From my experience, being dumped is a blessing in disguise. You get stronger, wiser, more forgiving and you can foresee the future with person who dumped you and your future together doesn’t look good. You don’t want someone who didn’t appreciate you. Pulling away is one thing dumping is a whole another story
Agree... i have been on both sides and as the dumper i did nothing to better myself because your self esteem was not damaged and you think there is nothing wrong with you so you don't better yourself
THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON A PERSON CAN LEARN: The one who cares the least holds all the power, and always wins. Being willing to walk away gives you the upper hand and control. The ball needs to be in your court. Make them come to you. Don’t be a jerk about things, but if you’re willing to let go, a sense of loss is instilled in them. People always want what they can’t have. This holds true for every area of life.
Yeah, it turns out that my wife never loved me and of course time has made that obvious. I wish I’d known what to look for back then. Women are good at getting a man, even by pretending.
That is actually giving advice based on a very narrow set of experiences. There can be a million reasons people are apprehensive, and most having nothing to do with the dumpee and all to do with the dumper. I am not saying one necessarily accepts the other person back, but in the case of genuine remorse and personal growth, healing will only make a relationship stronger. Love is based on overcoming the challenges of who we are. If another person can understand, see the other with compassion, a bond like none other can be forged - but much depends upon the individual situation which neither of us has the right to assert.
If they couldn't love the warm and caring person I was in the beginning, they never were right for me in the first place. If they can only love a lesser version of me, where is my chance of growing to my fullest bloom? Update 2020....I am still not over this heartbreak...why????
Karla you are not heeled as you have not thought about who they left you for... do u want to be with someone who is giving his affection to someone else?
Really great video.I was ghosted for three weeks by my ex, after we dated for 14 months. I kept my calm, called him on his behaviour politely but firmly, ended things, and left him alone (except for mailing his stuff back to him- no note). I feel I took my power back, by taking control of both the situation, and how I reacted. Two weeks later, and I'm really moving on. I'm setting goals for myself, and staying NC. I'm working through my emotions, and discovering where I need to grow and heal. I'm now starting to think I wouldn't want him back even if he came around again. He's a good guy, but emotionally unavailable (and by ghosting me he shows he's immature as well)- and that just doesn't work for me. :)
inspiredinthedark holy crap I dealing with similar stuff! My bf broke up with me without really giving a reason. Ghosted me and then after a month of ghosting me he contacts me again and wants to get back together. I need advice.
@Yars Alarcon-Furmen I can't tell you what to do in your situation. I don't know the history of your relationship. But I can tell you I decided during the ghosting that I wouldn't take him back- because anyone who would do that, will do it again. Such avoidant behaviour means they can't even face their own issues, so nothing will really change.
so true, so so so true. My boyfriend or shall I say now Ex just broke up with me over the text and saying he want to break up with me and he said he met someone he felt strong feeling for and will want to start dating her. I literally feel so sick and couldn't believe what I see. that this is actually a coward betray man that I've been putting my time and love with and he is just now on the phone which I called him saying that he did the same thing and i feel he is such a bad lier.. I mean he just so selfish and wanted something at the time for him to feel good about himself once he see anything not good he starting to wanting end it ... I feel so sick of having guys like that in my life and also I feel somehow I can learn something and I hope I wont be fooled by this type of shit again.
When they come back, you don't care at all. And then they start to treat you like you wanted to be treated. It's psychology. Men need to feel validated.
@@SusanWinter Thanks you very much for your inspiring video. I would like to know if this strategy works after 1 month No Contact when you have been in a long distance relationship with your ex girlfriend and if yes, how to come up with a solid plan to end long distance and be close together.
When he returned to me, I dared other people. Put him on the back burner, reached out when it was convenient. He then wanted to stay friends. Cool. Still dated other better guys. I then accepted him as friends, and once he realized he didn't matter as much and I was less available, he began to chase me. Ha! Once he did that, he'd go cold and I walked. Finally, I blocked him bc he refused to stop texting me (after ignoring texts). I win. Serves him right.
This literally happened with my ex. i really reallyyy liked him and he pushed me away, and time went past, he reached out, we tried things again, but it was then ME who dumped him, because he just wasnt as special to me as the first time. he left me waiting for too long, and that whole time i was just doing my own thing and had pretty much gotten over it. the only reason i even retried it was because i knew at one point i was crazy about him and thought that feeling would come back. it didnt.
This is exactly where I was....I walked away in 2015 because I was giving my everything and then he snubbed me. He found me and reached out to me in 2017. I told him that he had hurt my feelings. I told him this because he flat out asked me why wasn't I more vulnerable?? I just can't give him everything I once did. He's trying but I can't get back there. I've decided to just move on.
You are right when you say you can't love them the same. After they hurt you, something dies inside of you and slowly you develop an absolute neutrality, the sense of not caring and the realization that the said person lost importance in your life.
after 29 years of marriage I found out that I was going to be divorced, am still a ReSingled man going on 10 years and I am doing very well, personal and business wise. I never wished her any harm or bad luck or did not fill like I needed the upper hand. We are 100% done with one another and that is a real blessing. Life is peaceful and calm and getting better each day. Just move forward and be the best you that you can be and thats the best place to be in life. Thanks for your vids and advise, keep up the good work. Here in Kingsport Tenn. I have a mens bible study group that I teach and share your videos with them as different subjects on relationships pop up. It`s very helpful , Thanks :)
You kick ass! Thank you so much, 28 year relationship, she dumped me, been so painful, gave up dating because it was only a distraction to my pain, learning to appreciate being alone, cold showers, working out being so much better than I used to be
Thank you so much, I am recovering after twenty seven years, from a very sudden and unforeseen discard six months ago, and you have given me more help than any counselling has! I love you for it.
