We need you Clay. You are genuine, real and authentic. You are bright light and teaching many of us how to stay strong despite our challenges and INFJ weaknesses. You do you but life is better when you check in and share your heart. Thank you.
Aging in reverse! So true! And the aggression is real. The more I heal and cut off toxic relationships, the more I feel liberated to explore my authentic self. I was just thinking of joining a kickboxing club to release all that aggression within me. In the meantime, I've started doing more running and weight lifting. Great video and welcome back!
You absolutely addressed many of the difficulties that an INFJ often faces trying to navigate a world that does not seem to work well for them. It is indeed a journey as we never quite finish the discovery of ourselves or those around us. There is a line in a popular song that sums most of us up quite well. " I hate to be different, but I don't want to be normal." Thanks for your insights!
Great to see you back Clay! Definitely another thought-provoking video. Very interesting thought about consensus. It’s probably the main reason infj’s are loners, because they resist the pressure to just be a sheep.☺️
@@DeezyRYG Not in my mind, I see it more as a cost of being authentic. Different maybe from being introverted- as introversion is about energy and re-charging- but maybe a loner is about feeling misunderstood.
@@DeezyRYGno. Everyone needs to process and gather their energy in different ways that are personal to them. We love people and we naturally absorb too much
@@saskiaseaglass9504 @mumma6559 thank you for responses, that makes sense. I believe you both. I wanted to ask because I feel like oftentimes I meet INFJ who seem to feel like unless they’re living the loner life (as in seemingly intentionally finding ways to never really have a friend group and remain elusive and distant from people), they aren’t “really INFJ.” They make it seem like it’s something to be cool like the memes suggest. And I’ve always questioned why that is a thing. But it doesn’t seem like at least you two are this way.
Same with me! As I’m getting older, I increasingly cannot appease people’s nonsensical power dynamics! It annoys me that people are so self serving at another’s expense.
*Wherever there is an identity, an Ego is born to fight to keep that identity alive.* (i.e. If you give yourself an identity of Christian/Feminist, you create within you a Christian ego / Feminist ego that will fight not for what's right, but what keeps the identity alive. Through identification, you unconsciously conscript yourself into the army of said identity.) Letting go of identities is one of the hardest yet most rewarding things a soul can go through. It's very freeing, and gives you the ability to see past all identities' blindspots. Identities start off as ideas. It's okay to have ideas; what's unhealthy is when you let ideas have you.
You sound really good and your facial expressions are saying that you are free❤ it’s beautiful to see! I know exactly what you are talking about. There is nothing like figuring out how to protect yourself…it brings such a powerful feeling of trust and love for yourself ❤ I love this video. So happy for you.
I love this! I literally just met with a new therapist last week and asked her if she was a Mormon because I didn't feel comfortable talking with her about my Mormon religious trauma if she was one herself. :)
So nice to see you back! Your healing journey made you glow differently, beautifully, confident! Looking forward to more videos from you! Regards from France.
Hey Clay, great to see you back with new content and insights. Can you do a video about setting boundaries and dealing with power dynamics? As an INFJ this is something I struggle with and would love to hear an in depth take on what you've learned about this.
It's been a looooong time. Welcome back! Also, I relate so strongly about merging the private and the public. I'm on the same journey currently. I've always created a "performative persona" to face others. Sometimes it can be so different from my true self that I feel like I'm being maliciously manipulative but I just really wanna keep the peace that bad. Lately I've found that it not only makes me feel alone and isolated because I'm never able to truly relate to anyone or be seen by anyone...but its also PHYSICALLY taxing. My voice is at a slightly higher, perkier pitch, I have to restrain myself from disagreeing with certain things to keep up the act. It gives me a headache and makes me tense. I'm getting too old for it. Lol I'm only 27 but still. 😂 It makes me bitter and cold and I don't like it. I love people and communing with them and hearing their points of view and sharing my own, AUTHENTICALLY. If they can't handle that, then they won't be able to handle a relationship with me and that's fine. I'm learning to accept this. I current have 3 good friends I can openly and honestly talk about ANYTHING with. All the taboo topics like politics, religion, sexuality, etc. We can disagree without arguing and we wake up and can still talk to eachother the next day. ❤
Good to see you back, man. Your videos inspire me to feel better and strive for a good/healthy life. Funny, I have a black and gray rose tattoo on my chest, but it's missing thorns and I've wanted to add those, plus a little snake slithering around, and even some red roses to symbolize new growth.
I enjoyed listening to your journey. I'm still going through a spiritual journey after getting out of a bad marriage and being around toxicity in family, work and friends. Part of my healing has been turning inward and spending more time by myself to find the peace I desperately needed. As someone who is very private, I feel the main goal has always been to be authentic both privately and publicly but not everyone deserves to see all sides of me in public. My goal has always been to be authentic but not necessarily the same. As for manipulation, it's everywhere...even in ourselves despite we may be looking out for everyone else. The difference is knowing when manipulation is for self or for others' well-being, if you know what I mean. My life has always been full of misunderstandings and I'm very aware that my words may not always express my thoughts exactly, so I've learned to just being quiet is sometimes easier than trying to explain myself. As my kids know, I can give them an ear full sometimes. 😂 I have a strong personality and I am trying to break free from being ashamed of it despite everyone making me feel like I should be. I too have less F's to give and have been also constantly using "not my problem" on a regular basis. Be well. Thank you for sharing.
Perfect timing. I love the relaxed way you mull over these observations and musings. I relate to so much -the friendships that work and those that don’t, the why of it,, narcissistic family, self worth and blame, growing older and aging in reverse, etc. Your calm INFJ wisdom is reassuring, thoughtful and helpful.
1st tattoos I've gotten were roses. And since then, I've asked people who also have roses what it represents for them. A lot of them cannot answer "it was cool"...or don't want to share. But I got roses because it reminds me that life is duality. There is beauty and pain. Day and night. Etc. Without one..there is no other or at the vert least..no appreciation. Today, it's a reminder to just keep pushing and growing.
Really enjoy your commentary--particularly the way you're able to abstract what's going on in your life to another level without sharing the blow-by-blow details in most cases. I can really appreciate the struggle required to live authentically by attempting to bring your private and public selves closer. Have recently gone through my own struggles dealing with feelings of shame after spending time around extended family. Would like to say that I dealt with them in a healthy manner, but let's just say I've still got more work to do!
Been watching your videos since I found your channel about a year ago Clay, and now I can confidently say that even if you didn't mention anything about mbti I'd still happily watch them. Keep pushing your great unfiltered (heh) opinions and insights man, they are super helpful and appreciated. Here's hoping you never remove that camera from your office!
Thanks for posting again! I really love your videos and they have helped me through also my very difficult journey. It's SO great to know you're in a much better place and I'm just happy to know that there is also someone out there that is also going through a transformative journey.
I've also been doing BJJ for around 2.5 years and kickboxing for 1.5 years. Those have helped me tremendously, I think in being an INFJ, but definitely in general. My confidence is much higher now. It's drastically improved my professional life. I thrive under physical danger and stress now, so in everyday challenges, I'm no longer as concerned. Looking forward to your new material.
that's awesome! What belt are you at now? My main issue is I keep hurting myself, but I've also learned a lot about how not to spaz out and hurt myself ha,.
@@ClayArnall I’m 2 stripe blue. It takes a little while to learn how to roll safely. Probably by blue or 1 stripe blue you’ll have that figured out. Just try to be careful meanwhile. I had 5 significant but not serious injuries getting to blue. Now it’s much less common knock on wood.
