The trying to force the adoption was unacceptable. I'm sure op felt like his dad was trying to erase the fact his mom ever existed. The judge was doing the right thing to not force OP to be adopted when he didn't want to be.
It's so inappropriate to force relationships. If Lucy didn't try to replace OP's mom and allowed OP to go through his feelings they might have a decent relationship
When I was about 3-6 months old my parents separated and divorced. Shortly after my mother met and eventually married my step dad. I saw my birth farther a few times between their separation and eventually he’s death when I was 4 (my stepdad adopted me shortly after, and I just call him dad). I have foggy memories of my birth father, but I do remember always asking about him/ to see him to my mother. She would shut me down and say things like “*StepDad* is your dad now” and “it hurts your Dads feelings when you talk about his” even though he was never around when I brought it up. Eventually I just let it go, and grew up and realized everything. It wasn’t until as an adult that I reached out to my birth fathers side of the family and my StepDad said he never felt threatened of a dead man that I realized how messed up my mother was for doing that.
The grandparents were though. They punished a child and treated Jessica poorly. I've seen this story before and read the post itself. They punished her for accepting a new mom.
Don't force relationships! My step kids love me because I have earned their trust and love and I respect their parents, both parents... do better people!!
I love Jake's dad. He's not the a hole at all. He did what parents are supposed to do. He sacrificed his lifestyle for his child at his inconvenience, didn't abuse the child, faked joy and happiness at boring games for his son, etc. Now the kid is grown and chose to have a kid. That is none of his business. The kid is stable. There is no nest anymore. This is a lovely father IMHO
The last story just gets me cause like, my dad didn’t want to be a dad. Dad wanted to be a single guy not having his money stolen out of his wallet (he said this multiple times). His son is in a situation where he needs to accept that his dad has been upfront about what he wants to do with his life. What his dad wants and what he wants are different. Idk being there absolutely fucking blows but it’s just the truth of your dad wants nothing to do with the life you lead. Tbh I’d advise the son to accept what his dad offers and stop pushing, it’d be easier on him that way
I'm in the sons situation. My father doesn't want to spend time with my kids, only in absolute emergencies. I'm a stay at home dad, so my parents don't need to babysit. But I didn't expect my parents to be this disinterested in my kids. It feels like they actively avoid me since I have kids, and at family gatherings it makes me feel like I need to be ashamed for having them (cuz the kids were clearly not wanted). However, my parents don't say this out loud like OP does. OP is very clear to his son, expressing how he feels. Yes, it's hard to hear, but it's better to know this from the start than to not know, like in my situation. When I bring up this topic they always say I'm wrong and they love their grandkids, but then their actions don't show this. So I keep being frustrated, questioning whether to accept that they don't want to see my kids or to keep trying to push for contact "cuz we love our grandkids so much "
yeah that dad was an asshole. the fact that it sounds like he didn't actually much develop a bond with his child over the years is sick to me. 100% part of why we need safe sex because some people are just awful parents. that poor son...born from someone who doesn't want him! the son would do well to cut his dad off emotionally and finding better relationships. he has to not be like his father. what a sad story. and they said he had good boundaries. pff.
in all honesty if he really didn't want to be a father or be involved at all then he could have just paid child support and had no unnecessary contact at all. Op goes out of his way to announce how much he didn't want to be a dad but decided to "sacrifice" his precious youth to "do the right thing". He had the choice to back out and didn't...he expects all the bragging rights of choosing to raise an unwanted child like that makes him some saint but doesn't actually want to put any work into the relationship he chose to cultivate with his son. Either he doesn't want to be involved with his son at all or he should be expected to be an involved family member.
The granddad was not the a-hole. It is irksome that kids expect they're parents to help parent their kids. My gramdparents saw me when they wanted, I had no issue with that. They raised their kids, it is time for them to have time to themselves. The son is just looking for a free babysitter.
Yes, having children back to back can be really hard on a woman’s body. They do recommend waiting a couple years between kids. As far as the grandpa story, I don’t necessarily think he’s the AH for saying “I’ve done my time” but I also think that parenting is a lifelong commitment. Yes you got him on his feet with a better start than you had, it’s not unreasonable for the son to want his dad involved in the grandchild’s life. I think OP sucks but no one should force a relationship with a grandchild
I'm currently pregnant and I've already been told by my Dr. That no matter what not to do anything that could result in a pregnancy until I am fully and 100% recovered as the risk of back to back babies on anybody hugely increases the chances of complications/difficulties/high risk pregnancy
For the second story it's hard for me to see her as TAH. 6 children in 8 years on top of being pregnant with twins so basically 8 in 8-9 years is extremely unhealthy for any woman's body no matter how fertile you are, the husband is pretty stupid and should at least respect his wife's body and either put a condom on or advocate for a good birth control. Whether he wanted a big family or not, its her body and it's only unfair to her, and her health. Pregnancy isnt easy, labor isnt easy, and think about the attention all these children need and can't actually get enough of from their own parents because they dont know how to have safe sex 😬 money or not, too many damn kids thats for sure
Not to mention the sister had given birth 5 months BEFORE her announcement of the twins! My sister accidentally got pregnant (not with twins thankfully) with my nephew 5 months after her emergency C-section birth of my niece. She had a lot of troubles with her pregnancy & had to schedule a C-section for that birth due to the potential risks. Thankfully she & the baby were fine but she said she wouldn't do or go through that again in terms of spacing out pregnancies due to all of the risks involved.
100% fair to want your parents to have a relationship with your kids when you have such fond memories of your dad supporting you as a kid. Also 100% fair to have been a wonderfully active dad and not want to continue that on with grandchildren for the rest of your life once your own kids are adults.
My dad died when I was 9. I wouldn't have been a brat, but nobody else will ever be my dad. My mum remarried and I told them both that I love that for them, but I'm not calling anybody else dad and nobody is adopting me. I didn't resent my siblings for however they act with my step dad, but if I were in OP shoes and anybody had been adopted out? I'm not sharing anything. Loyalty. Lol. ❤
Story 3: NTA. I was married at 18 and had 2 kids by 21. Due to abuse, physical and emotional, on the part of my ex, I was a single parent by 23. I raised my kids to understand the financial burden of having children and being able to support them before having them, as well as the importance of birth control, from a young age. When my eldest daughter went off her birth control and voluntarily got pregnant by a boy she'd only known for 3 months, and said she'd been afraid to tell me, I simply said, "I don't know why you were afraid I'd be angry, you're an adult. It's your problem. I won't be raising it. I'll love my grandchild of course, but I won't help you raise it." She now lives with my estranged mother, who is helping her raise the baby. The father dumped her before the baby was even born and isn't in the picture.
Sam and John are human so I don't ever expect them to be perfect lol, but I do think them glossing over the fact that Lucy was overstepping by calling herself mom and by trying to force his adoption in court despite his protest is a bit unreasonable. Like, the other stuff about the photos was horrible as well, but even without that context I feel his father and Lucy were massive assholes. It's not normal or healthy to strongarm children into things they have expressed not wanting.
