I have been an addict of many things over the years - drugs, sex and porn to name a few. After 2 decades of living like this I would get sober and replace those for healthier addictions. Today I am addicted to exercise and psychology and have trained to become a therapist. But I am still a slave to my need to numb and distract from myself and my feelings. Even after years of healing with therapy and psychedelics and deep introspection and grieving, I still succumb to addictive behaviours. I can’t tolerate feelings that I judge as negative. I can’t self soothe. I am still learning how to live with childhood trauma in a healthy way but it’s a long old process and I have come a long way since my opioid days. Good luck to all of you beautiful beings still struggling with whatever it is that is holding you back. 🙌✨
HAHA the exercise and psychology addiction is so felt. Literally me. The whole time, I joked with my friends that I’m an addict, they just think I’m cool bc what I’m addicted to is compulsively learning “healthy” hobbies like climbing, judo, swimming, trauma therapy, whatever. But it’s all the same motivation as a heroin addict or alcoholic. I have pain and suffering, I run away to thinks that partially fill the hole. Check out Gabor mate on RUclips. If you’re interested in his concepts, he also teaches his style of therapy called “compassionate inquiry”. There’s self study and professional courses for therapists. As a non therapist, watching the sample therapy sessions in his self study course literally gave me insane clarity and COMPASSION into my own behavior. There’s one or two free ones floating around RUclips as well. I think a huge emphasis is on viewing even addictive behavior itself with compassion rather than judgement. And I see you struggle with that and other “negative” emotions as well. Could be a game changer. Cheers and best of luck :)
I used to self destruct for a long, long, long time. I quit five years ago. I am writing a book about it, but you have a much deeper grasp on the words to use when trying to explain things. This was excellent. Thank you.
There needs to be an infomercial for this. "Do you want to cure your depression? Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to kick your drug habit? Medication does more harm than good! Diets and support groups only replace the problem! Try this revolutionary new technique: Grieving Trauma!"
Not sure if you are being sarcastic...but its actually true. So hopefully you meant it....When people truly grieve, not just pout in secondary feelings, there is little need for those other things.
@nai nai Perceptive comments, but are they not a bit too negative? Is it not true that there are things, even nutritional ones, that can affect the state of the brain-mind for the good, other than psychoactive drugs? Quite a few depressed people, for example, are short on natural b-vitamins, which can be supplied by Calve's liver, brewer's yeast, and bee pollen.
@@gloriouscontent3538 People don't start on heroin because they are escaping a heroin addiction. They are escaping prior trauma. The "tolerance" is a physiological phenomenon. Heroin does become its own issue, but never is it the original issue.
I have been thinking about this topic a LOT and even discussed it with my therapist yesterday and my father today. Both of them thought I should distract myself from feeling upset, reroute myself to healthy "coping mechanisms," etc. I recently had to leave a PTSD support group that claimed I wasn't capable of tackling my trauma unless I became completely abstinent from alcohol where at least 3 doctors thought it was okay for me to taper off and moderate instead (I tried to abstain and wound up binging really badly, then I had that held against me). Why set someone up for a "lose lose" scenario? American psychiatry has a different take on dealing with addictions and trauma compared to other cultures. Addicts are also recipients of coercion and shame; even mental health professionals or facilities will use whatever you honestly report to discredit you as unreliable and "unsafe." You can force someone to detox for several weeks from alcohol, but the relapse rates are high (even with AA, the gold standard); detox services mean $$$ in a for-profit system. We don't treat diabetics the way we do addicts. I'm now isolated because I wasn't able to measure up to the abstinence standard overnight. I don't think that makes me much safer. I drink due to isolation and past traumas, failure of trust, and the facility where I was in group therapy for trauma made me feel evem worse. Addiction and trauma are connected. You can walk and chew gum at the same time. I think it's interesting that even mental health professionals that you place your trust into will feed into the stigma, often with an attached profit motive, and tell you it's not healthy to use chemicals to cope, but they'll push awful psych drugs onto you and justify it. The root cause and circumstances DO matter. I don't want to advocate for wallowing, but at 41 years old, I'm starting to think that distractions/subduing feelings -- however you do it -- is a major part of the problem that makes my addiction chronic. I really appreciate what you had to say here.
I've had quite a few addictions in my past. The chemical addictions just kind of played themselves out and my physical body just simply had enough. Another addiction that I had though was being with people. I felt the need to be with someone all the time. I mean, I had friends, but they generally revolved around my addictions. There weren't too many people I hung out with that didn't at least drink or smoke. I hated being alone, for the reasons Daniel explains...I didn't want to feel the pain or face what was/is causing it. Even the processed sugary foods are something my body rejects now. So I have more opportunity to feel the pain when it comes up, but I still do turn to the internet for escape. Working on that one.
I’ll give it a go🙂 1. Being the scapegoat in a triangulation! 2. Being scapegoated so much, that in a triangulation scenario, the victim would say something like (to the perpetrator in the triangulation) ‘ I would have my head chopped off for you so that you feel safer!’ 3. The one whose being put on a pedestal in the triangulation for instance would trigger the scapegoated victim so much, that the victim would continually project their jealousy/abandonment pain onto the one whose just been love-bombed, so that the loved-bombed one will weirdly defend the victim and really lose it against the love-bombing perpetrator🥴😬 4.cutting oneself in order to to not grieve properly. It goes on and on😪😵
Same as all of these types, they offer no practical solutions to this trauma but are happy to sell millions of paperbacks like snake oil to their audience of damaged people
@@remotefaiththere is no practical solution to complex trauma, it’s a life time of damage and disconnection. There is no pre existing formula to help someone, so it’s only natural to refrain from offering advice, for the most part. Personally i appreciate the insight and information
Spot on. AA should not be a lifelong necessity if one has truly done and continues to do the difficult work toward healing. The transfer of addiction is always a strong sign that one is attempting to dissociate again.
I came from a family where every part of me that wanted me to fight for myself was crushed and the earth salted. In addiditon to that I was "drugged" via ADHD meds but also with a barrage of smaller addictions like constant access to videogames and junk food and vacations and distractions galore. When I finally escaped my family, I was confronted with not only how broken I am but how much I still felt like I needed that smorgasbord of addictions. Its all part of the ball and chain your family puts on you to make it that much harder to escape and heal.
