@User I genuinely don't understand this. How does a trans person saying: "I enjoy being myself" impact their dysphoria? If Sylvia Rivera said "I like myself" would you have claimed she wasn't trans?
there are a lot of things that I can say in response to the stuff that you said in this video, but the biggest thing I'm walking away with is that it truly is a shame that you felt pushed off of this platform because you're very well spoken and you probably could have had a really big impact on this platform. Please keep doing what you're doing!
The maturity. The confidence. You didn't make fun of him. You didn't take out rage on him. And you ABSOLUTELY could have and it would have been justified. You did exactly what you said you wanted to do. Take your voice back. You spoke incredibly well with authority and clarity and did I mention confidence?! My God. I'm amazed and incredibly impressed. I hope this army grows more. Because you absolutely deserve all the things. I look forward to learning from you.
@@chickinbrasket7837 he literally gave me internalised transphobia lol. when I started watching him, I was an impressionable 13 year old just starting my transition. He made me feel like i couldn't be feminine or I wasn't trans. He invalidated EVERYONE who did not have his type of dysphoria and EVERYONE who didn't dress masculine. like, I really would make fun of people for wearing skirts because he said it was wrong and I believed him. I know at least 200 people who were like me, (from a discord server I was in which basically worshipped the man) so, no, it's not a reach.
@@leouwu5079 plus he made the online trans community INCREDIBLY unsafe for a lot of trans ppl. i remember almost crying when i was like 14 bc i was scared my friend who supported kalvin would hate me/not think i was rlly trans if i was slightly feminine (i'm genderfluid)
@@sarinabina5487 man I feel this I had friends who liked Kalvin and I was scared to show my nb side (I'm bigender, a nonbinary guy) because I thought they'd think I wasn't trans enough. I was scared to be femme, even though I express rather femininely and love makeup. The only good point he gave me was that dysphoria is needed to be trans; but even then, it comes in many different forms and not experiencing it the same as him does not make one invalid.
Kalvin Garrah made me miserable as a trans person. He made me see the worst in me and my friends. He made me hate being transgender so much. Thank you so much for this. Thank you for speaking up and sharing your story. I'm so glad you are back. I'm so sorry for the hurt he caused you. It makes me so furious. Best wishes for you and your future. I wish you so much joy.
something I’ll never forgive myself for was when an old online friend I reconnected with in a gc came out to us and non binary and I told them I “don’t agree with you, but I’ll respect you.” mind you I was in 6th grade, but what the fuck was that? all the kalvin and blaire I watched went straight to my head, I can’t believe I invalidated a friend who had the confidence to come out to our friend group. I hope they’re doing great right now because they were smarter than I ever was.
"Kalvin Garrah has no authority..." was my favourite line. Because he wants SO much to believe he is the king of trans people and can dictate what all of us feel like and how we present.
As a cis woman who watched him for a short while and agreed with what he said, I’m so sorry. I even remember watching the video he made on you. I have never struggled with dysphoria, and had no right to assume things of trans or non-binary people. I am sorry.
Same and I'm trans. He managed to manipulate a bunch of people, some to hate on a community they weren't a part of and some to hate on themselves. I never went out of my way to harass anyone but I still feel bad for adapting his mindset and looking down on fellow trans people
I'm also cis. I can't believe I followed someone who was just as uneducated as I was. Learn from the people themselves, not someone who feels they have to invalidate others for a point that they know isn't right.
Thats my same experience, I regret it so much, I just hated things I didn't understand without realizing i was talking about real people made of flesh and feelings, that just want to be happy with themselves, and that my words and opinionshad consequenceson their lives. I was such a transphobic trash can, I'm sorry about it and I know I cant go back, so I just support them anx representation with my drawing, learning everything day about trans experiences and listening
another cis girl here, I watched a ton of his content for a while a couple years ago. I just remembered he existed and checked out a recent video and jesus CHRIST this guy is cruel and insecure.
As a binary, dysphoric trans guy, I just want to say that Kalvin doesn’t represent all of us. There are trans men who don’t hate enbies, who see them as truly and as trans as we are, regardless of their dysphoria (or lack-thereof), if they have plans to medically transition, or the stage of their transition. Id also like to say that while Blaire White is a big figure of transmedicalism, I see this issue happening a lot more with trans men and transmasculine nonbinary people, which I think shows a greater disdain for any perceived feminity in men or people who “should” be men.
YEAH I see it too. I’m not sure if it’s toxic masculinity but in trans men form or just internalized transphobia. Either way, it baffles me how people think that everyone experiences their identities and dysphoria the same universally.
@@arcijrluvzu6407 Speaking as a transman who was, regretfully, transmed for a brief time: For me, it was a mixture of toxic masculinity, my own insecurities and a medical system that made me fight hard to prove I was trans in order to get treatment. These things together really drove me into a toxic mindset... I'm not saying these things as an excuse, I'm just trying to provide a personal insight. I never thought that enbies weren't valid or anything (y'all are valid and I love ya), but I did used to think that in order to be trans you had to experience some level of dysphoria and have a desire to medically transition in some way. If I saw someone not conforming with those things, I would think they were a transtrender and doing it for attention. Reality is, if I saw some teen calling themselves a transman, wearing clothes that didn't make them look 'masculine enough' or using make-up, saying that you don't need dysphoria... it made me feel annoyed. There I was, in my 20s, in my dysphoria hoodie, having to wait another 4 months to be able to start T, after having already been questioned relentlessly by a doctor for months about whether I was masc enough to be considered trans--- meanwhile this teen is waving the trans flag proudly... I struggled to see us as even remotely similar. So I'd just think they weren't actually trans. I was upset at my own situation and blamed these types of trans people on my struggle to be accepted. I never actually harassed or messaged anyone (I'd never stoop that low), I'm talking about just internally b*tching to myself about people. The worst I did was try to convince conservative types that "we're not all that bad, most of us are normal!"... which of course only ever served to convince them that _I_ was 'normal'. That made me feel awful. After a few attempts at trying to convince people, I realised the end result was the same. It was just me throwing others under the bus for no good reason at that point. That whole thing made me stop and reflect on what I had been doing, the beliefs I had... Then, thankfully, earlier this year I found my queen ContraPoints! Her Transtrender video was the hard slap in the face I needed to snap out of it completely. I've been on T for almost a year now, no longer a depressed mess, happier and more comfy in my body... and deeply regretful of all the things I thought and said about my fellow trans people. Like, I can't believe that I ever believed that transmedicalist garbage! I was bloody awful! I hope more people come to their senses about this stuff. Transmedicalism isn't helping our situation. (...I wrote a lot and I'm not even sure if all that made sense, my bad!)
this is very important to be allies, im a binary trans man (kinda) and i want any nonbinary person who reads this to know, people like kalvin garrah are a very small minority, and alot of us are here for you, to be allies and to fight for ALL trans and nonbinary rights, at least i am
Thank you. You got the nail on the head. the fact that I used to be exactly like him, disgusts me. the way I acted and how I used it as a way to say "oh well, im not like them so my dysphoria is valid and im real" and thats just so gross. it made me dysphoric with anything slightly feminine and like I must like women, because that's masculine, right? I've been set back so much by his videos and I've hurt so many other trans people. I've tried to apologize to many of them, but many have blocked me or didn't accept my apologies, which is 100% valid.
I remember in the past as a teen I used to be toxic and transmed since I myself wasn’t on T yet and had internalized hatred for myself, honestly ashamed I used to like Kalvin
I was infected by this mans rhetoric at the ripe age of 11 and closeted myself for so long because he convinced me that I was faking my entire experience as a trans person for attention. He was this “real” trans guy and I was just some stupid little girl who wanted to be “quirky” and “different”, I’ve been so miserable and in this huge war with myself and it’s really nice to be able to see people who have had similar experiences to me finally talk about it. I’m finally able to get him out of my head and stop gaslighting myself over and over again, I can finally say with confidence that I’m the only person who knows about my identity and I’m the only person who gets to decide who I am. Thank you for making this video Brennan
I felt that same way when I saw that video when I was 13, it's really nice to see in words that I'm not the only person who felt/feels that way and it doesn't make me any less valid, so thanks :)
I felt that I started watching him when I was 12 and it really affected my view on trans people it’s really dangerous to watch his content as cis person because I thought that there was only one way to be trans
I’m a cis female, but I found Calvin before I met any other trans person so I assumed he was right and the others were wrong. I was so unintentionally transphobic while stupidly thinking I was an ally.
Same here he was the first source I had of a trans person and just thought what he said was law. But now looking back the things he would say was disgusting
i did too. i was still DEEPLY closeted though, so him being my introduction to the community was.. not great. the way i thought was SO harmful, and i’m so glad i don’t think that way anymore. i’m glad we both learned and bettered ourselves!!
i feel so horrible for blindly following his beliefs for so long. he gave me so much internalized transphobia that i didn’t realize i’m non-binary until this year.
I also used to watch his videos while I was questioning my gender identity. I still identify as a (cis) woman despite my pronouns being she/they/he because personally I really don't care how you refer to me as (but of course I understand why other people might care about their pronouns). But I remember watching a video where he said that non-binary people don't exist and I was just like, oh, okay then. I eventually stopped watching his videos because I felt like my brain was becoming numb from all the hate.
the exact same for me, i was so toxic and internally transphobic that i didn't even let myself think about my identity for long enough to realise im non binary
despite literally getting top surgery at 14 years old and being on testosterone for like 3 years, kalvin ALWAYS found some way to make me doubt my identity as a man and as a transgender person in general. he made me think that i had to experience dysphoria just like him and constantly made me think there were such things as “girl” or “boy” things. he made me stop liking things i enjoy, things as small as the color pink, or doing my hair a certain way, etc. all he does is project his dysphoria on others to validate himself. i feel genuinely sorry for the hatred nonbinary people have faced because of him. despite being a trans person himself, he cannot understand that gender is something complex that cannot always be reduced to simply identifying as a girl or boy.