I agree with much of this, and appreciate these issues being brought to light, but I must admit once I made my private person completely separate from my public, my life improved greatly... I say be VERY careful telling someone in public life 'what you really think.'
Thanks for coming back and aiming to upload more of your thoughts. I clicked on this video so fast as soon as I saw it. I realized that I love listening to you so much because you always go deep and make sense whereas most people usually do neither or one and not the other. My favourite part of this one was the comment on aging backwards. I have tried to explain this in the past with, I’ve always been different but I’m becoming more OK and confident about it.
Congratulations Clay !!! I also didn’t pay attention much about INFJ for while because I really want to observe more my own mind by watching Three kings, Journey to the west, the 100 , Blacklist, and others. So I learn to understand differences in each mind in each character in movie to see where my mind in among of them. I have a lot of things to see, however my English is not privilege as you. Say no to INFJ is very important because you don’t say it if it is not right for you. It will hurt you. I have to go back all the way to the past up to 4,5-6,7… to find out why I (can’t) don’t say NO, because no one allowed me to say NO in the past. Remember exercises, martial art, walking, running, swimming, snowboarding and boating are to build your gut and confidence. I practiced taekwondo at age 18 when someone harassed me in college school dom overseas and and some nunchucks. And you also know that you don’t feel like you hit people, you might find people might hit you more, but push you to practice more and more. That build a massive confidence to say NO and set very boundaries. I am on the earth now is from the dead of age 20th after a dream in border of dead or a lives, so no reason to fear anything unless I do the wrong things. I hope this help.
Clay! So glad to see you & hear your insight! Infj here. I resonate with everything you’re going through, especially this privacy vs authenticity topic. Could you make a video on this based on what you’ve learned recently? Im a private person but im also (unfortunately) a people pleaser. Im struggling with how much i want to share with others, setting boundaries, and how to care less about what people think when i do express myself honestly. It feels vulnerable to put yourself out there instead of molding yourself to fit someone else’s personality. Can you relate? Im in my late 20s & i hear that people care less about the opinion of others as they age, but i could sure use your perspective on this! Thanks! 😊
Living without labels takes us out of the boxes we put ourselves in. Also without labels, we don't manifest our personalities to be stereotypically INFJ. We need to forge our own paths and not fall into stigmas. We're more than just a type code.
«Hello, world!» I've been interested in your channel for quite a while now, that is because your video about being an infj popped up in my recommendations, which is because for some time I was quite interested in knowing more about infjs' views on life, their experiences and what general truths they have discovered along their way. I'm not an infj, I think, most leaning to intp, that's because I had to play as an, supposedly, infj character in an improvised theatre (just among me and my friends), and I wanted to be as accurate as I could be, so I decided to make my own little research. And then, when I listened to that first video, I immediately knew that's the style of, um.. Info-telling/opinion-telling - however you think it's more accurate to categorise - that I like the most and feel most comfortable listening to (I'm just more of an audial learner, the more you know🌠🌠 meme). Your speech, as for me, seems quite loose, in the sense of it not being forced or dictated by any script, yet also not chaotic at all, there's is not too much and not too little said about every point you make. You know, for now my need for accuracy in representing that infj character is now not as great, but I still enjoy watching (/listening) to your videos because of the way you present information and the information itself, there are a lot of important things about people and life you say that I wouldn't otherwise think about (because people are not a very big part of my life yet, don't know if they will become, I'm at the beginning of my way for now, just a teenager trying to figure out stuff). In conclusion, I just wanted to say that I appreciate your content and it's all very interesting to hear about. Especially about the religion trauma. I actually grew up (still growing up) in a christian family, but I don't feel like anything is being pushed onto me, although my parents often refer go God, they don't require us to live like that too, actually I like to discuss it with dad and I don't try to push too. But I remember I used to do this when I was younger, trying to argue for science and common sense (as a child, yeah. that was funny), but now I've become a lot more neutral, I think. I'm just okay with hearing others' opinions, but it doesn't mean I'm taking them as mine. And what you said about fitting into certain groups is a thing I also noticed. I just don't assign myself any visible titles, trying to figure everything iut on my own, too. But I think it can be explained by my Ti, probably. It was a long comment, sorry if it took too much time.. Just sharing my opinion and experience, you can be okay or not okay with it, I guess I'm fine either way Also, this topic for video about why you wear certain things sounds very interesting to hear! :D And good luck!
So many relate but like you said, life comes with suffering. I’m not sure any therapist could fix the problem. I still believe God can restore all that was lost. (I’m talking to myself now). Maybe the issue is with authority? Yea you’re right, and maybe its okay to put them in their place. At the same time don’t be afraid to break the mold. Matthew 7:21-23 ☝🏽that’s a good verse. Thanks for your time sir, K later
Amazing video Clay, one of your best in my opinion. I relate to so much of what you say. I've seen your 2 part series on why you left Christianity and it's like we had an almost identical childhood hahaha. All the best and keep up the good work!
I've seen a few of your videos and we think similarly. I'm very logical and have a hard time not being authentic. However, I realize I do mask to fit it. Social events are not my strong suit and dealing irrational behavior of others driven by their emotions, egos, etc frustrates me to no end. (Clearly I haven't mastered what Solomon described as having the wisdom to conduct oneself before others). I've also avoided conflicts because I would get really disregulated by them but at the expense of setting the appropriate boundaries for others. My wife also suggested I go to therapy. I realized a lot of how I approach the world is in line with someone who is autistic. A few months later I was diagnosed with ASD Level 1.
This was super helpful. I'd love to learn more about INFJ/INFJ relationships. I'd also love to know more about how you are creating a healthy dynamic in your new relationship.
