My 46-Year-Old Sister Keeps Asking Me For Money!
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- Опубликовано: 21 мар 2022
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The only people who get angry about you setting boundaries, are those who benefited from you not having any boundaries.
Wow, asking a sibling who is 19 years younger for money and to cosign for something shows zero self-respect, zero boundaries. She sounds like a user and a loser.
But she don’t need no accuser
@@fishroy1997 😀
@@fishroy1997 I wouldn't choose her.
And giving it is worse than asking
@@666dynomax Everything has a price tag right? I always say either you, me, us, tax payers pay if payment is required to gain almost anything!!!!
Golden rule: never EVER give your siblings money. Gave my sister money and when I stopped she flipped out and never spoke to me again. 😳 Crazy is as crazy does!
That isn't applicable to everyone. My sister and I used to routinely loan each other money when we were having hard times in our younger years. We always paid each other back. Both of us are now doing better financially. We no longer need to borrow money from each other, but my sister is literally the only person I would trust loaning money to. Of course I always took into consideration why she was borrowing it and her capacity and foreseeable ability to pay it back. I am sure she also took that into consideration when loaning to me as well.
The entitlement is awful
My kids always paid each other back when they were in high school they don’t need to do it anymore but they trust each other I know they would help each other out but they make a good income
That’s such an American thing to say. Willing to donate to social Justice causes and Go Funds Me but God forbid it’s your sister. I think at 46, if you don’t have $100 dollars, you have waaaay bigger problems than money but Americans are the only ones that pride themselves in helping strangers and not their family.
@Aimee Ruggeri - So even when you GIVE it without expecting repayment, like Dave recommends, it can still backfire on you. Sad that your sister is like this.
It’s wild to me how some people think that they’re entitled to the money that you make just because you’re successful.
Yes i feel you
She does not necessarily "feel entitled" - she asks for money. I wonder if there is addiction (hers or her husband - the brother in law of the caller). if she has a good credit score it does not make sense.
Have you never heard of the entire Democrat party?
Democrats
Your 46 years old and you don't even have $100 ?!?!?
Put the pressure back on her NOT yourself.
I have a cousin like this. She has always been either unemployed or takes on low paying jobs that can barely pay her rent. She's in her 50s now and still the same.
Whenever invited to a family function, she asks the host to pay for her train ticket (if it's out of town), because of the same old story "I'm low on funds".
My response is: if you can't afford to attend, then don't come, but I'm not paying people to be a guest.
@@sensimaniasounds like a complete bum
I have that same problem in my family. Have siblings in their 30s and 40s who keep taking money from me. We are talking about $500-$2500 but never gave it back. I blamed myself for doing this to myself.
I have stopped. Now, I am the bad one "who has money but don't do nothing with it"
Just pathetic!!
It’s a very sad situation. I completely understand. SMDH.
Late reply but did you just move on and ignored them for future issues. My brother did this for 250 and I asked him 6 times in one month to pay it back and kept getting the reach around.
Say I don't have it
They are not taking money from you. You are giving them money. 😊
It’s better to set your boundaries then to keep getting taken advantage of. I bet they never saw it as a favor either, as if it was your responsibility.
Wow, little brother is 10 times more mature than his older sister.
"NO" is a complete sentence. Use it more often.
it actually isnt lol
@@jaredfrazier2216 I know, but I like the quote.
I’m almost 62 years old and I was around 50 before I could tell my mother and siblings no. Now some of them will not speak to me. It sure feels good without the drama. Sometimes toxic people should be dismissed from your life. It’s not being greedy, it’s self preservation.
Simple. Just say no. People need to learn to just say no and not feel guilty about it.
Story time:
My mom has a younger sister, a total leech of a person. My mom gave her thousands and thousands of dollars over 30 years. Got her used cars, trailer homes, hotels, food to live, ect... my mom was a single mom, with 9 kids! She was not weathy, but she had a decent successful business and spent her money wisely. I remember when my aunt would call the landline, I'd always say mom wasn't home... my mom's mood notably changed for DAYS after each time she spoke to my aunt. I HATED when my aunt called.
