Unfortunately it’s increasingly common these days for parents to push their children away and end up completely non contact. It’s quite common for children to end up hating their parents after years of abuse(although said parents will never admit they abused them)
@@blademasterzero Although this may be the case, not everyone appreciates a good parent and blames their good parent for their failures. There are many cases when privileged teenagers would have everything they need such as love, food, shelter, and materialistic things all while being in a relatively peaceful neighborhood but still end up depressed and on illegal meds. There are other cases where someone's mom makes a mistake, and their grown kid ignores them for years when it was a small mistake/issue. Then there's those who grow up and become successful but still curse their parents for raising them terribly (Eminem). Cussing his own mother out on a song for millions to listen to. That's a red line even a bad mother shouldn't have to ever face. It doesn't matter what your mother did to you or how badly she treated you, how dare you humiliate the person who gave birth to you in front of millions? You might not owe them money and might not be obligated to pay their freaking debt BUT you owe them your LIFE no matter what (a debt that can't ever be paid). There isn't too many *bad* things that would overshadow the gift of life for most individuals (Not saying there isn't). A bad childhood doesn't = a misery filled adulthood, and it could be a result, but it doesn't equal that.
Idk about that. I think if my parents fell on hard times (my father’s health is failing) it’s kind of my duty to take care of them. That said, I still want to, but I see it as duty as welll
ill wager a guess that the parents havent managed their finances good enough, and are now being demanding on their children, using their 6 figure incomes as leverage. "How dare our children be living a better lifestyle than us." mentality
The fact that the children didn’t reach out to help without being asked/without hesitation is VERY telling about the parenting and familial relationship.
Ya either. The parents were terrible or the kids are just bad people. I'm assuming one led to the other. Like imagine saying to your parents in need that "the man from TV said I don't have to help you" 😅
@@devanman7920not necessarily, spouses of AC play a big part, so does social media and friends. Had great adult kids that did anything for us parents, they got married and now don’t see them, not because of us, trust me and everyone that knows us
My Mom was recently hospitalized. Her three children took turns spending time with her in the hospital and then taking care of her when she got home. All of her friends were jealous of the support she got from us. It pays to raise your kids with good values.
We did the same for my parents. But once they recovered they wanted to go back to their own house. They had saved enough money so that we could hire sitters to help out when needed because we weren’t exactly in the same city and they didn’t want to move in with any of us. They liked their house
@@conman823 We already were told it would all be split equally between the three of us, but we had no idea what that amount was. Once they passed, you better believe I hurried up and put mine in an 18 month 5.85% interest cd until I can decide what to do with it. I am going to build it up so I can do the same for myself (senior care) and leave what’s left for my sons. We did it because it was the right thing to do and what they wanted. Not everyone is motivated by money, some do it because they actually love their parents and children. The LOVE of money is the root of all evil, not having money. To he that can steward much, much is given
@@roberteltze4850 It has nothing to do with values. It has to do with the type of person you were to your kids. Plenty of people grow up to be great, kind, compassionate, helpful people and won't spend a dime nor a moment with one of their parents b/c of how the parent treated them. Clearly your mom was a great mom if everyone rallied around her. You were blessed from having that.
Then that means either the kid was born with narcissistic or selfish tendencies, or they were raised poorly (whether its the parent's fault or societies fault. By guess is that the parents raised them to have their values, which seems like entitled miserly behavior).
Yeah kind of the upbringing discussion pops up here. And what is the parent's age and need are we talking get them a car or a new trip to Europe or paying for adult care after 90's etc.
Feels to me like a western cultural issue for kids to not feel obligated to their parents. In African cultures, the children actually see it as a blessing to help.
Parents shouldn't have to rely on the "charity" of children. Those in the middle years should be taking care of both their children and their elderly relatives. This is a social contract.
In my opinion ... A child is responsible for a parent the same way the parent is responsible for a child.... The warmth and love a child receives when they were a baby ... They're expected they return that warmth and love when their parents become old and unable to take care of themselves
After my dad passed away, my wife and I moved to a new state and invited my mom to move with us. She has two rooms in our new house. My mom never has to worry about money or not being able to pay her bills. She recently fell ill and we were able to take care of her. My mom did a lot for me in the past and I don't really consider this "paying it back" because we owe her, it's because we are family and we help each other out.
I would never do that to my child I am 82, I am not entitled. It is not my child's job to take care of me I can take care of myself. I sacrificed to see that my child turned out a good human being.
@@MariaGuy-jm8vx I agree. A child should never be forced or guilted into helping out. I wanted my mom to live with us so I could take care of her as she has poor health and I couldn't help her from 1600 miles away.
@@JC-vh4jjFirstly, a university-aged person is no longer a child. As young adults, university is one of the first financial burdens we take on ourselves (if university is on the cards). Secondly, being able to 'afford children' doesn't mean having the means to fund every possible interest or passion a young adult might have. Some children's interests are cheap, or even free... Others have interests that are very expensive. If only people who could afford to put three young adults through Yale had children, the world be an insufferable place (and under-populated).
@@JC-vh4jj Affording a child could mean being able to afford their necessities or being able to afford all their wants. Now a child could want a private airplane… if being able to fulfill all your child’s desires is a requirement then almost no one can « afford » to have kids.
Exactly. I’ve got my own family to support. Wife and two kids who depend on me. Three mouths to feed. Health insurance, life insurance, preschool bills, after school programs, growing out of their shoes every few months, the list goes on… I’m under no obligation to add two more people to the list. I may choose to, and probably would because my parents are great, but you get the idea
I’ve been struggling with how to balance technology and faith in our home, and ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ provided some amazing insights that we’ve already started using
My mother went from housewife to bread winner after my parents divorced. She had no college degree and finished raising two boys on her own. During an interview for my first job out of college, the interviewer asked, “If you suddenly had one million dollars, what would you do with it?” Without hesitation, I said I would buy my mother a house. My mother would never have asked, but I feel like I owe her for taking care of us, when my father wouldn’t. Yes, I got the job. No, I’m not a millionaire… Yet.
You did not give birth to your mother, therefore you do not owe her anything. You did not choose for her to be your mother or to even be put on this planet. She made that decision for you without your consent, therefore she is obligated to you and not the other way around.
No sense of community in American families is the exact reason why so many are suffering from mental illnesses. Dave Ramsey is contributing to this crisis with these ungodly opinions of not helping parents that are in need.
I would assume they had a family plan when they were all living at home and they just never got around to cancelling it. It probably wasn't an intentional act of generosity. It's just procrastination.
As a father, my kid's successes in life ARE my reward for raising him. The pride I feel in every little thing he does outweighs any material thing he could ever give. I'll never expect to to repay me for raising him. I WILL expect him to pay it forward to his own child when that time comes.
Youngest child here, my older brother was the golden child they invested everything into him and I got the scraps if there were any. He got all the cool toys and paid for opportunities as we aged through our teens. I learned and accepted that no one is going to help me get what I want in life. I've attempted to runway from home twice when I was very young and later teens. I found my way and can support myself in so many ways that my parents became completely useless and provide no benefit and are a waste of my precious time left in life.
l chose to have 3 children and they have brought much love and at times an equal amount of frustration. I have been blessed with grandchildren and great grandchildren. Even though my children are 1400km away they are as close as a phone call. I know they would do all they could to help us if we were in need, they have shown us how much they care in the past. They owe me nothing for raising them but l am eternally grateful for their love and care.
@ayparillo Good points, but I'm wondering... what if you had some unforeseen, devastating occurrence and you lost everything? And also lost your health and could not pay for the care you needed? I mean, losing it after having responsibly built it at the very best level you could, and something devastating happened. Would you then not think family, esp'ly adult children, should have the decency to help their helpless parent? It does happen. It isn't always their fault. Ask any healthcare provider in a hospital or nursing home.
@@DMB-pe8hk Would I like if my son was the sort of person to help out in that situation? Absolutely. But I would never EXPECT it nor hold it against him if he didn't. My job as a parent is to move him as far forward in life as I can. Having him care for me would hinder that goal. I'd rather search for an exhaust ALL other options before going to him for aid. Depending on the severity of the situation, I might even just take the punches. Hell, we've already been put into some serious circumstances and we've happily made the necessary sacrifices of ourselves to make sure our son gets what he needs.
My Dad promised to buy me a car if I did good in HS. I graduated with a 4.1 GPA and did not get a car. I obtained a bachelor’s degree and while my friends all got a graduation party from their families, I didn’t. I got a job right after college and asked if my Dad could buy me a car. He said no because he had no money. He borrowed $1500 from my 80 year old grandma to buy me a rust bucket. I got married in 2018 and did not see a single dime from my Dad. For the past 18 years, he has been traveling overseas and spending well over $10k per visit. This year will be his 19th time going. He’s now 60 years old, has no job, no house, no car, and no retirement plan other than living off of SSI. Before he left for his travels, he told me to buy a house so that when he comes back he can live with me, my wife, and my kids. Basically, I’m his retirement plan. Sorry Dad. You don’t get to fail your job as a Dad, and expect your son to be your retirement plan. By the way, I’m Asian.
My dad tried to pull the same thing after letting me sink or swim my entire pre-adult life. I was fine with that type of treatment under the condition that he never ask me for anything when the situation became reversed. Lo and behold when I finally figured out this world and made something of myself he comes knocking with his hands out. I lost all respect for him after that. Not because he forced me to figure it out on my own but because I realized that when he is put in the situation I was in, he couldn’t handle what he made me go through and expects the type of help that I never received. If he had maintained his dignity and found his way out of his problems like he made me do we would still be cool to this day because at least then I would know he can take what he dishes. My mother on the other hand gets whatever she wants out of me now because in my worst moments growing up she was my only lifeline. It was extremely difficult watching my peers receive assistance and develop in ways that I couldn’t because of their parental involvement. I used to be very angry at the world because of it but I realized the saying “when you’re going through hell keep going” is true, because I managed to turn that into motivation and create a life for myself that I’m happy with.
Good for you....move forward with pride....I'm a mom , raised my kids , divorced when my kids were small...I raised them with some help from my mom...paid their education gave them used cars to get from point a to point b....they owe me nothing ...I'm financially independent...praise God..@@justlurkin
The Bible says we are to help our parents when they’re old. He considers not doing so as a serious sin. My parents were horrible. We were physically abused, sexually abused, neglect, very little food and despite all of this when they died I went to their funerals but my kids did think I shouldn’t go. I told them I was going because the Bible tells us to take care of our parents. I never had to take care of them while they were alive but I would have financially supported them if I had to, but they never would 7:32 live with me or get any visits but thankfully I didn’t. The only reason I went was because of God’s word although I don’t think would hold it against me if I didn’t.
Yep. My mom basically expected everyone else to be her retirement plan (my dad who is her ex husband, my sister or me, or any relative). I told her point blank: if you didn't take care of me when I was young, I don't have to take care of you when you get old. She broke promises about helping with cars, colleges, etc. No parties. She even threw out my w2s to try to prevent me from getting financial aid. Now she is pissed I barely speak to her and won't give her a dime.
Entitlement goes both ways. Good mothers and fathers don’t demand help from their kids but good children will offer help. Sounds like both sides have pride issues here 😢
If you don't like the person YOU raised, that's a you problem. You don't get to blame the kids. If they don't like you, they have a reason. Also, the fact that the parents asked for money, and when turned down WROTE to Dave Ramsey about it, sounds like they are bad at accepting their kids' decisions and are not respectful. If He had sided with them, you better believe they would have used that as ammunition or leverage to guilt and manipulate their kids. These parents suck.
Prents chose to upgrade to things they coulld'nt afford on their own expecting their kids to pay for it Better way to save cash is to stop paying the kids phone bills
@@nataliejoan437 There's honoring, and there's enabling. Honoring would be walking with your parents and guiding them on getting out of debt and living on their own. Enabling is just throwing money at their problem. It'll go away, until the next problem comes up.
My parents took care of me, paid my tuition, and raised me to be a productive human. They did not buy me a car, house, etc. They showed me love, and I saw how they struggled and worked hard to raise me and siblings. Once, I started working, I placed my parents on monthly income. As long as I have a job, I will take care of my parents. Taking care of my parents is non negotiable for me.
Kudos to you. It is the same in my third world country. Of course, if we don't have the ability to help financially, then we just can't but there are other ways to help a family member. The only time I can't really help out is when a family member is truly abusive (like the father Graping his daughter or beating to almost death a child).
Sounds like the parents regret perhaps overspending on their children’s first cars or college education, and not looking out for their own future a bit more.
That is mostly boomers. If you raise your kids to be spoiled, why are they shocked? You never told them no. I bet the kids don't know the struggle, therefore think it isn't that bad.
True. They should have always put their future first and either waited to have kids or been honest with themselves if having kids was in the cards for them
I agree. It sounds like he's upset that he spent a lot of money to put them through school instead of paying off his house, having emergency funds, and invest.
I had to see how other people were raised to appreciate my parents. They stayed together, had custody of us, and we never missed a meal. Thank you Everton and Marverie.
You never said you felt loved, secure, never afraid of your parents. The words you chose to describe makes me feel so sad for you and your childhood. I hope you don't have children of your own because children deserve better than you described
@@emagnusson6479 agreed. Whenever I called out my mom’s behavior she’d say that she’s a good mom because we eat and don’t have bruises on us. That is how low the bar she set for being a good parent. This comment sounds like her
@@ethanking4954that's his 40 dollars though. Since it's only 40 they can pay it their d--- selves instead of telling their parents to sink or swim. Shame on them.
@@littlehousepineywoods5352 I don’t think we have such a reliable narrator in the parents that the kids actually said that. But yes, parents should save their $40 monthly and put it towards themselves
@@littlehousepineywoods5352 imagine believing such a narcissistic narrator, it could easily be a family phone plan that never got split because its a hassle. Try again, with less naivety this time.
I had an abusive parent and while I pulled away as a young adult and came back with boundaries, I was there for important dates, holidays when I lived nearby, gifts on bdays etc, and care during last days on earth. You don't go by what they deserve, but because you are a decent person. Don't let their failures become yours.
Agree. Im not sure what is morally praiseworthy about paying off someone’s car loan when they went out and spent money they didn’t have on a car they wanted instead of just buying a car within their means.
