I’ve been researching codependency a lot lately because of a podcast called Good for You by Whitney Cummings. Whitney’s therapist describes codependency as “The inability to tolerate other people discomfort”. So it’s doing everything to maintain the same relationship dynamic
SUPRISE! I am the funniest YTer evah!!!! Just kidding, it was no surprise. Everybody knew already. HAHAHHAHA!!!! That was an amazing joke (it was real talk though). WAWAWAWAWA!!!! Good afternoon, dear as
The last line was perfect. 🥰 "Being a whole person responsible for yourself is the best way to honor someone else." Anyone else who needs help there is CODA, aka Codependent Anonymous, and Melody Beattie 💙 😉
Oh my god, i know we always say this, but goddamn your timing is always so impeccable. I've recently found out how I'm most likely codependent and wanted to learn more about it so my therapist and I can discuss it. This was very helpful. Thank you as always, Anna.
It was a hard lesson for me to learn, but there really are people who have no breaks when it comes to abusing your tendency to bend over backwards for them. Empathy on their part simply never kicks in, so you can't depend on them stopping when they've taken enough. Your sacrifice does not always lead to a problem being fixed and if it doesn't, don't make the sacrifice. Rule of thumb: Effort in ≠ reward out. And your partner won't protect you from that.
They actually aren’t all different things. Narcissism and Anti-Social are different points on the same scale. Codependency often overlaps narcissistic relationships between two people because they become enmeshed and are not interdependent. And all of these things are caused by trauma to some degree. So you might actually be a little of everything.
I don't completely agree with that statement. Some people whether due to career, truama, or other kinds of circumstance will not be able to commit 100/100. Think of being in a relationship with someone who is physically disabled or the mother with five kids, they cant commit 100% for reasons I hope are obvious for others, but they should not be looked down upon for not being able to commit 100% and still deserve respect and more commitment from others who can contribute to others.
@@theawesomeman9821 I think you misunderstand something. It's not about commiting to a 100% but to stay 100% while being with someone else. In the sense of: "You can't pour from an empty cup". You are right, sometimes you will commit more and sacrifice a part of yourself for someone else, but you have to have a healthy relationship with yourself in the first place and need to be your own source of energy. That's how you can then share it with the people you love. You feed by your own self-love!
@@NiHaLxSeNnAr I'm not saying self-love is bad, I'm just saying there will sometimes be relationships where you cant expect to make yourself more of a priority or even equal to another person, in terms of agendas. A healthy relationship is accomadating your partner when applicable.
You have a gazillion followers so you'll probably never see this, Anna - but as some ody working through codependency, it was really valuable to me. Thank you so much for making it.
Oh my god Anna, I just watched this at work. I am seriously trying to not cry my eyes out. That's was literally the best therapy session I've had. I wish my therapists had explained it like that. Thank you very much
Here here, this was me till I experienced emotional burnout. I realized I was unable to even think about myself so I felt "trapped" in a cycle of helping and neglecting myself. That burnout snapped me out of it real quick because my brain simply could not figure out why I was so drained and in constant fear of my phone notifications. The key is to attempt a healthy balance, it doesn't have to be perfect cause we aren't perfect but feeling comfortable to set boundaries and minimal self neglect is a good sign.
I guess according to this, I am codependent lol. I have always said that I am someone who needs to be needed and when a friend no longer needs me (if I am no longer improving their lives, providing some benefit, or meeting their needs that aren't being met elsewhere), I tend to walk away from the friendships. I know that is caused by self esteem issues... I almost always place friends needs ahead of my own. If a friend asks for help, I will almost always do whatever I can for them whether I want to or not. I don't really see a problem with that though as my friends are great people and they don't take advantage of that. One problem that arises from that, though, is that I have become a last resort for some of them because they feel like they are taking advantage (because I never say no) even though they aren't.
Anna, I’ve been a subscriber of your channel for many years. I never commented before. I want to say thank you. You many times have illustrated many of my own struggles in a fun, light and gentil way that has help me in self reflection.
For the very first time, I don't feel being called out by your videos LMAO I'm so happy I don't resonate with all of these, but maybe teenage me does. I'm just so happy I'm so much more okayed now. Thank you Anna, my one and only queen on the internet. 💞
dang...i'm codependent....another thing i found out i am from this channel...lol but hey look at the bright side, yeah she cut in front you in line, but atleast you get to see her get sent downstairs. lol
Omg i didn't realize i was here. I love you work, its extremely inspirational and surprisingly very helpful to my real life! thank you for you hard work!
