For more help… get my FREE 7 Steps to Healing One-sided Relationships: The Codependent Solution counselingrecovery.lpages.co/codependent-relationship-freebie/
Some great reminders here Michelle. For me it was setting boundaries and detaching from toxic relationships, even family ones. Important to look at our childhood and see where those behaviours originated.
In the midst of a divorce that turned high conflict three weeks ago. I was able to see the insanity of my codependency for the first time because I spent a whole day thinking about how to help my spouse after he treated me horribly a few days before. Been to 3 coda meetings now. Thanks for this series. Excellent clear and concise information.
I'm getting better at identifying where I don't trust myself, pairing that with relying on my intuition to guide me. I am also focusing on not running away or cutting ties when conflict arises in building my relationship skills.
Hi Michelle - I've been in therapy for about 4 mos and my last session is next week. If I'm being 100% honest, I've gotten way more out of your videos in the last 2 days than I have in 4 mos of therapy. I think it's because you're a recovering and I can relate to everything you are saying. So my recovery looks like: 1) Listening to at least 1-2 of your videos a day (and replaying them more than once) and I have a "Be Amazing" Journal that my BF gave me last year for my 55th birthday...I broke it out and am dedicating this entire journal to my "Codependency Recovery" by jotting down feelings and notes from your Videos; 2) Daily talks with 1 of my friends who is a recovering herself; 3) Finally dedicating 1 hour/day to ME...something I've never done before....Ending my day with an hour of ME time....whether its meditating, reading the Bible, watching one of your videos or watching a Hallmark Christmas Movie....it's all about ME at the end of every day! I'm enjoying this journey so much so far (2 days in) because of YOU. Thank you so much!
Oh my gosh! I’m honored to be a part of your recovery and I’m sorry the therapy hasn’t been as effective as you hoped. I love your dedication and one day at a time, you are getting better! I have more resources ( free and some paid journals/works books ) if you’re interested. I’m so happy to be of service from my recovery to yours ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for your work. I'm sitting in bed on a stormy morning in the west of Ireland, listening avidly and taking notes. Been following your work on and off for some time now through your emails and though I do check out sometimes due to overwhelm at the amount of content I've signed up to (a trap many of us fall into, I think), I have printed out and completed your relationship checklist back a long time ago, and value your work so much. Thank you. I am on the long journey of recovery from a lot of neglect and abuse which started most viscerally with my mother who got so damaged that she bred 6 children over many men into very unsafe, unstable, toxic environments. It's hard because I don't know how to find spaces to say what I need to release because I worry that it's simply too heavy and would affect others, even though I'm not completely messed up or anything. I just always feared that pity card or weirdo card or damaged card. I've been actively working on my stuff for a long time, but v intensely since a family member/abuser committed suicide 5 or so years back. I dove deep into trying to learn about trauma and it was hard but so helpful. And then last year felt like for first time I really heard the term codependency and how it could relate to me. Listened to an audio book in 24hrs on the topic and never had anything describe my behaviours so aptly. Learning this has helped me break out of an unhealthy copdependent relationship which I'm very grateful for, though I still feel the weird pull of attachment, wanting to keep the link so that nobody will hate me. Fearing how much I opened up and shared with them and afraid to cut the tie as I don't want them to feel the truth, that they are not good for me because I'm learning but still haven't managed to solidify some boundaries that they know they can overstep. Also because they have addiction issues and don't seem ready to face their own traumas, behaviours, demons. I have this dynamic in many relationships and I suppose the fact I can see it now is a great step! I'm stuck on feeling everyone deserves to be loved and trying to break the pattern of a lifetime where I was more 'unconditional love' than an actual person. Sounds strange but I can see it clearly sometimes. It's how I grew to believe my love was toxic, almost because it was too pure. People saw my essence and saw that I wouldn't make them suffer i.e. Face their own shit without dumping it on me and entwining me into the toxicity of their choices. But although I am so smart intellectually, emotionally I was so damaged from so many directions for so long that it gets confusing. For me, and others. To be able to articulate and understand, but then slip into the same dynamics so seemlessly and silently if I'm not on top gaurd. And feck, this takes a lot of energy when you're also trying to make money to survive, while simultaneously working for my future self who I believe can thrive. Its hard. But its worth it. I'm doing it. But I get so tired, overwhelmed and in need of support sometimes. It's coming. I can feel it. I just need to keep showing up. Anyways, thank you for your work, again. You are helping people.