Its not praiseworthy at all. Instead its just enabling bad behavior. But that's all circumstantial. If they bought used camry's because they didn't have cash, and they used most of the cash to pay the loan on the house, which is only 50K remaining or something, that's a very reasonable debt. But in their case, they bought a brand new car instead of a used car replacement. In this case, I think the kids are being assholes and miserly for not helping the parents when they faced an actual disaster situation, and are only using Dave Ramsey as an excuse to not give them any money. It would be different if it was because they bought a million dollar home they couldn't afford and 2 brand new porches as replacement cars, but that's probably not the case. Honestly, I think its just a case of the parents raising kids into being terrible greedy and miserly people. I also think the parents are greedy and entitled because they expected them to be indebted for raising them. I guess what goes around comes around.
I disagree. We spent years bailing out my MiL before we realized it made things worse instead of better. It enabled her to continue a life of never having a job. Now that she is on her 80s she regrets it but it’s too late.
Respect is earned. Love is earned. If you were a terrible parent, you will be treated as such. I never expect anything from my son because I made the decision to have him. It's called unconditional love for a reason. You do not expect anything in return for that love. If you feel like your kids don't appreciate you, then stop paying their bills. Kids are never in debt to you. Ever
What if you end up disabled, with dementia, or become otherwise helpless? Your child doesn't have to take care of you personally, but don't you think that your child should see that you are taken care of somewhere decent? Most nursing homes are awful! Ask any ER doctor or first responder ...we see it all and know exactly which ones to avoid. Poor care is rampant! (Though there are a very, very few good ones.) Do you really think your child doesn't owe it to you to ensure that you are safe - to leave no stone unturned to find you decent care if you can't look out for yourself?
According to the letter, Robert PAID for his children’s college education. His son is a doctor so the degree is not a Bachelors and took more time and money to get that degree. Not ALL parents pay for the son/daughter’s education. Robert saved his kids from being in debt which is what many other people have when they graduate. Also, those funds could be in the parents retirement fund growing in a good mutual fund and they could have tapped that for their needs after the 2 natural disasters. And I’m sure their homeowners have gone up. So for his son to say that to him is a slap in the face-. Doing what you are “supposed” to do for your kids doesn’t mean it’s mandatory to pay for their college education/cell phone bill etc. I don’t agree with Ramsey on this. My parents did NOT pay for my college education but I still consider them good parents-and I have always paid my own cellphone bill.
Family members help each other throughout life. Not because they are obligated to do so but because they love and genuinely care for one another. So as one family member is doing well and has the ability to help other members that may not be doing so well, he/she should do so. But in real life the dynamics of families seems to be so delicate that it quickly breaks down and the helping part doesn't occur. The bottom line is that we are all trying to get through this thing we call life so the more we can help each other the better off we will all be when facing a difficult time.
Children today are very entitlement minded..this is why we refused to pay for their college. It’s their job to support themselves once they turn 18. Retirement is our responsibility..not putting our children through college
Yep, they can borrow if they absolutely have to and work their butts off to pay for the rest of college if their parents cant afford to. Ramsey always says you can't borrow $ for retirement. I'm certain that it helps build character too. Less entitled. @HappyTraditionalWife
First off you don't know the children's financial situation. They have their own bills, mortgages, possibly children to put through college, they aren't just swimming in cash just because they earn well. But second, and Dave nails it at the end: it's the entitlement on the part of the parents of "I raised you and fed you and therefore you owe it to us" well respectfully, screw you, dad, even if I did have the money. And third: don't pay for your child's college or car if you can't afford it - and if it would come at a price of you being put in a financial jeopardy because of uninsured damage to your house then you couldn't afford it. It wasn't a loan back then but a gift, you can't ask for it back so make sure you give only what doesn't end up wrecking you later.
@@gyvas Yet they expect an inheritance? The children shouldn’t expect to receive an inheritance..this is why so many people don’t leave a dime to their children. Adult children don’t know the financial situation of their parents when they want them to fund their college. As an adult you are responsible for your own future..not your parents
My mom helped me out this weekend in a way that I can't even explain how grateful I am. Today I show up at her house and say, "I owe you a lot of help." We had a lot of fun doing chores and chit chatting.
You chose to have them, they didn't have a say. That's your responsibility as a parent, not an investment. Edit, 1 day later at 699 likes: Since so many people have a hard time understanding. Your child is not an investment, they are a free thinking individual with their own life, choices, memories, thoughts, and expectations. If they are happy to help and in the place to help, by all means but that choice is theirs not yours as a parent, nor ours as a 3rd party. "Put them through college" and "Bought them a car" could mean so many things, did they just co-sign loans or completely pay for it all and they are debt free kids out of college? We do not know how the parents were as parents, nor do we know the kids truly. It's not black and white for if they should or should not help. My statement is in regards to the entitlement that because they spent money raising kids that their kids help them recover. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"
@@LauraB0421easier said than done for most parents and their adult children,life happens sometimes one has to lean on the other as in this world literally ANYTHING can go wrong,kind of a tough but dead take at this point,cost of living is so high now most are staying with their parents until they can afford the cost of living these days.
My dad died when I was 12. My mother raised 5 of us alone. We owe her everything. She put us first. When my uncle died and left me money, I put it in her credit union account. When she died, I put the inheritance she left in my kids' college accounts. Values and priorities. I know my children are there for me.
Parents are also probably the same, since they expect to be repaid for raising them, when its their human obligation to raise them (while not expecting ROI, but if it happens, great).
They lost their cars in a flood and put themselves in debt by buying new cars with insurance money despite being unable to make the car payment lol. I don't think that's a matter of being ungrateful. They made a bad financial decision and expect their kids to bail them out for thousands of dollars because they raised them and pay a phone bill.
it's like this when you become a christian you don't have to go to church to be save but if you love Christ for giving his life it's better to go. you don't have to help your parents but because they raised you which is hard it's better if you help them and it's Blessing from God. the people who rather help friends over parents are weird to me.
Never heard Ramsey before! Great clear thinking! I left an abusive mother at 17 with $500 I earned from summer jobs. She never helped me. I became a multi-millionaire on my own. Now in her old age she believes I owe her for having fed and sheltered me as a child. She's worth a couple million on her own and lived extravagantly. I don't speak to her which is considered awful because we're Japanese.
she's clearly able to take care of herself via her net worth alone. it's your life which means you get to CHOOSE who to have in it. you AREN'T your family!
@@Brendasings Empty words. Every person's life and circumstances are different. E.g., I have a friend whose father was a pedophile. I don't blame him for not having a relationship with his father. And that's something between him and God, no one else. The bible can be a piss poor life rulebook...🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
@@Brendasingssounds like mama wasn’t fulfilling the verse about not harassing their children, she’s not even good parent by not taking care of him and not going after a minor child of hers … she left him alone in the world… she cut ties and only back bc he’s successful… if he wasn’t, she wouldn’t even be there… what’s stupid is that she did evil by squandering her wealth… doesn’t this attitude just make her greedy? You’ve used the Bible but haven’t judged righteously.
This is a lesson for young parents, make sure you build wealth for your older days. You don’t want to be this couple. Your investment into your future comes first before paying any college fees.
Trouble is that all moral and philosophical considerations aside; we are also still animals influenced by evolutionary principles meaning that for a properly adjusted individual the success of their offspring is hardwired as a condition of said individuals own success. If parents pour resources into child, child likely is able to grow to obtain max resource for themselves, said child becomes capable of providing max resources for his/her own child or better yet multiple children, said grandchild/children continue this cycle branching out and multiplying exponentially = the original individual's reproductive success = monkey brain happy. From a anthropological perspective resources =/= success. Resources are simply resources to invest in THE investment which is offspring: proliferation of one genetic data = success. Your advice while beneficial on the individual level has to fight against rear-brain programming. Easier said than done.
Or, just give your children everything they need including love, respect, a strong family bond, confidence and knowledge and youll all be so happy that theyll become successful enough to help you and you also will do well for yourself. Crazy
@@ND-kh5yw Not sure how you came up with this from my comment. I am just saying think about your retirement, the things you mentioned children need don’t require you sending too much money. Respect is free, love is free, strong family bond is free, confidence is free and knowledge if you put in the work is almost free.
I’m usually all in favor of “your kids don’t owe you everything”, but there is something to be said for the fact that if your parents put you through college they directly paid for the income you have today, and if it’s well within your means to help them, you really should unless they were REALLY shitty to you.
If my dad ever asked me for help, then I know without a shadow of a doubt that life just went belly up for him. He is a proud, self made, and responsible man who did his best to raise me and my brother alone. He wouldn't ever ask us for help unless he explored every other possible option because he has integrity and principle and the grit to pull himself out of so many messes life threw at him. I hope that day never comes, but it is my goal in life to be able to turn around and say "no problem, we got this." and help him out because of everything he did for us. Not out of a sense of entitlement, but out of a respect fostered through years of nurture and leadership. Took me a while to realize I was a lucky kid, cause I got a cool dad.
Dave's reaction in this video is what's disgusting to me. He goes on about how the person submitting the question oozes entitlement for simply being a father. In no way whatsoever did the person asking the question state they were entitled to anything. They asked Dave if it was wrong to ASK FOR HELP. That's a huge difference from thinking you're entitled to it.
@@thatdrewmoore Oh, so happy to find Your comment. For I was filled with the same disgust. Even wrote him a comment in which I tell him to repent! What a mean man Ramsy is. And SO wrong. For This is what the Bible says in 1 Timothy 5: 3-4 "Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so REPAYING THEIR PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS, for this is pleasing to God." This of course also applies to not only female parents, but also when male parents come into some calamity problems and need help. People in the West with pensions have forgotten, that it was normal in biblical times that the children took care of their parents, when they got needy. When we are called to honor our father and mother, it's not mere 'praise' or 'listening' that's meant. It's also meant to provide for them in their years of need. Look at what Jesus Christ Himself teaches in Matthew 15: 3-9 "And He answered and said to them, “Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death.’ But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever I have that would help you has been given to God,” he is not to honor his father or his mother.’ And by this you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition. You hypocrites, rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you: ‘This people honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far away from Me. But in vain do they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.’” It is clear, that Jesus is talking about a money matter here. Plus, don't these grown children know the First Thing about love??? Isn't love EAGER to give? How can they take everything for granted! Aren't they to love their neighbor as themselves? Who is closer to you, than your own family? Love gives freely, from the heart, without needing to be asked even! We are to check the spirits, if they are from God! When it does NOT comply with the Bible, do NOT listen to such 'advice'. It's ungodly advice. Given in the meanest of ways here.
@@205rider8 I am not wrong. The person who sent in the question did not reek of entitlement. They were simply asking a question, and Dave did not portray their position in good faith.
I am 52 years old. I support my mom in every way I can. My father passed away in 2020 and now my mom is now 84 years old. I would do everything anything to help her, including financially.
Congratulations, she also probably wasn't a piece of shit your entire life and earned your respect and charity. Not every kid is a little entitled shit growing up, but not every parent is a saint either.
@adxmnt1926 the vast majority of parents werent pieces of shit. The vast majority of kids not taking care of their parents, have parents who werent pieces of shit
she might have raised you right or of what you expected, but for some, it isn't the case. and how long does it last? til her last breath, you will keep her alive with a machine and caretakers that you pay for?
and that most of their generation didn't do that for their parents cuz some di3d earlier, alot of them are rich/didn't need others help because of the time
We put our two sons through college and gave each a car. We spent a lot of time with them when they were growing up. We have helped them with considerable money gifts to help them get established. They are doing great now, but we would help them again if there was a specific goal they needed some help with, like helping with a down payment on a home. We have been blessed with good finances and will probably never be in need of financial help. We are close to our kids and when we get too old I believe they will be there for us to help in any way they can. It’s not an obligation, it’s a bond of love.
This is very interesting. As an Asian- I have a very different view on this; I do feel obligated toward family and it’s not even a question. I suppose as societies Asians are more community driven, whereas Americans are more individualistic
And America has a Judeo-Christian foundation where the societies/colonies who first settled modern America from Europe were running the "state," government, based on the Bible, where yes, parents should be honored, and sometimes to some people that meant in terms of financial support for parents, and sometimes not...but parents were also to treat children kindly and be humble people and be thrifty and self-reliant themselves, and a lot of other things...and certain teachings of Jesus that are decreed in order to make a happy family-centered culture break down to some degree when some of His teachings are broken. It all works when it all works, but it's much harder when someone somewhere is not doing their part...but still expecting that the people around them will do their part.
If your going to bare a child just for the sake of having someone who would be responsible for you in the future pls dont have one, the shelter, the clothing education and even food is your responsibility and their rights
@@serenatheresegonzalez1660 Yes in a way. But also if the parents were responsible and invested early, college would be paid for. That's why my wife and I won't have kids until we're totally financially ready to handle it. Give them the best future.
When I saw the title I thought this was gonna be some entitled parents who expect their kids to fund them because they raised them. Then I relaized what they raised were a bunch of selfish brats. They paid their kids way through college, bought their cars, and still pay their phone bills, and the kids have the nerve to say "so sad but sink or swim not my problem" after they went through 2 disasters back to back. FOH 😡 If I made 6 figures I would help my parents with whatever I could in this situation even though my parents couldnt afford to pay for anything for me.
@@littlehousepineywoods5352that $20 a month isn’t going to fix the parents situation. They should have considered their own retirement before having kids. Yes the kids should change phone plans, won’t make a difference though
It is great to value good parents. I am so grateful for my parents and all they sacrificed. I don't agree with Ramsey on some things, I know he is rich and has strong wisdom and backbone... I don't think parents should expect adult kids to pay for their bills, but as an adult son I feel it is my responsibility to protect my mother and father as they age.. They were good parents..
While I don’t feel like kids are obligated, it would be nice to help because that’s what families do. I did a flip with my parents and they decided they wanted to move into the house. As part of the profit split, I took a much lower profit % so that they could could afford it more easily after paying me out. I helped them run the numbers and gave them over $200k in value. It’s nice to be able to feel like I paid my parents back on some level
Asian, Latino and African parents have left the chat! I couldn't imagine leaving my parents to struggle when I have the means to help, this seems like a cultural thing.
