You're Being Lied To About Goth Girls | WE DON'T Want To Be Your BTGGF
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- Опубликовано: 25 авг 2024
- TikTok is a big offender in this. There are a plethora of hashtags using the term 'goth' with things such as 'daddy issues' among others and even tips on how to trick us into seggs. People are asking on Quora about the bedroom habits of goths and if the questions weren't bad enough, check out the answers. The day that I sat down to make this video was the final straw to a bad week. I'd gotten a higher than usual influx of gross and aggressive comments and DM's, Had some pretty disturbing things said to me by literal kids and it ended by having disturbingly brutal photos in my FB feed of my very young cousin in the hospital recovering after being assaulted by her partner. By the time I sat for this I had partial function of my left hand after trying to bake off the stress...Well, at least I know what the bone inside my finger looks like with chocolate spilled on it! This week, I'm taking it easy.
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Dude, W*F are you talking about. Wanting to have a goth girlfriend or boyfriend is normal! I am goth. I am a dude. And yes we are HOT, because of our morals and values and on how we perceive life, and the way we look. We are a subculture in which our appearance is very important to us and therefore our attractiveness is a result of that. People admitting that they want to be in a relationship with us and as a result int*mate with us is nothing but flattering. We have even a niche for these type of Goths and its called "Romantic Goths". As the name tells they romanticize romance. And we all know where romance leads to. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT THEN YOU ARE NOT GOTH! YOU ARE LIKE THE MALLGOTHS WHO LISTEND TO MAIRLYN MANSON DURING THE 90'S. THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT YOU ARE A FEMINIST WHO TIRES TO BE GOTH, AND TURNED INTO A MALLGOTH INSTEAD! HOW DO I KNOW THAT? IT'S SIMPLE! DUE TO THE REASONS PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED YOU ARE JUST A WANNABE GOTH! SHOW SOME SELF RESPECT AND ACCOUNTABILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS! YOU ARE P*THETIC!
Such a stupid comment you had to post it twice.
Bait
Of course it's a male... No, there's nothing flattering about being stalked, sexually harassed and treated like an inanimate object and pursued for nothing more than being a sexual punching bag.
You just revealed how ungoth unmasculine, and mentally under developed you are with this untrue, illogical, and irrational comment. Some dude you are, you finished your pathetic rant in caps like you were a making point. Just like a hurt little child with no father, you couldn't keep your emotions and delusions to yourself. You need to go find your father to help you learn how to be a logical and rational adults instead of the middle school girl that you have revealed yourself to be. Angela Benedict and I had one. If not please seek professional mental health services, so you can evolve.
I remember the 90s, what you expressed is what the posers and jokes expressed because they were rejected by us. It is usually the pathetic posers who go around trying to gatekeep to conceal that they are not what they portray. Again, seek certified mental health services and go find yourself because we are clearly not your tribe, bruh. 😂🤣😂
how can you be so butthurt dude
The thing is they don't even want a real "goth" GF, they just want someone who looks dark and kinky.
Fr
That or an abuse target....the ones looking for abuse targets are the reason why I now save all my texts. No bullshit.
Most “I want a BTGGF” people would roll their eyes at Tradgoths and probably think MCR is a goth band
yeah and i hate how “looking” kinky is even a thing. based on stereotypes and whatnot i “look kinky” when in reality i am absolutely not
@@CaseyB3476 Yep, they want something "kinky" without the work it takes with the aftercare. They just want to boss around a woman and do whatever they want to her without real consent.
I’m so genuinely sorry to all the women in the goth community out there for having to deal with crap like this. Being a goth guy myself, I’ve had “normal” guys come up to me and talk/ask about goth girls like I’m “in on it” as they put it. While I’m not going to repeat all that was said to me. It literally made me sick. Y’all deserve so much better out of society and men in general out there.
Again I’m so sorry and I hope you all have a dark and wonderful day moving forward 🖤
🖤 oh how I love kind gentleman
women in general tbh
I really hope that this isn’t a repeat of attitudes against Goths from the 90s. I thought that we’d be past the point of people even caring about how we dressed. You see people who look like us on a typical weekday at your local Walmart…
Mike Tyson said it best: “Social media made y'all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it.”
Maybe we need to take a lesson from Mike and re-invoke the old etiquette. He's right. They're way too comfortable.
There's a reason I keep some Bath and Body Works body sprays in my bag. Some bitches have been sprayed in the eyes in the past and more will inevitably come
very very true. social media is by far the biggest plague of the modern age.
I miss the days of people not being disrespectful because we actually fought or they got their shit rocked. Not saying that I like to be violent though I have no qualms about it. I just get so tired of seeing the disrespect online. I have not seen this in person or at Goth events, thankfully.
It's crazy to hear that kids were talking like that and sadly it's because of the misinformation spread by those older than them.
@@Chill-mm4pnWhere I grew up, was violent, Orange County California, I'm 50 now, had to fight to be respected enough to not be blindly messed with , like a dog being forced to bite, had to earn it, sucked, Modern time's, Speak as you would in person or not at all.. the keyboard courage is hilarious to me.. cheers and Stay You.. Music is everything
In cosplay and kawaii fashion we have a saying: clothing is not consent. That holds true no matter what sort it is.
THIS. somehow people think being goth means they can treat you however they like. And that's not just being goth, that goes for pretty much any alt subculture
Thank you so much for this, it's GETTING WORSE. It's always some girl cosplaying as a goth (I'm not trying to be misogynistic) with Deftones playing in the background (not even goth), saying "goth girls just wanna be choked". No, some of us don't.
A LOT of us don't!
@@emberlikeafireMOST of us don't
Honestly it’s not at all misogynistic to call out these women. Just as it isn’t misogynistic to call out trad wife influencers who are telling girls to marry young and stay home with a bunch of kids. Either way they’re catering to male fantasies at the expense of other women. Internalized misogyny is a thing and we have to be able to call it out when we see it.
@@ASMRyouVEGANyet say it louder for the ones in the back! 🖤
Choking is strangulation and can lead to death
I feel like the "fetishizing goths" guys and the "name 3 songs by a band" guys would be a circle if they created a venn diagram
This is something that needs to be made.
@@angelabenedict I'm an artist who knows her way around both an art program and a photo editing program, so don't tempt me. xD
Someone make the meme already 😅
@@Eet_Miai don't get it.. why was he embarrassed about liking tool?
100%
I hate having to explain to people that I collect antique weapons, like horse whips. I'm not kinky, I'm interested in self defense. It is not for fun, it's for hurting people & matches my outfits.
People's minds are forever in the gutter. I'm guilty! When it comes to goths on the other hand, they just kind of assume.
thank you for addressing this again. as someone who sadly fits the "big tiddy goth girl" stereotype, i have been pushed away from the subculture many many times because of the amount of fetishizing i feel i get just for existing. it makes me extremely uncomfortable.
Relax those are hoochies. You know where you already belong. They don't know any better.
Im also a big tata goth and when I wore Full goth outfit i got barked at in school. im a senior in high school and it feels so annoying how high schoolers maybe even younger just view it as norm-it’s disgusting.
It’s not all men, but it’s enough that the r/gothsl*ts subreddit has about ten times the following as the regular r/goth music subreddit. 1.6 million members vs 156 thousand. That sub shouldn’t even exist in the first place since it’s just blatant misogyny, but that difference smacked me in the face when I was first wanting to use reddit to talk about goth music.
