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Look for these signs! Stephanie Lyn Coaching 2021

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  • Опубликовано: 1 фев 2021
  • #mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
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Комментарии • 158

  • @matchalatte4101
    @matchalatte4101 3 года назад +230

    the reason why emotionally unavailable people are so hard to spot is because they often give mixed signals. they appear to want a relationship in the beginning and would often go to great lengths to prove it. they cant do consistency only intensity and the fact they're so intense makes you think they're really into you when it actually means they're not intending to stick around for the long haul. takes time to know a person, you need to take a step back and observe carefully and be really patient. they'll reveal themselves in time with their inconsistency, actions not matching words etc.

  • @skbains86
    @skbains86 3 года назад +50

    When your vulnerability is first weaponized against you, leave. It just gets worse. Hurt people, hurt other people

  • @finewomanhood
    @finewomanhood 3 года назад +53

    Time & consistency is the key to know someone and for it to be real! If its fast and all over the place, it won’t work! My ex was a love bomber, definitely a narc. He dumped me then got with a new girl the day after. They broke up a month later once she found out he was with me while dating her...her and i both concluded that he’s crazy. Stay away from fast paced men!!! Fast “love” is not love! Its infatuation and lust done by people who are unable to love truly and fully.

    • @buzzingbee9499
      @buzzingbee9499 3 года назад +1

      Yes, been with both and they aren't the same.

  • @ExploreYourPossibilities
    @ExploreYourPossibilities 3 года назад +53

    03:00 where Stephanie says show your vulnerability and you'll see their character. absolutely! nothing to fear about it's an opportunity. 😚

    • @brandonlittle5347
      @brandonlittle5347 3 года назад +7

      Yes 🙏🏽deeply.... my fear has been how I’ve been treated for sharing, judged, manipulated, gas lite... all the stuff. But I’m learning... being vulnerable is amazing even when it’s not in return and when a person mistreats it, it’s a reflection of them, and to be kind and gentle, and stay in my truth, know how to leave and when... how to do that in a healthy way. Without feeling this gravity of forgiveness and care to just go back into it. But to feel the forgiveness and care to have the courage to learn and and leave gracefully and be with the work in life. The gratefulness of that light at the end of tunnel..... I’m learning. Hard as shit, but I’m learning deeply.

  • @CosmoMakeupgurl
    @CosmoMakeupgurl 3 года назад +41

    I find that thse people come right out and say they aren't capable of being emotionally available but my unhealthy mind says but that's because your not with me🙄!

  • @SuperPoshposh
    @SuperPoshposh 3 года назад +18

    If they truly love you,
    You'll never need to chase them, convince them or beg them for anything🎗
    My Life Relationship Coach is BUDDHA 🙏

  • @danielpineda508
    @danielpineda508 3 года назад +32

    Wow! You are describing my ex to the T! My fear is attracting the wrong person again, that’s why I’m doing the work. Cause dating the unavailable person always ends in hurt. You give them so much trying to “rescue” them and they don’t value or appreciate who you are.

    • @user-cv5xr2et5t
      @user-cv5xr2et5t 3 года назад +4

      Well said Daniel!! I have done that before as well. Not anymore. I rescue no one, lol I rescue myself

    • @danielpineda508
      @danielpineda508 3 года назад +1

      @@user-cv5xr2et5t Exactly! I have enough trying to help myself. I'm done!

    • @cristalballb395
      @cristalballb395 3 года назад

      Same

    • @user-cv5xr2et5t
      @user-cv5xr2et5t 3 года назад +3

      @@danielpineda508 I know for me it started with changing my thought process which changed the way I felt about things which changed the way I behaved and then when I change the way I behaved it changed the way I felt and thought not only about myself but about others.
      I love it when I say to somebody else that still struggles " it's not our job to fix anybody especially a grown-ass person and it's hard enough to change yourself let alone change anybody else"
      I love being mentally strong and healthy!! About damn time lol

    • @haplosh
      @haplosh 3 года назад +1

      Some people just doesnt want to be rescued, they will run away when u try to help them heal. They fear vulnerability and acknowledging their feelings .

  • @frankd.brennan6520
    @frankd.brennan6520 3 года назад +12

    Watch the actions of a person and you will see that person. If she/he makes you feel uneasy about them, get away from them fast. It'll save you

  • @jengray5034
    @jengray5034 3 года назад +7

    Ignoring the situation is ON POINT!!! Communication is key!.... Shoving stuff under the rug.... Not talking about situations.... And gaslighted. Insecure, yes. No validation, no feedback. Great video!