@@alexandriabrown1388financially irresponsible? By making sure their kids were set for life while they struggle through a flood and fire in their home... American mindset 🙄
You should absolutely help your parents if they're struggling without being asked if you're in a position to do so. It's not exactly an obligation, it's the right thing to do. Not that you owe your parents. I couldn't imagine watching my parents or anyone i loved struggling and not help out.
It could be more complex than that. The kids could have already helped but not enough for the parents’ liking. Or maybe the kids didn’t agree with the financial decisions their parents made and didn’t want to help financially because of that. We don’t know the full extent of the situation.
The problem with this is we only know the parents side and it’s a short summary. I like how Dave answered actually because the caller is very much labeling themselves a victim. Why were they paying the phone bill? Are these kids overwhelmed in student loans? Can they actually help and have they gotten as much as the dad says? Either the kids were raised horribly and now they’re selfish (which the kids suck then but that’s the parents fault) or this is more complicated than being suggested. Which is most likely
Dave's right, it goes both ways. Parents are not entitled to anything from their children once they become adults. Likewise, children are not entitled to anything from their parents once they reach the age of 18, including an inheritance since that belongs to the parents. However, families should help each other through hard times if they are able to do so. Sometimes that means giving money, other times it means giving your time to help them. Families (parents and kids) need to learn to help each other when necessary and respect boundaries without having an entitlement attitude. It's also important to help in a way that prevents future problems, so family members don't become dependent on you, take advantage or enable bad behavior.
You had honor and dignity by helping your kids through college. You saved them over $100,000 each child. If your adult children have dignity they will help you when life throws more at you than you can handle. They don’t owe you, but they should step up to the plate
@@Ps7appleyou’re saying they don’t owe you, but if they don’t comply than that speaks poorly of their character and that they weren’t raised right. I think you just feel like they owe the parents without wanting to admit it
Indeed. The kids do NOT OWE you. You had a moral obligation to raise them to at least 18. But if you raised them right, they will help you out of their own will, not because they owed you for raising them, but they cared about you enough to help you out of your situation.
@@mightymouse9001 is their character poor if they don’t step up? No, not really. Not going to judge their whole character by that. Some parents don’t do much for their kids, but got a great son and daughter. While others, did so much but kids are entitled. What you put in doesn’t necessary equal the result.
@@Ps7apple agree with that last statement fully. Which is why I feel people shouldn’t have kids without planning for a worst case scenario in retirement. People underestimate (or just don’t think) what delaying just 3 years having kids to hardcore invest for retirement could do for them.
My parents caused me more grief then happiness but even so, i still had a heart to support them and if they were still alive today id still go out of my way to support them.
I can't imagine not taking care of my parents if I had money and they were suffering. Recently my ex and I talked and she mentioned she had almost no food in the house until her SS came in. I let our three daughters (all well off) know this by email and in days Mom had phone calls and checks. It's called love.
1 Timothy 5 : 3-4 Take care of widows who are truly needy. But if a particular widow has children or grandchildren, they should first learn to respect their own family and REPAY THEIR PARENTS, because this pleases God.
How are these people out there acting as though earthly things have a hundredth of a thousandth of the value of the people God put in our lives to give life value? A tablescrap of love is worth more than all of Au and Ag in the psychical universe.
Beatrix Potter (who wrote the Peter Rabbit books) was told by her parents that she was born to take care of them in their old age. She would not be allowed to marry or earn money off her books (it went into the parent's banking accounts). After their death she married a man she'd loved for years.
I owe my mom everything. She gave birth to me, raised me, sent me to college, and has supported me emotionally through that period as well. I am forever indebted to her. If she ever needed anything I would be paying up. She deserves it.
She chose to have you and care for you. You don’t owe her for that, but of course you would be there for her in her time of need because you love and appreciate her.
I think that’s where the disconnect is for all of us as the audience. If you were such great parents, your children would be tripping over themselves to help you out in your time of need when they have the ability to. Clearly there is more to the story. Maybe they were just bad parents who raised selfish children. In which case they need to take a look in the mirror for the source of their problems.
They raised their kids without a heart go figure. As a child, you help your parents in times of need because you love them it's not because of a principle.
My mother always demanded everything from me, never a please or a thank you. I stopped doing things for her as an adult which she was furious about, telling me that I owed her so much just because she was my mother. I nixed her as an adult. Deciding to be a different sort of mother, I don't pay my childrens bills nor do I demand anything from them. All 4 of mine are educated, in careers they love, happily married to good people of their choosing. I raised my children without a TV, we were always doing things to be physically active such as swimming, nature hikes, horseback riding, even running laps at the local school. Only one of my children stays in touch. We speak on the phone most Sundays. She doesn't understand why her siblings don't make any effort to even call me on Mother's Day or my birthday or any other occasion. I know that my daughter is very busy, so, she and I have an agreement that I wait until she calls me so that she can make the time to talk without a bunch of interruptions. I tell her all the time how much I appreciate her making time to stay in touch with me. Instead of being sad & upset about who I don't have, I decided to lavish my love & care on the one I do have.
Sounds like the parents went above and beyond to help their kids with finances into adulthood. They could've not funded their college tuitions and made them take out student loans. I think it's pretty ungrateful and borderline evil to not help your parents in time of need.
I absolutely agree! I think the wrong people have been labeled as selfish and entitled in this situation! Dave needs to revisit this one and take dad's head off the public chopping block!
Paying for college should be considered part of the bare minimum when having kids, not above and beyond. If you can’t afford to have kids, don’t have kids. Focus on your own retirement instead.
@mightymouse9001 why would a parent have to pay for college ? Especially in this scenario. I this scenario the kids are saying that it's their parents fault that they helped the kids . Instead they shoul have helped themselves .
@@mightymouse9001 that's stupid college is not a requirement for life, nor or most people suited/smart enough for it to be useful. If a child has not earned enough scholarships to fund their college, then there's no point wasting it on them via your own funds.
@@MrDenjok you have kids and want to give them the best chance possible for them to be successful and have their own families one day. Whether it’s college, a coding camp, or trade school. That should be considered for your kid. Just like my wife and I plan If we were to have a kid that needed lifetime care, we’d pay for that. It’s part of being responsible for someone that had no say if they exist or not
I laughed while listening to this. My mom and dad constantly tell me and my siblings that we are not supposed to have to take care of them as they get older - and no they are not financially rich folks. They never ask us for anything, but visits home and love. My parents are of prime stock - raised me and my siblings in a faith based, no-dope, no-drinking home in a small town. All of my successes today came thru God enabling them and my grandparents to raise me to stand on my own. Now years later, my folks say "don't worry about us" - little do they know that I'm about to build them a new dream home for their upcoming 50th Anniversary 😆
@@doctorposting I barely pull 18k per year and I'd be so embarrassed allowing my dad to cover my phone bill. Is securing the bag really worth that much Doctor?
I gladly honor, love, and help my mother with whatever I can, for showing me love and doing the best she could, always, when raising me. However, I've never felt it's been an obligation for having me. I choose to thank her with words and actions for being a good person to me, but neither her or I have ever felt that I'm indebted to her for the sole fact that she chose to have me.
I am 26yrs old. I am disgusted to hear such pov. Can you tell me how in the world do we not owe our parents kindness and help? They could have been abusive to you when you were powerless, They could have enjoyed their life away not giving a damn about studies and future, Or even worse cases are there. But they chose to be merciful to you and did the best they could for you. And now you say "you did your job as a parent" and not do a favour back? That is the ultimate form of treachery, selfishness and just a dog s*** behaviour.
@@KhadersheriffYou have no idea how these people were as parents. No parent is ENTITLED to help. If you were a loving parent, and the relationship was good enough and you raised your kid well, then they will not have a problem offering help to you in times of need
@@madisonhayes7332 I do understand that it is hard to help our abusive parents in times of need but if you are a decent person, then help them out if you are able and when I say in times of need, it really means in times of need like being too old to work or a crippling disease or being homeless and starving and not mere whims like providing luxuries in life.
Parents have a duty to look after the children they bring in to this world. Children have no obligation towards their parents. If your children choose to stay in your life, show you respect and support you, know you have done something right by them that they should feel this way. That is a wonderful feeling. If my children rejected me that would be almost unbearable to me, because I love them so much, but I know I can’t force them to love me back. I would have to accept it.
These comments shows how selfish most people are. No, the kids are not obligated to be financially responsible for their parents. But they raised you, paid for college, and the least you can do is provide a helping hand. Instead, y’all act like it’s a sin that the parents should receive a dime.
If you choose to have kids, that should be the bare minimum. If you can’t do the bare minimum without expecting something in return, don’t have kids. Really should be as simple as that
@@mightymouse9001they did more than the bare minimum and they are still paying for their kids phone bills for some reason. If you are in a position to help your parents out and you don’t, you’re just a crappy human being. Simple as that
@@fkillah maybe above and beyond for what I’d expect of a mid tier parent. Not above and beyond for a good parent though. 🤷♂️ Have kids, you plan for the worst case scenario. If you can’t meet the needs of a worst case scenario while also supporting your own retirement, don’t have kids. Simple as that
@@mightymouse9001 hmm, parents get older and life happens. Family and relationships mean little to you it seems. Let’s hope nothing tragic ever happens to you and you don’t need a helping hand. Regardless, your just a crap human
My kids take care of me so I don’t need much, so I help them out anytime I can. They are appreciative and I am appreciative. Figure I don’t have a lot to leave them, so why not spend my money on them now while I am alive. Brings me great joy to do so. We have always been close and remained so even when they took their own paths.
I’m willing to bet with the parent’s financial “giving” in the past there were plenty of emotional baggage and strings that came along with it too. Those first 18-25 years of my kids life is my interview to be in their life for the rest of the years they can choose to have me in it.
Honor your Father and Mother. It is still the kids(now adults) decision on how and if they want to help. Funny how the love of money influences our decisions and our advice. I know of a lot of people that sacrifice to care for their aging parents. That's sometimes not easy, but it's given in love. Hopefully I've been blessed enough not to need financial help from my kids.
Btw, I don't think dads are OBLIGATED to buy their children cars and pay for their college. It's nice when they do (although that could discourage their kids growth and self-development), but dads are definitely NOT OBLIGATED to do so, their role is to provide food, shelter, and protection while their kids are growing and getting up on their own feet.
Then kids are NOT OBLIGATED to pay for Dad’s car bills or house repairs. Dad did not teach them the skills in life to succeed. All Dad did was provide food and shelter. Now Dad wants the kids to be his retirement plan. I have a 7 year old daughter and I have never once thought, “I’m going to feed you until you turn 40. Then I will move in with you and you are my retirement plan.” What. A. Joke.
Or it could be that they don’t appreciate being guilted into helping them. I would help my parents if they needed it, but I definitely would not if they tried to make me feel like I should or owe them.
In spite of Dave's contradiction of Scripture (Matt 15:5), we should all help true needs. The trend today, as Scripture predicted, is for grown kids to be hateful and disrespectful to parents. Many are not, but it's definitely a popular trend. Victim mentality and entitlement means that their imperfect parents will be targeted bc they didn't give them a perfect life. (Not talking about true abuse cases.) So they think they owe no one and nothing. We all owe the continuing debt of love. Not just anything they want or demand, but love meets needs (including to be present). And love cannot turn away from true need, only from selfish demands. There's a huge difference. You don't owe your parents a luxury cruise or to be at their beck and call. But unless they abused you (not to be confused with simply being imperfect), you do owe them honor, to visit/call them sometimes (and take their calls when you can) and especially, to meet whatever needs they truly cannot that would diminish basic quality of life like having food, help with their walker, or visit them in a nursing home (and especially, be sure their care is good there!). If they get dementia find a way to keep them safe. You're not a leaf that sprouted on a tree. You're a human being that took a lot of care and often caused them way more grief and work than was necessary. And a lot of parents sacrifice to give more than required. They didn't owe you the extras. Only a selfish brat would take all that and say, "I owe nothing."
As a portuguese/european this a weird take from Dave for me. I guess this also depends on culture as Rachel said. In my culture it’s an unspoken rule to always help your parents when you can. We’re very family oriented. Not sure about this specific situation but Dave speech kinda makes me sad about America, very individualistic society. You should honor your parents till the day they die and beyond. You definitely owe them (except some specific instances of abuse, etc).
What goes around comes around. He's speaking from the WASP(White Anglo Saxon Protestant) perspective. They are the first ones also to abandon their parents in a nursing home and most likely to go on with their lives like the parents no longer exist. From my experience the most likely also to die alone in a nursing home without anyone next to them while they take their last breath. Witnessed it many times. From my perspective also as someone of Portuguese heritage their families suck.
As a Spanish person I agree 100 per cent with you. It’s unbelievable what he’s saying and so heartless, I’d say it’s not even Christian to behave like that. Just imagine a son earning a six figure salary and watching their parents struggle after they invested in their uni education, bought them cars and so on, it’s disgusting
If I was very well off and my parents were not, and needed my help, I would have helped them yesterday, not because I owe them( because I don't.). But I do it because I'm grateful for the opportunity they gave me and I want to pay them back and help them.
My parents don't expect money or anything from me or my siblings. However, all of us help out on the farm when we come to visit. It is how we were raised--when we visit, we stay an extra day or 2 and work our butts off. And on the flip side, when our parents come to visit, they help out at our place, too. When we go visit for an upcoming wedding, you can bet your butt that I will be dropping trees and cutting firewood, etc. Wife will be cooking and cleaning (not full time, but several hours of effort). When they come visit at New Year's, my dad will help do some electrical work and my mom will do some cooking and cleaning. Not of this is OWED, but we do what we can for each other. This call is ridiculous.