Finding someone who's been working on their issues, especially the big ones, and not controlled by some substance/nasty toxic habits takes a huge dose of patience.. happy to say mine is in good healthy standing :o
Reading books, seeking information ... my mild addictions since the years when I was a 'good girl'. Thank you for this profound analysis of growth out of trauma. I particularly relate to ideas of Al-Anon and religion as addictions. Seemingly less harmful, but, especially religion, destructive of family relationships. I can say now that, understanding this, I am in more of a place of peace, and certainly feeling and grieving my losses. It also helps me tolerate and assist (in whatever ways) others in my own small circle of friends, and those of the family who are more interested in understanding those long-ago dynamics.
Don’t know if I fully agree that video games are (always) ‘low level’ forms of entertainment but this upload is very relevant to so many peoples lives these days.
Traumatized is the new normal! Thinking and making sense of it all, blaming parents at first, I realized it's the society as a whole that pressures individuals to suppress their feelings and emotions to survive in this hyper-competitive world and prosper materially. Forcing trade of our emotional health for materialistic prosperity, and consumerism being an accepted addiction to quelch out the internal emotional void. Driven to greed and excess, but no amount of material goods can really heal emotional traumas.
It still starts with parents. Don't get sidetracked focusing on society. You looked into your mothers disapproving eyes as an infant. Your brain formed in direct relation to your parents emotions...not society. But I agree as well
thank you for posting today. i was actually questioning again my healing and going into the pain today again. some people commented on a post saying this work can be overwhelming and exhausting on so many levels and yes it can be, it so can be. i feel it again today. but i honestly have not found another way of dealing with it. the only way i have found was going into the feelings and processing. thank you for validating this, i needed to hear it again today.
@nai nai thank uou but i ve been doing a lot of that and more than you know! It is really a lot of emotoonal trauma and pain that comes up for processing .. have gone through a lot already .. just hitting some new layers this year again but all i have done so far has helped me loads
"In some ways the addict or alcoholic is being more honest about their pain than the person that holds it together in functional ways acceptable to society." Arthur Janov
Daniel, thank you. I'm connecting with so much of what you're saying in the videos. Thank you for sayjng that suffering and grieving is good, as it's the first step in the healing journey.
8:00 - 9:30 is really great stuff. Really inspiring. I'm on my healing journey and have some addictions that are blocking my healing path at times and this really motivates me to continue feeling and grieving. Thanks.
You're a genius too! It's nice to pick some things up not only from my own brain. God that's so creepy, because it's true. My parents never say a thing about my internet addiction, but when I bring up our family problems or my mental health my mom gets uncomfortable or says "why are you doing this?" like it's some horrible thing I'm doing to the family.
I would disagree with the statement that using has to lead to dissociation. I started recently vaping medical pot quite frequently and oh man this shit helps me FINALLY FEEL SOMETHING. My senses are so enchanced I can feel my baseline muscle tone as some force hugging me very strongly from every angle perpendicular to my body. I just eat my dinner, some snacks and am meditating over my past for several hours. Weed makes it so fucking easier and more accessible as I come to realise thing that would've come to me during way longer time periods when I'm sober. This shit just makes half of the job for me - the links to connect just pop from nowhere and easily fit with each other giving me the sense of logic in this mess. The downside is after about 36 hours I begin to experience low mood, so I will try microdosing to get the benefits without the downsides. I'm aware that I'm talking from my little experience and everybody reacts differently but man, for me this shit is a game changer! I'm learning about myself so quickly I'm nearly shitting my pants and I'M HAPPY DOING IT. Hang on there and good luck!
I kind of conceive therapy, i.e. going to a psychologist, to be the same as how you described Al-Anon. I'm worried by stories of people staying in therapy for years, and by how my psychologist kept telling me to work more - to stuff away my feelings and just be productive.
Wow! So deep and accurate, 100% agree with this. Wondering if you ever did a video on going no contact. I have been there for 5 years now. Would love to hear your thoughts on it.
Guys, I’m sorry for this stupid question, but can anyone tell me how to grieve your trauma? Is it just like laying on your bed and doing nothing but feeling? How does it work and when does it end? And how you can say that you’re on your healing way and not trying to avoid it?
I think you have a good question, I am not sure how to answer that. I have grieved in fits and spurts, there are times when I feel and times when I numb myself. I am not really sure what ideal grieving looks like. Maybe somebody else has figured it out?
Spend time alone without anything to do. Without music, or people, or food. Try to replicate the experience of solitary confinement in prison as near as possible. You will be confronted with yourself and what you're feeling in short order. See how long you can stand it at first. Eventually you can go for longer in direct proportion to how much you accept yourself.
you helped me bring up some social sadness. distancing now a days feels deeply safe. hard to "go back". and how should i..... thanks for your thoughts.
when your hand is cut off you either take painkillers or die from pain shock and the hand never heals, there is no gain in searching for reason, i think sometimes it's better to move on with painkillers in a pocket.
@krom molly sad that people see only negatives, instead of how much good medical treatment have done for past 50 years. it's sad that You are not open to listening and evaluating but only reading headlines, i bet You're one of those who is against psychedelic substance treatment for PTSD or vaccines. open your mind and imagine that not everyone lives in US of A, UK or Australia, that there are dark places all around the world and if those people can get treatment, at least in form of drugs is a big improvement. there are majority of people who can't afford psychotherapy, who can't afford to go on for years and years looking for that one doctor who knows what he does. i've been, as many others, screwed up by pharma and doctors countless times.. like - here take this bezno for one year and you will be fine, - investigate, be smart, be positive, keep an open mind and question authority!
@krom molly " What irritates me , is the majority of people are so sedated by the system" - that's what i mean by keep open mind, change is only way to thrive, as people get older, me too, we tend to close down our minds and fixate out beliefs. therefore there is a saying - can teach new tricks to an old dog.
You say the only two options are: painkilllers or dying. You're hand will eventually heal, even if you first need some painkillers. And you'll be left with no hand. Most people actually try to adjust and go on with their lives how it was. Or even become a better person because of the accident. And painkillers are not the same as psychedelics.
One thing I'm conflicted on: what comes first? Does healing your traumas remove the need for addiction and will naturally resolve it, or do you need to resolve your addictions before you can begin to heal from your traumas? If addictions come as a result of trauma, how could one expect to resolve them before tackling one's traumas? Any insight on this would be greatly appreciated.
