Communication Hack for Connection & Influence |
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- What if there was a simple change you could make to communicate more collaboratively and with more influence, while also encouraging greater creativity?
There is!! You’ve got to try this!
It’s a super simple communication hack that has a HUGE impact on how others feel when they’re around you, and can have a massively positive impact on your relationships (both professional and personal!).
Here’s why:
The word ‘BUT’ becomes a form of psychological invalidation. It rejects, dismisses or minimises someone else's thoughts or feelings.
“I’m so sorry you feel that way, BUT…”
“That’s a great idea, BUT…”
“You’re a great team member, BUT…”
Instead, swap it for another three-letter word, and trust me - you’ll notice the difference!
#shorts
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Question: in the example that you just gave, aren't you just giving implicit agreement of someone's idea when you don't infact agree with it? It's great to make people feel validated but it shouldn't come at the expense of going along with whatever they're saying.
Thanks for the question. I'll give you 2 examples of replies in the context of how to substitute 'but' with 'and' in the context of collaborating with someone that's disagreeable and has equal or more power - without having to agree.
USING BUT
"We could re-hire contractor X because they're familiar with our site protocols BUT they're expensive and a little slow. I think we can find better deals."
USING AND
"We could look at rehiring contractor X since they're already familiar with our work-site, AND just to make sure we're getting good value with timely delivery, let's get a couple of other quotes from reputable contractors who are also familiar with our type of worksites."
Hope this helps!
How are you so amazing! Where were you in my 20s?!! Better late than never!
@@ShadeZahrai I learn this in Never split the difference :-) And I use it ever since.
👁️
I prefer to use less words and be straight to the point. People need be less sensitive
I will say it in a polite and soft voice tho.
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Khaled alharbi
25
Jeddah, ksa
Your conversation shows that your personality is very high.
You are such a nice person.
Honesty and clarity of communication is much more important than making someone feel good all the time
Yeah is that you tried making everyone feel better all the time? Then it fell apart before your progress was made? Good thing you found this gem of a communicator as she shows a better way. Good luck chum hope you figure out where you went wrong.
indeed
Agreed. Especially using such long sentences that unveil how hard you are trying and make you look fake in the end
"Yes, if ..." would be a better answer. You don't create an obstacle with a "but", you just set a criteria for the idea to be accepted.
If your only aim is to make the person happy by telling them what they want to hear then it's not collaboration and it's disingenuous.
Only through the clash of ideas can you have the sparks of truth. Note - not the clash of people. Depersonalize the ideas.
In a situation when you need the person to collaborate - leading them to open their mind to new possibilities (not necessarily agreeing) instead of dismissing their perspective can be more influential. You can (and should) absolutely be honest and clear.
So true it also puts you in team mode as mentioned validate the thought but build on it by substituting and. It's much better.
Great tip! we all need more straight forward, more positive and less sugar-coating interactions in our lives!
Thank you so much for very useful video ❤
She didnt change her answer. She replied yes in the first example and yes in the second. What changed was the wording of her reply so she adds what seems as a suggestion to avoid what happened wrong" last time". Its a very slight change but makes her tone completely different which is why most people in the comments are confused.
You and your voice.......ohhhhh ❤️❤️❤️
Thankyou 🙏
You’re welcome 😊
that is genius! great. ya got a sub
Rule number 1 pause between you statements which deserve more importance
Queen
That sounds even more passive aggressive lol
Depends on how one say it and yes it would come off that way if one has a mean streak.
Cool… made me subscribe to your channel!! Keep up the good work…
You don't have to please everyone. It will just create more fragile minds.
Wow.
What a great topics
i would catch it immediately as passive aggressive
This is something from the book how to win friends and influence people ….
Wow, quite encouraging!!, Where are you from just if you don't mind please...??
Hi Patrick, glad you enjoyed the video. I'm Australian.
