Cultivate your relationship with yourself, have compassion for yourself, get to know yourself and love yourself, deeply. You have an amazing gift Daniel. You are so appreciated!
@@PedroLucas-ix8tx Tough to put into so many words. If, as a kid, you didn't get the clear message that you were "seen" and loved, just as you are, as a living presence, then you are left feeling that you are fundamentally lacking. You are then motivated to figure out how to mold your presentation in such a way as to get external affirmation regarding your "okayness", your "lovability". You are convinced that you are essentially unworthy. Speaking from my own experience, I had to suffer this dynamic for quite sometime: modify my presentation, seek validation, either get it (and be left feeling empty, doubtful and confused) or have it withheld (and my assumption that I am unworthy reinforced) Anyway you slice it, you lose. After a time you stop looking outside of yourself for validation and come to see just how alone you really are (there's an upside to that). I had to come to experience myself as essentially a living presence, see my situation, recognize what's strong, brave and generous in me, have compassion for myself (and a spiritual aside, sense a greater Foundation). I don't think that there are many shortcuts here.
Is it bad if I don't experience that? I mean, I don't feel jealous of other people often, but I sincerely don't care about someone else's success, unless I care very much about the person, then it makes me really happy. In other words, I'm not jealous, but I'm not happy either? Is that still jealousy, somehow?
spot on. jealousy is at its roots about unmet connection needs - with ourselves and the world. by cultivating a connection with ourselves and a curiosity we can move through the jealousy and not take other people's success personally. capitalism and individualism would have us believe we are in competition, but really we all benefit from each other doing well
It's so energizing yet irritating that all roads lead back to having to grieve trauma. It's mad how much of what we do is just self medication, from drugs to careers to lovers and even habits. Man.
Once someone was jealous of me while I was feeling like a failure and a loser. I laughed so hard at them. Then it occurred to me how my own jealousy of others was baseless. This reasning helped me control my feelings of jealousy to a great extent. Or perhaps they stopped altogether.
Mr Mackler, that's a masterpiece...! The world needs to devour those words as if it's their last meal that will save them. If everyone conquered their jealousies the world would be a fertile ground of inspirational beauty and delight. I went through very similar times in my twenties.
Thank you for your authenticity, I agree with your realisation.. Self parenting is part of the key, healing the trauma a constant processe, it's bloody difficult
Binge watching too, right here, guilty, growing on the inside, healing, and proud of it. Very insightful and such a relatable video, thank you Daniel Mackler!!
Being a Behavioral Therapist allows me to teach the kids how not to be jealous, and utilize what they were given for certain class projects and to go all out with their creativity. My mother taught me, good sportsmanship
I am incredibly jealous and envious and I hate it. All I ever wanted to do was spread love and light. I don't feel like anyone owes me anything other than respecting my basic rights and I'm peeved about that lately. I really hate when men feel entitled to women do it's nice to see someone woke up and did introspection instead of externalizing
Daniel , I think that if there is a heaven,they are installing an express elevator just for you. You have really helped me to fine tune some of the principles that I have already been putting into practice in my life and your videos are like headlights on a dark night that keeps me on the road and I believe your work to be of truth and generosity and from the heart and I just would like to say .Thank You Daniel.
Thank you for this. I have struggled with this for a long time and have made major strides but still get some pangs of jealousy sometimes. Being stuck is what caused so much jealousy. When I felt trapped in a life I didn't want and felt powerless to move out of the situation is when I felt so much bitterness and jealousy. I have learned to take control over my life and I have the power to change instead of letting other people control what I do with their various manipulations. I've learned how to free myself from so much of that and to love and nurture myself, speak kindly to myself instead of beating myself up, and not let the opinions of others determine my worth. This has made all the difference to me. I still have struggles and literally just came out of the darkest depression...but I am learning to be there for myself and focus on what makes me happy instead of worrying what everyone else's opinion or expectation is. Growing as a person and overcoming is very powerful. Thank you for sharing honestly about this topic, it's a very important one.
Thank you for making these videos, your perspective really helps. Sooner or later we realize what's important and are able to navigate in the direction that we were meant to go towards. Love to you.
Well said. I went through that phase myself. Social media doesnt help one bit. Watching people have a good time on instagram and facebook can make you feel resentment and envy even though you realize it is not rational and much of it is a facade. I deleted all my accounts and never lookced back
Thoughly enjoyed this video, saved this one to my favorites.....................I'm struggling with jealously for all the reasons you mentioned. My mother and father neglected me as well, I was given toys, objects, silence, told to "don't argue with me, I don't want to hear it" , issues with boundries, instead of nuturing and teaching me how to love myself............I feel cheated, I feel they owed for the time they were never there.......some days I feel I want revenge
I love the important points you made in this video. It was so relateable and insightful. It truly makes a huge difference knowing that that I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I think social media plays a huge part in jealousy nowadays which is why I feel it more than I did earlier in my life.
I discovered that I used success as a way to gain love. I was only celebrated for what I could do as a child, becoming an over achiever/chronic people pleaser. Once I began the process of learning myself and learning to love who I am, I realized what I was actually doing.
