Even though my relationship is not in a difficult place, I always appreciate these videos to remind me that I should check in with my partner and make sure we're on the same page.
@@Dawnarow I guess you haven't been in that many relationships. People modify their actions based upon what society expects rather than what they would want to do all the time (i.e. face the elevator door, Asch's Conformity tests, social norms). A certain amount of conformity is helpful in a relationship, since the other person knows what to expect.
All out of her own pocket. Not being covered by a TV network or movie studio. With her own "team". Anna really is the way to go in this new age of production. The former gatekeepers are being worked around.
1) Always fighting - hurtful, constant, dysfunctional 2) No intimacy - emotional, physical 3) No trust 4) Jealousy out of control 5) You don't spend much quality time together 6) Emotional needs not met even after having communicated 7) Ypu are seriously considering cheating or already crossed the line 8) Lack of growth - one of both partner unwilling to change to help the relationship
The Gottman puts the list at just 4. 1.) Criticism 2) Contempt 3) Defensiveness 4) Stonewalling Anna’s list includes personal issues not issues that depend upon interpersonal dynamics.
1)Lack of compassion or empathy. From one side or the other. (Leads to Anna's 1 and 2) the bitterness can come from unresolved fights and inability to apologize and admit faults which requires empathy and compassion. 2)differing core ideological beliefs that fundamentally define who you are.- (EGO) can be worked through but it seems as though if political beliefs differ too much it can be a driving factor for distance... along with pushy doctoral religious views, and beliefs about money and what can be talked about openly in front of guests.(see 4) 3) Being pushed too fast to change- everyone could use help improving themselves we don't see our own flaws a lot of the time but being pushed so fast that they are failing can lead to giving up leading to feeling shame leading to feeling inable to communicate setbacks due to fear of harsh judgement from the other side, a good rule of thumb is be able to focus on 4 positive changes in your partner for every one negative setback and weigh the positive more heavily. This is good for self talk as well. 4) disrespecting personal matters that the partner has shared with the other in confidence for personal growth that were to remain private but weren't kept that way. Or feeling desire to share with friends or public in any way. Trust and honor are big factors in how long any relationship will last, no one is perfect see the good in your partner. Don't do anything you wouldn't want done to you and if they do something that you don't like or wouldn't do communicate that with them, if they don't care to respect your boundaries get away because it will only get worse as they keep pushing.
@@capitanclassic8624 - Thanks for the comparison w Gottman. One question: what would be some critical “positive” or healthy habits, attitudes, or practices in a good relationship?
@@whatisahandle221 Express Gratitude: people are grateful, are happier. Be Physically Affectionate: physical connections are as important as emotional connections Share Your Plans/Dreams: people may focus too much on the day to day grind, and forget the things that originally focused on during dating, or where they plan to be in the future. Turn Towards, Not Away: (stolen from Gottman) dont stare at your phone, give your partner your undivided attention so that you are receptive towards your partner sharing. Assume the best: if you think your partner is out to get you, or doesnt want the best for you, your relationship is doomed.
Not spending time with them is so easy to do without realising. I think when you know subconsciously that spending time with them means facing whatever problems you have with them, your brain pulls you away from it without you knowing sometimes. You could be sat next to each other every night but be completely absorbed in your phone. Things like this are easy to miss.
Sounds like you need to Put down Your Phones, And Focus on your relationship. If your both " Completly Absorbed" In your phone while you are next to each other the relationship is already over. It's just, Nobody has stopped and said "WTF is going on here?"
Can absolutely see why I HAD TO end my last relationship, few things checked off the list. They refused to grow, after we had repeat conversations. They constantly get absorbed into their own affairs and DON'T care to attend to me. I felt so alone in the relationship, I started feeling attracted to a co-worker! I NEVER thought I would feel like that, after experiencing what I felt in that relationship, I understood it was the last straw. And I need to move on, while they were still pretty clueless because they don't care to notice day to day how I'm feeling. Unless when I'm so upset I explode on them. So I ended the relationship with hours of talking to them, explained all the reason why I can't do it anymore, sleep side by side and left. I felt very very hurt and relieved that it was over, and I can finally start growing into the future me.
If you’re giving your all and it’s not enough, then you’re probably giving it to the wrong person. 💙RUclipsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Just to know I started watching your videos when I was single and now I'm married with a 1 yr old son has been a great help to always learn grown and understand. Appreciate you
The worst thing in relationships is that we lose, or at least i sort of lose the ability to see things in a logical way. Im just usually overwhelmed by emotion :(
#7 thinking about cheating is a red flag I've used. I don't mean like celebrity crushes (Anna), I mean actually considering another person as a partner or hookup. When I realize I'm doing it I take a closer look at the relationship. All relationships have problems, and thinking about cheating usually means the problems are at a point where I have to fix it or end it (and not cheat).