In Asian culture you are taught to revere your parents and take care of them. But that doesn't mean you bail them out financially. In an Asian family, even here in the USA among Asians, the elders live with you. You watch out for them, and they watch out for you. They may have their own money, but family takes care of family. Traditionally, if you have children, you have your elders involved... even in child care, if it is feasible. As far as money, yes our parents helped my sister and I, but once we are out in this world, we didn't get a single dime from them. We have this intergenerational family more as social connections. My parents are financially stable and secure by themselves. The only time I expect to do anything with their money is when I have to execute their wills and appropriate. I am the executor...not my sister. If mommy needs cataract surgery, I get it arranged. Things like that. If they are ill I do something. My wife and I have no children, but my sister does. My parents are very close to their grandchild. That is the extent. If Mom or Dad wanted money, it would be a talk. It would be an ask rather then an expectation from them. Even then, it is an agreement, with negotiation, not that "I owe them something". Yes I owe my parents something, but it's not money. I owe them social connection. I owe them my presence. I owe them my family's presence. I owe them in the way where I must excel as an independent person and so good as they taught me. That is what I owe. It's not money. It's family.
Unbelievable. My father had 4 boys. He’s a doctor. Paid all our college, started us debt free. Paid my first car out of college. Helped me buy my first town home. Today I’m 40 and making nice six figures. So are the rest of my brothers, 2 of whom are doctors. IF my father ever asked for help, I wouldn’t hesitate for even a minute! Is that a serious question? I’m Asian, maybe that’s the difference. Americans seem to ditch their parents, not Asians. If I was the dad and my doctor kid and other kid all making six figures abandoned me financially, after all I paid for EXTRA beyond age 18, I wouldn’t leave one penny of Inheritance to these selfish and ungrateful adult children. The problem also lies in parenting. Those parents never taught their kids the value of family and taking care of each other.
Agreed. I am a young African man, who is currently helping his parents out. My father and mother did a lot for my brother and I more than they really needed to. To this day, my mother still splurges her money on my brother and I. She loves taking me out for lunch. My father and her have helped my close friends out financially. African culture and Asian culture are far different from the selfish American individualist culture. I make sure my father and mother get all the help they need all the time, and they are not a burden by the way. They are my life. There is no life without them. I stopped watching this video 1 minute in.
I do not believe that children are obligated to care for parents, but if they can and the parents need them (a NEED, not a whim or a want) I think they should. I also believe parents should look after themselves financially. My opinion.
@@mothegoat6865because as you said these are modern developed countries with people who have MODERN DEVELOPED BRAINS where they’re realizing parents are not the responsibility of their offspring no matter how many fictional books you get to try and quote scripture from
I didnt get the opportunity to pay my dad back because he died shortly after i graduated high school, but i hope my mom received my gift of love in caring for her at the end of her life. Some paybacks aren't monetary, they are in giving love freely. That's true value in my opinion.
It is true kids have 0 obligations to help their parents but if your parents are struggling and you have the means to help and dont then you are a horrible child
I completely agree. If there was some kind of pattern of constant irresponsibility and expecting the children to fix it, like when a parent is a drug addict and constantly in and out of jail or some such scenario, then for their health and sanity, the adult child must set boundaries. But when there was a natural disaster and the parents are struggling a little after? I think any Christian would want to help their parents especially if they can easily afford to. By the way, not everyone knew about or had signed up for the Ramsey method of doing life. It sounds to me like these are responsible parents who did the best they knew how and were successful yet raised selfish kids who are STILL being pampered because the parents are STILL helping to support these successfully employed adult kids by paying some of their monthly expenses! It seems reasonable to me that they would feel hurt when their kids say, sorry,, I owe you nothing and you're on your own with this. What a messed up situation.
I didnt get a sense of entitlement from the parent's post. It sounds as though they went above and beyond their obligations to set their children up in life, and when they hit a financial rut, the children are saying fend for yourself. Admittedly, I don't know their family dynamics 100%, but the children don't sound that wholesome either
@@khfgt616 I heard the story the same way. If the situation is as read that must be bloody heartbreaking. I can't imagine myself telling someone who loved me and did all they could for me like that to "sink or swim" when in a tight spot like that.
I think any parent would be hurt if they lost everything in a fire, and their children (who make a ton of money) refuse to help. That's like a dagger in your back. I understand if the child cant afford it. That is totally different. One of two things is happening here: 1. Parents are not telling the full truth. They mismanage money, and their kids are tired of it. Or 2. The kids were raised to be very selfish. I need more info.
In some cultures you truly are your brother's keeper (and your parents' as well.) Debts and wealth are treated as family matters. Whether this is a good thing or not is open to debate, but I can point out that if there is a breakdown in the ability to raise children, the grand parents are usually recruited and made liable even in our own, highly individualistic culture.
I'm a physically disabled college student. Right now, I'm not in a position to help my parents financially (living off of SSI income). However, if I ever do get in a position to provide financial support to my parents, I intend to in a heartbeat, especially to my mom, who raised two disabled kids while being a single mom for the first seven years of my life. Life is nuanced, money is nuanced. Help each other out if you can. Good Lord.
African and Asian, too. Lol I'm with Dave about not throwing money at an endless poverty situation, but I love and appreciate Rachel bringing in the cultural aspect. Then Dave hit back with the ethnocentrism...
When did this all change. I agree my 2 kids don't owe us. But when I was growing it was my understand at 18 or HS Grad they need to start getting on there. That's why when they where going to College they go student loans and work part time. Grant you we helped them all they way. Did a car and made sure they had money to get what they needed. Now both graduated and payed the loans off in 2 years. Both now have Master Degrees and both make mid six figures. Both mid 20s now and own homes that we could never afford. We just retires and look forward to our 2 grandchildren. They know we are here if they need us and I know in my heart they would be here for us. There I said to much all ready.
Everyone’s family situation is different and there are no cut and dry set of “rules” you to this and I’ll do that. My mom worked three jobs and did everything she could to raise three kids. A life goal of mine is to take care of any needs she has. She doesn’t ask for this, this is a goal I have because she is such an amazing human being. Everyone’s circumstances are different. Stop worrying about what other people are doing and Dave has wisdom but he is not God. Come from a loving place as a parent/child/human being, have God help guide you through your decisions, and you’ll figure out what is best for your family.
I don't know what kind of people he knows, but usually children care for their parents. There are different levels of love, but it all depends from the relationship.
Well even if they make 6 figures - who’s to say they are in a spot right now where they could easily fund their parents? I don’t think it’s wrong for family to ask family for help, but *expecting* it is dangerous thing.
Yeah, $100k isn't what it used to be in the most expensive cities. Unless they have a spouse also earning that much, you would be just paycheck to paycheck paying rent, not saving enough for your own downpayment on a house much less paying off your parents' mortgage and cars. The median rent in Manhattan is $54,000 a year, which is more than a third of a pediatrician's take home pay. Put some student loans or $4k month daycare in the mix, and you're basically destitute. Wild how little money so many upper middle class professionals have on hand.
Culture is so different (I'm Rwandan, raised in Canada). It's crazy to think of my parents being in a pinch and I tell them I can't help them, even though I'm financially well off. CRAZY. I think these children are selfish and lack discernment with what's important in life; BUT also, these parents raised them to be so.... sounds like they spoiled their kids too much, maybe never saw them struggle or work hard. Life came WAY too easy for their children. My parents did everything to contribute to my success, including financially (ie. working extra hours/jobs, taking a loan out ON THEIR HOUSE so I could become a doctor), and I watched them do it. I can't imagine ever leaving them hi and dry. I even have to convince them to let me pay for them now, anything they ever need I will be there. Families need each other ya'll.
Possibly but you have to understand not everyone in the west does this. My parents are black and they essentially provided the basics and decent material things. They didn’t pay for college, didn’t pay for cars for us kids, or anything like these parents. We had basic phones that we kept for years until it was time to get another phone for free. My parents did not help me study for prepare for college. If I wanted to go, I had to get the money to go on my own while my parents were getting nice extremely nice things for themselves. Thankfully God gifted me so I earned a scholarship but everyone is not like this.
Unless your parents go crazy and go into debt by living outside their means. You shouldn’t have to pay for a lavish lifestyle of your parents that are being negligent with their finances.
I'm sure there's more to the story, but if my parents were that generous with me and we had a healthy relationship then I'd be sweeping in there to help given I'm a doctor and make good money...
Yeah I feel like there must be more context behind this for the kids not to be willing to give them any help? While they were financially generous, there must be some other reason for them not helping (on the parent’s end that is)
Ramsey is not a point of reference. I am helping my mother as much as I can, and I do expect the same from my children. Is not only about the money, is about commitment to the family. Is about the commitment to one another.
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In an ideal situation with healthy relationships, adult kids will WANT to help their parents. Parents shouldnt be making them feel obligated to do so.
Exactly!
Unfortunately it’s increasingly common these days for parents to push their children away and end up completely non contact. It’s quite common for children to end up hating their parents after years of abuse(although said parents will never admit they abused them)
@@blademasterzero Although this may be the case, not everyone appreciates a good parent and blames their good parent for their failures. There are many cases when privileged teenagers would have everything they need such as love, food, shelter, and materialistic things all while being in a relatively peaceful neighborhood but still end up depressed and on illegal meds. There are other cases where someone's mom makes a mistake, and their grown kid ignores them for years when it was a small mistake/issue.
Then there's those who grow up and become successful but still curse their parents for raising them terribly (Eminem). Cussing his own mother out on a song for millions to listen to. That's a red line even a bad mother shouldn't have to ever face. It doesn't matter what your mother did to you or how badly she treated you, how dare you humiliate the person who gave birth to you in front of millions? You might not owe them money and might not be obligated to pay their freaking debt BUT you owe them your LIFE no matter what (a debt that can't ever be paid). There isn't too many *bad* things that would overshadow the gift of life for most individuals (Not saying there isn't). A bad childhood doesn't = a misery filled adulthood, and it could be a result, but it doesn't equal that.
Idk about that. I think if my parents fell on hard times (my father’s health is failing) it’s kind of my duty to take care of them. That said, I still want to, but I see it as duty as welll
This.
This isnt a money problem, this is a relationship problem.
@@flip4v bingo
Ding ding ding
Unfortunately, you start to have more relationship problems once you start having financial problems lol.
ill wager a guess that the parents havent managed their finances good enough, and are now being demanding on their children, using their 6 figure incomes as leverage.
"How dare our children be living a better lifestyle than us." mentality
😂 boomers just need to take care of themselves lol
I'd help my parents in a heartbeat not of obligation but because I love them.
Me too
amen
I think any normal non-greedy or non-entitled child would also see things this way
@@ronsedlak4019 you can add "not abused child" and "child brought into the world for a back up plan in case of necessity" to the list
Perfect reason.
The fact that the children didn’t reach out to help without being asked/without hesitation is VERY telling about the parenting and familial relationship.
Ya either. The parents were terrible or the kids are just bad people. I'm assuming one led to the other. Like imagine saying to your parents in need that "the man from TV said I don't have to help you" 😅
@@devanman7920not necessarily, spouses of AC play a big part, so does social media and friends.
Had great adult kids that did anything for us parents, they got married and now don’t see them, not because of us, trust me and everyone that knows us
THIS
@@nikkiberns1365 it could also be very telling about a selfish culture that lacks values.
The kids being bad people comes from the parents!! @@devanman7920
My Mom was recently hospitalized. Her three children took turns spending time with her in the hospital and then taking care of her when she got home. All of her friends were jealous of the support she got from us.
It pays to raise your kids with good values.
We did the same for my parents. But once they recovered they wanted to go back to their own house. They had saved enough money so that we could hire sitters to help out when needed because we weren’t exactly in the same city and they didn’t want to move in with any of us. They liked their house
Be honest. You all just want to be in the will
@@conman823 We already were told it would all be split equally between the three of us, but we had no idea what that amount was. Once they passed, you better believe I hurried up and put mine in an 18 month 5.85% interest cd until I can decide what to do with it. I am going to build it up so I can do the same for myself (senior care) and leave what’s left for my sons. We did it because it was the right thing to do and what they wanted. Not everyone is motivated by money, some do it because they actually love their parents and children. The LOVE of money is the root of all evil, not having money. To he that can steward much, much is given
It also pays to be good parents.
@@roberteltze4850 It has nothing to do with values. It has to do with the type of person you were to your kids.
Plenty of people grow up to be great, kind, compassionate, helpful people and won't spend a dime nor a moment with one of their parents b/c of how the parent treated them.
Clearly your mom was a great mom if everyone rallied around her. You were blessed from having that.
You shouldn’t expect anything from your children but it kinda weird if your child would never help you out
Then that means either the kid was born with narcissistic or selfish tendencies, or they were raised poorly (whether its the parent's fault or societies fault. By guess is that the parents raised them to have their values, which seems like entitled miserly behavior).
Grow up in Asian culture, it is an honor for children to take care of their parents.
The very fact the expect it from their kids tells me all I need to know about why they maybe wouldn’t want to help them.
If my parents needed help, and I could, but I didn't, it means there's something wrong
Yeah kind of the upbringing discussion pops up here. And what is the parent's age and need are we talking get them a car or a new trip to Europe or paying for adult care after 90's etc.
"Charity that is extracted through guilt is not charity." Amen.
Also don't expect accolades for doing what you're supposed to be goddamn doing. I don't expect praise for washing daily
Feels to me like a western cultural issue for kids to not feel obligated to their parents. In African cultures, the children actually see it as a blessing to help.
Parents shouldn't have to rely on the "charity" of children. Those in the middle years should be taking care of both their children and their elderly relatives. This is a social contract.
In my opinion ...
A child is responsible for a parent the same way the parent is responsible for a child....
The warmth and love a child receives when they were a baby ...
They're expected they return that warmth and love when their parents become old and unable to take care of themselves
@@oreo9977100 percent ...
This wouldn't happen in Africa or the middle east for that matter.....
Generally speaking of course....
Raise your kids with love and you’ll never even have to ask for help.
False. Not guaranteed.
@@mothegoat6865 thanks, captain obvious.
@@Jem923 yet you're the one who said "you'll never even have to ask". Now you follow up with, obviously not...
@@DonLee1980 thanks, captain obvious.
@@mothegoat686590-95% gauranteed
After my dad passed away, my wife and I moved to a new state and invited my mom to move with us. She has two rooms in our new house. My mom never has to worry about money or not being able to pay her bills. She recently fell ill and we were able to take care of her. My mom did a lot for me in the past and I don't really consider this "paying it back" because we owe her, it's because we are family and we help each other out.