When I got into my later teens, I started calling my mom out for her creating co dependency, and enabling. 5 years pass, finally my mom gets a back bone, started setting boundaries. A few months pass, then my aunt gets into another one of her screaming rage fits over mom not giving her what she wants, and moly mom insisting they get aunt mental help... and aunt declares because my mom won't give her cash, "God will kill your oldest son" (this lady wasn't religious) and that was it. My mom cut off the relationship. She could take abuse, screaming, ect, but don't mess with her kids... I was so proud of her. It took 30 years, but she did it. Cut off the leech.
Yikes
That aunt like needed to get mental health help 30 years ago - before she was settled in her wrong ways.
@@franziskaniwhile I agree with you, that'd be about 55 years ago to cut it off at the start (issues started when they were teenagers) and professional conseling was NOT advocated for that generation.
But crazy enough, the aunt did get mental health services in her 30s-40s, paid for by my mom, 4-5x I think. But she just enjoyed "the attention" and as soon as the counselor encouraged her to take personal accountability and no longer a "dumping session" she'd stop going and make up the craziest reasons. Some people NEED therapy, but are not good clients.
How horrible
My Dad would always say, "What part of no don't you understand? The N or the O?". 🤣😂😆
Mom and Dad are enablers. What’s she going to do when they are gone? There won’t be a Bank of Brother to go to-if he’s smart.
I had a friend whose mother in law was frail and whose mental health was poor and she was scammed constantly by all and sundry. She bailed out her other son and his family so many times. She even paid off their mortgage, as well as buying them cars and luxuries. All they did was re-mortgage the house! It was truly disgraceful how that son and his family behaved.
I had to tell my brother that I could not have my husband come through the front door with a paycheck and me passing that money through the back door to him! He got it and never asked again. I also had to tell him that I was not our mother…she used to constantly ‘help’ by covering his expenses and giving him money!
Similar story - relative who constantly asks my hubby for money... Hubby says, "When my wife and I look at our paychecks, we don't think, "I wonder how (relative) will spend my money?"
I know your pain brother. I have a sister who has borrowed money, she talked me into being a co-signer for an apartment.....she did pay me back but the co-signer year was very stressful. I was always in conversation with her landlord for the year....every since then I refused to loan her money. We love each other but we don't have any conversations about that stuff. Set your boundaries and don't give in. Your not a bad person or bad brother fir setting your boundaries.
NEVER co-sign. NEVER!!
Every time me and my sis goes shopping.. she doesn’t have enough “on her” and will “pay me back asap” . It’s so annoying because she does this right at checkout, when there’s eyes and pressure to get the purchase over with. Fair to say, I don’t hang out with her anymore.
@@lvly5357 Don't pay for it. It's that easy. The pressure's on her. She's the one who looks stupid, not you.
@@lvly5357 i would have embarrassed her and said "well put it back"
@Lvly - Another thing to tell her is that you only brought enough for YOUR purchase.
She's married to a guy who's making good money and asking family for money? She must be out of control to where she can't ask her husband. I assume drugs or drinking. Makes no sense to ask for small amounts of money from family when your husband is right there.
It could be that the husband is not giving her access to the money..... so she looks to other avenues for the money..... this will most likely have to be a conversation with the sister and the brother in law to see why she has to ask others for money when they apparently make good money.....
That or her and her spouse are terrible with money,
@@christopherrosas2738 Believe it or not people are individuals. You don't need to rely on your husband or wife to give you money when you can work for yourself. He said she works for Door Dash, you can make up to 2K a week doing that. Clearly she doesn't really want to work for money.
Or buying name brand crap
My friend is in a similar situation. Sister is completely dependent on others, refuses to work and lives outrageously outside of her means. No one tells her no. So they all eat beans and rice and go into debt trying to pay for her to have a luxurious lifestyle. It’s crazy.
That would absolutely not fly with me! I will not go in to debt for anyone, eat beans and rice so that they can live a luxurious life style! What is wrong with people anymore? Good Lord! I’d have no problem telling her no! She’d get an earful about how my husband and I work hard for our money and we are not passing it out! Get a job and grow up!
Every family has one! Adults chronologically but perpetually treated like a spoiled 4 year old! 😡 My SIL has never worked, inside or outside the home but had been handed money left and right, it never ends because she claims to have 15 autoimmune diseases. But she has a black belt in shopping 🛍️!!!
@@KateK-yx3fq a black belt in shopping!!!! 😂 That is a good one!
