Border Officer

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  • Опубликовано: 28 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 8 тыс.

  • @emmitcannady1730
    @emmitcannady1730 3 года назад +7925

    I love how it’s “the thief stole your uncles bed” as though there is just one in the town and this just happens to people.

    • @wumbosaurus9121
      @wumbosaurus9121 3 года назад +415

      Ah shet, the local thief stole my toilet again.
      Perhaps I should move

    • @mooviies
      @mooviies 3 года назад +252

      and his family didn't move from the house. The thieft litterally took the bed from under the uncle!

    • @nicoleangelcourt2862
      @nicoleangelcourt2862 3 года назад +29

      i would like this comment but its on 420 so I'll respect you.

    • @wumbosaurus9121
      @wumbosaurus9121 3 года назад +7

      @@nicoleangelcourt2862 Dank

    • @wumbosaurus9121
      @wumbosaurus9121 3 года назад +9

      @@nicoleangelcourt2862 in that 40 minutes it's gone up to 447 though

  • @cryptid4351
    @cryptid4351 3 года назад +5044

    “We’re too poor to have a clock”
    Me: Don't do it don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it
    “Just like my childhood all over again”

    • @Mentis_Mori
      @Mentis_Mori 3 года назад +209

      When I was a child, we couldn't afford eggs, we had a chicken but we had to kill it for our own entertainment, also nice pfp, memento mori

    • @gabrielpineirogarcia2078
      @gabrielpineirogarcia2078 3 года назад +73

      *Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.*

    • @Mentis_Mori
      @Mentis_Mori 3 года назад +65

      @@gabrielpineirogarcia2078 unus annus unus annus....
      Words that will forever be immortalized in our memories
      Memories are forever after all

    • @spartanonionproductions1137
      @spartanonionproductions1137 3 года назад +27

      @Cryptid What cryptid are you? Hee Hoo or The Gongoozler

    • @cryptid4351
      @cryptid4351 3 года назад +28

      @@spartanonionproductions1137 I am SCP-11325

  • @merelymikki
    @merelymikki 3 года назад +2319

    Doesn’t realize how to give papers back and just kills him for having not the right paperwork my god. 😂😂

    • @ethanvanderjagt5892
      @ethanvanderjagt5892 3 года назад +54

      Markiplier doesn't know how to do something also Markiplier:SHOOT HIM edit: thanks for the likes

    • @axethannanth
      @axethannanth 3 года назад +11

      e

    • @SoDarkitex
      @SoDarkitex 3 года назад +5

      e

    • @elix7963
      @elix7963 3 года назад +5

      666 likes 😳

    • @AshlynOne
      @AshlynOne 3 года назад +26

      A fairly accurate representation of the american legal system.

  • @justheredontaskwhy9578
    @justheredontaskwhy9578 3 года назад +3785

    Mark faced everything in this game. But the thing that broke him?:
    "'I needed to be more energetic in the bed' NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    • @SftHrtBrsKnckls
      @SftHrtBrsKnckls 3 года назад +193

      “ITS TOO CLOSE TO HOME”😂🤣😂🤣

    • @justheredontaskwhy9578
      @justheredontaskwhy9578 3 года назад +17

      @@SftHrtBrsKnckls XDDDDDDDDD

    • @Sega428
      @Sega428 3 года назад +8

      Theres no place like home!

    • @wjzav1971
      @wjzav1971 3 года назад +15

      Priorities man

    • @lilliangarza4954
      @lilliangarza4954 3 года назад +55

      Lol
      Mark: This hits too close to home.
      Me: Is everything alright with you and Amy, dude?

  • @kittenwispy
    @kittenwispy 3 года назад +9533

    _"sound the alarm! HE'S GOT A FORK!!"_

    • @theinstitute1324
      @theinstitute1324 3 года назад +56

      *man with Mosin runs out of the shadows and drags the screaming person to their resting place*

    • @coolperson10-m
      @coolperson10-m 3 года назад +78

      it's still _slightly_ more dangerous than a spoon

    • @goblinthetargetpractice6049
      @goblinthetargetpractice6049 3 года назад +30

      CALL THE MILITARY, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    • @goblinthetargetpractice6049
      @goblinthetargetpractice6049 3 года назад +32

      @@coolperson10-m Wait, a SPOON? OH MY GOD, AHHHHHH

    • @Darksilver740
      @Darksilver740 3 года назад +26

      If you walked into the airport with a fork I think you'd actually get pulled aside and possibly denied access

  • @wizardshark2928
    @wizardshark2928 3 года назад +7036

    Boss: “You killed him for a fork?”
    Mark: “Yeah.....that was my bad.”

  • @Rainworld475
    @Rainworld475 3 года назад +3334

    I cant help but laugh at the fact that Mark was giggling over the woman in the club who was all gumby like- but proceeded to not notice the woman with a popcorn bag on her head-

    • @13DarknessGirl666
      @13DarknessGirl666 3 года назад +91

      Priorities

    • @Meh-nv6id
      @Meh-nv6id 3 года назад +79

      @@13DarknessGirl666 *Professionals have standards*

    • @mikeyaftony2464
      @mikeyaftony2464 Год назад +2

      Well it's like the stereotypical lamp shade on the head at a party
      Don't know why that's just like A Thing but it is

  • @quantum174
    @quantum174 3 года назад +3492

    THE WAY THE GUARD SLOWLY WALKED IN, AND WALKED AWAY AND THEN JUST THE GUNSHOT MADE ME CRY LAUGHING OH MY GOD.