I wish i didn't feel so much jealousy. I wish i loved myself more and accepted what i don't have. I wish i could be happy for people instead of envying them. I need to grow up and feel happy for others successes. I am whole i need not feel loss at others success. I need to feel whole and together i want to feel complete
I felt I owed everyone and responsible for others and be last to care for myself. I made everyone in my community happy. I put everyone first. I’m realizing I owe nothing to anyone and nobody owes me either. Now I care for myself. I just don’t know why it took me half a lifetime to heal, but I have the rest of my life to do so. I’m happy to listen to you because you are so honest in a world that is so superficial you are supportive, honest and reflective. Thank you for your story. It’s never a given and thank you for sharing your contemplation. It takes courage. By healing yourself you can heal others.❤
Thanks for this daniel. It seems like it's harder to find content on personal issues rather than issues about others! Jealousy is a big problem for me, because of the little I was brought up with. The entitlement is going to take a while to intergrate. Love your work 😇
i relate a lot to this. i know a woman who seems to have everything- her dream job as a news anchor, a very loving and giving millionaire fiance, an extremely nice house, etc but she is still an alcoholic and hates herself and is miserable. even though im very poor and have an overwhelming amount of problems i still look at her and her life and think that i would rather be me than her because at least i love myself and want better for myself and have the right mindset to make things better for myself.
I've experienced, a weird sort of Jealousy by Proxy; as I call it, directed at me. I've not had a very successful life, by most western standards, certainly. Yet, I have been perceived, as a child of privilege, by many. they either, did not know; or care, about the trauma I went through, in my family; school, and neighborhood. I never had a single adult, that was in the trenches for me on even a remotely consistent basis. You can't defend yourself, without being mocked or seen as a precious crybaby. My father, was was fairly affluent within an ethnic group, that was not very affluent. I was caught between worlds, on so many levels.
@@universeofopulence mars girl replied: "Schadenfraude is the manifestation of envy - pleasure in others misfortune. So you're a fool in other words haha" Schadenfreude is to envy what eating is to hunger, at least in the way Daniel presents it.
@@toddboothbee1361 .... that's exactly why I asked.. bcos I didn't know it's meaning....... sooooo if someone wants to know about something, does that make them 'a fool'..???
❤ That is key. We feel joy when our friends find success. We get to do our own homework and find our own purpose and success and the way it can be done.❤
thank you for the videos daniel ... i binge on them and its just this one i chose to comment on, but really ... you made me re-examine myself, and i am all for the better because of it. you truly helped in my journey.
I was jealous of my sister for the longest time. My mother made me her helper at a young age while my sister had been given more opportunities. My mother never wanted me to be too accomplished or successful. That would mean she would lose her helper.
To get pass jealousy I just imagine that if I am envious of a person and wished to have all the things then I would have to be in their shoes and feel the pinch of their pain, rage, stress, depression, anxiety, trauma and etc. If I'm in their shoes I had have to accept all this things. But it doesn't seem to be that good as it is.
Wonderful insight as usual. Same as you, I experienced similar child-rearing conditions and felt much envy and jealousy in my earlier years. I have not been aware of any proactive action of mine to correct those missing areas of me. Minimal therapy to make it through a circumstantial rough time, but no meaningful, deep work along with self-help reading without conscious action were the only things that I've done to attempt to heal. I have journaled extensively, but more in the way of recording facts as similar to a diary. How would you explain the fact that I have a stable foundation of who I am now? Can healing happen on a subconscious level and manifest practically? Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience as they have helped me to grow and validate my rationality in an irrational world.
amazing. might you consider putting together some kind of roadmap or recommending some materials for people who are looking to do what you describe for themselves?
Jealous can come from relationship not trust that person it can come from how they make you think they are true and honest and respect or it can come from want what other people want
Awesome video Daniel. Is jealosy in kids the result of unmet emotional needs? Many people say that jealosy is a natural human trait which exists in order to drive competitiveness, but I don't really buy into that.
Yes all that jealousy is stemed from competitiveness which is of ego and sad to say lack of real security so many people who are more competitive and want to control or feel they have more control and stability by being the best is to one up everyone by everymeans because if not they feel powerless and feel over ruled which is what they crave to over rule others so yeah its lack of maturity to realize you cannot know it all no one does infact no one ever will and thats how we evolve as a species grasping and learning new things all the time it will never end as time keeps going even when human species gets wiped out of existance other living matter things will still grow and thus evolve whether somone with intelligence is able to compute and retain that information to pass along to keep sharing knowledge that is a gift and thats the key is to be truly open to share keys of knowlege to attain greatness and to not openly share is to kill off another and if we do that we ultimately kill ourselves wither down our security even more so feeling so insecure we have to refrain to share great ways of succeeding to others because thats what fuels your confidence but which is of false confidence because of unhealed wounds from past that creates that dependency of having to have that of which is outside influences where constantly being fed by media of whats deems you to be more worthy which we all learned is your culture background educations IQ looks materialistic possessions& relations you associate with rates how other people value you which varies by how whoever is judging you percieves to be of more value so just like the saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder which is influenced differently like how all different cultures have a total different vision of what they see as beautiful but in reality we all get turned off once a person shows their character by their set of morals or lack of them like respect no one appeals to that so real beauty is based on kindness and that foundation is based on having good will and giving others your blessings to do well instead of intentions of ill will not giving your blessing for their well-being and success is itself a sickness thats seems to fester in toxicity making you feel incomplete because you really are by masking up old wounds with bandages that hide but not heal because your not treating it by not cleaning it which is releasing all that built up grimes of pains that never been fully expressed but repressed and causing destructive tendencies to feel better with superficial influences for our self esteem which hides by escaping whats really wrong why is it that i cant feel good with that what's really wrong is how i been wronged to not feel any sense of worthiness or right to feel validated liked and loved if not having some of what were conditioned to have to attain in order to be accepted and worthy smh....this world becomes a sick sad world like on old Mtv show Daria news show title name which is another great example of entitlements with what title's we put on everthing which is all ego stigma BS shananigans waste of time in really reaching to be attaining true joy which is within and not dependent from outside influences.