Me and my ex broke up about 2-3 months ago and honestly, I was so sick of the constant tip toeing around him. He never took accountability for his actions but he was damn quick to point out my flaws (which are related to my mental illness and i literally couldn't be high functioning 100% of the time) and how I apparently didn't care for the relationship. I was losing my sense of self to the relationship to the point that it felt more like obligatory to stay with him, I was not allowed almost at all to have my own hobbies, life etc without him guilt tripping me because we don't do anything together 5 minutes. Please please if you read this comment and it resonates with you, take whatever you can to safely leave the relationship. No person is worth having your mental health sacrificed this much.
Hey I'm actually in the same situation. She was like there for my growth but wasn't into my hobbies . It was always something small usually hypocritical that she had an excuse for not doing but I couldn't have one and the stress from not wanting to upset the partner out of fear of guilt tripping makes things worse Weird.
@@versag3776 don't get me wrong, spending time as a couple feels amazing and should be done, but sometimes your partner oozes that insecurity that if you don't spend time with them 24/7 then this relationship feels for them that is doomed forever, hence the constant guilt tripping. Glad to know you left as well, you deserve to have some of your life back :)
Dated a guy with severe ADHD, and once he got comfortable around me he stopped taking his medicine….it was like babysitting a child. I had to give him 110% while he goofed off and did whatever he wanted. I have family with ADHD, so I understand communicating with someone with that mental illness, HOWEVER COMMA he said long term he does not want to be on his meds and if we stay together I have to “take care” of him. Anyone can choose to not take their medicine, but when your entire personality is different, and you spring it on me after months of being with you while you are on your medicine, I felt blindsided. He was also still such a child when on his medicine, he worshipped his parents, thinking they do no wrong, as a young child would believe. He also always wanted me to do things he wanted, like fing skydiving, and I said I was afraid of heights and not a cheap hobby, and he rebuttled that he “made it through” one of my dance performances, as someone who is studying dance in college….. Anna Akana and Drew Afualo are strong reminders that settling or putting up with someones crap does not need to be an option.
@@borkbork4124 awh sorry, yeah I was diagnosed ADHD as a kid and given amphetamines until highschool when I decided to join the military and had to experience what he had to experience while being screamed at by a drill sergeant constantly doing pushups because I came in the wrong uniform or wrong building.. I understand both sides I'm sorry on his behalf,. was off of my medication for 5 years and the opposite was true. But temporarily the side effects from neurotransmitter imbalances definitely mess ones decision making ability up big time. Along with planning punctuality, spaciness, losing objects, literally forgetting names faces objects in hands two seconds ago. It is a nightmare. But opposite happened to me as well I met this person while off of the medication started doing healthy things planning exercising, planning awesome vacations, meditating going to church and temple following through, I got a job as a chef, I felt confident and moving in the right direction, then like all of a sudden I was "being too lazy" while actually trying my best and it hurt me any time I'd sit down to relax or watch a RUclips vid. so I got back on the medication to be more productive then my personality changed ( it really does change) Like even hormonal it feels like idk. I feel I'm less irritable on the medicine but I am more forgetful often I sort term recall but all of a sudden on the medication I can remember things from way long ago that I couldn't before. It increases sex drive temporarily and cognitive function. But just like coffee eventually you crash and you have to drink a little more coffee to wake up each morning until you can't wake up without it and you feel the same damn way you felt before the medication after being off of it and now you're in a hole. So idk. He might have had boarder line personality d. I also have that diag, and do feel toddlerish most of the time but especially when on the medication. I will feel temporarily responsible and extra confident when I'm taking it. But until I am stable and I deal with my internal angst and fears and whatever I can't do goal oriented tasks well. Adulting is hard, stability on or off medication is okay it's the stability that needs legs that can walk a while.
This is too much of a coincidence, I've been feeling super lonely in my long distance relationship, being online chronically is draining and it'll probably be tougher considering she's going to college, and although I love her and we have a genuine bond, my needs aren't met and it's so stressful
Same... Im lacking human contact in my long distnace relationship. So much so that I find myself fantasizing about cuddling my co-workers and stroking their hair. I feel weird even writing that :D
Literally every one of them was present in my last relationship . Lol I was feeling nostalgic today but this brought me up to reality real quick lol thanks!!
I find the Old Standby works well: when the ratio of affirming, approving, affectionate comments to critical, chastising or angry ones falls below 5:1, there's trouble on the wind.
Broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years a few hours ago. It hurts so bad right now but I think it was the right thing to do. I really hope I don't go back to him again.
Hey Anna! I love your videos and I think they would be so much better if you had captions on them! I know you’re learning ASL so I hope you know the importance of having captions for deaf and hard of hearing individuals, plus they’re just great for anyone
@@hangarflying they're auto generated subtitles - not always very accurate, and if you can't hear the inaccuracy being displayed you are missing out on information/entertainment
I've been single for a long time, but I try to remind myself that Anna's human - there are so many incredible men and women out there. There are plenty of people that just want I want - an enjoyable life. So try to keep your chin up and pursue your what you're passionate about. I've got things to do before I'm done on this planet.