I'm a cis girl but I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I hope you can be your authentic self now or... Whenever you feel comfortable. Being feminine or liking "girls things" doesn't make you automatically not a man and I'm happy that at least now you already know this
I'm so embarrassed that I used to be one of his fans. I forgot how horribly inaccurate and downright cruel his videos are until you showed those clips.
For a while, I bought what he was saying(or at least considered it) purely because of the way he presented himself. He's not good at arguing at all but, he's really charismatic and confident and he knows how to make himself look calm and rational next to the "crazy transtrenders". And at the time, I didn't know everything about beings trans(still don't because cis woman) and I saw him as an authority. Needless to say, I've learned some stuff and grown up. I can't say this with total authority, but I think it's safe to say that his(and more so Blaire's) content appeals more to cis people than actual trans people.
I am cis (part of the LGBT+ community) and used to watch his videos to educate myself of trans matters. I remember that video and to some extend I had internalized his views. Luckily there are many other trans people who have shared and keep sharing their stories and experiences. He is a prime example that being LGBT+ does not equal being open minded. Everyone's story is different everyone is valid. Nor he, nor I nor anyone is to judge.
To add on this, in his video(and in many others) he was simply bullying. That is unacceptable. Thank you for speaking out , you are a very strong person ❤️
I’m so sorry that I used to think/act like him. I hated non-binary people, genderfluid people, gnc trans people, and I hated myself. I’m much much happier now that I don’t support people like him anymore. Maybe if I never found him I would have realized I’m non-binary much sooner. I hope everyone is able to forgive me.
QuinnCloud THIS. I used to love his content as a pre-t insecure trans person. He convinced me that being both nonbinary and male was unnecessary and I completely repressed the nonbinary component to my gender. I started hating myself and criticizing and judging trans people who had done nothing but... live their own lives differently than mine. As I started transitioning medically, grew up, and got more and more confident, I found that my views went in the other direction. I started basically believing the exact opposite of everything he said and it’s been so much happier for me and my interactions with other trans people.
As a genderfluid person, on behalf of my community. We forgive you, you've realized your mistake and the faults in such harmful views. I hope you have a wonderful day :)
I’m not going to lie, I was a Kalvin supporter. And honestly I’m ashamed of it, although I never openly attacked other trans people I still supported people who did. I’m so so sorry for the harm I caused by supporting him, I myself used his content to push myself into the closet. I used it to disprove my identity, just like so many others did. His content is toxic, it hurts people. I’m proud of you, I’m glad you’re able to finally talk about it.
Same, I used to think I was a trans guy bc I didn’t know what nonbinary was and I felt like if I didn’t conform to his standards than I wouldn’t be trans. I’m glad that I can now see how toxic he is and not watch any of his videos anymore.
Yeah me too. After I stopped watching his content and stopped putting restrictions on myself because I realized cis people’s opinions on me as a trans person don’t matter. Nobodies does.
i feel ashamed i agreed with his video back when it was posted. i was younger then and actually didn’t have much knowledge of the trans & nb community yet... so, i took the information he gave and thought that he was right. but i was terribly wrong for being okay with the video he posted. now that i realise just how wrong his words were, i feel terrible. i hope i can be forgiven for believing what he had to say. 😓💔
as a black trans male, i really didn't like the way he branded trans men and ultimately makes us look like all trans men are like this and its so harmful. no matter how you express your gender, it doesn't mean that people have a right to try and regulate and box your identity. it's not fair and it isn't right. ill be honest i watched his content when i was 14 coming to terms with being trans, and it was so HARMFUL for my development as a trans person and navigating how i was supposed to present myself in order to pass. im glad i don't see things that way anymore and i hope enby folks understand that trans men don't all operate this way but im ashamed of trans men who don't support ALL trans people.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Kalvin's content harms both his viewers and the people they go after and as a community we have to work to support all trans people indeed.
I feel so horrendous for agreeing with their shit before. I understand now that I was a huge that back then and am striving to be more accepting because this is YOUR life, not mine. I'm proud of you for coming so far.
hh same ngl like i was tryna be hella extremely masc and that’s just never who i was even tryna pass being that masc is not me and he was saying that i had to do it or i’m a girl so i had to but then i realized i like yellow and my hairs kinda long there’s no valid reason i shouldn’t wear a hairbow and some shirts with poofy sleeves
I am a cis girl and 100% agree that Kalvin makes content for cis people. I totally thought I was responsibly consuming content from 'real' trans people in watching Kalvin and Blaire. It was easy to consume because they challenge nothing about our concepts of traditional gender, and easy to digest because it's spent banding together to humiliate the 'others'... I'm now disgusted to face the straight up hate and transphobia I used to nod along with. Nobody is made better by Kalvin's content, constantly on the offense toward the communities he claims to represent. I'm heartbroken to know how that kind of behavior hurts non-binary people, it's a mistake I won't make again!
the thing about kalvin's rhetoric is that it literally doesn't care about whether or not you're dysphoric, it's about picking on people who don't fit their idea of manhood. it's exactly the same as cis men making fun of each other for crying or wearing certain clothes. it's about punching down in order to lift themselves up. i'm what, hypothetically, transmeds would see as a 'perfect transexual' (eg., i've been out living as a man for a decade, intend to fully medically transition to the best of my ability, have severe dysphoria, etc) but because i dye my hair, like makeup, and am a bit of prissy queen, they still target me. it just proves that they don't give a shit about what they say they do, they're literally only doing this to boost their own confidence and have a power trip from going from the bullied to the bully.
As a former transmedicalist, I would have denied it comes down to self-validation some time ago. But you're totally right. I was extremely frustrated due to my transphobic environment and I needed an outlet, something to make me feel validated and to distract myself. Transmedicalism, by itself, is useless and easily becomes harmful. There are much better ways to prevent transition regret, for instance. So for a lot of people, it's just an excuse to feel superior, special and validated.
@@Mark-pl3bv I started to stop watching his videos after I heard someone say, not all trans people feel the need to pass as cis 100% of the time. And that’s okay. We aren’t cis. And there’s nothing wrong with being trans. If you want to pass as cis, you go ahead, but don’t start picking on people who don’t feel that need
"Speaking over transmascs." I'm so confused. You physically cannot have transmascs if you don't have transfemmes and andros. Why does Kalvin think that only transmasc voices matter? And of course, if transmascs don't have to same opinion as him they're "trying to speak over him." Jesus Christ, does he not think before he speaks? Or think, ever?
And then people still think I'm fucking insane for thinking that trans men can be misogynists. 🙂 He has such a powerful hatred for women and femmes, and he is the most popular trans guy on the internet, but apparently IM the asshole for saying the transmasc community is sexist. Men anger me. 🙂🙂🙂🙂
The way he portrayed “facts” and “evidence” against you in that original video just made no sense as time progressed. As a cis woman who used to watch him, I’m sorry I ever supported or watched such a garbage person like him. Kalvin used to actually call out true people in the LGBTQ+ group that were extremely damaging to the community, but then it became like weird nit picking or just empty words to attack random creators. I’m so glad you’re using your voice and your platform to call him out. 💕
Same, as someone questioning, I’m sorry that I ever gave him any support. And I am happy that you’re doing this. Lastly I hope you come back online because you seem like a cool voice to add to the community.
The same happened to me, but with Blaire White. She made me look into trans youtubers and sparked my interest in trans people and what they go through, their struggles, transphobia, etc. Now I'm an ally, but I can't believe I liked her and Kalvin (him just occasionally).
I agree. At the time I used to watch his videos I used to take what he said and use it as all the reasons I was not trans, because I wasn't what he said I should be. Looking back, it just doesn't make sense.
Kalvin Garrahs mindset doesn't let anyone experiment with their identity or gender expression out of fear that they could get called a 'trender'. I have a nb friend who would constantly get called a trender on instagram and i remember them literally being scared that kalvin would make a video on them even though they didn't do anything wrong. He makes it so people live in fear and feel like they can't experiment. I thought i'd been a 'trender' and looking back i realise that I was just experimenting with myself and trying to come to terms with lots of other things. Even now, years later, while I don't currently identify as nb or as a trans guy, I still wear a binder on occasions, I wear mens clothes, I dress androgynously, and its more about expressing myself then a label for me. Kalvin made me feel like i couldnt do that which is so messed up and made me analyse everything about myself thinking I had to fit into a box. Also, with Kalvin he told someone who is chronically ill that they were faking just because they could stand but used a wheelchair. That always majorly bothered me. Most wheelchair uses can stand and walk!!!! But he dragged them through the mud and said they were faking which is so wrong.
hey I'm sorry that he made you feel that way! and I'm glad you are able to express yourself now. I personally don't believe clothing has gender, so to me you are just expressing yourself in general. dress how you please! and I didn't know he said someone was taking an illness, wth!
omg i feel the same, like I'm not allowed in the community because I don't have a concretely defined identity but I do not see or think of myself as binary. Its really hard bc i feel like there is so much gatekeeping. It makes me constantly question myself when I literally should just feel okay doing whatever the fuck I want with my gender.
I was trans and had a very confusing idea of gender and watching his videos after I transitioned back to female ( I didn’t do much transitioning to begin with ) made me feel like a trender but I wasn’t, the feelings I had were valid and I was lucky enough to get proper gender therapy and figure myself out before I went to change my body permanently. I had REALLY bad dysphoria and still do, but it’s different. I’m so glad I figured myself out but legit watching his shit made me scared to tell my story and how I came to terms with my gender and sexuality. Like obviously there’s people who do it for attention but to invalidate people just because their experience doesn’t fit yours is soooo fucked up
@@hunterjardine7148 but you choose for that to happen, everything he says is his opinion not law.... he is not even a actual person in your life so how are you made at him because YOU hung off of his words. Your self esteem is YOUR alone and no ones else
I hated nonbinary people for a long time, thought they were "transtrenders", like my family said. I watched Kalvin's videos for a long time and agreed with them, and now I'm out and proud as a nonbinary person. I still have moments of doubts about who I am because of the ideas sprouted by these people in the trans community, but I know logically my dysphoria and gender identity are valid. Thank you for making this video, for all of us.