*EXCELLENT ANALYSIS.* I understand it because that’s exactly how I think after noticing the pattern behavior after every break up & not necessarily after a break up but when distancing yourself as well. It’s “Never” the same again, you can’t trust them the same again but you can definitely meet them at their same level of caring & understand how they once felt because you’re now feeling the same as well. But not every person is the same cus some are selfishly heartless & some are not it all depends on the person that breaks up with you but you do gain experience, self balance & become confident in yourself again with a positive mindset in taking care of yourself because it’s when you realize that nobody is gonna take care of you like you will, therefore you become stronger & end up not caring for that person how you once did before, you’ll just end up seeing that person for who & what they are. Thank you.
Susan, sometimes the dumper is hurting just as much (if not more) than the dumpee. I felt forced to end my relationship because he wasn’t making me a priority. It still hurt like hell. And actually because he took the breakup cheerfully without protest, he reinforced to me that he doesn’t care. I’m sure I’m more hurt than he is.
I agree with this also. I ended my relationship because my other half was cheating. He took his stuff, moved on and had a new partner a few weeks later. I was still at home, very depressed. I'm sure I was hurting way more than he was.
First of all just because he doesn’t protest doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care. Couldn’t be further from the truth. By removing yourself means he is protesting. He has emotional self control and will not let his emotions get the best of him. Instead he is using logic which i actually commend this individual for doing. Emotional self control is a trait of a strong confident person. Seems to me you wanted him to verbally protest and be didn’t give that to you and in turn made you upset.
this is exactly what happened to my first girlfriend...I loved her so much, and she pulled away more and more...and then I was done...my heart was now in a move on mentality...after I packed my bags and began leaving, she began to see me for how important I was to her..I took her back because I cared for her, but my heart was never the same after the pain...all the way through the next 8 years of a relationship, I knew I was never the same...but with that initial experience I had her smothering me with love to the point I couldn't take it anymore...and I ended it multiple times...until I finally ended it for good. What Susan is saying is absolutely the truth
So this is probably how my ex felt. I finally understand. It won't ever work out the same way so it was a good thing my ex broke it off totally even if I tried to fix our issues.
Love the fact that you are direct yet thoughtful and clear in answering questions and concerns.❤ Giving both sides of the circumstances insightful advice is also helpful and important. You have a wonderful calling for helping others, thank you.😊🎉❤
I love your videos. Short and get the point. I also like your nail polish color. I threw away all pictures, cards he gave, deleted all pictures, and text messages from him. It helped me to move on fast!! I think less of him day after day, from all day to an hour.
U Tube have saved my Sanity, I was Drinking Poison happily, iwok up in dream state!!! My God my father how great thouAre ,, Cople. yrs 😒looking forward over the pain but of course trusting in God protected me Allalua!!,, Powerful question does love ever die,, undiluted,, i equal my thoughts to a man whos got to put his dog down companion Oooooorch of life who has Bitt Baby??!! 😫😳🙏😎
Not only will I ever love HIM the same, I don't think I will ever fall in love to that level again. It's not because I am trying to be this way-it's just how you explained it in this video.. the animal instinct is that I was deeply wounded. Don't want that again!
This is a great video. I've watched it numerous times. This is exactly what is happening right now in my life. I'm moving on, showing her no attention, and now she's reaching out to me daily. The power is switching and I can feel it.
The Ladders Of Life Same thing is happening to me too... It feels really weird that I already don’t feel the same. It’s a good thing but also feels so uncomfortable. It’s because I’m not used to it! We’ve got this!
OMG so helpful, the information about the 'volume of love'. I am experiencing this as a middle aged person who recently had a 24 year relationship (not marriage) take a 'turn'. I literally feel my love is 'capped' and won't return to full volume, I don't desire to feel that vulnerability again. Hearing you speak on that issue is so helpful and affirming to how I am feeling.
You are so smart. I love your videos. I love them for the fact it's about human psychology. Understanding human behaviour etc. I have learnt so much from your videos. It's helped me.
You are amazing, Susan, your video on abruptly ending a relationship saved my sanity. I was dropped like a dirty glove, out of the blue, by my now ex. Thank you for helping us all out ❤
Susan ,great analysis ,fully agree. Break up enhances relationship to a sustainable level.Temporary break is a great equalizer. Break up makes relationship built to an unbreakable stature .Time out makes the time in longer and times up disappear.
Susan... you have a gift. You have a clear mind. And you are a gift to all of us who need a friend and wisdom in times of heartbreak. Thank you so very much...
This sceanario is happening to me right now (exactly as Susan laid it out, from beginning to end). He's trying to figure out what to do with this rebalance of power. Not sure if he likes it's so much. Think his ego took a big hit. He doesn't like the idea that he could be chasing me after having so much control over the relatinship for so long. Communication between us have been spotty since our new dynamic. I have been doing more of the reaching out to make sure we are not finished. He is being very vague and limited in our comunications. So, I have decided that it's time for me to totally pull back (no contact) to see if he wants to carry on with the relationship. This shift seems to be a shock to his system.
This is exactly what happened to me I found myself walking away the second time and couldn't understand why I fully couldn't give myself %100 and felt it wasn't fair to stay very interesting prospective thank you
Hi susan, here I am again watching your videos because I got stuck for a moment and needed the 'voice of reason' in my head and thats you. Hopefully, I'll get over this heartache soon. Again thank you for your videos.
I am so glad I found your channel 💕 A guy I was seeing for 5 months breaks up with me when he finally let go of the wall... he says he panicked, been hurt before.... I gave him so much more intention then he gave me and after trying å couple of days to make him turn I have just gone silent. If he ever contact me again I will have to see what I feel then, but in the meentime I surely love your videos of advice, they keep me grounded. I will give all girls my advice when a guy breaks up with you: plan and book å vacation! Makes you focus elsewhere and get you something to look forward to. If he returnes he will see that you are capable to go on by your self, but don't cancel the vacation! He snooze he loose (out on the tour). I will not sit and wait 😉 Thank you, Susan! 💕
This is great advice as far as being more vague about what I have done in between the no contact period after a breakup. Not being readily available seems to make my Ex more intrigued, and attracted to me. Weird how that works, but it really does. Humans for sure react differently when there is no guarantee someone will be there when they want. Great Video Susan. Thank you!