Now I am in a proper relationship, those are all no-brainers. BUT before I knew a real relationship i would not have known all these signs.(meaning now I know that in a healthy relationship, there are none of those signs)
@@capitanclassic8624 I am talking about domestic abuse , or any type of abuse to your partner. Also, that question, a long with your reaction, was completely "out of pocket." So, if it's not mature, kind, helpful, then please refrain from asking/making insensitive comments/questions like that. Just keep me to yourself.
@@CammieVee08 I was seeking clarification between “violent,” and “too violent.” It sounds as if your original post was differentiating those two. It is clear now that you just aren’t careful with your words. Good luck with the Dale Carnegie lessons.
Not me having all 8 signs in my past relationship and when I finally realized I had to leave and even after trying to explain some of them he still didn't understand why I left.
Salutations Anna! I concur! All points need careful examination. Growing is especially important, if you both are not growing then you are very likely stuck in stagnation, which is unhealthy for both of you. Also, if you both are not focused on improvement, the one whom is will become resentful of the other that is not, and will naturally feel as if they are being held back, or are putting in all of the effort. I realized at some point that a rewarding future was not in our future, and I am now relieved that we parted ways, I found that relationship exhausting, and seven (7) years later, I am still recovering, and I am still exhausted, it took so much energy from me. Thank you for posting these videos! Please have an excellent and awesome day! ☀️✨
a few weeks ago I commented about how disappointed I was that Anna took a crypto brand as a sponsor, and I talked about how I valued her authenticity but crypto was anything but. She never repeated the crypto sponsor & I love that she's getting sponsored by better help, that's totally on brand with her channel. I don't know if she read the comments (because mine wasn't the only one) about the issues with her pushing a crypto brand, but I love that her sponsors since then have all fit what her channel stands for, with better help being a great example of that.
- Anna, i have no idea if you got a certificate in Counselling or went and studied phych or counselling, but you love it so much that you probably should. - I mean, you are totally interested in interpersonal relationship dynamics that you would be a happy camper to be a counsellor in 5 to 10 years time and it would be a genuine service to your clients. - I mean the formal study would also be a good adjunct to your content aswell.
Yep - she's already helping almost 3 million people as it -- no years of study and paying big bucks to get a degree required. Plus she's probably making really good money off this as is, while helping people. Can't do better than that.
@@michaelrmurphy2734 I wont conjecture with you over study costs :) That said, she does need to move beyond effectively re-vocalising what she learns through her own malaise, counsellor and books and move into alternate points of view, otherwise insight and wisdom will never really exist. At the moment she only uses her own malaise as the basis for all.
@@PaulRWorthington Eventually everyone has to move away from the seemingly wonderful end goal of the money into a deeper understanding of the total subject. One could say that real understanding and wisdom doesnt come until you investigate not just your own condition.
@@johns5558 - That's a pretentious reply that at best purposely misreads my comment. 1 - I mentioned money as a side note, but that's what you try to reduce the argument to. 2 - AA isn't just talking about 'her own condition.' She refers to research, studies, and the associations she works with. 3 - Dude, she has almost THREE MILLION subscribers who are presumably helped by her work -- at least that's what most of the comments here say. She could study for a decade to gain the "deeper understanding" you deem essential and still never reach even the smallest fraction of that audience as a traditional counselor or therapist.
My parents literally are guilty of every single one of these red flags, and I have a hunch that they *still* won't break up because it is frowned upon in East Asian culture, or are just stubborn.
He doesn't want to change. He thinks everybody else should. I have no where to go and no one else I can live with. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this.
Stack your own slowly and keep things level till u can afford to step on your own. If you can't do it in 2-3 months, it's cuz your a leech and everything u need comes directly from him. So fix that and earn your freedom
Good luck and find one person u can talk to about your fears when u want to give up about a month in. Someone who will listen really helps...but remember that's all they can do for u. The effort to support yourself comes from just u. Good luck for real. You can be free
@SwanFilterTips The opposite can also happen if a person waits too long before getting into a relationship. The longer a person waits to take that leap, the more opportunities they have to talk themselves out of pursuing any form of relationship out of fear of rejection, being hurt, or being taken advantage of. People assume that with time a person will gain so much experience that their insecurities and doubts will fade away. Other times though time only gives them a chance to multiply and overwhelm your thought process, sap your courage, and erode self-esteem. Some things are best learned by doing, and that includes relationships. If you just watch and observe other peoples relationships, you’ll only learn so much. A person’s knowledge of relationships will always be incomplete until they’ve actually been in one.
Happy Birthday Anna. I wish you the best birthday that you can have in this new year of 2022 and pray that whatever your plans are for today all your dreams come true on your birthday today.
I wonder how can the lack of emotional fulfillment be fixed. I have a horrible anxiety and I need to be constantly reassured (verbally and n/v) that my partner loves me and everything is fine, but he always forgets to, and he’s also really introverted and rarely messages me when he’s away. Everything else is okay, but my anxiety and his avoidance drive me insane. How do you guys solve such problems?