And that's exactly the disgusting crap I'm referring to. You have the men in there, objectifying goth girls in the most disgusting of ways and then you have women in there egging them on which in their tiny little pea brains is akin to consent since there's a female saying it's okay.
honestly, it feels very akin to the small handful of tradwives promoting that lifestyle, and the way those few pick me's just breed TONS of men who want to find a wife appliance to breed, instead of an actual human woman to share their life with.
like these dudes will fetishize ANY variation of the way women choose to express themselves and take it to the extreme, and because misogyny is so rampant, then you get a bunch of dudes who've fetishized it so damn much that they forget or don't even care that these women are actual fucking people
Coming from what is [now] termed an "Eldergoth," we didn't even think twice about it because we were empowered, not victimized. Women in the scene were always in control and would beat the hell out of you if you stepped out of line. We protected one another from creeps who thought it was fun to mess with the freaks on the dance floor.
The real issue is that anyone today that is dressing the part or “ playing dress up” as I call it confuse goths with all the millions of different subcultures of goths back in the 90s there was just goths and goths never took crap from anyone another issue a big one is the whole attraction to gamer girls and Japanese anime girls some women on TikTok are physically dressing up as gamer girls to attract men
It works till today. And guys could be active too control the line too. Some month ago we had crazy guys at the goth disco... and all goth had no fun at dancefloor with this drunken idiots. You could feel something must be done. What did whe do? All guys that could dance punk, stomp etc style... even me... made a cyrcle and danced this guys away from dancefloor. No talk, no plan, just wordless understanding. And it worked. No chance to get back on dancefloor, they leave the disco complet. You could see some girls realy 😅.
You look like Carl Mccoy
@@death4metal201 I have been told that before.
as someone whose finally starting to really get into the culture (although I've always had an interest in it and never realized I already listened to a few goth bands like joy division, lebanon hanover, and a lot of post punk bands that I don't know if people call them goth or post punk I've seen s lot of debate online) I really wish I could've seen that. it sounds like it was both great to be apart of such a strong community but scary since so many people where looking to bully you. I guess that's the thing about being a newbie to something, I don't know what's right or wrong and there's so many opinions and I still feel like an outsider. I'm trying to research about the goth scene back then though and the goths of today and learn about the culture and the music. I'm truly fascinated with it and love it, im just confused and wishing I was there in the 80s
Ugh.. I remember when being goth was just about listening to good music and wearing a lot of black. Today everything is so fractured, sub-genre-ed to death, and then there's the fetishization thing too. It's just creepy and sad. I miss the simplicity of the past.
Gone are the days. Thank you Internet!
Yeah, this is probably gonna be the main reason why I would hate Internet for the rest of my life. 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Modern Music culture has poisoned the dull mind's of many, trendy fashion, etc, between my Youth Death Rocker.. to now, Hardcore Punk, never used images of women being sexualized, I won't even listen to if otherwise, I also don't care to see the band on Album covers, seems simple because it's True, knowing my Girlfriend isn't going to get harassed, is why we the independent minded our above this behavior, modern ideas have sexualized everything.. look at Halloween costumes, Add Sexy too name it... I'm glad I grew up believing in unique interests and finding Beauty in the person.. my beloved Vampire Chronicles, wel at least the first 3, with no sex, it was, who, why, the Person,, not desire for something as simple as sex...your Awesome Miss.. you have a mind..
@@AtZero138 I would have said the same darn thing.
blame gen z lol they studied the "history of goth" so hard the over categorized it horrifically because they werent there 😭
my ex boyfriend was like this. he would be so aggressive towards alternative women, if they were makeup he would sexualise and if i only wore makeup thats the only time he would pay attention to me, its actually sick to the stomach that this generation has twisted the entire meaning of the subculture which is based on music.
we want to be treated like normal humans as we are normal humans, im so sick of seeing things like “mommy😍” or “goth daddy” and the worst i think is “goth parents” when theres partners involved who are known on social media i just wish things would be focused on music and art etc, rather than sexual aggression.
"anyone who wears black is either a criminal or into bdsm and self-harm" nowadays.. that's been my experience so far with people's opinions. I wear black because it's practical and it goes with everything else. I'm not goth or emo. But I do get these same assumptions coming from people, even kids, on the streets. What a world we live in.
As a 17 year old girl, I'm so worried about dressing goth because of these odd and inappropriate stereotypes, they're still going on and I'm so sorry you and other's have had to go through this. Goths deserve respect just like everyone else. I'm Christian, I don't want to be seen in such a way and people already assume I'm not going to be "goth enough." Thank you for talking about this though.
hey i wanna let you know you dont NEED to dress goth to be goth!! its music based just listen to goth music and boom youre goth :)
I'm a christian goth too and feel the same way. Luckily, I haven't experienced that since I dress pretty modestly most of the time.
Something tells me they all took advice from Fifty Shades of Grey. A recipe for disaster.
For sure. It shows.
I’m not that much of a tv watcher so I unfortunately never saw it 😭
i hate that book SO FUCKING MUCH, because it did SUCH a disservice to BDSM culture. painted this horrific picture of what "BDSM" is and completely ignored the fact that the entire base of BDSM culture is ACTUALLY informed consent
There's so many reasons why I find it so important to emphasize that Goth is a music based subculture with roots and influences that extend far beyond just aesthetics and a ''lifestyle''. Respecting the roots is just one reason as is my desire to keep the culture from being commodified and diluted for corporate branding.
Another big reason, as your video reminded me is 'cause this constant dismissing and devolving of Goth into nothing more than an aesthetic and a ''style'' has at least in my experience encouraged such objectification and blatant abuse towards women and other marginalized people in the culture even further. The things it grew up on and the history of protecting eachother means nothing to them, it feels like.
How some people I've met like this insist that such wolfish behaviour and any bigoted and sexist beliefs are fine and compatible because ''it's just a lifestyle/style/aesthetic'' or whatever.
I don't really know what it feels like to be the target of these things as a pretty masculine straight guy. There's some stuff I go through sure but I'm not the target of bigotry or sexual intimidation. Doesn't mean I wanna stand at the sidelines and not care, though.
Don't wanna make it about myself or anything but I hope it means something that I support you and got your back by principle. Some things are simply right and wrong and I don't think it's just to not stick up for what's right and to not combat what's wrong.
Gotta stand up for eachother.
As an ace goth, this is something i dread when i go all out on my outfits. I show the tiniest cleavage, pair it with more gothic attire and bam, im suddenly a sex object, its extremely uncomfortable and its annoying. Lemme wear my lace, damn. Its for me, i like it, the music is fantastic and the subculture is fantastic and i adore the fashion, l dont participate for creepy come ons 😅😅
Feel u 🤍
Ace goth solidarity 🤘🏻🖤
_With social media has made everything worse with narcissists..._
_Everything is quite the opposite of positivity, caring, etc._
_...People in general aren't searching for love and that's the problem!_
Ain't at the damn truth. It's made things worse with narcissists and it's also turned People with a potential to be fairly regulated human beings, and to slightly apathetic humans with narcissistic traits.
