1. Sex Life 2. Private conversations with friends to a partner 3. Dont talk badly about one colleague to another (colleagues are not friends) 4. Dont discuss private life with colleagues 5. Don’t share anything that isnt concrete yet 6. Dont share things that are in the early stage; things might not always work out!
@@alliyhvs7514 for example, you're thinking about starting a business. Don't share the idea UNTIL your business is up and running. Because people are quick to turn into business consultant and give unsolicited advices because “their aunties started a business and it failed”
This topic reminds me of the lady who recently went viral on TikTok for exposing her husbands cheating. People started harassing his job & she made a video asking people to stop because she is a stay at home wife and relies solely on his income. Knowing this, it’s crazy she told strangers her personal business in the 1st place knowing she solely relies on him. People feed too much into the internet, at any age.
Yes, I remember her! She almost found hersefl on the streets! Like, as far as the audience goes why would they take it upon themselves to harrass this man at his job as if that would change the outcome? And as far as she's concerned, what was telling the audience going to do? This isn't the EARLY times of the internet when you could just talk about something and get it off of your chest. In fact, I don't think anyone was exposing themselves and their family members like this back then.
I couldn’t agree more with this. I remember going out for drinks after work with colleagues and everyone was sharing their own personal lives and relationships… at the end of the day we are not friends. I almost felt compelled to share but then I was like no I have my family and friends for that.
So proud of you. I just recently got trapped into sharing something personal with an inlaw. I kept quiet and just let her share her details, gave her an ear but didn't share anything in return. People will use your personal things against you later on.
I've learned to be private and silent around certain people especially those I thought were my real friends. Sometimes silence is also distancing oneself from certain people.
I’m very careful with what I share with married friends or friends in intimate relationships. I only share information which I’m comfortable with their partners knowing because I know they’ll eventually tell them.
Yes, and this is why in my region of southeastern Europe women are adviced to keep their pregnancy a secret in the first trimester, when most miscarriages occur. Of course, their partners, doctors and sometimes employers have to know and maybe some close friends and family, but not others.
I used to be so scared of 'awkward silent' moments. Not anymore. If you think the silence is awkward, forget me speaking about something personal just for the sake of conversation 😅😂.
You're me for real... I realised I also over share just to make another person comfortable or be relatable... Thank god I'm stopping all that all together.
@@okuhlentuli9093 this is me too. It’s almost like I feel obligated too and maybe they don’t even care to hear it. Do you have advice on how to stop? Thanks
This is me now. Can I ask how you overcame it? And if possible could you explain the last sentence? Does it mean if someone thinks the silence with you is awkward then they don’t deserve to be told something personal? Sorry for all the questions
I let the person lead the conversation especially if they're talkative lol I forgot about this video your comment brought me back... Just a few days ago I met someone new an acquaintance and I let her lead the conversation... Honestly I'm super impulsive lol so attentively listening and deciphering what to say and what not to say is saving my arse😂😂😂
Agreed.... over sharing....especially on social media.... just makes you a target.... needing constant attention and validation from total strangers is very unhealthy.... no one will respect you until you respect yourself
I think some people overshare in an attempt to connect with people. I have been in many embarrassing moments like that and despite having to have dealt with it many times, I still get a brain freeze wondering why one would share such privy information.
yes. i used to overshare because my mother was very neglectful and disconnected my whole life. i look back and see how i was just longing for some connection and validation. but doing it that way is superficial and can be dangerous or make you a target. privacy is a great protection
From my experiences of people oversharing with me, I think a lot of people don't have close, vetted friends to confide in and just want somebody to listen and understand what they're going through. Most of the strangers who've overshared with me were either elderly (and thus might not have any remaining family or friends) or were estranged from their families.
Yup. I heard a colleage speaking poorly on another, and now I keep my conversations with him to a minimum. I already maintain my privacy with coworkers. I really, really dislike gossip.
The best thing I kept to myself was my pregnancy and baby let me tell you , if you didn't see it it didn't happen lol ! I don't even post my son , you might hear him or see a piece of him but nah all mine ! Cause everybody isn't happy for you !
girl exactly some ppl even talk bad ab me for not sharing my son online.. i’m like, tell me why you’re mad you can’t have access into my personal life! i protect the things that mean the most to me which is exactly why you’re not gonna see my husband, children, or fam in general on social media period
In my region in southeastern Europe, women are adviced to keep their pregnancy a secret in the first trimester when most miscarriages occur. Of course their partners, doctors and sometimes employers have to know and maybe some very close friends and family members, but not others.
Made the mistake of telling people that I was dating someone, the constant questions were killing me especially when I hadn't figured everything out yet. Never again, I'll tell one friend for safety reasons but that's about it
@@Snailmail1 Im not the commenter, but I would get questions asked about the future. When this, when that, etc. What’s his job? What’s his height? Then judge if he’s not tall enough, or doesn’t meet THEIR needs.
You have every right to set your boundaries, but have you reflected on yourself? Could it be that you tend to date people with red flags? Some people are nosy and some are concerned or they’re just trying to get to know you. I get offended but at the end of the day, it’s my choice, so why build a wall, especially if it’s people you trust.
A Nigerian, Igbo, friend of mine, whom I ironically met through work, once advised me to not talk about my plans at work. Something I had considered to be networking and seeking mentorship. I had applied for a senior role, one I could do with my hands tied behind my back, several times and not been successful. I was bewildered by her advice, the idea that people can wish someone they hardly know ill, but stopped sharing my career goals with colleagues and applied for the next opportunity silently. I got the role. She also introduced me to the concept of 'village people' who wish you no good. Again her words proved portentous, as I later learned the hard way that even some relatives can harbour jealousy and wish you ill. These are unfortunate realities, but realities that we must come to grips with nonetheless.
Silence is very important, am someone who doesn’t talk much and not talking much has really saved me from so many situations. However, life doesn’t have to be controlled by so many rules. If u are hurt or traumatized by any situation, then,it is important to talk about it with the people u have some amount of trust. Been able to talk about a situation that is bordering u is very important to your mental health. If people think they can use ur story to shame u tomorrow, then it is up to them. I don’t think life should be made of too many rules, life is not that serious.
Yeah but be careful with trauma dumping. That’s why emotional consent for those on the receiving end is a must. It’s exhausting. Also, a therapist can help with that. Just saying.
