Feeling Whole As A Trans Person (Dating A Cis Person)
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- Опубликовано: 27 сен 2018
- Thank you all so much for watching, ilu ❤❤❤
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The first time I used a prosthetic for sex, I thought it was going to help my dysphoria (which wasn’t super intense at the time) and it did a 180 and made me horribly dysphoric. I’m glad I’m not alone, but I have since come to better terms with just not using prosthetics often. Because we are whole.
Especially as a man currently dating a man, I had to get over the hurdle of dick-centered culture in the gay community. Im still unsure of how I feel, but hearing you talk about this really helps to reassure me I’m not alone 💙
kek kek What Matt was saying when he said “dick centered” was more along the lines of “penis centered”. I understand that “dick” can be used to refer to any male phallus, not just a penis, but that can be gleaned from context. Yes, gay men like men, that’s why they date men. But that’s not what the comment was about??
@kek kek that's not what they were saying. at all. it's not wrong to have genital preferences, they were just talking about something they struggle with personally. you don't have to turn everything that people say into a problem.
@vl2 wow you're a piece of shit.
sexual attraction in general is a mind blowing concept lol
then why old men loving young kids are called Pedophiles? Then why marry your sister is consider "Eww" in the society? Then why Parents having sex with their children and giving birth is something so wrong? because it is not sometimes some are ostracized for a reason.
I'm a cis woman who recently started seeing a trans man and I've spent the last couple of weeks watching as many videos as I can to try and educate myself in a way that I can make my partner as comfortable and feel as valid as possible. I wouldn't trade him or his body or his struggles for anything, but I want to be able to connect with him when he's feeling dysphoric. Thank you so much for your video, it helps me a lot!
Lesbian
@@potatosalad6699 Doctors, therapist, psychiatrist, nurses and psychologist:
Lies, and lies, they are sharing you their lies. And you believe them daily, as you go and ruin your own lives.
Lies, oh lies, they know not how to care. They know not how to love, what its to have a heart warmly beating in your chest.
They have lost their mind, they have gone mad and they drag you with them into the outer darkness of insanity.
Seek ye GOD and get your mind back, get back your life and your will to live, escape the madness.
Your are not trans or any other lie, which you daily believe.
You are FOOLS, who are deceived daily.
You reject the BIBLE - the only source of truth, thats why lies you buy and suffer thereafter.
To believe trans lies, one must got to forget, why was gender given in the 1st place.
Genesis 9:7
And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein.
Sexual abuses every soul has lived through, every one carries the traumas.
It is not GOD, toward whom we should be angry. Its the ones amongst us, who have once lost their minds:
through the same abuse, that you are suffering, carrying all the damaged form the birth to the death, haven`t been cared for.
And the influences of this world, are as strong as these are, no child is kept safe.
Marriages have changed, many in love with bottles, eating away their brains.
Many love smoking, burning away their lungs.
Many love fornication and abusements.
They all hate their skin, in which they live, cause they allowed the world in.
Lies stay lies, no matter how often given. If the end result is death or a lifelong suffering, you`re then missing love.
Enjoyed this video so much. I hope my partner can some day see that I love him for him. He is in the beginning of every thing. I don't care, I don't miss any thing. I'm picky and I fell in love with him. All of him.
My bottom dysphoria is why I'm getting phallo :) Today I had my first electrolysis session. yay! My electrologist is a trans woman and she was great!
that's fantastic!! I had first stage Phalloplasty on July 10
Your voice is so calming and comforting.
I didn't realize I needed to hear these things said aloud. I cannot thank you enough for making this. I think my partner has been trying to tell me exactly what you have said for a while of just people can accept you for you, and you are perfect for them. Thank you so much for making this again :D
I resonated with so much of what you said. It's why I don't pack. I don't feel motivated towards any of the available bottom surgeries because it won't give me what I want. So it's just a part of my body I've been working on coming to terms with. I guess my only consolation is that I'm Ace/Aro and no real interest in a committed romantic relationship.
Are you a lesbian?
I like the perspective, it's so important to talk about
My family was quiet homophobic when I was young so it took me many years to tell anyone I am pansexual. And I have always looked for cis males when it come to dating so that my family would not know and “other” me for it.
But I have had both male and female partners and I have never felt like i missed anything in any of my relationships.
Several of my former partners and also my current boyfriend have asked me (when I come out as pan) “am I enough and do you miss being with (opposite gender)?