LegOver Lass - he called me that too - repeated it over and over in defiance in front of the kids ... when it gets to that level of abuse and disrespect, you have to remove yourself if you can’t shut him up. I used to go on long drives with the phone off
I messed up, and now I wouldn't let her give me all that attention she did. I would work hard, as I have been, and I'll be sure to give her more emotionally and will accept her, as long as we don't disrespect eachother. I just want us to both be givers instead of me just being a receiver. Although many of us do not believe in a higher power, I do, and I have been praying everyday to make myself better. Thanks for this video
You are really amazing. How beautifully you explain with such a toned down and soothing tone. That just hits the brain. I wasn’t able to make myself move on and was stuck. But somehow after watching few of your videos I can see things more clearly now. I feel so much light right now. I can’t express how thankful I am. You are really doing a great job.🙏
I was so hurt and i am still wounded. He is pursuing. And i am staying away nursing wounds. U r so skilled at articulating these minute emotions that spin our lives. Please continue explaining breakups, cheating, and managing long term relationships.
Susan, You are right every-time. After she crushed my heart into the asphalt, she stopped all communication. To her, I don't even exist anymore. And this was five or six years ago. I still have pain. I think my pain arises from her complete lack of communication ever since.
I could never get back with someone who left me the first time. If they did it once they can do it again. It’s been 6 months since my ex broke my heart. I just want to say for those out there who feels like it’s impossible right now it does get better. I never thought I would be able to live without him. He’s now dating someone new and I’m seeing other people as well. I have found someone who treats me way better than he did. I worked on myself and stayed single until I felt I was ready to enter another relationship. He never reached out to me in these 6 months. As much as I used to pray he would I’m happy that he didn’t now and we both can move on. It gets better with time and it’s normal to miss them every now and then. Do not give up because what is for you will not pass you by!
This video started off with a bogus assumption. Just because someone breaks up with you, doesn’t mean they loved you less! That doesn’t mean the dumpee was more emotionally impacted than the dumper. That’s ridiculous! I’ve always been the one to break up my exes and it’s in part because I knew my feelings for them weren’t reciprocated. I showed them that I cared more but I decided to love myself enough to leave. 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
If you worked half as hard at trying to stay together and work out the relationship as you do at scheming how to get back at the ex, plotting revenge, blah blah, none of this would be necessary. Relationships are WORK and we must see past shortcomings because everyone has them.
BRO ALL THESE VIDEOS I’ve been able to analyze myself everything Susan says I’ve been able to find in myself after hard times and I feel that’s the key to a true rebirth of yourself
you are amazing healer and coach in this topic .. your wisdom is unbelievably respected by me and everyone whose heart is aching so bad and injured by their toxical Exs.. love you from California..❤❤❤❤🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒
Yes this is so true. Recently this had happen to me from a Handsome Gentleman. We had once dated then he broke it off we me. He saw me again a few years later, he chased me, I let him, but then I was the one who broke it off with him. Because some of the traits that he presented where similar from what he'd shown from before. So when I had let him go... I felt liberated...like the statue of liberty with the upper hand...lol
"The greatest" lol 1. I wonder if that's a man or woman right lol 2. I wonder if it was a man doing that would he be so concern trolled about his wellbeing
OMG Susan!!! LOVE THIS!! You are ABSOLUTELY right!! I’ve told you before but I’ll say it again: you are THE BEST out there!! The absolute best! You know EXACTLY what to say and your advice is ALWAYS spot on! Thank you so much for everything you do!! I hope I get to meet you one day! 😘😘😘
You are a genius, Susan Winter! I lose it the moment they come back. Like an unintelligent person, as soon as they come back, I return to the giving loving person I used to be.
Wow this is amazing my gf broken up with me due to wanting to be on her own she was cold didn’t answer the phone I told them the truth we blocked each other but this video has really opened up eyes I sent all the photos back and the car seat because it was a reminder I was not rude or abusive words. Am taking each day as it comes thank Susan
This happens almost by default every time a situation like this has taken place. After some time and I’ve met someone else or passed rebought another similar situation my feelings deflate to such an extent that what becomes confirmed is that the former live interest likes me most when I am unattainable and basically questioning whether I’m into them or not. The sad thing is at this stage I truly have let go and can’t even find my way back to trusting or respecting such a fickle character. What they once took for granted eventually they realize that they had a good solid shot and completely lost it! 🤷🏻♀️
Susan, you are so amazing. I have learned so much from you about human behavior and psychology. I have experienced it where I give and share with a partner and she takes my affections for granted. Wow, "dented love" shifts our focus and can recenters us with a more realistic viewpoint. I recently went out with a woman that I had a summer love with. We met for drinks and I found myself back at her place in her bed. Long story short, the next day she text me and told me how much of a great time she had and my response was "my pleasure." She knows that I have deep feelings for her but before I was wrapped up in it. Now she knows that the game has changed and I'm sure she wonders how far my affections still run. For me, I learned that as you stated, "my love has changed." She probably thought I would chase her again...
I walked away because of compulsive lying, cheating and disrespect. I love him still with all my heart and I am praying that he will find true happiness in life. I still love him. Will always do. I let him go, because he wanted freedom....
Hi Susan. I understand everything you are saying, and it makes 100% sense, but I don't think it will be the case with my ex, however, in the event it does happen I will let you know. Keep up the great work....
Susan you are correct. The few times when they came back, I liked them a lot less. It's kind of like it's how I was supposed to like them in the first time.
