Halberdier I respect and can relate to your life experiences and mindset that made you come to this conclusion, but I also agree with both points. I think the original comment meant not to be codependemt and to not take more than you give. To not only put your needs first. Both fair points though.
My lady claims to be needy. I love how affectionate she is. I also love that she actually cares about what I think, do, and want. It’s adorable and sweet. I think it’s important to accommodate that. She gets reassurance and I get to feel desired. It’s a really nice mutual benefit.
That's sweet :) may I ask how did u guys approach this situation? I'm the more needy one in my relationship but I have no idea how to make it better :(
Yeon :D for us there wasn’t really much to approach. We honestly just kind of fit together. However, there are things I do that help out quite a bit. During the work day we don’t make a priority of texting back and forth or trying to maintain constant contact. However I try to call her and talk to her every night. We usually do the basic how was day stuff and then I try to bring up something going on in the near future to discuss for a moment to extend the conversation. If it comes naturally then we enjoy it for what it is and if not then we usually get off the phone. We don’t get to see each other every day so it’s important that I talk to her every day to me. I think it helps to have somewhat “scheduled” time together so that nobody feels isolated or distant. Once people get into a rhythm things usually tend to work well. We’ve been together for a year and will probably get married next year. (The ring is in my sock drawer. I have to ask her dad first though. Wish me luck.)
I totally agree with you. Needy is a derogatory term some people use to not seem like such jerks, and to feel superior to others. It is much easier to say "She is too needy" than saying "I have commitment issues so I am not ready for a real relationship."
How are you any better for saying that people who are more introverted and independent in relationships have commitment issues? I had this imbalance issue Anna speaks of in the last relationship I was in. I don't like texting almost all day every day, or hanging out every night;she did, and it became very draining for me. I am very much someone who likes to do things on their own, but that doesn't mean I have problems committing. I've been in a past relationship where the dynamic was perfect for me and my parter felt similarly. Everyone has different needs and nobody should be shunned for whatever those may be
I was with an avoidance ex, who always said I “needed too much attention”, he bought me a dog to get me to back off. I started feeling guilty for being this way. But now that I look back, my needs were actually quite healthy. Of course I wanted a boyfriend that wanted to hug or kiss me without me needing to ask, or initiate. Of course I wanted my partner to be vulnerable! Isn’t that why relationships are?! He ended up cheating, because he couldn’t handle how serious we were. If you’re with someone emotionally unavailable I urge you to make the tough decision to either leave or have a serious conversation with them- because it becomes so disappointing and heartbreaking in the end. Trust me! I wish I listened to my own needs for a long time. I didn’t, I stayed hoping things would change and became irritable, depressed and I ended up longing for someone I could never really have. It’s incredibly painful to come out of. Please listen to your gut
@@marym.p.6130 ... Generalize much? Go watch some good videos on attachment, and you'll learn that people with avoidant attachment pull away when their partner pushes the relationship too quickly. And the reason for this is that the person with avoidant attachment feels emotions as overwhelming. They are also very aware that being in a highly emotional relationship is a risk factor for having their heart broken. So when they pull back it is done as a regulatory mechanism, to decrease the intensity of the emotions to a manageable level, and to prevent them from falling so in love that a breakup would be deadly. These are very valid actions. And can be handled by a smart partner. However, a partner with anxious attachment will typically lean in even harder... And this will end the relationship.
Agreed! We are told to not be “needy” but without ANY neediness at all, what is the point in a relationship? Having some is what makes it so deep. Thanks Anna, beautifully said!
I just found out some people are actually just not ready to be in relationship (either romantic or platonic). When we are attached in deep relationship then we get more responsibilities, but some only want to get the love we have, not earn.
*I get lonely and struggle with being okay in that anxious, depressive state. Every time I reach out to someone I fear that im being too clingy, wanting too much of their attention and their company.* I hope I'm not the only one that feels this way at the age of 22!
I‘m 19 but I feel the same way. Also I don’t really know how to ask for “attention“ or simple things like a hug so I overthink it and never do it or I do it and just feel super awkward because I think to much 😥
I agree with what you said about the people who coined the term "needy" as derogatory, that those people are actually just emotionally distant jerks. When my fiance and I first started getting serious, he told me his ex had called him "needy", and I was surprised. I never thought he was too needy. Sure, he texted me every day, and we hung out a lot, but that's normal when you really like someone. I remember that I told him then, "I don't think you're needy; I just think she didn't actually like hanging out with you." And besides, that chic ended up cheating on him, so really she was just a horrible, emotionally unavailable jerk. So ya know, that just proves that what you said about the term "needy" is true.
Yes! Her video on setting boundries came just after (like one day after) I set some boundries with people. It was great to be reassured I was doing the right thing.
Kat Robinson It’s like she knows...she’s a modern day fortune teller! Except she helps you, doesn’t freak you out more when advice is given, and she’s not stuck in a glass box at the carnival or in an oversized 8 ball!
Exactly! I didn’t realize how avoidant my partner was unit I opened up about how I’ve noticed he’s been more distant and how I would appreciate it if he didn’t leave me in the dark, because it makes me feel unwanted, and his response was “you’re being too sensitive.” Our relationship ended shorty after and I was heartbroken, because we made so many plans for the future together like marriage, kids, etc. For a while I thought maybe I was too sensitive and needy, and maybe I was asking for too much. Now I’m starting to realize that what I was asking for was perfectly healthy, and I shouldn’t have to feel bad for wanting closeness - I just need to find someone who wants the same.
I feel like when I think of “being needy” I do immediately think of the toxic behavior you do acknowledge. I wish there was a term in between “having needs” and “being needy,” maybe “seeking thoughtfulness and appreciation”?
