My Mom Is Guilting Me For Not Giving Her Money
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- Опубликовано: 1 дек 2021
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Bro ask the question already 😂💀
Lol
Honestly people love to tell unnecessary details 😂
Straight using his call as a therapy session lol
@@thehandsdown1 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I actually needed to hear the back story because my husband and I are dealing with the same thing. My husband’s family asks constantly for money.
When you have family like that you don't feel good when you succeed. Because they make you feel like you are supposed to suffer with them.
Not so much suffer with them as share the wealth. 🙄
My husband parents are making me and my husband and kids miserable.
@@user-mv9tt4st9k Nah, it's suffering. Let me guess: You're either one of these types of deadbeat family members, OR, you come from a culture where it's expected you work like a dog to support your birth family until they all die or you do. If it's the latter, your cultural tilt has no bearing on the rest of the world and the way they operate. If you're the former? lol go get a job
As a parent, I want my kids to
Do way better than me…
@@pamelahooper-tr7si you need to be firm with your husband and tell him that he has to fix it. He's clearly letting them push him around.
You might ask him why he is making his parents more important to him than you and the kids.
"You are not under moral obligation to take care of them" PREACH!
It’s hard to practice though. . Most of us feel an overwhelming obligation to take care of family when they are in need & at times it can be to our own detriment. 😔
@@MsDorcelusI'd love to see the person that is actually trying their hardest and accepting a difficult life while asking you for money.
The fact that they asked for money in and of itself is pretty pathetic. In the case of parents I would wonder if they even love you at all. I wouldn't ask my kids for money ever.
I'm not sure that even being disabled would change that. The government has programs that help disabled people.
Mothers are famous for giving their married daughters guilt trips. Now it's this guy's mother. He needs to grow a spine and tell his mother that they are not going to communicate unless all guilt tripping and other forms of manipulation permanently stop. Her moving to his area would cause a nightmare that him and his wife don't need.
It's very prevalent in the black community I too was almost looking to it they call them "son husbands" or "sister wives"
I recently learned that my mother moved to the city where I live! I just happened to call her, and she informed me she "was here"! She had already moved, no warning, no heads up, no I want you to know what I'm up to! This is her 5th move in 3 years involving 3 cities! We have a very estranged relationship, so I'm not looking forward to the future! She constantly makes stupid mistakes, especially with money! She let herself get scammed out of $500, 550 dollars! 😮 the scammers told her NOT to tell her kids about her $7,000,000 windfall, because they would try to stop her, that she would get from them, AFTER she sent them her $500, 000 and guess what, she did as they told her! This is only one example of a string of stupid financial decisions she has made!
I like when Dave is solo best.
As an adult with a 90 year old mother let me explain something to you. You allow yourself feel guilty. Your mother has no ability to do it. You have to get to the point that you remove your emotions or this will be a miserable life.
"Boundaries" covers that. 😊
This is emotional blackmail. Period...
Parents are notorious for guilting their children for money. It is ridiculous. You make bad financial decisions and expect someone to bail you out.
Some friends do the same as well. Waste money and nonsense, then complain they can’t pay their rent or mortgage. You try to give advice about budgeting and they say it’s because you have money and they need help.
I can honestly say, including MY own, I've never known anyone whose parents "guilted" them for money. Not one person.
@@dyates6380 Speak for yourself buddy. It happens way more than you think.
Simple answer - NO. Your own family comes first. They have to fix their own problems. Their problems are not your problems. You are not helping, you are enabling. Stop it.
💯
12/5/21....SAD that this 34 yr old man's mom + brother are "suckered him" out of his hard-worked-for money!
BUT this man's only obligation is to his own self-made family (wife + their young daughter) + his business + himself + their future.....
Yes! Exactly!
Sounds like mom/family are addicts. Poor guy. It’s so hard to set boundaries with addicts, they will steamroll right though them. My now-passed mom was an addict and I can relate so much.
❤️
Sounds like my family as well. It's non stop. It's so very frustrating and overwhelming
With his straight no-nonsense advice, Dave is the Dr. Phil of the financial world.
With roughly the same hairstyle!
That's an insult to Dave.
@@hadenanderson563 and "Dr." Phil!
Dr. Phil sucks
Dave is addicting and I secretly binge listen to his podcast while I work. However, I wish he'd lighten up on the religious preaching that he often does.
That is the best way to think about a situation where a relative is trying to guilt you to give them money so they can continue to make bad choices. By giving in and handing them money you are paying them to continue their bad choices.
Never mix family and money. Your family is taking advantage of you no matter how much you make. Don't give your mother one more cent! Your responsibility is not to your family financially.
You help out when you can when you cant you cant.
We taught our son that we do not discuss money or the contents of the document safe. People might see that outwardly one is doing well financially, however assuming that he/she has disposable income to throw at someone else's problem is presumptuous.
