Regarding color in goth: Green in gothic clothing is SO underrated. Whether it be a deep rich emerald in an ethereal dress or a warm acidic green in deathrock, I love how it looks every single time.
yes! I recently dyed my hair orange/ginger, and it goes so well with green, and my eyes are green as well. Green is certainly underrated. Also, love purple & violet shades.
I remember those talk shows. The kids were often articulate and talked sense and the audience and host were a mob of cackling hyenas. I'd love to see a "where are they know" follow up on some of those kids.
That was probably one of the most upsetting parts. Each kid on that panel was more articulate, well read and educated than most of the screaming animals in that audience and it all fell on deaf ears.
Sunni Benjamin has a youtube channel! I think she posted the episode. I think she might have been the one where her dad was actually supportive but pretended not to be so they could get on the show and promote her band.
I'd be willing to bet that if the woman who said she'd rather her kid be on drugs is still alive, she's in a retirement home somewhere wondering why her kids don't visit.
Back in the 80's my Mum thought goth was a religious cult. So she freaked out and I had to explain myself and she still hated it. Later on when I joined the Jesus Army she just didn't like that they dressed like hippies but it was ok for me to join and they turned out later to be a religious cult.
Ok. I don't want to laugh at this story because it's a really bad experience that you went through but the irony of her thinking you were in a cult for listening to goth music and was happy when you turned to Jesus and THAT turned out to be a cult. That's insane! (funny and I'm so sorry for laughing but it's the irony not at you)
Try having a mother who was so against music that she told you " Don't Sing ! I Don't Want The Neighbors To Hear You!" Or a father who buys guitars for you, but refuses to allow you to play them
"Nice" is subjective to the beholder. Every goth to "normal" makeover I've ever seen just looks like they sucked the life out of the person and spat them out of a cookie cutter factory.
@@angelabenedictit is. Until we figured this out, my mum would call me out for being goth. She isn't even a religious person I was born in an atheist family...but the people calling me a devil worshipper aren't planning to stop anytime soon.
@@angelabenedictYou only have to look to the mods as an example of that. I can’t imagine how the world would be without them, they’re the first to kick against the inter war morality and social standards of the Victorian era.
The sensory issues for me regarding goth clothing are chokers. I love them to death but i cant have them on my neck for long periods of time without getting irritated.
I was once offered an apprenticeship at a tattoo shop because the artists loved what I drew. I can't even really tell my parents about it because my father hates my body modifications to the point that he called me a slut at age 15 for having tunnels in my ears. My mom attributed my anger to the fact that I was listening to groups like Alien Sex Fiend and wearing spiked collars rather than the fact that she made me feel bad about myself constantly. I love being alternative and I especially love goth and industrial music. Like you said, I wish our accomplishments and happiness weren't seen as less valid because we look different. I also find that more conventional looking people do goth women in particular a disservice by fetishizing and unnecessarily sexualizing them. Parents think it's a kink because that's what the average normie dude will reduce us to in their minds, and then he will advertise it like it's the truth. I was involved with a terrible dude who would refer to me as "goth bitch" or something similar to his friends before he would tell them my name. Horribly degrading.
I'm so sorry you went through all of that. There's a saying that oftentimes, a parent(s) are your first bullies. They are our first reference point for basically everything. We learn how to interact, speak, deal with situations, handle stress - all of it from them. They literally can shape/reshape our neural pathways. When you have the ability to make or break someone, you'd think that they'd take the task a little more seriously and think more about the child that they brought into this world rather than themselves. Calling your 15 year old child a slut is fucking disgusting. The way a man treats his wife and daughters can shape their future relationships with men. Him calling you a slut because of your ear tunnels is telling reducing everything you are and love to a form of gross sexual display and that men treating women like trash is perfectly fine...Hence the relationship with the dude that referred to you as 'Goth Bitch' - That shit was normalized early on. To many, we are a fetish and sometimes they out themselves and others they wear it on their sleeves. Eventually we reach a point where we just kinda snap out of it and realize that there was nothing wrong with us and everything wrong with them and the way they treated us. That's when you start unlearning bad habits and advocating for yourself like you are now. Hindsight is 20/20. I'm so happy that you're able to look at that stuff through the rear-view mirror. Are you working as a tattooist now?
@@angelabenedict @angelabenedict @angelabenedict I'm not working as a tattoo artist currently, however I am still doing art commissions (book covers, murals, designs that people can bring to tattoo artists to have on themselves, etc) in addition to my full time job and I hope to maybe go back there in the future, because the idea of being able to do my art for a living is pretty appealing tbh. I also happened to meet a very nice man through doing a commission who treats me with a lot more respect and compassion than my previous partner did, this kind of healthy development only happened long after I had moved out of my parents' house and had built myself up. It really is frightening the way fathers can destroy their daughters emotionally so that we think ourselves undeserving of respect from our partners later on.
As a Gothic (not Goth, because I wasn't familiar with Goth music at the time) teenager, my parents beat me for having an Evanescence CD, for wearing black, and for hanging around the "freaks" at my high school. These "freaks" along with me made good grades, and were not partying like the normal kids. By 19, I discovered Goth music, and became a Goth while still living like a hippie. My parents are both dead now, and to this day I am still traumatized by the force of their Baptist religion down my throat, the beatings, and the constant degradation. I was constantly being emotionally, physically, and psychologically abused not only by my step mom and dad, but by my younger siblings as well. Things got so bad that during my second week of senior year, I ran away and couch surfed until I graduated from high school. Life is good now, and I am financially stable but the pain still lingers. I still deal with the trauma at age 37, and still have bouts of intense rage and sadness from the memories.
Omg I’m so sorry! I’m in the process of deconstructing from Christianity. It’s atrocious how much pain and abuse goes on in these homes and churches. My dad is a wife beater and I’ve been witnessing violence in my home since as early as I can remember. He would get drunk and beat my mom. My parents are codependent and enable each other’s horrible traits, and they’ve also used corporal punishment on me and my siblings frequently growing up, sometimes it felt like they were taking out anger on us. My sister and I listened to stuff like linkin park and evanescence, and they would say some stuff we listened to was “ungodly or satanic”. My heart goes out to you, and I hope that your healing journey will be steady and full of love 🖤
@@KateryReminiec9399 I did call, more than once. Nothing was done, because my parents would have their Bible out, and would manipulate the service workers into believing they were such good people. They were good at pretending. I reached out for help multiple times, and nobody fucking helped me.
some (most) people shouldn't be parents. allowing your child to be publically ridiculed, what do they think that'll do to their mental health??? absolutely disgusting
I agree. It's something that will forever upset me. There are great people out there who want nothing more than to be parents but their bodies decide that it's just not in the cards for them. Then you have assholes. Real bags of ass running around like fertile myrtle's creating children they don't even want and people awful to them.
sittin pretty in my early 30s, i get that sense of like “proud aunt” moment when i see teen goths haunting the local thrift stores. just nice to see the next generation partaking in the subculture so enthusiastically, especially when they’re wearing a band tee you know and you tell them that that’s one of your faves. the way their eyes light up in excitement as they gush about it makes my lil heart feel all fuzzy. but i do try to do my part as a grown ass adult in the scene and present our subculture in a more favorable light to these parents, let ‘em know it’s about the music and the community we find in it. can only hope it takes some of the pressure off of these youngens 😭 another banger vid, thank you so much for making/sharing it with us! 💜
I've had conversations with more "conservative" people and when I bring up being shamed for being different they act totally confused and try to brush it off as no big deal. I need to keep a link to these videos to pull up so they can see it. People were ruthless for the smallest difference. Honestly they still are it's just a different flavor. It's one thing I do not miss about the 90's.
My mom hated when i started dressing goth cause she thought it was satanic so i never heard the end of "why cant you wear other colors besides black. You cant dress like that. Its evil" Im an adult now so i can dress however i want but back then if i had so much as a black t shirt and pants she would criticize me for it.
As a COUSIN of a goth in the 90’s, I can confirm EVERY word Angela says about parents and family in the 90s. And we had the trench coat mafia in town then too!!😮😮
There are so many stories of parents humilliating their childs just for their clothes or the things they liked. I remember when the mom of a friend cut all his hair because he dyed it black (He is naturally blonde). Another mom of a kid who loved to writte burned his scripts because "must be satanic" and trow many of his clothes to the trash. I myself never showed my artworks to my parents because I was terryfied that they burn my draws (my friends loved them) and they were convinced that I was in a cult...when all I was doing was sharing music and interest with other kids.
As a parent, I would want my kids to look good as opposed to looking like morons or slobs. Looks are important and you don't get a second chance to make a first impression. One of the things that is cool about the internet is young men are learning how to dress and get themselves squared away. Many people like myself did not grow up with parents teaching us how to dress. As for the goth subsculture, many aspects are very cool and I love the look and appreciate people that are into fashion and pulling off the look.
You shouldn’t want kids to look “good” immediately. The internet is part of what’s wrong with kids today not being allowed to just be awkward kids. Middle schoolers are supposed to have an awkward phase and experiment and develop new things, but instead they’re on Instagram learning how to dress “well” before ever trying anything of their own even if it’s awkward and clumsy. No room for innovation, just dressing and doing makeup “perfectly” according to what companies want to sell you. I know not all kids are like that, but it is a big thing and I don’t think parents should encourage it. If you like it go for it, but don’t think you’re better than people who do things their own way and figure it out as they go.
I am an African American, 51 years of age, male who embraced Punk, Metal & Goth with Satanic & Infernal Aesthetics. Basically, I am an Old School Goth, and my mother passed away (1935-2008). At the time, my mother complained that I am going to Hell (She was a Baptist, Protestant & Born Again Christian in her lifetime.). I do feel empathy for people who can’t express themselves because of the Mainstream Society. I am free: like or not. No one will never stop me for being who & what I am. Great Video. Thanks.
Metalheads often have these same issues. Who cares if the kid is happy, how will it make the dad look? People sometimes say, “before adulthood will be the best years of your life.” But sometimes they don’t remember how bad it actually was… good video, Angela!
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! I hate that mindset. Being involved in alternative subcultures that has an effect on how you choose to dress has the potential of having others take it personal, like you're doing it to hurt them and by doing it, others are judging them. They'd rather you be miserable in a pressed button down from Banana Republic in the name of not making dad look like...He has a son who enjoys metal music.
Fancy seeing you here! I was raised by metalhead parents, so I was quite lucky in that regard, though my dad would have that same attitude towards how his family reflected back on him (and still does), but with regards to things like how "normal" we appeared, or whether what I did was too feminine/not masculine enough, which has given me some issues with self-expression as a trans woman who, only recently moved away from home and got the ability to express myself how I want, in that I am terrified to explore that part of myself. I've been watching your channel for some time, and I appreciate the levity you often bring with the more humourous videos of yours. Sincerely, Red
@@angelabenedictexactly. I'm a goth and a metalhead and the music I listen to is what makes me happy the most. It's a big part of my life. If someone takes that away from me probably all I'd do every day would be being on my bed doing nothing but staring at the ceiling because I'd be depressed asf
Ive been a goth all my life. When i was 18 i finally had the confidence to start dressing goth. My mum died when i was 13 so everyone just assumed i was depressed because of that but it wasnt it. I was so happy to finally dress how i felt. My dad is chill with it because he's an older metal head. My mother was a goth when she was alive as well, she used to dress me in colour though because she was scared I'd face public scrutiny (she was a goth in the 80s/90s so she saw first hand in the UK) which makes sense however her halloween costumes she made me were legendary. Sadly, when i was 19 i had an unfortunate relationship which resulted in him throwing out my alt clothes and music despite him being a self proclaimed emo. Anyway i left him and i have my fashion and music back. Im 21 now, expected to do a phd in environmental science and i keep a garden all whilst rocking mostly black, tattoos and goth stompers. I volunteer for charity. I work in the summers. I have a white pet cat called freya. I have lots of friends. The only thing I'd change about my life is being barked at chavs or older women glaring at me because honestly that kinda sucks alas you gotta deal with shit sometimes.
The parents who all of a sudden lose their shit after being accepting of something before can be the worst. The amount of stuff on TV that was banned in the house when I was a kid was insane! They didn’t give logical reasons why they didn’t want me watching them other than they didn’t like them or someone told them it was evil
It's crazy because it comes out of nowhere. It becomes part of your routine and one of the worst things you can do is throw a kids routine into upheaval. One of the things that can result in trauma in kids is being in an unstable environment. To change things up so drastically from being normal 1 minute to resulting in such an aggressive reaction from your parents crates an incredibly unstable environment. It's like you never know what to expect and that can be confusing and scary.
Hey Angela, I've always seen the goth crowd as creative, industrious and intelligent. My two daughters are a great example of grade A goths and my fiancé too.
My dad wasn't/isn't alternative, but always tells the story of how back in the eighties his parents made fun of him for the way he dressed and the music he listened to. And because of that, he lets me express myself however I please, and takes me to goth/punk shows. He's said before that he doesn't necessarily understand it, but he supports it, and I am SO grateful for that. Being alternative still isn't always easy. I still get barked at in public, called a "social reject", or taken less seriously by my peers for the way I express myself. I've had people ask me "Do you ever brush your hair?" in a shocked tone when I have it in a bats nest. But none of that matters when my family, friends, and mentors all see me for who I am regardless of the subcultures I affiliate with.
I relate to this so much! My dad is also like that - he managed to get all those Pink Floyd and Depeche Mode vinyls that he absolutely loved while living in Soviet Union and was treated like an alien just for that. He’s always put so much emphasis on the importance of staying true to yourself, and would go to all those dark wave shows with me when I was a teen even if he thought the music kinda sucked. Some people in my surroundings joke here and there how I had so much potential only to end up pursuing tattooing (lol), but my pretty conventional dad knows I’m happiest I’ve ever been and supports the living shit out of me. It’s such a special connection to have with your old folks ❤
Bats and Boris,, understand this Courage you have,, isn't found in the world of sheep,, they are confused by it,, fear it,, I had too, fight,, like a dog being forced to bite,, for my style or "look" .. It was just like that here,, Nothing's, Jocks, Gangsters, Neo Fascist, Punk's,, until they knew you would stand up and defend yourself,, it was terrible,, and just the normal,, thing,, Orange County California,, Find documentary,, Clockwork Orange County,, that's where I grew up,, So I say,, be you,, create,, give back to art and music,, support your interests,, @∅... We are At Zero and From At Zero We Rise
I’m mid 40’s and my parents although divorced were both Christian and active within their churches, yet I was never judged by them for the way I dressed or the music I listened to. They just excepted that it was part of me, and they unconditionally loved me. I am very grateful for my parents. I was alt, I still am, I listen to many genres I have never fitted in one sub group.
That’s great. My parents were not accepting and I wasn’t allowed to dress how I wanted and got kicked out at 17. But we are now in a small town and go to church and they are very accepting and I often even get compliments, even from the older people at church.
Reading these comments I'm very thankful that I was born to two metal fans who have never stopped me from dressing how I want and doing my makeup. Hope you all have some peace now and can express yourself the way it feels right❤
That's awesome! Like I said in the video, parents can really be a mixed bag. You got the full size kit Kat while trick or treating version of parents. You hit the jackpot! I'm really happy that you had that.
My parents assumed I was doing drugs and put me in a drug abuse program. I told them that I never did any drugs. My parents just didn't like my clothes, hair, music, etc.
I'm so sorry. I remember seeing that a lot. Some people just can't fathom that people have alternative interests and aesthetic and still be reasonable human beings. It doesn't take drugs to make you choose it.
I've been trying to find these clips forever because they are true comedy to me. I'm a 19 year old black goth girl. I fell out of the subculture from being bullied out of it by schoolmates and parents. However, I've started back into the things I love and have never felt more at home. I love your videos, you're one of my favorite youtubers🖤🖤🖤🖤
I'm so sorry you were bullied out of being yourself. That's truly sad and unfair. I'm happy to know that you were able to find your way back. That feeling of home is one of the things I've always loved about goth. I didn't grow up in the greatest of environments. There was a lot of domestic violence, drugs -- There are stacks of CPS reports with my family. Finding goth when it's something that you connect to is like finding your tribe, your home. It's an amazing feeling. Thank you so much for sharing.
im a black goth too and it sucks being told that the subculture is "for white people" or that im trying to act white because of the music and subculture i enjoy. i love angelas videos because they make me feel very welcome and proud to be a goth!!!
@ligealucretia girl literally same, when people of color literally made every form of music. Have you heard the bad O. Children? She mentioned them in a video and I looked them up and they are fire. I get so happy to see and heard of more black people in the subculture!!
@@destinyarmstrong3135I’m also a goth black girl. And it really sucks for me right now since I have Christian parents. Other than the music, I’ve always wanted to get into expressing myself with the aesthetics, especially recently now that I’m confident enough to do it. I know I can, but my parents always criticize me for wearing black clothes and dark makeup, telling me that I’m a “young Christian girl that shouldn’t be involved in THAT stuff”
When I was in High School I dived deep into the gothic subculture and that’s where it all started for me. I remember my grandmother not accepting it, trying to force me out of this so called phase. At one point she looked at me and told me I wasn’t her granddaughter anymore. That hurt like hell, but here I am…still in love with subculture and having no regrets.