  • @laurenbarca4661
    @laurenbarca4661 3 года назад +36

    You have such a gift of relating and actually reaching other people in their struggles.

  • @BCHODOSH01
    @BCHODOSH01 3 года назад +31

    I find this topic to be very complicated because being emotionally unavailable can be the result of different reasons. If they are unavailable due to a breakup of a former relationship, a death of a mate, or for some other hurtful thing in their life and they are willing to be open with you, explain their situation and willing to get help then there is a chance that in time they can be available to a relationship with you. However, if they are emotionally immature , afraid of intimacy, or not willing to address their problems and seek help then you will never resolve these issues and then you will find yourself in a dysfunctional relationship where you are giving all you can to make things better, but your partner will not or can not ever give enough to create the closeness you hoped for the relationship. Thanks Stephanie for your guidance. Take care.

    • @ronaldcipolla4207
      @ronaldcipolla4207 2 года назад +1

      You are so right. That is what I went through. Her husband died 4 years ago. She warned me that she could not love again but wanted to give me a chance. I thought in time she could love me. So wrong to put myself in that position. She was emotionally unavailable. She was selfish and self centered to allow anyone in her life. She was looking for her husband. She had some narcissistic traits. She would devalue me and use the silent treatment. I was emotionally rejected. I felt not good enough. I could not give her the passion she needed. It’s been 5 months now. It still hurts but I made the right decision to stay away from her. She wasn’t good for me.

    • @kittycat1302
      @kittycat1302 2 года назад

      @@ronaldcipolla4207 Good for you making the right, but hard decision! I’m sure the right one for you is out there and will show up right on time.

  • @l0velystina
    @l0velystina 3 года назад +11

    I ignored the red flags😫but am using my experience to be more aware of the signs when I do start dating again

  • @MrJoshuaAwesome
    @MrJoshuaAwesome 3 года назад +10

    Great feedback! Thank you. I have spent the last 11 years dating emotionally unavailable people and now through my trauma have found myself to be a little emotionally unavailable. I feel so incredibly stuck in this moment. I've always been really open and very emotionally available but I have chosen the wrong individuals which is really put me into a not so great space. I'm working hard to heal but this work is hard.

  • @andreaturnquist4855
    @andreaturnquist4855 3 года назад +24

    Thank you, Stephanie. My ex was emotionally unavailable.

  • @ronaldcipolla4207
    @ronaldcipolla4207 2 года назад +4

    Thank you. I really, really, really needed to hear this. I never understood why I felt sad in a relationship. Why I felt no connect with that other person. Walking away from an unhealthy relationship now makes sense why I did what I did. Thank you so much. I am true to myself. I no longer feel ashamed or guilty what I did. I tried my best to work things out. I feel better about myself.

  • @s.e.f8160
    @s.e.f8160 3 года назад +25

    Dang you nailed this is so many ways and levels. 💜 I have to admit some of this describes my own stuff I need to deal with and level up to.

    • @charmyj90
      @charmyj90 3 года назад +1

      Agreed same here😇

  • @tieamoyer3253
    @tieamoyer3253 3 года назад +6

    Me and 5 kids,now 17 grandkids and 40 yrs of him ghosting..come back,ghost, back over and over..old school marriage different rules applied and my dad wasn't around either,same story for my mom with 4 daughters,none of us grew up and had loving marriages .More like severe physically abused,financial abuse,baby sister at 40 in 4 th husband,one sis although wealthy,refused to have kids,Oldest sis drug addict, alcoholic,baby Sadie's..I'm black sheep empath..These stories never end well,recognize early,you are effecting all your future generations...

  • @ryanbradley1549
    @ryanbradley1549 3 года назад +11

    I feel I have become this way slightly after being in a relationship for 15 years with someone that is emotionally unavailable. I don’t have trouble being emotionally available with friends but my spouse is emotionally unavailable and that is where I find these traits.

  • @vikitha29
    @vikitha29 3 года назад +3

    You are a god send to me. I’ve been watching a lot of your videos; some even on repeat. Life lessons from a high perspective. So glad to find you, Stephanie. Much love and strength to you ❤️

  • @danpolier901
    @danpolier901 3 года назад +3

    So smart, so insightful, so well articulated, so what makes makes you the best.

  • @kimberlyjackson2008
    @kimberlyjackson2008 3 года назад +1

    Glad U showed up in my feed. I've got abandonment issues. Seperated after a 23 yr marriage. 2 children on the spectrum. Depressed.