I relate so much to the idea of being a very private person and tailoring myself around others. Even my close friends will say they know me, but they still don’t really know me. Something I’m working on! Being completely vulnerable here, I’m a 32 year gay male and I grew up so frightened of myself that I would adjust my behavior, thoughts, and interests around everyone else. So that I was more accessible to people and not put off by me being gay. I don’t present stereotypical but now as I’ve grown older I question if that’s my nature or is that the condition I taught myself to stay in out of self preservation. Complicated stuff but at the end of the day I’m in a decently healthy place where I can be more authentic to who I am regardless if it appears feminine or masculine. I’m so much happier than I was even a year ago so growth brings a lot of questions and new problems but in the end for me it’s brought freedom
Thank you for the interesting discussion around topics that I share equal heightened focus around these days. Between changing power dynamics by recognizing enablement of others and remaining rational while maintaining individuality is powerful in my life right now. I am learning that showing up authentically yet seeing through others lenses is to be celebrated by oneself and something others would benefit from when it comes to your differences not being judgey. We should see it as a positive asset to be adaptive that way and still maintain our identity. Just saying 🤷🏽♀️ It’s definitely progress though and a big high five for us including the rest of you all blessed and built similar. ❤ 🫶🏽
Oh man, yes. Welp my hubs is a pastor and INFJ and I’m an ENFP… we are liberal ELCA but like maybe moderate I’m not sure. Our abilities to paradigm shift as individuals and as a couple has allowed us to fill a lot of different roles. There is a ton of abuse in religion. I took a few classes in college about it actually since I’m a nurse and they offered them. Church’s are organizations and institutions so they have a lot of issues. I’ve had to give myself and our family lots of boundaries from our work and we are pretty different than a lot of pastor families. What’s interesting is that being an NF leader in people work makes absolute sense… but we never let the fe or te be our drivers. There is so much more room on earth for people and God knows that. He’s much more chill than we make him. People are so ugh exhausting 😂 like love them sure but also man I hear ya. You deserve sanity, to think for yourself, to question paradigms and to absolutely use your knowledge and logic to understand this world and still be able to have faith. I honestly think that well, I rarely share my beliefs with other Christian’s….that doesn’t determine where I end up anyway 😂. Gods amazing and nebulous and all kinds of NF ness. People are scared and a lot of them are very closed off and only think about their small corner of the world. Don’t let them determine how you should think, or feel. God made you amazingly the exact way that you are and He loooooooves the weird, the fun the zanny. He can handle allll of the emotions and experiences…. Nothing shocks Him and you don’t have to believe in Him for Him to exist. You don’t have to do a thing. Love is free and unending and thank goodness it’s not up to us. I’m so sorry that you were not nurtured, or loved to be you. Most of our job is to set captives free and mostly it’s from illogical abusive crap. I’m so sorry that you experienced so much pain. You’re a wonderful person. Keep nurturing and growing I love INFJs. Sage wisdom masters that you all are. You’re not gonna have a lot of true true friends, but the ones that are blessed to be in your safe supportive arena are the lucky ones. Um, you should always be allowed to vet a therapist and actually the ones who mix theology into their spheres should absolutely be vetted even more. You weren’t projected dude, your gut was right and I have a degree in nursing a psych and goood psychologists encourage you to question and to see if they are good fits with you so that they won’t do more damage. Trust your gut, it’s right a loooot! You’re awesome!!!!!!! Keep growing 😊😊😊😊😊😊.
Would you consider doing a video on the cognitive functions? I think I understand Ni mostly because I am pretty sure I'm also INFJ and I really relate to it, but it is still a bit vague to me. I find Ti, Fi, Fe, and Se more concrete and easy to identify and understand. However, I find the descriptions of Te, Si, and Ne a little bit confusing and I'm not sure I fully understand. I find your videos extremely relatable and they help me put words to some experiences I've had. I would love your take on all the functions & how to identify them
Good to see you again, I’ve missed you. I love your thoughts about being everything, good and bad etc etc, and it fits so well with my own feelings and thoughts about who I am. In my younger years I felt almost always that I wasn’t enough (my mother was narcissist), but with being older I’m balancing and healing, and most of my healing was to understand that I’m an INFJ. And a song that hit me hard when it came, and still is so very strong in me, is “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks 💖💞💖. Please listen to it, to the lyrics, it is (for me) very much INFJ.
Power dynamics explain a lot of the irrationality in the world, both material and perceived. If you embrace irrational beliefs you can optimise for personal gain, sidestep feelings of guilt, and make life difficult for those motivated to hold you accountable for the consequences of your actions. I think the same holds true in organisations. Irrational beliefs that empower the organisation empower members, especially those with seniority. In a sense, the sacred posturing of overtly irrational beliefs and communal enforcement lends power to the organisation. If you challenge those beliefs, you weaken the reputation of the organisation, weakening the reputation of its members. Collective narcissism.
Great video, Clay! I'm not sure if this is just an INFJ thing, but I struggle with consistency. I'll set a goal and work hard towards it, but then I'll suddenly lose interest for no apparent reason and stop working towards my goal. Even though I want to achieve it, I face some resistance in my mind. Have you ever experienced this?
@@ClayArnall I take some time off and restart old work mostly. If I find more important/interesting things, I focus on new work. But I can't shake the feeling that I was a quitter. this behavior has become a pattern in everything I do. I am not sure how to stay consistent. I used to be very consistent in my teens but I lost that ability.
as an infj who grew up in the christian environment, the whole you are a sinner concept never sunk in the same way for me. i just saw it as well we are all flawed. even if we are good people and try to do good things, we will fuck up here and there. and if its already built in, then its not like something perfect was broken but rather well reality. all you really need to do is course correct and sort out whatever it was. the idea of public self vs private self also i think got established early on for me because of the christian teachings. in this case when Jesus was talking about the priests of that time who wore the public face of holy men but were corrupt inside. the idea of ringing hollow if you do things for the wrong reasons and not from the heart. all that early on just made me get on this path of just being myself. after all, if ultimately i'm trying to please a God that can see my heart, then i don't have to worry about misunderstandings and less worried about pleasing people. and in my life i've had people who were so worried about being private, that it created this closed circle where no help could come in, because no information was being let out. watching people from a young age shaped these ideas in me. but i do think the process of growing up in an imperfect world kinda shatters us little by little. we replace it with tougher scar tissue but its no longer the soft heart it used to be from when we were younger and knew less and were possibly more stretchy. you don't often break as a child, you are molded and only years later find out if the mold was a bad one. reshaping yourself also hurts and i think, even tho you might reshape for the better, the feeling of not being the original thing contributes to this feeling of being off, slightly wrong. not meshing well anymore.
I don't know if you are from a Middle Eastern background but the way you explain your extended family reminds me of mine. There is so much desire to push boundaries indeed. If you think about it boundaries are not clear at all with in many cultures. There is not much regard for the individual. This causes men especially to mature much later in life. Men are taught to be prideful and narcissistic where as ideally a man needs to desire for others to have room to be themselves. A man is respected when he is willing to sacrifice in order to protect and provide peace of mind and security for his loved ones. In middle eastern countries men learn to control loved ones and rule over them. What you end up having is insecurity on all levels. The family members are constantly put down and ridiculed by the team captain. Listening to you I see residue of that culture. You are too self centered. It's all you thinking about you. You are the center of everything and for as long as you are not able to put others before yourself quite frankly you are not a mature person. Being an immature man will hurt you and everyone around you. You need to be the center at the top and all things work together to bring you down. Number one natural law is that the humble are uplifted and the the proud are brought down” so do not be ashamed of the truth. The truth is our parents put a lot of shame on us and there for we are preoccupied with proving we are good. It's very ironic that you claim to have been a Christian but is it possible that you never understood what Christ did? He washed ALL SHAME from you and your parents and aaaallll mankind. Not one Christian feels shame once they truly understand why Christ was put on the cross.
I often keep my opinions to myself until I can gauge the other person and establish what is a pattern and what is just a one-off occurrence, but it does tend to do the dynamic a disservice because they don’t expect the pushback when I really do ‘come out’ to talk. Sometimes I gently introduce nuance to the convo. We’re always wanting to allow for nuance, I think. But our intuitions are very fast processors and know things before our conscious minds solidify our thoughts. Maybe a ‘Senser’ can reply in real time? I would love to get better at that.
Can you tell us about your genetics and if certain personality types are common is certain ethnicities? or are some personality types formed from environment/upbringing / parents?
OMG. I so relate to the "toxic shame syndrome" I am slowly trying to move past that as well. I still have a personal faith but it has changed dramatically.
Thorns are protective of the rose. They're defensive not offensive. Also you should read Self-reliance by Emerson if you haven't already...speaks to being authentic and a non-conformist.
