Are there any communication skills you’ve picked up over the years that you find super helpful? 🧐 📲 Get the Pick Up Limes app (1-week free trial!): bit.ly/PUL_app
@pickuplimes Three things Just like you mentioned be interested! Second for 'my personal life', not to have an opinion on everything. And to know what are topics that are okay to talk about and what are not.
I related so much to this video! I always feel super anxious and self conscious when talking to someone I want to 'influence', you know...The think you talked about vulnerability and authenticity is so true! People relate to you more and feel comfortable around you❤ This is what I have started to incorporate and it really helped me not feel as guilty as I did before😅❤ Loved the video.
One of the ways I have found that really helps when communicating are mental intention and emotional sincerity. It's so easily nowadays to be distracted or ready to talk about yourself while the other person is talking. When having a conversation, be sincere, intentional and if possible, emotionally engaged. Most people, noting body language and unconscious queues, know whether or not you're really interested or distracted. I think intention and sincerity are key.
Oh my goodness, such a fantastic information. One thing that I follow is - “ do not share your opinion unless asked”. Sometimes people want to hear what they want to hear so giving them choices such as “ do you want to hear the truth or something comforting”. Also, objectifying conversations will help avoid subjective assumptions and biases.
Listen, I CRIED when I watched this. I've always felt like there's been some secret class that I must have missed on how to interact well with others. I'm warm, and I love people, but I get so stuck in conversations that i go out of my way to avoid them. It's often caused me so much frustration and feelings of isolation, even when I'm surrounded by people I love. This feels like that secret class. Thank you ❤️
Hey Abigail, I’m really touched to hear that this resonated with you so deeply. It’s heartbreaking to feel isolated, especially when you are warm and love people. It sounds like you've been carrying this for a while, and I’m glad this could offer some solace and guidance. You’re not alone in this journey, and I believe in your ability to build meaningful connections. Keep being your wonderful self, and thank you so much for sharing your heart ❤️
@@PickUpLimes hi gorgeous you look great and your video was fantastic. I was interested in working with you as a video editor for your RUclips channel.
You might be autistic, Abigail. I'm autistic and even though I understand and can read social cues just fine, it's still a performance for me, it's learned; not natural. And oh my God, it's so exhausting and stressful putting on the performance. That being said, the fact that I'm trying to perform has actually gotten me more grief than simply existing as is, I've learned. A lot of people initially like how polite and careful I am, but then they either get put off by something not seeming right (because I'm performing) or I let the mask slip and they like me even more because I'm just...me, now.
I always try to relate with a familiar story... but I'd circle it back to them. Like, "My uncle paints too, but he only does oil painting. Do you have a painting style too or do you like experimenting with different types/styles of painting?" Because I feel like if you don't share something about yourself, it kinda feels very one-way.
Uncredited quote: "people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel" (Maya Angelou)
This continued to bother me more and more throughout the video-taking my attention away from an otherwise stellar video. Thank you for spotlighting it. ❤
At 16, I was living the dream - always cheerful, surrounded by friends, and constantly chatting away. Teachers would often scold me for talking too much, but it was all in good fun. Then, everything changed when lockdowns hit. Suddenly, I found myself retreating into shyness, unable to connect with others like I used to. It's been tough - feeling anxious and down all the time. It's like this dark cloud is just hanging over me, making me feel lost and distant from everyone. I don't even recognize myself anymore. Just the thought of talking to people fills me with nerves, so I end up spending most of my time alone with my thoughts. I really miss feeling confident and happy. Right now, it feels like getting back to that place is impossible. I just needed to get all of this off my chest. There's so much more I want to express, but for now, I just needed to share what's been weighing heavily on my mind.
Hi sweetheart. I'm the mom of two girls -- 14 and 18. Both suffered through and after COVID. The younger would describe herself much like you. Wish I could give you a big hug. I hope you have a parent or parental figure who is there for you. Some words of encouragement: Be gentle with yourself. Try stretching your boundaries bit by bit. And know this: when you make it through a crisis this deep, you will be forever changed -- and for the better. You will make it through because you have the courage to see it and speak it. That's a lot. Some day you will be able to look back and appreciate this "trial by fire" because of who it helped you become. Sending love and light.
@@julien2270 Thank you deeply for your heartfelt message and for sharing your experiences. Your empathy and understanding mean a lot during challenging times. Your words of encouragement resonate with me, and your kindness serves as a comforting reminder of compassion in the world. When you mentioned "Wish I could give you a big hug," it brought a sense of warmth and comfort to me. "I hope to become that person again, or perhaps an even better version of myself." Sending love and light back to you. Your message has truly made a difference in my day. Thank you.
Tips to be magnetic 0:49 Balancing warm and competent 2:09 Use people's name in conversation 3:10 Be interested, not interesting 4:26 people will remember how you made them feel ( not what you did/said) 4:28 Try conversational threading 5:19 be imperfect ( don't strive for perfection) 7:16 Gossiping positive about others 8:35 Don't expect people to like you
I am a very very good listener, and genuinely show my appreciation and understanding towards the person who is sharing anything with me, I ask them questions about the same topic to make them feel heard and important. But they never reciprocate with me similarly. When I talk some people cut me off, or not give much importance, even shut me & judge me for sharing something i feel
First and foremost I would like to compliment you for being a good listener and actually caring about what someone has to say, without judging them or interrupting them when they speak. But I guess we need to understand that there will be times when we will meet people who don't embody these principles or qualities but that isn't an excuse for us to start changing and losing these beautiful gifts. I would to encourage you to keep on being nice and trust me you will start drawing in people like you who would draw all the gaze to you and give you the attention that you deserve. Keep on being the light of the world and never stop shining as bright as you are.