    • @KiwiBubbles
      @KiwiBubbles 2 года назад +64

      IT SHOULDN'T BE FUNNY BUT IT WAS REALLY REALLY FUNNY!!!

    • @voodood
      @voodood 11 месяцев назад +16

      @NukaChloe769:20 13:10 20:10

    • @-WMD-Edutainment
      @-WMD-Edutainment 7 месяцев назад +3

      'Tis how my great-grandfather dealt with rubbish criminals when he was a border-patrol soldier in WW2. And he was Hungarian btw, so the uniform was also kinda accurate.

    • @landonletterman831
      @landonletterman831 27 дней назад +1

      The squeaky toy parking job was my dog's favorite

    • @millo7295
      @millo7295 4 дня назад

      Mark (reading that comment): oh really? You're screaming and crying ar en?

  • @user-zm3bc8ng6m
    @user-zm3bc8ng6m 3 года назад +3108

    Fork: •exists•
    Mark: *now this is an avengers level threat*

    • @user-zm3bc8ng6m
      @user-zm3bc8ng6m 3 года назад +3

      .

    • @danie9507
      @danie9507 3 года назад +4

      @@user-zm3bc8ng6m I don’t know you...but I like you.

    • @crazykids2004
      @crazykids2004 3 года назад +1

      That's good old Mark

    • @krieger8825
      @krieger8825 3 года назад +2

      Man pulls out box of soap
      US Airport Security: A terrorist, empty on him

    • @user-zm3bc8ng6m
      @user-zm3bc8ng6m 3 года назад +2

      @@danie9507 hm well thank you, I like you too :)

  • @Lightning_Fox74
    @Lightning_Fox74 3 года назад +3489

    Just imagine the people's faces when they see a car out in the field and hearing "OH MY GOD!!!!!" lol

  • @KhezuOnYourScreen
    @KhezuOnYourScreen 3 года назад +3816

    "You're depressed and you're dead"
    Bruh. One at a time game.

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад +6

      You are the rude one here on this comment about Markiplier and just say nice thing to Markiplier, ok, even though Markiplier is real

    • @Wan-vo4cr
      @Wan-vo4cr 3 года назад +84

      @@amberator3456 Ok

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад +4

      @@Wan-vo4cr ok of what

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад +2

      @Nugget no I am not high

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад +4

      @Nugget I am not using drugs

  • @benavery58
    @benavery58 3 года назад +567

    Mark:
    Lets a person with a c4 go but kills someone for having a fork

  • @sipmcihm8107
    @sipmcihm8107 3 года назад +546

    Mark: this game hits too close to home
    Also Mark: shoots and kills 4 people

    • @Kaunoe
      @Kaunoe 3 года назад +19

      He said what he said and meant what he meant

    • @thegongoozler5920
      @thegongoozler5920 3 года назад +9

      He didn’t stutter

    • @lawrenceludwigiv7788
      @lawrenceludwigiv7788 3 года назад +9

      He said it right after he needed more energy in sex so...

  • @bleakautomaton4808
    @bleakautomaton4808 3 года назад +1590

    "Uncle's bed is stolen?!" Doesn't realize he left the front door open, lol

    • @CybernerdShua
      @CybernerdShua 3 года назад +58

      Wait, is that actually why it happened?

    • @monikloon69
      @monikloon69 3 года назад +7

      I sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag . Who needs a bed ? That guy is a coward !

    • @CatsMeow_
      @CatsMeow_ 3 года назад +9

      Uncle Ben is stolen... poor Ben.

    • @kcalb4569
      @kcalb4569 3 года назад +5

      Who steals a bed?

    • @CatsMeow_
      @CatsMeow_ 3 года назад +3

      @@kcalb4569 poor people

  • @kjartanm.1660
    @kjartanm.1660 3 года назад +805

    “The thief stole your uncle’s bed”
    So that’s why duolingo taught me how to say “this child stole my table” in Russian!

    • @TashJansson
      @TashJansson 3 года назад +34

      and here I thought I would never need to use "the watch fell into the wine". Thanks, Duo!

    • @Roperfield
      @Roperfield 3 года назад +27

      Fuckers took my table
      Can't have shit in Russia

    • @cloud_lost_in_thought
      @cloud_lost_in_thought 3 месяца назад +4

      It taught be how to say: These are not my fingers in German. It'll definitely come in handy!

  • @Nya0213
    @Nya0213 3 года назад +1105

    I'm 5 minutes in and he's going everywhere but the border.

  • @sox9647
    @sox9647 3 года назад +2078

    Mark: “This is too close to home”
    Game: denying people entry to the country and bringing chocolate and cigarettes home to your wife who ignores you 😂

  • @hosseinsoltani1117
    @hosseinsoltani1117 3 года назад +5435

    Today's lesson: don't get close to markiplier with a fork

    • @macklinillustration
      @macklinillustration 3 года назад +87

      Or even worse......a spork.