Susan, you have been most helpful in my time of breakup. The advice you given has given me. Has allowed me relief to see things more clearly & you've given me a direction to go. Thank you so much 🤗💕
Damn.....I just when to Church.... so true how I'm feeling right now. I do still care about the person. I just don't feel the same love anymore. Assuming they care...
That makes so much sence, it realy does, sometime a break up is realy needed thou its hard then you may be able to meet each other the right way on the right level, and you may always care, its exactly like you said
You know.. There is billions of people on this planet but whatever the reason your always in my thoughts. Confiding in you has strained things I think but I respect you. I want to say that, Pulling away from you is certainly something I hope can bring us closer if the stars align but I need to move on and respect ur boundaries.
i love the honesty right here you speak sence no beating around the bush but strait to the point what your saying is spot on i was dumped not so long ago i was in a bad bad way by it but time is a great healer im feeling a little better but theres more room for improvement anyway i relate to balance of the emotions the even playing field and thats were im at right now sorry for yapping but had to comment because of the pure sence that your speaking 👍👏
Just come across your site , I’ve got to say , your are really good , can’t stop listening to you , helping me loads Thankyou so much I’d like a bit of advice So I spit up with my girlfriend at Christmas, she dumped me , but it was manipulated to the point where I had to say some thing and get the “”are you in love with me “”, I don’t know was the answer , so I had to say to her that wasn’t good enough for me , we broke up and she’s taking credit as the dumper Which is fine She loves me but sounds like she’s not in love with me , cares for me and what’s the best , but that’s all comfort words not to hurt me I get it We lived at hers for 3 years and together 4.5 years but I knew her about 10 years ago with an on and off relationship that was for about 3 months , I was the dumpee back then , I got back in touch with her and we started dating again Since we split up , I’ve moved all my stuff out and in I’m in the process of buying another house , I’ve taken quite a hit on her house with money but hey ho that’s life, money doesn’t make you happy I was going back to hers on a regular basis to walk the dog we have together , she would cook me meals and we talked normally , kiss on the cheek and a cuddle before I left and she even came to look at my new house and helped me pick bits out for it So in the end I had to ring her up and say that I need to stop coming through as 50% was for her and 50% was for the dog , and if I didn’t she would end up falling out with me , I told her she wanted the break up so I’m going to give it to her and basically get out of her space Since then I’ve not been through or texted her , she texted me an indirect message and Also one to ask me if I could walk the dog as she had pulled some thing in her breast bone I told her I was at work and see never texted back , that was a week ago Been 1 month on me not initiating contact and hurts like hell but I’m not contacting her I need to heal and move forward Your thoughts please
how many times am i gonna come back to these videos
Lol i feel ya brother
You will never know the degree I feel you
Me too !!
Right? 😂
I was just thinking the same 🙄😆
From my experience, being dumped is a blessing in disguise. You get stronger, wiser, more forgiving and you can foresee the future with person who dumped you and your future together doesn’t look good. You don’t want someone who didn’t appreciate you. Pulling away is one thing dumping is a whole another story
What if I pulled away and dumped him because he did not value me or appreciate me? What are your thoughts on that?
Nina Stylist so true!
They usually pulled away before they broke up
.
Agree... i have been on both sides and as the dumper i did nothing to better myself because your self esteem was not damaged and you think there is nothing wrong with you so you don't better yourself
THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON A PERSON CAN LEARN: The one who cares the least holds all the power, and always wins. Being willing to walk away gives you the upper hand and control. The ball needs to be in your court. Make them come to you. Don’t be a jerk about things, but if you’re willing to let go, a sense of loss is instilled in them. People always want what they can’t have. This holds true for every area of life.
The problem with me is I always give my all/best. I know I should leave something for myself but I don't know how to fix it
Truth !!
Yes indeed
In the same way banana
If someone Doesn't VALUE You in the BEGINNING, then they Won't EVER Love you like you Deserve LATER or in a Lasting relationship!! TRUTH!!
Yeah, it turns out that my wife never loved me and of course time has made that obvious.
I wish I’d known what to look for back then. Women are good at getting a man, even by pretending.
That is actually giving advice based on a very narrow set of experiences. There can be a million reasons people are apprehensive, and most having nothing to do with the dumpee and all to do with the dumper. I am not saying one necessarily accepts the other person back, but in the case of genuine remorse and personal growth, healing will only make a relationship stronger. Love is based on overcoming the challenges of who we are. If another person can understand, see the other with compassion, a bond like none other can be forged - but much depends upon the individual situation which neither of us has the right to assert.
If someone hurts you once, it will happen again, guaranteed! Run away as fast as you can!
Sounds like you never healed. Fear is not a strategy.
If they couldn't love the warm and caring person I was in the beginning, they never were right for me in the first place.
If they can only love a lesser version of me, where is my chance of growing to my fullest bloom?
Update 2020....I am still not over this heartbreak...why????
Love this! I totally agree 🙂
I love this! ♥️
Karla Shmeeda Vlasta totally agree!
Wow! Very right and very beautiful!
Karla you are not heeled as you have not thought about who they left you for... do u want to be with someone who is giving his affection to someone else?
Really great video.I was ghosted for three weeks by my ex, after we dated for 14 months. I kept my calm, called him on his behaviour politely but firmly, ended things, and left him alone (except for mailing his stuff back to him- no note). I feel I took my power back, by taking control of both the situation, and how I reacted. Two weeks later, and I'm really moving on. I'm setting goals for myself, and staying NC. I'm working through my emotions, and discovering where I need to grow and heal. I'm now starting to think I wouldn't want him back even if he came around again. He's a good guy, but emotionally unavailable (and by ghosting me he shows he's immature as well)- and that just doesn't work for me. :)
Fantastic! Text book perfect. I'm proud of you and happy for you!! Thanks for this note.
inspiredinthedark holy crap I dealing with similar stuff! My bf broke up with me without really giving a reason. Ghosted me and then after a month of ghosting me he contacts me again and wants to get back together. I need advice.