Hey Cathy, thank you for writing. I'm so glad you are learning about codependency - it has made a huge difference in my own life too. Your point that everyone deserves to be loved is challenging I agree but we don't always have to be the one loving them. If loving them hurts you, that's when boundaries and detachment can help preserve your sanity. My codependency workbook goes over this in depth because it's so important to be able to take care of ourselves first. It's okay to love from afar when the relationship isn't good for you. That's when I send them good energy and wish them well ( energetically - in my mind like a prayer ). Thanks again for being willing to do this work - it takes courage.
I've recognized from the beginning that this is a result of my childhood and watching 2 codependent/alcoholic parents battle 3x/week when they were drinking....and more alarming, staying IN the toxic marriage. It has taught both me (and my twin sister) that you should STAY in toxic relationships.
Yeah we definitely get some warped views in dysfunctional families - I did too. You sound like you have done some really good work! Thanks for watching!
Realizing that you’re not alone is super helpful because it makes the process of recovery feel less daunting. I don’t think that is a codependent thought though. Most people struggling with mental health issues feel alone at first.
Hey Michelle I found you on recent Avaiya course. You are incredibly helpful - clear and simple 💕💕Telling a codependent lists of what they are doing wrong is a mission to nowhere. Ive been in the recovery groups. I've learnt alot about narcissist personalities and narcissist families lately. They are deeply damaging. I have complex trauma and haven't found any counsellors particularly helpful with mine. I live in Dunedin NZ so it's limited - US is way ahead of us. My recovery from codependency is on a roll with your videos popping up every day. Looking at childhood pain can be so excruciating but I am doing a daily meditation (by Misa Hopkins called the holding) and it is helping me to identify and claim my feelings and sit with them. Also praying to God the Father and going to church - it seems that the meditation and the prayer is like mother and father relationships respectively. I was programmed wrong by my mum and my dad. So no. 5 relationships is where I get badly triggered - for me it's big trauma reactions to little trauma triggers. A humiliating life indeed. Finally I am ready to understand boundaries. Thankyou Michelle I am loving your help and regular appearance on my utube notifications 💕💕💕💕💕💕
My recovery is prayer, bible reading, prayer journal writing, and writing in journals about how I'm feeling and why and what I can take from everything ive done that has helped me. Its been helping but I know I need more help. I juat started recovery.
That's wonderful! Did you see my journal prompts posted below? They will help you with self-care and boundaries which are super important in recovery. Thanks for watching!
I never realized till now that I am codependent and that it has been effecting my relationships. I am ready to take action. I could use the name of a good therapist. Any suggestions, Michelle?
I want to have a healthy relationship in my life. I realize after my last relationship I am codependent and it is causing issues in my relationships w friends family as well as romantic partners..every aspect of my life is effected
Yeah I know codependency is a huge ah ha and not always easy to see but there are lots of things you can do to start recovery - consider joining Al-Anon or CODA ( 12 step meetings for codependency ) and I have free resources in the description to help get you started.
I searched of AI-Anon in my country and there is an existing group, but it seems to be for alcoholics. Do you think this will be a helpful place for me to visit?
Hello, thank you for making this video! I think I was able to get more clear about my situation and what to do next in order to be more healthy. At the moment I help myself with watching YT videos, journaling, and going to therapy. I did coaching too in the past. I want to try to work through my childhood asap. Nevertheless, I feel like I often times look away and choose to not face my problems. Many times I wish I was stronger to face them and be more disciplined and motivated to learn about codependency and everything else I struggle with. I think it must be that I don't want to take responsibility for myself? Do you have any advice for me?
My why? Stop being dependent on others for my daily needs and believe in myself that I can Trust myself and True Source and stop throwing my power over and over again.
OHHHHH this is so good! Trusting myself was the hardest thing that I did very late in my recovery - so you're way ahead of me! If you want a resource for that - I made a self-trust journal because it was a huge gap in my own recovery. Thanks for watching!
