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What is, when no totally unusual childhood and trauma is to find, but the school of believes around them? The believes of competion, being low value or high value, to have or to have not, to be in power or to be excluded, to get value out of comparison of value ideology>status scaling. There you do not need to be low in value, you are a junkie for the feeling of winning, admire the higher value, suppressing. It is a game kick, tat is really usual at games by the way to give such a kind of kick, as long no special perspective was developed. Emptyness is here a sideeffect a result, one of the reasons. Reason: They have the believes as orientation, meaning of life, most is about. It needs a underdevelopment in intellect, interest, depth. It is emptyness beside this or fake interest, fake intellect+. Emptyness throur the erasing of shame guilt processing as it is "not useful, limiting" and not feeling nice. So how could in these cases Kernberg, Kohut and co say, proclame: No, it is a insecurity, a low value, just a trauma determinism? Even when masses have more worse experience and do not have these orientation, believes, fun etc. Biology is btw. always a good answer for gaps. And yes, these trauma+ people do exist, but it is not causal anymore in socialization dynamics, mind schools and clear society input - output expires. Sorry, it is a lack of arguing in psychology to narcissism, it is so widely a postulation versus cognitive science and somtimes in cases being right, but at cases. Justifications happen so weird as persuasions should be just the justifications of inner coping mechanisms. This for example is religious topic, issue coping...
I'm a retired clinical psychologist, and I have to point out that there are two pathways to narcissism - not just the underlying shame/insecurity path he describes, but also a path where the person is over-indulged, pampered, treated like a prince/princess from an early age and develops a sense that he/she is better than others. That's important to recognize because otherwise we end up feeling sorry for narcissists, thinking they're all just wounded people who are overcompensating. Some are not! Some are just "spoiled," to put it simply. This isn't just my opinion but present in some of the best writers on personality disorders (e.g., Theodore Millon).
Thanks, but it is as well the life strategy belive system. To normalize the value-status scale is a great mistake by western socialized psychologists, philosophs. When you jump into this believe system and are too consumed by as the meaning and way of life it is a consequence. When something happens, that gives you the chance to get cold and more invested in, you escalate more and more in it. You lose a being free, basic and wise. Just as the input to the critics of this determinism believes and pro socialization and cognitive science, the world of the mind in connection to the world and some imature starting points as support.
@@remypascal4872 I agree culture plays a role. Western cultures are more individualistic and so more prone to narcissism. Eastern cultures are more collectivist and prone to their own issues, though. All things being equal, I'll take the individualists over the collectivists. :) But you're right, cultural beliefs definitely do play a role in the prevalence of narcissism in the West.
I was scapegoated by a mob of narcissists at my former workplace and it was awful…silver lining: I’m now privy to what narcissistic wounding and rage is, and how to identify a narcissist. I’ve learned more about discernment, my codependent habits, boundary setting, my own narcissistic traits…I’m learning about all of the traits and habits that placed me in resonance with attracting abuse and drama, and I’m healing it. I’m certainly not excusing their behavior….absolutely NOT, but rather than be the victim I’m taking responsibility and therefore my power back. And imo that’s the answer to this dilemma, is to take the time you need to heal your trauma, and learn how to individuate. ❤
@kristinanderson1983 my "no muscle" is very strong, too. I'm very independent and have a good sense of how to set and respect healthy boundaries. My biggest problem is that I'm too forgiving and give too much grace. But is that really a bad thing? I mean, I understand it greatly contributes to my appeal to narcissists, but I don't want to lose that part of myself in order to counter sick people. The very notion of that is pretty sad. I'm still trying to work through the best way for me, personally, to navigate these people. I refuse to believe that becoming more like them is the answer, but I think the world would have you believe that is the solution.
@ I’ve wondered about this too, and I think you are onto something about finding your own way. Maybe it’s like learning how to dance, when you learn a technique you integrate all the steps to improvise in a satisfactory and unique way.
The goal is to turn you New Age while you heal. It is religious terrorism to force that on groups such as Christians just to see if it will work or destroy them.
I hate to tell you Dr. Drew….but narcissism won’t be dialed down now that social media consumes everyone. This informative conversation itself is on a platform of social media. People can’t even do acts of kindness without posting it for attention and “likes” anymore. The rise of narcissism will only get worse, and it is scary.
When I was 12 or 13, I went with my best friend and her dad to play miniature golf (crazy golf) and I was really poor at putting. About halfway through the round, I got frustrated and hit the golf ball way too hard and it rolled down towards the edge of the road. I humped down with a dour expression and when I looked back up at my friend and her dad, I saw that they were enjoying themselves, not really caring if they sunk the putts or not. And, a major realisation came to me. I knew I was not as good at this game as my friend, but suddenly I knew that wasn't the point. I decided right then and there that there were always going to be people who excelled at some things and it was alright. I made a conscious decision to stop being jealous or envious of other people. It served no good purpose. I knew in that moment, as I observed my friend and her dad laughing and bonding that it was much better to try my best but have a good time, even if I didn't play all that well. I resumed playing with a light heart. I took that lesson to heart ever since, and my life has been so much better for it. As I grew up I celebrated my friend's achievements and victories, and also my own with equal vigor. Life became much more fun, less competitive, and joyful. I feel blessed to have reached that awareness when I was young. Nowadays I have multiple friendships that have lasted decades. I delight in the fact that even in my 50s I have so many friends of all ages. I love when children joke with me that I'm "old" but still relish playing silly games like tag and shoot hoops with 12 year olds. Life is so wonderful when we chose to be happy and accept our limitations without reproach. I firmly believe that people can change their outlook if they change their self-perception. And, funny enough, years later, I became a great golfer, too! Be happy and grateful for what you have and live with love in your heart. ❤
Thank you for sharing. I, too, had several opportunities when I was young to choose acceptance of my limitations (and of others) instead of jealousy and envy. I remember vividly that I made a choice. Thinking about the golden rule guided me. I've stumbled over the years but always come back to making a choice about how to view and act on a situation.
It's interesting how he responded to "How do I know if I'm a narcissist?" He actually describes in his answer how victims in constant contact with narcissists might feel. Narcissists know how to find their victims, and most victims have been groomed to be narcissistic supply. Narcissists are unfair, they make you feel empty, you long for a better relationship with them or long to get away from them, you can't connect to them and they won't allow you to properly connect to others because they triangulate and manipulate which wreaks havoc in your relationships with others, and they cause people to feel anxious with their crazy making. Narcissists systematically make their victims feel like they're the ones with the problem. My answer to that question of "How do you know if you're a narcissist?" You never wonder if you are. That's how you know.
Not even close. Do you think narcs either confirm or deny it to themselves if confronted? 95% percent of them don’t wonder if they are, being perfect in every way.
Do not attempt to practice empathy and compassion with a cluster B. They will absolutely leverage it against you, and by the time you realize this, it will be too late.
That's not true for bpd, stop spreading lies and hurting people, and bpd is in process of being reevaluated because it's more similar to trauma responses and emotional regulation, which with help gets better. People with bpd can be empathetic, compassionate and when they hurt someone they feel deep pain and regret over it and do apologize. It's different for some, unique individuals that might unfortunately have several conditions at once but on its own bpd is not like narcissism disorder. The wonderful lady that created a program to help with bpd decades ago, Marsha Linehan, had it herself and only disclosed that a few years ago when it was safe to do so because it's the most misunderstood and stigmatized mental condition. Just because you came across one example and are frustrated, doesn't mean it's fair to unjustly stereotype.
No... if you have been insulted by someone on a date for no reason.. that is a narcissist. Narcissists love to insult you and break you down to get you to worship them. They will test you to see how much you will take on the abuse scale.. they will even go as far as to date you JUST to break up with you.
I've recently experienced severe vandalism related to envy from a person who posed as a friend for 20+ years. I didn't think highly of this person when I met them in '98-'99. I didn't want to be prejudiced. I tried giving him a chance. I learned a lot from him, he is a few years older than me. In '08 I out performed him in a measurable arena. And I didn't know we were competing. They didn't try harder, their actions just became covertly vindictive, destructive, and dangerous. Some people can't stand to see someone, who they believe is beneath them, succeed.
When I was young, we had "counter culture". We had no desire to eliminate of delete anybody. We just wanted to be left alone to live our lives. There were no Karens and people weren't offended by every single word.
@@CyanCoopernot necessarily. You can identify a problem without having said problems yourself. You can see the dangerous path that cancel culture leads to, where it becomes a witch hunt based on feelings
I love Dr. Drew ! There isn't a more self reflective, wise, intelligent, and caring professional in our public media out there. Every time i had the pleasure to accidentally come across him speaking....on what ever topic...i always learn something. Such a great man ❣
@craigathonian I also admire reflective, wise, intelligent, and caring people. But please look deeper at what Dr. Drew is saying. He is a narcissist masquerading as a non-narcissist so as to confuse the public into accepting false ideas about moral people. Note that rather than call out bastards like Trump, a foul human being who is quite obviously a narcissist, Dr. Drew chooses to claim that college students protesting one evident injustice or another represent the narcissistic problem.
I was married to a narcissist. Abandoned by her father, sexual abuse. I made the mistake of thinking that loving her enough would make her better. I never gave up on our marriage and she divorced me after 20 years. She never had the courage to seek counseling or therapy.