@@ShadeZahrai Thanks a lot, am glad that you are here and that I finally find you here though late but, believe me, am glad watching your tutorials, am an African, from Kenya to be precise.
Greetings African brother. Thank you for the lovely message. My husband is also African (AlgerIa).
@@ShadeZahrai What!!, I really thought you are still single coz you look very young!!
Love her accent. Is it Australian?
Ur so amazinnnnnnnnng
Effective
It just changes the whole response. So instead of saying “your idea is stupid” now I’m saying “we should proceed with your stupid idea”.some ideas are meant to be invalidated.
Yeah 🤔
As per your suggestions, you are too agreeable person which agreeable people don’t survive too much in path of their growth!
Being tough and challenging will make you warrior but will definitely take you to your next level.
These type of suggestions and advice as keep people soft and agreeable which causes people to be under the management and control of their fears and being fit in the society which other people want it!!
Again I don’t discourage you all with my message.
It was my personal message, I am like what I am!
Thanks for your sharing your thoughts on this.
A common misconception is that you can either be agreeable or disagreeable - soft or tough. You don't need to be agreeable with this approach and sometimes it is better to be disagreeable. Just like sometimes you need a sledgehammer to do the job and sometimes you just need a small drill.
As FBI Negotiator Chris Voss explains, people generally want to first be understood and heard, only then could the be open to different perspectives and suggestions.
Here's an example:
USING BUT -
"We could re-hire contractor X because they're familiar with our site protocols BUT they're expensive and a little slow. I think we shouldn't waste our time and look for better deals elsewhere." - This could work in certain situations where you hold power and influence or the person is easy-going.
Versus
USING AND
"We could look at rehiring contractor X since they're already familiar with our work-site, AND just to make sure we're getting good value with timely delivery, let's get a couple of other quotes from reputable contractors who are also familiar with our type of worksites." - Could work better with more disagreeable people.
Hope this helps expand your communication toolbox!
Great
What culture are you referring to to because some cultures I have experienced do not care how you feel they value bluntness and asserting domination over others in the workplace
If the culture values candor without people feeling offended then this is good. Asserting domination leads to weaker results than people feeling free to have a clash of ideas intending to seek the best outcomes. A culture of domination implies ego, selfishness and insecurity. Clash of ideas that also build on one another done in a depersonalized fashion help teams to win.
But what if we want to reject it?
It really depends on the situation. If you're a customer you can politely not accept the suggestion. If you're working in a team then it can be delicate as you don't want to make enemies or make people feel stupid while still making sure that you're heard and the best ideas win.
I'll give you 2 examples of replies in the context of how to substitute 'but' with 'and' in the context of collaborating with someone that's disagreeable and has equal or more power - without having to agree.
USING BUT
"We could re-hire contractor X because they're familiar with our site protocols BUT they're expensive and a little slow. I think we can find better deals."
USING AND
"We could look at rehiring contractor X since they're already familiar with our work-site, AND just to make sure we're getting good value with timely delivery, let's get a couple of other quotes from reputable contractors who are also familiar with our type of worksites."
Now, you don't have to do this with every person. Sometimes it's perfectly OK to just say "Their might be cheaper and faster contractors out there. Let's get at least 2 other quotes before we make a commitment."
Grt
Can't focus on your WORDS becoz...
Muy HERMOSA
All this stuff sounds great until you actually get into a workplace and realize that everyone is an idiot, and you decide its easier just to join them.
To much truth for one comment.
There is a book on communication which is called 'surrounded by idiots'
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂
Faxx 😂😂😂😂
Her voice is so perfect.
Bro this is made by ai
Yeah "voice"
@@fixinfkinsandwiches6183 bonk
@@eng-ishow really?
@@benli3278 yup,.luk at her other vdeos
I will do one better: prove their idea wrong with facts... IN FRONT OF EVERYONE 😂
I like the way you think
There is something called "team work"
I think you missed the intent of the tik tok. The point is to enlist engagement and collaboration not to shred and dehumanize people from participating in a team effort. I hope you can think about this for a while and discover the greater benefit to you of winning people over.
yeah but first try to become an influencer.