I am sooooooo glad I stumbled on this video. I have been this way all my life and I even went to therapy because people around me would keep complaining about this. But let me tell you the peace that I enjoy with this privacy? UNMATCHED!! I do not feel pressure from anyone and I can change my mind and take my Ls privately with no stress.
It upsets people when they don't know all of your business! I'm introverted and I don't talk much around people unless I have a really good relationship with them. It's like people expect to know every detail about you.
yes love this so much especially the colleague point! God tells us to guard our hearts for a reason. I remember working in a backstabbing retail environment and felt so relieved that I never shared I was an influencer for God for the whole 2 years! Protect what is precious to you guys xox
ahh i love this! God bless you girly! i have trouble over sharing currently but this video really gave me encouragement and especially looking at it through a biblical way is so good :) .
I think if you have problems sometimes you need to talk with someone about it. That can be the second step to healing (first step talk with God.) Obviously you talk with someone who you can trust. But my problem was often that I kept things in my heart thinking it will be alright. Yes the problem did go alright, but I get used to, to let the pain in me and get more insecure in my heart. After a while I just began to cry all out, but it was still in my heart. Speaking with my sisters in Christ and they praying for me was a absolutely game changer. Without them I never could figure out how to describe my feelings in words. Also God protected my soul, we know all people and my sisters are not perfect. But to trust God to open up with things was really good, I just didn’t learn things about myself, but also from others. Sometimes we scared to do it. I did not watch the video honestly but I want to let this comment here. btw my English is not that good. Greetings from Germany
Sometimes I def over share as soon as I feel comfortable with someone which I’ve always hated about myself. Lately I’ve been trying to not do that bc ppl rlly don’t need to know all ur business. At my current job everybody knows everyone’s business and shares it with each other without permission & that actually made me realize more and more how I need to keep more to myself just from easily hearing other ppls business
This is so spot on. I’ve been working on improving myself and leveling up. This has been one of the main things I’ve done and I feel so good about keeping a lot private. I’m an influencer and extroverted; and sometimes people expect access into certain areas of your life. Especially the coworker thing. I hardly ever mix colleagues and friendship. Some circles need to be separate for our own good. Be careful of emotional dumping. If you really need to talk, get a therapist if possible. Or have one or two confidantes who have earned your trust and vice versa❤
I realized I was posting way too much and getting zero things done..like if I say I'd do A, I lose the zeal to follow through. I have made a promise to myself to go off my social for 6 months, just go quiet and not posting anything for the sake of my peace of mind. I'm excited for what I'll achieve in these 6 months of putting my head down. It's not easy not posting but I've placed some measures in place to keep me on the right track
it all resides in WHAT you share. we're not talking about not sharing what makes you suffer, but rather not sharing things that should remain private. it's different.
Tbh it all depends on the level of friendship and family member, my sister inlaw which is my brother's wife chat about almost anything and everything. it has helped us both in our relationships.
Babyyyyy alllllll of this is why I no longer have a “Bestie”, sister girl, have close female friends or trust folks! Betrayal is a hellacious drug! I’m still healing!
To both of you ladies...I pray that God heals your wounded hearts from the betrayal of disloyal people. He saw your pain and felt your heartache. There is a natural grieving process that must be done. In due time, you will attract Godly friends. Please do not let those people keep you from sharing You with others. Focus on being your own bestie now and forever. God is healing the land right now. I'll be praying for your heart as well. In Jesus name. Amen. ❤️🙏🏾❤️
The "your plans with your partner" really resonated with me. I shared with some people what my husband and I were planning on doing in the coming years and they SH*T all over our plans. Telling us both how they were unrealistic etc etc. I was shocked and disheartened! Luckily we are positive people and didn't let the opinion influence us but we made a pact to never share our plans with people again until they have already been completed! It's made us a lot happier with how we view our relationships outside of our marriage! Thank you for this, I know people will benefit from this advice!
Should I ever get pregnant, I have always said. I will not share it until my partner and I agree that it is time. We will enjoy the moment alone. I swear if you see me pregnant, I will deny it.
Lol , I feel you ! Hunnie no one knew I was pregnant unless they saw me with a belly! I actually saw a friend who was visiting and she was like I see you post but girl you moving in silence . I loved how the few ppl who did know stayed on code . Until I wanted to share with the world. I didn't want to hear any pregnancy negativity nor the videos ppl share just because you're pregnant ... yess I'm pregnant but I am a person aside from the life I'm carrying. Needless to say no one knew baby was coming until I was 2 months away lol (no baby shower either , no stress lol )
I was pregnant in 2021 and no one knew until I was 5 months. I would’ve waited longer…. Everyone was so shocked. Most people were glad but my partners mom made it about her and was annoyed she didn’t know know right away. People speak bad over you and you really have to be careful with who you share your happiness with .
That’s a good point. They don’t only force people to share their sex life online but they are also forced share their financial needs on the internet. I notice this happens to artists and celebrities they get asked a lot of personal questions in interviews. I get that it’s to know the human side of them but they don’t have to go into detail. They are well known so they are forced to share everything about themselves even this happens to influencers. They are humans just like every other person, it’s just that their talents gets recognised. They can choose what they want to share publicly. I was watching something on MTV and I saw they played the game where they asked a rapper about other rappers’s big purchases. I knew it was just for entertainment but it’s quite personal to ask them those questions. I was thinking it’s not my business to know what they spend unless I know the person personally and it may not matter to that rapper what they spend. It made me feel uncomfortable to watch it. I’m upcoming artist but when I gradually grow big, I wouldn’t want to share every personal aspect about my life publicly.
I needed to hear hear this I shared something with mom my mom yesterday about this guy I'm in a relationship with and it ended up with a lecture. Lesson learned
If your mom is a good person and genuinely wants the best for you ( some mothers aren't like that, sadly), even though the rant could have been annoying, consider the possibility she might be right as she has more life experience. It was my case 20 years ago. Now that I reached her age then, I understand her better...
Thank you for sharing this video I got older and now realized that being an oversharer actually harmed my relationship as I kept to many “friends” family members up to date on my relationships.🤦🏽♀️ Now I’m wider and only keep my relationship between myself and my partner.
also something i noticed in my own life is that if i talk about any plans or goals it doesn’t happen anymore. people really send you bad energy and you don’t expect it from certain people but they do. it really is best to keep quiet about everything
I just landed in a hot mess because I can't just stop talking, I'm so hurt😭😭😭 right now, that's why I'm here, to finally learn how to just stop talking.
