"WHY AM I ALONE IN MY FAMILY?" Learning To Be Okay With Aloneness |Psychotherapy Crash Course
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- Опубликовано: 16 июл 2024
- #trauma #FAMILY
#tamarahilllpc
When you are in a family the last thing you are going to think is that you will be alone. Most people are swayed by the false belief that "family is everything." While family can be "everything" for people who have healthy and loving families, it isn't "everything" for those who are abused, neglected, ignored, hurt, manipulated, envied, etc.
Having spoken to many individuals experiencing traumatic bonding in their family, I can safely say that it is often better for them to be alone than to connect (or reconnect) with their family.
Believe it or not, I've been there and I have many people close to me who have. So you're getting both a personal and professional experience in this video.
In this video, I will be discussing the existential experience of being alone in your family and building the strength to keep going.
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DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO:
0:00 intro
***ALONENESS
1:48 what is aloneness?
2:28 family is not everything
3:16 re-define what walking away means
3:54 keep these things in mind
-existential anxiety
-existential discomfort
-existential aloneness
5:06 we want to grow together, but it isn't sometimes possible
6:56 existential anxiety & existential discomfort
***8:51 8 Tips: HOW TO DEAL WITH AN ESTRANGED OR SEPARATED FAMILY
-Learn to accept reality
-Learn to be okay with why you walked away
-Keep a journal/notebook
-Monitor how you have been feeling, why you feel the way you feel, etc.
-Make a list of what family really is
-Redefine what family is
-Ask yourself "what is missing here"
-Look at the impact of triangulation
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*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
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I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 12 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at contact@anchoredinknowledge.com. *Please note: all consultations are charged a fixed rate fee based on the case content.
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I came across you by chance… I’m so glad I did, you are sooooo informative …You have helped me to get to know myself more, I never really understood how to explain the things I see and feel when I needed to the most.. very frustrating.. I thank GOD for people like you .. Thank You.
Amen. Thanks so much 💖🙏 And welcome to the channel. Very glad these videos are helpful to you.
@@TherapistTamaraHill i was watching this old movie, and the toxic dynamics that were scripted unto it just clicked after having your explanations. Then I thought this might be a fun way for people to learn; a movie case review. Fair Use allows taking excerpts or restreaming for educational purposes the relevant portions. The movie is Black Girl on Reel Black youtube
The worst feeling is being around family that makes you feel left out and alone.
Yes, it truly is. Very sad.
Yes. And feeling more accepted around friends and not family .. smh.
Its not so bad if they are terrible people, learn to love yourself, be kind to yourself cos they won’t be. Self Love Deficiency is a real problem, not being co dependent on others for how you feel is key. If your surrounded by bad people being alone is how you survive. Better to walk alone than with fools for company.
I feel so much better now i have dropped the guilt i felt about having to see my family, i literally don’t like any of them, they are so rude, dysfunctional and competitive i lost any respect i had for them, i eventually was able to forgive them for how they treated me but now i have a wall built so big so they cannot harm me again. I’ve not given them the big goodbye yet but i am going to pretty soon.
@@JackVox I’m going through the same thing. It’s so painful to see family members act ignorant and rude. It turns out that it’s better to be alone than with fools!
I hope you know you’re not alone. I’m going through a cut off from them.
When we get comfortable with being alone , we realise we aren’t alone atall , because we surround ourselves with the family we choose !💖
I LOVE this! Yes!
Family is NOT EVERYTHING!! This is such a manipulative control mechanism that destructive families use to keep everyone together in the toxicities. For my entire life, family has always been my #1 stressor in life. And I couldn't understand why I was so unhappy and unfulfilled being around them. I finally escaped the madness and got away and for years found peace and happiness beyond anything imaginable. When I reconnected, there was normally stress and toxic dysfunction. I wasn't able to help anyone away from the mess and helplessness.
I am happy that I have realized the unhealthy dynamics and realized that I have been the family scapegoat.
