold. She has many original drawings in private and public collections and has shown at the Sedona Arts Center and several international and national colored pencil exhibitions.
Out of listening for over 45 years to thousands of people talking about all that’s wrong with them, she presents today "What If There is Nothing Wrong With You" This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
My most favorite quote "If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete" -buddha
Thank you so much for this comment 😭
Très bon. Merci du partage
Thanks for this comment, it came at a time I truly needed to hear it. ❤️
Carla isn’t that good how
Mu is
J
Are you a kind person if you're not kind to yourself? Just crossed my mind.
“...create an entire life around decisions we made when we were probably five years old.”
😲
She nailed that one.
B Simpson 👏🏾👏🏾
I was told I was "impossible" as a child. Only now learning there was nothing wrong with me at all.
What you think about yourself is the most important thing ever. Period
I thought i had a disease because teacher told me that, with 18 years i got to know 3 words THROUGH THE INTERNET introvert, ambivert and extrovert. And i was, sadly, an introvert
kuebrastic I love being an introvert💖
@@surlespasdondine same💓 but teachers acted like i had a disease and i lost my confidence because of that..and i am sad that i only found out who i was when i was 18..i wished teachers would educate children about that
@@kuebrastic1219 same.i too found out.Society thinks introverts are like they are just good i study and not in real life.but actually extroverts live only on accepted experiences.They cant do anything creative at all.It's like they have knowledge of what should we do and we know why to or how to do but we just didnt approach there knowledge yet.even family too dont accept you.
After years of beating myself up over my insecurities, this TED talk has been a balm. What if there's nothing wrong with me?
I always thought there was something wrong, and I never knew why. But then maybe there never was. After hearing this talk and thinking about it, there isn't anything wrong with me or anyone.
And I dunno, I just got so mad. What made me feel this way in the first place? And then I remember, it's my Mom. And I was so mad until I remembered, it was her Mom too who influenced her to be that way.
I hope that in the future, we become better parents to our kids and better people to each other. Words alone can really tear a person down. But acceptance like that can really build someone up. Thanks for the talk, lady.
(Also, for the first time in forever, this is a proper comment without panicking. I guess there's really nothing wrong with me or anyone. We're all just afraid, maybe. Of not being good enough.)
Highly relatable when you mentioned your mom. It's INSANE how much our parents can impact on us and shape us.
I end up needing to forgive myself for believing what others had said about me, for internalizing it.
I can feel your frustration, but then I think of this person, this Susan Henkels, and just the way she talks, standing there, telling jokes and truths, makes me smile. I am so glad you overcame those insecurities. I think I also overcame some of mine! :)
I also wondered why was I so convinced that something is wrong. And yes, my mother is a huge part of it. But I also thought about how asking someone "what's wrong?" is such a reflex question. Especially towards children.
Just in my own life at least, if I ever wasn't a "perfect smiling child" it was always "what's wrong" "what's the matter" "what's wrong with you" " why do you look like that" " fix your face". Even if I was just neutral, just chilling. And I'm such a thinker and was branded as "the smart kid" so naturally I'm like these questions must be answered. Whole time I thought I was a normal human with emotions but apparently something is wrong with me and it's my responsibility to figure out what.
No it's not. Those are someone else's questions and I can trust the answer that I knew in my heart as a child before I decided to be influenced. There was nothing wrong with me the first time the question was posed and there was nothing wrong the 1000th time. Only the turmoil I put myself through trying to figure it out. Trying to make someone else's perception my truth, and it is not.
Loved this sentence, "I hope that in the future, we become better parents to our kids and better people to each other." More power to you!!
At first I was a little confused. "There is nothing wrong with you." As soon as I heard that I was thinking: if I told myself this everyday and believed it then would I still be able to accept criticism from others? Would I still be able to reflect on my actions and better myself? I would turn into an arrogant snob because I would believe that I am perfect!
But then I thought about it for a bit. I already have a hard time accepting criticism because I am so hard on myself, nobody is harder on me than myself and when another person comes along it is like an extra beating on top of my self-inflicted bruises. I can't control others, but I can control myself. With more forgiveness and more faith in myself I would be able to take criticism because I would be more confident and would have more strength to do so. I would still be able to reflect on my actions because I am confident enough to actually do something about my flaws.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Susan.
