Omg if i had a fucking nickel for every time i heard someone claim a "goth phase"! My "normie" phase lasted about 18 years and was due to a toxic marriage with an incredibly abusive and controlling man who quite literally tried to beat the goth out of me on a regular basis to the point I almost completely lost myself. I even had secret playlists it was that bad! But i was bent, not broken and i have since healed and reclaimed myself! FUCK A PHASE! I am almost 50 years old and i have been in this subculture since i was 14 yo in 1987...no turning back now!
💯Omfg we always deal with someone trying to change us and control us! I am sorry you experienced that. I feel that there are lots of us who have dealt with such a sad and negative period of our lives. I am glad you can be yourself and be safe without that abusive partner. I feel we are only seen as a fetish to some people. I'm the "bad boy" they want to experience but beyond that they didn't like me for who I am. I know women deal with being objectified as the "freaky goth chick" or "big titty goth girlfriend". They find us goths to be physically attractive but they don't like us as people.
I am sorry you experienced an abusive relationship. Some people have phases in certain scenes. I have had phases but my weirdness and being an outsider is forever
I too went through a Normie phase, and I was miserable. I went back to Goth at 30, and six years later, I'm as happy as I can be. No music is better than Goth.
Same, I went through a good decade of trying to fit in and I never felt I did. It took only one goth concert in January for me to immediately go "this is my people, this is where I belong". I've ever felt so at home since I left the scene ten short years ago. I'm glad we both found our calling again.
I went through something similar when I had my son. I for some silly reason thought I had to be “normal” cause I was a mom now. I lost myself for a few years. Needless to say my son came with me to a Skinny Puppy show recently and met Ogre. 🙌🏻 no need to sacrifice who we are.
Oh wow! That's the best comeback story ever! It's such a common thing as well, we feel like we need to abandon ourselves and who we are. Somehow when things get real for example you become a parent, get a new job, go to school, society has a way of making us feel as if being true to anything outside the norm is selfish or immature. Totally not the case!
Oh wow you guys met ogre?? How cool!! I recently went to see skinny puppy’s last tour show here in nyc. Sad that they’re not touring anymore. Would’ve loved to see more of them live!! Glad to hear you came back to your old self again!! 🖤💚
After a very traumatic breakup and cross-country move, I fell into a deep depression and basically lived in jeans and hoodies. Could barely do anything but brush my teeth and a messy bun for work. Yet my family and friends thought that this change in appearance was a good thing that I was finally growing up at 32 and being "normal". It is interesting that a loss of interest regarding appearance is the first sign of depression, but yet when it happens to a goth, people will cheer you on rather than suspect that something is wrong😥 That being said, now that I'm in my mid-forties, I wish we could take some of the focus away from appearance because it's not always easy to maintain an elaborate makeup routine if someone has children, chronic pain, etc. Not to mention many of us spend most of our time at work and there are certain dress codes that we have to adhere to. Unfortunately social media is such a visual platform and only the uber goth is presented most of the time. It's not realistic fo most grown adults who are working or raising families. Just wanted to leave a supportive message for anybody out there who is struggling or not feeling goth enough 🖤
I was normie until I turned 16 years old. Now i'm 34 and I've been goth and happy since then and I certainly will never go back. In this culture I've discovered amazing music, art, poetry, books, history and I grew up so much more than more adults my age. Love your videos, greetings from Venezuela 💜
I feel that. Yeah I forced myself to dress like a normie after an abusive relationship, also I was a younger and entering fatherhood and felt pressured to not be myself by my ex. Both of my exes really didn't like who I was and tried to change me...now in my 30s I'm back in the scene, also happily married.
@@IndiTol-pi1wk the first thing that i can recommend to You un art are the black paintings by Goya and in books I started with Edgar Allan Poe and Charles Baudelaire, those are good to start 💜
I really resonate with what you said about phases. When I was a teenager in the 2010s I was emo, and everyone told me it was a phase. Quite the opposite happened and I dove into goth culture in my early 20s. Being part of the alternative scene is not a phase. Most people that I know that have fully conformed still really appreciate their alternative past and music.
It's weird when people associate someone expressing themselves in any way that's deemed outside the norm as being a phase. It's as if it's more of a form of rebellion or something you're going through rather than actually on the path to who you are.
Girl. I finally feel seen. My very first male crush was Edward scissorhands. I used to make potions from hemlock and those purple berries without knowing at the tender age of 7 that it was actual poison. I was born goth. And yet....the normie phase...and then my 8th grade year in astronomy class one of the goth girls like adopted me and gave me all of her goth clothes she had recently gotten too skinny for. She invited me to her house and waxed my eyebrows and dyed my hair and gave me my identity. She really carved the demon out of the marble. I'll never have a friend like that again. Im 32 and my style evolution has been a journey but ill never not be seen in black and chains. I miss her.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's so easy to lose yourself when in an instant you have someone whose needs outweigh your own and their needs are round the clock! Please, don't beat yourself up over that. You didn't let it happen, that implies that it's your fault. Sometimes these things just happen beyond your control. It's a roll of the dice. The important part is your recognize what happened and you're taking action. Start small, listen to some of your tried and trues while you're doing your mommy tasks. Dance with the baby to The Cure. Try and find time wherever you can for self care. In the wise words of Moira Rose 'I've read enough airplane safety manuals to know that a mother puts her own mask on first'. Take care of yourself 🖤
@EDDIELANE I feel this deep in my soul. I lost myself after a very traumatic mothering time in my life. That was 19 years ago and I'm slowly coming back into my own. Don't be mean to yourself - I know easier said than done! Ease back in at your own pace and remember that it's not about the clothes, they are just extra fun. It's the music and the atmosphere.
@@angelabenedict I was raised in a deeply fundamentalist cult and only left after my aunt died of cancer when I was 24. Everyone was saying she would not die and she wouldbe healed, and then she wasn’t and I was like… hello??? So I left and lost like- everyone. There is alot of PTSD to work through, but I gravitate to people who live on the outside> like in a deep familial way. I really appreciate people like you!
I feel the same way about punk. Joe Strummer said it best. Being punk is like being made. I had to start dressing plain and bland in my teens because of bullying especially because my punk look was masculine and gender non conforming. It was a safety concern. I got my freedom back in my 20s again and it feels amazing.
I went thru my normie phase building my career mid-20’s to 30. I’m in a very conservative industry dealing with insanely wealthy clients. Eventually I figured out a way to do both (of course I have my own business now) but it often equates in very expensive, so I have to get creative.
Goth knows no age limit. It's never too late to be Goth nor is it ever too early. I heard of a guy who converted to Gorth on his deathbed. He had his hand in the air flicking a lighter while rocking in his bed to Bela Lugosi's Dead b4 he died.
When people say they went through a "Goth phase" I think it's more of the aesthetic when they say that. For instance I know a lot of people that stopped dressing up the way we do but still listen to the music and still consider themselves Goth. It's like we all say it's a music based subculture first.
listening to you talk about your old friend shenanigans gives me such a bittersweet feeling. I have an anxiety disorder and agoraphobic tendencies so its really hard for me to make friends right now, but I want to be brave and go to a goth bar near me. Maybe it'll be easier to find people like me if I finally step into the subculture I've admired forever.
There are other Goth channels on youtube...sure. BUT this channel brings so much info and connection to the Gothic lifestyle that it just really stands out. Angela I am so glad you post for those of us that just love all things Goth :)
I bought a khaki dress with chunky brown shoes in my normie phase. It was tragic did it for a boy bleh. My bff was actually skipping when it ended and we left my normie clothes at goodwill.
Goth was always an adult thing in my case. I was 20 when I started getting into the scene. In my early to mid 20’s, I found myself in a long term relationship where I, like many others, lost myself and who I was because of a unhealthy person. Once that relationship ended, I went to my first goth club, and it was there that I not only regained my independence, but I found myself again. I’m now 30, happy to be goth and in a much better place. Thank you as always for an amazing video!