I am in the same position as this man. Though my mom isnt single. My dad is the only one that works. And my mom who is very healthy refuses to work. So It puts me in the position of being responsible for their emergency finance. She is very focused on "sending money" philippines or fixing our house in the philippines over focusing on her life here. and if there's any emergency here in america, She comes to me for help. It is very frustrating but I also feel guilty not helping. There is this "TOXIC FILIPINO Culture" of kids are supposed to take care of their parents financially and physically, almost like we are their retirement plan and IF we dont help, we are seen as "bad kids" or disrepectful to elders. It is very sad but its true and still struggling about it.
Same here, as an Asian, but I guess I got good parents and parents in law who break their backs working well into their 70s and saving and giving to their children, that not a penny that we give back seems thrown away. If anything, it breaks our hearts we can't do more and wish we got stable sooner so we can be more generous to our family. Like my mother-in-law is in a senior citizen program where they are paid $300 a month for picking up garbage. We asked her to stop and started sending $500, but she still goes to work even though she has bad knees and got knee replacement surgery... just generous, beautiful moms like this make us want to be able to responsible lavish her with nice things and money.
I’ve seen this before and so sorry you are going thru. I see this with my Asian friends and Hispanic friends also
I’ve never seen someone beat around the bush so much 😂 💀
No organized thoughts. No notes. No interest.
His problem probably isn't public speaking. He has tough time talking about his family of origin. He feels guilty for his success vs the "needs" of his family of origin. He CAN help, but ultimately giving them money on does that for the moment.
I think Dave sensed this and was very patient with him. Thanks Dave!
It can be very difficult to tactfully speak on your family members without disclosing shameful information, yes family can make you feel horrible, because you financially navigated early in life. Image making $300K a year or making 12,000 in 15 days, His mom isn't making 12K a year. You're living in a half million-dollar home and taking trips to Europe, she only asking for $400-$1000. He spends that on the week. Men in general are protectors and providers, we all can assume the money is going to an addiction and His wife on his ass about it. I commend the calling for asking for guidance and direction in the matter. I pray he finds piece in his decision making.
Dave is good. He answered the question that hadn't been asked.
If he wants to help his Mom, one way would be to pay directly to providers (rent, phone bill, medical bills, etc).
Exactly this. I will always help someone in my family who is sick or injured by helping with bills. I won't help however someone who is just lazy or making bad life choices. Paying the bills directly is the best way.
I'd give her a ride to work, that's bout it
Unfortunately that simply means that any money she gets her hands on will be wasted. We were in Thai situation and they were gambling everything her husband made
Agreed. In cash or via a mailed money order, NEVER with a debit/credit card.
Generosity with family is wonderful - but this young man should not have to deal with such toxicity. It is sad. DO NOT feel guilty - this is your success. It's a tragedy that his family isn't super proud!
Everyone being rude, until you’re in this situation you don’t understand how hard it is to talk about it and ask questions about it, you start to feel bad and feel selfish so he might have been battling his mind in trying to get help and feeling selfish. I’m in the same situation with my family and it’s so hard. You can always skip the video if it bothers you that much.
Dave needed John deloney with him on this call. "Dude, take a breath. I can hear all this in your voice"
They take a big deep breath and usually it helps. But yes, this call was painful
Nothing like a good heartwarming story of a close family.
My friend goes through this with her older, loser brother. BUT! She hasn't learned to say no.
Five minutes in and I still have no idea what’s going on. 🤷🏻♂️
He was born to a woman who neglected him as a child, was an addict and prioritized her addiction. He moved out and moved on - eventually getting wealthy. Now his mother is looking for handouts. She’s on “disability” - but approved to work 20 hours a week and refuses. She wants to move closer to this guy to leach off of him and is guilting him for not paying for her move and housing - even though he said he did buy her a house in the past that she literally burned to the ground. His mom is trash and he doesn’t want to be guilted into being her bank.
"Mom, you moving to the same area I live in would be the absolute worst thing for my life and as the person who must live my life, I'm sorry but I simply cannot allow this to happen." As blunt as I am, if I were the caller, that's probably exactly how I would say it.
I called my local radio station before and my heart was throbbed the entire time I found out I was on the air. It's not unreasonable that many callers may just be nervous, hence some long-winded calls. Please keep that in mind before making rude comments about someone who seems to genuinely want help in a difficult scenario.
Throbbing*
True.
Dave, you have NO IDEA how much I needed to hear this
Same. Wish this came out a few days ago. Literally the same situation for me, expect I don’t have much left over every month because I’m on the path of getting debt free. SMH to myself!
@@Joshua.Carrasco There is a vast difference between EXCEPT and EXPECT. Thanks for the grammatical giggle...
😂 😂 😂
@@majoroldladyakamom6948 thanks mom!