    • @RiskItForAChoccyBiscuit
      @RiskItForAChoccyBiscuit 3 года назад +52

      Spoons are okay though, even though we all know spoons are the most dangerous weapon of all and are ready to ensue the inevitable mass destruction of humanity as we know it :)

    • @walkerwilliams-rigsofrodst3316
      @walkerwilliams-rigsofrodst3316 3 года назад +18

      @@RiskItForAChoccyBiscuit I am scared of you😶

    • @RiskItForAChoccyBiscuit
      @RiskItForAChoccyBiscuit 3 года назад +27

      @@walkerwilliams-rigsofrodst3316 You should be scared of the spoons 🥄

    • @LadyTenjoin
      @LadyTenjoin 3 года назад +4

      what about a spoon. A spoon is harmless

  • @carlyramos7514
    @carlyramos7514 3 года назад +1714

    "We were too poor to have a clock"
    Mark: *Childhood Intensifies*

  • @RJ-rp8yd
    @RJ-rp8yd 3 года назад +215

    Mark: [Rejects paperwork]
    Citizen: [Right before he gets shot] "Wish I had rejected your mom. You would've never been born."
    At least he went out a savage.

    • @sherwinashford
      @sherwinashford Год назад +3

      "You will never had born"

    • @herbthymeyt
      @herbthymeyt Год назад +3

      ​@@sherwinashford "You will had never born"

  • @TheSunShineMann
    @TheSunShineMann 3 года назад +4274

    I feel like mark is the only person who would execute someone for owning a fork

    • @crisgriffin3042
      @crisgriffin3042 3 года назад +57

      Welcome to mother Russia then.

    • @CallMeJameskii
      @CallMeJameskii 3 года назад +21

      No i defo would

    • @judestarbabypup
      @judestarbabypup 3 года назад +28

      I got the impression he thought getting anything on the metal detector was bad, and then he realised when it was too late 😅

    • @daffa5130
      @daffa5130 3 года назад +18

      Markiplier isn't real, it can't hurt you
      Markiplier:

    • @TheSunShineMann
      @TheSunShineMann 3 года назад +4

      @@daffa5130 lol yes

  • @spoopyspore173
    @spoopyspore173 3 года назад +572

    Mark: "Im dumb, im dumb"
    He says that after the fact when he does a double back flip with his car.

    • @CybernerdShua
      @CybernerdShua 3 года назад +9

      I know a guy who could that, haven't seen him in a while.

    • @videohound2005
      @videohound2005 3 года назад +2

      You could use your internal clock Markie. Totally free.

    • @bitfrost3610
      @bitfrost3610 3 года назад +1

      That means he's a genius ?

    • @lvrkins
      @lvrkins 3 года назад +1

      Ethan taught him well

  • @kristian4532
    @kristian4532 3 года назад +1165

    I died after the wife jump scare. She's coming for that snu-snu, and doesn't care if her mother watches apparently.

  • @AESVIII
    @AESVIII 3 года назад +563

    Mark: *goes to store*
    Mark: “do you have any bombs?”

    • @wjzav1971
      @wjzav1971 3 года назад +16

      while he is holding an ax

    • @x-ray_channel2226
      @x-ray_channel2226 3 года назад +19

      Bombs? You want it? It's yours my friend, as long as you have enough rubles

  • @dedshade
    @dedshade 3 года назад +673

    Mark: "I didn't scan you!"
    Mark: "It's probably fine."
    *Woman has a bomb*

  • @user-rw3dq9ww3h
    @user-rw3dq9ww3h 3 года назад +877

    Mark: “papers please.”
    Me: hesitates for only a moment.
    Mark: “d e a t h.”

    • @PresidentNathan
      @PresidentNathan 3 года назад +10

      you can just press enter instead of putting a million spaces in your comment

    • @user-rw3dq9ww3h
      @user-rw3dq9ww3h 3 года назад +1

      @@PresidentNathan ah well I’m not very smart then am I. Thank you for the advice

  • @Gabbie.xoxoxo
    @Gabbie.xoxoxo 3 года назад +986

    Mark: “Just like my childhood all over again”
    Me: When you were so poor you couldn’t even afford 5 ovens

    • @tessa2555
      @tessa2555 3 года назад +3

      lmaooo

    • @catsquad1784
      @catsquad1784 3 года назад +8

      bruh I read this right when he said that

    • @Corvaex
      @Corvaex 3 года назад +5

      oh hey it's you

    • @scarcat2469
      @scarcat2469 3 года назад +4

      I AM A MAN, WHO

    • @williamlux
      @williamlux 3 года назад +5

      @@scarcat2469 OWNS 5 OVENS.

  • @shadow_leaf7965
    @shadow_leaf7965 3 года назад +547

    "A little beer never hurt anyone"
    Says the man who could die if he drinks alchohol

  • @VioletDeathRei
    @VioletDeathRei 3 года назад +1814

    "Border officer"
    5 minutes later
    Strip club with women wearing popcorn buckets.