I think it really just comes down to the whole “no means no” concept. I don’t care wtf someone is wearing, a harness, a mesh dress…whatever. If you approach them respectfully and make your move and are rejected…bye. Accept it with grace and class. It’s nobody’s responsibility to manage your emotional state. Nobody likes rejection but it’s part of life. Learn to handle it and the corresponding emotions. You aren’t “owed” anything. Men and women can wear whatever they want and that has nothing to do with their sexuality or preferences. There’s no need to defend or litigate my fashion choices. My body, my clothes, my choice. If it’s a category on porn hub, head over there and pay to enjoy the aesthetic if u want. Leave regular Goths alone.
What women objectify themselves through cornhub of and many more so I'm very dumbfounded on why it is men's fault when women are the ones objectify their own selves.
i think it's even deeper than that. obviously people just ignore the word "no" sometimes. but even the idea that "no means no" is problematic, because it should ACTUALLY be "yes means yes" and ANYTHING else, mean no, or at the very least, ask more questions before you take it as a yes.
but somehow they think that just wearing the clothes automatically means that's a yes, and um, no, not the fuck it isn't.
I don't know if you call it an influencer or whatever but Brittany Broski called this out on her last podcast. Some cosplayer guy was trying to get her attention on tik tok and then he said he liked "big titty goth girls" and she was like nope. I'm glad she showed the clips and broke down how disgusting it was.
Hi Angela, this is my first time commenting on your channel but I've been subbed for a while how.
One thing I do notice as a goth man, unfortunately, is that some of the girls I know ended up giving the jocks or gangsta type of men chances in relationships, only to end up being used just like you described. Because of the curiosity and fetish they have for goths
One of the issues I think arises is that because the roots of goth culture also attracts atypical people for our counter culture stances, which some who suffer from anti social issues like malignant narcissism or ASPD, think it's a gateway to infiltrate a subculture they blend in and exercise their abuse.
Those aforementioned girls dated toxic "goth" guys who would mirror everything about those girls and be their "soul mates", only to end up abusing them. So these girls kinda gave up on goth men as well because of those.
I probably don't suffer from harassment or fetishization as much as goth women do, but because i love doing instrumental and vocal covers to bands like, Type O, 69 Eyes, Sisters of Mercy etc, I've had same sex female couples inviting me for 3somes and getting upset when I say that's not my thing. Also non goth women who also approach me and touch me without consent in a public setting saying things like, "oh you work out and smell good! That's a goth boy i can take home".
They think just because goths tend to be counter culture they think we would be promiscuous or alternative forms of relationships and sexualities by default.
That's a perfect example of the bad apples that spoil the bunch. Just like the situation you outlined, I was the victim of someone having nothing to do with the goth scene but masquerading, pulling the old bait and switch and being a narcissistic bastard. Unfortunately, when things like that happen and put a sour taste in the mouths of the women who experienced it, they try to go for something different but end up right in the grips of a jock with a goth girl fetish. It's like, you can't win.
As for what you've experienced, regardless of gender being sexualized, being placed in uncomfortable situations by way of what people feel they can get away with saying to you and even worse, touching you without your consent is never okay.
A lot of men tend to be unsupportive when stories from men who have been touched inappropriately or have been victimized some way by women and try to speak out about it. I've seen men respond by laughing at them and even going as far as to call them lucky for being touched in the first place or to man up. I've literally seen this in cases of female teachers going after their young students. Grown men going on in the comments about how lucky that young boy is and how they wished they had a teacher like that in their day. Are you kidding me?
The suck part about all of this is when you try to speak your truth - regardless of gender, you're not taken seriously. Men are believed but shot down because they were supposed to have enjoyed it. Women are just straight up not believed at all. People need to really do better. I'm sorry for what you experience.
Honestly I blame PORN.
Me too. The way it categorizes and stereotypes people by age, race, weight, interest, etc, has really made dating as a black, alternative person annoying af. It's like, I'm in so many boxes at once, then people get frustrated I don't fit any of them. Like, why should I care about not living up to your imagination? What she said was so accurate for me
The industry makes their money off the backs of people who have nothing to do with it but are forced to live with the backlash. Some blonde girl next door type, puts on a black wig, thick eyeliner and demonia's for the camera's and does all the stereotypes for the camera's - She gets to go home and take off the makeup and wig. Meanwhile, we, actual goths go to Target to get some papertowels and a cheeky starbucks and someone's grandpa is asking if we like leashes.
They do it to everyone to the point where people actually believe what's being portrayed about each group. They get to act it out and take off the makeup, we gotta live with the repercussions.
@@angelabenedict i agree people wear alternatives as a costume while also hating us and its frustrating, but i would say all afab people are a victim to the porn industry. We are all stereotyped like different flavors of candy, women are commodities and objects in society and not seen as people.
LIke for me I didn't really see any goths or emo kids in school I mean the closest thing I think would be my friend who was into Lolita fashion for a good bit but I didn't know what that was at the time. @@angelabenedict
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve gotten the kink thing. Or catcalled. Or felt afraid for my safety. It’s absurd and it’s something I’ll never understand. Thanks for never letting us be complacent. You make me feel like it’s not “just how it is”.
If you think speaking up doesn't work, it does.. I am an autistic goth... 19 years ago I was diagnosed by a team of specialists... The misconceptions and misinformation back then was so bad, I didn't even know what autism was until I looked it up AFTER getting diagnosed. To make matters worse, autism speaks began their nationwide campaign to misinform the public, THAT MONTH!
What did I do? I started binging misconception filled threads everywhere I could, I downed them like a child with a planet's worth of thin mints and chocolate milk, I spent hours upon hours correcting people..and I don't mean a single sentence response, I wrote several paragraph responses to countless people... every day....I dealt with alot of angry people, I dealt with alot of ignorant people, I dealt with alot of well meaning people, I dealt with bullies, and I dealt with nazis.... and unfortunately I was one of the few people actually doing this....
Funny thing is.... people actually listened..... I know theres soo many people that don't listen... but people did listen.. There I was, an autistic, a person who you could say, is cursed with the opposite of the gift of gab....... and people listened....sure not everyone listened...but you don't need to get everyone to listen to you... just some....if you get some people to listen, they'll tell other people... and maybe they'll get people to listen that you can't get to listen. But somewhere along the line, someone will listen..
nearly 20 years later I can talk about the hell that I've been through as an autistic...and I am no longer alone in spreading the word .. instead of being a lone voice in the sea of opposition I find countless other people speaking up... and there are even random strangers, who when the going get tough support me in my efforts... after 20 years I am no longer alone, people listened, and people spread the word....
and you just now, listened, you read all these words, you read the passion I feel about this.. I have similar passion for Goth.....you probably do too if you're in here. All you gotta do is talk, keep talking, keep talking, talk and talk until you feel you're annoying people, talk and talk until you know for a fact that you are annoying people. Spread the word with passion, and it will spread passionately. The word WILL get around... Fight for the subculture we love.
I'm an a Autistic Goth too and I dislike Autism Speaks
Lol, everyone claims autism now. It's the latest trend, and it's stupid.
@@thiscorrosion3843 not everybody is autistic most of them only sees it as an trend and I was diagnosed with mild autism back in middle school and I have problems with Allistic people always fetishizing and infantilizing Autistic people it's gross asf also abliest too
@thiscorrosion3843 so you know more about my neurology than a team of specialists from one of the leading institutions in Wisconsin, a state that is INTERNATIONALLY renouned for our developments in medicine?
