Big Sister Advice - Q&A (Career, Dating, and Evil In-Laws)
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- Опубликовано: 26 дек 2022
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Advice to the first woman- you need to eventually move out, otherwise one of two things will happen- you’ll either become depressed and lose all self worth over the years, or you’ll end up divorced. Neither is a win for you. I experienced almost the exact situation and have also been married two years now, but ever since we moved out recently, my relationship with my in laws have improved a lot. Why does your husband not want you to work? His mum used to be the “breadwinner” so clearly he doesn’t have an issue with women working, just with you working. Probably to stop you from having independence. Your first step to moving out would be to start working even if it’s part time, to save some of your own money, and then convince your husband to move out together. Even if it’s just down the road, it would improve your life 100x
Jumping on this, if her husband is really against her working outside, try working from home. There are jobs like tutoring, transcribing, etc that you can do completely virtually so you can at least start earning your own money, even if you can't escape the environment right away.
@@maryammudasir1367 exactly! Didn’t even think of this. There’s so many remote jobs out there now which doesn’t even require you to leave your home.
There are so many amazing fields in STEM. You can into robotics, healthcare, Agriculture. In every walk of life STEM people are needed. For me one of the most noble is making bionic prosthetics, helping disabled people get back on their feet. You can get into organization which helps make them. Always look at the amazing things that you can do with your skills.
Get back on their feet? I see what you did there sir
For the first lady and just in general, moving in with your in-laws straight after marriage just isn't reasonable anymore. As muslims we have never lived together before marriage and those initial years need to be spent learning about each other and cementing your own relationship.
Also I have seen so many families say that they will treat their future daughter in law like their own and once they are married they treat them completely differently and will always side with their own children.
Love you, Tazzy. I have subscribed to your channel for years, and yet you don’t appear on my list very often. I’m probably old enough to be your mother, but I’m more than happy to be your « older sister, » If you ever want one. I was married to a man from a very different culture for 18 years. Sadly, he could never separate from his parents. I finally realized I needed to spread my wings and am still soaring into the clouds. You are great! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! ❤❤❤
Tazzy: “Hats off to you!”
Also Tazzy: “Hijabs off to you!” Astaghfirullah 😂
I really feel for the first lady. I can relate to her situation even though mine is so different. The resentment really builds up when you have to do so much and others get away with going nothing and your efforts being unappreciated. I pray that Allah makes it easy for her and gives her good in this life and the next.
Totally - resentment,anger, rage...which if not allowed to be expressed, morphs into severe depression. Who the heck does her husband think he is to no "let" her work ? I would NEVER allow myself to be controlled like that ! As if I need my husband's permission to make my own life choice! Cannot believe this flagrant violation of human rights was just skimmed over. Furthermore, no In-laws would be putting me down or giving me all the work. I'm not a slave! I have zero understanding of why the first woman puts up with all this crap, it's totally insane and I would very quickly be ditching a control-freak husband and his nasty family.
You are a very wise young person and the world needs you! thank you for helping these people with such loving precision.
To the first woman, I honestly find it very worrying when men say you shouldn't work or have your own income. There is laws and practices to combat this but from what I've seen that often leads to them having significantly more power and say in the relationship and leads to women sacrificing a lot of their boundaries.
I honestly didn't think that it's necessarily a manipulative thing I've just seen it go that way a lot of times
It for sure is manipulation to "not allow" the woman to work. This way she is kept economically dependent and cannot develop her skills, which leads to low self-esteem.
If a woman living is in a free country, she needs to think about herself. At the end of the day you are the only person who can take care of yourself if no one else will
Don't have a big sister, but can say that you aced it, what you said about finding the One literally moved me to tears.
For the self esteem issues I would suggest to first find COMPETENCE in something in life like art, debate, your profession, second thing would be to set standards for judging yourself by your own benchmark not by what others are doing (so basically self comparison) and the third thing to help you feel more good about yourself and not treat yourself too harshly would be to do something good/kind everyday or when you can like helping out in an orphanage, volunteering etc. Approach this challenge like a game where you level uo each time you take a step and the more you surround yourself with fresh people while you're on this journey of self improvement, the less judged you will feel because sometimes people who only know your 'improved version' or know you from your competence/kind actions will give you the confidence and worth you need
I've always found the word 'standards' when concerning potential marriage partners problematic. Hollywood sticks funny notions of 'standards' into people's heads without a reality check. It's makes them think that others must satisfy a long shopping list. They don't look at themselves. I've seen a few instances of sisters having a long shopping list of standards only to marry someone who didn't meet them but happened to be relatively wealthy. So synically I'm saying that sometimes these 'standards' are for regular people. They don't apply to 'high status' prospects.
Keep things simple. It's not hard, look for someone with a similar mentality, cultural background, attitude to spending and family values. Learn how they spend their spare time and how they speak of others. Put all these above looks and money, because looks fade and money doesn't exist.
Be fair, and don't expect from others what you aren't yourselves. Growing a beard or putting on a hijab to attract the right person will only create problems down the road. Don't mess about with people. Don't double date. Be honest with yourself, we all have plus and minuses. Marry as young as you can when you are mentally mature enough. The older people get the more stuck in their habit they get. If you've been engaging in sexual activity get tested. If you are a closet homosexual don't ruin some sister's life to please your parents or to fit in.
