Obsession: Why You're In a Mental Loop (and how to get out)

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  • Опубликовано: 24 июл 2024
  • Obsession is the hunt for a logical answer. It’s the mind at ‘unrest,’ stuck in a mental loop because nothing makes sense. One moment you were the object of their attention, the next moment you’re wondering if they even think about you. Here’s how to exit the loop:
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Комментарии • 409

  • @theguy4615
    @theguy4615 2 года назад +601

    They lost someone who loved them. You lost someone who didn't love you. So who really lost something?

    • @GypsyMaeRose
      @GypsyMaeRose 2 года назад +28

      Exactly this! We lost nothing!

    • @ifeomaonyia5121
      @ifeomaonyia5121 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

    • @Antoinenette6
      @Antoinenette6 2 года назад +10

      Wow 👏

    • @Richard-lp7pp
      @Richard-lp7pp 2 года назад +10

      Powerful

    • @debramcmartin905
      @debramcmartin905 2 года назад +10

      He is the one who lost out.

  • @tenilledoram
    @tenilledoram 2 года назад +185

    I love the part you said Susan about "This is not my partner - my partner wouldn't do this to me."

    • @artispabriks2951
      @artispabriks2951 2 года назад

      Hey are you trying to attract love (sp) or get an ex back to you, the love specialist offers the best solutions in fixing,restoring broken relationships and attracting love 🌺

    • @artispabriks2951
      @artispabriks2951 2 года назад

      ±2348089808728⏯⏯???????

  • @brego12317
    @brego12317 2 года назад +413

    The obsessive loop can be hard to shake. Especially if you thought they were "the one". But over time reality of the situation takes over and it becomes easier to accept and move forward

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +33

      Brilliantly stated John. Thanks for being a part of my RUclips family

    • @brego12317
      @brego12317 2 года назад +22

      @@SusanWinter absolutely. Your channel has gotten me through some tough times. And for that I am truly thankful

    • @ojinikaoluchi7139
      @ojinikaoluchi7139 2 года назад +1

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

    • @btfields323
      @btfields323 2 года назад +1

      Yes indeed

    • @ChrisBanda
      @ChrisBanda Год назад +7

      I wish the reality of the situation would hurry up already! Caught in a loop right now.

  • @ManifestationPowerhouse
    @ManifestationPowerhouse 2 года назад +316

    Love this message
    Would someone worth having leave you and have you chase them?
    You need to believe you deserve someone who feels lucky to be with you. Anything less is not even a true loss

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +45

      I think we need to all write that and put it on our refrigerator to read every day. I love what you said

    • @marinikaP
      @marinikaP 2 года назад +9

      So beautifully said ! Thanks for those words !

    • @jellyrcw12
      @jellyrcw12 2 года назад +10

      " Anything less is not even a true loss" SO TRUE. Reminds me of the quote "not everything you lose is a loss"

    • @uniqueanartist6792
      @uniqueanartist6792 2 года назад +3

      👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

    • @ojinikaoluchi7139
      @ojinikaoluchi7139 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

  • @jeanp.1303
    @jeanp.1303 2 года назад +152

    The dreaded loop of obsession…. Ah yes… hunting for the sense in fickleness. Been there done that. My statement was “Glad it happened sooner rather than later. Wasn’t meant to be”.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +10

      Love this Jean. thanks

    • @lovey6075
      @lovey6075 2 года назад +10

      Yes that's what I said when my boyfriend threatened to leave me I told him if he leaves he wasn't mine to begin with and the sooner the better. Now that he ghosted me it still hurts and I've been in the loop

  • @lifecoachkris1486
    @lifecoachkris1486 2 года назад +259

    Most of the time, when the connection that felt so great and suddenly left with no answers has nothing to do with you. They could be going through their own wounds, traumas and working on healing themselves, or they might have reconnected with their past connections. No one owes you any explanations or closures if that is what you are looking for, what you could do is make that firm choice to hold yourself in a loving place, love yourself enough to walk away. You are enough!💜

    • @deantaylor1512
      @deantaylor1512 2 года назад +13

      You make it sound so easy…. I’m personally struggling to let go of a much loved friendship… we were never going to be together… that’s fine but she’s gone from my life ..I feel like a large part of me has been ripped out… I just don’t know how to get over it and fill the void.

    • @qwerty123859
      @qwerty123859 2 года назад +2

      Thank you so much. Felt your words

    • @qwerty123859
      @qwerty123859 2 года назад +3

      @@deantaylor1512 Same. Things will never be the same

    • @77Creation
      @77Creation 2 года назад +24

      Nah, people who claimed to care about another do owe honesty and closure when choosing to end something, especially when it’s out of the blue.
      We just need to accept that it may not be forthcoming. Too many people walking around thinking unaccountability is a virtue and no coach should be tacitly endorsing that kind of toxicity, well intentioned as they may be.