1st story, This reminds me of the other video with stepmom kept asking for her to adopt OP even after they turned 18. The trauma they created and are surprised these children end up hating their step parents? People are unhinged. 2nd story, not the AH, being pregnant back to back is very very on a women’s body. It happened to me on accident and have the hardest pregnancy ever. So many complications and tests. Even the 19 kids and counting almost died from going back to back with kids. You need 18 months to heal MINIMUM!!!. Wild that sister would be upset for her concern.
Hope your recovery from surgery is quick with no complications and that your pain is managed as well as possible while you heal! BTW I have some tips for helping minimize the appearance, texture, and itchiness of new scars if you want the info.
It's actually not very common for step-parents to legally adopt their step-kids, even when the other parent is dead, which is why the child's opinion is always taken into account (even in the case of adoption from the state if the child is old enough). So the fact that it was not only brought up, but also so heavily pushed and had such an attempt at being forced, makes Lucy and OP's dad AHs. Add to it the context of them erasing everything of OP's mom, and it's even worse. OP had rvery right to say no to the adoption for the sheer reason of "he didnt want to" from the beginning, and then them literally punishing him for it and excluding him from family activities for it crossed so many lines (Sam you pissed me off when you seemed to just completely not get what was clearly going on throughout most of the story lol).
Story 1: she can try the content the will, but since she legally has no ties to them once she let her stepmother adopt her she threw away her ride to be a part of the family meaning your grandparents have no legal obligation to give her anything.
I was 7 when my mother divorced my dad, and within the same year, married my stepdad. At 7, I was too young to really know what that really implied or entailed, but one part became clear very quickly: that he and my mother wanted him to replace my dad in my life. (Quick example being that when we would write our dad's name on any school documents, she would erase his information and replace it with my stepdad's so that my dad could not pick us up from school or participate in school events.) Fortunately, my stepdad did eventually realize that was the wrong way to go about things, but my mother never did. My dad was, and is, still very much in my life, and I actually have more contact with my stepdad than with my mother now.
Story 2 feels unfair to the kids too. There is no way they are getting all the attention they need from their parents. I think op is the asshole but im not mad about it
My mom was very clear I was the mother and raising my children. My parents did step in when I became a single mom of two at 25. She would watch the kids for me to go to doctor appointments and grocery shopping. Unlike a lot of single moms, I didn't have nights out or days off. Mother of a 26F and 23M. Being a parent is not just an 18 yr job. I have never and will never put the choice I made to be a parent. I have always said to my male relatives that every time they choose to have sex, that they should be in the mindset, would you want to have a child with that person. Only one thing is a hundred percent sure .
The first store sounds really similar to yesterday story a boy who mom died when they were young dad remarried the next year they try to adopt but they don’t want to be adopted and the judge is on the kids side only these parents are using the ok you can’t do this and that with us I know it wasn’t in the other Reddit story but I wonder if they ever did that
@@mothercat6083 I guess it happens more often than we think in both cases the dad’s remarries to soon and the step moms just declared themselves the mom when I think they should be dating for at least two years she lives on her own until he proposes and until the moment is right she bonds with the kids starting off small and do more as the bond grow if they do to much like getting them a new tv and video games it’s obvious you’re trying to buy their love start with like if you go to see a movie sneak in some good candy they like and when the time is right the dad should ask his kids opinion if they approve it’s time if they don’t accept it than give it more time then after proposing she moves in and she should leave any and all pictures of their mom up she needs to be clear she won’t replace their mom and will celebrate her birthday and death day and if she wants to adopt the kids it should be talked about around 6 months to a year after the wedding if the bond between them is true and strong the kids should be open to the idea and if not she should accept their choice and to me for a stepmom to adopt her husband kids it’s not to replace their mom it’s more like to be completely be accepted in the family the name step mom has you sounding like an outsider and it’s more like the kids are adopting her just so long as nothing changes they leave their mom pictures up and celebrate her days and visiting her grave everything should be fine
Last story: he talked about how he didn't want to be a dad but he then described that he was the best dad! His son could have had worse and needs to be thankful
Story 1: Nta Story 2: Nta, it definitely could have been worded better, but Op owned up to it, and utilmately, this will be the last set of kids. Story: Yta, but the son needs to stop For me, Id like at least 3, but I am ok with five, provided that one or two of them are adopted.
My great grandmother was one of 13 kids, she used to tell me stories of her and her 8 brothers and 4 sisters living on a farm in Kansas. She would tell me how the used to play and the chores they did together
My older sister was supposed to share 15,000 dollars and the other 10,000 or more. She only shared with druggies who already got money. She was supposed to share with the siblings. I didn't get nothing from her but a Pepsi.
For story #2: yes, back to back pregnancies CAN have a very negative effect on someone's body. The excessive change in hormones can actually disrupt the body so much that some will have thyroid problems, can have issues with mental health, and other things. On the flip side, some see successes with pregnancy as the same hormones can actually balance them out and can help alleviate health and mental health issues (my previous psych dr had a schizophrenic patient who actually stabilized and no longer needed medication after her pregnancy and no longer had signs of the illness)
Story 2: it's case by case (my grandma was 1 of 11 all close together, grandpa 1 of 9, farmer families, sturdy stock ya know) However, in general, it's not great, and really hard on your body. Your body is basically giving a lot of resources away, denying itself resources, to grow a baby. It's hard work! And doing it again with TWINS three months after having a baby? Woof. I probably would have said "AGAIN!" In the same way OP meant.
Yeah, it's extremely common for people to still be having problems up to a year after birth, so to not even give yourself the window to completely heal from the last one before doing it all again can be hell on your body. Again, it depends a lot on the person. My sister had 2 and got her tubes tied because her doctor told her going for another one would practically be suicide, and one of my ex's grandpas had 18 siblings and the mom was reasonably healthy and lived for a long time. But we can't really go off how long women lived after having 6+ kids because a lot of the problems aren't things that necessarily kill you, and it's a lot of stuff the women probably wouldn't have been going around telling everyone in those days, like urinary incontinence and being unable to have sex without pain.
My dad was divorced since I was 6. He never brought women over when he started dating. Jump forward 17 years, a close family friends' husband passed away; my dad started dating her 2 months after the passing of her husband. I was resentful of her for disrespecting her husband by jumping into a relationship immediately after his death, but she experienced abuse from him for over 30 years. We verbally bullied each other passive-aggressively until I moved out and now we're on great terms. Despite the issues at hand, space solved 100% of the problems we had. I learned to just let people live the 1 life they get and things become peaceful.
Going pay rate for child care is $13 an hour in my state... Per kid. So 6 kids = 65 I could see 50 but 30 isn't even minimum wage however it is family so idk 🤷🏼♀️
Haha the last story NTA, ofc it sounds awful because he is being honest about his feelings, but he never proyected that on to that child, he did what any adult would do and took his responsibility and did everything necesary, and that makes him a good parent. One thing about parenting is that in can be terrible, boring, tiring. Lots of parents feel like OP Even if they planned and wanted kids (except for the hating the parenting ofc), so I don't really see the problem, he still loves his kid and supported him at the end of the day
I grew up in a house with three kids and I say three kids is too many. I have two kids, they were planned, I got my tubes tied after the second one. Watching the chaos in my house is like grow up I could never imagine having more than two kids. And we weren't even going to have two kids because my first kid is autistic and it's like having two kids already lol.