The best friends and partners are those that help and support you be the best version of yourself, and you give them the same in return, sadly there are people out there who will drag you down to live the worst version of yourself...RUN
Amen! Sometimes it takes us a while to tell the difference between those who are our ride or dies and those who don't mean well but eventually, we get there!
I would never expect my loved ones to look a certain way. My 18 year old has a very similar style to me (and loves to steal my clothes) but my 13 year old is a jock. I will shop for him and get clothes that I know he will like, even if they are not my style.
I went through about a 5 year normie phase after becoming a mom. I felt the need to fit in with other moms in order to make friends in this new setting I was in. I started dressing normal, stopped listening to music in general and became severely depressed. About four years ago now, I finally decided to stop caring and I’ve been so happy ever since.
I'm not crying, you're crying! I also came to the realization I'd lost myself whilst my dumpster fire of a relationship was ending. My eyes completely opened and I'm much wiser from the event, but it really is mind blowing to experience just how much power people can hold over you... if you let them.
As goth is a music culture is there really a difference between "normal" and "goth"? You don't need to dress up and look what is commonly called "goth" due to fashion/makeup. Been in the goth "phase" for 30 years but the majority of people wouldn't have a clue unless they see me on a club night or festival when I do dress up. Married for over 20 years to a non-goth. Partner has never tried to prevent me from going out/dressing up or change me. I say this as I feel it's important people do not feel pressured into proving they are goth by how they look. Enjoy the culture and the scene but regardless, in any relationship, goth or not, be true to yourself.
Spot on! That’s how the subculture started, same w/ punk. Nearly everyone didn’t look like the stereotypical “punks” or “goths” in the 70s-80s due to us inventing what’d become known as the “trad” versions of each or due to whatever *personal* reasons; heaps of what would now be called “normies” would be at the nightclubs enjoying (& still do) the music, the scene they were definitely a part of then, now. Keep in mind, being a punk, goth back then we’d often have to dress for flight as we’d get bottles, ricks, bricks thrown at us for looking “different”; so much easier & accepted now thank goodness! (Try having primary coloured hair or funky hairstyle back then- you’d get the s*it beat out of you!) I do often wonder what what it’d be like if the “goth” moniker wasn’t foisted on us back in the early days by the media as we just thought of ourselves as a darker version/progression of glam (I was lucky enough to catch the tail end of the OG scene) as well as the advent of the internet. OTOH I never liked labels, find them limiting, suffocating & usually erroneous so it could just be me😃! Sounds like you’re in a healthy relationship perhaps similar to mine where we knew we were 2 *whole* people before we met, none of the 2 halves of a whole bull. (Yeah right I was walking around for 31 yrs as ½ a person? Screw that!) After married we retained our identities. We even go on holiday separately. My friends accept my spouse, my spouse’s friends accept me, we compliment each other. Our kiddo is a musical jumble of both, mostly my musical tastes which were, are, will always be quite eclectic (makes sense as they’re quite eclectic as well). Keep being your authentic self 👏!
@@patriciapeters7604 Of course they do when amongst others such as clubs/festivals, especially when a dress code is involved. It's not the be all and end all however.. Mentioned music already but attitude such as not being a prick is far more important. One of the major things in all my time in the goth scene is respect for others along with respecting boundaries. To me that is a major difference between "normals" and goths. Full credit to Angela here, her stories and attitudes are great and she "looks" the part as do goth influencers on social media generally. My point is I do not want people new to the scene or wanting to dabble their toes in it to feel pressure that entry means you have to go 100% "goth" afraid of simply dressing say in a black t-shirt/jeans to go clubbing for the first time. Many in the goth scene are introverts as I know I am and going to a club the first time, especially on your own is daunting. You do not need to change your whole look all the time to be accepted. Be your own person, just don't be a prick ;)
It's a lot more than a music culture. Goth is the culture, the music is a part of it just like country music is a part of redneck culture. Rednecks like monster trucks, tractor pulls, pork belly sandwiches, farming, camping, hunting... and country music. Goths like unusual fashion (mostly dark but not always), various metal music genres (but holy crap have you guys heard Dark Country?!), goth history and lore, folk tales, poetry, literature, movies, some are into various pegan religions or spirituality... There is a lot more to it than just music and black nail polish. If we were in the 15th century I would not be able to go to Hot Topic and listen to Acid Bath. But you would probably find me hanging out in a graveyard at 2am wearing a black houppelande and arguing the merits of Vlad Tepes III's claim to the throne.
I have so many periods like this. A friend who helped pull me back to myself passed away last month. So I'm leaning in harder than ever. Got married last year. Turns out the wife fell off too. We're both supporting each other these days. It's real nice. :)
I'm so sorry about your loss. Good friends are a rare breed I feel. Very thankful that you and your wife can rediscover a shared passion. It really does make it easier.
I went through a normie phase because of my ex. I’m really happy that my boyfriend now supports me being goth and encourages me to continue to participate in the subculture. We’ve been talking about going to goth nights and shows I am so happy that I finally found people that make me feel comfortable enough to be myself I always missed the goth scene and I’m so glad that I get to be back in it.
I'm 48 and still gothic. My normie phase ended when I was 15, then came my grunge phase, followed by my hippie phase, which ended after the breakup with my first gf, I've been a goth ever since.
I was never a normie I was always the weird alternative kid. But I wouldn't say I was Goth until I was 15 and, I had a normie phase for the sake of trying to advance in career (workaholic) then again as you mentioned, once my son was born. I'm trying to find myself again. I found some CDs and started crying. I want my boots back, my hair back, my fishnets and my jewelry. I want a boom box in my living room, I want to find my vinyl collection and I'm terrified it is no longer with me. I want my art books back. lol
Having been shamed for being different from my family, I learned to hide my goth interests when necessary. I may not have always looked goth but I have always been goth. In my early days it was very much diy and there was no "goth uniform". It was whatever you wanted to wear and usually bought from a thrift shop. For those like me, young and living in a small town that still encouraged beating punks, it wasn't possible to access or afford those luxury pieces let alone appear in public and feel safe. I've always called myself the undercover goth. The looks don't always make the man.
I feel ya Angie dear. though I was never a goth, I was always the nerdy kid, but come 1997 I abandoned it in favour of the normie life because of a new group I began hanging out with. few of them are worth a single pleasant memory, and although I did discovery EDM in the form of Jungle/Drum and Bass music which got me on the path to reading more about music gear and production, it also took away that fun nerdy center I was born with. wasn't until the mid 2000s I discovered it again, but by then I was also fresh into metal music which was more up my ally, and it also seemed to blend well with my nerdy side too.
I had a normie phase after i had my daughter. i thought i had to "look" the part of a mum, and i was so uncomfortable during that time. It took me a few years before i came back & just be myself not just for me but to show my daughter she can be comfortable with herself. Plus the music is just the best.
Getting caught up in survival mode will absolutely drain you of the things you love and enjoy. Sometimes is lasts close to a decade. That was me. Depression started to hit because my life was far from stable, and I stopped doing and enjoying because money was tight, I moved so often I couldn't keep a hold of much, and I was working and then healing on my off time from just working in customer service. Staying a float and trying to find a path out was all consuming. Eventually I was able to get out and I did find stability with my now Husband who also has allowed me to flourish. (Which after a lifetime of instability I had to learn how to exist in stability for the first time. That took years.) the more comfortable I got, the more I ventured out to get back to things I love to do. Goth being one of them. Being more creative. Actually making projects that I finish instead of leaving because I am too drained to touch it. I don't drink like I used to and I have been able to focus on music more so instead of falling back on the musical junk food the mainstream top 40 tends to be. I wouldn't say I am a baby bat, but I also wouldn't say I am an Elder goth. Mostly because of this long period where I simply tried to keep my head above water. It has been wonderful to get back in touch with this part of myself though. My old haunt even feels like its come back to life and I visit as often as I can. I also follow Obscura Undead and twitch Dj's for when I can't go out. But it is a breath of fresh air.
growing up i wasn’t allowed to express myself, or dress up the way i wanted too. it was seen as bad. i grew up with divorced parents and the only time i was able to express, was when i went to see my biological dad for the holidays. he was a goth, and paved the way for me by planting that seed. several years later, after getting out of a toxic relationship with a plain jane abusive guy, and leaving home i am finally able to be my true self. and all i can think about is how little me would have loved who i am now. who i’ve always wanted to be.