Oh right it's a trend, except 20 years ago when I was disgnosed it wasn't... instead it was so shunned I attempted suicide twice, which is how the mental hospital doctors recognized that I might be autistic, hence why I got officially diagnosed by said specialists
Have you ever considered you and the rest of the human species that is RENOUNED for thousands of years of bigotry might just be so oblivious about diversity that you have no idea how diverse the world i?
Better yet, what the hell do you think you're doing in the comment section for a goth youtuber motherfucker? Cause if you think you're goth, you just proved you're not... ON A MORAL LEVEL.. ABLEISTS HAVE NO PLACE AMONG GOTH... ESPECIALLY autistic hating ablists.. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE
@@akiraanime6014Fetishizing autists??! Now That’s a new thing.
Holy hell, people fetishize that too?
I am completely bewildered by the world.
Always important topic to speak up. It's so sickening to see some people, mostly men, commenting disgusting stuff like "goth mommy", "she can fix me", "bite me" and every possible sexual-oriented request to actual goths who aren't even into any of that stuff.
There's a difference between genuinely admiring us as people, and lusting for us only just because we're goths. Treat us with respect like any other human being, and for who we really are. Don't buy into that crap that we would automatically let you do anything to us just because we look certain way. We're not cartoon characters or "anime/hentai waifus" to serve your kinks.
They never want a real goth either 😅
Yes! This absolutely needs to be adressed again. It really can't be addressed enough! These creeps are disgusting🤢 We all need to spread the word and speak out. These situations can escalate and get dangerous very quickly. It's so sad that young children are participating in this toxic behavior. I 😢 fear for those children's future and the people that they will encounter if their behavior continues unaddressed. So Sorry that you experienced this Angela, it really is disturbing that inocent children are being taught this crap as well. Thank you for taking about this again It's a serious and important topic and you always cover it very well🖤
This is insane. I love goth music, and I have never really had the chance to dress the part in the past. Recently I’ve gained more freedom to do so but hearing this is worrying and making me wonder if it’s a good idea to adopt the fashion right now. I’m sorry to hear the rest of you guys have to deal with this.
Just my two cents…I don’t think you should let this BS stop you from experimenting with whatever fashion makes you happy. 🖤 It’s a music based subculture, but fashion is honestly a big part of the fun too, and if you limit yourself because of these creepers, then they’ve won. We don’t want that, do we? 🥰 And you don’t have to go whole hog; you can always start small and see how it goes ❤🖤Follow your fashion heart! 😍
@@hannahshmulsky7119YES I AGREE❤
Unfortunately no matter how you dress there will be some people who will be gross about it. Unfortunately if you're feminine in presentation and exist in public people think it's an invitation to make comments. Either sexually gross or mean and judgemental. If you put time and effort into doing your hair and makeup but not with a Goth aesthetic, there would still be men who would think you were doing it for them. They might think you're more 'wife material' than Goth women but who would want to marry someone like that? So you might as well dress in a way that makes you feel good.
I just call them all rapist.....then they get mad 😅
It's so childish and beyond low to push themselves on us and assume
So sorry to hear about your cousin. I hope she recovers soon and stays strong. Bless her heart.
We're bringing her some chocolate and homemade baked goods. Kinda my way of healing people is to feed them.
@@angelabenedict That’s lovely. Send her my love🖤
I think it's also rumors or stories that get spread and i'm just like, "JUST BECAUSE THEY LIKE TO (insert kink) WITH THAT PERSON DOES NOT MEAN THEY LIKE OR WANT TO DO THAT WITH YOU."
I think it’s over exaggerated because I don’t see any news about how people want to sleep with goths girls it seams like men just want to be with sleep with women that are stick figures and Japanese anime girls
I've interacted with goths growing up. They're so sweet, and nothing like how they're depicted in media, but the Internet landscape has ruined their reputation. It's a real shame that they are seen as these fetish objects and not actual people 😵
TikTok is such a weird place. I keep seeing goth girls calling themselves "goth bimbo"...what the actual f*ck? At first, I thought they were only e-girls, but no, their post history included music and other subculture references. Maybe the current generation sees it as empowering, but those types of posts do not help the situation since it perpetuates negative stereotypes.
That is one of the reasons I stopped using tiktok. It pisses me off anytime I see something like that, I think "goth" women who sexualize themselves or say those stupid things just to get male attention is even worse than the people outside of the subculture who fetishise goths.
I have made comments on peoples posts about this when they call themselves "goth bimbo" I havee tried explaining why it is harmful to goths and alt people to be labling yourself in such an degrading way and I always get attacked for it.
EXACTLY omggg it’s misogynistic too!! It makes me so upset, as a goth who is now constantly sexualised for it, I feel TikTok has made it worse. Not to mention that people lie and call it ‘empowering’ to call themselves bimbos and other degrading names, but there’s nothing empowering about objectification 😭😭😭
The current generation is nothing but labels. They don't know how to function without labels.
@@Eet_Mia at least Elvira had some sort of comedic talent. What I'm seeing on Tik-Tok is girls just using the goth label to show off their skimpy outfits. Which is fine there's nothing wrong with dressing how you want, presenting yourself how you want. It's just not helpful to the other females in the subculture for this to become normalized on social media
Back in the early 2000s when we still had a local goth night there was this weird Army dude who'd stalk me for a month or more at events. He was pretty forward and aggressive, he KNEW I was dating the DJ and he still tried to make shit happen, going so far as to slip shit into my drink one night.
That's terrifying! I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope that crazy dude went to jail.
Gross. What a weirdo
Anyone coming into my DM’s sideways, I invoke the holy trinity - MUTE, BLOCK AND REPORT. Not my job to educate these clown shoes. I appreciate your patience and tact in delivering this message to anyone who genuinely may be confused. 💜💜💜💜
Agreed. This is why we stay curious and learn to find the truth instead of sticking to one point. 😎🧛♂️
Thank you so much for addressing Angela, it feels nice I’m not the only one that is going through this, it’s sickening how many people by default that you are into BSMD and how aggressive people are towards you, it absolutely turns my stomach inside and outside
I feel so sorry for the younger people that have to go through this crap. I wrote a blog post about this three years ago and it saddens me that nothing has changed.
Thanks for speaking out on this
You're welcome, I hope you enjoy it!
I have totally experienced a lot of this especially when I was trying to date. The number of men that wanted to get with me just for sex was really nuts. Thank you for making this video, really need to spread the awareness.
It’s really sad what men have become honestly women are not objects they are beautiful human beings
they make it stupid easy to consider celibacy long term. its rare that men arent rabid dogs honestly
Ive been here. From guys pretty much cornering me and wanting me to take off my clothes so they could "search for the devil's mark" on my body to boyfriends saying that I wasnt what they were expecting from a goth. I was raised to have some sense of moral values. If I dont know you then I dont want you touching me or trying to dance on me/dry hump me. I dont put out on the first date or even the second. You have to earn my trust. I dont want to be hit or forced upon. I have PTSD due to some bad experiences and I want to feel safe. Plus I have black-outs and I cannot be held responsible for what I do to you if you trigger a black-out episode. I have no control over that and I dont want to hurt anyone. I dont want to be "spanked" hard. I have fibromyalgia and I hurt, physically, more than a normal person. I deal with enough pain in my body and I dont need any more. I dont want to do drugs with you. I dont want to go to every party with you. Im a quiet and sensitive person. I cant handle too much "noise". And I dont worship satan. Im a human being. I want to be treated with care and respect like anyone else. Dont assume that Im a certain way and then get dissapointed or pissed off when you realize Im not. And dont think Im going to let you get away with disrespecting me.