A lot of these people are damaged in childhood from entitlement and being spoiled feeling like they weren't important enough for their own parents to care and spend the time to instruct, guide and discipline them properly.
Boom. I am witnessing this firsthand. It often start with their parents. The failures of their parents. Why I think we are seeing such an uptick of Narcissism these days. Often, parents of who fall under the Millennials umbrella, didn't care, didn't "parent". So they grew up doing whatever they felt like doing with little to no consequences. This scenario is unfolding right in front of my eyes. In one way it's sad, in another way it is infuriating as now my own child is forced to deal with it, in a 3rd generation way. So I am on this channel to educate myself as much as possible, in order to help my own child navigate these often nightmarish individuals.
@@amyteurlife9408 Do you mean materially spoiled but emotionally neglected? Entitlement is typically a result of coddling (excessive attention) combined with a lack of structure/discipline.
My ex was a covert narcissist. I played the role of caretaker in a codependent relationship with her. I was 25 when I married and feel that I lost a lot of personality to her. Right out of the gate, everything was a negotiation, I confused this for give and take. Her narcissistic rage occurred when I tried to set boundaries, I gave and gave and gave to keep the peace, It got dangerous and I still could not see her for who she was. We went to therapy together and individually, she could never share her trauma's with her therapist. Therapy was an education for her, she weaponized what she learned in therapy. It has been 2.5 years since I left her and though my life has gotten immensely better the scars still feel fresh. Influences that I learned of that I think cultured her narcissism, Serious acute trauma and not having a safe environment to grow up in. A matriarch that ruled the roost who she idolized like a Deity, the power aspect that she was drawn to. Codependence in the family unit as a child, love was not free.
Both of my parents were narcissists. Chaos was normal to me. My childhood sweetheart found her perfect victim early. I finally realized a few years ago after 30 years, what she was. Infidelity was never an issue. But everything else was on the table. The real dangerous narcissists hide everything behind closed doors. They would never talk to you around friends like they do at home without witness. I have learned how to use this knowledge to keep her at bay. They are truly like children
He's wrong about jealousy. Jealousy is the feeling one experiences when something you have is threatened by someone or something. Example: your spouse's love or attention, by their friend, work, schooling. Or your daughter's affection for another mother or father figure. Or your teacher's favorism toward another student (after favoring you). Envy is coveting what someone else has that you don't have: a spouse, wealth, good grades.
Yes, ironically they are often narcissist because projection is a tactic that they often default to in defense of their pathology or they may have trauma from narcissist which is why they anticipate it everywhere.
"Il Papa" was occasionally used to refer to Mussolini in fascist propaganda and by his supporters, drawing on the paternal connotations of the word. Guess what historical tragedy this channel is trying to associate itself with?
"Virtue signaling" is usually a human being expressing moral disgust toward a Dark Triad, often toward a Dark Triad who engages in projection and confession through comments on You Tube.
Many would say, IMO, that that is exactly how we got into this mess of narcissism in our youth on up in the present day. Too much supporting of our children's emotions and needs. We need discussions / debates on how to attend to those needs in healthy ways that gird children with a thicker skin ( not implying that sensitive temperaments become calloused, not in the slightest ). Jonathan Haidt has spoken on this for years, i.e. to not coddle children into fragile souls that become quite riddled with narcissism, IIRC. The pendulum towards feelings has swung too far, as much as I do embrace feelings and are grateful for them!
You're confusing coddling of children and outsourcing parenting to all kinds of support systems and tools like ipads, phones, tv, Xbox, babysitters, schools, family members, day care for babies vs before for toddlers that are almost ready for school. All of those outsourced support systems and material goods, cannot replace or be good enough for children's emotional and mental needs directly from their parents, their primary caretakers. Parents are generally even more checked out and detached today than they were decades ago and with all the distractions they take the easier way out and give in to their kids demands, while also listening to random modern day advice of not saying no to your child, with all of that kids end up confused, unsupported, anxious, detached et cetera On the other hand you have parents that are not just distracted and disinterested but those that are emotionally and mentally immature so they project that onto kids and create codependency, enmeshment, parentification and sometimes emotional incest so that the parent fills their holes instead of working on themselves through therapy, having healthy age appropriate friends, working on their relationship with their spouse and family, getting a hobby and so on.
He's right that we are in the midst of a narcissism epidemic. However, he couldn't be more wrong about the nature of narcissism. Narcissists don't have a deep-down sense of shame. They are too shallow to have anything deep down, and they feel no shame. Shame is the feeling that goes along with being in a subordinate social position, which narcissists refuse to occupy. Narcissists are people who are trying to occupy a higher rung on the social ladder than they can successfully defend. If they perceive that someone is challenging their social rank, they can become enraged. The so-called narcissistic rage is just dominance aggression. Dominance aggression is something that occurs in animals that are too primitive mentally to recognize themselves in a mirror, so it can exist even without a sense of self. The "narcissistic supply" that narcissists so desperately crave is just expressions of fawning submission from subordinates. The difference between "grandiose narcissism" and "fragile narcissism" is merely the absence or presence of a perceived challenge to their social rank. Narcissists can go from grandiose to fragile in a nanosecond if they encounter someone who is unquestionably superior to them in some way or if someone simply refuses to fawn on them. I correct other people's grammar for a living. As a result, I have seen far more raging narcissists than most psychiatrists have.
@lauriethomas6187 I agree with your comment. My life has largely been destroyed by a covert malignant narcissist. Dr. Drew is a narcissist. He rails against protesting college students as though that diverse group is the embodiment of narcissism. College students protest because they learn about grave injustice throughout human history caused by Dark Triad narcissists (manipulative predators) like Dr. Drew.
My husband's late mother was an envious person. She was So negative and always complained. She even went after some of her own grandchildren out of envy. It was really sick.
My ex was picking her nails when we went to therapy and the therapist was literally talking to us while kind of motioning towards her with his hands while still being completely engaged because I really loved her and wanted it to work. She was 35, I was 36 when we met and she said at one point she could get any guy she wants and that was an eye opener because I knew there were certain behaviors that no one would be able to deal with some of the behaviors I was seeing. Hardest thing I have ever done is leave her. She was beautiful and very charming, great smile, great sex, etc but she got jealous of my ex wife because she was pretty to but I assured her I was in love and honestly was. Know it’s not my fault but I literally felt stupid for wanting her to love me or wondered why I still loved her after some pretty horrible things were said.
In my experience some of the most openly religious people are narcissists. They do that obnoxious "I'll pray for you" when someone disagrees with them. They think they alone get to preach God's plan.
Vampires appear very domineering and formidable (and scary), but inside they're very weak and pathetic when exposed to the sunlight. Don't ever invite and give permission to a vampire to enter your house and cross the threshold, it's your first line of defense.
Control. manipulationn, lying, faalse aaccusations, projection & gaslighting. Detroyed my family. Our triune God & yes living in His Word is the only hope & way to survive & choose to thrive though all has been stolen from you. Pray for them til your dying day.
You forgot they never apologize , admit anything, and never take responsibility. They only have excuses. I'm sorry about your family. It destroyed mine, too. I allowed my wife to walk over me, but my parents were narcissists, too. It's what they did and didn't do that hurts. I had to go no contact with both of them eventually.
Correct. I am literally fleeing at this point while being held by the hand of God. I have no ill will towards this individual but i cannot tolerate this behavior with no accountability for the rest of my life. Thats crazy .
I suffered from many narcissistic traits and behaviors. I managed to reform my disposition and make life livable. If you want to recover from narcissism, you can. But you have to want to. There are a few cases of irredeemable narcissism, but that number is exaggerated. Don't feel like you're doomed to suffer from narcissism for life.
I entered this world through a narc birthing canal. She died when I was 65, so I've had a lifelong education from living it. She's not the only one in my family or in my life. I think I may know one of the BIG things that could cause narcissism. I've mentioned it to a few professionals with channels here, but nobody will address it. I see what I see.
Important note: while you should not rescue kids from every problem, that doesn't mean you shouldn't help them when they ask or show compassion when they fail. If you constantly walk ahead of them and clear all obstacles, that's terrible for them. But if you swing the other way and refuse to help or comfort them when they are disregulated or asking for your help, they will learn that their emotions are an obstacle to overcome through denial and suppression, and they will also learn that needing help is shameful and weakness. So please. Do not try to fix every problem your kids have the moment it happens. Let them try to figure it out. But do not turn a cold shoulder when they come to you for help or comfort.
Man, this really speaks loudly what I've been trying to talk to people about but getting pushed away or minimized for in many relationships. I truly think Narcissism is one of our biggest road blocks in North America.
I live in California and I agree. Way too much ridiculous laws and pandering to people who don't deserve it. California used to arguably be the best state in the U.S. to live in.
7:28 This! This is, unfortunately, the kind of narcissistic behavior my mother and grandmother and aunts take. I’m so glad to hear this kind of narcissistic behavior called out. Too often it is overlooked or even rewarded, and that’s how it continues to persist in the culture.
@@johngaulding3710 that is true & there is a discussion online about folk who have a soul but no spirit & these folk are really "unsalvagable" & when they die they live no more!!