Family status has a lot to do with envy and jealousy. I never wanted to share my boyfriend with anyone! I wanted to be his only one because growing up, I was the last child - the only one that was completely ignored or tolerated. Nothing Special! Two of my sibs were the Golden Children - both grew up as Narcissists.
I'm constantly jealous of people who can function in interpersonal reality USA 2019. Hearing the thoughts of most people turns my stomach, as does witnessing modern low culture in action
Yes all that jealousy is stemed from competitiveness which is of ego and sad to say lack of real security so many people who are more competitive and want to control or feel they have more control and stability by being the best is to one up everyone by everymeans because if not they feel powerless and feel over ruled which is what they crave to over rule others so yeah its lack of maturity to realize you cannot know it all no one does infact no one ever will and thats how we evolve as a species grasping and learning new things all the time it will never end as time keeps going even when human species gets wiped out of existance other living matter things will still grow and thus evolve whether somone with intelligence is able to compute and retain that information to pass along to keep sharing knowledge that is a gift and thats the key is to be truly open to share keys of knowlege to attain greatness and to not openly share is to kill off another and if we do that we ultimately kill ourselves wither down our security even more so feeling so insecure we have to refrain to share great ways of succeeding to others because thats what fuels your confidence but which is of false confidence because of unhealed wounds from past that creates that dependency of having to have that of which is outside influences where constantly being fed by media of whats deems you to be more worthy which we all learned is your culture background educations IQ looks materialistic possessions& relations you associate with rates how other people value you which varies by how whoever is judging you percieves to be of more value so just like the saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder which is influenced differently like how all different cultures have a total different vision of what they see as beautiful but in reality we all get turned off once a person shows their character by their set of morals or lack of them like respect no one appeals to that so real beauty is based on kindness and that foundation is based on having good will and giving others your blessings to do well instead of intentions of ill will not giving your blessing for their well-being and success is itself a sickness thats seems to fester in toxicity making you feel incomplete because you really are by masking up old wounds with bandages that hide but not heal because your not treating it by not cleaning it which is releasing all that built up grimes of pains that never been fully expressed but repressed and causing destructive tendencies to feel better with superficial influences for our self esteem which hides by escaping whats really wrong why is it that i cant feel good with that what's really wrong is how i been wronged to not feel any sense of worthiness or right to feel validated liked and loved if not having some of what were conditioned to have to attain in order to be accepted and worthy smh....this world becomes a sick sad world like on old Mtv show Daria news show title name which is another great example of entitlements with what title's we put on everthing which is all ego stigma BS shananigans waste of time in really reaching to be attaining true joy which is within and not dependent from outside influences.
I think feeling that you own qualities cannot do any good for the world is another traumatized part of us. İt is possible that using what you have gained on the inside, at the therapy process may hav helped you resolve that trauma and belief. That could be why it was helpful as well :)
This doesn't speak a lot to me as a recovering compulsive helper (codependent). It is good to understand, that no one owes u anything, but u as a compulsive helper should understand that it's a reciprocal thing. You do not owe them too. But some ppl are going to help u no matter what u can pay them back. Life is not that straightforward.
That’s what I’m struggling with, how do I find what my purpose? I don’t live according to my purpose and it creates a lot of problems in life, I feel worthless hopeless and it affects my physical health as well
lov ur vids.. tnk u. pardon my sensitive eye.. bt sincerely.. wtsup with the lamp right in front of the door?!)) hard not to notice (every time).. even the camera points in that direction. just wanted to spill it out there)))
I want so badly to cherish life. But I don't cherish it and can't. I don't even feel like I'm alive. What is there to cherish when you lack everything to the point that you don't even know what life means or if it means anything at all? In general my life is looked down upon BY DEFAULT. So it's not like people will give me any reasons to cherish my life. They basically say, "Well you should be thankful it was you and not someone else, or at least you know the pain so you know it's wrong and won't harm anyone." I don't know that it's wrong. I think I actually disagree and would say we should experience trauma. Knowing what it feels like is shaky too cuz' that doesn't mean I'm empathetic or even sympathetic like I'm expected to be. If I'm "good" people expect me to be a victim. If I'm "bad" people expect me to be a perpetrator or predator. Since I tried to be neither, I am inconceivable. It causes a lot of jealousy because I seemingly can't be acknowledged. I just wonder what to do when you're too painful or lacking to be loved or have anyone be present with you. I've thought about things like sexually abusing a child (even when I was a "child"), murder, rape, etc. to gain presence and a sense of aliveness. But I had a wish, even if there was no reason for it, that that dark place where no one grows wasn't the only place I could be. I wished there was a place that I could BE alive rather than just feel "alive" from stimulation from taking others cherished lives. I really hate that everytime I see a child, I get reduced to the insignificant little thing my childself was/is, and I can't help but want to kill that child for making me feel that way. Eventhough I know I don't want to be them, my life never seems to hold up to the fulfillment of others. The things I have becomes more of a list of things I lack. Humanity, morality, belonging, love, fulfillment, happiness, life, friends, family, relationships, childhood, connection, etc. It eventually goes to lacking pretty much everything, leading to all I have and am being trauma and the lack of wellbeing in essence regarding myself and everyone else associated with it. It's a daunting task to take care of when you don't know how to care for it. Seeing as no one cared for it, I haven't gotten any appropriate examples or role models. I ask myself questions like, Do I honor myself as a murderer by allowing myself to kill? If I don't kill externally, how do I express myself and what I am experiencing? I can't figure out how to explore it fast enough before I arrive at murder. It basically feels like I start at murder, that's how fast the process is. I can't remember the last time I cherished life or being alive not even in childhood.