I was completely isolated for 4-5 years. Best thing that ever happened to me. Not gonna lie, it was hell in the beginning, but then something happened and completely changed everything. I have complete freedom now, been doing a lot of growth, changed my life and now I’m doing better than I ever thought I would be able to.
I'm sorry. That is tough indeed. But as you basically point out, it can be a healing experience to be alone. I'm glad you are on a better path! I was there some years ago. It's freeing!
It's awesome. You may get lonely at times, but when you are around toxic and damaging people. You tend to feel alone, misunderstood, and lonely in the first place. So, we have to learn to enjoy ourselves, and we have to learn to be at peace with that in Jesus name.
Your name is beautiful !!
Amen to that!
Amen❤️
What a beautiful comment! It went straight to my heart and helped me. Thank you!
I don’t know exactly why but it brings me some relief to hear someone say that family isn’t everything. Great video. Thank you for the info and your work.
You're welcome! 😊 Thank you. And welcome to the channel.
Yes, I love my family but they sometimes can be hurtful in different ways it’s so hard loving ppl you share blood with.
Respect to All those Choosing to Help the World Feel Safer
I'm so happy I'm seeing a Black therapist on RUclips. I'm going to keep watching your videos and keep going to therapy.
this information should be shared in Domestic Violence Shelters because they suffer from being lonely in the shelter and they start to forget the why after suffering in the shelter. thank you for covering this topic!
At times I would ask myself; If you wouldn’t accept the toxic, abusive relationship with a friend, neighbor, or co-worker or even a stranger, then why would you accept it from family?
That's a very good question. I think it's more of a deeper question than it appears at first. What you are pointing out by asking the question is that perhaps we are so influenced by society's view and definition of "family" that we miss that the label itself doesn't mean much if the definition of family has been disregarded by the family. In other words, the label "family" may influence us more than it should because of how the world defines and perceives family. It's sad when you really think about it.
I felt better being alone at first when I cut off my toxic family, but after some time I feel alone again. It’s hard to be strong by yourself when your family isolated you and you don’t feel emotionally safe around new people… tough spot to be in
Understanding what it means to be alone in your family is difficult. We are all born into a social system that tells us "family is everything." It's hard to unravel that idea. But when you've been hurt, envied, controlled, etc. that social belief begins to fade.
For more encouragement on how to manage yourself, check out this video: ruclips.net/video/zK8gshQhB_Q/видео.html.
Maybe I'm strange, but I never feel at peace when I'm around groups of people, it's stressful. I have spent a great deal of my life alone but was never lonely. I lived in the mountains of Idaho snowed in from Thanksgiving until Easter. I was alone, but never lonely. I had my GOD, dogs, sheep, mules and horses. I live on a ranch in ND now by myself and was snowed in for about a month last winter but was never lonely and didn't really care that i was snowed because it also meant no one could get to me either. The thing is I was married twice, raised 5 boys and had an office job for 28 years. So now I'm retired, divorced, all the kids are grown up and I'm happily alone again!
That is not strange at all! I can be the same way and many more people would likely agree with you. If we walk away from what society wants us to think about desiring aloneness, we will then see that desiring time away from others is quite normal.
Hi, Ms. T, this is formerly Ms. US Hostage (I change my YT ID occasionally). You're just
a bit younger than me & it's always been hard for me to accept the competence of a scholarly figure in that role, like a physician, professor, etc., but you have broken the MOLD for me! Some ppl never find their knack in life (or don't have the means to pursue it), but you were made for this profession. I have been to countless therapists in the past that didn't last 1 session with me bc I knew from the first hour they weren't cut out for helping those with my issues & weren't empathetic. You on the other hand, from my watching your channel at least: know your craft WELL, are intellectual, & appear to be a compassionate person as well. The putting pen to paper about this family topic for future reference is an EXCELLENT idea esp. for many of us experiencing this who tend to lose our reasoning (i.e., 'logical' memory) during these trials due to the gaslighting by these family members or friends. Ive tried this method before, (but need to do it more often) & was amazed at what I wrote some time later when I returned to it. It really stops you from making a fool of yourself & being abused repeatedly. Will be revisiting it during the holidays! Keep up the great work, my part Native sister (like me!).✊💯👏👍
And this is one thing that I have learned from my husband who has strengthened my resolve is that being self-sufficient and being comfortable in one's company is a strength!
