Why am I still obsessed?

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  • Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
  • Are you obsessed with getting your romance back on track? Here’s why your partner is frustrating you so, and how to handle the desperate need to try over and over to recapture the first blissful days of togetherness.
    Work with me: susanwinter.ne...
    The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
    And what's your countermove?
    Not to worry. I’ve got you covered: susanwinter.re...
    The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
    Dating a younger man and wondering if it will last?
    Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?
    Answers to all your age gap questions: susanwinter.re...
    Rough breakup?
    Check out: Breakup Triage; The Cure for Heartache
    Audible: www.audible.com...
    Amazon: www.amazon.com...
    Wondering how to benefit from life's challenges?
    Allowing Magnificence; Living the Expanded Version of Your Life
    www.amazon.com...

Комментарии • 541

  • @nunya257
    @nunya257 5 лет назад +853

    I'm going to listen to this one many times until I accept reality.

    • @teecopeland7767
      @teecopeland7767 5 лет назад +22

      WOW, ladies, I feel the same way, and great to see I'm not alone with rewatching this video every time I think of the good times! Without the long list of all the negative and real BS! This video alone has helped me to understand what happened.

    • @michaelmiller8455
      @michaelmiller8455 5 лет назад +28

      Painful truth. My ex and I were together off and on for 7 years. A year ago she became extremely abusive, both verbally and physically. I'm in no contact and agonizing because she used to be my best friend and good to me. All I want is a glimpse of someone other than the monster she is now; some semblance of the kind and caring girl I once knew...and it's never going to happen. Sigh. I rarely comment but I felt compelled to tell you folks that a strong, successful guy is writing this and going through what you are and feeling weak, alone, and depressed. Good luck everyone. You're not alone.

    • @framboise8845
      @framboise8845 5 лет назад +2

      I'll imitate you. It's a good idea.

    • @pinkbutterfly1888
      @pinkbutterfly1888 5 лет назад

      Me too

    • @leilanisantos5039
      @leilanisantos5039 4 года назад +2

      Yes, I definitely needed to hear this and will have to keep it as a reminder. It certainly did get real. Thanks for this message.

  • @moonmaiden4197
    @moonmaiden4197 5 лет назад +493

    Rejection breeds obsession

    • @Brumbasse22
      @Brumbasse22 3 года назад +73

      Rejection is a gift.
      Rejection saves you from wasting time. It is a short-term pain that saves your heart from feeling a bigger and more drawn-out pain later down the road with this person. And it protects the future relationship you are going to have with the Right person for you. Rejection isn't so bad when we choose to believe that the Right person is out there - struggling to find us - and we had to get through this rejection with all it's lessons, so that we can Recognize the Right person when they show up. Maybe they are out there, but really close, just waiting behind the man/woman we have been rejected by.

    • @livinglifejaybyjay3063
      @livinglifejaybyjay3063 3 года назад +4

      True

    • @sametoyoutoo8509
      @sametoyoutoo8509 3 года назад +7

      @@Brumbasse22Maybe we never meet anyone

    • @MaureenMurphy_
      @MaureenMurphy_ 3 года назад +1

      Fr. :(

    • @mariat8848
      @mariat8848 3 года назад +6

      True, that is if you had a relatively strong interest in whomever rejected you.

  • @homeworldmusic
    @homeworldmusic 5 лет назад +337

    "you can literally be chasing them for years" So good to hear someone else say that: so, it isn't just me?!

    • @a.m.5456
      @a.m.5456 2 года назад +2

      It sounds so scary that I gained strenght to push the thoughts about them away

  • @veronicasimone6204
    @veronicasimone6204 2 года назад +76

    "some people can only dance in the fantasy" a hard pill to swallow but hey, I'm just very grateful to experience that unique feeling at that moment of time.

  • @danherrin7691
    @danherrin7691 5 лет назад +228

    It's a battle between the mind (logic, reality) and heart (emotions, fantasy). Ugh!

    • @geoffreywelsby7434
      @geoffreywelsby7434 3 года назад +3

      Ok, it's a battle. But who wins. My heart loves her so much. But my head tells me something completely different, or maybe she will come around. It's that push /pull. It's driving me crazy. God I hate having emotions. Can anyone help.😇🙏😇🙏🤗🙏

    • @HM-to8rp
      @HM-to8rp 3 года назад +1

      @@geoffreywelsby7434 look if your head tells you that she is not the right person for you don’t follow your emotions I know it is hard but no matter how much you love a person if they are toxic these emotions will fade away and you will be left with a toxic relationship

    • @geoffreywelsby7434
      @geoffreywelsby7434 3 года назад

      @@HM-to8rp
      Thank you so much I will. Right now someone much better is coming along. Someone who will love me for who I am. ❤❤😇😇🙏🙏🤗🤗🌈🌈

