SOCIAL ANXIETY EXPLAINED: how does it work?
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- Опубликовано: 23 май 2018
- Better Help: tryonlinetherapy.com/kat
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I suffer from social anxiety. I can't really help it. It's gotten to the point where I don't even have thoughts about it anymore. I'm in my zen state with zero thoughts about the future or the past, but the presence of a stranger will get my heart racing almost automatically. It's just a real tight pain in the arse.
I feel ya.
you discribe exactly how i'm filing now
I understand you very well. It is like a reaction to touching a hot pan. I don't even have think about it. I just panic and escape if I have any opportunity to do this.
I wish I was confident
sneha sunil same
sneha sunil same🙄
Same :(
It’s like a voice telling you what to do and what other people are thinking
There are several suggestions worth trying
Find the reasons why you suffer from shyness - the first step in solving a problem is understanding why you have it.
Be at ease with yourself - this makes it less difficult when you meet other people.
Ju?t do it - you will become more confident by taking action - especially by doing activities which push your limits.
(I learned these and more tips on sebs shyness tactic site )
just had a realization while watching this; anxiety, while stemmed from being very focused on yourself, is not being selfish. Sometimes people think that people with social anxiety are simply above everyone else, that they avoid people because they are constantly judging others and aren't avoiding people out of fear. I never realized I had really internalized this until now, I think. Social anxiety has absolutely nothing to do with narcissism! At all. It's actually the opposite. When I think about myself all the time during a conversation, sometimes I feel bad for doing it because I think I am being selfish for focusing on me too much and not others when, in the same thought, I am thinking about how I am inconveniencing the other person for talking.... like, what? Sorry, I just realized my brain is an even bigger liar than I thought it was before. Why, oh why does it work like that... please just stooooppp
I'm just sad. My whole life i was living with social anxiety. These days it got worse. And i thought its depression or something. But only because of your videos i know I've gotten Social anxiety. My mind while watching your videos goes like "really its not normal?? I can be cured?"
I'm so thankful to you.
Same. It becomes your life and you feel surprised when it comes out as a mental disorder, and not as the way everyone else thinks
@@camilla8129 Honestly that pretty much sums it up
i go blank when someone asks me to say something
I suffer from social anxiety to the level of lacking confidence to type this comment, thanks to the video I atleast overcome that situation.
Does social anxiety discourage from learning new things? I am afraid of trying new things because someone would have to teach me and judge me. I'm scared of making mistakes and that someone could think I'm stupid, it refers especially to private lessons, where I have a very direct contact with a teacher. That's one of the reasons I've stopped my driving lessons, although I was finishing the course. I feel stressed when I'm constantly judged by my instructor, I can't relax. I know I suffer from SAD but I'm not sure if my fear of learning new things is connected with social anxiety. Can someone answer my question, please?
Yes it does.
Yeah it does
I also had to stop my driving lessons because I constantly felt that the instructor thinks I'm an idiot. It felt terribly and I could not concentrate on the driving itself and couldn't really practice it during the sessions. It was a torture. Also I love learning languages but I'm afraid of language courses so I prefer learning everything by myself at home.
Yeah it happens with me to
Why is every single thing so relatable :(
I was expected to talk infront of 100 people and I already knew I was totally not wanting to do it. I was eventually forced to go up and speak into the microphone. My hands started shaking uncontrollably and I skipped so many words I made no sense. Just thinking about how absolutely stupid I looked I began the cry and yet still tried to get some words out. I eventually gave up and ran of the stage straight into the bathroom. I sat there alone until the rest of the 3 hour meeting was over. Just thinking about having to speak infront of just 20 people makes me want to cry and have a full blown panic attack. I am a junior in high school that will put her grades in jeopardy if it involves presenting. I hide under my desk as if I was a child and try and not to pass out.
It'll get better I'm sure! Stay strong ❤
They should not have forced you to give that speech. Time to find new friends.
understand that there's a lot of people on here trying to know if they do have social anxiety. Ngl, I am one of them. I need help. Here are my symptoms:
1) I FREAK when ordering food. Went to a Chip shop and asked the guy, "excuse me." He didn't here and I panicked so I just said hey really loudly. I only went to the chip shop in the first place because my parents told me to and wouldn't take no for an answer.
2) I've had to slowly learn conversation.
3) I have to remember to make eye contact.
4) I have to physically FORCE myself to talk to someone new,
5) I write out my phone calls before I make them, and I've only done 3 phone calls in my life (I'm 15) and no one else can be listening when I do them.
6) in conversations, I always have to think really carefully about what I'm saying and how it comes across.