Being alone is the best thing for you. It's in the Bible beloved. Not just emotionally but physically, educationally. You grow so much.
I’m walking away, in fact I’m running and smiling 😊 although hurting inside but I know this is the only way and that is where my true self is unapologetically myself
I like the topic of your video, I myself am alone in my family because of some very good reasons. I’ve come to learn how to be okay with being alone, and I like it, at first it was hard when your used to being around people all the time, but after a while you really start to enjoy it and realize you’ve become stronger in the process and you don’t get made to feel bad anymore by family that mistreated you, you get your confidence back. I’m so happy now that I don’t get abused by the people that were supposed to care about me and love me. I think that’s the worst when you get mistreated by those that are supposed to love and protect you, I think that’s when it does the most damage to somebody. I used to have an issue with drinking, but now just not being around an abusive family member I haven’t drank in two years, and I didn’t even try. Anyhow I love how I feel now inside and am happy, I don’t even feel sad anymore. Thanks for the video!
It's not easy. I fill my days with creative endeavors, learning new things, my responsibilities. If I meet kind people along the way in life, I develop friendships, but they last a few years and grow apart. My parents has been messed up since I was young and nothing has changed. They are actors. Words but they don't do a dang thing to show they care. For years they just kept hurting me, now I feel numb. I don't care anymore if they call, don't or what they say, because every time it made me happy, they would somehow hurt me. I feel like this is what they wanted. To take every last joy from me. I want to be different, but I feel like they won. I really hope this is just a phase, because I feel like maybe I was wrong all along.
what’s odd is our parents wouldn’t want their parents doing it to them yet our parents did it to us & thought nothing of it, & justified it. i hope u, like myself, continue to grow in healing. it’s definitely a continued process. 💜🙏🏾
@@richmproject They generally act the way they do due to them having a toxic parent or toxic parents.
@@ladennayoung2939 True, with parents behaving like their toxic parent(s), but FORTUNATELY, we have at our disposal a wealth of information to aide in changing our toxic behavior; the PROBLEM is that so many toxic parents have a superiority and authority complex, so they don't feel they NEED TO CHANGE. It's also oppositional defiance in that they believe their child(ren) have no right to question the parent(s) behavior during child rearing, even into adulthood, which brings a whole new level of toxic into the family dynamic. Unfortunately, many child(ren) grow up to become their toxic parent(s) and then pass the "legacy" of toxic/abuse on to their child(ren).
Acceptance of reality and that I can't control parts of my life. I can't make sense of my life compared to others. After going no contact with my narcissist family, to accept that I may not find that "soul mate" or even a "best friend" who really understands me. This was a perfect video for me at this time in my life to accept being alone. Thank you so much for explaining this 😊
Thank you! ☺ And I'm very glad this video was helpful. I actually enjoy doing these kinds of videos because they are rarely done and we need them. I needed this at one time too! So I'm glad this resonated with you.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank you for your response🤗🌸
☺Welcome!
Ughhhhh, I needed this video. As an only child, it can be difficult, but the peace and joy that comes when you focus on yourself and your goals and possibly encourage others by fulfilling your purpose make it worth it. You mention a great point. Society and West African culture, especially puts too much emphasis on family is everything. It’s just a manipulative tactic because, at the end of the day, they talk about you behind your back because you are never doing enough in their eyes, and they will never provide the emotional support that you would expect from the “family is everything, folks.” Thank you for sharing another insightful video. I hope you are getting rest as well, and I appreciate how your past 3 videos have been so helpful. I definitely feel like GOD used you to speak to me👏🏾🙏🏾.
Very good point! And Thank you!🥰 May God bless you too on this journey.
Shout-out fellow lonely-only!