@Yars Alarcon-Furmen I can't tell you what to do in your situation. I don't know the history of your relationship. But I can tell you I decided during the ghosting that I wouldn't take him back- because anyone who would do that, will do it again. Such avoidant behaviour means they can't even face their own issues, so nothing will really change.
Maybe cause your ghosting him you moron.
so true, so so so true. My boyfriend or shall I say now Ex just broke up with me over the text and saying he want to break up with me and he said he met someone he felt strong feeling for and will want to start dating her. I literally feel so sick and couldn't believe what I see. that this is actually a coward betray man that I've been putting my time and love with and he is just now on the phone which I called him saying that he did the same thing and i feel he is such a bad lier.. I mean he just so selfish and wanted something at the time for him to feel good about himself once he see anything not good he starting to wanting end it ... I feel so sick of having guys like that in my life and also I feel somehow I can learn something and I hope I wont be fooled by this type of shit again.
When they come back, you don't care at all. And then they start to treat you like you wanted to be treated.
It's psychology. Men need to feel validated.
there's a man that helped me get my ex back and i'm positive that he can help you too.....$
kindly contact him on what's app +1 (585) 449 5861.....$
Yep, let them come to you
Scarcity creates value
So true.
Justin Orprecio and then reject tf outta them😂😂😂😂
@@SusanWinter Yes, and feigned scarcity that works encourages lying and dishonesty. Not exactly key ingredients for a relationship.
@@SusanWinter Thanks you very much for your inspiring video.
I would like to know if this strategy works after 1 month No Contact when you have been in a long distance relationship with your ex girlfriend and if yes, how to come up with a solid plan to end long distance and be close together.
When he returned to me, I dared other people. Put him on the back burner, reached out when it was convenient. He then wanted to stay friends. Cool. Still dated other better guys. I then accepted him as friends, and once he realized he didn't matter as much and I was less available, he began to chase me. Ha! Once he did that, he'd go cold and I walked. Finally, I blocked him bc he refused to stop texting me (after ignoring texts). I win. Serves him right.
This literally happened with my ex. i really reallyyy liked him and he pushed me away, and time went past, he reached out, we tried things again, but it was then ME who dumped him, because he just wasnt as special to me as the first time. he left me waiting for too long, and that whole time i was just doing my own thing and had pretty much gotten over it. the only reason i even retried it was because i knew at one point i was crazy about him and thought that feeling would come back. it didnt.
Same. It was great. It's like the tables turned. He not felt dumped. I too thought once I give it another try I'd care. Nope. He lost his value to me.
@@SR77736 Why?
And sometimes it feels good to do it to them.
True.Once a woman gets out of that love zone..and turns her back at it... she never looks back again...
I hope I get to this stage 💔
This is exactly where I was....I walked away in 2015 because I was giving my everything and then he snubbed me. He found me and reached out to me in 2017. I told him that he had hurt my feelings. I told him this because he flat out asked me why wasn't I more vulnerable?? I just can't give him everything I once did. He's trying but I can't get back there. I've decided to just move on.
You are right when you say you can't love them the same. After they hurt you, something dies inside of you and slowly you develop an absolute neutrality, the sense of not caring and the realization that the said person lost importance in your life.
Not always.
I honestly don't want the upper hand. I just want the pain & confusion to go away.
after 29 years of marriage I found out that I was going to be divorced, am still a ReSingled man going on 10 years and I am doing very well, personal and business wise. I never wished her any harm or bad luck or did not fill like I needed the upper hand. We are 100% done with one another and that is a real blessing. Life is peaceful and calm and getting better each day. Just move forward and be the best you that you can be and thats the best place to be in life. Thanks for your vids and advise, keep up the good work. Here in Kingsport Tenn. I have a mens bible study group that I teach and share your videos with them as different subjects on relationships pop up. It`s very helpful , Thanks :)
You kick ass! Thank you so much, 28 year relationship, she dumped me, been so painful, gave up dating because it was only a distraction to my pain, learning to appreciate being alone, cold showers, working out being so much better than I used to be
better on what?
This is brilliant. You have an uncanny knack for illuminating the processes of the subconscious.
Thank you so much, I am recovering after twenty seven years, from a very sudden and unforeseen discard six months ago, and you have given me more help than any counselling has! I love you for it.
*EXCELLENT ANALYSIS.*
I understand it because that’s exactly how I think after noticing the pattern behavior after every break up & not necessarily after a break up but when distancing yourself as well. It’s “Never” the same again, you can’t trust them the same again but you can definitely meet them at their same level of caring & understand how they once felt because you’re now feeling the same as well. But not every person is the same cus some are selfishly heartless & some are not it all depends on the person that breaks up with you but you do gain experience, self balance & become confident in yourself again with a positive mindset in taking care of yourself because it’s when you realize that nobody is gonna take care of you like you will, therefore you become stronger & end up not caring for that person how you once did before, you’ll just end up seeing that person for who & what they are. Thank you.
Susan, sometimes the dumper is hurting just as much (if not more) than the dumpee. I felt forced to end my relationship because he wasn’t making me a priority. It still hurt like hell. And actually because he took the breakup cheerfully without protest, he reinforced to me that he doesn’t care. I’m sure I’m more hurt than he is.
Good point. Thank you.
Well there you go if he was happy getting dumped I bet he has.a woman on the.side.
I agree with this also. I ended my relationship because my other half was cheating. He took his stuff, moved on and had a new partner a few weeks later. I was still at home, very depressed. I'm sure I was hurting way more than he was.