7) It makes me so scared being in large crowds.
8) I refuse to go in small shops (like a bakery) because they're just too small and I feel like I'm being judged and I'm too close to the till person. Does that make any sense!?
9) I find it so hard going to social events.
And yet, I love dancing so long as it's dark, no ones watching or I have someone to dance with. (My best friend (I only have 1))
10) I hate walking along main roads because I feel like everyone is watching.
11) I'm always conscious of What people are thinking of me.
12) I dip dyed my hair bright pink once and felt physically ill and a nervous wreck when I went to school with it, but I have since dyed my whole head pink and experienced those feelings on a lower level because I convinced myself to stuff people's opinions.
13) I cry when I have to go to a social event that I really don't want to go to. And will often spend time on the toilet before bigger social events.
I would SO appreciate any help you can offer, you don't even understand how helpful it would be to get a second opinion.
I think you might have social anxiety, at least those are some of the symptoms that people with social anxiety experience, altough it depends on the person
(Sorry if I made any mistake, English is not my mothertonge language)
Hi! How are you doing now?
I too have social anxiety and I would definitely recommend therapy. Talking and working out your problems with a specialist might be a start to healing and getting healthy.
Personally, I have had social anxiety for the last five years or so and no amount of getting out of my comfort zone has ever helped me. But I started therapy a month ago and I think I'm getting better. It's still tough, but I know I'm working on healing.
Also, I personally loved the book "How to be yourself" by Dr. Ellen Hendrickson (it's not an ad, obviously). It was the first time I learned that social anxiety is something that can be overcome which was very empowering to me.
And lastly, as banal as it sounds, one way to battle SAD is to support, empathize and learn to love yourself as you would support and love your friend or relative with SAD. My therapist says that I should learn to encourage and support my inner child instead of constantly bashing and criticizing her.
I'm not a therapist and I'm still battling my social anxiety, but I hope some of this will be helpful to you.
Much love and support to you!
This is my anxiety loop:
I feel alone -> afraid of rejection -> not talking to people -> they won’t talk to me -> I feel alone. Repeat.
How do I break out of this loop? Can you please give a hint? (Sorry for my English, this is not my native language).
Talk to someone, you stand to gain more by trying 😀
@@Hope-et8fc Sadly, that's the only way to tackle shyness or social anxiety. I overcame my fear of spiders as I realise they're not dangerous so why can't I get over my shyness? May not be relevant but idk
Step 1: Smile
Step 2: Say hi and ask a random question, move off
Step 3: Include small talk into what you find intriguing about someone to approach
Step x: You must've succeed somewhere, because you never know when someone will invite you to do something lol
Even if 'they' won't talk to us - remember they can be just as nervous. People like talking about themselves, so it's a hit and miss finding that jackpot question
There should be a dating site for people with social anxiety. So, when you go to a date, no one should feel pressed to make conversation or getting close to the other :-))))
You are genius, especially from 5:50 to 6:45 minutes.
this series is a really good piece of work, thank you!
Perfect timing! Your voice was exactly what I needed to cheer me up a little. Thank you so much for existing and helping so many people with your videos!❤️
I always listen to your videos when i'm like grochery shopping or are around a lot of pepole, i have pretty bad social anxiety but listening to your videos helps me to feel better ❤️❤️
When I was younger I tried to confront my worst fears speak in public and speak in front the person I liked....It was horrible ,everybody was watching me I just wanted to die or something. My Friends was really extroverted I just wanna be like that, share my ideas, was the worst day of my Life, like all my fears come true, a place full of people, cameras, important people and the person I like..my speech was horrible I was so nervous I can't speak more than a minute ....then I was talking with my Friends and a complete stranger came to us, he says congratulations to my Friends and when he looked at me he don't say anything I was devastaded, my Friends won a price, i didn't ... This traumatic event have been in my mind for years.... I didn't understand why me :( but now I do, its name is social anxiety and really guys don't you tried to confront your fears without professional help is dangerous... You need to search for help...I know its hard .....but is even hardest live like that .....I really like your Channel ...is all the truth not just the common dangerous advice "confront your fears" "move from your comfort zone"....full of lies
Thanks for making this serie. This is high quality content and it's actually helping people understanding
Your series are truly a blessing. It helps to know that there are others with social anxiety out there.
As I finishing up this series, you’ve definitely helped to shed light on such a subject for me. I’ve known I’ve had social anxiety for a while now and have been extensively researching for years but recently I’ve felt as though I didn’t actually have it and was fabricating it. However, I’m now realizing that the slightest, day to day tendencies that l have are strong indicators. I’ve been going to therapy for the last month and wow things I’ve discussed my concerns about make so much sense now.
