Messed up beyond repair.
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- Опубликовано: 11 июл 2024
- just talking about trauma, bipolar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, family, alcoholism, therapy, divine timing, friends, relationships, anxious attachment style and all the other sh*t. I am absolutely terrified to post this but I am doing this for my sanity. Tired of pretending like I come from a normal, healthy background.
00:00 opening - return of trauma
4:36 childhood
8:30 abusive relationships
16:24 random stuff
19:29 current relationship
22:04 don't compare yourself to others
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thank you for listening to my whining. I'm sorry if this is boring, but I didn't prepare and also had to have a drink to get through this haha so it is all over the place. I’m sorry I repeat myself a few times. 😂
Just had to let it out and I can move on now. 😀
I’m very happy for you and god bless you when ever you go I enjoyed watching your story just remember you’re not alone 🤗
Thank you beautiful therapist
Thanks you so much for sharing this, I resonate with you and this really helped me a lot. Love and hugs.
That was so relaxing and freeing , thank you for being this open and confident to share your story , my heart goes out to you and i absolutely relate to many things you've been through.. it's not easy at ALL .. we got this ♡
Thank you sloth crew (so far). I thought it would be tops 2 people. 😭😭
😊❤️
Sloth ❤️
Love your voice. It’s like a cozy blanket! 💕🥺 Your videos are therapy to me.
First of all that was not nearly long enough ! Hearing about your history makes me feel that your current partner is incredibly lucky seeing you, in real time, healing and getting better and blooming in your inner and outer beauty ! Lucky bastard :D Although we, here on this channel, thanks to videos like this one can claim a small piece of this luck of being a witness to your journey Kat.
And secondly - your voice throughout this video, the scenery with the ambient lighting, the yellow couch, all of that creates such a relaxing atmosphere even for such a difficult topic. AND the freaking rain ! Oh, that was a cherry on top ! All of that made me almost meditate.
SO yeah, only 28 minutes? that just flew buy Kat. And it was the most calming, and reassuring 27 mins 55 seconds I have had in a long time
Thank you. 😭
🦥 this video felt like receiving a huge hug from an old friend, thank you for sharing these traumatic experiences without turning them into something triggering to us viewers (which seems to be unexpectedly hard these days when it comes to the internet). i'm on a personal healing journey as well and this video hit (especially tonight). thank you, dear.
Thanks a lot, what a nice conversation.
It may be the case that I learned about my social anxiety through one of your videos,, like I didn't know that what I am going through has a name and there are people out there who are going through it as well.
I relate in that I compare myself to everything, and every one, and get jealous of even players winning the champions league while I am sitting watching them.
I am messed beyond repair though. But it is okay, Nothing Matters. I am dealing with it.
None of us really are messed up beyond repair. There’s a wonderful quote by Gabor Mate: “Not every story has a happy ending... but the discoveries of science, the teachings of the heart, and the revelations of the soul all assure us that no human being is ever beyond redemption. The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.” ❤️
Thank you for sharing. Recently some old thoughts came back and I wondered the same things you did: why is it coming back? Will it always come back? I've made so much progress, how can this still happen? It's a relief to see other people go through this as well. And it's so true that we always focus on what isn't working out and rarely celebrate our successes! How sad is that?
I needed to hear that. Thank you for your story Kat!
Talking about things, even to a camera, can feel so freeing. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Also your voice is always so relaxing 😌
This feels like a safe space and a sisterly one ♥️💜💜 thank you so much , I found listening to you therapeutic and not alone . Definitely feels like a hug 🌼🌼💕
Thank you so much for opening up like that 💙 i relate to so many things... 🦥
Thanks for sharing your experience its so helpful for my mind personally. I've been in such stressful situations and have healed my mind all alone it's heartbreaking your body even suffers due to the stress that we deal while we suffer. God bless you ❤ you are so courageous to share it with everyone
Thank you for being open about your abusive relationships it makes someone like me feel safe in knowing I’m not alone ❤️
thank you so much for sharing this, Kat. your videos have helped me so much over the years. I'm having the same thing atm, past traumas about childhood coming back up after years of therapy and progress. I think you're so strong and resilient, I respect you so much. I wish you all the best moving forward and please know you are not alone, we are all here
So proud of you for speaking your truth and breaking through this idea that you have to seem perfect all the time. I found it so relatable and felt similar to you in so many ways so many times. I feel like I saw another side of you today and I really enjoyed this quality in you :) Happy for you that you found some joy and safety in your current life.