  • @ewljr
    @ewljr 3 года назад +7

    Absolutely amazing video! One of your best! I have figured out with this last relationship that this is the person I keep getting in relationships with. Every point you made was like me reliving my last relationship.

  • @erynsilva7564
    @erynsilva7564 3 года назад +8

    Divine timing as usual. Thank you!

  • @angelacrowder6127
    @angelacrowder6127 3 года назад +8

    Good morning Stephanie, I appreciate you and your videos! Thank you so much!! Have a wonderful day!!!

  • @jennygolden2573
    @jennygolden2573 3 года назад +6

    i have been dealing with these behaviors from my boyfriend for months. he’s been emotionally shut off and unable to truly be there and communicate effectively with me. we are separated since i could not take the emotional disconnect snd defensiveness anymore. he was a great guy but it’s gone on without him truly seeing it or doing the work for too long

  • @pervezh
    @pervezh 2 года назад

    You are so smart and so beautiful. My favourite therapist on RUclips

  • @michaelblue6150
    @michaelblue6150 2 года назад

    Wow she is a TRUTH TELLER!!!

  • @alanlawler8814
    @alanlawler8814 3 года назад +3

    Thank you again, Stephanie. Always really helpful. It’s a long journey to personal maturity & everyone is somewhere different on the path. You cover all the bases incl that we’re human & not perfect. Some good tips... as people have commented, there’s not much u can do with an emotionally unavailable person but recognise it & keep going...it may just be a more limited friendship/relationship...u’ve said it best. Life affirming...

  • @garycordle5295
    @garycordle5295 3 года назад +15

    Normally it's like some women in the beginning everything is lovey dovie, and once they get comfortable they just change, and I've tried to talk things out and it's like there not emotionally there at all, and so you just walk away, and then your the bad person for just being honest with them,so yeah I've had to go no contact AKA ghosting them, damaged goods beware of the narcissist.

    • @shine2678
      @shine2678 Год назад

      i feel same about some men i met...

  • @samanthajames8174
    @samanthajames8174 3 года назад +5

    So insightful, thanks Stephanie!

  • @majorbloodnok6659
    @majorbloodnok6659 Год назад

    Thank you, that was the 'hard word' but it's what I needed to hear.

  • @brandonlittle5347
    @brandonlittle5347 3 года назад +15

    Painful ... and one sided ... deeply deeply painful. I was always there, and always supported. I’m deeply vulnerable and was deeply taken advantage of. And this hurts so much. I wish you had the truth of who I am and how I was with her. I’m so hurt right now that you are actually taking in and making rationality from a one sided story. I respect all of your knowledge and all of your help. But please... please ... I don’t know what else to say ... please. Can you take a moment and have some care and no gender bias. Please. I said so many times that it wasn’t how I wanted to be treated and talked calmly. She never liked if I thought different. I can’t believe how painful this is, and it punches my heart when I hear this. I respect you deeply and always have !! Im not hear to convince. But please. I’m a human with a heart that has my truth too, and it seems I have to take this and just be stronger. But it’s a nightmare when my safe space of learning, feels like it’s been robbed by someone that only wanted me how they wanted me. I cannot believe this. And it’s lies. And it sucks. I really really wish you saw how we communicated ... deeply.
    The maturity it’s taking to be still in my truth and how I was, and seeing this... the things your saying in how to handle it... I’ve been practicing and deeply wish you saw it.
    And I’m grateful I left. Everything I learned was to leave and cut off contact with some who behaves that way. And I’m glad I had the courage to leave and see her for who see was and how she treated me. I’m grateful that I have compassion and a heart for her. I’m grateful that I’ve been judged for being too deep and too emotional. I’m grateful to know my truth and have the courage to stand up for myself. I’m grateful that my ability to communicate my heart and my good character allows me to relate in an honest and authentic way.

    • @lisax23
      @lisax23 3 года назад +1

      Dont lose you or yourself

    • @lisax23
      @lisax23 3 года назад +1

      I'm in a marriage like that . Trying all the time to talk and to be heard and understood. Always get out burts and walks away. He cant handle me having a different opinion even though I say we can agree to disagree, you