You deserve so much more suscribers, what you do is amazing.💓
Love this series. Looking forward to the next video.
THANK YOU KAT FOR THIS WORK!
Love this series, it's so accurate!
Best video on social anxiety I have ever seen. Keep on the great work! :)
your voice is so calming i like your voice sm
Świetny film!. Daje do myślenia..
Thank you for making these videos and helping so many people. Yes, you do help a lot of people and this means so much for many of us.
Please keep on making this sort of content and don't forget your work is apreciated. Love you and wish you all the best
Your voice is so calming !
thank you so much. watching you makes me feel way less lonely, calm and helps me understand myself. this is gold thank you.
Very good and informative video! I often watch or listen to your videos when I have to calm down because of your voice :)
This video is so good! It really helps me think myself from a different angle, thx Kat!
absolute best video I have ever watched on social anxiety! I have had SA for 10+ years now. I’m in disbelief it has taken me this long to come across this model. this is incredibly informative & helpful. thank you SO much!
Thank you for this video, the information in it is helpful and your voice is very calm and soothing which makes reflecting on the information easier :) I've been socially anxious for years and years and I've thought a lot about how it's made me too self-centered! It's definitely a goal of mine to change the situation somehow.
Thank you so much for creating this video series. I've gained a lot of information about social anxiety and most of things you say are so relatable. I'm so glad that I'm getting answers to something I've been suffering for so many years but I never knew what was wrong. I agree that getting diagnosed and treated by someone certified to do so is a great idea but my family just thinks it's pathetic of me to suffer a fictional disease. They want me to 'get over it'. People think it's a ready-made excuse I've cooked up for convenient times.
Never been this early. Anyways I love these videos. Can't have these conversations with anyone I know so its nice to at least hear someone else talk about these things at the very least.
Wow. I needed this!
Hi Kat, thanks you for this video series!
I'm currently in CB Therapy and you describing this model helped me to understand my therapy and the illness quite a lot better! My therapist does describe the process of SA but this really did help me. Took a lot of notes
Also, I'm seeing a lot of sad and depressed people in the comments. I know its hard but go see a therapist und keep trying different ones if one doesnt work for you! Dont give up hope! Its kind of the only way out of this disease
I am crying because it's hard when you just 18y( and any age actually ) and u suffering of that. But thanks. I am hurry to start a therapy and positive about the futur. Love you Kat thank you for all.( from France)
Alors cette thérapie ? J'ai 20 ans et je suis français aussi, j'ai pas encore franchi le pas commencer une thérapie :(
Thank you so much! Your channel is absolutely amazing and you videos are the reason i now know i have social anxiety.❤
olivia ward go get properly diagnosed!! 💕
Exceptionally good video and series on SA.. probably the best I've seen on youTube.
this was so helpful. im starting therapy soon!
sami m hey, I too am starting therapy soon. It makes me so nervous to know that I will not only have to talk to a stranger, but talk about my deep thoughts, feelings, and life. I see you have said this a month ago, so I was wondering how your doing!!
i also have social anxiety. I don't talk much and even forget what next i have to say especially when I'm around people. 😞
wow! really great job :) (first, sorry for my english, I'm spanish!)
I'm psychologist and yes, I've suffered social phobia since 15 years approximately. I think your video series are very useful to people to really understand this problem and to people who have social anxiety to discover more things about their symptons and, of course, know that there's light for them finally :)
Personally, thank you for your researching job, despite I'm a psychologist with social phobia and that I go to terapy; I've discovered a lot of things I didn't know about this problem (this theoric model for example), and always.. listen to other people who feels/thinks things and situations like you, it's a great and comfortable sensation that you are not alone in this. Thank you :)
Finally, I'm really interesting in articles you have used for create this 4th video, can you share them with me? :)
kisses!
amazing series! seeing this model has changed the way i see my social anxiety. i’m in school and i cannot afford therapy right now. thank you for explaining this so clearly. i agree with you that professional therapy is the ideal solution and self-therapy isn’t as effective, but it’s the best i can do right now.
exceptional work!WELL DONE, A BIG HUG FROM GREECE
Thanks again for your valuable efforts. Now I have fully understand the disorders within myself. But I am still waiting for you to make a separate lecture on treatment of Social Anxiety.