I'm so sorry - That sounds like it was very painful. Maybe she meant it in the sense that she didn't recognize you as the same person. People can often become fearful of radical changes when they don't understand it. The older the generation, the worse it is. Why do grandmothers have to be so dramatic? Did she eventually come around?
"Stay away from geometry alltogether." 😅 That one made me laugh hahah. This is a good topic! It's so hard to watch the talk show footage because people really were like that. So crazy. There could be entire reaction videos to all the talk show material. Haha. Honestly though, as a 90s goth kid approaching 40 today, I feel myself beginning to struggle with hoarding issues and I genuinely think it is due to the many times my parents got rid of my cherished possessions as a child/teen/young adult even. Please don't judge me too harshly as I do concede that my issues are my own and I am working through them. (My parents did the best they knew at the time.) I'd love to see some videos on this issue if you have any insight, Angela. 🥰🖤
It's crazy how many of the things that affected us as kids and teens somehow manifest itself differently in our adulthood and we start acting out in ways that are related to it. Like you holding on to things now Because back then they were taken from you. That's a serious thing and that's very traumatic. Those were cherished items so it's completely understandable for you to have this reaction. I'm really sorry that you went through that. People were genuinely like that back then and they did not care that you were a kid and someone else's kid at that. If you looked in any way out of the norm, they took that personally and as far as they were concerned, you were fair game.
Reminds me of my friend's mom from back when we were teens. She forbid her to hang out with us because we were a bunch of punks, metalheads and a goth. She even accused me and my bestie of being on drugs (we weren't even users) when she saw us in the city and we had to pretend to not hang out with her daughter for good. And that's despite us actually helping her instead of demoralising her, as she had some minor issues (no wonder, I'd probably have some issues if I had such a mother, too). She later approved of her daughter hanging out with some bros, though, because they looked normal, even though it later turn out that they were offering her drugs and some unwanted advances, truly shocking (not really). I hope it got better for her :/
I think a lot of them were egged on and coached to behave in a way that they felt would antagonize the audience and fit the narrative. I knew this pair of friends who flew out to Chicago from long island when they were 14 to be on Jenny Jones as 'freaks' -- they were goths and when they were introduced they came out holding hands and laughing as they skipped down the runway.
Yay a new video! 🖤yup for some parents it was always "what will people say?". That's child abuse (baiting a 14y/o into a show like that). I hope my son expresses himself to his heart's desires (he's 6). What's worse is having the one person who's supposed to protect you in life (your parent) sit next to you and allowing you to be mobbed.
The way people talk to and treated kids back then and got away with it was disgusting. It's all reactive abuse, They ridicule, boo and insult and the moment you have any sort of reaction to it - suddenly you're the animal and that's why you look the way you do. There's a lot of dehumanization going on back then and a lot of grown ass adults saw kids who weren't even their own kids as fair game the moment their appearance was in any way out of the societal norms.
I am from the u.k and my husband and myself dressed gothic, in 2001 when we first started dating our town was riddled with 'chav's' we couldn't go out for dates without something happening, it got to a point were it was becoming scary, i found out i was pregnant and decided that we would leave our home town for a better future for our lil girl, best thing we ever did, she grew up in a lovely town were they excepted us and she is now 21! she travels all around the country seeing her fav bands in concert sometimes even with her parents and i couldn't be more proud. x
It makes me sad and angry to know how a big part of the goth community has a lot of autism/adhd and people with disabilities are victim of the scrutiny of normal people. As if beeing goth makes it acceptable to attack people that are already disadvantaged in normal modern society, just because they found a group with people to share a common interest. It makes me sick watching these clips and thinking that a few for sure are falling in the spectrum and getting attacked for just self expression.
Thank you for this video, this kinda hit too close to home. As a kid i never knew goth was music based (later on i started listening to it bc i felt like a poser after learning about it) but i knew i wanted to dress like them bc i related more to characters in media who were labeled as goth, plus at the time i loved how their styles looked. But bc my parents werent as well off, i couldn't shop for anything all out for my goth make over. However, what i did have was black clothes, but even with that, my mom got pretty mad and over anxious about me wearing all black, so she tried everything just to get me to wear normal clothes with color, she even went as far as to forcefully remove the black nail polish off my nails in middle school. She kept telling me, "u were already being bullied at school i dont want u to get bullied again." Which was bs bc the kids i went to school with could care less about how i dressed if anything i was getting bullied bc they couldnt understand that I was neurodivergent. And when i told her this she said, "well what about when u grow up? How r u gonna get a job? Theyre not gonna hire u once they see pictures of u being goth." She also went on to tell me thay i was "too young to b goth" and that "children shouldn't b wearib all black at this age". Thx to mom, none of my school pictures look the way i present (i look like a normie in every school picture bc my mom would actually threaten to me that if i didnt wear what she wanted me to wear, shed refuse to drive me to school and would throw the biggest adult tantrums over it if i didnt change into normie clothes) Im older now and mom hasn't tried making me into a normie, but it is fucked up how parents dont care to lend an ear to their kids until when they get older is when they decide, "hey the kid actually does have their own thoughts and beliefs".
@@thiscorrosion3843 same here! Except I was around probably 15-16 when I discovered those bands. The cure however, my mom and dad introduced to me when I was I think maybe in elementary going onto middle school. The lovecats will forever b my favorite song from them
I had a girl say to me in high school my mom would kill me if I dressed like you. I said My mom would kill me if I looked like you ( she was wearing a crop top and a short skirt) I am very lucky to have to alternative parents that are beyond cool with my sister and I interests and what we wear 😊
Your parents being concerned if you were dressed like her are them being genuinely concerned for your safety and well-being. Her parents disapproval of dressing like you, comes from a place of them fearing judgment from others. You got some good parents!
My dad doesn’t like how I look or the music I listen to. He even lets my step-mother insult me. Before starting university this year, he told me to tone down my appearance because I “wouldn’t make friends otherwise.” It’s weird because he listens to a lot of metal music and other alternative genres, so I thought he would understand. My mum is completely different and I’m very grateful. She’s always encouraged my interests, has gone to shows with me etc. I remember her gifting me a giant Robert Smith poster for Christmas when I was 14. The only thing she was ever worried about, and still is, is how other people treat me or if I’m going to get hurt. Even then, she never told me to stop being goth.
Le merry 200s had no kindness at all for goth kids in my country. I was constantly bullied by my own parents, even for dressing very, VERY modest, anything new I tried, it just lead to being my self-esteem destroyed. Then, moving into a village, one of my parent's new partner just put the verbal abuse to 200%. I was called a witch, a drug-addicted, a sl0t, then....my parent dating that person started doing this to me, when I was 16. I never partied, or did nothing bad, and it slowly just broke my heart for them not trusting me enough. I was "surprised" with brand new clothing without my consent and made me feel for not accepting and wearing anything from that pile, I was pulled to the tv to watch shows were people get makeovers to be "pretty and fashionable" . That parent asked me jokingly, what would I react if we'd get into a show like that? I replied "I'd never talk to you again. I'm already feeling that whatever I do, I'll never be good enough." That silence was ice cold, and the topic sweeped off for a few weeks. After hitting 18, moved out, and decided not to look bad. We meet yearly twice, and it's better this way. I heard the horrible stories for other's clothing thrown out or just cut into pieces, and felt incredibly lucky "just for being bullied". Like, it took years to mildly recover from this, and I still struggle experimenting more with my style. But gladly, I'm so much better, than before. Anyone being the situation as might read please don't forget that: You are a lovable person, as soon as you get out, that will be the best feeling, that's worth every second. You'll be free, and get a chance to learn to love who you are 🖤🖤🦇🦇
i'm a babybat. I was born in 2002 so obviosuly i can't say i relate to what happened back in the day. Even if us goth kids get more acceptence now from the media, kids, teenagers, schools and many many people in general is very aggresive towards it. Especally the non alternative/joks. I personally never got physical abuse, but i was bullied severly for being 'the only goth kid' by 4 guys in my class, and these kids were popular mind you. They made the entire school go after you just for the funs of it. You could have expected them calling m and insults based on me being goth, but these were people who followed you around, insults after insults each day, threatening to show up in your house with weapons. Mind you i graduated not so long ago, this was last year and the year before that. Many goth kids i didn't even know went to the same school as me dropped out a week later of the bullying. Outside, i have to cover my mouth with something because of how scared i am for them to approach if they noticed my makeup. The phrase "why can't you fight back" is still disgusting considering so many years passed yet we get treated for the day we dress, and they can just go around doing whatever they want. We are indeed out numbered. I never managed to finish the school i was going to for a specific major (i live in norway) and ended up not getting a grade. Those bullies people say fight back against, will not give you up until your mental health is ruined. That's just a little summary as a goth kid in a modern time.
I've Goth but I've been a homeless Goth before cause I fell behind on my rent and struggle to catch up but when you are homeless you tend to lose things that you don't need to live as well as things you need. I never stopped being Goth though. I'm lucky I had income which made other homeless jealous. But I dressed in Goth and listen to the music more than ever for the psychological survival. Anyway I always think that life can throw stuff at you that makes you realize what is truly important to you and that's part of you 😊😊🐈😸 I also didn't give up having my kitty ,🐈 I love kitties ❤
Oh my God, I'm so sorry that you went through that experience. That sounds terrifying. I'm glad to hear that you're in a better place now. You stuck to who you were, regardless and that just shows how much deeper this thing goes for so many people. Thank you so much for sharing.
I come from Norway, so never had this experience with cliques like they do in the states. But bullying is a problem all over the world, sadly. I know people that have had similar experiences as far as victim blaming goes. This idea of holding victims partially at fault troubles me. I dont get why its so difficult to put responsibility on the ones doing the abuse.
I had a corset when I was 15, but it didn't look like a typical corset, and it was colored. I used to wear it with a jacket, and nobody knew that I was wearing a corset.
It sounds like a really cute ensemble. Putting a well coordinated jacket over something can totally change things up. I was more thinking of the corset with the bra underneath and then the fishnet top which can have parents losing their marbles.
@@angelabenedictYeah. It does change a lot. I'm very glad for owning the corset, because it gave me experience that was useful later in life. I agree with you. That kind of corset should not be worn by kids.
I didn't wear a corset until age 18, senior year. They look great, but are so uncomfortable to me. I stopped after a year, and haven't tried to wear one since. I'm ultra skinny, so they never fit right.
Bwahahaha, sorry old industrial goth here. Coming into the 90's my hair was down to my back pockets, died black, the black on black on black clothes, black nails, DrMartin 20 eye boots. Mom was like. "Well, it's an improvement from the torn up jeans and concert shirts and black deadlock you were wearing back in the 80's sneaking out to CBGB's and bumming around the Bowery" By the mid 90's I was Djing all over the world making about 5 times as much as her and her husband combined, ironic as she was an Ivy league university (Brown) graduate and teamster stepdad. Took dying a few times to beat the smack addiction, swung to the other side of the scale and sped through a decade. Got in so many fights with the skins and jocks I've lost track, won most, lost a few badly, thank you stepdad for the foresight that if I was gonna dress like I dressed I better know how to defend myself sending me to boxing, Taekwondo, judo, kempo, etc.. I was working at the Limelight during the "Michael Alig and the Club Kids era" I knew Alig and Freeze as well as Angel. I'm sorry to, well looking back I'm not but at the time I felt bad for not liking them because they all felt so fake and vulgar. In 1995 I met my (then) 25 year old Goth-loli partner for the next decade, My clothes were a mix of thrift/consignment store DIY outfits, Toki made all her own outfits. She would wear them once or twice then sell the dresses off for jaw dropping prices, I'm talking 200,000 to 600,000 yen per dress!!! If I looked good/unusual enough to turn a few heads, she would literally stop traffic. Crowds would gather to get pictures of or with her, looks and fashion wise you could give her a run for her money, probably why I subbed to your account so early. You have the same kind of grace and self assurance she does even though you are on opposite ends of the gothic spectrum fashion wise. I remember Aleg trying to get me on one of those Jenny Jones/Geraldo/Jerry Springer type shows with his club kidz cronies, I'm so glad looking back that I never did. I suppose I was lucky my mom was a hippie when she was (back then) my age and my stepdad was a long haired rocker, they might not have gotten my taste in music or fashion but they supported my need to express myself and take pride in who I was with zero care what anyone else thought of it. They were far from perfect but far better than I deserved on my best days. Thank you for being such a great "Elder stateswoman" for our scene and awesome Senpai for the baby-goths to look up to and emulate.
as a 13 year old goth you're one of the reasons i even found out about goth music, the clothing, etc ! :) I don't have any gothic clothing but i love goth music :) i been goth for 4 years and you really encouraged me to not be ashamed bout it ^^
I was goth in the 90s and my parents joined the small-minded in the tiny town I was living in to make my life hell over clothes and music. My sister and I didn't party, smoke, drink, anything like that and yet we had people from my parents church follow us in stores and spy on what we were checking out at the local library, looking for something to be offended by. It's ridiculously superficial, because I started dressing in vintage and listening to old music --- the same exact kind of scene as goth with a different aesthetic, and I'm the same person I was then, but the perception of me entirely changed over CLOTHES. It breaks my heart that this is still a problem for kids who just want to feel comfortable in their own skin. That they have to be warned against stepping a foot out of line so that their own parents won't treat them like freaks is absolutely ridiculous, but I'm glad you're reaching out to them! Thank you for that!
I’m blown away by all the comments where people’s parents THREW AWAY THEIR PROPERTY and they just kinda shrugged it off? That’s like… annoying 5 year old sibling behavior! I can’t imagine how I’d react if my parents of all people threw away my stuff, and I can’t imagine daring to do that in the first place because of how the person would react. Like, that’s not just “I don’t like my kid’s style”. There has to be a pre-existing abusive relationship for someone to think they could get away with throwing someone’s stuff out. You just wouldn’t dare to do that to someone unless you’d already brainwashed them to some degree.
Like I’m trying to imagine how much of an entitled brat I’d have to be to sneak into my parents’ or sister’s closet when they were out of the house, throwing away anything I didn’t like, and then just admitting it when they got home like “oh yeah I threw away all your blue jeans because I don’t like the color blue.” ???
ANGELA!! Please do another q+a soon! Ever since you posted that video of things you no longer believe, Im really curious to see what other things your opinion has changed on. Plus im sure you have a ton of new viewers after the last few videos you posted.
The day just got better, thanks for the video Angela🖤🦇 At this point my mom has washed her hands of me, she doesn't want to believe that I'm goth (all I did was play music, I hadn't even expressed myself aesthetically😂) Also, what was that ditty you were humming in the last video it was quite earwormy and delightful.
I'm really sorry to hear that. I really hope that she comes around. When it comes to things that people don't understand or is foreign to them, they can have a fearful reaction to it. The only thing that I can think of in that regard is that when people are fearful of something, giving it a name so to speak by way of overloading them with information makes it less scary. It's kind of like what they tell you when you're dealing with anxiety, when you run from it it gets bigger but when you chase it it gets smaller. I don't remember humming. I hummed in my video?
I’m so sorry you’re going through that…💔 please know that you aren’t alone, you are part of a community, and we are here for you in whatever capacity possible. 🖤✨🖤✨🖤
@@angelabenedict thanks a lot for the advice 😊. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you hummed (or vocalized in some way or other) at the 37:31 timestamp (ruclips.net/video/m1xSWKGqngE/видео.htmlsi=sBK0rth7cwQtm2RP&t=2251) It's been stuck in my head for days (in a good way)
Angela, I'll be honest and say that I had parents that in no way, shape or form would be seen as alternative BUT despite my father being physically imposing and having the stereotypical Boomer/GenX vibes to him, he loved music and actually had an amazing ear and voice (very bassy which i inherited lol). He'd sing Elvis or Type O; Simon and Garfunkel. He loved various genres which some included early goth rock, some industrial, metal and even nu metal (he loved Chester's and Serj' voice). He also loved operas, oldies, some pop. My mother despite being a devout Protestant lady that sometimes would try to not let me do or see some stuff due to her church's influence when i was a kid, never strictly forbade me from anything. She was a huge Kate Bush fan and even rocked the same hair Kate had in her "Wuthering Heights" video. She had lots of other Christian siblings but who were huge rockers and musicians, despite my grandmother being a strict catholic. My background is basically Mediterranean/Iberian mystery meat such as yourself lol! I rememeber all these talk shows and we used to watch it together. My parents always saw these parents as fake victimhood narcissists who simply wanted to use a crowd and audience to further abuse their kids. They were always of the opinion that if you have any issue with your children, you dealt with it within the family. Parents are supposed to protect their children from the world. Sure we can have a problem with a family member but I'll be damned if I let some outsider mock them or intrude was the energy inside my family; both nuclear and extended. My parents never judged me for my tastes but for the wrongs that I commited which they would discipline me and my siblings. Growing up with other alternative kids, they would be baffled by how well they were treated by family because they would tell me that in their home, I'd probably be ill received for also participating in the "freak" subculture.