My fiances mom passed when he was around 15 his dad remarried not to long after. His step mom is the best woman ever. She has never tried to replace her. She was just there for him. He's 42 now and step mom still will send cards to his moms who passed family.
My grandma had 13. My dad is the oldest, the last was born a couple years into my parents marriage 20 years later. There would have been more but my grandma lost a couple. She lived to be 92.
Both my mom and my sister almost died having their sixth kid. It can be dangerous to have a lot but I think it is important to consider how the last birth went and has your body recovered
To answer the question about how involved my grandparents were. At my grandmother's house I was to be, "seen and not heard." I also wasn't allowed on the furniture, the kind of rule you'd give to a dog. My grandfather was divorced from her and I wasn't even allowed in his home until I was an adult. Though we did bond a bit as adults, he just hated kids. My other grandparents seemed nice enough but I only saw them once a year and we barely spoke a common language. In conclusion based on my life, I would say the grandparent's responsibility is zero.🤣
My grandmother is very sick, which has prompted me to think about inheritances. I have never really been close to my grandparents, but my sister has regularly kept in contact with them for years. This being said, if there is any money to be passed out, I want it to go to my sister & will do what I can to make sure she gets the majority of it, if not all of it. Legally I have a claim to it, but morally, it should go to her. She's been more of a grandchild to them than I have & she deserves it. I can't imagine asking for money from people I have no relationship with & taking it from the hands of the grandparent's beloved family member. That sister is greedy and disgusting.
Second story, if they are paying for their kids without any government assistance, then by all means go ahead. There are a 'few' people who I know who have 7-10 kids and aren't taking care of them at all. One is a family member and the kids was split up between cousins and aunts. The other is a friend's sister, 7 kids and she doesn't have a single one she's taking care of. There should be a limit in place for those who are not taking care of these children. My maternal great grandmother had 15 kids and she lived to be about 89, so maybe having a lot of kids do help.
Personally, i think for a two-parent/guardian home, 2 is the max number of kids i would be comfortable with. As a single parent i would only want one. Cant let the kids outnumber you 😂
As a recovered alcoholic, the first dude needs inpatient treatment. Outpatient obviously isn't working. It isn't her problem to fix, though. Depending on the state they are in, low income insurance may cover it. (I was 32 and in Oregon when I was put into mandatory dual treatment ( I had destroyed just about all of my relationships and became a danger to myself). If he is still on your insurance, he won't be able to claim low income, but if his dad releases him and he qualifies for Medicaid, they should be able to help, depending on the state. If he wants to sink money into something, he needs to be inpatient, nothing else is going to stick with a severe heroin addiction. Don't lose hope, though. There is healing, recovery and health after addiction. It's anything but easy, but it's worth it. You are not alone in this fight. I hope that helps. Good luck. ❤
My sister (30) had 6 children, and the last two children (twins) caused her a lot of mental issues. ( Not sure what the medical term is only that she nearly took her life from it.) Fast forward to 6 months after her twins and she then tells me she is AGAIN pregnant. Both her and I are adopted, our blood mother had this same condition where she NEEDED a big family. Sadly this put all of us in the foster system. My sister, at least, has had all the children with her husband ( 38.) They both work, though her husband has to work nearly 4 jobs due to all the kids while she only runs a small daycare that isn't a stable income but still helps. I confronted my sister and told her "Don't go the route of mom." Sounds like an AH move right? Well here is the thing... there are 14 of us...Yeah...I share only the same father with this sister and two brothers ( sadly one has passed away.) I pushed her to see therapy because this need to be "barefoot and pregnant" is not healthy for her. She told me that if I couldn't support her emotionally with her lifestyle that maybe I don't need to be a part of her life. Mind you, when she was going threw EVERYTHING with her twins- I was there. ( No shade to the dad, he was working hard.) I was the one that set up her doctor's appointments. I was the one that had to help her cope with the fact that she didn't believe her children were hers...It was a straight horror feast. I was also the one who helped look after her older children ( my niece and nephew are 11 and 12.) Since then I cut contact, brutal from other's point of view I am sure, but I refuse to watch my sister kill herself just like our blood mother. She wanted me to bow so I took that time to leave. Whelp, that's my story- sorry no updates as of now and this was about 1 year ago now. SO AITA?
If a child doesn't want to be adopted, they shouldn't have their desires ignored, trampled on and disregarded. They are people too and should have say in this matter. I'm so glad that the judge was on OP's side and other family members. They treated poor OP unfairly and were very manipulative. On the last story: OP wasn't required to be an involved grandparent and I agree that the way he comes across does seem rude. But I can't blame him especially if he didn't even want to be a parent. Although being a grandparent, most of the time you don't have all of those same responsibilities and have a different type of relationship. The only grandparent we had was our maternal grandmother, who had almost nothing to do with us. My mom wasn't the golden child at all and it doesn't seem like her mother even liked her. When she was alive, would make snide comments to my mom all the time. Her mother was very involved with my mom's sister and her son. She was definitely a grandmother to him. Because of the way she treated my mom, it didn't bother me that she wasn't involved with me and my siblings. I wasn't sad when she passed either, which kind of bothers me a little.
Honestly G-pa OP is doing nothing wrong. He was a parent to his son even tho he didn't originally want to be 1. His son is now of age and living his life and OP is living his life as he wants as well. I don't believe grandparents should be pressured into being active grandparents, it should be by choice. He is choosing to not be an active grandparent and I see that as fine because its HIS life and HIS choice. Since he became a father at 21 he gave up alot of things he wanted to do when he was younger and now that he doesn't have a child to be responsible for he wants to do what he feels he missed out on doing when he was younger. He wants to live his life a specific way and there is nothing wrong with that.
Having so much kids will ruin your back and the older kids will most likely to be the emergency babysitter not intentionally but will happen at some point in time
You can't force through an adoption or erase a parents memory..also the dad was punching him when he acted out....and trying to threaten him. It's psychologically damaging.
I love listening to y'alls videos while I'm expressing milk for my 2mo. It can be a boring and mind numbing task, and these help keep me occupied. Story 1: OP is NTA, you two were right Story 2: 50/50 NTA/YTA! The comment was rude but being concerned like that is fair, 100% fair. You're not supposed to have kids back to back like that. You're supposed to wait 18-24 months between children. It can cause health issues and raise the risk of miscarriages a LOT when you have them that close together 😊
Last OP is NTA. He did what he had to. I've never found it fair that the mother can chose to terminate and not become a parent but a father can't just say 'no' and not have anything to do with the child. Even if they left and had no contact they could still be forced to pay child support for something that was not their choice.
So, does the grandpa want no contact with his grandson Mike? Like at all? Guess if he doesn’t want to know his family, then he has the freedom to do so. Just surprised
*Last Story OP:* Absolutely NTA. Albeit OP’s words came across as harsh, he was being brutally honest. It’s called tough love for a reason. I However, I understand Jake’s feelings too. BUT, in hindsight Jake could have had a lot worse. So, ultimately, he should be grateful for what he got and where he is now.