I have a sister sort of like that. It's not a HUGE age difference, but she's 4 years older. I am 41, and she is 45. She's always hurting for money and to boot. She gets involved with losers who don't do a damn thing to help her financially and she doesn't do anything to help her financial situation. She has kids and currently lives in hotel rooms. She can't keep a job more than a couple of weeks. My husband and I are barely getting by ourselves. We are following Dave's plan and on BABY Step 1 with $200 in savings. I suggested she go to a financial peace class in church, but she doesn't sound like she wants to go. So I understand what this young man is going through. I have had to say no to her and she's been upset with me for that, but she's an adult. She's responsible for her life choices, not me.
I like the lunch/coffee angle. You love your family and love makes things complicated. Just please don’t co-sign for anything!
Say no and if she gets mad about it, cut her off. No reason why a 46 year old can’t pay back $800 to their mother, then asks someone else to help pay her back…
No need to completely cut your own sister out of your entire life just because she got mad… that’s psychopathic. 😳 I 100% agree he shouldn’t give her money, BUT if she gets mad he should just explain why, then ignore her until she calms down. Simple
but again, I want to stress extremely hard that I do NOT support the sister asking for money and I do not think he should give her any. It will not help her in any way, and it’s also unfair. I’m just saying don’t cut her out of your life over simply asking/being mad
I like telling people that I am not a wealthy woman and simply cannot afford to loan you money. I wish I could, but I can't. Works like a charm.
Well, some people just don’t get it! When someone is 47 and cannot handle money, it’s just sad. Giving them money is enabling further stupidity.
Agreed. Instead...give them Total Money Makeover book, tell them to read it, and go get a job.
"I don't have any $$$ money " is right up there with the best quotes in the world along with " mind your own business "
The problem is your family knows you have money
Anyone who needs $100 dollars is in serious trouble. What is $100 going to do. I’ll do it but when u don’t pay me back. Never again.
Yes! Was just going to say that.
Exactly 💯 that's like a doctor treating a cough instead of identifying the reason for repeated coughing.
Sounds like an addiction of some sort. (I could be wrong, but it sounds like an intervention type of situation.)
I would redirect her to the man who signed up to be legally responsible for her…no way a grown woman who has risked her life to bring children into the world with a man should be having to ask someone outside of her household for money. Not enough questions asked about this husband situation.
I can bet you the husband has cut her off. If he makes good money and has tried to get her financial counseling, she's the problem.
When it comes to my siblings I straight up tell them no. No explanations. They've asked and I tell them I worked for my money. They can too.
Also at 46 there is a good chance they won't learn.
no wonder why your siblings hate you!
When you "lend" money to relatives you simply never get it back.
When my sister asks me for money my response is the same. I would rather be completely exhausted for the hardwork which breeds success than well rested from achieving nothing.
John’s the best personality after Dave.
Naw George
John is kinda SJW woke when you listen to his show
I actually think John is by far the worst. He does bring up social and emotional aspects to finance, but his knowledge of finance is close to zero, and its comprised of repeating Dave's talking points. I think I'm a minority as I think a lot of people like John.
Rachel
I had a friend years ago who lived way beyond his means, with a luxurious lifestyle, to keep up with what he felt was his birth right as an upper class British man. He admitted to me that his mother had given him endless sums of money over his life (he was then in his late thirties) and he had never paid any of it back. Thank goodness I did not marry him, as he would have been very bad husband material, completely irresponsible with money and responsibilities!
There's something else going on there. Drugs? Drinking? Gambling? Something is causing this black hole of money. Don't enable. Have the "one conversation" but don't expect much and turn away from her.
My 31 year old brother showed up at my house yesterday randomly while i was taking out the trash asking for gas money
Family and money does not mix.
The question that should’ve been asked? Do the husband know about this 😳?
My sister is 38 still living at home with mom & dad. She depends on them for everything: housing, utilities, food, car, cable, internet, etc. I remind my parents she is 38, while I moved out at the age of 18. I don't know whether to be resentful or feel sorry for her. She has always been spoiled and daddy's little girl.
Hope you already told your parents you are not taking care of her after they pass
IF SHE had kids while at home then it’s bad but if she is single and helps her parents what’s the issue?
