During the early days of dating my husband, he told me that he would never stand by and watch me struggle with anything that he had the power to help me with. It was that simple statement alone that made me realize that he was a keeper.
My husband never said it, but he showed it. We worked together and I had a family emergency where I needed to leave work right away and go 2 hours away. He insisted on coming with me even though we had only been dating a couple of months. Then my car broke down and drove me to work until it was fixed. Never asked him. He found out my car was broken down, he said, okay I’m taking you to work. We’ve been married 13 years and have 7 children 🥰
I can tell you that you are very blessed My daughter dated her now husband through college his major was engineering and hers was education she was concerned that she will not make enough money What he told her was not to be worried because he will make the money After 7 years of marriage he does what he said they have two children she stays home mom with some online part time job He was 23 and she was 21 when they got married he had money for wedding condo honeymoon This Christmas she got a car as a Christmas present The best feeling for a mom to see my daughter happy My husband was the opposite
@@Breadwinnerbiblical Right on 🤛 bc long before I knew DR or even read the Millionaire Next Door, my Pops was instilling the same Biblical principles in me & my siblings. Guess that makes him my "ex post facto" surrogate dad aka still seeking "what works" Biblically + statistically like my Old Man wanted in the first place lol.
I knew before I got married that my wife had some significant student loan debt. After we got married...I paid off her debt asap. It became my debt when we got married. She's not the best with money but we worked it out and we continue to work on it.
I’ve found that sometimes people have to be TOLD they’re being abused because they’re too close to a situation to realize it. I appreciate Dave’s commentary.
That's exactly true. It was only after I had put some distance between my ex-husband that I could look at it as a whole and because I was removed from the storm that I had a different perspective. When you're "in it" you're caught up in the dysfunction and confusion and lose the ability to see things clearly.
Amen God calls us to be protector provider prophet and priests of our home. We are to be servant leaders. All of us will fail at this apart from humble submission to Jesus Christ as Lord dependence on him reading the word soli Deo Gloria. Happy Reformation day 10/31❤
My heart goes out to her as I understand since I was same situation some years ago. The call brought me to tears and Dave’s response is mazing. It gets better, I am now divorced from him and thriving! I wish you the best!❤
This poor women. She is so timid and unsure of herself...I can hear it in her voice. She is allowing her husband to walk all over her. She's stronger than what she realizes. She needs a good support team of strong women around her.
"Trust not a woman when she weeps, for it is her nature to weep when she wants her will." Socrates Women are liars by nature and the smarter, and more honorable, men need to realize they're dealing with a beautiful snake that can walk.
@@gonnahavemesomefun I got rid of my narcissistic witch. She was sleeping with her boss and another guy in addition to being a world-class manipulator and gaslighter.
2 years worth of full time daycare is like $40,000. So she saves the husband $20,000 (half of the daycare costs he would have paid if she worked full time the past 2 years) and she gets nothing in return? Screw that. If he wants to be all “this is 50-50” then he needs to write her a check for $20,000 right now.
@@QupidsWorldSchool is generally in session only about a third of the weeks in a year, not even counting days kids are sick which can be significant. In addition there is before and/or after school care to arrange and pay for if you are not at home.
@@kathymccarthy5264Yes, if he plays the money card and bill paying as him being more important in the relationship than her, no matter what she contributes for free. Everything becomes his responsibility if he declares is the king of his castle.
Were people not paying attention? She didn’t rack up CC debt going on shopping spree. She was off work with PPD for 2 years, not working, and since her husband doesn’t care, she had to pay her portion of things with CC. Husband also has debt, so let’s not act like he’s debt free and she is the only one. Hope the men in the comments would be supportive of their wives, who they made a baby with, should they suffer with PPD:
They wouldn’t be. Read the comments. They blame her entirely for not bringing in an income, regardless of the fact that she was caring for her child and had PPD.
The men in the comments complaining aren't married. They are projecting what they're afraid of or what an ex did to them, who was probably a girlfriend.
That’s irrelevant. The problem is that two adults willingly entered the contract of marriage and decided they were going to keep finances separate. Then when she gets behind on finances, she wants him to void the agreement they made and bail her out. They should’ve combined finances and in principle he should pay her debts as his own, but we need people to start taking responsibility for their actions. Don’t enter into an agreement that you can’t or don’t want to keep.
@@JGSH13 Excuse me, but when she had a kid that is HALF his - and the PPD was a direct result of that experience. Talk about something not being right here...time to 'adjust the contract'.
I agree 100% as a father of two girls (one recently married) I have told them and our boys, that a marriage is a complete union. There is no yours and mine, everything is ours. Our assets, our kids, our problems, all of it. Anything else is not a marriage, period. I would tell them to RUN from anyone who wants to maintain separate finances because frankly, they probably have something they want to hide.
@@GoKU-xx2vg What if, what if, what if. We could play the hypothetical nonsense game forever. That doesn't happen over night, and it can only happen if two things are true: 1. you marry the wrong person, and 2. you turn a blind eye to the warning signs for years. I'm not going to say that anyone who does those two things deserves what they get, but they certainly are not without blame either.
@@GoKU-xx2vg That's why we tell our daughters to choose their partner wisely. If that happens, it's because she picked him. Plenty of good men out there.
Dave leans hard on the man because she has not been working because she had a baby but was basically told I am not responsible for you. I married you but don't care about you.
@zvmZvm0102 She had his baby. He should have stepped up and paid this. He has a good income. I'm sure he was charming and she thought he would be there for her but he's not.
@@garykelderexactly! I don’t understand how some men just want to work and ignore what’s going on in their own home. You gotta be present in the home as well!
I started following Dave Ramsey's YT channel a few months ago. I don't agree with everything on this channel. However, one thing I really appreciate about this channel is that it helps get you in the mindset that it's okay to be frugal. There are voices in my life that do not encourage frugal behavior. Much the opposite, actually. But in today's America you are not going to get ahead by spending. Particularly if you are a low income individual. Dave Ramsey understands that.
So many do not believe in post partum including women. When I was going through post-partum my ex had an affair. I was working full time and still trying to be a good mother and wife. It was hard.
The husband should be helping his wife deal with post partum issues, which includes financial responsibilities. Instead he's saying she's on her own. He should be ashamed of himself. DR is spot on. "In sickness and health" includes post partum depression folks! Yet she's left holding the bag, dealing with debtors, making the calls(including to the DR Show). He should be a leader that takes this burden away while wifey gets her head back on. This is a couple/marriage issue far more than money. As for having a "rental property", yeah that sounds sophisticated right, but it's ridiculous in the big picture, when these poor folks can't handle their own affairs. Having a rental property means you're actually responsible for keeping a whole other house for another family, and the financial obligations that go along with. These folks can't handle their own though.
@@DaleEGrant a wife that independently acquires a credit account should remain independent in that regard. I'm pretty sure Dave would agree with the relationship that she should have at least consulted with said husband first!
There is no evidence he wasn't taking care of the financial responsibilities while she was out of work. It sounds like she racked up debt before the baby and after the baby she was not working and could not pay. We have no idea what that $20K was spent on.
@@SlayerDork So instead of blaming the woman that called and said SHE HERSELF ACQUIRED HER DEBT is less at fault then her husband because you assume he wasn’t paying the bills….. which sounds like he was or else she would’ve mentioned it. Did I get that right?