Narcissism hadn't changed. It's become a scapegoat. When people look out for their own interests, less capable people will pull out the narcissist card. There are psychopaths, but it's too easy to call somebody a narcissist who doesn't let you get away with screwing around.
You're a narc yourself, you're ignorant on the topic, or you never were targeted by a narc. Which is it? And remember, the truth doesn't need your awareness or permission to be true.
@angelbulldog4934 Why would I let myself be targeted by a narcissist? It's just an excuse for being a gullible victim. Sometimes I wonder if those who are blaming their woes on "narcs" are the narcissists... but it's one of those words that has come to mean whatever the speaker thinks it means.
@@elgringoecMost people dont look out for their own interests at the expense of others. This is known as machiavellianism and is one of three interrelated personality traits that make up the dark triad (the other two are narcissism and psychopathy).
I am wondering if there is a link between the narcissism epidemic and the opioid epidemic because in y life they were very related. My ex husband was a diagnosed sociopath. (aspd/npd) and he was a nightmare as a husband and father. My sons and I had pronounced CPTSD. The family mobbed me and my kids also. My son died at 20 years old from an accidental overdose directly related to his father's abuse and the lack of empathy in the family overall.
Egotism, narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy, 4 steps downward inn insanity!! Egotists/narcissists are not necessarily socio/psychopaths but ALL socio/psychopaths are narcissistic!!
The one narcissist (really more of a sociopath) I had the displeasure to be a business partner with seemed to have no ability to self reflect, no empathy circuit. I wasted so much time trying to get him to "learn" from his fuckups, how his behaviour hurt me, the people around him, our customers, our business, but soon realized he just lacked that ability altogether, lacked the ability to care about anyone outside of him, including his own family. I would have just as much luck trying to talk to a brick wall. So glad I cut my losses from that businesses and ended the relationship. Consider yourself lucky to meet someone like this earlier on in life so you can run away like hell next time encountering this personality type. Never worth it to avoid those early red flags, don't rationalize it, just disengage altogether.
Your presentation is so full of worthy content, presented in a cohesive and grounded , usable way, with such nicely given , put together way, with such a nice voice. Thank you! You are a polished and relatable content provider.
Failure as a gift today doesn't work when there's so many new things that make old things no longer practical, such as how everyone needs a cellphone on them at all times to have opportunities. I don't believe it's narcissism for someone to be able to see that they're disadvantaged against their own choices yet face the responsibility. Eventually some of these issues will be extremely consequential on society, such as the declining birth rate and increasing excessive death rate.
It's not only USA... sadly i'm speaking of experience and very ill, it took ages (NOT ONE doctor...) to discover this myself, thanks to good wise people online who inform us... hugs from Beligium
10:27 “Healthy Narcissism” = Esteem, while “Unhealthy Narcissism” = Ego, which is projected separation leading to empathic failure and envy towards destruction.
1:32. It makes sense. This might not be correct at all but this was 1 generation after Vietnam, PTSD was only just beginning to be recognised, symptoms were still untreated and one of the symptoms of that can be narcissism. This was a time when physical and emotional abuse was still considered a normal parenting strategy and was to an extent institutionalised especially with the Cain, so we now have around 3 generations (ww1-vietnam) if not more essentially raised in undiagnosed PTSD. Surely that has to cause a spike in Narcissism
Step one: survive. Step two: make life easier, pursue happiness Step three: everyone is narcissistic and directionless Step four: medicate everyone until happy
Here are my observations on this from the last 20 years of experience. Im bonafide, not certified.... From what ive gathered some of the main causes of narcissism stems from trauma, ofcourse. I think trauma needs to be explained a little better. Its a broad term, a little complex. Though I understand that ultimately it basically has the same effects. I believe narcissism can come from neglect, often from birth. A child has to be manipulative to have their basic needs met. Whether the mother has some post partum depression or is forced to go directly back to work to pay the bills. A few things could factor in here. Like not holding and comforting your baby when they cry and not breast feeding even. When I had a child in 2005 I would read articles saying not to do these things, which I now know is absolutely ridiculous nonsense. Infants, babies, toddlers all need specific attention and care at certain stages of their life that is crutial for healthy development. None of us are perfect and do the best we can. We are also unaware and misinformed sometimes too. Or overwhelmed and stressed which our children pick up on as well. The child that has to manipulate to have basic needs met, the baby thats left to cry until they go to sleep all the time, for example. Babies cry because theyre communicating something. They dont just cry for no reason. This to me morphs into the child who needs attention and stimulation, interaction but doesnt get that. They are always told no, go play and so on. Those are the kids who act out in order to get attention. Because attention is what they need and want and somewhere they no this and if negative attention is all they receive its still attention. I dont think people see this as trauma. The parents who do this or the children who grew up with this being the case. But it becomes to me, understandable how a person (in their adult years) could be so deeply manipulative, lie, cheat, whatever they had to do to get their needs met. Theyre childhood programming would be survival mode. Surviving the only way they know how. All of our adult lives, i believe are shaped by our childhood programming. There is a man whos name is Robert Burney. He has a website "joy2meu.com" and he also wrote a book "Dance of the Wounded Souls" that I found during a time in my life that made so much sense to me. And he talks of the childhood programming. Finding him was truely a blessing for me in my life at that time. These days with all the drug use. All the children born to addicts that grow up without a parent present. Many parents choosing drugs over their kids. I personally know far too many grandmothers and grandfathers mostly but aunts and uncles raising their children or siblings kids as well as knowing many of the kids being raised by family members. I live in a small community and its very sad how many people I know in this situation. Its great that these children are raised by family. But it doesnt help the kids that grow up thinking somethings horribly wrong with them because their parents didnt want them. Children believe everything is their fault. They only know their own little worlds. That doesnt always raise healthy confident adults. They feel like something is wrong with them. In teenage years their trying to figure out who they are and want to be probably is a little more difficult than the average teenager. We all go through this throughout our lives. So they i believe, hold a deep sense of feeling unworthy and shame when its not their fault at all they just arent aware. Another thing Ive observed and in my head made a connection to a potential cause of narcissism is deeply held and engrained expectations of parents placed on their children from very young ages. One example would be what I noticed older friends of mine who had children in the 90s for example, where dad would toss a nerf football to his 15 month old son who happened to move his arms up at the right moment and half way catching the ball. From that moment on the kid is going to be a football hall of famer who is going to get a full scholarship and be in the NFL taking care of ol' mom and dad when hes a rich and famous football star. As soon as he is old enough he is enrolled in a football program and all throug out his schooling his life is football. Now of course parents want the best for their kids and arent aware the long term damage this can do to a kid. Especially when the kid starts to develope his own sense of self and all this football great just doesnt live un him. Never did but he didnt know that he just wants to do what he is told. None of us want to disappoint our parents. So he continues playing football throughout his high school years even though he doesnt really want to hes just doing what is expected of him. He gets out of high school and we'll say starts working construction. Making really good money and really enjoys the work and chooses not to go to college. This could be many things like a family of doctors and the kid is expected to follow those foot steps, an artist because the parents were artists and the little kid was a "protege" at 6 years old having art exibits of his work and newspaper articles written about him but he didnt go to college, etc, etc. That kid will carry a deep sense of shame and disappointment for many years if not the rest of his life. A deep sense of shame that he is such a disappointment. Wherher the parents truely are disappointed or not. Shame seems to be something that we carry deep inside of us that we dont want people to know or see. Expectation is the root cause of disappointment and it comes in many forms. Now days what Ive observed seems to be a fussy child, very young even, wanting attention and the parents are so sucked into their smart devices and social media that they dont pay any attention to their child. Except maybe a photo opp for them to post on social media that theyre the best parent ever and their happy perfect family life..... Or they hand the child a smart device to shut them up.... Parenting in 2024, theres an app for that. YIKES!!! I hope people see where Im going with that one
We all need therapy and healing 7:59 now. We’ve suffered months of narcissistic abuse just by listening to some of the political candidates who think they are right, and tell us that they know everything. Narcissists don’t change.
Yes. This is good information. My gf is a narcissist. I've been with her 2 years now. But she's deceitful and doesn't care if she hurts my feelings or not. She talks to me as if there's no other man for her. Then I catch her saying 'I love you' to other guys. I've had my fill of this. Just a few more steps and I'm gone. I've already met someone else but holding back because I love my gf first.
I have no problem with the compassion for narcissists. It's the behavior and attitudes and destruction of even a generation of a family. I had a family member who paid with his very life. Love from a distance and run for the hills! I had one of the most traumatic, horrifying childhood experience that almost any mental health professional ever heard who I worked with. I am not a narcissist. I received a lot of help. Wanted to not be what I saw. Was willing to do anything in order not to live like I was raised. There is a heritable part, environmental and then enabling by others through their fear and not wanting to look at themselves. I walked out of unhealth. Prayed. Cried. Talked. Determined to be better. I can't spend time worrying about narcissists and their intentions, ability to change or their future. I keep a distance and keep walking!
thats a very insightful interview!! some years ago i realised for myself 'we are living in the age of the self' well, i better replace 'self' with 'narcissism'
I blame a lot of this on the law of attraction stuff. I've read a few books and generally it's about you, you, you, you. flush all the people that need help and force only on you. Life is about balance, and it ain't all about you!