I’m naturally not an oversharer. Growing up in a household where family business stays family business, I feel like sometimes my employers and coworkers feel detached from me and are always curious 😭
@@madagbehsheriff7472 I am not the right person to ask! I don’t like sharing super personal details because people can use that against you. I can 100% without a doubt your coworkers may be gossiping about you. I had a coworker that would tell me almost everything about her, down to her constant drug use, exchanging needles with someone in a seedy hotel they live in. Please just be mindful of what you say to people.
ooh yes!! ive been doing this my whole life, however i was in this phase of life where im kinda tired of 'moving in silence' because nobody seems to celebrate me, and i thought sharing my 'business' would make people celebrate it together w me, and became too open & i kid you not, ive never more regretful my whole life than this ! never doing it again 🙂🙂
I am on the opposite side of the spectrum. You never had to tell me not to share private things, because I never did. But over time I learned that it can also be a good thing to let some personality show and share some of the things that are important in your life. It makes people understand you a little better, and it helps build relationships (even professional ones). The key is balance. You don't have to be a vault, but you should also recognize what is and is not appropriate to share. And when in doubt: Keep it to yourself.
Any human person you share your business with won't help you. Can't help you. Share with GOD and everything will be settled. The day I started to share everything with God was the day my life changed to the better. Forget about human
Silence is golden. I have uncle that live abroad with his family and when i was processing my visa to the same country i didn't tell him nor anyone. I got the visa and told him a week to my traveling. He got so angry that i didn't tell him even before i started processing my visa, almost every of my friend were not happy i didn't tell them. I have lost most of my friends because of this but i don't regret it. I have apologized to people i hurt by leaving without saying good bye however i think being silent about my traveling saved me from a lot.
i have such a problem with oversharing it’s literally why i am so self conscious and have social anxiety. i love talking to people but when they ask me things about my personal life, and not anything else, i’m always getting into difficult, crazy situations for this reason.
That second point is so trueeeeee. I hate it so much when people share private things that people tell them. I live in Germany and let me tell you. People don’t automatically know this. They just go ahead and tell everyone what you told them.
This video was very informative !! Like you said at the end of the video i’m definitely the type to tell people news because i’m excited about it 😭 i do need to work on waiting until it’s concrete and keeping more things to myself. Thank you for this video !
thank you for this video! i used to bash myself for being an oversharer and i'm definitely getting better at it, but one thing i noticed from watching this is i NEVER overshare about things that concern other people and i'm proud to be this way. an ex of mine used to constantly tell me intimate things about their friends and it used to make me so uncomfortable. when it ended they accused me of never having trusted them and now i realize it was true, precisely because of this type of oversharing they used to do. conversations and similar things should stay between people; even when there is no explicit agreement between them, parties involved are oftentimes trusting that it will be this way, especially when said conversation concerns intimate topics. i think it is super important to recognize this.
Had this happen to me with my ex best friend. She told her boyfriend. Her boyfriend ended up texting my advice. I appreciated his advice but at end of the day my best friend should not have told him the things I was going through. When my friend broke up with her boyfriend, her boyfriend ended up spilling her business and all her friends business to everybody. INCLUDING MINES😭. When I confronted my ex best friend, she told me it was her fault for telling her. That I should have not told her because people in relationship are suppose to tell each other everything. I learned my lesson to never confide in a woman who is in a relationship.
Yes to all of this. I find that if Im trying to connect with others, as oppose to oversharing, I’ll ask the other person a question and have them set the tone. That way I understand their comfort level of information to take in. But even then- its best to keep things light. Like sharing your favorite things is the perfect way to do this. They get to know you with out getting too deep. Love this information. 💕
@@itsalldeliciousness my dear that doesn’t work especially for married people. As I married woman I share a lot with my husband. If u have a married friend only tell them what u know u are ok with them telling their husbands because married people talk about everything, especially couples who are very close and are like best friends
@@Sylvia_blissful-balanceI work in the justice system of my country. The ugliest divorces I have seen were exactly the relationships where they were best friends and shared everything. Their friends resented them when they found out they shared things said in confidence to only one of them. Always prepare yourself for the event your marriage fails, even if it is perfect now , because people change down the line and get bored. Needless to say I don't confide in anyone, I've seen too many betrayals at work...
i 100 percent agree on every single thing you said , privacy is one of the biggest things you have to control carefully as a human been because you never know what the word has plan for you
This came at the right time for me. Recently my ex accused me telling everyone about our breakup when in reality that’s not true at all. I do overshare sometimes but mainly it’s about stuff in my life like my job or something similar to that. However after things with my ex, I want to heal, be at peace, and live my life without anyone in my business unless I let them in!
Nah, he's just looking for a pretext to argue with you. Some of my ex-es did that and later even confessed they were looking to argue with me. And even if you did share about your ex, it is your business, not his anymore.
I can't just get your teachings and opinions enough. Like🤔 ahhh Lucy I love you. I'm practically a victim to most of the things you mentioned here. I've been learning and for today, it will sink. Thank you ❣️
Another one you should keep silent is don't tell people you live with your parents because people hate people who are adults and live with there parents. When I told people I live with my parents they seem to be jealous I think because you save or invest more money, they feel like you got it easy, and that you are not struggling like how they did. Even if you are independent life is hard it's not the way it used to be back in the 1970s-1999. Everything has gone up and savings interest rates have dropped below 0. Gas gone up, rent gone up, food gone up, and life is hard a lot of independent people tell me I wish I lived with my parents. Most parents kick there kids out as soon as they turn 18 so yes if you are an adult and live with your parents other adults will hate you. So I will now stop telling people that I live with my parents or that my mom bought me a car because when I told the man who works at a bank that he gave me a look like oh, I wish my parents did that for me people envy and hate people who live with there parents and I didn't know that until now.