@@SlayerDork My bad bro. Dave is off on this one. When us men do something wrong, he yells at us. When the women do something wrong, he still yells at us while defending them. Makes no sense.
Dave, i wish i had a Dad that would say the things you just said to the caller and follow through on. I would have made better choices in a life partner.
The men in this comment section are incredibly weak and I feel bad for their wives if they are married. Any woman that sees this should now know to run when they hear “I think we should split everything” because it is a red flag.
Dude people can have split accounts but still take debt together and communicate. This couples problem is they act completely like two deperate people.
@retsubkrod this call shows exactly why seperate finances don't work. However, Most men would indeed cover their sick wives bills while she couldn't work....meaning your finances aren't really seperate at all are they?
I went through post parfumerie psychosis with each child. It was wirse with my 2nd child. I feel for her. The doctors refused to check my hormonal levels- said it was psychological. They’ve studied it and found out it can be hormonal. I went to work when my daughter was 4 months old for my sanity. My husband was very supportive of me. So was my Dad. He paid for my husband to get a vasectomy because I couldn’t go through it again. It took Mr a decade or more to feel normal again.
She was out of work because of suffering from haveing his child and he won't help his wife pay of the debt she accumulated while she was out of work... that's flipping rediculouse! In other words she sacrifices to have their baby and he sacrifices nothing?! What a complete A-hole! That's not a husband... that's a shame! If he ever loses his job, I bet he will be the first to say we are in this together and expect her to help him. 😒
So this guy has her make his babies, and raise his babies, but can't share resources enough to keep the lawyers away. Lady, you sure picked a real keeper.
Yup, my late husband did a similar thing. His money was his and if I wanted anything above food, clothing, shelter I had to figure it out myself. We were never a team working towards our future! It was only what he wanted!
I'm a husband, 4 months after marriage she asks me for a little spending money... the next month she wants more... I found out she had 7 cards and most at 29.999. I pay all the bills and provide. I took care of those cards and now 17 years later she's done it again... this is why she has no access to my accounts. It runs in her family, her grandmother did the same...
You are old and it shows. You have failed to have a proper understanding conversation with your wife and you made it all her fault. Yes the spending is her mistake, you saying stupid shit like it runs in the family is YOUR mistake. You shouldnt talk about your wife like that
Same with my mother in law she literally went homeless after her “controlling” husband died she refinanced her paid off house bought new car bought a bunch pf junk ahe didnt need and did it all on social security she had to move in with us after she lost her house i was gonna buy it off of her and let her live there but she owed like 275k on a old wore out 1950 house that needed gutted so she let it go and filed bankruptcy the bank lost over 75000 on that house when they sold it
Are you the husband from the call? If so, I hope you guys make it through and have a nice healthy family. Your wife sounds sweet, but if what you say is true, horrible with money. Credit cards are for dummies, not people who make 70-100k a year. I hope you guys make a plan to get debt-free and all works out well. You obviously need to be in charge of that but of course as well help her now with her tough situation.
I think that's something that should be discussed "prior" to marriage. I've worked 70 hour weeks to pay off my debt. I'm 90% there. I would not want to take someone else's debt on, especially if I didn't help create it in the name of marriage.
It’s not real marriage when you have separate anything. The whole point of marriage is to be unified with another person. People seem to want to do this half in, half out type of deal which isn’t actually marriage. You can’t share the woman’s womb but not share finances.
Separate accounts and a main account for the home and life you live together, debt is both your problems if it's not a flight of fancy AND ESPECIALLY IF YOUR SPOUSE IS SERIOUSLY ILL OR DEPRESSED. You take on all responsibilities if your spouse is seriously ill or depressed- not that the spouse is free of it, just they shouldn't be expected to suffer alone.
Doing too much finically separately is not good. Mostly everything should be done together. She accumulated a lot of debt on her own. If she had postpartum, her husband should have cared. She definitely should rethink her marriage.
Yes. And whenever this term comes up (I've seen it in several DR videos), he says it's "a Southern thing," but I don't think so. I've lived in the South almost all my life and not heard it. But I have READ it in books by British authors. I think it's a British thing!
Dave gave this poor woman a real dose about her marriage including what it is, and mostly what it is not. Sounds to me like she really heard & knows that she needs to do. Great advice. May even save her life!
Everyone here assuming she racked up debt and Dave is nuts has no idea, just like Dave has no idea, what her cc expenses were for. Maybe they were for her medical bills and her share of household expenses and getting things for the baby. When you raise a family and live together, if you keep EVERYTHING separate like you are roommates…what do you consider to be your marriage responsibility when your partner becomes too ill to work for two years? You expect them to rack up cc debt to make them keep paying for their share of the house and baby and food costs? If she was frivolous and careless and had huge cc debt because she went nuts while depressed, Dave would be all over her to have to make amends and get back into healthy behavior, both for her depression and her spending and her mothering and functioning as a partner in the marriage, regardless of separate or joint arrangement. If she couldn’t pull her weight and contribute to the joint expenses and her own personal needs (treatment for her depression, a good diet, utilities and mortgage and car payments), then it is absolutely the definition of a husband and marital vows of commitment, for the husband to pick up the slack and care for his wife while she is down. And if she never fully recovers…that’s the “til death do us part” concept that you love and care for each other, even if the burdens fall more heavily on one than the other, when life happens and it takes time and wisdom and effort to restore a balance that may or may never be back to exactly equitable. If the dude has depression or some issue as well, it’s going to be difficult for them both, but they are both responsible to live and care and help each other. Just watching your spouse go into decline without be willing to cover their needs is like roommates,or married for tax purposes and convenience, rather than love and commitment for the sake of the family they are raising.
People forget that statistically proven that when both sides have an income women spend 70% back into the household and family while men only spend 30%. Sure, maybe this is also because their paychecks are uneven, but fact remains moms will cut back on their personal luxuries while dads won't.
Additionally, nurses are disgusted by the amount of freshly divorced women who barely got their cancer diagnosis having no one by their side and comment the men with cancer have someone by their side THE WHOLE TIME. Even if women have a spouse who stays, too often they end up cheating or the marriage falls apart because he wasn't getting laid. Women can ruin marriages and finances, but assuming it is the woman who ruined it just based off gender stereotypes? The facts ain't facting.
My husband and I had separate finances until I could ask for help and showed I could be somewhat responsible financially. After I did this then we combined financially. This is because his mother was a compulsive liar and spent money like water, still does, no matter how hard my father-in-law worked. We had to work hard to overcome this and talk it out because we were married. Not all females can be believed, but guys, not every female's taking you for a ride.
Men can be just as bad with money. It's 2024. There are many households where women are the breadwinners. I've been in numerous relationships where I was by far the more financially responsible and well off one. This whole channel is so full of old school misogyny. If some guy came to me with a bunch of misogynistic mistrust because he has mommy issues, I'd tell him to go get therapy and come back in a few years maybe
@honieebean - oh... so post partum is just a get of jail free card no matter what one does... she's not responsible for any of her ADULT actions.....got it.