@@kni9ght You are definitely correct on that! Most wont/ever see that tho, because their heads are so far up their own butts. I see it every day. Kindness to each other is pretty much gone unfortunately.
Nahhhh, law of attraction is about self love, it’s just being misused as a main character tool. Its a self love hack that reminds you of your core self so that you can become solid in your morals/values and not let another person, no matter how close they are to you, especially narcissistic people, take over your own autonomy. Life IS about balance and the law of attraction is about manifesting who you are into form. You can clearly see what someone is about by what where why and who they are surrounded by and how they use this tool. Scapegoating LofA is not it.
Thanks again. Gotta be a nerd on the Dr.'s description of Jealously (I have a bit of a Greek Frenzy generated imparitives to object). His description of Envy is splended, and resonates to the Envy spiral of Socialists. I often liken it to Aphrodite's Girl from Iponema effect on the mob. Jealousy is harder to speek impeccably on. Coveting of what is already yours. In light of Yahweh's reputation, I ask if "he" wants to be known, or works against it. Very Melpomene. Keep up the great work.
As someone who was more self destructive in their tough learnings, the people who I see are more narcissistic are absolute controllers of the people around them. Meaning the moment someone around them is doing something that strikes them as insecure, they will immediately stonewall/minimize the issue, while projecting blame and false narratives. The ego is very fragile and unwilling to see own fault in ones actions, therefore carrying a distinct level of arrogance. You can also observe how their is a proclivity to overlook the morals of "treat others the way you would like to be treated", and have a hard time placing themselves in other shoes, how their actions would affect others.
Blaming it on genetics or trauma is a red herring since not all siblings in one family will become narcissistic. You can easily find a person who is a narcissist but his siblings are not even though they lived in the same household and experienced the same 'trauma' - a grossly overused word. Genetics is wrong because your genetics aren't fixed. They are dynamic & result from interaction with environment & lifestyle.
Trauma how some woke people use it has become overused and trivial. Actual trauma from a bad childhood, from emotional neglect, from absent parents, from parents fights, from overly strict disciplining and similar - those are real trauma examples, they profoundly change the child's development and they carry that burden with them into adulthood usually until they manage to get some proper help. Genetics is a smaller component to behavior and the environment in which the child grew up in has more of an impact on how they turn out. It goes for both physical and mental health.
If you were not subject to bad childhood trauma, then you have no idea what you're talking about. To try to minimize/invalidate another person's experience = textbook NPD stuff.
1) Nothing is more apparent that narcissism is ubiquitous in my field: education. As a retired learning disabilities teacher, I cannot seem to get 99% on board with the idea that we need to reform the English spelling system like the French did (5000 words) or by not forcing current users to relearn or use the new spellings. Seymour in 2003 found that anglophone Primary kids are delayed by 2.5 y or more (compared to Finnish or Italian kids). No one can say this is acceptable. No new phonics method will significantly improve this. Also, the 30 million word gap research showed that lower-socioeconomic kids are set up for failure (all IQ excluded).
The Hebrew God is the best thing to ever happen to humanity and people want to be rid of it "because I'm so clever and have desires" 🤡 Morons. The good news is they're easy to avoid having real relationships with 😂
@@michellesecrett1 Most personality disorders are incurable. Why that is is unclear, as far as I know. My guess is that the individuals think they are perfect or that others are at fault. Therefore, they do not want to change their mind. If it's genetic, you can't change your mind. That's what I was taught in psychology at university. That everyone can change their mind is wishful thinking, which is very prominent within certain ideologies. They believe in equality and their ideology is ruined unless everyone is malleable. It is inconceivable that some people are simply better than others.
You are very misinformed. Pathological narcissism is treatable. The issue is that there aren't enough specialists to treat them. Psychoanalytic therapy seems to be the closest to figuring it out. Perhaps listen to Otto Kernberg, Diana Diamond, Frank Yeomans. The Heal NPD channel will also open up that rabbit hole. Codependents also play a huge role in enabling people who treat them poorly. We all need to focus on becoming emotionally mature and learning how to protect ourselves.
@@niklasmolen4753incorrect. It's just that people don't understand how to treat it. Psychoanalysis is probably the most successful. The psychiatric field hasn't got a clue. Even the DSM5 misunderstands pathological narcissism
The problem with the golden rule is when you are neurodivergent so if you treat others how you want to be treated, they get upset at you because they don't want to be treated the way you want to be treated. "How would you like it if I started an argument with you?" If you think I'm wrong, I INSIST you argue with me. Loudly, shamelessly, in public. I want to resolve the cognitive dissonance of knowing we disagree and not knowing why more than I want my next breath. The dissonance tears at my heart like shrapnel. It's screeches in my ears. I couldn't care less if strangers stare and judge us. But you - you have no problem living with cognitive dissonance. Being understood is a "nice thing to have" for you, it's a pathological need for me. And you, you care about what strangers think of us. So I CAN'T treat you how I want to be treated. I have to learn that you want to be treated differently than I want to be.
Virtue signaling as an expression of narcissism. Look at me, look at me, see how good and caring I am, see how angry I am about how bad everyone else is.
They become psychologists/psychiatrist to hide the fact that they are narcissists. There are many such. Many other factors come into play, so they can do their job well, even though they are bad individuals.
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found the emotionally stunted white supremacist. Your parents emotionally neglected you in a profound way.
As Lasch told us long ago in his excellent paper, Capithellism insures a population must become victims and narcissists. We suck.
What is, when no totally unusual childhood and trauma is to find, but the school of believes around them? The believes of competion, being low value or high value, to have or to have not, to be in power or to be excluded, to get value out of comparison of value ideology>status scaling. There you do not need to be low in value, you are a junkie for the feeling of winning, admire the higher value, suppressing. It is a game kick, tat is really usual at games by the way to give such a kind of kick, as long no special perspective was developed.
Emptyness is here a sideeffect a result, one of the reasons. Reason: They have the believes as orientation, meaning of life, most is about. It needs a underdevelopment in intellect, interest, depth. It is emptyness beside this or fake interest, fake intellect+. Emptyness throur the erasing of shame guilt processing as it is "not useful, limiting" and not feeling nice.
So how could in these cases Kernberg, Kohut and co say, proclame: No, it is a insecurity, a low value, just a trauma determinism?
Even when masses have more worse experience and do not have these orientation, believes, fun etc.
Biology is btw. always a good answer for gaps.
And yes, these trauma+ people do exist, but it is not causal anymore in socialization dynamics, mind schools and clear society input - output expires.
Sorry, it is a lack of arguing in psychology to narcissism, it is so widely a postulation versus cognitive science and somtimes in cases being right, but at cases. Justifications happen so weird as persuasions should be just the justifications of inner coping mechanisms. This for example is religious topic, issue coping...
Dr Drew is simply another TV doctor. No one credible was available?
I'm a retired clinical psychologist, and I have to point out that there are two pathways to narcissism - not just the underlying shame/insecurity path he describes, but also a path where the person is over-indulged, pampered, treated like a prince/princess from an early age and develops a sense that he/she is better than others. That's important to recognize because otherwise we end up feeling sorry for narcissists, thinking they're all just wounded people who are overcompensating. Some are not! Some are just "spoiled," to put it simply. This isn't just my opinion but present in some of the best writers on personality disorders (e.g., Theodore Millon).
Thanks, but it is as well the life strategy belive system. To normalize the value-status scale is a great mistake by western socialized psychologists, philosophs. When you jump into this believe system and are too consumed by as the meaning and way of life it is a consequence. When something happens, that gives you the chance to get cold and more invested in, you escalate more and more in it. You lose a being free, basic and wise. Just as the input to the critics of this determinism believes and pro socialization and cognitive science, the world of the mind in connection to the world and some imature starting points as support.
They should've asked you. Dr Drew is a TV doctor with no credibility.
@@remypascal4872 I agree culture plays a role. Western cultures are more individualistic and so more prone to narcissism. Eastern cultures are more collectivist and prone to their own issues, though. All things being equal, I'll take the individualists over the collectivists. :) But you're right, cultural beliefs definitely do play a role in the prevalence of narcissism in the West.
@@mkshouse Thanks. I actually have respect for Dr. Drew, but I disagree with his characterization of narcissism here.
I agree wholeheartedly..I have a child just like that. Spoiled rotten. 😢
I was scapegoated by a mob of narcissists at my former workplace and it was awful…silver lining: I’m now privy to what narcissistic wounding and rage is, and how to identify a narcissist. I’ve learned more about discernment, my codependent habits, boundary setting, my own narcissistic traits…I’m learning about all of the traits and habits that placed me in resonance with attracting abuse and drama, and I’m healing it. I’m certainly not excusing their behavior….absolutely NOT, but rather than be the victim I’m taking responsibility and therefore my power back. And imo that’s the answer to this dilemma, is to take the time you need to heal your trauma, and learn how to individuate. ❤
Boundaries are one of my best friends. My "no" muscle is very strong.
@@angelbulldog4934 🙏🏽
@kristinanderson1983 my "no muscle" is very strong, too. I'm very independent and have a good sense of how to set and respect healthy boundaries. My biggest problem is that I'm too forgiving and give too much grace. But is that really a bad thing? I mean, I understand it greatly contributes to my appeal to narcissists, but I don't want to lose that part of myself in order to counter sick people. The very notion of that is pretty sad. I'm still trying to work through the best way for me, personally, to navigate these people. I refuse to believe that becoming more like them is the answer, but I think the world would have you believe that is the solution.
