coming from a broken home
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- Опубликовано: 15 июл 2022
- Was inspired by a post on reddit and thought I'd sit down to give you a few gentle reminders.
For everyone who comes from a broken family. Alcoholics, substance abuse disorder, other addicts, narcissists, parents and siblings...
Both my parents were traumatized in their childhood and as a child I suffered with all the collateral damage of it. I've been struggling a lot with depression, anxiety and I found difficult to connect with others. I understand that our family is for most of us, a sacred thing, but we are not obligated to save our family, sometimes you just have to let go.
Im with anxiety now and is sondifficult with all happen in my house i feel like all is complicated me now intrying just think in my own my things and plans but is difficult
@@baarrubiales well the situation is a lot harder when you still live with them. Don't despair though, you won't live with them forever I'm sure.
@@davelewis8270 yes sure thank you🥰
I am 40 now.
I was a therapist to my mom for years, ever since I was 5 and my parents got divorced. For years I had not believed in marriage or healthy relationships. I lived in such disbelief for so long. As soon as I started therapy about 5 years ago, I became aware of the abandon and lack of protection that I had been submitted to. I thank you for this video, because what looks so obvious and true right now may change someone's life and mindset for the first time today.
the best option is to cut ties with everyone, always lower your head, life is too short for dramas, Be yourself and Live your life in ✌️
Been in therapy (IFS) for the last 7 months trying to heal from childhood trauma - grew up with a very abusive father, never having any loving relationship with him. He passed away almost 10 years ago, yes when I heard the news I felt massive relief. During therapy I digged dip and felt the horrible emotions of my inner child and extended love and compassion to him (that's hardest work I can possibly imagine doing). In the beginning of therapy I couldn't imagine having compassion towards the abuser, however over time there was one session where it was possible (I sensed a pain my father had inside him which was the reason for his behaviour) and I felt something inside me guiding me towards a path of forgiveness - it's a very complex road (as you try to separate a person from the behaviour) but one that I believe will eventually lead to freedom. I don't know how long will it take to truly forgive him from my heart but I know that forgiveness is all about me, it's a biggest gift I can give to myself. Anger, resentment that I've been holding on to for years, been destroying me and blocking the positive qualities such as joy to resurface...
Childhood trauma is often so complex and difficult. It feels like healing from it is mission impossible, however I believe that we humans all have a natural capacity to heal from adversities that we experienced when we were growing up.
Wishing you all the best on your journey ❤️
انت في دوله اجنبيه
وأنا دوله عربيه
لكن نعيش نفس القصه 💔
Sometimes it doesn't even have to be a broken home that you are coming from (in sense of parents being divorced, or addicted to substances, etc.), sometimes it's just that one (or more) incredibly narcissistic/toxic family member making your life emotionally hellish. In my case, I had to understand that hurt people hurt people, and knowing this persons background and way in which they were brought up themselves, made me forgive them and even feel a little bit of pity for them. These people often don't realize that the way in which they are acting towards others is wrong. Best thing is to learn to forgive and let go...I still needed to hear some of these words though. Thank you!
Yup, thats why I tend to use “dysfunctional family member” rather than just point to a parent. :)
The same happens to me
Extreme dysfunctional family too, but my own could never own to anything they did or didn't. They feel so much that they are right and are so devoid of empathy while having hurt me all my life, that I don't think I could ever forgive them. I'm now just trying to find a sound way out of the house because I never I could never turn back once I'm out. I've learned that I cannot expect anything from them, I'm currently trying to learn how not to constantly get hurt by them.
Omg you literally save my life, today I had an argument with my mum and I needed to hear something like that so hard, before I watched the video I was strugling with severe anxiety and I was just about to take a pill because I couldn't sleep and thoughts were scrolling about of control and but when I finished the video I felt free, understood and calm and I haven't took that pill. You can't imagine how much you have helped me. I truly love you 💘💖
the worst feeling in the entire world is being scared of your own family. your own home.
you make me feel like i deserve to live thank you ❤️🩹
Thank you so so much Kat, you said everything that happened to me! I can't put into words how you help me!