    • @quin.tessential
      @quin.tessential 3 года назад +5

      l

    • @Gamestararena
      @Gamestararena 3 года назад +1

      My dad promised me a new pc if i hit 200 comments on my recent video in 2 days time. Help guys i really need it🥺🥺,,’

    • @zefzec
      @zefzec 3 года назад +1

      @@Gamestararena once again yes I have

    • @Kai-iy3kk
      @Kai-iy3kk 3 года назад +7

      @@zefzec it's a bot

    • @Eis7
      @Eis7 3 года назад +7

      @Ì Ám ĶèvìñBB1 no thanks

  • @JeweledLove
    @JeweledLove 3 года назад +2104

    Mark: "Border Officer"
    Also Mark: *goes to the Strip Club*

    • @LadyTenjoin
      @LadyTenjoin 3 года назад +12

      I'll bring the dollar bills

    • @chatch621
      @chatch621 3 года назад +2

      That dude Obama, prepaid Caribbean girls

    • @ritawant2878
      @ritawant2878 3 года назад

      გიორგი ფ

    • @dainswedd9900
      @dainswedd9900 3 года назад

      with an ax *

    • @EightySix86.
      @EightySix86. 3 года назад

      @Rita , WANT ВОУ !!! ☹

  • @kateadams2709
    @kateadams2709 3 года назад +616

    Man: Has fork
    Mark: And I took that personally

    • @VTuber_Central
      @VTuber_Central 3 года назад +8

      fork you

    • @meloehaze
      @meloehaze 3 года назад

      they should have went with the spoon
      is mark a forkist?!?!$?!?

    • @bray_1617
      @bray_1617 3 года назад

      i hate that i read this in a german accent for no reason

  • @w0jak373
    @w0jak373 3 года назад +4412

    After that jumpscare, i think id rather stay as a virgin.

    • @CallMeAsty
      @CallMeAsty 3 года назад +77

      Same. Saaaaame.

    • @Sega428
      @Sega428 3 года назад +18

      Oh man

    • @Bumbleorc
      @Bumbleorc 3 года назад +6

      Same

    • @bruh-fb7vr
      @bruh-fb7vr 3 года назад +88

      I just started the video and I'm looking through the comments and now I'm scared cause you said there's a jumpscare...
      Fuck

    • @maxlondon7723
      @maxlondon7723 3 года назад +81

      @@bruh-fb7vr the timestamp is 17:23 if you want to skip it

  • @frecklesandfries9209
    @frecklesandfries9209 3 года назад +1745

    “Save your money”
    Mark: *almost immediately wastes money on a shit stripclub*

    • @mwebb8434
      @mwebb8434 3 года назад +43

      That weird ass face was worth every dime

    • @narnonarno5529
      @narnonarno5529 3 года назад +17

      @@mwebb8434 i t s w o r t h e v e r y p e n n y

    • @mwebb8434
      @mwebb8434 3 года назад +14

      @@narnonarno5529 I t s w o r t h e v e r y f i n g e r

    • @frecklesandfries9209
      @frecklesandfries9209 3 года назад +9

      @@mwebb8434 you right, you right, I apologize and retract my previous statement.

    • @cluelesspuppyvibes
      @cluelesspuppyvibes 3 года назад +7

      It's all fun and games when so ending until you check your bank account and you have $24 to last you a week

  • @JonahMcD
    @JonahMcD 3 года назад +5113

    Markiplier: the savage who killed a man because he had a fork.

    • @OnlyiMe645
      @OnlyiMe645 3 года назад +6

      I’m the 666th like 🙃

    • @zacharygodwin6328
      @zacharygodwin6328 3 года назад +19

      no markimoo was threatened

    • @dogedog8686
      @dogedog8686 3 года назад +2

      What time?

    • @zacharygodwin6328
      @zacharygodwin6328 3 года назад +10

      @@dogedog8686 they were looking at him funny. They had it coming

    • @DinoWattz
      @DinoWattz 3 года назад +5

      @@zacharygodwin6328 Yes, Markimoo is the correct name.

  • @blumpet6250
    @blumpet6250 3 года назад +623

    "Get ready to get sqooshed!"
    Deer: *honey, you've got a big storm comin*

    • @ashishsabat9178
      @ashishsabat9178 3 года назад +1

      *finger guns*

    • @theinstitute1324
      @theinstitute1324 3 года назад

      Can I ask you kind of a weird question?

    • @blumpet6250
      @blumpet6250 Год назад

      ​@@theinstitute1324GOD DAMMIT I WISH I SAW THIS COMMENTS EARLIER. BUT YES U CAN

  • @mesasimonson6612
    @mesasimonson6612 2 года назад +38

    21:05 Man: Someone who finally does their job properly!
    21:06 Mark: *struggles intensely to pick up entry permit and hand it to said man*

  • @JonahMcD
    @JonahMcD 3 года назад +764

    I love how since Mark didn’t know how to hand things to the first person, his solution was to kill them.

    • @xmizutsune
      @xmizutsune 2 года назад +22

      I know this is a year old comment but to be fair...
      Mark did tell him to leave him alone lol

  • @coins_png
    @coins_png 3 года назад +1310

    "this is a fork"
    "dear god..."
    "...there's more"
    "NO !"

    • @StrangerE0ns
      @StrangerE0ns 3 года назад +23

      “It holds the soul of every one in this room”

    • @redacted8577
      @redacted8577 3 года назад +12

      it contains a spoon

    • @realCaveJohnson
      @realCaveJohnson 3 года назад +9

      "Does it say you want the bucket?" "Yes."

    • @Sega428
      @Sega428 3 года назад +5

      But wait theres more! -Billy Mays

    • @gavingamer1490
      @gavingamer1490 3 года назад +1

      lololololololololololololololololololol

  • @parkerglidewell7886
    @parkerglidewell7886 3 года назад +4988

    “Just like my childhood all over again”
    -Markiplier, who’s apparently Russian

    • @williammartin9612
      @williammartin9612 3 года назад +91

      Fr what a liar, there wasn't even a butt stone.