Thank you so much for speaking up! I have witnessed and experienced this objectification, sexualization, and fetishization, and I am bloody tired of it. I recently wrote a poem speaking up about it.
Sending you lots of love 💙
I'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with it as well. I like that you're taking to the matter creatively. I just can't wrap my head around how someone can be so damn stupid. Do they think Willy Wonka is a documentary?
Honestly, I've gotten used to rejection, needless to say, I don't really bother looking for a relationship. I do however let the right one come to me, Goth or not.
It finds you when you least expect it. It's better this way, at least then you're not tied up with other things when they do arrive.
@@angelabenedict It's pretty rare for me though, so likely in another decade.
I’m still 17 and don’t turn 18 for another 6 months and the amount of times I’ve been called “goth mommy” or “mommy” is gross i’m not your mommy I’m a child :/
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Yes, you are a child.
I've seen it a lot more too.. it's creepy and not in a good way..
Ugh, super creepy.
I was bullied in high school by a jock . I’m glad you are making these videos . It’s important to educate people . And share the right information about Goth Women
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Some guys just refuse to accept it unfortunately, regardless of how much you tell them they're wrong. Others on the other hand do accept. Those are the ones we gotta focus on.
@@angelabenedict It was ages ago, but I appreciate it . 😊🖤
Thank you so much for speaking about this. I've recently been thinking and noticing how many women, particularly online have all of a sudden become "goths" simply because they'll get views or likes etc when they are not and never have been a part of the subculture. And dont even get me started on what they're saying is goth music 😣While I definitely understand trying new things to see if they fit, and liking other things outside of the goth subculture, I really feel a lot of them dress up to make money through creating a stereotypical btgg experience, while damaging and causing grief for actual people within the community.
Love your content as always ❤
This is 100000% true, thank you for video, I think people outside of the goth subculture, don't at all understand the fact that our subculture is not a fetish, and we don't dress this way to be pleasing to any Men's eyes and it's very irritating and at times very scary, being fetishize by these men when you're just trying to go to the grocery store or just walking outside, and having a normie man come up too you or have them talking about girls like us in a very disrespectful way, guys who are clearly not apart of this music based community and have no respect for people who are different from them. either talking to us or about us, either to our faces or about us online, in an obviously ignorant and/or fetishized way saying things like they want a goth girlfriend or that they would sleep with a goth girl or whatever. So you're absolutely right we definitely have to bring this to light.
As someone who identifies with the goth subculture but doesnt appear too goth to the eye, your channel makes me feel safe and comfortable in my own skin and has givin me so much more information on the subculture enough to make me feel more comfortable to start to "dress more goth" rather than only identify with the music but the fashion as well. ☺🖤
It’s kind of a shame that some people are unwilling to see the problems with porn culture. Now let me just put this disclaimer: I’m not on the other end where I’m a promoter of purity culture. That’s a whole other ball of wax in terms of harmful things.
Porn culture kills intimacy in relationships and it perpetuates the fetishization of things that ought not to be sexualized.
Twenty years ago in my very earliest babybat days, I have a distinct memory of wearing a spiked leather collar to school and being approached by a classmate who asked “Woah, are you like… into that stuff?” To which I replied, blithely unaware: “Into what?” I’ve always looked back on that memory as one of two naïve kids having a conversation that was over both of their heads, in the way that so much of middle school was repeating raunchy humor you picked up from the older kids in attempt at trying on the trappings of being a ~cool, worldly teenager~, to pretty goofy results. I feel like those experiences of boundary pushing as a young person almost, in hindsight, highlight just how innocent we still were, and were a far cry from what I’m noticing with young boys today. Like, the intensely misogynist rabbit holes they’re able to fall down though unmitigated internet access at such young ages is…sobering. I do think it’s getting worse, or at least evolving in a way that makes it more glaringly obvious. It’s not that it’s new- in my personal experience, I definitely remember enduring plenty of ignorance and antagonism, but never in a way that made me feel unsafe growing up. I worry that it is much worse for the generation coming up in the scene now.
Most Goths I've met have been aces in my experience
I feel you, Angela, as an old-school goth. I have seen the transition of goth from Punk to Industrial age. My girl is a goth and most of my friends are goth as well. Some Goths I have seen sexualize it and is wrong. For example, that right there is the perfect stance when it comes to goth girls. Smart, strong, and sexy is a state of mind. I grew up through the late 70s when Sex Pistols, Romanes, and such were around, the code of dress changed of course. But what I trying to say is, now is all about sexual image. Most of my friends are goth and their behavior is not violent, some of them are nurses and professionals. I'm more of the darker side, in a positive way, of course, im a quiet type and my circle is small. Keep it faithful Angela as you have always done. Blessed be.
I recently got into dating. Even if my style is not that goth (yet!), I still get approached by guys who obviously only care about the goth/e-girl aesthetic, and the amount of nasty comments and objectification I've received for literally no reason got me feeling really, really sick. I was just talking to a dude and he was like "Oh, I've always wanted a BTGGF" out of the blue. Then you show them goth music, and don't even like it one bit. This is insanely tiring, to the point that finding a man that doesn't even mention it, which is bottom line, it's a blessing for me.
In the trans community,we call exploiters "chasers" bc they are only interested in the chase, the fetishization, the exoticism of trans people (largely trans fems) but not wanting to be seen with us in public for fear of being seen as "gay". This also goes into the transphobia bc these people don't see trans women as women or trans men as men. It's something I have experienced myself.
I love when you talk about this topic because you always do a good job explaining everything about goth fetishization, BDSM and are truthful about admiting there is quite a bit of cross over in the two communities. Also as a sidenote I'm a PC gamer, I've never had the chance to meet any other gamer goths. I haven't had your exprience in normal game lobbies but I have had similar ones in Discord when guys have seen my profile photo and in games like FiveM (GTA RP) where I tend to make my characters look goth. I have gotten the same mental health and self harm remarks, as well as people trying to insult me based off of my dark style. I have been treated as if I am an object, compaired to other women who also roleplay a more normie looking characters who then get treated normally or even simped for. I've had several people sexually harass me in game, even a child.... This view that a lot of people have on goths is so harmful and it's gotten so out of hand is incredibly exhausting to the point I don't mention I am goth online or create gothic looking characters anymore.
when you said the kinky fetish people are the ones you usually wouldn't expect. It made me think of one of these mixed nights and the guy we referred to as catman (NYC you might know the guy, tall, long curly black hair. cat suit, corset, healed boots, fetish guy) would creepily hit on every women and try to get women to fool around with him right in the open. All the goth women found him gross and creepy, but he would always get a women to fool around with him and 95% of the time it would be someone you would never assume. Traditional, normal clothed, "all American" usually blond for some reason, looked like she was lost and wondered in off the street. He would hit on everyone, he didn't seem to have a type. I myself had to reject him, so didn't everyone we knew and we would kinda laugh at him because it was like "we said no last month" but he probably forgot because we were pretty sure he did coke too, but 80% of the women who were making out with/grinding on him were blond and they weren't wearing fetish outfits (because that wouldn't be surprising) they weren't regulars either, Because even the fetish regulars didn't touch this man 😂. But yeah it was always the most random unassuming women and they would be so into him 😂😂😂.
