For more help, grab my FREE journal prompts for improving self-care and boundaries in codependency and join my community! counselingrecovery.lpages.co/codependent-worksheets/
I appreciate you. I have had a lot of emotional trauma the last couple of years and I feel more codependent than ever and it has costed me quite a bit of control over my own life. I have to get better.
@@Minionette611 hey Mimi! I’m so glad you found me! I have lots of resources on codependency on my website too! Just let me know what you are needing help with and I’ll help you anyway I can!
Thank you kindly . I've always been so independent with so many accomplishments I did all on my own, including moving out at age 16, putting myself through college while working etc. so I didn't see how I could be codependent . I like giving and being kind, also extending the things others in family did not extend to me. Now I found out my mother is a narcissist and I keep getting partners like her, even though she is the one whose behaviour I had to run from. I understand how this happens now & I agree establishing self trust is key as that's been insidiously stripped away along with our identity in so many ways. Recently I've experienced betrayal from the one I thought I could trust and spend my life with who acts like nothing has happened 🤯 Thank you for the self help tools, much appreciated 💜🙏🏼🎶😇🕊️💫
Good idea for making ourselves accountable to ourselves in our own personal Divine I AM Presence & Personal Safe Space ! I AM finding the I AM Affirmation Discourses by St.Germain most helpful in reclaiming our own personal power & building a loving, strong & lasting relationship with ourselves & Our Creator, all the Divine, which only leads to the deep dive introspection work needed, with built in all-powerful Angelic support always, when you ask for it, listening in stillness of mind, we can reprogram & transform ourselves for reaching our optimum, as the Universe wants, when we ask & stay connected, the Divine always answers, usually immediately when you assume a loving creative activity for yourself ! 💞 Being Kind to oneself becomes a most important priority ! Things get better from there since you can start to feel better & keep building on that, yay ! ❤❤❤🎶💃🏼🙏🏼🎶😇🕊️💫
I have a sticky note in my kitchen that says I am not responsible for other people's -Actions -Reactions -Fears -Behaviours -Excuses -Feelings -BULLSHIT I read it when I need to and having a few sticky notes in my kitchen with these honest reminders really helps!! You've got this! Remember it's all a process! 🖤
But this is not entirely true. It you are an abuser you have to be accountable for your actions and tha in that case you ARE responsible for your VICTIM'S emotions. This line is not totally true. A lot of Abusers hide behind this line and hurt everyone emotionally and walk away while leaving someone to die emotionally/physically/financially If you ARE the CAUSE of someone's misery by YOUR deliberate ACTIONS than you ARE definitely accountable for the VICTIM'S Emotions
Setting boundaries is useless. The relations you have now at this moment will not acknowledge these boundaries. They are used to walking all over you. I had to quit my job, leave my narcisissit husband and narcisissit father and i had to leave everyone and everything behind except my daughter. I now live in a small campervan with my early retirement pension. It's not easy, i have very little money but finally i'm no longer a slave or a robot. I am living my life ... finally 😊
Realising I’m very codependent… especially regarding finances… I expect other people will take care of me because I don’t trust myself to take care of myself financially
I’m in the “setting boundaries” & “feel your own feelings” phase of this now. It’s ROUGH. I am/was the “giver.” I’ve done so much work on figuring out why she did certain things. Only recently did I start figuring out why I am in this cycle. It’s because of my mother. She passed away when I was 18 & I always felt the need to protect. Do everything I could for this person who often felt powerless. The situation I found myself in last almost 3 years. The dynamic was great at the beginning! But the scales started to tip. I did EVERYTHING I could to help her - with work, mental health, physical health & family. She stopped growing. Her problems persisted while it took a drastic toll on me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be with her again. I don’t know if I would want to be. But I hope the absolute best for her. She couldn’t grow with me; I hope she grows without me - because I am starting to be a better person without her. Bittersweet.
Yes, it IS bittersweet and a painful yet important lesson that some people aren't meant to stay in our lives forever. Sounds like you've done some really good work on yourself!
The pattern throughout my adult life tends to be, obviously because I am here, I keep choosing the same type of relationship. But the other pattern is that once I recover and find myself again I immediately lose myself once I get into a relationship. In finding myself after a relationship I spend all this time and effort becoming a well-rounded individual but the second I couple with someone I give all of that away and try and become “everything” for the relationship. I so easily give myself away and when I don’t get that same effort in return, I become empty and resentful.