I'm stuck living with a toxic/abusive person 4 days a week. He's obsessed with me. He's controlling. He gets jealous when I reply to messages. He makes me tell him everywhere I'm going and exactly when I'll be back. He has anger issues, and he gets in a bad mood at the slightest hint of not getting his way, and he makes his bad moods felt, ruining my mood too. He also walks into the bedroom (no lock) constantly while I'm asleep or trying to sleep, and expects me to let him know exactly when I'll wake up because I'm not allowed stay in the room if I'm not spending time with him. So yes, I'm an INFJ with no privacy or alone time. He also stands/sits SO close to me that his body is touching and rubbing against me. And he smells horrible. He's obese, and hasn't had a shower for several years, and always smells of shit and sweat. He puts his hands on me a lot too and I feel so uncomfortable and horrible. But I'm forced to go back there, and I'm too sensitive to deal with an argument or him making me feel worse. He's also dangerous when he gets angry. He put his own mother in the hospital before. I told him before... through text, when I wasn't there, because I can't speak up in person... that I need personal space, privacy, and he has to stop touching me. I told him I could get him arrested for touching me that way without permission. When I went back, instead of trying to change, he was angry and said "I didn't like what you said to me". He claims I'm his best friend and he loves me. I don't get it.
Yes I agree! This is not a friend, your boundaries are completely neglected, this is hurting you every day, this person doesn’t want to change so it’s up to you to get out of there/get help if you can.
I'm in the middle of listening to you, but already wandering if you were able to stop adjusting yourself to fit your therapeut. In retrospect I think while I was in therapy I did not allowed myself to be my true self and still I was tailored to fit her. For sure I was more authentic, but still not 100%
@@ClayArnall okay, that's great. I think I have some part of myself that even my husband that knows everything about me even do kont know. I'm not sure If I will be ready to share this with anyone, I consider this to be too intimate as if someone would know my dreams, my understanding about my dreams and other stuff. I thinks thats because it's all based on my intuition and symbolic understanding of the world, and I just do not think anyone would get this. BUT thats why I lobe work of Carl Gustaw Jung I think of him as someone who do not give a f*** if anyone would understand him and his dream like and vivid ideas about human and his existence on this planet. And he dedicated his career to show his unique perspective. His my idol for sure :D
I’m going to wager that the person who gets very upset when he disagrees and feels as if they are being attacked is his mother. Maybe only bc that’s my problem 🤷🏿♂️
I really look forward to your videos. You have a distinct knack for (pleasant-to-hear) public speaking that I find uncommon. I relate to so much of your video content but the comment about even your choice of clothing at the end got me. Personally, seeing “goths” or “preppy” types or rainbow-haired-nose-ring tattooed people …just MYSTIFIES me. How is it “being who you are” if you look EXACTLY like a bunch of other cookie cutter people? Same with cars. I know a family, all of whom have to a drive Mercedes. I just don’t get it.
It seems like we INFJ have trauma shape our personality. We're all eccentric and when we're around like-minded people, we don't filter ourselves. Our dark humor comes out during these times. Since Ti is subjective, we tend to not believe certain things because it goes against our personal logic. Your friend that says "why are you attacking me?" sounds like a covert narcissist. Enablers can be seen as flying monkeys to the narcissist.
Clay, I understand what you’re trying to say about hardcore/conservative Christians but I don’t think that’s the best description. Those would be LEGALISTIC Christians and they’re not representing the faith very well if they’re defensive, hyper-critical, overly-judging, etc… As a Christian myself that’s been one of my pet peeves for many years and I call those people out when necessary. You can alsp think of them as modern day Pharisees depending on how deep the hypocrisy goes. But no religion has perfect people anyway, we worship and look to the perfect and holy GOD as the ultimate example. I can debate atheists for hours on end no problem if they are respectful and professional.
@@INFJenius It still doesn’t solve my main issue: in Christianity you are worthless on your own and need saving. I reject any god who invented such a dumb system. And there’s no need to debate about whether this god is real because even if he’s real, I want no part of it.
@@ClayArnall what…“worthless”??? 🙃 100% FALSE AND UNBIBLICAL. You obviously haven’t even read the Bible and/or are grossly misrepresenting it out of spite. Why are atheists so angry if God doesn’t exist?.. I’m not here to convince you of anything - but it’s not admirable to ‘take a stand’ if you spread lies to justify yourself. The admitted bad experiences with horrible people have made you biased, but holding in that frustration and hating God only holds in the pain. Let it go, FORGIVE others, and MOVE ON is the only way to have real peace on this earth. Nobody said it was easy but neither are most things in this world. You won’t listen to me anyway because you’re an INFJ, but I’m an older INFJ who’s had 2 lifetimes of bad experiences and I think your position is strange and illogical. If this God is real like you said then you won’t get a choice to have nothing to do with Him on judgement day - it’s either belief or unbelief. Best of luck and God bless you in your journey.
Thank you, I didn’t say enough. I’m learning to say what needs to be said. Searching overload, can totally relate after many unhealthy relationships. 🤍 So needed to hear this, wow. Such an important message. 🇨🇦
I often keep my opinions to myself until I can gauge the other person and establish what is a pattern and what is just a one-off occurrence, but it does tend to do the dynamic a disservice because they don’t expect the pushback when I really do ‘come out’ to talk. Sometimes I gently introduce nuance to the convo. We’re always wanting to allow for nuance, I think. But our intuitions are very fast processors and know things before our conscious minds solidify our thoughts. Maybe a ‘Senser’ can reply in real time? I would love to get better at that.
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We need you Clay. You are genuine, real and authentic. You are bright light and teaching many of us how to stay strong despite our challenges and INFJ weaknesses. You do you but life is better when you check in and share your heart. Thank you.
Aging in reverse! So true! And the aggression is real. The more I heal and cut off toxic relationships, the more I feel liberated to explore my authentic self. I was just thinking of joining a kickboxing club to release all that aggression within me. In the meantime, I've started doing more running and weight lifting. Great video and welcome back!
You absolutely addressed many of the difficulties that an INFJ often faces trying to navigate a world that does not seem to work well for them. It is indeed a journey as we never quite finish the discovery of ourselves or those around us. There is a line in a popular song that sums most of us up quite well. " I hate to be different, but I don't want to be normal." Thanks for your insights!
Nf lyrics. I love his songs
@@AshrekaKuku Me too. I Iove music that speaks to the soul!
Missed your presence, Clay! Listening to you talk makes me feel sane. Thanks for brining some truth and light to the internet.
@@heraddledbrain thanks for the kind words
Great to see you back Clay! Definitely another thought-provoking video. Very interesting thought about consensus. It’s probably the main reason infj’s are loners, because they resist the pressure to just be a sheep.☺️
perhaps ha.
Earnest question; Is there a pride and almost badge of honor and desire to be a loner?
@@DeezyRYG Not in my mind, I see it more as a cost of being authentic. Different maybe from being introverted- as introversion is about energy and re-charging- but maybe a loner is about feeling misunderstood.
@@DeezyRYGno. Everyone needs to process and gather their energy in different ways that are personal to them. We love people and we naturally absorb too much
@@saskiaseaglass9504 @mumma6559 thank you for responses, that makes sense. I believe you both. I wanted to ask because I feel like oftentimes I meet INFJ who seem to feel like unless they’re living the loner life (as in seemingly intentionally finding ways to never really have a friend group and remain elusive and distant from people), they aren’t “really INFJ.” They make it seem like it’s something to be cool like the memes suggest. And I’ve always questioned why that is a thing. But it doesn’t seem like at least you two are this way.
finally the Infj speaks
I feel like my personality type (INFJ) and my attachment style (fearful avoidant) explain EVERYTHING!