@@kchillhall1968 Being fully dependent on them as a grown adult doesn't sound like she's helping them
@@happycook6737 Actually I've seen a lot of parents expect siblings to take over supporting the mooch when they go.
THEY will have to make the change..
I hate it when especially family members beg for money! I’ve literally spent half of my life taking care of my family members who think money grows on trees. They’re So selfish, so lazy, I’m done!!!! ✅
"No". "I said no." "Final answer."
I don't ask people for anything and I expect the same in return.
I would give the $100, when she comes back & asks for more- now you got her. She didn’t pay you back. Been there, done that! They never come back & ask again.
Here's what you're going to tell her: You're my sister and I love you, you're gonna get on a RICE and BEANS budget, you're not going to see inside of a restaurant unless you're working there, you're going to sell so much stuff the kids think they're next. Oh and no, I'm not co signing on a car for that little twit. Hold on, I'm gonna send you a copy of my book...
Home run!
Funny!
I love it!!
😁
Good supply going to sh*t. We all should be buying beans and rice
Spending money can be like an addiction. Pore money management isn't helped buy giving them more money.
Some ppl will do insane things for a sibling “because it’s their sibling.”
dude no... you have to pretend to all your friends and family that you are broke and in debt.
True. Start complaining about money works like a charm.
Just say "no" and move on. You don't need to explain yourself. If she wants $100 she can go work somewhere and get it, just like everyone else does.
My older brother never came to me for money, but he came to my mom over and over and over. She bought him a condo (which he repeatedly damaged), food, gave him money, paid his legal fees (many times) etc, etc.
My brother was a drug addict and it broke my heart to see how his life fell apart, even though my mom propped him up again and again. I was so mad at him, as he was abusive to my mom, disruptive to the family, and so she kept giving him money so he'd stop. He was murdered several ago. We never found his body, but we knew because he stopped his regular calls to ask for money.
I share that to drive home that if your loved one is repeatedly asking for money, there's likely a big problem. There's more to the story here, for sure. Show them love by asking how they're doing. Listen. And if they want to get help, help them look at the available options.
A sad, but far too common, tale.
My brother is very similar. My father died close to $200K in debt while receiving a significant pension, all from supporting my brother. My father should have died a millionaire, instead he was emotionally and financially crushed by my brother.
Sadly, your mom was an enabler giving drugs to an addict basically.
My younger brother never came to me for money but he always went to my mom. She bought his trailer home, his vehicles, bailed him out of jail, gave him money for this and that.
He’s constantly being bailed out right at the critical moments when he’s at rock-bottom and could learn some thing from digging his way out. But that never seems to happen. Someone always comes to his rescue and bails about and he continues to be a drug addict and alcoholic ruining his life and the lives of his family and people around him. He’s my brother and I love him but his actions and mentality are sickening and disgusting and repulsive to me.
Why did his life fall apart, why was he doing drugs. Drugs are never the problem, they are the side effect. You should have gotten on your mothers case for giving him money, she has the power to say no.
My 44 year old brother when I was 24 asked me for money I learned the word no quickly. Also, my uncle’s feeling my pockets borderline disrespectful. I just don’t go home anymore.
Why not just tell her husband what’s she’s been doing and let him handle it??It’s all a secret at this point. Expose her to her husband.
Good point
Never lend a friend or family member money, either just give it to them and don't expect it back or Don't.
Why can't she borrow from her husband if he "makes good money"..?? Why can't she work more deliveries..? It sounds like she may be doing drugs or drinking too much, something along those lines. Maybe a spending problem..?
@@botticelli728 If he makes most of the money, it would make sense that he controls it, no..?
@@TubeDeviant No, not in a good marriage. If she doesn't have access to any money without asking for it, she is in an abusive relationship.
@@botticelli728 To begin, there's not enough information as to the problems she is having in her life in this moment. There's also no information saying that she doesn't have ANY access to his money.
You're saying that she should have control over the money her husband makes if she has problems with budgeting money..? What if she's a drug addict or an alcoholic..? Addicted to shopping..?
Would you say the same thing if she was the one making the majority of the money and the husband was in her position..?
@@TubeDeviant There's no info to suggest that she's doing drugs or drinking, either, but you went right there.
@@botticelli728 I never said she was a drug addict or an alcoholic. I said "What if..?"
You're accusing me of assuming, when you are.. assuming..