When you truly fall in love with someone it doesn’t matter whatever is between the legs.
And when you love someone they are always enough just as they are.
Thank you for this. I so resonate with this. I am still in the closet to 99% of my family. Because my nan who meant to world to me would not have been ok with it and I didn't want to break her heart She passed two weeks ago so at some point I will be brave and tell them all.
But I see it the same way I fall in love with a person. Not what is between their legs. I couldn't care less. Whether that makes me bi or pan or whatever I don't care. I just love
kek kek well hello
Thank you for your imput but..... for me bisexual is just to binary. So I use pansexual because I don’t care if it’s a male, female, trans or non-binary.
You are welcome to have your opinion but I am welcome to use the word I feel most comfortable with and I think describes me the best
@@DepressedDandelion totally agree again. I really don't care what gender someone identifies as or what's between their legs. I care what's in their head and heart.
kek kek bisexual people often don’t care about their partner’s gender , that’s true. But some people don’t like to use that label because it reinforces the gender binary. Don’t tell people which words to use.
First off you're one of my favourite RUclipsrs and I love that you're posting more frequently even if they're shorter videos.
I've had very similar thoughts to these, but as trans feminine because surgery is so far out of sight due to cost, and surgery is just friggin scary. Another common thought is being scared people are attracted to parts that I really dislike and consider not really me. Sort of being fetishised for being trans. I've had partners in the past really make me feel that way which made me even more dysphoric. One ex even told me a few months after I broke up with him that he realized he was gay. He pretty much implied that I was a stepping stone because he wasn't ready to date a guy, and it felt super invalidating and dysphoria invoking thinking that he saw me as masculine or liked my masculine features that I hate.
I'm guilty of this myself too since I have quite a few pre everything trans feminine friends that I've felt attracted to, but I feel so bad being attracted to aspects they must hate on themselves. Of course, that's a bit of projecting because I have those same fears.
On a happier note, my boyfriend tries hard to not make me feel that way. It's still a fear a have, but I'm communicative about it.
Alliana HIII MY FRIEND 💕
I understand that completelly. That's the main reason I don't like dating cis men very much. I know not all of them are like that, but all that tryed something with me after I transitioned were T-lovers... It was aways the same talk "I never dated a T-girl and I'm curious" "I have a "thing" for trans women" and other fetichising words like that and I hate this... And I'm not super disphoric with my genitals (most of the time anyway). I just hate being treated like a sex doll with a dick 😒😒😒
@@angelo6297 Ahhh Hai Erik!
My gentle bean~ you are always whole, always complete 💖
It hurts me so much when anyone feels imperfect, broken, well any kind of pain tbh. But I do understand. ...I'm remembering that I often have those same feels so 🤷🏾🤷🏾 lol it's all a work in progress
Really needed to hear this, Aaron. Thanks for posting this.
This video made me cry into my dogs fur, haha.
I've had these same thoughts with my partner of 4 years now, and I've always had a hard time accepting his answer when he told me his real feelings on the perception of my body. This video really helped me see the things he was saying wasn't just because he's anxious about his loved ones reactions, but because he truly feels love for the whole of me. Thank you so much, man. You have no idea how much I love and care for you.
These videos are perfect to me
this is the exact reason why i do not want phalloplasty. if i could wake up tomorrow with a functioning, biological male penis, then fucking hell yeah i would. i am super dysphoric, but the bottom surgery that's available right now is not something i would like to have. i told this to my (cis) friend and she understood, that made me relieved that it makes sense to a lot of people.
i'm really happy for you appreciating your body. often times there's a lot of hate toward trans people who accept the parts of their body, but still have dysphoria. just because you accept that you have a different anatomy opposed to the opposite side, doesn't make you less trans.
it's still dysphoria, but you can also love yourself still.
You have such a talent for expressing your feelings & your growth. Your insights ring so true & I'm glad you are posting more often. It's lovely for your audience but I also think it means that you are in a good space. (Or I hope so anyway.)
you put words to something I've been trying to pin down for aaages, thank you. I was wondering why it's dysphoria inducing to use a prosthetic sometimes.
jesus fuck this video hit home
I have to use prosthetics 24/7 but I completely understand what you're saying and just damn.... I just really relate so thank you
No problem man ❤️ thank you for sharing, I appreciate hearing from you
Hi Aaron!!! My friend, you are truly amazing. The wisdom is ever flowing.
Though I can’t see your life through your eyes, from where I’m standing, I never saw you as anything less than whole.