I can't find a support group yet. I live abroad and I would like some help. Right now my recovery looks like lots of meditation practices, some journaling, exercising, also eastern practices like chi walking, shaking... and so much music.
@@ddmontg3402 I agree with Michelle. I am trying the online meetings I have my third meeting today. Would you like that I share with you the Coda online meeting link ?
@@ANU-pz5bx I would suggest attending Al-Anon al-anon.org or CODA coda.org - two 12 step programs that help you heal codependency. I'm also working on a private Zoom class for healing codependency - so stay tuned!
For more help… get my FREE 7 Steps to Healing One-sided Relationships: The Codependent Solution
counselingrecovery.lpages.co/codependent-relationship-freebie/
Some great reminders here Michelle. For me it was setting boundaries and detaching from toxic relationships, even family ones. Important to look at our childhood and see where those behaviours originated.
Yes, that childhood piece is really important yet takes so much courage! I love that you keep doing the work!
@@MichelleFarrismft each and every day!
In the midst of a divorce that turned high conflict three weeks ago. I was able to see the insanity of my codependency for the first time because I spent a whole day thinking about how to help my spouse after he treated me horribly a few days before. Been to 3 coda meetings now.
Thanks for this series. Excellent clear and concise information.
I'm so glad it's helped you. Today's video will be released soon and it's on codependency and narcissism - maybe that will help too?
Wow! I identify with this so much.
I'm getting better at identifying where I don't trust myself, pairing that with relying on my intuition to guide me. I am also focusing on not running away or cutting ties when conflict arises in building my relationship skills.
I love that - that's great progress Kristel!!
Hi Michelle - I've been in therapy for about 4 mos and my last session is next week. If I'm being 100% honest, I've gotten way more out of your videos in the last 2 days than I have in 4 mos of therapy. I think it's because you're a recovering and I can relate to everything you are saying. So my recovery looks like: 1) Listening to at least 1-2 of your videos a day (and replaying them more than once) and I have a "Be Amazing" Journal that my BF gave me last year for my 55th birthday...I broke it out and am dedicating this entire journal to my "Codependency Recovery" by jotting down feelings and notes from your Videos; 2) Daily talks with 1 of my friends who is a recovering herself; 3) Finally dedicating 1 hour/day to ME...something I've never done before....Ending my day with an hour of ME time....whether its meditating, reading the Bible, watching one of your videos or watching a Hallmark Christmas Movie....it's all about ME at the end of every day!
I'm enjoying this journey so much so far (2 days in) because of YOU. Thank you so much!
Oh my gosh! I’m honored to be a part of your recovery and I’m sorry the therapy hasn’t been as effective as you hoped. I love your dedication and one day at a time, you are getting better! I have more resources ( free and some paid journals/works books ) if you’re interested. I’m so happy to be of service from my recovery to yours ❤️❤️❤️
❤
That’s gorgeous 👏
Thank you so much for your work. I'm sitting in bed on a stormy morning in the west of Ireland, listening avidly and taking notes. Been following your work on and off for some time now through your emails and though I do check out sometimes due to overwhelm at the amount of content I've signed up to (a trap many of us fall into, I think), I have printed out and completed your relationship checklist back a long time ago, and value your work so much. Thank you.
I am on the long journey of recovery from a lot of neglect and abuse which started most viscerally with my mother who got so damaged that she bred 6 children over many men into very unsafe, unstable, toxic environments. It's hard because I don't know how to find spaces to say what I need to release because I worry that it's simply too heavy and would affect others, even though I'm not completely messed up or anything. I just always feared that pity card or weirdo card or damaged card. I've been actively working on my stuff for a long time, but v intensely since a family member/abuser committed suicide 5 or so years back.
I dove deep into trying to learn about trauma and it was hard but so helpful. And then last year felt like for first time I really heard the term codependency and how it could relate to me. Listened to an audio book in 24hrs on the topic and never had anything describe my behaviours so aptly.
Learning this has helped me break out of an unhealthy copdependent relationship which I'm very grateful for, though I still feel the weird pull of attachment, wanting to keep the link so that nobody will hate me. Fearing how much I opened up and shared with them and afraid to cut the tie as I don't want them to feel the truth, that they are not good for me because I'm learning but still haven't managed to solidify some boundaries that they know they can overstep. Also because they have addiction issues and don't seem ready to face their own traumas, behaviours, demons. I have this dynamic in many relationships and I suppose the fact I can see it now is a great step!