I fall into mini addictions in life. Used to smoke little by little bit gave up that, used to drink in my 20’s rarely drink anymore and if I do it’s once maybe every three months but I can go longer with alcohol because it destroys my body more, etc. I felt my feelings yesterday but sense they were so overwhelming I couldn’t take it so I just drank in public then took a Lyft home it was a very strange experience I just sat there laugh crying. I feel sorry for those that I see on the bus drinking no one cares or notices. My feelings were shut down yesterday and instead of lashing out face to face with the person i became passive aggressive and then ignored this person all day. I’m noticing she is a reflection of myself so I am trying to be around those that don’t have my toxic side. Unfortunately that’s all I find. Yep you’re right. My dad left my mother and started a whole new family he also moved me and my mom and brother around a lot. Now I don’t even know if he’s truly happy with my step mother and my half sister just left for college. Apparently he’s a narcissist but I honestly hate labels. My parents are both toxic so I’m trying not to be the same way. Sometimes the suffering is way too painful especially going through dissociation I literally had to touch walls when at work to know that I am still alive and breathing. Religion does not help with grieving if you tell people your inner secrets they’ll just kick you out of the church it’s so sad. Jesus doesn’t do that though. That’s why as a Christian I put Jesus first and the church second. Unfortunately people in a conservative church have to hide who they are or maybe how they are feeling.
As always, great content. Is grieving the same as depression? And if not, what differentiates the two? Can you be addicted to grieving and depression? Sort of like taking it on as an identity?
Bethany From what I have obsevered with depression I think it's different because with grieving you can cry which releases the lent up stagnant waters that were pressed when we held our tears in. Depression I think is caused by not expressing the grief, not able to cry? When we are children we are guided by the spirit/light which helps us to grow in the spirit, which is love, and all that comes with love, compassion, empathy, crearivity, wisdom, understanding. The heart of a child is open when they come into the world but quickly close the door to their hearts when in constant toxic environments. And seeing as most of us grew up in a dysfunctional system we as children closed the door to our hearts, some left that door ajar just abit, and was able to stay in contact with the light and spirit which have them strength to keep some of the feelings, but closed the door enough to cause us trouble. Some closed.The door shut And they had now light And wondered away from the door and got lost. Is he ones whom are lost are waking around dispirited, empty and in darkness, they spiritually are.still the small.child soul they once was, who is in pain, and who is hiding waiting to be found. Depression is darkness of the mind, as the spirit is the light unto to our path And the lamp unto our feet. The child's only way to survive to live in my he environment, the child has to shut down. The spirit came with the child, and that xhild.Is our foundation, is we.are.shut down our foundation is built shoddy, and is in disrepair, and is vacant. So we need to build a new foundation but before we.can do.that we have to dig deep, and investigate the damage, so we can start to throw out a he rotting floors And build a new foundation. The key to our hearts is the child, they closed the door, and the child is waiting for the adult to seek the child and help him them release their suffering And give them a voice. Have you every watched a movie with Bruce Willis in where he is a businessman, who is oblivious to his own feelings, and turns up to work one day to find the 10 year old he once was in his office? He tried to run from that child, but as he was that child he could not escape him. The child told him he would never be happy because he was doing everything that he hated And six he would never do. The film a we watch I think are metaphors of us, walking around like zombies, the walking dead, dispirited, and like vampires, which means no light. People.shut down switched off their lights as.children, and in order.to get through life they drain others life sources around them. Instead of lighting their own candle within. They chose to switch of their humanity, and become monsters. We are in a game of hide and seek, we hid in the darkness as scared.children, and know we are the adults who need to going looking for that child, so we can ask for th door to be opened. Ask.And he shall receive seek And ye shall find. Knock and the door will be opened to you. "They" don't want us to turn the lights back on, because with the spirit And the light comes power, love and a sound mind. "They" need us to stay in the dark.with no understanding, no empathy no compassion, no mercy, no Common sense. As we are more easily controlled when we are on auto pilot with no spirit And light to guide us. "For a broken spirit is like unto a ruined city without walls"
This is great. I do think that you can become addicted to grieving though because, you can become addicted to crying about problems and never changing yourself.
I've tried to wash away images I didn't want to see with other unpleasant images. Porn usage by sexual abuse victims is perhaps the best example of this. A relationship or sexual encounter can retraumatize someone and its possible to feel guilty for rejecting pleasure when you've been denied it.
Respect and like so much your way of getting directly in the listeners and "wachtchers" (sorry, German school english) hard and brain, at the same moment,...seems you're are able to use both ceys to open brain and hard in the same moment by speaking, which is so important. 'Cose most times, the brain "takes/ catches it all" and don't let the hard takes your explainings to "think about to"... to get finally the opportunity (or better strenght) to face the hidden Stockholm Syndrom under the smiling and smart(more or less) surface of our all brains. Love (and need people like you with such a) authentic "wholebodyusing" appearence ... Thanks a lot.
21 days of no sugar, fast food, alcohol, caffeine, has made me more in tune with myself, i am more willing to say what i think. aiming for 30 days. maybe do it a ritual every january.
Cleaning comes to mind. Some maybe like me sometimes use cleaning the flat to deal.with unresolved issues. Cleaning the outside of them "cup" instead of cleaning up the inside of the "cup"
I put together a big folder of videos about depression and looking at it from all angles, over 400. They are in the Playlist part of my channel with the title...'Understanding Depression' Hope they are useful to people as a resource
If there was any addiction I could swap all of my addictions for it would be workaholism because at least then you are putting money in your pocket which helps you to build a life that can facilitate grieving
Hey Daniel I'm Irish I'm just wondering if you know of any therapist I could talk to.. I've broken away from my family but I have now no friends or anyone else to support me in my journey of healing.. I feel so alone.. I'm just wondering if you would know of a good therapist I could even zoom there in America.. I'm sorry I hope I'm not bombarding you with all thses messages.. I'm just a bit desperate to get sum suitable help around this transition I am making.. Alright.. Love your videos.. Thanks agan.. E..
Daniel, what do you know of Anosognosa? Did this mental phenomena surface during your training? What about "Mass Psychosis?" I'd LOVE to get your perspective on Anosognosa, please!