@ I’ve wondered about this too, and I think you are onto something about finding your own way. Maybe it’s like learning how to dance, when you learn a technique you integrate all the steps to improvise in a satisfactory and unique way.
The goal is to turn you New Age while you heal. It is religious terrorism to force that on groups such as Christians just to see if it will work or destroy them.
I hate to tell you Dr. Drew….but narcissism won’t be dialed down now that social media consumes everyone. This informative conversation itself is on a platform of social media. People can’t even do acts of kindness without posting it for attention and “likes” anymore. The rise of narcissism will only get worse, and it is scary.
Nice word of the decade, next to over used Nazi or conspiracy. Lifhten up you tight assed dunces
Yup. It is terrifying.
Dr Drew being a notorious narcissist… 😂
When I was 12 or 13, I went with my best friend and her dad to play miniature golf (crazy golf) and I was really poor at putting. About halfway through the round, I got frustrated and hit the golf ball way too hard and it rolled down towards the edge of the road. I humped down with a dour expression and when I looked back up at my friend and her dad, I saw that they were enjoying themselves, not really caring if they sunk the putts or not. And, a major realisation came to me. I knew I was not as good at this game as my friend, but suddenly I knew that wasn't the point. I decided right then and there that there were always going to be people who excelled at some things and it was alright. I made a conscious decision to stop being jealous or envious of other people. It served no good purpose. I knew in that moment, as I observed my friend and her dad laughing and bonding that it was much better to try my best but have a good time, even if I didn't play all that well. I resumed playing with a light heart. I took that lesson to heart ever since, and my life has been so much better for it. As I grew up I celebrated my friend's achievements and victories, and also my own with equal vigor. Life became much more fun, less competitive, and joyful. I feel blessed to have reached that awareness when I was young. Nowadays I have multiple friendships that have lasted decades. I delight in the fact that even in my 50s I have so many friends of all ages. I love when children joke with me that I'm "old" but still relish playing silly games like tag and shoot hoops with 12 year olds. Life is so wonderful when we chose to be happy and accept our limitations without reproach. I firmly believe that people can change their outlook if they change their self-perception.
And, funny enough, years later, I became a great golfer, too!
Be happy and grateful for what you have and live with love in your heart. ❤
This is such a nice story. Thank you for sharing.
2 Timothy 3
Thank you for sharing. I, too, had several opportunities when I was young to choose acceptance of my limitations (and of others) instead of jealousy and envy. I remember vividly that I made a choice. Thinking about the golden rule guided me. I've stumbled over the years but always come back to making a choice about how to view and act on a situation.
It's interesting how he responded to "How do I know if I'm a narcissist?"
He actually describes in his answer how victims in constant contact with narcissists might feel. Narcissists know how to find their victims, and most victims have been groomed to be narcissistic supply.
Narcissists are unfair, they make you feel empty, you long for a better relationship with them or long to get away from them, you can't connect to them and they won't allow you to properly connect to others because they triangulate and manipulate which wreaks havoc in your relationships with others, and they cause people to feel anxious with their crazy making. Narcissists systematically make their victims feel like they're the ones with the problem.
My answer to that question of "How do you know if you're a narcissist?"
You never wonder if you are. That's how you know.
Narcs are drawn to empaths like me. They mistake my kindness for weakness. BIG mistake!
❤
Sure…
Seek therapy
Not even close. Do you think narcs either confirm or deny it to themselves if confronted? 95% percent of them don’t wonder if they are, being perfect in every way.
"Seek therapy"
Spoken like a true narcissist. I see you.
Cluster A personality disorders are the "mad". Cluster B are the "bad". Cluster C are the "sad". That's how psychiatrists refer to them in shorthand.
TY
Gosh how intelligent to simplify such complexity to that...😮
The way I heard it was "weird, wild and wimpy." I think that captures it a bit better.
Do not attempt to practice empathy and compassion with a cluster B. They will absolutely leverage it against you, and by the time you realize this, it will be too late.
Amen!
Too late in which way?
@@seriouscat2231 In the way that they will have the power to destroy you.
That's not true for bpd, stop spreading lies and hurting people, and bpd is in process of being reevaluated because it's more similar to trauma responses and emotional regulation, which with help gets better. People with bpd can be empathetic, compassionate and when they hurt someone they feel deep pain and regret over it and do apologize. It's different for some, unique individuals that might unfortunately have several conditions at once but on its own bpd is not like narcissism disorder. The wonderful lady that created a program to help with bpd decades ago, Marsha Linehan, had it herself and only disclosed that a few years ago when it was safe to do so because it's the most misunderstood and stigmatized mental condition. Just because you came across one example and are frustrated, doesn't mean it's fair to unjustly stereotype.
No... if you have been insulted by someone on a date for no reason.. that is a narcissist. Narcissists love to insult you and break you down to get you to worship them. They will test you to see how much you will take on the abuse scale.. they will even go as far as to date you JUST to break up with you.
It came two weeks after marriage. 5 years in. Hoping to get out SO soon.
I've recently experienced severe vandalism related to envy from a person who posed as a friend for 20+ years. I didn't think highly of this person when I met them in '98-'99. I didn't want to be prejudiced. I tried giving him a chance. I learned a lot from him, he is a few years older than me. In '08 I out performed him in a measurable arena. And I didn't know we were competing. They didn't try harder, their actions just became covertly vindictive, destructive, and dangerous.
Some people can't stand to see someone, who they believe is beneath them, succeed.
🙌
So True
Selflessness was replaced by entitlement and vain post-camera self-idolatry.
Post Christian culture now
He’s saying what we’re all thinking about cancel culture but are afraid to say publicly
When I was young, we had "counter culture". We had no desire to eliminate of delete anybody. We just wanted to be left alone to live our lives. There were no Karens and people weren't offended by every single word.
Let's be honest, the democratic party. Many of us flew the coop when we realized we were cohabitating with narcs.
This is the rotten fruit of rejecting Biblical values
Being triggered by the idea of cancel culture is a massive red flag you have skeletons in the closet.
@@CyanCoopernot necessarily. You can identify a problem without having said problems yourself. You can see the dangerous path that cancel culture leads to, where it becomes a witch hunt based on feelings
I love Dr. Drew ! There isn't a more self reflective, wise, intelligent, and caring professional in our public media out there. Every time i had the pleasure to accidentally come across him speaking....on what ever topic...i always learn something. Such a great man ❣
@craigathonian I also admire reflective, wise, intelligent, and caring people. But please look deeper at what Dr. Drew is saying. He is a narcissist masquerading as a non-narcissist so as to confuse the public into accepting false ideas about moral people. Note that rather than call out bastards like Trump, a foul human being who is quite obviously a narcissist, Dr. Drew chooses to claim that college students protesting one evident injustice or another represent the narcissistic problem.
I used to think that I was narcissistic but now I know I’m amazing.
😂
I was married to a narcissist. Abandoned by her father, sexual abuse. I made the mistake of thinking that loving her enough would make her better. I never gave up on our marriage and she divorced me after 20 years. She never had the courage to seek counseling or therapy.
A lot of these people are damaged in childhood from entitlement and being spoiled feeling like they weren't important enough for their own parents to care and spend the time to instruct, guide and discipline them properly.
Boom. I am witnessing this firsthand. It often start with their parents. The failures of their parents. Why I think we are seeing such an uptick of Narcissism these days. Often, parents of who fall under the Millennials umbrella, didn't care, didn't "parent". So they grew up doing whatever they felt like doing with little to no consequences. This scenario is unfolding right in front of my eyes. In one way it's sad, in another way it is infuriating as now my own child is forced to deal with it, in a 3rd generation way. So I am on this channel to educate myself as much as possible, in order to help my own child navigate these often nightmarish individuals.
That explains my disfunction
@@amyteurlife9408 Do you mean materially spoiled but emotionally neglected? Entitlement is typically a result of coddling (excessive attention) combined with a lack of structure/discipline.
@@gabeo9474 Yes exactly. They get what they want but because they are so young they feel out of control because no one will guide them.
My ex was a covert narcissist. I played the role of caretaker in a codependent relationship with her. I was 25 when I married and feel that I lost a lot of personality to her. Right out of the gate, everything was a negotiation, I confused this for give and take. Her narcissistic rage occurred when I tried to set boundaries, I gave and gave and gave to keep the peace, It got dangerous and I still could not see her for who she was. We went to therapy together and individually, she could never share her trauma's with her therapist. Therapy was an education for her, she weaponized what she learned in therapy.
It has been 2.5 years since I left her and though my life has gotten immensely better the scars still feel fresh.
Influences that I learned of that I think cultured her narcissism,
Serious acute trauma and not having a safe environment to grow up in.
A matriarch that ruled the roost who she idolized like a Deity, the power aspect that she was drawn to.
Codependence in the family unit as a child, love was not free.
Finally someone clarified envy versus jealousy. People mislabel envy as jealousy constantly.