I really had a bad day due to my mental health issues caused by my family and this helps me to feel calm
My doctor gave me a good idea to fight with the guilt trip of wanting to cut yourself off of your parents and just dissapear like they never existed, so I'll share:
Tell them what makes You feel bad. Tell them what do You need (for e.g. if they are controlling even when you're an adult say that it's uncomfortable to read all of the messages and quesyions about your life every day because it's a bit to much and You need space) and give an ultimatum that if they won't RESPECT your boundaries, you will stop answering your phone.
And then if they will decide to keep Disrespect You and your personal space... You tried. And they chose to not work on your relations. They had a chance to improve at least with one, little step, but they chose to lose You and it's only their fault, not yours
Since I was a little child I felt always bad, like if I was something that is just bothering my parents. But then I realized that I didn't ask them to give me to this world, but it still hurts to feel that you are not loved and you are just bothering even though you do the best you can do. And you always feel that it's your responsibility to "save" and "fix" your broken family and If you don't do that you're just a selfish person. For anyone who can relate this, we will go through this.
You said everything that I've been feeling for all my life! Thank you for this video, Kat! ❤️
Thanks for just getting me like no one else does... You put to words my feelings in a way I would never be able to do myself!
Kat, thank you so much for everything you do on this channel. I really appreciate it and it helps me a lot❤️
This gave me chills and made me cry. I needed to hear this. Thank you so much...
your videos bring so much comfort and your voice is so soothing, thank you kat
i like Carl Jung philosophy - that all bad emotions are part of uss and we need to accept them - anger and sadness too - they are to protect uss and somtimes we are angry at person somtimes its a good think - its good to somtimes to even use those "negative" emotions ti brake those chains of toxic relationships
Thank you Kat. I'm going through the grieving process right now and I'm upset that my parents weren't there for me while trying to come to terms with cutting them off completely. It's difficult and your video was a great reminder to be kind to myself for not having my life together when I'm on my own.
Thanks for this, a lot of us needed to hear this. Also, I received some amazing art from you this morning - much appreciated!
I literally love your vids your by far my favourite RUclipsr, I love watching your amazing vids
Kat, I am so grateful to you, thank you for your sharing, thank you for your thoughts
I needed this video. Thank you.
You look stunning! So gorgeous! Loved the video! Air hug! I swear it ended what seemed in 5 min. I could watch you for hours!! The rain in the background so soothing.✨️🦥
Thanks for remind me some things, I hope the best for you
I love hearing your talk and calm voice 😊
In my experience, the death of my parents allowed me to humanise them again. Allowing myself to feel love and hate towards them. ... The biggest thing for me however is not experience the pain and fear anymore near my mother. ... Thank you for your words, they really resonate with me.
Thank you Kat for everything.❤️
Thank you so much for this
Thank you, you’re the only one who understands.
Hi~ I've just wanted to say: thank you very much for your advice and emotional support. I've found this video at the right time. Your thoughts came to my mind earlier so it's relieving to hear someone saying these things out laud. Dear Kat, I wish you the best and to be able to heal sooner. You help with your videos to many abused person that's why you deserve the best.
Took the words right out of my mouth.
I'm so sorry I understand all of this
No one deserves this treatment
I’m crying…
Dziękuje za ten film 💜
this video helped me thank you. i going to move to the UK to get way form my family.
You know what i find most frustrating? i went through the motions, i understood that it is not my duty to help people who gave me life and then just barely gave a shit, after feeling guilty for almost all my life because i couldn't help neither of them ,because i was a child, i understood that as i helped myself come back from rock bottom they could have done the same somehow, but i can't just leave and start my own life because i depend economically on one of them, and that kills me, i'm unable to be independent and so i have to keep living in a toxic and draining enviroment without the chance of fully letting myself develop friendships or even begin to think about a relationship.