I feel like it’s important for me to mention growing up in an extremely religious/fundamental environment. In the extremely fundamentalist environment that I grew up in girls were shamed for leaving the top button of a blouse unbuttoned. My parents had this weird idea that girls shouldn’t be vain. So I wasn’t allowed to have any make up, anything girly. I’m 21 now and just getting into goth, my parents can’t really say much. When I was pre-teen to teen, I was obsessed with black nail polish and black eyeshadow, and they did actually throw my stuff out. My parents are OK now because I’m older, but I also think that it’s important to acknowledge there are some parents that are actually control freaks, parents who want their children to dress only the way they want them to dress, and don’t permit individuality. I feel like this is more prominent in religious environments, at least according to my experience.
@@thiscorrosion3843 I lived in china as a kid. I didn’t have the resources to discover goth music(I would’ve loved it since I listened to goth music without knowing it was goth in my later teens, right before I got into the subculture). I didn’t have the resources to even play dress up, my parents were missionaries so I only had hand me down clothes the most I did was like a black T-shirt. When I was 13 or so I just used some pocket money to get black eyeshadow and nail polish cuz I liked Taylor Momsen and Avril Lavigne(lol I know they’re not goth). And my parents threw that away. Gosh you would be surprised at how difficult it is to have or discover genuine subcultures in china. They have this wall up against media from the rest of the world. It was only after I got vpn to get over that wall when I could discover that parts of what I liked was goth, because there’s literally no information online about anything. But yeah I wasn’t even allowed to be feminine as a teen, let alone goth.
I cried cause I tried to communicate that this was who I was, and my Folks were young parents, late 20’s-30’s, My mother dressed more like a Black Girl version of a “Sex in the City” alternate, and my Dad was this Blonde ex Jock. Me being Goth/Darkly inclined was not acceptable, at all, and they kept trying to steer me away, in my mid 20’s (now 31) they finally accepted my interest in darker things. 2031 they finally accept that this is how I am. Funny thing is our home was pretty Goth lol. Black curtains, Black candles, Burgundy walls, Cherry and Black furniture, and my Mother was an Ann rice fan, and Hap some Depeche Mode record’s. yet they were weirded out as to how I came to be. make it make sense 😂😂😂😂, I’m more into Punk and Industrial but I do enjoy Goth Rock/ post-punk , Death-rock etc music, have a darker aesthetic, Not a Goth because amongst Goths I don’t feel like them, but I share a a lot of Commonality and the many genre’s shaped my perception of the genre. A love for Cemetery’s, my boyfriends an Occultist, I love both refined and Campy horror, coffins etc. But sometimes it takes time for Fam to come around but they usually will eventually in most cases, me being Gay was easier for them to stomach than being spooky 😂
with tips with wearing alt fashion around parents, i would say its a good idea to not go all out immediately, but start out small and slowly introduce the wardrobe so that over time they get used to it as opposed to sudenly being faced with it
I was a baby bat in the late 90s and it was rough. Family, kids at school, teachers, all so quick to judge and often times mean. I was a chunky brown girl in all black and so many were mad. 😅
Unfortunately there are still parents who are like those in the clips you showed. I think more in immigrant parents or ethnic parents - they would honestly rather you die than have a mohawk
That's crazy! This child you waited your whole life to meet. That you carried for 9 months and suffered a painful birth to do it, you'd rather them die then to harmlessly be themselves?
My mother always supported me and fought with me against my dad, She would tell him she’s a good girl, good student and keeps out of trouble. She’s not hurting anyone by just being herself and standing out from others. But it was really tuff with my dad. Getting clothing and things thrown away.
I'm a late bloomer. After many many years, at the age of 27 I started to dress the way I always wanted to do. Fortunately I never really had the issue with my parents not being okey with the way I looked at least. My mother always wanted me to be my true self and never to be someone that Im not. The issue was more with the acceptans from society. I was bullied through all my school years for just being me. I even tried to be "normal" and be like everyone else, but I was bullied regardless. I had a very hard time finding friends and keeping friends and spent for many years alone. (Was diagnosed with autism back in 2015, so I got my answers on why I didn't function like everybody else, especially with communication/social) I wish that I started this way sooner but I wasen't strong enough to take all the negativity and fight back, back then. But I was scared and so insecure that I didn't had the courage to do it. I thought for a very long time that I was lost within myself and that I didn't know who I was, but it was more of the fact that through all these years I had tried to suffocate and erase my true self, based of fear and the influence of people who wanted me to be something that Im not. Back then people could easily manipulate me and shape me into what they wanted me to be. I am still insecure but I am alot stronger now then I was before, and today I am proud of who I am 🥀🖤
My mom was pretty strict when it came to clothing and music but my dad was chill my dad was more leanant and allowed me to express myself where my mom wanted me to be like everybody else. It was sad growing up the way i did because it was always about order and control. I always felt like a puppet on a string my teen years were the most miserable years of my life and other people around me just didnt seem to care all they cared about was their perception on things but the moment i expressed my opinion there was backlash.
Thank you for this ❤️ I was blessed 2 times, growing up in Sweden and having open minded parents! Helped me a lot in life, especially when I was a teenager! And now I am a mother to a teenage baby bat and I am fiercly proud of her! And I accually have sometimes taken my time to speak to the other parents in the freind group...and even got slightly concervative parents (eastern european) to one of the girls in the group to understand that nothing in the music and subculture is evil and bad! 😊
I adore your videos and thank you! This topic hit close. I was a hardworking smart and articulate student but all that was looked over because of the way I dressed. I was very happy and optimistic as a teen but it’s very true that parents worry about what others think. The judgment not only of their child but them was a big factor in not being accepted. And I for one dressed modestly the issue being it was all black. It’s sad that kids are discouraged from finding the best version of themselves and being a passionate human all because media scares parents of the unknown. I appreciate you sharing your experience with this topic. 🖤
You're very welcome, thank you so much for sharing! I'm really sorry that you had all of your hard work and your achievements disregarded in lieu of your aesthetic. Unfortunately, the modesty approach is not a foolproof tactic but it has potential. Sadly, did not work out in your case. None of it changes how much you have achieved, unfortunately People can react very strongly out of fear of what they don't understand. That's why they cling to that kind of uniform mentality and not straying from the norms.
Giiirrrlll! I appreciate you so much. 💯 everything. it is great that you are kinda informing both the kids and the parents. 29:22 I was never depressed as a teen but my mom used to "approve" what I bought. which would have been "normal clothing" I felt ugly, I felt dorky, and I hated what was popular, and even though I wasn't depressed I was miserable,pissed and felt ugly. When I first has my own money I went out and between Halloween stores, thrift, and T&V I made my first goth outfit and I put it on and I felt happy and beautiful and my confidence rose, and like in those videos people (adult strangers more tha kids) bullied me..EVERYDAY. It was weird like my parents picked the outfits and kid's bullied me in middle school. At the end of middle school when I bought my own clothing adults bullied me more than the kids, but I was so much happier in goth fashion (I had already been listening to the music btw) that no one could Pay me to dress "normal" (accept my actual job but that wasn't 24/7) Even as an adult I had my husband's dad tell him that I was dressed too "slutty" and it "made him(husband) look bad" because myself at 31 or so took a photo with a band T-shirts, Jean shorts, fishnets, and my new Knee high New Rocks. They were my first ever brand new pair I was sitting on a chair and put my legs on on a table to show off my boots and held the camera behind me as I looked at the camera.You could see my face the top of my shirt, my fishnets from the about knees down mostly showing my boots. I said to my husband "how is this slutty?" the only think I could think of was people associating fishnets and sex. Other times I was told I was dressed slutty when I had on underwear, fishnets, black tights on top with holes ripped so you could see the fishnets though, knee high Platform boots, a skirt and jean shorts under so pervs couldn't look up my skirt, a bra, tank top, a firstnet shirt, and a corset. I had way more layers on than most people, 3 tops a bra, 2 bottoms, 2 tights and underwear, but this was slutty still because how "normal" people Associated the style. I usually always agree with you Angela andI definitely still do. I appreciate you trying to educate the baby bats and parents. My older "normal" brother always tried to tell my mom that I am on drugs, and all these other things. (I did think once In a while as a Teen but in the 90s most teens did) but I didn't smoke, I didn't do any drugs, and I was never reallly... that drunk, I didn't read drink to access and the maybe 2 times I did it wasn't at a goth night. It was at another teens house and playing Truth or dare type stuff with no parents around, but then I regretted it because I felt sick. I did well at school but I had teachers give other students higher grades because they didn't like how I looked even though most tests and HW I got 100% plus extra credit, and then was told "I don't believe that a student can actually get a perfect grade" (I got like an 87 by that teacher even though I tutored some of the kids who got a better grade. and then my parents were mad and didn't believe me. 🤦♀️🤷♀️. I was just deemed the "bad kid" both in my family and with strangers. Almost treated that way, but everyone but my goth /Alt /punk friends who always loved being around me and in turn I loved being around them.
I also knew and hung out with NYC kids in the goth/Punk/LGBTQ scene who s choose to sleep outset "on the vents" in the village 8th street, because going home meant they were beat by their parents, for being goth, or gay, or punk etc. Some nights I stayed out all night to be with them. (the vents were vents in the street and hot air came out (from the subway I believe) and kids would take blankets and pillows and sleep in a pile on the street on the worm vents, because that meant they weren't beat. and it was safety in numbers, some people asked shops who threw out extra food or pizza at the end of the night for it, and then they passes it out to everyone so no one would be hungry. These kids were great, they didn't do drugs, they weren't getting trashed, They just knew what would happen if they went home... and that was the 90s for you...
im 15 and have been goth since i was 12, and society with goths has not really changed at all. maybe bcuz im in a small conservative town but its been horrible for me. i had to drop out of school at 13 bcuz it got so bad. glad my parents are supportive
I’m 😢😢😢you not even a kid, and sometimes my family will make snide remarks. I have a bohemian/hippie style typically. But as soon as I wear black and wear things with the moon, instead of the sun, I’m a witch. OR if I wear a chunky choker, it looks like I’m into bondage.
@@angelabenedict I have tried to explain Goth is, and is not, but because of things like this, my guard is up, and I am afraid to lower my shield again, so I shut down. How do I get them to understand that I’m not getting into anything bad, and to just let me dress the way I want to dress?
I was very lucky and my mom has always supported me. When I got my first undercut in 88 my mom came with me. She also bought me my first skull buckle boots and would go record shopping with me. She even took me to see U2 in 87 because there was no way to get to the venue on public transit. I had friends back then whose parents would throw away their 'weird' clothes, and I even knew people who were thrown out of their house for being punk. I will always be grateful to my mom for being a good parent. EDIT: Forgot to mention this but my mom let me go to a 17+ alternative club called One Step Beyond when I was a junior and senior in high school. Every Saturday my friend, who had already graduated, would take me along with her. I didn't have a curfew which was pretty awesome.
I also got that message from my mom, she was more worried about her own image than my actual health and safety. The irony was that I was a lot safer and more looked after running wild 3 states away in NYC at night with Lealith and friends than I was at home. (I was 13 at the time in question) Today, when I speak with any teen alternatives its the same ole stories we know so well. I guess the more things change the more that they stay the same.
Wow, this made me reminisce a lot, thinking about how it was when I went through all these moments of being confronted with pre|judices and having to explain myself! When you're growing older and decades pass by, sometimes you almost forget about the har|dship you had to endure as a teen just to be accep|ted as who you are or for being different from the main|stream - as an adult, you just don't need to care about your environment's reactions that much, so all teen experiences fade into the background gradually. The contra|dictive thing I can recall from my first months as a baby|bat is that most normies at school totally stopped any sort of offen|sive behaviour towards me when they started to perceive my change and the process of finding myself. I had to deal with quite a lot of off|ense by peers before I became a part of the subculture, mainly for being pretty s|hy and intro|vert - but once they realized that I found myself and grew as an individual as I was finding my home and shelter, they suddenly stayed away from me. And this is the event that surprises me the most, as I know that most Goths are being taunte|d even more once they start to express themselves by means of clothing or accessory - but in my case, all the off|ense just turned to silence. So getting into the subculture was a process of enlightenment, of finding out who I really am, and having a shelter to escape to especially at times when the coldhearted|ness of the world became too unbearable to deal with. And I have to say, finding the values I can identify with at heart and finding all the things I love so deeply made me stronger than ever before, raised my self-confidence and made me more expressive and more reflective compared to times prior to all of this! Therefore I'd say that getting involved in the subculture made my life easier instead of harder - not because I didn't have to deal with pre|judice or resent|ments, I absolutely had to deal with a lot of that stuff, but because it felt like rebirth and becoming who I am truly supposed to be. Thank you for making this video, I think it will help a lot of younger Goths nowadays and make it easier for them to discover themselves while being affected by a world of misconceptions and conformity. Your words are of great help if we want to keep the subculture going for all future generations to come!🖤✨️🌙
I'm 25 and at age 14 my best friend's (and only friend, so it was all the more crushing) parents forbade her from seeing me because i dyed my hair black. One year later, she started drinking, experimenting with drugs, smoking, and sleeping around. It was the "normal kids" that got her into it. Meanwhile, I've still never smoked, only drank i think 4 times in my life, never touched drugs. It still pisses me off 11 years later.
I think the key to success with a teenager is balance. I am not a parent but I am a goth from the 80s. I would teach my children that there is a time and place for them to express themselves fully and openly. But there are also times when it’s not as appropriate. I would have no problem sending my kids to school in all black but I would ask them to go easy on the makeup and accessories and save those things for parties and concerts. I realize that not everyone will react this way. But there was never any compromise in my house growing up and that caused a lot of resentment and frustration and anger. My heart goes out to today’s goth kids.
The 90s were tricky. It was after the 80s satanic panic stuff but then school shootings happened and it got weird. Overall I think parents are way more accepting these days though as opposed to back when we were growing up.
I had to explain this one to my gamer friends who complained that my female characters in RPG were always non human weirdos. I told them its the same as having a dress code. If you can express yourself(or your character can), you are more likely to be friendly, helpful and kind whether or not you(or your character) look like some kind of creature from a horror film(thats more the character at that point not me ;) ) but force me to wear normal gear and play humans or ordinary elf characters? And you will unlock the nastiest, bitchest and most manipulative behaviour you have ever seen. I have borderline personality disorder and I have found if my outfit is a bit out there, I'm calmer overall but if I'm forced to wear something that just isnt me, and presents a (to my mind) tarty look? I immediately become defensive and turn nasty because usually I get hit on even more than normal. I am not trying to signal that I'm UP for it. I'm just trying to be me but if I wear the normies clothes, then I look slutty(by normie, I mean what they expect girls with big boobs to wear, IE might as well be holding the girls up with something that will snap at any given moment)
That makes a lot of sense. I had a lot of parents in one of my videos say that they tell their children if they ever get lost, look for a goth or someone who dresses alternatively because they know that they will be safe. It's something about expressing yourself so outwardly that there's nothing else to hide.
My sister had to fight a lot with my gma about how she dressed and what she liked, so she took the brunt of it, I followed in her steps, though, and I don't remember as much fuss. My mom is WAY more chill, but she still doesn't like my dark and spooky stuff; but she doesn't try to stop me from being into it. When I was in high school, she figured me dressing in big baggy Tripps and band shirts and whatnot was better than dressing scantily clad, so she didn't mind that it was darker. Even now that I've only gotten further into metal and darker genres, she doesn't try to stop me from listening to it or engaging with it [hell, I'm buying spooky witchy books and she doesn't comment on it]. She understands I'm just different, and we still hug a lot and tell each other I love you a lot; never stopped doing that. :P I'd say I was halfway lucky, since I was partly raised by my gma and she was the type to throw fits over stuff. But I was also extremely stubborn and gave no shits, even if I got spanked for acting out, so I was a little too stubborn to fully control, unless it was something I liked as well.
It sounds like your sister tired your grandma out so much that by the time you started dressing that way, she had no steam left to start on you. It sounds like your mom was really more coming from a place of concern for you and your well-being. Seeing you covered up and Not sexualized. Seem to be good enough for her since she knew there was a level of the safety there. You got a good mom!
