Aimless Consumption: Escaping the Trap of Mimetic Desire
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- Опубликовано: 10 янв 2023
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The way I don't buy anything is to make sure I don't get anything that doesn't align with my values. I refuse to support any company tied to low wages, slavery or anything like that. I tell myself I can live without it. I don't eat chocolate if its not slavery free. I get most of my clothes thrifted and I will just be happy with what I already have. So practicing gratitude and patience. Also I just don't consume any media that makes me want something. I skip advertisements and I won't watch video of people showing their lives. Vlogs are the worst. I just read books, listen to podcasts...watch old TV shows like will and grace, how I met your mother. Etc. I still buy things...like I just got a spiralizer, but I just live as frugally as possible.
Thank you for sharing! Very insightful!
@@bootsmade4walking no problem. social media is the worst. it makes you want so many things you would have never thought about.
I'm an American living in Sri Lanka; I've been here for 17 years. Before my move I was easy with the moolah, a habit I got from my mom. Once I moved here, this excess was restricted somewhat as SL is/was a developing country and so there was less access to what we might call "frivolous luxuries." Starting in late 2021, in part due to Covid, SL's economy started to come apart at the seams. Then last year, do to a whole host of systemic issues, the economy collapsed. This led to severe shortages of basics, such as petrol/gas, medicines, basic food items, etc, hyperinflation, and an almost complete halt to imported items. I managed things as best as I could, given that I have US$, but having the cash doesn't mean much when there's nothing to spend it on.
So in the past year or so I've had to radically reassess and realign my relationship with money, what it can do, and what is necessary (or not). My hope is that if/when things do normalize, I'll keep some of that experience and perhaps be more mindful and less willing to toss the cash about on a whim. Well, that's my hope anyway. We'll see.
This spoke to me on such a deep level 😫. I told myself I wanted to do a no-buy this January but it wasn’t sitting right with me bc I keep seeing things I want and just telling myself “I’ll buy it in February” LOL as if that changed anything. I do want to be more intentional with my purchases in general. The mimetic thing makes a lot of sense for me. I need to stop watching RUclips haul videos because they drive me to want things I never would have even thought about :’). I think i need to be real with myself AND leave things in the cart for like 2 weeks before I go thru with any purchase.
Can I ask you a question? It is not to make you feel bad or anything, it's a real question. Why do you watch ''haul videos''? I don't really undertand this phenomenon. The ''unboxing videos'' even less. Maybe I'm just too old... I do feel the generational gap in many things (like I don't understand when kids dream is to become a Tik Toker but don't care about what they would talk about) and I really try to understand to be able to communicate with younger people (I work with kids and teens). I would watch them when I want to buy something and I look around to find the best brand/model but... I don't understand the pleasure of it. Maybe you don't have an explanation yourself... but if you do, could you tell me a bit more? (or if someone else here want to talk about it) It really puzzle me. Some kids/teens do recognize those videos cause them problems but I still don't understand why they are a thing in the first place. (sorry if I'm unclear, english is my second language)
I’m intrigued by the way you speak. It’s pretty direct and concise. Do you generally have a script for whatever you wanna share? You rarely digress from the points as well. I would like to articulate with less tangentiality. Hope you’ll make a video on this.
Short one, but really packed a punch. I really thought I was the only one. And I thought this was something I couldn't confront because it can be quite shameful to admit to yourself. But this really hit deep, and I never comment anywhere, but I am so glad you made this video because you spoke about this in a way I never thought of before. I'm definitely going to try what you shared. Thanks so much for this Tazzy!
Mashallah I loved this topic. It reminds be of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - the goal of alignment/behaving in line with values
Interesting that sponsorships also come into this category, since they’re technically not you ‘buying’ something.
I love this concept of only buying things in alignment with yourself. I've done low/no buys before because I never truly paid attention to what I was spending and how much I was getting and I've learned to some degree I am an aspirational shopper. Keeping track and seeing the numbers monthly has helped a lot with that but I feel like this concept of alignment with my values/desires/self will really help a lot, too!