@@MichelleFarrismft Thank you so much for replying,🙏. It's really not going to be easy, I'm 49 and only just excepted my childhood. I have had 2 relationship's with a narcissist and it's all finally making sense. I will work on this, I'm determined. You have really helped me and I am so grateful 🙏
I've spent hours and hours wondering what is wrong with me and why I have to help everyone I come across, even if a small part of me doesn't actually want to help. I didn't know what to call it…
A process of unlearning unhealthy behaviors in relationships with self and others. 1) Build solid relationship with self. 2) Learn to assess our relationships i.e., stop the fixing, neg. outweighs the positive 3) Set boundaries in all relationships 4) Feel your OWN feels, not others 5) Identify enabling behaviorsi.e., doing too muvh, fixing, control 6) finding the right support 7)do family of origin work 8) Build self-trust
I attended a 12 step for codependency, but I don't like how they want you to say your name and then "codependent". I'm much more than just codependent traits that I learned. I'm a loved, cherished, child of God. I'm not going to label myself like that. I trust God to heal me of these behaviors that don't serve me well.
Interesting- I’m Al-Anon they don’t do that but every group is different. You can always decide not to do that if it makes you uncomfortable but I agree we are many things - not totally defined by our codependency. ❤️
It’s definitely a recovery process and breaking the habit of trying to cater to everyone else’s emotions. They will get ok while I’m over here needing more Botox
Thank you for putting this out to the world. Today I am bawling because my alcoholic husband doesn’t think he needs help. I can feel the pain deep inside of him and it scares me. Building self trust and going to al-anon are my next steps. My brain keeps going to my marriage relationship instead of going to me first and healing there. This video opened my eyes. Thank you, Michelle
Thanks Jennifer, my heart goes out to you. I know it's so hard when others don't seek help but I'm really glad that YOU are going to help yourself in Al-Anon. You are on the right track! One day at a time, it will get better especially with that extra support!
@jenniferrackham8107 Thank you Jennifer for thanking Michelle! ❤ because my alcoholic husband doesn’t think he needs help either! And I too can feel his deep pain and insecurities…💔❤️🩹 my heart goes out to you and your husband! And my thanks to Michelle! I just found her!❤ My 6 mos in AlAnon was eye opening! But week after week the folks only looked backward in pain and frustration, focused on the alcoholic. As the program began to help me, I started to wonder when our circle would begin to focus on ourselves? OUR interests. OUR fun plans. But it never did. Always about the sick one. So I stopped going. I’d like a coda group. 😢
I finally feel like i can trust myself not to do drugs ...im taking therapy and rehabilation and my relationship with my sister is healthy, self rewarding, and determination to gain trust
Agreed. Funny thing is that living outside of codependency is so much easier and freer. But the default behaviour learnt in childhood is hard to break out of, making life and relationships so hard and painful. Wishing you a peaceful recovery, you are worth it ❤
7 Key Elements to Recovery Unlearning dyfunctional behaviours learned in childhood Relationships + Relationship with self 1. Build a healthy/solid relationship with yourself 2. Assess your relationships, do the negatives far outweigh the positives? 3. Set boundaries in your relationships, help us honour our own boundaries and needs 4. Feel your own feelings, you feel others feelings other than our own. Your body is where your feelings get stored. We can make dangerous assumptions of others 5. Address and identify enabling and controlling behaviours. We only have control of ourselves not others 6. Finding the right support. Al-anon meetings, Life Coach, Therapist, coda 7. Do your family of origin work. Pain of the past, childhood abuse and trauma Building Self Trust, Intuition - Journal
Thank you for this video. Really just finding out I’m co dependent and wondered why my relationships were awful and I felt awful everyday. Connecting the dots finally. This was helpful
Its like codependancy is the polar opposite to the narccissist? I guess this is why narccissists always seem to be in a relationship with a co dependant person? We fuel them? Thank you for the video, I have just realised that the psychologist I was seeing fortnightly was trying to get me to do exactly what you are saying to do to recover from co dependancy. Why didnt he just tell me I am co dependant? I have exited a 17 year marriage nearly 2 years now, the lonelyness is a killer but I have started to take up hobbies I used to have as a kid. But I still feel empty and struggle with self worth, validating my feelings and even listening to them. Its a long road to recovery 😔
Sounds like you are doing a lot of good work. Actually narcissism isn't the opposite though it may seem like it :) - they both need external approval but seek it in different ways. Thanks for watching!
Hi Michelle. I come from this as a person that has mostly healed from codependency and this is a way of me checking up. Very important as I have (largely through the help of online therapists such as yourself) mostly done this all on my own. I know you wouldn't recommend it and I agree in the main, but I am an INFJ so I'm actually quite willing to be self-reflective and introspective once I intentionally choose to focus on my own problems instead of others around me. This has helped a great deal and part of the reason why I was able to instinctively navigate the onslaught of difficult emotions that I'd kept repressed and hidden for decades. While I have managed to overcome a veritable laundry list of issues I still see there are parts of me that are needing encouragement. Fortunately I now do all of those things you have mentioned in this video. I have finally rescued that broken child with the wounds of abandonment, neglect, guilt, shame, people-pleasing and anxious attachment. I still see that I have yet to trust myself fully with this new mindset (which is liberating in any case) and do worry as to how I'll navigate life and relationships at the other end, but I'm more than aware of the boundaries I need to set and that includes this relationship I have with myself. Thanks for the clarity you bring to this subject and know that your approach to it will definitely help people to heal.