@@angelabenedict Lol she really did; I'm grateful to her for that. She put up with a lot so I didn't have to. And yeah, my mom was way more chill about things, so that was also really awesome to have that freedom growing up. We've got that respect that even though we don't have much in common, we still love and appreciate each other. I was lucky to be able to grow with a mom as accepting as that. Cx
Think I was lucky being raised by parents who were accepting of me liking Metal and Goth. Based on the stories I hear from let's say more conservative parents really cracking down on their kid for being alternative I feel fortunate. I've gotten plenty of shit but not from my parents or brothers, I'm glad to say. I remember my dad being a little angry about it at first, but he turned around real quickly so I don't really hold it against him. People can change when faced with the reassurance that things aren't what they think they are and my dad fortunately was open-minded enough to let initial gut feelings not rule him. When we became homeless years after our bond grew only stronger and I think these experiences of poverty made him more accepting of what he doesn't understand in general. Oddly enough it wasn't my parents giving me shit but other family members. My aunt who I never talk with suddenly giving a shit that I exist when I grew into a Metalhead because it was ''unacceptable'' and is suddenly a Christian in a largely non-religious family anytime somebody does something she objects to but otherwise stops being one again right after. Or just strangers walking up and saying dumb shit. Which Metalhead, Punk, Goth etc hasn't gone through something like that at this point? But I gotta say, I remember when I was still a teen of about 16 years old and this young girl, maybe 9 years old walked up to me and asked me ''If I'm a rock'' to which I replied and she then gave me the horns. Or another time a few years after when another child pointed at me and said ''Look mom! He's got long hair!'' all excited. Things like that makes dealing with all the bullshit worthwhile. As does the music make it worthwhile of course. People like Lemmy Kilmister, Dio, Doro Pesch, Patricia Morrison and Jaz Coleman were idols in my teenage years.
I love that the children were so pure and innocent about it. No judgment, no fear just excitement. It's when people grow up that the fear sets in. Usually that's where it all comes from, people being afraid of what they don't understand or deviating from what society deems as normal. I'm really sorry about what happened to you and your family when you were young. That can't have been easy. I know there's nothing really good you can say about being in that situation but at the very least it's great that you have each other to lean on through it all. I feel like every family has an aunt like the one you're describing. They use religion as an excuse to be terrible, to judge and to try and lord authority over people. I have an aunt like that. I think I met her once or twice when I was a little kid and a few years ago I did a podcast with one of my cousins. We're both children of drug addicts, his mother died from heroin overdose and my dad died from a cocaine overdose. I spoke about the abuse in my home and things that went on - now this aunt, who I met all of twice When I was a small child. An aunt Who doesn't know my middle name, doesn't know my birthday, never shared a meal with me Or could even tell you my eye color - suddenly, she's blasting me on social media, claiming none of the things I spoke about happened. Like I said, there's always that one aunt.
I appreciate the empathy. There's a lot I've been through. Homelessness, a dysfunctional family. Poverty. Things that many people have gone through, I find. There's more though I wish that was it. But I've never lost a parent and I'm terribly sorry that you and your cousin had to go through that. I can't imagine how difficult that time must've been. You're right though, we all got that aunt. And that definitely sounds like the type of aunt I've got in my own family. The very definition of delusion too, fueled by this self-righteous insistence on being right even when wrong, at least in my case. She'll spew nonsense, but she's gotten so far up her own ass that she's started to believe her own shit. Wouldn't be surprised if that's a common trait among the problematic aunts we all got. But kids are different. They ain't born hateful and fearful. Their childlike curiosity is natural to them and if nurtured it can lead to wonderful experiences for the child as they grow up, unlike fear and hatred which some adults try to pass onto them. Fear breeds fear then, I suppose. A shame then when children grow up losing that curiosity. I don't want kids, that father's life ain't for me. But I do love them, they brighten the world. Feels like sometimes we need them more than they need us, haha. @@angelabenedict
When you showed those clips of the talk shows, I literally teared up. Like why would a grown ass adult bully a literal teenager. I don't get that. And publicly too. For me, the only ones I'm shaming on those clips are the adults and the audience ridiculing children. Btw fun fact: My mum, yes the mum who threatened to throw my clothes away and now accepts me, used to listen to The cure and Bauhaus and I'm like I listen to that now that's basically how she accepted it I explained to her what goth ACTUALLY is and she even apologized to me because hey, she listened to the same stuff I listen to
Same with my godmother. After she realized that Goth was the music she actually liked, and not Metal, she became far more accepting and even purchased clothes for me.
That's why I'm grateful my mom has been involved in the alternative scene for years before I was born. I'm in my early twenties and wasn't a goth in my teens, however I have always tried different alternative styles and listened to many different types of music before I found what I actually love now. And my mom has always been super accepting of it since she was the same way. For me, it was normal to be accepted for who I am and what I like, but I know most people don't have the same experience.
i think you're only half right on the "soundcloud" rapper scene. a lot of the earlier people in the scene like sgp, black kray (and the rest of goth money records), denzel curry, etc reappropriated a lot of goth aesthetics and took influence because they saw the link between the alternative hip-hop culture, memphis rap, and black skater culture and goth culture. iirc sgp (he's super far gone mentally now :/) was talking about in interviews how he hung out with goth kids who participated in that subculture as the community was the only place that he felt accepted as he was an outcast for his interests, fashion (which he and a$ap rocky were pretty much the first to do before everyone copied it), and his mental state (he's autistic, bipolar, and schizophrenic, iirc). if you look up a lot of the people who started that scene's stories, i think you'll understand why it seemed rappers were claiming that a bit more. i think the issue is when the second wave of soundcloud rap happened (around 2015ish) and lot of those artists were pretty watered down or at least did not fully understand the context of some of the culture they were apart of. they had some dope songs (some trash too), but it at times traded goth culture as an influence for goth (and other alternative subculture) aesthetics. i could go into more detail but i'd be here all die if i did tbh
I'm in my late 40s. My mom was pretty open-minded but I constantly got crap for how I dressed and the music I listened to. The generation that bore Gen X was/is so damn afraid of anything different or anyone that chooses to think for themselves/express themselves that it's pathetic. Typical conversation between me and my mom when I was a teenager: Mom: "You need to look normal!" Me: "I'm not YOU. Why can't YOU just let me be ME???" It still shocks me how many parents think their kids are going to be exactly like them and when they aren't they can't deal with it.
@@Anonymous-wb3nz well, she never threw my possessions away or thought I was in a Satanic cult so to me, that's open-minded. You take a win where you can get one, lol.
Yay new video. Angela I actually made this comment on your last video recently but not sure if you ever saw it because I posted it after the video was 2 weeks old. Anyways I'm 35 years old and getting into my baby bat phase. I never fit in anywhere before in normal life no matter how hard I've tried to. All I have done since finding your channel and learning about Goth is listening to some of the bands, plus buying and wearing more black clothes. Is 35 too old to begin being Goth or is there never an age to be too old? Thanks in advance!
Hi! I'm so sorry that I didn't respond to your comment. You're never too old to get involved in the goth scene. We're all here to learn from and inspire each other. Sometimes, you don't find the things that resonate with you until much later on. It's a music based subculture after all and since that's the thing that draws you in, how are you to know that this is something that resonates with you unless you hear it? For some people it's 14 years old for other people they don't hear it until they're 35, like you. No one will begrudge you your right to discover in whatever time you deem fit. I hope you're feeling more like you fit in. Have you been getting out and doing things?
@@angelabenedict yes I've been hanging out with some of my friends that knew me before I've gotten into the subculture, shockingly none of them have asked about my changing wardrobe yet. I even attended my friend's church today which I was nervous I was going to get stared at by everyone but no one really did or even asked me anything about the way I was dressed. I pretty much go everywhere dressed in black now except work because it's not allowed in the uniform. So far I'm loving the look and listening to the music.
I know of people over the age of 42 who walk into the Goth clubs and come back the next week wearing all black. Age has nothing to do with music taste.
I was an alternative teen, but tried to be "normal" for the latter part of my 20's. When I turned 32, I discovered Goth music, and went to my first Goth club. It's normal, and nobody questioned me or laughed. In fact, a lot of people in our clubs discovered the music past their 30's, and changed up their wardrobes. There is no age limit for Goth. I'm 37 now, and I regret nothing. I'm the happiest I have ever been, so you should do this.
I can remember how bad my dad freaked out when I pierced my left ear in 1982. 😂 "Are you gay!?!?" was his first response. I really enjoyed you talking about the various subs hanging out. I remember it well. Punks, Goths, Mods, Wavers, etc... Good times!
It definitely got better when I was in school. I was an alternate kid (was in drama club), and I had friends who were jocks, swimmers, band kids, preps, etc. I never got bullied in high school, and often had different “groups” tell me that they liked my outfit, or whatever. I was definitely lucky. It makes me sad that in the 90s we were looked at as “freaks” and lowlifes.
Years ago, my mom was asking me why I had to dress in such a way that made me stick out so much and if it was a phase. I told her that as long as you know who you are at your core, there's really nothing wrong with looking cool and dressing up in a way that lets you express yourself. You can even change up your styles and try different things with your surface appearance. What you choose to look like is not as big a deal as what you get up to when you think no one is watching.
Oh the flashbacks. I was trying to express myself as goth in the early 00s and all those tips you gave are exactly the strategies I had for myself as well. I'm nearly 30 now and I find they're still valuable in the workplace where I need to tone it down a bit. My father wasn't so welcoming of the music, so as a teen I took the literature approach. I didn't present it as goth (not even as "gothic literature"), but me taking an interest in 19th century poets and writers was something he was completely fine with and I could express myself through that.
Your dad was afraid of The Cure, Depeche Mode, New Order, Joy Division, Bauhaus, and Siouxie and the Banshees? That's strange, because parents usually like Goth music when they hear these bands.
@@Anonymous-wb3nz Afraid isn't the term. Depeche Mode was passable (limited to some songs) but he overall didn't like the sound of new wave and gothic rock. My father in particular liked classical music and singer-songwriter genres that are popular in my home country, with bands like The Beatles, Pink Floyd and Supertramp being exceptions. Edit: my father was born in 1953 so maybe there's a generational gap at play too.
Now, as a 24 year old I start my journey towards looking like my true self. When I was younger (starting at 10) was controlled on how I can look because of my interest in goth and metal subcultures (I listened to metal and post punk, drew the artists, watched documentaries, wrote poetry and stuff). My parents did everything they could to stop me from showing my interests on the outside and dressing the way I wanted. When I was a kid they used physical violence so I was scared of them, they forced me into submission. I was raised pentacostal, so they believed in Christian charismatic spirituality like demons, speaking in tongues, exorcisms and stuff, so they believed that what I was doing was demonic and I may get possessed😅. This is why my parents wouldn't even let me wear my hair down, do my makeup, wear my black clothes, at one time they got me a t-shirt with a Christian band Revolution on it (they got it in church lol) and it was my only black t-shirt so if I wanted to look even a bit alt and wear black I still had to have Christianity shoved in my face. I've internalized this feeling that wearing stuff that is alternative, revealing or has a gothic feel to it is bad and ever since when I tried to look alternative I had this discomfort, like I'm about to get punished, but I hate it, I feel like I'm running away from myself. I've decided to finally try to be true to myself and allow myself to look the way I always wanted. I ran away from home at 19, so it's definitely not about being seen by them, but they damaged a piece of my identity and I want to retrieve it. Wish me luck!
My mother is a Mormon and she at first was skeptical of me getting into metal but once she saw i wasn't worshipping the devil or taking drugs she mellowed out a bit. Its actually funny because when I went to buy some band shirts she encouraged me to get more because there was a sale. Even though we are different im glad she was open to learning and listening about something i was interested in.
I'm glad she came around to it. Your her child after all and even the religion can sometimes get in the way, sometimes that maternal/paternal instinct supersedes that and we look through the stuff we don't understand or agree with to see the child we created in love.
my parents did not mind. they still wondered sometimes if I was Into Satan ha-ha if I was not occupied with Music, it was Philosophy. Rebellion is a blank slate we hafe to be grounded in are own Ideas Ethics etc. Social media has exposed many people to Many Subcultures now days. there was a Time I was seen as a freak. but back then taught me to have thick skin and to be around those that accept you. great video Angela I enjoyed this one. 😎
I think that with online stores like boohoo, ASOS and SheIn selling alternative fashion, it's becoming more and more socially acceptable. Thankfully, the goth panic era of the 90s has passed but hate crime against alternative people still goes on, even after the tragic murders of Sophie Lancaster and Brian deneke. Things have improved but we still have a LONG way to go
Hi,using a friends phone,so bare with me.I dealt with similar being the weird kid. You my dear are RavenBlade,the Corvine Crusader approved. And you're a knockout,so that helps
Strangely, I've rarely received such negative reactions from people. In the rare moments when someone has reacted negatively toward me, they usually change their tune by the next time they see me. Their reaction seems to change to that of fear instead of ridicule. I don't know what happens to them between their initial reaction and their next one, but it seems to work in my favor to some extent. I stopped caring what others think of me long ago, but I think I prefer their fearful silence over their annoying insults.
Not caring what others think is a Great place to be. I'm happy to hear that you never got much of a negative backlash, that's definitely a good thing! A lot of people tend to fear what they don't understand And sometimes, all it takes is a little bit of information that takes that fair away. We all fear the unknown In some way or another.
Ha, as a Goth and Metalhead, in my late 20s, I definitely feel the hate.. I was in my college class today and a girl kept sucking her teeth then asked the teacher if she could move because I'm Goth. I finished my assignments and the teacher took it as if it was the Satanic Bible.. happens everyday. I haven't had friends for 14 years simply for being happily part of the Goth and Metal subcultures.. I just don't speak anymore, not even to other Goths or Metalheads because a lot of them want to compete. Definitely other Metalheads..
Kinda unrelated but something I remember about goths in the 90s. It seemed that would be more likely for someone into goth and industrial music who were also into “extreme sports” of that era preferred inline street skating as opposed to skateboarding. I don’t know if it was a characteristic but I just always associate 90s alternative bands like Chemlab and Gravity Kills with Senate Rollerblade videos. I remember it being almost cliché fora goth getting kicked out of the mall for wearing rollerblades. I even think of goth video game characters on rollerblades in like PS1 extreme sports game.
My parents never did anything but encourage me to be myself. That is the best gift they ever gave me. My dad was a athlete and my mom a teacher and they never made me feel bad about anything I wanted to wear or pierce or listen to, I was really lucky. They both died when I was still young , but the time I got with them really counted. I even got my Mom to dress full goth on my 15th birthday and walk around San Francisco all day with me. I feel bad for any kids who's parents make them feel bad for who they are, or for exploring new ideas. I guess i was lucky, I had black rapper friends, skater friends, a friend who was a total cowboy, metal head friends, and we all got along and respected each other. I didn't have the typical childhood experience at all. But because of the diversity and acceptance of my friends and family , I've never had a racist or judgmental thought about people different than me.
Regarding color in goth: Green in gothic clothing is SO underrated. Whether it be a deep rich emerald in an ethereal dress or a warm acidic green in deathrock, I love how it looks every single time.
yes! I recently dyed my hair orange/ginger, and it goes so well with green, and my eyes are green as well. Green is certainly underrated. Also, love purple & violet shades.
Omg yes! Darkest green is one of my favorite colors. It goes so well with black!
To be honest anything goes with black. Yet if someone goes with a brighter color less is more.
Black and green is my favorite color combination. Black hair with green streaks is my favorite look.
Definitely agree!!love green so much!
I remember those talk shows. The kids were often articulate and talked sense and the audience and host were a mob of cackling hyenas. I'd love to see a "where are they know" follow up on some of those kids.
That was probably one of the most upsetting parts. Each kid on that panel was more articulate, well read and educated than most of the screaming animals in that audience and it all fell on deaf ears.
Sunni Benjamin has a youtube channel! I think she posted the episode. I think she might have been the one where her dad was actually supportive but pretended not to be so they could get on the show and promote her band.
There is follow ups for a few of em! Some have yt channels now
I'd be willing to bet that if the woman who said she'd rather her kid be on drugs is still alive, she's in a retirement home somewhere wondering why her kids don't visit.
I’m willing to bet she was told to say that for the show. No way she came up with that line herself, talking about her own kid.
@@emmanarotzky6565 some "parents" don't deserve their children.
@@emmanarotzky6565actually, my dad told me the exact same thing. Stop assuming that it never happens, because it clearly does.
Oh yeah cause drugs are better than dressing black and listening to music now THESE people are the ones on crack.
Back in the 80's my Mum thought goth was a religious cult. So she freaked out and I had to explain myself and she still hated it. Later on when I joined the Jesus Army she just didn't like that they dressed like hippies but it was ok for me to join and they turned out later to be a religious cult.
😭
Ok. I don't want to laugh at this story because it's a really bad experience that you went through but the irony of her thinking you were in a cult for listening to goth music and was happy when you turned to Jesus and THAT turned out to be a cult. That's insane! (funny and I'm so sorry for laughing but it's the irony not at you)
@Angela Benedict it's ok I get the irony of the whole thing.
I left Christianity when I turned 30, and never looked back. It's amazing how brainwashed I was, and I absolutely loathe it today.
Try having a mother who was so against music that she told you " Don't Sing ! I Don't Want The Neighbors To Hear You!"
Or a father who buys guitars for you, but refuses to allow you to play them
Now, dressing nice is an act of rebellion.
Crazy, isn't it?
True, to wear heels and skirt will hurt people
"Nice" is subjective to the beholder. Every goth to "normal" makeover I've ever seen just looks like they sucked the life out of the person and spat them out of a cookie cutter factory.