Bless you . Your mom is so fortunate
That’s different than your mother DEMANDING she “gets to stay with you” because she raised you.
@@jomahawk7488 right - I never said it was the same. I was stating that I am helping my mom out because she is family.
I would never do that to my child I am 82, I am not entitled. It is not my child's job to take care of me I can take care of myself. I sacrificed to see that my child turned out a good human being.
@@MariaGuy-jm8vx I agree. A child should never be forced or guilted into helping out. I wanted my mom to live with us so I could take care of her as she has poor health and I couldn't help her from 1600 miles away.
I don’t owe my parents for raising me, I owe my parents for raising me the way that they did
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
THANK YOU! And honestly parents are NOT obligated to pay university tuition for their children.
@@pardeepjaswal5565then why tf have children if you can’t afford them
@@JC-vh4jjFirstly, a university-aged person is no longer a child. As young adults, university is one of the first financial burdens we take on ourselves (if university is on the cards).
Secondly, being able to 'afford children' doesn't mean having the means to fund every possible interest or passion a young adult might have. Some children's interests are cheap, or even free... Others have interests that are very expensive.
If only people who could afford to put three young adults through Yale had children, the world be an insufferable place (and under-populated).
@@JC-vh4jj Affording a child could mean being able to afford their necessities or being able to afford all their wants. Now a child could want a private airplane… if being able to fulfill all your child’s desires is a requirement then almost no one can « afford » to have kids.
Raising kids is a “pass it forward” sort of thing. You raise your kids and then they raise theirs, etc.
Exactly. I’ve got my own family to support. Wife and two kids who depend on me. Three mouths to feed. Health insurance, life insurance, preschool bills, after school programs, growing out of their shoes every few months, the list goes on… I’m under no obligation to add two more people to the list. I may choose to, and probably would because my parents are great, but you get the idea
Yeeh🎉
And I choose not to double it and give it to the next person
This newer generation of kids won't do squat to raise their own kids. They were handed everything. They will expect the grandparents to pay for crap.
@@sebastianzx6rThat's my ex girlfriend's story. She had so many issues.
I’ve been struggling with how to balance technology and faith in our home, and ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ provided some amazing insights that we’ve already started using
Well faith is bollox and technology is real so drop faith.
My mother went from housewife to bread winner after my parents divorced. She had no college degree and finished raising two boys on her own. During an interview for my first job out of college, the interviewer asked, “If you suddenly had one million dollars, what would you do with it?” Without hesitation, I said I would buy my mother a house. My mother would never have asked, but I feel like I owe her for taking care of us, when my father wouldn’t.
Yes, I got the job. No, I’m not a millionaire…
Yet.
I hope you do become a multimillionaire & buy her that house!!! Even though she doesn’t expect it it’ll be one of your most rewarding achievements.
@@scottcampbell96 you will be.
I’d probably do the same thing.
You did not give birth to your mother, therefore you do not owe her anything. You did not choose for her to be your mother or to even be put on this planet. She made that decision for you without your consent, therefore she is obligated to you and not the other way around.
“Yet” 🥶🥶🥶😮💨
Your children are not obligated to take care of you. Every Asian parent now screaming...WHAT??????
And African
And Latin
EVERY is kind of prejudice!
No sense of community in American families is the exact reason why so many are suffering from mental illnesses. Dave Ramsey is contributing to this crisis with these ungodly opinions of not helping parents that are in need.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why are they paying their kids phone bill? It makes no sense. The kid is an MD and they are paying his phone bill?
I rewound this to make sure I heard that right.
I would assume they had a family plan when they were all living at home and they just never got around to cancelling it. It probably wasn't an intentional act of generosity. It's just procrastination.
Probably a family plan and not worth splitting it up. Lots of people do this.
@@thomasdalton1508 procrastination... Yet they had time to write into this show and mention it?
@@Soljarag5 Procrastination has nothing to do with not having enough time.
As a father, my kid's successes in life ARE my reward for raising him. The pride I feel in every little thing he does outweighs any material thing he could ever give. I'll never expect to to repay me for raising him. I WILL expect him to pay it forward to his own child when that time comes.
Youngest child here, my older brother was the golden child they invested everything into him and I got the scraps if there were any. He got all the cool toys and paid for opportunities as we aged through our teens. I learned and accepted that no one is going to help me get what I want in life. I've attempted to runway from home twice when I was very young and later teens. I found my way and can support myself in so many ways that my parents became completely useless and provide no benefit and are a waste of my precious time left in life.
Ngl if I traveled to the future and saw my future self not taking care of my parents, I’d be disgusted.
l chose to have 3 children and they have brought much love and at times an equal amount of frustration. I have been blessed with grandchildren and great grandchildren. Even though my children are 1400km away they are as close as a phone call. I know they would do all they could to help us if we were in need, they have shown us how much they care in the past. They owe me nothing for raising them but l am eternally grateful for their love and care.
@ayparillo Good points, but I'm wondering... what if you had some unforeseen, devastating occurrence and you lost everything? And also lost your health and could not pay for the care you needed? I mean, losing it after having responsibly built it at the very best level you could, and something devastating happened. Would you then not think family, esp'ly adult children, should have the decency to help their helpless parent? It does happen. It isn't always their fault. Ask any healthcare provider in a hospital or nursing home.
@@DMB-pe8hk Would I like if my son was the sort of person to help out in that situation? Absolutely. But I would never EXPECT it nor hold it against him if he didn't. My job as a parent is to move him as far forward in life as I can. Having him care for me would hinder that goal. I'd rather search for an exhaust ALL other options before going to him for aid. Depending on the severity of the situation, I might even just take the punches. Hell, we've already been put into some serious circumstances and we've happily made the necessary sacrifices of ourselves to make sure our son gets what he needs.
My Dad promised to buy me a car if I did good in HS. I graduated with a 4.1 GPA and did not get a car.
I obtained a bachelor’s degree and while my friends all got a graduation party from their families, I didn’t.
I got a job right after college and asked if my Dad could buy me a car. He said no because he had no money. He borrowed $1500 from my 80 year old grandma to buy me a rust bucket.
I got married in 2018 and did not see a single dime from my Dad.
For the past 18 years, he has been traveling overseas and spending well over $10k per visit. This year will be his 19th time going. He’s now 60 years old, has no job, no house, no car, and no retirement plan other than living off of SSI. Before he left for his travels, he told me to buy a house so that when he comes back he can live with me, my wife, and my kids. Basically, I’m his retirement plan.
Sorry Dad. You don’t get to fail your job as a Dad, and expect your son to be your retirement plan. By the way, I’m Asian.
My dad tried to pull the same thing after letting me sink or swim my entire pre-adult life. I was fine with that type of treatment under the condition that he never ask me for anything when the situation became reversed. Lo and behold when I finally figured out this world and made something of myself he comes knocking with his hands out. I lost all respect for him after that. Not because he forced me to figure it out on my own but because I realized that when he is put in the situation I was in, he couldn’t handle what he made me go through and expects the type of help that I never received. If he had maintained his dignity and found his way out of his problems like he made me do we would still be cool to this day because at least then I would know he can take what he dishes. My mother on the other hand gets whatever she wants out of me now because in my worst moments growing up she was my only lifeline. It was extremely difficult watching my peers receive assistance and develop in ways that I couldn’t because of their parental involvement. I used to be very angry at the world because of it but I realized the saying “when you’re going through hell keep going” is true, because I managed to turn that into motivation and create a life for myself that I’m happy with.
Wow thats super ugly of you. You should be ashamed of yourself. Thankfully, not everyone is as awful as you are. Enjoy your wealth!
Good for you....move forward with pride....I'm a mom , raised my kids , divorced when my kids were small...I raised them with some help from my mom...paid their education gave them used cars to get from point a to point b....they owe me nothing ...I'm financially independent...praise God..@@justlurkin
The Bible says we are to help our parents when they’re old. He considers not doing so as a serious sin. My parents were horrible. We were physically abused, sexually abused, neglect, very little food and despite all of this when they died I went to their funerals but my kids did think I shouldn’t go. I told them I was going because the Bible tells us to take care of our parents. I never had to take care of them while they were alive but I would have financially supported them if I had to, but they never would 7:32 live with me or get any visits but thankfully I didn’t.
The only reason I went was because of God’s word although I don’t think would hold it against me if I didn’t.
Yep. My mom basically expected everyone else to be her retirement plan (my dad who is her ex husband, my sister or me, or any relative). I told her point blank: if you didn't take care of me when I was young, I don't have to take care of you when you get old. She broke promises about helping with cars, colleges, etc. No parties. She even threw out my w2s to try to prevent me from getting financial aid. Now she is pissed I barely speak to her and won't give her a dime.
Entitlement goes both ways. Good mothers and fathers don’t demand help from their kids but good children will offer help. Sounds like both sides have pride issues here 😢
This!
100%
I can't believe they just let the children's attitude slide. It feels like there's a lot more behind this situation than what's in the letter.
If you don't like the person YOU raised, that's a you problem. You don't get to blame the kids. If they don't like you, they have a reason.
Also, the fact that the parents asked for money, and when turned down WROTE to Dave Ramsey about it, sounds like they are bad at accepting their kids' decisions and are not respectful. If He had sided with them, you better believe they would have used that as ammunition or leverage to guilt and manipulate their kids. These parents suck.
Bingo
They had a flood and fire
Expecting your children ro help out is not a demand
I’m from a different culture, just leaving your parents high and dry out there is inconceivable. It’s an honor to look out for your parents.
Yes, the bible tells us to honour our prarents 🙏❤️
@@nataliejoan437it also says not to push your children into wrath.
Prents chose to upgrade to things they coulld'nt afford on their own expecting their kids to pay for it Better way to save cash is to stop paying the kids phone bills
@@nataliejoan437 There's honoring, and there's enabling. Honoring would be walking with your parents and guiding them on getting out of debt and living on their own. Enabling is just throwing money at their problem. It'll go away, until the next problem comes up.
Yep welcome to America where we crap on our fragmented family.
My parents took care of me, paid my tuition, and raised me to be a productive human. They did not buy me a car, house, etc. They showed me love, and I saw how they struggled and worked hard to raise me and siblings. Once, I started working, I placed my parents on monthly income. As long as I have a job, I will take care of my parents. Taking care of my parents is non negotiable for me.
Kudos to you. It is the same in my third world country. Of course, if we don't have the ability to help financially, then we just can't but there are other ways to help a family member. The only time I can't really help out is when a family member is truly abusive (like the father Graping his daughter or beating to almost death a child).
Sounds like the parents regret perhaps overspending on their children’s first cars or college education, and not looking out for their own future a bit more.
That is mostly boomers. If you raise your kids to be spoiled, why are they shocked? You never told them no. I bet the kids don't know the struggle, therefore think it isn't that bad.
True. They should have always put their future first and either waited to have kids or been honest with themselves if having kids was in the cards for them
😂😂
I agree. It sounds like he's upset that he spent a lot of money to put them through school instead of paying off his house, having emergency funds, and invest.
@@Austenfan177 yep, you're absolutely right
I had to see how other people were raised to appreciate my parents. They stayed together, had custody of us, and we never missed a meal. Thank you Everton and Marverie.
❤❤
U know they were toxic. Don’t try to reverse reality
You never said you felt loved, secure, never afraid of your parents. The words you chose to describe makes me feel so sad for you and your childhood. I hope you don't have children of your own because children deserve better than you described
@@emagnusson6479 agreed. Whenever I called out my mom’s behavior she’d say that she’s a good mom because we eat and don’t have bruises on us.
That is how low the bar she set for being a good parent. This comment sounds like her
@@emagnusson6479 you're right, but everything is relative
The father should not pay his children's bills. That will save him money.
Yep 40$ a month 😂
@@ethanking4954that's his 40 dollars though. Since it's only 40 they can pay it their d--- selves instead of telling their parents to sink or swim. Shame on them.
@@littlehousepineywoods5352
55+ phone plan, Unlimited, $35/line, +15 year old plan
or $90 for one line if young
@@littlehousepineywoods5352 I don’t think we have such a reliable narrator in the parents that the kids actually said that.
But yes, parents should save their $40 monthly and put it towards themselves
@@littlehousepineywoods5352 imagine believing such a narcissistic narrator, it could easily be a family phone plan that never got split because its a hassle. Try again, with less naivety this time.
I had an abusive parent and while I pulled away as a young adult and came back with boundaries, I was there for important dates, holidays when I lived nearby, gifts on bdays etc, and care during last days on earth. You don't go by what they deserve, but because you are a decent person. Don't let their failures become yours.
It is not morally obligatory to bail out your parents, but it is morally praiseworthy.
Not really. It's not morally praiseworthy to bail anyone out b/c they made bad decisions.
Agree. Im not sure what is morally praiseworthy about paying off someone’s car loan when they went out and spent money they didn’t have on a car they wanted instead of just buying a car within their means.
Not if it's enabling stupid choices
Its not praiseworthy at all. Instead its just enabling bad behavior. But that's all circumstantial. If they bought used camry's because they didn't have cash, and they used most of the cash to pay the loan on the house, which is only 50K remaining or something, that's a very reasonable debt. But in their case, they bought a brand new car instead of a used car replacement.
In this case, I think the kids are being assholes and miserly for not helping the parents when they faced an actual disaster situation, and are only using Dave Ramsey as an excuse to not give them any money. It would be different if it was because they bought a million dollar home they couldn't afford and 2 brand new porches as replacement cars, but that's probably not the case.
Honestly, I think its just a case of the parents raising kids into being terrible greedy and miserly people. I also think the parents are greedy and entitled because they expected them to be indebted for raising them.
I guess what goes around comes around.
I disagree. We spent years bailing out my MiL before we realized it made things worse instead of better. It enabled her to continue a life of never having a job. Now that she is on her 80s she regrets it but it’s too late.
No obligation whatsoever but damn if my Dad needed help and it’s within my power to do so I’m helping
Respect is earned. Love is earned. If you were a terrible parent, you will be treated as such. I never expect anything from my son because I made the decision to have him. It's called unconditional love for a reason. You do not expect anything in return for that love. If you feel like your kids don't appreciate you, then stop paying their bills. Kids are never in debt to you. Ever
WELL STATED! EX-FU$KING-ACTLY
Exactly. Too many abusive parents feel entitled to their children's servitude after enslaving them for their first 18 years and calling it love.