İts generally connected how do you speaking and what are you speaking about. or you might just be touchy. İf not the people you speak with could be rude. But if you are distorbing something from more than three peoples, you should look for the fault in yourself
As Sadia highlights from the book, that balance between being warm and competent is what makes all the difference and most of us tend to be too much of one or another... we all struggle somehow with INTER-ACTION, it is INTER because it supposes that there will be turn-takings into the ACTION of communicating. We don't always only listen, we also want to be listened to, but that balance... sombody please tell me that secret when interacting with so many different people?! Pick up Limes is so therapeutic!!! Thank you so much Sadia and Robin! ☯️
As an introvert and an socially awkward person this was much nedded. 🤗 Knowing that you also have similar feeling , makes me feel comfortable about my feeling , and I will also work on my social skills . Love you Sadia.❤
i get the sense you might not be the most reliable source of information when it comes to yourself. Way too hard on yourself. Even if that was true i think you know confidence matters so much more. Im a little bit in the same boat hence why im on this video, but i get tastes of what its like to connect with people. And i bet connecting with people is something you are hoping to improve too. You didnt ask my advice but i think learning that failure and awkwardness is really okay jusy keep trying, its the quitting and wallowing, the self put downs that hold you back. You got this bro. Keep trying.
The thing with “be interested “ I learned or realised is, after a period of time, it’ll exhaust you. It’s a very good way to make people like you more. I realised everybody likes somebody who listens,but over a long period of time it comes to a point where you’ll be too exhausted to listen. It struck me this one time that people are no longer interested in me once I stop listening. Nobody listens they only want somebody who listens. Relationships like this destroyed me. After a certain point I can no longer act like I’m interested because I’m not. It exhausted me so much and made me feel like crap. I hope people don’t take it too seriously and don’t belittle themselves after following it a little too much.
I feel you. I had the same problem. Now i show only interest in people, when I really want to know more about them. And this works even better. Because now I have less people in my circle, but more, who I actually like. 😊
this is so relatable even I have reached that point where when people talk too much I feel exhausted, disinterested, and annoyed and those are the people who only like to talk about themselves and need someone to listen to them
Being interested just does not work in the long run. You just become a place for people to dumb their talking needs onto. If they finally do ask you something back, they will likely interrupt and not listen, unless you are actually interesting. Being interested is good for handling a social event, that you have to be at, but you are not going to be happy just existing purely to service other peoples talking needs.
My classmate told me once that I am a charismatic person. All I know is whenever I talk to them, I am the one who asks questions like how they feel and it's true, I often say their name when I thank them for something. On the other hand, they still see me as someone competitive and capable. It is indeed sometimes about balance. Not to impress, not to act humble, but to be authentically down to earth and still be able to show greatness.
The last point is a great reminder for me “ go into a conversation for fun rather than being liked” I sometimes fall into what I’d call my little girl self and just want to be liked and I forget to be present and enjoy my experience. Thank u!
Really nice video. My takeaways :- 1) Be an active listener and be curious about the other person but also share your thoughts from time to time.. 2) Don't have the intent to impress them and try to have fun thereby showing your imperfect and funny side 3) Remember not just their name but also the experiences and perspective that they shared with you when you are listening to them and asking questions. Eat loads of almonds and strength your memory muscle. 4) Don't gossip or grib or complain. Everyone has problems, but nobody wants to hear someone cribbing always. Sometimes is fine. Work on yourself, your insecurities and keep becoming a better person daily.
As an extrovert, THIS IS ALL REALLY GOOD ADVICE. People will remember how you make them feel. If you show them that you're interested in learning about them, in listening to them talk about their expertise & passion, you will make friends. And if you open yourself up you will learn a lot about who you are.
One thing that makes you stand out from others is that you provide practical tips rather than just go with what the world says and all those theories and all..... Keep making more such videos 😊
This is definitely a video that I'll be watching more than once: as an awkward conversationalist, this is pure gold! Thank you, also for the books you mentioned!
I would've never guessed you viewed yourself as socially awkward, but I really appreciate you sharing that! As an introvert and socially awkward/anxious person, I got a lot out of this video. Thanks so much for always giving us quality content!
I’m an introvert/highly competent and when I’m socializing I definitely make the mistake of talking about myself too much. It may seem self-absorbed on the surface, but I’ve realized the root of it is that I’m trying way too hard to prove I’m interesting, fun and worth talking to. I’m going to implement the “curious” tactic and start asking more questions!
Sadia, I think its been over 5 years of me watching your channel and you never cease to amaze. You always come up with this nice and quality content. Be it one video per month but those 10 minutes of your video, I stop doing what I am doing and cherish it fully.
I watch her vedio for improve my english but She's so sweet and easily explain the thing ,she speak Really calm and clearly I love to listen her a lot so much
I've been feeling so much social anxiety lately, I feel like this came up at the perfect time! It's really hard and it takes practice to break old anxiety cycles and start being more authentic but I'm trying!
One thing to remove social anxiety is Let them. Let them to be them. They can like me, or dislike me. It doesn't chance my identity. So be myself and let them . The let them concept is really liberating. It's from Mel Robin's podcast
This couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you so much, Sadia. From my last stressful social interaction, I concluded that staying silent is better than trying to talk and then saying something stupid. But that's obviously not the best way to be :) This video really helped allay so much fear and anxiety. Thank you so much for all you do ❤
I can relate to you. Well, what if you would try to think about yourself with deep warm compassion? Music 🎶 helps me a lot to work on my feelings. A song from Nico and Vinz “People” helps me a lot to realize everyone does wrong sometimes and everyone does right sometimes too. Not only me. And it’s okay. It’s life. We are here to learn and love more. Life is short. Investing energy in really few good friends, simple things,and joy. “Joy is an act of resilient!” Hugs and keep moving 🌿💦☀️🌸
The last line, go to a conversation with the intention of having fun, rather than with the feeling if they'll like me.....superb. And the part about self-assurance, I felt calm when I listened to it. Finally, the part where you drop perfection and are calm and composed while having a conversation, amazing. Thank you for this video.
I've recently been going through a phase of my life when I wasn't feeling the most happy with my social skills, so thank you so much for this video. It's very relatable and I've taken a lot from it!! 😊
NEEDED! It's a post-pandemic social epidemic of its own that conversing with people in person has become difficult. I needed every word of this video. I can be more mindful in my next conversation. Thank you!
Thank you SO much for this video! I have lived overseas for over the last decade and haven't made any friends. My husband often points out what I'm doing wrong that might be putting people off and I take it so personally. This video was far more motivating and inspiring than any of the speeches he has given me. I'm gonna go rewatch it now with a pen and notebook. 🤗
Sadia-your warmth and competence shines right through your videos! Reaching out to others when you travel is a great way to improve those social skills. You probably won’t see that person again (unless you want to) so go for it!💜
there is so many superlitives in this and if your not listening intentively, you can easily overlook an important piece. keep this in your favorites list!