I'm stuck on feeling everyone deserves to be loved and trying to break the pattern of a lifetime where I was more 'unconditional love' than an actual person. Sounds strange but I can see it clearly sometimes. It's how I grew to believe my love was toxic, almost because it was too pure. People saw my essence and saw that I wouldn't make them suffer i.e. Face their own shit without dumping it on me and entwining me into the toxicity of their choices. But although I am so smart intellectually, emotionally I was so damaged from so many directions for so long that it gets confusing. For me, and others. To be able to articulate and understand, but then slip into the same dynamics so seemlessly and silently if I'm not on top gaurd. And feck, this takes a lot of energy when you're also trying to make money to survive, while simultaneously working for my future self who I believe can thrive. Its hard. But its worth it. I'm doing it. But I get so tired, overwhelmed and in need of support sometimes. It's coming. I can feel it. I just need to keep showing up.
Anyways, thank you for your work, again. You are helping people.
Hey Cathy, thank you for writing. I'm so glad you are learning about codependency - it has made a huge difference in my own life too. Your point that everyone deserves to be loved is challenging I agree but we don't always have to be the one loving them. If loving them hurts you, that's when boundaries and detachment can help preserve your sanity. My codependency workbook goes over this in depth because it's so important to be able to take care of ourselves first. It's okay to love from afar when the relationship isn't good for you. That's when I send them good energy and wish them well ( energetically - in my mind like a prayer ). Thanks again for being willing to do this work - it takes courage.
Thank you guys so much. I deeply needed to hear this
I've recognized from the beginning that this is a result of my childhood and watching 2 codependent/alcoholic parents battle 3x/week when they were drinking....and more alarming, staying IN the toxic marriage. It has taught both me (and my twin sister) that you should STAY in toxic relationships.
Yeah we definitely get some warped views in dysfunctional families - I did too. You sound like you have done some really good work! Thanks for watching!
I have been working on early childhood trauma. I am very codependence I have always been people pleaser. A giver never been a taker.
Sounds like you are doing some very deep work. That work takes courage. I’m so glad you found me. 😀
CODA was step one.
Awareness that I was not alone.
Is this a Codependent thought? is always in my mind
Realizing that you’re not alone is super helpful because it makes the process of recovery feel less daunting. I don’t think that is a codependent thought though. Most people struggling with mental health issues feel alone at first.
I never realized till now that I was co-dependent and now with the awareness am reading to do something about it.
That's wonderful! Recovery is so worth it!
Hey Michelle I found you on recent Avaiya course. You are incredibly helpful - clear and simple 💕💕Telling a codependent lists of what they are doing wrong is a mission to nowhere. Ive been in the recovery groups. I've learnt alot about narcissist personalities and narcissist families lately. They are deeply damaging. I have complex trauma and haven't found any counsellors particularly helpful with mine. I live in Dunedin NZ so it's limited - US is way ahead of us.
My recovery from codependency is on a roll with your videos popping up every day. Looking at childhood pain can be so excruciating but I am doing a daily meditation (by Misa Hopkins called the holding) and it is helping me to identify and claim my feelings and sit with them. Also praying to God the Father and going to church - it seems that the meditation and the prayer is like mother and father relationships respectively. I was programmed wrong by my mum and my dad. So no. 5 relationships is where I get badly triggered - for me it's big trauma reactions to little trauma triggers. A humiliating life indeed. Finally I am ready to understand boundaries. Thankyou Michelle I am loving your help and regular appearance on my utube notifications 💕💕💕💕💕💕
Thank you Cath for having the courage to do this work!
Michelle You are helpful your face gives me comfort Am I codependent on you? Big fan and a little humor too ❤
Thank you Nancy! I appreciate that!
My recovery is prayer, bible reading, prayer journal writing, and writing in journals about how I'm feeling and why and what I can take from everything ive done that has helped me. Its been helping but I know I need more help. I juat started recovery.
That's wonderful! Did you see my journal prompts posted below? They will help you with self-care and boundaries which are super important in recovery. Thanks for watching!