I understand the part about when colleagues are not your friends. Yet, some people have met their spouses at work. I'd say in general people should establish boundaries and not share EVERY personal detail with colleagues. it's better to not get too close to them if they work in the SAME department as you. That will cause tension if something goes left. It's okay to establish friendships at work, but DO NOT do it with everyone who seems nice and pay attention to how your company culture is. I understand from the other perspective that some people have lonely lives outside of work and then playing catch up on weekend chores & bills leave them exhausted and not having the energy to go out and make new friends the traditional way. It's easier to establish bonds at nonprofits but NOT corporate (speaking from personal experience). If you work in a corporate for-profit and are a POC forget about even having potential friends. Everyone is obsessed with metrics, money, and only out for themselves. Only 3 coworkers out of 70 employees at my job have my personal cell. I can't be buddy-buddy with everyone.
I’m friendly with people when I’ve been at workplaces, and some I’ve spent time with outside of work. I have a few rules though: no work talk because when I’m off I’m off, no private details and kept it surface level, no partying and only things during the day or some short evening activity such as listening to some music at a festival and have some food and a soft drink, helping each other out when plants needed watering or pets needed to be fed. There is trust but not where you go overboard. Before when I drank alcohol I had a 2 drinks limit even if I stayed longer at an afterwork (refused to allow work people see me drunk. You can be friendly without turning work into your friend pool. Never had a social issue at work and always left workplaces with good refrences. Been to uni. now for a while for law studies and I plan to keep this mindset up when I head out for more work and I will probably dial the rules up even more due to more being at stake. /Scandinavian
Oh my god... Literally you made me think of me from few years ago who was so miserable... I was dealing with a lot of things and didn't know what to do about them so I figured it's gonna be quite normal if I'll talk about it to my friend. Apparently everything I've ever told her, literally every little detail about my intimacy, family problems, ANYTHING she was telling right after to her boyfriend.when I tried to confront her about it she was like "well him and I are like one body so it's natural he must know everything too" BRUH
people hate that i dont do that, my adhd made me do it sometimes and it made me feel so embarrassing... luckely i got diagnosed a year ago so i am so glad i have medication.
I’m a talkative person myself. I learned that I can still talk about surface level stuff without revealing much about my private life, and that works as well. You can also listen more, talk less, and you’ll be surprised howwww mucchhh they reveal to you in turn 😉
Being a active listener does wonders. These people will literally talk for hours and tell you how they've had the best conversation ever. Then you say" you're welcome" and mean it. Most people just want to vent without advise. Or skim over the question. Vaguely. They will GET IT...trust me.
I think it’s important to take videos like this with a pinch of salt. Great points were made but please do not suffer in silence under the guise of not ‘over sharing’. Move with caution.
Thank so much for this power of silence videos Lucy🙏🏾 ❤️I’ve learnt a lot of things from you that I’ve started implementing in my life and more from this video which I am guilty of that’ll still have to stop over sharing in my life especially things at the early stage.
This reminds me of this girl I went to high school with. It seemed like every year, she was sharing her excitement about starting college to better her life etc. 4-5 years later, it felt like she couldn’t even finish one semester 🤣 I hate to admit it but I’m that judgy person sometimes 🙈 In my mind, I just wanted to tell her, keep your plans to yourself and announce your victory when you’ve actually accomplished it 🤣
1. Sex Life
2. Private conversations with friends to a partner
3. Dont talk badly about one colleague to another (colleagues are not friends)
4. Dont discuss private life with colleagues
5. Don’t share anything that isnt concrete yet
6. Dont share things that are in the early stage; things might not always work out!
Thank you for posting!!! ❤
Amazing 🎉🎉🎉
Thank you ❤
Not sharing my business with anyone got to be the best thing I've decided to do.
For real girl. Frenemies everywhere
I agree 💯💯💯💯💯
I think it's a contradiction because these very people can support your business
Sometimes not even your partner ýou can trust
Facts💖💖
Moving in silence is golden. Others can’t disrupt what they don’t know about. ✨
So true!
So true and you hold all the power
What isn’t concrete shouldn’t be shared. 👌🏾👌🏾
❤agreed and this is getting me my dream falling in place 🎉a day at a time
English isn’t my first language, i dont get what u meant by concrete? Like what is not real?
@@alliyhvs7514 ‘Set in stone’ or guaranteed
@@alliyhvs7514 for example, you're thinking about starting a business. Don't share the idea UNTIL your business is up and running. Because people are quick to turn into business consultant and give unsolicited advices because “their aunties started a business and it failed”
Our colleagues are NEVER our friends. I learnt that the hard way in my 20's.
Living in privacy has brung me so much peace
Truth
Brought*
😂 😂
@@mizumi8462😂😂
This topic reminds me of the lady who recently went viral on TikTok for exposing her husbands cheating. People started harassing his job & she made a video asking people to stop because she is a stay at home wife and relies solely on his income. Knowing this, it’s crazy she told strangers her personal business in the 1st place knowing she solely relies on him. People feed too much into the internet, at any age.
Good gracious, what a disaster that is.
Now that is a very insane thing to do
Yes, I remember her! She almost found hersefl on the streets! Like, as far as the audience goes why would they take it upon themselves to harrass this man at his job as if that would change the outcome? And as far as she's concerned, what was telling the audience going to do? This isn't the EARLY times of the internet when you could just talk about something and get it off of your chest. In fact, I don't think anyone was exposing themselves and their family members like this back then.
Her emotions took over. Hard lessons she learned.
@@LoveAndSnappleif her audience really could help: send her money to get independent and tell her of resources to assist.
I couldn’t agree more with this. I remember going out for drinks after work with colleagues and everyone was sharing their own personal lives and relationships… at the end of the day we are not friends. I almost felt compelled to share but then I was like no I have my family and friends for that.
So proud of you. I just recently got trapped into sharing something personal with an inlaw. I kept quiet and just let her share her details, gave her an ear but didn't share anything in return. People will use your personal things against you later on.
@@sadecoco1502 this is so true honestly
@@sadecoco1502 true
Wow
I've learned to be private and silent around certain people especially those I thought were my real friends. Sometimes silence is also distancing oneself from certain people.
I’m very careful with what I share with married friends or friends in intimate relationships. I only share information which I’m comfortable with their partners knowing because I know they’ll eventually tell them.
I really need to put this to practice. So true!
Girl sooo true
Yes!!!
Excellent point!
Great point!! I forget about that.
12:26 "The early stage of anything is not promised. Something that begins, could end. Abruptly."
Yes, and this is why in my region of southeastern Europe women are adviced to keep their pregnancy a secret in the first trimester, when most miscarriages occur. Of course, their partners, doctors and sometimes employers have to know and maybe some close friends and family, but not others.