Codependencies generally need to have these main things: 1. Tendency to focus on others. 2. Self Sacrifice 3. Need For Control 4. Difficulty Recognizing and Expressing Emotions.
hey i showed this to my girlfriend and it really helped us foster a really productive conversation ! i have very codependent parents and am breaking out of the patterns they taught me. thank you so much ❤
I always comment your videos and watch untill the end. Don't have money to support you on other ways but at least I'm telling the algorithm that I adore your content. 😍 You've made me a better person
not true; more like someone who's lived it so deeply that now she's capable of summarizing it in just a few words for all of us and to give us the essence of the issue; this wasn't a superficial description of codependecy, she hit on so many points so fast, must be rewatched to fully grasp.
Some degree of codependency I guess is not ideal but inevitable because humans are not perfect beings, we do not live in perfect societies and we don't build perfect relationships. The problem comes when it goes too far and one of the parts becomes too needy or the other one needs to be needed too much. In those cases, it's best to terminate the relationship soon enough and move on. By the way, interesting outfit. I wouldn't expect the combination of that top with jeans to work but you're definitely pulling it off.
Man do I feel called out right now! Had more or less this exact conversation with my therapist this morning lol Keep up the good work Anna =) (also that top is GORGEOUS!)
Cutting in line to get through Heaven's gate before someone else probably created a bigger spark than Anna leaving that lit candle on top of a stack of books which could ultimately result in her entire home burning down.
Thank you Anna ! I feel lighter and with more insight about problems I had already begun identifying in my life. I shall have to do the work to get there, but what I learned here has sparked hope within me, and that’s a very good place to start ❤️
Thank you this is very informative. I'm sure my best friends growing up and I (we are no longer friends) was codependent. I loved feeling like I was needed. But she was also very manipulative.
genuine question: what is it called when two people depend on each other to an unhealthy degree? both being in the same position (no power difference, no self-sacrifice), relying on the other for stability, emotional support, etc.
Love you xoxox sibling rivalry and insensitivity would a good subject to hit - you are a busy woman though, I love that you're getting the recognition you deserve 💗
I'm not sure I can relate to every aspect of codependency, but I definitely feel like almost all relationships I can remember past and present (whether platonic or romantic) have been unbalanced/one-sided in that I put more time and energy into them than the other people. The only exceptions are when I don't open up emotionally, which doesn't make for a very substantive relationship. I think (or hope?) that I am in an uncomfortable period in which I have started to work on asserting my needs more so that my relationships can be closer to interdependent, and I'm learning whether the people in my life can hold and reciprocate that or not.
Love your videos, you should do psychoanalysis, so you know more about yourself and more about why you choose the type of people you choose, why you keep having specific relationships, etc. etc. etc. Love your videos! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Okay, so I've watched this a few times now and have an opinion. Geez, you're wonderfully articulate and spot on . You're a phenomenal artist Umm, that's as far as I've gotten. I just wanna enjoy the presentation of information without analyze. Btw, I adore your ability to alobarate I'm rarely handcuffed with words but dang... Ya are creating new videos that make me stutter My hobbies is information as I think its because of my adhd
"Relationships aren't 50/50, they're 100/100" YAS 🙌🙌 a lil louder for the folks in the back!
This literally just blew my mind...
I’ve been saying this for years. That’s the only way one person can pick up the slack when the other is struggling.
Loved that
Yesss and I think partners have to be ready for some days when it’s going to be just 20/80 or 70/30
My therapist told me this few visits ago 😩😩
I’ve been researching codependency a lot lately because of a podcast called Good for You by Whitney Cummings. Whitney’s therapist describes codependency as “The inability to tolerate other people discomfort”. So it’s doing everything to maintain the same relationship dynamic
what episode is this pls!
@@comeflywidme1 they talk more about it in “BONUS: Whitney’s therapist”. It’s from March 20, 2020
I like that description! That is so important. Thank you so much for sharing!
ooh that's so good, thank you for sharing
ope there it is
codependent abuse is also a topic we don't talk about enough. someone I know described it as "caretaking is the sunnyside of control"
"You are NOT responsible for someone else's happiness!" (JaidenAnimations)
"but...but, i'm afraid---" You are NOT responsible for someone else's happiness!!