Sweetie 187
First of all just because he doesn’t protest doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care. Couldn’t be further from the truth. By removing yourself means he is protesting. He has emotional self control and will not let his emotions get the best of him. Instead he is using logic which i actually commend this individual for doing. Emotional self control is a trait of a strong confident person. Seems to me you wanted him to verbally protest and be didn’t give that to you and in turn made you upset.
this is exactly what happened to my first girlfriend...I loved her so much, and she pulled away more and more...and then I was done...my heart was now in a move on mentality...after I packed my bags and began leaving, she began to see me for how important I was to her..I took her back because I cared for her, but my heart was never the same after the pain...all the way through the next 8 years of a relationship, I knew I was never the same...but with that initial experience I had her smothering me with love to the point I couldn't take it anymore...and I ended it multiple times...until I finally ended it for good. What Susan is saying is absolutely the truth
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So this is probably how my ex felt. I finally understand. It won't ever work out the same way so it was a good thing my ex broke it off totally even if I tried to fix our issues.
Love the fact that you are direct yet thoughtful and clear in answering questions and concerns.❤ Giving both sides of the circumstances insightful advice is also helpful and important. You have a wonderful calling for helping others, thank you.😊🎉❤
I love your videos. Short and get the point. I also like your nail polish color.
I threw away all pictures, cards he gave, deleted all pictures, and text messages from him. It helped me to move on fast!! I think less of him day after day, from all day to an hour.
Thanks all u tube reading something I had never gone into, I was led by the Holy!!!!!
U Tube have saved my Sanity, I was Drinking Poison happily, iwok up in dream state!!! My God my father how great thouAre ,, Cople. yrs 😒looking forward over the pain but of course trusting in God protected me Allalua!!,,
Powerful question does love ever die,, undiluted,, i equal my thoughts to a man whos got to put his dog down companion Oooooorch of life who has Bitt Baby??!! 😫😳🙏😎
Not only will I ever love HIM the same, I don't think I will ever fall in love to that level again. It's not because I am trying to be this way-it's just how you explained it in this video.. the animal instinct is that I was deeply wounded. Don't want that again!
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I'm also really scared to love again
This is a great video. I've watched it numerous times. This is exactly what is happening right now in my life. I'm moving on, showing her no attention, and now she's reaching out to me daily. The power is switching and I can feel it.
The Ladders Of Life
Same thing is happening to me too...
It feels really weird that I already don’t feel the same. It’s a good thing but also feels so uncomfortable. It’s because I’m not used to it! We’ve got this!
OMG so helpful, the information about the 'volume of love'. I am experiencing this as a middle aged person who recently had a 24 year relationship (not marriage) take a 'turn'. I literally feel my love is 'capped' and won't return to full volume, I don't desire to feel that vulnerability again. Hearing you speak on that issue is so helpful and affirming to how I am feeling.
You are so smart. I love your videos. I love them for the fact it's about human psychology. Understanding human behaviour etc. I have learnt so much from your videos. It's helped me.
Thank you for your wonderful message Julie.
You are amazing, Susan, your video on abruptly ending a relationship saved my sanity. I was dropped like a dirty glove, out of the blue, by my now ex. Thank you for helping us all out ❤
Susan ,great analysis ,fully agree. Break up enhances relationship to a sustainable level.Temporary break is a great equalizer. Break up makes relationship built to an unbreakable stature .Time out makes the time in longer and times up disappear.
You nailed it Susan! It reminds me of the book, "The Passion Trap" with the shift of power. Awesome!
And thank you for your commentary!
This is probably one of my favourite videos of you Susan Winter
This is such a great video. Thank you so much Susan - I loved the use of the numbering for love "I'm at a 10 - now I'm at 6.5" - So good.
Susan... you have a gift. You have a clear mind. And you are a gift to all of us who need a friend and wisdom in times of heartbreak. Thank you so very much...
This sceanario is happening to me right now (exactly as Susan laid it out, from beginning to end). He's trying to figure out what to do with this rebalance of power. Not sure if he likes it's so much. Think his ego took a big hit. He doesn't like the idea that he could be chasing me after having so much control over the relatinship for so long. Communication between us have been spotty since our new dynamic. I have been doing more of the reaching out to make sure we are not finished. He is being very vague and limited in our comunications. So, I have decided that it's time for me to totally pull back (no contact) to see if he wants to carry on with the relationship. This shift seems to be a shock to his system.
@ReginaCraig And what happened?
This is exactly what happened to me I found myself walking away the second time and couldn't understand why I fully couldn't give myself %100 and felt it wasn't fair to stay very interesting prospective thank you
Hi susan, here I am again watching your videos because I got stuck for a moment and needed the 'voice of reason' in my head and thats you. Hopefully, I'll get over this heartache soon. Again thank you for your videos.
PREACH SISTER!!! Preach. You bring so many good things to us - insight, understanding, clarity, healing, ease. Thank you.
Thank you Susan for being such a smart, insightful, helpful, supportive loving FRIEND.
I am so glad I found your channel 💕 A guy I was seeing for 5 months breaks up with me when he finally let go of the wall... he says he panicked, been hurt before.... I gave him so much more intention then he gave me and after trying å couple of days to make him turn I have just gone silent. If he ever contact me again I will have to see what I feel then, but in the meentime I surely love your videos of advice, they keep me grounded. I will give all girls my advice when a guy breaks up with you: plan and book å vacation! Makes you focus elsewhere and get you something to look forward to. If he returnes he will see that you are capable to go on by your self, but don't cancel the vacation! He snooze he loose (out on the tour). I will not sit and wait 😉 Thank you, Susan! 💕
Anniken Saetrang,your story touched my heart 💓
I love you Susan, I begin to change my behavior with my ex, because of your support, and yes I am gaining control again
This is great advice as far as being more vague about what I have done in between the no contact period after a breakup. Not being readily available seems to make my Ex more intrigued, and attracted to me. Weird how that works, but it really does. Humans for sure react differently when there is no guarantee someone will be there when they want. Great Video Susan. Thank you!
💯
This is very true, it always happens to me. I never want my exes back
Hey Susan this is sooo meeee!!!! You nailed it and guess what, I have the upper hand.