Father in last post isn’t an AH, just blunt and telling it like it is some days. Like he said, he loves his son, just didn’t love parenting. OP warned his son exactly what it would be like to father at 21, even with the advantages OP didn’t have, yet sounds like Jake isn’t finished being a kid and not ready to resign his life to parenthood. Jake was one of the lucky ones from a difficult parent situation, so it baffles me he cannot see his privilege and advantages and still wants to hand off his kid to grandad despite having the time, money, and partner/mother that OP didn’t have. If the Mike wanted OP to come to his games and OP was intentionally making Mike upset by refusing, that would be a different story entirely. Not every man is built to be the family patriarch. Jake is TAH and likely jealous of the opportunities his father now has that he’s realising he won’t have again for a long time; he was warned, by an expert, who didn’t want to parent in the first place, funny that.
Also kudos for OP for setting firm boundaries and maturing enough to have such honest conversations with his son concerning how it is to be a young single father, a lot of parents of OP’s generation would keep things like this to themselves to “keep the piece” or not break the illusion. OP is straight up, I think that’s very admirable to only omit certain aspects of your opinions and true self for your growing child until they are mature enough to converse and determine if they would want an adult with those true colours in their own adult life.
"How my sister manages to take care of six kids and work occasionally i dont know. I babysit when the NANNY-" Ok answer to the question right there my man, she has a NANNY that's why, not that big of a mystery.
I think more than 3 kids is too much. At a certain point, they have to raise eachother and thats not their job. Its also hard to divide your attention between a bunch of kids and husband
To me, “too many kids” is dependent on the ages of the parents (disregarding all other factors, of course). Ex: 25 w/5 kids is too many, but 42 w/5 kids is not too many
last OP is a fucking G and his son needs to leave him tf alone about his grandson. it's not like he doesn't care, he just wants to have his own life. he is in his grandson's life, he just doesn't want to parent him, which is what it seems OP's son wants him to do.
I disagree with the sentiment that 3rd story is NTA. The OP is extremely transactional, and I don't think the son is asking OP to be the parent for the future grandchild, I think he just wants him to be a present individual. He is the prime example of someone who the son would be better off without, and I hope for both their sakes that's what happened. The fact of the matter is, whether or not he wanted to be a dad, he didn't take the necessary efforts to legally sign his rights away to the kiddo, and he agreed to take him on at a vulnerable age. Being a parent doesn't stop when they turn 18 or 20 or whatever, and the sentiment that there's a time limit on being a loving mother or father (not necessarily a caregiver, mind you) is really gross imo.
Jake's dad could go to a game once in a while. It's not like it's an all day thing nor is it baby sitting. Having some sort of relationship with his grand kid isn't bad. He sounds douchy
Any thing more than you can handle is to many. Though, as a only child, if you have 1 you should try to have another. I come from a very large family (100 first cousins combined on both sides, but wasn't in the cards for my mom), I have 7 daughters myself.
Grandpa is NTA grandparents are not all the time babysitters. Some love it some just want to enjoy what life they have left. I work in age care so i can see how hard it gets for older people even just do something simple as vaccum a floor. Let's be honest they don't have much time left after raising there own kids and working to live life especially if they were young parents.
More than 3 kids is too many. The world is becoming over populated and this is no longer the olden days when more than half your kids could die from a common cold. Having that many kids just makes me think you're making them for spare parts or you're dumb and don't know/care about contraception. No one needs that many kids. And yes, pregnancy takes a huge toll on the body, so I'm glad the sister said something and didn't go along with everyone else congratulating her on yet another unnecessary pregnancy
My step dad left my mom for a younger chick, about 24 years old and he was in his 40s. She was terrible. She tried to screw my bf even tho we were like 15 bc she didn't like me coming around.
It can be dangerous to get pregnant that often cause the body needs time to recover after birth . For example breastfeeding can lead to bone decalcification. But if she is taking all the supplements and vitamins the doctor gives her then she should be okay
3 kids is too many, too many people on this earth.... So 1 a person max. Also convenient I think since one parent can hold both on the street. Also children are expensive. Anything above 5 is crazy to me. Personally I don't want kids, I do really like them (as long as they've been brought up right and are not behaving too badly). So I just want to be a grandma :) But children shouldn't expect every grandparent to want to babysit. It's a choice...
2nd story: indeed, couldn't he keep his d*k away from her a little longer? The doctors literally tell you to not have sex for 6+ weeks after giving birth. Even after the 6 weeks, things aren't 100% recovered. 5 months old baby, 3 months pregnant + time needed to conceive basically means they had sex before 6 weeks ended, or were extremely lucky to get pregnant after 1x sex. Either way, it does seem like husband couldn't wait to get back to it instead of letting her recover fully. Hell, when I got pregnant again when having a 9 months old baby, my pregnancy was labelled as "extra risk from early pregnancy after last pregnancy." Cuz it takes up to a year for the body to recover from a pregnancy. I can't imagine still being soar down there and then being pregnant again.. with twins also.
last story op is not the a. the son is 21 and has his own family.. where is the mother? they decided to have a kid it's their problem. you can't rely on your parents. they already raised you. wtf is this new generation thinking have a kid and drop it off at the grandparents all the time? what?
The trying to force the adoption was unacceptable. I'm sure op felt like his dad was trying to erase the fact his mom ever existed. The judge was doing the right thing to not force OP to be adopted when he didn't want to be.
It's so inappropriate to force relationships. If Lucy didn't try to replace OP's mom and allowed OP to go through his feelings they might have a decent relationship
When I was about 3-6 months old my parents separated and divorced. Shortly after my mother met and eventually married my step dad. I saw my birth farther a few times between their separation and eventually he’s death when I was 4 (my stepdad adopted me shortly after, and I just call him dad). I have foggy memories of my birth father, but I do remember always asking about him/ to see him to my mother. She would shut me down and say things like “*StepDad* is your dad now” and “it hurts your Dads feelings when you talk about his” even though he was never around when I brought it up. Eventually I just let it go, and grew up and realized everything. It wasn’t until as an adult that I reached out to my birth fathers side of the family and my StepDad said he never felt threatened of a dead man that I realized how messed up my mother was for doing that.
1. How fucked up is your mom?
2. What’s up with the stepdad??
3. So what’s the actual truth?
You do not have to answer if you do not want to.
I'd say that since the grandparents specified that it was "legal grandchildren" op is not TA
The grandparents were though. They punished a child and treated Jessica poorly. I've seen this story before and read the post itself. They punished her for accepting a new mom.
@Ikajo right but wasn't she still technically their grandchild?
Don't force relationships! My step kids love me because I have earned their trust and love and I respect their parents, both parents... do better people!!
I love Jake's dad. He's not the a hole at all. He did what parents are supposed to do. He sacrificed his lifestyle for his child at his inconvenience, didn't abuse the child, faked joy and happiness at boring games for his son, etc. Now the kid is grown and chose to have a kid. That is none of his business. The kid is stable. There is no nest anymore. This is a lovely father IMHO
The last story just gets me cause like, my dad didn’t want to be a dad.
Dad wanted to be a single guy not having his money stolen out of his wallet (he said this multiple times). His son is in a situation where he needs to accept that his dad has been upfront about what he wants to do with his life.
What his dad wants and what he wants are different. Idk being there absolutely fucking blows but it’s just the truth of your dad wants nothing to do with the life you lead.