    • @brandonlittle5347
      @brandonlittle5347 3 года назад +1

      @@lisax23 I hear you deeply. It’s hard when you work to speak your truth for years for it to be used against you. To share so much to hopefully to help ease misunderstandings and never to get it in return, was extremely hard. For that vulnerability to be now somehow a conversational npd... I left because I was loosing so much of what I value in myself. And I left. There is so so much I could share. And contemplated it and as much clarity as I’d like to shed in the truth of it, it’s not helping, and not something I should continue to put energy into.
      But if it helps someone a little. Here’s some aspects.
      She said she wanted a deep connection, but I was the only one being vulnerable to be deep. She would go talk to her friends and share the stuff you share with friends. Good, bad, how you feel, your concerns. She would say she never said anything bad. Which is a weird comment in general. I could feel how she was painting me. Only to come back like we somehow got deeper, like her and I spoke. Really alarming. And expected me to treat her like she wasn’t hurting me.
      These talks were because I have a different opinion and she couldn’t stand being challenged (her words) so she would hate if I didn’t view things how she did. And the more I just shared my truth and what happened, she began to shrink. Which she then blamed on me. Never did I treat her less than (she told me how she loved how consistent I was and how good I was to her), never did I treat her how she treated me. Nor would I. And the more and more she did, the more defensive I got, and she knew and would say it, but all the sudden that truth is gone.
      I told her always ... you have your truth and I have mine, and that’s ok. I support her journey and learning, and that should be ok if it looks different. She would agree until the next time we spoke .
      She created this narrative that we were soulmates, of which I stopped and very calmly asked her to not create stories. That I didn’t feel that way and I just wanted to first be friends. This was within a month. And she never respected what I had to say or feel.
      I’m a rape survivor, and has caused much pain if you can imagine. ....She pinned me down for a minute straight as I kept calm and asked her to get up and off of me. She kept laughing like it was a joke. Until she felt me increasing get upset (clearly) and didn’t get off until she felt me freak out. I was asleep. She did this second time after I almost cried and told her to never treat me that way again. Calmly.
      There’s so much she admitted to and so it’s been really weird hearing the same narrative she tried to tell me. Her whole story that she used to get me hooked. I’m super loyal, single and don’t cheat. I’ve been cheated on, it’s painful.
      She wanted to trauma bond after trauma bond and when it wasn’t working she tried harder until I realized she wasn’t going to stop. Projecting this image that she’s not who she says she once was, but actions speak louder than words.
      Truly Lisa.... theres so much I could say. But honestly it’s not been good for my energy. It hasn’t helped. I love the community but feel really strange about it because it was a safe space for me. I realize it public, so I embrace it. But it’s teaching me so much. That even people who help and have been through so much can still miss represent because they still have a filter too to be safe. And I respect that. They Can still represent something that has literally been a source of abuse. To have that flipped was a mind fuck. But the more and more I do the work. I’m grateful because its allowing me the opportunity and making me stronger in the areas I wasn’t.
      So although Id like to share more, it not healthy in this way. And I realize that. It’ll be used too, which I have to take that punch too. Never would I want to purposely hurt someone or be emotionally abusive. I’ve lived through it. I realize how I speak and the tone is important. And I’ve always taken responsibility for it. Always... do it, and say it, and when I don’t, I apologize and do differently, like any good person would. (Except when I was 27 and didn’t want to because I was hurt and afraid and didn’t understand any of this stuff in interpersonal relationships.
      It feels really good to remember more and more deeply my worth and know standing up for the gentleness in my heart the good in myself, and the things that have given joy in my life. It feels good to know that my value system of being a good person and treating people in a good way, I’m holding close to my heart. I’m grateful that the woman who sees this, will be “on my level” and clearly see that stuff and material can fade. That we all want to feel valued. But have to value ourselves to learn how to properly value another. It takes listening, it takes an open heart that actually cares and is empathic. Not just here to get a cert, and be an authority, and now feed on someone else’s energy.
      Thank you for the good words and care Lisa... truly.... I battled myself sharing this, and forgive me if I somehow made a mistake by doing it. You’re words mean more than you may realize. Thank you.

    • @lisax23
      @lisax23 3 года назад +1

      @@brandonlittle5347 Hi Brandon , what you have been true . Thank you for sharing and it's so good to hear how you are on a journey of healing and I agree it's about valuing and loving yourself . So sorry to hear about the abuse and rape you suffered . You are an extraordinary person . I really appreciate you sharing your pain and feelings .
      And wish all the best and well done for not staying in a unhealthy relationship.

    • @brandonlittle5347
      @brandonlittle5347 3 года назад +1

      @@lisax23 thank you Lisa, deeply. Your message says so much!! Thank you. The quality of who you are to even say this, says so much.
      We all can’t be bat shit crazy, when all this stuff matters right....Or why share these truths and structures?
      So much love and gentleness and harmony to your journey too. Thank you for taking the time.
      Enjoy and keep going strong miss!!