Pastel Panda - Empathy is weird. On one hand, I have a burning desperate desire to be useful to people, to help people have a good life, but I have absolutely no interest in sharing that goodness with people; people bore me. It’s like happiness isn’t made for me, and all I want to do is make happiness possible for other people so that they can leave me alone. The problem for me is that other people expect me to actually be interested in them as a person, and they expect me to actively be happy for my own sake; both of which confound me and I feel guilty for wasting everyone’s time; I actually wish people would stop pretending that I’m anything more than a hollow servant. As for comfort, I just smother myself with porn and fantasy. I have a fascination with sexual violation and exhibitionism that goes beyond the physical, which only ever leads me to be even more disconnected from myself and my reality, and it only makes being around people the more awkward as those images of sex invade every other conversation. I am thankful that I have a sense of honor that keeps me from doing anything to harm anyone. I do not include people I know in my perversions; I do not include violence, and I’m only really attracted to 30 year old females. But this sense of honor and preserving the wellbeing of others is not really the same as empathy; it’s just a wall that keeps my poison out of the neighbor’s yard, so that the neighbor can live a happy life without me ruining anything. I guess it’s up to interpretation whether or not I’m even sane.
Pastel Panda - I think my advice to you is the same advice I give myself. Stop punishing, start investigating. To focus upon where these issues stem; my insecurities and my fascinations both are directly linked to the circumstances of my life, and at least pragmatically, harming myself or harming others is really a form of procrastination that ignores the root problem. Better to investigate the problem in and of itself, and to investigate methods of training yourself to overcome it. I’m not doing great myself, sitting here are 3:26 p.m. and haven’t even made breakfast, but even now my emotional condition is an improvement over where I was 5 years ago.
Technically Envy & Jealousy R 2 different things , da problem iz Selfishness Unlimited , It doesn't Stop at want 2 have what U have itz really Extreme when dey convey U shouldn't have it 🔯
Women who think you are better than them and dont think they can have me are scared of me and also want to be like me so one part idolise me other is scared of unknown it made a lot of envy and its good thing because if she is submissive she respect you not envy and you can inspire others to be more yourself but also bad if people are not able to be themshelves because of traumas so they start lyng on you to others beause of their issues
That's so funny to me, the way you're happy about other people's failures. That's jealousy: to think they don't deserve nice things. Unfortunately, you aren't over that yet.
Hmmm... I disagree with the part about looking at people you were jealous of years later to see what their failures are down the line. That dosent negate your own failures and shortcomings as we all have them and really stifles genuine growth. It sounds like an emotional crutch to soothe the ego; A way of finding comfort through nestling in other peoples woes. Weird. Like what if a person you were previously envious of was happy in the marriage or continued to repeat success in their career and shows no obvious signs of failure? Then what anchor is there for you to feel better about yourself? It sounds super egotistical and alot of energy to exert into someone who probably isnt even pressed about you but living their life. Interesting video overall though.
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Cultivate your relationship with yourself, have compassion for yourself, get to know yourself and love yourself, deeply. You have an amazing gift Daniel. You are so appreciated!
It's seems like such a simple thing- "love thyself"
Yet the power it gives you is so so so powerful
But..... How?
@@PedroLucas-ix8tx Tough to put into so many words. If, as a kid, you didn't get the clear message that you were "seen" and loved, just as you are, as a living presence, then you are left feeling that you are fundamentally lacking. You are then motivated to figure out how to mold your presentation in such a way as to get external affirmation regarding your "okayness", your "lovability". You are convinced that you are essentially unworthy. Speaking from my own experience, I had to suffer this dynamic for quite sometime: modify my presentation, seek validation, either get it (and be left feeling empty, doubtful and confused) or have it withheld (and my assumption that I am unworthy reinforced) Anyway you slice it, you lose. After a time you stop looking outside of yourself for validation and come to see just how alone you really are (there's an upside to that).
I had to come to experience myself as essentially a living presence, see my situation, recognize what's strong, brave and generous in me, have compassion for myself (and a spiritual aside, sense a greater Foundation). I don't think that there are many shortcuts here.
It's a liberation we when you can be truly happy for someone else's success.
Empathetic joy 🤩 💕🥳
Is it bad if I don't experience that? I mean, I don't feel jealous of other people often, but I sincerely don't care about someone else's success, unless I care very much about the person, then it makes me really happy. In other words, I'm not jealous, but I'm not happy either? Is that still jealousy, somehow?
@aicerg Sounds bad to me but dunno. You're disconnected.
spot on. jealousy is at its roots about unmet connection needs - with ourselves and the world. by cultivating a connection with ourselves and a curiosity we can move through the jealousy and not take other people's success personally. capitalism and individualism would have us believe we are in competition, but really we all benefit from each other doing well
It's so energizing yet irritating that all roads lead back to having to grieve trauma. It's mad how much of what we do is just self medication, from drugs to careers to lovers and even habits. Man.
This was the best description of jealousy I’ve ever heard. Seriously impressive. In fact all of your work is such a treat. Thank-you so much.
You touch my heart with your honesty and insight
An alternative title: Internal vs External Success. I really needed this. Thank you!
Once someone was jealous of me while I was feeling like a failure and a loser. I laughed so hard at them. Then it occurred to me how my own jealousy of others was baseless. This reasning helped me control my feelings of jealousy to a great extent. Or perhaps they stopped altogether.