On top of that, you say she's entitled to her husbands money simply because they are married. SMH..
Once again, would you say the same thing if the husband were in her position and she made most of the money..? Would he be entitled to her money..?
Ask her to clean your apartment once a month including washing the sheets and bath towels. She gets paid $100/mo.
Otherwise. Nope.
Good idea. But different states.
Absolutely
I agree 💯
This is a smart caring man calling in. He wont enable people and wants to help her productively. He also cares enough about the situation and relationship to want to approach helping her in the best possible way. He was smart too to be aware that someone older especially might get defensive about a 27 year old giving advice. As soon as someone goes on defensive mode they arent open to advice so you have to be careful.
This is so easy. NO!
Family issues aren’t always easy.
@@rectorlaura13 that’s just a state of mind. Lay down the law. They will respect you for it.
The more you give the more they’ll ask.
Imagine if John was actually your doctor. "Wow bro. Looks like messed up your arm pretty bad man." "Yeah I..." "stop stop stop here's the thing, you're in pain man... you've been pushed here"
There will be a rift. Why? "I do not have it to lend to you." When the parents call 'a guilting, ask "Has she paid her debt to you in full?" followed by "I do not have the money to loan." 😂😂
This is weird to ask for $100 if her husband makes decent money. Just say no and don't worry about it. Sounds like she has some marital issues.
Or she's a compulsive gambler!
@@alleykeosheyan4779 Definitely could be. Something weird is going on. Maybe drug money?
@@user-so1wr2oh1t drugs make more sense than gambling. Gamblers don’t need $100, they need $1500 to make rent after they gambled their rent money away.
This is why you should always give people the impression you're always in debt and everything is on credit. People tend to leave you alone.
“Her husband makes good money” what the hell does she need a hundred bucks for…
I’m thinking there may be something going on in her marriage that the rest of the family doesn’t know about. If her husband makes good money, she should have no reason to ask anyone else for small amounts of money. Either the husband is financially abusive and she is afraid of him, or maybe she has some sort of addiction that has caused a rift in her marriage and lack of access to money? Maybe I’m wrong, who knows.
You made all fair points...I doubt you're wrong.
Yes, I also suspect there's more to her story for why she needs to keep asking for money. Is it only poor spending behavior or other marital issues? Either way, she needs help to overcome the real problems and find a solution. It's not something $100 will instantly solve considering this seems to be a repeated pattern with her. Maybe she will confide in him what is really happening to cause this reoccurrence, if she's willing to be honest. First there must be a willingness to admit a problem exists, then be willing to change!
Another facet of the same family problems -- it was the millionaire siblings who kept trying to get my mother to give them expensive gifts, but wouldn't take care of her in her old age!! I went to live with her to physically & mentally protect her... since the law wouldn't stop these rich ones!! She died peacefully of natural old age, but they tried to scare her into a fatal heart attack!!
If she has a husband who makes good money she should NOT be asking her little brother for money. She’s about to get a huge blessing from her brother by him telling her no and having a heart to heart with her.
Start handing her applications to fill out instead.
Brutal, but effective
She sounds like a perfect fit to work at the gas station or Denny's.
I would agree that helping her find a job is a good idea, but that’s pretty cold man!!
@@front331 I spent several years at a convenience store. That could very well be her problem. Unless you OWN the convenience store, it doesn’t cover the bills.
He said his sister has a job And her husband makes good money
Him being 27 and still calls his mom (mommy) is so adorable 😂 I love it
Tell her to get a job if she has one better get a second one.
Never give money to people who ask. That is called enabling. People who ask have not tried to help themselves.
For sure
I have borrowed money from my brothers and they have borrowed from me, but we can trust each other and we know it's not a rip off.
If you do not generate money where are you supposed to get money from? People who have bought too much or generate too little sometimes can not help themselves the math does not work!!!
i hate giving people money, i have several people that ask for money every month. if you give it to them , theyll use you as an income stream!
Every month. Ask them for money instead.
If she has a husband with a good job, tell her no way. If she was a single mom, it might make sense. If she gets mad and won't speak to you, it's a blessing.
Tell your soon-to-be 47-year-old sister to find a JOB!!!
She’s probably an addict of some kind.