    • @HM-to8rp
      @HM-to8rp 3 года назад +1

      @@geoffreywelsby7434 great 😌 good luck😃

    • @alliphx
      @alliphx 3 года назад

      Ugh indeed. 😄

  • @emerald4660
    @emerald4660 5 лет назад +106

    Oh god I just want him out of my head it's breaking me

    • @MaureenMurphy_
      @MaureenMurphy_ 3 года назад +3

      Same

    • @joazz1
      @joazz1 3 года назад +2

      Did you make it

    • @emerald4660
      @emerald4660 3 года назад +6

      @@joazz1 yes I did, it was one relationship I wished never happened it still gets to me that I let him get so under my skin but that was probably the lesson 🤔

    • @joazz1
      @joazz1 3 года назад +2

      @@emerald4660 I know . It’s the secret of not giving that thought power . Being conscious we have this obsession and thinking about something else . Easy to say

    • @trahadbad
      @trahadbad 3 года назад +1

      @@emerald4660 how did u move on. It’s been months and I’m scared I won’t move on for a long time but I just want them out of my head

  • @gauravkhanna978
    @gauravkhanna978 5 лет назад +169

    You understand human emotions so well...

    • @mrd49995
      @mrd49995 5 лет назад +7

      She's very well experienced

  • @ameerahrashada4515
    @ameerahrashada4515 5 лет назад +347

    Hang in there all she is speaking truth you may feel hooked now but it gets better with time you will wake up one day and say l have got to let this shit go because it's blocking the blessings that are trying to come into my life LET THEM GO

    • @Pioramic
      @Pioramic 5 лет назад +1

      Ameerah Rashada thank you for this.

    • @juliemanso4589
      @juliemanso4589 5 лет назад +4

      I can’t wait to be there!

    • @missamericausa
      @missamericausa 5 лет назад +3

      Yes blocking blessings !!

    • @rubas4403
      @rubas4403 5 лет назад

      Very correct

    • @ogrepleyz
      @ogrepleyz 5 лет назад

      o man! this statement gave me chills

  • @dd-pw8tw
    @dd-pw8tw 4 года назад +82

    Thinking “it was a moment in time” makes it easier to move on and stop obsessing ,,,
    Especially appreciate you mentioning people who’ve passed over good potential partners to obsess over someone who can’t get past phase one~it’s that simple and life is short ,,,my dear fellow listeners we do NOT want to be that person!
    I wish you great peace.

    • @Edith.G.G.
      @Edith.G.G. 3 года назад

      Exactly dear fellow, exactly! Life is SHORT

  • @Glock_Doc
    @Glock_Doc 5 лет назад +64

    we always seem to want what we can’t have

  • @AngryDutch
    @AngryDutch 5 лет назад +266

    I am going through a obssesion now for almost a year and all the things come with it. And I can tell one thing it's hard and it's horrible to go through it every day

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  5 лет назад +33

      Dutchy, I'm so sorry. I hope this video helps you.

    • @AngryDutch
      @AngryDutch 5 лет назад +16

      @@SusanWinter your video's the helping me understand it better. But still it's so hard to stop thinking about her

    • @niemazaco87
      @niemazaco87 5 лет назад +40

      @@AngryDutch I totally get what are you going through...It is so tiring and you start thinking about this person everyday at the moment you just wake up...super exhausting. If you think that you could invest that energy in yourself...But there is hope in this madness, I recently overcame that problem by meditation and forgiveness practice. I've read a book of G.Bernstein "A radical road to self love and miracles" where the author describes her journey of dealing with her ego and addictions to drugs, attention and also men. It really helped me to understand that I made an idol out of this guy that I was so miserably missing! It opened my eyes and I realised that he was not that ideal and probably even didn't want to be seen as such. I forgave him in my meditations and now I am free. I think about him way less than before and believe me, I was obsessed about him for over a year! Read the book, maybe it's going to help you too:)

    • @workforbeautystepbystep6759
      @workforbeautystepbystep6759 5 лет назад +16

      Dutchy 78 i had the obsession and the unique opportunity that he came back to pursue me, he convinced me for one more date which proved me that my obsession was an ilusion; he could not be the person i was envisioned, the reality hit me so bad that i blocked him right after i saw him and decided to get back my power. I cannot live a fantasy i put on a person i knew once; i prefer to dream about somebody new instead to obsess on somebody who hurt me. Wish you power and good luck but most of all discilplice. As Susan mentioned a lot of time, discipline of mind will make the difference.