    • @everg14
      @everg14 2 года назад +5

      @@77Creation TRUE

  • @funkyshade
    @funkyshade 2 года назад +53

    You deserve to be happy. You're allowed to move on from this chapter.
    If someone has treated you unfairly, understand that that's not a good person. See them for who they truly are, not for who you wish they were.

  • @JMstdj
    @JMstdj 2 года назад +74

    Everything happens for a reason. This person is not for you. Came in your life to learn this lesson. It will hurt but gives you so much strenght to move on and there are so many other people. Let them to be with there own demons and...give yourself the life and love you deserve. They will miss you for who you are and that will be there lesson ♥🍀

    • @ifeomaonyia5121
      @ifeomaonyia5121 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

    • @abdulkarimaminu22
      @abdulkarimaminu22 Год назад +1

      😢🙏🏽❤️

  • @mlbm13
    @mlbm13 2 года назад +21

    I thought I was the only one torturing myself 😵‍💫

  • @whocares897
    @whocares897 2 года назад +43

    “Accept the illogical” love it! Also when you mentioned going back to see if you sent the wrong word or smiley face wow! It’s hilarious looking back but so true

  • @Anonymous-vk5bt
    @Anonymous-vk5bt 2 года назад +13

    They are not my friends. A real friend wouldn’t do what they did. They changed their mind about me/the relationship/s. It was. Now it is over. There are others out there who will love me and appreciate me and care about my wellbeing. Those people will come into my life and it will be amazing.

    • @ifeomaonyia5121
      @ifeomaonyia5121 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***.

  • @ericsartanahorner
    @ericsartanahorner 2 года назад +28

    It's very difficult. Seeing someone that was loving and a parent to my child, devolve into a very hateful person, completely broke me. Months later, still in therapy and recovering. Appreciate these videos. I feel lost...

  • @sriya7640
    @sriya7640 2 года назад +8

    Bruised self esteem and ego, Feeling of rejection and regret, missing out on real life

  • @davidpicarazzi
    @davidpicarazzi 10 месяцев назад +3

    It's hard to come up with a statement but one that has worked for me is "Don't disrupt the laws of the Universe" which means, you did what you did. The break up was meant for you both to grow and either: A. come back to eachother B. be with someone else or C. enjoy your own company. Don't force attraction.

  • @swetalinabarik6536
    @swetalinabarik6536 2 года назад +11

    I had been there . It hurts a lot but I am glad that it happened to me. It really changed me alot as a person. I had no grudges for him. It's finally over

    • @ifeomaonyia5121
      @ifeomaonyia5121 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

  • @zenmaiden1
    @zenmaiden1 2 года назад +37

    You are always amazing.. I used to be trapped in the loop. The searching analysis.. etc. wow its mind blowing. " my partner would not do this to me".. CUT .. love this! Acceptance.. ahh. Could have saved me years ... It was the Dream!!

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +4

      ZEN MAIDEN!! Hiya doll. Great to see your comment here. You're living proof that this works.

  • @Spinnglish
    @Spinnglish Год назад +2

    One year and 2 months of wonderful daily friendship. Got ghosted. I did not pursue him. We bumped into each other after 3 months.. he came to say hello and was friendly.. i was friendly back. He was surprised from my calm reaction. I did not mention anythijg about ghosting. Then i focused to recover my hurt side alone..and doing my best to do mindful decissions. The pain was severe as i was so happy and his ghosting was like pulling a rug from underneath because i never expected this lovely relation to end..nor this way. It was so confusing clash from within. Also him being friendly is more confusing. Then how it all abruptly ended as well. Im hoping to pull out of this ugly loop... apparently i acted my part well... did not show weakness but i hope i recover

    • @taghazoutmoon5031
      @taghazoutmoon5031 Месяц назад

      It's ok to be hurt and show it. That's not weakness. Why would you pretend everything was cool when you met? That's saying it's ok to be a doormat. Confront him and call him out

  • @waterydepths5584
    @waterydepths5584 2 года назад +48

    Bless you, exactly what I needed to hear.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +1

      happy to read this, D Michaels

  • @jellyrcw12
    @jellyrcw12 2 года назад +5

    "you cannot recapture anybody from the loop" SO TRUE!

    • @ifeomaonyia5121
      @ifeomaonyia5121 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

  • @missr7340
    @missr7340 2 года назад +26

    This couldn't have come at a better time. I'm currently stuck in a loop of obsession after being ghosted. It just hurts there is no closure and getting over the what if is difficult.