This is more of a "health/mental health" question, and I apologize if this the incorrect place to ask but, my curiosity is up and, for unknown reasons, I really trust your judgement Miss Anna. My question is, Is there any correlation to "sexual frustration" to "aggressive thought process"? Put simply, and this is said with great chagrin, I am nearly six years celibate and I feel alot of underlying anger. I am no Incel. I understand that I should work on myself. But lately, I just want to....fight. Something. I understand if this is weird and unorthodox, but I could use an outside opinion, and I trust your thought process. Please disregard this message if I have crossed a line. Thank you for your time and please have a pleasant day.
My ex of 4 years and half cheated on me gor almost 6 mounths... I still love him and he kissed me again 10 days ago even everybofy tells me to move on... I feel with no power... he's...very steange... in thoose years he continued to tell me that he wanted to marry me and to have a house and then he did this and at the same time he left me accusing me to be unrespectful... wth
4/8, I don't suppose that's great. - Since getting closer its never gone legitimately more than 2 weeks without some moderate falling out. Sometimes it gets extremely loud and semi public. - Trust issues exist and part of it I'll concede is my fault. I still somewhat communicated with an ex, but it was a very specific and 100% platonic reason why. But she went through my phone, saw some texts, took them out of context and never fully trusted me since. - She can say the most vile accusatory stuff, then act like she didn't say anything or say I'm putting words in her mouth. Then she'll actually come out and put it in a more civilized manner. Emotional manipulation is rife. Most times she's not aware, sometimes its intentional. Either way she does it. - I don't cheat, I would never plan to and I find it disgusting, but I found myself leering at women harder more often and more enthusiastically. That told me things are really wrong.
Even though my relationship is not in a difficult place, I always appreciate these videos to remind me that I should check in with my partner and make sure we're on the same page.
that sounds so lovely and healthy :)
Same
"Don't settle for a relationship that won't let you be yourself."
Also figure out if you are the sort of person that a romantic partner would want to settle for. If not, keep improving yourself until you are.
@@capitanclassic8624 yess keep improving not just romantically but in every aspects.
That formulation is very strange. How'd you get in a relationship without being yourself??? :/
@@Dawnarow I guess you haven't been in that many relationships. People modify their actions based upon what society expects rather than what they would want to do all the time (i.e. face the elevator door, Asch's Conformity tests, social norms). A certain amount of conformity is helpful in a relationship, since the other person knows what to expect.
Can we take a moment to appreciate how much effort she puts into scene composition, set design, sound, and lighting?
All out of her own pocket. Not being covered by a TV network or movie studio. With her own "team".
Anna really is the way to go in this new age of production. The former gatekeepers are being worked around.
And that is not a "set". That is her home where she lives. Lucky girl!
the action behind the not-spending-time-together was awesome.
That compilation of them while Anna was talking about "eb and flow" was really cool, while only lasting about 10 seconds
1) Always fighting - hurtful, constant, dysfunctional
2) No intimacy - emotional, physical
3) No trust
4) Jealousy out of control
5) You don't spend much quality time together
6) Emotional needs not met even after having communicated
7) Ypu are seriously considering cheating or already crossed the line
8) Lack of growth - one of both partner unwilling to change to help the relationship
The Gottman puts the list at just 4.
1.) Criticism
2) Contempt
3) Defensiveness
4) Stonewalling
Anna’s list includes personal issues not issues that depend upon interpersonal dynamics.
1)Lack of compassion or empathy. From one side or the other. (Leads to Anna's 1 and 2) the bitterness can come from unresolved fights and inability to apologize and admit faults which requires empathy and compassion.
2)differing core ideological beliefs that fundamentally define who you are.- (EGO) can be worked through but it seems as though if political beliefs differ too much it can be a driving factor for distance... along with pushy doctoral religious views, and beliefs about money and what can be talked about openly in front of guests.(see 4)
3) Being pushed too fast to change- everyone could use help improving themselves we don't see our own flaws a lot of the time but being pushed so fast that they are failing can lead to giving up leading to feeling shame leading to feeling inable to communicate setbacks due to fear of harsh judgement from the other side, a good rule of thumb is be able to focus on 4 positive changes in your partner for every one negative setback and weigh the positive more heavily. This is good for self talk as well.
4) disrespecting personal matters that the partner has shared with the other in confidence for personal growth that were to remain private but weren't kept that way. Or feeling desire to share with friends or public in any way. Trust and honor are big factors in how long any relationship will last, no one is perfect see the good in your partner. Don't do anything you wouldn't want done to you and if they do something that you don't like or wouldn't do communicate that with them, if they don't care to respect your boundaries get away because it will only get worse as they keep pushing.
Thanks for the summaries!
@@capitanclassic8624 - Thanks for the comparison w Gottman.
One question: what would be some critical “positive” or healthy habits, attitudes, or practices in a good relationship?
@@whatisahandle221 Express Gratitude: people are grateful, are happier.
Be Physically Affectionate: physical connections are as important as emotional connections
Share Your Plans/Dreams: people may focus too much on the day to day grind, and forget the things that originally focused on during dating, or where they plan to be in the future.