That is exactly what being needy means. Neediness is toxic, (people often confuse needs with desires and wants) need implies that life is meaninglessness without someone (which is fine if you're married and have been for a long time, it's very difficult imagining life without your partner) same goes with your children and parents. Life goes on if anything untoward happens to the ones you love everything changes and it's not the same for sure. But that's the difference love is as much letting go as it is wanting to stay with the person. Neediness is a self fulfilling desire where you don't care about what the other person wants and you only project what you want onto the other person.
Needy doesn’t always have to mean affectionate though, needy can also be used to describe partners who ask up so much attention from their other partner that they end up invading their personal time and space
@@TheBayzent except that those that get called "needy", are almost always the ones that have already taken it to an unhealthy level. for example, they need a phone call or text between you taking a dump and wiping, because maybe they've not quite dealt with the baggage of the previous relationship and are still insecure that you might be losing interest. All of this without being self-aware enough that they are actively pushing said person away all on their own as they've not been allowed their "me time".
I am an extremely sincere individual. I am sincere, to a fault. One of the many things that I have come to realize, to learn, is that sincerity must be reserved and given only to those who deserve it. And one must save one's emotions, channeling them only to the people who are worthy of it. Instead of wasting time and energy on them, I prefer being productive and making animations for my channel.
Yes! I was dumb enought to realized this later in Life, some people are just slow learners xD ... Now i only show that to people Who do the same, And do you know what is funny, people Who lie to my now dont have access anymore to honest me so they are in shock LOL ... What did you expect ? Sincerity paid back with lack of honesty ? Nah people are just too much sometimes
Life Progress - Health, Wealth, & Happiness Channel yes i’ m agree but sometimes this is just very hard to handdle. The boyfriend of one of my friend, said to me one day that i was too shy, annoying and awkward and not in order to be rude but just “sincere”. Please, don’t be that kind of person, because it’s can hurt so much. Now he apologised and we are very good friend, but sometimes things don’t have to be told.
This is so true. My first relationship I was with someone who seemed like a perfect match for me: we liked the same games, shows, had similar experiences, had the same sense of humor. Only I didnt realize until much later that we weren't very compatible emotionally. He felt like I was too needy and I felt disappointed a lot of the time (and also beat myself up over it because I thought I WAS too needy). Now I'm with a guy where we share about one hobby together and we're so different in regard to our basic interests, but we mesh so well emotionally and we're both the right amount of "needy" to each other that it just balances out to normal. There's obviously always going to be a line you want to be aware of when it comes to being too much or completely apathetic, but finding that person who meshes is awesome
@@dagamimon if you dont mind me asking, what happened between you two in the end, did you end it with him because of the difference in emotional needs or because be cheated ect...
@@danielaung691 It was honestly a mixture of us not being so compatible emotionally and also the fact that we were still young (in highschool) and it was our first relationship. I was hella insecure and honestly felt crazy because of how "needy" I was compared to him, and I also was approaching a stage where I felt like I needed to experience just being more independent anyway. Our breaking up was definitely a result of some of my immaturity in that regard, but that ended up helping me grow and reflect on how I can change for the better in future relationships
Do you mind me asking the same question? How did the your relationship ended? Did it ended like you both decided for it to end? Or one of you cheated? I am not here to judge you both. Im here to learn. Thanks😉
My mother the same. She would be like “you know your dad doesn’t love you right?, lol just joking.. wait why are u crying? Take a joke u can’t handle anything” she’s very passive aggressive and thinks insults or messed up stuff are great “jokes” and says “I’m just being honest it not my fault ur too sensitive” I overheard her once saying to her friend that she likes to say stuff just so see ppls reactions.. she’s manipulative as hell 😤
Thanks, that was reassuring to me. I'm not someone who wants a lot of space in a relationship. I want closeness, affection. I also had 3 cats, and I miss them since they've passed.
Honestly, it's actually really comforting to hear you say that being "needy" is a valid way to feel. Obviously I'm going to try and be aware of my own actions and not overwhelm my own expectations of others, but it's really nice to hear someone say, "Yeah, you have needs and that's okay." Rather than beating myself up for feeling needy, hearing your words helped me to take a deep breathe and let go of that knot that's been in my stomach all day.
@Nick Smith spot on...but you assume women will react like men, and they will never( because socially their role is different in the making of a relationship )..they want to be considered as " men's equal", but they will never ever assume any responsibilities for their act ( it's all the men's fault , i'm a princess and am always right )...So while Rachel Nielsen could have dated an actual asshole/jerk/douche, question is " why did she chose him ?" because women all have a responsibility regarding their decisions and choices.they all know the " date an asshole, trying to change him into the man of my dreams, failed epically and then blame everyone but themselves " meme ...making one mistake is necessary, it's the way you learn, making always the same mistake is just the proof of what you just say : you are the error you're trying to ignore.
We are good enough is just some people prefer doing more things with friends and not girlfriends or boyfriends. Just stay away from them, unfortunately, it's a lot of people like that.
Important question is what is “toxic neediness”, when is it too far and what do people on the opposite end when they feel like someone is asking too much time from them. Yes, some people have different needs than others and finding the balance is extremely important but is there a certain extent that is too much. Is asking someone to spend hours everyday fair? When they have work, other friends, duties in life, and their own hobbies they want to explore.
It depends on the level of interest the other person has on you, there is just no set value, I've had crushes tell me I'm too needy for texting them *once* during the day everyday, and girlfriends tell me I'm a closed book despite talking constantly. Social interactions have to be reevaluated by the minute and remember that a person may show great ammounts of interest one minute and lose all interest on the next. If a person shows signs of stopping being engaged, stop engaging instead of trying to catch their attention, but do not bother yourself with their problems either. If she is your partner, start thinking about seeking other options and putting an end to the relationship, I know it sounds dramatic, but a relationship that doesn't fulfill your emotional needs is not a relationship. Keeping your instinct flaring for social cues on when to stop investing is a real lifehack that takes time to build.