@@angelabenedictit is. Until we figured this out, my mum would call me out for being goth. She isn't even a religious person I was born in an atheist family...but the people calling me a devil worshipper aren't planning to stop anytime soon.
@@angelabenedictYou only have to look to the mods as an example of that. I can’t imagine how the world would be without them, they’re the first to kick against the inter war morality and social standards of the Victorian era.
I'm goth and I I'm also autistic and I never wore corsets or fishnets because they were a sensory issue so I never had to fight my parents on that
That's definitely a pro!
The sensory issues for me regarding goth clothing are chokers. I love them to death but i cant have them on my neck for long periods of time without getting irritated.
I was once offered an apprenticeship at a tattoo shop because the artists loved what I drew. I can't even really tell my parents about it because my father hates my body modifications to the point that he called me a slut at age 15 for having tunnels in my ears. My mom attributed my anger to the fact that I was listening to groups like Alien Sex Fiend and wearing spiked collars rather than the fact that she made me feel bad about myself constantly. I love being alternative and I especially love goth and industrial music. Like you said, I wish our accomplishments and happiness weren't seen as less valid because we look different.
I also find that more conventional looking people do goth women in particular a disservice by fetishizing and unnecessarily sexualizing them. Parents think it's a kink because that's what the average normie dude will reduce us to in their minds, and then he will advertise it like it's the truth. I was involved with a terrible dude who would refer to me as "goth bitch" or something similar to his friends before he would tell them my name. Horribly degrading.
Tattoos are for Normies.
I'm so sorry you went through all of that. There's a saying that oftentimes, a parent(s) are your first bullies. They are our first reference point for basically everything. We learn how to interact, speak, deal with situations, handle stress - all of it from them. They literally can shape/reshape our neural pathways. When you have the ability to make or break someone, you'd think that they'd take the task a little more seriously and think more about the child that they brought into this world rather than themselves. Calling your 15 year old child a slut is fucking disgusting. The way a man treats his wife and daughters can shape their future relationships with men. Him calling you a slut because of your ear tunnels is telling reducing everything you are and love to a form of gross sexual display and that men treating women like trash is perfectly fine...Hence the relationship with the dude that referred to you as 'Goth Bitch' - That shit was normalized early on. To many, we are a fetish and sometimes they out themselves and others they wear it on their sleeves.
Eventually we reach a point where we just kinda snap out of it and realize that there was nothing wrong with us and everything wrong with them and the way they treated us. That's when you start unlearning bad habits and advocating for yourself like you are now. Hindsight is 20/20. I'm so happy that you're able to look at that stuff through the rear-view mirror. Are you working as a tattooist now?
@@angelabenedict @angelabenedict @angelabenedict I'm not working as a tattoo artist currently, however I am still doing art commissions (book covers, murals, designs that people can bring to tattoo artists to have on themselves, etc) in addition to my full time job and I hope to maybe go back there in the future, because the idea of being able to do my art for a living is pretty appealing tbh. I also happened to meet a very nice man through doing a commission who treats me with a lot more respect and compassion than my previous partner did, this kind of healthy development only happened long after I had moved out of my parents' house and had built myself up. It really is frightening the way fathers can destroy their daughters emotionally so that we think ourselves undeserving of respect from our partners later on.
As a Gothic (not Goth, because I wasn't familiar with Goth music at the time) teenager, my parents beat me for having an Evanescence CD, for wearing black, and for hanging around the "freaks" at my high school. These "freaks" along with me made good grades, and were not partying like the normal kids. By 19, I discovered Goth music, and became a Goth while still living like a hippie. My parents are both dead now, and to this day I am still traumatized by the force of their Baptist religion down my throat, the beatings, and the constant degradation. I was constantly being emotionally, physically, and psychologically abused not only by my step mom and dad, but by my younger siblings as well. Things got so bad that during my second week of senior year, I ran away and couch surfed until I graduated from high school. Life is good now, and I am financially stable but the pain still lingers. I still deal with the trauma at age 37, and still have bouts of intense rage and sadness from the memories.
Omg I’m so sorry! I’m in the process of deconstructing from Christianity. It’s atrocious how much pain and abuse goes on in these homes and churches. My dad is a wife beater and I’ve been witnessing violence in my home since as early as I can remember. He would get drunk and beat my mom. My parents are codependent and enable each other’s horrible traits, and they’ve also used corporal punishment on me and my siblings frequently growing up, sometimes it felt like they were taking out anger on us. My sister and I listened to stuff like linkin park and evanescence, and they would say some stuff we listened to was “ungodly or satanic”. My heart goes out to you, and I hope that your healing journey will be steady and full of love 🖤
@@Essie-vs3rr Thank you, I appreciate the encouragement. Today was particularly hard, but I am trying to move on.
That sucks :( I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Why wasn't DCFS called on your parents ?
@@KateryReminiec9399 I did call, more than once. Nothing was done, because my parents would have their Bible out, and would manipulate the service workers into believing they were such good people. They were good at pretending. I reached out for help multiple times, and nobody fucking helped me.
some (most) people shouldn't be parents. allowing your child to be publically ridiculed, what do they think that'll do to their mental health??? absolutely disgusting
I agree. It's something that will forever upset me. There are great people out there who want nothing more than to be parents but their bodies decide that it's just not in the cards for them. Then you have assholes. Real bags of ass running around like fertile myrtle's creating children they don't even want and people awful to them.
sittin pretty in my early 30s, i get that sense of like “proud aunt” moment when i see teen goths haunting the local thrift stores. just nice to see the next generation partaking in the subculture so enthusiastically, especially when they’re wearing a band tee you know and you tell them that that’s one of your faves. the way their eyes light up in excitement as they gush about it makes my lil heart feel all fuzzy.
but i do try to do my part as a grown ass adult in the scene and present our subculture in a more favorable light to these parents, let ‘em know it’s about the music and the community we find in it. can only hope it takes some of the pressure off of these youngens 😭
another banger vid, thank you so much for making/sharing it with us! 💜
I've had conversations with more "conservative" people and when I bring up being shamed for being different they act totally confused and try to brush it off as no big deal. I need to keep a link to these videos to pull up so they can see it.
People were ruthless for the smallest difference. Honestly they still are it's just a different flavor.
It's one thing I do not miss about the 90's.
My mom hated when i started dressing goth cause she thought it was satanic so i never heard the end of "why cant you wear other colors besides black. You cant dress like that. Its evil" Im an adult now so i can dress however i want but back then if i had so much as a black t shirt and pants she would criticize me for it.
As a COUSIN of a goth in the 90’s, I can confirm EVERY word Angela says about parents and family in the 90s. And we had the trench coat mafia in town then too!!😮😮
An acquaintance of mine in high school went to Columbine for a few years and was friends with the Trenchcoat Mafia. She knew Dylan and Eric.
There are so many stories of parents humilliating their childs just for their clothes or the things they liked. I remember when the mom of a friend cut all his hair because he dyed it black (He is naturally blonde). Another mom of a kid who loved to writte burned his scripts because "must be satanic" and trow many of his clothes to the trash. I myself never showed my artworks to my parents because I was terryfied that they burn my draws (my friends loved them) and they were convinced that I was in a cult...when all I was doing was sharing music and interest with other kids.
As a parent, I would want my kids to look good as opposed to looking like morons or slobs. Looks are important and you don't get a second chance to make a first impression. One of the things that is cool about the internet is young men are learning how to dress and get themselves squared away. Many people like myself did not grow up with parents teaching us how to dress. As for the goth subsculture, many aspects are very cool and I love the look and appreciate people that are into fashion and pulling off the look.
You shouldn’t want kids to look “good” immediately. The internet is part of what’s wrong with kids today not being allowed to just be awkward kids. Middle schoolers are supposed to have an awkward phase and experiment and develop new things, but instead they’re on Instagram learning how to dress “well” before ever trying anything of their own even if it’s awkward and clumsy. No room for innovation, just dressing and doing makeup “perfectly” according to what companies want to sell you. I know not all kids are like that, but it is a big thing and I don’t think parents should encourage it. If you like it go for it, but don’t think you’re better than people who do things their own way and figure it out as they go.
I am an African American, 51 years of age, male who embraced Punk, Metal & Goth with Satanic & Infernal Aesthetics. Basically, I am an Old School Goth, and my mother passed away (1935-2008). At the time, my mother complained that I am going to Hell (She was a Baptist, Protestant & Born Again Christian in her lifetime.). I do feel empathy for people who can’t express themselves because of the Mainstream Society. I am free: like or not. No one will never stop me for being who & what I am. Great Video. Thanks.
Beautiful. Thank you for being who you are :)
Metalheads often have these same issues. Who cares if the kid is happy, how will it make the dad look? People sometimes say, “before adulthood will be the best years of your life.” But sometimes they don’t remember how bad it actually was… good video, Angela!
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! I hate that mindset. Being involved in alternative subcultures that has an effect on how you choose to dress has the potential of having others take it personal, like you're doing it to hurt them and by doing it, others are judging them. They'd rather you be miserable in a pressed button down from Banana Republic in the name of not making dad look like...He has a son who enjoys metal music.
You both have amazing channels!
Fancy seeing you here! I was raised by metalhead parents, so I was quite lucky in that regard, though my dad would have that same attitude towards how his family reflected back on him (and still does), but with regards to things like how "normal" we appeared, or whether what I did was too feminine/not masculine enough, which has given me some issues with self-expression as a trans woman who, only recently moved away from home and got the ability to express myself how I want, in that I am terrified to explore that part of myself.
I've been watching your channel for some time, and I appreciate the levity you often bring with the more humourous videos of yours.
Sincerely, Red
@@angelabenedictexactly. I'm a goth and a metalhead and the music I listen to is what makes me happy the most. It's a big part of my life. If someone takes that away from me probably all I'd do every day would be being on my bed doing nothing but staring at the ceiling because I'd be depressed asf
Or Mom
Ive been a goth all my life. When i was 18 i finally had the confidence to start dressing goth.
My mum died when i was 13 so everyone just assumed i was depressed because of that but it wasnt it. I was so happy to finally dress how i felt. My dad is chill with it because he's an older metal head. My mother was a goth when she was alive as well, she used to dress me in colour though because she was scared I'd face public scrutiny (she was a goth in the 80s/90s so she saw first hand in the UK) which makes sense however her halloween costumes she made me were legendary.
Sadly, when i was 19 i had an unfortunate relationship which resulted in him throwing out my alt clothes and music despite him being a self proclaimed emo. Anyway i left him and i have my fashion and music back.
Im 21 now, expected to do a phd in environmental science and i keep a garden all whilst rocking mostly black, tattoos and goth stompers. I volunteer for charity. I work in the summers. I have a white pet cat called freya. I have lots of friends. The only thing I'd change about my life is being barked at chavs or older women glaring at me because honestly that kinda sucks alas you gotta deal with shit sometimes.
Are chavs still around in large groups like they used to be?
yo congratulations you are doing amazing 😇😇
The parents who all of a sudden lose their shit after being accepting of something before can be the worst. The amount of stuff on TV that was banned in the house when I was a kid was insane! They didn’t give logical reasons why they didn’t want me watching them other than they didn’t like them or someone told them it was evil
It's crazy because it comes out of nowhere. It becomes part of your routine and one of the worst things you can do is throw a kids routine into upheaval. One of the things that can result in trauma in kids is being in an unstable environment. To change things up so drastically from being normal 1 minute to resulting in such an aggressive reaction from your parents crates an incredibly unstable environment. It's like you never know what to expect and that can be confusing and scary.
The parents who treat their kids in this way are being abusive
Hey Angela, I've always seen the goth crowd as creative, industrious and intelligent. My two daughters are a great example of grade A goths and my fiancé too.
I love that!
My dad wasn't/isn't alternative, but always tells the story of how back in the eighties his parents made fun of him for the way he dressed and the music he listened to. And because of that, he lets me express myself however I please, and takes me to goth/punk shows. He's said before that he doesn't necessarily understand it, but he supports it, and I am SO grateful for that.
Being alternative still isn't always easy. I still get barked at in public, called a "social reject", or taken less seriously by my peers for the way I express myself. I've had people ask me "Do you ever brush your hair?" in a shocked tone when I have it in a bats nest. But none of that matters when my family, friends, and mentors all see me for who I am regardless of the subcultures I affiliate with.
I relate to this so much! My dad is also like that - he managed to get all those Pink Floyd and Depeche Mode vinyls that he absolutely loved while living in Soviet Union and was treated like an alien just for that. He’s always put so much emphasis on the importance of staying true to yourself, and would go to all those dark wave shows with me when I was a teen even if he thought the music kinda sucked.
Some people in my surroundings joke here and there how I had so much potential only to end up pursuing tattooing (lol), but my pretty conventional dad knows I’m happiest I’ve ever been and supports the living shit out of me.
It’s such a special connection to have with your old folks ❤
Bats and Boris,, understand this Courage you have,, isn't found in the world of sheep,, they are confused by it,, fear it,, I had too, fight,, like a dog being forced to bite,, for my style or "look" .. It was just like that here,, Nothing's, Jocks, Gangsters, Neo Fascist, Punk's,, until they knew you would stand up and defend yourself,, it was terrible,, and just the normal,, thing,,
Orange County California,,
Find documentary,, Clockwork Orange County,, that's where I grew up,,
So I say,, be you,, create,, give back to art and music,, support your interests,,
@∅... We are At Zero and From At Zero We Rise
I’m mid 40’s and my parents although divorced were both Christian and active within their churches, yet I was never judged by them for the way I dressed or the music I listened to. They just excepted that it was part of me, and they unconditionally loved me. I am very grateful for my parents. I was alt, I still am, I listen to many genres I have never fitted in one sub group.
Your parents are a true example of good Christians and generally good people. You have some great parents!
That’s great. My parents were not accepting and I wasn’t allowed to dress how I wanted and got kicked out at 17. But we are now in a small town and go to church and they are very accepting and I often even get compliments, even from the older people at church.
Reading these comments I'm very thankful that I was born to two metal fans who have never stopped me from dressing how I want and doing my makeup. Hope you all have some peace now and can express yourself the way it feels right❤
That's awesome! Like I said in the video, parents can really be a mixed bag. You got the full size kit Kat while trick or treating version of parents. You hit the jackpot! I'm really happy that you had that.
as a goth teenager you are my hero, especially regarding the tips at the end
That makes me really happy to hear, thank you so much! I hope the tips help you.
Ligea is my favorite song from the Witching Hour UK. Nice username!
@@thiscorrosion3843 thanks! it's a combination of that song and lucretia by sisters of mercy 🦇
I knew folks who wound up on a talk show. There was a psychologist who manipulated them. The show put its guests through an ordeal for ratings.
Yeah, I would not think anything on TV is reality.
My parents assumed I was doing drugs and put me in a drug abuse program. I told them that I never did any drugs. My parents just didn't like my clothes, hair, music, etc.
I'm so sorry. I remember seeing that a lot. Some people just can't fathom that people have alternative interests and aesthetic and still be reasonable human beings. It doesn't take drugs to make you choose it.
I've been trying to find these clips forever because they are true comedy to me. I'm a 19 year old black goth girl. I fell out of the subculture from being bullied out of it by schoolmates and parents. However, I've started back into the things I love and have never felt more at home. I love your videos, you're one of my favorite youtubers🖤🖤🖤🖤
I'm so sorry you were bullied out of being yourself. That's truly sad and unfair. I'm happy to know that you were able to find your way back. That feeling of home is one of the things I've always loved about goth. I didn't grow up in the greatest of environments. There was a lot of domestic violence, drugs -- There are stacks of CPS reports with my family. Finding goth when it's something that you connect to is like finding your tribe, your home. It's an amazing feeling. Thank you so much for sharing.
im a black goth too and it sucks being told that the subculture is "for white people" or that im trying to act white because of the music and subculture i enjoy. i love angelas videos because they make me feel very welcome and proud to be a goth!!!
@ligealucretia girl literally same, when people of color literally made every form of music. Have you heard the bad O. Children? She mentioned them in a video and I looked them up and they are fire. I get so happy to see and heard of more black people in the subculture!!
@@destinyarmstrong3135I’m also a goth black girl. And it really sucks for me right now since I have Christian parents. Other than the music, I’ve always wanted to get into expressing myself with the aesthetics, especially recently now that I’m confident enough to do it. I know I can, but my parents always criticize me for wearing black clothes and dark makeup, telling me that I’m a “young Christian girl that shouldn’t be involved in THAT stuff”
When I was in High School I dived deep into the gothic subculture and that’s where it all started for me. I remember my grandmother not accepting it, trying to force me out of this so called phase. At one point she looked at me and told me I wasn’t her granddaughter anymore. That hurt like hell, but here I am…still in love with subculture and having no regrets.
I'm so sorry - That sounds like it was very painful. Maybe she meant it in the sense that she didn't recognize you as the same person. People can often become fearful of radical changes when they don't understand it. The older the generation, the worse it is. Why do grandmothers have to be so dramatic? Did she eventually come around?