Thanks!
I'm 20 years old i was seeing people of my age living there youth doing great things building there futur not caring about anything but there dreams while i was spending hours every night convincing mom to do the role of a mother to my brothers ! To stop complaing about father because he was so good to her yes he makes mistakes from time to time he is humen but he never never never hurted her i was trying to convince her to stop thinking about divorce just because after 20 years she discovered that he is not the man of her life not her true love! Then why did you brought 5 children to this fucking life if you dont want them and you only want to find your "disney true love "
we had such a beautifu lovely united familly Yes she had difficult childhood becous of her bipolar mother but it was non of our business she used her "difficult childhood" as a joker to be the victime in every situation and i didnt know it was toxic to us because i was just a child ! How should i know !
Now i took the decision to take care only about me because if i dont no one will ,yes i've cried a lot i felt injustice i felt anger i was soooo dependent to my mother she was everything to me but i know she only cares about herself and she insist on continuing playing the role of the victim i feel so much better now that i left home i am healing from depression and anxiety i dont have suicide attempts anymore i never imagined that i could be there and i am so proud of myself now
Danke!
Thank you Kat
I cried so much, this is relatable for me! thanks kat. i literally said to my family "i didn't asked to be born" multiple times, and to be honest i denied everything you said since now... iIm 19, almost 20 and I feel broken! I was a therapist for my mom as a such young age, she complained about her life, her poor family situation when she was young, her struggles and my dad... and still at this day I live with them. My dad cheated on her multiple times, he's a perverse narcissit, he can be violent towards my mom and my big brother (he don't live with us anymore) emotionally and physically, and for me only emotionally because I have health issues since i was born. Yes he had a difficult life too but why should I be sorry for him ? I tried so much time to send him to therapy, to talk during hours and hours, for nothing. Same for my mom, "please leave him, you can do it, we will support you". Still at this day, even tho she left the house multiple time, she's still with this trash because now she's old and she scared to be alone. Now i'm literally broken: anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, issues with love and relationships (scared to be abandoned) and so much more. I should be so excited to be alive at my age, but yet feel so empty and alone. What's the point of trying anyway ? Because of my broken family, I see the world so darkly, this is tiring. I will try to escape one day but there's so much trauma that I deny because people live worse than myself. But well I hope that i'll feel better soon. Sorry I don't want to appeared like I complain or something, I just want to share it with someone, if they can relate. Have a fantastic day and believe in yourself!
Thank u for sharing, it made me feel less alone. I have the same issues with my mental health. I hope one day we will escape from our homes and feel much better
@@torgyn I'm so glad that my story can help u a bit! I promise you're not alone and as you said we will escape from our homes because life is waiting for us to be lived at the fullest
@@black-listed yes!!🥰
Kat, i wish i could be there to hug you. 19.5 years of living and my desire for narcissists to die just never happen. i bet we and people around here understand each other feelings but those feelings feel almost exclusive, not in a good way though. not even near. i wish i could unfuck myself up so i wouldn’t have had to experience the shitload amount of pain.