I still don’t know if I can call myself goth. Even if I’m listening to a lot more of the music, I haven’t been to a club or a show for a goth band yet. But either way, this resonated with me because I’ve always been darkly inclined and I felt like my folks were trying to stamp it out of me when I lived with them. It wasn’t done out of malicious intent. But it still sucked feeling like I had to hide myself. Now I don’t as much. P.S. I also love Slave to The Night by Witching Hour UK! 🖤🖤💜
You would be surprised how many people harbour a secret love of Goth! it's a connection that never goes away between young & old you can see it in there smile & eye's 🦇🧛♀🖤☠⛓
as soon as you mentioned the grey leggings i was putting on my grey sweater, i felt so called out lol well, you know, me too I went through something similar and ended up distancing myself from it.
I'm sorry! The grey phase is real. I think it's a comfortable color and with me, when I went through that period everything I owned was grey because I was in a constant state of self soothing.
My cousin made a comment like that to me a few years ago. Like she’d say things like, “Oh, I went through a Goth phase. I remember I went into a Pastel Goth phase.” She didn’t mean it in a negative way, but still.
I love this vid! Its so good to know im not the only one going through it. I went through some really rough mental health struggles for nearly 5 years & i totally lost myself because most of my energy was spent just trying to survive. Making my way back to the subculture just feels like coming home to a warm hug ❤
I feel this, I still love love gothic culture and the music despite not dressing like it anymore, I found that I started to get into other fashion styles now, but I do hope to do more gothic looks soon!
Great Channel! Thank you for bringing back memories of the 90's. Remembering clubs like THE BANK, and THE BATCAVE etc... It's so true, its all about the music and having fun with friends. For me it was Anne Rice books, Tim Burton, The velvet jackets, and 80's new wave music at the clubs. Music like The Depeche Mode, The Cure, New Order, and The Smiths. Keep doing your thing Angela!
You mean you can grow out of this Goth phase. ! I have been going through this for 2 and 1/2 decades . I tried to listen to the charts the other day but fortunately i got over it
Angela, I’m a long time viewer of your channel and have always found comfort in relating to your story of how you returned to the goth scene after being away for a while. I am wondering if you would ever speak more on managing the grief that can come from realizing that one has spent large chunks of time away from their subculture. Especially missing out on seeing bands. This is something I’m struggling with, realizing how much time passed while I was away from the things I love so dearly. Hope you’re well and appreciate your videos!
After a bout of severe depression/dropping out of college and pretty much losing any ability to engage in any of the old passions I had (I had been studying art and I couldn't even pick up a sketchbook without wanting to cry for like a year after I left school, It's still lost to me in a lot of ways) Goth music, which was wrapped up in my life since i was little-became so much more important to me, and diving fully into the subculture/seeking out more music and getting to go out and socialize and dance with fellow goths or even talk music with my friends has been wonderful and feels like 'coming home' does, like I am slowly rebuilding myself. I feel like I almost take that feeling the music and subculture gives me for granted sometimes, I couldn't imagine losing it.
I've always been an interesting mix. It has a name now, but I've always been a cross between hippie and goth. My ex husband forced me to choose. He said my wardrobe was TOO BUSY. He pushed me to give up most, almost all of my goth clothes. Of course, it didn't stop at my clothes. He would be negative when I would put certain songs on. Until it just grew into the whole genre. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this video because it made me feel better. I'm in a new relationship now that supports me getting back to myself. I'm currently working on years of wardrobe replacement. I've found new bands that I love. And while I was away in my normie phase. The goth culture has evolved to accept mixed subcultures like me. So I don't have to hear that I'm so poser anymore. When I have a day where I want to wear tydye and black.
This is validating. I didn’t get to dress goth like I wanted for about 7 years due to homelessness. I kept up with it at first, but it got to be so tiring just to live, and so othering just to exist, I didn’t have the energy for it. Now I’m 27 and getting back into it, but I feel like a phony because I dressed as normal as I could for so long. I feel like you phrased it perfectly, because it really was so bad I forgot who I was. Now everything I wear feels like a costume, rather it’s normie clothes or the goth clothes I’ve finally been able to own and wear like I always wanted. It’s validating to hear that I’m not alone in this experience
One thing I love about this channel is how not only how you voice your support about the people in the comments section but also how everyone else here is supportive of each other. It's nice to see a community with no toxicity for once. Great video btw
Thank you so much for this video. I have a toxic family, had a toxic marriage, then i was a single mom in survival mode and i lost so much of myself for a long time. It's really validating to hear the stories of others who have dealt with similar situations and are also finding their way back.
It’s crazy seeing so many people shared such an experience of a “normie” phase… I’ve been into goth since I was 11. In my mid 20’s I was forced to have a normie phase and once I left the traumatic situation behind, my inner gothness resurged with a vengeance!
not goth, but punk here. i went through a normie phase from around 2019-2021. The main reason was because I just wanted to be liked more than anything, and i was so far from myself and lost sight of everything that was important to me. I was eventually hospitalized and in in-patient recovery i promised myself I would live my life honest to who i really am, and punk was a huge part of that. I donated all of the basic clothes I bought, so YAY happy ending!
Throughout my early youth, I always felt like I was a stranger in my own skin when I was wearing the thing's my parents taught me to wear and styled myself to their preferences. I was a normie but miserable at it, I felt like it wasn't really me. Wearing a pink dress for my quinceanera, i liked it. But it didnt feel like me. That was until I turned sixteen years old and I heard my first Bauhaus song, I can't remember if it was Bela Lugosi's dead or The Passion of Lovers. But that's when I started diving into my more darkly inclined preferences. I was a metal-head for a long time already but this was a whole new world to me. I met the post-punk music genre, then slowly transitioned to goth from there. Many people say that it's a phase and it may be for some. But for those of us who fell in love with the subculture, its upsetting to hear something like 'It's just a phase, you’ll get over it.' I tried being 'normal', to please others. Don't be like me, If someone makes you change yourself to be with them or to be around them, those people are not really worth being around. Be yourself; first and always. When I wasn't sure about myself, I came to your videos and it made me feel better about my journey, the bumps in the road and even the times i felt i wasn't goth enough for being a certain way. I really wanted to thank you for that and to tell you that you're amazing for doing this, Angela. 🖤
Love your vids peer 😉 always good remembering the old times, I remember cutting my hair to be more "professional", dressing in a "normie" way ... the older I am the less I care now 😂
Beautiful message, Angela. I appreciate this and really resonate with it as I’m sure others do. I feel like I’m finally hitting “play” on all the parts of my life that paused these last three years of the pandemic. It’s been bittersweet to “rediscover” my lost interests because I’ve felt so guilty for forgetting them in the first place, but you’re so right; remembering and returning to it all feels like coming home again. 🖤
I'm not Goth, I'm a metal head. I totally get this video, though. When I had my kids, I settled down and focused on them. However, after I dropped them off at school or where ever, I still popped in Cannibal Corpse, Obituary, Deicide, or even Type O Negative. Now that they have moved out and started their own lives, I grew my hair back out and donned my metal shirts once again. I never had the social interactions like you had. Most of the time people never understood my taste in music let alone my attire. I did hear that I was going through a phase, a lot. They just never understood that metal is for life! Love your videos!
I spent too much time trying to not make others uncomfortable. I'm getting back into being my alternative self and feel so much better. Tired of conforming to make things easier on others, or to get certain jobs, or to fit in. It has nearly killed my soul.
Thank you for sharing your story. Found so much of myself in it. Just to hear it healed me . I am who I am because of a lot of things but the music always remains. Now my kids enjoy it and the love of my life was open to embrace it because it made me ..me . Thanks again love your channel.
Thank you, this came out at a really good time for me. I've been getting back into the subculture over the past couple of years and this video made me feel a lot better! Your videos actually helped me remember. It is hard though because I don't always have the best support and I wish I knew someone else who's a little bit like me, but it feels so good to be back! I didn't realize how much I missed it until I saw one of my favorite goth bands for the first time in years last summer!