@@kitxart But I'm Santa Clause.
@@jstarwars360 alright, gray area
Anna, good content as always. Your cat was not feeling that costume. Lol
SUPRISE! I am the funniest YTer evah!!!! Just kidding, it was no surprise. Everybody knew already. HAHAHHAHA!!!! That was an amazing joke (it was real talk though). WAWAWAWAWA!!!! Good afternoon, dear as
I'm in love with her dumb cat.
The last line was perfect. 🥰 "Being a whole person responsible for yourself is the best way to honor someone else." Anyone else who needs help there is CODA, aka Codependent Anonymous, and Melody Beattie 💙 😉
All the stereotypical "good Christian wives" need that support group.
Oh my god, i know we always say this, but goddamn your timing is always so impeccable.
I've recently found out how I'm most likely codependent and wanted to learn more about it so my therapist and I can discuss it. This was very helpful. Thank you as always, Anna.
It was a hard lesson for me to learn, but there really are people who have no breaks when it comes to abusing your tendency to bend over backwards for them. Empathy on their part simply never kicks in, so you can't depend on them stopping when they've taken enough. Your sacrifice does not always lead to a problem being fixed and if it doesn't, don't make the sacrifice. Rule of thumb: Effort in ≠ reward out. And your partner won't protect you from that.
Jesus Christ I can’t tell if I’m narcissistic, codependent, anti social or a combination or just traumatized
I’ve actually read that codependents often fear of being narcissistic lol
They actually aren’t all different things. Narcissism and Anti-Social are different points on the same scale. Codependency often overlaps narcissistic relationships between two people because they become enmeshed and are not interdependent. And all of these things are caused by trauma to some degree. So you might actually be a little of everything.
@@danielparker355 I was going to say a similar thing haha
Ok but you educate us AND give us the looks. Look at you!🔥
That golden shirt right 🔥🔥
I swear on some videos I have to watch them twice just because the first time around I'm too impressed by her presentation.
Introspection and self reflection in the morning is the best way to start the day! Thanks Anna as always 🥺❤️😌
A relationship is not 50/50, but 100/100 - Thank you Anna
It's honestly good food for thought, because I would have said 50/50. But I am also a person with codependent tendencies... so there you go.
I don't completely agree with that statement. Some people whether due to career, truama, or other kinds of circumstance will not be able to commit 100/100. Think of being in a relationship with someone who is physically disabled or the mother with five kids, they cant commit 100% for reasons I hope are obvious for others, but they should not be looked down upon for not being able to commit 100% and still deserve respect and more commitment from others who can contribute to others.
@@theawesomeman9821 I think you misunderstand something. It's not about commiting to a 100% but to stay 100% while being with someone else. In the sense of: "You can't pour from an empty cup".
You are right, sometimes you will commit more and sacrifice a part of yourself for someone else, but you have to have a healthy relationship with yourself in the first place and need to be your own source of energy. That's how you can then share it with the people you love. You feed by your own self-love!
@@NiHaLxSeNnAr I'm not saying self-love is bad, I'm just saying there will sometimes be relationships where you cant expect to make yourself more of a priority or even equal to another person, in terms of agendas. A healthy relationship is accomadating your partner when applicable.
Anna: *lists 4 themes of codependency*
Those 4 themes basically being my whole personality: hellou, you've been diagnosed
You have a gazillion followers so you'll probably never see this, Anna - but as some ody working through codependency, it was really valuable to me. Thank you so much for making it.
I hope you're doing better now
literally was googling codependency symptoms last night 😅😅
Same girl 🤣 what a coincidence
I just got out of a codependent relationship this week lol
I love seeing how much Congress is growing as an actor. He's so much more confident taking on different roles.^^
Oh my god Anna, I just watched this at work. I am seriously trying to not cry my eyes out. That's was literally the best therapy session I've had. I wish my therapists had explained it like that. Thank you very much
Here here, this was me till I experienced emotional burnout. I realized I was unable to even think about myself so I felt "trapped" in a cycle of helping and neglecting myself. That burnout snapped me out of it real quick because my brain simply could not figure out why I was so drained and in constant fear of my phone notifications. The key is to attempt a healthy balance, it doesn't have to be perfect cause we aren't perfect but feeling comfortable to set boundaries and minimal self neglect is a good sign.