I used to be so scared of 'awkward silent' moments. Not anymore. If you think the silence is awkward, forget me speaking about something personal just for the sake of conversation 😅😂.
You're me for real... I realised I also over share just to make another person comfortable or be relatable... Thank god I'm stopping all that all together.
To kill the silence usually we do "small talk"; not DEEP talk
@@okuhlentuli9093 this is me too. It’s almost like I feel obligated too and maybe they don’t even care to hear it. Do you have advice on how to stop? Thanks
This is me now. Can I ask how you overcame it? And if possible could you explain the last sentence? Does it mean if someone thinks the silence with you is awkward then they don’t deserve to be told something personal? Sorry for all the questions
I let the person lead the conversation especially if they're talkative lol I forgot about this video your comment brought me back... Just a few days ago I met someone new an acquaintance and I let her lead the conversation... Honestly I'm super impulsive lol so attentively listening and deciphering what to say and what not to say is saving my arse😂😂😂
Being silent has really changed my life I love it here
Agreed.... over sharing....especially on social media.... just makes you a target.... needing constant attention and validation from total strangers is very unhealthy.... no one will respect you until you respect yourself
I think some people overshare in an attempt to connect with people. I have been in many embarrassing moments like that and despite having to have dealt with it many times, I still get a brain freeze wondering why one would share such privy information.
yes. i used to overshare because my mother was very neglectful and disconnected my whole life. i look back and see how i was just longing for some connection and validation. but doing it that way is superficial and can be dangerous or make you a target. privacy is a great protection
From my experiences of people oversharing with me, I think a lot of people don't have close, vetted friends to confide in and just want somebody to listen and understand what they're going through. Most of the strangers who've overshared with me were either elderly (and thus might not have any remaining family or friends) or were estranged from their families.
@@lasantuzza777
Glad to hear you have gained some valuable insight into your past behavior and the reasons behind it.
Yup. I heard a colleage speaking poorly on another, and now I keep my conversations with him to a minimum. I already maintain my privacy with coworkers. I really, really dislike gossip.
The best thing I kept to myself was my pregnancy and baby let me tell you , if you didn't see it it didn't happen lol ! I don't even post my son , you might hear him or see a piece of him but nah all mine ! Cause everybody isn't happy for you !
This!!!
girl exactly some ppl even talk bad ab me for not sharing my son online.. i’m like, tell me why you’re mad you can’t have access into my personal life! i protect the things that mean the most to me which is exactly why you’re not gonna see my husband, children, or fam in general on social media period
Yeah... Not everyone is happy for you Got me 😊
In my region in southeastern Europe, women are adviced to keep their pregnancy a secret in the first trimester when most miscarriages occur. Of course their partners, doctors and sometimes employers have to know and maybe some very close friends and family members, but not others.
Move in Silence, Act in Divine Wisdom, Let the Holy Spirit move you.
Amen❤
Made the mistake of telling people that I was dating someone, the constant questions were killing me especially when I hadn't figured everything out yet. Never again, I'll tell one friend for safety reasons but that's about it
What were they asking if you don’t mind? I would also get annoyed
@@Snailmail1 It’s the constant unwanted comments as well.
@@Snailmail1 Im not the commenter, but I would get questions asked about the future. When this, when that, etc. What’s his job? What’s his height? Then judge if he’s not tall enough, or doesn’t meet THEIR needs.
You have every right to set your boundaries, but have you reflected on yourself? Could it be that you tend to date people with red flags? Some people are nosy and some are concerned or they’re just trying to get to know you. I get offended but at the end of the day, it’s my choice, so why build a wall, especially if it’s people you trust.
Yes it’s the constant questioning that would bother me, too. Conversations are sometimes draining and can introduce doubt with all of the questioning.
My goal is to not overly share now 🥺 and be more careful in who I trust. Thank you for the wisdom 🫶🏽
A Nigerian, Igbo, friend of mine, whom I ironically met through work, once advised me to not talk about my plans at work. Something I had considered to be networking and seeking mentorship. I had applied for a senior role, one I could do with my hands tied behind my back, several times and not been successful. I was bewildered by her advice, the idea that people can wish someone they hardly know ill, but stopped sharing my career goals with colleagues and applied for the next opportunity silently. I got the role. She also introduced me to the concept of 'village people' who wish you no good. Again her words proved portentous, as I later learned the hard way that even some relatives can harbour jealousy and wish you ill. These are unfortunate realities, but realities that we must come to grips with nonetheless.
Silence is very important, am someone who doesn’t talk much and not talking much has really saved me from so many situations. However, life doesn’t have to be controlled by so many rules. If u are hurt or traumatized by any situation, then,it is important to talk about it with the people u have some amount of trust. Been able to talk about a situation that is bordering u is very important to your mental health. If people think they can use ur story to shame u tomorrow, then it is up to them. I don’t think life should be made of too many rules, life is not that serious.
well said
Yeah but be careful with trauma dumping. That’s why emotional consent for those on the receiving end is a must. It’s exhausting. Also, a therapist can help with that. Just saying.
I be feeling secretive… but I have to learn that being private doesn’t equate to keeping things from people
I am sooooooo glad I stumbled on this video. I have been this way all my life and I even went to therapy because people around me would keep complaining about this. But let me tell you the peace that I enjoy with this privacy? UNMATCHED!! I do not feel pressure from anyone and I can change my mind and take my Ls privately with no stress.
It upsets people when they don't know all of your business! I'm introverted and I don't talk much around people unless I have a really good relationship with them. It's like people expect to know every detail about you.
@@Blessed_Daye Preach! I think it is because people feel so entitled to know everyone's business all the time.
I was foolish enough to share too much too soon and I got persecuted, disrespected and sacked .
yes love this so much especially the colleague point! God tells us to guard our hearts for a reason. I remember working in a backstabbing retail environment and felt so relieved that I never shared I was an influencer for God for the whole 2 years! Protect what is precious to you guys xox
ahh i love this! God bless you girly! i have trouble over sharing currently but this video really gave me encouragement and especially looking at it through a biblical way is so good :) .
