Hey Prof. What do you think of the connection between BorderlinePD and AvoidantPD? They are entirely different categories, but as someone that matches ~99% of the general assumptions about AvPD, I still find quite a bit of similarity with the descriptions in this video, with the big difference being that I know who I am and use superficial masks consciously because society does not tolerate my honest self. Are these disorders just different reactions to the same issues?
Holy fucking shit this is so spot on I don't even know what to say. It's literally what happens inside me. Of course all my worthless psychiatrists and psychologists have been unable to catch it. I hate living here. I don't know why I am the way I am but I find myself wishing I would have been less functioning and have fallen into deeper dysfunction earlier, and gotten a proper diagnosis. Or some other catharsis... I guess I don't really mean that, but it's been a long and painful void of a life. Just something tangible would have been nice.
'A long and painful void of self' amen to that! I am a borderline and I experience my existence the same way. I would be ok with it if I could at least express my experience creatively but emptiness is emptiness, there isnt really anything to express and that's what's so painful. I feel my life has been stolen.
🎱From day to day just letting it ride You get so far away from how it feels inside... You can't let go cause you're afraid to fall But the day may come when You can't feel at all....🎱
🎱Went walking all morning.... Went walking all night.... I can't see much difference.... between The dark and light I can't feel the wind, and I don't taste the rain but, Never in my mind have i thought twice to Cause so much Pain 🎱
Very interesting about borderline's false self. I think borderlines behave like classical Jekyll and Hyde way more often than narcissists or psychopaths. In one of your previous videos you mentioned that a borderline who experiences a huge trauma can lose all of her emotions for good. I know it's true because that happened to me. That day wasn't the worst day of my life, it was the best day of my life as I haven't experienced depression ever since. Of course I was very privileged to not kill the people involved or myself back then. So intense was the trauma. Keep up the good work Sir!
Very interesting indeed. I've watched your videos about switching and they are great. I just don't think I will ever be able to switch back to being a good borderline again. Even though, as a borderline I was never a picture perfect example of a bpd. My assumption is that I may suffer comorpidity of bpd and primary psychopathy, which is quite a mix. When I "lost" my emotions, or to put it in other words "died emotionally", I also lost my ability to feel affective empathy. For so long I had been blind to myself. All kinds of creeps used to manipulate me to be nice to them. I finally came to my senses. What a huge relief! From that moment on, nobody has been able to manipulate my non-existent feelings or empathy exept me. As I see it, I probaply could manipulate myself to feel empathy towards someone if I really wanted, but I don't have any reasons to do that, so why bother? Nevertheless, I do remember what it's like to have empathy. Thank you for listening!
@@Phonyjoker-s8wInteresting. I wish I could lose some empathy and severe anxiety and depression. Adhd, bad depression, severe panic etc not diagnosed bpd but match the symptoms( luckily not childhood trauma ) maybe have ASD as well, not sure.
Must be hard to live with severe anxiety and bad depression. Plus they often feed each other it seems. A lack of empathy is not a cure for them. Building your self-esteem may help. In my case, several other things changed radically in addition to my emotions, for example, my inner voice went from a harsh critic to my biggest fan, I stopped idolizing and devaluating people, because I didn't care anymore who I spent time with. Nowadays I prefer to be alone most of the time and come across as a lone wolf. As a borderline I likewise spent a lot of time alone self-isolating myself from other people, but on the contrary I always felt extremely lonely. My aim was to find that special person I could share my life with and finally be HAPPY. I definitely cared too much what people thought of me and for every silly little detail. Also, that changed completely. The list goes on.. My, oh, my! It's been 5 years since I switched. Honestly I wasn't even aware of my bpd traits before I switched, which revealed the extent of the problem. As painful as some of it was, it was also instructive.
I’m no longer with my BPD partner but, while I was in the fray I developed a hypothesis called the “External Reflective Method” that posits: If the identity disturbance cannot be resolved internally, external identification stimulus (such as family photographs, whiteboard notes written by the borderline to the borderline’s self, and other external stimulus) may provide an external location for the borderline to find identity coherence. It was promising at first but then the stimulus lost meaning due to lack of participation and the eventual habituation made the stimulus inert.
Professor Vaknin, you just did the most superb job of explaining my borderline personality disorder and the seemingly eternal struggle of trying to climb out of it. It is devastating to hear that someone even is intelligent as you cannot figure it out, but at least there is some comfort in knowing what's going on And being able to tell someone else what is wrong with me!😢
All I know is I do know when my narcissism is going into a galaxy far far away, I’ve noticed where it ends is where my intense emotions begin into where I am in a state of self efficacy. I’m not injured nor am I mortified, I am just in reality attempting to accept myself how I am yet I don’t believe I will ever so that is why I am constantly irritable and not concealed or compensating.