Well said tbh
Exactly!!!! Wow!!! So insightful. Many thanks. You are so bright.
THIIIIS
this for real! self hate/ over use of guilt/ putting the self down is actually the opposite of being selfless and self-responsible.
for example: your partner did something that felt hurtful to you and so you tell them what they did to be hurtful and ask them to change that behavior- instead of staying calm and being receptive to your needs they immediately reply with “i know i’m a bad person i’m sorry!” or something to that affect. it becomes about them and nothing changes. the apology isn’t even sincere here, it’s purpose it to put themselves down- not to express empathetic remorse.
What a wonderful woman. I love how she shows vulnerability and strength all at once. Inspiring and freeing words of wisdom.
Totally!!!
This was a direct hit for me! I've been mentally sabotaging myself all my life. I will try to treat myself better everyday! ❤
Jess A. good luck ! it is the right path
Jess. Don't try, do it. When you do it once, remember those feelings. The next time you do it, you'll know you've succeeded because you have those same good feelings. You can do it.
RIP Susan. Grateful to have had the pleasure of working with you while living in Sedona. In this video she said she wanted to create something that can outlive her. Well this is a message that will go on and on and help many more people for years to come.
I really paused the talk to give myself a deep immersion in this advice:
"The only little trick here is: you have to get rid of all judgement and criticism about yourself" (10:42)
Susan Henkels, I doubt you will ever know how far-reaching and profound the impact of your words will be, how many people may be affected by the people who were affected by you. I do think you've done something that will outlive you. Thank you. - From a psychology student who will never forget what you've said here.
Dear Crys...Thank you so much for taking what I said and having it make such a profound difference. I would love to hear from you after you read the First Revision of WHAT IF THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU? which is currently up on Amazon. There is not a day that goes by that I don't use the concept to take so much of the effort ant struggle out of my life.
I totally agree w you.. very far reaching and beyond. If we could know in our g earth t h ere was nothing wrong with us.... there may or may not be any more crime abuse. We could focus on deeper emotions deeper growing. We could dig deeper past that surface stuff. And grow beyond.
Indeed
The road to forgive yourself is to set up a rule that you only permit thoughts that are the same kindness and compassion as you would say to a best friend or stranger in your shoes. If it would be considered bullying if you said it to someone else then you don't deserve it either. You can never be happy with a bully living rent free in your head so you need to evict it. Don't treat yourself worse than you treat a stranger.
This talk was lovely.
Ambi Cahira Except the thoughts still pop up
Great advice, Ambi. Btw, Becky, if the negative thoughts still pop up, just keep telling yourself those positive thoughts you would want to hear from a trusted friend. Persistence worked for me.
@Winchestah I taught my brain to choose (not control) my thoughts so yes you definitely can. You have a thought you dont want, recognize it and correct it with the thought you do want and this trains your brain, it changes the neuroplasticity to what you do want and strays away from what you dont want. So yes you can choose. You can, with effort, make negative thoughts disappear because eventually the brain shortcuts to the thoughts you are choosing.
Ambi I had a revelation recently along these lines. I realized if my greatest enemy called me in need in the middle of the night I would treat them better than I treat myself, I would set aside all of the issues and lend an ear, (if not a hand). I also realized it does not matter where self-esteem issues develop, or who is at fault, or who I would be if I did not have them... I saw that I have to make peace with myself as I am if I am ever going to have peace. All this to say that when "those" thoughts come up now, I hear them for what they are (a habit) and turn my thoughts to the words I would offer anyone else in need. A new, brighter, easier, safer, kinder world is opening up for me. It ALL starts with what we say to ourselves.
Unless there's absolutely nothing to forgive yourself for. And *that* is the point of this concept and talk.
I wish you a long long life, madam! this world need you badly in these dark times
Tyler Tyler
These dark times also happen to be the era of least human suffering, because we value kindness and compassion more than ever.