@@hammerdown3876 I think you're in desperate need of psychology videos by accredited female doctors on ppd. Remember, the husband's caller is not you or your brother or your best friend. He is a total stranger to you. Postpartum, if the spouse doesn't help out, can lead to women killing their spouse, their children, and possibly themselves. It is serious depression brought on by biology. She needed therapy, she needed him. She WAS NOT THINKING RIGHT. She could not. As for the op, it is possibly she just didn't tell her spouse about the debt or stuff like that. In relationships where independence from each other is the established expectation, each side has problems admitting they need help or having problems. And remember, there is NO GOOD NEW FATHER that expects a recovering mother to deal with shit. Like literally she should just be focusing on her, their child, and work if she has to. For the first year, or until the ppd is gone. So him not stepping in is weird. Relationships struggle with new kids, especially if first kid or if the mother didn't have post partum or not as bad the last time.
Thank you Ramsey! Great advice. That woman is in an abusive relationship. If that was our daughter, we'd have told her to divorce that numbnut!!! She is clearly not out of her depression. This is really sad.
When I was dating my husband I had a very low income. I got a traffic ticket and could not pay it. He was concerned about what it could mean for me if it did not get paid, so he paid it.. part of the reason I married him. They were married for 40 years when he passed away October of 2022 from brain cancer. That was a good man❤
Regardless of whether or not she may have had an issue with how she handled money....SHE TOOK TIME OFF HAVING AND CARING FOR THEIR BABY! Caller-please listen to Dave. This isn't right.
But we don't know the husband's side of this. People who go through bad depression where you can't work dont see things clearly. Mind you I dont believe its their fault. Its the way it is. We don't know how they split things up, we don't know why they do it this way, its just the way they do it. We cannot pass judgement when we don't know both sides of this. Now if the husband is just cold then yes I agree, but I do believe there is more to this story than what we heard here
@@corianne2099my husband helped me when I started to get postpartum depression. He was extremely supportive, we made major life changes, I thankfully started to get better before it got really bad. Husbands need to be there for their wives, he wants finances separate, I wonder what else he expects of her in their marriage and child rearing
We have had joint checking accounts at various times in our marriage but found that separate accounts works better for us. Sometimes more responsibility for bills fell on him. Sometimes on me. I never wanted to have any more debt than I could manage on my own. We currently have it worked out in a way that after all bills are paid we each have approximately the same left over. I love being married, but I also love having a certain amount of financial autonomy.
I was married to a woman who never saw a dollar of debt she didn't want to spend on something stupid. If I had made her responsible for her own shit and leave me out of it, I'd be better off now. Fortunately, I'm now married to a woman who hates to spend money. it's way better, except for when I want to spend money.
It's quite the opposite. Woman are just using men until they are no longer satisfied and move on. My ex was too busy telling everyone how evil I was to her, that she forgot to tell everyone how I was the one who took her in when her own family kicked her out. I was the one who provided for her, took care of her, was there for her, and loved her. But nobody cares about that. It's all my fault in the end. She is the victim no matter what happened.
As a mother of 9, I think her depression was most likely caused by her husband's treatment. My husband always took care of me, and made me feel safe, taken care of and owed up to every child he helped pro create, helped me recover from births and I never experienced post partum depression. This husband needs to grow up.
They're both $20,000 deep in car debt. Stop pretending he's secretly incredibly responsible or something. The guy is making $100,000/year and is $20,000 in debt at minimum, and since he has his own credit cards if he bothered to over spend on a car he's probably in similar credit card debt as well. I'm sick of you emasculated redpill incels acting just like feminists and refusing personal responsibility. Yes, even if he is incredibly responsible (which there's about a 99% chance he isn't) he's still responsible to provide for his wife when she's taking care of a freakin' 2 year old. Man up and stop acting like cuckold.
I’m guessing she pays for everything including diapers 😢 I pray she takes her kids and half the assets and finds peace and joy! I’m guessing her depression will be gone! He’s abusing her and the kids through financial control! Thank God for men like Dave Ramsey who still try to hold other men to account! There’s an epidemic of narcissistic baby men in our culture today! 😢
@@sbg4ever120 That's a quick assumption..... Need to take 5 mins and ask some very simple questions. Both parents must be held accountable for their actions.
Let this be a warning for housewives and stay at home moms. A man will expect you to stay home, get pregnant, raise kids, cook, clean and do laundry and he won't financially support you. As a woman make sure you work, have marketable skills and savings. Or you will end up broke in a homeless shelter when you get abused or when your husband cheats. Hope for the best, but allways prepare for the worst. Dont be a broke slave. I volunteered with charities that helped destitute women in crisis. 99% of them were housewives and stay at home moms with no money and assets in their own names. Their husbands wanted then to stay home.
"a man"? no hun, "men" don't do that, its not common. the men the women chose did that. you worked at the bottom of society and found crappy people... what a shock. your comment says a whole lot more about you than it does men.
This is why you should not tolerate a guy or future husband having separate money 😢 There should always be a joint account especially for the expenses… it is so hard to be a woman with kids… 😢
My husband and I also have separate finances. That being said, we help and give to each other in times of need. Mostly we split things, but I make more so I generally pay for groceries and some other bigger expenses (like a new appliance, etc). We are debt free by the way, except the mortgage.
Usually we would pay out own debts but if my husband ever needs helping paying something or a debt so he doesn't get more behind I will definitely help him pay him... And he always helps me pay mine if I need it as well. We help eachother.
People are free to work under separate finances, but you simply can't do that if you want to make a baby TOGETHER. The guy can even just figure out; yours, mine, our baby's finances. That's a start if the guy is slow regarding complex issues.
I experienced PPD after the birth of my son. It was one of the hardest times I've experienced. I was shocked by the intensity and how hard it was to crawl out of that dark place. There was no treatment, and i was abused by my husband because i didn't realize what it was at the time ,I had to travel to inlaws every wknd 3 hrs 1 way .,who hated me and got so angry when his lunch wasn't made ,because my toxemia was so bad i couldn't walk. I had 2 kids 11 months apart ,back to back. We had 1 more 7 yrs later, but the abuse was horrific. Now you couldn't pay me to have a relationship with that kind of human being. He left 20 yrs later when i got sick,but the dentist could have said no who knew she was destroying a family unit. Actually sent her 2 grown adult sons into our home to clean out my furniture. I couldn't imagine doing that to another family. My kids have no idea what she put me through.
He didn't offer much of a solution to her other than to say her husband needs to step up. They needed a dalony answer. She needs to turn the lights on and the music off and look at the whole situation and say "we need to build something new" where they work together. She needs to tell him "this is bad and I can't breath." She needs to push him to show his true character where he needs to say "I'm all in let's fix this together." Or he needs to opt out and admit he wants nothing to do with her. The worst part about people who stay in bad relationships is they don't want to be alone. Then when push comes to shove they realize they were already alone for thirty year's.
Damn sure does, i like Dave, Got my Smartpro investor thru his network, BUT, He needs to be Consistent on his rules, teachings, or program, just my opinion...
I half agree with him: if my wife is ever short I ALWAYS pay all of a selective bill/house maintenance and I never ever charge her for petrol or car maintenance. However, I don’t agree with a joint account because I want the financial freedom to spend £500 on a games console/christmas presents if that’s my wish (she can also spend a lot one month on whatever she wants without my judgement). I don’t think it’s right for one person in a marriage to spend extravagantly while the other has to keep funding them. There is a limit and context is everything.