Wow, and there was me thinking Sadia is is the most friendly, talented, relaxed, confident person ever. Just shows you none of us has it all sussed. Loved this video.❤
Haha definitely not! It's worth mentioning the videos are *edited* which means you don't see the re-takes and clumsy moments, haha. Sometimes we show some bits in the bloopers, but definitely not everything 🤭
As a person who struggles to hold 2 seconds convo with strangers, this is going to be my favorite video, learned a lot of things in 8 mins. Very helpful indeed. Thank you so much PUL!
Hi Sadia! I’ve been watching your videos for almost five years. I don’t really cook regularly but it feels so good to listen to you. Your voice is so calming and the way you talk feels like you’re having one to one conversation with very a close friend. good luck!
When you said: " Robin might look intimidating", I really burst out laughing. Yes I've just realized every single time he talks to the camera and he is serious, I become super serious and focused, even for few seconds, as if I was taking an exam 😂 but I think it has a lot to do with his body language. It has a vibe.
This topic is exactly what I needed! I've been watching your videos for years and this might seem exaggerated but PUL has always seemed like a warm respite in a jarring world. I hope this finds you well and if you ever run out of topics for videos I've been thinking for a while that a video about growing herbs would be really helpful !
Hey Anna, aww it means a lot to know the content has been comforting in some way - thanks so much for tuning into our videos! And thanks for the idea about a herb-growing video, it’s a great suggestion 🌿
"Go into a conversation with a intension of haveing fun rather than intension of saying I hope they like me " Best lesson should be in my mind every time Thank you ❤
Very interesting topic! I think there are so many social introverts among us who crave quality socializing but struggle to find that. Some of these tips from your older video where you covered Carnegie’s book are proven to work so well for me and to this day, I still go back to it. I still battle social anxiety but once I overcome it it always so liberating!
I enjoyed this video. I used to be shy and not very good at conversation. I worked hard on turning things around by reading books and practicing my social skills. I go out of my way to meet new people and it's so rewarding. Tonight I am having a social gathering with friends. I am no longer shy. Thank you for more tips.
Wow the amount of work you've put into the video is awesome... Dale Carnegie is a legend, its great that you also credit him... Its been a great guide for me over the years...listen to the audiobook version 🌷
So I had just had an awkward social encounter and remembered Vanessa’s book I had listened to forever ago. I went right to Audible to start listening to it, but it felt too dense. I clicked on RUclips and this video was the first thing I saw and I’m 3 mins in and loving it. To summarize, I’m meant to be here watching you, and I love love love synchronicities. 😁
Excellent topic and the tips, spot on. I am very social, yet introverted depending on the crowd, so this was very helpful. And you very much have that balance Sadia!
Another fantastic video Sadia and being a better listener is a good communication skill to learn. Yes, good to use the person's name when talking to them (if you aren't like me and Sadia who struggle to remember someone's name). Love 🥰 the video and love 💞Sadia and ❤Rob.
I love these kinds of advice videos by you, I indeed feel the warmth that you radiate! Thank you for all of your wonderful advice. Ps: I have one tip regarding the editing of your videos. I noticed that in this video some editing video materials from generic platforms were used. However, one of the things that makes your videos so special is that usually they contain fully your own (video) materials, which gives that homely feeling. That is one of the factors that makes your videos so special, as so many other creators use those generic videos as well in their editing. These are just my two cents. Once again thank you so much for your wonderful video! Wishing you a wonderful day :)
I think this gets to the importance of group recognition in human society. Irrespective of national/ethnic/linguistic/cultural background, humans generally respond very positively if they feel they are being recognized as in some way valuable. This is where being a good listener is important.
Saying my intention before I walk in the room always helps. (“I am going to remember and use everyone’s names and learn one interesting thing about every person I talk to”.)
From my experience, I think that trying out these tips needs to be natural, not forced if this is possible, because besides being warm and competence it is really important to be authentic. 💫Another thing that falls in this perceptive is that we should "read" the room and the circumstances. Dont get carried away with many questions and be overly interested, or oversharing like we need to find a shared experience in everything🤡. For instance, I learned to check my initial "reaction" to the other person (whether this is oversharing or overinterested) fast, and control myself in order to achieve this balance. Moreover, before enganging in any conversation is important to feel ok about ourselves.This looks like being in line and connected with our interests, ideas as well as hardships and struggles we might have at the moment or even hardwired in us. Accept and decide to engange with people from now on with what we really are💜. Last tip that I ve seen makes a big difference is have a balance between "being inside my head much and thinking about what I want or need to say" and "being inside the other person's head and how things I say will come across". Being present means that both people should be present in this conversation. Great video Sadia 😍🥰
Thank you so much for this!! You are such a life saver. It's as if you knew I was invited to attend a dinner party where the only person I know is the host, and I've been freaking out about it, contemplating whether to tell the host I won't make it out of fear. Haha I’m obviously going now
When I started in the financial services industry 8 years ago, I was very new, young, and not highly educated. I spent the first 3 years reading several books including how to win friends and influence people multiple times. I now run a successful practice after 8 years, managing hundreds of households. I realized that people trusted me, and what I was saying, and the product/sales come secondary. Thanks for putting this out there, it'll help lots of people!
I loved listening to you and hearing what you have to say. I am trying to expand my social network in this town where I moved to 6 yrs ago. Then Covid happened and the lockdown. I think the other thing that you should mention is that you attract the vibes you send out. We are radio towers in the sense that if you decide what your intent is for the day, you will likely reach it and get that kind of feedback. I remember one day, years ago when my husband was gone for the day golfing with his buddies. I decided I was going to also have a great day! And I sure did: went to the farmers market, had a wonderful lunch at my fave Thai restaurant, was treated to a musicians playing out on the patio, visited an art gallery and met the owner who turned out to become a friend Bottom line: smile and the world smiles with you.
That is so interesting! I actually really hate it when people use my name in conversation. While I am a fairly outgoing and social person in general, I am also a fairly private person and do not feel comfortable when people are too familiar as it makes me feel like my personal space is being invaded ;)
I agree, especially if someone sounds like they're just trying to pick you up or sell you something. Automatically giving me a nickname I didn't ask for is also annoying.