    • @wolfgangschmidt9598
      @wolfgangschmidt9598 5 лет назад +15

      Dutchy 78, It helps me when I work on myself every day. I go to the gym about 5 times a week. At my gym I am around lots of people working on their selves. It relieves my stress & anxiety . I work on my soul every day through my faith study which for me is the bible. I get engaged with people I come in contact with, being in the moment. I read books which strengthens my mind. And I am working on strengthening my finances. I still think about her often. It is just that I am finding more value and confidence in myself. Life is really good today.

  • @CorporateQueen
    @CorporateQueen 4 года назад +18

    'Can't do it, doesn't want to do it, failed me, hurt me, kind of came in like they would, failed me again' - Yep.

  • @timheidel5849
    @timheidel5849 4 года назад +29

    I think that we have all gone through this. But until we get past that person you are obsessing about, you are not emotionally-available...to yourself, or others.

  • @redkisses4362
    @redkisses4362 5 лет назад +73

    “Infatuation” is the hook/addiction. My heart still hurts, though, because I lost him

  • @LaGrossePaulik
    @LaGrossePaulik 2 года назад +3

    The worst thing if that I never learn. I've been into an obsession with someone 10years ago, we eventually been together, hard time to get past this relationship, and got stuck into fantasies after. And now same scenario with someone else, I'm just tired of that pattern. But I wish this time it could teach me some lessons. Good luck to anyone reading this ❤️

  • @sebsebseb1905
    @sebsebseb1905 5 лет назад +33

    I got over my obssesion when I realised there is nothing left from the person I was in love with. Everything changed about her, even the way sje looked. Having realised that I felt such a relief that I can not explain. The only sad thing is that moment in time was the best moment of my life and by that moment I mean 3 days.

  • @honeybucket10
    @honeybucket10 5 лет назад +72

    I am in this. There's a term for it: euphoric recall! I feel insane sometimes. Thank you for your words. 💕

  • @DONT4GET_SUNSCREEN
    @DONT4GET_SUNSCREEN 5 лет назад +64

    I wrote down my Pros and Cons about the person I was crazy over and when Cons outweighed the Pros , I thought to myself:" Girl, What the eff were you obsessing over"? 😉
    It hurts but you only got one go round in this life, live it and be happy and healthy!😘
    Happy Holiday and if you don't celebrate the holiday or there's no holiday in your part of the world, sending love and health your way.💞

  • @vampireslayer1989
    @vampireslayer1989 5 лет назад +30

    "An unsustainable moment in time" is a good mental image. Thanks.

  • @pracheechaudhary5854
    @pracheechaudhary5854 4 года назад +17

    I never thought I would ever watch this video AGAIN. After getting my heart broke 2 years ago, I promised myself to not fall in love again. But this man came into my life and he was so promising, I decided to put down my guard and gave him a chance. And guess what? He abandoned me after the honeymoon phase. He said that his emotional baggage was too much to get in a relationship with me (and other excuses men give) and asked me to stay just friends.
    I have cut off ties with him but I am still obsessed with him. Still hoping he would come because of the sake of good times.
    After hearing this video, I know I should stop hoping and move on.

    • @skeyetech8931
      @skeyetech8931 2 года назад +3

      I have a way to get over an obsession but its very risky. Find someone you have never met before. Make sure that this person is straight and mildly attractive. Tell this person your life story, and encourage them to do the same. By the time you've told them about your obsession, you will have cried, and after that, you're in love with another person. Sounds like a lie, but it happened to me.

  • @shellenec70
    @shellenec70 5 лет назад +119

    Ive been suffering for a while now over a breakup, trying to figure out what I did wrong... I found your channel.... thank you. I did nothing wrong. The emotions and feelings Ive been having are normal, and I thank you so much. You have been very eye opening and my heart feels lighter and I feel as if your words were exactly what I needed.

    • @nicksworld959
      @nicksworld959 5 лет назад +5

      don't worry dear everything will be alright.

    • @leeorsay2571
      @leeorsay2571 5 лет назад +3

      always trust in God ok, with God all things are possible beautiful😍💓 friends

    • @hotmusic413
      @hotmusic413 5 лет назад +1

      Hello

  • @ClarkSweet21
    @ClarkSweet21 5 лет назад +13

    I’ve never cried at a RUclips video before. It felt like this video was made specifically with me in mind.

  • @mikeandmom8797
    @mikeandmom8797 5 лет назад +44

    Susan your videos are SO helpful! Instead of crying myself to sleep over him, I watch your videos and sleep more soundly..

  • @pabloduarte9827
    @pabloduarte9827 4 года назад +17

    I Swear I'm crying. I can relate to this 100%. It's been 3 years and I can't get over it. Idk what else to do.