    • @mirnafairy
      @mirnafairy 3 года назад +209

      No... They couldn't afford to be Russian.

    • @yozzzeh
      @yozzzeh 3 года назад +118

      Pretty sure he was too poor to even afford citizenship anywhere

    • @darayoo5677
      @darayoo5677 3 года назад +19

      @oʇoɥd ǝlıɟoɹd ʎɯ ʞɔılɔ ʇ,uop dude just how-

    • @illuminati1866
      @illuminati1866 3 года назад +9

      Да это так

  • @TheWikkdOne
    @TheWikkdOne 3 года назад +68

    Mark's puzzled face as that officer slowly walks over to arrest the guy made me lose it

  • @mrfranks512
    @mrfranks512 3 года назад +2052

    “Markiplier isn’t real” simulation games almost every day since he came back.

    • @philipbearman6431
      @philipbearman6431 3 года назад +57

      Ikr it’s freaking me out

    • @sk3tch_art1st35
      @sk3tch_art1st35 3 года назад +29

      I just noticed that!! Also dark is the only real one the only good guy mark is evil hehe

    • @thekingofswing6393
      @thekingofswing6393 3 года назад +9

      I was just about to say this thanks!

    • @boxoftruffles6217
      @boxoftruffles6217 3 года назад +20

      That's what I said in the Streamer Life Simulator episode! Good to know I'm not the only one.

    • @haxxruz6284
      @haxxruz6284 3 года назад +7

      Let him play

  • @silvertipstudio9622
    @silvertipstudio9622 3 года назад +822

    “It’s too real”
    Two seconds before: *not energetic enough*

    • @joshua210808
      @joshua210808 3 года назад

      666 Likes
      But I am the only one here

  • @jonrinehart6411
    @jonrinehart6411 3 года назад +426

    Woman: *has C4*
    Mark: ...
    Man: *has fork*
    Mark: and I took that personally

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад

      Thank you for your support and that is Markiplier’s fan for the last and final hours of Markiplier channel

    • @watchdog2065
      @watchdog2065 3 года назад

      @@amberator3456 what

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад

      @@watchdog2065 Amberator and that is my RUclips channel name

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад

      @@watchdog2065 Watchdog

    • @watchdog2065
      @watchdog2065 3 года назад

      I mean what do you mean about the final hours of his channel

  • @roxaszy984
    @roxaszy984 3 года назад +545

    "i guess she had boobs too so that's nice"
    nice to hear Mark has his priorities in place

  • @galleo9462
    @galleo9462 3 года назад +2600

    Jesus christ the wife in bed gonna give me a heart attack wtf

    • @stratecal796
      @stratecal796 3 года назад +92

      doing the deed can lead to heart attack, the difference is if you get a jumpscare, pleasure, or AIDs

    • @lowheadvarney158
      @lowheadvarney158 3 года назад +42

      I thought that was Lixian's doing

    • @_.Dylan._
      @_.Dylan._ 3 года назад +46

      That jumpscare made me depressed and dead

    • @fizzimakes1050
      @fizzimakes1050 3 года назад +5

      Time stamp?

    • @RJ-lr8ir
      @RJ-lr8ir 3 года назад +17

      @@fizzimakes1050 17:24

  • @Bra1n__St3w
    @Bra1n__St3w 3 года назад +196

    Mark: sees fork
    Also mark:”i see this as a personal threat“

  • @breadmannington
    @breadmannington 3 года назад +299

    “I have a happiness bar. That’s depressing because that means it can go down.”

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад +1

      Thank you for your support and that you trust in Markiplier

    • @mansurislamov9595
      @mansurislamov9595 3 года назад +5

      @@amberator3456 Why do you keep writing that under every single comment here?

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад +2

      @@mansurislamov9595 because I wanted to

    • @mansurislamov9595
      @mansurislamov9595 3 года назад +7

      @@amberator3456 an unreasonable answer

    • @yazurai4667
      @yazurai4667 3 года назад +4

      @@amberator3456 you're so annoying smh

  • @Stereo6400
    @Stereo6400 3 года назад +59

    Markiplier: “this is NOT a ripoff of papers please…”
    Also markiplier: “yeah I played that ripoff earlier this year”

  • @bigdum7274
    @bigdum7274 3 года назад +170

    "Did I get money, why didn't I get money" Casually has 2 men shot and has a person go through border control with a bomb

  • @DracoHandsome
    @DracoHandsome 3 года назад +137

    Not only did Mark not satisfy his wife, he never realized he has to physically put food in the fridge and fuel in the stove so his family doesn't starve / freeze to death.

    • @wibleston
      @wibleston 3 года назад

      Hm, what conundrum he was in, was he not?