    • @justynakarczewska5100
      @justynakarczewska5100 2 года назад +10

      I am in exactly the same situation... First guy I dated and liked so much in a loooong time, he told me he was into me and wanted to be with me long-term then, made future plans with me and then... he ghosted. It hurts so much!!!!!! I can't sleep at all and my self-esteem is horrible.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +18

      This is why we have to do the closure ourselves. It is very common to have a break up or be abandoned by someone who gives us no explanation. It’s impolite. It’s not kind. It’s thoughtless. But it happens. Knowing that, we need to do the work ourselves to free ourselves

    • @GypsyMaeRose
      @GypsyMaeRose 2 года назад +4

      That happened to me once. In the end I accepted that a decent person would never have done that and I actually had a lucky escape. That helped break the cycle!

    • @missr7340
      @missr7340 2 года назад +2

      I think it makes us feel less than like we are deficient or they wouldn't have left. I know deep down that isn't true. The issues are theirs not ours. Take care. X

    • @ojinikaoluchi7139
      @ojinikaoluchi7139 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

  • @annamallard2730
    @annamallard2730 2 года назад +40

    Oh Susan, your videos have given me strength and hope through the most painful breakup, and darkest time, of my life! It is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, to accept that a man who was once utterly besotted with me and so protective and tender towards me, now has no problem kicking me to the curb and acting like nothing happened. It is especially tough to let go of his family, who I became close to and who I know genuinely adored me. Several months later I still have moments where I’m swamped in the grief of missing him (as he used to be) and his family, but listening to your wise words immediately soothes me ♥️ it’s incredible to think that even though I’ve never met you, you’ve had a profound effect on my healing! THANK YOU!

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +8

      Oh beautiful Anna, I can feel your heart fromt he words you write. I'm truly sorry for his inadequacy. Look what he missed out on... a loving and committed partner. Thank you for your thoughtful note. I am happy that something I've offered is of help. Keep moving forward. You are meant to be with an equal.

    • @carlauchoaknoll
      @carlauchoaknoll 2 года назад +2

      Keep going. Loverelationship can be as addictive as cocain. It hurts like hell we the loved one is gone. But believe me the experience is teaching you how to seek the security and unconditionally love within. ❤️

    • @annamallard2730
      @annamallard2730 2 года назад +2

      @@SusanWinter Thank you! It was lovely to read your kind words. And you are right - I totally deserve an equal, ie someone who loves as deeply and sincerely as I do 😊 Anyway, wishing you a blessed week, and keep up the wonderful work!

    • @annamallard2730
      @annamallard2730 2 года назад +4

      @@carlauchoaknoll Thank you, yes it does feel like an addiction - even though he’s behaved dishonourably in various ways and I know the full picture of him now, my heart still struggles to let go because I remember the way he used to be and the immense joy he gave me! I definitely need to love myself more - would be great to feel ‘whole’ and joyful as just me. Hope all is going well in your world 🥰

    • @carlauchoaknoll
      @carlauchoaknoll 2 года назад +2

      @@annamallard2730 Thank you ! I am calibrating my Self-love 😎
      God bless you. 💋

  • @Jakilyn
    @Jakilyn Год назад +2

    I am trying to shake it. I am in my 40's and just lost a relationship that made me feel incredible like no other. 😢

  • @shannybucs4552
    @shannybucs4552 2 года назад +50

    Great timing Susan! As for me, thinking that i’m a great catch to anyone who’s going to meet me and love me helped me a lot. I’m loyal, fully committed and honest in every way. Grateful to people who left my life because I wouldn’t have done it. And guess what, it’s their loss 😅

    • @bill5742
      @bill5742 Год назад +1

      I am loyal and fully committed too but these values don't mean much for some people.

  • @wendyhutchinson457
    @wendyhutchinson457 2 года назад +31

    Susan, you are absolutely wonderful. I’ve been in the “loop” for years. Like your client, he was average in EVERY way, but for some reason I fell deeply in love with him. I still love him, but I know it is well past time that I let go and give myself a chance to find someone who will actually be emotionally available to me. Thank you for your wisdom and kindness. 🙏😊

    • @ifeomaonyia5121
      @ifeomaonyia5121 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

    • @sarahillingworth9257
      @sarahillingworth9257 Год назад

      So glad to read someone else has been in the loop for a long time, over a year for me

  • @TVTV88888
    @TVTV88888 2 года назад +9

    That description is/was me to a T. That loop is a mental headf****, until I recognise it. We have to stop doubting our worthiness and being loveable. That was me....I'm slowly changing that mindset/heartset and the sense of feeling lightness and hope is empowering. I hope you all find that also. Thank you Susan for your insights, wisdom and love 💝🙏

  • @rebk5391
    @rebk5391 2 года назад +36

    Wonderful as always Susan. My statement is 'there was obviously something wrong with this situation/partnership that I'm just not seeing. It was for the best, even if I can't understand it right now.' Love to everyone going through this!