Tbh I’d advise the son to accept what his dad offers and stop pushing, it’d be easier on him that way
I'm in the sons situation. My father doesn't want to spend time with my kids, only in absolute emergencies. I'm a stay at home dad, so my parents don't need to babysit. But I didn't expect my parents to be this disinterested in my kids. It feels like they actively avoid me since I have kids, and at family gatherings it makes me feel like I need to be ashamed for having them (cuz the kids were clearly not wanted). However, my parents don't say this out loud like OP does. OP is very clear to his son, expressing how he feels. Yes, it's hard to hear, but it's better to know this from the start than to not know, like in my situation. When I bring up this topic they always say I'm wrong and they love their grandkids, but then their actions don't show this. So I keep being frustrated, questioning whether to accept that they don't want to see my kids or to keep trying to push for contact "cuz we love our grandkids so much "
Sorry your dad didn't want you and only cared about his wallet 😢 you deserve so mucch better
yeah that dad was an asshole. the fact that it sounds like he didn't actually much develop a bond with his child over the years is sick to me. 100% part of why we need safe sex because some people are just awful parents. that poor son...born from someone who doesn't want him! the son would do well to cut his dad off emotionally and finding better relationships. he has to not be like his father. what a sad story. and they said he had good boundaries. pff.
in all honesty if he really didn't want to be a father or be involved at all then he could have just paid child support and had no unnecessary contact at all. Op goes out of his way to announce how much he didn't want to be a dad but decided to "sacrifice" his precious youth to "do the right thing". He had the choice to back out and didn't...he expects all the bragging rights of choosing to raise an unwanted child like that makes him some saint but doesn't actually want to put any work into the relationship he chose to cultivate with his son. Either he doesn't want to be involved with his son at all or he should be expected to be an involved family member.
Story 1, even had step-mother "did nothing wrong", expecting or trying to MAKE a child accept you as their parent is NOT okay.
The granddad was not the a-hole. It is irksome that kids expect they're parents to help parent their kids. My gramdparents saw me when they wanted, I had no issue with that. They raised their kids, it is time for them to have time to themselves. The son is just looking for a free babysitter.
Yes, having children back to back can be really hard on a woman’s body. They do recommend waiting a couple years between kids.
As far as the grandpa story, I don’t necessarily think he’s the AH for saying “I’ve done my time” but I also think that parenting is a lifelong commitment. Yes you got him on his feet with a better start than you had, it’s not unreasonable for the son to want his dad involved in the grandchild’s life. I think OP sucks but no one should force a relationship with a grandchild
I'm currently pregnant and I've already been told by my Dr. That no matter what not to do anything that could result in a pregnancy until I am fully and 100% recovered as the risk of back to back babies on anybody hugely increases the chances of complications/difficulties/high risk pregnancy
I get that but the way she worded it was wrong. As an adult she should know how to day stuff and infront who
For the second story it's hard for me to see her as TAH. 6 children in 8 years on top of being pregnant with twins so basically 8 in 8-9 years is extremely unhealthy for any woman's body no matter how fertile you are, the husband is pretty stupid and should at least respect his wife's body and either put a condom on or advocate for a good birth control. Whether he wanted a big family or not, its her body and it's only unfair to her, and her health. Pregnancy isnt easy, labor isnt easy, and think about the attention all these children need and can't actually get enough of from their own parents because they dont know how to have safe sex 😬 money or not, too many damn kids thats for sure
Not to mention the sister had given birth 5 months BEFORE her announcement of the twins! My sister accidentally got pregnant (not with twins thankfully) with my nephew 5 months after her emergency C-section birth of my niece. She had a lot of troubles with her pregnancy & had to schedule a C-section for that birth due to the potential risks. Thankfully she & the baby were fine but she said she wouldn't do or go through that again in terms of spacing out pregnancies due to all of the risks involved.
Exactly! Like maybe OP blurting it out like that was wrong, but the concern is so very valid!
100% fair to want your parents to have a relationship with your kids when you have such fond memories of your dad supporting you as a kid.
Also 100% fair to have been a wonderfully active dad and not want to continue that on with grandchildren for the rest of your life once your own kids are adults.
That many kids that fast is dangerous!
My dad died when I was 9. I wouldn't have been a brat, but nobody else will ever be my dad. My mum remarried and I told them both that I love that for them, but I'm not calling anybody else dad and nobody is adopting me. I didn't resent my siblings for however they act with my step dad, but if I were in OP shoes and anybody had been adopted out? I'm not sharing anything. Loyalty. Lol. ❤
Story 3: NTA. I was married at 18 and had 2 kids by 21. Due to abuse, physical and emotional, on the part of my ex, I was a single parent by 23. I raised my kids to understand the financial burden of having children and being able to support them before having them, as well as the importance of birth control, from a young age.
When my eldest daughter went off her birth control and voluntarily got pregnant by a boy she'd only known for 3 months, and said she'd been afraid to tell me, I simply said, "I don't know why you were afraid I'd be angry, you're an adult. It's your problem. I won't be raising it. I'll love my grandchild of course, but I won't help you raise it."
She now lives with my estranged mother, who is helping her raise the baby. The father dumped her before the baby was even born and isn't in the picture.
"I don't think the parents did anything wrong."
The Edit: "Honey, you got a big storm coming."
Sam and John are human so I don't ever expect them to be perfect lol, but I do think them glossing over the fact that Lucy was overstepping by calling herself mom and by trying to force his adoption in court despite his protest is a bit unreasonable. Like, the other stuff about the photos was horrible as well, but even without that context I feel his father and Lucy were massive assholes. It's not normal or healthy to strongarm children into things they have expressed not wanting.
1st story, This reminds me of the other video with stepmom kept asking for her to adopt OP even after they turned 18. The trauma they created and are surprised these children end up hating their step parents? People are unhinged.
2nd story, not the AH, being pregnant back to back is very very on a women’s body. It happened to me on accident and have the hardest pregnancy ever. So many complications and tests. Even the 19 kids and counting almost died from going back to back with kids. You need 18 months to heal MINIMUM!!!. Wild that sister would be upset for her concern.
i love you guys so much! your videos are so fun and distract me from my pain due to my surgery, can’t wait until you guys hit 1 mil one day!!
Hope your recovery from surgery is quick with no complications and that your pain is managed as well as possible while you heal!
BTW I have some tips for helping minimize the appearance, texture, and itchiness of new scars if you want the info.
@@IW3527hey, feel free to share please :) it’s never bad to know these things
It's actually not very common for step-parents to legally adopt their step-kids, even when the other parent is dead, which is why the child's opinion is always taken into account (even in the case of adoption from the state if the child is old enough). So the fact that it was not only brought up, but also so heavily pushed and had such an attempt at being forced, makes Lucy and OP's dad AHs. Add to it the context of them erasing everything of OP's mom, and it's even worse. OP had rvery right to say no to the adoption for the sheer reason of "he didnt want to" from the beginning, and then them literally punishing him for it and excluding him from family activities for it crossed so many lines (Sam you pissed me off when you seemed to just completely not get what was clearly going on throughout most of the story lol).
Story 1: she can try the content the will, but since she legally has no ties to them once she let her stepmother adopt her she threw away her ride to be a part of the family meaning your grandparents have no legal obligation to give her anything.