1000 of hours in therapie yeh this description fits really well :)
True...very truee
This video was uploaded a year ago, but still rings true for me at least. This video hit home pretty hard for me, because for a long time, I blamed myself for faults for a very long time, when it wasn't my fault. One of my parents has mental issues, that's just their personality, they had a tough upbringing sure, whenever they got angry, took it out verbally on everyone in the family, which consists of me (youngest, baby of the family as they say) my older sister & my older brother brother, & my mom. So many rows, over trivial things, I've lost count how many times now. It has drained my energy so much, I grew up in an extremely unhealthy environment all because of this self destructive father, now he is old & frail, & needs 24/7 care, that's even more baggage, for someone, who took so much of my energy away, my enthusiasm for life, I just can't deal with his crap anymore, I'm literally fed up with all his bs crap now. Everything, my mom does is all for him, despite my father spent most of his life, moaning, complaining just about everything, not being grateful for what my mom has done for him all her life. He refuses to eat sometimes, then turns around & blames my mom for not cooking him anything, what kind of monster terrorises their family like this? He was like this, when I was much younger as well. He never gave a single word of encouragement, thank you, or even a single praise, NEVER not even once in my entire life I have never heard him say those words to anyone in my family. So, to me, my father is already dead to me, i have no father. Communication in my family is non existent. It's dysfunctional on a grand scale. On the outset, looks like any other ordinary household, behind closed doors, it's a dysfunctional family. Countless times, where I wish i wasn't alive. I can't take it anymore, I wish i wasn't here. 😢
Hey friend, I hope you are fine, I am with you with this and your existance is so important never doubt it!!!
I have been through very similar situation so never think you are alone, I understand you, God bless you and sending you lots of love ❤ you deserve world and unconditional LOVE!!!! You are here to be truly at peace and be happy not to suffer in permanence...
I hate when people who grow up in safe and stable families but with one of the parent missing, decide to say things like “ at least your dad is alive”. It is just not the same thing. The pain of losing someone and the pain of beaing abuse are so different. And I don’t need you to compare my pain with yours so you can feel better. People who comes from family of abusers face so many traumas after traumas. Abusive situation and abusive family are a extremely complects thing, every case is different, but God we don’t need the moral coming to somebody else.
I usually don’t talk about it because people who don’t know what is like, can’t understand and sometimes they can be dicks about it.
Nice video!
♥️♥️♥️
❤️
I have a younger sister who has serious mood issues, and probably undiagnosed bipolar. A year ago, she physically attacked me and I had to call the cops on her. They handcuffed her and didn't press charges, which I didn't want either, but I wanted them to get her psych inpatient treatment since my parents were in denial about it. Since then we haven't talked at all, from her end, but she's nine years younger than me so I feel bummed that it's the baby sibling I always adored growing up not having any relationship with me is just so... radical, I couldn't have imagined it growing up. My mom says I should apologize to her, she says I can be annoying too (but I still think I did the right thing). I just get wistful when I take the rest of my family out on holidays, or get a special dessert, and know she can't share in the joy of it.
I sometimes wonder if I should just bite my tongue and repress how I really feel in order to maintain a relationship with someone, because the alternative (no contact) just gives me lingering heartache in the long run. But on the other hand, I don't want to come off as cheap and not self-respecting if I cave. Am I being too proud?
My mom hit me every day for like 2 years. I was in 4th-5th grade, maybe also a part of the 6th grade. She used to say it wasn't called being beaten because she wasn't using anything like a belt or a broom stick. She said that's what being beaten means, what her father did to her. And since she was only using her hands and sometimes feet, she wasn't beating me up. I developed a fear of her coming home. I was in alert when she'd come in through the door even if there was no homework to be done. I am a girl and I reached my full height very fast (at around 11). So I started standing up to her. I started defending myself physically and slightly attacking back. And she stopped. I am 20 now and some other things have happened meanwhile. I will move out next year and I don't know how to feel about her.
It's the most difficult thing in a world of 7 billion people to be debilitated so early on by those who made and fated to help you; All the while crippling you in places that aren't fixed by a bandaid and medicine.
I love your videos. Would you ever consider making a video about something like autism?
No, I’m sorry, I don’t have the money to invest in bigger productions.
Hindz sent me here 🤟🏽
How can I talk to you in personal. I mean personal chat or via internet..???
czy jesteś może pół polką? trafiłem na twój stary film akurat z napadami lęków, sprawdziłem reszte filmów i w sumie to bardzo mnie zaciekawiła twoja twórczość i zostanę tu na dłużej. a takie pytanie stąd że masz dosyć Polskie nazwisko i gdzieniegdzie Polskie wstawki
Jestem Polka.