Honestly, I'm going through pretty much this exact same issue myself. Due to little knowledge on the subject, constantly doubting myself and people like Kalvin Garrah that I used to follow, made me question my own identity and look down on others for not fitting a specific mould. It's dumb because the world isn't as black and white as GIRL and BOY. I realize this now and I'm really upset that I was forcing those kinds of specifics on myself and other people when it's not like that... It makes me feel better seeing a lot of people are coming out and having such similar stories as me, but I'm still super nervous to admit that I think I'm nonbinary... I'm just afraid of being attacked or being wrong or questioning myself.. idk iahsdfijahdf i don't really know how to go about testing it out to see how I feel idk lmao aaa
Same. I still don't really know if I'm non-binary even though I'm sure I am. With definitions and people experiences I relate a lot. But I'm in this period of time where I'm denying or I just don't give a fuck. It's been a week ago when I stabbed into a video of copshatemoe and they ware talking about non-binary and stuff. And I related so much. All what they said was basically me. And than I also watched a video about asexuality and other things. And finds out I'm asexual. It all came in the same time. I'm kinda confused. Even though I know I am. I'm glad that after all this time when I was calling myself a weird cis girl. Now I know who I am truly and I found people who shares the same experiences as mine.
@@pumpkibeezpt My online friends helped me a lot, a lot of them were already nonbinary. I just asked they use they/them for me to see how I liked it, how it felt, and they were super good about it and it just felt right. I knew I didn't want to be a man from a young age, and eventually I overcame trying to force myself to be a woman. If you find close friends, especially other nonbinaries, and tell them what you feel, they'll be supportive.
as a cis person, i used to eat up those “trans trender” videos when i was 14. i knew 1 trans person IRL who was kalvins version of the “correct” trans person. i think dangelo wallace phrased it better in his blair white video, but i came to realize he capitalized on a lot of cis bias, where a lot of cis people get uncomfortable with people who “aren’t like us” or who’s identities we could never understand fully. he used those ideas and made himself out to be this person who called out these “fake” trans people and for a while i thought he was right, since he used facts and was trans himself. then i met a lot of my internet friends, who kalvin would probably hate every aspect of- they use unconventional pronouns, they’re non-binary or have identified as non-binary at some point, and i could go on. i realized i had no say in what people identified as, and that the people kalvin made fun of were human too. i may never fully understand what they go though, but there’s no reason to hate and bully them.
Yeah. He takes advantage of the lack of knowledge that cis people have, and makes it easy for them. He puts trans people in a box, and makes it easy to understand. So from that point onward, anyone who experiences their gender in a way that isn’t easy to understand is immediately booted. I gradually stopped watching him and it was just so much more free of an experience. I stopped caring about what random cis people thought of me. Stopped caring if someone thought I was a trender, because I didnt care enough about anything they had to say. There is nothing wrong with wanting to pass as cis. But if you’re really going to believe and spread the narrative that being trans is okay, you also need to realize that not needing to pass as cis all the time is also okay. Because we aren’t cis. We are trans, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I hope the person who was dysphoric over a f***ing pop socket a wonderful day and a happy new year. I also hope you have a wonderful day and a happy new year, Brennan. And anyone who sees this comment, I hope you have a wonderful day and a happy new year.
I didn’t know that being transgender existed until I was a senior in high school and I had no idea that being non binary was even a thing. I remember being obsessed with learning about people who identified as trans and came across Kalvin Garrah’s video about you. I was afraid of identifying as being on the non binary spectrum because I felt that I didn’t belong, that I would some how be contributing to the harm against people who were trans. I still have trouble fully identifying as non binary because I’m afraid that how I feel about myself isn’t valid, but it’s slowly getting better. Finally starting to come out to my friends and I get giddy when I hear friends call me “they” in conversation. I’m so glad you are doing well. Thank you for making this video.
Kalvin taught me that trans women MUST express their gender in a feminine way, trans men MUST express their gender in a masculine way, and non binary people MUST express their gender in an androgynous way. Regardless of whether his beliefs on that have changed or not, I’m disappointed that he influenced my mindset in that way for such a long time.
person above is wrong, he is still like that but selectively like "see trans guys can be feminine i wear nail polish" but how dare u wear makeup or a dress
Its so wierd to me that people think trans women cant be masculine and trans men cant be feminine, because cis women can be masculine and cis males can be feminine.
@@mr.foster2879 I understand that your point is that the original poster shouldn't blame Garrah for their own formerly restrictive views on gender presentation and expression (though you can teach someone an idea without explicitly saying the idea), but please don't use "feeble-minded" as a synonym for "weak-willed". It's an offensive term for intellectually disabled people.
Yeah I will never understand how people think that way. A cis woman can be as masculine as she wants and no one is going to accuse her of not being a woman. (Well that isn't exactly true, but the vast majority of people won't). A cis woman can be hyper feminine, androgynous, or super masculine, but as long as you know she has a vagina, then of course she is a woman. But the second a trans woman is not wearing a face full of makeup, or she doesn't shave, or is wearing a more masculine outfit, then she is faking it. And god forbid she doesn't "pass". Why are trans people held to such different standards than cis people?
finally got freed from this "be one of the good ones" mentality about 2 years ago and my life is so much better and i discovered i actually enjoy using all pronouns and might be nonbinary! yay
hey Brennen, you probably don’t remember me but unfortunately you definitely would remember the hurtful thing i commented from my old account years ago. ): i came here to apologize, and to own up to my actions. i am appalled at how the trans community has turned against ourselves, i could say i was blinded by Kalvin’s rhetoric of “fake trans” and “trenders”, but it wouldn’t be a genuine apology if i just used that to excuse my actions. Kalvin may have had/still has a great impact of how trans (men especially) act and think about gender, but ultimately i made that decision to type out something that was intentionally harmful, and post it. I feel so guilty, for giving in to Kalvin’s toxicity, for consciously saying something to you that was hurtful and wrong, and i absolutely regret it. you are 100% valid, your identity and emotions are real, and nobody should be able to take that away from you. thankfully i have grown, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that i added to your pain in the past. i am genuinely, sincerely sorry. you did not/still do not deserve any of the hate that has come your way, you are a ray of sunshine in the dark clouds, and i wish you the best on your transitions.
Me too...Your not the only one. Although I didn't comment anything to Brennen or anyone else's channel, I am still guilty for EVER enjoying his content. Hey, Brennen, I'm also really sorry. You are real regardless of whatever I or anyone else thinks. I'm glad you stayed strong.
@@VillagerCometh Me, too. I feel bad that I ever watched any of his content. I don’t think I really understood what he was saying back then, but I do now. Even with his influence, though, I had no excuse thinking that way. I promise I don’t think that way anymore and I am sorry to everyone in the non-binary, genderqueer, and genderfluid communities, as well as people in other communities that K****n dislikes. Stay strong!
My dad always says “forgiving doesn’t mean reconciliation” look, if he changed it that’s good I never wish more crappy people spreading shadows but it doesn’t matter. There are consequences to your actions and really being sorry is taking those consequences tbh if he was sorry he’d address you like a human being...and this is my opinion he’d honestly just get another job 🤷♀️
As a trans guy and a former Kalvin Garrah stan I have to say on the off chance you actually read this I am so sorry I was ever a part of that. I’ve reevaluated my views over the past year or so and realised how bad Kalvins actions really are, I hope you’re in a better place mentally now and know that you’re not an impostor just because you’re not him.
Hi Brennen, while I don’t fully understand non-binary identities, I do realize that just because I may not understand them doesn’t mean they aren’t real. Also I would never bully someone for having a certain gender identity or expression simply because I may not understand it. What Kalvin and his fans did to you was disgusting and it just shows how little self awareness and care for others they have. If Kalvin was truly sorry for bullying you, he would’ve apologized to you.
@@leavemealoneha8042 I am not the original commenter, but I, too, don't fully understand nonbinary identities. Other than this lovely RUclipsr, do you know anyone else I could watch for information about it? I want to understand and be the best ally possible!!
@@leavemealoneha8042 A couple non-binary people I’ve met have told me they’re non-binary because they’re not fully masculine of fully feminine. While I would never invalidate their gender identities, I don’t believe masculinity or femininity determines your gender. I’m not fully masculine or fully feminine (although I think I lean towards feminine) and I’m still a woman. Butch women also exist and they’re just as much of women as more stereotypically feminine women. I don’t understand how you’re gender identity can consist of more than one gender or change on certain days (in the case of genderfluid people). A lot of non-binary people believe that gender is a social construct and I disagree with this. Gender roles, certain ideas about gender, and gender expression are socially constructed. I believe gender is psychological. I know there are studies that show that binary trans men and women have brains that are similar to the opposite sex than that of their own and some sort of malfunction of hormones in the womb can contribute to people being trans I think. Idk. It would be very interesting to see more research on this especially more research on the brains of non-binary trans people. I am a cis woman. And I’ve wondered if I could possibly be trans (binary or non binary). After like 30 seconds of thinking about it, I realized I’m happy being a woman. I’m happy with my physical female characteristics, being seen as a woman, going by she/her pronouns, and identifying as a woman. If I identified as nonbinary, it would feel wrong. If I identified as a trans guy, took hormones, and got surgeries, that would feel wrong. The thought of my face looking like a man, having a male voice, male chest, and a penis makes me shudder because it just feels so wrong. I would get gender dysphoria if I medically transitioned. None of this is because society tells me I’m a woman. I don’t always conform to what society tells me to be. It’s because psychologically my gender is a woman. Like if gender is a social construct, wouldn’t gender dysphoria not exist?