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +3

      I’m so glad you’re going through the healing prioress! So much love to you!

  • @sisteranastasia9101
    @sisteranastasia9101 2 года назад +7

    Love the explanation that it is our ego which is bruised, and we need to come to a place of acceptance. Never easy...

    • @ifeomaonyia5121
      @ifeomaonyia5121 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

  • @abby1513
    @abby1513 2 года назад +5

    Hoping that all of us are able to get out of this mess that we have inadvertently found ourselves in 😔

  • @betaiupi
    @betaiupi 2 года назад +31

    This is exactly what I needed. I've been in this loop for more than two months now and since I've found your channel, you've helped me a lot on elaborating my feelings and emotions. Can't wait to watch this one after class, but couldn't wait to comment cause I just feel so grateful.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад

      I’m so glad that I was able to help! What did you think about the video

    • @ojinikaoluchi7139
      @ojinikaoluchi7139 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

    • @betaiupi
      @betaiupi 2 года назад

      @@SusanWinter enlightening as always... hard at some points, sometimes it's not easy to face reality

  • @ScottH7651
    @ScottH7651 Год назад +5

    I'm going to have to keep looping this video.
    I took your advice and wrote down what I thought was the reason for the demise and I also took some time to compare and contrast to past relationships and breakups. I was able to see it in a new light.
    She spoke a lot (way too much) about past relationships and I tried to show her that I was a better man and therefore would win the prize. I tried too hard, doing some things I'd never done before, which was part of the problem. But there was no winning either way, not with this one. She wasn't who I wanted her to be. Bullet dodged. Time to move on. Thank you Susan!

  • @elle_aye112
    @elle_aye112 2 года назад +4

    A year later and the spiral has only continued. It's been a nightmare. But I'm still trying. Am putting this video on a new playlist and will try to do even harder work within myself every day. I feel so destroyed.

  • @terrilee734
    @terrilee734 2 года назад +4

    That's so true your mind goes around and around trying to figure out what happened. I haven't met someone or dated in 3yrs. I'm ready now.. over it

  • @chi8319
    @chi8319 2 года назад +3

    Exactly! It's not love. It's a self created loop. The same loop you got through into it will take to get out of it.

  • @littlemissy8356
    @littlemissy8356 2 года назад +5

    Susan is easy to listen and learn from, because she is so kind in her delivery. Many happy awakenings.

  • @DaTa-wm5yc
    @DaTa-wm5yc 2 года назад +6

    I was good enough for bed but not for a relationship. He told me I was not his type, too old and too big. Now I am obsessed with the thought about losing weight and having a glow up and then meet him „out of nowhere“ and then tell him I don’t want him because he is not good enough for me now…would be such a good feeling but it takes at least a year to lose all my weight etc..

    • @SofiaGogo
      @SofiaGogo 2 года назад +10

      I know the feeling of revenge. Let this pain motivate you to get better for yourself. When the time comes and you feel good you will not even care if he sees you or not. You deserve someone that loves you for you. And you deserve to love yourself.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +4

      @@SofiaGogo This is good advice. And I was just about to tell her the same thing

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +4

      I’m terribly sorry for your experience. But like the other commentators said, use it to fuel “a better you.”

  • @sriya7640
    @sriya7640 2 года назад +4

    Accept the illogical and move forward

    • @ojinikaoluchi7139
      @ojinikaoluchi7139 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

  • @eljefe8235
    @eljefe8235 2 года назад +4

    Thank you for this! Divorced after 20 yrs. and starting to date again. Quickly became too taken in by a woman who'd draw me in and then break dates. It left me confused, down on myself. Since watching this have been saying to myself "you're in the loop" whenever I begin to think of her/situation. It works! Able to concentrate and overall feel better. Journey back from divorce has been tough but you helped me take a step. Thank you!!

  • @Seattlegal2
    @Seattlegal2 2 года назад +57

    If humans are illogical and love is fickle (along with the prevalence of a throw-away culture), what’s the point of dating? Serious question. Is the pain worth the reward? And is there a reward anymore? Seems everyone wants shallow superficial connections to deep and meaningful. I’m so confused. Anyone else?

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +35

      I know that it can feel like that. It has certainly degraded as have our manners and civil behavior around dating. However, there are many people who feel as you do. There are fine individuals who want a quality relationship with a meaningful connection. Hang in there. Please don’t let the negative make you fount the positive

    • @LiteratiMuffin
      @LiteratiMuffin 2 года назад +5

      @@SusanWinter Thanks for those thoughtful words, Susan. I’ve been trying to find a way to stop thinking that way as well

    • @larissagonzales6075
      @larissagonzales6075 2 года назад +10

      I feel the exact way. I feel like giving up, it is so much work to weed out the wrong ones. I feel this way about finding good girlfriends too. Seems like humans, in general, are terrible at intimacy and connection.