  • @davem3708
    @davem3708 Год назад

    I just broke up with a girl that I was dating for the past 6 months. You nailed all theses signs correctly. It really sucks as we started off so strong. It’s a really tricky thing to notice

  • @duluthgoatyoga2135
    @duluthgoatyoga2135 3 года назад +3

    Love your vids and you always have the best hair. This video was helpful.

  • @justagirljean1111
    @justagirljean1111 3 года назад

    Your videos have helped me through the last few years of healing from a narcissist spouse. Thank you! 🙏🏼❤️

  • @BreaLinn
    @BreaLinn 3 года назад +4

    I really needed this. Thank You, Stephanie. 💕

  • @rebeccaphillips8214
    @rebeccaphillips8214 3 года назад +4

    Great video 👏 Thank you 🙏 Blessed be 💖

  • @katiswan3160
    @katiswan3160 3 года назад +5

    ❤️Thank you Stephanie ❤️for creating this wonderful video ❤️and giving me some tools to use to change my life ❤️. I really ❤️need this video today ❤️.

  • @rodpascua6
    @rodpascua6 3 года назад +2

    I got divorced in 2018 after 21 years of marriage. It was a roller coaster. Issues on both sides. But. After the divorce when I tried to move on with my life. My ex wanted to come back and that she says she changed and that will try harder to work at our relationship. Of course I agreed. To make a long story short. After periods of on and off being together for the next two years I knew she wasn’t going to change. She would disappear and then come around and say she needed her space. I’m through with this narcissistic behavior but she will not let go. She told me straight up that will not let me go because she invested 21 years and she’s not gonna let another woman have me and enjoy the the benefits of who I’ve become. Meaning I learned from all the heart aches with her and I’ve become a more stronger person mentally emotionally and physically. I’m just afraid to move on because she has destroyed the last two relationships I had. HELP.

    • @nataliaturner4845
      @nataliaturner4845 3 года назад +1

      That's kind of scary how she's being so intrusive & determined to keep you from moving on. My first thought was "restraining order", but it's your call if you think that's warranted or not. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get an opinion about your predicament from a lawyer/therapist/someone with more knowledge about it?

  • @urfas.1225
    @urfas.1225 3 года назад +16

    What does it mean when you're crying in front of your boyfriend and he leaves you to deal with it yourself and doesn't even comfort or console you? And not to mention... He said he can't handle emotional people...
    Well I just answered my own question. 😅

    • @roselo2631
      @roselo2631 3 года назад +6

      I've experience same with my NEX. I literally wasted my time, my energy for 5 years.😢😔

    • @Bevanslane620
      @Bevanslane620 2 года назад +2

      Sounds like he has an avoidant attachment style.

    • @shine2678
      @shine2678 Год назад

      So mine was emotionally unavailable too....oooo😯

  • @seankalleyart2065
    @seankalleyart2065 3 года назад

    That was fantastic, truthful & relevant. Sometimes the timing isn’t right & the more honest we become in ourselves it reflects outward creating less conflict. Thanks for sharing this video.

  • @donaldgansky5907
    @donaldgansky5907 3 месяца назад

    Some very good points. Thanks

  • @alisondavies1197
    @alisondavies1197 3 года назад +4

    Fantastic video. Thank you x

  • @break_the_chains9216
    @break_the_chains9216 3 года назад +9

    @Stephanie Lynn can you please do a video on overthinking? Both my best friend and I are guilty of this.

  • @tinaking9120
    @tinaking9120 3 года назад +1

    This was amazing information!

  • @anglarfield7350
    @anglarfield7350 3 года назад +3

    This is awesome. Thank you👌❤

  • @clarkkent3730
    @clarkkent3730 3 года назад +1

    it is called the push pull emotional/demonic roller-coaster; we want what we cant have but once we get it we dont want it anymore!
    emotions = demons emotionally available = demonically available emotionally unavailable = demonically unavailable

  • @donnadaniels5095
    @donnadaniels5095 3 года назад +1

    Thank you Stephanie for your knowledge you're the best💕🙏

  • @NikkiJayArtistry
    @NikkiJayArtistry 3 года назад +1

    i wish i knew this about 3 years ago. I went through a really confusing time questioning everything i knew at this particular time...it was at this time a narcissist capitalized on this..i was too insecure in myself to really break free..got emotionally manipulated into actually marrying him...2 years later and a 1 year old..I am now a single mom. He left us and streams video games all day and uses that as an excuse as to why he can't keep in touch with his son...he missed his 1st b-day and everything..hasnt seen him since 10 months and my son is about to be 16 months...needless to say, the single biggest mistake of my life and everytime i look at my son, i have intense regret and remorse..bc i saw all the signs and only now, after binge watching your videos, I understand what the "off-ness" i sensed but attributed it to me being over the top...in retrospect i was spot on, just didnt have a name for it. Now...i'm here. I feel nauseous with regret..especially when i look a my son's smiling face. He didnt deserve to have a parent like him...certain ppl just should not be granted the blessing to reproduce.