My normie phase was for sure worse than my “alt” faze. Normie phase was due to trying to hide a crippling addiction problem. I figured I’d get less questions and less attention if I looked “normie”. It did work, though. I’m back to my old self, now. Much happier.
I'm unsure if you take requests or even if you read the comments, but if you do both, I'd love a video that's just a collection of your favorite memories from growing up in the scene. The story of the snow after the London After Midnight show warms my heart and makes it ache in one. There isn't an active scene in my area and hasn't been since 2006 (when I was, you know... six). Your stories connect me to a world I wish I could've been a part of, experiences I desperately want to have but that are out of reach. And you tell stories in such a wonderfully descriptive way.
y'know as much as we love this content, me and other people I'm sure would like to see you do things that are your hobbies! or more experiences you have had with your profession. I personally think it is a great career and invites some interesting stories to tell :)
I attempted to make a what I eat in a day video because I love cooking and baking so much and didn't realize the amount of scratch stuff I did might be useful. Halfway through I realized how much effort I was putting in and got worried that nobody would even give a crap so I scrapped the idea.
@@angelabenedict personally I would love to see videos like that :) Baking and cooking are things I enjoy to do as well. I think you are a beautiful person and it would definitely be exciting to see recipes maybe that I have never tried or done by somebody who, in real life would want to be friends with haha. Nethertheless I still support your content.
I was bullied out of my goth phase during my teenage years by my parents and other kids. When I finally moved out, I got 6 piercings in the past 1.5 years, became mentally and physically happy and was finally so happy to see the person in the mirror every single day. I'm so happy that I'm still here to see who I finally get to be, the person I always knew I wanted to be. Great video as usual Angela, appreciate your honesty and your outlook in life❤
Yes. I am currently a 19 year old girl but I live with my parents. And the truth is that I only recently started trying to express myself. I say try because I'm still not in a place where I really feel like I'm expressing myself in the full sense. i come from a traditional Jewish family and they don't like my new look. I remember my mother telling me "It seems strange to me to see you with black under the eyes" but what she doesn't know that this is the real me. And me looking "normal" is a costume that I had to sell to her and to everyone. It is not easy to feel that you want to express yourself but you are afraid of the environment. and especially for me because I have social anxiety.
I just wanted to thank you so much for taking the time to make this video. This was the most helpful thing I could have ever randomly clicked into at this point in time. 🦇
I went through a normie phase in my early 20s and it was the most miserable years of my life. I went right back to being Goth and alternative and it was a relief to be myself again. I was never accepted by normal society don't try to fit in with people that would never accept you
My brief normie phase was similar to yours, because of a relationship. It didn't help that it happened during the pandemic when I didn't have any of my goth friends for support or shows or club nights or anything to go to to help remind me of who I was. Fortunately the relationship didn't last long and when it was over I remembered who I was and I couldn't hide from myself.
I lost myself for a few years. I had some big changes and went exploring and always, always wanted to come back..... but felt I had lost the right. So I stayed gone for much longer than I should've. I finally let myself come back and it feels like returning to myself. That and taking back up my hobby. I feel like me again.
the way she described becoming a parent and falling out of goth culture starting from around 6:44 sounds so scary. like apart from the fact that it's my personal worst nightmare, it's also the way she delivered it, like it could have a horror movie soundtrack playing in the back or something lmao
The Normie Phase is so real (and normal)! It was super gradual for me. I was the only goth in my high school. By the time I moved out of my parents’ house in 2004 (when I was 24), the few goth friends I’d had in the county were gone. The goth scene was pretty quiet so I had no new music to sink my hooks into. I got a series of jobs that required business casual clothes which I couldn’t afford, so I just wore whatever hand me downs my friend gave me. So, my “scene” was gone, my favorite bands had broken up, and my personal style was gone. It took about ten years for me to suddenly realize that all the tracks I liked from the various compilation CDs I’d collected back in the 90s? Yeah, I could find those bands online and download their albums! I’d lost my ability to work thanks to illness and could wear whatever I wanted (with comfort in mind). A handful of years later I found Obscura Undead and at the time they were live-streaming DJ sets. They moved from RUclips to Facebook to Twitch and BOOM! The world opened up for me! I’ve spent the whole p@ndemic more connected than I have ever been.
I am a mom of three, my oldest being four, and I’m coming out of my basically five-year Normie phase. This and has resonated with me and made me feel so seen.
I live in a part of the USA that is not exactly rural, but it's a million miles away from anything goth. I feel like such a closet goth. I would love to just open a goth club here and see what lurks in from the night.
I really wish I considered getting into goth when I was around 12 - 14 years old in school. If I knew today at 28, just how therapeutic the music was and how happy it made me, I feel like it would've done wonders for helping me understand my raw emotions. School was the worst time of my life because I had no outlet for my depression and anger issues against teachers and students alike. And I honestly wish I just listened to any post punk or Darkwave lol I feel like it would've done wonders for my mental and even physical health. Only now when I'm pushing 30, have I really began delving into the Goth subculture, learning about where it began, understanding my fashion and above all, listen to all the music I can and picking my favourites. I was never even much of a music fan before last year when I discovered Metal, and then this year when, after going through multiple identity crisis', have i moved on and realised that Goth hits me just right. This subculture is truly a beautiful and therapeutic thing. Really wish I had someone like you to push me to try a Goth club back in the day Angela haha But thank you for educating us on the subculture that seems so welcoming even to those of us late bloomers 😊 And although i wont be calling myself goth just yet, maybe at some point in the future i can call myself an elder baby bat 😂 Also, I see you're very close to 100k 👀 Lemme just add another one to that number 😏
Omg if i had a fucking nickel for every time i heard someone claim a "goth phase"! My "normie" phase lasted about 18 years and was due to a toxic marriage with an incredibly abusive and controlling man who quite literally tried to beat the goth out of me on a regular basis to the point I almost completely lost myself. I even had secret playlists it was that bad! But i was bent, not broken and i have since healed and reclaimed myself! FUCK A PHASE! I am almost 50 years old and i have been in this subculture since i was 14 yo in 1987...no turning back now!
Welcome back! I’m so glad you got out of that awful situation.
Yes!! :)
💯Omfg we always deal with someone trying to change us and control us! I am sorry you experienced that. I feel that there are lots of us who have dealt with such a sad and negative period of our lives. I am glad you can be yourself and be safe without that abusive partner.
I feel we are only seen as a fetish to some people. I'm the "bad boy" they want to experience but beyond that they didn't like me for who I am. I know women deal with being objectified as the "freaky goth chick" or "big titty goth girlfriend". They find us goths to be physically attractive but they don't like us as people.
@@Chill-mm4pn Every word of this is spot on...not here to be your vampire boyfriend.
I am sorry you experienced an abusive relationship. Some people have phases in certain scenes. I have had phases but my weirdness and being an outsider is forever
I too went through a Normie phase, and I was miserable. I went back to Goth at 30, and six years later, I'm as happy as I can be. No music is better than Goth.
I'm glad you're back! 🖤
Same, I went through a good decade of trying to fit in and I never felt I did. It took only one goth concert in January for me to immediately go "this is my people, this is where I belong". I've ever felt so at home since I left the scene ten short years ago. I'm glad we both found our calling again.
@@pestinora What band out of interest?
Would you listen to Gothic Metal ?
@@KateryReminiec9399 me?
I went through something similar when I had my son. I for some silly reason thought I had to be “normal” cause I was a mom now. I lost myself for a few years. Needless to say my son came with me to a Skinny Puppy show recently and met Ogre. 🙌🏻 no need to sacrifice who we are.
Oh wow! That's the best comeback story ever! It's such a common thing as well, we feel like we need to abandon ourselves and who we are. Somehow when things get real for example you become a parent, get a new job, go to school, society has a way of making us feel as if being true to anything outside the norm is selfish or immature. Totally not the case!
YEAH! that's what we were talking about with my partner, that we will never change jt bc we had kids( we don't have for now but in the future)
That's so awesome!