I love you buddy!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Love this video! I don’t have super bad bottom dysphoria but the feeling incomplete part really resonates with me. Side note, I love your nails, you look so aesthetic.
Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us, Aaron!
I loved seeing you pop up in my subscription box! I really enjoyed this video, I relate to this, even as a trans man dating a cis male.
Aaron, i think this is the best video you've ever made. It was just so honest and genuine.
This is so relatable, bless
You are very inspiring and I appreciate you posting about your feelings and thoughts on being trans, because even though we are quite different, you say things that I supremely jive with. So thank you and I hope you are having a nice day.
I love this honesty. Keep doing it! A lot of hugs from Argentina!
OH I'm so thankful you shared how prosthetic affected you cause I been struggling with that too and it's been driving me crazy
I come back to watch this from time to time... idk its comforting how clearly you share how you feel and strangely eases my dysphoria that decided to ruin my day. So thanks again for your videos
Awesome insight Aaron. Awesome affirmation too! Neat video.
Your nails are so nice. I love them!
The prosthetic dysphoria is real as hell. Thats how I am with packing
Your facial hair is looking fluffy and I love it! Thanks for the cool vid on a great topic 🌱
Thanks for making this video!! I’m 4months on t and dealing with very new and disphoric feelings. I never had a drive so the last week or so it’s created way more bottom disphoria then I ever thought I would deal with. I can definitely relate the prosthetics and related disphoria that come with it.
Sincere thanks for you to talk about this. I also have a complicated relationship with prosthetics of all varieties. I honestly did have some of my best sexual experiences with using them, but also some that triggered dysphoria. I’ve been using them much less in the last two years. But five years of T did have a few negative side effects to my sex life, because of how I wanted to use my body during sex. So I’ve started to experiment more with toys/accessories and prosthetics alone, hoping to incorporate them with my partner, to try and have more fun as well as enjoy the visual component for me and physical component for him.
I'm hearing you man ... Your a wise young intelligent man . Keep well, happy and stay golden xx
I love your voice it's so relaxing and calm
Lovethe nailssssove your whole asthetic. I is a mild mess rn bc first year of college and I am still getting the hang of managing my time but anyway LOVE YOUR VIDS❤
❤️ thank you Aaron. I completely get this video.
Thanks for another great video Aaron!
So greatly explained as always, much support from France 👋
Thank you for talking about this, as a trans guy myself I constantly feel like a huge part of me is missing because I can't have sex the way I want to and it really sucks. The title of this video really struck a cord with me because in my head I often think of myself as not being a "whole person" and seeing other people go through the same thing doesn't quite make it disappear but it's still nice to have people that relate to my experiences.
thanks for making this video , i related to this a lot , the idea of packers sometimes gives me dysphoria , much like sometimes binders do because all it is , is a reminder but most of the time i like prefer to pack because it eleviates dysphoria like i feel euphoric or sometimes it makes me EXTREMELY dysphoric so it's really just 50/50 and me over thinking but , i really understand this , thank you for making this
i very much relate to the dysphoria about prosthetics and it makes me feel comforted that someone else feels the same way. because i felt like i was so alone. i really feel like it’s an inconvenience to me and my partner. and i’m grateful you posted this because i’ve been struggling a lot with dysphoria especially bottom dysphoria and even my trans friends don’t relate to me as much. so i’d like to say thank you
ps ik i’m late to the game on this video
I don't know if I'll ever use a packer. I have vivid memories of packing my underpants with rolled up socks as a kid, and I have no desire to relive that feeling. A mix of elation and disgust, a step closer to realizing everything that was "wrong" and missing. It's just... a void that really can't be filled, and stuffing the void with socks just served to bring more awareness to it. I guess I prefer the dull ache of the void to the acute pain of trying to fill it and not really being able to.
Thank you so much. Thank you for putting to words something that I've felt for a long time, but never really fleshed out. You are wonderful and valid and an amazing person. Your perspective is different from your commonly heard "trans-narrative" (or whatever the fuck you want to call it), and I appreciate knowing that I'm valid even if I'm not like 90% of the other trans guys I know.
I feel the same. I knew before using a prosthetic it was going to be a problem for me. And I using it sometimes. But I still felt pulled out of the experience due to major dysphoria. It just made me feel what I was lacking to begin with. It sucks. There isn’t a way that I have found YT to fix this. Cheers.