This is fantastic. We enter the world needy. We exit the world needy. But in between, we learn to craft a mask that says, "I'm self sufficient; I don't need you; I don't want you." Yet we are wired to be social; to need community; to seek meaningful love. Attachments are good. And we are ALL co-dependent. Like the song goes, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world!"
If you rely on someone to give you happiness, joy, or success, I'm telling you, you'll be dissapointed, it's ok to need someone, just don't rely on them on your first needs(e.g success or happiness), especially what you want to achieve
I'm very open and vocal. When I'm feeling sad, I will tell someone. ESPECIALLY, when I'm depressed because at least someone knows just in case I do something to myself.
I don't have issues with the other person being needy, but they need to provide something valuable in return. Having the other person being always needy and never givey is a massive turn off.
So agree. I had an experience with such a person. He was the needy one and I was always the givey. It was the most emotionally and mentally draining time in my life. So happy to put that behind me.
As someone who has been the too-needy one, I feel like, yeah, I understand how it really turns people off to approach them from a place of "I want/need something from you to feel ok." For me, it's been much more productive to address my neediness directly. A lot of this takes the form of letting go of stories where I tell myself I'm not good enough, and also satisfying my own needs better by making healthier choices and treating myself with more kindness. I wouldn't want to continue to approach relationships with the neediness I've had in the past.
I love hearing the voice of people in the phase of getting over a cold. It’s such an ASMR to my ear. I love how I sound when I have a cold 🤧 💕 I know I’m weird.
Some of us were too happy, wanted to make them happy, got labelled as too nice by others, didn't understand why they started detaching, tried to communicate our needs and started to see ourselves as needy. I wish we can learn the right lessons and bond to somebody as deeply again.
So true! Well said! Can we be friends! Can I get your number? Who are you talking to? Why aren't you talking to me? Please talk to me! Why won't you talk to me? Come one let's be friends on facebook! I'll follow you on instagram! Why won't you tell Mr what your handle is? All I want to do is spend all my time with you :D Now do you find that cute and nice or creepy?
Dhruv1223 That is so creepy and feels weird. I think nobody here experienced real neediness, it is normal that you sometimes want something in return, when you don‘t get that than it is the wrong person.
If you depend on someone to give you the joy and happiness you want, then I'm telling you bro your not going to end up happy, only you, youself can make you happy, and we were designed and built to survive
Dude some ppl are just not into emotions that much. They like a much simpler system of things. Definition of needy can be so much different for so many ppl. If u don't want me then go find someone similar to you, that is like the first rule of dating. Ppl who are just jerks, yeah we don't claim them. Also vulnerability is not always nice. Most of the time you are actually endangered when you do so. Having emotional control is my strong point. 👩🏫👩🏫👩🏫
Compromise... ooh yea that’s right behind my list of reminding myself to swallow my ego, pride, fear and insecurities. Also telling myself to express urself in healthy ways n try to RESOLVE problems not bury them.
Excellent point about being vulnerable, for some reason in todays society, vulnerability is confused or made out to be weakness, which is not true, being vulnerable is a great strength, a strength of a person's character to open up and be vulnerable, that takes guts.
"I believe in being straight forward: If I feel a certain way, I tell you" - well, I did that a few times and all I got from that was head shaking from the other persons because they don't know what the heck I am talking about apparently and they see it all very different than I do. So I don't do that anymore, I am not into those useless discussions where I feel hurt and others don't get it at all and I get responses like "I cannot be here for you 24/7" (when not answering a text FOR A DAY), and so on. So I have to accept to be incompatible with MOST people apparently or that I have to compromise and not ever get what I really want (or NEED). Talking about what I want, I kind of want to hold Anna like she holds the cat when she's cute like that :X. Yep, needy.
You are so relatable being needy is alright so long as your rules are not too restricting. But overall being needy is good so you know what relationships are best for you. I am a needy person too.
Anna Akana I'm a nurse who just worked a 12 hour night shift and I'm about to sleep. It would mean the world to me if I woke up to a comment from you! 😄😄
YES. The term needy hasn't been turner derrogatory, when you say someone's needy it means they take it too far. Being needy is not the same as having needs.
I love you and your videos! Thank you for being genuine, authentic and breaking down the stigma of mental illness. I love how you approach it in so many unique ways and talk about things most dismiss or don't know how to communicate. We are all affected by our emotions and I think its essential to talk about our feelings!
Expressing you have needs and being open and honest is great. Always expecting the other person to fill every void you have in your life or being “needy” is just using that person.
I like needy honest people. It’s so much easier to deal with than someone who doesn’t speak their mind. Like even if it ‘seems’ a bit crazy or i can’t relate, it’s easier to deal with when they’re open rather than not.
Im a little bit needy and have a friend who is less neddy than me. And it is difficult to balance this. But we are balancing yaaaay Ps I love u and your advices makes me think
Neglected my whole life between family and spouse. always wanting the opposite, a connection or attention/ interaction. So a needy person seems pretty awesome honestly.
Putting in the work to have pride in oneself is the antidote to such things as low self esteem, low pride, low confidence, and generally not being happy enough with oneself. A person who is happy enough with oneself doesn’t need validation from others. Regular exercise is the most common and effective antidote, but anything that improves oneself and hones a skill or increases competence in any way all help to curtail emotional reliance on others because it makes the person worthy in their own eyes.
Good points Anna. We often beat ourselves up for being needy creatures. As you said, its unhealthy when demanding too much from others, but in general belonging and connection are vital for everyone's health. Its not being 'needy' to really crave that. Good points 👌
I just adore you Started watching your videos yesterday and became your fan. You approach significant subjects with a lot of teaching and humor. Thank you for that. As you open my mind you make me laugh! You're so beautiful and your cat as well
The problem arises when a person has needs that are a little inappropriate, and nearly impossible to be met. A person like that gets very frustrated. There is this woman where I live who wants relationships with young men so badly, but she can't get that need met. You can tell she is in a lot of pain. I can feel for her misery, but I'm not willing to date her. I wonder if that says something about me.