Loved it! I'm not sure how exactly but it looks like I've known about this... made me recognize myself big time! Thank you! Also, it's so true about how people sometimes try to "keep the convo going" but instead just derailing it (without realizing it). I wish more people watched this video - it would make it easier for everybody to build connections!
Wow. Loved each moment of watching this video and took away some significant tips. 💫 Thank you Sadia, this was very well communicated and amazingly filmed. Please make more of these videos. 🙏🏼
I love your channel but sadly I do not find the books you mentioned to be helpful, but sometimes they could have a negative effects on people. I have read How to Win Friends & Influence People when I was struggling to make friends. I would memorize the methods and try to implement them in my life. But instead I found myself overly focused on whether I was remembering people's name or not, whether I was smiling or nodding. My mind power was spent elsewhere rather than just being present. It created pressure that I did not need. And the biggest issue was that it made me feel like I was not the 'charasmatic people' and that I must DO something in order to become one of those people. That in itself is the essense why I find these books to be harmful. I think people are gravitated towards these book because they felt something lacking in themselves. They felt they are doing something 'wrong' and there is a 'right' way to converse with people. I am not saying the methods in your video are wrong in any sense, I am sure they could be helpful in small talks. But I disagree with the fact that we must DO something in order to become charasmatic people. Because to me, you seem more charasmatic than any of the celebrities you showed in the beginning. Because awkwardness is genuine, I don't want people to nod at my conversation and smile if they don't enjoy the conversation. I want them to talk about what they like for a few minutes and I'll talk about what I like for a few minutes. We will both be good listeners and maybe we'll sit in awkwardness. But that is ok. We'll laugh about how awkward the silence is and maybe we could both share our most awkward social stories.
As someone who is profoundly deaf I've always struggled to create connections in general, let alone the type of connections I actually I yearn for. Most of the time I keep to myself, however I tend to go with the flow and strive to be friendly and listen actively. I find that my unwillingness to look awkward/stupid can hold me back a bit but at the same time I find that saving my energy is worthwhile. I think to BE INTERESTED rather than to BE INTERESTING is a great tip to remember although I think saying someones name 3 times may feel little excessive and unnatural, I think if you do it once, you're doing great! 😋
I absolutely love your videos about smart living ideas and ways to improve it, especially the ones you tell us about emotions and everything related to them. Keep up with them , can't wait for other materials like this
The line which you said where We are scared to open our mouth and regret it later if we did… bang on… since I started to work from home … I have become introvert and feel that I have lost all my social sense… I like you video
oh this was excellent and you always share these messages in such a positive light. Plus, and this is for ALL your videos, I love that you get to the point and don't ramble on and on or get repetitive. I always feel that my time is so well spent here.
I honestly wanted to give this book (dale C's) to a guy i liked, cuz i had been practicing these tips for a while now and I realized the value and impact but I felt that he didnt understand or wasnt aware of them. He wasnt a narcissist or self-absorbed per se, but he appeared that way. Of course I didnt give him the book but maybe i should have. I see a lot of people who are actually really warm and approachable but because they dont know these tips, can come across as rude or self-absorbed. I loved the way you explained this topic, it is definitely required in today's digital age!
As a budding life coach, I so had to hear this today. So many things that you said resonated with me and I have a couple of take aways too. Great video!
Are there any communication skills you’ve picked up over the years that you find super helpful? 🧐 📲 Get the Pick Up Limes app (1-week free trial!): bit.ly/PUL_app
@pickuplimes
Three things
Just like you mentioned be interested!
Second for 'my personal life', not to have an opinion on everything.
And to know what are topics that are okay to talk about and what are not.
I related so much to this video!
I always feel super anxious and self conscious when talking to someone I want to 'influence', you know...The think you talked about vulnerability and authenticity is so true! People relate to you more and feel comfortable around you❤ This is what I have started to incorporate and it really helped me not feel as guilty as I did before😅❤
Loved the video.
Saying someone's name at the beginning and end of the sentence , mirroring helps with commumication skills
One of the ways I have found that really helps when communicating are mental intention and emotional sincerity. It's so easily nowadays to be distracted or ready to talk about yourself while the other person is talking. When having a conversation, be sincere, intentional and if possible, emotionally engaged. Most people, noting body language and unconscious queues, know whether or not you're really interested or distracted. I think intention and sincerity are key.
Oh my goodness, such a fantastic information. One thing that I follow is - “ do not share your opinion unless asked”. Sometimes people want to hear what they want to hear so giving them choices such as “ do you want to hear the truth or something comforting”. Also, objectifying conversations will help avoid subjective assumptions and biases.
Listen, I CRIED when I watched this. I've always felt like there's been some secret class that I must have missed on how to interact well with others. I'm warm, and I love people, but I get so stuck in conversations that i go out of my way to avoid them. It's often caused me so much frustration and feelings of isolation, even when I'm surrounded by people I love. This feels like that secret class. Thank you ❤️
Hey Abigail, I’m really touched to hear that this resonated with you so deeply. It’s heartbreaking to feel isolated, especially when you are warm and love people. It sounds like you've been carrying this for a while, and I’m glad this could offer some solace and guidance. You’re not alone in this journey, and I believe in your ability to build meaningful connections. Keep being your wonderful self, and thank you so much for sharing your heart ❤️
❤
@@PickUpLimes hi gorgeous you look great and your video was fantastic. I was interested in working with you as a video editor for your RUclips channel.
You might be autistic, Abigail. I'm autistic and even though I understand and can read social cues just fine, it's still a performance for me, it's learned; not natural. And oh my God, it's so exhausting and stressful putting on the performance. That being said, the fact that I'm trying to perform has actually gotten me more grief than simply existing as is, I've learned. A lot of people initially like how polite and careful I am, but then they either get put off by something not seeming right (because I'm performing) or I let the mask slip and they like me even more because I'm just...me, now.
I’m the same way!!
I always try to relate with a familiar story... but I'd circle it back to them. Like, "My uncle paints too, but he only does oil painting. Do you have a painting style too or do you like experimenting with different types/styles of painting?"