    • @emerald4660
      @emerald4660 3 года назад +2

      I hope you are over it now xx

    • @pabloduarte9827
      @pabloduarte9827 3 года назад +4

      @@emerald4660Unfortunately Not really but at least Im not dying or crying anymore. Im accepting things how they are. It is what it is. 🤷

    • @emerald4660
      @emerald4660 3 года назад +5

      These things leave a scar but I'm glad you are finding your peace, onwards and upwards ❤️

    • @skeyetech8931
      @skeyetech8931 2 года назад +1

      I’m going to do what I did when I got over my last obsession. Meet someone completely new that I find mildly attractive, talk to this person and swap life stories. Doesn’t work right away, but it does work.

  • @MA7-6585
    @MA7-6585 5 лет назад +8

    The hook. The first wonderful days early on. You are trying to recapture that hook. So true. Thats all he gave me, so true!

  • @AkaHeart1
    @AkaHeart1 5 лет назад +46

    The Heart & Mind play unbelievable tricks on your soul. Very confusing indeed!! Thank you Susan as I’ve always respected your readings!

  • @ImLeuff
    @ImLeuff 5 лет назад +34

    This really hit close to home for me (actually spot on to be honest). Very important video, it's really hard to listen to one's own advice in a situation like this. It's also important not to get hooked on the negative emotions and thoughts about that person once we finally understand it's not going to happen, those are almost as addictive as the rose-tinted glasses we insisted on wearing to that point. It wears people out.
    For anyone reading this and living through it I'd add: get busy, hobbies, friends, new people, get moving. Giving yourself the time to pine for something that isn't even real is a mistake I made for too long. And as cheesy and unhelpful as it might seem now, with time it will get better. Good luck out there!

    • @brendaroberts4938
      @brendaroberts4938 5 лет назад +3

      Wow you are so right! I have everything to lose and seriously nothing to gain but good sex.

    • @ImLeuff
      @ImLeuff 5 лет назад +4

      @@brendaroberts4938 exactly. And let's be real, "good sex" isn't so rare that it's worth putting yourself through emotional torture for. Take care of yourself first and do your thing, if they're compatible they will fit in and it will go smooth, if they're not don't force it. Good luck!

  • @rosalynalexander2129
    @rosalynalexander2129 4 года назад +16

    This set me free. Feels like a weight has been lifted. I've finally let it go. Thank you so much.

  • @biondna7984
    @biondna7984 Год назад +2

    The one I'm working on getting over now is married, we both stayed ethical and apart, and he has no idea what I've felt for him. I doubt I was more than a mildly interesting blip on his screen. I'm so glad you're doing these videos.

  • @sarahheyes5371
    @sarahheyes5371 4 года назад +3

    Im a great believer in talking. I talked my story out. I talked and talked and talked to anybody who would listen. My remembrance of it was tinted like neon paint at first. Then as time went on, the story became less vibrant. I started to see the colours fade. It was a wishy washy picture and I lost my enthusiasm. The good moments I'd remember, but also now I'd feel a heavy heart for how that made me feel.
    I was scared to love again. I'd never been so heartbroken before. I was naive and a fool at times. This is what love makes you do.
    I accepted it for what it was compared to what my brain wanted it to be. From thay day on, it didn't matter. It was just the past.
    Then the day where I actually stopped thinking about others, and thought about myself and caring for myself. Somebody who truly loved me appeared. That's how it happens. New love can only find it's way in, if you've truly accepted the end of another.
    I hope anyone who watches this video finds some peace. Be kind to yourself .xx❤

  • @moonbeanification
    @moonbeanification 5 лет назад +72

    How about when you know it's over and there's no going back ... and you want to heal and move on ... but how? You know nothing else will ever match that high ... you'll never love that way again, and the rest of your life seems so gray?

    • @ImLeuff
      @ImLeuff 5 лет назад +23

      It sure doesn't seem that way now but time does heal these wounds and it does get better, just don't pick the wound by going back to it in your mind. You'll be fine, trust me :)

    • @cialuna8888
      @cialuna8888 5 лет назад +15

      Hang in there! Life will surprise you!

    • @caroh2809
      @caroh2809 5 лет назад +25

      You are in the very thick of it. It seems hopeless. But one day you’ll find you didn’t think about it 24/7. And then a while later the same thing again and gradually it will build and you won’t care where this person is because you are too busy creating your own life of happiness. It’s so hard to believe when you’re in the thick of it but it will pass. It will get better.

    • @thesilentdiva
      @thesilentdiva 5 лет назад +14

      You'll have it again with someone else. 7 bill ppl in the world, someone's out there

    • @books5808
      @books5808 5 лет назад +2

      @@caroh2809 truth

  • @lecer1187
    @lecer1187 5 лет назад +11

    I definitely agree with this one Susan! Getting hooked with someone, reminiscing the last romantic pieces you had with the past relationship will never contribute in healing you. Again it takes you back to this rabbit hole thing where u go deep and will only leads you nowhere. We should take pride of ourselves and get up. Be strong. Others have surpassed this indefinite battle of love and pain. So can I!..