I admire you for doing so much work on your own - few can do that but I agree that it IS possible. Self-trust is a MAJOR key - so I hear you there. I created a journal on that too if you're interested. Thanks so much for watching and taking the time to comment and share your story.
Thank you for being you. I always love your content. I'm learning how to set boundaries and evaluating what relationships I want to keep and which ones need to end.
I've been doing coda 12 steps for almost 7 months now and I haven't felt like I've been doing step work in order. I've been listening to others at my therapy and becoming more and more self aware of how I have been doing things unknowingly based on fear so I've been looking deeper into myself. I have only just surrendered to the higher power, the universe. Only just releasing controlling aspects of my personality and getting a better relationship within myself. I copied it all from my mums behaviour after the break up with my dad but I think he also had some Co dependant traits and it lead to a toxic break involving kids. I love my parents and still speak to them but it's hard to heal around the people who made me this way. Hopefully soon I will see more of a change and be less frightened of intamcy. X
Thank you Catherine, yeah it's hard to look at our childhood wounds but that will make a huge difference in the long run. I love hearing that you are building a relationship with yourself! It took my many years to realize I needed that. You are doing great!
I've always known there was something wrong with the way I relate to other people, I just never knew what to name it. I even know where it came from, I've already had all the memories and the revelations. Now that I know what it is, I can go about fixing it. I'm just beginning to heal from it, but I think I'll start with trusting myself. I think if I can rely on my own feelings, it'll be easier to unlearn all the horrible anxiety I have surrounding voicing my own will.
I am just now admitting to myself I am very codependent in close friendships… which I think stems from my codependent relationship with my mom (which she admits to) and my separation anxiety stuff 😅 It even comes at the sacrifice to self preservation. I literally had an allergic reaction to eating lobster and said NOTHING for over over an hour as it progressively got worse. Why? Because I didn’t want my friend to freak out or be a burden 🤦♀️. I was getting a migraine, my tongue and neck was swelling up, and I felt electric down my limbs as my nervous system was shutting down but chose to say nothing. When I really needed a Benadryl and medical attention. Needless to say this would have been kept a secret from my friend but my mom forced me to tell her. My friend was very angry with me that I basically could have died and yet chose to do nothing 😅. And no longer am I allowed to try new foods in her presence because new allergies have emerged and I am not trust worthy in telling people I need help. So I need help I admit it now, I need to stop this need to be needed because it is driving me crazy! And it’s not okay.
This journey of slowly building myself has not only realized what I have done, but also how my former partner may have read my behaviors. Helping me realize the unspoken boundaries that I had crossed, and how to avoid it in the future
I found out that i am a real co dependt ...my last relationship wasn't that bad and i feel guilty to have a desire that I want to save... especially that the person is helpful and supportive..he knows my problems
Hello Michelle, thank you for amazing talk, I heard a lot like this in the past however your help re talks have opened my inner eyes , after a long time. Kind regards (Nellie) Natalie
Thank you. I’m subconsciously trying to hold on to a part of my mom by living with panic disorder because that’s how she lived. I haven’t had contact with her for years, but I’m struggling with this.
@phyllisboyle1162 Coda stands for Codependents Anonymous - a 12 step program for healing one sided relationships and self-neglect. If that is part of what’s causing the panic then it might help but therapy would be what I’d recommend for panic disorder.
Removing yourself when someone mistreats you, saying no to something you don’t want to do, not putting up with unacceptable behavior by removing yourself. Hope those help!
Absolutely, you’ll probably find this one helpful too! 5 Ways to Start Recovering from Codependency in Relationships ruclips.net/video/EvA7IUtEsCE/видео.html
Wet love eachother but I left my life and hometown behind including my young adult kids for him and almost 2 years later it still doesn’t feel right to start for yurt long run and he can’t leave his town
I've recently discovered I'm codependent. My boyfriend wants space from our relationship whilst I work on it. Your links are US based and I'm in the UK. Do you know any that may work for me? Thanks
My links should work outside of the US - have you looked at my codependency workbook? I'm sure its in the description of this post. It includes some very short videos. I'm also releasing an online course on codependency soon. :)
I know it may seem like a lot but there are SOOOOO many tools to help you recover. I have a whole playlist on this topic plus journals and courses. 😀 welcome to the club! You can do it! Baby steps will make a difference and sometimes it will feel like you’re stuck in mud but it will change your life for the better!!