Turn Towards, Not Away: (stolen from Gottman) dont stare at your phone, give your partner your undivided attention so that you are receptive towards your partner sharing.
Assume the best: if you think your partner is out to get you, or doesnt want the best for you, your relationship is doomed.
Not spending time with them is so easy to do without realising. I think when you know subconsciously that spending time with them means facing whatever problems you have with them, your brain pulls you away from it without you knowing sometimes. You could be sat next to each other every night but be completely absorbed in your phone. Things like this are easy to miss.
Sounds like you need to Put down Your Phones, And Focus on your relationship. If your both " Completly Absorbed" In your phone while you are next to each other the relationship is already over. It's just, Nobody has stopped and said "WTF is going on here?"
@@GhostlyNomad130 sometimes you do say "Hey this isn't right" and the other person is like "I think it's fine. What are you complaining about?"
@@molestedmango Yikes.
There is No Simple solution for this, that much I'd certain. I think this is what they mean when they say "Grown Apart"
Can absolutely see why I HAD TO end my last relationship, few things checked off the list. They refused to grow, after we had repeat conversations. They constantly get absorbed into their own affairs and DON'T care to attend to me. I felt so alone in the relationship, I started feeling attracted to a co-worker! I NEVER thought I would feel like that, after experiencing what I felt in that relationship, I understood it was the last straw. And I need to move on, while they were still pretty clueless because they don't care to notice day to day how I'm feeling. Unless when I'm so upset I explode on them.
So I ended the relationship with hours of talking to them, explained all the reason why I can't do it anymore, sleep side by side and left. I felt very very hurt and relieved that it was over, and I can finally start growing into the future me.
You have just described my parents' relationship in incredible detail
i also got reminded of my parent's toxic marriage.
Oof! That's rough buddy. 😬😬
If you’re giving your all and it’s not enough, then you’re probably giving it to the wrong person.
💙RUclipsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Me watching while being single for 2 years!!! Lesssssssgoooooooo 🥳
5 years and decided to never try again. Lessssgoooo
30 years single here. I think you’ll be fine.
Mid-20s and still single here
Same😂
Try 7 😂😆😭
Just to know I started watching your videos when I was single and now I'm married with a 1 yr old son has been a great help to always learn grown and understand.
Appreciate you
The worst thing in relationships is that we lose, or at least i sort of lose the ability to see things in a logical way. Im just usually overwhelmed by emotion :(
Said it.
I think being in a Relationship only because you’re afraid of being alone should be a Sign
#7 thinking about cheating is a red flag I've used. I don't mean like celebrity crushes (Anna), I mean actually considering another person as a partner or hookup. When I realize I'm doing it I take a closer look at the relationship. All relationships have problems, and thinking about cheating usually means the problems are at a point where I have to fix it or end it (and not cheat).
Me and my ex broke up about 2-3 months ago and honestly, I was so sick of the constant tip toeing around him. He never took accountability for his actions but he was damn quick to point out my flaws (which are related to my mental illness and i literally couldn't be high functioning 100% of the time) and how I apparently didn't care for the relationship. I was losing my sense of self to the relationship to the point that it felt more like obligatory to stay with him, I was not allowed almost at all to have my own hobbies, life etc without him guilt tripping me because we don't do anything together 5 minutes.
Please please if you read this comment and it resonates with you, take whatever you can to safely leave the relationship. No person is worth having your mental health sacrificed this much.
Good for you to move on. No one needs that in their life.
Hey I'm actually in the same situation. She was like there for my growth but wasn't into my hobbies . It was always something small usually hypocritical that she had an excuse for not doing but I couldn't have one and the stress from not wanting to upset the partner out of fear of guilt tripping makes things worse Weird.
@@versag3776 don't get me wrong, spending time as a couple feels amazing and should be done, but sometimes your partner oozes that insecurity that if you don't spend time with them 24/7 then this relationship feels for them that is doomed forever, hence the constant guilt tripping. Glad to know you left as well, you deserve to have some of your life back :)
Dated a guy with severe ADHD, and once he got comfortable around me he stopped taking his medicine….it was like babysitting a child. I had to give him 110% while he goofed off and did whatever he wanted. I have family with ADHD, so I understand communicating with someone with that mental illness, HOWEVER COMMA he said long term he does not want to be on his meds and if we stay together I have to “take care” of him. Anyone can choose to not take their medicine, but when your entire personality is different, and you spring it on me after months of being with you while you are on your medicine, I felt blindsided.
He was also still such a child when on his medicine, he worshipped his parents, thinking they do no wrong, as a young child would believe. He also always wanted me to do things he wanted, like fing skydiving, and I said I was afraid of heights and not a cheap hobby, and he rebuttled that he “made it through” one of my dance performances, as someone who is studying dance in college…..
Anna Akana and Drew Afualo are strong reminders that settling or putting up with someones crap does not need to be an option.