I love hearing your stories, you deserve this space to talk 💛
There's a very high strength you have to share this with those who resonate. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences with us with this video as well as past videos. They have helped me even to really confirm what's going on in my own world. KNOW that you ARE powerful in all your own ways no matter what anyone else says! Thank you again and KEEP HUNTING!
Thank you so much for this video and what you said about not comparing yourself to people who've lived a "normal" life, I know I needed that and many others have probably needed that as well. I love your channel, your content makes me feel validated in what I feel and gives me words to better express it. You're very brave for sharing these experiences and thank you for sharing them even tho it's definitely not easy. Take care and remember to be kind to yourself ❤
This video is a blessing, thank you so so much for sharing your experience.
I've just realized how toxic my past relationship was, it took me two years but better late than never, I guess...
Sending you a virtual hug Kate, you really are a beautiful soul ❤️🦥
🦥I’ve been through these kinds of abusive relationships and they really do mess you up. It takes a lot of work to heal and I’m happy you’re able to tell us this story. Makes me feel less alone
Hi! Kat, I really needed to hear those words about not comparing yourself. I'm always grateful to you to be brave enough to let us know more about you
Sening hugs from Mexico, Love you
im stoned in my room after a trauma rebound. yay :') really heavy but idk my angel grandma helps me. and maybe ur video. thank u !u look stunning and healthy and beautiful.
Hi! Thank you for opening up about your trauma. You are not alone, and I'm happy to see you again
Thank you for sharing your stories with us!
They really give you a chance to identify with someone. Because I often think that everyone is kind of screwed and can due to that somehow understand these types of issues; but in the end, at least in my case, very few really do.
And also the part of listening to other people's problems and trying to help them all the time and never talking about your own because then you would feel sorry for yourself too much, I can relate incredibly much.
That's why your work can be a relief for me from time to time. So thank you for giving me that!
I wish you peace and contentment 🦥!
I made it to the end! by the way your videos are really helpful for a few reasons like: your voice is sooo soothing and way way more i think there is a lot more people who watched to the end.
🦥This video literally gave me shivers. It was very intense listening to you, because I know you are always secretive about your private life and now I understand that you went through a similar path to mine. I'm glad that you created a healthy relationship and I believe that the bad things will never come back to you again. I see a huge change in you compared to the past and that gives me hope. All the best 🖤
🦥🦥🦥 You are so loved by your community
I'm usually a silent viewer, but I I watch all your videos. Thank you so much for talking about this issue and reminding me that others feel the same way. I have been feeling frustrated at work again the last few days because everyone else has it so easy. Your video has shown me again that it's okay that some things are harder for me in life. Thank you for that❤️
I found your channel quite recently and you honestly described some of my deepest feelings in words which really helps in some way. Having this extreme urge to perform perfectly without having this label that “oh she’s mentally unstable” like I cant taint my families image. We are these type of people to be therapists to others and end up being walked on. It’s hard to magically “not be a therapist” because you can’t just walk away from someone. This comment is sorta all over the place but thank you for putting this video out
I love you!💜🌌 I came here from Hindz channel and let me tell you he didn't dissapoint. Amazing work! Your story is such a reflection of many. We are in this together.
🦥Thank you for everything, during my darkest times through you videos you made me feel understood and that i wasn't the only one experiencing those things. Also message to everybody: keep fighting, it does get better, there is a happy ending
🦥I love you Kat. You have helped me immensely with your videos. I always come back for the videos whenever I feel trapped in my past traumas. I cherish your dedication and passions for what you do and appreciate it that you're sharing your own stories this time. Thank you.💗
Great to see u back on here.
I can kinda relate to your feelings so I just wish u the best 🦥🖤
Kat, i am so grateful to you that you shared this. And I am proud of you.
This was a very sweet and chill video😄. Thanks for posting it! Felt very nice to put it in the background while doing some work.