I get WAAAAAAAY more out of your talks than I do with my therapist. My therapist literally doesnt ask ANYTHING about me, my childhood etc. Ive told her that I ad some terrible traumas and her anger is "Everyone has trauma' haha. I felt like slapping her and then saying, :dont sweat it, we all have traumas' it's really weird..it's literally just a waste of time. I haven't heard ONE wise thing or any useful advice or anything. I can tell she has her mind made up around me
That’s why I left as although I loved that everyone expressed who they are or were and felt comfortable in that I realized that I’m not an alcoholic is anyone actually ever an alcoholic then? Programs like this keep people stuck I think
Considering that you think psycho-diagnoses are so arbitrary, would you also agree that diagnosing alcoholism, as a chronic progressive disease, is without scientific merit? I especially have an issue with the way terms like "denial" is used to imply that addicts are incapable of admitting to themselves that they even have an addiction. What do you think of Stanton Peale?
I didn't know how to make my sufferings go away. And I didn't consume alcohol. But I engage in self-harm behaviors and suicidal ideation instead... Everyone has a 'temporary' coping skill, and it's not healthy.
This guy makes me convinced that we can heal cancer, among the many malignant illnesses (heart disease, diabetes, etc.), with just our minds and spirits! I cannot say if this is a good thing or a bad thing... or just neutral thought.
I think that's the problem with groups like AA, they substitute "god" and a "higher power" for the drug. It is equally dissociative. Healthier in many ways, but they suppress their feelings with prayer and meditation instead of feeling the grief and anger.
Daniel can you please elaborate on what it means to grieve?? I would be very very grateful for a video on that. You say how important it is in almost every video and I never know how to do it and therefore I feel even more powerless.I watched your video on grieving but I still don't know how to practically do it. What does it mean to grieve your losses? How does it look like on a daily basis? How do I make sense of the grief? I talked about what happened to me. I wrote anger letters. What else can I do? If I would give in to my grief I would cry a lot which is ok. But I would also walk around sad and depressed all day every day and then I would want to die. I would slip into depression even more and life would feel utterly hopeless. I would not be able to function and feel so much powerlessness and despair. Am I doing something wrong when I try to grieve my childhood? Thank you very much. People in the comment section...I would be grateful for advice.
From what I understand, you are able to express your feelings, but you don't feel your feelings because you're afraid you would become depressed and not being able to function, am I correct? Well, what do you when someone dies and grieves? You go to the funeral and the get to leave work for a couple of days so you can mourn and cry. At the funeral and the days after you'll probably cry a lot and feel like tremendous, almost unbearable pain. But you won't die and the crying will stop and you'll be able to get yourself together with new meaning. The same goes for grieving your trauma's. Feel what you felt back then and look at that trauma from a third person perspective: what would someone who undergoes this trauma feel like? What would you say to that former you? What should have gone differently? And then you grieve your former self. I hope this helps.
What if ur just not interested in ppl, and it's hard cos the fact is most ppl have mild addictions and are dissociated in the world. Going out with ppl most insist on alcohol related activities or low level forms of entertainment. Gaming is at least a little more stimulating for the mind it isn't that great and is more of a form of escapism but it can be alright if used okay. Even though I can think there are many alternatives like going for a walk and such.
Ah ha! I reach for porn when I'm bored, or frustrated with my current circumstances. It definitely does the trick to numb out and dissociate, but absolutely nothing beyond that. Well, I do feel shame after looking at it, but only for having let myself down. It got me through a barely tolerable childhood and adolescence.
Hey Daniel. Question maybe you can answer it in a video if you like but how do you know if you are in the suffering or grieving stage of healing? What are the differences? Can they be similar in a way?
Anyone here who came out of anime manga addiction? So many romaticise anime addiction as if its ok. Der was a whole anime on anime addiction. Dey call dem otaku. Many of my friends are into anime n i pt out dey r addicted dey make jokes like if it's addiction iike dat addiction. So many of my friends r addicted to Korean entertainment. Im happy im out. But is der anyonw like me?
Do you think that anyone with an addiction, particularly a serious, life-threatening addiction, should ever be really trusted? Isn't an addict's first and only true allegiance to his or her junk?
I have been an addict of many things over the years - drugs, sex and porn to name a few. After 2 decades of living like this I would get sober and replace those for healthier addictions. Today I am addicted to exercise and psychology and have trained to become a therapist. But I am still a slave to my need to numb and distract from myself and my feelings. Even after years of healing with therapy and psychedelics and deep introspection and grieving, I still succumb to addictive behaviours. I can’t tolerate feelings that I judge as negative. I can’t self soothe. I am still learning how to live with childhood trauma in a healthy way but it’s a long old process and I have come a long way since my opioid days.
Good luck to all of you beautiful beings still struggling with whatever it is that is holding you back. 🙌✨
❤❤❤❤❤
HAHA the exercise and psychology addiction is so felt. Literally me. The whole time, I joked with my friends that I’m an addict, they just think I’m cool bc what I’m addicted to is compulsively learning “healthy” hobbies like climbing, judo, swimming, trauma therapy, whatever. But it’s all the same motivation as a heroin addict or alcoholic. I have pain and suffering, I run away to thinks that partially fill the hole.
Check out Gabor mate on RUclips. If you’re interested in his concepts, he also teaches his style of therapy called “compassionate inquiry”. There’s self study and professional courses for therapists. As a non therapist, watching the sample therapy sessions in his self study course literally gave me insane clarity and COMPASSION into my own behavior. There’s one or two free ones floating around RUclips as well.
I think a huge emphasis is on viewing even addictive behavior itself with compassion rather than judgement. And I see you struggle with that and other “negative” emotions as well. Could be a game changer.
Cheers and best of luck :)
@notorious-slug im.so sorry you have to struggle.
I used to self destruct for a long, long, long time.
I quit five years ago. I am writing a book about it, but you have a much deeper grasp on the words to use when trying to explain things.
This was excellent. Thank you.
i would like to know how you healed/stopped if you dont mind to reply
There needs to be an infomercial for this.
"Do you want to cure your depression? Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to kick your drug habit? Medication does more harm than good! Diets and support groups only replace the problem! Try this revolutionary new technique: Grieving Trauma!"
Whatever. But he's good anyway. Better than many "therapists" I ever met
"Alcohol companies hate this one simple trick!"
Not sure if you are being sarcastic...but its actually true. So hopefully you meant it....When people truly grieve, not just pout in secondary feelings, there is little need for those other things.