Thanks for your motivational videos, they certainly help!
Yes I don’t trust him anymore and wherever I used to give him the benefit of the doubt, now I quietly think 🤔 - you’re a liar.
Exactly
LegOver Lass - he called me that too - repeated it over and over in defiance in front of the kids ... when it gets to that level of abuse and disrespect, you have to remove yourself if you can’t shut him up. I used to go on long drives with the phone off
I messed up, and now I wouldn't let her give me all that attention she did. I would work hard, as I have been, and I'll be sure to give her more emotionally and will accept her, as long as we don't disrespect eachother. I just want us to both be givers instead of me just being a receiver. Although many of us do not believe in a higher power, I do, and I have been praying everyday to make myself better. Thanks for this video
Hi Ween. What a touching letter. I truly wish you well!
You are really amazing. How beautifully you explain with such a toned down and soothing tone. That just hits the brain. I wasn’t able to make myself move on and was stuck. But somehow after watching few of your videos I can see things more clearly now. I feel so much light right now. I can’t express how thankful I am. You are really doing a great job.🙏
I was so hurt and i am still wounded. He is pursuing. And i am staying away nursing wounds.
U r so skilled at articulating these minute emotions that spin our lives. Please continue explaining breakups, cheating, and managing long term relationships.
I appreciate that. Thank you!!
“You will not Love them to the same capacity you did the first time” oh I wish 😂
Trust is indeed Everything! A relationship without it is Doomed!
Susan, You are right every-time. After she crushed my heart into the asphalt, she stopped all communication. To her, I don't even exist anymore. And this was five or six years ago. I still have pain. I think my pain arises from her complete lack of communication ever since.
I could never get back with someone who left me the first time. If they did it once they can do it again. It’s been 6 months since my ex broke my heart. I just want to say for those out there who feels like it’s impossible right now it does get better. I never thought I would be able to live without him. He’s now dating someone new and I’m seeing other people as well. I have found someone who treats me way better than he did. I worked on myself and stayed single until I felt I was ready to enter another relationship. He never reached out to me in these 6 months. As much as I used to pray he would I’m happy that he didn’t now and we both can move on. It gets better with time and it’s normal to miss them every now and then. Do not give up because what is for you will not pass you by!
I see this video is several years old but I enjoyed it. I watched a few others from your channel and think they are great and very helpful. Thankyou ♡
Daniele Christine,You look gorgeous ❤,Hope you are with a good man 👨….
Thank you Susan. That was interesting. but funny & twisted at the same time
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Grandmaster Andrey How?! How can he do that?! magic?! Or what?!
Elizabeth Thomos No, thanks.. I’m not this type
This video started off with a bogus assumption. Just because someone breaks up with you, doesn’t mean they loved you less! That doesn’t mean the dumpee was more emotionally impacted than the dumper. That’s ridiculous! I’ve always been the one to break up my exes and it’s in part because I knew my feelings for them weren’t reciprocated. I showed them that I cared more but I decided to love myself enough to leave. 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
Keisha Charmaine you totally missed the point and this isn’t like your situation
If you worked half as hard at trying to stay together and work out the relationship as you do at scheming how to get back at the ex, plotting revenge, blah blah, none of this would be necessary. Relationships are WORK and we must see past shortcomings because everyone has them.
BRO ALL THESE VIDEOS I’ve been able to analyze myself everything Susan says I’ve been able to find in myself after hard times and I feel that’s the key to a true rebirth of yourself
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you are amazing healer and coach in this topic ..
your wisdom is unbelievably respected by me and everyone whose heart is aching so bad and injured by their toxical Exs..
love you from California..❤❤❤❤🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒🖒
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Yes this is so true. Recently this had happen to me from a Handsome Gentleman. We had once dated then he broke it off we me. He saw me again a few years later, he chased me, I let him, but then I was the one who broke it off with him. Because some of the traits that he presented where similar from what he'd shown from before. So when I had let him go... I felt liberated...like the statue of liberty with the upper hand...lol
Awesome story of gaining the upper hand!! Thank you Meshell for sharing your story.
Hi nice to meet you . i like you dear
Terrible how insecure you are. I feel for you.
"The greatest" lol 1. I wonder if that's a man or woman right lol
2. I wonder if it was a man doing that would he be so concern trolled about his wellbeing
I think she dis this video for me. Thank you Susan, you’ve been helping me so much
OMG Susan!!! LOVE THIS!! You are ABSOLUTELY right!! I’ve told you before but I’ll say it again: you are THE BEST out there!! The absolute best! You know EXACTLY what to say and your advice is ALWAYS spot on! Thank you so much for everything you do!! I hope I get to meet you one day! 😘😘😘
Put very eloquently, thank you Susan. New subscriber here, hoping to learn how things work in relationships. ❤
You're smart and beautiful and so are your videos Susan.
You are a genius, Susan Winter!
I lose it the moment they come back. Like an unintelligent person, as soon as they come back, I return to the giving loving person I used to be.
there's a man that helped me get my ex back and i'm positive that he can help you too.....$
send him a dm on what's app now......+1 (585) 449 5861>>
Wow this is amazing my gf broken up with me due to wanting to be on her own she was cold didn’t answer the phone I told them the truth we blocked each other but this video has really opened up eyes I sent all the photos back and the car seat because it was a reminder I was not rude or abusive words.