I was 7 when my mother divorced my dad, and within the same year, married my stepdad. At 7, I was too young to really know what that really implied or entailed, but one part became clear very quickly: that he and my mother wanted him to replace my dad in my life. (Quick example being that when we would write our dad's name on any school documents, she would erase his information and replace it with my stepdad's so that my dad could not pick us up from school or participate in school events.) Fortunately, my stepdad did eventually realize that was the wrong way to go about things, but my mother never did. My dad was, and is, still very much in my life, and I actually have more contact with my stepdad than with my mother now.
Story 2 feels unfair to the kids too. There is no way they are getting all the attention they need from their parents. I think op is the asshole but im not mad about it
My mom was very clear I was the mother and raising my children. My parents did step in when I became a single mom of two at 25. She would watch the kids for me to go to doctor appointments and grocery shopping. Unlike a lot of single moms, I didn't have nights out or days off. Mother of a 26F and 23M. Being a parent is not just an 18 yr job. I have never and will never put the choice I made to be a parent. I have always said to my male relatives that every time they choose to have sex, that they should be in the mindset, would you want to have a child with that person. Only one thing is a hundred percent sure .
The first store sounds really similar to yesterday story a boy who mom died when they were young dad remarried the next year they try to adopt but they don’t want to be adopted and the judge is on the kids side only these parents are using the ok you can’t do this and that with us I know it wasn’t in the other Reddit story but I wonder if they ever did that
Yah for a second I thought I accidentally clicked the wrong video 😂
@@mothercat6083 I guess it happens more often than we think in both cases the dad’s remarries to soon and the step moms just declared themselves the mom when I think they should be dating for at least two years she lives on her own until he proposes and until the moment is right she bonds with the kids starting off small and do more as the bond grow if they do to much like getting them a new tv and video games it’s obvious you’re trying to buy their love start with like if you go to see a movie sneak in some good candy they like and when the time is right the dad should ask his kids opinion if they approve it’s time if they don’t accept it than give it more time then after proposing she moves in and she should leave any and all pictures of their mom up she needs to be clear she won’t replace their mom and will celebrate her birthday and death day and if she wants to adopt the kids it should be talked about around 6 months to a year after the wedding if the bond between them is true and strong the kids should be open to the idea and if not she should accept their choice and to me for a stepmom to adopt her husband kids it’s not to replace their mom it’s more like to be completely be accepted in the family the name step mom has you sounding like an outsider and it’s more like the kids are adopting her just so long as nothing changes they leave their mom pictures up and celebrate her days and visiting her grave everything should be fine
Last story: he talked about how he didn't want to be a dad but he then described that he was the best dad! His son could have had worse and needs to be thankful
Children don't owe their parents
@@Ikajo but parents also don't owe kids after they are adults
@@terriebtsOT7 If you stop loving and caring for your kids once they are adults, you never really loved or cared for them.
I saw my grandparents like 2 times a year. The son needs to leave his dad alone. He should be happy with the time he gives.
Story 1: Nta
Story 2: Nta, it definitely could have been worded better, but Op owned up to it, and utilmately, this will be the last set of kids.
Story: Yta, but the son needs to stop
For me, Id like at least 3, but I am ok with five, provided that one or two of them are adopted.
My great grandmother was one of 13 kids, she used to tell me stories of her and her 8 brothers and 4 sisters living on a farm in Kansas. She would tell me how the used to play and the chores they did together
The problem is they never let OP a child at the time literally cry over his own mother.
I’ve have had my 2 grandkids for over a year. It was supposed to be until my daughter got on her feet. She hasn’t. They were 1 and 2 when I got them.
Story 1: I don't know
Story 2: the sister should get her tubes tied too just in case
Story 3: that would totally me as grandparent
10:41 sounds like OP’s sister and brother-in-law might have had the “again?!” reaction when they found out she was pregnant 😅
My older sister was supposed to share 15,000 dollars and the other 10,000 or more. She only shared with druggies who already got money. She was supposed to share with the siblings. I didn't get nothing from her but a Pepsi.
For story #2: yes, back to back pregnancies CAN have a very negative effect on someone's body. The excessive change in hormones can actually disrupt the body so much that some will have thyroid problems, can have issues with mental health, and other things.
On the flip side, some see successes with pregnancy as the same hormones can actually balance them out and can help alleviate health and mental health issues (my previous psych dr had a schizophrenic patient who actually stabilized and no longer needed medication after her pregnancy and no longer had signs of the illness)
Story 2: it's case by case (my grandma was 1 of 11 all close together, grandpa 1 of 9, farmer families, sturdy stock ya know)
However, in general, it's not great, and really hard on your body. Your body is basically giving a lot of resources away, denying itself resources, to grow a baby. It's hard work! And doing it again with TWINS three months after having a baby? Woof. I probably would have said "AGAIN!" In the same way OP meant.
Yeah, it's extremely common for people to still be having problems up to a year after birth, so to not even give yourself the window to completely heal from the last one before doing it all again can be hell on your body. Again, it depends a lot on the person. My sister had 2 and got her tubes tied because her doctor told her going for another one would practically be suicide, and one of my ex's grandpas had 18 siblings and the mom was reasonably healthy and lived for a long time.
But we can't really go off how long women lived after having 6+ kids because a lot of the problems aren't things that necessarily kill you, and it's a lot of stuff the women probably wouldn't have been going around telling everyone in those days, like urinary incontinence and being unable to have sex without pain.
My dad was divorced since I was 6. He never brought women over when he started dating. Jump forward 17 years, a close family friends' husband passed away; my dad started dating her 2 months after the passing of her husband.
I was resentful of her for disrespecting her husband by jumping into a relationship immediately after his death, but she experienced abuse from him for over 30 years. We verbally bullied each other passive-aggressively until I moved out and now we're on great terms.
Despite the issues at hand, space solved 100% of the problems we had. I learned to just let people live the 1 life they get and things become peaceful.
Going pay rate for child care is $13 an hour in my state... Per kid. So 6 kids = 65 I could see 50 but 30 isn't even minimum wage however it is family so idk 🤷🏼♀️
She's pregnant with twins so it's going to be eight kids
She can be a mom figure but cant force him to call her mom or force a relationship its cruel.
Haha the last story NTA, ofc it sounds awful because he is being honest about his feelings, but he never proyected that on to that child, he did what any adult would do and took his responsibility and did everything necesary, and that makes him a good parent. One thing about parenting is that in can be terrible, boring, tiring. Lots of parents feel like OP Even if they planned and wanted kids (except for the hating the parenting ofc), so I don't really see the problem, he still loves his kid and supported him at the end of the day
Whoa right on time, have fun on your vacation guys 👋
I grew up in a house with three kids and I say three kids is too many. I have two kids, they were planned, I got my tubes tied after the second one. Watching the chaos in my house is like grow up I could never imagine having more than two kids. And we weren't even going to have two kids because my first kid is autistic and it's like having two kids already lol.
When you think of why the dad got remarried, and this is often the case, he needed someone else to help parent
1 kids is to much...1/2 a kid is too much... Any portion of kids is too much kid for me lmao
1 kid is to many for me, no kids for me plz
My fiances mom passed when he was around 15 his dad remarried not to long after. His step mom is the best woman ever. She has never tried to replace her. She was just there for him. He's 42 now and step mom still will send cards to his moms who passed family.