Hey Olivia! While the comments section probably isn't the best forum for this kind of discussion, I think I can add at least one thing directly to respond to this. Trans people often have to reduce their identities to garner basic respect from cis people, it's good to ask deeper questions but consider that nb peoples self conception of gender might be deeper than they initially reveal to you. Much like cis people, trans people can also have less comprehensive ways of expressing gender. Part 2 in the video series will have a bit more gender theory in there so I hope some of your questions can also be answered when that drops. But I think we agree that masculinity and femininity do not determine your gender. - Moderator
@@brennenbeckwith Yeah, trans people shouldn’t have to identify as a gender they don’t want to identify as just so certain cis people will respect them. Here’s my message to these certain cis people as a cis person myself: If you don’t understand a trans person’s gender identity, I get that. Hell, when I was 15 and saw Caitlin Jenner transitioning, I was super confused because I wasn’t educated at all on trans people (but unlike a lot of cis people, I was willing to listen to others educate me and I would never go out and bully someone because of their gender identity). If you’re confused about someone’s gender identity, do some research on it. Look at forums for people with this identity. Acknowledge you’re not educated about everything there is to gender. If you still don’t understand it, ok then. Just be respectful of their gender identity. Don’t misgender them. Realize they’re not harming anyone by identifying a certain way. Seriously, someone tell these so called truscums and trans meds that non-binary people and gender nonconforming binary trans people aren’t hurting trans people. Trans people shitting on these people and cis people being assholes instead of being respectful and at the very least trying to understand these people are what’s harming the trans community. Edit: Yeah, I understand now that how non binary people’s gender identities may be deeper than what they tell me. After all, I’m not in their head so I don’t truly know how they feel and what their experience with gender is like.
When I was 11, I actually identified as genderfluid. After I watched his video, I forced myself back into the closet. I still have no idea who the hell I am. Kalvin Garrah has harmed so many people.
Hello! Same- almost same- thing happened to me. Please please please don't let others police your identity in any way! Give yourself time, try everything out if you have to, change pronouns as much as you want. I promise you will find people who accept you- go looking for them, because they are looking for you too.
I hope you, and those who relate to your experiences, can be comfortable with yourselves again. You deserve better, and im sorry that he hurt you so much. I never watched his videos, so I don't know how it feels to hear those things, but I send you my best wishes.
The link between becoming happier/more confident as a trans person and losing your respect for Kalvin Garrah is astonishing... I see it in so many people, including myself.
@@gamerguy5591 I honest to god don't understand what the point of this comment is :') but if you're a Kalvin fan I have literally no beef with you thats cool man
i’m a cis girl as well as a lesbian, blaire white and kalvin garrah were huge influences. i cannot apologize enough to all of my trans siblings for being so awful and spreading their narrative and borderline attacking gnc folk and covering it up as a “playful debate.” there’s no excuse for how i acted and the amount of other cis people who’ve shared the same experience as me is... so concerning
The kind of people like this, who can openly apologise for past actions that hurt other people, honestly give me so much hope. i can only speak on my own behalf but i thank you :)
Girl same, not only was I midly transphobic and refused to listen to any one lesson because I watched those two so I clearly wasn't transphobic 😂. But also midly racist, because I of course feel down a rabbit hole after the last election. Definitely not proud of it, lots of deprograming has taken place for me in the last 1-2 years.
me too. i am a lesbian who fell into the blaire white and kalvin garrah and ben shaprio whirlwind for about a year. i am so embarrassed by that but i’ve grown so much in my beliefs since being 16, but i do feel bad that i might have contributed to all that bullshit.
Me too. I’m sorry to all the non-binary people here. I was introduced to Kalvin Garrah by a binary trans friend and I thought I was being and ally. We both learned to de-idolize him and recognize him as a trans man projecting his internalized transphobia.
I also feel this as a FTM who was a "late bloomer." I'm pretty masculine, but I spent so much of my teen years convinced I was a trender because I hadn't come out "early" enough and still felt a connection to my lesbian identity. I remember watching the video he made about you and crying because I recognized that you were more like me than I was him, and I wasn't old enough to know what to do with that feeling. All of my friends now are non-binary and genderqueer, not just because they're incredible people who have really opened my mind to gender, but also because I find to this day that online binary trans men communities can't seem to shake this "I'm better than you because I did X/didn't do Y" mentality, and I blame Kalvin for enabling it. It feels terrible to be cut off from people like you. I remember the time I was in a queer space and the one time another masculine trans man came he looked at me like I was a freak. This stuff hurts our community to this day. It was wonderful to hear from you again, I hope everything in your life goes well, you deserve so much love!
He's so angry at people he doesn't understand, and so privileged. As a dysphoric trans guy, I stand with you guys, he's the worst and he takes to accountability for anything he's done.
Kalvin's content hurt me a lot. A lot of hatred, internalized and against others. I wore a skirt for Halloween this year (i'm transmasc) and it was one of the most amazing feelings to actually feel comfortable expressing myself in a feminine way at all. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that Brennen, Jesus Christ i cant imagine how that would've impacted someone. I hope your'e doing better now.
i’m so happy u could express urself like that!! skirts are fun to wear :> i made one for a cosplay a few years back and it takes some confidence to wear lol
I'm glad you were able to rock that skirt and feel good about yourself. I'm sure you looked great. Your gender is really valid dude, and it's not defined by anything other than what you know it is.
i've seen a lot of ex-kalvin garrah fans sharing their stories, so i think i'll give mine a go: hi. i'm a binary trans guy who was never really attracted to traditionally feminine clothes and experiences pretty standard gender dysphoria. basically, kalvin's target audience. and a lot of the reason i'm so adversed to femininity is because of him. i started following him while i was still in denial about my identity, and thought i was a cis lesbian. his videos appealed to me, like many others, in no small part because they made me feel comfortable as a "cis" person. i was looking at this trans guy who didn't threaten any of my ideas of gender or what "a man" could look like, pointing and laughing at some crazy person who did. someone who said, "hey. i have long hair and a large chest and i wear the color pink and i'm _not a girl."_ and as someone who, at the time, did look and act that way, his videos gave me a sense of comfort. i was standing next to him as he laughed and said, "no, you _are_ a girl. you have long hair and a large chest and wear the color pink and so you _are_ a girl." and that meant i didn't need to question anything. i just took him at his word. so when my gender identity started plaguing my mind more and more, it was crushing me. it was the iron ball that followed me around everywhere, no matter how hard i tried to push it out. and i tried. a lot. when it got to the point where i could no longer ignore it, i had already stopped watching kalvin for about a year due to being uncomfortable with his usage of the "r" slur, but his rhetoric had already seeped its way into my mind and stuck. i was completely adamant about needing dysphoria to be trans, and even though i would never outright _deny_ the identities of trans people who seemed very GNC, i'd always side-eye them a bit. for almost a year of gender being the only thing on my mind daily, eventually i had to come to terms with the fact that i was a guy. and suddenly, the floodgates were open. in less than a month, i had cut my hair incredibly short, changed my entire wardrobe, and practically lived in a hoodie. and it turned out i was a lot more comfortable with some of those things, but his rhetoric had sent me into an identity of hypermasculinity. because of the people like him who had always told me that trans men couldn't be even slightly feminine, i had become miserable. my favorite tv shows? gone. my love of fashion and interesting clothing choices? gone. even art, which was something i had been doing for years and was one of my greatest passions, had become a source of dysphoria. kalvin garrah was the catalyst for my obsession with hypermasculinity and his videos have contributed massively to my dysphoria. of course, a lot of what i changed about myself in that month had to do with basic passing (like the hair, clothes, etc.). but the fandoms? the subcultures? the painting? none of that was going to change how the starbucks barista or the macy's employee or the stranger asking for directions would gender me. that had to do with the idea that had been implanted into my head by people like him that trans men _must_ perform every expectation of masculinity imaginable or they're "not trans." and that... sucks. because it's still there. the idea is still lurking in the back of my mind that if i wear the wrong shirt or laugh the wrong way or walk at the wrong pace that that i am wrong about everything. that i am wrong about my identity and my gender and my dysphoria. that i'm... just wrong. your video made me realize a lot of things about myself that had sort of been lurking under the surface for a while. so cheers to all the trans people who are still negatively affected by his rhetoric and someday being able to get over our collective trauma about nail polish.
I'm in my way finding out if I'm non-binary or just an akward cis person. Even thought I am 100% sure I am. I'm in this position were I am denying who I am. And today. Opening my phone. I found this video. I'm curious but I really don't want to go and search for his channel until I'll accept my identity. And I'll be 100% of who I'm to the point were even the strongest argument won't make me change my mind. I'm really sorry for what happen to you. He's was brainwashing you. And that's pathetic. Somehow I feel like he needed attention. And he was here just for clout. Seeing other people comment about what he said. They are all false. Even as a beginner. I know basic knowledge in the matter that makes me belive that what he says is false. He destroyed lifes and should take accountability for what he did. I hope people who were targeted by him are fine now.
@@blackfalcon3752 thanks for your reply! yeah, i really wouldn't recommend looking into his videos, especially as a nonbinary person. i agree that it's always good to research how people of different opinions think in order to develop your own worldview, but a lot of kalvin's "opinions" are really just bullying tactics meant to hurt GNC and nonbinary people. i wish you the best in working through your gender identity, and that however you choose to label yourself in the future is totally valid, my friend
he taught me that trans men cant be fem boys. I came out as trans in 2019 and now i am an enby. My style and identity is fluid. Im only 13 but ever since ive stopped watching him ive learnt that it isnt all muscles, moustaches and deep voices. Its about you and what you want. Im glad ive grown.
That is absolutely lovely to hear, i hope you're doing okay and staying safe! I personally currently still identify as a cis woman, but am using she/they pronouns to try it out and notice how i feel about that. I hope you're able to keep experimenting with what you want and don't want in a safe space! May you have a wonderful lovely day, sending a lot of platonic love to you!! ❤
Exactly! I’m so glad I wasn’t exposed to his content back when I was still unsure about my gender identity because I now identify as a trans boy but still dress femininely and do “feminine” like wearing makeup and jewelry so his content would’ve made my already extreme denial even worse and I would’ve taken so much longer to figure out I was trans despite it being so obvious
imagine thinking a small creator who isnt exactly like you talking about their own experience is speaking over YOU, a conventional binary trans creator with a huge following
to be fair i bet he only gained that large following by allowing transphobes to hate on the ''wrong kind'' of queer people. bigots LOVE someone palatable from a marginalized group criticizing that same group.