First time watching this channel and I love that cat. I was more watching his every move rather than listening to what she was saying. He needs his own show....lol. I just love his little grumpy face.
Sounds about correct to me!!! I was just thinking that yesterday. People(men) don’t “desire” a needy woman bc she MAY ASK SOMETHING FROM HIM!! awesome job thank you.
This is actually a well studied phenomena in the field of social psychology. The "needy" are anxious-resistant, and the opposite (people who avoid deeper connections) are anxious-avoidant. And somewhere in the middle is the well balanced, secure individual. There's more to it than that, but that's the gist.
I feel attacked by the fear of abandonment manifesting as needing to have a verbal goodbye or else i feel abandoned because I didn't ever connect the dots but its true wow
I love you Anna, No strings attached to that, I'm too self involved to stalk anyone. I just love you, you explain things in a way that makes socially inept me, understand. Your social I.Q. is genius level.
Be needy... but also be givey.
Halberdier I respect and can relate to your life experiences and mindset that made you come to this conclusion, but I also agree with both points. I think the original comment meant not to be codependemt and to not take more than you give. To not only put your needs first. Both fair points though.
Woha, that's like... Solid, man.
@Halberdier is this my storyyy
I'm mostly hungry.
@@rock3tcatU233 That's why she went out with me. I knew she was just hungry !
My lady claims to be needy. I love how affectionate she is. I also love that she actually cares about what I think, do, and want. It’s adorable and sweet. I think it’s important to accommodate that. She gets reassurance and I get to feel desired. It’s a really nice mutual benefit.
That's sweet :) may I ask how did u guys approach this situation? I'm the more needy one in my relationship but I have no idea how to make it better :(
Yeon :D for us there wasn’t really much to approach. We honestly just kind of fit together. However, there are things I do that help out quite a bit. During the work day we don’t make a priority of texting back and forth or trying to maintain constant contact. However I try to call her and talk to her every night. We usually do the basic how was day stuff and then I try to bring up something going on in the near future to discuss for a moment to extend the conversation. If it comes naturally then we enjoy it for what it is and if not then we usually get off the phone. We don’t get to see each other every day so it’s important that I talk to her every day to me. I think it helps to have somewhat “scheduled” time together so that nobody feels isolated or distant. Once people get into a rhythm things usually tend to work well. We’ve been together for a year and will probably get married next year. (The ring is in my sock drawer. I have to ask her dad first though. Wish me luck.)
@@zombyroid AWWWWWW YALL THE REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALSSSSS CONGRATULATIONS MAN!!! :DDD
That’s so great!! Good luck, and I think that is a great sentiment!
@@zombyroid When is the wedding ? Did she say yes. If so Congratulations !
I totally agree with you. Needy is a derogatory term some people use to not seem like such jerks, and to feel superior to others. It is much easier to say "She is too needy" than saying "I have commitment issues so I am not ready for a real relationship."
Being needy woman is annoying, needy men are creepy
You completely ignored the imbalance that she mentioned and painted one side as the fault. Communication was poor from BOTH people.
THAt is some sizzling hot tea :O very true lol
I couldn't help but agree to everything you just said.
How are you any better for saying that people who are more introverted and independent in relationships have commitment issues? I had this imbalance issue Anna speaks of in the last relationship I was in. I don't like texting almost all day every day, or hanging out every night;she did, and it became very draining for me. I am very much someone who likes to do things on their own, but that doesn't mean I have problems committing. I've been in a past relationship where the dynamic was perfect for me and my parter felt similarly. Everyone has different needs and nobody should be shunned for whatever those may be
I was with an avoidance ex, who always said I “needed too much attention”, he bought me a dog to get me to back off. I started feeling guilty for being this way. But now that I look back, my needs were actually quite healthy. Of course I wanted a boyfriend that wanted to hug or kiss me without me needing to ask, or initiate. Of course I wanted my partner to be vulnerable! Isn’t that why relationships are?!
He ended up cheating, because he couldn’t handle how serious we were.
If you’re with someone emotionally unavailable I urge you to make the tough decision to either leave or have a serious conversation with them- because it becomes so disappointing and heartbreaking in the end. Trust me! I wish I listened to my own needs for a long time. I didn’t, I stayed hoping things would change and became irritable, depressed and I ended up longing for someone I could never really have. It’s incredibly painful to come out of. Please listen to your gut
Avoidant people are cheaters . They never want to confront you. Same sad, heartbreaking scenario
@@marym.p.6130 ... Generalize much?
Go watch some good videos on attachment, and you'll learn that people with avoidant attachment pull away when their partner pushes the relationship too quickly. And the reason for this is that the person with avoidant attachment feels emotions as overwhelming. They are also very aware that being in a highly emotional relationship is a risk factor for having their heart broken.
So when they pull back it is done as a regulatory mechanism, to decrease the intensity of the emotions to a manageable level, and to prevent them from falling so in love that a breakup would be deadly.
These are very valid actions. And can be handled by a smart partner.
However, a partner with anxious attachment will typically lean in even harder... And this will end the relationship.
Thats rough.. Good advice though
breakingthemasks A hit dog will holler.
@@Yasmine91646 ... I'm not sure what this idiom means... Care to elaborate?
i found your channel when i was in middle school. now i’m 20 and your videos are always exactly what i need.
She is like a big sister! I'm also 20 and her videos were really useful while I was growing up.
Alexis Knight I’m in middle school right now😎 and she does the same for me plus I really need it.
same here, 20 now and found these when I was like 14
Bruh im 16
Girl saaaaame
Agreed! We are told to not be “needy” but without ANY neediness at all, what is the point in a relationship? Having some is what makes it so deep. Thanks Anna, beautifully said!
the problem is not being "needy". The problem is the level of "neediness" being displayed.
