Should I Lie to My Entitled Mom?
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- Опубликовано: 27 янв 2024
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“”Honor thy mother & father does NOT mean Honor their misbehaviour. “”
I love it!
Never tell anyone about your personal finances
“Sorry mom we prefer to keep our financial details to ourselves.” Period. Respectful but to the point.
NO is an okay word. NO is a complete answer. NO is my bottom line. NO is a good word. NO is the final answer. NO is good!
No no no noooooo...don't funk with my heart 🎶🎶🎶
And I’ve heard old school parents claim that the word “no” should be completely stricken from their children’s vocabulary. This teaches them that they aren’t allowed to have boundaries, which is extremely dangerous even beyond finances
yes it is, we started saying that about 10-12 years ago, and while it hurt at first, we lean on each other to support the NO decision. Funny part is now, no one talks to us.
I can't help it that we sacrificed and worked so hard for what little we have now.
good part is, now, no one bothers us and its actually easier to say NO without guilt/remorse.
We also stop saying anything about our finances or our money, or anything.
Toxic parents are really hard to navigate. I am this lady. It's hard to set boundaries with parents.
It's a muscle, like John said! Practice. Practice. Practice... Talking in the mirror, acting it out
what a weird thing to do. they corner him when she leaves to ask him about their finances. that is extremely strange.
Actually growing up in my manipulative family, this looks quite normal 😂
Yea, that is super weird.
I would turn the question around on them and ask why they want to know, What is so important about my income? I would then also say, It is none of your business, we are doing fine.
Maybe not strange for that family. *Narsisistic, nosy, controlling
If they don't know about it, they can't hit you up for "loans," handouts, etc.
I have known of mothers who excel at hitting up their kids on behalf of others... "You know, cousin Joe is having a hard time and I thought it would be nice if you would... [throw cash down a well and call it a loan] [offer Joe a job] [take Joe to lunch to discuss the hard time] [taxi Joe or let Joe borrow your car]... for Joe. It would really mean a lot to me if you would do that for him."
'Chances are whatever mom is setting up the kid to do for cousin Joe may be expected, and may or may not mean a lot to Joe. 🙄
But it is much more fun to tell her to go to hell. 😉😁
Taylor, I am twice your age and it took me this long to realize that I needed to say no to mom many years ago! We poured so much money into a house and things for mom and in the end ended up with a destroyed house, so much resentment and an old lady with Alzheimers! Never did I even think mental illness just because she was “mom”. Not that she was a great mom either! We are now renovating the house we had built over 20 yrs ago! Learn from others and keep your distance! Help but have your limits because they will suck you dry!,
Don't lie. Just keep your income between you and your spouse. It's nobody else's business
Gov't employee, Public Knowledge, look it up
Amen
My MIL is the same way, but she’s broke. She believes she deserves to be reimbursed for raising her children and wants complete control of our lives. Last year my husband finally cut her out and blocked her number. It’s been the most peaceful year of our lives!
Edit: we’re in our early 30s and have been married for 5 years, together for 8, have 1 child and 1 on the way.
🎉 congrats!
My mother waited until my sibling and I were 10 and 12 to throw her mother and sister out of our family. Honestly, she waited way too long. It changed her and made her a very emotionally distant mother. Now, I’m married with two children, and my husband has cut out his parents because they were addicts and they were abusive and negligent. They will have nothing to do with our children, ever.
@@katiejon17 good for you guys. Life is too short to get involved with idiots.
Lying is not going to solve this problem.
"Honor thy mother and father does not mean honor their misbehavior."....whew....I....Needed......To....Hear.....This!!!!
Just because someone asks doesn't mean you have to answer. You aren't taking a quiz and losing points if you don't answer.
😂😂😂😂😂 true
"No" is also a complete sentence. You can answer, just answer with No.
But of course, these people pleaser types are just the door mats of society and will always be taken advantage of.
Every time I listen to these conversations about issues people have with their parents, I am more and more grateful for mine.
I was once asked by my Aunt how much i earned and i replied "if i tell you then could i borrow some money?"
Sweet answer 😁
That’s good😂I bet she dropped it
Boundaries . Read the book.
Great book!!
My wife's niece asked for 10k for a new prosthetic leg. My wife told her no she couldn't. That was hard but necessary .
2:08 Dr. John’s answer to “I want to honor her as my mom” was incredible!
6:17 whaaaaa??? Her family corners and grills her husband?? Oh honey, hubby is going to leave sooner than later if you don't get this under control.
That sounds pretty bad.