Yes! It's always the people you least expect it from. I remember back and I want to say 1998, my mom's good friend had her granddaughter come and live with her. I completely forget her name which is crazy because there was a period where I took her out a lot with me. She was a little bit of a delinquent which is why her parents sent her from Oklahoma to come and live her grandmother in New York, I guess to get her away from the element that she was around in the hopes that she would buck up? Around 18 and really sweet, just made some bad choices. She was tiny, petite long blonde hair, blue eyes, very preppy.
The first night I ever took her out, we went to the bank. A couple of hours into the night, we can't find her anywhere. There she is with her shoes and socks off sat up on a platform off to the side of the dance floor in the main room looking happy as can be while getting a foot rub from a sex nerd.
Ang, you’re doing a great job explaining your side and your point about how people are portraying the goth community being fetishized. I am actually appalled and disgusted with this comment section which they’re just proving your point right. Keep fighting the good fight because what they don’t realize is their hate is giving you the extra clout. THANK U NEXT 😉
Agreed with literally everything you said! I'm into Metal as well as Goth (btw thanks to you, I've discovered so much of cool Goth music!). Unfortunately, a lot of Metalhead guys also seem to fetishize Goth girls, from what I've noticed. Plus I have my own experiences too. This one time I remember, I liked a Metalhead guy and we were talking online. He seemed to like me a lot, was lusting on me. Then I sent him a natural looking picture of me, just chilling in my PJs. I noticed he right away started losing interest in me. For one, they fetishize you and also expect you to look Goth 24×7 which is ridiculous. He was more into my look (in a lustful way) than into me. And he ain't the only guy who's acted like that. It sucks when normie guys do it but it's sad when guys who belong to alternative subcultures themselves do it too. And I've seen that a lot, at least with Metal guys. Not sure about Goth guys since I haven't interacted with many.
I live in a desert so the goth aesthetic I usually wear is whimsigoth or pastel goth aesthetic because as much as I love black, I do appreciate color. However, I had an ex who also believed in these misconceptions. And I'm like why? Then I remember him showing all these kink BDSM, shit with goth girls in the pictures. It made me roll my eyes. I agree I think because a big chunk of the subculture is into the BDSM, that the majority of the population just assume so. >_>
I’ve always been a goth, into gothic fashion and music since a very early age, and only recently started dressing gothic at 17 (when I could buy my own clothes and started to experiment more with makeup and my looks)
I tried going on dating apps (have deleted all since. I don’t like people lol) and the amount of sexualisation / fetishisation I received for the way I look honestly made me feel ill. I constantly get asked about any “extra” piercings I have, I’m called “mommy” and it constantly makes me feel like I’m looked at as a porn category. I’m just something pretty that exists to fill a sexual fantasy and it’s so gross
I definitely think tiktok and porn is to blame, i feel like there’s been kind of a surge in the sexualisation of goths / alt people.
Maybe it’s simply because I see it online more, but I think there’s been a biiig rise in the “goth gf” fantasy.
🤍 Great video Angela as always! Totally agree and yeah it's getting scary, cause they aren't being educated about it or want to, they even ignore everything we say.
Wish you an amazing week. Take care.
Yep. The #niceguys are everywhere. Tyical MO: love bombing and flattering, until rejected, then calls you every unprintable name and says that women never give nice guys a chance. r/nice guys has great stories.😅
'Nice guys' are terrifying creatures to behold.
Bruh hashaha I doubt it.
There are nice guys and then "nice guys"
its so weird that the guys that say this also make fun of goths... also half of the time they only want them bcuz of their 'sexy look'. they hear one goth song they're calling you emo and barking at you.
Brah what the heck ah man goth and the emo people are cool in my opinion man what the hell.
The overlap between BDSM and goth happens, especially in the smaller scenes where a venue tried to catch the attention of several different target audiences. It helps with business. Many DJs play at BDSM and at goth nights, indeed.
Kinkshaming doesn't help the BDSM community at all (it only stigmatises things further). But grouping things together (goth and BDSM) can also be negative:
a) it adds a sexual dimension to simply deeply enjoying music, which can make the subculture less accessible to younger demographics;
b) puts also at risk sexual abuse survivors who may have their PTSD triggered by (albeit consented by the individuals partaking in these public sex plays) graphic depictions of power dynamics. Sure, everyone deals with trauma differently (and there are people there with that trauma who are kinky), but the opposite is also true.
And regarding b), if we look into it, we sadly enough find ourselves coming to the conclusion that one of the most predominant types of sexuak abusers are these guys Angela talks in this video.
So, separating things, in my opinion is, as paradoxical as it might appear, more inclusive in the end. The kinky community deserves to be respected and having physical places to meet. The goth community has the exact same rights. We supprt each other!
What you say is very true, but I find the fact that men do not stand up to those that disrespect women, not just goth. I'm curious if anyone during that gaming incident told the teens to shut up or get out. I find that not many of this generation, and the last, step up and to "be a man" so to speak. Disappointing.
Agreed. They need more men to stand up and tell them that they're wrong. As for the kids, the adults in the room thought it was hilarious. It's kind of a mob mentality. When a group goes in on one person the rest kind of join in.
@@angelabenedict That's just sad.
I would have been SO appreciative if i had a social living or other type class teacher that was as on point as you in school.
Have you ever thought about working with younger people? This would help SO many (Not even just younger) but there are so many young ppl that fall thru the cracks and end up getting all sorts of crap..myself included . (..back in the 90s )
Im not even done watching but i had to get that thought out.
I always feel better after listening to you, especially if im having a bit of a tough day (& with the stuff I've seen online in the last day or 2, oooof..your timing is impeccable!)
I've become increasingly disgusted by the bold bs that ppl go on about behind computer screens.
You are appreciated so much. 🖤
Yeah i have been seeing it a lot lately. Mainly the sexual stuff of guys saying they want a "hot goth gf" or "big titty goth gf" but they don't care about goth subculture.
They just want to objectify women. In the metal community in have seen guys doing it but mistaking women in symphonic metal bands as goths and saying they want to be with them.
Goths were never suppose to be hot.. The point of goths were a statement of anti-beauty, against the popular girls, throwing barbie in the fire. Liking taxidermy over girly things.. You people have ruined what goth means and turned it into a hot girl with lipstick posing aesthetically with an umbrella in cob web patterend stockings at a graveyard.. that's not goth.. Goth was anti-beauty.. Anti-popular girl.. Anti-barbie... Beetlejuice was a role model.. Tarantulas were what they'd consider cute.. Frankenstein Monster is sympathetic and a man they would want to be in the arms of.. And going out in public and intimidating people, mostly old people, children and normie girls and freak out males, is a pass time that they enjoy..
Your own fault. You turned goth = altenrative beauty.. A grey scale edgey barbie, if you will. Instead of what it was suppose to mean.. It was suppose to mean Anti-Beauty.
Goth is suppose to mean 'embracing being weird, creep, freak' now it means being hot with lipstick aesthetically taking pics for social media.. You ruined what goth was!
Just to let you know, the girl responding to your comment - has an OF.
@@Dovisketchlol, Goth is and always has been a music based subculture, poser. It was never about "being weird". What you're describing isn't Goth, it's mental illness.