Because I feel like if you don't share something about yourself, it kinda feels very one-way.
Uncredited quote: "people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel" (Maya Angelou)
This continued to bother me more and more throughout the video-taking my attention away from an otherwise stellar video. Thank you for spotlighting it. ❤
At 16, I was living the dream - always cheerful, surrounded by friends, and constantly chatting away. Teachers would often scold me for talking too much, but it was all in good fun. Then, everything changed when lockdowns hit. Suddenly, I found myself retreating into shyness, unable to connect with others like I used to. It's been tough - feeling anxious and down all the time. It's like this dark cloud is just hanging over me, making me feel lost and distant from everyone. I don't even recognize myself anymore. Just the thought of talking to people fills me with nerves, so I end up spending most of my time alone with my thoughts. I really miss feeling confident and happy. Right now, it feels like getting back to that place is impossible. I just needed to get all of this off my chest. There's so much more I want to express, but for now, I just needed to share what's been weighing heavily on my mind.
Share with me 😊
Sorry to hear that!
Hi sweetheart. I'm the mom of two girls -- 14 and 18. Both suffered through and after COVID. The younger would describe herself much like you. Wish I could give you a big hug. I hope you have a parent or parental figure who is there for you.
Some words of encouragement: Be gentle with yourself. Try stretching your boundaries bit by bit. And know this: when you make it through a crisis this deep, you will be forever changed -- and for the better. You will make it through because you have the courage to see it and speak it. That's a lot. Some day you will be able to look back and appreciate this "trial by fire" because of who it helped you become.
Sending love and light.
@@julien2270
Thank you deeply for your heartfelt message and for sharing your experiences. Your empathy and understanding mean a lot during challenging times. Your words of encouragement resonate with me, and your kindness serves as a comforting reminder of compassion in the world.
When you mentioned "Wish I could give you a big hug," it brought a sense of warmth and comfort to me.
"I hope to become that person again, or perhaps an even better version of myself."
Sending love and light back to you. Your message has truly made a difference in my day. Thank you.
You'll get back there!
Really good idea about not trying to find something in your own experience to relate to but instead, dig deeper into their interest.
bro she shared a lot about her experiences too
Tips to be magnetic
0:49 Balancing warm and competent
2:09 Use people's name in conversation
3:10 Be interested, not interesting
4:26 people will remember how you made them feel ( not what you did/said)
4:28 Try conversational threading
5:19 be imperfect ( don't strive for perfection)
7:16 Gossiping positive about others
8:35 Don't expect people to like you
❤
Thank you!
I also like the last point she made at the very end: go into a conversation with the intention to have fun, not to be liked
Just a friendly tip: watch the whole video! You won’t regret it ❤
Helpful. Thank you
I am a very very good listener, and genuinely show my appreciation and understanding towards the person who is sharing anything with me, I ask them questions about the same topic to make them feel heard and important.
But they never reciprocate with me similarly. When I talk some people cut me off, or not give much importance, even shut me & judge me for sharing something i feel
U r in a wrong company babe🙂
First and foremost I would like to compliment you for being a good listener and actually caring about what someone has to say, without judging them or interrupting them when they speak.
But I guess we need to understand that there will be times when we will meet people who don't embody these principles or qualities but that isn't an excuse for us to start changing and losing these beautiful gifts. I would to encourage you to keep on being nice and trust me you will start drawing in people like you who would draw all the gaze to you and give you the attention that you deserve. Keep on being the light of the world and never stop shining as bright as you are.
İts generally connected how do you speaking and what are you speaking about. or you might just be touchy. İf not the people you speak with could be rude. But if you are distorbing something from more than three peoples, you should look for the fault in yourself
sameee i show interest in their talking but when i talk nobody listens or care about what i'm saying, in fact they dont even talk to me first
As Sadia highlights from the book, that balance between being warm and competent is what makes all the difference and most of us tend to be too much of one or another... we all struggle somehow with INTER-ACTION, it is INTER because it supposes that there will be turn-takings into the ACTION of communicating. We don't always only listen, we also want to be listened to, but that balance... sombody please tell me that secret when interacting with so many different people?! Pick up Limes is so therapeutic!!! Thank you so much Sadia and Robin! ☯️
As an introvert and an socially awkward person this was much nedded. 🤗 Knowing that you also have similar feeling , makes me feel comfortable about my feeling , and I will also work on my social skills . Love you Sadia.❤
Sending loads of love back your way, Nikita, thank you 🤗
AS a socially awkward dude , im a total failure lol
@@lavatr8322 it's your filter that's the failure not you.
@@Mayflower018 the face then..
i get the sense you might not be the most reliable source of information when it comes to yourself. Way too hard on yourself. Even if that was true i think you know confidence matters so much more. Im a little bit in the same boat hence why im on this video, but i get tastes of what its like to connect with people. And i bet connecting with people is something you are hoping to improve too. You didnt ask my advice but i think learning that failure and awkwardness is really okay jusy keep trying, its the quitting and wallowing, the self put downs that hold you back. You got this bro. Keep trying.
It's interesting that Social Secrets Mastery remains a hidden gem-maybe that's why most people struggle with social skills.
This is false advertising of an item. the upvotes came from farmed bots. do not listen to this comment- it's the author trying to sell his item.
Social media
The thing with “be interested “ I learned or realised is, after a period of time, it’ll exhaust you. It’s a very good way to make people like you more. I realised everybody likes somebody who listens,but over a long period of time it comes to a point where you’ll be too exhausted to listen. It struck me this one time that people are no longer interested in me once I stop listening. Nobody listens they only want somebody who listens. Relationships like this destroyed me. After a certain point I can no longer act like I’m interested because I’m not. It exhausted me so much and made me feel like crap. I hope people don’t take it too seriously and don’t belittle themselves after following it a little too much.
Mhmm. This is exactly why so many people in healthcare burn out completely
I feel you. I had the same problem. Now i show only interest in people, when I really want to know more about them. And this works even better. Because now I have less people in my circle, but more, who I actually like. 😊
Fr, avoid listening too much to the point you're their personal therapist, listening and being heard must be balanced.
this is so relatable even I have reached that point where when people talk too much I feel exhausted, disinterested, and annoyed and those are the people who only like to talk about themselves and need someone to listen to them
Being interested just does not work in the long run. You just become a place for people to dumb their talking needs onto. If they finally do ask you something back, they will likely interrupt and not listen, unless you are actually interesting. Being interested is good for handling a social event, that you have to be at, but you are not going to be happy just existing purely to service other peoples talking needs.