Imagine having in-laws that restrict bathroom access while holding their hands out expecting dollars. Bet husband didn't count on paying her thief parents when he got down on one knee.
Why doesn't HE say: I am not telling you and frankly I find it impolite that you even ask. And when she comes back from the restroom (very telling they wait till she is gone) he tells her in front of them that they asked and the he did not see how this was any of their business. Then she says: Yep, you are completely right, I would have said the same. If you corner us the next time we are leaving.
@@franziskani yep. They both need to grow some backbone and show a united front. The key will be not to get angry at each other.. she has a LOT of feelings about her mom and in many cases that doesn't just fix itself overnight.
I would have walked out and never gone back.
@@machutson5493 I'm sure he considered it, but he has to deal with his wife now.
People like her mom and dad, sit back and read you because they know who use the word "No" and who doesn't.
The daughter probably never used the word no, so mom knows her daughter is easy, nice and tell her everything in the past about her financial situations.
Get a backbone daughter and say no when necessary and the more you give a reason why you can't do something the more pissed she's going to be. And leave it at that, she'll know you're serious about saying no.
I like Dave Ramsey advice. My saying is if they’re not paying for anything in this house then it’s none of there business what’s going on in this house
Look my mom stole from me too & now guess who I don’t talk to? I’m 31 & I will be DARNED. I’m honoring her by not roasting her into the sun with every interaction we’d have had we still be talking. Love yourself more than this!
Her parents wanting to corner her husband to find out how much money he made is just unbelievably shocking.
By my view, she's showing her husband a huge disrespect by not putting a stop to this there and then. Just like the "mommy's boys" that let their moms disrespect their wives, this is the same thing. It's on each spouse to keep their family in line.
@@EmpressMermaidYes. I agree completely. I don't have any problem with teaching my parents some manners if they are misbehaving.
One of adult life's little pleasures.
It's always a good idea to keep your financially situation inside your own 4 walls for numerous reasons.
Imagine not being able to go to the bathroom without the rents drilling your spouse on their income. Yikes!
They wouldn't be socializing with me and my spouse anymore after that.
If the first time they did that the MIL would had received a firm "That was totally inapropiate, rude and we wont visit to you again or even talk to you until you apologize, even then you will not get a word from us the next month"
I agree that she is trying to please her mom, for her acceptance .That never works.
Be an ADULT, learn to say NO! As in its none of their business.
She is counting on her daughters guilt. She can just say she is on a budget and no need to elaborate. Most 'spenders' think a budget means that you have no money. Partly true, because you have no money to give to them. When asked about how much money you made, I think they hit the right answer... I don't tell about my personal life, that include sex, money, religion and politics. It's called boundaries.
The mother is a manipulative toxic person. she needs to put in firm boundaries and if she cannot honor those then she needs to go gray rock with her. The husband needs to grow a spine as well and when asked how much you made, tell her parents, enough to live off of and if pressed for a dollar amount, tell them that's not their concern and we're going to not discuss this any further. If the parents get miffed at that, that's on them. My ex wife's mother is a controlling narcissist, much like my ex, and she never really cared for me much because she couldn't control me or manipulate me. we were friendly with each other of course but i could tell that she never really accepted me.
If the caller ever sees this, please look into narcissism here on RUclips. It sounds like your mother doesn’t know how to handle boundaries. My mother is a narcissist and I had to go no contact after YEARS of trying to love her enough that she’d want to know Jesus and change. She never did and never will. Honor your father and mother means to obey when you are a child and your parents are telling you to do godly things. If they tell you to sin then you absolutely don’t obey that. As an adult to honor them doesn’t mean obey. You can honor them by setting appropriate boundaries and it doesn’t mean you have to have a relationship with them. You and your husband have a covenant that you don’t have with your mother. 💜
Never reveal your financial details to people you know. Intentionally or unintentionally, sometimes people’s insecurities will get the best of them…
Yeah I always find it weird when people give out certain details. And the ones who always boast about winning the casino... For some reason they never talk about the times they lose money 🤦
I always tell people my finances.
I’m bad
I learned this the hard way. Literally just general conversations led to later asks for money or sympathy stories
I’d rather tell my “I lost all money” stories & laugh at it together than the “I won my sht load of money” stories. But I get that some people want to tell those victories and be cheered on…but just be aware there are consequences in making those choices.
I like Dave Ramsey advice tell’em it’s none of there business. My rule is if they not paying for anything in my this house then it’s none of there business what’s going on in this household
If that were my mother I would flat out tell her that my money/finances are none of her business. Period.
Again, "NO" is a short word!