Don’t romanticize the past- it often isn’t as rosy as it seems.
💯
Who can say in these days there is the least suffering?
I am enough.
Silent Grove and you are perfect just the way you are
You are more than enough, you are wonderful! I know!
You are enough. So enough
i'm not and thinking i was or trying to be lead me to be to arrogant. I think it's ok to try to be ok with yourself, yes that's ok however i think sometimes only trough others can we reach our balance and the things we miss. So for myself i would say: I may be enough for a while or for periods of time but without others i loose my balance, my joye and my purpose.
Being self sabotaging is the most dangerous problem...
I was given a whole list of insults -mostly by my mother alone, both growing up and
today. These talks and meditation for self love taught me there’s nothing wrong with me- ITS HER ISSUE
This message was sooo on time and on point I can't even explain it properly.. I was literally crying in the shower feeling like not going on with life, thinking I'm emotionally damaged beyond repair and here comes your message on auto -play.. YOU are a blessing to those who are lost and feeling beat down by life.. I'm convinced you are doing God's work.. I will be buying your book and moving on with life with a much more relaxed and confident manner thanks to you.. Blessings to you and yours Susan 🙏🏾💓💯👌🏾😊
The most valuable lesson I've learned is that it's okay not to be okay. The second most valuable...So what? Now what?
hi i just want to let you know that there's a korean drama titled 'it's okay not to be okay' [사이코지만 괜찮아] and maybe watch the drama if you're interested. i personally really like the drama. have a nice day! ✿
I was beaten by my parents when I did something ‘wrong’ and ‘unacceptable’, this stays with me and I have been critical about myself. Until recently, my life coach told me if I can’t forgive myself, no one else can. This video completely explained the message I long for too. Thank you.
Reminds me of a quote by Veronika Tugaleva "Realize, first and foremost, that you are not flawed"
This is so beautiful in a day and age where so many people are making a living off of what we should be, how we should think, what we should do and it usually comes down to what we should buy.
My Dad died a week ago today. This talk came to me at the right time. We were heavily abused.
I have a laundry list of self criticisms, shame, guilt,.....diagnosed with CPTSD
He was a tough guy to love - but he worked hard to support us. It is very difficult to know how to feel about anything. Thank you for your insight.
🙏🏾 I'm sorry. Sending positive vibes your way.💛💙💛💙💛
Watch Me Thrive thanks. Been kinda tough. Your comment means allot to me :)
Many parents from old generations did not have a propper education. For example, those who lived the 2 world war suffered a great deal, not only because of abuse and very bad time themselves. They did not know how to raise a child better...
Main Street Boxer thanks. Peace to you my friend
Rachel Pollock thank you for your kind support. Day by day still :). People like you make me feel more strong.
I love Susan Henkels - her natural and positive energy is so positive and attractive.
Thank you Susan Henkels!
Be yourself everyone else is already taken.
Look after your inner child. Trust in yourself.
🙈🙉🙊.
How much I like this Susan Henkels lady. This is really a person I would like to have as my therapist / a sensible person to just talk to. Hearing her talk, brings this smile on my face, for so very huggable and sweet with her keen intelligence. I am not sure, but I would gather her as a ' so nice a jewish lady of nobility '. Thank you for your message Susan, for your ' permission ' to accept ourselves just as we are, as " just as it is ".
"What if we stopped fighting ourselves, stopped being our own worst enemy and go do something that we really wanted to do." Thank you.
Yoooo, to everyone who loved this lovely talk, I HIGHLY recommend Caroline McHugh’s TED Talk, The Art of Being Yourself or sth like that. Lovely Scottish lady, stole my heart and transformed my soul 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Word
Today is my birthday. im on a week vacation and yet im not really happy. I started thinking of all the bad things about me. all the bad things that might happened to me after this or that decision and now im going back home tomorrow and it feels like this vacation just went by like it was nothing. I love the last part "Just for today what if there's nothing wrong with you and live through that possibility". It is indeed a gift. Thank you Susan. I will try to do that and for those who are reading this my light may not be as bright as everyone else but i hope this post will light yours a little more brightly.