The one thing that makes me so furious about this whole subject is that Kalvin has hurt soooooooo many people. So many. It's unacceptable! And how the hell are we supposed to hold him accountable for all the damage he's done?
he cant be held accountable, he should get rid of his platforms and take himself out of the spotlight, the best thing he can do is to shut down everything which will get rid of his fan base and hopefully stop their harassing of others and open them up to new ideas
He's honestly just such a hateful person. I do not understand people like that and I never will. Everything he said in that video and many others, he could've just kept to himself.
He’s friends with Blaire White, who is the queen of “trans people are only valid when they’re exactly like me”, so I’m not surprised that he’s just as bad. 🙃 I apologize as an ex-fan of his. You never should have gone through all that you did- no one should ever go through that.
I'd consider him slightly better in terms of the community since he hasn't made exclusively dogshit videos on trans people & he has made videos like packer recommendations, binder advice, etc. but he's still awful overall
I remember Kalvin saying that he doesn't even want to identify as trans, he identifies as a cis man, so I am not surprised that he cares about cis people feeling comfortable more than he cares about trans community. He wants validation from cis people
okay to be fair, thats more of an inside joke, and it was that he wished he'd just been amab. edit: to clarify, i still think has a lot of negative impact, and im not really a fan
kalvin fucked me up. i remember when i very first heard of the trans community and I was very accepting of everyone and thought i was genderfluid until i found garrah. i was a desperate trans baby who wanted a community. he made me feel like i was trans enough to i distanced myself from my own identity and made fun of those who fit it. it took me a long time to feel okay with my own identity and i still struggle with it. and i feel absolutely terrible for everything i said during that time. as of now i identify as a greygender demiboy (he/they) but im still not sure
I’m glad you’ve acknowledged how distractive his oppressive views are. Don’t worry about not being sure what you identify as yet, follow your gut because sexuality and gender are such complex things, no size fits all 💕
As someone who actually used to like his first "anti-sjw" vid, I want to thank you for coming back and telling the truth of what happened with class he never had. It really hit home for me that the toxicity that boiled over around that time was mostly just a bunch of bullies who twisted the vernacular of marginalized groups in order to justify why their bullying was ok.
"No trans guy would say that" is what got me. He would say that for himself, not for others. But, Brennan- imprint this. Gender dysphoria isn't a choice. The only choice in the matter is coming out/transitioning as yourself or not.
i think that we often cut kalvin way too much slack for his own internalised transphobia and accept it as an excuse for what he’s done. he’s straight up a bad person and needs to be taken accountable for it.
@Miss Jeanna @Miss Jeanna what was the point of this reply? Because it really read off as "Yeah he's a bad person and he chooses to be so you shouldn't be upset by that. That's just life 😊" Like that's such a dangerous mindset to have. Yeah bad ppl exist, but we're allowed to complain and criticize them as well. By your logic, we should all stop criticizing racists and homophobes because "bad ppl exist deal with it". Take a second to actually think about the implications of what you wrote.
@Miss Jeanna yeah, people can be bad? that doesnt mean we should excuse it lmao. whether hes fine with it or not, it doesnt matter because he is a bad person and deserves to be treated as such. he should not have his platform. end of.
@User the thing is, noone is """"appropriating"""" gender dysphoria. you cant exactly appropriate a feeling lmao, let alone a feeling that noone in their right mind would go out of their way to experience. the people he makes fun of are just people presenting themselves in the way THEY like and the way that makes THEM feel the most comfortable. not everyone experiences dysphoria in the same way, and kalvin trying to decide who is and isnt trans based on arbitrary factors is both ridiculous and harmful. he seems to have internalised the idea that trans people arent valid unless they constantly try and bootlick cis people, and he hates other trans people for simply being trans in a way he doesnt approve of, i.e. internalised transphobia.
The way he and Blaire act towards trans people that are different from them is just so annoying. Like I used to watch him and blaire, but the way they acted so aggressive and rude towards people not like them made me feel very sus, and I kinda stopped watching cause i didn’t agree and didn’t like the way they bullied people
@@trip7454 yeah same here. like, not all trans people feel the need to absolute slobber all over the boots of cis people. we don’t all worship them and want to be just like them. there’s nothing wrong with being trans.
I feel like he manipulated a bunch of vulnerable young preteens, including me, into being extremely transphobic whilst thinking that we’re doing the right thing. Luckily I think most of us have realised how fucked up we were being, to which I apologise. I was also scared for years because of him to do or be anything remotely feminine, and I’m glad that now I am able to be myself
Oh he definitely manipulates his young audience. At the time I saw his video on Brennan I was very young and forced myself to think the way he did for a long time.
My trans awakening was unfortunately Kai (Onision’s husband), Kalvin, Storm Ryan and Blair’s White. It wasn’t until my school had a GSA that I realised that I could just be nonbinary and I didn’t have to be a trans man to be valid and cared about. All their messages were so toxic and as someone raised by toxic people I tend to notice the signs way to late and usually not without help.
He pushed so many enbies to spiral. I was here when he completely tried to dox gothfruits to the point where rin (gothfruits) became suicidal. Kalvin needs to be educated and held accountable.
brennen u are most definitely NOT an imposter in this community!! i cant tell u how happy i was to see u resurface on the internet again! i wasnt a huge kalvin fan, but i did see that video. im so relieved not only to see u just doing well, but to see that u werent permanently scarred from self identifying, ur strength to persist through the absolute shit storm of hate and rejection and to continue to evolve ur identity is so fucking impressive,, im so happy you are speaking up, i think this video is going to have a huge effect. this conversation is long overdue and im so glad to see u leading it.
I would have realized i was agender like a year ago if i wasn't watching his content and leaving snarky comments on neoronoun posts and non trans medicalist trans people posts
i tried to be a “good ally” for so long before realizing i was learning about my ow community. and unfortunately, i watched kalvin and blaire. so now i have to reteach myself, and i even have to reteach my mom because i was sharing their bullshit with her.
@@rf0656 no problem! i basically just use xym(pronounced zim) as a replacement for him or her, xe(zee) as a replacement for he/she, and xyr(zare)as a replacement for his/hers
That's nonsensical. Your experience of yourself doesn't neccessarily align with either reality or the experiences of people around you. You could have the final say in your identity if you didn't need to live surrounded by other humans. I am yet to see a convincing argument for gender self-determination.
I think we stood by Kalvin for so long was because of self hatred. He fueled our pain and some messed up part about it was that we liked it. We wanted the hurt that he brought us and even though we don't watch him anymore the scars he left are still there.
Exactlyyyy. I still think about that video in the back of my mind to this day when I get dressed for the day, when I try to go out with someone romantically, when I do something sexually, and so on. Every little bit of my day has been directly or indirectly affected by the video he posted like a good 3, 4 years ago and I'm SO glad someone actually in the video has finally actually came forward about it and really opened my eyes pretty much.
I stopped watching him right as I figured out I'm genderfluid, and I think Kalvin is the main reason why I never thought of me being genderfluid, but once I caught on that he wasn't an ally to trans people that aren't exactly like him, I quit watching him. He's such a joke to the community.
D’Angelo really needs to cover Calvin , like a pt. 2 of Blair or smth edit: JUNE 2021 GO AND WATCH COPSHATEMOE’S NEW VIDEO ON THE TOPIC RIGHT NOW PLEASE!
Yaay you responded! You’re so brave Brennen!! I am so glad people are starting to notice this and break their silence, after all you’ve been though (and many others as well). I watched the video you privated and i really liked it and agree with it. It really seems evil and mean that someone would bully and pick apart the identity of such a free spirit. All these bullying and toxic behavior in the trans community must stop!
@@ami5marion forgive me if I’m misinformed, but I thought Kalvin was sort of reforming himself a little these days? It’s still awful what he’s done in the past, but from what I hear he’s on track for a sort-of redemption arc
@@patrickchoque7720 I’m not really a fan so I may be wrong. But even though he’s “reformed” a few days ago he was still talking shit abt Brennen’s video, and saying he would share “his side of the story” (like.. just apologize, dude and move on, it’s not that difficult). I think if he did apologize and stop spreading hate, people would forgive him, he’s very young, if he shows that he’s changed, the community will accept him.
I came here from CopsHateMoe's second vid on Calvin - was super happy to see that you're doing well now and looking to spread positivity. Grats and keep it up!
Expression of identity for fun doesn’t immediately correlate to gender identity. For example, a man might want to wear a dress every now and then but that doesn’t mean he’s a woman. It just means he’s a man who likes to wear a dress. The same can apply to trans people.
THIS. for years I pretended to be a woman, and dressed full femme despite identifying as a binary man. I knew what I was, but changing my presentation was terrifying.
His content, along with other "anti-SJW" people at the time, honestly forced me to stay in the closet and in the constant cycle of questioning my gender for the past three or four years. I just recently found that it's ok to be nonbinary and it's not just a trend because people like that acted like it was fake and their opinions were fact for so long.
Ultimately, I think the reason Kalvin's message ended up being so effective is because a large percentage of his audience is young trans guys who are really insecure and are still trying to discern what it even means for them to be trans. They place this basis of their identity on something intangible, like their personal experience of dysphoria. So when someone also says they are trans but explains their dysphoria differently or has a different response to the dysphoria they do have, it feels like something is being taken away from them. When someone else "claims" to be trans but defines it in a different way, then either their own definition must be wrong - or the other person isn't trans. And people hate being wrong, so they assume the other person isn't trans and feel like they have to go on the attack to protect their own transness. Interestingly, this phenomenon is the mirror image of many trans people's response to detransitioners. They feel they must attack detransitioners (even if they are only speaking about their own experience) because their story upsets their narrative about what it means to be trans. I wish more people would see this. We can all coexist.