Dale Carnegie is such a GEM. His other books are equally helpful.
My classmate told me once that I am a charismatic person. All I know is whenever I talk to them, I am the one who asks questions like how they feel and it's true, I often say their name when I thank them for something. On the other hand, they still see me as someone competitive and capable. It is indeed sometimes about balance. Not to impress, not to act humble, but to be authentically down to earth and still be able to show greatness.
The last point is a great reminder for me “ go into a conversation for fun rather than being liked” I sometimes fall into what I’d call my little girl self and just want to be liked and I forget to be present and enjoy my experience. Thank u!
Really nice video. My takeaways :-
1) Be an active listener and be curious about the other person but also share your thoughts from time to time..
2) Don't have the intent to impress them and try to have fun thereby showing your imperfect and funny side
3) Remember not just their name but also the experiences and perspective that they shared with you when you are listening to them and asking questions. Eat loads of almonds and strength your memory muscle.
4) Don't gossip or grib or complain. Everyone has problems, but nobody wants to hear someone cribbing always. Sometimes is fine. Work on yourself, your insecurities and keep becoming a better person daily.
As an extrovert, THIS IS ALL REALLY GOOD ADVICE.
People will remember how you make them feel. If you show them that you're interested in learning about them, in listening to them talk about their expertise & passion, you will make friends.
And if you open yourself up you will learn a lot about who you are.
One thing that makes you stand out from others is that you provide practical tips rather than just go with what the world says and all those theories and all.....
Keep making more such videos 😊
This is definitely a video that I'll be watching more than once: as an awkward conversationalist, this is pure gold! Thank you, also for the books you mentioned!
I so agree!
I would've never guessed you viewed yourself as socially awkward, but I really appreciate you sharing that! As an introvert and socially awkward/anxious person, I got a lot out of this video. Thanks so much for always giving us quality content!
You've always had that balance of warmth and competence, Sadia!✨Congratulations on 4+ million subscribers! Much love!♥
Thanks so very much Christina! 💛
I see you're using the name there ;))@@PickUpLimes
@@PickUpLimes hi darling💋💋💋🤎
I’m an introvert/highly competent and when I’m socializing I definitely make the mistake of talking about myself too much. It may seem self-absorbed on the surface, but I’ve realized the root of it is that I’m trying way too hard to prove I’m interesting, fun and worth talking to. I’m going to implement the “curious” tactic and start asking more questions!
You are not awkward. You are so sweet and friendly! I wish you could see yourself through the same lenses that I do
Brilliant ❤
"Go into a conversation with the intention of having fun,
rather than with the intention of saving 'I hope they like me'"
Sadia, I think its been over 5 years of me watching your channel and you never cease to amaze. You always come up with this nice and quality content. Be it one video per month but those 10 minutes of your video, I stop doing what I am doing and cherish it fully.
nice
I watch her vedio for improve my english but She's so sweet and easily explain the thing ,she speak Really calm and clearly I love to listen her a lot so much
I've been feeling so much social anxiety lately, I feel like this came up at the perfect time! It's really hard and it takes practice to break old anxiety cycles and start being more authentic but I'm trying!
One thing to remove social anxiety is Let them. Let them to be them. They can like me, or dislike me. It doesn't chance my identity. So be myself and let them . The let them concept is really liberating. It's from Mel Robin's podcast
This reminded me of my old self. A MUCH needed reminder!! Thanks!! 🙌🏻
I absolutely love this channel. She is so knowledgable, warm and overall great communicator.
Hi Jessica, I don't know if it's convenient to say this here but you are gorgeous.
This couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you so much, Sadia. From my last stressful social interaction, I concluded that staying silent is better than trying to talk and then saying something stupid. But that's obviously not the best way to be :) This video really helped allay so much fear and anxiety. Thank you so much for all you do ❤
Is Sadia an extrovert?
I can relate to you. Well, what if you would try to think about yourself with deep warm compassion?
Music 🎶 helps me a lot to work on my feelings. A song from Nico and Vinz “People” helps me a lot to realize
everyone does wrong sometimes
and everyone
does right sometimes too. Not only me. And it’s okay. It’s life. We are here to learn and love more.
Life is short. Investing energy in really few good friends, simple things,and joy. “Joy is an act of resilient!”
Hugs and keep moving 🌿💦☀️🌸
Interesting, honest and a timely reminder that it is not all about us!
You are definitely both warm and competent!!🙏
Yes conversation is main factor about what we will be doing........
After some times hard skills useless but soft skills will useful in long run.
Ohhh I'm so glad that you made a video about this topic! It's nice to know other people are struggling
The last line, go to a conversation with the intention of having fun, rather than with the feeling if they'll like me.....superb.
And the part about self-assurance, I felt calm when I listened to it.
Finally, the part where you drop perfection and are calm and composed while having a conversation, amazing.
Thank you for this video.
I've recently been going through a phase of my life when I wasn't feeling the most happy with my social skills, so thank you so much for this video. It's very relatable and I've taken a lot from it!! 😊
Hi beauty💋 🤎
NEEDED! It's a post-pandemic social epidemic of its own that conversing with people in person has become difficult. I needed every word of this video. I can be more mindful in my next conversation. Thank you!
Thank you SO much for this video! I have lived overseas for over the last decade and haven't made any friends. My husband often points out what I'm doing wrong that might be putting people off and I take it so personally. This video was far more motivating and inspiring than any of the speeches he has given me. I'm gonna go rewatch it now with a pen and notebook. 🤗
Sadia-your warmth and competence shines right through your videos! Reaching out to others when you travel is a great way to improve those social skills. You probably won’t see that person again (unless you want to) so go for it!💜
I’m a 25yo with no friends, introvert and social phobia. Thanks for these tips, I will consider reading one of those books 💗
there is so many superlitives in this and if your not listening intentively, you can easily overlook an important piece. keep this in your favorites list!