Thank you so much. You described me at every social meeting/event. Yesterday i went to a bar with my friend and one other person i rarely see. First of all there were people and the waiter wanted me to say what i want to drink, second i haven't been in a bar for almost a year, the lightings were bright, it was very hot and my ovaries started to ache(i have a health problem with them) i was feeling pain even though that day i was fine until that moment(it happens everytime i am in a social event, everything i have health problems with start to ache)..so after that i could not even walk because the bloating stomach was like i was pregnant but i was smiling wih them and went till the end like it didn't happen. At home, after one hours of being in my comfort zone the pain went away. It is like people with heart problems, everytime they worry they might have pain in the heart. I know it sounds strange but i this is how it works for me, insanely, i feel pain because of my social anxiety and I don't want that, i understand it is not worth it, my health is more important but...so my question is: is there a way we could deal wih it alone or without therapy it is not possible?
thank you for this!..
OMG you are such a big help!
Your voice sounds like Keira Knightley's! You have kind of a British accent. :)
Btw, I love your videos, and this SA series.
Thank you for explaining it so well. These videos are really helpful! The things you say are very relatable. By the way, I will have to do a presentation tommorow. Ugh, wish me luck 😅
good luck :D
Hello
This is a cool video I have exactly the same. Like yesterday I had a day where I decided to push myself and the result is that today I am stressed remembering everything that happen again and again and imagining that everyone is thinking I did wrong
I usually force myself to stay in the extreamly anxious place because i know i have SAD so i know my mind makes it look like a big deal. But i get really depressed because of this. This happened when i started a new sport with unknown people it was so scary but i forced myself to stay into it and i have memories with fake laughs and so many awkward situations which i tried to stay cool but at the end i think i made some friends also it helped with my social anxiety ( also at that time i was going to theraphy so that mind be helpful too)
Thank you so much for your videos. I'm a 30 year old black male and I struggle with severe social anxiety. I definitely need help but this issue. I need somebody to talk to cuz nobody understands me
make part 5 please ! Thanks alot!:)
I wanted to thank you for your videos and all the work you put into them. I always thought I was incredibly shy and I tried cure it by doing things way out of my comfort zone, but that made me even more insecure and stressed me out so much.. When I started watching your videos, every symptom applied to me, and when I read the comments, I didn't felt alone anymore, because so many people felt like I did. So yeah, thank you for that :) (I'm also going to get professional help. I wanted to go to therapy for so long but I thought that it's just "shyness" and it will pass)
(if i made any linguistic mistakes, i'm sorry, i'm not a native english speaker)
Wow now everything I’ve been feeling makes sense....
I had a job interview a few weeks ago and it went exactly how you described the meeting for the project... I’m so sorry other people have to experience living like this.
i like your video,hope you cao make more about SAD
I stop listening to music and wait while my brother walks past my room ;)
I've got social anxiety but I can't go to therapy and i can't talk to my family or friends and now it's driving me crazy and I feel horrible
4:50 these are so accurate.
I'm scared.
God help!!!!!
I am quiet around strangers/new people and this always makes them tend to think that I am rude then they immediately start to dislike me, and this always creates problems for me (like bullying and dissing),but in reality I'm just afraid that if I say something they might think I'm stupid and laugh at me or something so I just listen to their conversation without interfering or participating in it, (because even my brain stops creating ideas and sentences, like it's just blank) I only feel comfortable around people who act really friendly and show interest in me, otherwise I wouldn't talk at all and if I do I would be sweaty and shaky, I would like to change this character about myself but I don"t have any chance for therapy
i had this since i was little. i have no true best friend that understand me. a few years ago i gotten a lot better with it. the number on thing that help me get over it is my boss ( a second father too me) gave me changes to talk one and one about things life about farming and anything. he helped me practice on paying attention to what we were talking about. that was the number one thing that i struggle with. it gave anxiety and plus that im feel like im been judge like its been in the passed. my boss as real helped me out. i still have trouble in groups talking and stuff. i over thinking about everything. i meet a girl that has the same thing and i real like her and i will never judge her because of it and i really want her to know that. i understand what shes going through. i want help to know what to say about telling her that i will never leave her or judge her or leave her. shes in deep anxiety of thoughts of losing her friends. please help me.
Hej!
Zrobiłabyś film o tym jak postępować w relacji z osobą posiadającą Fobie społeczną?
Co robić a czego nie robić gdy chcemy żyć, poznać się, przyjaźnić się z osobą o takiej dolegliwości?
Pozdrawiam! Robisz świetne filmy!
byc moze kiedys, nie moge obiecac :)
Będę czekał ^^
ew. jesteś mi w stanie coś takiego podlinkować? Najlepiej w języku polskim.