Words of value
How right about the beard / hijab comment. That would be total de emotion / hypocrisy and would definitely not work long term
love these types of videos you give such genuine and realistic advice while keeping things light-hearted, also love that hijab colour in you!☺️
This was so helpful, loved this video!
dont lower your standards - thats great advice.
I just found your channel from your last VIDEO! LOVE THE CONTENT. We need more Muslim RUclipsrs broooo
This makeup/hijab combo is great on you
wow, so many insights here, mashallah ❤ sending love to you & your fam❤❤❤
Tazzy you are glowing in this video MashaAllah! Your makeup looks really good
Tazzy the colours that you’re wearing really suit you! You look gorgeous, honey!
I love this!
Lol tazzy knowing granola and crunchy was so unexpected 💛🌞
So early, as always lots of love!!! :)
Salam Tazzy I really benefited from your advice. May Allah grant you peace
Right before the marriage the women should have told her husband to be she wants her own home for space privacy.
If he doesn’t she won’t marry him until he can afford to get a home
Plus she should have gotten Job to help support him in there own home
It’s quite sad 2022 women still suffer at the hands of in laws all because the guys not man enough or mature enough to understand his marital relationships is going to need a separate home
So smart.
You're great and full of wisdom mashA. Where's your lippie from? I love it. It really suits you!
Tazzy you and Farah (hippiearab) have some similar vibes in a good way ofc funny and interesting, love u both🥰
I have always wanted a big sister
the last whole foods part lmaoo
Love you Taz!
Get us a video of ur productive day pleeeeeeeeees
Here is my answer regarding career in STEM field for Muslim women:
There are so many options for women in STEM field, please do not have limiting mindset.
I have done bachelors and masters in STEM field from India, came to USA with my husband. Alhumdolillah, I always worked here and raised my kids. Always think, you will have limit less opportunities and you will have it.
May Allah Bless You
Okay but now I want to eat some butter chicken 😆
I'm def older than you and this was good 'older sister' advice. JAK :)
The software example is very true. Google has fired people for it
Hijabs off 😂😂😂😂😂 asaghfurallahulatheem oh gosh that was so funny
25:28 😂
“You are not an old wrinkled raisin, you are a creation of God”
Allahu akbar!
Personally, i would suggest that after marriage, there is nothing wrong for both the husband and wife stays.separately at your own house, until you both get a new house. The husband stays with his family and the wife stays with her family. So you both can see each other on the weekends.
Doesnt mean that you need to stay togethee right after marriage. You both dont have to do s** or have children right away. It is like dating phase but you already have a halal certificate which is marriage.
A part of genetic engineering is working with somatic cells, rather than embryos don't be quick to dismiss you may find companies that are good and ethical for you.
Sorry I'm not Muslim but curious about what is haram about stock trading?
I'm muslim and I work in Banking. As Muslims we avoid working directly in trading because certain kinds of interests is haram based on various religious ruling. Also, most of the stocks being traded involve haram activities from industries like gambling and alcohol. Hope that makes sense. For that reason I won't work directly in trading except it was in a sharia compliance firm (aka halal banking).
@@Rantitoutloud Thank you
Wait military defence, genetic engineering, and stock trading are haram?! Can someone clear this up im confused
Stock trading is haram? I guess I’m haram because I got my series 7 securities licenses a few months ago. 🤷🏻♀️ I think exploitive usury is the real haram. Responsibly financing a home or car purchase is not a problem. It’s actually halal to be able to take out a loan to put a roof over your head and have proper transportation. I’ll be damned if I was going to rent the rest of my life, because that would be haram (harmful to my health mentally and financially).
For the second women, I would advise her to pray salat al istikhara. You pray this salah when you are in need of guidance from Allah when facing a decision in your life!! Turn to Allah 💙
Yeah they do be getting you for that intellectual property.
If art is so important to you, advocate STEAM - not STEM!
Sorry I dont want be harsh but in the first problem when it's come to something like working,is something should be discussed before marrage not after,if,that,important for you it should be putted on the table the first whatever it was arranged or love marriage ,the rest she probably wont have worried that much if she has her thing outside the family bussiness
what if the in-law said that they have no problem with her working but did a complete 180 on their behaviour after she got married, huh? that litrellay happened to me.... It's not that simple.
@@artemis7093 Are you a muslim dear? if you are ,your in-law broke one of ur conditions after marriage,your marriage is INVALID,go to the imam who did khotba for you with witnesses from your family who were present when they accept your condition,the imam will talk sense in them cuz breaking a bride condition is HARAM,if they insist you have the right for divorce on spot and your husband have to pay the same amount of Mahr "dower" he give you
I see u as my older sister
Don’t live with in laws- just remain single.
first family is beyond dysfunctional lol get out asap
How about you tell her to obey her husband?! Is that too controversial?!
This western muslim and their western problems 😂😂😂
The solution is looking to and turning to Allah. Also Tazzy cover all your hair when wearing hijab. Do it the right way. To Fahima in the comment section don’t give bad advice.
Can men ever learn to shut their mouths? Look away if her forehead offends you