I was a part of a fundamentalitic Christian church. Somehow I managed to be still a nice, happy loving person until the day I went to speak to two pastors about something I wasn't happy about in the church. It was about treating people not equally and that I felt was unfair. One of the pastors told me that the holy spirit told him that something is wrong with me. He couldn't tell me what it is or where and how I could find help. But there is defenately something wrong with me. He was old, very respected and people called him wise. So I guessed he must be right. Kept me up for nights. Of course I found more and more stuff that was wrong with me and also with other people, too. Anxiety and insecurity grow in me and within weeks I wasn't the same person anymore. I became bitter, resentful, unmotivated and in the end very very depressed and even suicidal. It was the opposite question that drove me mad and it took years to get out of that pit. Moralism and judgmental attitudes kill more humans than all sicknesses together.
It's very Buddhist to practice, "It is what it is." This is how I've always viewed it: The things I cannot control simply are and I let them flow over me (as a practice, which is imperfect.) All of that in the world that "is", I let go. What I can control, I can shape and reshape. Or rather, I make efforts to that end.
This lady has such a radiant, positive vibe, gives great advice, and as a Brit I love her accent!
Forgiving yourself was a very serious topic to a lot of people and it was well address in a very humorous manner in this talk 💪
l loved this. How interesting life is when you get older and your perspective changes. You are just added to my role model list.
Doing wrong and being wrong is not one and the same.
But what is wrong? People usually decide what their version of wrong is and force others to follow those guidelines.
The most profound discoveries are usually simple and they feel good. Thank you Ma’am .
The best TED I've ever seen! Thank you so much Susan for realising that there is nothing wrong with you, thank you for forgiving yourself and be free again to talk as you want, thank you for making these knowledge available, thank you for spreading this wonderful message! I am glad you exist and are who you are! Thanks again! Your words made me free again.
I know right. It’s so freeing and better than “love yourself” quotes. I now totally want to relax and use the method she told us about. Bless her!
And there is nothing wrong with telling yourself that there is nothing wrong with you. :) ", (See what I mean?)
Or with stepping into that role
@@Malaima I didnt understand the part of stepping into that role. What role? Maybe I didn't get it because english its not my first language. But your other comment I get it and agree with you Laima. There is nothing wrong in saying there is nothing wrong with you. That way we can accept ourselves with all there it is in ourselves. And after we fully accept, fully feeling the acceptance we can become better versions of ourselves (I mean if we are hurting ppl we love)
One of the best TED talks I've had the pleasure of watching
She wasn't addicted to smoking, but to self-harming, you can be addicted to negative thoughts especially about yourself. When that bad habit no longer invokes any negativity, you're able to leave it
Happiness on a tiny budget . It still can be done . Thanks for uploading .
That feeling when you notice that watching a simple video made you change your point of view of things. I would just put my expectatives so high unconsiously that I almost destroy my happiness for not reaching them, which is my most important value for me. ¡THANK YOU SO MUCH SUSAN! ¡You literally fixed me!
Actually I like being alone sometimes too. No more feeling guilty about that!
"It is what it is." Corollary: "You are what you are."
I bet, I mean, I know that she is a fantastic therapist. I just know it! I spent years in life and therapy asking what was wrong with me. The only thing wrong with me was that I thought there was something wrong with me. It's kind of like the ending of the Wizard of Oz, when Glinda comes back to talk about the ruby slippers. "You had the power all along, you just had to figure it out for yourself."
Genius.
Smoke yourself into forgiveness.
Thank you for adding value to our lives.
“Just accepting it is what it is.” You have shown us that wherever we may perceive ourselves to be we are enough because we are. ❤️
"You are the work if God, and his work is wholly loving and wholly loveable, that's how a man must see himself in his heart, because that is what he is'"... One of my favourite quotes from ACIMs.
Lovely, loving lady. Warms my heart 💟 to think of all the people she has caringly helped. Has reminded to LOVE THEMSELVES!
The sooner we can all shift to a self-respecting, self-caring, self-accepting and self-loving space, the healthier and happier we'll ALL be.