    • @blueblackhusky
      @blueblackhusky 2 года назад +3

      I so understand your frustration and exhaustion with this, because I sometimes also feel at wit's end with all of these people who don't know what they want. But I think searching is worth it, if only because a life of pain avoidance is a life lived in very small parameters.
      There is nothing wrong with wanting a pain-free life, and contentment and balance are wonderful things to strive for. They can, however, also be found in relationships - I've had the good fortune before (and feel very blessed by fortune for those experiences). I do agree that throwaway culture is a thing, a thing that makes people far less considerate with another's feelings, and that sucks. But you know what? People who are clear about their values _and_ have good values have always been around, will always be around, and won't be derailed into insensitivity by how the general population behaves.
      Yes, it definitely takes effort to weed out the fakes and the purely self-interested. However, facing this challenge only makes the prize sweeter when you do find those wonderful humans who, to quote Susan, want the same thing as you and want it with you. Also, it may not be everyone's cup of tea, but a life of ups and downs is far more memorable and feels more vivid and rich than one lived in constantly safe but small parameters (take it from someone who suffers from anxiety of various kinds).
      I'm not saying this about ups and downs in order to defend rollercoaster situationships - those suck for sure - but to say that the search, with its excitement and hope paired with reality checks and sometimes incompatibility and sadness, may, retrospectively, make you feel better about a life lived fully. Even if you don't find the one for life, you A. will have had exposure to all kinds of people, and B. be able to say: I gave this my best shot. There is no guarantee of success, but you know how it goes - "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take".
      It's normal to feel depleted by the current dating landscape, and perhaps you could use a short break? But don't give up on your dream :) You yourself are worthy of getting your desires fulfilled, and, in the absence of that, to at least know you did your best for yourself. Even if that "best" means figuring out one day in the future that you're better off cultivating the connections to your friends and family. Just don't give up on searching for the best constellation for yourself :)

    • @lovey6075
      @lovey6075 2 года назад +4

      @@larissagonzales6075 I gave up for over five years then decided to start dating again only to get into a relationship to be ghosted and left heartbroken.

  • @jennifersteele2141
    @jennifersteele2141 2 года назад +7

    I needed to hear this message years ago when, after 20 years, the ex threw me out. Made everything terrible. What a shock. Thank you!!

    • @ifeomaonyia5121
      @ifeomaonyia5121 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

  • @TheRealSlimshadyyyyyy
    @TheRealSlimshadyyyyyy Год назад +3

    How do you kill and starve these thoughts? I’m trying to just yell at my brain no! We’re not doing it anymore! I don’t feel like it’s very productive though. Like I think I’ve tried just about everything. As soon as I push it away, it pops right back up. Nothing helps, just a constant barrage of “ was it me?“ “ what did I do wrong?“ and how we went from bliss, excitement, and closeness. To discard, cold, and just wanting to move on. It’s the most illogical thing I’ve ever experienced. I don’t know what I did to deserve it..

  • @70bpmmusic86
    @70bpmmusic86 2 года назад +13

    maybe it was one sided & you were mislead. whatever the reason, you have to unpack it & sit with it & keep pushing. Thank you Susan

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +2

      Correct. Unpack it and sit with it.

    • @ojinikaoluchi7139
      @ojinikaoluchi7139 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

  • @harleyquiinnnn
    @harleyquiinnnn 2 года назад +8

    you make the kind of content that you can like before watching because you always make good content

  • @alexandramaria7754
    @alexandramaria7754 2 года назад +12

    Dear Susan,
    wonderful video as usual.
    I would add one more important topic. What about mental health issues? What about if the other person has mental health issues, and that's why their behavior is so incongruent? This is the reason why, I believe, we have to vet people first before we jump into a long-term commitment. That's why open conversations about substantial topics are so necessary to happen on first dates.
    The obsession begins because, at the very beginning, the ones who now left were in the dynamic too. Consciously or unconsciously seduced the person who is now obsessing, letting with "the void" and no explanation. Is this ok? Of course not! It is not ok. If we can't love for whatever reason or are afraid to love, we must communicate it. It takes courage, yes. But it is so necessary. It allows the other person to help you or move on in peace, knowing what was going on.
    We must learn that we have emotional responsibility towards another human being.
    Wishing you a wonderful week,
    Alexandra