Finally Christian’s in these comments always feeling so alone. Gonna check out your channel x
I think if you have problems sometimes you need to talk with someone about it. That can be the second step to healing (first step talk with God.) Obviously you talk with someone who you can trust. But my problem was often that I kept things in my heart thinking it will be alright. Yes the problem did go alright, but I get used to, to let the pain in me and get more insecure in my heart. After a while I just began to cry all out, but it was still in my heart. Speaking with my sisters in Christ and they praying for me was a absolutely game changer. Without them I never could figure out how to describe my feelings in words. Also God protected my soul, we know all people and my sisters are not perfect. But to trust God to open up with things was really good, I just didn’t learn things about myself, but also from others. Sometimes we scared to do it. I did not watch the video honestly but I want to let this comment here.
btw my English is not that good. Greetings from Germany
Sometimes I def over share as soon as I feel comfortable with someone which I’ve always hated about myself. Lately I’ve been trying to not do that bc ppl rlly don’t need to know all ur business. At my current job everybody knows everyone’s business and shares it with each other without permission & that actually made me realize more and more how I need to keep more to myself just from easily hearing other ppls business
you really can’t trust anyone it’s that scary
Exactly amen 🙏 a private life is a private life. Not everyone needs to know
My body naturally becomes silent around people I don’t feel comfortable around
The number 2 point especially is spot on I've never understood why people tell their friends business to their partner? I've never understood it.
This is so spot on. I’ve been working on improving myself and leveling up. This has been one of the main things I’ve done and I feel so good about keeping a lot private.
I’m an influencer and extroverted; and sometimes people expect access into certain areas of your life.
Especially the coworker thing. I hardly ever mix colleagues and friendship. Some circles need to be separate for our own good.
Be careful of emotional dumping. If you really need to talk, get a therapist if possible. Or have one or two confidantes who have earned your trust and vice versa❤
Often not even the doctors or psychiatrist know the answer… sometimes the answers lie within, #Selflove
I realized I was posting way too much and getting zero things done..like if I say I'd do A, I lose the zeal to follow through. I have made a promise to myself to go off my social for 6 months, just go quiet and not posting anything for the sake of my peace of mind. I'm excited for what I'll achieve in these 6 months of putting my head down. It's not easy not posting but I've placed some measures in place to keep me on the right track
I havent posted in years. Been so peaceful
I stopped sharing every little thing with anyone , best thing ever 💕💖❤
It is so difficult for me, and keep doing it.
Those who don't share and live in silence also suffer in silence.
You are correct, but you should choose who to share with and when to share judiciously.
@@marigoldbeam5475 💯
Some even die
it all resides in WHAT you share. we're not talking about not sharing what makes you suffer, but rather not sharing things that should remain private. it's different.
Tbh it all depends on the level of friendship and family member, my sister inlaw which is my brother's wife chat about almost anything and everything. it has helped us both in our relationships.
Just for your information, 95%of ur married friends discuss everything you tell them with their spouses 😩😩
For why though.. that’s mad weird
@@LuvKitKatt the sad thing is that it is always the girlfriend’s/wives. Boyfriend’s/Husbands very rarely dish out their friends’ business
Because we married our bestfriends
Babyyyyy alllllll of this is why I no longer have a “Bestie”, sister girl, have close female friends or trust folks! Betrayal is a hellacious drug! I’m still healing!
Same here. It was my sister who expose my life on social media one day. I was broken and still am till today. I no longer trust anyone around me
To both of you ladies...I pray that God heals your wounded hearts from the betrayal of disloyal people. He saw your pain and felt your heartache. There is a natural grieving process that must be done. In due time, you will attract Godly friends. Please do not let those people keep you from sharing You with others. Focus on being your own bestie now and forever. God is healing the land right now. I'll be praying for your heart as well. In Jesus name. Amen. ❤️🙏🏾❤️
Is true, for me I always tell people about my life hoping there will be help , but at the end they turn against me, thank you
The "your plans with your partner" really resonated with me. I shared with some people what my husband and I were planning on doing in the coming years and they SH*T all over our plans. Telling us both how they were unrealistic etc etc. I was shocked and disheartened! Luckily we are positive people and didn't let the opinion influence us but we made a pact to never share our plans with people again until they have already been completed! It's made us a lot happier with how we view our relationships outside of our marriage! Thank you for this, I know people will benefit from this advice!
Should I ever get pregnant, I have always said. I will not share it until my partner and I agree that it is time. We will enjoy the moment alone. I swear if you see me pregnant, I will deny it.
Lol , I feel you ! Hunnie no one knew I was pregnant unless they saw me with a belly! I actually saw a friend who was visiting and she was like I see you post but girl you moving in silence . I loved how the few ppl who did know stayed on code . Until I wanted to share with the world. I didn't want to hear any pregnancy negativity nor the videos ppl share just because you're pregnant ... yess I'm pregnant but I am a person aside from the life I'm carrying. Needless to say no one knew baby was coming until I was 2 months away lol (no baby shower either , no stress lol )
Thanks for this. Just confirmed that I am not the only one who thinks this
I was pregnant in 2021 and no one knew until I was 5 months. I would’ve waited longer…. Everyone was so shocked. Most people were glad but my partners mom made it about her and was annoyed she didn’t know know right away. People speak bad over you and you really have to be careful with who you share your happiness with .
That’s a good point. They don’t only force people to share their sex life online but they are also forced share their financial needs on the internet. I notice this happens to artists and celebrities they get asked a lot of personal questions in interviews. I get that it’s to know the human side of them but they don’t have to go into detail. They are well known so they are forced to share everything about themselves even this happens to influencers. They are humans just like every other person, it’s just that their talents gets recognised. They can choose what they want to share publicly. I was watching something on MTV and I saw they played the game where they asked a rapper about other rappers’s big purchases. I knew it was just for entertainment but it’s quite personal to ask them those questions. I was thinking it’s not my business to know what they spend unless I know the person personally and it may not matter to that rapper what they spend. It made me feel uncomfortable to watch it. I’m upcoming artist but when I gradually grow big, I wouldn’t want to share every personal aspect about my life publicly.
I needed to hear hear this I shared something with mom my mom yesterday about this guy I'm in a relationship with and it ended up with a lecture. Lesson learned
If your mom is a good person and genuinely wants the best for you ( some mothers aren't like that, sadly), even though the rant could have been annoying, consider the possibility she might be right as she has more life experience. It was my case 20 years ago. Now that I reached her age then, I understand her better...
Thank you for sharing this video
I got older and now realized that being an oversharer actually harmed my relationship as I kept to many “friends” family members up to date on my relationships.🤦🏽♀️ Now I’m wider and only keep my relationship between myself and my partner.