Hell yeah dude
Yes respect is earned but love is given not earned. If they have to earn love then it’s conditional. Live in the unconditional
What if you end up disabled, with dementia, or become otherwise helpless? Your child doesn't have to take care of you personally, but don't you think that your child should see that you are taken care of somewhere decent? Most nursing homes are awful! Ask any ER doctor or first responder ...we see it all and know exactly which ones to avoid. Poor care is rampant! (Though there are a very, very few good ones.) Do you really think your child doesn't owe it to you to ensure that you are safe - to leave no stone unturned to find you decent care if you can't look out for yourself?
According to the letter, Robert PAID for his children’s college education. His son is a doctor so the degree is not a Bachelors and took more time and money to get that degree. Not ALL parents pay for the son/daughter’s education. Robert saved his kids from being in debt which is what many other people have when they graduate. Also, those funds could be in the parents retirement fund growing in a good mutual fund and they could have tapped that for their needs after the 2 natural disasters. And I’m sure their homeowners have gone up. So for his son to say that to him is a slap in the face-. Doing what you are “supposed” to do for your kids doesn’t mean it’s mandatory to pay for their college education/cell phone bill etc. I don’t agree with Ramsey on this. My parents did NOT pay for my college education but I still consider them good parents-and I have always paid my own cellphone bill.
Family members help each other throughout life. Not because they are obligated to do so but because they love and genuinely care for one another. So as one family member is doing well and has the ability to help other members that may not be doing so well, he/she should do so. But in real life the dynamics of families seems to be so delicate that it quickly breaks down and the helping part doesn't occur. The bottom line is that we are all trying to get through this thing we call life so the more we can help each other the better off we will all be when facing a difficult time.
That concept seems lost these days.
Children today are very entitlement minded..this is why we refused to pay for their college. It’s their job to support themselves once they turn 18. Retirement is our responsibility..not putting our children through college
Yep, they can borrow if they absolutely have to and work their butts off to pay for the rest of college if their parents cant afford to. Ramsey always says you can't borrow $ for retirement. I'm certain that it helps build character too. Less entitled. @HappyTraditionalWife
First off you don't know the children's financial situation. They have their own bills, mortgages, possibly children to put through college, they aren't just swimming in cash just because they earn well.
But second, and Dave nails it at the end: it's the entitlement on the part of the parents of "I raised you and fed you and therefore you owe it to us" well respectfully, screw you, dad, even if I did have the money.
And third: don't pay for your child's college or car if you can't afford it - and if it would come at a price of you being put in a financial jeopardy because of uninsured damage to your house then you couldn't afford it. It wasn't a loan back then but a gift, you can't ask for it back so make sure you give only what doesn't end up wrecking you later.
@@gyvas Yet they expect an inheritance? The children shouldn’t expect to receive an inheritance..this is why so many people don’t leave a dime to their children. Adult children don’t know the financial situation of their parents when they want them to fund their college. As an adult you are responsible for your own future..not your parents
My mom helped me out this weekend in a way that I can't even explain how grateful I am. Today I show up at her house and say, "I owe you a lot of help." We had a lot of fun doing chores and chit chatting.
This is love vs law. We all owe the continuing debt of love, according to Scripture. Love your comment.
You are very fortunate.
You chose to have them, they didn't have a say. That's your responsibility as a parent, not an investment.
Edit, 1 day later at 699 likes: Since so many people have a hard time understanding. Your child is not an investment, they are a free thinking individual with their own life, choices, memories, thoughts, and expectations. If they are happy to help and in the place to help, by all means but that choice is theirs not yours as a parent, nor ours as a 3rd party. "Put them through college" and "Bought them a car" could mean so many things, did they just co-sign loans or completely pay for it all and they are debt free kids out of college? We do not know how the parents were as parents, nor do we know the kids truly. It's not black and white for if they should or should not help. My statement is in regards to the entitlement that because they spent money raising kids that their kids help them recover. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"
They are already grown. Parents should no longer be paying for anything in their kids' lives. These kids are successfully employed adults now.
Not even debatable. 🫡
@LauraB0421 agreed! Adults should take care of themselves, it goes both ways
@@LauraB0421easier said than done for most parents and their adult children,life happens sometimes one has to lean on the other as in this world literally ANYTHING can go wrong,kind of a tough but dead take at this point,cost of living is so high now most are staying with their parents until they can afford the cost of living these days.
I highly doubt their kids told them to “sink or swim”. These parents sound like their editorializing
My dad died when I was 12. My mother raised 5 of us alone. We owe her everything. She put us first. When my uncle died and left me money, I put it in her credit union account. When she died, I put the inheritance she left in my kids' college accounts. Values and priorities. I know my children are there for me.
Which culture and what country are you from?
You have enabled your children to become ungrateful adults.
It was not your job to keep paying for them to be adults.
Parents are also probably the same, since they expect to be repaid for raising them, when its their human obligation to raise them (while not expecting ROI, but if it happens, great).
They lost their cars in a flood and put themselves in debt by buying new cars with insurance money despite being unable to make the car payment lol. I don't think that's a matter of being ungrateful. They made a bad financial decision and expect their kids to bail them out for thousands of dollars because they raised them and pay a phone bill.
@@RobBlu-d6uthey should not have taken car loans out
it's like this when you become a christian you don't have to go to church to be save but if you love Christ for giving his life it's better to go. you don't have to help your parents but because they raised you which is hard it's better if you help them and it's Blessing from God. the people who rather help friends over parents are weird to me.
@@jaesall3519
I agree.
Never heard Ramsey before! Great clear thinking! I left an abusive mother at 17 with $500 I earned from summer jobs. She never helped me. I became a multi-millionaire on my own. Now in her old age she believes I owe her for having fed and sheltered me as a child. She's worth a couple million on her own and lived extravagantly. I don't speak to her which is considered awful because we're Japanese.
That sounds awful. Sorry you're going through that!
she's clearly able to take care of herself via her net worth alone. it's your life which means you get to CHOOSE who to have in it. you AREN'T your family!
@@Brendasings Empty words. Every person's life and circumstances are different. E.g., I have a friend whose father was a pedophile. I don't blame him for not having a relationship with his father. And that's something between him and God, no one else. The bible can be a piss poor life rulebook...🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
@@Brendasingssounds like mama wasn’t fulfilling the verse about not harassing their children, she’s not even good parent by not taking care of him and not going after a minor child of hers … she left him alone in the world… she cut ties and only back bc he’s successful… if he wasn’t, she wouldn’t even be there… what’s stupid is that she did evil by squandering her wealth… doesn’t this attitude just make her greedy? You’ve used the Bible but haven’t judged righteously.
@@Brendasings honoring doesn't involve money
This is a lesson for young parents, make sure you build wealth for your older days. You don’t want to be this couple. Your investment into your future comes first before paying any college fees.
Agree! These parents were far more generous than they should have been, and it has now come back to bite them in the behind!
Trouble is that all moral and philosophical considerations aside; we are also still animals influenced by evolutionary principles meaning that for a properly adjusted individual the success of their offspring is hardwired as a condition of said individuals own success. If parents pour resources into child, child likely is able to grow to obtain max resource for themselves, said child becomes capable of providing max resources for his/her own child or better yet multiple children, said grandchild/children continue this cycle branching out and multiplying exponentially = the original individual's reproductive success = monkey brain happy.
From a anthropological perspective resources =/= success. Resources are simply resources to invest in THE investment which is offspring: proliferation of one genetic data = success.
Your advice while beneficial on the individual level has to fight against rear-brain programming. Easier said than done.
Or, just give your children everything they need including love, respect, a strong family bond, confidence and knowledge and youll all be so happy that theyll become successful enough to help you and you also will do well for yourself. Crazy
@@ND-kh5yw Not sure how you came up with this from my comment. I am just saying think about your retirement, the things you mentioned children need don’t require you sending too much money. Respect is free, love is free, strong family bond is free, confidence is free and knowledge if you put in the work is almost free.
Parents shouldn't have kids before they've figured out old age.
I’m usually all in favor of “your kids don’t owe you everything”, but there is something to be said for the fact that if your parents put you through college they directly paid for the income you have today, and if it’s well within your means to help them, you really should unless they were REALLY shitty to you.
If my dad ever asked me for help, then I know without a shadow of a doubt that life just went belly up for him. He is a proud, self made, and responsible man who did his best to raise me and my brother alone. He wouldn't ever ask us for help unless he explored every other possible option because he has integrity and principle and the grit to pull himself out of so many messes life threw at him. I hope that day never comes, but it is my goal in life to be able to turn around and say "no problem, we got this." and help him out because of everything he did for us. Not out of a sense of entitlement, but out of a respect fostered through years of nurture and leadership. Took me a while to realize I was a lucky kid, cause I got a cool dad.
@@TheDarkfire216 respect. But most old people beed help. Life gets harder when you're older. Pride won't do anything for you then
Dave's reaction in this video is what's disgusting to me. He goes on about how the person submitting the question oozes entitlement for simply being a father. In no way whatsoever did the person asking the question state they were entitled to anything. They asked Dave if it was wrong to ASK FOR HELP. That's a huge difference from thinking you're entitled to it.
@@thatdrewmoore Oh, so happy to find Your comment. For I was filled with the same disgust. Even wrote him a comment in which I tell him to repent! What a mean man Ramsy is. And SO wrong. For This is what the Bible says in 1 Timothy 5: 3-4 "Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so REPAYING THEIR PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS, for this is pleasing to God." This of course also applies to not only female parents, but also when male parents come into some calamity problems and need help.
People in the West with pensions have forgotten, that it was normal in biblical times that the children took care of their parents, when they got needy. When we are called to honor our father and mother, it's not mere 'praise' or 'listening' that's meant. It's also meant to provide for them in their years of need. Look at what Jesus Christ Himself teaches in Matthew 15: 3-9 "And He answered and said to them, “Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death.’ But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever I have that would help you has been given to God,” he is not to honor his father or his mother.’ And by this you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition. You hypocrites, rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you: ‘This people honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far away from Me. But in vain do they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.’”
It is clear, that Jesus is talking about a money matter here.
Plus, don't these grown children know the First Thing about love??? Isn't love EAGER to give? How can they take everything for granted! Aren't they to love their neighbor as themselves? Who is closer to you, than your own family? Love gives freely, from the heart, without needing to be asked even!
We are to check the spirits, if they are from God! When it does NOT comply with the Bible, do NOT listen to such 'advice'. It's ungodly advice. Given in the meanest of ways here.
@@thatdrewmooreDave is right. You are wrong.
@@205rider8 I am not wrong. The person who sent in the question did not reek of entitlement. They were simply asking a question, and Dave did not portray their position in good faith.
I am 52 years old. I support my mom in every way I can. My father passed away in 2020 and now my mom is now 84 years old. I would do everything anything to help her, including financially.
Congratulations, she also probably wasn't a piece of shit your entire life and earned your respect and charity. Not every kid is a little entitled shit growing up, but not every parent is a saint either.
@@alrightbro EXACTLY!!! Thank you.
@adxmnt1926 the vast majority of parents werent pieces of shit.
The vast majority of kids not taking care of their parents, have parents who werent pieces of shit
she might have raised you right or of what you expected, but for some, it isn't the case. and how long does it last? til her last breath, you will keep her alive with a machine and caretakers that you pay for?
and that most of their generation didn't do that for their parents cuz some di3d earlier, alot of them are rich/didn't need others help because of the time
We put our two sons through college and gave each a car. We spent a lot of time with them when they were growing up. We have helped them with considerable money gifts to help them get established. They are doing great now, but we would help them again if there was a specific goal they needed some help with, like helping with a down payment on a home. We have been blessed with good finances and will probably never be in need of financial help. We are close to our kids and when we get too old I believe they will be there for us to help in any way they can. It’s not an obligation, it’s a bond of love.
Well, don’t be so sure on that one
You should ask them individually just incase & to just to hear their answer and their point of views
This is very interesting.
As an Asian- I have a very different view on this; I do feel obligated toward family and it’s not even a question.
I suppose as societies Asians are more community driven, whereas Americans are more individualistic
And America has a Judeo-Christian foundation where the societies/colonies who first settled modern America from Europe were running the "state," government, based on the Bible, where yes, parents should be honored, and sometimes to some people that meant in terms of financial support for parents, and sometimes not...but parents were also to treat children kindly and be humble people and be thrifty and self-reliant themselves, and a lot of other things...and certain teachings of Jesus that are decreed in order to make a happy family-centered culture break down to some degree when some of His teachings are broken. It all works when it all works, but it's much harder when someone somewhere is not doing their part...but still expecting that the people around them will do their part.
If your going to bare a child just for the sake of having someone who would be responsible for you in the future pls dont have one, the shelter, the clothing education and even food is your responsibility and their rights
I think they're college education is their own responsibility though because they're adults themselves at that point.
@@serenatheresegonzalez1660 Yes in a way. But also if the parents were responsible and invested early, college would be paid for. That's why my wife and I won't have kids until we're totally financially ready to handle it. Give them the best future.
"Denise does have ya'll's Netflix password though."
Rachel is fanning the flames. 😅
who is denise?
@doctorposting By deductive reasoning, it has to be Rachel's sister. Dave's daughter.
@@doctorposting Denise is Ramsey's other daughter.
When I saw the title I thought this was gonna be some entitled parents who expect their kids to fund them because they raised them. Then I relaized what they raised were a bunch of selfish brats. They paid their kids way through college, bought their cars, and still pay their phone bills, and the kids have the nerve to say "so sad but sink or swim not my problem" after they went through 2 disasters back to back. FOH 😡 If I made 6 figures I would help my parents with whatever I could in this situation even though my parents couldnt afford to pay for anything for me.
well before you send money ensure your spouse is okay with it ... spouse and kids before parents
The kids probably have families a mortgage and bills and want to put their own children through college.
@@ethanking4954they sure dont mind daddy still paying their phone bill though. For shame.