Daniel.. one of the few people that actually know what they are talking about
“Converting suffering into dissociation” excellent concept!
I'd read accounts from heroin addicts that said heroin didn't make them feel euphoric, it made them feel baseline normal.
@nai nai Perceptive comments, but are they not a bit too negative?
Is it not true that there are things, even nutritional ones, that can affect the state of the brain-mind for the good, other than psychoactive drugs?
Quite a few depressed people, for example, are short on natural b-vitamins, which can be supplied by Calve's liver, brewer's yeast, and bee pollen.
I mean... A drunk person can also say he's not drunk and he claims to feel fine. But, that's not 100% true.
Heroin can not heal the trauma heroin causes. Suffering an overdose can kill your high. Your body builds up a tolerance for a reason.
@@gloriouscontent3538 People don't start on heroin because they are escaping a heroin addiction. They are escaping prior trauma. The "tolerance" is a physiological phenomenon. Heroin does become its own issue, but never is it the original issue.
Felt this with beer but fortunately im not addicted
I have been thinking about this topic a LOT and even discussed it with my therapist yesterday and my father today. Both of them thought I should distract myself from feeling upset, reroute myself to healthy "coping mechanisms," etc. I recently had to leave a PTSD support group that claimed I wasn't capable of tackling my trauma unless I became completely abstinent from alcohol where at least 3 doctors thought it was okay for me to taper off and moderate instead (I tried to abstain and wound up binging really badly, then I had that held against me). Why set someone up for a "lose lose" scenario? American psychiatry has a different take on dealing with addictions and trauma compared to other cultures.
Addicts are also recipients of coercion and shame; even mental health professionals or facilities will use whatever you honestly report to discredit you as unreliable and "unsafe." You can force someone to detox for several weeks from alcohol, but the relapse rates are high (even with AA, the gold standard); detox services mean $$$ in a for-profit system. We don't treat diabetics the way we do addicts. I'm now isolated because I wasn't able to measure up to the abstinence standard overnight. I don't think that makes me much safer. I drink due to isolation and past traumas, failure of trust, and the facility where I was in group therapy for trauma made me feel evem worse. Addiction and trauma are connected. You can walk and chew gum at the same time. I think it's interesting that even mental health professionals that you place your trust into will feed into the stigma, often with an attached profit motive, and tell you it's not healthy to use chemicals to cope, but they'll push awful psych drugs onto you and justify it. The root cause and circumstances DO matter. I don't want to advocate for wallowing, but at 41 years old, I'm starting to think that distractions/subduing feelings -- however you do it -- is a major part of the problem that makes my addiction chronic. I really appreciate what you had to say here.
I've had quite a few addictions in my past. The chemical addictions just kind of played themselves out and my physical body just simply had enough. Another addiction that I had though was being with people. I felt the need to be with someone all the time. I mean, I had friends, but they generally revolved around my addictions. There weren't too many people I hung out with that didn't at least drink or smoke. I hated being alone, for the reasons Daniel explains...I didn't want to feel the pain or face what was/is causing it. Even the processed sugary foods are something my body rejects now. So I have more opportunity to feel the pain when it comes up, but I still do turn to the internet for escape. Working on that one.
When you going to write a book on trauma, and how to heal it?
He sorta wrote a guide. It’s on his Amazon called Toward Truth.
Thank you Daniel! I want to add/suggest: some people use pain as an addiction in order repress other feelings which are scary to them.
In which way? Could you explain that please
I’ll give it a go🙂
1. Being the scapegoat in a triangulation!
2. Being scapegoated so much, that in a triangulation scenario, the victim would say something like (to the perpetrator in the triangulation) ‘ I would have my head chopped off for you so that you feel safer!’
3. The one whose being put on a pedestal in the triangulation for instance would trigger the scapegoated victim so much, that the victim would continually project their jealousy/abandonment pain onto the one whose just been love-bombed, so that the loved-bombed one will weirdly defend the victim and really lose it against the love-bombing perpetrator🥴😬
4.cutting oneself in order to to not grieve properly.
It goes on and on😪😵
Gosh, Daniel you are so insightful, what a phenomenal mind of yours.
I'd love to know what Daniel thinks about Gabor Mate, it seems his focus on the traumatic root of addiction is very in line with Daniel's ideas.
He is along the same lines but Daniel is generally against the use of Ayahuasca, which Gabor is big on
Same as all of these types, they offer no practical solutions to this trauma but are happy to sell millions of paperbacks like snake oil to their audience of damaged people
@@remotefaiththere is no practical solution to complex trauma, it’s a life time of damage and disconnection.
There is no pre existing formula to help someone, so it’s only natural to refrain from offering advice, for the most part. Personally i appreciate the insight and information
@@epicgamer-ur1wgGabor mate and his son. The entire family work to sell state propaganda.
@@astro4168 ok
The more grieving work I do the less urges/cravings I experience.
nailing it, like always. so good.
Spot on. AA should not be a lifelong necessity if one has truly done and continues to do the difficult work toward healing. The transfer of addiction is always a strong sign that one is attempting to dissociate again.
AA and even religion. Giving away your self-power to an external source to escape reality or pain.
I wish I could have you as my therapist 😢💗
I came from a family where every part of me that wanted me to fight for myself was crushed and the earth salted. In addiditon to that I was "drugged" via ADHD meds but also with a barrage of smaller addictions like constant access to videogames and junk food and vacations and distractions galore.
When I finally escaped my family, I was confronted with not only how broken I am but how much I still felt like I needed that smorgasbord of addictions. Its all part of the ball and chain your family puts on you to make it that much harder to escape and heal.
Finding someone who's been working on their issues, especially the big ones, and not controlled by some substance/nasty toxic habits takes a huge dose of patience.. happy to say mine is in good healthy standing :o
Reading books, seeking information ... my mild addictions since the years when I was a 'good girl'. Thank you for this profound analysis of growth out of trauma. I particularly relate to ideas of Al-Anon and religion as addictions. Seemingly less harmful, but, especially religion, destructive of family relationships. I can say now that, understanding this, I am in more of a place of peace, and certainly feeling and grieving my losses. It also helps me tolerate and assist (in whatever ways) others in my own small circle of friends, and those of the family who are more interested in understanding those long-ago dynamics.
Me too. Im addicted to RUclips and self help Videos to not feel my past traumas and feelings
Don’t know if I fully agree that video games are (always) ‘low level’ forms of
entertainment but this upload is very relevant to so many peoples lives these days.