My mom has 15 siblings, dad has 7 sibling, and my wife has 14 siblings... Those are rookie numbers in my family. My wife and I have 0 children.
My grandma had 13. My dad is the oldest, the last was born a couple years into my parents marriage 20 years later. There would have been more but my grandma lost a couple. She lived to be 92.
Listen, this is PROVEN MATH. 1 kid=1 kid 2 kids=2 kids but 3 kids… 3 kids= 7 kids. It’s just how it works so 3 is my limit 😂
Both my mom and my sister almost died having their sixth kid. It can be dangerous to have a lot but I think it is important to consider how the last birth went and has your body recovered
To answer the question about how involved my grandparents were. At my grandmother's house I was to be, "seen and not heard." I also wasn't allowed on the furniture, the kind of rule you'd give to a dog. My grandfather was divorced from her and I wasn't even allowed in his home until I was an adult. Though we did bond a bit as adults, he just hated kids. My other grandparents seemed nice enough but I only saw them once a year and we barely spoke a common language. In conclusion based on my life, I would say the grandparent's responsibility is zero.🤣
My grandmother is very sick, which has prompted me to think about inheritances. I have never really been close to my grandparents, but my sister has regularly kept in contact with them for years. This being said, if there is any money to be passed out, I want it to go to my sister & will do what I can to make sure she gets the majority of it, if not all of it. Legally I have a claim to it, but morally, it should go to her. She's been more of a grandchild to them than I have & she deserves it. I can't imagine asking for money from people I have no relationship with & taking it from the hands of the grandparent's beloved family member. That sister is greedy and disgusting.
In the last story I agree with OP 🤷♀️ He did his time
Second story, if they are paying for their kids without any government assistance, then by all means go ahead. There are a 'few' people who I know who have 7-10 kids and aren't taking care of them at all. One is a family member and the kids was split up between cousins and aunts. The other is a friend's sister, 7 kids and she doesn't have a single one she's taking care of. There should be a limit in place for those who are not taking care of these children. My maternal great grandmother had 15 kids and she lived to be about 89, so maybe having a lot of kids do help.
Personally, i think for a two-parent/guardian home, 2 is the max number of kids i would be comfortable with. As a single parent i would only want one. Cant let the kids outnumber you 😂
As a recovered alcoholic, the first dude needs inpatient treatment. Outpatient obviously isn't working.
It isn't her problem to fix, though.
Depending on the state they are in, low income insurance may cover it. (I was 32 and in Oregon when I was put into mandatory dual treatment ( I had destroyed just about all of my relationships and became a danger to myself).
If he is still on your insurance, he won't be able to claim low income, but if his dad releases him and he qualifies for Medicaid, they should be able to help, depending on the state.
If he wants to sink money into something, he needs to be inpatient, nothing else is going to stick with a severe heroin addiction.
Don't lose hope, though. There is healing, recovery and health after addiction.
It's anything but easy, but it's worth it.
You are not alone in this fight.
I hope that helps. Good luck. ❤
My sister (30) had 6 children, and the last two children (twins) caused her a lot of mental issues. ( Not sure what the medical term is only that she nearly took her life from it.) Fast forward to 6 months after her twins and she then tells me she is AGAIN pregnant. Both her and I are adopted, our blood mother had this same condition where she NEEDED a big family. Sadly this put all of us in the foster system. My sister, at least, has had all the children with her husband ( 38.) They both work, though her husband has to work nearly 4 jobs due to all the kids while she only runs a small daycare that isn't a stable income but still helps. I confronted my sister and told her "Don't go the route of mom." Sounds like an AH move right? Well here is the thing... there are 14 of us...Yeah...I share only the same father with this sister and two brothers ( sadly one has passed away.) I pushed her to see therapy because this need to be "barefoot and pregnant" is not healthy for her. She told me that if I couldn't support her emotionally with her lifestyle that maybe I don't need to be a part of her life. Mind you, when she was going threw EVERYTHING with her twins- I was there. ( No shade to the dad, he was working hard.) I was the one that set up her doctor's appointments. I was the one that had to help her cope with the fact that she didn't believe her children were hers...It was a straight horror feast. I was also the one who helped look after her older children ( my niece and nephew are 11 and 12.) Since then I cut contact, brutal from other's point of view I am sure, but I refuse to watch my sister kill herself just like our blood mother. She wanted me to bow so I took that time to leave. Whelp, that's my story- sorry no updates as of now and this was about 1 year ago now. SO AITA?
Daaaaaamn, that’s what Ariana is eating?! You go girl! ❤
If a child doesn't want to be adopted, they shouldn't have their desires ignored, trampled on and disregarded. They are people too and should have say in this matter. I'm so glad that the judge was on OP's side and other family members. They treated poor OP unfairly and were very manipulative.
On the last story: OP wasn't required to be an involved grandparent and I agree that the way he comes across does seem rude. But I can't blame him especially if he didn't even want to be a parent. Although being a grandparent, most of the time you don't have all of those same responsibilities and have a different type of relationship.
The only grandparent we had was our maternal grandmother, who had almost nothing to do with us. My mom wasn't the golden child at all and it doesn't seem like her mother even liked her. When she was alive, would make snide comments to my mom all the time. Her mother was very involved with my mom's sister and her son. She was definitely a grandmother to him. Because of the way she treated my mom, it didn't bother me that she wasn't involved with me and my siblings. I wasn't sad when she passed either, which kind of bothers me a little.
As long as they can afford the big family then she shouldn’t have a problem with it 😊
My mom has had over 16 pregnancies naturally, trust when I tell u it takes a toll on your physical and mental health.
#teamNOKIDS
How many kids is too many?
Lmao 1
Honestly G-pa OP is doing nothing wrong. He was a parent to his son even tho he didn't originally want to be 1. His son is now of age and living his life and OP is living his life as he wants as well. I don't believe grandparents should be pressured into being active grandparents, it should be by choice. He is choosing to not be an active grandparent and I see that as fine because its HIS life and HIS choice. Since he became a father at 21 he gave up alot of things he wanted to do when he was younger and now that he doesn't have a child to be responsible for he wants to do what he feels he missed out on doing when he was younger. He wants to live his life a specific way and there is nothing wrong with that.
When you was talking about the hoots I 💬 you was saying you were a hootaright lol 🤣🤣
Story 1: Why do I feel like the stepmom was a mistress when his real mom was still alive?
Having so much kids will ruin your back and the older kids will most likely to be the emergency babysitter not intentionally but will happen at some point in time
Wow the context makes that family so messed up! How sad
Final story, NTA.
17:46 People demonize the idea of not wanting children.
You can't force through an adoption or erase a parents memory..also the dad was punching him when he acted out....and trying to threaten him. It's psychologically damaging.
I love listening to y'alls videos while I'm expressing milk for my 2mo. It can be a boring and mind numbing task, and these help keep me occupied.
Story 1: OP is NTA, you two were right
Story 2: 50/50 NTA/YTA! The comment was rude but being concerned like that is fair, 100% fair. You're not supposed to have kids back to back like that. You're supposed to wait 18-24 months between children. It can cause health issues and raise the risk of miscarriages a LOT when you have them that close together 😊
I agree with you completely. You're supposed to wait a minimum of six weeks just to do "the activity" again, let alone pop out a whole other baby !!