I really really needed this
I sat through a 2 minute as just for you, Aaron
I love seeing you wear nail polish. You said stuff before about it making you uncomfortable, so when I noticed it I just thought it was so cool!
I felt the same. I tried using one and the detachment is totally how I felt, as well a packer can be annoying and move oddly and just cause more disphoria. My perspective
Thank you for this video
ty for this
aaaaaaaa daddiiii i love ur nails
Glad to know I'm not the only one
I FEEL YOU
Big hugs from a cis bi woman who likes all parts!!! Your girlfriend is very lucky to have you. We need to love and respect ourselves however we are. Easier said than done I know!!!! Wish I could meet you one day xxxx
I feel 1000% percent the exact way
this makes total logical sense to me.
Thanking You. Me myself on the very beginning, Of my the uninformness and blind stadium.. Wish I this video would have been even longer,
I’m not even trying to be funny, Aaron but I read the title as “Feeling as a whole trans” I’M SO SORREH!!
I’m middle aged now, so I’m awkwardly wondering if there’s porn featuring transgender people. I’m thinking it will help many. Also when it comes with sex, you need to feel free and comfortable. I don’t think you should think too much when you with someone you feel safe with.
Comment 101! Hey just a little recently kind of out grey ace cis female here - heteroromantic and would totally date a trans man or Nb person! New(ish) to learning about LQBTQ+ terminology but firmly believe we are all whole ♥️
The feeling like a compromise thing who needs assembly, I sometimes feel like a Ken doll like I am a man I just am missing the key part
I also have bottom dysphoria and I relate with what you said about prosthetics in a way, but when dating cis girls I don't care that much. It's when dating cis (straight) men that it's the worse. I don't feel comfortable with them loving my parts as ¨female¨ organs. I feel conflicted between wanting a dick but trying to love my body as it is, wanting to be loved for the body that I have but not be fetishized for the parts that I hate about myself. It's not exactly the same issue, but I feel less alone.
i wish i had this when i was dating a cis person ,,,
Inappropriate questions like how you have sex are just like inappropriate questions like what’s your sexual orientation
I feel this on such a personal level. I'm a trans guy and am demisexual as heck. I'm actually fairly genital repulsed. I've become used to my partner's bits because I enjoy being with them in that way. But I do not like my genitals. But I don't want a penis. I don't want my current parts either. It's kinda a lose lose. Like, I don't mind since sex isn't that big of a deal for me, but since I'm also polyamorous, I feel like I'm missing out on so many potentially amazing relationships by being trans and not using prosthetics (and being ace). Especially with cis people. I tend to seek out fellow trans people because I feel like they're more likely to understand and accept it, and maybe they'll have dysphoria too and sex just won't be a big thing for us. But finding that is hard. And it's taken a lot of re-wiring to convince myself that my sexual availability doesn't make me less of a person, or less of a valuble partner. Or anything bad. It just makes me a differnt type of partner. And that's okay! I still have a long way to go, but I'm slowly coming to accept myself and figure out how to navigate relationships.
My partner who is cis male, he used to love switching genders (role play), but after I got serious about getting on T, top surgery and such, he turned VERY uncomfortable with me. I can't have lower surgery because I can't have any foreign implants due to many physical health issues, so can't even do metoidioplasty or phallo, and it sucks because to me, "attachments" are my only option after 20 surgeries from various medical issues. It makes me sad that I will never feel "complete" as well, and that I am also gay if I wanted to fully transition (found a way to get a real penis compared to implants of any kind to help me function) Thank you for this video, I don't feel so alone in my dysphoria. I haven't been with my partner in over a year, just because he hates what he sees when he looks at me, and it makes me feel that much more inadequate.
Out of all the ads they had to put one from PragerU that was almost 4 mins, & their content is not in line with your views.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Hilarious totally!!!!!!!
My boyfriend struggles with dysphoria really badly. I believe he thinks that I will decide he's not good enough for me because he can't give me what he thinks I want. But really, I just want him. It just sucks because we're in a long distance relationship, so I can't reassure him with a simple hug. I just try my best to reaffirm with words that I love him for who he is, not whatever parts he has.
Not all trans men are attracted to heterosexual women or women in general. Some are are in same-gender-loving relationships with males both trans and cisgender.