@@borkbork4124 awh sorry, yeah I was diagnosed ADHD as a kid and given amphetamines until highschool when I decided to join the military and had to experience what he had to experience while being screamed at by a drill sergeant constantly doing pushups because I came in the wrong uniform or wrong building.. I understand both sides I'm sorry on his behalf,. was off of my medication for 5 years and the opposite was true. But temporarily the side effects from neurotransmitter imbalances definitely mess ones decision making ability up big time. Along with planning punctuality, spaciness, losing objects, literally forgetting names faces objects in hands two seconds ago. It is a nightmare. But opposite happened to me as well I met this person while off of the medication started doing healthy things planning exercising, planning awesome vacations, meditating going to church and temple following through, I got a job as a chef, I felt confident and moving in the right direction, then like all of a sudden I was "being too lazy" while actually trying my best and it hurt me any time I'd sit down to relax or watch a RUclips vid. so I got back on the medication to be more productive then my personality changed ( it really does change)
Like even hormonal it feels like idk. I feel I'm less irritable on the medicine but I am more forgetful often I sort term recall but all of a sudden on the medication I can remember things from way long ago that I couldn't before. It increases sex drive temporarily and cognitive function. But just like coffee eventually you crash and you have to drink a little more coffee to wake up each morning until you can't wake up without it and you feel the same damn way you felt before the medication after being off of it and now you're in a hole. So idk. He might have had boarder line personality d. I also have that diag, and do feel toddlerish most of the time but especially when on the medication. I will feel temporarily responsible and extra confident when I'm taking it. But until I am stable and I deal with my internal angst and fears and whatever I can't do goal oriented tasks well. Adulting is hard, stability on or off medication is okay it's the stability that needs legs that can walk a while.
This is too much of a coincidence, I've been feeling super lonely in my long distance relationship, being online chronically is draining and it'll probably be tougher considering she's going to college, and although I love her and we have a genuine bond, my needs aren't met and it's so stressful
Same... Im lacking human contact in my long distnace relationship. So much so that I find myself fantasizing about cuddling my co-workers and stroking their hair. I feel weird even writing that :D
@@GermanFandubSynchros no offense that sounds a little unhealthy at that point, unless hair is your thing, but I get what you mean
Literally every one of them was present in my last relationship . Lol I was feeling nostalgic today but this brought me up to reality real quick lol thanks!!
I’m amazed there’s so many reasons, but shocked they’re all justified
Cheating can still happen in polyamorous relationships! If you are being secretive, that is cheating, regardless of polyamory or monogamy.
I find the Old Standby works well: when the ratio of affirming, approving, affectionate comments to critical, chastising or angry ones falls below 5:1, there's trouble on the wind.
A lot of people experience these points daily and choose to stay because they’re scared of the unknown after a break up.
these are literally the only place I get my advice from
Broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years a few hours ago. It hurts so bad right now but I think it was the right thing to do. I really hope I don't go back to him again.
Hey Anna! I love your videos and I think they would be so much better if you had captions on them! I know you’re learning ASL so I hope you know the importance of having captions for deaf and hard of hearing individuals, plus they’re just great for anyone
I am confused by your comment. I was able to turn the captions on.
@@hangarflying they're auto generated subtitles - not always very accurate, and if you can't hear the inaccuracy being displayed you are missing out on information/entertainment
These videos are amazing reflections and thoughts on how I tackle my life and I appreciate them every single time, thank you for being here Anna ♥️
A real friend has your back without a blink, then after confides in a matter of wisdom what they believe how to improve
I love how short these videos are. They are always on point, providing useful information
Anna literally changed my life 😊 so I just wanted to say 🧡thank you 🧡
@inka Manisa thank you I appreciate that 🤟🏼 ❤
I've been single for a long time, but I try to remind myself that Anna's human - there are so many incredible men and women out there. There are plenty of people that just want I want - an enjoyable life. So try to keep your chin up and pursue your what you're passionate about. I've got things to do before I'm done on this planet.
Now I am in a proper relationship, those are all no-brainers. BUT before I knew a real relationship i would not have known all these signs.(meaning now I know that in a healthy relationship, there are none of those signs)
this also mostly applies to work and bad bosses
There are even more signs that it should end, and one of them is that your partner continually puts you down for superficial reasons
I think she forgot one thing: you know when a relationship is doomed to fail when it becomes too violent between two people.
LOL, too violent? What is an acceptable amount of violence towards a person you love?
@@capitanclassic8624 I am talking about domestic abuse , or any type of abuse to your partner. Also, that question, a long with your reaction, was completely "out of pocket." So, if it's not mature, kind, helpful, then please refrain from asking/making insensitive comments/questions like that. Just keep me to yourself.
@@CammieVee08 I was seeking clarification between “violent,” and “too violent.” It sounds as if your original post was differentiating those two. It is clear now that you just aren’t careful with your words. Good luck with the Dale Carnegie lessons.
Not me having all 8 signs in my past relationship and when I finally realized I had to leave and even after trying to explain some of them he still didn't understand why I left.