Last OP is NTA. He did what he had to. I've never found it fair that the mother can chose to terminate and not become a parent but a father can't just say 'no' and not have anything to do with the child. Even if they left and had no contact they could still be forced to pay child support for something that was not their choice.
If you have unprotected sex, you choose to take the risk.
So, does the grandpa want no contact with his grandson Mike? Like at all? Guess if he doesn’t want to know his family, then he has the freedom to do so. Just surprised
They say he still sometimes babysits and is part of their life, he's just taking time for himself now
*Last Story OP:* Absolutely NTA. Albeit OP’s words came across as harsh, he was being brutally honest. It’s called tough love for a reason. I However, I understand Jake’s feelings too. BUT, in hindsight Jake could have had a lot worse. So, ultimately, he should be grateful for what he got and where he is now.
Hey at least in story 2 the husband is getting a vasectomy and understands that that's that
Idk why parents feel like forcing relationships ok. It's never ok blood related or not, kids are still people
It is reccomended to wait at least a year between pregnancies. Op is right to be concerned but didn't have to insult her husband at the announcement.💀
Father in last post isn’t an AH, just blunt and telling it like it is some days. Like he said, he loves his son, just didn’t love parenting. OP warned his son exactly what it would be like to father at 21, even with the advantages OP didn’t have, yet sounds like Jake isn’t finished being a kid and not ready to resign his life to parenthood. Jake was one of the lucky ones from a difficult parent situation, so it baffles me he cannot see his privilege and advantages and still wants to hand off his kid to grandad despite having the time, money, and partner/mother that OP didn’t have. If the Mike wanted OP to come to his games and OP was intentionally making Mike upset by refusing, that would be a different story entirely. Not every man is built to be the family patriarch. Jake is TAH and likely jealous of the opportunities his father now has that he’s realising he won’t have again for a long time; he was warned, by an expert, who didn’t want to parent in the first place, funny that.
Also kudos for OP for setting firm boundaries and maturing enough to have such honest conversations with his son concerning how it is to be a young single father, a lot of parents of OP’s generation would keep things like this to themselves to “keep the piece” or not break the illusion. OP is straight up, I think that’s very admirable to only omit certain aspects of your opinions and true self for your growing child until they are mature enough to converse and determine if they would want an adult with those true colours in their own adult life.
Lucy and his Dad are foul he was attached to his mother. Shame on his father for forcing his new life on his son and not letting him greave
"How my sister manages to take care of six kids and work occasionally i dont know. I babysit when the NANNY-" Ok answer to the question right there my man, she has a NANNY that's why, not that big of a mystery.
My step monster told me she didn't like me because I looked like my mom
I think more than 3 kids is too much. At a certain point, they have to raise eachother and thats not their job. Its also hard to divide your attention between a bunch of kids and husband
To me, “too many kids” is dependent on the ages of the parents (disregarding all other factors, of course).
Ex: 25 w/5 kids is too many, but 42 w/5 kids is not too many
If the kids are too much for a 7/8 seater SUV, it’s too much
the baby machine needs to stop she will regret it later
Wait, haven’t we already heard the first story?? Super similar
last OP is a fucking G and his son needs to leave him tf alone about his grandson. it's not like he doesn't care, he just wants to have his own life. he is in his grandson's life, he just doesn't want to parent him, which is what it seems OP's son wants him to do.
I disagree with the sentiment that 3rd story is NTA. The OP is extremely transactional, and I don't think the son is asking OP to be the parent for the future grandchild, I think he just wants him to be a present individual. He is the prime example of someone who the son would be better off without, and I hope for both their sakes that's what happened. The fact of the matter is, whether or not he wanted to be a dad, he didn't take the necessary efforts to legally sign his rights away to the kiddo, and he agreed to take him on at a vulnerable age. Being a parent doesn't stop when they turn 18 or 20 or whatever, and the sentiment that there's a time limit on being a loving mother or father (not necessarily a caregiver, mind you) is really gross imo.
Not to mention that OP is delusional if he thinks his kid didn't pick up on his resentment.
A set of my ancestors had 8 kids, each one had 8 kids and the one had *16* bc he got remarried
Jake's dad could go to a game once in a while. It's not like it's an all day thing nor is it baby sitting. Having some sort of relationship with his grand kid isn't bad. He sounds douchy
Any thing more than you can handle is to many. Though, as a only child, if you have 1 you should try to have another.
I come from a very large family (100 first cousins combined on both sides, but wasn't in the cards for my mom), I have 7 daughters myself.
Grandpa is NTA grandparents are not all the time babysitters. Some love it some just want to enjoy what life they have left. I work in age care so i can see how hard it gets for older people even just do something simple as vaccum a floor. Let's be honest they don't have much time left after raising there own kids and working to live life especially if they were young parents.
More than 3 kids is too many. The world is becoming over populated and this is no longer the olden days when more than half your kids could die from a common cold. Having that many kids just makes me think you're making them for spare parts or you're dumb and don't know/care about contraception. No one needs that many kids. And yes, pregnancy takes a huge toll on the body, so I'm glad the sister said something and didn't go along with everyone else congratulating her on yet another unnecessary pregnancy
Last story: I think i would be friend with op, he looks like a egocentric person, who only thinks in yourself...
My step dad left my mom for a younger chick, about 24 years old and he was in his 40s. She was terrible. She tried to screw my bf even tho we were like 15 bc she didn't like me coming around.
It can be dangerous to get pregnant that often cause the body needs time to recover after birth . For example breastfeeding can lead to bone decalcification. But if she is taking all the supplements and vitamins the doctor gives her then she should be okay
3 kids is too many, too many people on this earth.... So 1 a person max. Also convenient I think since one parent can hold both on the street. Also children are expensive. Anything above 5 is crazy to me. Personally I don't want kids, I do really like them (as long as they've been brought up right and are not behaving too badly). So I just want to be a grandma :) But children shouldn't expect every grandparent to want to babysit. It's a choice...
"sounds like we got at the end they were trying to replace op mom"....dude pay attention to the story that was obvious from the start
Bro my stepmom is actually the nicest woman in the world
2nd story: indeed, couldn't he keep his d*k away from her a little longer? The doctors literally tell you to not have sex for 6+ weeks after giving birth. Even after the 6 weeks, things aren't 100% recovered. 5 months old baby, 3 months pregnant + time needed to conceive basically means they had sex before 6 weeks ended, or were extremely lucky to get pregnant after 1x sex. Either way, it does seem like husband couldn't wait to get back to it instead of letting her recover fully. Hell, when I got pregnant again when having a 9 months old baby, my pregnancy was labelled as "extra risk from early pregnancy after last pregnancy." Cuz it takes up to a year for the body to recover from a pregnancy. I can't imagine still being soar down there and then being pregnant again.. with twins also.
last story op is not the a. the son is 21 and has his own family.. where is the mother?
they decided to have a kid it's their problem. you can't rely on your parents. they already raised you. wtf is this new generation thinking have a kid and drop it off at the grandparents all the time? what?