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +3

      Hi Alexandra. Fantastic to read your thoughts on this topic. And yes, mental health issues are an entirely different ball game. The experience can create automatic hot and cold, along with mixed messages. Regardless of the origin, we must be able to extract ourselves from the mental loop. Reframing the thoughts and catching them in the first place is off in the beginning of that transformation. Thanks again for your commentary

    • @blueblackhusky
      @blueblackhusky 2 года назад +5

      Alexandra, I've noticed your comments on Susan's videos before, and I find it so cool that you analyze and think about these topics from so many angles. It's, I think, an enrichment for the world :)
      I'm obviously no dating specialist, but I've been in this kind of situation before, on both ends. All I can say is that mental health issues like depression and anxiety make for good explanations of someone's behavior, but the person who is confronted with a partner predisposed to these illnesses ought to carefully think for themselves whether they are okay with the proportion of their needs that this partner is able to fulfill for them. Also, having a mental illness that still leaves your logic and empathy mostly intact means you still have the responsibility to act considerately towards other people's feelings. Up to a certain degree of disease severity, I think it's not an excuse for behaving at the emotional maturity level of a 12-year-old and feeling entitled to other people constantly forgiving you while you don't work on yourself. (I only talk about these two mood disorders because I don't have experience with any others and barely any with personality disorders).
      Speaking from my experience, many conundrums and crises of depression and anxiety can be handled by communicating openly, vulnerably (with discernment) and both partners having a solution-oriented mindset. Of course, there always are different situations, so it's certainly wise to assess them on a case-by-case basis.

  • @robertgoode1573
    @robertgoode1573 2 года назад +1

    I know all these things, but hearing you just now, on the day I needed to hear it most, gives me much energy to let something go. You are special! Thank You.

  • @suzanne5567
    @suzanne5567 2 года назад +2

    Thank you so much for this. I have been struggling with this for over a year. (I got dumped during lockdown right before the holidays and my ex and his family were my bubble. it was super hard!) Because of this and being isolated and not being able to go out and do the usual post break up things I was instead stuck at home ruminating and crying and hurting. This video was so helpful. I just wanted to add that when I go back and ruminate its also the "I should have said that or I should have done this". Too often I hold back and dont speak up. I am trying to change this but it definitely adds to the loop of obsession cause if I had said something at the appropriate time it would have ended the behavior loop right there. Thank you. Your videos are straightforward and helpful.

  • @jmwajmwa1353
    @jmwajmwa1353 2 года назад

    Thank you so much for the advice. This made me feel so much better.

  • @fletcher447
    @fletcher447 2 года назад +7

    this was so great Susan and exactly what i needed to hear, infatuation can feel like groundhog day when not dealt with !! thank you so much

  • @cannabiskid
    @cannabiskid 2 года назад +2

    This video is the straight talk therapy I needed. Thank you for sharing this.

  • @lily8550
    @lily8550 2 года назад +1

    I needed this video. I was just ghosted after a 6 year relationship. Thank you for making this video.

  • @TheSoundofTanay
    @TheSoundofTanay 2 года назад +57

    Hey Susan, just wanted to let you know that you’re one of the most amazing people I’ve never met. Yet, you’ve had a significant impact on my life!
    I left a great relationship four months ago and after about 4-5 years of either chasing love or infatuation, I have no started finding peace within myself and what I have to offer to this world.
    I don’t know when or how I’ll find my next love, or even have the capacity within me to hold it it dear to my heart - I just hope your words and wisdom stay true to my soul regardless of how things turn out. I just turned 24 and life seems beautiful. I hope it stays that way.
    Hope I heal from my obsession with first love/attachment and grow as I go.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +13

      Tanay!! Thank you For your beautiful message. You are only 24, and already so wise. True, we haven't met in person but please know how grateful I am that you've found your way to this community. Big hug!!

    • @TheSoundofTanay
      @TheSoundofTanay 2 года назад +2

      @@SusanWinter big hug!

    • @dominiccobb6470
      @dominiccobb6470 2 года назад +6

      Tanay you are not alone, i feel just like you. I am 27. I hope life has some unexpected and beautiful things in store for us

    • @cillia.o8633
      @cillia.o8633 2 года назад +2

      I can say your first paragraph about her for me. She is amazing

  • @haya9793
    @haya9793 2 года назад +2

    Thank you Susan. You always come at the right time saying exactly what we needed to hear. I have to save myself and get out of the loop.

  • @HelleButtrup
    @HelleButtrup 2 года назад +7

    This was so adequate. It really helps to see this mechanism of it beeing ilogical

  • @humbleavocado8709
    @humbleavocado8709 2 года назад

    I've found you just when i was going through heartbreak.. thank you for sharing your wisdom

  • @petershone5935
    @petershone5935 2 года назад

    Thank you Susan, you're a breath of fresh air.