Happy for your progress, Kat! Wishing you strenght and patience. I'll be looking out for your other work
thank you for being so vulnerable with us 🦥
Thank you for making yourself vulnerable and sharing 🦥 ❤
You don't do depressing stuff on yt.. your videos are so creative, empathetic, ingenious, even beautiful. Your work is unique and you are very talented (and I'm not saying this just because I like your videos haha). Please don't stop from what you are doing and don't give up your projects (even if you don't do mental illnesses related videos anymore). You have no idea how much your videos helped me cope with my own struggles and they are still a source of encouragement and resilience up to this day. Thank you and lots of hugs!
🦥 Dear Kat, I truly appreciate you sharing and opening this up, I've never felt I could relate to someone so much. I've always wondered why do some have it so easy, and why some, me included, are chosen to go through something we never asked for. Take care, Kat. This was much needed. Much love to you! 💕
🦥 po prostu Ci dziękuję. Podzielenie się swoją historią, stawienie czoła wstydowi to oznaka wielkiej odwagi, ale przede wszystkim ogromu pracy nad sobą i za to czapki z głów.
PS śledzę Twoje poczynania od czasów photobloga, kiedy sama byłam jeszcze gówniarą i niezmiennie mam nadzieję, że Twoja praca i bycie wiernym pewnym zasadom zostanie odpowiednio wynagrodzone.
Dochodzę do siebie właśnie po narcystycznej przemocy ze strony partnera. Już byłego. Dziękuję za podzielenie się swoją historią, dobrze wiedzieć, że nie jestem z tym sama. Ściskam mocno ❤️
Hello, Kat 🦥 I can’t even begin to describe how much your existence, putting out all this creative work out here, remaining true to yourself and proving to be human has helped me. I’ve been following you for years, always have you (and little angel alaska) in mind though this is my first time reaching out. I’m a psychology student with my own long list of personal issues that I’ve been working through and a deep passion for photography as well - I was gifted my first camera after a surgery that got me stuck in bed for more than a year and it truly worked as a lifejacket. So did writing and your words have managed to reach deep into my heart time and time again. Our contexts may be quite different, so are our mother tongues. But I’m amazed by how human experience narrated the way you do can go beyond borders and become a hug in the middle of the night. I don’t quite know where I’m intending to go with this message but I felt the need let you know at least once that I’m here following your journey and growing up with you. And for that I’m soooo thankful. I always come back to your videos when I need to hear from someone who seems to get where I’m coming from with my mindset. I’m well aware of how personal this video is. Seeing you burst out all those repressed words at times, struggling to put some situations into words at others, is raw and natural in a way I rarely find in the internet. It’s comforting. Thank you, thank you. Sending a lot of love from Argentina ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing something so personal and difficult with us 🤍🦥
Thank you for sharing…my father is a NPD and it’s actually good to know/hear that you got over ppl like him,it gives me hope 😢♥️
Thank you for making this video. I really needed it🥰❤
🦥 Thank you SO MUCH for this raw & vulnerable video. As a person who experienced emotional abuse from a NPD individual, I can relate to your story. I dont think I can grasp how difficult it might be to share these experiences online though. Your courage is truly inspiring ❤️ Sending you lots of love and strength ✨
That was so helpful… While watching ur videos I feel myself like at home, in state I feel safe, understood. Thank u so much♥️♥️♥️ Hope everything will be great with u and with all of us ♥️🤗
I feel like this video was meant to be seen by me at this very moment. Thank you for being brave to share this part of your life. I struggle every day not to compare myself to others, but it is an every day battle. We are not alone🦥
Thank u for this video 🙏 remember u from the videos u did in polish, and it's really amazing what u did accomplished since then. There is no many people speaking this raw about mental health on daily basis and it's making my heart warm thinking u are from the country that have so much censure over it. Keep it going, u got this ❤️🦥
🦥 It was hard listening to everything you’ve been through and even harder once I’ve realised you basically described some of the behaviours I’d experienced, both with romantic partners and family members. The hoover analogy and how you always end up back with them, even though you’re fully aware it’s the worst thing you could ever do. Thank you for being so open and I’m happy to hear you’re doing better now. You’re so right about astrology making us dig deeper into our consciousness and trauma. Would highly recommend a book called ‘What happened to you’ which massively helped me to heal and come to terms with trauma.