I didn't have postpartum depression but my husband and I had a rare heated discussion about money on Sunday the Friday after I had a baby. (I wanted to pay for the emergency delivery in one lump sum; he wanted to make payments.) I finally burst into tears--because I was nursing--the hubby completely backed off. It didn't matter in that moment who was right and who was wrong: I needed him to agree with me and he needed to be kind.
this is a reason to have a heated discussion 9 days after birth ? from my experiences of dealing with medical charges they don't even turn up for months after the services. i was in hospital in april for a few days and did not see any claims until late september. I am on medicare so that may be a process exclusive to that but I still don't see why it was necessary to argue immediately about this
So you cried to get your way and now you're bragging about it for Internet points? Apparently IT did matter who was right as YOU said you needed him to agree with you meaning you thought he was WRONG.
@@SlayerDork my mother and her circle were WWII generation and most had many children in challenging financial circumstances. She would confide in me in my adulthood about many things and her friends were always around a true coffee klatch. Never once did I hear any one of them talk about this mysterious syndrome of Post partum depression. i believe i started hearing the term around the time of the glory days of feminism rallies in union square were a riot.
@@donnasherwood283 Well, this was an emergency delivery....but that sort of begs the questions: Didn't they use their 8 months (or so) of lead time to figure out how to pay? Was there no plan in place?
In my household, we have multiple accounts. We have savings, emergencies, investments, car repair, house repair, and fun money. The only time we spend we can spend money on things we want. Is when fun money is there. Also, we go by the 5-5-5 rule. 5 mins, 5 months, and 5 years. If I still want that thing in 5 months, then I would consider it. We believe we won't regret it in 5 years. Then we save for it. Even though we can buy it at anytime.. we just pretend we don't have any money.😅😅
I wonder what they'd say if the husband was clinically depressed, the world would tell him to grow a pair and feed his family. Doesn't seem fair that someone dealing with postpartum gets off Scott free and her husband is called abusive. This woman isn't telling you the full story. The likelihood is she's terrible with money and he told her to deal with her spending on her own.
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During the early days of dating my husband, he told me that he would never stand by and watch me struggle with anything that he had the power to help me with. It was that simple statement alone that made me realize that he was a keeper.
Just wow. A total keeper.
My husband never said it, but he showed it. We worked together and I had a family emergency where I needed to leave work right away and go 2 hours away. He insisted on coming with me even though we had only been dating a couple of months. Then my car broke down and drove me to work until it was fixed. Never asked him. He found out my car was broken down, he said, okay I’m taking you to work. We’ve been married 13 years and have 7 children 🥰
I can tell you that you are very blessed
My daughter dated her now husband through college his major was engineering and hers was education she was concerned that she will not make enough money
What he told her was not to be worried because he will make the money
After 7 years of marriage he does what he said they have two children she stays home mom with some online part time job
He was 23 and she was 21 when they got married he had money for wedding condo honeymoon
This Christmas she got a car as a Christmas present
The best feeling for a mom to see my daughter happy
My husband was the opposite
As your dad I don’t appreciate the way your treating my daughter” wow the tears rolled
When Papa Dave takes the floor it never fails to bring me to tears. Thank you for speaking as a Dad to this woman.
Totally. He’s my pretend dad.
@@Breadwinnerbiblical Right on 🤛 bc long before I knew DR or even read the Millionaire Next Door, my Pops was instilling the same Biblical principles in me & my siblings. Guess that makes him my "ex post facto" surrogate dad aka still seeking "what works" Biblically + statistically like my Old Man wanted in the first place lol.
I knew before I got married that my wife had some significant student loan debt. After we got married...I paid off her debt asap. It became my debt when we got married. She's not the best with money but we worked it out and we continue to work on it.
you did exactly what a husband's supposed to do!! Kudos
I hope you are receiving many services from her on a weekly basis for paying off that debt 😉
yep that is what a marriage is. It's also why people shouldn't enter them lightly.
My husband paid off 40k of my student loan debt when we got married and we are now working on the other 20k of mine. After that, we will tackle his.
I did the same with my husband. I paid off his debt. Anyway we are all debt free.
I’ve found that sometimes people have to be TOLD they’re being abused because they’re too close to a situation to realize it. I appreciate Dave’s commentary.
And sometimes they just need to hear their own thoughts confirmed.
She is abusive for not paying his debt, right? What a witch.
That's exactly true. It was only after I had put some distance between my ex-husband that I could look at it as a whole and because I was removed from the storm that I had a different perspective. When you're "in it" you're caught up in the dysfunction and confusion and lose the ability to see things clearly.
Same!
Yes!
Weak men create hard times
In other words Americans have always been weak.
Amen God calls us to be protector provider prophet and priests of our home. We are to be servant leaders. All of us will fail at this apart from humble submission to Jesus Christ as Lord dependence on him reading the word soli Deo Gloria. Happy Reformation day 10/31❤
You bet they do
Exactly!
You said it.
My heart goes out to her as I understand since I was same situation some years ago. The call brought me to tears and Dave’s response is mazing. It gets better, I am now divorced from him and thriving! I wish you the best!❤
This poor women. She is so timid and unsure of herself...I can hear it in her voice. She is allowing her husband to walk all over her. She's stronger than what she realizes. She needs a good support team of strong women around her.
And probably being abused
This manchild wants the family and the authority, but No Responsibility. He isn't worthy of a family.
Divorce is on the way
Her laughing and crying is a real sign of relief that someone else recognises her stress. Poor woman. I hope she gets her relationship sorted.
"Trust not a woman when she weeps, for it is her nature to weep when she wants her will." Socrates
Women are liars by nature and the smarter, and more honorable, men need to realize they're dealing with a beautiful snake that can walk.
@@kurtjames9487 you must be a great husband
@@gonnahavemesomefun I got rid of my narcissistic witch. She was sleeping with her boss and another guy in addition to being a world-class manipulator and gaslighter.
@@kurtjames9487 We recognized the bitterness and resentment before you even told the history.
@@289Mustang67 duh.
2 years worth of full time daycare is like $40,000. So she saves the husband $20,000 (half of the daycare costs he would have paid if she worked full time the past 2 years) and she gets nothing in return? Screw that. If he wants to be all “this is 50-50” then he needs to write her a check for $20,000 right now.
Except for one of the children should be in grade school which they shouldn't have to pay for.
@@QupidsWorldSchool is generally in session only about a third of the weeks in a year, not even counting days kids are sick which can be significant. In addition there is before and/or after school care to arrange and pay for if you are not at home.
Saves the husband??? So it's his job to pay for childcare?
@@kathymccarthy5264ok have the child then and care for it dang
@@kathymccarthy5264Yes, if he plays the money card and bill paying as him being more important in the relationship than her, no matter what she contributes for free. Everything becomes his responsibility if he declares is the king of his castle.
This lady is BROKE. It's Dave's sign: broke people ask how much a month. Smart people ask how much in total.