  • @djwater02
    @djwater02 2 года назад

    Susan this video is important! So many people stuck in this loop in their life whether be in love or other relationships.

  • @Serita2006
    @Serita2006 2 года назад +2

    One of your best videos yet. Thank you Susan!

  • @RaidenMustDie3594
    @RaidenMustDie3594 Год назад +1

    Your content is so helpful, I look back at the person I love and feel nothing but shame, and guilt. It’s so comforting knowing I’m not the only one, and I can fix myself

  • @caitlinjuarez9787
    @caitlinjuarez9787 2 года назад

    Your a life saver ! Thank you for your videos. They have been so helpful in my journey.

  • @Mockingbird362
    @Mockingbird362 2 года назад +16

    I'm currently in this crazy loop. I’d say I'm even in two loops. One of them has been going on for many years. It seemed I had already been out of this obsession but then I caught myself with it again and now I’ve got one more. I know that I takes time to go out of this circle. I had already been going through it so many times but I can’t grasp why I find myself in such mental condition again and again. I feel like I need working on this problem because It destroys my life. I sincerely hope your advises will help, thanks♥️

    • @ifeomaonyia5121
      @ifeomaonyia5121 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

    • @mube8885
      @mube8885 Год назад

      I am the same fool I am here

  • @JCL-eb9ir
    @JCL-eb9ir 2 года назад +2

    Thank you Susan. Really needed this TODAY. I love you so much!

  • @twigityful
    @twigityful 9 месяцев назад

    Love the definition

  • @alexflips393
    @alexflips393 2 года назад +6

    Thanks Susan. I’ve recently told someone I’m dropping it because I feel like I’m becoming too serious way too soon. So I gave that statement and now I can move on.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +2

      Alex! Hello my dear man! Well I’m happy to know that you were interested in someone. That’s a very good sign and I’m even happier to know that you extricated yourself from a dead end situation. That is brilliant. I’m proud of you. Sending you a big hug from the other side of the pond

  • @eveheart2876
    @eveheart2876 2 года назад +1

    I love watching your old videos. Some just kick back to reality. Humans are unpredictable indeed

  • @PlanetWomble
    @PlanetWomble Год назад +1

    Thank you Susan. I keep listening to you and trying to work on myself and my issues.

  • @deantaylor1512
    @deantaylor1512 2 года назад

    Brilliant and helpful as ever… Susan you have my heartfelt thanks…

  • @dominiccobb6470
    @dominiccobb6470 2 года назад +7

    now thats good timing! I thought about this all day and suddenly you upload a new video :)

  • @aadyakapoor2583
    @aadyakapoor2583 4 месяца назад

    thank you for this

  • @donaczella
    @donaczella 2 года назад +4

    Perfect timing as usual 🧡

  • @biondna7984
    @biondna7984 Год назад

    I'm taking notes as fast as I can and creating mantras for myself to shake off this latest infatuation. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, for helping me find a way out of this well-meaning but WAY-sticky brain. Meanwhile I'm working on healing from the childhood wounds that built these painful tracks into my head. I've had one magnificent partner until he died; I've got an improving shot at finding another, and/or meanwhile growing more content with my singleness and friends. Again, thank you.

  • @karinar.8259
    @karinar.8259 2 года назад +2

    Thank you so much for understanding. It's such a painful experience and it's very difficult getting out of the loop. Accept the illogical... end of story.

  • @sarahjaneross2918
    @sarahjaneross2918 Год назад +3

    Thank you. So helpful. Blocked and deleted his number despite how painful. 🤔

  • @lovetodaylisa3967
    @lovetodaylisa3967 Год назад

    Thank you Susan

  • @jellyrcw12
    @jellyrcw12 2 года назад +42

    I am stuck in this loop so badly and I'm ready to get over it.

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +11

      Listen to this again. Just give yourself the answer. YOur mind will stop when it has resolve

    • @jellyrcw12
      @jellyrcw12 2 года назад +3

      @@SusanWinter thank you for the kind and insightful words

    • @btfields323
      @btfields323 2 года назад +4

      Accept it for what it is. The fantasy was just that...A fantasy.

    • @next-next-finish
      @next-next-finish 2 года назад +2

      I hope you're out of the loop and feeling way better. Signed, someone in the loop right now.

  • @flickanrimsky
    @flickanrimsky 2 года назад

    I love this woman so much

  • @sameerjassal6841
    @sameerjassal6841 2 года назад +4

    Hey Susan, I couldn't have asked for more right now. Confessed during lockdown and keep thinking of the what ifs. All this looking back wondering what could be different, searching for answers I can totally relate to that! And I need to free my mind from that and accept the illogical circumstances so I don't keep exhausting myself. And I will watch this every day until finally I feel like I can carry on, so thank you so much!