Traumatized is the new normal! Thinking and making sense of it all, blaming parents at first, I realized it's the society as a whole that pressures individuals to suppress their feelings and emotions to survive in this hyper-competitive world and prosper materially. Forcing trade of our emotional health for materialistic prosperity, and consumerism being an accepted addiction to quelch out the internal emotional void. Driven to greed and excess, but no amount of material goods can really heal emotional traumas.
It still starts with parents. Don't get sidetracked focusing on society. You looked into your mothers disapproving eyes as an infant. Your brain formed in direct relation to your parents emotions...not society. But I agree as well
thank you for posting today. i was actually questioning again my healing and going into the pain today again. some people commented on a post saying this work can be overwhelming and exhausting on so many levels and yes it can be, it so can be. i feel it again today. but i honestly have not found another way of dealing with it. the only way i have found was going into the feelings and processing. thank you for validating this, i needed to hear it again today.
@nai nai thank uou but i ve been doing a lot of that and more than you know! It is really a lot of emotoonal trauma and pain that comes up for processing .. have gone through a lot already .. just hitting some new layers this year again but all i have done so far has helped me loads
"In some ways the addict or alcoholic is being more honest about their pain than the person that holds it together in functional ways acceptable to society." Arthur Janov
Daniel, thank you. I'm connecting with so much of what you're saying in the videos. Thank you for sayjng that suffering and grieving is good, as it's the first step in the healing journey.
8:00 - 9:30 is really great stuff. Really inspiring. I'm on my healing journey and have some addictions that are blocking my healing path at times and this really motivates me to continue feeling and grieving. Thanks.
Dear Daniel, I have a revelation after revelation while listening to you.
Thanks for letting me know, Yulia!
You're a genius too! It's nice to pick some things up not only from my own brain. God that's so creepy, because it's true. My parents never say a thing about my internet addiction, but when I bring up our family problems or my mental health my mom gets uncomfortable or says "why are you doing this?" like it's some horrible thing I'm doing to the family.
Simple, direct and effective way of putting it.
I would disagree with the statement that using has to lead to dissociation. I started recently vaping medical pot quite frequently and oh man this shit helps me FINALLY FEEL SOMETHING. My senses are so enchanced I can feel my baseline muscle tone as some force hugging me very strongly from every angle perpendicular to my body. I just eat my dinner, some snacks and am meditating over my past for several hours. Weed makes it so fucking easier and more accessible as I come to realise thing that would've come to me during way longer time periods when I'm sober. This shit just makes half of the job for me - the links to connect just pop from nowhere and easily fit with each other giving me the sense of logic in this mess. The downside is after about 36 hours I begin to experience low mood, so I will try microdosing to get the benefits without the downsides. I'm aware that I'm talking from my little experience and everybody reacts differently but man, for me this shit is a game changer! I'm learning about myself so quickly I'm nearly shitting my pants and I'M HAPPY DOING IT. Hang on there and good luck!
What a great video. Thank you for all your great work 🩷
I kind of conceive therapy, i.e. going to a psychologist, to be the same as how you described Al-Anon. I'm worried by stories of people staying in therapy for years, and by how my psychologist kept telling me to work more - to stuff away my feelings and just be productive.
Wow! So deep and accurate, 100% agree with this. Wondering if you ever did a video on going no contact. I have been there for 5 years now. Would love to hear your thoughts on it.
I found your explanation and presentation one of the most informative perspectives I’ve heard in therapy/counselling arena.
Guys, I’m sorry for this stupid question, but can anyone tell me how to grieve your trauma? Is it just like laying on your bed and doing nothing but feeling? How does it work and when does it end? And how you can say that you’re on your healing way and not trying to avoid it?
I think you have a good question, I am not sure how to answer that.
I have grieved in fits and spurts, there are times when I feel and times when I numb myself. I am not really sure what ideal grieving looks like.
Maybe somebody else has figured it out?
Spend time alone without anything to do. Without music, or people, or food. Try to replicate the experience of solitary confinement in prison as near as possible. You will be confronted with yourself and what you're feeling in short order.
See how long you can stand it at first. Eventually you can go for longer in direct proportion to how much you accept yourself.
Very insightful video. I have a similar familial past to yours. I am starting to write as you suggest to process it. Thank you Daniel.
you helped me bring up some social sadness. distancing now a days feels deeply safe. hard to "go back". and how should i..... thanks for your thoughts.
SUFFERING IS HEALTHIER THAN DISSOCIATION!
Until it isn't. Then, nothing stands in the way.
7:16 "Step back" is the turning point! Thank you Daniel. 💝
You're a good dude.
Wonderful video. Very enlightening. Thank you Daniel.
Thanks, Daniel. Very helpful, as usual! 👍👍👍
Can you say how you set up your life to process your suffering and grief. On a day to day basis. To stop falling into addiction.
@Brant Fredrickson i was asking Daniel.
@@ugy10 Don't be a dick Helen.
@Helen Don’t be a Karen
bad ,bad helen!no!
He has posted videos in the past on these topics, browse his channel
I think this hits the nail on the head pretty good.
when your hand is cut off you either take painkillers or die from pain shock and the hand never heals, there is no gain in searching for reason, i think sometimes it's better to move on with painkillers in a pocket.
@krom molly sad that people see only negatives, instead of how much good medical treatment have done for past 50 years. it's sad that You are not open to listening and evaluating but only reading headlines, i bet You're one of those who is against psychedelic substance treatment for PTSD or vaccines.
open your mind and imagine that not everyone lives in US of A, UK or Australia, that there are dark places all around the world and if those people can get treatment, at least in form of drugs is a big improvement.
there are majority of people who can't afford psychotherapy, who can't afford to go on for years and years looking for that one doctor who knows what he does.
i've been, as many others, screwed up by pharma and doctors countless times.. like - here take this bezno for one year and you will be fine, - investigate, be smart, be positive, keep an open mind and question authority!
@krom molly " What irritates me , is the majority of people are so sedated by the system" - that's what i mean by keep open mind, change is only way to thrive, as people get older, me too, we tend to close down our minds and fixate out beliefs. therefore there is a saying - can teach new tricks to an old dog.