Pozdrawiam ^^
Niestety nie. Pozdrawiam.
KAT NAP
I got somewhat of anxiety just by listening to this.
Try having a stammer AND social anxiety!!!
My biggest problem (caused by social anxiety) is taking oral exams.. I'm studying foreign languages, so I have to go trough them quite often, and despite the fact that I always pass my writing tests with good grades, I can barely pass the speaking part. My mind goes blank, I forget the most simple words and I can't think of anything to say, so I keep repeating the same sentences, using the most basic words and making looong pauses. It drives me crazy, because I can't show my full potential, I can't get a good grade, all because of my irrational fear that kicks in whenever I know someone's carefully listening to me (and judging me ofc, because it's an exam!). Don't know what to do with it, it literally ruins my life :(((((
Traducelo al español! Por Favor!
Can someone tell me whats the difference is between social phobia and social axienty?
(If it’s explained later on in the video im sorry im still watching the video so sorry)
They are the same. Just two different phrases to describe the same thing.
Kat Napiorkowska ah alright thanks for the help
it took me like 14 years to find reasons and answers
I need help. I have to do a presentation pretty soon and i have social phobia. So my question is can someone help me to not be so scared? Like if anyone’s has some tipps? I just want it to run smoothly without getting a red face.
Hi there :) I have a lot of experience getting through presentations with social anxiety so maybe I can suggest some of the ways I deal with it. What I normally do is practice a lot beforehand. I practice what I want to say in the most conversational way possible even if the grammar is terrible as conversational speech often sounds better. I practice changing my tone of voice to emphasis certain things and I practice hand gestures and casual movements so that I dont look stiff as a board or like I'm dancing on the spot. What helped me the most is practicing what I will say without looking at the notes or slides because when I go up with notes I often become dependent on them and become too afraid to look out at the audience. I still bring notes up with me to help if I get stuck but practicing without lets me become less dependent on them. Looking up at the audience is terrifying so I usually pick two spots at the back corners of the room to focus on and move my head between them periodically to give the impression I'm paying attention to the audience. Lastly I keep practicing until I've done at least one perfect run through to the time limit I've been given. I still shake like a leaf every time I go up which will probably never go away but at least now I can keep my voice steady and clear. One last thing, stumbling and tripping over your words is common and happens to everyone eventually, if you do so, acknowledging it can often be the best way to handle it so that your not left in an awkward silence with your mouth hanging open, you can say something like 'sorry I just lost what I was about to say there, let me backtrack a little' (fyi I got complimented by a supervisor when I used that line to cover a stumble so it works!).
I know how you feel, presentations are the worst! I hope you do well :)
I also have social phobia and when I have a presentation to do, I talk to the teacher or whoever is the responsible person , and explain the situation, normally they are very understandable and I do only the written part of the work ... I suggest that you dont force yourself to do something that you dont feel well in, I assure you that this only makes the situation worse, at least at the beginning of treatment, it is recommended that we phobic expose ourselves gradually ,and gradually to the situations that make us more anxious. I dont know if you are in treatment, but if you are , and its the beginning, this is the best thing to do, dont push yourself too hard in the beginning, thats the key ... I hope I have helped you and feel free to ask me anything...
Laura Ramos I am in treatment and it is just the beginning you’re right about that but the thing is my school wont acknowledge such things and take such things as an excuse of being lazy. I also have something which makes me have difficulties concentrating, remembering things and makes be worse in math and german and the school also refuses to acknowledge that so my grades are usually worse then others :/. I also have a partner and i really don’t want to let her down. I mean i understand i am going to graduate in one or two months and i need to be able to do presentations. But still thank you :)
Thank you so much you two for replying and trying to help out. It means a lot really! Im going to keep the things in mind that you’ve said again thanks for the help!
Thank you for the comments!
Little update. It didn’t went well :T
I am staying at hostel n it sucks
I am trying to work in customer service..
I said to one of my close friend that I have social anxiety, but she didn’t believe me, she said that “You don’t have social anxiety”.
I gave her lots of proof that I have, but she did n’t believe it, she told me that I’m just too shy.
If I just had not adhd or depression in my life I would have lived a better life
Hi, how are you Kat?
Does someone with a social anxiety have a tendency to blame others for their mistakes and decisions?
300,000++ Subscribers, 23,000++ views and +1300++ Likes
So we are not alone for sure :)
LSD has helped immensely with my social anxiety and just my general well-being in life.
Where do you find lsd please?
I have never in my life have seen/heard anything as reletable as this video:
No face ?!... God damn it :|