Mr Mackler, that's a masterpiece...! The world needs to devour those words as if it's their last meal that will save them. If everyone conquered their jealousies the world would be a fertile ground of inspirational beauty and delight. I went through very similar times in my twenties.
Thank you for your authenticity,
I agree with your realisation..
Self parenting is part of the key, healing the trauma a constant processe, it's bloody difficult
I’m binge watching all your videos! Thanks so much for these! It’s a time in my life where I feel like I need to hear all this 👏
Binge watching too, right here, guilty, growing on the inside, healing, and proud of it. Very insightful and such a relatable video, thank you Daniel Mackler!!
So am I. Amazing
You ARE a TRUE star, and a REAL hero... and likely the only authentic friend that some people you have never met will ever know ✨️
Being a Behavioral Therapist allows me to teach the kids how not to be jealous, and utilize what they were given for certain class projects and to go all out with their creativity. My mother taught me, good sportsmanship
I've been watching this on repeat, trying to soak in these amazing and true insights. Thank you Daniel for your honesty, it enriches us all
Moments of brilliance here. Like the entitlement bit, who owes us, etc. Very nice.
I am incredibly jealous and envious and I hate it. All I ever wanted to do was spread love and light.
I don't feel like anyone owes me anything other than respecting my basic rights and I'm peeved about that lately.
I really hate when men feel entitled to women do it's nice to see someone woke up and did introspection instead of externalizing
Daniel , I think that if there is a heaven,they are installing an express elevator just for you.
You have really helped me to fine tune some of the principles that I have already been putting into practice in my life and your videos are like headlights on a dark night that keeps me on the road and I believe your work to be of truth and generosity and from the heart and I just would like to say .Thank You Daniel.
Thank you for this. I have struggled with this for a long time and have made major strides but still get some pangs of jealousy sometimes. Being stuck is what caused so much jealousy. When I felt trapped in a life I didn't want and felt powerless to move out of the situation is when I felt so much bitterness and jealousy. I have learned to take control over my life and I have the power to change instead of letting other people control what I do with their various manipulations. I've learned how to free myself from so much of that and to love and nurture myself, speak kindly to myself instead of beating myself up, and not let the opinions of others determine my worth. This has made all the difference to me. I still have struggles and literally just came out of the darkest depression...but I am learning to be there for myself and focus on what makes me happy instead of worrying what everyone else's opinion or expectation is. Growing as a person and overcoming is very powerful. Thank you for sharing honestly about this topic, it's a very important one.
Thank you for making these videos, your perspective really helps. Sooner or later we realize what's important and are able to navigate in the direction that we were meant to go towards. Love to you.
Well said. I went through that phase myself. Social media doesnt help one bit. Watching people have a good time on instagram and facebook can make you feel resentment and envy even though you realize it is not rational and much of it is a facade. I deleted all my accounts and never lookced back
Thoughly enjoyed this video, saved this one to my favorites.....................I'm struggling with jealously for all the reasons you mentioned. My mother and father neglected me as well, I was given toys, objects, silence, told to "don't argue with me, I don't want to hear it" , issues with boundries, instead of nuturing and teaching me how to love myself............I feel cheated, I feel they owed for the time they were never there.......some days I feel I want revenge
I love the important points you made in this video. It was so relateable and insightful. It truly makes a huge difference knowing that that I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I think social media plays a huge part in jealousy nowadays which is why I feel it more than I did earlier in my life.
I discovered that I used success as a way to gain love. I was only celebrated for what I could do as a child, becoming an over achiever/chronic people pleaser. Once I began the process of learning myself and learning to love who I am, I realized what I was actually doing.
I wish i didn't feel so much jealousy. I wish i loved myself more and accepted what i don't have. I wish i could be happy for people instead of envying them. I need to grow up and feel happy for others successes. I am whole i need not feel loss at others success. I need to feel whole and together i want to feel complete
I've forwarded this to a friend of mine who makes it so obvious he is jealous of me and other friends of his.
That is one of your more positive and empowering videos since I started watching your channel
Thank you
I felt I owed everyone and responsible for others and be last to care for myself. I made everyone in my community happy. I put everyone first. I’m realizing I owe nothing to anyone and nobody owes me either. Now I care for myself. I just don’t know why it took me half a lifetime to heal, but I have the rest of my life to do so. I’m happy to listen to you because you are so honest in a world that is so superficial you are supportive, honest and reflective. Thank you for your story. It’s never a given and thank you for sharing your contemplation. It takes courage. By healing yourself you can heal others.❤
This!
Envy is the crux because jealousy is a threatening emotion, the notion that someone is trying to take something from you
Thanks for this daniel. It seems like it's harder to find content on personal issues rather than issues about others! Jealousy is a big problem for me, because of the little I was brought up with. The entitlement is going to take a while to intergrate. Love your work 😇
Thank you for your honesty, Daniel.
i relate a lot to this. i know a woman who seems to have everything- her dream job as a news anchor, a very loving and giving millionaire fiance, an extremely nice house, etc but she is still an alcoholic and hates herself and is miserable. even though im very poor and have an overwhelming amount of problems i still look at her and her life and think that i would rather be me than her because at least i love myself and want better for myself and have the right mindset to make things better for myself.
You don’t know what that person is going through to feel that way… could be deep rooted trauma.
@AbbyAusWhilst you do the same!
I've experienced, a weird sort of Jealousy by Proxy; as I call it, directed at me.