You say the only two options are: painkilllers or dying. You're hand will eventually heal, even if you first need some painkillers. And you'll be left with no hand. Most people actually try to adjust and go on with their lives how it was. Or even become a better person because of the accident. And painkillers are not the same as psychedelics.
One thing I'm conflicted on: what comes first? Does healing your traumas remove the need for addiction and will naturally resolve it, or do you need to resolve your addictions before you can begin to heal from your traumas? If addictions come as a result of trauma, how could one expect to resolve them before tackling one's traumas? Any insight on this would be greatly appreciated.
You explain it so well. I hope you will help people with this, that words and time don't go to waste😂
I fall into mini addictions in life. Used to smoke little by little bit gave up that, used to drink in my 20’s rarely drink anymore and if I do it’s once maybe every three months but I can go longer with alcohol because it destroys my body more, etc. I felt my feelings yesterday but sense they were so overwhelming I couldn’t take it so I just drank in public then took a Lyft home it was a very strange experience I just sat there laugh crying. I feel sorry for those that I see on the bus drinking no one cares or notices. My feelings were shut down yesterday and instead of lashing out face to face with the person i became passive aggressive and then ignored this person all day. I’m noticing she is a reflection of myself so I am trying to be around those that don’t have my toxic side. Unfortunately that’s all I find.
Yep you’re right. My dad left my mother and started a whole new family he also moved me and my mom and brother around a lot. Now I don’t even know if he’s truly happy with my step mother and my half sister just left for college. Apparently he’s a narcissist but I honestly hate labels. My parents are both toxic so I’m trying not to be the same way. Sometimes the suffering is way too painful especially going through dissociation I literally had to touch walls when at work to know that I am still alive and breathing. Religion does not help with grieving if you tell people your inner secrets they’ll just kick you out of the church it’s so sad. Jesus doesn’t do that though. That’s why as a Christian I put Jesus first and the church second. Unfortunately people in a conservative church have to hide who they are or maybe how they are feeling.
Thank you, Daniel.
Excellent!
Amazing insight
Daniel you are GOOD 😊
As always, great content. Is grieving the same as depression? And if not, what differentiates the two? Can you be addicted to grieving and depression? Sort of like taking it on as an identity?
Bethany
From what I have obsevered with depression I think it's different because with grieving you can cry which releases the lent up stagnant waters that were pressed when we held our tears in.
Depression I think is caused by not expressing the grief, not able to cry?
When we are children we are guided by the spirit/light which helps us to grow in the spirit, which is love, and all that comes with love, compassion, empathy, crearivity, wisdom, understanding.
The heart of a child is open when they come into the world but quickly close the door to their hearts when in constant toxic environments. And seeing as most of us grew up in a dysfunctional system we as children closed the door to our hearts, some left that door ajar just abit, and was able to stay in contact with the light and spirit which have them strength to keep some of the feelings, but closed the door enough to cause us trouble.
Some closed.The door shut And they had now light And wondered away from the door and got lost.
Is he ones whom are lost are waking around dispirited, empty and in darkness, they spiritually are.still the small.child soul they once was, who is in pain, and who is hiding waiting to be found.
Depression is darkness of the mind, as the spirit is the light unto to our path And the lamp unto our feet.
The child's only way to survive to live in my he environment, the child has to shut down.
The spirit came with the child, and that xhild.Is our foundation, is we.are.shut down our foundation is built shoddy, and is in disrepair, and is vacant.
So we need to build a new foundation but before we.can do.that we have to dig deep, and investigate the damage, so we can start to throw out a he rotting floors And build a new foundation.
The key to our hearts is the child, they closed the door, and the child is waiting for the adult to seek the child and help him them release their suffering And give them a voice.
Have you every watched a movie with Bruce Willis in where he is a businessman, who is oblivious to his own feelings, and turns up to work one day to find the 10 year old he once was in his office?
He tried to run from that child, but as he was that child he could not escape him.
The child told him he would never be happy because he was doing everything that he hated And six he would never do.
The film a we watch I think are metaphors of us, walking around like zombies, the walking dead, dispirited, and like vampires, which means no light.
People.shut down switched off their lights as.children, and in order.to get through life they drain others life sources around them.
Instead of lighting their own candle within.
They chose to switch of their humanity, and become monsters.
We are in a game of hide and seek, we hid in the darkness as scared.children, and know we are the adults who need to going looking for that child, so we can ask for th door to be opened.
Ask.And he shall receive seek And ye shall find.
Knock and the door will be opened to you.
"They" don't want us to turn the lights back on, because with the spirit And the light comes power, love and a sound mind.
"They" need us to stay in the dark.with no understanding, no empathy no compassion, no mercy, no Common sense.
As we are more easily controlled when we are on auto pilot with no spirit And light to guide us.
"For a broken spirit is like unto a ruined city without walls"
@@nikkibaxter5550 I read your whole comment and its beautiful.
This is great. I do think that you can become addicted to grieving though because, you can become addicted to crying about problems and never changing yourself.
If this what I go through. Wow got a lot of insight in this video
This is radical truth…my experience exactly matches what you say
I've tried to wash away images I didn't want to see with other unpleasant images. Porn usage by sexual abuse victims is perhaps the best example of this. A relationship or sexual encounter can retraumatize someone and its possible to feel guilty for rejecting pleasure when you've been denied it.
About 1/3 disasociation, 8:10, 10:00
Respect and like so much your way of getting directly in the listeners and "wachtchers" (sorry, German school english) hard and brain,
at the same moment,...seems you're are able to use both ceys to open brain and hard in the same moment by speaking,
which is so important.
'Cose most times, the brain "takes/ catches it all" and don't let the hard takes your explainings to "think about to"... to get finally the opportunity (or better strenght) to face the hidden Stockholm Syndrom under the smiling and smart(more or less) surface of our all brains.
Love (and need people like you with such a) authentic "wholebodyusing" appearence ...
Thanks a lot.
🙏 Thank YOU very much 💐
21 days of no sugar, fast food, alcohol, caffeine, has made me more in tune with myself, i am more willing to say what i think. aiming for 30 days. maybe do it a ritual every january.
Cleaning comes to mind.
Some maybe like me sometimes use cleaning the flat to deal.with unresolved issues.
Cleaning the outside of them "cup" instead of cleaning up the inside of the "cup"
Dan how do we break the cycle ?
How do I grieve?