And us POOR folks want to know both
This is heartbreaking 💔. I love how Dave speaks truth
Were people not paying attention? She didn’t rack up CC debt going on shopping spree. She was off work with PPD for 2 years, not working, and since her husband doesn’t care, she had to pay her portion of things with CC. Husband also has debt, so let’s not act like he’s debt free and she is the only one. Hope the men in the comments would be supportive of their wives, who they made a baby with, should they suffer with PPD:
They wouldn’t be. Read the comments. They blame her entirely for not bringing in an income, regardless of the fact that she was caring for her child and had PPD.
The men in the comments complaining aren't married. They are projecting what they're afraid of or what an ex did to them, who was probably a girlfriend.
Lots of men want transparency and a traditional wife until it’s time to actually for them to step up and provide financially and emotionally.
That’s irrelevant. The problem is that two adults willingly entered the contract of marriage and decided they were going to keep finances separate. Then when she gets behind on finances, she wants him to void the agreement they made and bail her out. They should’ve combined finances and in principle he should pay her debts as his own, but we need people to start taking responsibility for their actions. Don’t enter into an agreement that you can’t or don’t want to keep.
@@JGSH13 Excuse me, but when she had a kid that is HALF his - and the PPD was a direct result of that experience. Talk about something not being right here...time to 'adjust the contract'.
I agree 100% as a father of two girls (one recently married) I have told them and our boys, that a marriage is a complete union. There is no yours and mine, everything is ours. Our assets, our kids, our problems, all of it. Anything else is not a marriage, period. I would tell them to RUN from anyone who wants to maintain separate finances because frankly, they probably have something they want to hide.
And if their husband continues to get them in huge debt and does not work?
@@GoKU-xx2vg What if, what if, what if. We could play the hypothetical nonsense game forever. That doesn't happen over night, and it can only happen if two things are true: 1. you marry the wrong person, and 2. you turn a blind eye to the warning signs for years.
I'm not going to say that anyone who does those two things deserves what they get, but they certainly are not without blame either.
@@GoKU-xx2vg That's why we tell our daughters to choose their partner wisely. If that happens, it's because she picked him. Plenty of good men out there.
Dave leans hard on the man because she has not been working because she had a baby but was basically told I am not responsible for you. I married you but don't care about you.
They share responsibility. She is not blameless. However, the husband's hands-off approach is shamefully a major contributor to the issue.
@zvmZvm0102 She had his baby. He should have stepped up and paid this. He has a good income. I'm sure he was charming and she thought he would be there for her but he's not.
Hon, feel better soon and then you will hear better too.
@@garykelderexactly! I don’t understand how some men just want to work and ignore what’s going on in their own home. You gotta be present in the home as well!
@zvmZvm0102see a therapist
Great counsel papa Dave. My heart goes out to her.👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Pretty impressive how quickly Dave can identify a broken person, a skill he’s honed.
These videos really help me know what to do and what not to do.
😊
No kidding!
Taking care of a baby is hard work, and very lonely. I agree 100 with Dave.
I started following Dave Ramsey's YT channel a few months ago. I don't agree with everything on this channel. However, one thing I really appreciate about this channel is that it helps get you in the mindset that it's okay to be frugal. There are voices in my life that do not encourage frugal behavior. Much the opposite, actually. But in today's America you are not going to get ahead by spending. Particularly if you are a low income individual. Dave Ramsey understands that.
I am so proud of you Dave!!! You nailed it
Why can't these callers just make a list of their debts before they call?!?!?
BC they don't know how Dave works. And they know nothing about handling $$$$$$.
You’d think the screeners would require this
@@jeanmccallum-xs8rk Do they not watch the show? They should know.
She knows her debt. She didn’t think her husband’s debt would be included. Her husband is such an a**hole!
I agree
Some spouses can't seem to get the "in sickness and in health" part of marriage. It's all about them and very selfish behavior!
Thank You Dave for helping this sweet woman ❤❤❤
So many do not believe in post partum including women. When I was going through post-partum my ex had an affair. I was working full time and still trying to be a good mother and wife. It was hard.
It's absolutely real. I dealt with post partum psychosis. I'm so proud of you for putting one foot in front of the other and doing all that!
The husband should be helping his wife deal with post partum issues, which includes financial responsibilities. Instead he's saying she's on her own. He should be ashamed of himself. DR is spot on. "In sickness and health" includes post partum depression folks! Yet she's left holding the bag, dealing with debtors, making the calls(including to the DR Show). He should be a leader that takes this burden away while wifey gets her head back on. This is a couple/marriage issue far more than money. As for having a "rental property", yeah that sounds sophisticated right, but it's ridiculous in the big picture, when these poor folks can't handle their own affairs. Having a rental property means you're actually responsible for keeping a whole other house for another family, and the financial obligations that go along with. These folks can't handle their own though.
@@DaleEGrant a wife that independently acquires a credit account should remain independent in that regard. I'm pretty sure Dave would agree with the relationship that she should have at least consulted with said husband first!
There is no evidence he wasn't taking care of the financial responsibilities while she was out of work. It sounds like she racked up debt before the baby and after the baby she was not working and could not pay. We have no idea what that $20K was spent on.
@@SlayerDork
So instead of blaming the woman that called and said SHE HERSELF ACQUIRED HER DEBT is less at fault then her husband because you assume he wasn’t paying the bills….. which sounds like he was or else she would’ve mentioned it. Did I get that right?
@@commonsense9076 Might want to re-read what I wrote. It sounds like we agree.
@@SlayerDork
My bad bro. Dave is off on this one. When us men do something wrong, he yells at us. When the women do something wrong, he still yells at us while defending them. Makes no sense.
Dave, i wish i had a Dad that would say the things you just said to the caller and follow through on. I would have made better choices in a life partner.
The men in this comment section are incredibly weak and I feel bad for their wives if they are married. Any woman that sees this should now know to run when they hear “I think we should split everything” because it is a red flag.
Ok 🤡🤡
Dude people can have split accounts but still take debt together and communicate. This couples problem is they act completely like two deperate people.
@@retsubkroddid you mean separate people or desperate people…I’m thinking it could be both.
@retsubkrod this call shows exactly why seperate finances don't work. However, Most men would indeed cover their sick wives bills while she couldn't work....meaning your finances aren't really seperate at all are they?
@@andreahunter2471 seperate
I went through post parfumerie psychosis with each child. It was wirse with my 2nd child. I feel for her. The doctors refused to check my hormonal levels- said it was psychological. They’ve studied it and found out it can be hormonal. I went to work when my daughter was 4 months old for my sanity. My husband was very supportive of me. So was my Dad. He paid for my husband to get a vasectomy because I couldn’t go through it again. It took Mr a decade or more to feel normal again.
It is hormonal and the Drs were cruel. Sorry that happened.
I would think the husband would be ashamed to allow his wife to be served arrest warrants. What is wrong with him?
He clearly is trying to get her thrown in jail and destroy her life with debt.
This literally made me cry. Omg i cant believe what I hear
She was out of work because of suffering from haveing his child and he won't help his wife pay of the debt she accumulated while she was out of work... that's flipping rediculouse! In other words she sacrifices to have their baby and he sacrifices nothing?! What a complete A-hole! That's not a husband... that's a shame! If he ever loses his job, I bet he will be the first to say we are in this together and expect her to help him. 😒
Crazy how such simple questions turn into such long complicated answers
So this guy has her make his babies, and raise his babies, but can't share resources enough to keep the lawyers away. Lady, you sure picked a real keeper.