Totally agree ❤
I said, one time, that I feel like I've lost my place. When my dark empathic mother passed a few years ago, none of my family wanted me there. I am the oldest of six. I've been scapegoated out of the family. My brother has launched a smear, even when we were friends, that destroyed any and every family relationship. It's lonely, but I'm trying to work on the freedom I have, and now, looking back and realizing, the freedom I've deserved. I didn't earn it, didn't know I needed it. But here I am.
I appreciate you making & uploading this content. Truly. I'm an "orphan" by choice, and it's not generally socially accepted or understood. I'm genuinely okay with it after working through it for so many years. I'm content with it for now.
Hi Tamara! It’s been so hard being alone. I’m not close to my family because I call them out on things that bother me and they don’t like that. They lived very commercialized and they don’t want to hear that. My whole family is separated for the holiday season and they do their own thing mostly. My own cousin put her own family first and forgot about our family gathering. It’s like that with all my family members my own father won’t even celebrate the holidays with me he does with his wife and my half sister though, and my new boyfriend is spending time with his mom cause that’s the only family that’s near by. My mom is in Sacramento CA so she’s too far to see and because of family trauma and neglectful ness from both her and my dad when I was younger and neglect from my other family members who didn’t watch me as a child I stay away from them and do my own thing. I’ve always been alone and that’s okay I just do my own thing.
Thanks again. This video REALLY blessed me. I just pulled away from my mom. At this point I don't think it will be a permanent thing, but only God knows. It have been challenging a little bit, but I know it's necessary. So, I'm trying to see this through as long as I need to. My mom's side is involved in triangulation heavily. It is very draining. They almost treat each other as if they are strangers in the street.
Thank you for this comment! :)
I'm glad this video was helpful. Triangulation is certainly heavy. My weapon has always been prayer. It relinquishes my control for sure.
This is so important! I will be ok alone- I’ll be sad, angry, but I’ll be ok
I had always tried to bring certain ones along. They received money and every type of help from me. I sacrificed many blessings trying to bring them along. Because I loved them so much. I hurt myself by doing so. What a huge mistake. I should have just lived my blessed life and never looked back is all I'm saying...for the past few years, I've been trying to piece my life back together as a result of the hurt and pain I've experienced....it's sad....
What I’ve learned is there is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Once you have healed from trauma and realize how valuable you are and to love yourself for who you are being alone is taking time for yourself and the feelings of loneliness disappear 🙏♥️
Well said! 🤓
I think men should journal to because a lot of men are told that it’s not okay to show emotions. My boyfriend isn’t afraid to cry when he feels unsafe and it’s something that I find handsome about him.
My biological mother is narcissistic, my moms husband (now ex husband)/my ex step dad was a drunk, my adoptive dad was racist and sexist, his daughter was physically and mentally abusive to me. His son was distant. My moms daughter/my half sister is bipolar and possibly a pathological liar. My grandpa was my support system until he passed away. My biological father is a liar and absent. My half sister on moms side.. her family despised me. In every aspect of my life I was the outcast and never fully accounted for or considered "family." After my grandpa passed, I distanced myself and I'm not as stressed out. I recently found out my half sister has been lying to me for years. So I am officially alone and it's hard. But I know in the end it's worth it. Thank you for sharing.
Very sorry you had to experience this. Traumatic indeed. But there is Healing for you too, in time.
Definitely can relate. I'm just started walking away and it's hard. But better than being around them.
I always felt like an extra in my family. I’m only seen when needed. It bothered me for a long time but I’ve found it to be peaceful because I stopped making myself available.
I heard a saying that when you grow you gotta close the gap and let go. As you go up. A space is created between you and them. Either they grow with you or they don't. That doesn't mean it'll be forever. They could catch up. But you gotta be oky with it if they don't. But I think if they hurt you God will give you someone better.
I really like this point of view! Thank you for sharing this.