Including Mother Earth. She shall certainly be happier! 🌍!!!🌎!!!🌏!!! For the more loving we are toward ourselves and therefore others, the more loving and respectful we'll be toward her. We might even be able to RESCUE her and her magical, mysterious and humbling miracles from aeons of unnecessary, hate-based destructiveness. 🕊
Hi Susan! I love your idea :-) and I really really love the way you presented it. You spoke bravely in a manner slightly different than most people do their TED talks. You did not speak as if you had a word for word memorized script- you were so present! Nothing wrong with that! Many blessings and many thanks. Well done 👍
Your childhood story could be mine almost exactly. Right down to the freckles and teeth in the mirror moment. Thank you for this
Thank you so much Susan! I have learned from this talk that I don't need to define myself through what I do. Making "mistakes" don't make me bad, it just makes me human.
Great Ted Talk, love this woman. Self-forgiveness is so important 💛
The most important behaviour between people is the respectfully communication independent of the
age
I was Divinely Guided to see this and realized “there is nothing wrong with me!” Brought me to my knees bawling. All those false beliefs gone. Thank you for your courage to give a wonderful Ted talk.
The trick is to be more accepting of one self and less judgmental.
Thanks a lot. I used to keep blaming myself for everything that went wrong, even when I wasn't responsible for it. This video was indeed an eye-opener for me. It made me retrospect again, and made me question my stern beliefs about all the things that were supposedly wrong with me. And I did realize that a lot of these were just part of my unique identity.Being different doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It just means that you are different. I haven't accepted myself completely.Nevertheless, it feels really good to believe in " What if there's nothing wrong with me".
I was filled up with sadness but I couldn't get it out, and at the very begining of this I cried, I really needed this
So there's actually no need to regret of our lives' choices nor beating ourselves over everything we could have been? And we just gotta embrace/accepted ourselves as we are without anyone's including our own far-fetched expectations or prejudicate limitations? Damn.
Consider this. Most of the time when you say you don’t like something you’re told there is something wrong with you. You know that’s not true and so do the people that say it.
I adore this fantastic lady. She is brilliant on so many levels.
Freckles are precious.
I have to say, the idea that we choose what our perspectives on things is one we all need.
I'm always gonna remember to love myself from now on I need to if I'm gonna enjoy life.
I believe I'll remember that we don't need to think there's anything wrong with us.
I believe that belief, is a powerful thing.
"I want to live a life where hearts are open to acceptance and inclusion, where we've dissolved all judgment, blame, and criticism; and relationships are open to breaking through the barriers of hate and mistrust."
thank you. this was a nice little lift in my heart. you are so brave for going on that stage and sharing what you know when you grew up in an environment that taught you otherwise. it not only makes me hopeful that my background doesn’t have to set me up for a predetermined future but also makes me rethink maybe there just isn’t.. anything wrong with anything at all. it really resonated with me when you talked about quitting cigs. i had such a horrible anxiety-filled couple years thinking i needed to stop being so dependent on weed. i kept counting all the reasons why i needed to get a healthier coping mechanism and just all the ways it was ruining my life. this year, i just stopped judging myself for it. i just accepted it as a part of my life that just is and there’s nothing wrong with it as long as i fulfilled promises w myself about showing up to class and checking stuff off my to-do list before letting myself smoke. that changed the game for me. i have the confidence to stop smoking whenever i want bc i no longer have that tremendous anxiety and stress about doing something i’ve been telling myself is a problem. i never realized that’s the kind of attitude i can transfer over to all the other areas of my life. that i don’t have to be so hard on myself all the time. that there really isn’t much wrong with me. that i deserve good things i have now and don’t have yet bc there’s nothing wrong w me. thank you for sharing.
Hello this is from Seoul. I just came across this video. What a fresh insightful message. Thanks.
reminder that you can save the link to this video on your desktop. at least that's what i'm doing. i need to listen to this more than once.