I just found out some people are actually just not ready to be in relationship (either romantic or platonic). When we are attached in deep relationship then we get more responsibilities, but some only want to get the love we have, not earn.
Hahaha.
Relationships are pointless
*I get lonely and struggle with being okay in that anxious, depressive state. Every time I reach out to someone I fear that im being too clingy, wanting too much of their attention and their company.* I hope I'm not the only one that feels this way at the age of 22!
That feeling never goes away, jokey joke!!🤣🙌
@@lorsange1107 really?
I‘m 19 but I feel the same way. Also I don’t really know how to ask for “attention“ or simple things like a hug so I overthink it and never do it or I do it and just feel super awkward because I think to much 😥
@@ducklingscap897 im giving you a bi,g giant hug right now. You are appreciated and loved!
this is the reason why i dont talk to people about my feeling and at the same time, i feel so hurt aaaaa
I agree with what you said about the people who coined the term "needy" as derogatory, that those people are actually just emotionally distant jerks. When my fiance and I first started getting serious, he told me his ex had called him "needy", and I was surprised. I never thought he was too needy. Sure, he texted me every day, and we hung out a lot, but that's normal when you really like someone. I remember that I told him then, "I don't think you're needy; I just think she didn't actually like hanging out with you." And besides, that chic ended up cheating on him, so really she was just a horrible, emotionally unavailable jerk. So ya know, that just proves that what you said about the term "needy" is true.
Rose Auflick you described exactly what happened to me in my last relationship, a long distance one btw...
I love being texted everyday. Like it doesn’t need to be instant or constant but once a day is nice.
Eh, being needy is a real problem by itself but can often be indicative of a co-dependent relationship. Bad partners just misuse it.
I feel seen! Sooo true and this happened to me as well. Thanks for posting
Queen of quality content
"quality"
@@bachlava7 yeah exactly
How adorable is Congress with his paw on your shoulder the whole time he is a real sweetie!!
Anna, how are your videos always so perfectly timed 🙄 thank you for your content!
Yes! Her video on setting boundries came just after (like one day after) I set some boundries with people. It was great to be reassured I was doing the right thing.
Kat Robinson It’s like she knows...she’s a modern day fortune teller! Except she helps you, doesn’t freak you out more when advice is given, and she’s not stuck in a glass box at the carnival or in an oversized 8 ball!
Yeah, it's super uncanny, isn't it?!
(It's not timing, everyone is actually miserable and in perpetual need of advice)
Yeah I am facing all the things she said right now
Exactly! I didn’t realize how avoidant my partner was unit I opened up about how I’ve noticed he’s been more distant and how I would appreciate it if he didn’t leave me in the dark, because it makes me feel unwanted, and his response was “you’re being too sensitive.”
Our relationship ended shorty after and I was heartbroken, because we made so many plans for the future together like marriage, kids, etc. For a while I thought maybe I was too sensitive and needy, and maybe I was asking for too much.
Now I’m starting to realize that what I was asking for was perfectly healthy, and I shouldn’t have to feel bad for wanting closeness - I just need to find someone who wants the same.
This is just what I needed! (no pun intended).
Same honestly
Took me a while to get it
wow I was literally about to type this
Don't go...
Reply if u want screenshots of anna in a bra
I feel like when I think of “being needy” I do immediately think of the toxic behavior you do acknowledge. I wish there was a term in between “having needs” and “being needy,” maybe “seeking thoughtfulness and appreciation”?
That is exactly what being needy means. Neediness is toxic, (people often confuse needs with desires and wants) need implies that life is meaninglessness without someone (which is fine if you're married and have been for a long time, it's very difficult imagining life without your partner) same goes with your children and parents. Life goes on if anything untoward happens to the ones you love everything changes and it's not the same for sure. But that's the difference love is as much letting go as it is wanting to stay with the person. Neediness is a self fulfilling desire where you don't care about what the other person wants and you only project what you want onto the other person.
Your cat is REALLY patient.
I should like to be that cat!...
Needy doesn’t always have to mean affectionate though, needy can also be used to describe partners who ask up so much attention from their other partner that they end up invading their personal time and space
She addressed that
@@TheBayzent except that those that get called "needy", are almost always the ones that have already taken it to an unhealthy level. for example, they need a phone call or text between you taking a dump and wiping, because maybe they've not quite dealt with the baggage of the previous relationship and are still insecure that you might be losing interest. All of this without being self-aware enough that they are actively pushing said person away all on their own as they've not been allowed their "me time".
I am an extremely sincere individual. I am sincere, to a fault. One of the many things that I have come to realize, to learn, is that sincerity must be reserved and given only to those who deserve it. And one must save one's emotions, channeling them only to the people who are worthy of it. Instead of wasting time and energy on them, I prefer being productive and making animations for my channel.
Yes! I was dumb enought to realized this later in Life, some people are just slow learners xD ... Now i only show that to people Who do the same, And do you know what is funny, people Who lie to my now dont have access anymore to honest me so they are in shock LOL ... What did you expect ? Sincerity paid back with lack of honesty ? Nah people are just too much sometimes
Yeah I've been told that I'm too honest and sincere at times and it can be perceived in a bad way. I'm learning how to filter it
Oof i felt this, so many of my friends took advantage of me bc of my sincerity and now i know how to balance it out between ppl
Life Progress - Health, Wealth, & Happiness Channel yes i’ m agree but sometimes this is just very hard to handdle. The boyfriend of one of my friend, said to me one day that i was too shy, annoying and awkward and not in order to be rude but just “sincere”. Please, don’t be that kind of person, because it’s can hurt so much. Now he apologised and we are very good friend, but sometimes things don’t have to be told.