I guess according to this, I am codependent lol. I have always said that I am someone who needs to be needed and when a friend no longer needs me (if I am no longer improving their lives, providing some benefit, or meeting their needs that aren't being met elsewhere), I tend to walk away from the friendships. I know that is caused by self esteem issues... I almost always place friends needs ahead of my own. If a friend asks for help, I will almost always do whatever I can for them whether I want to or not. I don't really see a problem with that though as my friends are great people and they don't take advantage of that. One problem that arises from that, though, is that I have become a last resort for some of them because they feel like they are taking advantage (because I never say no) even though they aren't.
i've learned to navigate life and discovered SO much about myself because of you, you're like the big sister i never had. thank you :]
I CLICKED SOOOO FAST!
Anna, I’ve been a subscriber of your channel for many years. I never commented before. I want to say thank you. You many times have illustrated many of my own struggles in a fun, light and gentil way that has help me in self reflection.
You are one of those RUclipsrs who I wish would NEVER EVER leave RUclips 🥺♥️ Love your content so so much
It's so admirable how you keep it so real and raw. Your content is so genuinely helpful. Thank you for being you.
your videos are so short and yet so full of important infos, those are real tools to better my mental health
Daddy square space is always my favorite segment. Nice.
Relationships are 100:100! 💯💯💯
"Relationships are not 50/50. They're 100/100."
*mind blown*
I'm literally searching about it this week. Soo timely..
For the very first time, I don't feel being called out by your videos LMAO I'm so happy I don't resonate with all of these, but maybe teenage me does. I'm just so happy I'm so much more okayed now. Thank you Anna, my one and only queen on the internet. 💞
“Caretaker and doormat” is a great metaphor for codependency.
Your content is spot on and well presented!
I actually always liked the quote "relationships are not 50/50, it's 40/60 where both the people are trying to be 60"
Sometimes and I mean ALL the time, I feel like Anna is speaking directly to me
dang...i'm codependent....another thing i found out i am from this channel...lol
but hey look at the bright side, yeah she cut in front you in line, but atleast you get to see her get sent downstairs. lol
Omg i didn't realize i was here. I love you work, its extremely inspirational and surprisingly very helpful to my real life! thank you for you hard work!
Was not expecting to be so personally attacked 😭✋
Codependencies generally need to have these main things:
1. Tendency to focus on others.
2. Self Sacrifice
3. Need For Control
4. Difficulty Recognizing and Expressing Emotions.
God, I’ve gotten better with this but this was such a call out. Thanks for the brilliant content Anna I’ll keep this in mind x
this literally could not be better timed!
You have no idea how helpful you truly are. I've been watching your content for over 6 years and it's always empowered and expanded my understanding
That gold top is fire... Happy Diwali & new moon in *Scorpio* •°*●*•°
"Relationships are not 50/50, they are 100/100" 👏
i looveee you.. this vid just appeared when i needed the most.. "a relationship is not 50-50 but 100-100" just blew my mind...
girl why did you upload this on my 5 year anniversary 😭😅
I appreciate your research so much! Almost always the roots of the word from addiction research gets lost but you included it!
hey i showed this to my girlfriend and it really helped us foster a really productive conversation !
i have very codependent parents and am breaking out of the patterns they taught me. thank you so much ❤
I always comment your videos and watch untill the end. Don't have money to support you on other ways but at least I'm telling the algorithm that I adore your content. 😍 You've made me a better person
She's like a teacher that learns the subject the night before she teaches it in class
not true; more like someone who's lived it so deeply that now she's capable of summarizing it in just a few words for all of us and to give us the essence of the issue; this wasn't a superficial description of codependecy, she hit on so many points so fast, must be rewatched to fully grasp.
Anna's been working out, body is fire lately
thank you Anna!
Some degree of codependency I guess is not ideal but inevitable because humans are not perfect beings, we do not live in perfect societies and we don't build perfect relationships. The problem comes when it goes too far and one of the parts becomes too needy or the other one needs to be needed too much. In those cases, it's best to terminate the relationship soon enough and move on.
By the way, interesting outfit. I wouldn't expect the combination of that top with jeans to work but you're definitely pulling it off.
Damn Anna. You knocked it out of the park with this one. Reaaaalllyyyyy resonated. Best wishes to you
Thanks for the free therapy. So many people are missing tf out. Jeez lemme tell you. You're super underrated
Society needs vids like this!!!💯💯💯
Ok not related to the very important lesson you are teaching but where did you get that shirt??? It’s so pretty and flattering
Man do I feel called out right now! Had more or less this exact conversation with my therapist this morning lol Keep up the good work Anna =) (also that top is GORGEOUS!)