Unfortunately, for many, the dynamics of the family unit are SO TOXIC and SO DAMAGING there is no other way to survive but to detach and go no contact. Their is so much generation damage due to toxic parenting and mental health issues that many children, in order to avoid further damage to their own psyche, MUST do the detach, even RELOCATING to heal their wounds, and damages. It's very disheartening, and very sad, but this is what generational toxic parenting does to children, ESPECIALLY the empath, who is most often the SCAPEGOAT of the family unit. Be Well, Everyone, Trust Your Gut: IF YOU FEEL LIKE DISTANCING is the ONLY WAY to HEAL YOUR INNER CHILDHOOD WOUNDS, DO IT! More often than not, in a toxic soup mix of family dynamic, you are ALREADY DISAPPEARED because they don't have any interest in you, unless you can satisfy their needs, whatever it may be. You, and Me, are only OBJECTS, a whipping post, a punching bag, an ATM machine, etc, etc, etc, Best Wishes on Recovery, Everyone!
The more and more we discover, the more we realize that we actually are not alone... and these are the best people
This video was definitely helpful to me. Thank you so much!
Would you please consider maybe sometime doing a video on how people like me who come from families with very toxic group dynamics, can talk with our friends sometimes about our real family experience - ie, not hide the issue all the time or try to pass as people with healthy families, yet at the same time not share in a way that makes us vulnerable to being further stigmatized- by the common misbelief that there's something wrong with people who've had to really struggle within oppressive family structures? I've almost always remained silent on this topic, when I'm with friends or colleagues, because I'm trying to keep myself safe from others' possible judgements of me. Sometimes my silence feels like unwitting complicity with oppression by family and society. I long to find wise ways to mention or possibly, in safe enough venues, even sometimes discuss, my real family experience. That experience has been and remains a big part of my life. I don't want to deny that. I want to be real with my friends, but not bring them down, or get myself re-traumatized. Thank you for considering this.
I love this. I didn’t realize I was doing myself such a healthy step. I tell people all the time solitude is so Cuban amazing feeling!
I felt very alone until I found your Utube and your subscribers. ❤
So glad to have you!! Welcome. And thank you!
You don't know how badly I needed to hear this. Thank you so much for sharing. This video is very beneficial for my inner peace. May God continue to bless you daily.🙏🏽❤️
💖🙏 Thank you and God bless you too! Very glad this was helpful.
Omg. You’ve put in words what I’ve been feeling. God. I be sooooo lonelyyyyyyyyy. My family has nothing to do with me really. I for 1 am an only child… my mom has siblings but my mom was given away by her mom. It’s a long story.. but basically my family has absolutely nothing to do with me. Neither my father side of the family. To top it off.. I’m socially awkward so I don’t friends.. But this video has covered my life. Please do more on this topic. I often feel like I I’m not even human due to a lack of family
I'm so sorry. That's terrible but not impossible to cope with. Perhaps at some point, God will send you good friends or strengthen your heart so much that you never desire them. I know someone like this and they are the happiest! LOL
But YOU are human. YOU are very much human. In fact, if you stuck around your unhealthy family (if I might say so) you may truly feel unhuman. Perhaps this road will be a bit easier. At least I hope so.
Hi, Dr. thanks for the video. I have an issues that I keep going back to my mother because I am still in need of one but never got one, it is more like that it is a innate need rather than merely trauma bonding.
Dear Tamara,
Thank you for sharing another insightful video. Your thoughts resonate with me deeply, as I too believe that family should be comprised of those who prioritize and support us.
Unfortunately, my biological family does not fulfill this role for me. I often feel undervalued , alone and forgotten by them, only remembered when they need something.
Your tips have been helpful in navigating this situation.
And I also agree that writing a daily brain dump has been particularly useful in processing my emotions and thoughts.
Thanks!
Wishing you and everyone a fulfilling and peaceful 2024.
Sincerely,
e.
You're welcome! I'm glad this was helpful to you. Wishing you the best and many blessings in the new year.
I moved out my PARENTS house 1976 move from Wilmington California to beautiful long beach California I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT TO WAKE UP HAVE MY OWN PLACE ME AND MY CAT LIVED THERE HAPPY FOR 5 YEARS BEST TIME OF MY LIFE...NAMASTE
I believe this us a wonderful way to encourage your listener's...👂👂
thank you 😊 That's the goal!