Both of my parents were narcissists. Chaos was normal to me. My childhood sweetheart found her perfect victim early. I finally realized a few years ago after 30 years, what she was. Infidelity was never an issue. But everything else was on the table. The real dangerous narcissists hide everything behind closed doors. They would never talk to you around friends like they do at home without witness. I have learned how to use this knowledge to keep her at bay. They are truly like children
He's wrong about jealousy.
Jealousy is the feeling one experiences when something you have is threatened by someone or something.
Example: your spouse's love or attention, by their friend, work, schooling. Or your daughter's affection for another mother or father figure. Or your teacher's favorism toward another student (after favoring you).
Envy is coveting what someone else has that you don't have: a spouse, wealth, good grades.
Has anyone ever met someone, whom thinks everyone else is a narcisist?
Yes, ironically they are often narcissist because projection is a tactic that they often default to in defense of their pathology or they may have trauma from narcissist which is why they anticipate it everywhere.
😂😂😂
*Who
@@peaceandllov Whom, who🤷😂
@@josefheinz5309 Good points.
Worthwhile discussion. Thanks, Dad.
"Il Papa" was occasionally used to refer to Mussolini in fascist propaganda and by his supporters, drawing on the paternal connotations of the word. Guess what historical tragedy this channel is trying to associate itself with?
8:18 he’s talking about what is often called “Virtue Signaling”
"Virtue signaling" is usually a human being expressing moral disgust toward a Dark Triad, often toward a Dark Triad who engages in projection and confession through comments on You Tube.
Very good! Thankyou for the video 😊 sharing it now 🙏
Wow, thanks for your videos and lectures as well Richard
Until our culture can go back to supporting the emotional/relational needs of children, all mental health issues will continue to rise. IMHO
Many would say, IMO, that that is exactly how we got into this mess of narcissism in our youth on up in the present day. Too much supporting of our children's emotions and needs. We need discussions / debates on how to attend to those needs in healthy ways that gird children with a thicker skin ( not implying that sensitive temperaments become calloused, not in the slightest ). Jonathan Haidt has spoken on this for years, i.e. to not coddle children into fragile souls that become quite riddled with narcissism, IIRC. The pendulum towards feelings has swung too far, as much as I do embrace feelings and are grateful for them!
Necessarily, true
You're confusing coddling of children and outsourcing parenting to all kinds of support systems and tools like ipads, phones, tv, Xbox, babysitters, schools, family members, day care for babies vs before for toddlers that are almost ready for school. All of those outsourced support systems and material goods, cannot replace or be good enough for children's emotional and mental needs directly from their parents, their primary caretakers. Parents are generally even more checked out and detached today than they were decades ago and with all the distractions they take the easier way out and give in to their kids demands, while also listening to random modern day advice of not saying no to your child, with all of that kids end up confused, unsupported, anxious, detached et cetera
On the other hand you have parents that are not just distracted and disinterested but those that are emotionally and mentally immature so they project that onto kids and create codependency, enmeshment, parentification and sometimes emotional incest so that the parent fills their holes instead of working on themselves through therapy, having healthy age appropriate friends, working on their relationship with their spouse and family, getting a hobby and so on.
Until our culture goes back to Biblical values, it will only worsen
@@annjames1837 You may be surprised at how similar they are.
He's right that we are in the midst of a narcissism epidemic. However, he couldn't be more wrong about the nature of narcissism. Narcissists don't have a deep-down sense of shame. They are too shallow to have anything deep down, and they feel no shame. Shame is the feeling that goes along with being in a subordinate social position, which narcissists refuse to occupy. Narcissists are people who are trying to occupy a higher rung on the social ladder than they can successfully defend. If they perceive that someone is challenging their social rank, they can become enraged. The so-called narcissistic rage is just dominance aggression. Dominance aggression is something that occurs in animals that are too primitive mentally to recognize themselves in a mirror, so it can exist even without a sense of self. The "narcissistic supply" that narcissists so desperately crave is just expressions of fawning submission from subordinates. The difference between "grandiose narcissism" and "fragile narcissism" is merely the absence or presence of a perceived challenge to their social rank. Narcissists can go from grandiose to fragile in a nanosecond if they encounter someone who is unquestionably superior to them in some way or if someone simply refuses to fawn on them. I correct other people's grammar for a living. As a result, I have seen far more raging narcissists than most psychiatrists have.
@lauriethomas6187 I agree with your comment. My life has largely been destroyed by a covert malignant narcissist. Dr. Drew is a narcissist. He rails against protesting college students as though that diverse group is the embodiment of narcissism. College students protest because they learn about grave injustice throughout human history caused by Dark Triad narcissists (manipulative predators) like Dr. Drew.
My husband's late mother was an envious person. She was So negative and always complained.
She even went after some of her own grandchildren out of envy. It was really sick.
My ex was picking her nails when we went to therapy and the therapist was literally talking to us while kind of motioning towards her with his hands while still being completely engaged because I really loved her and wanted it to work. She was 35, I was 36 when we met and she said at one point she could get any guy she wants and that was an eye opener because I knew there were certain behaviors that no one would be able to deal with some of the behaviors I was seeing. Hardest thing I have ever done is leave her. She was beautiful and very charming, great smile, great sex, etc but she got jealous of my ex wife because she was pretty to but I assured her I was in love and honestly was. Know it’s not my fault but I literally felt stupid for wanting her to love me or wondered why I still loved her after some pretty horrible things were said.
Easy brother she did things you liked.
Missed the point. She *could* gte any man she wanted, and obviously did in her 20s. Giant red flag, a may-day parade even.
In my experience some of the most openly religious people are narcissists. They do that obnoxious "I'll pray for you" when someone disagrees with them.
They think they alone get to preach God's plan.
Blasphemy 🙏🏽
@@ExecutiveZombieRofl 😂
That’s blasphemy. You can hate religious people all you want but that doesn’t make you right.
@@Rscottphillips maybe you should pray for...
Interesting. I haven't experienced that, although I've heard of people doing that. I'll pray for you. (sorry, I had to add that).
Vampires appear very domineering and formidable (and scary), but inside they're very weak and pathetic when exposed to the sunlight. Don't ever invite and give permission to a vampire to enter your house and cross the threshold, it's your first line of defense.
Control. manipulationn, lying, faalse aaccusations, projection & gaslighting. Detroyed my family. Our triune God & yes living in His Word is the only hope & way to survive & choose to thrive though all has been stolen from you. Pray for them til your dying day.
You forgot they never apologize , admit anything, and never take responsibility. They only have excuses. I'm sorry about your family. It destroyed mine, too. I allowed my wife to walk over me, but my parents were narcissists, too. It's what they did and didn't do that hurts. I had to go no contact with both of them eventually.
Correct. I am literally fleeing at this point while being held by the hand of God. I have no ill will towards this individual but i cannot tolerate this behavior with no accountability for the rest of my life. Thats crazy .
I suffered from many narcissistic traits and behaviors. I managed to reform my disposition and make life livable. If you want to recover from narcissism, you can. But you have to want to. There are a few cases of irredeemable narcissism, but that number is exaggerated. Don't feel like you're doomed to suffer from narcissism for life.
Not true. Narcissism is pretty set. NPD cannot be moved. Either you aren’t doing as well as you think, or you are a unicorn
I entered this world through a narc birthing canal. She died when I was 65, so I've had a lifelong education from living it. She's not the only one in my family or in my life. I think I may know one of the BIG things that could cause narcissism. I've mentioned it to a few professionals with channels here, but nobody will address it. I see what I see.
@@angelbulldog4934 please share here if you don't mind. I'm intrigued.
Please share ! ❤
What is it?!
I love this podcast and how much effort you have invested into production quality. Seriously deserves more views.
Important note: while you should not rescue kids from every problem, that doesn't mean you shouldn't help them when they ask or show compassion when they fail. If you constantly walk ahead of them and clear all obstacles, that's terrible for them. But if you swing the other way and refuse to help or comfort them when they are disregulated or asking for your help, they will learn that their emotions are an obstacle to overcome through denial and suppression, and they will also learn that needing help is shameful and weakness. So please. Do not try to fix every problem your kids have the moment it happens. Let them try to figure it out. But do not turn a cold shoulder when they come to you for help or comfort.
Man, this really speaks loudly what I've been trying to talk to people about but getting pushed away or minimized for in many relationships. I truly think Narcissism is one of our biggest road blocks in North America.
What happens when narcissm spreads? It turns into California.
LOL!
Partially true. Overpopulation and a mentally ill society of materialism, mental illness breeds mental illness
Good one
I live in California and I agree. Way too much ridiculous laws and pandering to people who don't deserve it. California used to arguably be the best state in the U.S. to live in.
@Dj.D25 I agree...but what I find fascinating, with regard to laws, is the need to constantly create new ones.
Envy CAN destroy. Dont let it! Jealousy is a valid feeling within boundaries.
Amen
Absolutely ❤ Pride and Envy are terrible and lead to very bad things. Pride is the gateway drug to even worse behavioral problems.
7:28 This! This is, unfortunately, the kind of narcissistic behavior my mother and grandmother and aunts take. I’m so glad to hear this kind of narcissistic behavior called out. Too often it is overlooked or even rewarded, and that’s how it continues to persist in the culture.
The only way a narcissist could ever change is if circumstances "force" him to change. It's the only way. Forget words, because he'll lie his ass off!
Excellent video! I’m so impressed with the variety of guest you have on.