@@Anonymous-wb3nz then what's the look all about and the graveyard photos?? IT WAS NOT ABOUT MUSIC.. that was one aspect.. plus your so called 'goth music' of Depeche Mode and the cure are just MOD music..
Oh thank god, someone finally actually discussed this topic that I keep seeing everywhere on social media
I feel like I comment this a lot on these talks but it's not just a men problem, it's a non goth problem. I have had plenty of women befriend me only because of these assumptions and try to sleep with me, doubt my sexuality, grope me without consent, scream at me for trying to get away, strange women yanking my hand from my side to force a kiss while I try to yank it away. I have also had straight women tell me that they wished they could let their "inner sex freak" show in public "like me".
Other PEOPLE seem to think goth girls aren't PEOPLE. Feminist women around me that weren't goth and who I admired as the ADULTS in my life have spouted the same rape apologist rhetoric to me when I would go to them for emotional support AS A CHILD for this behavior too, and give the other girls in my community helpful, supportive words that would tell them it wasn't their fault.
It's not just men. It's cultural and it's toxic AF. I feel so gaslit from everyone in my home town (I am away from there now)
I did say this numerous times in my video that this is not a gender-specific issue that men and women are both guilty. I am however sorry about what you've been through, none of that is okay.
As someone who has been a lifelong goth and someone who practices kink in a safe and healthy way, this shit infuriates me like few other things do. It's insane the kinds of misconceptions these people have and how much of this is used as a cover for misogyny.
I'm mid 30s, gothic bi woman and into D/S kink, poly and open about it. I still get the normies looking for a fantasy, but as a grown woman who's not afraid to set hard boundaries and demand respect; i have no issue being the imposing, scary b!tch that will crush their nuts. But it's still frustrating that too many men are not aware of how to flirt with gothic women respectfully.😮💨
There's an increasing number of "goth" girls blindly experimenting in kink without the proper info on consent and autonomy, wanting to find their sexuality without knowing how to give themselves the respect they deserve, or how to demand it. Many "goth" young women are doing OF and sex work without the brain to consider the repercussions for themselves or the goth community.
There's minors that don't even know the body harnesses and bondage collars or bondage garters are a nod to kink and wear them because "edgy fashion"🙄.
The community itself is harming the way we're viewed, not just outsiders. I don't wear my bondage gear as accessories in public because my kink preferences are not an accessory for my gothness. My day collars are not leather and D/O rings or have locks, because my kink is between my partners and I. Not for shock value or to be rebellious.
Just like we encourage baby bats to listen to goth music and know goth genres, we should encourage them to educate themselves in their fashion/ "accessories" and their associations or meanings. (Too many goths wear symbols they don't even know what they mean or come from, especially occult symbols and runes without practicing).
@@ophilianecrWell you have nothing to blame but you're other brethren they let it come to this point a wise man once said if you tolerate everything you stand for notbing.
@coolgamer2135 what a load of bull!! 🤣🤣 Boy, was that a really stupid thing to say!!! So, who are you going to blame for me thinking you have small dīčƙ energy and limp d!čƙ personality? Mommy?🤣 Try harder, like when you think at all, try WAY HARDER. 😆🤣
I admit, things have been getting crazy in my life. So I haven't been watching too many of your videos lately. But this is an incredibly important topic, even if it needs to be expressed over and over again. Goth women being all being painted under the same brush that we're kinky or sexually explicit objects, is disgusting and dangerous for our subculture and that needs to be combatted in anyway possible. Thank you for the informative video as always Angela 🖤
Women: Please don't sexua1ize us.
Men: 😡😡😡
That is the perfect summary!
Please none of this sexism bullshit, most of us men aren’t like that.
As a man, I have the upmost respect to a woman.
@@jonnemopola7245 No, not all men, but a hecking dang lot of men. And cool, you respect women. Like, the basic minimum for every human being out there, that's how it should be. Are you also proud for not punching children?
@@Des_Ogers_Kaeselanze It’s obvious one shouldn’t punch children.
It’s one of my principles to not damage any children at all.
Maybe I just haven’t been on the internet or some circles enough to know about the amount of these disgusting men doing disgusting things, as I don’t use any social media except (except and only except if these are considered social media) RUclips and Whatsapp.
I also haven’t been an active member of the goth community, so I don’t know for sure. I have some goth friends and I enjoy some goth music so I check in on the community once in a while. Otherwise I listen to black metal mainly.
Anyways, I digress.
Respecting eachother’s genders is a basic and fundamental part of a reasonable human being, I say.
I have been disgusted by modern culture surrounding the fetishizing of women, I try to call out any and all piece of shit behaviour I can, if possible, it surprisingly often is met with an attack against me.
Sorry if that reply ended suddenly, I kinda ran out of things to say and my class started.
I blame A LOT of the BDSM scene for this. A lot of goths lovingly let them in our clubs and have special event nights FOR THEM and instead of having different themes it is almost ALWAYS INTENTIONALLY goth centered. It's even worse when they don't follow their own rules. But when you question them you're "kink shaming" like uh no I'm not, I would just like a safe space where I can dance and not be asked what kind of dildo I use upon first meeting someone.
Also want to note, good BDSM scenes do exist and actually create and form different themes as well as use different music for events. When they exclusively focus on "goth" though it is disheartening and pushes a lot of us away having to look for a goth night someplace else.
on one hand speaking up is important, but I'm also sick of explaining myself to people who are hell bent on misunderstanding me. The type of people who need these videos won't warch them unfortunately and the cycle continues.I also don't have the range to discuss the sociology, phycology, history, etc
It's called the male gaze, plain and simple. There are men who also specifically target women who are spiritual and into astrology just because spiritual people tend to struggle with boundaries and be more forgiving. I'm both goth and spiritual and I've seen both sides.
You have been an inspiration for me, and encouraged me to be involved in the alternative scene at home. Thanks to your advice, I have gained so much more insight to the music, the subculture and I've made friends. I found a place where I belong thanks to you and you are appreciated by so many here! Please continue to be you and educate people about the music. Blessed be dear!
Thank you so much, blessed be! I'm really happy to hear that I've been able to help and guide you. There's a lot of us out there that genuinely just want to help and see you thrive. There's no better feeling than that feeling of belonging. Of standing in a place and feeling comfortable and completely confident that this is your home. I'm so glad that you found it.
If you are ever in the SF Bay Area, you should check out the events we have here. Have a great day!
There's an ever-increasing gap between mundane, real life reality, and proctored/produced online fantasy. This is hardly exclusive to goth subculture.
Not to state the obvious, but the more "exotic" a subculture appears to the average individual, the more likely the average individual will have misconceptions that don't mesh with that mundane reality. It doesn't help that there are people who are actively pushing those stereotypes, who consider themselves a part of the subculture. And no, I'm not going to be the one to correct anyone.
I'd say that people just don't know how to behave in a civil manner in 2023 (online, or even IRL), but when I roll back the clock to the 90s, it was the same. To pretend as though people were better behaved back then, would be disingenuous.
Thank you Angela for the informative video 🖤. I feel sorry for anyone who has experienced this type of behaviour, not even I could ever wish it on my worst enemy, it is invasive and disgusting. I can only hope the situation gets better through people taking the time to learn and gain an understanding of all spaces.
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read or write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn" - Alvin Toffer.
This holds very true today, especially with media literacy. People cannot separate fantasy and reality anymore. And then shit like this happens. People started bringing their fetishes onto their daily lives and others.