Also, Kalvin, more than an other trans person I've seen, will BRAG about how he used to bind like 24 hours a day. And how he will never let his partner see him naked or touch his actual body. How sad. But also, he's so triggered by his own body that to see someone else (e.g, you in the video he responded to) who is trans not hide their chest probably just makes him panic because he's like "I was trying to convince everyone (and myself) that I didn't have those parts and now you've shown the world that I really do!!!!" And I think a lot of people feel that way but don't understand what they're feeling
@@gamerguy5591 except for the fact that those two things arent outwardly 'showing off' characteristics. maybe those are more comfortable for someone to wear. its unfair to categorize gender dysphoria as symptoms that are cut and dry, because thats not how that works. as a nonbinary person, sometimes i feel more feminine than others. does that mean i dont experience dysphoria? no, it just means that some days i feel more comfortable than others. people wearing what they want doesnt inherently equal no gender dysphoria. if someone wears what makes them comfortable, why would the shape of their body inherently mean theyre 'showing off' those characteristics?
Also I think some cishets, or at least cissies stumble over his channel sometimes and when there’s a transguy who kinda gives them permission to bully other trans ppl (that don’t fit in their binary and stereotypical understanding of gender) they’ll listen since it fits perfectly in their morals.
Idk if I’m really a young trans guy or even a trans person at all but while I watched him I definitely though I was, I’m still questioning so idk but I can confirm this. I was 100% convinced I was a trans guy, and I may be idk, but his content made me feel like “yeah I’m not a trender I’m a real guy” and it definitely preys off misinformation and honestly cisnormative views of male and female. I’m ashamed to ever have liked his content
I just Cannot understand why everyone and their mama is so mf pressed about someone else's identity. Like whether you do or don't understand or respect it, how hard is it to just treat people with some decency and refer to them the way they identify as? it ain't rocket science orst
Because people like Kalvin and Blair are so angry, they had to transition to the fullest (surgeries, T, estrogen- etc ) to feel comfortable and people like him (Brennen) are confident not having surgeries
@@Clownbunnycosplay We understand that Blaire and Kalvin are assholes, but we don't need to throw transitioning trans people under the bus to do so! Trans identity always has been on a spectrum, some may want to transition and others may not.
Even if you disagree with someone, this is the worst way he could have done this. You don't have to agree with this person to see that. And to Brennen, I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
I don’t like people, many of my ex’s are selfish and manipulative but I’ll never Misgender them , people like Blaire and Kalvin get joy out of hurting others.
Kalvin Garrah's new video on neopronouns is getting shat on with troll comments, memes/copypastas, and people pointing out his hypocrisy and I personally love how the tables have turned. Brenen we love u boo, you do you.
So, I've literally never interacted with Kalvin Garrah's content, nor have I ever really been involved in the youtube trans community. But I've been running a non-binary support network for years now, and good LORD this guy's ideology is so prevalent, especially in the younger kids. So many young trans kids would come and ask the weirdest questions, if they're allowed to wear pink while being non-binary, can they be a transmasculine person while having long hair, asking if FEELING LIKE THEY'RE NONBINARY AND A LESBIAN makes them a trender, shit like that. Its terrifying! The harassment the group has been sent over the years by transmeds who align themselves with him has been WORSE than the cis transphobes, because they intentionally push to trigger dysphoria and place themselves as 'real trans people', using people's insecurities to make them question if the people harassing them are right. He's been a toxic influence on the whole of the newest generation of trans people and I'm relived to finally see some large scale pushback against this shit.
It’s awful. As someone who is an AFAB femby who uses she/they I often don’t feel trans enough because of how many people have told me you have to be one way to be trans.
@@Eosinophyllis Oh shit!! I've never heard of she/they femboy before! That's actually SUPER cool!!! I'm a he/they femboy (in spirit, clothes are expensive, rip), and if it helps at all, I think you're not only valid, but cool and unique asf :D
The sad part is, he was one of my first few exposures to the trans community (I didn’t even know I was trans at the time). I thought he was a kinda cool guy, I thought what he said was what people went by like they were rules. I watched him for a few months, but then stopped watching him because he wasn’t that interesting. But then I was introduced to what the trans community actually was, I realized I was non-binary, and it felt so great. He recently showed up on my RUclips for you page and I thought “Hey, why not. I haven’t watched him in a while” and watched it. I got around 5 minutes in and I felt invalid, I felt like what I was feeling wasn’t real. I got off the video very quickly and realized how bad he was. I’ve heard him being awful but thought “He can’t be _that_ bad, right?” Yes, he can be that bad, and he is.
Same! I’m cis as well and when I found his channel i didn’t know anything about the trans community and since he’s trans himself I really believed anything he said. Now I know better and I’m really sorry.
@@jimenajaimes2826 As a cis person, I can tell you its less about him being a horrible monster, but more about the fact that he has done extremely harmful and horrible things, many of which he hasn't adressed or apologized for. I can't speak to the experiences and imapct he has had on all the trans people he has bullied and harmed. All I can do is listen and try to be empathetic.
goddamn ducks same! I’m a trans man believed a lot of what he said as I was trying to figure out who I saw and he was the only trans person with a decent platform so I got sucked into his narrative
Literally same. I wasn’t one who ever went and harassed Brennan but I watched that video and I’m sitting here feeling sick to my stomach from realising what these people really did to SO many others.
I want to apologize. I allowed his comments to sway my opinion on your identity when I was maybe 12(?). I was impressionable, but I knew nothing about who you where and I should have been much more critical in how I think. You are valid, and I am sorry for thinking you were not
Same, I believed Kalvin when I discovered his videos about the "crazy transtrenders" about a year ago and I'm just now realising how damaging this content was. I still struggle with some opinions that come from watching him. I hope I can understand people's gender identities better in the future.
I don't think someone as young as you should need to feel bad for believing something an adult that SHOULD know what they're talking about was telling you, but it's very mature of you to apologize for taking part in it. Kalvin could learn a thing or two from you.
I use to be a fan of his, but i no longer agree with him. As i am now non binary, I understand how someone could be masc/femme/niether present and still be as vaild. I was in 6th grade when I watched his video and i have learn so much since then. Thank you for speaking out, I stand with you.
I was just like you except instead of me being trans/non-binary/a-gender, it was when my friends came out as non-binary I knew that those ideas couldn’t be part of what I support any longer. It makes me sad, that for so long I oppressed completely valid, absolutely beautiful, trans people. I’m sorry.
There's a quote from a Brazilian educator (Paulo Freire) that says "The oppressed often want to be the opressors.", I think that this reflects on Kalvin and his part of the community, after seeking and molding himself to the norms and successfully getting the validation from the cishets that supposedly are the "normal" ones, he now feels the right to opress anyone who he thinks didn't work as hard as him to be validated, anyone who ventures outside the mold he so strictly forced himself into, because if he's now on the side of those who also opressed him that means he isn't the one being opressed. You are so strong and I'm so sorry if anyone made you feel anything less than that, I think Kalvin must still be working on his own sense of worth, as a community I think we were all traumatized, things aren't easy for us but we'll always have each other. Sending lots of love from northeastern Brazil ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
He made a video whining about how someone said his dysphoria comes from his bad childhood. He was super offended that someone was defining why he's trans for him yet that's what he does to everyone else.
Kalvin garrah is the trans version of the "I'm not like other girls." meme. (can I just say though I'm not trying misgender him I'm just saying he reminds me of the meme.)
I feel the exact opposite. I feel like Kalvin is the most normal out of all trans youtubers I've ever seen. Most other trans influensers you come across reek of "I'm not like other girls- so therefore I use LBTQ labels to make myself feel special". Kalvin Garrah stands out from the crowd, yes he does. But that doesn't always have to mean that he's trying way too hard to be "not like other girls". Yes I think I recently realised kalvin was a bit too agressive in his past videos, but I don't think he is a bad person. I think he was agressive because of how frustrated he was that alot of trenders ruin the name of other trans people and make LBTQ community seem crazy as a whole, and he personally felt like he was being affected. I think he had a right to be angry TBH. I would not want people that are offended by literally everything to be the representation of me either. People that are now saying they used to use Kalvins rhetorics as a way to self hate... That's on them. And the people that still use Kalvins rhetorics to bully/harass people... Those are shit people that would have found any way to bully... But I still don't disagree with Kalvins message. I refuse to believe that half the world is trans all of a sudden. Atleast 85% of those people must be trenders I'm sorry...
You see the same thing with Blaire White and others like those two. They consider themselves the “good trans people” because they appeal to what cis people find least threatening.
IKR??? this whole "transtrender" thing is just "i'm not like other girls" with extra steps. There is even "real trans people vs transtrender" pics that are just "me vs other girls" in a different color. I had the same tought at the start of the year, it is JUST that, it is also the same as masc gay men putting down flamboyant gay men. They're all putting their own people down to look good in the eyes of their opressors, is just that, wich is super sad.
Kalvin Garrah is a large part of why I, after coming out as non-binary, pushed myself back into the closet for three years. I remember watching the video he made reacting to you and using it as a way to encourage myself that I’m not transgender.
I feel really terrible about all this, and want to apologise. I am a cis woman, but a few years ago I went through a period of questioning my gender identity, and like most of you here, went down the rabbit hole of watching trans (mostly men) youtubers, and Kalvin Garrah was one of them. I remember watching his video on you, and lots of other "transtrenders" as he called them, and believe that he was right, and that you had to have dysphoria and fit into specific rules to be trans. I have since grown up, and learnt so much more about the trans and non-binary community, and especially since my sibling has come out as non-binary, I have learnt how vast and unique every trans experience is. My point of this is, that Kalvin's rhetoric doesn't just hurt young trans people watching him, but it also taught any cis person watching some really fucked up ideas about what it means to be trans, and in doing so perpetuated transphobia from people looking for a reason to hate on non-binary people. I am so sorry I listened to him, and I hope that we all continue to learn, grow and heal.