"The borderline person has to reinvent herself every morning." This brought to my mind some people I have known that change their hair style all the time or who move on from one hobby to the next and the next. Also those who become activists in this cause and then that and then something else.
Some things I learnt and relate to from the video. Unlike a narcissist I think I have a true self that sporadically exist, while narcissists don't have a true self, instead has False self. I think my narcissistic self is a learnt state I have learnt from others, a self state among many others. My true self does exist deep inside and it is why I do notice my false self or selves. The way I experience it, it is like an observer, a judge. It does not have a personality, that is, it has no inter-personal relations with other external people or the world. It only has authority over my self states and passes judgement over my performance. I think I now understand how borderline is grandiose internally. As if I believe I am suppose to be able to control everything (inability to separate or individuate from the external world) and the deep emptiness of the borderline maybe the absence of that control. Like the way amputated person feels the absence of the feelings of the missing limb. The way my true self feels grandiosity is absolute. It is not affected by any external (narcissistic) supply, instead I reject reality. I am not sure yet if this idea I seem to be learning even makes complete sense to me. It's like I don't need narcissistic supply to feel grandiose, I already feel it. Instead I developed narcissistic and psychopathic self states to have control over the world as my grandiose true self is suppose to. These self states also function as an escape because the judgement of the true grandiose self or the dissonance between reality and the grandiose self is so great and empty and hopeless, it may lead to fatality. But the escape will always be interrupted periodically by the true grandiose self.
😮 jakbym czytała o sobie i facecie,z którym się spotykałam . Ja border, on narcys. Będę próbowała zwiększać rezyliencje układu nerwowego i emocjonalnego aby wychodzić z mechanizmu obronnego (ucieczka itp). A dlatego, że moje prawdziwe wspaniałe Ja ma w sobie zasoby dyscypliny i wiarę. - wiem, że się uda :)
@renejakob8466 it may be just the way I see it, and the term true self I am not so sure about it. It's that part about me that is constant and I try to suppress, it is naturally grandiose but when and the fact that people do not always do what i want and when my actions are not as effective it conflicts with this grandiosity and this self will rage, I have to defeat myself to calm down. I have to accept my limits and this can be overcompensating. I try to copy others or what others see me as.
Good day Sir, I'm interested on this topic and subscribed to your channel. I'm grateful that you made so many videos explaining about BPD. I'm sorry to bother you, my english is not really good at listening but it's better on reading. If you don't mind, could you put text or enable the text feature on your videos? Thank you for reading my comment 🙏
Dear Professor Vaknin, I want to thank you for turning on/enabling the text feature, now I can learn easier. May your life be easier because you help made other people's life easier 🙏
@samvaknin Thank you Dr./Professor Vaknin for yet another masterful video. Your content never fails to enthrall and inform. I particularly enjoyed the tagging analogy. I hope you will continue to lend your expertise to the borderline conundrum, we desperately need your help.
I just want to add, at the end of your video you mention talk therapy and how language can be an external regulator. I think since BPD is a dissociative disorder, and during periods of clarity, when I am able to communicate and reflect in the best way I am able too, some things just come out that I've never mentally visualized or conceptualized before and hearing it outloud to someone whos unbiased, makes the situation and myself seem real. I also have a language processing disorder (dyslexia)
Can a Borderline be drawn to an autistic person in a similar way that they are drawn to a narcissist? I know autists are often mistaken for narcissists because of their many similarities. I’m wondering if an autist may also soothe/stimulate/ activate the Lachkar V spot.
I think it is more for AuDHD types wherein there is a higher comorbidity of narcissistic traits in those with ADHD that is cromulent for borderlines- the AuDHD provides the script of self for the borderline. Elon Musk is a good example of AuDHD. Most high functioning autists are that way due to the way that ADHD cancels out some of their rigidity.
High functioning borderline here, married to an autist for 25 years. I consider myself extremely lucky to have attracted my husband over a narc. I think there is a natural attraction between these types. I also think there can be a greater chance of healing if both conditions can be diagnosed and both have access to tools to understand and support the other. A strong desire to work on it is required. But for us, who were diagnosed very late in the game, the results have been 💋 I personally think the Autist/borderline combo can really work if both partners are committed to understanding themselves and learning how to show up for the other person.
I feel like a ghost. Match bpd symptoms and too high of empathy but I feel like a ghost like Im already gone yet in constant torture plus physical health issues and other diagnoses. I dont feel fake I feel like I overshare but know a guy who seems really bpd c-ptsd and coverymt narc and he seems fake at times and pathologically lies, scares me
My childs mother is a borderline and want nothing more to do with her but she is doing damage to my son. How do I convince her family to get her help for my son?