First hour of Anna's latest joint! YAAAYYY!!!!! Love her and the Macedos! I hope they are all well out there this summer.
Dang, when you get 7 or 8 out of 8 of these and your spouse is just chillin'... Obliviousness is bliss, y'all
Posted this at the perfect time like always i love u sm
My last relationship had a bunch of these problems. We did not last.
I still can't believe this is the same voice actor of Sasha Waybright who is also a therapist
ugh you look amazing!
my problem is feeling guilty about being confused about this and not knwing how to stop it
AHHH AFTER SO MANY YEARS I found you again!! I literally started watching you since I was like 13 now I’m 22🥺🥺❤️
Salutations Anna!
I concur!
All points need careful examination.
Growing is especially important, if you both are not growing then you are very likely stuck in stagnation, which is unhealthy for both of you. Also, if you both are not focused on improvement, the one whom is will become resentful of the other that is not, and will naturally feel as if they are being held back, or are putting in all of the effort.
I realized at some point that a rewarding future was not in our future, and I am now relieved that we parted ways, I found that relationship exhausting, and seven (7) years later, I am still recovering, and I am still exhausted, it took so much energy from me.
Thank you for posting these videos!
Please have an excellent and awesome day! ☀️✨
a few weeks ago I commented about how disappointed I was that Anna took a crypto brand as a sponsor, and I talked about how I valued her authenticity but crypto was anything but. She never repeated the crypto sponsor & I love that she's getting sponsored by better help, that's totally on brand with her channel. I don't know if she read the comments (because mine wasn't the only one) about the issues with her pushing a crypto brand, but I love that her sponsors since then have all fit what her channel stands for, with better help being a great example of that.
Awesome job Ana
- Anna, i have no idea if you got a certificate in Counselling or went and studied phych or counselling, but you love it so much that you probably should.
- I mean, you are totally interested in interpersonal relationship dynamics that you would be a happy camper to be a counsellor in 5 to 10 years time and it would be a genuine service to your clients.
- I mean the formal study would also be a good adjunct to your content aswell.
And go into six figure debt to get it?! No thanks! She has the insight and wisdom and the money still in her pocket!
Yep - she's already helping almost 3 million people as it -- no years of study and paying big bucks to get a degree required. Plus she's probably making really good money off this as is, while helping people. Can't do better than that.
@@michaelrmurphy2734 I wont conjecture with you over study costs :)
That said, she does need to move beyond effectively re-vocalising what she learns through her own malaise, counsellor and books and move into alternate points of view, otherwise insight and wisdom will never really exist. At the moment she only uses her own malaise as the basis for all.
@@PaulRWorthington Eventually everyone has to move away from the seemingly wonderful end goal of the money into a deeper understanding of the total subject. One could say that real understanding and wisdom doesnt come until you investigate not just your own condition.
@@johns5558 - That's a pretentious reply that at best purposely misreads my comment.
1 - I mentioned money as a side note, but that's what you try to reduce the argument to.
2 - AA isn't just talking about 'her own condition.' She refers to research, studies, and the associations she works with.
3 - Dude, she has almost THREE MILLION subscribers who are presumably helped by her work -- at least that's what most of the comments here say. She could study for a decade to gain the "deeper understanding" you deem essential and still never reach even the smallest fraction of that audience as a traditional counselor or therapist.
My parents literally are guilty of every single one of these red flags, and I have a hunch that they *still* won't break up because it is frowned upon in East Asian culture, or are just stubborn.
Great advice and betterhelp looks like a really good resource 👍👍
Have a good weekend Anna. A RUclips vet and a force of nature in the entertainment industry
Thank you so much, I really needed this 🥰
He doesn't want to change. He thinks everybody else should. I have no where to go and no one else I can live with. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this.
Stack your own slowly and keep things level till u can afford to step on your own. If you can't do it in 2-3 months, it's cuz your a leech and everything u need comes directly from him. So fix that and earn your freedom
Good luck and find one person u can talk to about your fears when u want to give up about a month in. Someone who will listen really helps...but remember that's all they can do for u. The effort to support yourself comes from just u. Good luck for real. You can be free
Thank you Anna, I always appreciate your work and videos. Great one to know, wish I saw this a decade ago. Great job Anna!!
I’ve been single for 22 years and still watching these vids lmao
It’s good because you’re internalizing what a healthy relationship is like before you try them out!!
@SwanFilterTips
The opposite can also happen if a person waits too long before getting into a relationship. The longer a person waits to take that leap, the more opportunities they have to talk themselves out of pursuing any form of relationship out of fear of rejection, being hurt, or being taken advantage of. People assume that with time a person will gain so much experience that their insecurities and doubts will fade away. Other times though time only gives them a chance to multiply and overwhelm your thought process, sap your courage, and erode self-esteem. Some things are best learned by doing, and that includes relationships. If you just watch and observe other peoples relationships, you’ll only learn so much. A person’s knowledge of relationships will always be incomplete until they’ve actually been in one.