I went through a he same thing(I wasn’t questioning my gender, just my sexuality) but I have sense learned that, even if someone is a “trans trender”, they are fine! They are exploring their gender and in the end, If they are cis, now they know! And if their trans, great now they know! Not everyone knows their gender right away, I have a friend who has transitioned and come out like 2 or 3 times and now he knows that he is not NB and he is not a female. And it’s fine that he went on that journey, it was his.
lucy, elizabeth, ginger words will never express how thankful i am that there are cis people who will listen and change their beliefs accordingly, thank you so much. you're better people than you once were and i'm so unbelievably grateful that you're being open about mistakes you've made, you're beautiful and wonderful people and i'm so happy to be on the same earth as all of you
![Eminem - Fuel (feat. JID) [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/t5H_CewqpKA/mqdefault.jpg)
Brennan: I'm happy and enjoy being myself.
Kalvin: THAT IS NOT CORRECT
bECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF MLPJFLMOGFAKMJF (bullshit)
Everyone else: look Kalvin just because you’re unhappy and hate yourself...
@User I genuinely don't understand this. How does a trans person saying: "I enjoy being myself" impact their dysphoria? If Sylvia Rivera said "I like myself" would you have claimed she wasn't trans?
there are a lot of things that I can say in response to the stuff that you said in this video, but the biggest thing I'm walking away with is that it truly is a shame that you felt pushed off of this platform because you're very well spoken and you probably could have had a really big impact on this platform. Please keep doing what you're doing!
💖
literally ive seen so many comments by you on different videos
kattttttt ily
thank god for tik tok
The queen has spoken
That opening tiktok video is a real life “who here has personally been victimized by Regina George?”
omg TRUTH
Everyone: ~raises hand~
Every non-binary person: 🤚
WAIT IS THAT A PLACE TO CALL HOME REFERENCE?
Autumn it’s a mean girls reference
The maturity. The confidence. You didn't make fun of him. You didn't take out rage on him. And you ABSOLUTELY could have and it would have been justified. You did exactly what you said you wanted to do. Take your voice back. You spoke incredibly well with authority and clarity and did I mention confidence?! My God. I'm amazed and incredibly impressed. I hope this army grows more. Because you absolutely deserve all the things. I look forward to learning from you.
+++
thank you for coming back and thank you for being strong, I'm sorry you had to go through that, we love and support you!
Love how this used to have no replies
So glad to see one of my favs supporting others in our community 💕
i probably would've realized i'm nonbinary way sooner if i never found him
I feel the same way.
me too,, even now I have alot of the problems with my gender identity because of watching Kalvin at such a young age
Same. :T
ME TOO
same, i still have difficult problems with my identity because of him
kalvin managed to give an entire generation internalized transphobia purely for his own validation and I physically despise him for it
that is so true, damn. I was a supporter and he honestly made my dysphoria and self hatred so much fucking worse
the reaching being done here is immense.
@@chickinbrasket7837 he literally gave me internalised transphobia lol. when I started watching him, I was an impressionable 13 year old just starting my transition. He made me feel like i couldn't be feminine or I wasn't trans. He invalidated EVERYONE who did not have his type of dysphoria and EVERYONE who didn't dress masculine. like, I really would make fun of people for wearing skirts because he said it was wrong and I believed him. I know at least 200 people who were like me, (from a discord server I was in which basically worshipped the man) so, no, it's not a reach.
@@leouwu5079 plus he made the online trans community INCREDIBLY unsafe for a lot of trans ppl. i remember almost crying when i was like 14 bc i was scared my friend who supported kalvin would hate me/not think i was rlly trans if i was slightly feminine (i'm genderfluid)
@@sarinabina5487 man I feel this
I had friends who liked Kalvin and I was scared to show my nb side (I'm bigender, a nonbinary guy) because I thought they'd think I wasn't trans enough. I was scared to be femme, even though I express rather femininely and love makeup. The only good point he gave me was that dysphoria is needed to be trans; but even then, it comes in many different forms and not experiencing it the same as him does not make one invalid.
Kalvin Garrah made me miserable as a trans person. He made me see the worst in me and my friends. He made me hate being transgender so much. Thank you so much for this. Thank you for speaking up and sharing your story. I'm so glad you are back. I'm so sorry for the hurt he caused you. It makes me so furious. Best wishes for you and your future. I wish you so much joy.
something I’ll never forgive myself for was when an old online friend I reconnected with in a gc came out to us and non binary and I told them I “don’t agree with you, but I’ll respect
you.” mind you I was in 6th grade, but what the fuck was that? all the kalvin and blaire I watched went straight to my head, I can’t believe I invalidated a friend who had the confidence to come out to our friend group. I hope they’re doing great right now because they were smarter than I ever was.
"Kalvin Garrah has no authority..." was my favourite line. Because he wants SO much to believe he is the king of trans people and can dictate what all of us feel like and how we present.
SO true! He is one voice and no one in any community speaks for the entire community OR even speaks the truth...
@@gamerguy5591 bwahahahaha
Kalvin is the opposite of authority. He's an insecure pathetic little man who is full of hate, negativity, and insecurity.
We all know that Jammidodger is the true king of trans people and he is the human equivalent of a golden labrador not hateful like Kalvin
he does tho
As a cis woman who watched him for a short while and agreed with what he said, I’m so sorry. I even remember watching the video he made on you. I have never struggled with dysphoria, and had no right to assume things of trans or non-binary people. I am sorry.
As another cis women who used to watch him I agree completely with you.
Same and I'm trans. He managed to manipulate a bunch of people, some to hate on a community they weren't a part of and some to hate on themselves. I never went out of my way to harass anyone but I still feel bad for adapting his mindset and looking down on fellow trans people
I'm also cis. I can't believe I followed someone who was just as uneducated as I was. Learn from the people themselves, not someone who feels they have to invalidate others for a point that they know isn't right.
Thats my same experience, I regret it so much, I just hated things I didn't understand without realizing i was talking about real people made of flesh and feelings, that just want to be happy with themselves, and that my words and opinionshad consequenceson their lives. I was such a transphobic trash can, I'm sorry about it and I know I cant go back, so I just support them anx representation with my drawing, learning everything day about trans experiences and listening
another cis girl here, I watched a ton of his content for a while a couple years ago. I just remembered he existed and checked out a recent video and jesus CHRIST this guy is cruel and insecure.
Just in case you haven’t heard it enough today:
you are trans enough, and you will always be trans enough.
As a binary, dysphoric trans guy, I just want to say that Kalvin doesn’t represent all of us. There are trans men who don’t hate enbies, who see them as truly and as trans as we are, regardless of their dysphoria (or lack-thereof), if they have plans to medically transition, or the stage of their transition. Id also like to say that while Blaire White is a big figure of transmedicalism, I see this issue happening a lot more with trans men and transmasculine nonbinary people, which I think shows a greater disdain for any perceived feminity in men or people who “should” be men.
YEAH I see it too. I’m not sure if it’s toxic masculinity but in trans men form or just internalized transphobia.
Either way, it baffles me how people think that everyone experiences their identities and dysphoria the same universally.
@@arcijrluvzu6407 Speaking as a transman who was, regretfully, transmed for a brief time:
For me, it was a mixture of toxic masculinity, my own insecurities and a medical system that made me fight hard to prove I was trans in order to get treatment.
These things together really drove me into a toxic mindset... I'm not saying these things as an excuse, I'm just trying to provide a personal insight.
I never thought that enbies weren't valid or anything (y'all are valid and I love ya), but I did used to think that in order to be trans you had to experience some level of dysphoria and have a desire to medically transition in some way.
If I saw someone not conforming with those things, I would think they were a transtrender and doing it for attention.
Reality is, if I saw some teen calling themselves a transman, wearing clothes that didn't make them look 'masculine enough' or using make-up, saying that you don't need dysphoria... it made me feel annoyed.
There I was, in my 20s, in my dysphoria hoodie, having to wait another 4 months to be able to start T, after having already been questioned relentlessly by a doctor for months about whether I was masc enough to be considered trans---
meanwhile this teen is waving the trans flag proudly... I struggled to see us as even remotely similar.
So I'd just think they weren't actually trans.
I was upset at my own situation and blamed these types of trans people on my struggle to be accepted.
I never actually harassed or messaged anyone (I'd never stoop that low), I'm talking about just internally b*tching to myself about people.
The worst I did was try to convince conservative types that "we're not all that bad, most of us are normal!"... which of course only ever served to convince them that _I_ was 'normal'. That made me feel awful.
After a few attempts at trying to convince people, I realised the end result was the same.
It was just me throwing others under the bus for no good reason at that point.
That whole thing made me stop and reflect on what I had been doing, the beliefs I had...
Then, thankfully, earlier this year I found my queen ContraPoints! Her Transtrender video was the hard slap in the face I needed to snap out of it completely.
I've been on T for almost a year now, no longer a depressed mess, happier and more comfy in my body... and deeply regretful of all the things I thought and said about my fellow trans people.
Like, I can't believe that I ever believed that transmedicalist garbage! I was bloody awful!
I hope more people come to their senses about this stuff. Transmedicalism isn't helping our situation.
(...I wrote a lot and I'm not even sure if all that made sense, my bad!)
this is very important to be allies, im a binary trans man (kinda) and i want any nonbinary person who reads this to know, people like kalvin garrah are a very small minority, and alot of us are here for you, to be allies and to fight for ALL trans and nonbinary rights, at least i am
Thank you. You got the nail on the head. the fact that I used to be exactly like him, disgusts me. the way I acted and how I used it as a way to say "oh well, im not like them so my dysphoria is valid and im real" and thats just so gross. it made me dysphoric with anything slightly feminine and like I must like women, because that's masculine, right? I've been set back so much by his videos and I've hurt so many other trans people. I've tried to apologize to many of them, but many have blocked me or didn't accept my apologies, which is 100% valid.