😂
You completely changed the answer from not accepting their suggestion to accepting it. It's better to be assertive than just agreeing with everything
You are wrong. When someone say something how can you instantly conclude about its true impact? A professional would try gather more facts about an argument before taking a decision. Decision is expensive, you can't deliver it like an instant coffee. Therefore encourage and applaud every bit of info when you hear it first. Think
@@gurindersingh8109 what if that opinion has already been tried just like the answer she gave herself in the video suggesting that it didn't work ....I agree with the "thinking" and making a decision part. But you need not think if the idea is repeated for a similar situation in the past where it didn't work.
@@utkarshaggarwal1631 yeah that's true but here she is more tallking about conversation skills that we are used a lot without any conscious thinking. You know like after every yes and but people don't like to hear rest of the things
Just say yes instead of no ,super simple. Everyone will like you.
I clicked her video once, now I'm seeing suggestions from her all the time "and" I'm not regretting that. Such a nice change after all those almost naked girls from tick tock. Prove that besides having a good look you can also share something useful with people to be noticed 😘
I am just watching your videos, just because of your facial expressions 😃
"AND will it work just like last time? AND what have we learned from it?"
You are so articulate. I am hooked on hearing you talk
As a manager, I can't use that term cause that would still be acceptance to a rejected idea darling.
metal rage - Then, maybe it could go like this: "And if we can fit that in, with some extra planning, and other ideas are not working, we probably could give it some serious thought!" 🤔😳
it doesnt matter, this is youtube fun
This woman is a champion !
Imagine spending 3 months with her, gaining momentum and developing yourself, to position yourself as new CEO
😂😂😂😂😂
but true
Only your mind will change to be CEO not position actually, but you may become that soon, based on your current position if you continue the mindset.
new ceo in dream world😂😂😂
I'm ready to feel myself as a CEO by spending a night with her
I feel the vibe from the book: Win friends and Influence People
@@sonalshukla9447 Ty for give Dale his credit 👏
Yes, this is what my friends have to see before talking to me.
How can one respond to you assured of ?
to agree with their ideas .....sometimes we are all surrounded by idiots who know nothing and give stupid suggestion how to deal with that?
Is she actress' on Or her proffesion is something else😅😅😅
Being human is being Real & Natural & kind & beneficial to humanity ,
Do Goodness for the sake of God,
Understand Devine message Quran for a meaningful Life
Wellwisher for Peace
When r u coming to Sandeep Maheshwairi's session??
I mean it’s a fundamental improv technique. It could work in many scenarios as long as ‘the reasons it didn’t work last time’ are discussed and something changes (testing a new variable).
But this mean 2 different things, xd if it didnt work in the past and you dont want to try that again, this doesnt solve the issue really
I’m not interested in validation anyone’s idea… there’s 1000 ways to skin a cat and then there’s the one right and logical way to do it 🤦🏻♂️
In my age and not shy from learning the wisdom of this young lady, great job and keep it up
I'm going to call you the Sugar coater
Changing "but" to "and" in that sentence still contains potent rejection and you also just changed your answer completely. This isn't great advice imo
Just posted this example to help understand the approach:
I'll give you 2 examples of replies in the context of how to substitute 'but' with 'and' in the context of collaborating with someone that's disagreeable and has equal or more power - without having to agree.
USING BUT
"We could re-hire contractor X because they're familiar with our site protocols BUT they're expensive and a little slow. I think we can find better deals."
USING AND
"We could look at rehiring contractor X since they're already familiar with our work-site, AND just to make sure we're getting good value with timely delivery, let's get a couple of other quotes from reputable contractors who are also familiar with our type of worksites."
As Ned stark once said, " everything before "but" is horse shit."