Great talk. I began seeking to 'understand' the psychology of myself & my very dysfunctional family as a teen, over 40 years ago. My understanding changed so many times. As a teen, I believed all the ideas that I was troubled & a problem person & stuff like that. I then came to see all of my accusers see only 'what they do not understand, from the outside,' like spoken in this talk. One day I prayed about all the blame, & the Bible based Word that day was about how we all do not have the same chance to do well, based on what was handed to us. We live in a society that does not grasp this at all, that we do not all have an equal playing field for ability to avoid problems. And they punish & blame & we soak it in. I am so thankful to God that He showed me to see a lot of the self blame was stuff I had been trained to do, etc... & that I can live focused on the future, & all the effort I've made for health & let go all that is past... & realize people around me are hurt, & so to have the mind of seeking to be a healer, as God has spoken in answers to prayer. We think we know ourselves, others & we don't... I never would have gotten a good perspective without answers to prayer.
One of the most amazing talks I've listened too! Strangely it is also exactly the journey I'm on!
Acceptance is the key to peace and freedom.
It's not about what's wrong with me, it's about what's been done to me...
forgive all you can
( and forgive some more, when you are ready to forgive some more. )
Every time I hear a Excellence TED Talks I say that is the best TED Talks and so I say again that was the best TED Talks what an awesome woman with the terrifying sense of humor
It is what it is, and what's understood doesn't need to be explained... 💁♀️👏
Read the book “radical forgiveness” and never look back.
Thankyou!
"It is what it is." I've been hearing this a lot lately. It has always felt like a cop-out but for my sister, who has fought cancer, it's been her mantra. Even despite that, I've always felt as though I was the one who had something wrong with me. This talk was really confirmation of what I already knew to be true: there's power in positive thinking. If we can invest as much effort into telling ourselves we are ok as we do when we tell ourselves we're not, imagine the things we could do!Puts a new spin on the olde affirmations. If a compulsive smoker can quit by doing this, I've got nothing to worry about. From now on it will be, "there's nothing wrong with you." Thank you for this inspiration.
I totally agree with her, but sometimes when I do things like she said "what if there's nothing wrong with you," I will get the hallucination that I'm a disciplined and trustworthy person even tho I'm not, so I will get more and more lazy and start to procrastinating again and again because of I "trust" myself, and think that there's nothing wrong with laziness and procrastination(it is wrong) so what I often do is not trust myself that much, knowing if I procrastinate I'm being wrong, so if I want to change bad habits like chronic procrastination, her approach might not work.
Not a terrible video, terrible editing. I have no ill will for this woman, she seems very sweet, but the most powerful thing about this talk is the title. The concept is interesting (not new to me) but she didn't develop it at all. I was really hoping for some unique insight into it, or anything at all that would flesh it out. I'm happy to be reminded of the idea, at least.
these people are smart. listening to them makes me smarter.
I am starting a new life. I am going to put aside my past. I am finished with it. I am only going to deal with my behaviors from now. I am happy with me. I want to be happy with me and so I will. I truly am happy with me. Being alone with me is peaceful. I don't think bad thoughts of me. I have a happy future. Bless this woman for her gift to us.
You are very inspirational. Thank you for this tremendously positive and inspirational presentation.
I dropped a lot of L.S.D AT LEAST 300 FROM THE '70s EVERY ONE WENT AWAY FROM ME family CLOSE FRIENDS FREINdS I was on my own I survived not worried but still on my own, I am stronger now. Thank YOU Susan
8:55 "I was terrified to open my mouth for fear for another round of screaming and harsh punishment. It felt much safer to keep my mouth shut and I lost my voice to need to feel safe." This got me to tears because I used to be this talkative, playful, outing girl. I was the life of the party and made everyone smile. It was my favorite quality of myself, however, I quickly learned that everyone that I cared for hated it. They constantly called me annoying, told me to shut up and when they looked at me, they saw that I see life as a joke and I shouldn't be taken seriously. My own "family and friends" couldn't stand being around me. I felt lonely. I wanted someone else in my life. So what did I do? I asked for a sister. On August 13, 2011, Angela was born. I loved her with all my heart. I cared for her and made sure she was always happy. But, by the time she was four, she saw me the way everyone else did. It's not that I couldn't have a serious or silent moment, I loved those too. No one wanted to be around me on any occasion. My parents will deny it, but it is obvious that Angie (Angela) is their favorite child. My parents would make me clean the house with no reward, but would jump at the chance to give my sister presents for merely breathing. My family calls me names, in various languages. My point being is that I feel that nobody loves me or would miss me if I were gone. Ask you can guess, I went through depression and suicidal thoughts in my life, but I am combating those not with the thought that somebody loves me, but with the thought that I LOVE ME and one day I will leave my old life behind and will be independent so I won't have to face my parents for food, shelter, and money and maybe even one day, I will find someone who loves me for who I am (friend or significant other). I am not fighting for the people who supposedly love me, I am fighting for my own future. I am fighting for a brighter tomorrow.