    • @gabrielpineirogarcia2078
      @gabrielpineirogarcia2078 3 года назад

      Tfw you have to sustain a family of literal furniture.
      No food on fridge? Well star e to death

  • @karazsteel
    @karazsteel 3 года назад +152

    "I have a happiness bar which is depressing because that means it can go down."
    Markiplier 2021

  • @The_Jerkinator
    @The_Jerkinator 3 года назад +96

    Mark- singing cheerfully
    **gunshot in background**
    Mark- continues to cheerfully sing and go home
    Idk why but it was so funny to just hear that in the distance and him just be like "yeah"

  • @thatdbzguyfr
    @thatdbzguyfr 3 года назад +681

    "I'm wasting all my energy I'm going to give to my whiiiffffeeeee"
    ~Markiplier, 2021

  • @juliannamiller6529
    @juliannamiller6529 3 года назад +129

    mark: doesn't get "sweet tender loving" from wife
    *literally stands up and screams*

  • @PrimeHorizon794
    @PrimeHorizon794 3 года назад +205

    Imagine if the guy at the DMV talked to you like this . "It would take me $5 to have you killed and I just got $5"

  • @sukunaego9714
    @sukunaego9714 3 года назад +54

    Random person: *Gets shot*
    Mark:"Holy sh-" *Queue in Reese's commercial*

  • @tiktokvictory7644
    @tiktokvictory7644 3 года назад +757

    If you look closely at 0:00 you can see the video is starting

  • @caucaznazn22
    @caucaznazn22 3 года назад +420

    Starts game.
    First words: "I have a happiness bar. That's depressing."
    Same, Mark.

    • @Stubentiger1993
      @Stubentiger1993 3 года назад +4

      I bet if once we have a realtime healthcheck interface build into us we would care more about ourselfs

    • @suffy101
      @suffy101 3 года назад

      @@Stubentiger1993 my bars would be all full

    • @nathankoh7247
      @nathankoh7247 3 года назад +2

      @@suffy101 mine would be almost empty

    • @toyamwarr
      @toyamwarr 3 года назад

      @@Stubentiger1993 my social bar would be low all the time and I would happy about it.

  • @Ryutz0
    @Ryutz0 3 года назад +217

    Markiplier: I have a wife, thank you very much
    Also Mark 5 minutes ago: Hanging out at a strip club

    • @Rev_Nemesis
      @Rev_Nemesis 3 года назад +1

      Loyalty to the fullest

  • @deqenerate2700
    @deqenerate2700 3 года назад +27

    26:00 it's too real
    Also this game: "You're uncles bed has been stolen by a thief

  • @818pineapple
    @818pineapple 3 года назад +4571

    Who ever this game designer is, we need more of their games.

    • @ee3171
      @ee3171 3 года назад +122

      Is a a shame that this is a rip off, this could be better.

    • @818pineapple
      @818pineapple 3 года назад +19

      @@ee3171 true, true

    • @joydelphin4898
      @joydelphin4898 3 года назад +4

      @@ee3171 rip off of wat game

    • @SanDiego619RS
      @SanDiego619RS 3 года назад +10

      At least better quality like gta v

    • @ee3171
      @ee3171 3 года назад +52

      @@joydelphin4898 Its core gameplay is basically a complete rip off of paper please but worse.

  • @dianamaydraw8533
    @dianamaydraw8533 3 года назад +77

    “Let’s meet in the night ;)”
    “She denies me...ok, whatever, it’s fine”
    Yeah, crippling debt and poverty *IS* a bit of a turn off XD

  • @bigbadwolf4190
    @bigbadwolf4190 3 года назад +242

    Mark: "I don't need the tutorial"
    Also Mark: "How do I play this game?"

  • @Ugh718
    @Ugh718 3 года назад +19

    Nobody:
    Everybody in 2019:"God I wish this year would end already I hate this year."
    Everybody in 2020: 25:51

  • @roseylorr8884
    @roseylorr8884 3 года назад +183

    Guy: *gets arrested and killed with a gunshot*
    Mark: :0 Oh SHI-
    RUclips: We'll be right back after this commercial break!

  • @Kalcifwa
    @Kalcifwa 3 года назад +104

    Markipiler: HE HAS A FORK ARREST HIM!
    Also mark: Wait forks aren't illegal, s***.

  • @ZeppyGame
    @ZeppyGame 3 года назад +126

    Mark: "This game is too real".... Stops recording, gets in his car, goes to a rave, has someone executed for smuggling a fork..... NEXT!

    • @wjzav1971
      @wjzav1971 3 года назад +5

      all while holding an axe in his hand

    • @deafgate7473
      @deafgate7473 3 года назад +6

      Gets home and picks up his clams outside his house that was delivered yesterday

  • @bowenlavalley3297
    @bowenlavalley3297 3 года назад +94

    Therapist: Soviet markiplier can’t hurt you he is only in one video
    Soviet markiplier: hello comrade

  • @PatrickColl1ns
    @PatrickColl1ns 3 года назад +1015

    Mark: Arrest this man.
    Guard: *takes him outside and shoots him*
    Mark: Oh shi-*AD*

    • @kameronsabourin9899
      @kameronsabourin9899 3 года назад +24

      Same thing happened to me I laughed so hard

    • @guy2026
      @guy2026 3 года назад +3

      Same here

    • @thatonenon-uniqueindividual
      @thatonenon-uniqueindividual 3 года назад +3

      Not same I have RUclips premium I shall never any time soon feel how other people feel about those Types of things to happen probably would’ve laughed though

    • @allinory
      @allinory 3 года назад +4

      SAME IT WAS HILARIOUS

    • @guy2026
      @guy2026 3 года назад +1

      @@thatonenon-uniqueindividual stop flexing to us peasants

  • @RD-fv7nn
    @RD-fv7nn 3 года назад +618

    If anything this is like being a security guard still a fun job

    • @fireyiris9136
      @fireyiris9136 3 года назад +3

      Uncanny Valley was played Jan. 28, 2015.