I've not had a very successful life, by most western standards, certainly. Yet, I have been perceived, as a child of privilege, by many. they either, did not know; or care, about the trauma I went through, in my family; school, and neighborhood. I never had a single adult, that was in the trenches for me on even a remotely consistent basis. You can't defend yourself, without being mocked or seen as a precious crybaby. My father, was was fairly affluent within an ethnic group, that was not very affluent. I was caught between worlds, on so many levels.
Same here
Another great video ....... you spoke truth I needed to hear ..... thank u much Daniel
Everybody have a little Narcissism and it is a normal thing to have it, when we went to have a good image and that kind of things
This was a gift!! TY so much for the energy ur bringing into the world. Your perspective is truly a godsend. ❤❤❤
I find that transmuting jealousy and envy into compassion for others struggles and inspiration to do better and get better is more productive.
I agree. Schadenfreude can make up for envy and jealousy.
Todd Boothbee hahaha yes I’m german and Schadenfreude is my best friend 😂
@@mariecc222 ... explain
@UCZSb6BpviIeDIfQ6DqlVJEA ... who's a fool...Mina.k..? ..is it bcos she said it's her friend..
@@universeofopulence
mars girl replied: "Schadenfraude is the manifestation of envy - pleasure in others misfortune. So you're a fool in other words haha"
Schadenfreude is to envy what eating is to hunger, at least in the way Daniel presents it.
@@toddboothbee1361 .... that's exactly why I asked.. bcos I didn't know it's meaning....... sooooo if someone wants to know about something, does that make them 'a fool'..???
❤ That is key. We feel joy when our friends find success. We get to do our own homework and find our own purpose and success and the way it can be done.❤
External success makes me jealous still. But I will get back to a level I am proud of eventually. The inner work I am doing now will support it.
thank you for the videos daniel ... i binge on them and its just this one i chose to comment on, but really ... you made me re-examine myself, and i am all for the better because of it. you truly helped in my journey.
Thanks!
Thank you Daniel. This really helped me a lot.
Yo Daniel....You're a legend! Wishing you well from the UK !
This was great and showed me the direction that my own life is taking as well.
Very good video. Thank you. I need to hear that. Many thanks. You are a positive force in this world.
I've always known it was my responsibility to look within and self-actualise.
always there for me to listen when I need some gentle wisdom
These videos are extremely helpful! Thank you.
I think the idea that somehow other person is not happy with every sucess they got should not be the source of contentment for me.
this video especially makes me see things more clearly. thank you.
I was jealous of my sister for the longest time. My mother made me her helper at a young age while my sister had been given more opportunities. My mother never wanted me to be too accomplished or successful. That would mean she would lose her helper.
attachment, ressentiment (Nietzsche), generosity of spirit. Those are three vantage points for understanding and curbing jealousy.
❤❤❤❤thank you for this. I am dealing with a jealous friend, i am pulling away from her! Hopefully she will figure it out.
I've done this many times.its toxicity u just dont need in life.
To get pass jealousy I just imagine that if I am envious of a person and wished to have all the things then I would have to be in their shoes and feel the pinch of their pain, rage, stress, depression, anxiety, trauma and etc. If I'm in their shoes I had have to accept all this things. But it doesn't seem to be that good as it is.
nothing can be loved unconditionaly.
Thank you. This was a really great and helpful video.
Thank you so much! 🙏
what an inspiration
Wonderful insight as usual. Same as you, I experienced similar child-rearing conditions and felt much envy and jealousy in my earlier years. I have not been aware of any proactive action of mine to correct those missing areas of me. Minimal therapy to make it through a circumstantial rough time, but no meaningful, deep work along with self-help reading without conscious action were the only things that I've done to attempt to heal. I have journaled extensively, but more in the way of recording facts as similar to a diary. How would you explain the fact that I have a stable foundation of who I am now? Can healing happen on a subconscious level and manifest practically? Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience as they have helped me to grow and validate my rationality in an irrational world.
This video is so helpful for me thank you.
I been thinking about my jealousy deeply years ago and now I'm less jealous of people.
Who needs to pay for therapist? This channel is great.
amazing. might you consider putting together some kind of roadmap or recommending some materials for people who are looking to do what you describe for themselves?
thank you for this video!
Jealous can come from relationship not trust that person it can come from how they make you think they are true and honest and respect or it can come from want what other people want
Awesome video Daniel. Is jealosy in kids the result of unmet emotional needs? Many people say that jealosy is a natural human trait which exists in order to drive competitiveness, but I don't really buy into that.
Yes all that jealousy is stemed from competitiveness which is of ego and sad to say lack of real security so many people who are more competitive and want to control or feel they have more control and stability by being the best is to one up everyone by everymeans because if not they feel powerless and feel over ruled which is what they crave to over rule others so yeah its lack of maturity to realize you cannot know it all no one does infact no one ever will and thats how we evolve as a species grasping and learning new things all the time it will never end as time keeps going even when human species gets wiped out of existance other living matter things will still grow and thus evolve whether somone with intelligence is able to compute and retain that information to pass along to keep sharing knowledge that is a gift and thats the key is to be truly open to share keys of knowlege to attain greatness and to not openly share is to kill off another and if we do that we ultimately kill ourselves wither down our security even more so feeling so insecure we have to refrain to share great ways of succeeding to others because thats what fuels your confidence but which is of false confidence because of unhealed wounds from past that creates that dependency of having to have that of which is outside influences where constantly being fed by media of whats deems you to be more worthy which we all learned is your culture background educations IQ looks materialistic possessions& relations you associate with rates how other people value you which varies by how whoever is judging you percieves to be of more value so just like the saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder which is influenced differently like how all different cultures have a total different vision of what they see as beautiful but in reality we all get turned off once a person shows their character by their set of morals or lack of them like respect no one appeals to that so real beauty is based on kindness and that foundation is based on having good will and giving others your blessings to do well instead of intentions of ill will not giving your blessing for their well-being and success is itself a sickness thats seems to fester in toxicity making you feel incomplete because you really are by masking up old wounds with bandages that hide but not heal because your not treating it by not cleaning it which is releasing all that built up grimes of pains that never been fully expressed but repressed and causing destructive tendencies to feel better with superficial influences for our self esteem which hides by escaping whats really wrong why is it that i cant feel good with that what's really wrong is how i been wronged to not feel any sense of worthiness or right to feel validated liked and loved if not having some of what were conditioned to have to attain in order to be accepted and worthy smh....this world becomes a sick sad world like on old Mtv show Daria news show title name which is another great example of entitlements with what title's we put on everthing which is all ego stigma BS shananigans waste of time in really reaching to be attaining true joy which is within and not dependent from outside influences.