As an introvert living in a foreign country this video felt so relevant to me. Thank you for those great tips . Loved it❤💯
Wow, and there was me thinking Sadia is is the most friendly, talented, relaxed, confident person ever.
Just shows you none of us has it all sussed. Loved this video.❤
Haha definitely not! It's worth mentioning the videos are *edited* which means you don't see the re-takes and clumsy moments, haha. Sometimes we show some bits in the bloopers, but definitely not everything 🤭
As a person who struggles to hold 2 seconds convo with strangers, this is going to be my favorite video, learned a lot of things in 8 mins. Very helpful indeed. Thank you so much PUL!
Omg the description of warmth in the starting that u gave is so ME!!!!!
Hi Sadia! I’ve been watching your videos for almost five years. I don’t really cook regularly but it feels so good to listen to you. Your voice is so calming and the way you talk feels like you’re having one to one conversation with very a close friend. good luck!
I've seen dozens of these, and this presentation is by far the best I've seen. Well done. Thanks!
It’s kinda crazy how nobody’s talking about the book womens magic truths on borlest
The best and most concise tips I ever found!
When you said: " Robin might look intimidating", I really burst out laughing. Yes I've just realized every single time he talks to the camera and he is serious, I become super serious and focused, even for few seconds, as if I was taking an exam 😂 but I think it has a lot to do with his body language. It has a vibe.
Omg! You packed a whole month worth of personality building class in just 9 mins. I can't believe. Thanks a ton 🙏🙏
This topic is exactly what I needed! I've been watching your videos for years and this might seem exaggerated but PUL has always seemed like a warm respite in a jarring world. I hope this finds you well and if you ever run out of topics for videos I've been thinking for a while that a video about growing herbs would be really helpful !
Hey Anna, aww it means a lot to know the content has been comforting in some way - thanks so much for tuning into our videos! And thanks for the idea about a herb-growing video, it’s a great suggestion 🌿
I think you have a beautiful, vibrant, caring, sweet personality!
What an awesome subject! This was so helpful. Not only does it adds to ones skills but it encourages sincere conversations and connections.🥰
Agreed☺️
"Go into a conversation with a intension of haveing fun rather than intension of saying I hope they like me "
Best lesson should be in my mind every time
Thank you ❤
Very interesting topic! I think there are so many social introverts among us who crave quality socializing but struggle to find that. Some of these tips from your older video where you covered Carnegie’s book are proven to work so well for me and to this day, I still go back to it. I still battle social anxiety but once I overcome it it always so liberating!
Some years ago I found the channel “charisma on command” that really helped me as an introvert.
Thank you for your tips!!!
I enjoyed this video. I used to be shy and not very good at conversation. I worked hard on turning things around by reading books and practicing my social skills. I go out of my way to meet new people and it's so rewarding. Tonight I am having a social gathering with friends. I am no longer shy. Thank you for more tips.
hi
I knew it from your Instagram that it was going to be a sit down video.
💕 thankyou again
Perfect way to end the day today.
❤
Wow the amount of work you've put into the video is awesome... Dale Carnegie is a legend, its great that you also credit him... Its been a great guide for me over the years...listen to the audiobook version 🌷
So I had just had an awkward social encounter and remembered Vanessa’s book I had listened to forever ago. I went right to Audible to start listening to it, but it felt too dense. I clicked on RUclips and this video was the first thing I saw and I’m 3 mins in and loving it. To summarize, I’m meant to be here watching you, and I love love love synchronicities. 😁
Hey Steph, I’m so glad you stumbled on this video and that it’s resonating with you. Synchronicities do have a charm of their own, don’t they? 🌟
Be interested - not interesting - yes! That is so true!!!
Excellent topic and the tips, spot on. I am very social, yet introverted depending on the crowd, so this was very helpful. And you very much have that balance Sadia!
This channel, her voice, their creativity and recipes, and beautiful presentations have become a great source of de-stressing for me
Another fantastic video Sadia and being a better listener is a good communication skill to learn. Yes, good to use the person's name when talking to them (if you aren't like me and Sadia who struggle to remember someone's name). Love 🥰 the video and love 💞Sadia and ❤Rob.
I applaud this topic with my whole heart!! Absolutely critical and compelling! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!
Thank YOU Michelle! 🤗
Thank you for this video. Perfect timing too. Just something I’m trying to incorporate into my daily interactions. Again thank you 🙏
Go into a conversation with intent of having fun , that's trueeee
I love these kinds of advice videos by you, I indeed feel the warmth that you radiate! Thank you for all of your wonderful advice. Ps: I have one tip regarding the editing of your videos. I noticed that in this video some editing video materials from generic platforms were used. However, one of the things that makes your videos so special is that usually they contain fully your own (video) materials, which gives that homely feeling. That is one of the factors that makes your videos so special, as so many other creators use those generic videos as well in their editing. These are just my two cents.
Once again thank you so much for your wonderful video! Wishing you a wonderful day :)
❤ Awesome insight " instead of following your connection, follow your connection"
I think this gets to the importance of group recognition in human society. Irrespective of national/ethnic/linguistic/cultural background, humans generally respond very positively if they feel they are being recognized as in some way valuable. This is where being a good listener is important.
Saying my intention before I walk in the room always helps. (“I am going to remember and use everyone’s names and learn one interesting thing about every person I talk to”.)
From my experience, I think that trying out these tips needs to be natural, not forced if this is possible, because besides being warm and competence it is really important to be authentic. 💫Another thing that falls in this perceptive is that we should "read" the room and the circumstances. Dont get carried away with many questions and be overly interested, or oversharing like we need to find a shared experience in everything🤡. For instance, I learned to check my initial "reaction" to the other person (whether this is oversharing or overinterested) fast, and control myself in order to achieve this balance. Moreover, before enganging in any conversation is important to feel ok about ourselves.This looks like being in line and connected with our interests, ideas as well as hardships and struggles we might have at the moment or even hardwired in us. Accept and decide to engange with people from now on with what we really are💜. Last tip that I ve seen makes a big difference is have a balance between "being inside my head much and thinking about what I want or need to say" and "being inside the other person's head and how things I say will come across". Being present means that both people should be present in this conversation. Great video Sadia 😍🥰
I think this is really useful. Going to reference for future self. :)
Girl, you literally nailed this. I agree with every word. Went through this lately, and this video comes up right when I needed it! :)
Thank you so much for this!! You are such a life saver. It's as if you knew I was invited to attend a dinner party where the only person I know is the host, and I've been freaking out about it, contemplating whether to tell the host I won't make it out of fear. Haha I’m obviously going now
Glad to hear it came at the right time then ☺️ enjoy the dinner party, friend!
