"CAN I OVERCOME TRIANGULATION IN MY FAMILY?" How Not To Give In |Psychotherapy Crash Course
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- Опубликовано: 7 июл 2024
- #trauma #FAMILY
#tamarahilllpc
Apologies for background noise at 5:06-10:01
A previous client once asked me "how can I overcome triangulation in my family?"
Triangulation can be very evil.
It can be evil because the players in the triangle may not understand what exactly is going on and who started the triangle.
This can lead to a lot of "he said, she said" and accusations that perpetuates family drama.
In this video, I discuss the tactics these family members use in dysfunctional families and give you examples of what this might look like.
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DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO:
0:00 intro
***WHAT TO DO
6:39 Describe the facts
7:15 use objective info
7:43 be open with where confusion originated
9:31 keep your eyes open to the roles
10:31 "I messages"
11:40 assert yourself at the right time
12:51 confidently make your boundaries firm
13:11 ***Example
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I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
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I left my narcissistic family because of triangulation. Triangulation is a sneaky and deceptive way to use people. It is evil.
Agree! Good for you. Healthy pivot.
I cut out all the unhealthy toxic dysfunctional family relationships out of my life. I don't like drama or gossip. My family is absolutely narcissistic and dysfunctional. I have to protect my own mental, emotional, spiritual and physical safety and my well-being.
My idea of family: people to feel safe around, enjoy holidays and other experiences and share my wins and losses, comfort. I am alone in my life- and, slowly integrating those who deserve to be part of my family.
Couldn't agree more. Well put. And I'm sorry you have to re-organize your "family." But it is healthy indeed.
Good for you!
This is a hard one. I have been hopeful that the triangulation would die out by itself. It's been years, still going.....maybe relocating far away would help? Feels so unfair to have to do that 😔
Yes, it is unfair. I agree.
Sometimes moving away can help temporarily. It's hard to saybwhat method will work because, as you know, every situation is different. It sounds like you are tired of it. I'm sorry.
I’ve been thinking the same thing lately. Just feel like moving to opposites end of the state
I moved away and I returned 15 years later and it's the same mess, just a different toilet! Same behavior, but NEW CREATURE COMFORTS; they're still miserable.
Family is who the universe places us with, our REAL FAMILY is who we hand pick to be in our lives.
@@LADYDIVAful yep. All is Well! Blessings ❤️
Tamara I just want to say I love you for doing this and being so good at giving helpful information. I’ve listened to hours and hours of this type of content at work for last 3 years, with breaks of coarse:). You’re one of a kind. My heart is full of gratitude. I actually included you in my gratitude prayers last night. Never did that for a content creator before. Haha. If ever you feel ineffective at what you’re doing please remember this comment.
LOL 🤗😊❤Thank you so much for these humbling words. I am always appreciative of prayers from those who follow me. I need them in this line of work! Glad to hear this channel is helpful to you. I will remember this comment indeed.
I feel like I need to move. My family is so dysfuntional, I feel like I’ve been all characters in the triangle…. It makes me so depressed & anxious… 😫😞
I'm so sorry 😞 That's tough. You have to do what is healthy for you in the end.
It's okay to love from a distance, especially if it's impacting your mental health.
I feel you,I am in the same situation now
Sad truth that some victims gets mad at the triangulator but ends up being a triangulators also👍
It is one thing to be emotionally in pain. It is another thing to take out your frustrations on people who don't deserve it. With people like this, I believe the best response is no response. I think some people love chaos. They are unhappy and it seems like they want to spread their unhappiness to other people. Very unfortunate.
Life is difficult enough without having to defend oneself constantly from the said mindset. I've listened 👂👂in, long enough to know that what appear's to happen within the family structure requires the expertise of not only someone knowledgeable about the family structure, but also someone who literally actually has made a conscious effort &/or decision to identify and change their curcumstance as a individual. The few videos that Ive had the opportunity to enjoy provides great guidence and has given some clarity as to the answers needed to solve, coup, & deal with such issues. Thank you & im watching now:🛌😔👀
I agree. Well said. Thank you so much! I'm glad these videos are helpful.
Friends do this too 😕 so F-ING exhausting.
Very true. And it is exhausting. Agree.
Sums up MOST of my family members I've known all of my life. So I had to exit. This triangulation antic is something commonly practiced in the work place where managers and supervisors already have a faulty moral compass.
Glad you got away. I don't blame you! No one wants to be around people, especially family, like this.