When I buy things, I keep them on a special list in my notes app. I "remove" stuff from the list every so often and if I truly needed it, I would actually see it on there time and time again. Basically, some stuff has been on the list for a year or more! In the end, even if I don't buy the thing "on sale" I know that it was well spent since I waited so long
MashaAllah girl I can see you putting in the work and intention with these recent videos! I see you
The navy blue is definitely your colour Tazzy Phe..
i have gone through the same process so many times especially with clothing but i feel now i know what i prefer and so i dont tend to buy what the latest trend is and stick to abayas with pockets and front openings if not i alter them to add them as they are practically what bring value yo my life as a mom of kids who are breastfed. ive stopped buying clothes for trenda and more for practicality. likewise household items ive stopped wanted to have the perfect montessori playroom for my children and now buy toys or thibga i think ill genuinely use or they will genuinely enjoy for a long time not just until the novelty wears off. Also ive started spending more on experience instead of physical items. so for example if im tempted to buy a toy for the kids i put that amount of money away until it enough for a day at the farm or horse riding etc. for myself i save it and me and my husband go on dates with it.
what i do is make a list of things i need to buy, analyze it and see what's really important and what's merely an in-the-moment want, and then decide accordingly. this way i'm actually able to make conscious purchases.
also, i'd love to know what course you were talking about haha
I avoid shops and shopping centre unless it’s for something I truly need then I have a purpose for it.
I’ve done decluttering plenty of times so I know exactly what I can “house” be it clothes, groceries, toiletries, make up etc etc.
Having restricted space to store things has really helped me. I stop and think twice about it. i like everything to have a organised place.
Before, I’d buy clothes just cus they were on sale even if they were a few sizes up for my kids. Now I’ve stopped doing that.
We live in such a fast paced world we need to stop and realise what it actually is that brings us real joy..
Material things like clothes, nice cars, designer stuff etc or rather quality time with family, being healthy with imaan and content with life is really a truer blessing.
🤍 another thought provoking video thank you 🤍
Found you through insta, binging your videos and loving your content ❤❤ Stay blessed girl x
Loved this video, as always, keeping it real and talking about things that resonate with me. I've always been quite good when it comes to clothes shopping. A few tips-
1) Make a list of items you need before shopping so you don't go off track & so you focus on the task at hand
2) ask yourself - do you love the item and/ or is it serving a genuine, practical purpose. If it's a no, don't buy it.
Also, over the past few years, I've cut down on shopping for ethical and environmental reasons but when I do find myself buying things that I don't need I step back and question why I am doing it. A lot of times I realise I am shopping to make myself feel better because of loneliness, boredom, a lack of inspiration. Instead I try to address those issues directly by going to an event, meeting friends or going to an gallery etc.
New editing style? Looks cool Tazzy!!
Salam alaykum, thank you for sharing this personal struggle. I guess most of us can relate, as we are all tempted in this extremely consumerist world. Few tips that helps me :
- never buy instantely a product. Let at least a day/night pass, before buying and if the desire and need are still there, then ok i'll get it.
- unsuscribe from ALL commercial emails and most of newsletters, as there is so much partnerships in it now
- something difficult but very efficient I'm working on is the 1-1 rule. If I buy and let enter a new product in my home, then one has to left, in order to give it a space.
- remember that Allah swt calls the people who wastes, the brothers of shaytan... we definitely do not want to be associated with this definition !
May Allah forgives our shortcomings and helps us live a more sustainable, healthy and respectful lifestyle
New subscriber! Loved this one, excited for the next one. 🎉
I usually to two things:
1. I write a wishlist and put cloths/decor/books etc. on there, this helps me to see what I need and I can always check if I really want it still after a few days/weeks/months and then I allow me to buy it if the want is still there
2. I put everything I buy on an Excel sheet, price included. Then I can track what I bought and how much I spent last year or last month. Honestly I was shocked to see how much I spent half way through 2022 and this helped me to reduce unnecessary purchases.
You are way more organized then me but my ''system'' is, in essence, pretty much the same! :)
@@monimelie take it step by step, honestly, it is still hard to resist buying unnecessary things but I really feel that I have improved over the years and I aim to a more minimalistic lifestyle
I do love my things. I still wear some clothes I've buy 20 years ago when I was a teen. I still have pretty much all my stuffies. I am not a minimalist at all BUT I do buy very little. I have some ''rules'' to help me. First, I question myself; is it a want or a need? And the difference can be pretty personnal. (EXEMPLE: If my rice cooker break, I would change it because to me it's a need even if, yes, it is possible to do rice on the stove top too. But even if I love espresso and latté, and would potentially make some every morning, I will never buy a big fancy machine for make it because it's a want. I'll stick with my moka pot and a jar to shake my milk because it work well for me. And I need the space more then the machine anyway.) If I'm not sure it's a need or a want, I wait a couple of weeks before asking myself that question again. Often, it became clear pretty fast. Second, if it's a want, it does not mean I'm not going to buy it, just that I take my time. I'll give myself a time frame; if in 1-2-3 weeks I still want the thing, I can buy or save to buy it. For instance, I've buy some really nice leather shoes that will last me my life time if I care for them well but I took about 2 years to buy them because I was not sure wich model to buy. And I'm happy I've waited because I changed my mind few times and now I have the perfect match for me and I will still like them in many years. Sometimes, I can't do that if it's a unique piece (I love antique store shopping) so then I think ''Do I have a space for it? Is it a good price? Will I still use it in 10-20 years?''. (EXEMPLE: I do love tea cups! I have a big collection but I do use them and they bring me joy everyday with my little ritual of choosing my ''cup of the day''. BUT I never buy a new one if it's too expensive or if it's ''nice'' only because I don't have much space.) I still buy stuff, but way less then before. I'm conscious of my choices and love what I own. When I wait, 90% of the time I forget about the thing I want or realise that once I don't look at it anymore, I don't care much about it. So... slowing down and think about it is my number one helper.