Hey I need help. I don’t know why I have a hard time expressing and feeling my emotions. I feel like I’m always overreacting or at times I don’t know if I am or reacting just fine
Well your feelings are valid no matter what! You might consider therapy to uncover what’s underneath that. You might try journaling - I have a self-trust journal that focuses on building self-trust/self-esteem.
For more help, grab my FREE journal prompts for improving self-care and boundaries in codependency and join my community! counselingrecovery.lpages.co/codependent-worksheets/
I appreciate you. I have had a lot of emotional trauma the last couple of years and I feel more codependent than ever and it has costed me quite a bit of control over my own life. I have to get better.
@@Minionette611 hey Mimi! I’m so glad you found me! I have lots of resources on codependency on my website too! Just let me know what you are needing help with and I’ll help you anyway I can!
Thank you kindly . I've always been so independent with so many accomplishments I did all on my own, including moving out at age 16, putting myself through college while working etc. so I didn't see how I could be codependent . I like giving and being kind, also extending the things others in family did not extend to me. Now I found out my mother is a narcissist and I keep getting partners like her, even though she is the one whose behaviour I had to run from. I understand how this happens now & I agree establishing self trust is key as that's been insidiously stripped away along with our identity in so many ways. Recently I've experienced betrayal from the one I thought I could trust and spend my life with who acts like nothing has happened 🤯 Thank you for the self help tools, much appreciated 💜🙏🏼🎶😇🕊️💫
Good idea for making ourselves accountable to ourselves in our own personal Divine I AM Presence & Personal Safe Space !
I AM finding the I AM Affirmation Discourses by St.Germain most helpful in reclaiming our own personal power & building a loving, strong & lasting relationship with ourselves & Our Creator, all the Divine, which only leads to the deep dive introspection work needed, with built in all-powerful Angelic support always, when you ask for it, listening in stillness of mind, we can reprogram & transform ourselves for reaching our optimum, as the Universe wants, when we ask & stay connected, the Divine always answers, usually immediately when you assume a loving creative activity for yourself ! 💞
Being Kind to oneself becomes a most important priority ! Things get better from there since you can start to feel better & keep building on that, yay ! ❤❤❤🎶💃🏼🙏🏼🎶😇🕊️💫
@@naturalist369 you are so welcome! You sound like a courageous, hard working person. It gets better!!
I am currently focusing on “I am not responsible for other’s emotions”
Yes!! That’s so great and will help you with boundaries!
It's a tough one 😞
I have a sticky note in my kitchen that says
I am not responsible for other people's
-Actions
-Reactions
-Fears
-Behaviours
-Excuses
-Feelings
-BULLSHIT
I read it when I need to and having a few sticky notes in my kitchen with these honest reminders really helps!!
You've got this! Remember it's all a process! 🖤
But this is not entirely true. It you are an abuser you have to be accountable for your actions and tha in that case you ARE responsible for your VICTIM'S emotions.
This line is not totally true. A lot of Abusers hide behind this line and hurt everyone emotionally and walk away while leaving someone to die emotionally/physically/financially
If you ARE the CAUSE of someone's misery by YOUR deliberate ACTIONS than you ARE definitely accountable for the VICTIM'S Emotions
Same here. ❤ Dealing with the guilt that keeps on coming up, but I'm getting through it. I know I got this
Wow! “I wanted to work on my relationships more than I wanted to work on myself” so true for me.
Yep, that's really the heart of codependency. :)
Setting boundaries is useless. The relations you have now at this moment will not acknowledge these boundaries. They are used to walking all over you. I had to quit my job, leave my narcisissit husband and narcisissit father and i had to leave everyone and everything behind except my daughter. I now live in a small campervan with my early retirement pension. It's not easy, i have very little money but finally i'm no longer a slave or a robot. I am living my life ... finally 😊
Yes with narcissists boundaries are typically not respected at all. I'm glad you took care of yourself and I'm sorry it's been a struggle.
Love this for you ❤
@@miranderkawalala864 thanks Miranda for watching and showing up for some healing!
Praise God!
@@realestatecoach8626 Thank you for watching!
Realising I’m very codependent… especially regarding finances… I expect other people will take care of me because I don’t trust myself to take care of myself financially
That’s s great awareness Maree. Great work!
I’m in the “setting boundaries” & “feel your own feelings” phase of this now. It’s ROUGH.
I am/was the “giver.” I’ve done so much work on figuring out why she did certain things. Only recently did I start figuring out why I am in this cycle.
It’s because of my mother. She passed away when I was 18 & I always felt the need to protect. Do everything I could for this person who often felt powerless.