Oh wow you guys met ogre?? How cool!! I recently went to see skinny puppy’s last tour show here in nyc. Sad that they’re not touring anymore. Would’ve loved to see more of them live!! Glad to hear you came back to your old self again!! 🖤💚
"And the further I get from the things that I care about
The less I care about how much further away I get"
The Cure - Fear of Ghosts
After a very traumatic breakup and cross-country move, I fell into a deep depression and basically lived in jeans and hoodies. Could barely do anything but brush my teeth and a messy bun for work. Yet my family and friends thought that this change in appearance was a good thing that I was finally growing up at 32 and being "normal". It is interesting that a loss of interest regarding appearance is the first sign of depression, but yet when it happens to a goth, people will cheer you on rather than suspect that something is wrong😥
That being said, now that I'm in my mid-forties, I wish we could take some of the focus away from appearance because it's not always easy to maintain an elaborate makeup routine if someone has children, chronic pain, etc. Not to mention many of us spend most of our time at work and there are certain dress codes that we have to adhere to.
Unfortunately social media is such a visual platform and only the uber goth is presented most of the time. It's not realistic fo most grown adults who are working or raising families. Just wanted to leave a supportive message for anybody out there who is struggling or not feeling goth enough 🖤
As someone who has lost multiple jobs due to chronic pain and illness I feel you on all this!
I was normie until I turned 16 years old. Now i'm 34 and I've been goth and happy since then and I certainly will never go back. In this culture I've discovered amazing music, art, poetry, books, history and I grew up so much more than more adults my age. Love your videos, greetings from Venezuela 💜
I feel that. Yeah I forced myself to dress like a normie after an abusive relationship, also I was a younger and entering fatherhood and felt pressured to not be myself by my ex. Both of my exes really didn't like who I was and tried to change me...now in my 30s I'm back in the scene, also happily married.
@@Chill-mm4pn how Nice, thankfully you remain true to your self 💜
@@IndiTol-pi1wk the first thing that i can recommend to You un art are the black paintings by Goya and in books I started with Edgar Allan Poe and Charles Baudelaire, those are good to start 💜
Same!!
I really resonate with what you said about phases. When I was a teenager in the 2010s I was emo, and everyone told me it was a phase. Quite the opposite happened and I dove into goth culture in my early 20s. Being part of the alternative scene is not a phase. Most people that I know that have fully conformed still really appreciate their alternative past and music.
It's weird when people associate someone expressing themselves in any way that's deemed outside the norm as being a phase. It's as if it's more of a form of rebellion or something you're going through rather than actually on the path to who you are.
People in general like similarity and find others who don't confirm hard to accept and cope with.
Girl. I finally feel seen. My very first male crush was Edward scissorhands. I used to make potions from hemlock and those purple berries without knowing at the tender age of 7 that it was actual poison. I was born goth. And yet....the normie phase...and then my 8th grade year in astronomy class one of the goth girls like adopted me and gave me all of her goth clothes she had recently gotten too skinny for. She invited me to her house and waxed my eyebrows and dyed my hair and gave me my identity. She really carved the demon out of the marble. I'll never have a friend like that again. Im 32 and my style evolution has been a journey but ill never not be seen in black and chains. I miss her.
That's really sweet. She saw you for who you are and helped you find yourself. I love that!
@@angelabenedict she really did. People thought I was a new student because I looked so drastically different. New sub. Goths supporting goths.
Awwww, as a mom who let herself fall into depression and no identity at all I have to confess I teared up in this video.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's so easy to lose yourself when in an instant you have someone whose needs outweigh your own and their needs are round the clock! Please, don't beat yourself up over that. You didn't let it happen, that implies that it's your fault. Sometimes these things just happen beyond your control. It's a roll of the dice. The important part is your recognize what happened and you're taking action. Start small, listen to some of your tried and trues while you're doing your mommy tasks. Dance with the baby to The Cure. Try and find time wherever you can for self care. In the wise words of Moira Rose 'I've read enough airplane safety manuals to know that a mother puts her own mask on first'. Take care of yourself 🖤
@EDDIELANE I feel this deep in my soul. I lost myself after a very traumatic mothering time in my life. That was 19 years ago and I'm slowly coming back into my own. Don't be mean to yourself - I know easier said than done! Ease back in at your own pace and remember that it's not about the clothes, they are just extra fun. It's the music and the atmosphere.
I feel you, this is where I am now too. We can do this! Momma bats unite!
@@angelabenedict I was raised in a deeply fundamentalist cult and only left after my aunt died of cancer when I was 24. Everyone was saying she would not die and she wouldbe healed, and then she wasn’t and I was like… hello??? So I left and lost like- everyone. There is alot of PTSD to work through, but I gravitate to people who live on the outside> like in a deep familial way. I really appreciate people like you!
I feel the same way about punk. Joe Strummer said it best. Being punk is like being made.
I had to start dressing plain and bland in my teens because of bullying especially because my punk look was masculine and gender non conforming. It was a safety concern. I got my freedom back in my 20s again and it feels amazing.
I went thru my normie phase building my career mid-20’s to 30. I’m in a very conservative industry dealing with insanely wealthy clients. Eventually I figured out a way to do both (of course I have my own business now) but it often equates in very expensive, so I have to get creative.
That's a tough one! I'm glad you were able to find that balance with building your business and remaining true to yourself 🖤
Goth knows no age limit. It's never too late to be Goth nor is it ever too early. I heard of a guy who converted to Gorth on his deathbed. He had his hand in the air flicking a lighter while rocking in his bed to Bela Lugosi's Dead b4 he died.
So if I'm 13, I'm not too young? Thanks for that 🖤
When people say they went through a "Goth phase" I think it's more of the aesthetic when they say that. For instance I know a lot of people that stopped dressing up the way we do but still listen to the music and still consider themselves Goth. It's like we all say it's a music based subculture first.
You're so honest and awesome, your channel will surely age well
That's very kind of you to say 🖤 I truly hope so!
listening to you talk about your old friend shenanigans gives me such a bittersweet feeling. I have an anxiety disorder and agoraphobic tendencies so its really hard for me to make friends right now, but I want to be brave and go to a goth bar near me. Maybe it'll be easier to find people like me if I finally step into the subculture I've admired forever.
There are other Goth channels on youtube...sure. BUT this channel brings so much info and connection to the Gothic lifestyle that it just really stands out. Angela I am so glad you post for those of us that just love all things Goth :)
It makes me happy to to know that you enjoy my stories!🖤
most "goth" RUclipsrs are posers.
I bought a khaki dress with chunky brown shoes in my normie phase. It was tragic did it for a boy bleh. My bff was actually skipping when it ended and we left my normie clothes at goodwill.
It happens to us all!
YES!!!!
Goth was always an adult thing in my case. I was 20 when I started getting into the scene. In my early to mid 20’s, I found myself in a long term relationship where I, like many others, lost myself and who I was because of a unhealthy person. Once that relationship ended, I went to my first goth club, and it was there that I not only regained my independence, but I found myself again. I’m now 30, happy to be goth and in a much better place. Thank you as always for an amazing video!
I too kept coming back to the goth subculture… it just feels like home 🖤
The best friends and partners are those that help and support you be the best version of yourself, and you give them the same in return, sadly there are people out there who will drag you down to live the worst version of yourself...RUN
Amen! Sometimes it takes us a while to tell the difference between those who are our ride or dies and those who don't mean well but eventually, we get there!
I would never expect my loved ones to look a certain way. My 18 year old has a very similar style to me (and loves to steal my clothes) but my 13 year old is a jock. I will shop for him and get clothes that I know he will like, even if they are not my style.
@@angelabenedictOMG this. 😢 It takes a bit.
I went through about a 5 year normie phase after becoming a mom. I felt the need to fit in with other moms in order to make friends in this new setting I was in. I started dressing normal, stopped listening to music in general and became severely depressed. About four years ago now, I finally decided to stop caring and I’ve been so happy ever since.
I'm not crying, you're crying!