Great video, thank you so much for addressing this problem again, it's definitely necessary. And very, very good warning when it comes to the people on the scene who are quiet about their feelings, I learned that lesson the hard way by running afoul of narcissistic and sociopathic people pretending to be goth to try and abuse actual goths. Watch out for those types.
Yeah it makes me mad when people made fun of goths, alternative, darkly inclined and so many others like us... But now they think it's cool and then still treat people in the subculture like crap. That's why it never happens around me because I'll go off on someone real quick. I just wish people would leave us alone permanently or keep their opinions to theirselves.
Very eloquently expressed. Thank you for speaking on this subject. There's such an odd entitlement from people outside of the subculture that feel autonomy and consent are on the back burner. A goth girl just has to be open about sexuality and kink and that's all she should ever want to talk about... Yeah no. These harmful assumptions and stereotypes perpetuated by willfully ignorant people are reaaaally tired. Less of that, please.
Does anyone have the song name??
You're very welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed it. The entitlement is very disturbing because it's something that I'm watching get worse. There's always been this odd since of dehumanization by way of those outside of alternative subcultures when approaching someone who happens to be part of an alternative subculture. There's not even a gradual lead up to the approach, they're just vulgar and obscene from the jump Because in their heads, this is how you're supposed to treat us. They end up treating you more like an object than a person So they feel a lot more comfortable and confident saying things to you that they wouldn't say to anyone else.
@@angelabenedict Nail on the head. 🤦
I think my boyfriend who isn't outwardly alternative and doesn't enjoy goth music likes my appearance because it's an expression of my personality. I've looked like a million different people since we started dating, and I am who I am now, and I look a certain way, and he thinks it's cool because it's what I'm into. 🖤
Good grief! I had no idea what goths had to put up with.
If you want to see a prime example, take a look down in the comments at the most recent.
@@angelabenedict At the most recent what?
@@iollan286 It's gone. We had a pervert going on in the comments about how he's not goths but when he hears that a goth isn't kinky he's disappointed.
I am also curious to know if any girls from other music based subcultures, such as Metalheads, Punks, alternative rock, ect... That have also experience this type of fetishization and foolishness as we goths do, from men outside of their cultures, they probably do but I am still interested to know Please share your experiences
Agree with you Angela. I can't understand why Goths always seem be legit to behave this way. And I am old now (55) and that was happening already when I was goth in the 80s. Plus it never really stopped. I am suprised over the fact, that I still can meet this type of mentality outside or when I open a dm on a social plattform.
Don't think it make it easier with those that "sell goth as sexuality" on other internet places too.
As someone who grew up online, who also has done moderating online, especially when I was younger. I can say a lot of these kids say and think the way they do because they didn't grow up with the wholesome shows of the 90s... I don't want to knock creatives but .. we grew up with American Dad, Family Guy, Rick and Morty, The Kardashians.. and all kinds of other things not age appropriate, South Park. etc. I love these shows, but they have hella adult humor because... they are made for adults. Not to mention if there are no internet blocks online.. they find hentai eventually, which is a cest pool of its own. Like I barely had Internet supervison and when you are around that 24/7 it warps your mind (which took years to fix and I'm finally in a good place.) Like the "safest" thing we had is Disney/Nick/Cartoon network and to some extent Anime and when you grow out of that.. it was all down hill from there. I think society has to get back to some healthy overall medium with standards because.. this ain't it. And I'm sorry this windtunnel of b.s. has hit the Goth community too.
I hope all the Goths can find safe spaces from these maniacs. I am happy to have this as my only social media platform. As for my 6 year old son he can get social media when he's 18 hahaha.
Thank goodness someone is finally calling this stuff out
I think it's also important to remember that this behavior isn't acceptable towards kinksters either. Like even if the goths they're harassing were also part of the kink scene that behavior is still unacceptable and shitty? I don't understand why everyone feels so entitled to others bodies like the audacity is mind boggling. I feel like this has been getting the way it has because no one sees people outside of pirn and their socialization is worse than the behavioral euthanasia center in dog shelters. And these people always have parents that are somehow proud of how bad a job they did.
Absolutely! Rules and boundaries are so important And when outsiders enter a space where veterans of say the kink community are, they just have this uninhibited free-for-all mentality where they think they can do anything to anyone. It's like that concept of consent had never entered their brains. Hopefully the people that do this are swiftly taught a lesson and never do it again.
I really appreciate you making this video! It breaks my heart to hear that this is something that is still happening and getting worse it seems. 😔I wanted to ask about the various media I would consume as a kid/teen. I'm 25 now but growing up I feel like every (if not just a lot of) cartoons, games, and anime had one token goth character and they always stood out to me. When I was younger I thought I was "different" for liking these characters but, every day I find that to be false. I wanted to ask specifically if you think this also plays a role in the fetishization of the subculture?
Of course any media can cause an fetishization like for f sake you can post an oc character wearing an emo or goth outfit and once it goes to the Internet and gains attraction you better bet there gonna be a lot of rule 34 art of it.
I wore a goth makeup look in front of my boyfriend and he went insane. He’s never treated me like that before and it was super uncomfortable/objectifying and he started pawing at me to be intimate.
He’s 26 and still called me a big tiddy goth. I’ve started looking this way for myself. Maybe I’ll keep the goth and ditch the boyfriend.
Thank you Angela. It may be fatalistic but I figure things won't get better so do all you must do to protect your self. Protect yourself!
Ive also seen this fetishizing lack of consent crossover with younger boys 19-25 in the rave community. Im a rave mom at 39 and this behavior at Electronic mainstream festivals and shows is driving me back underground
I havent even gotten through this whole video. THANK YOU ! I am so sick of people judging based on looks. I am sick of the perceptions. Its gross, harmful, dishearting, disrespectful. Its fine if people are into consensual kinks, BDSM, or other things. Just please stop assuming. Ugh! Beacuse yes, not all of us are. We are still humans and individuals . And yes, just be goddamn respectful. Geez. ❤
You're very welcome. It's something we all have to say and continue saying because they don't even get it when we're saying it to their faces, imagine what happens when we stop? Eeeek!
My biggest problem with people who say they want a goth GF is they usually don't actually share the same values with a goth to make a healthy relationship possible. In reality they just want to sleep with a goth girl because they have fetishized their appearance and end up trying to change a goth girl when they do actually get in a relationship with one.
As far as kids go what you said, it's obviously because their parents don't monitor what they watch whether it be on TV or phone which is why if ever I'm a parent, I'd never let them be on the internet until they hit their mid teenage years. I hope you reported them online. It's also because there are parents who don't give a fuck what their kids are doing and they're too lazy to set a foot down and discipline them. If I was speaking such fowl shit there at the age of age of 9, I'd get my ass whooped.
*whether
@@Anonymous-wb3nz Just fixed it
Your channel feels like home ❤
I'm a Metalhead guy and I used to be like that for 2/3 years but now I HATE and DESPISE the guy I was before. I got better by listening to my sister's (she's not goth but she is older than me so she lived more) anecdotes and how men treated her made me think of the error in my ways and now yeah, generally "my type" are goth girls but I treat them with the respect that they deserve and I'm really interested in the subculture and what goth girls actually like and yeah my mom always says that every single person is a different world and yeah, some goth girls would like BDSM and some don't, some goth girls do this and some goth girls would do that. Ands it's fine.