Dr. Vaknin, I watched your covert psycopath video and the new psycopath video, i have a question. If Borderline has 2 selfs, do Borderline psycopaths have 3 selfs? Psycopath self, true self, false self. Could they be labled with DID?
Hello profesor. As always,this was a very insightful lecture on bpd. What are you thoughts on the potential of TMS (transcarnial magnetic stimulation) to resolve some of the neurobiological components of bpd?
Up to 30 percent of my patients with BPD I believe have DID , at least unspecified , and AS traits , ..overlap with Schizotypal Personality DO. Little challenging when histrionic traits are in the mix too
![Lethal Company Music Video 🎵 "Follow The Orders" [VERSION A]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/QeooZB4Z7RA/mqdefault.jpg)
Kernberg described narcissism as a defense against borderline personality organization. This is why borderline is described as failed narcissism.
Hey Prof.
What do you think of the connection between BorderlinePD and AvoidantPD?
They are entirely different categories, but as someone that matches ~99% of the general assumptions about AvPD, I still find quite a bit of similarity with the descriptions in this video, with the big difference being that I know who I am and use superficial masks consciously because society does not tolerate my honest self.
Are these disorders just different reactions to the same issues?
The Great Otto Kernberg
Holy fucking shit this is so spot on I don't even know what to say. It's literally what happens inside me. Of course all my worthless psychiatrists and psychologists have been unable to catch it. I hate living here. I don't know why I am the way I am but I find myself wishing I would have been less functioning and have fallen into deeper dysfunction earlier, and gotten a proper diagnosis. Or some other catharsis... I guess I don't really mean that, but it's been a long and painful void of a life. Just something tangible would have been nice.
'A long and painful void of self' amen to that! I am a borderline and I experience my existence the same way. I would be ok with it if I could at least express my experience creatively but emptiness is emptiness, there isnt really anything to express and that's what's so painful. I feel my life has been stolen.
🎱From day to day just letting it ride
You get so far away from how it feels inside...
You can't let go cause you're afraid to fall
But the day may come when
You can't feel at all....🎱
Comes a time....
when a blind man takes your hand and says ....
Don't you see....🎱
Phantom Ships on....
Phantom Seas....Set sail on,
Phantom Tides....🏴
🎱Went walking all morning....
Went walking all night....
I can't see much difference....
between
The dark and light
I can't feel the wind, and I don't taste the rain but,
Never
in my mind have i thought twice
to
Cause so much Pain
🎱
Another enlightening lecture, helping me to comprehend the rogues gallery of personalities I’ve encountered. Thank you Professor Vaknin.
Very interesting about borderline's false self. I think borderlines behave like classical Jekyll and Hyde way more often than narcissists or psychopaths. In one of your previous videos you mentioned that a borderline who experiences a huge trauma can lose all of her emotions for good. I know it's true because that happened to me. That day wasn't the worst day of my life, it was the best day of my life as I haven't experienced depression ever since. Of course I was very privileged to not kill the people involved or myself back then. So intense was the trauma. Keep up the good work Sir!
Search the channel for "switch".
Very interesting indeed. I've watched your videos about switching and they are great. I just don't think I will ever be able to switch back to being a good borderline again. Even though, as a borderline I was never a picture perfect example of a bpd. My assumption is that I may suffer comorpidity of bpd and primary psychopathy, which is quite a mix.
When I "lost" my emotions, or to put it in other words "died emotionally", I also lost my ability to feel affective empathy. For so long I had been blind to myself. All kinds of creeps used to manipulate me to be nice to them. I finally came to my senses. What a huge relief!
From that moment on, nobody has been able to manipulate my non-existent feelings or empathy exept me. As I see it, I probaply could manipulate myself to feel empathy towards someone if I really wanted, but I don't have any reasons to do that, so why bother? Nevertheless, I do remember what it's like to have empathy. Thank you for listening!
@@Phonyjoker-s8wInteresting. I wish I could lose some empathy and severe anxiety and depression.
Adhd, bad depression, severe panic etc not diagnosed bpd but match the symptoms( luckily not childhood trauma ) maybe have ASD as well, not sure.
Must be hard to live with severe anxiety and bad depression. Plus they often feed each other it seems. A lack of empathy is not a cure for them. Building your self-esteem may help.
In my case, several other things changed radically in addition to my emotions, for example, my inner voice went from a harsh critic to my biggest fan, I stopped idolizing and devaluating people, because I didn't care anymore who I spent time with. Nowadays I prefer to be alone most of the time and come across as a lone wolf.