Yup, my late husband did a similar thing. His money was his and if I wanted anything above food, clothing, shelter I had to figure it out myself. We were never a team working towards our future! It was only what he wanted!
Same.
Oh man, that was me. I thought I was being independent but I was being abused.
I'm a husband, 4 months after marriage she asks me for a little spending money... the next month she wants more... I found out she had 7 cards and most at 29.999. I pay all the bills and provide. I took care of those cards and now 17 years later she's done it again... this is why she has no access to my accounts. It runs in her family, her grandmother did the same...
If she has to "ask" you for an allowance then you set up a parent/child relationship instead of a husband/wife relationship.
What do you get to stay on a relationship with an abusive liar?
You are old and it shows. You have failed to have a proper understanding conversation with your wife and you made it all her fault. Yes the spending is her mistake, you saying stupid shit like it runs in the family is YOUR mistake. You shouldnt talk about your wife like that
Same with my mother in law she literally went homeless after her “controlling” husband died she refinanced her paid off house bought new car bought a bunch pf junk ahe didnt need and did it all on social security she had to move in with us after she lost her house i was gonna buy it off of her and let her live there but she owed like 275k on a old wore out 1950 house that needed gutted so she let it go and filed bankruptcy the bank lost over 75000 on that house when they sold it
Are you the husband from the call? If so, I hope you guys make it through and have a nice healthy family. Your wife sounds sweet, but if what you say is true, horrible with money. Credit cards are for dummies, not people who make 70-100k a year. I hope you guys make a plan to get debt-free and all works out well. You obviously need to be in charge of that but of course as well help her now with her tough situation.
I think separating finances causes problems in a marriage.
I think that's something that should be discussed "prior" to marriage. I've worked 70 hour weeks to pay off my debt. I'm 90% there. I would not want to take someone else's debt on, especially if I didn't help create it in the name of marriage.
It’s not real marriage when you have separate anything. The whole point of marriage is to be unified with another person. People seem to want to do this half in, half out type of deal which isn’t actually marriage. You can’t share the woman’s womb but not share finances.
@@loladivinitysugarladyacademy That's why you should vet your potential partner and not allow emotions to override logic.
Separate accounts and a main account for the home and life you live together, debt is both your problems if it's not a flight of fancy AND ESPECIALLY IF YOUR SPOUSE IS SERIOUSLY ILL OR DEPRESSED. You take on all responsibilities if your spouse is seriously ill or depressed- not that the spouse is free of it, just they shouldn't be expected to suffer alone.
Sometimes it saves a marriage
"Box your ears" I grew up hearing that! Lol 😂
Doing too much finically separately is not good. Mostly everything should be done together. She accumulated a lot of debt on her own. If she had postpartum, her husband should have cared. She definitely should rethink her marriage.
She should go to counseling and possibly an attorney.
For a divorce?
@ yes. Depending on if the first option happens or is successful or not.
@@wenchyfoodwench4098 I'm sure she'll be able to afford life better then? she'd be worse off
Her husband problem is far worse than her money problems.
Boxing the ears is when someone takes flat palms and simultaneously slaps both ears. Sometimes this pressure change can cause damage to the eardrum.
Yes. And whenever this term comes up (I've seen it in several DR videos), he says it's "a Southern thing," but I don't think so. I've lived in the South almost all my life and not heard it. But I have READ it in books by British authors. I think it's a British thing!
@@ladydamiana6841I've heard it all my life in Idaho :)
My mom always said it, and we were born and raised in the southern us
Some people can’t retire because of what their significant other did. That sucks. I’ve heard coworkers say they can’t retire and they’re over 50.
Nobody should retire before they're 80 anyway.
Very few people retire before 65 unless they have a fat pension from a government job.
@@amireallythatgrumpy6508 WTF? Are you being sarcastic? Most people are dead before then.
@@ST-rj8iu No. Most people shouldn't retire at all. I certainly hope I never retire.
Over 50 are you kidding not many g3t to retire as young as that😂.
Well the great news is this is very fixable, the bad news it is going to be a VERY tough road.
I hear divorce is hard, yeah.
Dave gave this poor woman a real dose about her marriage including what it is, and mostly what it is not. Sounds to me like she really heard & knows that she needs to do. Great advice. May even save her life!
Everyone here assuming she racked up debt and Dave is nuts has no idea, just like Dave has no idea, what her cc expenses were for. Maybe they were for her medical bills and her share of household expenses and getting things for the baby. When you raise a family and live together, if you keep EVERYTHING separate like you are roommates…what do you consider to be your marriage responsibility when your partner becomes too ill to work for two years? You expect them to rack up cc debt to make them keep paying for their share of the house and baby and food costs? If she was frivolous and careless and had huge cc debt because she went nuts while depressed, Dave would be all over her to have to make amends and get back into healthy behavior, both for her depression and her spending and her mothering and functioning as a partner in the marriage, regardless of separate or joint arrangement. If she couldn’t pull her weight and contribute to the joint expenses and her own personal needs (treatment for her depression, a good diet, utilities and mortgage and car payments), then it is absolutely the definition of a husband and marital vows of commitment, for the husband to pick up the slack and care for his wife while she is down. And if she never fully recovers…that’s the “til death do us part” concept that you love and care for each other, even if the burdens fall more heavily on one than the other, when life happens and it takes time and wisdom and effort to restore a balance that may or may never be back to exactly equitable.
If the dude has depression or some issue as well, it’s going to be difficult for them both, but they are both responsible to live and care and help each other. Just watching your spouse go into decline without be willing to cover their needs is like roommates,or married for tax purposes and convenience, rather than love and commitment for the sake of the family they are raising.
People forget that statistically proven that when both sides have an income women spend 70% back into the household and family while men only spend 30%.
Sure, maybe this is also because their paychecks are uneven, but fact remains moms will cut back on their personal luxuries while dads won't.
Additionally, nurses are disgusted by the amount of freshly divorced women who barely got their cancer diagnosis having no one by their side and comment the men with cancer have someone by their side THE WHOLE TIME.
Even if women have a spouse who stays, too often they end up cheating or the marriage falls apart because he wasn't getting laid.
Women can ruin marriages and finances, but assuming it is the woman who ruined it just based off gender stereotypes? The facts ain't facting.
Thank you Dave! Goosebumps❤
My husband and I had separate finances until I could ask for help and showed I could be somewhat responsible financially. After I did this then we combined financially. This is because his mother was a compulsive liar and spent money like water, still does, no matter how hard my father-in-law worked. We had to work hard to overcome this and talk it out because we were married. Not all females can be believed, but guys, not every female's taking you for a ride.
Men can be just as bad with money. It's 2024. There are many households where women are the breadwinners. I've been in numerous relationships where I was by far the more financially responsible and well off one. This whole channel is so full of old school misogyny. If some guy came to me with a bunch of misogynistic mistrust because he has mommy issues, I'd tell him to go get therapy and come back in a few years maybe
Buddy got a free kid and a live-in cuddle bunny.
Free?
@@dustyrhodes2717 sounds like he's more than happy to let his live-in baby mama deal with the expenses. Call it subsidized if you want to be finicky.
A wonder appliance
This is common when people dont understand the purpose of marriage. Very sad.
Separate finances and they share rent and a child. It makes no sense. The poor girl is carrying the marriage for an immature man.