Kevin O'Leary from Shark Tank has some good advice as well on this subject. Tell them "I'm going to give you this money on the condition you never ask me again". And then never entertain the question again.
This is very difficult to get through. I'm out at the 4:00 mark
just from the title of the video:
Dave: "SELL THE MOM!"
Make her eat beans and rice!
you can't sell expenses like liabilities. she's not a liability
@@MartinLabuschin Yes, she is a liability.
@@jimroscovius as long as you can't sell a an obligation, it is by definition a liability. can you sell your mom? if your mom isn't an obligation, why pay her?
@@MartinLabuschin Agreed. You can't sell her, but I wouldn't pay her either.
*If your family wants you to help them get out of their financial woes tell them to listen to Dave Ramsey!*
I was so fortunate growing up to always be the kid in the relationship with my parents.
DID HE SAY MAMA BURNED THE HOUSE???!!! YEA I WOULD HESITATE TO GIVE HER MONEY TOO
There's so many parents that have kids in order for them to look after them when their older. Such a sad mindset that is. She should be proud he's doing well and if she didn't ask I'm sure he would treat her now and again.
And they brag to their friends how much their kids support them and compare whose kid gives who more money.
My apologies for being rude, but wow, listening to this call was pure torture.
Torture because you didn't show compassion, or torture because of the situation?
@@ClearwaterBeachBum it’s his incessant, disorganized rambling
@@fkillah I was looking for this comment, that was so exhausting
Give the guy a break it is tough for him to talk about
I would have thought he would be able to articulate his thoughts better too. It was torture agreed.
It sounds like his mom has some kind of previous addiction. If 'my mom has no vices, I'd have a conversation with her and try to get her on a budget. If her income don't meet her bills, I'd help monthly when possible. I had a great mom and wish I still had her to give.
❤
"Boundaries" is an awesome book, and very helpful.
If my mother was a recovering addict, I would be very, VERY wary of handing them cash. A bag of groceries, maybe pay one month's utility bill (in cash or with a money order in the mail). I definitely would not pay to move them closer to my home. That guilting conversation would be over before it had a chance to get started. Phones have a big red hang up button or a cradle for the handset with good reason.
Caller: I have a question Dave.
Dave: Better than I deserve, but sell the car.
When family/friends asks us for money we will give them a job to do for the money. My husband owns his own business that he could pay someone for and we can always use help cleaning the house etc.
They don't want THAT kind of money..........
Dave knows how to cut through the bs. I wish this man was my father!
That was painful
This is genuinely one of my favorite episodes yet, as we have a good man who makes good money and is good with finances, yet morally/ethically has a difficult situation going on and he doesn’t wanna do wrong. It almost seems like a battle with good and evil in which he wants to choose good and avoid the sin but doesn’t know what or maybe how or maybe support behind it with validation and a some conversation . Really good episode I fully enjoyed
I disagree with some small financial pieces but this encapsulates why I love what you do Dave. Great advice, great resources.
If you give family members money, assume you will not get it back. If you decide to do this, do it as a charity. With unreliable people, if you decide to "help"
then pay a bill directly, or a purchase directly, and don't give them cash. Disability payments are very low, and disabled people may genuinely need a little
help. Dave's example of enabling is right on.
🎉
Yay I like it when it’s just Dave.
This was pretty vague and disorganized
This a great advice thank you Dave!
I assume he's not a public speaker.
25000 a month 😳 Nices making that tipe of money family will call ☎️ a lot but if you give a inch they will take a mile
T Y P E of money...😂
@@majoroldladyakamom6948 Now don't type in all caps
I'm so glad Dave recommended Henry Cloud's book. Some of the toughest conversations I learned how to have, I was empowered to do based on that book. I've had people react all different ways to a calm, eyes-direct sentence that ended with, "and that is not acceptable to me."
I love that book. Required reading for people who feel taken advantage of or manipulated by others.
I gift my mom money every month out of my heart. I’m glad she’s not an addict or materialistic. She doesn’t ask for it but I know she needs it.
That’s wonderful - and completely different. Your mother (at least from your comment) doesn’t seem to feel entitled to your money. This guy’s mother does.
@@katiejon17 i commented my experience completely understanding that my situation is different. Thank you
That’s what me snd my sibs did . Check went to her account every month from each one of us .
@@kellyprobst3533 ❤
That is a lovely thing to do.
If I make 25k a month my mother wudnt have to worry about nothing!…. That’s just me….
Your mom and his mom mite not be the same person.
@Him Bike right people with addiction can't be paid enough. They will send you to the poor house if let them.
Dear Callers, GET TO THE POINT!
thank you.
i would like to have your empathy
No. No is a complete sentence and what I do with MY money, in my life, is none of their business. You can't fix anyone else's life, even with money.