> Is jealosy in kids the result of unmet emotional needs?
Yes
Envy is far worse. Jealousy is something people can overcome easier.
Thank you ❤
Family status has a lot to do with envy and jealousy.
I never wanted to share my boyfriend with anyone!
I wanted to be his only one because growing up, I was the last child - the only one that was completely ignored or tolerated. Nothing Special!
Two of my sibs were the Golden Children - both grew up as Narcissists.
I'm constantly jealous of people who can function in interpersonal reality USA 2019. Hearing the thoughts of most people turns my stomach, as does witnessing modern low culture in action
What about other type of jealousy,that manifest itself in a relationship?
Yes all that jealousy is stemed from competitiveness which is of ego and sad to say lack of real security so many people who are more competitive and want to control or feel they have more control and stability by being the best is to one up everyone by everymeans because if not they feel powerless and feel over ruled which is what they crave to over rule others so yeah its lack of maturity to realize you cannot know it all no one does infact no one ever will and thats how we evolve as a species grasping and learning new things all the time it will never end as time keeps going even when human species gets wiped out of existance other living matter things will still grow and thus evolve whether somone with intelligence is able to compute and retain that information to pass along to keep sharing knowledge that is a gift and thats the key is to be truly open to share keys of knowlege to attain greatness and to not openly share is to kill off another and if we do that we ultimately kill ourselves wither down our security even more so feeling so insecure we have to refrain to share great ways of succeeding to others because thats what fuels your confidence but which is of false confidence because of unhealed wounds from past that creates that dependency of having to have that of which is outside influences where constantly being fed by media of whats deems you to be more worthy which we all learned is your culture background educations IQ looks materialistic possessions& relations you associate with rates how other people value you which varies by how whoever is judging you percieves to be of more value so just like the saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder which is influenced differently like how all different cultures have a total different vision of what they see as beautiful but in reality we all get turned off once a person shows their character by their set of morals or lack of them like respect no one appeals to that so real beauty is based on kindness and that foundation is based on having good will and giving others your blessings to do well instead of intentions of ill will not giving your blessing for their well-being and success is itself a sickness thats seems to fester in toxicity making you feel incomplete because you really are by masking up old wounds with bandages that hide but not heal because your not treating it by not cleaning it which is releasing all that built up grimes of pains that never been fully expressed but repressed and causing destructive tendencies to feel better with superficial influences for our self esteem which hides by escaping whats really wrong why is it that i cant feel good with that what's really wrong is how i been wronged to not feel any sense of worthiness or right to feel validated liked and loved if not having some of what were conditioned to have to attain in order to be accepted and worthy smh....this world becomes a sick sad world like on old Mtv show Daria news show title name which is another great example of entitlements with what title's we put on everthing which is all ego stigma BS shananigans waste of time in really reaching to be attaining true joy which is within and not dependent from outside influences.
Nobody is reading ALL THAT!
You are talking 100% about me. Thanks for sharing 🤗
I had those being a star and famous idea too.
I think feeling that you own qualities cannot do any good for the world is another traumatized part of us. İt is possible that using what you have gained on the inside, at the therapy process may hav helped you resolve that trauma and belief. That could be why it was helpful as well :)
Wow 8000 new subscribers!!! Keep it up!!!❤🎉 🎉 Thank you
Compersion- the joy one feels experiencing another persons joy
You've taught me so much, thanks! Do you have any personal flaws? How do you treat them?
This doesn't speak a lot to me as a recovering compulsive helper (codependent). It is good to understand, that no one owes u anything, but u as a compulsive helper should understand that it's a reciprocal thing. You do not owe them too. But some ppl are going to help u no matter what u can pay them back. Life is not that straightforward.
That’s what I’m struggling with, how do I find what my purpose? I don’t live according to my purpose and it creates a lot of problems in life, I feel worthless hopeless and it affects my physical health as well
lov ur vids.. tnk u.
pardon my sensitive eye..
bt sincerely.. wtsup with the lamp right in front of the door?!))
hard not to notice (every time).. even the camera points in that direction.
just wanted to spill it out there)))
O.. i meant a LAMP.))