    • @ifeomaonyia5121
      @ifeomaonyia5121 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

  • @ukundalia
    @ukundalia 2 года назад +10

    Thank you! Perfect time Susan. Just needed this. Yes the ego has been bruised. And mind has been obsessing.Lots of love.

    • @ifeomaonyia5121
      @ifeomaonyia5121 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

  • @lucyloo7457
    @lucyloo7457 2 года назад

    Nailed this one Susan!!
    Bravo 👏

  • @rob7819
    @rob7819 2 года назад

    Hello from Dublin Ireland.Thank you Susan for what you do.This video really helped me.Thank you!

  • @Maggie1952
    @Maggie1952 2 года назад +1

    Excellent.

  • @angelomolinaro2458
    @angelomolinaro2458 2 года назад

    Wow Susan!
    Youre amazing. Youve saved me as a person. Thank you so much

  • @dinotrinh5051
    @dinotrinh5051 Год назад

    Hi Susan, Wow, wow, these advices are Great. Thank you for your insides, love all of your podcasts.

  • @AriDuang
    @AriDuang 2 года назад +3

    If that person is meant to be, they will find one reason to stay. Let that shit go.

  • @AlitaQuinn
    @AlitaQuinn Год назад

    Thank you for this video Susan! It was very helpful.

  • @debragoforth4738
    @debragoforth4738 2 года назад

    This is a really good mental healing video!! Thanks 😊

  • @jessicab5628
    @jessicab5628 2 года назад +1

    This is so important to me right now! Who cares why they left the important thing is they are gone so move forward. No logical answer needed. The important part is it's over!

    • @jessicab5628
      @jessicab5628 2 года назад +1

      My new mantra is- If you don't want me I won't let myself want you ❤

  • @donaldgansky5907
    @donaldgansky5907 Год назад

    Good video, so true. Thanks

  • @hlflifeenjoyer6176
    @hlflifeenjoyer6176 2 года назад

    Thank you Susan Winter i just got rid of my obsession from ur video and other videos

  • @jellyrcw12
    @jellyrcw12 2 года назад

    Your channel is honestly worth gold. Thank you for all of your realistic and helpful videos.

    • @ifeomaonyia5121
      @ifeomaonyia5121 2 года назад

      +2349015122652⏮⏮⏮⏮ Hello it's v works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up..***

  • @Matilda130_
    @Matilda130_ 11 месяцев назад +1

    Thank you so much Susan. I was suffering now I can at least sleep a little well❤

  • @debojitchowdhury6825
    @debojitchowdhury6825 2 года назад +3

    Today i finished your 'How to grow together'. It's beautiful! Thank you!😊

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +1

      Oh I’m so happy to hear this! You know I’ve just realized that it is not available in every country. We are trying to get the statistics on some of the changes as to where it’s offered. I know here in the US it is good and then I heard Australia and the UK work with the link. I’m so happy that you got something out of it and thank you for sharing this with me

  • @courtneykelly5728
    @courtneykelly5728 Год назад

    I've currently let go of both people past & present. I drew a picture the other day that represented emotions, there was a lightning bolt moment which was finding out that im obsessed about relationships & couldn't work out why or how, your videos showed up at the right time. my other picture was a burning candle which means passion for me and there was a chariot which I had seen coming in fast. Been doing alot of healing as of lately.

  • @adamsmom1
    @adamsmom1 Год назад

    Susan you are great. I adore the way you put it for me to understand. Thank you

  • @bashwinm
    @bashwinm 2 года назад +4

    Thank you so much your words helped me through some confusing times

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +1

      I love reading this. Thank you

  • @rish108
    @rish108 2 года назад +1

    God Bless you for doing this beautiful job !! So many golden hearts are saved !!! Thanks

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад +1

      I really appreciate that. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. That’s my goal

  • @vanlandingham91
    @vanlandingham91 2 года назад

    Thank you for this. Truly.

  • @janetacal1176
    @janetacal1176 2 года назад +1

    Susan your videos helped me through a difficult time. Thank you very much. I’m very grateful 😊

  • @nevenam7414
    @nevenam7414 11 месяцев назад

    Very useful and guideful, especially when in process of healing and absorbing !

  • @michaelelijah6044
    @michaelelijah6044 2 года назад +4

    needed this one..

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  2 года назад

      Hi Michael. Glad that it worked for you

  • @dclilwink
    @dclilwink 11 месяцев назад

    You are the truth & very helpful you nailed it on the DOT, thank you a lot

  • @proflob
    @proflob 2 года назад

    Great insight! Lots of love to gorgeous Susan!