Am taking each day as it comes thank Susan
This is So True! He reached out& I didn't respond
This happens almost by default every time a situation like this has taken place. After some time and I’ve met someone else or passed rebought another similar situation my feelings deflate to such an extent that what becomes confirmed is that the former live interest likes me most when I am unattainable and basically questioning whether I’m into them or not. The sad thing is at this stage I truly have let go and can’t even find my way back to trusting or respecting such a fickle character. What they once took for granted eventually they realize that they had a good solid shot and completely lost it! 🤷🏻♀️
I wish I was skittish yesterday :( I really hope he DOES get rebooted ! And yes I’m going to try and pull back
Susan, you are so amazing. I have learned so much from you about human behavior and psychology. I have experienced it where I give and share with a partner and she takes my affections for granted. Wow, "dented love" shifts our focus and can recenters us with a more realistic viewpoint. I recently went out with a woman that I had a summer love with. We met for drinks and I found myself back at her place in her bed. Long story short, the next day she text me and told me how much of a great time she had and my response was "my pleasure." She knows that I have deep feelings for her but before I was wrapped up in it. Now she knows that the game has changed and I'm sure she wonders how far my affections still run. For me, I learned that as you stated, "my love has changed." She probably thought I would chase her again...
So true Susan thank you for helping me. God bless you.
That's a fact. Thank you. Straight to the point.
One of the BEST advices, thank you.
The best advice I’ve heard yet!!
So good. Even today. ❤️ Susan
I walked away because of compulsive lying, cheating and disrespect. I love him still with all my heart and I am praying that he will find true happiness in life. I still love him. Will always do. I let him go, because he wanted freedom....
this is so brilliant, the boyfriend just dumped me but wants to be 'friends' it was my suggestion
+1;8;1;6;3;4;3;8;3;0;7
+,1,8,1,6,3,,4,,,3,,,,8,,,3,,,0,,,7
You are so wise. I am in awe of your videos. Thank you addressing this well articulated video. Your videos have helped me out so much. ❤
Brilliant. Thank you for articulating what we know but can't find the words for. Thank you.
Very good Susan. You sure know your stuff!
Thank you!
@@SusanWinter you are also very beautiful as well. You are the ideal woman!
As a fellow NY'er Susan , you are absolutely awesome in your wisdom ! Thanks !
WONDERFUL!!! Thank You!!! And I love your soothing voice!! 💞
Thank you Susan, love your videos that i can relate to...
I needed to hear this brilliant message again 🙏
Shout out to you from WA 🇦🇺😊
Hi Susan. I understand everything you are saying, and it makes 100% sense, but I don't think it will be the case with my ex, however, in the event it does happen I will let you know. Keep up the great work....
Susan you are correct. The few times when they came back, I liked them a lot less. It's kind of like it's how I was supposed to like them in the first time.
Always makes sense what you say. I absolutely agree with you 100% your advice works!
Susan, you have been most helpful in my time of breakup.
The advice you given has given me. Has allowed me relief to see things more clearly & you've given me a direction to go.
Thank you so much 🤗💕
Susan, you are good woman! Thanks for sharing this.
This is absolutely spot on. Thank you Susan (as always).
I really love and respect you thank you very much for being on RUclips
subscribed in one minute.. sending love from korea
Damn.....I just when to Church.... so true how I'm feeling right now. I do still care about the person. I just don't feel the same love anymore. Assuming they care...
Wonderful advice, genuinely presented. Thank you!
That makes so much sence, it realy does, sometime a break up is realy needed thou its hard then you may be able to meet each other the right way on the right level, and you may always care, its exactly like you said
You know.. There is billions of people on this planet but whatever the reason your always in my thoughts. Confiding in you has strained things I think but I respect you. I want to say that, Pulling away from you is certainly something I hope can bring us closer if the stars align but I need to move on and respect ur boundaries.
i love the honesty right here you speak sence no beating around the bush but strait to the point what your saying is spot on i was dumped not so long ago i was in a bad bad way by it but time is a great healer im feeling a little better but theres more room for improvement anyway i relate to balance of the emotions the even playing field and thats were im at right now sorry for yapping but had to comment because of the pure sence that your speaking 👍👏
Brilliantly delivered 💛💐thanks, merci!
What I wouldn’t settle for is him loving me at a 6 and allowing myself to show love at a 6 level.
This is such a useful video at a great timing!! Thank you!
Brownstone Res glad you liked it!!
“”Yes, it’s messed up”…. Lol! I love you!
Thank you for explaining this. I would say this is the psychology behind why no contact works.
Just come across your site , I’ve got to say , your are really good , can’t stop listening to you , helping me loads Thankyou so much
I’d like a bit of advice
So I spit up with my girlfriend at Christmas, she dumped me , but it was manipulated to the point where I had to say some thing and get the
“”are you in love with me “”,
I don’t know was the answer ,
so I had to say to her that wasn’t good enough for me , we broke up and she’s taking credit as the dumper
Which is fine
She loves me but sounds like she’s not in love with me , cares for me and what’s the best , but that’s all comfort words not to hurt me I get it
We lived at hers for 3 years and together 4.5 years but I knew her about 10 years ago with an on and off relationship that was for about 3 months , I was the dumpee back then , I got back in touch with her and we started dating again
Since we split up , I’ve moved all my stuff out and in I’m in the process of buying another house , I’ve taken quite a hit on her house with money but hey ho that’s life, money doesn’t make you happy
I was going back to hers on a regular basis to walk the dog we have together , she would cook me meals and we talked normally , kiss on the cheek and a cuddle before I left and she even came to look at my new house and helped me pick bits out for it
So in the end I had to ring her up and say that I need to stop coming through as 50% was for her and 50% was for the dog , and if I didn’t she would end up falling out with me , I told her she wanted the break up so I’m going to give it to her and basically get out of her space
Since then I’ve not been through or texted her , she texted me an indirect message and Also one to ask me if I could walk the dog as she had pulled some thing in her breast bone
I told her I was at work and see never texted back , that was a week ago
Been 1 month on me not initiating contact and hurts like hell but I’m not contacting her I need to heal and move forward
Your thoughts please
Thank you ,you are so smart every time i listen to you i benefit
Me too
OMG SW I love you so much as a person ofcourse ; your advice always hit a homerun thank you so much , from Pennsylvania with love.