I went through much of the same thing as you did, and yes I realized that I wanted these things because I saw others had them or I kept seeing something being marketed on Insta or YT. So, I changed my "exposure" to these things. For example I unfollowed a bunch of fashion influencers and brands so I didn't see that marketing anymore. At first it was hard coz I was like omg I'm going to miss the sales! After a while I got used to it and I realized that I was actually wearing the same few items of clothing because I liked them and the new ones that I bought weren't being worn because I actually just bought them coz of marketing. Much like your headband situation. So basically, I stopped exposing myself to all the marketing and that has made me more focused on buying things that I actually want and /or need. Yes, I am happier too.
Such a relevant video for me especially looking at the state of my london apartment. Thanks for keeping it real !
mimetic desire more or less explains the depression epidimeic in young people and the cognitive dissonance that brings that is constantly plaguing them and reinforced through mimic desire
Omg! Your story is totally my story!
New subbie here, after watching the podcast you did with Hallese!
Here in the uk the shops have sales after Christmas so there is a tendency to shop because you're getting a bargin so to speak. I've made myself really think whether I really love or need said item or just buying because I think I'm getting a great deal. Internet shopping is the worst for impulse purchases as it's so easy to do. 1 click and you have ordered. I found actually browsing the physical shops was actually more enjoyable and when I saw things in the flesh so to speak I could make a better judgement on whether it was worth the purchase.
Overall buying less is definitely my goal as I too feel overwhelmed by the amount of "stuff" that I have accumulated and tbh there is no joy in it anymore.
Spending money on experiences and time socializing is something I'm finding joy in more these days.
Thanks for the food for thought!
thank you for making this video 💕💕
This really resonated with me. My finances are a huge goal for me and overspending is something I want to tackle
Hi Tazzy
I love your videos
Very interesting
Keep us posted
Love from South Africa
Salam aleikum sis. I stumbled upon your channel and feel like I have known you for ages I go to buy it, or I feel it would be an extra thing -> so I drop whole idea.
I was literally thinking of this today. I have moments where I overconsume and then I decide to not buy anything at all. I'm currently trying to minimalise my expenditure and hope I can stay this way from now on!
Yeah, same lol
Create a patron and a course to bring income onto this channel, the course could be more in-depth on how to connect money with aligning you and your goals, I think that would be a great course. This was a great video and I am appreciative that you shared what you found because I also was wondering about the spending of money and how I don't fall into the trap of just wasting my money on unless items.
The reason I feel guilty is because I spend money I don’t have tho :/ I do buy things for myself most of the time but I just don’t have much money
If i want to buy something (online) i keep in my cart for few days or a week then visit my cart again
If i still think its good idea then i go for it
If its at a shop then i try it, and leave it and go home
Few days later i look at the photos again and decide if i want it or no
For me to buy something, I visualize exactly where it would fit in my space. If it's food, I have to know the recipe I'm going to use. Otherwise, I add it to a bookmark folder of online stores/products...and very likely never ever buy the item
i luv buying stuff lol
Consumerism is out of control… btw was wondering if you know about red pill and what your thoughts are on that movement
I watched a Muslim women RUclipsr buy so many new clothes for going on vacation to the beach in the Bahamas
This poor girl spend the whole time covered sat under the umbrellas while she watched her husband swim in the ocean, ride jet skis and go in the hot tub all in his shorts he had worn numerous times
She purchased a whole bunch of clothes so sweat and bake on vacation and never wear them again
Maybe you can check out @Christina Mychas on RUclips, she makes great content on low buy challenges and similar struggles 😊 It helped me out to watch her channel ☺️