"Stay away from geometry alltogether." 😅 That one made me laugh hahah.
This is a good topic! It's so hard to watch the talk show footage because people really were like that. So crazy. There could be entire reaction videos to all the talk show material. Haha.
Honestly though, as a 90s goth kid approaching 40 today, I feel myself beginning to struggle with hoarding issues and I genuinely think it is due to the many times my parents got rid of my cherished possessions as a child/teen/young adult even. Please don't judge me too harshly as I do concede that my issues are my own and I am working through them. (My parents did the best they knew at the time.)
I'd love to see some videos on this issue if you have any insight, Angela. 🥰🖤
It's crazy how many of the things that affected us as kids and teens somehow manifest itself differently in our adulthood and we start acting out in ways that are related to it. Like you holding on to things now Because back then they were taken from you. That's a serious thing and that's very traumatic. Those were cherished items so it's completely understandable for you to have this reaction. I'm really sorry that you went through that. People were genuinely like that back then and they did not care that you were a kid and someone else's kid at that. If you looked in any way out of the norm, they took that personally and as far as they were concerned, you were fair game.
Reminds me of my friend's mom from back when we were teens. She forbid her to hang out with us because we were a bunch of punks, metalheads and a goth. She even accused me and my bestie of being on drugs (we weren't even users) when she saw us in the city and we had to pretend to not hang out with her daughter for good. And that's despite us actually helping her instead of demoralising her, as she had some minor issues (no wonder, I'd probably have some issues if I had such a mother, too). She later approved of her daughter hanging out with some bros, though, because they looked normal, even though it later turn out that they were offering her drugs and some unwanted advances, truly shocking (not really). I hope it got better for her :/
I used to watch these talk shows with my mom. I remember her being appalled at the kids on here. But I knew I wanted to look just like them.
I think a lot of them were egged on and coached to behave in a way that they felt would antagonize the audience and fit the narrative. I knew this pair of friends who flew out to Chicago from long island when they were 14 to be on Jenny Jones as 'freaks' -- they were goths and when they were introduced they came out holding hands and laughing as they skipped down the runway.
Yay a new video! 🖤yup for some parents it was always "what will people say?". That's child abuse (baiting a 14y/o into a show like that). I hope my son expresses himself to his heart's desires (he's 6). What's worse is having the one person who's supposed to protect you in life (your parent) sit next to you and allowing you to be mobbed.
𝙸𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍 𝚊𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 “𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜“ 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚒𝚜 𝙱𝚞𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚝
The way people talk to and treated kids back then and got away with it was disgusting. It's all reactive abuse, They ridicule, boo and insult and the moment you have any sort of reaction to it - suddenly you're the animal and that's why you look the way you do. There's a lot of dehumanization going on back then and a lot of grown ass adults saw kids who weren't even their own kids as fair game the moment their appearance was in any way out of the societal norms.
I am from the u.k and my husband and myself dressed gothic, in 2001 when we first started dating our town was riddled with 'chav's' we couldn't go out for dates without something happening, it got to a point were it was becoming scary, i found out i was pregnant and decided that we would leave our home town for a better future for our lil girl, best thing we ever did, she grew up in a lovely town were they excepted us and she is now 21! she travels all around the country seeing her fav bands in concert sometimes even with her parents and i couldn't be more proud. x
It makes me sad and angry to know how a big part of the goth community has a lot of autism/adhd and people with disabilities are victim of the scrutiny of normal people. As if beeing goth makes it acceptable to attack people that are already disadvantaged in normal modern society, just because they found a group with people to share a common interest. It makes me sick watching these clips and thinking that a few for sure are falling in the spectrum and getting attacked for just self expression.
Thank you for this video, this kinda hit too close to home.
As a kid i never knew goth was music based (later on i started listening to it bc i felt like a poser after learning about it) but i knew i wanted to dress like them bc i related more to characters in media who were labeled as goth, plus at the time i loved how their styles looked. But bc my parents werent as well off, i couldn't shop for anything all out for my goth make over. However, what i did have was black clothes, but even with that, my mom got pretty mad and over anxious about me wearing all black, so she tried everything just to get me to wear normal clothes with color, she even went as far as to forcefully remove the black nail polish off my nails in middle school. She kept telling me, "u were already being bullied at school i dont want u to get bullied again." Which was bs bc the kids i went to school with could care less about how i dressed if anything i was getting bullied bc they couldnt understand that I was neurodivergent. And when i told her this she said, "well what about when u grow up? How r u gonna get a job? Theyre not gonna hire u once they see pictures of u being goth." She also went on to tell me thay i was "too young to b goth" and that "children shouldn't b wearib all black at this age".
Thx to mom, none of my school pictures look the way i present (i look like a normie in every school picture bc my mom would actually threaten to me that if i didnt wear what she wanted me to wear, shed refuse to drive me to school and would throw the biggest adult tantrums over it if i didnt change into normie clothes)
Im older now and mom hasn't tried making me into a normie, but it is fucked up how parents dont care to lend an ear to their kids until when they get older is when they decide, "hey the kid actually does have their own thoughts and beliefs".
I was Gothic until I discovered Switchblade Symphony, Siouxie, and The Cure at age 19. After that, I turned Goth.
@@thiscorrosion3843 same here! Except I was around probably 15-16 when I discovered those bands. The cure however, my mom and dad introduced to me when I was I think maybe in elementary going onto middle school. The lovecats will forever b my favorite song from them
My mom was reluctant at first, but after learning about the subculture she would slowl warm up to the artistry and passion of goths.
I'm glad your mom came around to it. It sounds like she was just worried about you. She took the time to learn and that's great!
Love how society tells us bullying is wrong.Yet let's have them on the show to bully those who dare to be different.
I had a girl say to me in high school my mom would kill me if I dressed like you. I said My mom would kill me if I looked like you ( she was wearing a crop top and a short skirt) I am very lucky to have to alternative parents that are beyond cool with my sister and I interests and what we wear 😊
Your parents being concerned if you were dressed like her are them being genuinely concerned for your safety and well-being. Her parents disapproval of dressing like you, comes from a place of them fearing judgment from others. You got some good parents!
@@angelabenedict I really do 😊
My dad doesn’t like how I look or the music I listen to. He even lets my step-mother insult me. Before starting university this year, he told me to tone down my appearance because I “wouldn’t make friends otherwise.” It’s weird because he listens to a lot of metal music and other alternative genres, so I thought he would understand.
My mum is completely different and I’m very grateful. She’s always encouraged my interests, has gone to shows with me etc. I remember her gifting me a giant Robert Smith poster for Christmas when I was 14. The only thing she was ever worried about, and still is, is how other people treat me or if I’m going to get hurt. Even then, she never told me to stop being goth.
Le merry 200s had no kindness at all for goth kids in my country.
I was constantly bullied by my own parents, even for dressing very, VERY modest, anything new I tried, it just lead to being my self-esteem destroyed. Then, moving into a village, one of my parent's new partner just put the verbal abuse to 200%. I was called a witch, a drug-addicted, a sl0t, then....my parent dating that person started doing this to me, when I was 16. I never partied, or did nothing bad, and it slowly just broke my heart for them not trusting me enough. I was "surprised" with brand new clothing without my consent and made me feel for not accepting and wearing anything from that pile, I was pulled to the tv to watch shows were people get makeovers to be "pretty and fashionable" . That parent asked me jokingly, what would I react if we'd get into a show like that? I replied "I'd never talk to you again. I'm already feeling that whatever I do, I'll never be good enough."
That silence was ice cold, and the topic sweeped off for a few weeks.
After hitting 18, moved out, and decided not to look bad. We meet yearly twice, and it's better this way. I heard the horrible stories for other's clothing thrown out or just cut into pieces, and felt incredibly lucky "just for being bullied". Like, it took years to mildly recover from this, and I still struggle experimenting more with my style. But gladly, I'm so much better, than before.
Anyone being the situation as might read please don't forget that: You are a lovable person, as soon as you get out, that will be the best feeling, that's worth every second. You'll be free, and get a chance to learn to love who you are 🖤🖤🦇🦇
I’m so thankful my parents were also weirdos. I never had to worry about this stuff
i'm a babybat. I was born in 2002 so obviosuly i can't say i relate to what happened back in the day. Even if us goth kids get more acceptence now from the media, kids, teenagers, schools and many many people in general is very aggresive towards it. Especally the non alternative/joks. I personally never got physical abuse, but i was bullied severly for being 'the only goth kid' by 4 guys in my class, and these kids were popular mind you. They made the entire school go after you just for the funs of it. You could have expected them calling m and insults based on me being goth, but these were people who followed you around, insults after insults each day, threatening to show up in your house with weapons. Mind you i graduated not so long ago, this was last year and the year before that. Many goth kids i didn't even know went to the same school as me dropped out a week later of the bullying. Outside, i have to cover my mouth with something because of how scared i am for them to approach if they noticed my makeup. The phrase "why can't you fight back" is still disgusting considering so many years passed yet we get treated for the day we dress, and they can just go around doing whatever they want. We are indeed out numbered. I never managed to finish the school i was going to for a specific major (i live in norway) and ended up not getting a grade. Those bullies people say fight back against, will not give you up until your mental health is ruined. That's just a little summary as a goth kid in a modern time.
I've Goth but I've been a homeless Goth before cause I fell behind on my rent and struggle to catch up but when you are homeless you tend to lose things that you don't need to live as well as things you need. I never stopped being Goth though. I'm lucky I had income which made other homeless jealous. But I dressed in Goth and listen to the music more than ever for the psychological survival. Anyway I always think that life can throw stuff at you that makes you realize what is truly important to you and that's part of you 😊😊🐈😸 I also didn't give up having my kitty ,🐈 I love kitties ❤
Oh my God, I'm so sorry that you went through that experience. That sounds terrifying. I'm glad to hear that you're in a better place now. You stuck to who you were, regardless and that just shows how much deeper this thing goes for so many people. Thank you so much for sharing.
I come from Norway, so never had this experience with cliques like they do in the states. But bullying is a problem all over the world, sadly. I know people that have had similar experiences as far as victim blaming goes. This idea of holding victims partially at fault troubles me. I dont get why its so difficult to put responsibility on the ones doing the abuse.
I had a corset when I was 15, but it didn't look like a typical corset, and it was colored. I used to wear it with a jacket, and nobody knew that I was wearing a corset.
It sounds like a really cute ensemble. Putting a well coordinated jacket over something can totally change things up. I was more thinking of the corset with the bra underneath and then the fishnet top which can have parents losing their marbles.
@@angelabenedictYeah. It does change a lot. I'm very glad for owning the corset, because it gave me experience that was useful later in life.
I agree with you. That kind of corset should not be worn by kids.
I didn't wear a corset until age 18, senior year. They look great, but are so uncomfortable to me. I stopped after a year, and haven't tried to wear one since. I'm ultra skinny, so they never fit right.
I remember those old Real Worlds so fondly
They were the best!
@@angelabenedict 🎵 "true storehh" ..😁🖤
Bwahahaha, sorry old industrial goth here. Coming into the 90's my hair was down to my back pockets, died black, the black on black on black clothes, black nails, DrMartin 20 eye boots. Mom was like. "Well, it's an improvement from the torn up jeans and concert shirts and black deadlock you were wearing back in the 80's sneaking out to CBGB's and bumming around the Bowery" By the mid 90's I was Djing all over the world making about 5 times as much as her and her husband combined, ironic as she was an Ivy league university (Brown) graduate and teamster stepdad. Took dying a few times to beat the smack addiction, swung to the other side of the scale and sped through a decade. Got in so many fights with the skins and jocks I've lost track, won most, lost a few badly, thank you stepdad for the foresight that if I was gonna dress like I dressed I better know how to defend myself sending me to boxing, Taekwondo, judo, kempo, etc.. I was working at the Limelight during the "Michael Alig and the Club Kids era" I knew Alig and Freeze as well as Angel. I'm sorry to, well looking back I'm not but at the time I felt bad for not liking them because they all felt so fake and vulgar. In 1995 I met my (then) 25 year old Goth-loli partner for the next decade, My clothes were a mix of thrift/consignment store DIY outfits, Toki made all her own outfits. She would wear them once or twice then sell the dresses off for jaw dropping prices, I'm talking 200,000 to 600,000 yen per dress!!! If I looked good/unusual enough to turn a few heads, she would literally stop traffic. Crowds would gather to get pictures of or with her, looks and fashion wise you could give her a run for her money, probably why I subbed to your account so early. You have the same kind of grace and self assurance she does even though you are on opposite ends of the gothic spectrum fashion wise. I remember Aleg trying to get me on one of those Jenny Jones/Geraldo/Jerry Springer type shows with his club kidz cronies, I'm so glad looking back that I never did. I suppose I was lucky my mom was a hippie when she was (back then) my age and my stepdad was a long haired rocker, they might not have gotten my taste in music or fashion but they supported my need to express myself and take pride in who I was with zero care what anyone else thought of it. They were far from perfect but far better than I deserved on my best days. Thank you for being such a great "Elder stateswoman" for our scene and awesome Senpai for the baby-goths to look up to and emulate.
as a 13 year old goth you're one of the reasons i even found out about goth music, the clothing, etc ! :) I don't have any gothic clothing but i love goth music :) i been goth for 4 years and you really encouraged me to not be ashamed bout it ^^
I was goth in the 90s and my parents joined the small-minded in the tiny town I was living in to make my life hell over clothes and music. My sister and I didn't party, smoke, drink, anything like that and yet we had people from my parents church follow us in stores and spy on what we were checking out at the local library, looking for something to be offended by. It's ridiculously superficial, because I started dressing in vintage and listening to old music --- the same exact kind of scene as goth with a different aesthetic, and I'm the same person I was then, but the perception of me entirely changed over CLOTHES. It breaks my heart that this is still a problem for kids who just want to feel comfortable in their own skin. That they have to be warned against stepping a foot out of line so that their own parents won't treat them like freaks is absolutely ridiculous, but I'm glad you're reaching out to them! Thank you for that!
I’m blown away by all the comments where people’s parents THREW AWAY THEIR PROPERTY and they just kinda shrugged it off? That’s like… annoying 5 year old sibling behavior! I can’t imagine how I’d react if my parents of all people threw away my stuff, and I can’t imagine daring to do that in the first place because of how the person would react. Like, that’s not just “I don’t like my kid’s style”. There has to be a pre-existing abusive relationship for someone to think they could get away with throwing someone’s stuff out. You just wouldn’t dare to do that to someone unless you’d already brainwashed them to some degree.
Like I’m trying to imagine how much of an entitled brat I’d have to be to sneak into my parents’ or sister’s closet when they were out of the house, throwing away anything I didn’t like, and then just admitting it when they got home like “oh yeah I threw away all your blue jeans because I don’t like the color blue.” ???
This reminds me of that meme where there’s a box of Halloween themed nerds called “Spooky Nerds” and the caption said “they prefer to be called goths”
ANGELA!! Please do another q+a soon! Ever since you posted that video of things you no longer believe, Im really curious to see what other things your opinion has changed on. Plus im sure you have a ton of new viewers after the last few videos you posted.
Sure, I'll field for questions!
The day just got better, thanks for the video Angela🖤🦇 At this point my mom has washed her hands of me, she doesn't want to believe that I'm goth (all I did was play music, I hadn't even expressed myself aesthetically😂)
Also, what was that ditty you were humming in the last video it was quite earwormy and delightful.
I'm really sorry to hear that. I really hope that she comes around. When it comes to things that people don't understand or is foreign to them, they can have a fearful reaction to it. The only thing that I can think of in that regard is that when people are fearful of something, giving it a name so to speak by way of overloading them with information makes it less scary. It's kind of like what they tell you when you're dealing with anxiety, when you run from it it gets bigger but when you chase it it gets smaller. I don't remember humming. I hummed in my video?
I’m so sorry you’re going through that…💔 please know that you aren’t alone, you are part of a community, and we are here for you in whatever capacity possible. 🖤✨🖤✨🖤
@@angelabenedict thanks a lot for the advice 😊. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you hummed (or vocalized in some way or other) at the 37:31 timestamp (ruclips.net/video/m1xSWKGqngE/видео.htmlsi=sBK0rth7cwQtm2RP&t=2251) It's been stuck in my head for days (in a good way)
@@hannahshmulsky7119 thanks for the kinds words, it's people like you guys that make me glad to be part of the subculture🖤🖤
Ahhh! It's Annie Lennox - No More I Love You's
Angela, I'll be honest and say that I had parents that in no way, shape or form would be seen as alternative BUT despite my father being physically imposing and having the stereotypical Boomer/GenX vibes to him, he loved music and actually had an amazing ear and voice (very bassy which i inherited lol). He'd sing Elvis or Type O; Simon and Garfunkel. He loved various genres which some included early goth rock, some industrial, metal and even nu metal (he loved Chester's and Serj' voice). He also loved operas, oldies, some pop.
My mother despite being a devout Protestant lady that sometimes would try to not let me do or see some stuff due to her church's influence when i was a kid, never strictly forbade me from anything.