I really needed this!!! Unfortunately for me, my mom is the triangulator.. She makes up all kind of lies abt me ie. tell family members (1) that I was on drugs, (2) I tried to sexually seduce my foster dad and was put out of the house (3) told my brother that the night his daughter stayed at my house that I made her sleep on my floor. (4) went to my Pastor and told her that I cursed her out. The sad thing is that she never raised me and gave me up to the Foster Care system when I was 2 days old (5) she tells people that she paid my foster family child support. (6)the reason she claims she gave me up was that her mom made her do it. The lists goes on and on. Now I have a shattered reputation based on lies.
I'm sorry to hear this. Believe me when I say you are not alone. With family and parents like this, you have to do a lot of behavior management and seek the right counsel. Having a wise partner in crime or at least having the knowledge to deal with this is essential.
I’m sorry you know how it feels too.
@Uniqueka R. My apologies you had to experience this. I adopted 3 children from the system. I believe guilt is one of perhaps many reasons, your mom does this. It’s not right for your mom to have done this. Sad and disappointing. Praying 🙏 BLESSINGS ❤️
I learned about Narcissism after a breakup and with that I realized my mother was also narcissistic and was turning my children and other family members against me. But I learned all of this slowly over time. She’s very covert with it. I just don’t understand. It’s draining and depressing to me.
I set a boundary with a disrespectful step daughter and now I am being smeared by the family. I am standing firm and now I see who the players are.
Can you see yourself using these tips?
In this video, I discuss how to spot these triangulating tactics and what to do to overcome (or defeat) them. Watch my previous video to catch you up on how these people operate within families: ruclips.net/video/PY2yMnyHTCM/видео.html
I’m not in a position to negotiate; I have power 🙅♀️❤️🔥✊
I feel you gurl
Excellent, thank you. It’s painful to review the patterns having been a pawn so many times but your work in the field goes a long way. I know Mental health workers have helped me so much 💕🌸
Thank you Olina! So kind of you and I'm glad this is helpful. ☺
What if you just have no energy to deal with your family who does this anymore? I’m pregnant and have a one year old and I just don’t have the time or energy to deal with my extended family anymore. I just want to live a happy peaceful life. The triangulation is constant and never-ending. I have tried to explain to my mom how she is being manipulated into the triangle as the rescuer and how it’s causing problems between she and I, but it’s like she willfully plays ignorant and plays into it constantly. I want to give up trying to make her see it. I have given up trying to talk to the extended family members who just project all their toxic behaviors on me. I don’t engage at all with them and my mom gets mad at me because I don’t.
If they aren’t acting like family then you aren’t obligated to put up with them. You and your children should come first
@@oncode7735 BET!!
@@shakurwonders5216 Smiles Yall Truly Rock ♡
And a Respectfully Bratty Rebuttal to Sir Wonders...😋
Its Not Just a **Safe BET its Truly a Lower Risk, Higher Yeild Investment that Will be Beneficial To Your Own Children's Futures!♡♡♡
Is my Geekiness showing too Much???🤭
Warm Smiles and Much Respect 🤗
Your mum's not ignorant, she's a willing participant. People who are part of triangulation, tend to hold similar views. The ones that care would see the truth eventually. You don't have to prove yourself to no-one or speak to any of them. The less they know about you, the better. You have to look out for you. Stay away from toxic people and look after yourself.
I have it!!!!! You are the Oprah of counseling!!! Cheers! Have a good night!
Such an honor 🥰 Thank you!
Really helpful! I did not learn effective communication about my thoughts and feelings growing up because I was shamed or ignored whenever I spoke. Your examples and the reasons for them are like guideposts at sunrise. Thank you
Glad it was helpful! :) Thank you!
I have a cousin like this, I absolutely refuse to deal with her or situations where I have to occupy the same space as her.
Ignore negative. Embrace, your energy. Look at you. You a beauty.
So kind! Thank you for mentioning this.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Smile. I like your beauty. Keep a smile.
I have been working on trying to recover from at least three narcissistic type women in my family. I'm at the point now where I've gone no contact with most of the people in my family because their behaviors are so emotionally and mentally abusive. I am absolutely amazed at their triangulation stunts, but even more amazed at the blind faith of their flying monkeys. I am amazed at how my covert narc female family members play the victim, and everyone believes them. It's so sickening. They are the ones going around ruining lives, but no one sees that side of them. They cash-in on the havoc they wreak and then go on their merry way with absolutely no remorse. Their behavior and the blind faith of their enablers is so disgusting. It just makes me want to crawl into a hole in the ground and die.
I have of most recent, gone no contact. During my no contact I have been researching behaviors that have run rampant in the people I have shared DNA. I can't call them family😒
I'm sorry. This is tough. But I understand both professionally and personally. Sometimes you just have to walk away.
Hello Ms. Hill
Is it really triangulation since there are not 3 people. From my point of view, an attempt is being made to create a coalition in order to increase power and expand boundaries through a third thing/person - or not?
Wow! Spot onfor my ex husband!