  • @Tonythemighty1
    @Tonythemighty1 5 лет назад +23

    Ma'am you are wise

  • @adriana77
    @adriana77 3 года назад +3

    You're better than paying for a therapist. So practical and real and you cut to the truth. I love how you explain things so clearly.

  • @waaapanda2608
    @waaapanda2608 5 лет назад +31

    I love this video! It took me about a year to stop obsessing. Acceptance and peace with the outcome of the situation helped tremendously. I still think of him of course, but those thoughts come without expectations. Looking back, the memories with him were really nothing special. It was my feelings for him that made those memories special. Since I don't really feel that way anymore, it makes it so much easier to look at the situation for what it really was.
    Thanks again Susan!

  • @TheLivala
    @TheLivala 5 лет назад +6

    So after 15 months together and a year apart (seeing each other on and off), I'm still tempted for a therapist or to reach out. Going to have to rewatch this many times. Hardest journey but more determined than ever

  • @Iamsugarbrown
    @Iamsugarbrown 5 лет назад +5

    Damn we will never get that moment back 😔😩

  • @Sjb2077
    @Sjb2077 5 лет назад +1

    Susan is so right. Deep down I knew this interaction I had with this guy was about him playing games. Most of the time I kept my cool and listened to that voice deep down inside of me. It was telling me the truth that I was just his amusement and it hurt. I have just removed myself from the scene and all of a sudden can see the truth. I could have made such a fool of myself by telling him how I felt and crying at the same time . What an idiot I would have been, he doesn't thrill me one bit now, in fact what did I ever see in him in the first place. I am free and kept my dignity. Thank you Susan.

  • @riall40
    @riall40 5 лет назад +6

    Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. You just explained my last long term relationship.

  • @yeshuaservant7
    @yeshuaservant7 5 лет назад +3

    Yep. Once they stick you in Friend Zone--it is extremely hard to return to Romantic Zone with them. Vary rarely does a person succeed in reaching that goal. Best focus on improving your own life--and seeking true love with a new person. Just be grateful for the good times you had and for what you learned from your previous relationship--and let them go into their own future.

  • @lrissunflower
    @lrissunflower 4 года назад +1

    Time heals. Bless you all. Just keep breathing.

  • @tiatorus
    @tiatorus 5 лет назад +10

    this is so so so sad but all true . heartbreaking. thank you susan for your wisdom

  • @nicii179
    @nicii179 4 года назад +1

    i am going through an obsession for years now with my former best friend. we had an on off friendship, he ended the friendship for the third time now but this is the actual end. it hurts. i hate it. i want him back. i was coping till corona and now it‘s just back to that obsession. i feel embarrassed and angry with myself bc i know it‘s better for both of us when we‘re out of touch, yet i crave nothing more than talking to him again. HIM wanting me back and initiating contact. fantasising about situations where we bump into each other again. my friends always say to just let it ho bit i literally can‘t. I‘m glad someone calls it by it‘s name: obsession, addiction. makes me feel heard and my experience valid. thank you. this really helps.

  • @stereolove2771
    @stereolove2771 5 лет назад +4

    I have been going through a bad and hard time in my life, and it has opened a wound of a past broken heart due to being dumped. I admire you and your videos. Most love/dating advice is cruel and disheartening towards the dumpee, it makes me feel as if I lacked, as if I was not enough or i did not acted the right way. However, your advice is kind towards the broken hearted, and reminds us that we are all worthy of love. Thank you, Susan Winter.

  • @joelhernandez41
    @joelhernandez41 5 лет назад +1

    This video is helpful and realistic.. it just sucks when they suck you back in after you start moving forward.

  • @MegaJae
    @MegaJae 5 лет назад +7

    You deserve more viewers and subscribers because so many broken hearts out there would find your videos very enlightening for them 💗💗💗💗

  • @kristeljoy1650
    @kristeljoy1650 2 года назад +3

    Thank you for this. My love and gratitude. "This long and the rest is like this. This is the truth." That really hit home. "Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows."

  • @robertzsombok7661
    @robertzsombok7661 4 года назад +8

    Spot on! Thank you so much for giving us clarity. Naming things for what they really are. Not real love but just obsession.. a longing for that feeling. A fantasy creation of your own.