I love this show. ❤ Anyways, so many callers do not know their numbers. Wouldn’t you have that ready before you call? 🤷🏽♀️ It’s like pulling teeth.
I needed to hear this thank you Dave.
Remember, we are only getting one side of the story here; I feel there are lots she has left out.
No crap they always do remember this is a person that is depressed so of course she thinks he is a bad guy she has a mental illness lol
Im guessing you have never had post pard. depression or given birth?
She had post partum and was left in the lurch
@honieebean - oh... so post partum is just a get of jail free card no matter what one does... she's not responsible for any of her ADULT actions.....got it.
@@hammerdown3876 I think you're in desperate need of psychology videos by accredited female doctors on ppd.
Remember, the husband's caller is not you or your brother or your best friend. He is a total stranger to you.
Postpartum, if the spouse doesn't help out, can lead to women killing their spouse, their children, and possibly themselves. It is serious depression brought on by biology. She needed therapy, she needed him. She WAS NOT THINKING RIGHT. She could not.
As for the op, it is possibly she just didn't tell her spouse about the debt or stuff like that. In relationships where independence from each other is the established expectation, each side has problems admitting they need help or having problems.
And remember, there is NO GOOD NEW FATHER that expects a recovering mother to deal with shit. Like literally she should just be focusing on her, their child, and work if she has to. For the first year, or until the ppd is gone. So him not stepping in is weird. Relationships struggle with new kids, especially if first kid or if the mother didn't have post partum or not as bad the last time.
Thank you Ramsey! Great advice. That woman is in an abusive relationship. If that was our daughter, we'd have told her to divorce that numbnut!!! She is clearly not out of her depression. This is really sad.
Maybe if her husband paid her for looking after his kids she'd be able to take care of that debt. What a disgusting human being.
When I was dating my husband I had a very low income. I got a traffic ticket and could not pay it. He was concerned about what it could mean for me if it did not get paid, so he paid it.. part of the reason I married him. They were married for 40 years when he passed away October of 2022 from brain cancer. That was a good man❤
Regardless of whether or not she may have had an issue with how she handled money....SHE TOOK TIME OFF HAVING AND CARING FOR THEIR BABY! Caller-please listen to Dave. This isn't right.
But we don't know the husband's side of this. People who go through bad depression where you can't work dont see things clearly. Mind you I dont believe its their fault. Its the way it is. We don't know how they split things up, we don't know why they do it this way, its just the way they do it. We cannot pass judgement when we don't know both sides of this. Now if the husband is just cold then yes I agree, but I do believe there is more to this story than what we heard here
@@corianne2099what saide is there to hear when she SICK? She was SICk!
@@corianne2099my husband helped me when I started to get postpartum depression. He was extremely supportive, we made major life changes, I thankfully started to get better before it got really bad. Husbands need to be there for their wives, he wants finances separate, I wonder what else he expects of her in their marriage and child rearing
@corianne2099 what are you thinkingnthe husband's side could be that would change fundamentally the approach to this?
Two people ive heard say "box your ears", my dad and Dave Ramsey 😂
I'll never have a joint bank account again due to this happening to me. That goes along with never getting married again. 😂
We have had joint checking accounts at various times in our marriage but found that separate accounts works better for us. Sometimes more responsibility for bills fell on him. Sometimes on me. I never wanted to have any more debt than I could manage on my own. We currently have it worked out in a way that after all bills are paid we each have approximately the same left over. I love being married, but I also love having a certain amount of financial autonomy.
She cannot answer a simple question with a simple answer. Makes me crazy.
Imagine being married to that. And then having her say you suck on national radio
Think about what he goes through thats why he hands off
I think you might have had some issues prior to this call.
it's called excuses. She has one for everything. She has a very flawed way of thinking. And her husband, WOW young fella. Grow up.
My X was somewhat the same with me. Postpartum was an "excuse".. I'm so sorry sweetie! Things CAN get better !
Regardless of what the husband thinks.their debt is joint. They're both confused ..
My husband and I have separate finances but we help each other out when needed 🤷♀️
Why don’t these people write their numbers down before calling???
I was married to a woman who never saw a dollar of debt she didn't want to spend on something stupid. If I had made her responsible for her own shit and leave me out of it, I'd be better off now. Fortunately, I'm now married to a woman who hates to spend money. it's way better, except for when I want to spend money.
Annnnd enter all the women haters in the comment section.
They’re in full force.
She has the accountability of a child.
Judging by your comment history, is man-hating a part-time job for you? Find a new hobby.
It's quite the opposite. Woman are just using men until they are no longer satisfied and move on. My ex was too busy telling everyone how evil I was to her, that she forgot to tell everyone how I was the one who took her in when her own family kicked her out. I was the one who provided for her, took care of her, was there for her, and loved her. But nobody cares about that. It's all my fault in the end. She is the victim no matter what happened.
@@strangeroamer3219 Too many guys in a situation similar to yours. Hope you've recovered and more.
As a mother of 9, I think her depression was most likely caused by her husband's treatment. My husband always took care of me, and made me feel safe, taken care of and owed up to every child he helped pro create, helped me recover from births and I never experienced post partum depression. This husband needs to grow up.
You’re right her husband is not a man. She should leave him and then see how fast her debt gets paid then.
That’s why lots of men are afraid of getting married.
She should leave and take all her debt.
Yeah because there’s no chance she’s a liar 😂 foh
Pay them anyway.
Sure take the kid too
he threatened to leave, he threatened to stay. Everything is a threat, unless he pays
Thank you for calling it what it is. I went through this and had to get out.
We need an episode dedicated to updates after a year.
I want to know if some of these couples make it or split?
If people could understand what Postpartum Depression is really about!
What is the use of having a husband?
For someone to take on half the burden of baring a child and the after effects- everything this guy didn't.
Watching this, relating so much…I miss my dad so much 😢
Did I miss the part where we heard his side of the story?
Of course, because it all came inside Dave's head where he judged this man without ever hearing it from the man's mouth.
Yep. No two sides. In Dave's mind the man has two strikes before anything is said
@@stevenporter863 in Dave's mind he is already out and on his way back to the dugout before anything is said
They're both $20,000 deep in car debt. Stop pretending he's secretly incredibly responsible or something. The guy is making $100,000/year and is $20,000 in debt at minimum, and since he has his own credit cards if he bothered to over spend on a car he's probably in similar credit card debt as well. I'm sick of you emasculated redpill incels acting just like feminists and refusing personal responsibility. Yes, even if he is incredibly responsible (which there's about a 99% chance he isn't) he's still responsible to provide for his wife when she's taking care of a freakin' 2 year old. Man up and stop acting like cuckold.
Yeah, we heard his part of the story when Dave said, "Wah!"
The most valuable thing you can get from money is time.
Where did the credit card debit come from ? Hobby Lobby Cinnamon spiced drinks ????? Or, was it from house whole items needed ?
I’m guessing she pays for everything including diapers 😢 I pray she takes her kids and half the assets and finds peace and joy! I’m guessing her depression will be gone! He’s abusing her and the kids through financial control! Thank God for men like Dave Ramsey who still try to hold other men to account! There’s an epidemic of narcissistic baby men in our culture today! 😢
@@sbg4ever120 there are couple additional questions needs ask and look in to.