Great insight. Dealing with existential anxiety… find your essence.existence proceeds your essence. Find a new way of thinking and of being…
The transformation of being alone! The souls journey into the self.
Its god's gift that we happened to come across your channel
❤ Welcome to the channel!
Existential aloneness-what an awesome heads up Tamara. I feel so alone and never wanted life like this, ever So these reminders are very helpful and even encouraging.
I'm so sorry. I don't think anyone wants life like this. It's a process that I believe many of us will go through.
This was LIFE!!! thank you ❤
"I'M NOT DEAD YET " *Monty Python 😜💞
I’m not sure wanting to dominate and control life is a healthy attitude. I’m not sure the outlook will align with alot of the people listening, but I think alot of the time it’s important to know that while all your actions matter and have impact, you may not have any control over anything. Choosing when to surrender and being okay with not having control is as important as any fight. Put your mind and energy where they serve you and those who you can have healthy interactions with. Anyone trying to exert unwanted control over others will find resistance. On another side, some people are trying to restore connections that may have gone bad and all I can say about that is that if people are determined and they believe it is the right thing, all you can do is persist without pushing and try to make things different one step at a time while knowing that things may never change and that is okay. Everyone has their own story, nothing is cut and dry. If you take time to reflect, you will know how things have to be and that does not need to be a bad thing. It just is what it is. You don’t have to move on to let go.
Thank you. It's sooo good to hear. And so true.
Exactly! thank you!!!!
You are so welcome!! Thanks for watching.
I can relly relate to everything you are talking about here. You really get it. 🎯
❤Thank you.
That's healing in and of itself!
I greatly appreciate your advice! 🙏
Glad it was helpful! And thank you!
This is so helpful. Thank you. X
You're so welcome! Thank you for watching!!
Great video, Great timing.
Glad it was helpful! Thank you!
Thank you!!
You're welcome! Thanks for watching.
Thanks so much for this video! Needed it today.
You are so welcome!
Enjoying growing and being at peace
Thank you❤
You're welcome 😊
good stuff,thx
You're welcome!!
Thank you for this very good information
Glad it was helpful! You're welcome. And thank you!
This video is so relatable to what I have gone through and still going through. Thank you for sharing valuable information.
Also thank you for adding the time stamps!
You're so welcome! You're certainly not alone in this.
Thank you, Tamara. This was very helpful.
You're welcome!! :)
My father’s family back home are always making me unhappy when ever I communicate with them and the bitterness in my heart is now affecting the peace in my home.
I nearly lost my husband and kids in court late last year. And this year they have started fighting again calling and reporting to me.
I want to cut every communication off, but, some times the cut my husband to reach me.
Wow DOCTOR that is deep, being alone. AND you broke it down so smoothly YEAH 👍🏾 New SUBSCRIBER Thanks
Thank you for subscribing! And welcome to the channel.
Thank God for coming across your channel. Thank you 🫶
You are so welcome!! Glad to have you and welcome.
Awesome topic👍🏼👍🏼 thanks so much for your videos
You are so welcome! And thank you😊
Yes!!!!!!!!!!🤩 I need this for my husband.
You have mentioned your husband a lot on this channel. Thank you for doing that because a lot of people have spouses that are "stuck" in their dysfunctional families but do not know how to manage that.
thank you!
You're welcome!
Thank you again Tamara. I'm so grateful for your channel 💕..blessing's to you 🙌🏾
You are so welcome! Glad this is helpful. God bless you too!!