And everyone looses time trying the same thing that didn’t work! :/
❤Nice explanation mam❤
Dale Carnegie's lesson 👍
How to get clear face like you ❤
These very very small details are everything. The world would be a better place if people placed importance on choosing how to think and communicate for the betterment of others and themselves
i subscribed again ma'am
Yes “and” it didn’t work
Yes, and you should totally go out with me.😎
These days negativity is what people like
yeah, negative people want negativity. positive people want positivity. I didn't know that too, trust me.
Ana de Armas
Sorry what?
Thank you...just little tips like this can totally change the tone of delivery
This comes from HEC paris business school, I believe its called savoir-relier
Let me try it…..
“Don’t you think my idea is great?”
“Yes, BUT you’re an idiot”
Hmmmm
“Yes AND you’re an idiot”
Much better. Thanks.
I find your videos to be very thorough and well versed. Your videos blend human pscychology and work place code very well.
i find the idea of having to tip toe around other people’s feelings to get things done very exhausting
Communication really matters. It's the key to long-lasting relationships. How you communicate with others has a great impact on your relationship. Use the words carefully for a positive impact.
❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🥰✌️👌🖕
This lady is brilliant. Thanks much for words of wisdom. Best wishes.
Present ma'am
I am excessively impressed by your delivery, the way you talk and all your mannerism is something that I admire a lot. Including all the little things you do, like you have a content smile while you talk, and all the hand gestures. Your face radiates positivity and your enthusiasm. That is something I'll like to add in my personality. And, your immense knowledge about the topic, its like icing on the cake.
I read this in one of Tony Robbins's books. Where he was talking about how friction in conversation impacts the emotional state of the other person.
It's a good job this video was from the year 2021 it looked for a moment is was uploaded Five Minutes Ago 😂❤
“Ah no. I’m right and you’re wrong”
Acknowledging an innacuracy is a key part of moving forward though...delusion will never result in progress.
My default answer is: "No".
I am just trying to communicate something incommunicable 😶
This lady is exceptional in communication skills. Love her channel!!
I love your voice 😍💕
I second that….
Stolen from Dale Carnegie’s book, acts like she found this smh 🤦🏻♂️
This is frustrating. People do this all of the time for the best suggestions! It usually means:
1. They think they know more
2. They are not able to change
3. They are comfortable with their broken systems, and:
4. All of the above
Ur voice is very nice, so soothing..
sound like a robot getting programmed. do you really think about all of this when you're socializing or communicating with someone? it would be very sad if anyone do this haha. just be yourself and follow your heart man you not a robot getting programmed. no need for scamming and manipulating.
Conversation keeps moving with the word AND, unless you had something amusing to say.
Go to hollywood. !!!
Hollywood is waiting for u...
Oh no! 😊 I'm much happier and fulfilled running a business that helps people and organizations around the world.
@@ShadeZahrai much respect
I always thought about how to get rid of “but “ out of my vocabulary but I sounded to passive when I didn’t want to. I really want to work on my speech.
short amazing gaurges love shine love💋💖💘✨✨✨✨
She speaks so frequently, and How we can speak frequently and with confident like you?
Honestly it’s just disrespectful to not talk clearly and sugarcoat thinking they wouldn’t understand.
But, what about your identity check in other to establish trust and respect? And, simplify the prejudice over stratification based on class system. Problem solved on a balance of linearity. Thanks 🙏
❤
Plz 🙏 My Dear Zahria I'M waiting for your response , for your some good news 💞
Thats like when people say No Problem instead of You're welcome. Every time i hear it, i think to mysef 'F* that person'
Mmmm. This stuff only works in certain work cultures. In the UK, people are constantly treading on eggshells and being inoffensive is the only way to survive
❤
Great advice however it sounds that we’re just massaging peoples emotions most of if not all of the time.
Surely holding someone accountable for their mistakes ensures the mistake doesn’t happen again.And if it does happen again what then!