  • @megamagicstars2
    @megamagicstars2 5 лет назад +11

    thanks for the video :) ive recently found your channel, and kept going over the 'why they cant come back if youre still hoping' and 'how to move on and forward' - but over the last few days i didnt even want to bother to deflect my obsessive thoughts to something productive. i just wanted him out of my head! and then u uploaded this video! perfect timing. now i find myself in the limbo state, where i understand what you are saying and sort of want to move on because this is draining me, but theres always that annoying tiny voice saying 'what if?' . im trying to remind myself that if it truly was this magical thing, then he also would be having the same 'what if' and since he messed it up, i need to stop acting as if the ball is in my court!

    • @kiks399
      @kiks399 2 года назад

      Wow, I'd share my story with you but it seems I'm more interested in knowing how are you right now and if you're already way into that threshold of starting to be your best self

  • @skelamori6854
    @skelamori6854 5 лет назад +5

    Your videos about obsession and longing after a terrible breakup hit me hard... I love your videos 😍 you opened my eyes and understanding

  • @stormfalcon72
    @stormfalcon72 4 года назад +2

    Hi Susan. I stumbled on your channel today, after exhausting almost all of the top relationship advice ‘gurus’ on RUclips. I’ve spent the entire day watching your videos. I can’t tell you how much strength and insight I have gained today. You have such an amazingly eloquent and precise way of making complicated issues so clear. I’ve had a few “penny drop” moments... I must admit that it’s not all good to hear, as the truth hurts. You don’t mince your words. Thank you 🙏

  • @irajessicalagua2460
    @irajessicalagua2460 Год назад +1

    i have scoured the internet but I always go back to Susan 🥺 i am so heartbroken rn and how she focuses on me myself and I. no games of getting back with an ex but a strong mindset of getting up when you are at your lowest low post break up or rejection. Susan you are an angel 🙏 i am this...and i am trying my hardest everyday most times even with tears. i watch your videos whenever i am anxious and low helps me with my thoughts

    • @carthy29
      @carthy29 Год назад +1

      This too shall pass - and one day it will all be a memory, i know i have been there before, best wishes

    • @irajessicalagua2460
      @irajessicalagua2460 Год назад

      @@carthy29 thank you so much it helps to know I am not the only one going through this. Best, you all came through.

  • @maryisabel2115
    @maryisabel2115 4 года назад +1

    Your comforting words have saved so many from mental suicide torture , everyone needs to have you in their contacts for sessions 🤗

  • @a.h.2667
    @a.h.2667 5 лет назад +1

    This video is such a relief. I can move forward instead of constantly asking "What if?"

  • @albertbaza2767
    @albertbaza2767 5 лет назад +2

    The tragedy in all this, is one party enters into the relationship with sincere intentions. While the other one sees an opportunity to manipulate and use that person for their twisted purposes. LOVE is indeed blind, untill your eyes and heart, are opened to the truth if what you are experiencing. True love in a healthy relationship, is about nurturing one another. Meeting the other person's needs, without having to beg for it.

  • @invisi6l339
    @invisi6l339 4 года назад +1

    ive only spent 3 days with him and he has become my whole world. i cant stop obsessively thinking about him all day since we parted last saturday... i literally have zero friends, i have 0 social life, dont even have a job, living with my parents... hes literally the only person ive come a bit closer to since high school... i havent made any friends since then. and he showed up... unlike many older guys he respects me, he lets me finish my sentences before he speaks, hes patient, calm, peaceful... im not even attracted to his appearance at all but i was freaking turned on by some physically contact we had... cuz hes the only person who appears in my life... it also means i dont have a life. haha. maybe i need a goal, a focal point to put my effort in, but my mind cant stop ruminating the moments we had togehter... im so distracted to do anything... but it will fade.. i hope.. just like that two people who i also cried over... as time goes by, i'll get numb...

  • @cherylcuttineau7916
    @cherylcuttineau7916 5 лет назад +3

    I thankfully have been spared the experience of years' long obsession over lost love. From watching the videos and reading others comments this seems to be one of the most painful experiences in relationships. I myself am learning that the desperation and need come from a lack or absence of self love and the mistaken idea that someone else is responsible for making us happy. And this time of year is NOT the time to feel sad and lonely. Sincerely hoping anyone in this situation contact Susan or get some outside help to move forward on your own. Peace and Blessings, Everyone 💕

  • @Sams911
    @Sams911 5 лет назад +3

    wow, you just nailed my 3 month long relationship..... 2 months of bliss.. one month of occasional disagreement which I was ok with and willing to work on, and she was "no, not worth the effort, I want to end this" ... it's not her maybe, it's me... All I have to say is "Forgive me for giving you everything I had before first making sure you wanted it"

    • @Sams911
      @Sams911 5 лет назад +1

      @Nick Fire I feel like beautiful women in this day and age can just get on Tinder and find a dozen options in a day... its toxic to society and dating.