Thanks kat. I could run away into the moonlight 🌜 with you 💐🍾🌹💯🎁
لماذا لا يوجد ترجمه عربيه😕
لكني استطيع قراءة التعليقات
كنا نشعر نفس الشعور 💔
Well, at least you have all those hot guys to get "less depressed" with if you know what I mean!
It's not your fault.
Ależ algorytm cię nie lubi :(
Bardzo nie lubi, ale pogodziłam się z faktem, ze ludzie także raczej mnie już nie lubią, co składa się na mega niskie wyświetlenia. :)
@@KatAmarie bardziej bym obstawiał trudność tematu który poruszasz niźli twą osobę. Większość będzie negowała wogole istnienie takich rzeczy gdyż boi się własnego wnętrza. Kat nie śledzę cię dogłębnie ale czy aby nie jesteś osobą wysoko wrażliwa? (W skrócie OWW) jeśli tak to wiedz że cie rozumie. ;)
Raczej miałam na myśli nie personalnie, ale nie lubią materiałów które wypuszczam, bo nie jest to fast foodowa forma do której jesteśmy przyzwyczajeni. :) tak, jestem. ;) tzn myśle ze jestem.
i like your videos kat, but this one i think you're oversimplifying ..... sometimes family dysfunction happens because of antics of very entitled and spoiled children who are unappreciative of the things done and sacrifices made for them to raise them. sure, they 'didn't ask to be born' but at the same time you may find as a parent one day problems start to appear as you end up played as a parent - either by a narcissistic spouse or partner, as i was , sure, or by ungrateful children in your home who only live to see things from their own perspective and / or were manipulated by the narcissist against you. and now still care little about the harm present and their own role in it as a dysfunctional family unit. i hope not , for your sake, but that is in the troubled world that i live in . perspective sometimes makes a very big difference. broken homes happen for reasons other than what it sounds like you've been through. thank you.
Sure. It doesn't change the fact that the child suffers because, let's say, the mother chooses to stay with a narcissistic / alcoholic father. That is all.
And by the way, I know that very often the “good” parent tries to stay with the abuser for the children, because they think it’s the best thing for the children (having both parents in their lives). It’s not. It’s causes more damage than being raised by a single but loving parent.
@@KatAmarie fair enough. thank you again kat for all you do.
Blaming the children for parents incompetence is just despicable. You are part of a problem by doing so. While adult children abusive behavior towards the parents is not really acceptable, as they have a possibility of leaving the relationship, shifting all the blame for it onto the child is just disgusting and evil. Sorry, if you cannot afford to raise a kid and are miserable doing so but you decided to do so because of societal pressures and then guilt trip your child about you "sacrificing" for them, then sorry, that is just evil.
@@h4xi0rek you're entitled to your opinion. so am i. and mine is 'fuck you asshole'
Can you make your videos shorter
No.
@@KatAmarie ok
Can you please have manners?????
@@Poorpixie she tries to make us mannerd,but her
🦥 It’s like in Laurie Anderson’s song - “Born, Never Asked”. Thank you for this video, as I am still occasionally haunted by the doubts and feelings of guilty. It’s 7 month since I loosen up or completely cut off my contact with almost all of my family. I took me many years living with anxiety to finally start placing boundaries around 2 years ago. But they wouldn’t listen and some of my family members, mostly due to theirs conditions (one untreated addiction, one in therapy and one untreated personality disorder and whole sick controlling (“caring”) family system). And there came up the day when i got hit one more time (actually two times in one day, in two hours time, by two different family members, what a luck xD) and I just broke down. As like you, i reflected that, i actually don’t like these people. I don’t like my family and however it may seem egoistic I feel I deserved for a caring one, less damaged. So I totally agree with your call - it’s pointless to wait for somebody to change, if this person doesn’t do anything in this direction.
Thank you very much again 🤍 1:40 I am so glad that someone shares the same thoughts !