    • @StefanST
      @StefanST 3 года назад +36

      We've gathered 5 neighbors to understand what you've wrote

    • @scptime1188
      @scptime1188 3 года назад +16

      @@StefanST He probably meant "If anything, this is like being a security guard (still a fun job)" or he could mean "If this is anythimg like being a security guard it's still a fun job"

    • @vinnyosuna7012
      @vinnyosuna7012 3 года назад +7

      It's all fun and games until ur the security guard for a Kid's Pizza Place

    • @black1bank137
      @black1bank137 3 года назад +2

      @@vinnyosuna7012 FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS YOOOO

  • @PrinceGemJ
    @PrinceGemJ 3 года назад +1789

    This is a horrible idea, Mark would just deny everyone entry.

    • @drantigon
      @drantigon 3 года назад +4

      @HATE Comments GUY I'm not deaf

    • @nolram
      @nolram 3 года назад +2

      What a true american !

    • @lazer2414
      @lazer2414 3 года назад

      @oʇoɥd ǝlıɟoɹd ʎɯ ʞɔılɔ ʇ,uop how did you turn your comment upise down

    • @MrRaven420
      @MrRaven420 3 года назад +3

      @@UltimateGrabber should lose subs for this

    • @Aloyus_Knight
      @Aloyus_Knight 3 года назад

      Yeah, you'd be better off hiring someone more competent like Wade.

  • @alyssa2304
    @alyssa2304 3 года назад +70

    17:26 I actually got jump scared 🤣

  • @dianamaydraw8533
    @dianamaydraw8533 3 года назад +202

    “Oohhh WIFE”
    *Gets jumpscared*
    “I’m depressed and dead??!!”
    Mark never fully trusted his wife after that stunt... they found his body in the river later that year

    • @zefzec
      @zefzec 3 года назад +1

      I don’t get it

    • @dianamaydraw8533
      @dianamaydraw8533 3 года назад +2

      @@zefzec I shall then rephrase the joke

    • @Gamestararena
      @Gamestararena 3 года назад +1

      My dad promised me a new pc if i hit 200 comments on my recent video in 2 days time. Help guys i really need it🥺🥺,,’

    • @dianamaydraw8533
      @dianamaydraw8533 3 года назад +8

      @@Gamestararena yeah sure kid, but he’s not a very good dad making you rely on social media for something he could just get you, or something you could work for.

    • @John-iv2xy
      @John-iv2xy 3 года назад +2

      @@dianamaydraw8533 bro it’s a bot

  • @chadthechandler
    @chadthechandler 3 года назад +550

    Mark: doesn't put simulator in title.
    Everyone: THIS IS NOT OKIE DOKIE!

    • @InfinityGaming420
      @InfinityGaming420 3 года назад +1

      Hi

    • @Gamestararena
      @Gamestararena 3 года назад

      My dad promised me a new pc if i hit 200 comments on my recent video in 2 days time. Help guys i really need it🥺🥺,,’

    • @helloworld2784
      @helloworld2784 3 года назад +2

      * *Makes theories* *

    • @viper9214
      @viper9214 3 года назад

      The flashbacks.... NOOOO

    • @InfinityGaming420
      @InfinityGaming420 3 года назад

      @@Arshyya how's it goin

  • @daviboi808
    @daviboi808 3 года назад +258

    “Officer Markipkier” would be a great spin off of “A heist with Markiplier”

    • @quin.tessential
      @quin.tessential 3 года назад

      ok

    • @cakeleighh2536
      @cakeleighh2536 3 года назад +5

      Don’t encourage him. He’d probably do it 😂
      (Ngl that would be really cool tho)

    • @Gamestararena
      @Gamestararena 3 года назад

      My dad promised me a new pc if i hit 200 comments on my recent video in 2 days time. Help guys i really need it🥺🥺,,o

    • @dianamaydraw8533
      @dianamaydraw8533 3 года назад

      I’d pay to see it

    • @dianamaydraw8533
      @dianamaydraw8533 3 года назад

      Knowing Mark though, I probably won’t have to unless it was for charity

  • @arthurjones1991
    @arthurjones1991 3 года назад +218

    "you're depressed and you're dead" is gonna be the name of my autobiography

  • @firockfinion3326
    @firockfinion3326 3 года назад +505

    I'm a bit surprised he still wanted to get with his wife after that first time...

  • @theriotmann
    @theriotmann 3 года назад +230

    Mark: "I don't need a tutorial, let's just jump into it!"
    Mark, a few minutes later: "What do I do? I'm so confused."

    • @TF2CrunchyFrog
      @TF2CrunchyFrog 3 года назад +2

      9:17 Game shows pop-up box in the lower right-hand corner: "Press E to call next citizen."
      Mark: "Can you _go?_ What do I do?"

  • @ollyharness3511
    @ollyharness3511 3 года назад +125

    **gunshot**
    Markiplier: OH SHI-
    *ad plays*

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад

      Thank you for your support and that you trust in Markiplier

    • @Guile_The_Exile
      @Guile_The_Exile 3 года назад +1

      I fucking hate these mid-vid ad runs...
      I'd rather have them at the start and finish of the vid ffs. (This isn't the only vid on youtube that does it too. Constantly breaks the pacing of vids man :/ )

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад

      @@Guile_The_Exile seriously

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад

      @Nugget yeah it is me, Amberator as you know

    • @ritawant2878
      @ritawant2878 3 года назад

      ბუ ეს ყველაფერი

  • @rumplstiltztinkerstein
    @rumplstiltztinkerstein 3 года назад +23

    19:10 better cars physics than cyberpunk 2076

  • @mrguermo1
    @mrguermo1 3 года назад +109

    “That means this game is going to be pretty well made... well, not WELL made, but, like, ENOUGH made. It’s gonna be MADE.”