  • @shanshan993
    @shanshan993 3 года назад +4

    Beautiful 💓

  • @acideterrible57
    @acideterrible57 3 года назад +1

    Amazing as always. Thank you ❤️

  • @TheQueensWish
    @TheQueensWish 3 года назад +1

    Watch to see if they embrace others.

  • @TK-fv5jv
    @TK-fv5jv 3 года назад +1

    Got the t-shirt to this one

  • @larrymosca5215
    @larrymosca5215 2 года назад

    You have helped me tremendously. Thank you so much

  • @samuelguzman7939
    @samuelguzman7939 3 года назад +1

    AWSOME...thank you😄😄😄😄

  • @clearopenskies
    @clearopenskies 3 года назад

    I recently left a toxic friendship with someone who on top of that had romantic interest in me. For a long time I felt so confused by his inconsistency. He would sometimes act cold and annoyed for no reason, his words and actions differed, he lied quite a lot, he would get all defensive over certain topics, he never took responsibility for his actions and didn't handle criticism well (he was in denial). After talking with him multiple times about how he was making me feel and giving him a chance to explain himself, he never did. He always found a way to justify his actions ("I'm stressed with work" and so on), and the last time he didn't even say anything. He just sat there listening to me talking about my feelings. At one point I asked him about one particular situation that affected me greatly and he responded in this cold and almost annoyed voice, like he was offended. Last time I saw him I was suffering from anxiety (due to this relationship) and when he saw me cry, his reaction was to ask me in this monotone voice "Are you ok?" and after I said no, he turned around and started walking away. He never asked me why was I sad or tried to cheer me up. It was like he was another person. He always acted cheerful and with lots of energy and would overreact when he saw people close to him get sad. That action hurt, but it also made it easier for me to see who he really was. If he really cared he would have respected my boundaries and actually apologized.

  • @tuneintomychannel
    @tuneintomychannel 3 года назад +3

    Could you do a video on something like a best friend who attached to you, and insecure without your friendship. like someone who wants to be your #1 and thinks something is wrong when you have other friends.

  • @chantelle780
    @chantelle780 3 года назад

    Thanks Stephanie! Could have used this video 8 years ago.... 😊 great framing of the emotionally unavailable persona ...

  • @mikel442
    @mikel442 3 года назад +1

    If a narc ghosts you then be happy. It’s the best thing that could happen to you.

  • @thecommonsensecapricorn
    @thecommonsensecapricorn 3 года назад +2

    I'm watching because I know I'm this person. I always tell people that for me, I was in a controlling/narcissistic relationship, and now i have a genuine, deep rooted fear of being in a relationship. It's like being someone who's afraid to go outside of their house. It's irrational but that fear is real for that person. I associate relationships with loss of freedom (and i need a LOT of freedom), with conflict, with guilt trips, with genuinely feeling like a hostage. So I date people and some are commitment-phobes too & it's fine, but some of them start to like me and then I ghost them. I hate to think that those people are hurt and think something is wrong with them. Because in truth it really is all about me. I look back on a lot of these guys and think "wow someone's going to be so lucky to have them." "wow i wish i was ready for someone like that."
    Thank you for making the point about it not being personal. Because it really is not.

    • @Healingfromtheroot
      @Healingfromtheroot 3 года назад

      Wow yes. Thank you for your words

    • @stevid5418
      @stevid5418 3 года назад

      @syd yes! Well stated, I’m not 100% like you but I do have a fear with losing myself inside a relationship. This makes it harder to be vulnerable. When I am vulnerable and end up hurt, or my openness is used against me, I feel less confident about sharing. I know this frustrates and is not productive. I’m in a place of thinking if this was a better match for me, in my current place within my life lesson, I would not be compelled to protect me heart. Maybe we are not meant to be together because our puzzle pieces do not fit .. that’s okay too, we are in different places on our individual paths. I wish I understood that his getting in too fast was a sign that he was maybe desperate for a relationship I had said I was not ready for all those years ago. Now he uses manipulating behavior and guilt to keep the relationship in tact. Opposite sides of the coin on many levels.