She is telling the truth in all areas. I have lived by this advice for years, and it works.
Listen to her!
"Early stages of everything is delicate."
also something i noticed in my own life is that if i talk about any plans or goals it doesn’t happen anymore. people really send you bad energy and you don’t expect it from certain people but they do. it really is best to keep quiet about everything
I just landed in a hot mess because I can't just stop talking, I'm so hurt😭😭😭 right now, that's why I'm here, to finally learn how to just stop talking.
I’m naturally not an oversharer. Growing up in a household where family business stays family business, I feel like sometimes my employers and coworkers feel detached from me and are always curious 😭
@@madagbehsheriff7472 I am not the right person to ask! I don’t like sharing super personal details because people can use that against you. I can 100% without a doubt your coworkers may be gossiping about you. I had a coworker that would tell me almost everything about her, down to her constant drug use, exchanging needles with someone in a seedy hotel they live in. Please just be mindful of what you say to people.
@envy2069 this is really getting serious, I don't know what to do until I am depress
ooh yes!! ive been doing this my whole life, however i was in this phase of life where im kinda tired of 'moving in silence' because nobody seems to celebrate me, and i thought sharing my 'business' would make people celebrate it together w me, and became too open & i kid you not, ive never more regretful my whole life than this ! never doing it again 🙂🙂
I am on the opposite side of the spectrum. You never had to tell me not to share private things, because I never did. But over time I learned that it can also be a good thing to let some personality show and share some of the things that are important in your life. It makes people understand you a little better, and it helps build relationships (even professional ones). The key is balance. You don't have to be a vault, but you should also recognize what is and is not appropriate to share. And when in doubt: Keep it to yourself.
I can’t get enough of how many times you mention silence in every video of yours ❤
Any human person you share your business with won't help you. Can't help you.
Share with GOD and everything will be settled.
The day I started to share everything with God was the day my life changed to the better. Forget about human
Silence is golden.
I have uncle that live abroad with his family and when i was processing my visa to the same country i didn't tell him nor anyone. I got the visa and told him a week to my traveling. He got so angry that i didn't tell him even before i started processing my visa, almost every of my friend were not happy i didn't tell them. I have lost most of my friends because of this but i don't regret it.
I have apologized to people i hurt by leaving without saying good bye however i think being silent about my traveling saved me from a lot.
Why were they getting offended? How much of their personal life do they share with u? Do they pay yor bills? Forget abt them. Dey r not dat important.
@@sandysan177 thank you
i have such a problem with oversharing it’s literally why i am so self conscious and have social anxiety. i love talking to people but when they ask me things about my personal life, and not anything else, i’m always getting into difficult, crazy situations for this reason.
That second point is so trueeeeee. I hate it so much when people share private things that people tell them. I live in Germany and let me tell you. People don’t automatically know this. They just go ahead and tell everyone what you told them.
This video was very informative !! Like you said at the end of the video i’m definitely the type to tell people news because i’m excited about it 😭 i do need to work on waiting until it’s concrete and keeping more things to myself. Thank you for this video !
One thing about me, I’ve learned so much in this 15 Minutes of my day. Thank you sis ✨😊
thank you for this video! i used to bash myself for being an oversharer and i'm definitely getting better at it, but one thing i noticed from watching this is i NEVER overshare about things that concern other people and i'm proud to be this way. an ex of mine used to constantly tell me intimate things about their friends and it used to make me so uncomfortable. when it ended they accused me of never having trusted them and now i realize it was true, precisely because of this type of oversharing they used to do. conversations and similar things should stay between people; even when there is no explicit agreement between them, parties involved are oftentimes trusting that it will be this way, especially when said conversation concerns intimate topics. i think it is super important to recognize this.
I agree for some parts colleagues, sex life, projects etc but if you have people you trust you can share your business without setting up expectations
I've met three very important people through a job. Wouldn't trade them for the world
Sharing things I told you in confidence with your partner got to be the one that irks me the most. Like why????
Had this happen to me with my ex best friend. She told her boyfriend. Her boyfriend ended up texting my advice. I appreciated his advice but at end of the day my best friend should not have told him the things I was going through. When my friend broke up with her boyfriend, her boyfriend ended up spilling her business and all her friends business to everybody. INCLUDING MINES😭. When I confronted my ex best friend, she told me it was her fault for telling her. That I should have not told her because people in relationship are suppose to tell each other everything. I learned my lesson to never confide in a woman who is in a relationship.
Yes to all of this. I find that if Im trying to connect with others, as oppose to oversharing, I’ll ask the other person a question and have them set the tone. That way I understand their comfort level of information to take in. But even then- its best to keep things light. Like sharing your favorite things is the perfect way to do this. They get to know you with out getting too deep. Love
this information. 💕
Sharing with my partner is a very important thing for me.I agree with everything that Ur saying apart from that one
She didn't say don't share with your partner, she said don't share other people's business that you were told in confidentially with your partner
@@itsalldeliciousness my dear that doesn’t work especially for married people. As I married woman I share a lot with my husband. If u have a married friend only tell them what u know u are ok with them telling their husbands because married people talk about everything, especially couples who are very close and are like best friends
@@Sylvia_blissful-balanceI work in the justice system of my country. The ugliest divorces I have seen were exactly the relationships where they were best friends and shared everything. Their friends resented them when they found out they shared things said in confidence to only one of them. Always prepare yourself for the event your marriage fails, even if it is perfect now , because people change down the line and get bored. Needless to say I don't confide in anyone, I've seen too many betrayals at work...
i 100 percent agree on every single thing you said , privacy is one of the biggest things you have to control carefully as a human been because you never know what the word has plan for you
What isn't concrete should not be shared! 💌
This came at the right time for me. Recently my ex accused me telling everyone about our breakup when in reality that’s not true at all. I do overshare sometimes but mainly it’s about stuff in my life like my job or something similar to that. However after things with my ex, I want to heal, be at peace, and live my life without anyone in my business unless I let them in!
Nah, he's just looking for a pretext to argue with you. Some of my ex-es did that and later even confessed they were looking to argue with me. And even if you did share about your ex, it is your business, not his anymore.