The situation I found myself in last almost 3 years. The dynamic was great at the beginning! But the scales started to tip. I did EVERYTHING I could to help her - with work, mental health, physical health & family. She stopped growing. Her problems persisted while it took a drastic toll on me.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be with her again. I don’t know if I would want to be. But I hope the absolute best for her. She couldn’t grow with me; I hope she grows without me - because I am starting to be a better person without her.
Bittersweet.
Yes, it IS bittersweet and a painful yet important lesson that some people aren't meant to stay in our lives forever. Sounds like you've done some really good work on yourself!
Thank you so much. I am healing from narcissistic abuse, physical, emotional, verbal, mental, and spiritual abuse.
Thanks for watching! You might find my journal prompts on healing narcissism helpful, they're in the description of this post.
The pattern throughout my adult life tends to be, obviously because I am here, I keep choosing the same type of relationship. But the other pattern is that once I recover and find myself again I immediately lose myself once I get into a relationship. In finding myself after a relationship I spend all this time and effort becoming a well-rounded individual but the second I couple with someone I give all of that away and try and become “everything” for the relationship. I so easily give myself away and when I don’t get that same effort in return, I become empty and resentful.
Have you considered checking out Al-Anon or Coda? Both of them deal with issues of codependency.
This has bought tears to my eyes. The realization I am a codependent. Now I know, I can work on this. Thank you, you're very kind x
Yeah, this is not easy but you are in the right place :)
@@MichelleFarrismft Thank you so much for replying,🙏. It's really not going to be easy, I'm 49 and only just excepted my childhood. I have had 2 relationship's with a narcissist and it's all finally making sense. I will work on this, I'm determined. You have really helped me and I am so grateful 🙏
Absolutely- you are not alone in this!
@@MichelleFarrismft Thank you. You're doing a great service x
@@colettesmith5891 yay!! That makes me so happy!
I've spent hours and hours wondering what is wrong with me and why I have to help everyone I come across, even if a small part of me doesn't actually want to help. I didn't know what to call it…
Well that is a huge step - knowing what the problem is! I'm SO glad you found me. I have lots of resources on my website too :)
A process of unlearning unhealthy behaviors in relationships with self and others. 1) Build solid relationship with self. 2) Learn to assess our relationships i.e., stop the fixing, neg. outweighs the positive 3) Set boundaries in all relationships 4) Feel your OWN feels, not others 5) Identify enabling behaviorsi.e., doing too muvh, fixing, control 6) finding the right support 7)do family of origin work 8) Build self-trust
Thanks for the great summary and for watching!
I attended a 12 step for codependency, but I don't like how they want you to say your name and then "codependent". I'm much more than just codependent traits that I learned. I'm a loved, cherished, child of God. I'm not going to label myself like that. I trust God to heal me of these behaviors that don't serve me well.
Interesting- I’m Al-Anon they don’t do that but every group is different. You can always decide not to do that if it makes you uncomfortable but I agree we are many things - not totally defined by our codependency. ❤️
AMEN 💞🌷🌹💪🙏🙌 🙏
It’s definitely a recovery process and breaking the habit of trying to cater to everyone else’s emotions. They will get ok while I’m over here needing more Botox
Lol! Yeah I know we go through a lot don’t we? Thankfully recovery helps a whole lot!
Thank you for putting this out to the world. Today I am bawling because my alcoholic husband doesn’t think he needs help. I can feel the pain deep inside of him and it scares me. Building self trust and going to al-anon are my next steps. My brain keeps going to my marriage relationship instead of going to me first and healing there. This video opened my eyes. Thank you, Michelle
Thanks Jennifer, my heart goes out to you. I know it's so hard when others don't seek help but I'm really glad that YOU are going to help yourself in Al-Anon. You are on the right track! One day at a time, it will get better especially with that extra support!
Hope you’re doing better x
@jenniferrackham8107 Thank you Jennifer for thanking Michelle! ❤ because my alcoholic husband doesn’t think he needs help either! And I too can feel his deep pain and insecurities…💔❤️🩹 my heart goes out to you and your husband! And my thanks to Michelle! I just found her!❤
My 6 mos in AlAnon was eye opening! But week after week the folks only looked backward in pain and frustration, focused on the alcoholic. As the program began to help me, I started to wonder when our circle would begin to focus on ourselves? OUR interests. OUR fun plans. But it never did. Always about the sick one. So I stopped going. I’d like a coda group. 😢
Hope he feels he needs help eventually
Good luck and Karma for yourself!
@@jacquelinegrace3
Good point- Looking at/ to the future…
I finally feel like i can trust myself not to do drugs ...im taking therapy and rehabilation and my relationship with my sister is healthy, self rewarding, and determination to gain trust
@@JohnyW.HamiltonNguyen that’s great Johny!