Thanks Dave
Dave is wonderful at cutting the chase with specific, data driven questions. How much? How long? How often?
some times people need guilt trips so that they can come up off of mount Olympus, but give them once and set boundaries if you feel like they are just going to keep taking advantage of you kindly remind them you make more in a month than they probably made in any of the years they were "taking care of you" so you are returning the favor plus.
I have this same issue leave them out of your house my family is the same way.
Unbelievable how many of these are parents asking their children for money. I would never dream of asking my children for a hand out. They are all doing very well. It’s their money, they earned it.
I went to get food and when I came back he was still talking
🤣🤣🤣🤣
lol
Whenever I expect someone will ask me for money, I pull out the Reverse Uno card. Never fails.
Excellent advice.
My mother-in-law guilt trips my husband and other family members through using scriptures, but she is very ignorant about how to handle finances.
Very true advice
This guy was exhausting to listen to.
You know when Dave is really serious when he folds his arms.
Sounds like some of my family members. He should just say no or it will never end!!!!
Kelly, I hope you see this. When screening these calls, PLEASE ask them to get on to their question quickly without rambling on and on.
He runs a business I wonder how he speaks in meetings
I dont mind the rambling. Gives context
@@melanieb2132 The context could be a LOT more limited and still have the same exact question asked.
@@dr.bradshaw yeah, but these are regular people and not professional speakers. It is what it is.
We are so used to sound bites and most information possible within so many characters, we forget this is how regular people talk.
But I understand what you mean..
I believe people enjoy the rambling
That is a great book. We were in the same situation with my husbands family
I would just lie to my mom if she was like that, no reason anyone needs to know if your well off or not, hey can I borrow some money, oh no sorry I wish I could borrow some from you, then you both laugh and move on lol...
Hey Jeff! Like your vids, especially that one about your teacher catching you playing mario bros on a school day and making you go to class! lol!
@@ryankelsey9646 :) haha yeah lots of people ejnoy the storytime videos Ill have to do more in the future...
When I use to get my student loan money I would give back to my mom but seriously I regret it
While that seems like an easier path it is likely to lead to more issues down the road. One of which is if she is aware that you have money. It's easy to hide wealth from friends and the community. It's much harder to do with a parent. Also, lying is not good for their relationship. He will feel uneasy about it and it will strain his interactions with her. Lastly, it eliminated the opportunity the caller has to help his mom, as Dave described. He can use his money to help her get her life on a better path.
Don't give her money to move closer to you!
Fact remains many people are just not able to handle life. My issue is whether the grown children have the duty to handle their life for them.
Why can't anyone seem to complete a sentence?
a ridiculous and waste of a call.
Mothers: Travel agents for guilt trips 😄
My mother is a real estate investor and made so much money but she pretend to be broke just so I can just give her money. I have no idea why she plays these games with me now than ever despite she has $2million in her bank account from her career. Vs me having $110k in my checking and savings. I feel like all she cares about is my money. It's so wierd and heartless. I feel so worthless.
Cut contact and move ahead in life
If this guy can make 25k a month so can I
Thats what Im thinking! Beating around the bush too much
Oh my, she wants to MOVE to his town?? She’s setting him up.
Please collect your thoughts and then call.
This is FROM BIRTH TO PRESENT
He took way too long to get the point. Irritating
Brutal call just ask the effing question
Playback speed at 1.5X is perfect for this rambling Randy.
Dude needs to grow a pair & put his foot down with his family.
"The definition of help, if you're not an enabler, means the person moves on to the next stage of their personal growth and their life is better as a result of you having assisted."
That's very useful stuff
Dave said PERIODT
Completely agree with Heathy Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud.
I tuned out because he said the mom hadn’t asked for money since he was a teenager? I’m confused.
Caller is so horrible at speaking that I thought I heard that too. I thought I heard 15. Then I figured he meant not since 2015. Sheesh.
GET TO THE POINT.
Watching this cause a family member just tried to guilt trip me!
I love the word tried 😂💕
If his mom moves near him she will aggravate the hell out of him to keep her up!!!
Wow you have to ask if you should help your mom. What a world we live in..in your heart you know if she is taking advantage or just needs help. No phone call needed.
He’s very long winded until he gets to his point.
Got to the freaking point omg
So what was the question?
On this specific subject, easier said than done Dave
...
I disagree 100%,sons and daughter have the moral obligation to help mom if she's not wasting money..!
oh god, please don’t ever have a child
I have but one word: POWERFUL
Emotional blackmail.
I would personally help once or twice, but a third time, I would be reaching out & asking the question, “hey, are you ok? Because this is the third time you’ve asked, I wouldn’t be doing my job in caring about you if I just handed over more money & didn’t take an interest in what was going on , please let me help you get back on track”
but I wouldn’t be giving anymore money.