Thanks sister I believe I gave lost and suffered shame alot after doing these things thinking all are with me but only shame after
I can't just get your teachings and opinions enough. Like🤔 ahhh Lucy I love you. I'm practically a victim to most of the things you mentioned here. I've been learning and for today, it will sink. Thank you ❣️
I have been very observant about some of the habits I have found myself doing! Thank you for this video.❤
Another one you should keep silent is don't tell people you live with your parents because people hate people who are adults and live with there parents. When I told people I live with my parents they seem to be jealous I think because you save or invest more money, they feel like you got it easy, and that you are not struggling like how they did. Even if you are independent life is hard it's not the way it used to be back in the 1970s-1999. Everything has gone up and savings interest rates have dropped below 0. Gas gone up, rent gone up, food gone up, and life is hard a lot of independent people tell me I wish I lived with my parents. Most parents kick there kids out as soon as they turn 18 so yes if you are an adult and live with your parents other adults will hate you. So I will now stop telling people that I live with my parents or that my mom bought me a car because when I told the man who works at a bank that he gave me a look like oh, I wish my parents did that for me people envy and hate people who live with there parents and I didn't know that until now.
I understand the part about when colleagues are not your friends. Yet, some people have met their spouses at work. I'd say in general people should establish boundaries and not share EVERY personal detail with colleagues. it's better to not get too close to them if they work in the SAME department as you. That will cause tension if something goes left. It's okay to establish friendships at work, but DO NOT do it with everyone who seems nice and pay attention to how your company culture is. I understand from the other perspective that some people have lonely lives outside of work and then playing catch up on weekend chores & bills leave them exhausted and not having the energy to go out and make new friends the traditional way.
It's easier to establish bonds at nonprofits but NOT corporate (speaking from personal experience). If you work in a corporate for-profit and are a POC forget about even having potential friends. Everyone is obsessed with metrics, money, and only out for themselves. Only 3 coworkers out of 70 employees at my job have my personal cell. I can't be buddy-buddy with everyone.
It’s really tough making friends outside of work. How do you do it? What’s wrong with making colleagues your friends?
Um from my experience nonprofits are just as bad as corporate.
I’m friendly with people when I’ve been at workplaces, and some I’ve spent time with outside of work. I have a few rules though: no work talk because when I’m off I’m off, no private details and kept it surface level, no partying and only things during the day or some short evening activity such as listening to some music at a festival and have some food and a soft drink, helping each other out when plants needed watering or pets needed to be fed. There is trust but not where you go overboard. Before when I drank alcohol I had a 2 drinks limit even if I stayed longer at an afterwork (refused to allow work people see me drunk. You can be friendly without turning work into your friend pool. Never had a social issue at work and always left workplaces with good refrences. Been to uni. now for a while for law studies and I plan to keep this mindset up when I head out for more work and I will probably dial the rules up even more due to more being at stake. /Scandinavian
Very much older than you!! But I learn alot
From you my darling! God bless you 🙏
Awesome explained❤
GOD BLESS YOU🙏🏼
Oh my god... Literally you made me think of me from few years ago who was so miserable... I was dealing with a lot of things and didn't know what to do about them so I figured it's gonna be quite normal if I'll talk about it to my friend. Apparently everything I've ever told her, literally every little detail about my intimacy, family problems, ANYTHING she was telling right after to her boyfriend.when I tried to confront her about it she was like "well him and I are like one body so it's natural he must know everything too" BRUH
Good evening Lucy happy Sunday and happy palm Sunday 🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴 .
The video was amazing 😍😍😍😍 thank you so much
10:03 I've done that before and I felt so relieved after recording myself in my emotions. I felt less burdened
people hate that i dont do that, my adhd made me do it sometimes and it made me feel so embarrassing... luckely i got diagnosed a year ago so i am so glad i have medication.
Everything you said!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
For the most part, I have always been a private person but have learned to open up a bit, but not overshare about my life.
The second one is definitely a gem for me. I was quite ignorant about about it. But I am glad that I've learned now👩🎓
As a Londoner I'm learning this.
Great advice, I have been doing this for years and it works. You hold all the power and they can’t manipulate you. Thank you. Love your channel ❤
All what she is saying is spot on correct!!
Hey Lucy! If you are a person that is talkative, but you've shared some things, is there a way to reverse this or to change immediately?
Yes darling. You can always change your life any minute. Forgive yourself and stop it. Think before you speak ✨🤍
@@Miss_Yusuf true
I’m a talkative person myself. I learned that I can still talk about surface level stuff without revealing much about my private life, and that works as well. You can also listen more, talk less, and you’ll be surprised howwww mucchhh they reveal to you in turn 😉
Thank you so much guys! Your feedback really helped! ❤️
Being a active listener does wonders. These people will literally talk for hours and tell you how they've had the best conversation ever. Then you say" you're welcome" and mean it. Most people just want to vent without advise. Or skim over the question. Vaguely. They will GET IT...trust me.
I think it’s important to take videos like this with a pinch of salt. Great points were made but please do not suffer in silence under the guise of not ‘over sharing’. Move with caution.
Lucy is just very intelligent ❤❤
Thank so much for this power of silence videos Lucy🙏🏾 ❤️I’ve learnt a lot of things from you that I’ve started implementing in my life and more from this video which I am guilty of that’ll still have to stop over sharing in my life especially things at the early stage.
Not sharing my friend's private lives with partner got to me.
So true. We all tend to overshare and that’s ok. But doing these things really helps build your self confidence & decision-making skills
I love your mind so much! Such a class act! Keep going and share your wisdom!🎉
This reminds me of this girl I went to high school with. It seemed like every year, she was sharing her excitement about starting college to better her life etc. 4-5 years later, it felt like she couldn’t even finish one semester 🤣 I hate to admit it but I’m that judgy person sometimes 🙈 In my mind, I just wanted to tell her, keep your plans to yourself and announce your victory when you’ve actually accomplished it 🤣
Thanks so much . I have learnt a lot from this video and will definitely apply it in my future
Love this video. You should make a video on how to do damage control If we’ve overshared. 😌
Amen, i never sharey plans wuth no one not online wnd i dint egen soesk. And home too cause my home is monitored snd stalked
I just found you channel and im offically IN LOVE
Why can’t I find women who think just like you where I am. It’s like we are rare ppl
Thank you for speaking straight facts
This video is packed with so much lessons. I really learnt!
15 mins well spent. Spot on!
I really needed this video so much facts being shared !!! ❤