As a borderline I likewise spent a lot of time alone self-isolating myself from other people, but on the contrary I always felt extremely lonely. My aim was to find that special person I could share my life with and finally be HAPPY. I definitely cared too much what people thought of me and for every silly little detail. Also, that changed completely. The list goes on.. My, oh, my! It's been 5 years since I switched.
Honestly I wasn't even aware of my bpd traits before I switched, which revealed the extent of the problem. As painful as some of it was, it was also instructive.
I’m no longer with my BPD partner but, while I was in the fray I developed a hypothesis called the “External Reflective Method” that posits: If the identity disturbance cannot be resolved internally, external identification stimulus (such as family photographs, whiteboard notes written by the borderline to the borderline’s self, and other external stimulus) may provide an external location for the borderline to find identity coherence. It was promising at first but then the stimulus lost meaning due to lack of participation and the eventual habituation made the stimulus inert.
Professor Vaknin, you just did the most superb job of explaining my borderline personality disorder and the seemingly eternal struggle of trying to climb out of it. It is devastating to hear that someone even is intelligent as you cannot figure it out, but at least there is some comfort in knowing what's going on And being able to tell someone else what is wrong with me!😢
My man, Vaknin! Good day to you✌️
The "self" is a skill we don't fully appreciate until something goes wrong🤷
Prof. Vaknin, thank you so much.
Bravo Sam! 👏 this is exactly what I have experienced when helping others, thank you for the suggestion of DBT. 20:12
Thank you for the video Sir. You are a life saver. God bless you. 👏👏👏
All I know is I do know when my narcissism is going into a galaxy far far away, I’ve noticed where it ends is where my intense emotions begin into where I am in a state of self efficacy. I’m not injured nor am I mortified, I am just in reality attempting to accept myself how I am yet I don’t believe I will ever so that is why I am constantly irritable and not concealed or compensating.
Perfect. In depth and Interesting. Thanks
Could you please do more videos about HPD? I have both Borderline and Histrionic traits and I also can't feel neither shame nor guilt.
Interesting. I feel major guilt and shame and fear but not diagnosed bpd, can tell I likely am though, not histrionic though
"The borderline person has to reinvent herself every morning." This brought to my mind some people I have known that change their hair style all the time or who move on from one hobby to the next and the next. Also those who become activists in this cause and then that and then something else.
No justice,( only just us)
This is an extreme narcissist world. God protect me. My true friends and family support my goals. I support them.
Thanks for this
Some things I learnt and relate to from the video. Unlike a narcissist I think I have a true self that sporadically exist, while narcissists don't have a true self, instead has False self. I think my narcissistic self is a learnt state I have learnt from others, a self state among many others. My true self does exist deep inside and it is why I do notice my false self or selves. The way I experience it, it is like an observer, a judge. It does not have a personality, that is, it has no inter-personal relations with other external people or the world. It only has authority over my self states and passes judgement over my performance.
I think I now understand how borderline is grandiose internally. As if I believe I am suppose to be able to control everything (inability to separate or individuate from the external world) and the deep emptiness of the borderline maybe the absence of that control. Like the way amputated person feels the absence of the feelings of the missing limb. The way my true self feels grandiosity is absolute. It is not affected by any external (narcissistic) supply, instead I reject reality. I am not sure yet if this idea I seem to be learning even makes complete sense to me. It's like I don't need narcissistic supply to feel grandiose, I already feel it. Instead I developed narcissistic and psychopathic self states to have control over the world as my grandiose true self is suppose to. These self states also function as an escape because the judgement of the true grandiose self or the dissonance between reality and the grandiose self is so great and empty and hopeless, it may lead to fatality. But the escape will always be interrupted periodically by the true grandiose self.
This is wonderful
😮 jakbym czytała o sobie i facecie,z którym się spotykałam . Ja border, on narcys. Będę próbowała zwiększać rezyliencje układu nerwowego i emocjonalnego aby wychodzić z mechanizmu obronnego (ucieczka itp). A dlatego, że moje prawdziwe wspaniałe Ja ma w sobie zasoby dyscypliny i wiarę. - wiem, że się uda :)
@renejakob8466 it may be just the way I see it, and the term true self I am not so sure about it. It's that part about me that is constant and I try to suppress, it is naturally grandiose but when and the fact that people do not always do what i want and when my actions are not as effective it conflicts with this grandiosity and this self will rage, I have to defeat myself to calm down. I have to accept my limits and this can be overcompensating. I try to copy others or what others see me as.