Codependency hurts so bad . It’s just such an agony
Yes, it does -have you considered checking out Al-Anon? It's a free support group for codependency related to addiction.
it is
Agreed. Funny thing is that living outside of codependency is so much easier and freer. But the default behaviour learnt in childhood is hard to break out of, making life and relationships so hard and painful. Wishing you a peaceful recovery, you are worth it ❤
Love your pup in the background. Very comforting. ❤
Yeah sometimes she's right there with me! Thanks Cynthia for watching!
Cute puppy chilling out in the background ❤
Thank you, she is pretty old now but loves to be right there when I’m filming. Thanks for watching!
7 Key Elements to Recovery
Unlearning dyfunctional behaviours learned in childhood
Relationships + Relationship with self
1. Build a healthy/solid relationship with yourself
2. Assess your relationships, do the negatives far outweigh the positives?
3. Set boundaries in your relationships, help us honour our own boundaries and needs
4. Feel your own feelings, you feel others feelings other than our own. Your body is where your feelings get stored. We can make dangerous assumptions of others
5. Address and identify enabling and controlling behaviours. We only have control of ourselves not others
6. Finding the right support. Al-anon meetings, Life Coach, Therapist, coda
7. Do your family of origin work. Pain of the past, childhood abuse and trauma
Building Self Trust, Intuition - Journal
Thank you - that's a great summary!
Great video which gives solutions but also describes codependency so well!
Yes! I was aiming to give both the problem and the solution!
Thank you for this video. Really just finding out I’m co dependent and wondered why my relationships were awful and I felt awful everyday. Connecting the dots finally. This was helpful
Good for you! I have lots of free resources listed in the description too.
You have hit me perfectly. Boundaries. I am working hard on these! Thank you! ❤
I hope it was a gentle nudge! ❤️
Its like codependancy is the polar opposite to the narccissist? I guess this is why narccissists always seem to be in a relationship with a co dependant person? We fuel them? Thank you for the video, I have just realised that the psychologist I was seeing fortnightly was trying to get me to do exactly what you are saying to do to recover from co dependancy. Why didnt he just tell me I am co dependant? I have exited a 17 year marriage nearly 2 years now, the lonelyness is a killer but I have started to take up hobbies I used to have as a kid. But I still feel empty and struggle with self worth, validating my feelings and even listening to them. Its a long road to recovery 😔
Sounds like you are doing a lot of good work. Actually narcissism isn't the opposite though it may seem like it :) - they both need external approval but seek it in different ways. Thanks for watching!
Detachment and self care
@@vishasaili7431 both super important!!
Hi Michelle. I come from this as a person that has mostly healed from codependency and this is a way of me checking up. Very important as I have (largely through the help of online therapists such as yourself) mostly done this all on my own. I know you wouldn't recommend it and I agree in the main, but I am an INFJ so I'm actually quite willing to be self-reflective and introspective once I intentionally choose to focus on my own problems instead of others around me.
This has helped a great deal and part of the reason why I was able to instinctively navigate the onslaught of difficult emotions that I'd kept repressed and hidden for decades. While I have managed to overcome a veritable laundry list of issues I still see there are parts of me that are needing encouragement. Fortunately I now do all of those things you have mentioned in this video. I have finally rescued that broken child with the wounds of abandonment, neglect, guilt, shame, people-pleasing and anxious attachment.
I still see that I have yet to trust myself fully with this new mindset (which is liberating in any case) and do worry as to how I'll navigate life and relationships at the other end, but I'm more than aware of the boundaries I need to set and that includes this relationship I have with myself.
Thanks for the clarity you bring to this subject and know that your approach to it will definitely help people to heal.
I admire you for doing so much work on your own - few can do that but I agree that it IS possible. Self-trust is a MAJOR key - so I hear you there. I created a journal on that too if you're interested. Thanks so much for watching and taking the time to comment and share your story.
yes and ditto! and thank you so much Xxx this has been really helpful, and such an important guide to start healing and moving forwards. Xxx
Thanks Amanda! I'm glad it helped! If you have any topics requests, let me know! I love sharing on codependency!
Thank you for being you. I always love your content. I'm learning how to set boundaries and evaluating what relationships I want to keep and which ones need to end.
Thank YOU! That means a lot to me - I hope you consider joining my email community so I can help you even more!
I've been doing coda 12 steps for almost 7 months now and I haven't felt like I've been doing step work in order. I've been listening to others at my therapy and becoming more and more self aware of how I have been doing things unknowingly based on fear so I've been looking deeper into myself. I have only just surrendered to the higher power, the universe. Only just releasing controlling aspects of my personality and getting a better relationship within myself. I copied it all from my mums behaviour after the break up with my dad but I think he also had some Co dependant traits and it lead to a toxic break involving kids. I love my parents and still speak to them but it's hard to heal around the people who made me this way. Hopefully soon I will see more of a change and be less frightened of intamcy. X
Thank you Catherine, yeah it's hard to look at our childhood wounds but that will make a huge difference in the long run. I love hearing that you are building a relationship with yourself! It took my many years to realize I needed that. You are doing great!