You are fighting for being yourself!! You are a very nice and happy personality because you can love other people, not everybody experiences this feeling
Briana Del Real Dont be a attention seeker, respect ppl’s need for quiet, find a hobby.
Beyond Beauty69 I do respect people’s need for quiet and I have a lot of hobbies. I just want someone to understand me just like everyone else has at least one person that understands them. I’m not looking for attention, just for someone not to hate me.
I embraced the notion of being perfectly imperfect ages ago. But it is a work in progress. Early conditioning & the external world are active antagonists.
I love this talk and what she just told us what she says to herself in the morning.
After listening to her , I asked myself 'what if there is nothing wrong with me' and it made such an amazing impact. I felt so relaxed after asking my this question. Thank you.
I love it when she says “that would be really great”. Amazing talk and in my namesake.
This made me breathe freely and brought tears into my eyes. Thank you so much
I love this. It’s the first time I’m hearing her speak and hearing about her book and I love her. Thank you Susan. You are amazing.
Oh, I love her, Amazing Ted Talk.
She might not know, but she is a great speaker. very charismatic, wise and actually funny. what an amazing woman. great TED talk! Susan, you're words and wisdom will outlive you, so you've achieved what you wanted
This is so powerful. The greatest truths usually are.
I had disagreement with senior colleagues at work, I was told that I am usually impossible, mannerless with all kind of bad comments. This has always been the case as far I could remember. I often spend so much time figuring out why it always has to be me and why this keeps occurring and guess why, for most part of the time, I simply figured out that it wasn't me but then I keep blaiming myself for everything that has gone wrong like you would have just shut your mouth, ignored, pretend to be happy, pretend you didn't notice etc but then, I realized that all the pretences and feigning ignorance doesn't make me happy. No matter what happens, I would treat myself right. Thanks ma'am for this wonderful piece.
You hit the nail on the head. Truly an eye opener.
Thank you! In a world that easily labels children & adults, it is refreshing to hear "what if nothing is wrong with you?" God created each of us & we are all valuable with unique gifts & lots of good to offer each other & the world. Never give up, be yourself & have faith always :)
This has been one of the most delightful and thought provoking Ted Talks I've ever listened to. Thank you.
The quote at the end is the icing on the cake! Great talk 👏🏾
Doing this simple exercise helped me tremendously today. My performance was being assessed while doing what is for me a super stressful situation, and i felt like i had so much more focus on the task and able to to the best i possibly could do because there was no worry going on about ME and whether this or that aspect of myself is acceptable or not. I could let go of myself for a while (because, you know, maybe there is nothing wrong with me to worry about!) and be more fully present in the moment and the task at hand. Amazing!
Thank you for your presentation, you are not only speaking from a professional viewpoint but from your wise self, which I much appreciate. Am going to incorporate the mirror self-talk into my life cause now I know that's what I need. 🙏
Love her style. Thank you Susan.
Loved it Susan, Thank you for sharing your gifts!
Thank you Susan! This is amazing.
I think society plays a big role here and of course our parents when they say you have to become like this and when we do something unforeseen we hear the question what's wrong with you. And that remains stored in our heads. We learn that we should behave in a certain way and that is wrong, we are living beings and life is unpredictable
Favorite ted talk ever!!!! Oh the possibility of that question and what a gift it unlocks. Thank you so much for this video ️♥️
Really love this talk, I feel it's one of the best I have watched in a long time. Thank you.