Much love 💜 I’m here since photoblog days, the Outlast streams were my fave😆
half way through the video , and i need to comment. You are and were always a hero in my eyes, looking up to you, how you help others and with all the creative work you do. You rock. That said i want to give you a big hug, because you deserve them for the nice person you always have been and always will be ...
sat
ps i am one of the many that made it to the end ....
Thanks for sharing this video. I'm going through the healing process right now and I'm learning to be less hard on myself for not having my life together. I'm in the process of cutting toxic people out of my life right now and it's tough.
I’m happy for your happy ending , it felt good when you said i’m in good relationship 🌹
I really enjoyed watching your story 😊😇
I wish you all the best Kat. Thank you.
One year later and I have watched your video. I was born in Canada and raised by a fully Polish family/background.
I know EXACTLY what you mean about the “perfect” look that those who were onlookers have seen beyond the front door. I thought by moving to Australia back in 1999, that I would escape the all the crap and start “my” life the way I want it to be. I now have come to terms with the fact that you can’t move on without dealing with all the trauma your family have put you through during your childhood.
You are amasing - I have seen myself through your video. Thank you 🙏
🦥
I am polish too, and have no idea what is she talking about. How is it possible that you claim knowing exactly what happened in her family? What happened??
@@user-le4sb8is4i - I not too sure where you see I’ve claimed anything.
Have a good day 🌻
Thank you for opening up to us about your personal life. Listening to the entire video just felt raw. It is definitely good that you're doing well in your current journey.
Life in general is just hard to go through. There are some things where everything felt heavy. But seeing you have that strength in expressing your stories gave me a bit of hope to do the same.
Hope you're doing well! Take care 🦥
i absolutely love your videos, you're such an interesting and inspiring individual ❤️ 🦥
I adore your videos, thank you so much for sharing. 🦥❤️
🦥 Thank you my lovely for sharing your story! I don't think that you are broken beyond repair, there's always some space and power in us to heal from damage done.
Unfortunately, I has abusive childhood, where my mother was abusive for all of my family's members. I don't know if she had NPD but she always said that she is only right and we have to apologize for our mistakes. It put me in a constant feel of guilty and that I am always this bad one... Now I am in process of healing, thanks to good therapy but I was in the very dark place few years ago...
I hope that you will heal your wounds and that you will find your inner peace ❤️ I am sending virtual hug for you! :) Trzymaj się tam Kasiu!
You're not alone in this I swear.
Happy to see U again ♡
🦥 Dziękuje za to, co robisz. Tworzysz sztukę, edukującą, wdzierającą się w serce. Nieczęsto można trafić na materiał, który pochłania Cię i porusza coś, co dawno było martwe. Oh, jak poetycko wyszło. Tak Cię lubię, jakbym znała Cię od lat i miała z Tobą prywatną relacje. Trzymam kciuki za Ciebie, Twoje życie i przyszłe przedsięwzięcia. ✊
Thank you so much Kat 🖤
🦥 I think this video is going to help a lot of people. It certainly helped me. Your final conclusion is very important, because as long as we fail to appreciate the progress we've made we can't break out of the vicious circle of wallowing in our own trauma, and that not only destroys us from the inside but also leaves a mark on all those who care about us. And one more thing - forget about your impostor syndrome. Whatever you talk about in your videos, they always work for me. Watching the video was a very comforting experience (I actually feel a bit guilty about it, as I can clearly see making it was stressful for you) - don't ever stop venting, your venting helps others!
It’s a heartbreaking video . I am very sorry for what you have gone through .
thank you for sharing your story and for the important message **
I made it till the end. I’m so happy to hear that you feel more at peace now ❤️
🦥 Thank you so much for sharing your story. I always think that I am a failure, because my love life is such a mess and I cannot handle life like others. But your videos and stories inspirate me to keep work on myself and get healthy.
I listened till the end , it was very useful to hear you, thank you 😊
Thanks for the video…I’m always enjoying your content…stay safe and take care !! Sending blessings… !!