I also came to the realization I'd lost myself whilst my dumpster fire of a relationship was ending. My eyes completely opened and I'm much wiser from the event, but it really is mind blowing to experience just how much power people can hold over you... if you let them.
I am 52 and can say …This video absolutely will help anyone who experiences the normie phase. You touched on virtually every aspect🖤
When the older crowd you look up to gives you the nod. 🤗
As goth is a music culture is there really a difference between "normal" and "goth"? You don't need to dress up and look what is commonly called "goth" due to fashion/makeup. Been in the goth "phase" for 30 years but the majority of people wouldn't have a clue unless they see me on a club night or festival when I do dress up. Married for over 20 years to a non-goth. Partner has never tried to prevent me from going out/dressing up or change me. I say this as I feel it's important people do not feel pressured into proving they are goth by how they look. Enjoy the culture and the scene but regardless, in any relationship, goth or not, be true to yourself.
Spot on! That’s how the subculture started, same w/ punk. Nearly everyone didn’t look like the stereotypical “punks” or “goths” in the 70s-80s due to us inventing what’d become known as the “trad” versions of each or due to whatever *personal* reasons; heaps of what would now be called “normies” would be at the nightclubs enjoying (& still do) the music, the scene they were definitely a part of then, now. Keep in mind, being a punk, goth back then we’d often have to dress for flight as we’d get bottles, ricks, bricks thrown at us for looking “different”; so much easier & accepted now thank goodness! (Try having primary coloured hair or funky hairstyle back then- you’d get the s*it beat out of you!) I do often wonder what what it’d be like if the “goth” moniker wasn’t foisted on us back in the early days by the media as we just thought of ourselves as a darker version/progression of glam (I was lucky enough to catch the tail end of the OG scene) as well as the advent of the internet. OTOH I never liked labels, find them limiting, suffocating & usually erroneous so it could just be me😃! Sounds like you’re in a healthy relationship perhaps similar to mine where we knew we were 2 *whole* people before we met, none of the 2 halves of a whole bull. (Yeah right I was walking around for 31 yrs as ½ a person? Screw that!) After married we retained our identities. We even go on holiday separately. My friends accept my spouse, my spouse’s friends accept me, we compliment each other. Our kiddo is a musical jumble of both, mostly my musical tastes which were, are, will always be quite eclectic (makes sense as they’re quite eclectic as well). Keep being your authentic self 👏!
No, but most goths participate in the fashion so.
@@patriciapeters7604 Of course they do when amongst others such as clubs/festivals, especially when a dress code is involved. It's not the be all and end all however.. Mentioned music already but attitude such as not being a prick is far more important. One of the major things in all my time in the goth scene is respect for others along with respecting boundaries. To me that is a major difference between "normals" and goths. Full credit to Angela here, her stories and attitudes are great and she "looks" the part as do goth influencers on social media generally. My point is I do not want people new to the scene or wanting to dabble their toes in it to feel pressure that entry means you have to go 100% "goth" afraid of simply dressing say in a black t-shirt/jeans to go clubbing for the first time. Many in the goth scene are introverts as I know I am and going to a club the first time, especially on your own is daunting. You do not need to change your whole look all the time to be accepted. Be your own person, just don't be a prick ;)
As an addendum to my previous comment.. Let's also not judge others, simply because of the way they dress. I know I've been guilty of that before.
It's a lot more than a music culture. Goth is the culture, the music is a part of it just like country music is a part of redneck culture.
Rednecks like monster trucks, tractor pulls, pork belly sandwiches, farming, camping, hunting... and country music.
Goths like unusual fashion (mostly dark but not always), various metal music genres (but holy crap have you guys heard Dark Country?!), goth history and lore, folk tales, poetry, literature, movies, some are into various pegan religions or spirituality... There is a lot more to it than just music and black nail polish.
If we were in the 15th century I would not be able to go to Hot Topic and listen to Acid Bath. But you would probably find me hanging out in a graveyard at 2am wearing a black houppelande and arguing the merits of Vlad Tepes III's claim to the throne.
I like how you have your torn fishnet pinned together. The juxtaposition of professional makeup with shabby garment is endearing somehow.
I have so many periods like this.
A friend who helped pull me back to myself passed away last month. So I'm leaning in harder than ever.
Got married last year. Turns out the wife fell off too. We're both supporting each other these days. It's real nice. :)
I'm so sorry about your loss. Good friends are a rare breed I feel. Very thankful that you and your wife can rediscover a shared passion. It really does make it easier.
Oh man thank you for this vid.. I feel this so much! 🖤🖤🖤
I went through a normie phase because of my ex. I’m really happy that my boyfriend now supports me being goth and encourages me to continue to participate in the subculture. We’ve been talking about going to goth nights and shows I am so happy that I finally found people that make me feel comfortable enough to be myself I always missed the goth scene and I’m so glad that I get to be back in it.
"I know a person, we met at high school and then again at work, years later.
First, he was a Baptist Christian.
Then he matured, he grew out of it".
I'm 48 and still gothic. My normie phase ended when I was 15, then came my grunge phase, followed by my hippie phase, which ended after the breakup with my first gf, I've been a goth ever since.
I was never a normie I was always the weird alternative kid. But I wouldn't say I was Goth until I was 15 and, I had a normie phase for the sake of trying to advance in career (workaholic) then again as you mentioned, once my son was born. I'm trying to find myself again. I found some CDs and started crying. I want my boots back, my hair back, my fishnets and my jewelry. I want a boom box in my living room, I want to find my vinyl collection and I'm terrified it is no longer with me. I want my art books back. lol
Yeah, I think that every Goth has a normal phase, but they grow out it.
I can totally relate to everything you expressed!
Thank you. I needed to hear this today. ❤
You're very welcome! I'm happy it was helpful.
I refuse to give a crap what people think of me! Goth music is in my soul until the day I die! Music & art are my drugs!
Damn right!
the way u tell stories remids me of my grandma telling me stories espically when I was little.
Having been shamed for being different from my family, I learned to hide my goth interests when necessary. I may not have always looked goth but I have always been goth. In my early days it was very much diy and there was no "goth uniform". It was whatever you wanted to wear and usually bought from a thrift shop. For those like me, young and living in a small town that still encouraged beating punks, it wasn't possible to access or afford those luxury pieces let alone appear in public and feel safe. I've always called myself the undercover goth. The looks don't always make the man.
It's a music based subculture. If you like Goth music, you're a Goth.
I am going to my first goth event this year 🙈I'm so excited, feels like I'm finally getting goth baptism
I feel ya Angie dear. though I was never a goth, I was always the nerdy kid, but come 1997 I abandoned it in favour of the normie life because of a new group I began hanging out with. few of them are worth a single pleasant memory, and although I did discovery EDM in the form of Jungle/Drum and Bass music which got me on the path to reading more about music gear and production, it also took away that fun nerdy center I was born with. wasn't until the mid 2000s I discovered it again, but by then I was also fresh into metal music which was more up my ally, and it also seemed to blend well with my nerdy side too.
Really feeling this. Thank you, Ms. Angela. 🖤
You're very welcome 🖤
I had a normie phase after i had my daughter. i thought i had to "look" the part of a mum, and i was so uncomfortable during that time. It took me a few years before i came back & just be myself not just for me but to show my daughter she can be comfortable with herself.
Plus the music is just the best.
Getting caught up in survival mode will absolutely drain you of the things you love and enjoy. Sometimes is lasts close to a decade. That was me. Depression started to hit because my life was far from stable, and I stopped doing and enjoying because money was tight, I moved so often I couldn't keep a hold of much, and I was working and then healing on my off time from just working in customer service. Staying a float and trying to find a path out was all consuming.
Eventually I was able to get out and I did find stability with my now Husband who also has allowed me to flourish. (Which after a lifetime of instability I had to learn how to exist in stability for the first time. That took years.) the more comfortable I got, the more I ventured out to get back to things I love to do. Goth being one of them. Being more creative. Actually making projects that I finish instead of leaving because I am too drained to touch it. I don't drink like I used to and I have been able to focus on music more so instead of falling back on the musical junk food the mainstream top 40 tends to be.