I want so badly to cherish life. But I don't cherish it and can't. I don't even feel like I'm alive. What is there to cherish when you lack everything to the point that you don't even know what life means or if it means anything at all? In general my life is looked down upon BY DEFAULT. So it's not like people will give me any reasons to cherish my life. They basically say, "Well you should be thankful it was you and not someone else, or at least you know the pain so you know it's wrong and won't harm anyone." I don't know that it's wrong. I think I actually disagree and would say we should experience trauma. Knowing what it feels like is shaky too cuz' that doesn't mean I'm empathetic or even sympathetic like I'm expected to be. If I'm "good" people expect me to be a victim. If I'm "bad" people expect me to be a perpetrator or predator. Since I tried to be neither, I am inconceivable. It causes a lot of jealousy because I seemingly can't be acknowledged. I just wonder what to do when you're too painful or lacking to be loved or have anyone be present with you. I've thought about things like sexually abusing a child (even when I was a
"child"), murder, rape, etc. to gain presence and a sense of aliveness. But I had a wish, even if there was no reason for it, that that dark place where no one grows wasn't the only place I could be. I wished there was a place that I could BE alive rather than just feel "alive" from stimulation from taking others cherished lives. I really hate that everytime I see a child, I get reduced to the insignificant little thing my childself was/is, and I can't help but want to kill that child for making me feel that way. Eventhough I know I don't want to be them, my life never seems to hold up to the fulfillment of others.
The things I have becomes more of a list of things I lack. Humanity, morality, belonging, love, fulfillment, happiness, life, friends, family, relationships, childhood, connection, etc. It eventually goes to lacking pretty much everything, leading to all I have and am being trauma and the lack of wellbeing in essence regarding myself and everyone else associated with it. It's a daunting task to take care of when you don't know how to care for it. Seeing as no one cared for it, I haven't gotten any appropriate examples or role models. I ask myself questions like, Do I honor myself as a murderer by allowing myself to kill? If I don't kill externally, how do I express myself and what I am experiencing? I can't figure out how to explore it fast enough before I arrive at murder. It basically feels like I start at murder, that's how fast the process is. I can't remember the last time I cherished life or being alive not even in childhood.
Pastel Panda - Empathy is weird. On one hand, I have a burning desperate desire to be useful to people, to help people have a good life, but I have absolutely no interest in sharing that goodness with people; people bore me. It’s like happiness isn’t made for me, and all I want to do is make happiness possible for other people so that they can leave me alone. The problem for me is that other people expect me to actually be interested in them as a person, and they expect me to actively be happy for my own sake; both of which confound me and I feel guilty for wasting everyone’s time; I actually wish people would stop pretending that I’m anything more than a hollow servant. As for comfort, I just smother myself with porn and fantasy. I have a fascination with sexual violation and exhibitionism that goes beyond the physical, which only ever leads me to be even more disconnected from myself and my reality, and it only makes being around people the more awkward as those images of sex invade every other conversation. I am thankful that I have a sense of honor that keeps me from doing anything to harm anyone. I do not include people I know in my perversions; I do not include violence, and I’m only really attracted to 30 year old females. But this sense of honor and preserving the wellbeing of others is not really the same as empathy; it’s just a wall that keeps my poison out of the neighbor’s yard, so that the neighbor can live a happy life without me ruining anything. I guess it’s up to interpretation whether or not I’m even sane.
Pastel Panda - I think my advice to you is the same advice I give myself. Stop punishing, start investigating. To focus upon where these issues stem; my insecurities and my fascinations both are directly linked to the circumstances of my life, and at least pragmatically, harming myself or harming others is really a form of procrastination that ignores the root problem. Better to investigate the problem in and of itself, and to investigate methods of training yourself to overcome it. I’m not doing great myself, sitting here are 3:26 p.m. and haven’t even made breakfast, but even now my emotional condition is an improvement over where I was 5 years ago.
Thanks for sharing
I don't have it, because my inner world keeps me focused and dreaming. Shit that other people want, that isn't unique....is meh
Lack luster
When you are a forreal artist, your creativity fulfills you
This Karmic is a partial person, and wants reward without effort.... could neva be on my team
Damn jealousy, is the root of narcissism
Dopamine replaces jealousy
You say everything.
Technically Envy & Jealousy R 2 different things , da problem iz Selfishness Unlimited , It doesn't Stop at want 2 have what U have itz really Extreme when dey convey U shouldn't have it 🔯
Women who think you are better than them and dont think they can have me are scared of me and also want to be like me so one part idolise me other is scared of unknown it made a lot of envy and its good thing because if she is submissive she respect you not envy and you can inspire others to be more yourself but also bad if people are not able to be themshelves because of traumas so they start lyng on you to others beause of their issues
YES.
I found Jealousy mute when I stopped comparing myself to others.
That's so funny to me, the way you're happy about other people's failures. That's jealousy: to think they don't deserve nice things. Unfortunately, you aren't over that yet.
Enneagram 4? Or 5w4? Or 3w4
A gentle tug at the heart strings. Have you ever cried because something was so beautiful ? So true?
Hopefully my channel will be as good as Macklers some day. That my jealousy. F
💜📚
Ok, this is really ridiculous and not realistic, but who he is and how he talks, and his substance makes me want to sit right next to him.
My teens and early 20s I was horrid person due to jealousy and bitterness.im a much nicer person at 41 now I've processed my shit
"Jealousy is rottenness to the bones." (Bible)
what is your birthday?
Jealousy is a byproduct of capitalism. Your definition of jealousy is not very accurate with all due respect.
Hmmm... I disagree with the part about looking at people you were jealous of years later to see what their failures are down the line. That dosent negate your own failures and shortcomings as we all have them and really stifles genuine growth. It sounds like an emotional crutch to soothe the ego; A way of finding comfort through nestling in other peoples woes. Weird. Like what if a person you were previously envious of was happy in the marriage or continued to repeat success in their career and shows no obvious signs of failure? Then what anchor is there for you to feel better about yourself? It sounds super egotistical and alot of energy to exert into someone who probably isnt even pressed about you but living their life. Interesting video overall though.