@@renejakob8466 dla mnie wspaniałe ja to właśnie rdzeń, charakter. A fałszywe to Mechanizmy obronne, przekonania i dewaluujace zachowania.
Nazwałam to fałszywym dlatego, że kurczymy się pod tym wpływem zamiast wzrastać.
Thank you so much Dear Sam ❤
Good day Sir, I'm interested on this topic and subscribed to your channel. I'm grateful that you made so many videos explaining about BPD. I'm sorry to bother you, my english is not really good at listening but it's better on reading. If you don't mind, could you put text or enable the text feature on your videos?
Thank you for reading my comment 🙏
Agree. Keeps me focused. This is hopeless shit. 😢 It is better to know. 😊
Dear Professor Vaknin, I want to thank you for turning on/enabling the text feature, now I can learn easier. May your life be easier because you help made other people's life easier 🙏
@@SunflowerFeveroh he did? Awesome. I have severe adhd
@@sarahjaye4117 he did! Ikr this text feature is helpful
Would the borderline's children view the quasi-personality she creates as being "fake?"
When they have grown up, yes, they do.
True True
@samvaknin Thank you Dr./Professor Vaknin for yet another masterful video. Your content never fails to enthrall and inform. I particularly enjoyed the tagging analogy. I hope you will continue to lend your expertise to the borderline conundrum, we desperately need your help.
I love your videos, thank you for giving insight into these issues 🩷
I just want to add, at the end of your video you mention talk therapy and how language can be an external regulator. I think since BPD is a dissociative disorder, and during periods of clarity, when I am able to communicate and reflect in the best way I am able too, some things just come out that I've never mentally visualized or conceptualized before and hearing it outloud to someone whos unbiased, makes the situation and myself seem real. I also have a language processing disorder (dyslexia)
Can a Borderline be drawn to an autistic person in a similar way that they are drawn to a narcissist? I know autists are often mistaken for narcissists because of their many similarities. I’m wondering if an autist may also soothe/stimulate/ activate the Lachkar V spot.
@@elizabethbednar7770hello l can relate to that.
I think it is more for AuDHD types wherein there is a higher comorbidity of narcissistic traits in those with ADHD that is cromulent for borderlines- the AuDHD provides the script of self for the borderline.
Elon Musk is a good example of AuDHD. Most high functioning autists are that way due to the way that ADHD cancels out some of their rigidity.
@@slofty very complex are you studying Psychology how can everyone remember it all .
@@jbuntine1255 It comes with age, ha.
High functioning borderline here, married to an autist for 25 years. I consider myself extremely lucky to have attracted my husband over a narc. I think there is a natural attraction between these types. I also think there can be a greater chance of healing if both conditions can be diagnosed and both have access to tools to understand and support the other. A strong desire to work on it is required. But for us, who were diagnosed very late in the game, the results have been 💋 I personally think the Autist/borderline combo can really work if both partners are committed to understanding themselves and learning how to show up for the other person.
I feel like a ghost. Match bpd symptoms and too high of empathy but I feel like a ghost like Im already gone yet in constant torture plus physical health issues and other diagnoses. I dont feel fake I feel like I overshare but know a guy who seems really bpd c-ptsd and coverymt narc and he seems fake at times and pathologically lies, scares me
My childs mother is a borderline and want nothing more to do with her but she is doing damage to my son. How do I convince her family to get her help for my son?
Fascinating, but what do we do with this knowledge, how to move forward?
Watch the NA Healing playlist.
Dr. Vaknin,
I watched your covert psycopath video and the new psycopath video, i have a question. If Borderline has 2 selfs, do Borderline psycopaths have 3 selfs? Psycopath self, true self, false self. Could they be labled with DID?
You are confusing self-STATES with SELVES. Watch the IPAM playlist.
Fascinating.
I'm sick :(
Love your brain
Hello profesor.
As always,this was a very insightful lecture on bpd.
What are you thoughts on the potential of TMS (transcarnial magnetic stimulation) to resolve some of the neurobiological components of bpd?
My thoughts are that there is no silver bullet, magic cure, or panacea. I doubt very much that TMS can be of long-term use in this case.
I swear she's a borderline but now I'm wondering can my sister be autistic
Very confusing
Cheers Professor 💀🌹
Tell as the solution please prof. I'am suffring .. help me please ..
Maybe you should seek help at therapy
the language seems like a good lead …
Interesting
Can you help me?
Up to 30 percent of my patients with BPD I believe have DID , at least unspecified , and AS traits , ..overlap with Schizotypal Personality DO. Little challenging when histrionic traits are in the mix too
Search the comorbidities playlist and the BPD playlist.