Excellent information
PLEASE CONTINUE TO SHARE YOUR TRUTH.
It’s a spiritual disease.
I tend to agree with this in some respects.
The top tier narcissists do not have a spirit. They are just full of cogs and gears inside. Everyone in their lives just serve a purpose.
@@johngaulding3710 that is true & there is a discussion online about folk who have a soul but no spirit & these folk are really "unsalvagable" & when they die they live no more!!
Narcissism hadn't changed. It's become a scapegoat. When people look out for their own interests, less capable people will pull out the narcissist card. There are psychopaths, but it's too easy to call somebody a narcissist who doesn't let you get away with screwing around.
A narcissist is someone who looks out for their own interests at the expense of others.
You're a narc yourself, you're ignorant on the topic, or you never were targeted by a narc. Which is it? And remember, the truth doesn't need your awareness or permission to be true.
@angelbulldog4934
Why would I let myself be targeted by a narcissist? It's just an excuse for being a gullible victim. Sometimes I wonder if those who are blaming their woes on "narcs" are the narcissists... but it's one of those words that has come to mean whatever the speaker thinks it means.
@@jamesjames5896
That makes sense. That kinda describes all of us, the difference being when and where to draw the line.
@@elgringoecMost people dont look out for their own interests at the expense of others. This is known as machiavellianism and is one of three interrelated personality traits that make up the dark triad (the other two are narcissism and psychopathy).
I think that the school system encourages narcissism right through college. America, in the last 100 years, has been built on a narcissistic concept.
Capitalism
No.
The victim role gives them power over others.
✡
"In crowds it is stupidity and not mother wit that is accumulated."
Gustave Le Bon, on explaining narcissism and modern woke culture
Dr. Drew is great, so intelligent.. I used to watch him on Celebrity Rehab n he helped me through my addiction n am now sober for 13 years now..
I am wondering if there is a link between the narcissism epidemic and the opioid epidemic because in y life they were very related. My ex husband was a diagnosed sociopath. (aspd/npd) and he was a nightmare as a husband and father. My sons and I had pronounced CPTSD. The family mobbed me and my kids also. My son died at 20 years old from an accidental overdose directly related to his father's abuse and the lack of empathy in the family overall.
Egotism, narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy, 4 steps downward inn insanity!! Egotists/narcissists are not necessarily socio/psychopaths but ALL socio/psychopaths are narcissistic!!
This was very helpful, thank you
Great information, thanks to you and Dr Drew !!!
I agree with everything the Doc said. Great questions and thanks for the interview.
Rage + aggression = hangry (metabolic dysfunction)
Food not therapy… 👍
Idk my guy, I have known some marines that kick people through a wall with a full belly lmao.
The Golden Rule SO SO SO relevant and important Thanks Drew
Our culture is rejecting Biblical values at record speed.
The one narcissist (really more of a sociopath) I had the displeasure to be a business partner with seemed to have no ability to self reflect, no empathy circuit. I wasted so much time trying to get him to "learn" from his fuckups, how his behaviour hurt me, the people around him, our customers, our business, but soon realized he just lacked that ability altogether, lacked the ability to care about anyone outside of him, including his own family. I would have just as much luck trying to talk to a brick wall. So glad I cut my losses from that businesses and ended the relationship. Consider yourself lucky to meet someone like this earlier on in life so you can run away like hell next time encountering this personality type. Never worth it to avoid those early red flags, don't rationalize it, just disengage altogether.
Don't be part of a mob. You can be a unique beast!
Yup. Mobs are never in the right.
Your presentation is so full of worthy content, presented in a cohesive and grounded , usable way, with such nicely given , put together way, with such a nice voice. Thank you! You are a polished and relatable content provider.
Failure as a gift today doesn't work when there's so many new things that make old things no longer practical, such as how everyone needs a cellphone on them at all times to have opportunities. I don't believe it's narcissism for someone to be able to see that they're disadvantaged against their own choices yet face the responsibility. Eventually some of these issues will be extremely consequential on society, such as the declining birth rate and increasing excessive death rate.
“There is a lot of UNREGULATED aggression “. Stop the unregulation.
It's not only USA... sadly i'm speaking of experience and very ill, it took ages (NOT ONE doctor...) to discover this myself, thanks to good wise people online who inform us... hugs from Beligium
Go back decades ago, the subject of narcissism was not allowed on the mass media of the day, print, radio, tv!!
10:27 “Healthy Narcissism” = Esteem, while “Unhealthy Narcissism” = Ego, which is projected separation leading to empathic failure and envy towards destruction.
1:32. It makes sense. This might not be correct at all but this was 1 generation after Vietnam, PTSD was only just beginning to be recognised, symptoms were still untreated and one of the symptoms of that can be narcissism. This was a time when physical and emotional abuse was still considered a normal parenting strategy and was to an extent institutionalised especially with the Cain, so we now have around 3 generations (ww1-vietnam) if not more essentially raised in undiagnosed PTSD. Surely that has to cause a spike in Narcissism
Step one: survive.
Step two: make life easier, pursue happiness
Step three: everyone is narcissistic and directionless
Step four: medicate everyone until happy
Here are my observations on this from the last 20 years of experience. Im bonafide, not certified....
From what ive gathered some of the main causes of narcissism stems from trauma, ofcourse. I think trauma needs to be explained a little better. Its a broad term, a little complex. Though I understand that ultimately it basically has the same effects.
I believe narcissism can come from neglect, often from birth. A child has to be manipulative to have their basic needs met. Whether the mother has some post partum depression or is forced to go directly back to work to pay the bills. A few things could factor in here. Like not holding and comforting your baby when they cry and not breast feeding even. When I had a child in 2005 I would read articles saying not to do these things, which I now know is absolutely ridiculous nonsense. Infants, babies, toddlers all need specific attention and care at certain stages of their life that is crutial for healthy development. None of us are perfect and do the best we can. We are also unaware and misinformed sometimes too. Or overwhelmed and stressed which our children pick up on as well.
The child that has to manipulate to have basic needs met, the baby thats left to cry until they go to sleep all the time, for example. Babies cry because theyre communicating something. They dont just cry for no reason. This to me morphs into the child who needs attention and stimulation, interaction but doesnt get that. They are always told no, go play and so on. Those are the kids who act out in order to get attention. Because attention is what they need and want and somewhere they no this and if negative attention is all they receive its still attention. I dont think people see this as trauma. The parents who do this or the children who grew up with this being the case. But it becomes to me, understandable how a person (in their adult years) could be so deeply manipulative, lie, cheat, whatever they had to do to get their needs met. Theyre childhood programming would be survival mode. Surviving the only way they know how. All of our adult lives, i believe are shaped by our childhood programming. There is a man whos name is Robert Burney. He has a website "joy2meu.com" and he also wrote a book "Dance of the Wounded Souls" that I found during a time in my life that made so much sense to me. And he talks of the childhood programming. Finding him was truely a blessing for me in my life at that time.
These days with all the drug use. All the children born to addicts that grow up without a parent present. Many parents choosing drugs over their kids. I personally know far too many grandmothers and grandfathers mostly but aunts and uncles raising their children or siblings kids as well as knowing many of the kids being raised by family members. I live in a small community and its very sad how many people I know in this situation. Its great that these children are raised by family. But it doesnt help the kids that grow up thinking somethings horribly wrong with them because their parents didnt want them. Children believe everything is their fault. They only know their own little worlds. That doesnt always raise healthy confident adults. They feel like something is wrong with them. In teenage years their trying to figure out who they are and want to be probably is a little more difficult than the average teenager. We all go through this throughout our lives. So they i believe, hold a deep sense of feeling unworthy and shame when its not their fault at all they just arent aware.
Another thing Ive observed and in my head made a connection to a potential cause of narcissism is deeply held and engrained expectations of parents placed on their children from very young ages. One example would be what I noticed older friends of mine who had children in the 90s for example, where dad would toss a nerf football to his 15 month old son who happened to move his arms up at the right moment and half way catching the ball. From that moment on the kid is going to be a football hall of famer who is going to get a full scholarship and be in the NFL taking care of ol' mom and dad when hes a rich and famous football star. As soon as he is old enough he is enrolled in a football program and all throug out his schooling his life is football. Now of course parents want the best for their kids and arent aware the long term damage this can do to a kid. Especially when the kid starts to develope his own sense of self and all this football great just doesnt live un him. Never did but he didnt know that he just wants to do what he is told. None of us want to disappoint our parents. So he continues playing football throughout his high school years even though he doesnt really want to hes just doing what is expected of him. He gets out of high school and we'll say starts working construction. Making really good money and really enjoys the work and chooses not to go to college. This could be many things like a family of doctors and the kid is expected to follow those foot steps, an artist because the parents were artists and the little kid was a "protege" at 6 years old having art exibits of his work and newspaper articles written about him but he didnt go to college, etc, etc. That kid will carry a deep sense of shame and disappointment for many years if not the rest of his life. A deep sense of shame that he is such a disappointment. Wherher the parents truely are disappointed or not. Shame seems to be something that we carry deep inside of us that we dont want people to know or see. Expectation is the root cause of disappointment and it comes in many forms.