This has been really helpful, and such an important guide to start healing and moving forward.
Thank you for watching and saying so :)
I've always known there was something wrong with the way I relate to other people, I just never knew what to name it. I even know where it came from, I've already had all the memories and the revelations. Now that I know what it is, I can go about fixing it. I'm just beginning to heal from it, but I think I'll start with trusting myself. I think if I can rely on my own feelings, it'll be easier to unlearn all the horrible anxiety I have surrounding voicing my own will.
That's great that you are so eager to start recovery! I love working with codependency. I have lots of resources on it too.
This is very helpful. Thank you for sharing!
You are so welcome Dee!
That was freaking awesome!! Thank you so much for sharing this video! xoxo ❣️ 😁
You are so welcome! I'm SO glad it helped!
Really good stuff. This had taught me that a relationship only enhances the way I already feel.
Oh that is SO true and very wise!
Many of us need to listen to your messages for the healing process
Thanks BJ - that’s my hope! To help as many as I can!
I am just now admitting to myself I am very codependent in close friendships… which I think stems from my codependent relationship with my mom (which she admits to) and my separation anxiety stuff 😅
It even comes at the sacrifice to self preservation. I literally had an allergic reaction to eating lobster and said NOTHING for over over an hour as it progressively got worse. Why? Because I didn’t want my friend to freak out or be a burden 🤦♀️. I was getting a migraine, my tongue and neck was swelling up, and I felt electric down my limbs as my nervous system was shutting down but chose to say nothing. When I really needed a Benadryl and medical attention.
Needless to say this would have been kept a secret from my friend but my mom forced me to tell her. My friend was very angry with me that I basically could have died and yet chose to do nothing 😅. And no longer am I allowed to try new foods in her presence because new allergies have emerged and I am not trust worthy in telling people I need help.
So I need help I admit it now, I need to stop this need to be needed because it is driving me crazy! And it’s not okay.
Oh my...I'm so glad you are okay. I agree that speaking up is CRITICAL for you. You might consider Al-Anon al-anon.org
Very good explained. Thank you.
Thanks Kirsten! I appreciate that!
This journey of slowly building myself has not only realized what I have done, but also how my former partner may have read my behaviors. Helping me realize the unspoken boundaries that I had crossed, and how to avoid it in the future
Good for you, it sounds like you have been doing some great work!
Great Information. Thank you!
@@fondacormier4773 you’re very welcome!
Your pup is the OPPOSITE of anxious and troubled! Let’s all be like that awesome pup on the couch❤
Yeah she was the best! She passed away this last May. Cookie was great ❤️❤️
Oh NO!!! So sorry… that is super painful to go thru I know❤️🩹
I also wanted to say thank you for the wise tips… I need it now more than ever!
@@IamwhatIam2012 thank you, I’m grateful I could grief and didn’t get stuck there.
I think we have a lot of support on YT! ❤
This is 100% me right there 😢
I’m so glad you could relate!
I found out that i am a real co dependt ...my last relationship wasn't that bad and i feel guilty to have a desire that I want to save... especially that the person is helpful and supportive..he knows my problems
You are in the right place! I have lots of videos and free resources to help you heal codependency 😀
Thank you❤
@@tashat60 thanks for watching!
Thanks!
@@mickeyelliott5394 Thank you so much!
YES!
Thanks Zachary for watching!
Yes
Thank you for watching!
Hello Michelle, thank you for amazing talk, I heard a lot like this in the past however your help re talks have opened my inner eyes , after a long time.
Kind regards
(Nellie) Natalie
Thank you Nellie, I really strive to provide helpful tips that are easy to follow :)
Co-dependent Anonymous - who would know that there would be such a thing? Thanks for good summary.
I know, I’m very grateful these programs are so accessible!
Jimmy is the man. What a great corner
Who is Jimmy?
Thank you. I’m subconsciously trying to hold on to a part of my mom by living with panic disorder because that’s how she lived. I haven’t had contact with her for years, but I’m struggling with this.
Have you considered Al-non or CODA? They re both free 12 step programs that are online.
@@MichelleFarrismftno. I don’t even know what CODA? How would Al Anon help my panic disorder?
@@phyllisboyle1162 since you were watching a codependency video I thought that might be connected - if not then I’d recommend therapy.