She was a huge Kate Bush fan and even rocked the same hair Kate had in her "Wuthering Heights" video. She had lots of other Christian siblings but who were huge rockers and musicians, despite my grandmother being a strict catholic.
My background is basically Mediterranean/Iberian mystery meat such as yourself lol!
I rememeber all these talk shows and we used to watch it together.
My parents always saw these parents as fake victimhood narcissists who simply wanted to use a crowd and audience to further abuse their kids. They were always of the opinion that if you have any issue with your children, you dealt with it within the family. Parents are supposed to protect their children from the world.
Sure we can have a problem with a family member but I'll be damned if I let some outsider mock them or intrude was the energy inside my family; both nuclear and extended.
My parents never judged me for my tastes but for the wrongs that I commited which they would discipline me and my siblings.
Growing up with other alternative kids, they would be baffled by how well they were treated by family because they would tell me that in their home, I'd probably be ill received for also participating in the "freak" subculture.
I feel like it’s important for me to mention growing up in an extremely religious/fundamental environment. In the extremely fundamentalist environment that I grew up in girls were shamed for leaving the top button of a blouse unbuttoned. My parents had this weird idea that girls shouldn’t be vain. So I wasn’t allowed to have any make up, anything girly. I’m 21 now and just getting into goth, my parents can’t really say much. When I was pre-teen to teen, I was obsessed with black nail polish and black eyeshadow, and they did actually throw my stuff out. My parents are OK now because I’m older, but I also think that it’s important to acknowledge there are some parents that are actually control freaks, parents who want their children to dress only the way they want them to dress, and don’t permit individuality. I feel like this is more prominent in religious environments, at least according to my experience.
Did you actually listen to Goth music, or were you just playing dress up?
@@thiscorrosion3843 I lived in china as a kid. I didn’t have the resources to discover goth music(I would’ve loved it since I listened to goth music without knowing it was goth in my later teens, right before I got into the subculture). I didn’t have the resources to even play dress up, my parents were missionaries so I only had hand me down clothes the most I did was like a black T-shirt. When I was 13 or so I just used some pocket money to get black eyeshadow and nail polish cuz I liked Taylor Momsen and Avril Lavigne(lol I know they’re not goth). And my parents threw that away. Gosh you would be surprised at how difficult it is to have or discover genuine subcultures in china. They have this wall up against media from the rest of the world. It was only after I got vpn to get over that wall when I could discover that parts of what I liked was goth, because there’s literally no information online about anything. But yeah I wasn’t even allowed to be feminine as a teen, let alone goth.
I cried cause I tried to communicate that this was who I was, and my Folks were young parents, late 20’s-30’s, My mother dressed more like a Black Girl version of a “Sex in the City” alternate, and my Dad was this Blonde ex Jock. Me being Goth/Darkly inclined was not acceptable, at all, and they kept trying to steer me away, in my mid 20’s (now 31) they finally accepted my interest in darker things. 2031 they finally accept that this is how I am. Funny thing is our home was pretty Goth lol. Black curtains, Black candles, Burgundy walls, Cherry and Black furniture, and my Mother was an Ann rice fan, and Hap some Depeche Mode record’s. yet they were weirded out as to how I came to be. make it make sense 😂😂😂😂, I’m more into Punk and Industrial but I do enjoy Goth Rock/ post-punk , Death-rock etc music, have a darker aesthetic, Not a Goth because amongst Goths I don’t feel like them, but I share a a lot of Commonality and the many genre’s shaped my perception of the genre. A love for Cemetery’s, my boyfriends an Occultist, I love both refined and Campy horror, coffins etc. But sometimes it takes time for Fam to come around but they usually will eventually in most cases, me being Gay was easier for them to stomach than being spooky 😂
with tips with wearing alt fashion around parents, i would say its a good idea to not go all out immediately, but start out small and slowly introduce the wardrobe so that over time they get used to it as opposed to sudenly being faced with it
I was a baby bat in the late 90s and it was rough. Family, kids at school, teachers, all so quick to judge and often times mean. I was a chunky brown girl in all black and so many were mad. 😅
Unfortunately there are still parents who are like those in the clips you showed. I think more in immigrant parents or ethnic parents - they would honestly rather you die than have a mohawk
That's crazy! This child you waited your whole life to meet. That you carried for 9 months and suffered a painful birth to do it, you'd rather them die then to harmlessly be themselves?
My mother always supported me and fought with me against my dad, She would tell him she’s a good girl, good student and keeps out of trouble. She’s not hurting anyone by just being herself and standing out from others. But it was really tuff with my dad. Getting clothing and things thrown away.
I'm a late bloomer. After many many years, at the age of 27 I started to dress the way I always wanted to do. Fortunately I never really had the issue with my parents not being okey with the way I looked at least. My mother always wanted me to be my true self and never to be someone that Im not. The issue was more with the acceptans from society. I was bullied through all my school years for just being me. I even tried to be "normal" and be like everyone else, but I was bullied regardless. I had a very hard time finding friends and keeping friends and spent for many years alone. (Was diagnosed with autism back in 2015, so I got my answers on why I didn't function like everybody else, especially with communication/social) I wish that I started this way sooner but I wasen't strong enough to take all the negativity and fight back, back then. But I was scared and so insecure that I didn't had the courage to do it. I thought for a very long time that I was lost within myself and that I didn't know who I was, but it was more of the fact that through all these years I had tried to suffocate and erase my true self, based of fear and the influence of people who wanted me to be something that Im not. Back then people could easily manipulate me and shape me into what they wanted me to be. I am still insecure but I am alot stronger now then I was before, and today I am proud of who I am 🥀🖤
That does not make you a "late bloomer", since music taste has no age limit.
My mom was pretty strict when it came to clothing and music but my dad was chill my dad was more leanant and allowed me to express myself where my mom wanted me to be like everybody else. It was sad growing up the way i did because it was always about order and control. I always felt like a puppet on a string my teen years were the most miserable years of my life and other people around me just didnt seem to care all they cared about was their perception on things but the moment i expressed my opinion there was backlash.
Those shows.....unbelievably horrible. Thank you for always speaking up. Keep going. Love your channel.❤🖤❤🖤
You are so welcome, thank you for watching. Those shows were insane. I can't believe they got away with the stuff that they did.
Thank you for this ❤️
I was blessed 2 times, growing up in Sweden and having open minded parents!
Helped me a lot in life, especially when I was a teenager!
And now I am a mother to a teenage baby bat and I am fiercly proud of her!
And I accually have sometimes taken my time to speak to the other parents in the freind group...and even got slightly concervative parents (eastern european) to one of the girls in the group to understand that nothing in the music and subculture is evil and bad! 😊
I adore your videos and thank you! This topic hit close. I was a hardworking smart and articulate student but all that was looked over because of the way I dressed. I was very happy and optimistic as a teen but it’s very true that parents worry about what others think. The judgment not only of their child but them was a big factor in not being accepted. And I for one dressed modestly the issue being it was all black. It’s sad that kids are discouraged from finding the best version of themselves and being a passionate human all because media scares parents of the unknown. I appreciate you sharing your experience with this topic. 🖤
You're very welcome, thank you so much for sharing! I'm really sorry that you had all of your hard work and your achievements disregarded in lieu of your aesthetic. Unfortunately, the modesty approach is not a foolproof tactic but it has potential. Sadly, did not work out in your case. None of it changes how much you have achieved, unfortunately People can react very strongly out of fear of what they don't understand. That's why they cling to that kind of uniform mentality and not straying from the norms.
Giiirrrlll! I appreciate you so much. 💯 everything. it is great that you are kinda informing both the kids and the parents. 29:22 I was never depressed as a teen but my mom used to "approve" what I bought. which would have been "normal clothing" I felt ugly, I felt dorky, and I hated what was popular, and even though I wasn't depressed I was miserable,pissed and felt ugly. When I first has my own money I went out and between Halloween stores, thrift, and T&V I made my first goth outfit and I put it on and I felt happy and beautiful and my confidence rose, and like in those videos people (adult strangers more tha kids) bullied me..EVERYDAY. It was weird like my parents picked the outfits and kid's bullied me in middle school. At the end of middle school when I bought my own clothing adults bullied me more than the kids, but I was so much happier in goth fashion (I had already been listening to the music btw) that no one could Pay me to dress "normal" (accept my actual job but that wasn't 24/7)
Even as an adult I had my husband's dad tell him that I was dressed too "slutty" and it "made him(husband) look bad" because myself at 31 or so took a photo with a band T-shirts, Jean shorts, fishnets, and my new Knee high New Rocks. They were my first ever brand new pair I was sitting on a chair and put my legs on on a table to show off my boots and held the camera behind me as I looked at the camera.You could see my face the top of my shirt, my fishnets from the about knees down mostly showing my boots. I said to my husband "how is this slutty?" the only think I could think of was people associating fishnets and sex.
Other times I was told I was dressed slutty when I had on underwear, fishnets, black tights on top with holes ripped so you could see the fishnets though, knee high Platform boots, a skirt and jean shorts under so pervs couldn't look up my skirt, a bra, tank top, a firstnet shirt, and a corset. I had way more layers on than most people, 3 tops a bra, 2 bottoms, 2 tights and underwear, but this was slutty still because how "normal" people Associated the style.
I usually always agree with you Angela andI definitely still do. I appreciate you trying to educate the baby bats and parents.
My older "normal" brother always tried to tell my mom that I am on drugs, and all these other things. (I did think once In a while as a Teen but in the 90s most teens did) but I didn't smoke, I didn't do any drugs, and I was never reallly... that drunk, I didn't read drink to access and the maybe 2 times I did it wasn't at a goth night. It was at another teens house and playing Truth or dare type stuff with no parents around, but then I regretted it because I felt sick.
I did well at school but I had teachers give other students higher grades because they didn't like how I looked even though most tests and HW I got 100% plus extra credit, and then was told "I don't believe that a student can actually get a perfect grade" (I got like an 87 by that teacher even though I tutored some of the kids who got a better grade. and then my parents were mad and didn't believe me. 🤦♀️🤷♀️.
I was just deemed the "bad kid" both in my family and with strangers. Almost treated that way, but everyone but my goth /Alt /punk friends who always loved being around me and in turn I loved being around them.
I also knew and hung out with NYC kids in the goth/Punk/LGBTQ scene who s
choose to sleep outset "on the vents" in the village 8th street, because going home meant they were beat by their parents, for being goth, or gay, or punk etc. Some nights I stayed out all night to be with them. (the vents were vents in the street and hot air came out (from the subway I believe) and kids would take blankets and pillows and sleep in a pile on the street on the worm vents, because that meant they weren't beat. and it was safety in numbers, some people asked shops who threw out extra food or pizza at the end of the night for it, and then they passes it out to everyone so no one would be hungry. These kids were great, they didn't do drugs, they weren't getting trashed, They just knew what would happen if they went home... and that was the 90s for you...
im 15 and have been goth since i was 12, and society with goths has not really changed at all. maybe bcuz im in a small conservative town but its been horrible for me. i had to drop out of school at 13 bcuz it got so bad. glad my parents are supportive
I’m 😢😢😢you not even a kid, and sometimes my family will make snide remarks. I have a bohemian/hippie style typically. But as soon as I wear black and wear things with the moon, instead of the sun, I’m a witch. OR if I wear a chunky choker, it looks like I’m into bondage.
Unfortunately, that's the fault of The media and public putting themselves on a soapbox and exploiting our looks.
@@angelabenedict I have tried to explain Goth is, and is not, but because of things like this, my guard is up, and I am afraid to lower my shield again, so I shut down. How do I get them to understand that I’m not getting into anything bad, and to just let me dress the way I want to dress?
I was very lucky and my mom has always supported me. When I got my first undercut in 88 my mom came with me. She also bought me my first skull buckle boots and would go record shopping with me. She even took me to see U2 in 87 because there was no way to get to the venue on public transit. I had friends back then whose parents would throw away their 'weird' clothes, and I even knew people who were thrown out of their house for being punk. I will always be grateful to my mom for being a good parent. EDIT: Forgot to mention this but my mom let me go to a 17+ alternative club called One Step Beyond when I was a junior and senior in high school. Every Saturday my friend, who had already graduated, would take me along with her. I didn't have a curfew which was pretty awesome.
I also got that message from my mom, she was more worried about her own image than my actual health and safety.
The irony was that I was a lot safer and more looked after running wild 3 states away in NYC at night with Lealith and friends than I was at home. (I was 13 at the time in question)
Today, when I speak with any teen alternatives its the same ole stories we know so well.
I guess the more things change the more that they stay the same.
Thanks for the video Angela ☺️☺️
You're welcome!
@@angelabenedict 🌹
Wow, this made me reminisce a lot, thinking about how it was when I went through all these moments of being confronted with pre|judices and having to explain myself! When you're growing older and decades pass by, sometimes you almost forget about the har|dship you had to endure as a teen just to be accep|ted as who you are or for being different from the main|stream - as an adult, you just don't need to care about your environment's reactions that much, so all teen experiences fade into the background gradually. The contra|dictive thing I can recall from my first months as a baby|bat is that most normies at school totally stopped any sort of offen|sive behaviour towards me when they started to perceive my change and the process of finding myself. I had to deal with quite a lot of off|ense by peers before I became a part of the subculture, mainly for being pretty s|hy and intro|vert - but once they realized that I found myself and grew as an individual as I was finding my home and shelter, they suddenly stayed away from me. And this is the event that surprises me the most, as I know that most Goths are being taunte|d even more once they start to express themselves by means of clothing or accessory - but in my case, all the off|ense just turned to silence. So getting into the subculture was a process of enlightenment, of finding out who I really am, and having a shelter to escape to especially at times when the coldhearted|ness of the world became too unbearable to deal with. And I have to say, finding the values I can identify with at heart and finding all the things I love so deeply made me stronger than ever before, raised my self-confidence and made me more expressive and more reflective compared to times prior to all of this! Therefore I'd say that getting involved in the subculture made my life easier instead of harder - not because I didn't have to deal with pre|judice or resent|ments, I absolutely had to deal with a lot of that stuff, but because it felt like rebirth and becoming who I am truly supposed to be. Thank you for making this video, I think it will help a lot of younger Goths nowadays and make it easier for them to discover themselves while being affected by a world of misconceptions and conformity. Your words are of great help if we want to keep the subculture going for all future generations to come!🖤✨️🌙
I'm 25 and at age 14 my best friend's (and only friend, so it was all the more crushing) parents forbade her from seeing me because i dyed my hair black. One year later, she started drinking, experimenting with drugs, smoking, and sleeping around. It was the "normal kids" that got her into it. Meanwhile, I've still never smoked, only drank i think 4 times in my life, never touched drugs. It still pisses me off 11 years later.
I think the key to success with a teenager is balance. I am not a parent but I am a goth from the 80s. I would teach my children that there is a time and place for them to express themselves fully and openly. But there are also times when it’s not as appropriate. I would have no problem sending my kids to school in all black but I would ask them to go easy on the makeup and accessories and save those things for parties and concerts. I realize that not everyone will react this way. But there was never any compromise in my house growing up and that caused a lot of resentment and frustration and anger. My heart goes out to today’s goth kids.
I don't know if you've ever been told you're totally fucking awesome
The 90s were tricky. It was after the 80s satanic panic stuff but then school shootings happened and it got weird. Overall I think parents are way more accepting these days though as opposed to back when we were growing up.
No, they really aren't.
I wouldn’t be surprised if some goths even became hipsters post Columbine to avoid persecution.
I had to explain this one to my gamer friends who complained that my female characters in RPG were always non human weirdos. I told them its the same as having a dress code. If you can express yourself(or your character can), you are more likely to be friendly, helpful and kind whether or not you(or your character) look like some kind of creature from a horror film(thats more the character at that point not me ;) ) but force me to wear normal gear and play humans or ordinary elf characters? And you will unlock the nastiest, bitchest and most manipulative behaviour you have ever seen. I have borderline personality disorder and I have found if my outfit is a bit out there, I'm calmer overall but if I'm forced to wear something that just isnt me, and presents a (to my mind) tarty look? I immediately become defensive and turn nasty because usually I get hit on even more than normal. I am not trying to signal that I'm UP for it. I'm just trying to be me but if I wear the normies clothes, then I look slutty(by normie, I mean what they expect girls with big boobs to wear, IE might as well be holding the girls up with something that will snap at any given moment)
That makes a lot of sense. I had a lot of parents in one of my videos say that they tell their children if they ever get lost, look for a goth or someone who dresses alternatively because they know that they will be safe. It's something about expressing yourself so outwardly that there's nothing else to hide.