Great video! I'd like to see a video on creating that wonderful family that you know you deserve. It only takes one set of bad parents to interrupt generations of responsible, good family members who sacrificed to create a wonderful family. If you are the unlucky one who happened to be born to the "bad ones", there are steps you can take to try to reweave and reconnect with better family members. Sites like MyAncestry and others show you who in the world you are actually related to. You can start writing back and forth, visiting and then it's possible to actually move to be near better family members. YOU have to take the initiative though, they most likely will never find you if you don't try. Within a few years, you could be one of those lucky people who has a supportive family and not just accept your fate of being "alone" in the world always. Having bad people directly above you in the family tree is an extremely serious situation that could cut you off from all the benefits that your previous generations wanted you to have. So you have to go about forming your family very, very carefully. Maybe there are people who knew your family members were bad but "couldn't" say anything about it, and now they are relieved that you have taken the initiative on your own to get away from them and come back to the "good" side. Be sure to memorized all the Cluster Disorders - Clusters A, B and C, and especially avoid Cluster B - the "dark triad" - look it up and memorize it, and if you see any of those traits in any potential family members, AVOID. Good luck! USA is a place where families have been broken up and moved around all over the place, but now thanks to the Web they are reforming
If your family is from another country, why not examine that country and see what benefits having a citizenship there could bring? If you got stuck with the worst family member here in the USA, why not go to that country and be with the better family members, especially if it's a better one than the USA with more opportunity? You could have a whole different and wonderful life. Seriously check it out. I watch a vlogger who was from a really backward place in Alabama, and she got stuck with a bad relationship for her first one - a familiar story with so many women in the USA, sadly! She decided to take a teaching job in South Korea. She applied online for the job and got it after a video intereview. Within 2 months she met a wonderful Korean man and has now been there for 9 years, and is happily married. She makes great money as a vlogger on TikTok and other social media platforms, and lives in a much more affordable and supportive situation than USA that values marriage and family. She and her husband each pay half of a 4 bedroom apartment - for $550 a month, in a beautiful location. So there could be many, many happier situations for you than the one you're dealing with right now. Pray to your higher power, and keep an open mind, and start reaching out.
This was so so excellent! Digestible and very comprehensive. This is soooooo helpful for soooo many people during the holidays! Holidays remind so many just how alone they feel. Looking around at everyone who has a beautiful family to experience is exacerbated by this part of the year in particular. Gosh I wish every one of them could hear this very message. You're saving so many souls. They don't know how to see it this way but this message gives so much power and strength to those who want to feel empowered and don't know how. The hearts this will help. Thank you!!🙏
Thank you for this great comment! This is certainly the introduction to my live discussion on this topic coming the Friday before the week of Thanksgiving. It's a reminder that we all need.
@@TherapistTamaraHill I'm.really looking forward to it! 🤗🤗🤗👋😋
I've discovered in my many years, and especially with social media (facebook) that the "IMAGE" of "everyone who has a beautiful family to experience" is PART OF THE ILLUSION; although many families are able to overcome their dysfunction, the truth is that these "overcomers" are the EXCEPTION. The Normal Rockwell Painting, the ILLUSION and IMAGE of the beautiful "normal" family is for commercial use ONLY. A GREAT MANY FAMILIES are woefully dysfunctional and grievously TOXIC. Be Well and don't be envious of the ILLUSION. It's the ILLUSION that keeps us bound and in a state of trauma. Family is so overrated, as well as the "blissful" marriage. Both are sold to the masses as the GRAND ILLUSION. Respect and boundaries are lacking in most dynamics. It goes along with the generational cycle of toxicity and abuse. Encourage you NOT TO SETTLE for the GRAND ILLUSION. Learn about yourself and why you are the way you are, and NEVER, I mean NEVER settle for the Grand Illusion. No family or marriage is perfect, but KNOW and LEARN the cycle and dynamics of narcissism and abuse. Protect yourselves. YOU are YOUR BEST FRIEND and PROTECTOR. Best Wishes to Everyone!
Around the 1st Year of This New "Healthier Diet" when all the Science and Math Started to Really Add Up why folks were Living thru this were so "Unstable~Normal Reaction to Abnormal Tortures...
I began to struggle Alot with Feeling I didnt Deserve to Heal when So Many others I felt Deserved it More than I Never got this Chance to Learn this and Be Better....
If anyone else May Be Dealing with this Know those same Folks we Loved and Admired for Trying to Spread Compassion would truly want us to Improve!!!
As a Scientist would Want thier Innovations to be Built into Even Better Technologies and Advancements.