    • @leli4700
      @leli4700 5 лет назад

      @@Sams911 Those option last only a few months. Men leave and loose interest even in most interesting women....or ANY women!

  • @spawnns1
    @spawnns1 3 года назад +1

    don't stress it will go away, just please whenever starting a new relationship come and re-watch this video!!

  • @VenusVoice
    @VenusVoice 4 года назад +9

    The relationship wasn't even that good even from the beginning. Sex wasn't great and we had zero things in common. I think it was the dream of him that gave me that high when we first met. He was really handsome. And I placed all my 23-year-old fantasies onto him. All the possibilities to free me from my traumas.

  • @meder07
    @meder07 4 года назад +2

    Susan, you are gift to us suffering through a break up with our 'story' of our ex. No matter how much intellectualizing, spiritualizing or physical activity we undertake, our hearts need time to process, heal and move on. Thank you and to everyone who shares their story for making this transition more bearable.

  • @beebeezee770
    @beebeezee770 4 года назад +3

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have freed my heart after 5 long years. I am so grateful to you. You have given me back my life and my peace. I thought I was trapped forever, but I am now free again to spread my wings and sail into new and more exciting adventures.💜💙💚💛🧡❤
    You truly changed my life, my destiny and I will be forever grateful.
    May you be abundantly blessed always.

  • @sasdekock870
    @sasdekock870 5 лет назад +5

    I can't thank you enough for the role your videos played in my healing process. Whenever I need some "Red Bull" or just want to redirect my mind I watch some of your videos. Thank you Susan, from the bottom of my heart..

  • @52amour
    @52amour 5 лет назад +6

    I really needed to hear that. I might have to replay this several times so it will sink in as the fantasy world really has an hold on me.

  • @feliolipa3851
    @feliolipa3851 5 лет назад +4

    my favourite relationship coach😎

  • @ianclowes6315
    @ianclowes6315 5 лет назад +1

    This is me right now, totally devastated after a break up in August after 7 years. I can't get over it and cry everyday and can't stop thinking about him. He's broken my heart and feel it will never mend. I still love him and feel like part of me is missing. Nothing is the same any more, my personality as changed , I can't listen to music as it starts me off again. Heartbreak is truly awful.

  • @tanjao.4312
    @tanjao.4312 5 лет назад +4

    Normally when I watch Yt videos, I do something else and just listen. But when I watch your videos, I grab my notebook and write down everything you say XD

  • @chriseleuterius
    @chriseleuterius 5 лет назад +14

    Best relationship channel ever! Thanks Susan!

  • @headoverheels_beauty3898
    @headoverheels_beauty3898 5 лет назад +16

    Needed to hear this! You're amazing! Can you do a video on how to stop thinking about someone longer than you dated them?

    • @abdoul.rmamah4558
      @abdoul.rmamah4558 4 года назад +3

      Headoverheels_beauty actually dating someone has nothing to do with time it’s how much you invested

  • @johng.4959
    @johng.4959 5 лет назад +3

    It's not a good place to be when you long for things the way they were... Thank you for this video as it is a gentle reminder about what happens when you want the unobtainable.

  • @martareitmajer
    @martareitmajer Год назад +2

    Love is the most dangerous drug out there. It’s an unbelievable high when you experience your first real love. The love where you plan for the future and imagine having kids with them… it’s so hard to get over. It almost feels like you have to kill the imaginary offspring that you were so excited to have.
    Sometimes I wonder whether every single relationship has one person that’s more invested and desires the one more than the other. It seems like that’s the case. I’ve experienced both and obviously I only long for the one that I couldn’t get to be mine forever. But then I wonder whether it’s fair for the guy to be with somebody that he doesn’t desire as much as some other girl that he might be pining over. A guy like that won’t ever stay loyal so it seems like the logical answer is to be with the person that likes you more than you like them.
    Relationships are so difficult…

  • @catielouise4932
    @catielouise4932 5 лет назад +17

    this is one of the most helpful videos I've ever seen! Thank you!

  • @anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788
    @anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788 4 года назад +1

    "It was a moment in time" 👏👏👏👏 Some come into our lives for a season only. Learn to let go. Surf change! Enjoy the liberating process of letting go.

  • @Msquared299
    @Msquared299 5 лет назад +4

    Thank you for taking your time for caring and helping people.

  • @JuicyFruityify
    @JuicyFruityify 5 лет назад +1

    This is profound, OMG. I wish I knew that after the breakup instead of through the 3 years later. You taught me, she doesn't have the skill set to manage a serious relationship. Now I learn from you the initial wow was all she was capable of creating until her fakeness ran out. She just can not envisage the next step from that. Thank you Susan for helping me get my head right.✨

  • @Zephirus10
    @Zephirus10 5 лет назад +3

    Thank you. This video finally explains the fantasy turned horror story that ive been through. Especially your explination of how small the fantasy part was. That finally clicked in my head how she expected to stay on that high and not deal with the mundane parts.