  • @ruferbor
    @ruferbor 3 года назад

    God Bless You Stephanie, all the Best (from Portugal)

  • @laytonmcguire3552
    @laytonmcguire3552 3 года назад

    Such great insight and examples

  • @melindacabe2263
    @melindacabe2263 3 года назад +1

    Could you do a video on the subject of ... when your not with that person you miss them and think about them constantly but when your with them. You look at them and wonder why you missed them and logically you take notes of all the bad things about them and wonder why you missed them in the first place and why you cant just detact becuz they have no good qualities.. cant understand why you go back when you know there is nothing to go back to.. And you could do so much better

  • @heatherk.7904
    @heatherk.7904 3 года назад

    Needed to hear this today thank you!

  • @JessiesCreations
    @JessiesCreations 3 года назад

    Thank you so much for these videos 🙏

  • @LR-yu3mx
    @LR-yu3mx 3 года назад +1

    It is to me as if the person is in his/her own planet.

  • @user-ns2rj8wu3d
    @user-ns2rj8wu3d 3 года назад

    Amazing! Very helpful. Thank you :)

  • @StarwaterHealing
    @StarwaterHealing 3 года назад

    I appreciate this thank you Stephanie 😊

  • @bottomlessinkwell
    @bottomlessinkwell 3 года назад

    Yay it exists! Saved to favorites!

  • @alcudiababe1
    @alcudiababe1 3 года назад

    I don't know what it is but I have struggled to be emotionally honest. It's not that I don't want to be but when others are telling me their feelings, saying it easily say they've got hurt by something I did and they say "it upsets me because I thought we have a good relationship." That would devastate me and I'd go away thinking that they obviously didn't think that way anymore, I'd end up writing them a letter of how I did feel because I couldn't do it to their face.
    Somehow trying to do this face to face a long time ago between family backfired. I tell them how I felt but they don't acknowledge anything or aren't as interested in what I have to say and they are constantly combating everything I say with and do you understand how I feel when you did such and such rather than being in the moment with me. They always want my understanding which I end up confused, I'm told how I think and feel is wrong and like they're the only people with a strong hold on reality!

  • @fleep9008
    @fleep9008 3 года назад +2

    I want to be with someone that lives in reality. Not with someone that we are together for what I can bring/do for her. Seems there is a huge disconnect with women. Seems I am a "Hopeless Romantic" that's my reality. My reality Natural/Nature/Nurture.

  • @leonardgrant6876
    @leonardgrant6876 2 года назад

    Yeah, a lot of time people really are not ready for the relationship, unfortunately. Often they just don't have a clue what they need. Have seen one woman all she was talking about was just another vacation and how she will leave the job and go for 6 months to that foreign country. This was a 30-year-old woman and one could guess that a 30-year-old woman would know where she would like to be.

  • @christopherbarreras9953
    @christopherbarreras9953 3 года назад

    Thank you Stephanie

  • @Tm-se5mv
    @Tm-se5mv 3 года назад +3

    Yes yes yes

  • @gregcrowe8885
    @gregcrowe8885 3 года назад

    Thank You. i just look in the mirror. this lesson very helpful. my people letting me go

  • @travis6694
    @travis6694 3 года назад +6

    How do you tell the difference between the early love bombing and being really into them? Every time I have been love bombed and it sucked me in thinking they loved me.

    • @CosmoMakeupgurl
      @CosmoMakeupgurl 3 года назад +9

      Run! Love bombing is not normal! I think Stephanie has a video about this.

    • @rachel243
      @rachel243 3 года назад +9

      Too much too soon. What they say does not make sense for how long they have known you. “You’re amazing” when they have only known you for a week.

    • @travis6694
      @travis6694 3 года назад +5

      @@CosmoMakeupgurl I have watched them and I’m referring to my ex girlfriends. Currently not dating anyone. She got a new boyfriend of two weeks and they got matching tattoos. She is doing the same shit with him she tried with me.

    • @travis6694
      @travis6694 3 года назад +7

      @@rachel243 yes that makes sense. She talked about marriage and kids and all that after a month and a half. I fell into the trap of validating her and being her supply to make her feel good.

  • @john.johnb_online1438
    @john.johnb_online1438 3 года назад +1

    Thank u

  • @nangia_vivek81
    @nangia_vivek81 3 года назад +2

    Nice. 👍👍👍

  • @justinshelton8175
    @justinshelton8175 3 года назад

    Thank you

  • @ravipeiris4388
    @ravipeiris4388 Год назад

    Thank you for your video. There is some background buzz sound in a number of your videos, just fyi.