Same with me! As I’m getting older, I increasingly cannot appease people’s nonsensical power dynamics! It annoys me that people are so self serving at another’s expense.
*Wherever there is an identity, an Ego is born to fight to keep that identity alive.* (i.e. If you give yourself an identity of Christian/Feminist, you create within you a Christian ego / Feminist ego that will fight not for what's right, but what keeps the identity alive. Through identification, you unconsciously conscript yourself into the army of said identity.)
Letting go of identities is one of the hardest yet most rewarding things a soul can go through. It's very freeing, and gives you the ability to see past all identities' blindspots. Identities start off as ideas. It's okay to have ideas; what's unhealthy is when you let ideas have you.
You sound really good and your facial expressions are saying that you are free❤ it’s beautiful to see! I know exactly what you are talking about. There is nothing like figuring out how to protect yourself…it brings such a powerful feeling of trust and love for yourself ❤ I love this video. So happy for you.
I love this! I literally just met with a new therapist last week and asked her if she was a Mormon because I didn't feel comfortable talking with her about my Mormon religious trauma if she was one herself. :)
Boundaries are a huge topic with several different specific areas. Thanks for going there.
So nice to see you back! Your healing journey made you glow differently, beautifully, confident! Looking forward to more videos from you! Regards from France.
thank you!
Thanks for sharing. I appreciate your authenticity!
Hey Clay, great to see you back with new content and insights. Can you do a video about setting boundaries and dealing with power dynamics? As an INFJ this is something I struggle with and would love to hear an in depth take on what you've learned about this.
It's been a looooong time. Welcome back! Also, I relate so strongly about merging the private and the public. I'm on the same journey currently. I've always created a "performative persona" to face others. Sometimes it can be so different from my true self that I feel like I'm being maliciously manipulative but I just really wanna keep the peace that bad. Lately I've found that it not only makes me feel alone and isolated because I'm never able to truly relate to anyone or be seen by anyone...but its also PHYSICALLY taxing. My voice is at a slightly higher, perkier pitch, I have to restrain myself from disagreeing with certain things to keep up the act. It gives me a headache and makes me tense. I'm getting too old for it. Lol I'm only 27 but still. 😂 It makes me bitter and cold and I don't like it. I love people and communing with them and hearing their points of view and sharing my own, AUTHENTICALLY. If they can't handle that, then they won't be able to handle a relationship with me and that's fine. I'm learning to accept this. I current have 3 good friends I can openly and honestly talk about ANYTHING with. All the taboo topics like politics, religion, sexuality, etc. We can disagree without arguing and we wake up and can still talk to eachother the next day. ❤
thanks for the comment! I find that so important - the part about disagreeing without hating each other after haha. I feel like that builds trust.
Wow 4 years with Lexi now. Congrats. ❤
Good to see you back, man. Your videos inspire me to feel better and strive for a good/healthy life. Funny, I have a black and gray rose tattoo on my chest, but it's missing thorns and I've wanted to add those, plus a little snake slithering around, and even some red roses to symbolize new growth.
Thanks for sharing your healing journey! ❤ Could relate to that 100%!!!!
I enjoyed listening to your journey. I'm still going through a spiritual journey after getting out of a bad marriage and being around toxicity in family, work and friends. Part of my healing has been turning inward and spending more time by myself to find the peace I desperately needed. As someone who is very private, I feel the main goal has always been to be authentic both privately and publicly but not everyone deserves to see all sides of me in public. My goal has always been to be authentic but not necessarily the same. As for manipulation, it's everywhere...even in ourselves despite we may be looking out for everyone else. The difference is knowing when manipulation is for self or for others' well-being, if you know what I mean. My life has always been full of misunderstandings and I'm very aware that my words may not always express my thoughts exactly, so I've learned to just being quiet is sometimes easier than trying to explain myself. As my kids know, I can give them an ear full sometimes. 😂 I have a strong personality and I am trying to break free from being ashamed of it despite everyone making me feel like I should be. I too have less F's to give and have been also constantly using "not my problem" on a regular basis. Be well. Thank you for sharing.
Enjoyed your video. Gave me a lot of reflection on my own journey. Hope to see you again soon.
Perfect timing. I love the relaxed way you mull over these observations and musings. I relate to so much -the friendships that work and those that don’t, the why of it,, narcissistic family, self worth and blame, growing older and aging in reverse, etc. Your calm INFJ wisdom is reassuring, thoughtful and helpful.
glad it helped :)
Loving your rose analogy, it does wonders for my self worth
1st tattoos I've gotten were roses. And since then, I've asked people who also have roses what it represents for them. A lot of them cannot answer "it was cool"...or don't want to share. But I got roses because it reminds me that life is duality. There is beauty and pain. Day and night. Etc. Without one..there is no other or at the vert least..no appreciation. Today, it's a reminder to just keep pushing and growing.
Really enjoy your commentary--particularly the way you're able to abstract what's going on in your life to another level without sharing the blow-by-blow details in most cases. I can really appreciate the struggle required to live authentically by attempting to bring your private and public selves closer. Have recently gone through my own struggles dealing with feelings of shame after spending time around extended family. Would like to say that I dealt with them in a healthy manner, but let's just say I've still got more work to do!
I feel like it's a never ending battle to deal with things in a healthy way ha. There's always next time.
Glad to have you back. I always find it interesting to hear your thoughts!
I appreciate that!
Welcome back, Clay! As per usual, great video. I relate so much to your story
Been watching your videos since I found your channel about a year ago Clay, and now I can confidently say that even if you didn't mention anything about mbti I'd still happily watch them. Keep pushing your great unfiltered (heh) opinions and insights man, they are super helpful and appreciated. Here's hoping you never remove that camera from your office!
Thanks for posting again! I really love your videos and they have helped me through also my very difficult journey. It's SO great to know you're in a much better place and I'm just happy to know that there is also someone out there that is also going through a transformative journey.
I'm happy they've helped :)
I've also been doing BJJ for around 2.5 years and kickboxing for 1.5 years. Those have helped me tremendously, I think in being an INFJ, but definitely in general. My confidence is much higher now. It's drastically improved my professional life. I thrive under physical danger and stress now, so in everyday challenges, I'm no longer as concerned. Looking forward to your new material.
that's awesome! What belt are you at now? My main issue is I keep hurting myself, but I've also learned a lot about how not to spaz out and hurt myself ha,.
@@ClayArnall I’m 2 stripe blue. It takes a little while to learn how to roll safely. Probably by blue or 1 stripe blue you’ll have that figured out. Just try to be careful meanwhile. I had 5 significant but not serious injuries getting to blue. Now it’s much less common knock on wood.
I agree with much of this, and appreciate these issues being brought to light, but I must admit once I made my private person completely separate from my public, my life improved greatly... I say be VERY careful telling someone in public life 'what you really think.'
Thanks for coming back and aiming to upload more of your thoughts. I clicked on this video so fast as soon as I saw it. I realized that I love listening to you so much because you always go deep and make sense whereas most people usually do neither or one and not the other.
My favourite part of this one was the comment on aging backwards. I have tried to explain this in the past with, I’ve always been different but I’m becoming more OK and confident about it.
thanks for the comment!
Im glad you found love again. Also explaining things in-depth. You're a kind person. ❤
@@Fireflies779 thank you 🙏
Congratulations Clay !!!