Now days what Ive observed seems to be a fussy child, very young even, wanting attention and the parents are so sucked into their smart devices and social media that they dont pay any attention to their child. Except maybe a photo opp for them to post on social media that theyre the best parent ever and their happy perfect family life..... Or they hand the child a smart device to shut them up.... Parenting in 2024, theres an app for that. YIKES!!!
I hope people see where Im going with that one
We all need therapy and healing 7:59 now. We’ve suffered months of narcissistic abuse just by listening to some of the political candidates who think they are right, and tell us that they know everything. Narcissists don’t change.
Yes. This is good information. My gf is a narcissist. I've been with her 2 years now. But she's deceitful and doesn't care if she hurts my feelings or not. She talks to me as if there's no other man for her. Then I catch her saying 'I love you' to other guys. I've had my fill of this. Just a few more steps and I'm gone. I've already met someone else but holding back because I love my gf first.
Great conversation! Thank you for this video
I have no problem with the compassion for narcissists. It's the behavior and attitudes and destruction of even a generation of a family. I had a family member who paid with his very life. Love from a distance and run for the hills! I had one of the most traumatic, horrifying childhood experience that almost any mental health professional ever heard who I worked with. I am not a narcissist. I received a lot of help. Wanted to not be what I saw. Was willing to do anything in order not to live like I was raised. There is a heritable part, environmental and then enabling by others through their fear and not wanting to look at themselves. I walked out of unhealth. Prayed. Cried. Talked. Determined to be better. I can't spend time worrying about narcissists and their intentions, ability to change or their future. I keep a distance and keep walking!
thats a very insightful interview!!
some years ago i realised for myself 'we are living in the age of the self'
well, i better replace 'self' with 'narcissism'
They called the 70s "the Me Decade." I think they were premature.
Beautiful🌹Thank You Dr. Drew♥️
I blame a lot of this on the law of attraction stuff. I've read a few books and generally it's about you, you, you, you. flush all the people that need help and force only on you. Life is about balance, and it ain't all about you!
That’s a good point and main character syndrome is rampant, we’re all a side character in other people’s story
LOL OK 😂😂
@@kni9ght You are definitely correct on that! Most wont/ever see that tho, because their heads are so far up their own butts. I see it every day. Kindness to each other is pretty much gone unfortunately.
Nahhhh, law of attraction is about self love, it’s just being misused as a main character tool. Its a self love hack that reminds you of your core self so that you can become solid in your morals/values and not let another person, no matter how close they are to you, especially narcissistic people, take over your own autonomy. Life IS about balance and the law of attraction is about manifesting who you are into form. You can clearly see what someone is about by what where why and who they are surrounded by and how they use this tool. Scapegoating LofA is not it.
@ yeah, everybody talks about investments and such but kindness is the only one you can 10x to get back a hundred fold with no taxes
I really enjoy old loveline reruns, and it’s so fun to see Adam Carolla and Dr Drew in stuff these days.
You can see it in the justice system or should i say, vengeance system.
The Just Us system.
Wonderful interview, so well done
Thanks again.
Gotta be a nerd on the Dr.'s description of Jealously (I have a bit of a Greek Frenzy generated imparitives to object).
His description of Envy is splended, and resonates to the Envy spiral of Socialists. I often liken it to Aphrodite's Girl from Iponema effect on the mob.
Jealousy is harder to speek impeccably on. Coveting of what is already yours. In light of Yahweh's reputation, I ask if "he" wants to be known, or works against it. Very Melpomene.
Keep up the great work.
As someone who was more self destructive in their tough learnings, the people who I see are more narcissistic are absolute controllers of the people around them. Meaning the moment someone around them is doing something that strikes them as insecure, they will immediately stonewall/minimize the issue, while projecting blame and false narratives. The ego is very fragile and unwilling to see own fault in ones actions, therefore carrying a distinct level of arrogance. You can also observe how their is a proclivity to overlook the morals of "treat others the way you would like to be treated", and have a hard time placing themselves in other shoes, how their actions would affect others.
Dr. Drew, God sees everything!
Thank you Dr Drew!
THANK YOU SO MUCH. I LEARNED A LOT.
Blaming it on genetics or trauma is a red herring since not all siblings in one family will become narcissistic. You can easily find a person who is a narcissist but his siblings are not even though they lived in the same household and experienced the same 'trauma' - a grossly overused word. Genetics is wrong because your genetics aren't fixed. They are dynamic & result from interaction with environment & lifestyle.
Trauma how some woke people use it has become overused and trivial.
Actual trauma from a bad childhood, from emotional neglect, from absent parents, from parents fights, from overly strict disciplining and similar - those are real trauma examples, they profoundly change the child's development and they carry that burden with them into adulthood usually until they manage to get some proper help.
Genetics is a smaller component to behavior and the environment in which the child grew up in has more of an impact on how they turn out. It goes for both physical and mental health.
Very good, although so-called 'trauma' is totally overblown.
If you were not subject to bad childhood trauma, then you have no idea what you're talking about.
To try to minimize/invalidate another person's experience = textbook NPD stuff.
That was excellent John. Dr. Drew is legit.
Yup, started studying this during covid to try to protect myself from my family.
Thank you so so much dr drew.
Insightful. Thank you
1) Nothing is more apparent that narcissism is ubiquitous in my field: education. As a retired learning disabilities teacher, I cannot seem to get 99% on board with the idea that we need to reform the English spelling system like the French did (5000 words) or by not forcing current users to relearn or use the new spellings. Seymour in 2003 found that anglophone Primary kids are delayed by 2.5 y or more (compared to Finnish or Italian kids). No one can say this is acceptable. No new phonics method will significantly improve this. Also, the 30 million word gap research showed that lower-socioeconomic kids are set up for failure (all IQ excluded).
You can still care when far away from them. The golden rule and other manipulations helped keep me trapped for years.
good video , subbed. Thanks!
In summary: Act like God is watching at all times. Funny how advice can be millennia old and still valid.
Doesn't have to be god.
There is always someone who sees/knows what you are doing. Even if nobody says anything.
The Hebrew God is the best thing to ever happen to humanity and people want to be rid of it "because I'm so clever and have desires" 🤡 Morons. The good news is they're easy to avoid having real relationships with 😂
Dr. Drew misses the mark here. Sorry, the narcissist cannot change. Telling a narcissist to "adopt the golden rule daily" is an utter joke!!!
That’s an online myth. Anyone can change if they work on themselves hard enough
@@michellesecrett1 Most personality disorders are incurable. Why that is is unclear, as far as I know. My guess is that the individuals think they are perfect or that others are at fault. Therefore, they do not want to change their mind. If it's genetic, you can't change your mind.
That's what I was taught in psychology at university.
That everyone can change their mind is wishful thinking, which is very prominent within certain ideologies. They believe in equality and their ideology is ruined unless everyone is malleable. It is inconceivable that some people are simply better than others.
@niklasmolen4753
"These are aweful people and can never change." I feel that sets an extremely dangerous precedent.
You are very misinformed. Pathological narcissism is treatable. The issue is that there aren't enough specialists to treat them. Psychoanalytic therapy seems to be the closest to figuring it out. Perhaps listen to Otto Kernberg, Diana Diamond, Frank Yeomans. The Heal NPD channel will also open up that rabbit hole. Codependents also play a huge role in enabling people who treat them poorly. We all need to focus on becoming emotionally mature and learning how to protect ourselves.
@@niklasmolen4753incorrect. It's just that people don't understand how to treat it. Psychoanalysis is probably the most successful. The psychiatric field hasn't got a clue. Even the DSM5 misunderstands pathological narcissism
I can tell you they certainly know how to pretend to care about people, but watch out for the rage monster 👺
Perhaps it is the understanding of narcissism that has improve rather than the rates per se.
Good discussion thank you. Fortunately there is a God above and he still heals those who will be healed.
A narc pushed my father to suicide and almost took me out too. These people are incredibly dangerous.
Oh Vey… Dr. Drew, 🥵
I have Anger, Sorrow and Rebuking Lucifer (full narcissist) stories. 🤕
I have victory also tho! 😊 Phew. 🙏🏽😎
Called. “Christ.” 🫡
The problem with the golden rule is when you are neurodivergent so if you treat others how you want to be treated, they get upset at you because they don't want to be treated the way you want to be treated. "How would you like it if I started an argument with you?" If you think I'm wrong, I INSIST you argue with me. Loudly, shamelessly, in public. I want to resolve the cognitive dissonance of knowing we disagree and not knowing why more than I want my next breath. The dissonance tears at my heart like shrapnel. It's screeches in my ears. I couldn't care less if strangers stare and judge us. But you - you have no problem living with cognitive dissonance. Being understood is a "nice thing to have" for you, it's a pathological need for me. And you, you care about what strangers think of us. So I CAN'T treat you how I want to be treated. I have to learn that you want to be treated differently than I want to be.
Virtue signaling as an expression of narcissism. Look at me, look at me, see how good and caring I am, see how angry I am about how bad everyone else is.
Narcissism is *not* an excuse for toxic behavior , it's merely a reason .
what happens when a narcissist becomes a psychiatrist.
They become psychologists/psychiatrist to hide the fact that they are narcissists. There are many such. Many other factors come into play, so they can do their job well, even though they are bad individuals.
They play abusive games with people seeking help.
*celebrity psychiatrist