Recovery is a lifetime project for me...
I totally agree Tom! One day at a time always! I’m in for life too!
I never realized till now that I am codependent and that it has been effecting my relationships. I am ready to take action. I could use the name of a good therapist. Any suggestions, Michelle?
I would only know local people in San Jose CA. Email me and we can figure that out.
Thanks for sharing these tips. Super helpful. ❤
You are so welcome!
I am codependent with my alcoholic adult Son .. I’m so exhausted in every way ,, I’m at the end of my rope .
@@deanihendry7967 have you considered Al-Anon? They offer free support just for your situation.
I want to have a healthy relationship in my life. I realize after my last relationship I am codependent and it is causing issues in my relationships w friends family as well as romantic partners..every aspect of my life is effected
Yeah I know codependency is a huge ah ha and not always easy to see but there are lots of things you can do to start recovery - consider joining Al-Anon or CODA ( 12 step meetings for codependency ) and I have free resources in the description to help get you started.
I searched of AI-Anon in my country and there is an existing group, but it seems to be for alcoholics. Do you think this will be a helpful place for me to visit?
Here is the link al-anon.org and yes if you related to codependency it would be worth checking out!
Great video! I passed it in to a friend.
Thanks so much and thanks too for watching!
Thanks Michelle - super helpful and clear. Hope all is well your end.
Thanks Vicki!
Hello ! Thank you for this video.
You are very welcome!
Hello,
thank you for making this video! I think I was able to get more clear about my situation and what to do next in order to be more healthy.
At the moment I help myself with watching YT videos, journaling, and going to therapy. I did coaching too in the past.
I want to try to work through my childhood asap.
Nevertheless, I feel like I often times look away and choose to not face my problems. Many times I wish I was stronger to face them and be more disciplined and motivated to learn about codependency and everything else I struggle with.
I think it must be that I don't want to take responsibility for myself?
Do you have any advice for me?
I really can’t give advice there but I would encourage you to consider taking this to your therapist who knows you best.
@@MichelleFarrismft thank you
@@maxmakesamilion i aka way’s recommend Al-Anon too because it’s free group support that teaches valuable tools for self-care and relationships.
Thank you. ❤
You're welcome!
Unfortunately I’m not having much luck with your Apple Pay option… to be able to sign up for a few things. 😢
Sorry about that. Which ones are you interested in?
How do you develop your intuition?
I have a detailed journal on this but the first step is to learn how to recognize what yours looks like.
Great video, I'm so glad that you shared this.
Thanks Julie! I hope it was helpful!
My why? Stop being dependent on others for my daily needs and believe in myself that I can Trust myself and True Source and stop throwing my power over and over again.
OHHHHH this is so good! Trusting myself was the hardest thing that I did very late in my recovery - so you're way ahead of me! If you want a resource for that - I made a self-trust journal because it was a huge gap in my own recovery. Thanks for watching!
Just wanna add for any Christians that may see this theres also celebrate recovery❤ a christian based 12 step
Thank you yes! Also She Recovers is amazing!
I can't find a support group yet. I live abroad and I would like some help. Right now my recovery looks like lots of meditation practices, some journaling, exercising, also eastern practices like chi walking, shaking... and so much music.
That's great- Al-non is on Zoom though so you should be able to find a meeting :)
What if there isn’t a Coda group in your area?
@@ddmontg3402 I would try Zoom meetings in Al-Anon.
@@ddmontg3402 I agree with Michelle. I am trying the online meetings
I have my third meeting today. Would you like that I share with you the Coda online meeting link ?
I need all recovery
You are in the right place ANU!
@@MichelleFarrismft how can I recover tell me plz
@@ANU-pz5bx I would suggest attending Al-Anon al-anon.org or CODA coda.org - two 12 step programs that help you heal codependency. I'm also working on a private Zoom class for healing codependency - so stay tuned!
Why? Improve my relationship mojo.
Yes but hats a good goal to have! Thanks for watching!
❤
Thank you!
❤
Thanks for watching!
Trusting other people more than themselves.
Yikes.
Yeah that’s a common theme in codependency. Thanks for watching, good reminder of just how important that is in recovery.