When I started in the financial services industry 8 years ago, I was very new, young, and not highly educated. I spent the first 3 years reading several books including how to win friends and influence people multiple times. I now run a successful practice after 8 years, managing hundreds of households. I realized that people trusted me, and what I was saying, and the product/sales come secondary. Thanks for putting this out there, it'll help lots of people!
Such a well timed video!! I really needed this. Watching now❤
I loved listening to you and hearing what you have to say. I am trying to expand my social network in this town where I moved to 6 yrs ago. Then Covid happened and the lockdown. I think the other thing that you should mention is that you attract the vibes you send out. We are radio towers in the sense that if you decide what your intent is for the day, you will likely reach it and get that kind of feedback. I remember one day, years ago when my husband was gone for the day golfing with his buddies.
I decided I was going to also have a great day! And I sure did: went to the farmers market, had a wonderful lunch at my fave Thai restaurant, was treated to a musicians playing out on the patio, visited an art gallery and met the owner who turned out to become a friend
Bottom line: smile and the world smiles with you.
I love this informative conversation about how we handle meeting people and getting to know them. So Good!!!
That is so interesting! I actually really hate it when people use my name in conversation. While I am a fairly outgoing and social person in general, I am also a fairly private person and do not feel comfortable when people are too familiar as it makes me feel like my personal space is being invaded ;)
I agree, especially if someone sounds like they're just trying to pick you up or sell you something. Automatically giving me a nickname I didn't ask for is also annoying.
Loved it! I'm not sure how exactly but it looks like I've known about this... made me recognize myself big time! Thank you! Also, it's so true about how people sometimes try to "keep the convo going" but instead just derailing it (without realizing it). I wish more people watched this video - it would make it easier for everybody to build connections!
Wow. Loved each moment of watching this video and took away some significant tips. 💫
Thank you Sadia, this was very well communicated and amazingly filmed. Please make more of these videos. 🙏🏼
Fabulous!So short and sweet but right to the point.Loved the chosen video sequences to make people better understand
i find that someone OVERusing your name in a conversation is borderline creepy! so yes to three times, but not every sentence!
Well U don't have to be creepy to call someone so frequently 😂
Wow the warm and competent balance metaphor was a revelation
I love your channel but sadly I do not find the books you mentioned to be helpful, but sometimes they could have a negative effects on people. I have read How to Win Friends & Influence People when I was struggling to make friends. I would memorize the methods and try to implement them in my life. But instead I found myself overly focused on whether I was remembering people's name or not, whether I was smiling or nodding. My mind power was spent elsewhere rather than just being present. It created pressure that I did not need. And the biggest issue was that it made me feel like I was not the 'charasmatic people' and that I must DO something in order to become one of those people.
That in itself is the essense why I find these books to be harmful. I think people are gravitated towards these book because they felt something lacking in themselves. They felt they are doing something 'wrong' and there is a 'right' way to converse with people.
I am not saying the methods in your video are wrong in any sense, I am sure they could be helpful in small talks. But I disagree with the fact that we must DO something in order to become charasmatic people. Because to me, you seem more charasmatic than any of the celebrities you showed in the beginning. Because awkwardness is genuine, I don't want people to nod at my conversation and smile if they don't enjoy the conversation. I want them to talk about what they like for a few minutes and I'll talk about what I like for a few minutes. We will both be good listeners and maybe we'll sit in awkwardness. But that is ok. We'll laugh about how awkward the silence is and maybe we could both share our most awkward social stories.
As someone who is profoundly deaf I've always struggled to create connections in general, let alone the type of connections I actually I yearn for. Most of the time I keep to myself, however I tend to go with the flow and strive to be friendly and listen actively. I find that my unwillingness to look awkward/stupid can hold me back a bit but at the same time I find that saving my energy is worthwhile.
I think to BE INTERESTED rather than to BE INTERESTING is a great tip to remember although I think saying someones name 3 times may feel little excessive and unnatural, I think if you do it once, you're doing great! 😋
1:55 How to win friends
3:00 Be interested
4:20 Conversation threading
7:30 Own your skills; be unique
I absolutely love your videos about smart living ideas and ways to improve it, especially the ones you tell us about emotions and everything related to them. Keep up with them , can't wait for other materials like this
congrats on 4 million subs
Thank you Shifa! 🌻
The line which you said where
We are scared to open our mouth and regret it later if we did… bang on… since I started to work from home … I have become introvert and feel that I have lost all my social sense… I like you video
You *really* don’t need to be Elon Musk to be seen as competent and interesting. 💀
oh this was excellent and you always share these messages in such a positive light. Plus, and this is for ALL your videos, I love that you get to the point and don't ramble on and on or get repetitive. I always feel that my time is so well spent here.
I HATE when people use my name when interacting with me. It's fine to use it to get my attention, but otherwise, I feel like I'm being conned. Blech!
You know Shineon, sometimes I feel something similar.😊
I agree it’s very fake, and generally the people who do this are smarmy, usually have ulterior motives
Sorry to hear that shineon
So much good stuff in here! Thank you. We just had a conversation about how you talk about others...so true!
People using my name makes me feel super uncomfortable.
After a rough week this was exactly what I needed to have a new perspective. Thank you 😊
now i’m just boring
You really change my mind when you talk about gossiping part.congrats,U gain 1 new subscriber
I honestly wanted to give this book (dale C's) to a guy i liked, cuz i had been practicing these tips for a while now and I realized the value and impact but I felt that he didnt understand or wasnt aware of them. He wasnt a narcissist or self-absorbed per se, but he appeared that way. Of course I didnt give him the book but maybe i should have. I see a lot of people who are actually really warm and approachable but because they dont know these tips, can come across as rude or self-absorbed. I loved the way you explained this topic, it is definitely required in today's digital age!
As a budding life coach, I so had to hear this today. So many things that you said resonated with me and I have a couple of take aways too. Great video!