I also didn’t pay attention much about INFJ for while because I really want to observe more my own mind by watching Three kings, Journey to the west, the 100 , Blacklist, and others. So I learn to understand differences in each mind in each character in movie to see where my mind in among of them. I have a lot of things to see, however my English is not privilege as you.
Say no to INFJ is very important because you don’t say it if it is not right for you. It will hurt you.
I have to go back all the way to the past up to 4,5-6,7… to find out why I (can’t) don’t say NO, because no one allowed me to say NO in the past.
Remember exercises, martial art, walking, running, swimming, snowboarding and boating are to build your gut and confidence. I practiced taekwondo at age 18 when someone harassed me in college school dom overseas and and some nunchucks. And you also know that you don’t feel like you hit people, you might find people might hit you more, but push you to practice more and more. That build a massive confidence to say NO and set very boundaries. I am on the earth now is from the dead of age 20th after a dream in border of dead or a lives, so no reason to fear anything unless I do the wrong things.
I hope this help.
Thank you for everything, Clay. Always a delight to listen to what you have to say!
Clay! So glad to see you & hear your insight! Infj here. I resonate with everything you’re going through, especially this privacy vs authenticity topic. Could you make a video on this based on what you’ve learned recently? Im a private person but im also (unfortunately) a people pleaser. Im struggling with how much i want to share with others, setting boundaries, and how to care less about what people think when i do express myself honestly. It feels vulnerable to put yourself out there instead of molding yourself to fit someone else’s personality. Can you relate? Im in my late 20s & i hear that people care less about the opinion of others as they age, but i could sure use your perspective on this! Thanks! 😊
INFJ here
struggles can be a great lessons... i loved that... thank you for being honest,, i feel your sincerity... ❤😊
loved this! so excited you are posting again!
thank you :)
Yes! I got those same messages growing up from Christianity! It is so toxic, and sadly, it gets deeply ingrained.
Living without labels takes us out of the boxes we put ourselves in. Also without labels, we don't manifest our personalities to be stereotypically INFJ. We need to forge our own paths and not fall into stigmas. We're more than just a type code.
«Hello, world!»
I've been interested in your channel for quite a while now, that is because your video about being an infj popped up in my recommendations, which is because for some time I was quite interested in knowing more about infjs' views on life, their experiences and what general truths they have discovered along their way. I'm not an infj, I think, most leaning to intp, that's because I had to play as an, supposedly, infj character in an improvised theatre (just among me and my friends), and I wanted to be as accurate as I could be, so I decided to make my own little research. And then, when I listened to that first video, I immediately knew that's the style of, um.. Info-telling/opinion-telling - however you think it's more accurate to categorise - that I like the most and feel most comfortable listening to (I'm just more of an audial learner, the more you know🌠🌠 meme). Your speech, as for me, seems quite loose, in the sense of it not being forced or dictated by any script, yet also not chaotic at all, there's is not too much and not too little said about every point you make. You know, for now my need for accuracy in representing that infj character is now not as great, but I still enjoy watching (/listening) to your videos because of the way you present information and the information itself, there are a lot of important things about people and life you say that I wouldn't otherwise think about (because people are not a very big part of my life yet, don't know if they will become, I'm at the beginning of my way for now, just a teenager trying to figure out stuff). In conclusion, I just wanted to say that I appreciate your content and it's all very interesting to hear about. Especially about the religion trauma. I actually grew up (still growing up) in a christian family, but I don't feel like anything is being pushed onto me, although my parents often refer go God, they don't require us to live like that too, actually I like to discuss it with dad and I don't try to push too. But I remember I used to do this when I was younger, trying to argue for science and common sense (as a child, yeah. that was funny), but now I've become a lot more neutral, I think. I'm just okay with hearing others' opinions, but it doesn't mean I'm taking them as mine. And what you said about fitting into certain groups is a thing I also noticed. I just don't assign myself any visible titles, trying to figure everything iut on my own, too. But I think it can be explained by my Ti, probably. It was a long comment, sorry if it took too much time.. Just sharing my opinion and experience, you can be okay or not okay with it, I guess I'm fine either way
Also, this topic for video about why you wear certain things sounds very interesting to hear! :D
And good luck!
Once I'm married I will no longer be alone. I will inherit new friends and family. Can't wait!
Thx for checking in. Canada seems so quiet. I was wondering about you. Good to hear from you again.
So many relate but like you said, life comes with suffering. I’m not sure any therapist could fix the problem. I still believe God can restore all that was lost.
(I’m talking to myself now). Maybe the issue is with authority? Yea you’re right, and maybe its okay to put them in their place. At the same time don’t be afraid to break the mold.
Matthew 7:21-23
☝🏽that’s a good verse.
Thanks for your time sir,
K later
Welcome back!!! 🎉😊
Amazing video Clay, one of your best in my opinion. I relate to so much of what you say. I've seen your 2 part series on why you left Christianity and it's like we had an almost identical childhood hahaha. All the best and keep up the good work!
thank you!
This is brilliant Clay, salt of the earth
I've seen a few of your videos and we think similarly. I'm very logical and have a hard time not being authentic. However, I realize I do mask to fit it. Social events are not my strong suit and dealing irrational behavior of others driven by their emotions, egos, etc frustrates me to no end. (Clearly I haven't mastered what Solomon described as having the wisdom to conduct oneself before others). I've also avoided conflicts because I would get really disregulated by them but at the expense of setting the appropriate boundaries for others.
My wife also suggested I go to therapy. I realized a lot of how I approach the world is in line with someone who is autistic. A few months later I was diagnosed with ASD Level 1.
Good to have you back! Waiting for your "another video"s :)
Thanks so much Clay! You nailed my behaviour and showed me how NOT to treat myself. Many thanks, much gratitude. Blessings
This was super helpful. I'd love to learn more about INFJ/INFJ relationships. I'd also love to know more about how you are creating a healthy dynamic in your new relationship.
I'd like to do another video with her. She's a bit shy sometimes talking on camera is the issue :)
I relate so much to the idea of being a very private person and tailoring myself around others. Even my close friends will say they know me, but they still don’t really know me. Something I’m working on!
Being completely vulnerable here, I’m a 32 year gay male and I grew up so frightened of myself that I would adjust my behavior, thoughts, and interests around everyone else. So that I was more accessible to people and not put off by me being gay. I don’t present stereotypical but now as I’ve grown older I question if that’s my nature or is that the condition I taught myself to stay in out of self preservation. Complicated stuff but at the end of the day I’m in a decently healthy place where I can be more authentic to who I am regardless if it appears feminine or masculine. I’m so much happier than I was even a year ago so growth brings a lot of questions and new problems but in the end for me it’s brought freedom
Thanks for the comment! Hope you keep moving down the path to being more authentic :)
@@ClayArnall will do 🫡
This makes sense! Great to see you back
thank you!