Why give in to a blackmailer or an extortionist, even if they are relatives??
Why would she give her money to her mother when the mother is well off, I would tell her use your own money and stop being so greedy.
Exactly, I can’t fathom that thinking.
Then there would be the guilt trip of “I raised you”. My response would be “I didn’t ask to be born, so I couldn’t have entered into a contract with you so therefore I don’t owe you anything. I’ll help you if I want to, but you don’t get to demand it”
“I own that!” 😊that’s adorable.
The Bible says "leave and cleave" for a reason.
Self preservation to lie sometimes. My parents paid 100% of college for my two older siblings and 0% for me. Siblings started family, each on their third home, kids graduated from college and now they want to retire. I had student loans (now paid off) that delayed my financial life, and now with some traction my siblings want me to pay for my parents care (tens of thousands a year) even though I am tight lipped reguarding my finances. Hell no, don't disclose your success. Not as simple black and white as Dave makes it out to be 'cowardly'.
But you are not lying, just tight lipped as Dave suggested. You are not a coward for withholding information. To straight up lie is not the way to go. Withholding information that is none of their business anyway? Perfectly fine.
You didn't make a very compelling argument as to why lying to your parents isn't cowardly. You're afraid of their reaction, so you lie? You're past a grown man. Preserve yourself with the truth.
I'm with you about the self preservation. I don't like telling people things unless they can handle it, I trust them or it's too important not to be direct about. This topic is one that wouldn't fall into need to know. Omission is a lie if it's used to create a false perception on purpose so I try to find ways that are not a lie, but also not so direct if I don't trust them because I can always expand on it later but I can't take away what was given. Also, family tends to be the place to ask this kind of stuff rather than strangers. I get both sides but it's not as easy as I said no, bug off.
Some weird things going on. First you get no support for college and now you would have to pay for care.
@@cl5193Please read again.
Don't need to lie. No of your biz. The answer is no.
This woman’s mom is controlling. The fact that this woman’s family corners her husband is a really bad sign.
This woman and her husband need to speak with a counselor to learn how to deal with her mom. This woman needs to learn how to set STRONG boundaries. If mom can’t respect those boundaries, it may be time to walk away.
"None o' yo' business" is an acceptable, truthful answer.
Thank you for your answers. I am eight years into a marriage with her parents living rent free in her head, even though we almost never see them.
4:48 He is 100% correct about the question why her over me. And that is a hard braking question you have to ask yourself about your spouse.
no need to lie, just tell your family what you're willing to do. my dad lied to me when he said he couldn't attend my college graduation, now he's somewhat penniless and expecting me to unconditionally support him. I told him I'd pay for his groceries and that's it.
What was he doing instead of going to your graduation?
@@genxx2724 being a deadbeat, but in his own words he "was there In spirit" that was in 2006. he left myself and my mom in 1993 for another woman
Sounds like someone who wouldn’t be paying for your groceries if the situations were reversed. I don’t think he deserves your generosity, or even your pity.
@@fauxbro1983 I figured it had to do with a woman.
Inform him about local food banks, not pay for groceries. Are you making sure he’s buying the generic brand, no Oreos, etc.
Dr. John is one sharp cookie
Thank you for clarifying the honor your father and mother deal.
I am waiting for someone to say that their dishonorable wealthy parents are a product of financial peace. 😂😂
This woman isn’t describing a mother, she’s describing a mosquito, leech or parasite.
Their were only 2 people that ever knew my income- my wife and my accountant.....
I still do not know how much my husband earns, ha ha. I am taken care of and am not a crazy spender. 😂
I learned to say no to my mother when I was 60 years old. Can you stop everything you're doing to take me to the shopping for clothes. No. Can you leave your grandchildren and come do my laundry. No. Later. It gets easier and after a lifetime of doing everything she told me, it feels really good to say no.
Don't tell anything to anyone they will kill your mood.
Everyone doesn’t need to know you paid off your student loans. I told people I could trust but I would never post it on IG or FB for people I don’t even talk to to know and it’s not lying.
Yeah fortunately my family is all good, but why post stuff like this publicly?
I never cue anyone in on other details either. One time a neighbor asked me where I work, and I told her “at my job”
Next time she ask you can say: Are you the IRS???
And that’s all. No explanation, no justification.
She does not want to be disowned.
@@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303oh god... I don't think I would miss those parents for 2 seconds.
Love hearing that Dave laugh at the 42 second mark 🤣🤣🤣
Lies kill all relationships and just move the truth around. It will always come to the surface and if it’s used against you that is not an emotionally safe person.