So true
This is so true. My first relationship I was with someone who seemed like a perfect match for me: we liked the same games, shows, had similar experiences, had the same sense of humor. Only I didnt realize until much later that we weren't very compatible emotionally. He felt like I was too needy and I felt disappointed a lot of the time (and also beat myself up over it because I thought I WAS too needy). Now I'm with a guy where we share about one hobby together and we're so different in regard to our basic interests, but we mesh so well emotionally and we're both the right amount of "needy" to each other that it just balances out to normal. There's obviously always going to be a line you want to be aware of when it comes to being too much or completely apathetic, but finding that person who meshes is awesome
How long were you and your first partner together for?
@@danielaung691 A little over a year
@@dagamimon if you dont mind me asking, what happened between you two in the end, did you end it with him because of the difference in emotional needs or because be cheated ect...
@@danielaung691 It was honestly a mixture of us not being so compatible emotionally and also the fact that we were still young (in highschool) and it was our first relationship. I was hella insecure and honestly felt crazy because of how "needy" I was compared to him, and I also was approaching a stage where I felt like I needed to experience just being more independent anyway. Our breaking up was definitely a result of some of my immaturity in that regard, but that ended up helping me grow and reflect on how I can change for the better in future relationships
Do you mind me asking the same question? How did the your relationship ended? Did it ended like you both decided for it to end? Or one of you cheated? I am not here to judge you both. Im here to learn. Thanks😉
When people hide their true feelings behind "jokes", this is basically the way my mother talks to me. FML
Omg same my mom seems so disappointed with me and I don't even know why. I have never even been arrested or done horrible shit lmao oh well
A fortune teller cookie said that most seriousness is said by the jester....
My mother the same. She would be like “you know your dad doesn’t love you right?, lol just joking.. wait why are u crying? Take a joke u can’t handle anything” she’s very passive aggressive and thinks insults or messed up stuff are great “jokes” and says “I’m just being honest it not my fault ur too sensitive” I overheard her once saying to her friend that she likes to say stuff just so see ppls reactions.. she’s manipulative as hell 😤
@@DarkAngelRabbitX3I know right, it's kind of messed up that the person that's supposed to love and protect you, makes you feel like absolute crap
@@DarkAngelRabbitX3 Is she a covert narcissist? RUclips has videos about that, Vital Mind Psychology channel is quite good.
Thanks, that was reassuring to me. I'm not someone who wants a lot of space in a relationship. I want closeness, affection. I also had 3 cats, and I miss them since they've passed.
"having needs" and expressing them is ok, "being needy" and forcing others to deal with your needs is not ok
Bro your body count is maybe @2 lifetime, relax, slow your role.
If you aren't needy, what's the point of being in a relationship? If you aren't needy, you don't need them.
100%!
@@yepwhatever1142 the point at that point isn't I am with you cause I NEED to but I am with you cause I CHOSE to
I was going to write the same thing!
Honestly, it's actually really comforting to hear you say that being "needy" is a valid way to feel. Obviously I'm going to try and be aware of my own actions and not overwhelm my own expectations of others, but it's really nice to hear someone say, "Yeah, you have needs and that's okay." Rather than beating myself up for feeling needy, hearing your words helped me to take a deep breathe and let go of that knot that's been in my stomach all day.
this makes me feel much better about the times i’ve been dumped for being needy 😭
@Nick Smith xD true
@Nick Smith spot on...but you assume women will react like men, and they will never( because socially their role is different in the making of a relationship )..they want to be considered as " men's equal", but they will never ever assume any responsibilities for their act ( it's all the men's fault , i'm a princess and am always right )...So while Rachel Nielsen could have dated an actual asshole/jerk/douche, question is " why did she chose him ?" because women all have a responsibility regarding their decisions and choices.they all know the " date an asshole, trying to change him into the man of my dreams, failed epically and then blame everyone but themselves " meme ...making one mistake is necessary, it's the way you learn, making always the same mistake is just the proof of what you just say : you are the error you're trying to ignore.
babacalouche ok incel.
@@Yasmine91646 Thanks Boomer
“Don’t take their response time personally” it’s been 18 days... so...
Maybe he is dead
Take it personally just don't internalize that you are not good enough... although they think you aren't.
@@juricpro hahh, too late for that :c
We are good enough is just some people prefer doing more things with friends and not girlfriends or boyfriends. Just stay away from them, unfortunately, it's a lot of people like that.
Maybe he killed his phone?
I know everyone jokes about it but your videos help me figure out and understand what’s going on in my head and I appreciate it so much
Your user name is precious ^^
Sameee
Important question is what is “toxic neediness”, when is it too far and what do people on the opposite end when they feel like someone is asking too much time from them. Yes, some people have different needs than others and finding the balance is extremely important but is there a certain extent that is too much. Is asking someone to spend hours everyday fair? When they have work, other friends, duties in life, and their own hobbies they want to explore.
It depends on the level of interest the other person has on you, there is just no set value, I've had crushes tell me I'm too needy for texting them *once* during the day everyday, and girlfriends tell me I'm a closed book despite talking constantly.
Social interactions have to be reevaluated by the minute and remember that a person may show great ammounts of interest one minute and lose all interest on the next. If a person shows signs of stopping being engaged, stop engaging instead of trying to catch their attention, but do not bother yourself with their problems either. If she is your partner, start thinking about seeking other options and putting an end to the relationship, I know it sounds dramatic, but a relationship that doesn't fulfill your emotional needs is not a relationship.
Keeping your instinct flaring for social cues on when to stop investing is a real lifehack that takes time to build.
Your an honest genuine real person and that's admirable love you Anna
You're * sorry couldn't resist 🙆
@@Sanjay-lw6sy I know iam just lazy
where have you been all my life why am I just discovering these amazingly therapeutic
videos now
I can't stop looking at Congress ahh 😍
Me too, but that's just because they keep eroding my civil liberties one bill at a time and I can only stare in horror.