Refreshing. Thank you
Feel like I'm on a similar journey ❤️🙏🏾 enjoyed the vid
Thank you for the interesting discussion around topics that I share equal heightened focus around these days. Between changing power dynamics by recognizing enablement of others and remaining rational while maintaining individuality is powerful in my life right now. I am learning that showing up authentically yet seeing through others lenses is to be celebrated by oneself and something others would benefit from when it comes to your differences not being judgey. We should see it as a positive asset to be adaptive that way and still maintain our identity. Just saying 🤷🏽♀️ It’s definitely progress though and a big high five for us including the rest of you all blessed and built similar. ❤ 🫶🏽
Oh man, yes. Welp my hubs is a pastor and INFJ and I’m an ENFP… we are liberal ELCA but like maybe moderate I’m not sure. Our abilities to paradigm shift as individuals and as a couple has allowed us to fill a lot of different roles. There is a ton of abuse in religion. I took a few classes in college about it actually since I’m a nurse and they offered them. Church’s are organizations and institutions so they have a lot of issues. I’ve had to give myself and our family lots of boundaries from our work and we are pretty different than a lot of pastor families. What’s interesting is that being an NF leader in people work makes absolute sense… but we never let the fe or te be our drivers. There is so much more room on earth for people and God knows that. He’s much more chill than we make him. People are so ugh exhausting 😂 like love them sure but also man I hear ya. You deserve sanity, to think for yourself, to question paradigms and to absolutely use your knowledge and logic to understand this world and still be able to have faith. I honestly think that well, I rarely share my beliefs with other Christian’s….that doesn’t determine where I end up anyway 😂. Gods amazing and nebulous and all kinds of NF ness. People are scared and a lot of them are very closed off and only think about their small corner of the world. Don’t let them determine how you should think, or feel. God made you amazingly the exact way that you are and He loooooooves the weird, the fun the zanny. He can handle allll of the emotions and experiences…. Nothing shocks Him and you don’t have to believe in Him for Him to exist. You don’t have to do a thing. Love is free and unending and thank goodness it’s not up to us. I’m so sorry that you were not nurtured, or loved to be you. Most of our job is to set captives free and mostly it’s from illogical abusive crap. I’m so sorry that you experienced so much pain. You’re a wonderful person. Keep nurturing and growing I love INFJs. Sage wisdom masters that you all are. You’re not gonna have a lot of true true friends, but the ones that are blessed to be in your safe supportive arena are the lucky ones. Um, you should always be allowed to vet a therapist and actually the ones who mix theology into their spheres should absolutely be vetted even more. You weren’t projected dude, your gut was right and I have a degree in nursing a psych and goood psychologists encourage you to question and to see if they are good fits with you so that they won’t do more damage. Trust your gut, it’s right a loooot! You’re awesome!!!!!!! Keep growing 😊😊😊😊😊😊.
Try the diet “Low fat whole food plant based diet.” You will se a huge difference inside yourself. More aligned, more pure, more calm, more in peace.
I'm infj wow you got me the shame and people pleaser I just almost cry i was that person you are amazing
glad it helped :)
Would you consider doing a video on the cognitive functions?
I think I understand Ni mostly because I am pretty sure I'm also INFJ and I really relate to it, but it is still a bit vague to me.
I find Ti, Fi, Fe, and Se more concrete and easy to identify and understand.
However, I find the descriptions of Te, Si, and Ne a little bit confusing and I'm not sure I fully understand.
I find your videos extremely relatable and they help me put words to some experiences I've had. I would love your take on all the functions & how to identify them
That is precisely what I would do with a therapist, it would be a long questioning and understanding of their persuasions... FIRST
Good to see you again, I’ve missed you.
I love your thoughts about being everything, good and bad etc etc, and it fits so well with my own feelings and thoughts about who I am. In my younger years I felt almost always that I wasn’t enough (my mother was narcissist), but with being older I’m balancing and healing, and most of my healing was to understand that I’m an INFJ. And a song that hit me hard when it came, and still is so very strong in me, is “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks 💖💞💖. Please listen to it, to the lyrics, it is (for me) very much INFJ.
I'll check it out thanks
I feel seen! It’s like we had the same life
Power dynamics explain a lot of the irrationality in the world, both material and perceived. If you embrace irrational beliefs you can optimise for personal gain, sidestep feelings of guilt, and make life difficult for those motivated to hold you accountable for the consequences of your actions. I think the same holds true in organisations. Irrational beliefs that empower the organisation empower members, especially those with seniority. In a sense, the sacred posturing of overtly irrational beliefs and communal enforcement lends power to the organisation. If you challenge those beliefs, you weaken the reputation of the organisation, weakening the reputation of its members. Collective narcissism.
Great video, Clay! I'm not sure if this is just an INFJ thing, but I struggle with consistency. I'll set a goal and work hard towards it, but then I'll suddenly lose interest for no apparent reason and stop working towards my goal. Even though I want to achieve it, I face some resistance in my mind. Have you ever experienced this?
Question: do you start working on something else instead or you just kinda do nothing?
@@ClayArnall I take some time off and restart old work mostly. If I find more important/interesting things, I focus on new work. But I can't shake the feeling that I was a quitter. this behavior has become a pattern in everything I do. I am not sure how to stay consistent. I used to be very consistent in my teens but I lost that ability.
Great video
as an infj who grew up in the christian environment, the whole you are a sinner concept never sunk in the same way for me. i just saw it as well we are all flawed. even if we are good people and try to do good things, we will fuck up here and there. and if its already built in, then its not like something perfect was broken but rather well reality. all you really need to do is course correct and sort out whatever it was.
the idea of public self vs private self also i think got established early on for me because of the christian teachings. in this case when Jesus was talking about the priests of that time who wore the public face of holy men but were corrupt inside. the idea of ringing hollow if you do things for the wrong reasons and not from the heart. all that early on just made me get on this path of just being myself. after all, if ultimately i'm trying to please a God that can see my heart, then i don't have to worry about misunderstandings and less worried about pleasing people. and in my life i've had people who were so worried about being private, that it created this closed circle where no help could come in, because no information was being let out.
watching people from a young age shaped these ideas in me.
but i do think the process of growing up in an imperfect world kinda shatters us little by little. we replace it with tougher scar tissue but its no longer the soft heart it used to be from when we were younger and knew less and were possibly more stretchy. you don't often break as a child, you are molded and only years later find out if the mold was a bad one. reshaping yourself also hurts and i think, even tho you might reshape for the better, the feeling of not being the original thing contributes to this feeling of being off, slightly wrong. not meshing well anymore.
I don't know if you are from a Middle Eastern background but the way you explain your extended family reminds me of mine. There is so much desire to push boundaries indeed. If you think about it boundaries are not clear at all with in many cultures. There is not much regard for the individual. This causes men especially to mature much later in life. Men are taught to be prideful and narcissistic where as ideally a man needs to desire for others to have room to be themselves. A man is respected when he is willing to sacrifice in order to protect and provide peace of mind and security for his loved ones. In middle eastern countries men learn to control loved ones and rule over them. What you end up having is insecurity on all levels. The family members are constantly put down and ridiculed by the team captain. Listening to you I see residue of that culture. You are too self centered. It's all you thinking about you. You are the center of everything and for as long as you are not able to put others before yourself quite frankly you are not a mature person. Being an immature man will hurt you and everyone around you. You need to be the center at the top and all things work together to bring you down.
Number one natural law is that the humble are uplifted and the the proud are brought down” so do not be ashamed of the truth. The truth is our parents put a lot of shame on us and there for we are preoccupied with proving we are good. It's very ironic that you claim to have been a Christian but is it possible that you never understood what Christ did? He washed ALL SHAME from you and your parents and aaaallll mankind. Not one Christian feels shame once they truly understand why Christ was put on the cross.
I often keep my opinions to myself until I can gauge the other person and establish what is a pattern and what is just a one-off occurrence, but it does tend to do the dynamic a disservice because they don’t expect the pushback when I really do ‘come out’ to talk. Sometimes I gently introduce nuance to the convo. We’re always wanting to allow for nuance, I think. But our intuitions are very fast processors and know things before our conscious minds solidify our thoughts. Maybe a ‘Senser’ can reply in real time? I would love to get better at that.