  • @Naan795
    @Naan795 2 года назад

    As a diagnosis is Great but look at Intimacy Anorexia and how to overcome that

  • @clarkkent3730
    @clarkkent3730 3 года назад +1

    Relationships are built on idolatry! when a person is totally satisfied in God alone with total contentment in faith, then there is a divine indifference to all natural relationships....we are blessed by those whom God brings into our lives but we are not saddened when God removes them from our lives; "the Lord gives and the Lord takes away"...job 1

    • @buzzingbee9499
      @buzzingbee9499 3 года назад

      How can you truly love another person though if you are indifferent?

    • @stevid5418
      @stevid5418 3 года назад +1

      “Divine indifference to all natural relationships” ? What does that even mean. We are humans, with emotions, and hopefully love and compassion to share. I believe we are here to make a difference and to help others throughout our lives. My spiritual belief does not allow for me to think it is healthy to be indifferent to a natural relationship if I am committed within in.

  • @intr0vert315
    @intr0vert315 3 года назад +2

    Heard!

  • @edgreen8140
    @edgreen8140 3 года назад +1

    Avoidant attachment style.

  • @davestackhouse5414
    @davestackhouse5414 3 года назад

    I have a question for ya, coach. 😊
    Or for anyone who reads this.
    Question - How do you fully 'let go' of a person who hurt you??

  • @nmitrading
    @nmitrading 3 года назад

    1 sign Stephanie Lyn is interested in you

  • @sharmaaa5132
    @sharmaaa5132 2 года назад

    I wish I could have found you 8 years ago 💔

  • @audreyhague3716
    @audreyhague3716 3 года назад

    My husband of 17 years is completely emotionally unavailable. Has made me feel crazy every step of the way. When I am sad. He will not sit in space for me. He stares at me. Or leaves the room. Will not respond to me. Making me question my sanity everytime. I'm not sure what to do

  • @calebkeegan3023
    @calebkeegan3023 3 года назад

    I sent this to my ex who reached out today

  • @patricegrissam7085
    @patricegrissam7085 3 года назад

    She's very beautiful

  • @GiorgiaPinti
    @GiorgiaPinti 3 года назад

    dear Stephany, this is the first time I enter your channel and let me tell you that I believe you are a great relationship advisor, I am sure of that, but, really,when you talk, go a little bit slower, take breaks between the sentences you make and just give a few seconds to your viewers to process what you said. It's like hearing a fearful student repeating out loud and mechanically his lesson to his teacher from beginning to bottom, with no interruption, in the fear that he will have to actually have to process logically what he said.
    I had to go back a couple of times to hear again and again what you said 'cause it was too fast, without intonation and all in a rush. In the end I had to just look at your face and concentrate on every word you said just to realize it was very tiring.
    Otherwise, all good, it's all very interesting and I might even want to subscribe. Wish you all the best!

  • @edgyjotaro4426
    @edgyjotaro4426 3 года назад

    stephanie, i have a question. can someone being emotionally unavailable and have avoidant attachment style at the same time? and what’s the difference between them two?
    i feel like the guy that have a complicated relationship with me is showing me the signs of those two traits

  • @orlandocabrera6269
    @orlandocabrera6269 3 года назад

    So what happens when some things bother you. what happens when someone feels that they can't say something because then you are looked at like OH look you are making it about YOU. Are we suppose to just not say anything ?? So we don't look like we are making it about us?

  • @beatricelombardi6346
    @beatricelombardi6346 3 года назад

    Stephanie how do I sell parent is there a guideline or some tools you can share with me. In the need of healing.

  • @AHA-kv6sm
    @AHA-kv6sm 3 года назад

    Stephanie can you do a reaction video on the meaning of life by the merciful servant?

  • @kikipaxton2078
    @kikipaxton2078 3 года назад

    I’VE FOUND MY PEOPLE. From now on I’ll actually read the comments. 😆

  • @julekpacho7779
    @julekpacho7779 3 года назад

    (cc) translation plugin:OFF? ON please :)

  • @cleteroberts920
    @cleteroberts920 3 года назад

    "Sit in space" and "show up for you" are popular psychobabble phrases with little or no meaning. Try saying what you really mean by that

  • @merlinwizard1000
    @merlinwizard1000 3 года назад +2

    22nd

  • @AHA-kv6sm
    @AHA-kv6sm 3 года назад

    This is the video's link:ruclips.net/video/7d16CpWp-ok/видео.html