This is fantastic. We enter the world needy. We exit the world needy. But in between, we learn to craft a mask that says, "I'm self sufficient; I don't need you; I don't want you." Yet we are wired to be social; to need community; to seek meaningful love. Attachments are good. And we are ALL co-dependent. Like the song goes, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world!"
If you rely on someone to give you happiness, joy, or success, I'm telling you, you'll be dissapointed, it's ok to need someone, just don't rely on them on your first needs(e.g success or happiness), especially what you want to achieve
I'm very open and vocal. When I'm feeling sad, I will tell someone. ESPECIALLY, when I'm depressed because at least someone knows just in case I do something to myself.
I don't have issues with the other person being needy, but they need to provide something valuable in return. Having the other person being always needy and never givey is a massive turn off.
So agree. I had an experience with such a person. He was the needy one and I was always the givey. It was the most emotionally and mentally draining time in my life. So happy to put that behind me.
Needy is perceived as someone requiring more attention/focus than the other person feels is reasonable.
kkkkkkk the bathroom scene was just on point perfect! Hahaha thanks for these wonderfull videos, would love to meet you someday 💛
Yes.... The music made it even better.
O "kkkkkk" entrega o brasileiro ksksks
kkkkkkkkk rsrsrsrsrsrs huehuehuehue
Like each other and you'll never feel clingy to each other. But that's why communication and openness is so important in a relationship
As someone who has been the too-needy one, I feel like, yeah, I understand how it really turns people off to approach them from a place of "I want/need something from you to feel ok." For me, it's been much more productive to address my neediness directly. A lot of this takes the form of letting go of stories where I tell myself I'm not good enough, and also satisfying my own needs better by making healthier choices and treating myself with more kindness. I wouldn't want to continue to approach relationships with the neediness I've had in the past.
I fully understand the stories which cause intense self flagellation. That’s when I feel the most needy.
"I have no qualms with enthusiastically expressing the pendulum of extreme emotions I oscillate between throughout the day."
Everyone has needs. Denying your own needs in the name of 'neediness' is just damaging to yourself.
Of course Congress is not going to understand you. It's right there in the name.
I love that cat.
The actual ball of fur Anna is holding.
I love it's demeanor.
I like cats.
The animated hand petting Congress got me 😂
this is so comforting to hear, you put so many of my thoughts into a perfectly articulated explanation.Thankyou, I needed to hear this :)
I love hearing the voice of people in the phase of getting over a cold. It’s such an ASMR to my ear. I love how I sound when I have a cold 🤧 💕 I know I’m weird.
Some of us were too happy, wanted to make them happy, got labelled as too nice by others, didn't understand why they started detaching, tried to communicate our needs and started to see ourselves as needy. I wish we can learn the right lessons and bond to somebody as deeply again.
Let's all be needy together!
YES, REGARDLESS OF GENDER
Yes
Grace Brady HONESTLY
No, pls don't.
Let's all communicate our needs and find healthy relationships together
the subtle "purr" at the end was a complete heartthrob
Agreed. I ❤️ how real you and true to yourself you’re.
EXACTLY, we are designed to be INTERDEPENDENT. Denying this is unhealthy. thank you!
So true! Well said! Can we be friends! Can I get your number? Who are you talking to? Why aren't you talking to me? Please talk to me! Why won't you talk to me? Come one let's be friends on facebook! I'll follow you on instagram! Why won't you tell Mr what your handle is? All I want to do is spend all my time with you :D
Now do you find that cute and nice or creepy?
Dhruv1223 That is so creepy and feels weird. I think nobody here experienced real neediness, it is normal that you sometimes want something in return, when you don‘t get that than it is the wrong person.
If you depend on someone to give you the joy and happiness you want, then I'm telling you bro your not going to end up happy, only you, youself can make you happy, and we were designed and built to survive
Local cat queen spotted! LOCAL CAT QUEEN SPOTTED!!
Dude some ppl are just not into emotions that much. They like a much simpler system of things. Definition of needy can be so much different for so many ppl. If u don't want me then go find someone similar to you, that is like the first rule of dating. Ppl who are just jerks, yeah we don't claim them. Also vulnerability is not always nice. Most of the time you are actually endangered when you do so. Having emotional control is my strong point. 👩🏫👩🏫👩🏫
You talking to ur cat is a mood 😔✊
Me everyday. 🤷🤕
Your cat reminds me a lot of my cat Paddington. He died a few years ago, and it made me so happy to see your fantastic orange fur-ball!
I CANT BELIEVE YOUR KITTY LETS YOU HOLD IT THIS LONG AAAAAH
I... Am jelly...
I absolutely love the way that the music stops and resume in the segment starting at 2:30-and with such great timing!
i'm gonna start using the phrase "jokey joke", TOO CUTE!
@Thelondonbadger ...... if you click her pfp, you can see it is her on the pfp.
Compromise... ooh yea that’s right behind my list of reminding myself to swallow my ego, pride, fear and insecurities. Also telling myself to express urself in healthy ways n try to RESOLVE problems not bury them.
I love how you play both sides of relationship as yourself
She’s so pretty, attractive in so many ways
Omg you and your cat... I can't 😭😭 so sweet so precious
😭😭😭
Excellent point about being vulnerable, for some reason in todays society, vulnerability is confused or made out to be weakness, which is not true, being vulnerable is a great strength, a strength of a person's character to open up and be vulnerable, that takes guts.
"I believe in being straight forward: If I feel a certain way, I tell you" - well, I did that a few times and all I got from that was head shaking from the other persons because they don't know what the heck I am talking about apparently and they see it all very different than I do. So I don't do that anymore, I am not into those useless discussions where I feel hurt and others don't get it at all and I get responses like "I cannot be here for you 24/7" (when not answering a text FOR A DAY), and so on.