Sending Alot Love and soo Much Compassion .
You do helpful and impressive work Tamara. You are one of the top five Trauma experts in the country. Kudos!
Thank you Bill!💖 Appreciate that. That's an honor.
@@TherapistTamaraHill
The honor is truly all mine. I have so much respect for your wisdom expertise and delivery. Your informative videos have really opened my eyes to the field of Trauma Studies. Thank you again for being such a needed voice in this world.
Have a wonderful week.
@@tiablasangoriti8347 thank you!! You too!
Your right
🔥
I am still suffering from this pain even one year later. I am mostly fine with being alone in general but being estranged from my mother is incredibly difficult. She has been so entrenched into my soul that it’s incredibly challenging to let myself psychically get away from her. When will it end???
I'm sorry Cindy. I agree that estrangement from a parent is very very difficult and that's for many reasons. One major reason is because our society highlights mothers as always being #1 and when that #1 person is not there, you have to re-organize your beliefs, your needs, etc. I'm not sure what's going on because I don't have the details of your situation but I would suggest reading up on codependency and trauma bonding to see if you fit into these categories with your mom.
Take care
💯
It feels like im being punished
😔
Hi Tamara Hill! I'm really hoping to get online therapy sessions with you. Thanks.
Do you have any videos on existential anxiety and discomfort?
Not specifically. However, I do have videos where I mention existential anxiety and discomfort. I cannot recall which videos. I'm sorry!
I am 18 and am the 1st child. My parents were emotionally absent to me.. .
on daily basis I talk like 3 mins to my dad.. And many things..
I found out that i didn't had this space where I could express myself, my thoughts my feeling my opinion..
And i often rely on outside people for it n..
I want lead.. I don't understand where to start from.. I can't keep repeating patterns in life n repeating same mistake and I also want to know how can I heals emotional wounds caused my by parents and live a free life.. ?
Can u recommend anything to me
Any video or books or anything so I get to know how to I start healing myself.
I have been looking for a good trauma specialist for a very long time. I haven’t found one in my area. Do you provide out of state therapy?
It is hard to find good trauma therapists, I agree. I do provide out of state psychotherapy but that depends on what state you are from and if I am licensed there. I am also not accepting, however, I am not able to take on new clients for the next few months. :( I'm happy to offer consultations, however. Take care
👀🤔😮
How can one walk away from gangstalking involving family. I am facing persecution and have been shunned from my community wherever I go. I am always telling family where I move to. I get harrassed constantly
In my years as an adult, (I am 62), I've observed that the REASON for the gang stalking and shame inducing of children who defy the "norm" to distance from their family and spread their wings to building their own lives, or because of toxicity have removed themselves from the environment of the toxic family, is that SOCIETY, as a whole is like a cult in our generation, in that the enmeshment and dysfunction of family dynamics has spread like a fungus among the population, and because of emotional incest and other damages, families DON'T WANT to experience the "break up" of their own toxic environment, and this newfound independence of the one that "walks away" is a threat to their own origin, thus the shaming and gangstalking begins, in order to get the one that has embraced individuality, back in line. In times past, it was common for children to leave their families and go settle frontiers or voyage into new horizons, but today's family is obsessed with enmeshment and toxic family dynamics, and dare the one who decides to break out of the unit, to challenge society "norm" and become independent, the way children are supposed to be as adults. Best Wishes, and don't let their behavior bother you: it's all about them, not you. Their fears, not yours. God Bless!
Do you take clients from other states?
I do! Unfortunately, I am booked up for a few months. :( Hopefully real soon something will open up.
@@TherapistTamaraHill ok
I'm alone now but a psychopathic female can deal with being alone
Hi Tamara... What is your email please? Thank you, Chef Terri Rogers
Hi, Dr. thanks for the video. I have an issues that I keep going back to my mother because I am still in need of one but never got one, it is more like that it is a innate need rather than merely trauma bonding.
You're welcome. And yes, I know what you mean. It's a process of healing and finding something else to fill that void. Once you do find that healthy thing that gives you strength to move forward, things get a bit easier.