Most probably that is the case many times
Especially if they think that in you there is a well of money, they will contijue to supply their addiction, whether it is drugs, casino, shopping, it does not matter
Many times it is passed over as if it is your fault that they are short in money and they have to live in misery.
So be it .
Saying "no" is also compassion. It is tough compassion executed in love.
We cannot continue to fuel their addiction by continuing to help them out financially
You aren’t really a free person unless you understand your own boundaries specially against those closest to you. If you can’t say “no” to family you are subservient to them.
Sounds like your sister needs that money for drugs bro. Why wouldn't she just get it off her husband if he's the bread winner?
Point her back to working through it with her husband, that's his job.
I’m having this EXACT same problem only it’s my older brother. I tell him NO! Then I tell him, I’m not throwing good money after bad.
There must be an underline issue. If her husband is making good money, why does she need to borrow from her family and where is the husband in all of this?
Is it me or does Dave seem more humble in the beginning stages of the show than recently ?
Very much so
Probably tired of repeating himself over and over.
He became a drama Queen for sure
I have a sister like that. Bounced a check to me 30 years ago. Never again. But she's been sucking money from my mom for that long. It's infuriating to watch. She just assumes that all of us will pay her way, finance her car, and give her rides now. She is also known to take things.
If you won't help out your own sister, when you have the resources, you are not a good person!
Never lend family money!
You "Gift it" to them... that way you don't expect anything in return.
If the sister is married to a guy that makes good money , of course no .
He said her sisters husband makes good money and the sister also works
She’s married? If her husband makes good money there’s no reason for her to ask anyone else for money. It’s his job to take care of her. I’d direct her to her husband. And keep not answering or responding to requests for money.
No, it's not the husbands job to take care of her. Married or not everybody is responsible for their own life. What does she even need $100 for? Drinking, drugs?
@@martinramirezmi5457 when you marry you become one. Of course it’s her husbands job to take care of her. They take care of each other.
You just have to give off the "I've known you your whole life so don't even try to play me" vibe - or the "gee I don't know if that's a good idea, let me think about it" but then never bring it up again, rinse & repeat. You gotta have fun with these things.
I hate when some people think that they even have a say on what to do with my money 💰 ... not with me. I've been way too generous for so many years. nooooo more! enough is enough!
this is my situation right now
I think his sister is struggling with money because her husband might be financially abusing her or is irresponsible with money.
My 90 yo mom has been supporting my unemployed 60 yr old brother for years. I don’t know what he’ll do when she dies, especially since he recently a heart condition that interferes with his ability to work. I’m dreading g the conversation that will probably follow.
I don't loan money, but I have given money before. If one of my kids comes to me for money, they need it, and I never say no.
The answer is easy - NO!! You can't control your mother, but you can control you. I've used the NO word a lot. Two simple letters - N-O. NO!!
Exactly! She keep asking...!? I keep saying, NO!
@@patriciaalbertson5183 It's not hard to do.
Don’t give her money 💰
Here’s an idea: ✨don’t✨
We know people who've gone through millions. They never learn. They constantly beg for money. The answer is no. Tina, Al's wife
Get your own RUclips account Tina.
She's more than $100 in a hole. The $100 is just the first request before she asks for $1000, $2000, etc.
Wrong
Siblings do not ask for more
Hand her a coupon for rice and beans.
Thank you, though ????
I never loan more than I would give. If they don't pay it back it was always a gift anyway.
The sister has so much debt.
It makes me wonder if she really needs the money or is just testing the waters. Maybe she wants another source to guilt into giving her money. He should be saving/investing any extra money he has at his age. NEVER loan money to family because they frequently don't pay it back. Maybe she needs to get another or second job if she's running short.
My 43 year old sister-in-law bleeds her had dry for money, always guilts him to buying her groceries and other stuff. No idea how much she's gotten from him over the years. it upsets me and my wife a lot because he does not exactly have much to begin with. No idea how she's gonna survive when hes gone and she's old. Oh, but gotta get those lip injections and eyebrow tatoos! Ugg.
They’re making a lot of assumptions based on things he never said.
One of my oldest friendships cooled over us lending her money; we really couldn’t afford the amount that we loaned her at the time & she made no effort to repay us, even when we asked about the money. My friend is addicted to poker machines & she always tells us how much she has won & my question is always “how much money did you lose to win that money” she never answers that question