Don't lie to her, just say "No". Period. I don't understand people giving in to these entitled, often narcissistic, parents. She's not your child AND she's already stolen from you. If you really want peace in your life, you should go no contact (NC)
Im 38 and ive never told my parents ever how much money i had or didnt have...my dad stole 25k off me when i was 19...I have serious trust issues.
Why does John jump to conclusions instead of asking people in the form of a question to confirm or deny? It’s so annoying. He’s probably putting things on people that doesn’t even exist most times.
Exactly!
John is a massive gaslighter. It's hilarious that a therapist constantly gaslights people. He has no idea how transparently manipulative he is. He's managed to get Dave under some spell. John is the only guest Dave shows respect for (including his own daughter) yet he's the worst personality. Craziness.
He does it all the time! I can hardly watch some of the episodes he's on because of it. He always pulls the "something deeper is going on here, what is it?" and it drives me nuts!
I feel like he did it to impress Dave.
He is so annoying! And has his own advice show now, and I can't believe people call him for advice in their personal lives. Sometimes he gets it right. But very often gives horrible advice, in my opinion. And sounds fake to me a lot of the time. Like he's trying to sound 'cool.'
I don't know why Dave has him on.
Cornering a family member and asking how much they make in a year when your partner leaves the room is alarming. I'd never give these people an ounce of information.
If my mother wants details of my money, she's also gonna get details of everything else: my last period, for example, or the last time I puked up 🤣
You are honoring your parent(s) by setting boundaries. You are telling them that you're all grown up now and while you respect they have opinions and advice, you are going to make your own decisions. It should stop them dead in their tracks because you have stated the facts about how you are going to live your life. And if they want money from you, just tell them that you are not going to give or loan them money. Full stop. It doesn't leave room on the table for discussion. They may bitch and moan and try to lay a guilt trip on you, but ignore it and walk away. And "no" by itself is a very powerful word. Learn to use it.
I wouldn’t tell my parents it’s not their business. That sounds rude. The best and kinder way, would be to say my husband and I don’t talk about money except with each other. That should be a true statement. You shouldn’t talk about your finances with family or friends.
Sounds rude? To these idiots?
I like Dave's tough love line... "To be unclear would be unkind". 😁
My parents never asked me about my finances and I certainly never told them. It is none of your parents business unless you are tapping them for money.
When people ask us how much money we have, I just ask them if they're now my accountant. The accountant is the only one who needs that info.
I wouldn't give a dime to someone who needed it but was misbehaving... I'm sure as heck not giving it to someone who doesn't need it.
Is there a very sweet people. Someone who couldn't mind their own business would get a lot of cussing thrown their way. I really love telling people "no".
I wish we could hear more about this story. 😅😁
I understand exactly where she's coming from, I can relate. I would rather not deal with the discomfort.
Others don't have any business knowing your finances. My (now late ) husband and I have always been accused of being cheap. The truth is, we have just been careful with our finances over the years. Funny thing is.... we have always had everything, have always more than provided for our children. I am debt free, own my home outright, have all of my financial ducks in a row, and am now retired. I feel so sad for this woman. It's jsut pathetic that parents would treat their child like this. I hope all the very best for this caller.
You don't have to hide her money. She can just say no when she ask for money.
3:15 there is a powerful phrase that I have learned. I love you, but I am not going to give you what you asked of me, and these two things are not connected to each other.
How do I answer the money question without being rude? My answer: I don’t. And I don’t care how it comes off whenever someone asks me such an intrusive question. I just straight up tell them “that’s none of your goddamn business” in a forceful tone to get the point across
Most people don’t have a backbone. Especially towards their family.
@@tonytoni1150I thought most people were the opposite... They are much ruder to family than to strangers and friends.
If you’re not first, you’re last
Ricky Bobby is a man of Wisdom and Class
😂
Ok Ricky!
He just needed to say "I love crepes"
You know what her family needs….some shake n bake.
2:31 John coming in with the heat.
Wow! It's really amazing seeing such expert professionals in their field cut right to the core of such a complex problem in eight minutes flat and make it entertaining as well. Truly inspiring, Sirs! Bravo!
You dont have to lie, but you also dont have to tell them anything. You can do both.
I agree with Dave and John, and I feel her pain.
Here's your ultimate line...
We are uncomfortable talking about money.
This could mean anything. But you've closed the door permanently on discussions of your finances. Any financial question, this is your answer. If she comes back with the... Why? ... because we are uncomfortable talking about money. Fin. Door closed to manipulation and you're not lying. You're uncomfortable talking about money... with them.