@@littlehousepineywoods5352that $20 a month isn’t going to fix the parents situation. They should have considered their own retirement before having kids.
Yes the kids should change phone plans, won’t make a difference though
They are very selfish and not helping their family is not nice. They obv have been spoiled and should be ashamed. Disagree with your advice
It is great to value good parents. I am so grateful for my parents and all they sacrificed. I don't agree with Ramsey on some things, I know he is rich and has strong wisdom and backbone...
I don't think parents should expect adult kids to pay for their bills, but as an adult son I feel it is my responsibility to protect my mother and father as they age.. They were good parents..
While I don’t feel like kids are obligated, it would be nice to help because that’s what families do.
I did a flip with my parents and they decided they wanted to move into the house. As part of the profit split, I took a much lower profit % so that they could could afford it more easily after paying me out. I helped them run the numbers and gave them over $200k in value. It’s nice to be able to feel like I paid my parents back on some level
Asian, Latino and African parents have left the chat! I couldn't imagine leaving my parents to struggle when I have the means to help, this seems like a cultural thing.
Parents shouldn’t be financially irresponsible and then expect their children to bail them out.
Yeah, i agree. For us is crazy the way white american families work.
For us family is much more than just a number or a word.
I would never either but Im Canadian
@@alexandriabrown1388financially irresponsible? By making sure their kids were set for life while they struggle through a flood and fire in their home... American mindset 🙄
Filipino parents and adult children left the chat too 😅
You should absolutely help your parents if they're struggling without being asked if you're in a position to do so.
It's not exactly an obligation, it's the right thing to do.
Not that you owe your parents.
I couldn't imagine watching my parents or anyone i loved struggling and not help out.
I agree, but wonder if these parents are really struggling? I mean, a $47k mortgage and owing on 2 cars is not exactly overwhelming debt....
It could be more complex than that. The kids could have already helped but not enough for the parents’ liking. Or maybe the kids didn’t agree with the financial decisions their parents made and didn’t want to help financially because of that. We don’t know the full extent of the situation.
The problem with this is we only know the parents side and it’s a short summary. I like how Dave answered actually because the caller is very much labeling themselves a victim. Why were they paying the phone bill? Are these kids overwhelmed in student loans? Can they actually help and have they gotten as much as the dad says? Either the kids were raised horribly and now they’re selfish (which the kids suck then but that’s the parents fault) or this is more complicated than being suggested. Which is most likely
But if they chose to g buy things they can't afford why should anyone else pay
@@jenniferhoisington66agreed but we don't know that that happened
Its not about owing, its about them helping out of love
“Don’t be judgmental be curious” I love Rachel
Dave's right, it goes both ways. Parents are not entitled to anything from their children once they become adults. Likewise, children are not entitled to anything from their parents once they reach the age of 18, including an inheritance since that belongs to the parents. However, families should help each other through hard times if they are able to do so. Sometimes that means giving money, other times it means giving your time to help them. Families (parents and kids) need to learn to help each other when necessary and respect boundaries without having an entitlement attitude. It's also important to help in a way that prevents future problems, so family members don't become dependent on you, take advantage or enable bad behavior.
You had honor and dignity by helping your kids through college. You saved them over $100,000 each child. If your adult children have dignity they will help you when life throws more at you than you can handle. They don’t owe you, but they should step up to the plate
Completely agree, if you raised them right. They step up when you need help. But they don’t owe you.
@@Ps7appleyou’re saying they don’t owe you, but if they don’t comply than that speaks poorly of their character and that they weren’t raised right.
I think you just feel like they owe the parents without wanting to admit it
Indeed. The kids do NOT OWE you. You had a moral obligation to raise them to at least 18. But if you raised them right, they will help you out of their own will, not because they owed you for raising them, but they cared about you enough to help you out of your situation.
@@mightymouse9001 is their character poor if they don’t step up? No, not really. Not going to judge their whole character by that. Some parents don’t do much for their kids, but got a great son and daughter. While others, did so much but kids are entitled. What you put in doesn’t necessary equal the result.
@@Ps7apple agree with that last statement fully. Which is why I feel people shouldn’t have kids without planning for a worst case scenario in retirement.
People underestimate (or just don’t think) what delaying just 3 years having kids to hardcore invest for retirement could do for them.
My parents caused me more grief then happiness but even so, i still had a heart to support them and if they were still alive today id still go out of my way to support them.
I can't imagine not taking care of my parents if I had money and they were suffering.
Recently my ex and I talked and she mentioned she had almost no food in the house until her SS came in. I let our three daughters (all well off) know this by email and in days Mom had phone calls and checks.
It's called love.
I bet their husbands are pissed.
@@yambagnelson9987 Why do you say that? Not at all. We have a close family and take care of each other, even if by marriage.
@@yambagnelson9987 Their husbands will only be pissed, if they are selfish entitled sinners.
@@gardenjoy5223 They are entitled to the money they earned, not the useless mother in law who had her whole life to figure out how to not be broke.
1 Timothy 5 : 3-4
Take care of widows who are truly needy.
But if a particular widow has children or grandchildren, they should first learn to respect their own family and REPAY THEIR PARENTS, because this pleases God.
How are these people out there acting as though earthly things have a hundredth of a thousandth of the value of the people God put in our lives to give life value? A tablescrap of love is worth more than all of Au and Ag in the psychical universe.
Beatrix Potter (who wrote the Peter Rabbit books) was told by her parents that she was born to take care of them in their old age. She would not be allowed to marry or earn money off her books (it went into the parent's banking accounts). After their death she married a man she'd loved for years.
Wow. Thanks for sharing. I loved her books as a kid. I'm sorry this happened to her.
I never knew that. How awful.
That's not the same situation as this one so why bring it in
@@lolaadesina5362because it’s interesting. Thanks for the question.
@@lolaadesina5362 is kind of related because is about parents with wrong expectations about their children
5:20 "Charity that is extracted through guilt is not charity."
Except the parents aren't asking for charity they're asking their children to honor them by helping them at a time of need.
It's called love and compassion if you raise them correctly it will come back naturally not that its owed
I owe my mom everything. She gave birth to me, raised me, sent me to college, and has supported me emotionally through that period as well. I am forever indebted to her. If she ever needed anything I would be paying up. She deserves it.
She chose to have you and care for you. You don’t owe her for that, but of course you would be there for her in her time of need because you love and appreciate her.
What if your mom formed a gambling addiction and lost a huge amount of money? would you be paying up for that?
@penttimuhli9442 yep. And I would be paying to get her help too!
I think that’s where the disconnect is for all of us as the audience. If you were such great parents, your children would be tripping over themselves to help you out in your time of need when they have the ability to. Clearly there is more to the story. Maybe they were just bad parents who raised selfish children. In which case they need to take a look in the mirror for the source of their problems.
They raised their kids without a heart go figure. As a child, you help your parents in times of need because you love them it's not because of a principle.
Rachel snitching on Denise!!! 😂typical sibling behavior 😂😂😂😂
She was laughing hard too. They had to take the camera off her 😂
I'm blessed to have help from my parents @my age. I mate alot of poor situations. I am actually grateful. I try to help everyday.
My mother always demanded everything from me, never a please or a thank you. I stopped doing things for her as an adult which she was furious about, telling me that I owed her so much just because she was my mother. I nixed her as an adult.
Deciding to be a different sort of mother, I don't pay my childrens bills nor do I demand anything from them. All 4 of mine are educated, in careers they love, happily married to good people of their choosing. I raised my children without a TV, we were always doing things to be physically active such as swimming, nature hikes, horseback riding, even running laps at the local school.
Only one of my children stays in touch. We speak on the phone most Sundays.
She doesn't understand why her siblings don't make any effort to even call me on Mother's Day or my birthday or any other occasion. I know that my daughter is very busy, so, she and I have an agreement that I wait until she calls me so that she can make the time to talk without a bunch of interruptions. I tell her all the time how much I appreciate her making time to stay in touch with me.
Instead of being sad & upset about who I don't have, I decided to lavish my love & care on the one I do have.
Sounds like the parents went above and beyond to help their kids with finances into adulthood. They could've not funded their college tuitions and made them take out student loans. I think it's pretty ungrateful and borderline evil to not help your parents in time of need.
I absolutely agree! I think the wrong people have been labeled as selfish and entitled in this situation! Dave needs to revisit this one and take dad's head off the public chopping block!
Paying for college should be considered part of the bare minimum when having kids, not above and beyond.
If you can’t afford to have kids, don’t have kids. Focus on your own retirement instead.
@mightymouse9001 why would a parent have to pay for college ? Especially in this scenario. I this scenario the kids are saying that it's their parents fault that they helped the kids . Instead they shoul have helped themselves .
@@mightymouse9001 that's stupid college is not a requirement for life, nor or most people suited/smart enough for it to be useful. If a child has not earned enough scholarships to fund their college, then there's no point wasting it on them via your own funds.
@@MrDenjok you have kids and want to give them the best chance possible for them to be successful and have their own families one day. Whether it’s college, a coding camp, or trade school. That should be considered for your kid.
Just like my wife and I plan If we were to have a kid that needed lifetime care, we’d pay for that.
It’s part of being responsible for someone that had no say if they exist or not
Honor you father and mother.
I laughed while listening to this. My mom and dad constantly tell me and my siblings that we are not supposed to have to take care of them as they get older - and no they are not financially rich folks. They never ask us for anything, but visits home and love.
My parents are of prime stock - raised me and my siblings in a faith based, no-dope, no-drinking home in a small town. All of my successes today came thru God enabling them and my grandparents to raise me to stand on my own.
Now years later, my folks say "don't worry about us" - little do they know that I'm about to build them a new dream home for their upcoming 50th Anniversary 😆
The paying a DOCTOR"S phone bill is crazy tbh
The doctor is still letting his parents pay for his phone bill says it all.
Thats their fault.
not really. doctors make 55-65 k their first few years. if my parents wanted to help with a bill that would be fine by me😂
@@pearlbubbles6885it says they’re smart lol
@@doctorposting I barely pull 18k per year and I'd be so embarrassed allowing my dad to cover my phone bill. Is securing the bag really worth that much Doctor?
I gladly honor, love, and help my mother with whatever I can, for showing me love and doing the best she could, always, when raising me. However, I've never felt it's been an obligation for having me. I choose to thank her with words and actions for being a good person to me, but neither her or I have ever felt that I'm indebted to her for the sole fact that she chose to have me.
Kudos to you, you have the correct ,descent and best answer of all. THANKS
Your mother raised a good son..she should be very proud of you!
Wow, I was not expecting someone of your generation to actually stick up for us young people. Thanks, Mr. Ramsey
I am 26yrs old.
I am disgusted to hear such pov.
Can you tell me how in the world do we not owe our parents kindness and help?
They could have been abusive to you when you were powerless,
They could have enjoyed their life away not giving a damn about studies and future,
Or even worse cases are there.
But they chose to be merciful to you and did the best they could for you.
And now you say "you did your job as a parent" and not do a favour back?
That is the ultimate form of treachery, selfishness and just a dog s*** behaviour.
Whatever makes you sleep at night. Your parents going through a disaster and you not helping them is just unbelievable, but okay.
@@KhadersheriffYou have no idea how these people were as parents. No parent is ENTITLED to help. If you were a loving parent, and the relationship was good enough and you raised your kid well, then they will not have a problem offering help to you in times of need
@@madisonhayes7332 I do understand that it is hard to help our abusive parents in times of need but if you are a decent person, then help them out if you are able and when I say in times of need, it really means in times of need like being too old to work or a crippling disease or being homeless and starving and not mere whims like providing luxuries in life.
@@jango9892you guys did not watch the whole video and it shows
Parents have a duty to look after the children they bring in to this world.
Children have no obligation towards their parents.
If your children choose to stay in your life, show you respect and support you, know you have done something right by them that they should feel this way. That is a wonderful feeling.
If my children rejected me that would be almost unbearable to me, because I love them so much, but I know I can’t force them to love me back. I would have to accept it.
These comments shows how selfish most people are. No, the kids are not obligated to be financially responsible for their parents. But they raised you, paid for college, and the least you can do is provide a helping hand. Instead, y’all act like it’s a sin that the parents should receive a dime.
Absolutely agree.
If you choose to have kids, that should be the bare minimum.
If you can’t do the bare minimum without expecting something in return, don’t have kids. Really should be as simple as that
@@mightymouse9001they did more than the bare minimum and they are still paying for their kids phone bills for some reason. If you are in a position to help your parents out and you don’t, you’re just a crappy human being. Simple as that
@@fkillah maybe above and beyond for what I’d expect of a mid tier parent.
Not above and beyond for a good parent though. 🤷♂️
Have kids, you plan for the worst case scenario. If you can’t meet the needs of a worst case scenario while also supporting your own retirement, don’t have kids. Simple as that
@@mightymouse9001 hmm, parents get older and life happens. Family and relationships mean little to you it seems. Let’s hope nothing tragic ever happens to you and you don’t need a helping hand. Regardless, your just a crap human
My kids take care of me so I don’t need much, so I help them out anytime I can. They are appreciative and I am appreciative. Figure I don’t have a lot to leave them, so why not spend my money on them now while I am alive. Brings me great joy to do so. We have always been close and remained so even when they took their own paths.
I’m willing to bet with the parent’s financial “giving” in the past there were plenty of emotional baggage and strings that came along with it too.
Those first 18-25 years of my kids life is my interview to be in their life for the rest of the years they can choose to have me in it.
Honor your Father and Mother.
It is still the kids(now adults) decision on how and if they want to help. Funny how the love of money influences our decisions and our advice. I know of a lot of people that sacrifice to care for their aging parents. That's sometimes not easy, but it's given in love. Hopefully I've been blessed enough not to need financial help from my kids.
Btw, I don't think dads are OBLIGATED to buy their children cars and pay for their college. It's nice when they do (although that could discourage their kids growth and self-development), but dads are definitely NOT OBLIGATED to do so, their role is to provide food, shelter, and protection while their kids are growing and getting up on their own feet.
Especially the college part, I have argued with my wife about it. My parents went into debt over it with my sister and never recovered financially.
I've read that too abt parents not paying for college. That's why they need to either get student loans or pay it themselves.