  • @MeBeCreepy
    @MeBeCreepy 3 года назад +82

    Just imagine:
    *Mark in a blonde wig, wearing red acrylics, chewing on some gum*
    "Denied!"

  • @valeriethomas1431
    @valeriethomas1431 3 года назад +120

    me: man, “son” looks like the annoying boy in polar express
    me *sees the officer outside the door* : Tom?

  • @uncommon_name1959
    @uncommon_name1959 3 года назад +68

    "im not going to be good on my first try but- wha- A THIEF STOLE MY UNCLES BED???"

  • @AlarisDawn
    @AlarisDawn 3 года назад +86

    Markiplier: Chopping the wood right at the beginning.
    Me: *flashbacks to Damien*

  • @NBKVamp
    @NBKVamp 3 года назад +397

    Someone needs to let Jack know this is a thing.

    • @Guy.WhoAsked
      @Guy.WhoAsked 3 года назад +6

      Nah. We have mark.

    • @lucatea778
      @lucatea778 3 года назад +36

      @@Guy.WhoAsked but Jack played papers please, he would really enjoy this

    • @XTwilightX-
      @XTwilightX- 3 года назад +1

      yeah

    • @PrinceLeviathan
      @PrinceLeviathan 3 года назад +9

      DETAINED

    • @lucatea778
      @lucatea778 3 года назад +3

      @@PrinceLeviathan DETAINED!

  • @Petrichorscreen
    @Petrichorscreen 3 года назад +318

    "chocolate and crazy dance raves...the essentials"
    Oh good, I'm not the only one living that way.

    • @katelynnmaye6734
      @katelynnmaye6734 3 года назад +4

      And then he died because he couldn't pay his rent 😂😂

  • @MyName-mz2fu
    @MyName-mz2fu 3 года назад +134

    "I have happiness bar which is depressing because that means it can go down."
    Ironic

  • @jonsku6662
    @jonsku6662 3 года назад +21

    17:36 "You're depressed and you're dead"
    Honestly same.. maybe the other way around, but same

  • @murderousgiant7898
    @murderousgiant7898 3 года назад +102

    Fun Fact: The devs of this game also made Internet Cafe Simulator.

  • @nxtin4490
    @nxtin4490 3 года назад +243

    Wife: yeah let’s meet up at night
    Mark when he’s tryna sleep:

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад +1

      Thank you for your support and that you trust in Markiplier

    • @ΜαρίαΚαββαδία-γ1ω
      @ΜαρίαΚαββαδία-γ1ω 3 года назад +1

      I had the video paused on the wrong moment while reading this comment, that's all I'm gonna say 😂

    • @amberator3456
      @amberator3456 3 года назад

      @@ΜαρίαΚαββαδία-γ1ω seriously

  • @heartis
    @heartis 3 года назад +168

    Something surreal watching Mark end his shift so casually while someone is being executed.

  • @nosleep9816
    @nosleep9816 3 года назад +4217

    Hero name: Son, His quirk: *Likes chocolate*

  • @i.r.sofficial4236
    @i.r.sofficial4236 3 года назад +200

    Me: "Hey Mom can I have Papers Please?"
    Mom: "We already have Papers Please at home"
    Papers Please at home:

    • @XTwilightX-
      @XTwilightX- 3 года назад +2

      I love when people talk to each other

    • @milky9602
      @milky9602 3 года назад +1

      @@XTwilightX- that's basically this format in a nutshell

    • @XTwilightX-
      @XTwilightX- 3 года назад

      👍

  • @SirBeekers
    @SirBeekers 3 года назад +113

    Dude: has fork
    Mark: So anyways, I started blasting

  • @starmakarma
    @starmakarma 2 года назад +12

    Guy: "Money means everything. You will *have* to learn to save money"
    Mark: "okay"
    *10 seconds later*
    Mark: Strip club! Alright I'll pay the fee! Oo I'll have a beer! Fiine I'll have a second!

  • @macattack4
    @macattack4 3 года назад +169

    I love that he's doing games like this and not just horror or series games

    • @chantolove
      @chantolove 3 года назад +2

      It absolutely is a series, though. There’s no way these games aren’t all made by the same people.

    • @wulfrik2987
      @wulfrik2987 3 года назад +2

      Ah... An Unus.

    • @robertanderson523
      @robertanderson523 3 года назад

      @@wulfrik2987My brother

  • @Benny.261
    @Benny.261 3 года назад +124

    Fork: Exist
    Mark: I’m about to ruin this whole mans career

  • @cluelesspuppyvibes
    @cluelesspuppyvibes 3 года назад +80

    "This game hits too close to home"
    Are you trying to tell us something, Mark? 👀

  • @magfeed
    @magfeed 3 года назад +23

    17:20 YO WHAT IN THE ACTUAL GREASY DEV SHIT IS THAT??? 🤣🤣🤣