The best thing my mother ever did for our family, was to throw her mother and sister out of it. And they wanted control, but they did it WITHOUT stealing money. But I want to be clear: my mother waited too long to do it, and she has already been damaged by their behavior. She threw them out when I was 10, and it was still too late. It changed my mother, it made her distinct towards her children and our father. Taylor - you ARE choosing, and I can guarantee you that this is already damaging your marriage (because it is HIS money too, and NOT your mother’s). You will be damaging your children as well, when you have them. Either train your mother to “heel”, like a dog - or get her out of your life. She is poison, and she is stealing your peace.
I got out of debt and am doing really good when talking yo friends and family they literally get mad that im debt free with 300k in retirement and im putting 20k a year into it so i finally just started saying im barely getting by and they believe it cause i drive junk cars lol
I wonder if you just like to brag about how much money you have 😂 I'm wealthy but sharing my numbers with people doesn't do anything for me.
@@auemmjee i noticed that i was trying to help my broke family and friends even my boss that is totally broke makes way more than me i dont discuss numbers anymore no one cares thats why ramsey so successful ignorant people
She’s gotta call her mom out on her crap. I did that with my mom when she would pull her juvenile manipulative nonsense (thankfully only when she was very upset, not very common) and guess what, it kind of made her wake up and behave better. I feel so bad for this lady though, to have a family member, especially a mother, who steals from you.
Mother contracts run deep
I would ask them. " Why do you want to know"
We're doing well, no big emergencies this month, and we are staying out of debt.
My mom was controlling me when I was young and married. I was terrified of her, I finally cut my parents out of my life and felt wonderful freedom after.
2:07 Count on him for some off the wall stuff.
I don’t have much money but it’s enough for me at the moment for my own security. I always say no I don’t have any extra money to lend cuz I got bills etc. I try to also dress normal, clothes mostly having no brand logos, mostly plain and cheap looking clothes. 🙏🏼
Honoring you parents does now mean giving them money, thinks they don’t really need. It’s not your responsibility.
I totally agree with Dave that it will get easy to say not. Not on money but I have had to do things with my dad. It was hard at first but get much easier.
When they ask you or your husband how much you make just say that is private.
Haha, lord this makes me feel like I share way too much with my parents. my dad has literally looked at all our financially information (with my permission). my dad is where I got my “nerd” habits. So we like to pow wow about our goals and progress. . .My parents both also know too much about how my baby got here 😂
Stealth wealth is not cowardly, it's Operations Security, OPSEC.
Absolutely. Not to mention, what kind of asshole calls a woman he just met a coward?
She can ask all she wants. Why would your husband tell her?
Taylor is in for a long hard ride. Poor woman. You and your family have no boundaries, and need to work on your self esteem.
She had no right to
Use her family money on her mother now that she’s married. She would be breaching her vows. Say no to Mom. She should be blocked for the theft , but at least say no otherwise you’re a bad wife. Her husbands going to run if she doesn’t stop this.
6:09 WHAT!!!
My kids don't tell me what they make. If they need help, they say they need help for such and such, like braces for a child. I'm perfectly happy with their efforts at adulting!
I do the ssme thing with my family. Act broke, dont lend out money and keep your finances to yourself
How does that even work? The mom is well of and still comes to her daughter demanding money? Fascinating!
Peggy sure was recorded in Clovis NM at Norman studio
She should read the book non violent communication
It's not cowardly. It's making sure family leaches won't come out the woodwork and start harassing you and demanding money from you as if they are entitled to your wealth.
Saying you are on a budget to avoid saying NO is on par with lying.
How so? She is ON a budget though. Mom is not in the budget. 🤭
It’s not cowardly to not discuss your financial situation with other people. Instead, it’s actually smart to not let people know what condition your finances are in. If you had 10 bricks of gold under your bed, would it be cowardly to not tell people about it or would it be smart not to?
I believe he meant it was cowardly to lie in order avoid the real adult conversation, which is to say this is not your business.
@@sandrab.3538 I definitely get the sense that the mother would not take that for an answer. Lying to a parasite and telling them there is no food here is totally acceptable.
The word is no. If they ask for money. It's no. They ask why. No needs, no response.
Tell her mother they are broke, in debt, and need to have that stolen money back. lol. I bet her mother runs
Yes, sarcasm
That sounds like an absolutely sweet idea. Literally!
I’m Canadian. Will that matter trying to get into every dollar app. I cannot get in. Help?
Your not missing out on anything.
Its only for us i think, i tried it for stirling