I put together a big folder of videos about depression and looking at it from all angles, over 400. They are in the Playlist part of my channel with the title...'Understanding Depression'
Hope they are useful to people as a resource
Is this grieving period or mentality one being the victim and is this good?
If there was any addiction I could swap all of my addictions for it would be workaholism because at least then you are putting money in your pocket which helps you to build a life that can facilitate grieving
What about benzo DEPENDENCE?? There's just no hope.
could you make a video on how to grieve?
Hmm, I'm not sure these videos are exactly "how-to", but here are some videos of mine on grieving: www.youtube.com/@dmackler58/search?query=grieve
Hey Daniel I'm Irish I'm just wondering if you know of any therapist I could talk to.. I've broken away from my family but I have now no friends or anyone else to support me in my journey of healing.. I feel so alone.. I'm just wondering if you would know of a good therapist I could even zoom there in America.. I'm sorry I hope I'm not bombarding you with all thses messages.. I'm just a bit desperate to get sum suitable help around this transition I am making.. Alright.. Love your videos.. Thanks agan.. E..
Daniel, what do you know of Anosognosa? Did this mental phenomena surface during your training? What about "Mass Psychosis?" I'd LOVE to get your perspective on Anosognosa, please!
Good questions! I'll think on them.
So basically, anything that doesn't more or less directly solve your trauma is an addiction/distraction?
Listen to Gabor Mate's videos on addiction and trauma and read his books.
I get WAAAAAAAY more out of your talks than I do with my therapist. My therapist literally doesnt ask ANYTHING about me, my childhood etc. Ive told her that I ad some terrible traumas and her anger is "Everyone has trauma' haha. I felt like slapping her and then saying, :dont sweat it, we all have traumas' it's really weird..it's literally just a waste of time. I haven't heard ONE wise thing or any useful advice or anything. I can tell she has her mind made up around me
I would suggest finding a trauma informed therapist. Preferably a somatic trauma informed therapist.
That’s why I left as although I loved that everyone expressed who they are or were and felt comfortable in that I realized that I’m not an alcoholic is anyone actually ever an alcoholic then? Programs like this keep people stuck I think
Considering that you think psycho-diagnoses are so arbitrary, would you also agree that diagnosing alcoholism, as a chronic progressive disease, is without scientific merit? I especially have an issue with the way terms like "denial" is used to imply that addicts are incapable of admitting to themselves that they even have an addiction. What do you think of Stanton Peale?
So Grief Work breaks your Addiction.
Grief & Trauma Underlie your Addiction.
Recovery can be addictive.
This is what I wonder too. Where’s the line between addiction and healthy actions...
Profound
I didn't know how to make my sufferings go away. And I didn't consume alcohol. But I engage in self-harm behaviors and suicidal ideation instead... Everyone has a 'temporary' coping skill, and it's not healthy.
Our entire society is set up to encourage addiction instead of feeling and authenticity
Sad but true…
My addiction is to narcissists because I wasn't accepted for who I am, the narcissist fill in the holes of the emotional needs I didn't get.
This guy makes me convinced that we can heal cancer, among the many malignant illnesses (heart disease, diabetes, etc.), with just our minds and spirits! I cannot say if this is a good thing or a bad thing... or just neutral thought.
I think that's the problem with groups like AA, they substitute "god" and a "higher power" for the drug. It is equally dissociative. Healthier in many ways, but they suppress their feelings with prayer and meditation instead of feeling the grief and anger.
Daniel can you please elaborate on what it means to grieve?? I would be very very grateful for a video on that.
You say how important it is in almost every video and I never know how to do it and therefore I feel even more powerless.I watched your video on grieving but I still don't know how to practically do it.
What does it mean to grieve your losses? How does it look like on a daily basis? How do I make sense of the grief?
I talked about what happened to me. I wrote anger letters. What else can I do? If I would give in to my grief I would cry a lot which is ok. But I would also walk around sad and depressed all day every day and then I would want to die. I would slip into depression even more and life would feel utterly hopeless. I would not be able to function and feel so much powerlessness and despair. Am I doing something wrong when I try to grieve my childhood? Thank you very much.
People in the comment section...I would be grateful for advice.
From what I understand, you are able to express your feelings, but you don't feel your feelings because you're afraid you would become depressed and not being able to function, am I correct?
Well, what do you when someone dies and grieves? You go to the funeral and the get to leave work for a couple of days so you can mourn and cry. At the funeral and the days after you'll probably cry a lot and feel like tremendous, almost unbearable pain. But you won't die and the crying will stop and you'll be able to get yourself together with new meaning. The same goes for grieving your trauma's. Feel what you felt back then and look at that trauma from a third person perspective: what would someone who undergoes this trauma feel like? What would you say to that former you? What should have gone differently? And then you grieve your former self.
I hope this helps.
Hahahahahaha how mean!! That hit so close to home!! :(
What if ur just not interested in ppl, and it's hard cos the fact is most ppl have mild addictions and are dissociated in the world. Going out with ppl most insist on alcohol related activities or low level forms of entertainment. Gaming is at least a little more stimulating for the mind it isn't that great and is more of a form of escapism but it can be alright if used okay. Even though I can think there are many alternatives like going for a walk and such.
Ah ha!
I reach for porn when I'm bored, or frustrated with my current circumstances. It definitely does the trick to numb out and dissociate, but absolutely nothing beyond that. Well, I do feel shame after looking at it, but only for having let myself down.
It got me through a barely tolerable childhood and adolescence.
Hey Daniel. Question maybe you can answer it in a video if you like but how do you know if you are in the suffering or grieving stage of healing? What are the differences? Can they be similar in a way?
ohhhh yyeaaahhhhhhh!
7:37
💯
Make kids and being obsessed with them is kind of addiction
Religion as an addiction...
Anyone here who came out of anime manga addiction? So many romaticise anime addiction as if its ok. Der was a whole anime on anime addiction. Dey call dem otaku. Many of my friends are into anime n i pt out dey r addicted dey make jokes like if it's addiction iike dat addiction. So many of my friends r addicted to Korean entertainment. Im happy im out. But is der anyonw like me?
VG 👍🏽👍🏼👍🏾🇦🇺
Love dad or suffer
All victims have Dyslexia to some level
My addictions are food and exercise. Oy vey!
Do you think that anyone with an addiction, particularly a serious, life-threatening addiction, should ever be really trusted? Isn't an addict's first and only true allegiance to his or her junk?