I am really proud of you.. i made it to the end ❤️❤️❤️ it was absolutely worth it
Although I don't know English very well, it was a pleasure to watch you. I'm sorry for what you went through. I hope you find peace in your life ahead 🦥
Thank you so much for this video 🦥 You really don't need to send me anything, your video is the best gift I could've received. You made me feel seen and understood, and thank you for making me feel so much less alone. As a teen who's stuck in an abusive household and is currently struggling, you're an inspiration. You've made me realize that healing IS actually possible. Thank you so much❤
Yes, I've made it till the end bcz it relates so much! (about ex bf, I also had a "similar type" of bf, this made me wiser, stronger and toooooo careful about who to let in to my life. Sweety, thank yu for sharing, I hope so much that you are ok physically, emotionally, financially. My best wishes to you, sweetheart, keep on blossoming! My hugs to you from Ukraine!
How can anyone abuse you, you’re so precious
You are so brave for opening up like this, Kat. I hope it felt cathartic to speak about it and share this with us ♥️ Take care 🦥
hey cat im really sorry so i recently found out that im severily bipolar and most likely a pathological but (the vulnerable self-hatred type) of a narcissist! godamn I must say the video hit me like a truck when i first found the video (im very paranoid, most likely got c-ptsd too) but that was the first very important step for self-growth i feel like.. thanks very much for the video, i feel like you talked a lot about my dark traits (i literally abused people for drugs because i was so bitter with the world and full of self-hatred etc.. its like an eureka moment for me.. I feel heard and by the way im an aspiring film maker and you are literally my idol.. I wish one day I could make videos about mental health or how much i struggled with it like you do… i love you and apparently narcissists have a tough time in church (im a very heavy sinner) but i hope god has the unconditional love and through self-compassion and self-acceptance maybe ill be able to heal one day.. I hope so otherwise I would indeed be messed up beyond repair right? I need a whole lot of psychotherapy but i hope one day I will be able to forgive myself.. I just blamed it on borderline because the emotional turmoil was literally hell on earth literally.. Id be so glad if you would reply to me because I crave the attention haha 🙈🥰🎭🦥🦥
your videos have helped me a lot
Thank you for this video! 🦥
Beautiful video, it was inspiring to see you speak your truth on this platform. Thank you🦥💜
sending you a bunch of love ♡
🦥 You truly are my sunshine ☀️
I can now FINALLY get through my days knowing that when you know, you know.
Ps: I love your English accent.
I was born in Canada and my whole family ate Polish. I now have been living in Australia for 22 years and my accent is all over the shop.
BTW…. You REALLY are a VERY emotionally strong person.
Love to you Kay ♥️
I think you are amazing and such a cool person to watch and I am so so so proud of your progress and courage to make this video ❤️ keep going, I feel you 😇
I can't find sloth emoji 😑 so I am sending you piggy for luck 🐖
🦥 thank you for sharing, your videos are always helpful
Thank you, and I pray you're doing great.. I've been there and still thinking sometimes about the toxic things he said to me like I can't force myself to tell you're beautiful hhh
Thank you for sharing 🥺
Przykro mi, że Cię to wszystko spotkało, ale cieszę się, że udało Ci się osiągnąć taki punkt zwrotny. Wysyłam przytualasa.
🦥 thank you!
Really enjoyed this video Kat and keeping you in my prayers 😊❤️💯👍
Pain and trauma can't be compared to one another. Whatever it was in your past that hurt you, is part of your history and your feelings are valid. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're overreacting.
I needed this video 🥺
🦥🦥🦥
🦥 Doing great Kat! Thank you for sharing!
I stayed until the end. Thank you for sharing.
thank you kat
Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.........
🦥 I don‘t have any words for this but I see you and I just want to give you a hug right now 🖤
🦥 Sloth emoji here! I relate a lot when you said you are always there to help people but when it's your turn, you don't(or you used too) I do the same because when I share my feeling it feels like people dismiss them. I'm really thankful for cheering us up at the end of the video, I really appreciate it but I really can't see many steps forward in my life. I feel stagnant and walking down a even darker hole. I will still take your words with me and try to cheer up! Thank you for sharing your story with us!
🦥 Thank you for sharing, and I'm glad to hear you're doing well
🦥 you’re amazing ✨
Kat, let me tell you that every time I need to stay alone, the only person I let in is you. I have come back home thinking about my failures in comparison with the success of the people around me and then I played on this video and you said the very word I needed to hear, like it was destiny. I CARE OF EVERY SINGLE THING YOU SAY and I guess I am not the only one to think that.
I admit I am not used in making comments but you really deserves words of love ♡♡