  • @elinheleneo4810
    @elinheleneo4810 5 лет назад +3

    The timing of this video could not have been more perfect! 💗 Thank you! 💗

  • @parlbesatt
    @parlbesatt 5 лет назад +2

    I don't have words for how much I appreciated this. Thank you!! ♡

  • @nazzyv8748
    @nazzyv8748 3 года назад +1

    This really hurt me but everything is true! Thank You

  • @shirleymadiva6886
    @shirleymadiva6886 5 лет назад +10

    Oh my God thank you so much! Just what l needed! Dead on front and center!!! Blessings to you!!

  • @MariaGarciaXD
    @MariaGarciaXD 4 года назад +1

    this all sounded like she had followed me and put a microphone in my thoughts. amazing! thanks! really helps to realize this is not a unique situation and that there are ways to tackle the problem. First things first: accepting the reality.

  • @caribbeansunshine992
    @caribbeansunshine992 5 лет назад +2

    Susan you are just brilliant the way you explain things is amazing so clear thank you

  • @Teebabii922
    @Teebabii922 5 лет назад +3

    What you said from 4:30 until the end allowed the 💡 to come on.. TY💕

  • @Lea-cy5nn
    @Lea-cy5nn 5 лет назад +4

    I’m missing the day to day routine stuff too :( i miss everything even his weaknesses

  • @SeasonedWoman1900
    @SeasonedWoman1900 Год назад

    I’m so glad that you are on RUclips you make me feel normal now!

  • @j.c.4906
    @j.c.4906 4 года назад +3

    Thank you Susan. I really needed to hear that right now.

  • @deantaylor1512
    @deantaylor1512 2 года назад +1

    Pure gold …. The most truthful thing I have heard relating to my situation…
    Will help enormously… thank you …

  • @robynari7677
    @robynari7677 4 года назад +1

    I had ppl trying to give me everything but I just had to keep trying with the unworkable model, even though he was unsustainable 😭😭 this gutted me properly, thank you.

  • @gowthammohan5856
    @gowthammohan5856 5 лет назад +22

    Thanks for this wonderful video

    • @SusanWinter
      @SusanWinter  5 лет назад

      Hi Growtham

    • @gowthammohan5856
      @gowthammohan5856 5 лет назад +3

      @@SusanWinter when I was down during a heartbreak from a crush your videos were my saviour .You are doing a gr8 job susan.loads of love and thanks.i am admiring a lot and inspired by you

  • @ripleysw
    @ripleysw 3 года назад

    How much I was needed it to hear this !!!!!!! I am obsessed for almost one year, when I know that it will never go back, never!!!!

  • @onkelzhamburg72
    @onkelzhamburg72 4 года назад

    Even when I watch another 1.000 of such videos, I still want her! She was the love of my life!

  • @AnnayoguiniMiami
    @AnnayoguiniMiami 5 лет назад +2

    So true! Thank you. Hard to accept but you state it so clearly that its really enlightening.

  • @darrelsissson7246
    @darrelsissson7246 4 года назад +1

    Your advice has really helped me see the truth as to why I do this, when it's evident that things cannot possibly go to the next level. I really needed to hear this today. Thank you very much.

  • @kimlienca
    @kimlienca 5 лет назад +1

    listening ang crying
    Thank you Susan from the bottom of my heart
    God bless your beautiful heart Susan🙏

  • @ebutym67
    @ebutym67 5 лет назад +4

    Thank you for your words of wisdom. You're bringing logic which I need desperately to my obsession.

  • @LOKgr
    @LOKgr 5 лет назад

    Hello from Greece...
    I m male 23 and divorced with my 18yo girl on 30th of August...
    THANK YOU....
    You are the voice of truth, awakening and logic...
    A big thank you for the relief you bring on my soul, heart and mind...
    ❤❤❤

  • @kelpiegirl
    @kelpiegirl 5 лет назад +4

    The truth is in the pattern; the consistency, or lack thereof. Space and time away does wonders... re-setting to your inner self again...

  • @GeneJenkins
    @GeneJenkins 5 лет назад +3

    Susan you have absolutely hit this nail on the head for me! It's exactly what I've been caught up in for months. I certainty concur with your analysis and thank you for your insights as usual!

  • @DelayInBlockProductions
    @DelayInBlockProductions 5 лет назад +1

    Thank God for you and Coach Corey Wayne.

  • @nicolesplace2733
    @nicolesplace2733 5 лет назад +3

    Hello Ms Winter, this was right on time. Thanks for all of your work.