So I have to accept to be incompatible with MOST people apparently or that I have to compromise and not ever get what I really want (or NEED).
Talking about what I want, I kind of want to hold Anna like she holds the cat when she's cute like that :X. Yep, needy.
Mr. Reese hold me I'm needy too.
You are so relatable being needy is alright so long as your rules are not too restricting. But overall being needy is good so you know what relationships are best for you. I am a needy person too.
Anna Akana I'm a nurse who just worked a 12 hour night shift and I'm about to sleep. It would mean the world to me if I woke up to a comment from you! 😄😄
Have an amazing day wen u wake up..
Honestly the way she records and edits is so professional i love it
"As long as it's not taken to an unhealthy imbalance..."
then you're not needy.
YES. The term needy hasn't been turner derrogatory, when you say someone's needy it means they take it too far. Being needy is not the same as having needs.
I love you and your videos! Thank you for being genuine, authentic and breaking down the stigma of mental illness. I love how you approach it in so many unique ways and talk about things most dismiss or don't know how to communicate. We are all affected by our emotions and I think its essential to talk about our feelings!
sorry i couldnt concentrate on anything you said i was looking at your cat the entire time :)
EXACTLY
and the fact it doesn't have a nose
Expressing you have needs and being open and honest is great. Always expecting the other person to fill every void you have in your life or being “needy” is just using that person.
You're like the older sister who actually cares about me that I never had 😊
I like needy honest people. It’s so much easier to deal with than someone who doesn’t speak their mind. Like even if it ‘seems’ a bit crazy or i can’t relate, it’s easier to deal with when they’re open rather than not.
Im a little bit needy and have a friend who is less neddy than me. And it is difficult to balance this. But we are balancing yaaaay
Ps I love u and your advices makes me think
Neglected my whole life between family and spouse. always wanting the opposite, a connection or attention/ interaction. So a needy person seems pretty awesome honestly.
"Thank you so much for the mangled lizard."
🤣🤣🤣
Putting in the work to have pride in oneself is the antidote to such things as low self esteem, low pride, low confidence, and generally not being happy enough with oneself. A person who is happy enough with oneself doesn’t need validation from others. Regular exercise is the most common and effective antidote, but anything that improves oneself and hones a skill or increases competence in any way all help to curtail emotional reliance on others because it makes the person worthy in their own eyes.
All videos with Congress are the highlights of my day.
I needed to hear this. I was always afraid I had gone too needy but it's comforting to hear that what I was feeling was valid.
What a Gorgeous Cat She Has,I Love Cats #CatPeopleRockHard
💯💯 exactly. I am not saying be needy all the time, but expressing and having our needs met is healthy.
Anna we hate you!!!!
jOKEY JOKE XD WE LOVE U
No we don't❤️ we love you anna. Like genuinely actually love you.
victoria fang sugarcoated it🤪✨
@@oohsheglows2567 r/wooosh.....?
Good points Anna. We often beat ourselves up for being needy creatures. As you said, its unhealthy when demanding too much from others, but in general belonging and connection are vital for everyone's health. Its not being 'needy' to really crave that. Good points 👌
I needed that :) jokey joke heheee
What's your relationship status?
Just asking
This helps me how to be really me. I hide my feelings and too shy to share what I really want. I think i am a people pleaser. 🙁
I just adore you
Started watching your videos yesterday and became your fan.
You approach significant subjects with a lot of teaching and humor.
Thank you for that.
As you open my mind you make me laugh!
You're so beautiful and your cat as well
This isn't the first time you've helped me and a couple of your videos might have saved my life. Thank you.
I feel better with this :(( i can be so needy and i feel so bad about it
God damn you're right. Thank you Anna. That sense of abandonment destroyed my last relationship and I still haven't regained a sense of self-worth.
The problem arises when a person has needs that are a little inappropriate, and nearly impossible to be met. A person like that gets very frustrated. There is this woman where I live who wants relationships with young men so badly, but she can't get that need met. You can tell she is in a lot of pain. I can feel for her misery, but I'm not willing to date her. I wonder if that says something about me.
Well, she cant guilt u into it.
Its better to be genuine and say no
You don't have to date someone just because you empathize with them. You could try befriending her though
First time watching this channel and I love that cat. I was more watching his every move rather than listening to what she was saying. He needs his own show....lol. I just love his little grumpy face.
I wrote «miss you» 40 times to my partner after watching this.
fucking mood dude
Pourya Bigonah
Heyyyy 👋
you watch good content
Why do I keep seeing u in all the channels I have subscribed to
Pourya Bigonah lové ur Channel dude
Sounds about correct to me!!! I was just thinking that yesterday. People(men) don’t “desire” a needy woman bc she MAY ASK SOMETHING FROM HIM!! awesome job thank you.
How the hell did you get in my head?
This is actually a well studied phenomena in the field of social psychology. The "needy" are anxious-resistant, and the opposite (people who avoid deeper connections) are anxious-avoidant. And somewhere in the middle is the well balanced, secure individual. There's more to it than that, but that's the gist.
Thanks for all your content anna
And the LiveStream this week was so helpful as well
Genuinely thank you❤🙏🏼
I feel attacked by the fear of abandonment manifesting as needing to have a verbal goodbye or else i feel abandoned because I didn't ever connect the dots but its true wow
Am I the only one who read the title as “Why being NERDY is good” and excitedly clicked in and-.....oh. That works too I guess
Love this! I've never heard this perspective on neediness before. Yours is liberating!
it's difficult for me to communicate my emotions tho hahaha jokiejoke
I love you Anna, No strings attached to that, I'm too self involved to stalk anyone. I just love you, you explain things in a way that makes socially inept me, understand. Your social I.Q. is genius level.
Oh my.. i read the description as “why being nerdy is good”
I love how her editing is actually really good 👌