❤️
Yes yes yes! Great topic and I think you do fabulous justice to it. Strangely also felt more dysphoria generally but definately more bottom dysphoria after starting T. Like you a bit of a sticker for perfection or a totally "legit" and functional real dick. A transplant maybe but def not a phalloplasty - my worst Picasso nightmare. Metoidioplasty maaaaaybe...but still draws attention to the "less than-ness" or inadequacy of it. Great vid and reflections. Thanks for sharing.
As a trans woman I agree, sometimes we as trans people overthink things as to whether we are good enough or not. And I’m very gender dysphoric sometimes as well that it comes off as surprising to me when a cis gendered person is attracted to me. 🤔
Hi Aaron. This was a very interesting video. I understand the part about you feeling good about the parts that you have and that using a prosthetic made your dysphoria worse . Where I am confused is when you say I have no sexual attraction for anyone I'm asexual what's it like having sex then if you have no desire for it. What are you giving up or what are you I don't want to say the word pretending but I can't think of a better word what are you doing having sex with your partner if you're not really interested? is that just for your partner you're doing it? I'm really confused about this. I want to understand. Thank you for making this video it was real helpful but this one part that you put kind of towards the end I just don't get it at all. To me being asexual pretty much means that you don't have sex because you're not interested in having sex or you don't feel desire. Maybe if you are willing you could reply. Thank you. hope you're doing well
Well the obvious fix to not feeling anything with a object that isn't you is "THE" surgery, but that isn't reversible , so please just make sure, that is what you want before you make the move. You're lucky to have transitioned in this day and age, just a couple decades ago it was vastly different.
Aaron, thank you SO MUCH for covering this topic, from this angle. You've done such an empowering video. I am a London based pre T FTM. It will be a uphill process for me. This is from my observation. Cis men with large d*cks can actually make pretty shitty sexual partners themselves because they maybe inconsiderate; or they can suffer erectile dysfunction stuff/problems and this might be displeasing to their cis women partners too. Cis men with perfect bodily package can plant a baby in a good, loving woman and still not step up to becoming a better man and a father. I know cis men as appalling as this. We may lack the tools as trans men but we are that decent to feel apologetic about it to our women who want us in their life, and who we are not able to satisfy adequately, but our conscience and our heart is still pure/ still solid, still gold. What we lack physically, we make up for it by being the most honest, decent, vulnerable, affectionate and kind trans men that plenty cis men often don't have the inclination to become. Ever. Physical tools mean nothing and reflect even less about a person. It's the heart that counts and the soul that counts. And how pure we are as individuals. It's all about how decent you are as an individual.
If your dating a trans guy and are serious which me and my man are.. how do you cope or help or just get them to stop thinking suicidal? It eats me alive not being able to help him as much as I want too.
Hey Kacey
I know it’s really hard when someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts.
Ultimately, there isn’t really anything you can do to stop someone from feeling this way. The best you can do is just be there for them.
It sounds like your bf might need some professional counselling - and if he’s already in counselling, he may need a different counsellor or a new approach in therapy?
4:50 yes, your body is whole. You didn’t need to change anything about you. Trans people are the ones who focus on labels.
Maybe some people arent curious maybe they just genuinely want to know because they find themself interested in a transman and want to know what to expect! No one ever addresses this
Every part I experience
So I don't get it
We have been saying for yours that you should love yourself the way you are.
And you finally you did make this conclusion.
So why all the surgery and stress that you subjected your body into ?
And our bodies won't change forever, it has a limit till it dies
3:13 Hi, let be devils advocate for a moment. If I had a daughter of child bearing age who is still a virgin and is completely absolutely straight, and she starts dating a transman, do you think it is fair to her to continue with the relationship? Think about the things that you are depriving her of.
i feel all of this except for my partner is cishet so theres a bit of that
i got an Ad !
Oscar Wilde was it that weird one about masculinity? I was like wtf is this 😑
I did too, & it was from PragerU, which is a weird choice, considering their views.
Its nobody's business!
I am a cis bottom guy luv to date a trans guy
Let me be Honest and Respectful, The thing Trans community get all the hate is not because Straight people do not support you, but the thing is the Trans Community is setting a trap for them by thinking "Support" Means they support them in all ways and form that means they would even date or even have a family with you people that is the problem, if Transwomen want a Family then why not Date Transmen though? Because most of the Time I do not get an Answer from This Community. Why would you want only Straight Men? it is more like gaslighting some people into Liking You. I hope I get a proper reply.
The cognitive dissonance here is off the charts 😶
I know this is a serious topic but who actually WANTS to date cis males? Lmao (this is totally a joke btw)