Understanding more and more about intimacy and relationships thanks Anna
You're such a helpful human being Anna 🙌🏿💖💯
I checked all 8, I knew it was done a long time ago.
The day I'll need 8 signs before I break up, I'm gonna end up in an asylum.
The purple pillow on that red couch was a little blue and jealous that Anna refused to lay on it while laying on aforementioned red couch.
Do something about grieving but about some one abused u but u miss them
wow the timing can't be perfect
edit: well it's been calling apart from 6 months nvm
Happy Birthday Anna. I wish you the best birthday that you can have in this new year of 2022 and pray that whatever your plans are for today all your dreams come true on your birthday today.
Me listening without a romantic relationship 👁️👄👁️
We didn't have one of those 8 signs, but we broke up anyway..
okay this is my sign from the universe to break up with him 😋😋
If you needed a sign, reached the stage where you needed one . . Do it already
If all 8 signs are present what would that indicate? Asking for a friend
That means you should get tf out of this relationship lol. Or just have a SERIOUS discussion (you might wanna consider counseling atp).
I see a few of these signs but I haven't seen anything close to number 8 yet so we can still get out of this
I wonder how can the lack of emotional fulfillment be fixed. I have a horrible anxiety and I need to be constantly reassured (verbally and n/v) that my partner loves me and everything is fine, but he always forgets to, and he’s also really introverted and rarely messages me when he’s away. Everything else is okay, but my anxiety and his avoidance drive me insane. How do you guys solve such problems?
This is more of a "health/mental health" question, and I apologize if this the incorrect place to ask but, my curiosity is up and, for unknown reasons, I really trust your judgement Miss Anna. My question is, Is there any correlation to "sexual frustration" to "aggressive thought process"? Put simply, and this is said with great chagrin, I am nearly six years celibate and I feel alot of underlying anger. I am no Incel. I understand that I should work on myself. But lately, I just want to....fight. Something. I understand if this is weird and unorthodox, but I could use an outside opinion, and I trust your thought process. Please disregard this message if I have crossed a line. Thank you for your time and please have a pleasant day.
Number 8 👌 Reaffirmed why I am so grateful that I walked away.
Be careful to start a relationship with someone toxic
this seems like a good place
thank you for this
Annaaaaa LOVE thattt toppp
All Alone August is going well just need to prepare for Single September!
Trust your gut it's usually right
After watching this, I've come to the conclusion that my parents needed a divorce lmao
I feel attacked anna 😂❤
My ex of 4 years and half cheated on me gor almost 6 mounths... I still love him and he kissed me again 10 days ago even everybofy tells me to move on... I feel with no power... he's...very steange... in thoose years he continued to tell me that he wanted to marry me and to have a house and then he did this and at the same time he left me accusing me to be unrespectful... wth
Good to know Anna that makes it easier for me to try to find someone 😉❤️👍
Thank you wise one Anna
Sign #1 I'm in it.
Patreon gang checking in 🎉
eh, Anna, can you do '8 signs your relationship IS working' next time?
I actually don’t think fantasizing about cheating is normal.
sending this to my friend asap 😩
Thank you for everything you do for me 😂❤
Perfect 💗💗💗 great job 💗💗💗 big like 💗💗💗 have a blessed day 💗💗💗
the 10 month messages shouldnt be affected
5 hit too damn close to home…
Remote gangstalking is a definite sign.
what does a partner have to do with anything?
Except the 7th one my marriage had all of the signs... No wonder it's ending...
Love your content as always! Out of curiosity where did you get your jumpsuit? It is hella cute.
Ugh I need help with functional fighting. All my fighting is dysfunctional
When you realize you gotta break up with someone: Yikes. RIP. 😬
Was that a MapleStory loot sound?
I'm only watching because Anna. ❤️
Hola Miss Akana and everyone ❤
Me watching realizing almost everything applies to my parents
😑
@@laviniasnow4494 ?
@@SkyLene Oh, I didn't mean to confuse you. It's a bummer you have to go through that. Hope I didn't offend you. 😖
@@laviniasnow4494 ah ok, i thought your response meant you were annoyed somehow. thank you for saying that, have a good day :)
@@SkyLene Thank you! You have a good day/evening too! ☺️
Difficult to pay attention to what you're saying due to the amazing background music you use!
4/8, I don't suppose that's great.
- Since getting closer its never gone legitimately more than 2 weeks without some moderate falling out. Sometimes it gets extremely loud and semi public.
- Trust issues exist and part of it I'll concede is my fault. I still somewhat communicated with an ex, but it was a very specific and 100% platonic reason why. But she went through my phone, saw some texts, took them out of context and never fully trusted me since.
- She can say the most vile accusatory stuff, then act like she didn't say anything or say I'm putting words in her mouth. Then she'll actually come out and put it in a more civilized manner. Emotional manipulation is rife. Most times she's not aware, sometimes its intentional. Either way she does it.
- I don't cheat, I would never plan to and I find it disgusting, but I found myself leering at women harder more often and more enthusiastically. That told me things are really wrong.