I wouldn't say I am a baby bat, but I also wouldn't say I am an Elder goth. Mostly because of this long period where I simply tried to keep my head above water. It has been wonderful to get back in touch with this part of myself though. My old haunt even feels like its come back to life and I visit as often as I can. I also follow Obscura Undead and twitch Dj's for when I can't go out. But it is a breath of fresh air.
growing up i wasn’t allowed to express myself, or dress up the way i wanted too. it was seen as bad. i grew up with divorced parents and the only time i was able to express, was when i went to see my biological dad for the holidays. he was a goth, and paved the way for me by planting that seed. several years later, after getting out of a toxic relationship with a plain jane abusive guy, and leaving home i am finally able to be my true self. and all i can think about is how little me would have loved who i am now. who i’ve always wanted to be.
Your Makeup 💄 is very very very Beautiful, with your very very very Beautiful Personality Angela😊
I still don’t know if I can call myself goth. Even if I’m listening to a lot more of the music, I haven’t been to a club or a show for a goth band yet. But either way, this resonated with me because I’ve always been darkly inclined and I felt like my folks were trying to stamp it out of me when I lived with them. It wasn’t done out of malicious intent. But it still sucked feeling like I had to hide myself. Now I don’t as much.
P.S. I also love Slave to The Night by Witching Hour UK! 🖤🖤💜
I love Ligea by The Witching Hour UK! Great band!
You would be surprised how many people harbour a secret love of Goth! it's a connection that never goes away between young & old you can see it in there smile & eye's 🦇🧛♀🖤☠⛓
Becoming a mother induced a 'normie phase' for a few years, but I have been back a while now and I feel much more settled :)
as soon as you mentioned the grey leggings i was putting on my grey sweater, i felt so called out lol
well, you know, me too I went through something similar and ended up distancing myself from it.
I'm sorry! The grey phase is real. I think it's a comfortable color and with me, when I went through that period everything I owned was grey because I was in a constant state of self soothing.
My cousin made a comment like that to me a few years ago. Like she’d say things like, “Oh, I went through a Goth phase. I remember I went into a Pastel Goth phase.” She didn’t mean it in a negative way, but still.
Finding your chanel made me remember again...Thank u! 🖤
I'm so glad! Welcome!
I love this vid! Its so good to know im not the only one going through it. I went through some really rough mental health struggles for nearly 5 years & i totally lost myself because most of my energy was spent just trying to survive. Making my way back to the subculture just feels like coming home to a warm hug ❤
I feel this, I still love love gothic culture and the music despite not dressing like it anymore, I found that I started to get into other fashion styles now, but I do hope to do more gothic looks soon!
Great Channel! Thank you for bringing back memories of the 90's. Remembering clubs like THE BANK, and THE BATCAVE etc... It's so true, its all about the music and having fun with friends. For me it was Anne Rice books, Tim Burton, The velvet jackets, and 80's new wave music at the clubs. Music like The Depeche Mode, The Cure, New Order, and The Smiths. Keep doing your thing Angela!
I'm so glad you enjoy it! I miss those days.
You mean you can grow out of this Goth phase. !
I have been going through this for 2 and 1/2 decades . I tried to listen to the charts the other day but fortunately i got over it
I've heard whispers of this alleged 'growing out of' but yet to see it.
I found this today. You are awesome. Will be listening nonstop.
Angela, I’m a long time viewer of your channel and have always found comfort in relating to your story of how you returned to the goth scene after being away for a while. I am wondering if you would ever speak more on managing the grief that can come from realizing that one has spent large chunks of time away from their subculture. Especially missing out on seeing bands. This is something I’m struggling with, realizing how much time passed while I was away from the things I love so dearly. Hope you’re well and appreciate your videos!
love your channel
Thank you 🖤
After a bout of severe depression/dropping out of college and pretty much losing any ability to engage in any of the old passions I had (I had been studying art and I couldn't even pick up a sketchbook without wanting to cry for like a year after I left school, It's still lost to me in a lot of ways) Goth music, which was wrapped up in my life since i was little-became so much more important to me, and diving fully into the subculture/seeking out more music and getting to go out and socialize and dance with fellow goths or even talk music with my friends has been wonderful and feels like 'coming home' does, like I am slowly rebuilding myself. I feel like I almost take that feeling the music and subculture gives me for granted sometimes, I couldn't imagine losing it.
I've always been an interesting mix. It has a name now, but I've always been a cross between hippie and goth. My ex husband forced me to choose. He said my wardrobe was TOO BUSY. He pushed me to give up most, almost all of my goth clothes. Of course, it didn't stop at my clothes. He would be negative when I would put certain songs on. Until it just grew into the whole genre. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this video because it made me feel better. I'm in a new relationship now that supports me getting back to myself. I'm currently working on years of wardrobe replacement. I've found new bands that I love. And while I was away in my normie phase. The goth culture has evolved to accept mixed subcultures like me. So I don't have to hear that I'm so poser anymore. When I have a day where I want to wear tydye and black.
This is validating. I didn’t get to dress goth like I wanted for about 7 years due to homelessness. I kept up with it at first, but it got to be so tiring just to live, and so othering just to exist, I didn’t have the energy for it. Now I’m 27 and getting back into it, but I feel like a phony because I dressed as normal as I could for so long. I feel like you phrased it perfectly, because it really was so bad I forgot who I was. Now everything I wear feels like a costume, rather it’s normie clothes or the goth clothes I’ve finally been able to own and wear like I always wanted. It’s validating to hear that I’m not alone in this experience
One thing I love about this channel is how not only how you voice your support about the people in the comments section but also how everyone else here is supportive of each other. It's nice to see a community with no toxicity for once. Great video btw
Thank you so much for this video. I have a toxic family, had a toxic marriage, then i was a single mom in survival mode and i lost so much of myself for a long time. It's really validating to hear the stories of others who have dealt with similar situations and are also finding their way back.
Omg love your channel 🖤 just found it and Subscribed.
It’s crazy seeing so many people shared such an experience of a “normie” phase… I’ve been into goth since I was 11. In my mid 20’s I was forced to have a normie phase and once I left the traumatic situation behind, my inner gothness resurged with a vengeance!
not goth, but punk here. i went through a normie phase from around 2019-2021. The main reason was because I just wanted to be liked more than anything, and i was so far from myself and lost sight of everything that was important to me. I was eventually hospitalized and in in-patient recovery i promised myself I would live my life honest to who i really am, and punk was a huge part of that. I donated all of the basic clothes I bought, so YAY happy ending!
Love you babies Angeleidictus Benedictus。
Throughout my early youth, I always felt like I was a stranger in my own skin when I was wearing the thing's my parents taught me to wear and styled myself to their preferences. I was a normie but miserable at it, I felt like it wasn't really me. Wearing a pink dress for my quinceanera, i liked it. But it didnt feel like me. That was until I turned sixteen years old and I heard my first Bauhaus song, I can't remember if it was Bela Lugosi's dead or The Passion of Lovers. But that's when I started diving into my more darkly inclined preferences. I was a metal-head for a long time already but this was a whole new world to me. I met the post-punk music genre, then slowly transitioned to goth from there.
Many people say that it's a phase and it may be for some. But for those of us who fell in love with the subculture, its upsetting to hear something like 'It's just a phase, you’ll get over it.' I tried being 'normal', to please others. Don't be like me, If someone makes you change yourself to be with them or to be around them, those people are not really worth being around. Be yourself; first and always.
When I wasn't sure about myself, I came to your videos and it made me feel better about my journey, the bumps in the road and even the times i felt i wasn't goth enough for being a certain way. I really wanted to thank you for that and to tell you that you're amazing for doing this, Angela. 🖤
Love your vids peer 😉 always good remembering the old times, I remember cutting my hair to be more "professional", dressing in a "normie" way ... the older I am the less I care now 😂
Beautiful message, Angela. I appreciate this and really resonate with it as I’m sure others do. I feel like I’m finally hitting “play” on all the parts of my life that paused these last three years of the pandemic. It’s been bittersweet to “rediscover” my lost interests because I’ve felt so guilty for forgetting them in the first place, but you’re so right; remembering and returning to it all feels like coming home again. 🖤
I'm not Goth, I'm a metal head. I totally get this video, though. When I had my kids, I settled down and focused on them. However, after I dropped them off at school or where ever, I still popped in Cannibal Corpse, Obituary, Deicide, or even Type O Negative. Now that they have moved out and started their own lives, I grew my hair back out and donned my metal shirts once again. I never had the social interactions like you had. Most of the time people never understood my taste in music let alone my attire. I did hear that I was going through a phase, a lot. They just never understood that metal is for life! Love your videos!