Then kids are NOT OBLIGATED to pay for Dad’s car bills or house repairs. Dad did not teach them the skills in life to succeed. All Dad did was provide food and shelter. Now Dad wants the kids to be his retirement plan.
I have a 7 year old daughter and I have never once thought, “I’m going to feed you until you turn 40. Then I will move in with you and you are my retirement plan.” What. A. Joke.
Exactly, that comment he made about you HAVING to buy your kids a vehicle and put them through college low key infuriated me.
No they don’t
Sounds like the kind of kids who don’t visit their parents in the retirement / assisted living home
Or it could be that they don’t appreciate being guilted into helping them.
I would help my parents if they needed it, but I definitely would not if they tried to make me feel like I should or owe them.
What kind of stupid logic lead you to that?
Damn skippy! I hope to be just like them!
Nobody watching this knows why these children don't want to help their parents.
Exactly. This all sounds like many issues in the family aren't being mentioned.
In spite of Dave's contradiction of Scripture (Matt 15:5), we should all help true needs. The trend today, as Scripture predicted, is for grown kids to be hateful and disrespectful to parents. Many are not, but it's definitely a popular trend. Victim mentality and entitlement means that their imperfect parents will be targeted bc they didn't give them a perfect life. (Not talking about true abuse cases.) So they think they owe no one and nothing. We all owe the continuing debt of love. Not just anything they want or demand, but love meets needs (including to be present). And love cannot turn away from true need, only from selfish demands. There's a huge difference.
You don't owe your parents a luxury cruise or to be at their beck and call. But unless they abused you (not to be confused with simply being imperfect), you do owe them honor, to visit/call them sometimes (and take their calls when you can) and especially, to meet whatever needs they truly cannot that would diminish basic quality of life like having food, help with their walker, or visit them in a nursing home (and especially, be sure their care is good there!). If they get dementia find a way to keep them safe. You're not a leaf that sprouted on a tree. You're a human being that took a lot of care and often caused them way more grief and work than was necessary. And a lot of parents sacrifice to give more than required. They didn't owe you the extras. Only a selfish brat would take all that and say, "I owe nothing."
I agree. I could not imagine not helping my parents. They helped you. You should help them.
As a portuguese/european this a weird take from Dave for me.
I guess this also depends on culture as Rachel said.
In my culture it’s an unspoken rule to always help your parents when you can. We’re very family oriented.
Not sure about this specific situation but Dave speech kinda makes me sad about America, very individualistic society. You should honor your parents till the day they die and beyond. You definitely owe them (except some specific instances of abuse, etc).
What goes around comes around. He's speaking from the WASP(White Anglo Saxon Protestant) perspective. They are the first ones also to abandon their parents in a nursing home and most likely to go on with their lives like the parents no longer exist. From my experience the most likely also to die alone in a nursing home without anyone next to them while they take their last breath. Witnessed it many times. From my perspective also as someone of Portuguese heritage their families suck.
As a Spanish person I agree 100 per cent with you. It’s unbelievable what he’s saying and so heartless, I’d say it’s not even Christian to behave like that. Just imagine a son earning a six figure salary and watching their parents struggle after they invested in their uni education, bought them cars and so on, it’s disgusting
If I was very well off and my parents were not, and needed my help, I would have helped them yesterday, not because I owe them( because I don't.). But I do it because I'm grateful for the opportunity they gave me and I want to pay them back and help them.
My parents don't expect money or anything from me or my siblings. However, all of us help out on the farm when we come to visit. It is how we were raised--when we visit, we stay an extra day or 2 and work our butts off. And on the flip side, when our parents come to visit, they help out at our place, too.
When we go visit for an upcoming wedding, you can bet your butt that I will be dropping trees and cutting firewood, etc. Wife will be cooking and cleaning (not full time, but several hours of effort). When they come visit at New Year's, my dad will help do some electrical work and my mom will do some cooking and cleaning. Not of this is OWED, but we do what we can for each other.
This call is ridiculous.
In Asian culture you are taught to revere your parents and take care of them. But that doesn't mean you bail them out financially.
In an Asian family, even here in the USA among Asians, the elders live with you. You watch out for them, and they watch out for you. They may have their own money, but family takes care of family.
Traditionally, if you have children, you have your elders involved... even in child care, if it is feasible.
As far as money, yes our parents helped my sister and I, but once we are out in this world, we didn't get a single dime from them.
We have this intergenerational family more as social connections.
My parents are financially stable and secure by themselves. The only time I expect to do anything with their money is when I have to execute their wills and appropriate. I am the executor...not my sister. If mommy needs cataract surgery, I get it arranged. Things like that. If they are ill I do something.
My wife and I have no children, but my sister does. My parents are very close to their grandchild.
That is the extent.
If Mom or Dad wanted money, it would be a talk. It would be an ask rather then an expectation from them. Even then, it is an agreement, with negotiation, not that "I owe them something".
Yes I owe my parents something, but it's not money. I owe them social connection. I owe them my presence. I owe them my family's presence. I owe them in the way where I must excel as an independent person and so good as they taught me. That is what I owe. It's not money. It's family.
Unbelievable.
My father had 4 boys. He’s a doctor. Paid all our college, started us debt free. Paid my first car out of college. Helped me buy my first town home.
Today I’m 40 and making nice six figures. So are the rest of my brothers, 2 of whom are doctors. IF my father ever asked for help, I wouldn’t hesitate for even a minute! Is that a serious question? I’m Asian, maybe that’s the difference. Americans seem to ditch their parents, not Asians.
If I was the dad and my doctor kid and other kid all making six figures abandoned me financially, after all I paid for EXTRA beyond age 18, I wouldn’t leave one penny of Inheritance to these selfish and ungrateful adult children.
The problem also lies in parenting. Those parents never taught their kids the value of family and taking care of each other.
Agreed. I am a young African man, who is currently helping his parents out. My father and mother did a lot for my brother and I more than they really needed to. To this day, my mother still splurges her money on my brother and I. She loves taking me out for lunch. My father and her have helped my close friends out financially. African culture and Asian culture are far different from the selfish American individualist culture. I make sure my father and mother get all the help they need all the time, and they are not a burden by the way. They are my life. There is no life without them. I stopped watching this video 1 minute in.
Sorry Sir , Asian children are ditchin gmore and more their parents nowadays. Bad thing, your affected too. Try searches on youtube
I agree with you as well. how do you forget your parents especially if they were fantastic parents? I believe it's a cultural thing
Agreed!
If my parents that raised me ever needed anything and I was able to help you best believe I would!
I do not believe that children are obligated to care for parents, but if they can and the parents need them (a NEED, not a whim or a want) I think they should. I also believe parents should look after themselves financially. My opinion.
I'm from a Caribbean Island. Kids are parent's retirement plans.. no joke
It's been like that for all of human civilization until the last century or so. Modern developed countries are an anomaly.
@@Austenfan177exactly.
Because of that, I have nothing saved. I've been guilted into so many things....22 years later in my late 30's, I decided to stop being stupid.
@@abbasjoy4785 hell yea. Break the cycle
@@mothegoat6865because as you said these are modern developed countries with people who have MODERN DEVELOPED BRAINS where they’re realizing parents are not the responsibility of their offspring no matter how many fictional books you get to try and quote scripture from
I didnt get the opportunity to pay my dad back because he died shortly after i graduated high school, but i hope my mom received my gift of love in caring for her at the end of her life. Some paybacks aren't monetary, they are in giving love freely. That's true value in my opinion.
It is true kids have 0 obligations to help their parents but if your parents are struggling and you have the means to help and dont then you are a horrible child
No they're not. That's just a guilt tactic parents who made bad decisions try to use to manipulate their adult children into giving them money.
I completely agree. If there was some kind of pattern of constant irresponsibility and expecting the children to fix it, like when a parent is a drug addict and constantly in and out of jail or some such scenario, then for their health and sanity, the adult child must set boundaries. But when there was a natural disaster and the parents are struggling a little after? I think any Christian would want to help their parents especially if they can easily afford to. By the way, not everyone knew about or had signed up for the Ramsey method of doing life. It sounds to me like these are responsible parents who did the best they knew how and were successful yet raised selfish kids who are STILL being pampered because the parents are STILL helping to support these successfully employed adult kids by paying some of their monthly expenses! It seems reasonable to me that they would feel hurt when their kids say, sorry,, I owe you nothing and you're on your own with this. What a messed up situation.
Get a job, Mike.
I didnt get a sense of entitlement from the parent's post. It sounds as though they went above and beyond their obligations to set their children up in life, and when they hit a financial rut, the children are saying fend for yourself. Admittedly, I don't know their family dynamics 100%, but the children don't sound that wholesome either
@@khfgt616 I heard the story the same way. If the situation is as read that must be bloody heartbreaking. I can't imagine myself telling someone who loved me and did all they could for me like that to "sink or swim" when in a tight spot like that.
I think any parent would be hurt if they lost everything in a fire, and their children (who make a ton of money) refuse to help. That's like a dagger in your back. I understand if the child cant afford it. That is totally different.
One of two things is happening here: 1. Parents are not telling the full truth. They mismanage money, and their kids are tired of it.
Or 2. The kids were raised to be very selfish.
I need more info.
In some cultures you truly are your brother's keeper (and your parents' as well.) Debts and wealth are treated as family matters. Whether this is a good thing or not is open to debate, but I can point out that if there is a breakdown in the ability to raise children, the grand parents are usually recruited and made liable even in our own, highly individualistic culture.
I'm a physically disabled college student. Right now, I'm not in a position to help my parents financially (living off of SSI income). However, if I ever do get in a position to provide financial support to my parents, I intend to in a heartbeat, especially to my mom, who raised two disabled kids while being a single mom for the first seven years of my life. Life is nuanced, money is nuanced. Help each other out if you can. Good Lord.
❤
African parents left the room
😂😂😂😂
💯
Correct!
African and Asian, too. Lol I'm with Dave about not throwing money at an endless poverty situation, but I love and appreciate Rachel bringing in the cultural aspect. Then Dave hit back with the ethnocentrism...
LOL
When did this all change. I agree my 2 kids don't owe us. But when I was growing it was my understand at 18 or HS Grad they need to start getting on there. That's why when they where going to College they go student loans and work part time. Grant you we helped them all they way. Did a car and made sure they had money to get what they needed. Now both graduated and payed the loans off in 2 years. Both now have Master Degrees and both make mid six figures. Both mid 20s now and own homes that we could never afford. We just retires and look forward to our 2 grandchildren. They know we are here if they need us and I know in my heart they would be here for us. There I said to much all ready.
Stop paying for the cell phones.
Everyone’s family situation is different and there are no cut and dry set of “rules” you to this and I’ll do that.
My mom worked three jobs and did everything she could to raise three kids. A life goal of mine is to take care of any needs she has. She doesn’t ask for this, this is a goal I have because she is such an amazing human being. Everyone’s circumstances are different. Stop worrying about what other people are doing and Dave has wisdom but he is not God. Come from a loving place as a parent/child/human being, have God help guide you through your decisions, and you’ll figure out what is best for your family.
Yes!!!
“Chartiy that is extracted through guilt is not charity”
This 💯
I don't know what kind of people he knows, but usually children care for their parents. There are different levels of love, but it all depends from the relationship.
Well even if they make 6 figures - who’s to say they are in a spot right now where they could easily fund their parents? I don’t think it’s wrong for family to ask family for help, but *expecting* it is dangerous thing.
That
Yeah, $100k isn't what it used to be in the most expensive cities. Unless they have a spouse also earning that much, you would be just paycheck to paycheck paying rent, not saving enough for your own downpayment on a house much less paying off your parents' mortgage and cars. The median rent in Manhattan is $54,000 a year, which is more than a third of a pediatrician's take home pay. Put some student loans or $4k month daycare in the mix, and you're basically destitute. Wild how little money so many upper middle class professionals have on hand.
Culture is so different (I'm Rwandan, raised in Canada). It's crazy to think of my parents being in a pinch and I tell them I can't help them, even though I'm financially well off. CRAZY. I think these children are selfish and lack discernment with what's important in life; BUT also, these parents raised them to be so.... sounds like they spoiled their kids too much, maybe never saw them struggle or work hard. Life came WAY too easy for their children. My parents did everything to contribute to my success, including financially (ie. working extra hours/jobs, taking a loan out ON THEIR HOUSE so I could become a doctor), and I watched them do it. I can't imagine ever leaving them hi and dry. I even have to convince them to let me pay for them now, anything they ever need I will be there. Families need each other ya'll.
I’m Nigerian-American and I’m with you, sis. I’m caring for my parents for as much as I’m able.
Yes, in the West children don't ask to be born.
@@seekingthemiddleway4048 Nobody in history ever 'asked' to be born.
Possibly but you have to understand not everyone in the west does this. My parents are black and they essentially provided the basics and decent material things. They didn’t pay for college, didn’t pay for cars for us kids, or anything like these parents. We had basic phones that we kept for years until it was time to get another phone for free. My parents did not help me study for prepare for college. If I wanted to go, I had to get the money to go on my own while my parents were getting nice extremely nice things for themselves. Thankfully God gifted me so I earned a scholarship but everyone is not like this.
Unless your parents go crazy and go into debt by living outside their means. You shouldn’t have to pay for a lavish lifestyle of your parents that are being negligent with their finances.
I'm sure there's more to the story, but if my parents were that generous with me and we had a healthy relationship then I'd be sweeping in there to help given I'm a doctor and make good money...
Yeah I feel like there must be more context behind this for the kids not to be willing to give them any help? While they were financially generous, there must be some other reason for them not helping (on the parent’s end that is)
agreed, esp since they have multiple high-earning kids who dont want to help them. something’s off there
Ramsey is not a point of reference. I am helping my mother as much as I can, and I do expect the same from my children. Is not only about the money, is about commitment to the family. Is about the commitment to one another.
Rachel is right there is a cultural aspect that has to be considered as well.
True
True but the email (or call) was to Dave's show that is in the US.
@@stevenporter863 There are many cultures in the US.
@@peaceful525 Yes, but there is no one answer on the fly to appease everyone and every culture.
not really. tons of americans would help out their parents too if their relationship was halfway decent.