@@sbg4ever120 That's a quick assumption..... Need to take 5 mins and ask some very simple questions. Both parents must be held accountable for their actions.
You are cruel.
@@jasonpatterson947 It's not a partnership really. It's just two single people cohabiting together lol.
This is slowly happening to me, but when I do/can/did work I was only brining in 40k and he’s making well over 100k.
Let this be a warning for housewives and stay at home moms. A man will expect you to stay home, get pregnant, raise kids, cook, clean and do laundry and he won't financially support you. As a woman make sure you work, have marketable skills and savings. Or you will end up broke in a homeless shelter when you get abused or when your husband cheats. Hope for the best, but allways prepare for the worst. Dont be a broke slave. I volunteered with charities that helped destitute women in crisis. 99% of them were housewives and stay at home moms with no money and assets in their own names. Their husbands wanted then to stay home.
Don't indict all men SOME MEN may act like this!!!
"a man"? no hun, "men" don't do that, its not common. the men the women chose did that. you worked at the bottom of society and found crappy people... what a shock.
your comment says a whole lot more about you than it does men.
Having no money and no job skills makes you almost helpless 😢
This is why you should not tolerate a guy or future husband having separate money 😢 There should always be a joint account especially for the expenses… it is so hard to be a woman with kids… 😢
My husband and I also have separate finances. That being said, we help and give to each other in times of need. Mostly we split things, but I make more so I generally pay for groceries and some other bigger expenses (like a new appliance, etc). We are debt free by the way, except the mortgage.
So while she's home with a baby "her"" debts go delinquent?!!! What a jerk!😡
As long as it’s in her name only he’s not liable. Smart guy.
@@miketheyunggod2534 I don't think that is true in most states. If there ever is a divorce the judge can say he has to pay some of "her" debts.
Usually we would pay out own debts but if my husband ever needs helping paying something or a debt so he doesn't get more behind I will definitely help him pay him... And he always helps me pay mine if I need it as well. We help eachother.
People are free to work under separate finances, but you simply can't do that if you want to make a baby TOGETHER. The guy can even just figure out; yours, mine, our baby's finances. That's a start if the guy is slow regarding complex issues.
I experienced PPD after the birth of my son. It was one of the hardest times I've experienced. I was shocked by the intensity and how hard it was to crawl out of that dark place. There was no treatment, and i was abused by my husband because i didn't realize what it was at the time ,I had to travel to inlaws every wknd 3 hrs 1 way .,who hated me and got so angry when his lunch wasn't made ,because my toxemia was so bad i couldn't walk. I had 2 kids 11 months apart ,back to back. We had 1 more 7 yrs later, but the abuse was horrific. Now you couldn't pay me to have a relationship with that kind of human being. He left 20 yrs later when i got sick,but the dentist could have said no who knew she was destroying a family unit. Actually sent her 2 grown adult sons into our home to clean out my furniture. I couldn't imagine doing that to another family. My kids have no idea what she put me through.
We need the husbands side.
He didn't offer much of a solution to her other than to say her husband needs to step up. They needed a dalony answer.
She needs to turn the lights on and the music off and look at the whole situation and say "we need to build something new" where they work together. She needs to tell him "this is bad and I can't breath." She needs to push him to show his true character where he needs to say "I'm all in let's fix this together." Or he needs to opt out and admit he wants nothing to do with her.
The worst part about people who stay in bad relationships is they don't want to be alone. Then when push comes to shove they realize they were already alone for thirty year's.
Both of them are equally at fault, but Dave as often blames the man for 99% of it.
Simpsys for a reason
It’s the WASP way
Because he's a loser of a husband. A real man takes care of his wife and doesn't abandon her. You better read your Bible.
@@jimroscoviushe does and a wife doesn’t rack up tons of debt unbeknownst to her husband without consequences
Damn sure does, i like Dave, Got my Smartpro investor thru his network, BUT, He needs to be Consistent on his rules, teachings, or program, just my opinion...
I half agree with him: if my wife is ever short I ALWAYS pay all of a selective bill/house maintenance and I never ever charge her for petrol or car maintenance.
However, I don’t agree with a joint account because I want the financial freedom to spend £500 on a games console/christmas presents if that’s my wish (she can also spend a lot one month on whatever she wants without my judgement).
I don’t think it’s right for one person in a marriage to spend extravagantly while the other has to keep funding them. There is a limit and context is everything.
You're acting like you're doing her a favor. You "don't charge" her? Wow, how generous of you 🙄
Wow! She made me cry.
Same 😢
What they fail to realize is, if one or the other dies, the debt does not go away, or if they divorce.
I didn't have postpartum depression but my husband and I had a rare heated discussion about money on Sunday the Friday after I had a baby. (I wanted to pay for the emergency delivery in one lump sum; he wanted to make payments.) I finally burst into tears--because I was nursing--the hubby completely backed off. It didn't matter in that moment who was right and who was wrong: I needed him to agree with me and he needed to be kind.
this is a reason to have a heated discussion 9 days after birth ? from my experiences of dealing with medical charges they don't even turn up for months after the services. i was in hospital in april for a few days and did not see any claims until late september. I am on medicare so that may be a process exclusive to that but I still don't see why it was necessary to argue immediately about this
So you cried to get your way and now you're bragging about it for Internet points? Apparently IT did matter who was right as YOU said you needed him to agree with you meaning you thought he was WRONG.
@@donnasherwood283 They don't make women like you anymore. If you're married your husband is one lucky dude.
@@SlayerDork my mother and her circle were WWII generation and most had many children in challenging financial circumstances. She would confide in me in my adulthood about many things and her friends were always around a true coffee klatch. Never once did I hear any one of them talk about this mysterious syndrome of Post partum depression. i believe i started hearing the term around the time of the glory days of feminism rallies in union square were a riot.
@@donnasherwood283 Well, this was an emergency delivery....but that sort of begs the questions: Didn't they use their 8 months (or so) of lead time to figure out how to pay? Was there no plan in place?
In my household, we have multiple accounts. We have savings, emergencies, investments, car repair, house repair, and fun money.
The only time we spend we can spend money on things we want. Is when fun money is there.
Also, we go by the 5-5-5 rule. 5 mins, 5 months, and 5 years.
If I still want that thing in 5 months, then I would consider it. We believe we won't regret it in 5 years. Then we save for it. Even though we can buy it at anytime.. we just pretend we don't have any money.😅😅
This is great 👍🏻 I hope to have all these soon 😊too
A husband who makes his wife works to pay off her own debt is a sad piece of work. Dude acts a bachelor. Maybe he should be one.
The so called Southern riddles are used everywhere even Scotland😂.
I wonder what they'd say if the husband was clinically depressed, the world would tell him to grow a pair and feed his family. Doesn't seem fair that someone dealing with postpartum gets off Scott free and her husband is called abusive.
This woman isn't telling you the full story. The likelihood is she's terrible with money and he told her to deal with her spending on her own.
Exactly...her accountability just goes right out of the window
We have a saying down here in Alabama, "That boy don't believe grits is groceries". 😅
She's not ready she doesn't even know how much she owes🙄
Gave my wife $8k to pay off debt. And she got right back into debt. That is why 90% of my finances remain separate.