What did I do to be called out this early by Anna 🤧
I've never noticed how much guilt I felt
This blew my mind
Thank you Anna
anna's timing is impeccable, this is exactly what i need right now 😭
Somehow this really helped me when I needed to hear it the most....Cheers from Honduras!
👏 I like how you said relationships are 100 100
it’s interesting how people often think of codependency as neediness when it’s pretty much the opposite, other people taking advantage of you
0:50 Enabling: Making Excuses, Hiding The Usages, Protecting the person from any fall out or negative consequences.
I learned a lot but also ANNA. THAT OUTFIT. 10000000% AMAZING.
your background is so cosy and relaxing
Cutting in line to get through Heaven's gate before someone else probably created a bigger spark than Anna leaving that lit candle on top of a stack of books which could ultimately result in her entire home burning down.
Haha they’re fake ♥️
Girl I needed this like 6 months ago
0:22 "Where one person enables another destructive tendencies" -- Anna Akana!!! BARS!!
I learned a lot from this!
Very good!
The pearly gates lmao I love your content 😂
I have a huge problem of not being able to get over someone and every day I think about the memories we had together
Really enjoyed this breakdown Anna
I LIKE ANNA.SHE SEEMS TO BE A NICE PERSON SO THERE IT IS YALL.ILL LEAVE IT AT THAT.
I *need* to be called out like this. Thank you so much, Anna!
Thank you Anna ! I feel lighter and with more insight about problems I had already begun identifying in my life. I shall have to do the work to get there, but what I learned here has sparked hope within me, and that’s a very good place to start ❤️
Thank Anna I needed this!
That shirt looks amazing !
Listen I actually just love you so much
3:40 "Cause Relationships are not 50/50 they're 100/100" -- BOMB. You really just did that.
"Being a whole person responsible for yourself is the best way to honour yourself"
Great advice and right on time! 😊
Thank you this is very informative. I'm sure my best friends growing up and I (we are no longer friends) was codependent. I loved feeling like I was needed. But she was also very manipulative.
I've subscribed and watch your content for a long time, how are you being even prettier every year... :"")
genuine question: what is it called when two people depend on each other to an unhealthy degree? both being in the same position (no power difference, no self-sacrifice), relying on the other for stability, emotional support, etc.
Love you xoxox sibling rivalry and insensitivity would a good subject to hit - you are a busy woman though, I love that you're getting the recognition you deserve 💗
Setting Boundaries.
Honouring Needs
Self Worth in Balanced, Healthy Relationships.
I have been loving the content you are putting on your channel. All so relatable!
I’d look for such topics reading articles or watching videos but i always love listening to you n how u put it
I'm not sure I can relate to every aspect of codependency, but I definitely feel like almost all relationships I can remember past and present (whether platonic or romantic) have been unbalanced/one-sided in that I put more time and energy into them than the other people. The only exceptions are when I don't open up emotionally, which doesn't make for a very substantive relationship. I think (or hope?) that I am in an uncomfortable period in which I have started to work on asserting my needs more so that my relationships can be closer to interdependent, and I'm learning whether the people in my life can hold and reciprocate that or not.
Thank you!!
LOVE THIS!!!!!!
So many new Anna K content, I love it ! Xx
You really going for the throat punch on this one ❤️😭🙏🏽
The hell you say to me?
*in line to get into heaven*
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You’re always insightful Ana
I love you Ana! Sending love to my fellow Leos ♌🦁
Love your videos, you should do psychoanalysis, so you know more about yourself and more about why you choose the type of people you choose, why you keep having specific relationships, etc. etc. etc. Love your videos! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Okay, so I've watched this a few times now and have an opinion.
Geez, you're wonderfully articulate and spot on . You're a phenomenal artist
Umm, that's as far as I've gotten. I just wanna enjoy the presentation of information without analyze.
Btw, I adore your ability to alobarate
I'm rarely handcuffed with words but dang...
Ya are creating new videos that make me stutter
My hobbies is information as I think its because of my adhd
Never mistake a relationship with a co-dependence-ship!
This was so helpful! Because i related to every single point! Thank you!
I NEED this with Spanish subtitles to pass it to all my friends ❤️