I spent too much time trying to not make others uncomfortable. I'm getting back into being my alternative self and feel so much better. Tired of conforming to make things easier on others, or to get certain jobs, or to fit in. It has nearly killed my soul.
legit getting back into this in my late 20s, joined a new band and finally being my true self again!
Thank you for sharing your story. Found so much of myself in it. Just to hear it healed me . I am who I am because of a lot of things but the music always remains. Now my kids enjoy it and the love of my life was open to embrace it because it made me ..me . Thanks again love your channel.
Thank you for telling us your story, and for coming back to us, baby bats waiting for guidance 😁🖤
You're welcome! Thank you so much for watching!
Lots of great points made about this. Thanks for the down to earth and insightful thoughts you share in your videos. They're wonderful to hear.
I appreciate that, that's really kind of you to say. I'm glad you liked the video!
Thank you, this came out at a really good time for me. I've been getting back into the subculture over the past couple of years and this video made me feel a lot better! Your videos actually helped me remember. It is hard though because I don't always have the best support and I wish I knew someone else who's a little bit like me, but it feels so good to be back! I didn't realize how much I missed it until I saw one of my favorite goth bands for the first time in years last summer!
This is so well written, art is medicine for the soul
My normie phase was for sure worse than my “alt” faze. Normie phase was due to trying to hide a crippling addiction problem. I figured I’d get less questions and less attention if I looked “normie”. It did work, though.
I’m back to my old self, now. Much happier.
I'm unsure if you take requests or even if you read the comments, but if you do both, I'd love a video that's just a collection of your favorite memories from growing up in the scene. The story of the snow after the London After Midnight show warms my heart and makes it ache in one. There isn't an active scene in my area and hasn't been since 2006 (when I was, you know... six). Your stories connect me to a world I wish I could've been a part of, experiences I desperately want to have but that are out of reach. And you tell stories in such a wonderfully descriptive way.
Great video as always Angela, totally relatable and am sure others will definitely feel what you’re saying. ❤
*you're
y'know as much as we love this content, me and other people I'm sure would like to see you do things that are your hobbies! or more experiences you have had with your profession. I personally think it is a great career and invites some interesting stories to tell :)
I attempted to make a what I eat in a day video because I love cooking and baking so much and didn't realize the amount of scratch stuff I did might be useful. Halfway through I realized how much effort I was putting in and got worried that nobody would even give a crap so I scrapped the idea.
@@angelabenedict personally I would love to see videos like that :) Baking and cooking are things I enjoy to do as well. I think you are a beautiful person and it would definitely be exciting to see recipes maybe that I have never tried or done by somebody who, in real life would want to be friends with haha. Nethertheless I still support your content.
Nott to over comment but I think it would be a cool idea if you made pastries inspired by goth music or just any kind of thing similar :)!!
I was bullied out of my goth phase during my teenage years by my parents and other kids. When I finally moved out, I got 6 piercings in the past 1.5 years, became mentally and physically happy and was finally so happy to see the person in the mirror every single day. I'm so happy that I'm still here to see who I finally get to be, the person I always knew I wanted to be. Great video as usual Angela, appreciate your honesty and your outlook in life❤
Yes.
I am currently a 19 year old girl but I live with my parents.
And the truth is that I only recently started trying to express myself.
I say try because I'm still not in a place where I really feel like I'm expressing myself in the full sense.
i come from a traditional Jewish family and they don't like my new look.
I remember my mother telling me "It seems strange to me to see you with black under the eyes" but what she doesn't know that this is the real me.
And me looking "normal" is a costume that I had to sell to her and to everyone.
It is not easy to feel that you want to express yourself but you are afraid of the environment.
and especially for me because I have social anxiety.
I just wanted to thank you so much for taking the time to make this video. This was the most helpful thing I could have ever randomly clicked into at this point in time. 🦇
Goth fashion is forever cool! I love subcultures!
Goth music is even better, since it's the entire point of the subculture.
great video, thank you 😊
You’re welcome 😊
I went through a normie phase in my early 20s and it was the most miserable years of my life. I went right back to being Goth and alternative and it was a relief to be myself again. I was never accepted by normal society don't try to fit in with people that would never accept you
I went normie for a few years following a series of abusive relationships; finally finding myself again at 35 💕
My brief normie phase was similar to yours, because of a relationship. It didn't help that it happened during the pandemic when I didn't have any of my goth friends for support or shows or club nights or anything to go to to help remind me of who I was. Fortunately the relationship didn't last long and when it was over I remembered who I was and I couldn't hide from myself.
I lost myself for a few years. I had some big changes and went exploring and always, always wanted to come back..... but felt I had lost the right. So I stayed gone for much longer than I should've. I finally let myself come back and it feels like returning to myself. That and taking back up my hobby. I feel like me again.
the way she described becoming a parent and falling out of goth culture starting from around 6:44 sounds so scary. like apart from the fact that it's my personal worst nightmare, it's also the way she delivered it, like it could have a horror movie soundtrack playing in the back or something lmao
Tbh, I’m just in awe of how cool Angela is… 😊
The Normie Phase is so real (and normal)! It was super gradual for me. I was the only goth in my high school. By the time I moved out of my parents’ house in 2004 (when I was 24), the few goth friends I’d had in the county were gone. The goth scene was pretty quiet so I had no new music to sink my hooks into. I got a series of jobs that required business casual clothes which I couldn’t afford, so I just wore whatever hand me downs my friend gave me. So, my “scene” was gone, my favorite bands had broken up, and my personal style was gone. It took about ten years for me to suddenly realize that all the tracks I liked from the various compilation CDs I’d collected back in the 90s? Yeah, I could find those bands online and download their albums! I’d lost my ability to work thanks to illness and could wear whatever I wanted (with comfort in mind). A handful of years later I found Obscura Undead and at the time they were live-streaming DJ sets. They moved from RUclips to Facebook to Twitch and BOOM! The world opened up for me! I’ve spent the whole p@ndemic more connected than I have ever been.
I am a mom of three, my oldest being four, and I’m coming out of my basically five-year Normie phase. This and has resonated with me and made me feel so seen.
there is nothing can say to this but love and bright blessings!!
I live in a part of the USA that is not exactly rural, but it's a million miles away from anything goth. I feel like such a closet goth. I would love to just open a goth club here and see what lurks in from the night.
Yep! Every time, the Sisters of Mercy brought me right back Hahaha
I really wish I considered getting into goth when I was around 12 - 14 years old in school. If I knew today at 28, just how therapeutic the music was and how happy it made me, I feel like it would've done wonders for helping me understand my raw emotions. School was the worst time of my life because I had no outlet for my depression and anger issues against teachers and students alike. And I honestly wish I just listened to any post punk or Darkwave lol I feel like it would've done wonders for my mental and even physical health.
Only now when I'm pushing 30, have I really began delving into the Goth subculture, learning about where it began, understanding my fashion and above all, listen to all the music I can and picking my favourites. I was never even much of a music fan before last year when I discovered Metal, and then this year when, after going through multiple identity crisis', have i moved on and realised that Goth hits me just right. This subculture is truly a beautiful and therapeutic thing. Really wish I had someone like you to push me to try a Goth club back in the day Angela haha
But thank you for educating us on the subculture that seems so welcoming even to those of us late bloomers 😊 And although i wont be calling myself goth just yet, maybe at some point in the future i can call myself an elder baby bat 😂 Also, I see you're very close to 100k 👀 Lemme just add another one to that number 😏
I love your genuine talks. Tk you. 💜