My sister had to fight a lot with my gma about how she dressed and what she liked, so she took the brunt of it, I followed in her steps, though, and I don't remember as much fuss. My mom is WAY more chill, but she still doesn't like my dark and spooky stuff; but she doesn't try to stop me from being into it. When I was in high school, she figured me dressing in big baggy Tripps and band shirts and whatnot was better than dressing scantily clad, so she didn't mind that it was darker. Even now that I've only gotten further into metal and darker genres, she doesn't try to stop me from listening to it or engaging with it [hell, I'm buying spooky witchy books and she doesn't comment on it]. She understands I'm just different, and we still hug a lot and tell each other I love you a lot; never stopped doing that. :P
I'd say I was halfway lucky, since I was partly raised by my gma and she was the type to throw fits over stuff. But I was also extremely stubborn and gave no shits, even if I got spanked for acting out, so I was a little too stubborn to fully control, unless it was something I liked as well.
It sounds like your sister tired your grandma out so much that by the time you started dressing that way, she had no steam left to start on you. It sounds like your mom was really more coming from a place of concern for you and your well-being. Seeing you covered up and Not sexualized. Seem to be good enough for her since she knew there was a level of the safety there. You got a good mom!
@@angelabenedict Lol she really did; I'm grateful to her for that. She put up with a lot so I didn't have to.
And yeah, my mom was way more chill about things, so that was also really awesome to have that freedom growing up. We've got that respect that even though we don't have much in common, we still love and appreciate each other. I was lucky to be able to grow with a mom as accepting as that. Cx
Think I was lucky being raised by parents who were accepting of me liking Metal and Goth. Based on the stories I hear from let's say more conservative parents really cracking down on their kid for being alternative I feel fortunate. I've gotten plenty of shit but not from my parents or brothers, I'm glad to say.
I remember my dad being a little angry about it at first, but he turned around real quickly so I don't really hold it against him. People can change when faced with the reassurance that things aren't what they think they are and my dad fortunately was open-minded enough to let initial gut feelings not rule him. When we became homeless years after our bond grew only stronger and I think these experiences of poverty made him more accepting of what he doesn't understand in general.
Oddly enough it wasn't my parents giving me shit but other family members. My aunt who I never talk with suddenly giving a shit that I exist when I grew into a Metalhead because it was ''unacceptable'' and is suddenly a Christian in a largely non-religious family anytime somebody does something she objects to but otherwise stops being one again right after. Or just strangers walking up and saying dumb shit. Which Metalhead, Punk, Goth etc hasn't gone through something like that at this point?
But I gotta say, I remember when I was still a teen of about 16 years old and this young girl, maybe 9 years old walked up to me and asked me ''If I'm a rock'' to which I replied and she then gave me the horns. Or another time a few years after when another child pointed at me and said ''Look mom! He's got long hair!'' all excited.
Things like that makes dealing with all the bullshit worthwhile. As does the music make it worthwhile of course. People like Lemmy Kilmister, Dio, Doro Pesch, Patricia Morrison and Jaz Coleman were idols in my teenage years.
I love that the children were so pure and innocent about it. No judgment, no fear just excitement. It's when people grow up that the fear sets in. Usually that's where it all comes from, people being afraid of what they don't understand or deviating from what society deems as normal.
I'm really sorry about what happened to you and your family when you were young. That can't have been easy. I know there's nothing really good you can say about being in that situation but at the very least it's great that you have each other to lean on through it all.
I feel like every family has an aunt like the one you're describing. They use religion as an excuse to be terrible, to judge and to try and lord authority over people. I have an aunt like that. I think I met her once or twice when I was a little kid and a few years ago I did a podcast with one of my cousins. We're both children of drug addicts, his mother died from heroin overdose and my dad died from a cocaine overdose. I spoke about the abuse in my home and things that went on - now this aunt, who I met all of twice When I was a small child. An aunt Who doesn't know my middle name, doesn't know my birthday, never shared a meal with me Or could even tell you my eye color - suddenly, she's blasting me on social media, claiming none of the things I spoke about happened. Like I said, there's always that one aunt.
I appreciate the empathy. There's a lot I've been through. Homelessness, a dysfunctional family. Poverty. Things that many people have gone through, I find. There's more though I wish that was it.
But I've never lost a parent and I'm terribly sorry that you and your cousin had to go through that. I can't imagine how difficult that time must've been.
You're right though, we all got that aunt. And that definitely sounds like the type of aunt I've got in my own family. The very definition of delusion too, fueled by this self-righteous insistence on being right even when wrong, at least in my case.
She'll spew nonsense, but she's gotten so far up her own ass that she's started to believe her own shit. Wouldn't be surprised if that's a common trait among the problematic aunts we all got.
But kids are different. They ain't born hateful and fearful. Their childlike curiosity is natural to them and if nurtured it can lead to wonderful experiences for the child as they grow up, unlike fear and hatred which some adults try to pass onto them. Fear breeds fear then, I suppose. A shame then when children grow up losing that curiosity.
I don't want kids, that father's life ain't for me. But I do love them, they brighten the world. Feels like sometimes we need them more than they need us, haha. @@angelabenedict
When you showed those clips of the talk shows, I literally teared up. Like why would a grown ass adult bully a literal teenager. I don't get that. And publicly too. For me, the only ones I'm shaming on those clips are the adults and the audience ridiculing children.
Btw fun fact: My mum, yes the mum who threatened to throw my clothes away and now accepts me, used to listen to The cure and Bauhaus and I'm like I listen to that now that's basically how she accepted it I explained to her what goth ACTUALLY is and she even apologized to me because hey, she listened to the same stuff I listen to
Same with my godmother. After she realized that Goth was the music she actually liked, and not Metal, she became far more accepting and even purchased clothes for me.
@@Anonymous-wb3nz same I went to alternative clothing stores with my mum yesterday
I miss the days where MTV shows were more documentaries. The first few seasons of True Life were amazing.
Yes! Remember True Life?
@@angelabenedictI did!! Too bad it was cancelled and TRW was also cancelled so MTV is nothing without those shows!!!
That's why I'm grateful my mom has been involved in the alternative scene for years before I was born. I'm in my early twenties and wasn't a goth in my teens, however I have always tried different alternative styles and listened to many different types of music before I found what I actually love now. And my mom has always been super accepting of it since she was the same way. For me, it was normal to be accepted for who I am and what I like, but I know most people don't have the same experience.
i think you're only half right on the "soundcloud" rapper scene.
a lot of the earlier people in the scene like sgp, black kray (and the rest of goth money records), denzel curry, etc reappropriated a lot of goth aesthetics and took influence because they saw the link between the alternative hip-hop culture, memphis rap, and black skater culture and goth culture. iirc sgp (he's super far gone mentally now :/) was talking about in interviews how he hung out with goth kids who participated in that subculture as the community was the only place that he felt accepted as he was an outcast for his interests, fashion (which he and a$ap rocky were pretty much the first to do before everyone copied it), and his mental state (he's autistic, bipolar, and schizophrenic, iirc).
if you look up a lot of the people who started that scene's stories, i think you'll understand why it seemed rappers were claiming that a bit more.
i think the issue is when the second wave of soundcloud rap happened (around 2015ish) and lot of those artists were pretty watered down or at least did not fully understand the context of some of the culture they were apart of. they had some dope songs (some trash too), but it at times traded goth culture as an influence for goth (and other alternative subculture) aesthetics.
i could go into more detail but i'd be here all die if i did tbh
I'm in my late 40s. My mom was pretty open-minded but I constantly got crap for how I dressed and the music I listened to. The generation that bore Gen X was/is so damn afraid of anything different or anyone that chooses to think for themselves/express themselves that it's pathetic. Typical conversation between me and my mom when I was a teenager: Mom: "You need to look normal!" Me: "I'm not YOU. Why can't YOU just let me be ME???" It still shocks me how many parents think their kids are going to be exactly like them and when they aren't they can't deal with it.
She did not sound open minded at all.
@@Anonymous-wb3nz well, she never threw my possessions away or thought I was in a Satanic cult so to me, that's open-minded. You take a win where you can get one, lol.
Yay new video.
Angela I actually made this comment on your last video recently but not sure if you ever saw it because I posted it after the video was 2 weeks old. Anyways I'm 35 years old and getting into my baby bat phase. I never fit in anywhere before in normal life no matter how hard I've tried to. All I have done since finding your channel and learning about Goth is listening to some of the bands, plus buying and wearing more black clothes. Is 35 too old to begin being Goth or is there never an age to be too old?
Thanks in advance!
I'm not Angela but there is no such thing as too old! You're welcome in this subculture and we accept you with open arms. ❤
Hi! I'm so sorry that I didn't respond to your comment. You're never too old to get involved in the goth scene. We're all here to learn from and inspire each other. Sometimes, you don't find the things that resonate with you until much later on. It's a music based subculture after all and since that's the thing that draws you in, how are you to know that this is something that resonates with you unless you hear it? For some people it's 14 years old for other people they don't hear it until they're 35, like you. No one will begrudge you your right to discover in whatever time you deem fit. I hope you're feeling more like you fit in. Have you been getting out and doing things?
@@angelabenedict yes I've been hanging out with some of my friends that knew me before I've gotten into the subculture, shockingly none of them have asked about my changing wardrobe yet. I even attended my friend's church today which I was nervous I was going to get stared at by everyone but no one really did or even asked me anything about the way I was dressed. I pretty much go everywhere dressed in black now except work because it's not allowed in the uniform. So far I'm loving the look and listening to the music.
I know of people over the age of 42 who walk into the Goth clubs and come back the next week wearing all black. Age has nothing to do with music taste.
I was an alternative teen, but tried to be "normal" for the latter part of my 20's. When I turned 32, I discovered Goth music, and went to my first Goth club. It's normal, and nobody questioned me or laughed. In fact, a lot of people in our clubs discovered the music past their 30's, and changed up their wardrobes. There is no age limit for Goth. I'm 37 now, and I regret nothing. I'm the happiest I have ever been, so you should do this.
I can remember how bad my dad freaked out when I pierced my left ear in 1982. 😂 "Are you gay!?!?" was his first response. I really enjoyed you talking about the various subs hanging out. I remember it well. Punks, Goths, Mods, Wavers, etc... Good times!
The real world London was the best season out of all.
Yes!!
Great video as always 😊
Thank you 🤗
@@angelabenedict You're welcome dear 🤗
It definitely got better when I was in school. I was an alternate kid (was in drama club), and I had friends who were jocks, swimmers, band kids, preps, etc. I never got bullied in high school, and often had different “groups” tell me that they liked my outfit, or whatever. I was definitely lucky. It makes me sad that in the 90s we were looked at as “freaks” and lowlifes.
I hope the so-called "normies" have a bunch of alternative kids themselves.
Years ago, my mom was asking me why I had to dress in such a way that made me stick out so much and if it was a phase. I told her that as long as you know who you are at your core, there's really nothing wrong with looking cool and dressing up in a way that lets you express yourself. You can even change up your styles and try different things with your surface appearance. What you choose to look like is not as big a deal as what you get up to when you think no one is watching.
Oh the flashbacks. I was trying to express myself as goth in the early 00s and all those tips you gave are exactly the strategies I had for myself as well. I'm nearly 30 now and I find they're still valuable in the workplace where I need to tone it down a bit.
My father wasn't so welcoming of the music, so as a teen I took the literature approach. I didn't present it as goth (not even as "gothic literature"), but me taking an interest in 19th century poets and writers was something he was completely fine with and I could express myself through that.
Your dad was afraid of The Cure, Depeche Mode, New Order, Joy Division, Bauhaus, and Siouxie and the Banshees? That's strange, because parents usually like Goth music when they hear these bands.
@@Anonymous-wb3nz Afraid isn't the term. Depeche Mode was passable (limited to some songs) but he overall didn't like the sound of new wave and gothic rock. My father in particular liked classical music and singer-songwriter genres that are popular in my home country, with bands like The Beatles, Pink Floyd and Supertramp being exceptions.
Edit: my father was born in 1953 so maybe there's a generational gap at play too.
@@Lacrimarimusthat's fair! To be honest, I myself love classical music as much as I love New Wave and Goth music. It's not for everyone.
@@Anonymous-wb3nz I do too, actually! I grew up to include classical and rock in my musical tastes as well, but I guess I just expanded beyond that.
Absolutely love your channel!
Thank you so much!🖤🖤🖤
Now, as a 24 year old I start my journey towards looking like my true self. When I was younger (starting at 10) was controlled on how I can look because of my interest in goth and metal subcultures (I listened to metal and post punk, drew the artists, watched documentaries, wrote poetry and stuff). My parents did everything they could to stop me from showing my interests on the outside and dressing the way I wanted. When I was a kid they used physical violence so I was scared of them, they forced me into submission. I was raised pentacostal, so they believed in Christian charismatic spirituality like demons, speaking in tongues, exorcisms and stuff, so they believed that what I was doing was demonic and I may get possessed😅. This is why my parents wouldn't even let me wear my hair down, do my makeup, wear my black clothes, at one time they got me a t-shirt with a Christian band Revolution on it (they got it in church lol) and it was my only black t-shirt so if I wanted to look even a bit alt and wear black I still had to have Christianity shoved in my face. I've internalized this feeling that wearing stuff that is alternative, revealing or has a gothic feel to it is bad and ever since when I tried to look alternative I had this discomfort, like I'm about to get punished, but I hate it, I feel like I'm running away from myself. I've decided to finally try to be true to myself and allow myself to look the way I always wanted. I ran away from home at 19, so it's definitely not about being seen by them, but they damaged a piece of my identity and I want to retrieve it. Wish me luck!
Good luck. Being in a religious environment be feeling like you're in prison. Best of luck to you. 🖤🖤🖤
My mother is a Mormon and she at first was skeptical of me getting into metal but once she saw i wasn't worshipping the devil or taking drugs she mellowed out a bit. Its actually funny because when I went to buy some band shirts she encouraged me to get more because there was a sale. Even though we are different im glad she was open to learning and listening about something i was interested in.
I'm glad she came around to it. Your her child after all and even the religion can sometimes get in the way, sometimes that maternal/paternal instinct supersedes that and we look through the stuff we don't understand or agree with to see the child we created in love.
my parents did not mind. they still wondered sometimes if I was Into Satan ha-ha if I was not occupied with Music, it was Philosophy. Rebellion is a blank slate we hafe to be grounded in are own Ideas Ethics etc. Social media has exposed many people to Many Subcultures now days. there was a Time I was seen as a freak. but back then taught me to have thick skin and to be around those that accept you. great video Angela I enjoyed this one. 😎
I think that with online stores like boohoo, ASOS and SheIn selling alternative fashion, it's becoming more and more socially acceptable. Thankfully, the goth panic era of the 90s has passed but hate crime against alternative people still goes on, even after the tragic murders of Sophie Lancaster and Brian deneke. Things have improved but we still have a LONG way to go
Hi,using a friends phone,so bare with me.I dealt with similar being the weird kid. You my dear are RavenBlade,the Corvine Crusader approved. And you're a knockout,so that helps
I remember beat the freak week all to well . As soon as you said that I had flashbacks unfortunately 😔
Strangely, I've rarely received such negative reactions from people. In the rare moments when someone has reacted negatively toward me, they usually change their tune by the next time they see me. Their reaction seems to change to that of fear instead of ridicule. I don't know what happens to them between their initial reaction and their next one, but it seems to work in my favor to some extent. I stopped caring what others think of me long ago, but I think I prefer their fearful silence over their annoying insults.
Not caring what others think is a Great place to be. I'm happy to hear that you never got much of a negative backlash, that's definitely a good thing! A lot of people tend to fear what they don't understand And sometimes, all it takes is a little bit of information that takes that fair away. We all fear the unknown In some way or another.
Ha, as a Goth and Metalhead, in my late 20s, I definitely feel the hate.. I was in my college class today and a girl kept sucking her teeth then asked the teacher if she could move because I'm Goth. I finished my assignments and the teacher took it as if it was the Satanic Bible.. happens everyday. I haven't had friends for 14 years simply for being happily part of the Goth and Metal subcultures.. I just don't speak anymore, not even to other Goths or Metalheads because a lot of them want to compete. Definitely other Metalheads..
Kinda unrelated but something I remember about goths in the 90s.
It seemed that would be more likely for someone into goth and industrial music who were also into “extreme sports” of that era preferred inline street skating as opposed to skateboarding. I don’t know if it was a characteristic but I just always associate 90s alternative bands like Chemlab and Gravity Kills with Senate Rollerblade videos. I remember it being almost cliché fora goth getting kicked out of the mall for wearing rollerblades. I even think of goth video game characters on rollerblades in like PS1 extreme sports game.
My parents never did anything but encourage me to be myself. That is the best gift they ever gave me. My dad was a athlete and my mom a teacher and they never made me feel bad about anything I wanted to wear or pierce or listen to, I was really lucky. They both died when I was still young , but the time I got with them really counted. I even got my Mom to dress full goth on my 15th birthday and walk around San Francisco all day with me. I feel bad for any kids who's parents make them feel bad for who they are, or for exploring new ideas.
I guess i was lucky, I had black rapper friends, skater friends, a friend who was a total cowboy, metal head friends, and we all got along and respected each other. I didn't have the typical childhood experience at all. But because of the diversity and acceptance of my friends and family , I've never had a racist or judgmental thought about people different than me.