@phyllisboyle1162 Coda stands for Codependents Anonymous - a 12 step program for healing one sided relationships and self-neglect. If that is part of what’s causing the panic then it might help but therapy would be what I’d recommend for panic disorder.
Being alone is a "one minute at a time" situation. I wish I were healthy.
I totally hear you, the withdrawal from relationship can be excruciating- I hope you have plenty of support.
It gets easier every min of every day. Focus on learning to love you.
@@ckl5801 that’s a great focus!
Very good video.
Thank you so much, I have lots more on this topic :)
yes. ditto. thank you.
Thank you Ami!!!
Yes
Thanks for being here!
Yes
@@rebecauchoa_ I’m so glad you found me! I have lots of videos in this topic.
What a great video, thank you for this. I've just recently discovered what codependency is and I think I'm suffering from it.
You are so welcome!
Ditto. Wish I had found this video two years ago when I was figuring things out.
Better let than never and I do a lot on codependency so hopefully you’ll be back!
I can relate!
Yes! You’re in the right place!
Ditto!
@@rebecauchoa_ thanks Rebecca!
I want to be free of this in my marriage and with my son.❤🙏
Hang in there, the good news is that there are LOTS of resources to help :)
Great video. Your story resonates with me a lot. ❤
I'm so glad Sara. I hope you come back again!
Indeed I thought I did intil my sisters both got dementia
I'm sorry, many of my aunts and uncles have struggled with that too.
Yes
Thank you for watching Sam!
What are some examples of boundaries for a relationship?
Removing yourself when someone mistreats you, saying no to something you don’t want to do, not putting up with unacceptable behavior by removing yourself. Hope those help!
Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend are the experts. I found their books at library and it changed my life!
Love this!
Thank you Karen! I’m so glad!
Thanks💕
You're welcome 😊
Very helpful
Thank you!
Yes
Thank you for watching!
Thanks , watched for a friend.
How nice is that! You’re welcome!
Thank you so much
You are very welcome Sharon! Feel free to check out my free resources in the description.
Thank you for this ❤
Absolutely, you’ll probably find this one helpful too! 5 Ways to Start Recovering from Codependency in Relationships
ruclips.net/video/EvA7IUtEsCE/видео.html
Thank you
You’re welcome!
Ditto❤
Thanks so much for watching!
Thank you
Thank you for watching!
I know that’s right
@@drleo6409 thank you so much for being here and watching!
Ditto! Thanks for your video
You’re so welcome! Glad you enjoyed it!
That was really nice. Thank you
Oh great! Thank you for saying that!
Ditto!!! 🎉
yes, ditto
Thanks Sue for watching - you're not alone!
yes
Thanks for watching!
Thank you!
You’re very welcome!
Yes!! Ditto++
Thank you! So glad you found my video, I hope you found it helpful.
Wet love eachother but I left my life and hometown behind including my young adult kids for him and almost 2 years later it still doesn’t feel right to start for yurt long run and he can’t leave his town
And yes I feel everyone’s feelings and worry about if everyone is ok
@@susyvallejo217 Consider getting some support - Al-Anon, Coda or She Recovers all offer free support.
DITTO. Great video WOW. Thank you
Thank you SO much! I hope you come back and subscribe :)
Ditto 💯
Thanks for watching!
yes
Thanks again for watching!
Yes
Thank you for watching!
Yes😊
Thanks for watching!
Thankyou
You are very welcome!
Ditto ❤
Thanks so much for watching!
Ditto
Thanks Tracy!
Ditto
Thanks so much for being here willing to learn!
Ditto! 😮
Thank you! You're not alone!
Ditto
Ditto
Thanks Sharon!
I've recently discovered I'm codependent. My boyfriend wants space from our relationship whilst I work on it. Your links are US based and I'm in the UK. Do you know any that may work for me? Thanks
My links should work outside of the US - have you looked at my codependency workbook? I'm sure its in the description of this post. It includes some very short videos. I'm also releasing an online course on codependency soon. :)
I hope you are in a good space!
Yes and ditto
Thanks Renee!
I recently found out I’m a full blown codependent
I know it may seem like a lot but there are SOOOOO many tools to help you recover. I have a whole playlist on this topic plus journals and courses. 😀 welcome to the club! You can do it! Baby steps will make a difference and sometimes it will feel like you’re stuck in mud but it will change your life for the better!!
How do I do the tip that comes before the bonus one?
Remind me which one that is?
Hey I need help. I don’t know why I have a hard time expressing and feeling my emotions. I feel like I’m always overreacting or at times I don’t know if I am or reacting just fine
Well your feelings are valid no matter what! You might consider therapy to uncover what’s underneath that. You might try journaling - I have a self-trust journal that focuses on building self-trust/self-esteem.
Or you could try Alanon for support and learning more about yourself. It’s a free program for people struggling with codependency 😀