Can you tell us about your genetics and if certain personality types are common is certain ethnicities? or are some personality types formed from environment/upbringing / parents?
33:02 they love conflict. They get off on it. It’s literally called “crazy making”
Aging in reverse just clicked for me
OMG. I so relate to the "toxic shame syndrome" I am slowly trying to move past that as well. I still have a personal faith but it has changed dramatically.
Tayloring... so so infj.. some John 3:16 lady. keep it up!
Thorns are protective of the rose. They're defensive not offensive. Also you should read Self-reliance by Emerson if you haven't already...speaks to being authentic and a non-conformist.
I have not read that, thanks!
1:36 100%... at least for me aswell, besides making the videos angle of it lol
Hi beauty. I can see that you need to work more with your toxic shame and expose your true whole self to the world, no matter how afraid you are.
I'm stuck living with a toxic/abusive person 4 days a week. He's obsessed with me. He's controlling. He gets jealous when I reply to messages. He makes me tell him everywhere I'm going and exactly when I'll be back. He has anger issues, and he gets in a bad mood at the slightest hint of not getting his way, and he makes his bad moods felt, ruining my mood too. He also walks into the bedroom (no lock) constantly while I'm asleep or trying to sleep, and expects me to let him know exactly when I'll wake up because I'm not allowed stay in the room if I'm not spending time with him. So yes, I'm an INFJ with no privacy or alone time. He also stands/sits SO close to me that his body is touching and rubbing against me. And he smells horrible. He's obese, and hasn't had a shower for several years, and always smells of shit and sweat. He puts his hands on me a lot too and I feel so uncomfortable and horrible. But I'm forced to go back there, and I'm too sensitive to deal with an argument or him making me feel worse. He's also dangerous when he gets angry. He put his own mother in the hospital before.
I told him before... through text, when I wasn't there, because I can't speak up in person... that I need personal space, privacy, and he has to stop touching me. I told him I could get him arrested for touching me that way without permission.
When I went back, instead of trying to change, he was angry and said "I didn't like what you said to me".
He claims I'm his best friend and he loves me. I don't get it.
Oh wow... Why are you stuck with this person? A romantic partner, a family member etc? It sounds like you need to get out of there ASAP!
Yes I agree! This is not a friend, your boundaries are completely neglected, this is hurting you every day, this person doesn’t want to change so it’s up to you to get out of there/get help if you can.
Believe his actions not what he says he is (‘best friend’)
What do You think about plainly admitting that one is a evil person?
missed you here!
thank you :)
I'm in the middle of listening to you, but already wandering if you were able to stop adjusting yourself to fit your therapeut. In retrospect I think while I was in therapy I did not allowed myself to be my true self and still I was tailored to fit her. For sure I was more authentic, but still not 100%
I did eventually after I learned I could trust her :)
@@ClayArnall okay, that's great. I think I have some part of myself that even my husband that knows everything about me even do kont know. I'm not sure If I will be ready to share this with anyone, I consider this to be too intimate as if someone would know my dreams, my understanding about my dreams and other stuff. I thinks thats because it's all based on my intuition and symbolic understanding of the world, and I just do not think anyone would get this. BUT thats why I lobe work of Carl Gustaw Jung I think of him as someone who do not give a f*** if anyone would understand him and his dream like and vivid ideas about human and his existence on this planet. And he dedicated his career to show his unique perspective. His my idol for sure :D
What kind of photographer is Lexie ?
What was it like playing Moon Knight?
I’m going to wager that the person who gets very upset when he disagrees and feels as if they are being attacked is his mother. Maybe only bc that’s my problem 🤷🏿♂️
I really look forward to your videos. You have a distinct knack for (pleasant-to-hear) public speaking that I find uncommon. I relate to so much of your video content but the comment about even your choice of clothing at the end got me. Personally, seeing “goths” or “preppy” types or rainbow-haired-nose-ring tattooed people …just MYSTIFIES me. How is it “being who you are” if you look EXACTLY like a bunch of other cookie cutter people? Same with cars. I know a family, all of whom have to a drive Mercedes. I just don’t get it.
me too
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infj here. humans, to me, seem to be in a constant state of cognitive dissonance. i don't understand.
I agree
Also, you look a lot like Anthony Newley.
It seems like we INFJ have trauma shape our personality. We're all eccentric and when we're around like-minded people, we don't filter ourselves. Our dark humor comes out during these times. Since Ti is subjective, we tend to not believe certain things because it goes against our personal logic. Your friend that says "why are you attacking me?" sounds like a covert narcissist. Enablers can be seen as flying monkeys to the narcissist.
Are you able to say what type your ex is ?
Just for statistics, nothing personal
Clay, I understand what you’re trying to say about hardcore/conservative Christians but I don’t think that’s the best description. Those would be LEGALISTIC Christians and they’re not representing the faith very well if they’re defensive, hyper-critical, overly-judging, etc… As a Christian myself that’s been one of my pet peeves for many years and I call those people out when necessary. You can alsp think of them as modern day Pharisees depending on how deep the hypocrisy goes. But no religion has perfect people anyway, we worship and look to the perfect and holy GOD as the ultimate example. I can debate atheists for hours on end no problem if they are respectful and professional.
@@INFJenius It still doesn’t solve my main issue: in Christianity you are worthless on your own and need saving. I reject any god who invented such a dumb system. And there’s no need to debate about whether this god is real because even if he’s real, I want no part of it.
You’re sure about the alternative..?
@@ClayArnall what…“worthless”??? 🙃 100% FALSE AND UNBIBLICAL. You obviously haven’t even read the Bible and/or are grossly misrepresenting it out of spite. Why are atheists so angry if God doesn’t exist?.. I’m not here to convince you of anything - but it’s not admirable to ‘take a stand’ if you spread lies to justify yourself. The admitted bad experiences with horrible people have made you biased, but holding in that frustration and hating God only holds in the pain. Let it go, FORGIVE others, and MOVE ON is the only way to have real peace on this earth. Nobody said it was easy but neither are most things in this world. You won’t listen to me anyway because you’re an INFJ, but I’m an older INFJ who’s had 2 lifetimes of bad experiences and I think your position is strange and illogical. If this God is real like you said then you won’t get a choice to have nothing to do with Him on judgement day - it’s either belief or unbelief. Best of luck and God bless you in your journey.
Fi critic tells us we're bad people, we're worthless etc.
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Did you end up divorcing the blonde INFJ model ?
@@Jeremy_1826 I was never married to a blonde INFJ model.
@@ClayArnall I meant the girl who you were photographing that was also an INFJ
Hope this is nor an r/glitchinthematrix
GTSY💋💋
Thank you, I didn’t say enough. I’m learning to say what needs to be said.
Searching overload, can totally relate after many unhealthy relationships.
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So needed to hear this, wow. Such an important message. 🇨🇦
I often keep my opinions to myself until I can gauge the other person and establish what is a pattern and what is just a one-off occurrence, but it does tend to do the dynamic a disservice because they don’t expect the pushback when I really do ‘come out’ to talk. Sometimes I gently introduce nuance to the convo. We’re always wanting to allow for nuance, I think. But our intuitions are very fast processors and know things before our conscious minds solidify our thoughts. Maybe a ‘Senser’ can reply in real time? I would love to get better at that.