I remember in the past as a teen I used to be toxic and transmed since I myself wasn’t on T yet and had internalized hatred for myself, honestly ashamed I used to like Kalvin
I was infected by this mans rhetoric at the ripe age of 11 and closeted myself for so long because he convinced me that I was faking my entire experience as a trans person for attention. He was this “real” trans guy and I was just some stupid little girl who wanted to be “quirky” and “different”, I’ve been so miserable and in this huge war with myself and it’s really nice to be able to see people who have had similar experiences to me finally talk about it. I’m finally able to get him out of my head and stop gaslighting myself over and over again, I can finally say with confidence that I’m the only person who knows about my identity and I’m the only person who gets to decide who I am. Thank you for making this video Brennan
I felt that same way when I saw that video when I was 13, it's really nice to see in words that I'm not the only person who felt/feels that way and it doesn't make me any less valid, so thanks :)
I felt that I started watching him when I was 12 and it really affected my view on trans people it’s really dangerous to watch his content as cis person because I thought that there was only one way to be trans
I’m a cis female, but I found Calvin before I met any other trans person so I assumed he was right and the others were wrong. I was so unintentionally transphobic while stupidly thinking I was an ally.
we can all be led astray, and the remorse you feel is proof that you're better than you once were.
Same here he was the first source I had of a trans person and just thought what he said was law. But now looking back the things he would say was disgusting
i did too. i was still DEEPLY closeted though, so him being my introduction to the community was.. not great. the way i thought was SO harmful, and i’m so glad i don’t think that way anymore. i’m glad we both learned and bettered ourselves!!
I’m so glad you’ve grown sence then 👍
A trans man: wears a skirt
Kalvin Garrah: And I took that personally-
Ever seen cavetown's sweet tooth music vid? He was wearing a skirt. And he looked cool as fuck. You gonna cry Kalvin?
@@wistermorldwide he really did though!! :D
omg it's Gundham Tanaka
@@wistermorldwide Considering Kalvin's weird "rivalry" with Cavetown/Robbie, I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he got mad over that lol.
OMG IT’S GUNDHAM
i feel so horrible for blindly following his beliefs for so long. he gave me so much internalized transphobia that i didn’t realize i’m non-binary until this year.
character development 🥺
Same Jesus the exact same thing happened to me I was in so denial that I took it out on people
I also used to watch his videos while I was questioning my gender identity. I still identify as a (cis) woman despite my pronouns being she/they/he because personally I really don't care how you refer to me as (but of course I understand why other people might care about their pronouns). But I remember watching a video where he said that non-binary people don't exist and I was just like, oh, okay then.
I eventually stopped watching his videos because I felt like my brain was becoming numb from all the hate.
the exact same for me, i was so toxic and internally transphobic that i didn't even let myself think about my identity for long enough to realise im non binary
Haha same
despite literally getting top surgery at 14 years old and being on testosterone for like 3 years, kalvin ALWAYS found some way to make me doubt my identity as a man and as a transgender person in general. he made me think that i had to experience dysphoria just like him and constantly made me think there were such things as “girl” or “boy” things. he made me stop liking things i enjoy, things as small as the color pink, or doing my hair a certain way, etc. all he does is project his dysphoria on others to validate himself. i feel genuinely sorry for the hatred nonbinary people have faced because of him. despite being a trans person himself, he cannot understand that gender is something complex that cannot always be reduced to simply identifying as a girl or boy.
I'm a cis girl but I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I hope you can be your authentic self now or... Whenever you feel comfortable. Being feminine or liking "girls things" doesn't make you automatically not a man and I'm happy that at least now you already know this
hey we have the same pfp 😗
I'm so embarrassed that I used to be one of his fans. I forgot how horribly inaccurate and downright cruel his videos are until you showed those clips.
Yeah, same. I used to be truscum transmed and all that good stuff. All that matters now is that you're educated and kind.
I used to be a fan too, lemme just check to see if I’m subbed...
i used to be a fan of his too, i’m glad i didn’t become one of his toxic fans tho
this same like how did i have the nerve to preach trans rights but be subbed to him and blaire white...
For a while, I bought what he was saying(or at least considered it) purely because of the way he presented himself. He's not good at arguing at all but, he's really charismatic and confident and he knows how to make himself look calm and rational next to the "crazy transtrenders". And at the time, I didn't know everything about beings trans(still don't because cis woman) and I saw him as an authority. Needless to say, I've learned some stuff and grown up. I can't say this with total authority, but I think it's safe to say that his(and more so Blaire's) content appeals more to cis people than actual trans people.
I am cis (part of the LGBT+ community) and used to watch his videos to educate myself of trans matters. I remember that video and to some extend I had internalized his views. Luckily there are many other trans people who have shared and keep sharing their stories and experiences. He is a prime example that being LGBT+ does not equal being open minded. Everyone's story is different everyone is valid. Nor he, nor I nor anyone is to judge.
To add on this, in his video(and in many others) he was simply bullying. That is unacceptable. Thank you for speaking out , you are a very strong person ❤️
I’m so sorry that I used to think/act like him. I hated non-binary people, genderfluid people, gnc trans people, and I hated myself. I’m much much happier now that I don’t support people like him anymore. Maybe if I never found him I would have realized I’m non-binary much sooner. I hope everyone is able to forgive me.
i found that the more confident i became, the less i agreed with kalvin
QuinnCloud THIS. I used to love his content as a pre-t insecure trans person. He convinced me that being both nonbinary and male was unnecessary and I completely repressed the nonbinary component to my gender. I started hating myself and criticizing and judging trans people who had done nothing but... live their own lives differently than mine. As I started transitioning medically, grew up, and got more and more confident, I found that my views went in the other direction. I started basically believing the exact opposite of everything he said and it’s been so much happier for me and my interactions with other trans people.
As a genderfluid person, on behalf of my community. We forgive you, you've realized your mistake and the faults in such harmful views. I hope you have a wonderful day :)
We all make mistakes, I'm glad you're a happier better person now
If you support non-binary, gender fluid, gnc people now and you’re sorry for what you did then that’s ok and I forgive you
I’m not going to lie, I was a Kalvin supporter. And honestly I’m ashamed of it, although I never openly attacked other trans people I still supported people who did. I’m so so sorry for the harm I caused by supporting him, I myself used his content to push myself into the closet. I used it to disprove my identity, just like so many others did. His content is toxic, it hurts people. I’m proud of you, I’m glad you’re able to finally talk about it.
Same, I used to think I was a trans guy bc I didn’t know what nonbinary was and I felt like if I didn’t conform to his standards than I wouldn’t be trans.
I’m glad that I can now see how toxic he is and not watch any of his videos anymore.
Yeah me too. After I stopped watching his content and stopped putting restrictions on myself because I realized cis people’s opinions on me as a trans person don’t matter. Nobodies does.
@Alpha Muhammad Dude they just said they changed. You don’t need to attack them.
i feel ashamed i agreed with his video back when it was posted. i was younger then and actually didn’t have much knowledge of the trans & nb community yet... so, i took the information he gave and thought that he was right. but i was terribly wrong for being okay with the video he posted. now that i realise just how wrong his words were, i feel terrible. i hope i can be forgiven for believing what he had to say. 😓💔
@@plutoberry6393 literally the exact experience as me- its concerning how similar everyones expereinces is...
as a black trans male, i really didn't like the way he branded trans men and ultimately makes us look like all trans men are like this and its so harmful. no matter how you express your gender, it doesn't mean that people have a right to try and regulate and box your identity. it's not fair and it isn't right. ill be honest i watched his content when i was 14 coming to terms with being trans, and it was so HARMFUL for my development as a trans person and navigating how i was supposed to present myself in order to pass. im glad i don't see things that way anymore and i hope enby folks understand that trans men don't all operate this way but im ashamed of trans men who don't support ALL trans people.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Kalvin's content harms both his viewers and the people they go after and as a community we have to work to support all trans people indeed.
Same
Preach dude.
Same, dude.
++++
If it weren't for kalvin I would have been such a happier man much faster.
You’re here now 🥺❤️
I feel so horrendous for agreeing with their shit before. I understand now that I was a huge that back then and am striving to be more accepting because this is YOUR life, not mine. I'm proud of you for coming so far.
Very much same.
hh same ngl
like i was tryna be hella extremely masc and that’s just never who i was even tryna pass being that masc is not me and he was saying that i had to do it or i’m a girl so i had to but then i realized i like yellow and my hairs kinda long there’s no valid reason i shouldn’t wear a hairbow and some shirts with poofy sleeves
@@silossilos1927 Young peoples hormones are a rollercoaster + naivity
I am a cis girl and 100% agree that Kalvin makes content for cis people. I totally thought I was responsibly consuming content from 'real' trans people in watching Kalvin and Blaire. It was easy to consume because they challenge nothing about our concepts of traditional gender, and easy to digest because it's spent banding together to humiliate the 'others'... I'm now disgusted to face the straight up hate and transphobia I used to nod along with. Nobody is made better by Kalvin's content, constantly on the offense toward the communities he claims to represent. I'm heartbroken to know how that kind of behavior hurts non-binary people, it's a mistake I won't make again!
Also do you adopt and rescue horses, or ride and buy them?
the thing about kalvin's rhetoric is that it literally doesn't care about whether or not you're dysphoric, it's about picking on people who don't fit their idea of manhood. it's exactly the same as cis men making fun of each other for crying or wearing certain clothes. it's about punching down in order to lift themselves up. i'm what, hypothetically, transmeds would see as a 'perfect transexual' (eg., i've been out living as a man for a decade, intend to fully medically transition to the best of my ability, have severe dysphoria, etc) but because i dye my hair, like makeup, and am a bit of prissy queen, they still target me. it just proves that they don't give a shit about what they say they do, they're literally only doing this to boost their own confidence and have a power trip from going from the bullied to the bully.
“AUGH. MAN DO MAN THING. MAN PUNCH ROCK. HRURG GRUG.”
I got the same feeling
Very well said
As a former transmedicalist, I would have denied it comes down to self-validation some time ago. But you're totally right. I was extremely frustrated due to my transphobic environment and I needed an outlet, something to make me feel validated and to distract myself. Transmedicalism, by itself, is useless and easily becomes harmful. There are much better ways to prevent transition regret, for instance. So for a lot of people, it's just an excuse to feel superior, special and validated.
@@Mark-pl3bv I started to stop watching his videos after I heard someone say, not all trans people feel the need to pass as cis 100% of the time. And that’s okay. We aren’t cis. And there’s nothing wrong with being trans. If you want to pass as cis, you go ahead, but don’t start picking on people who don’t feel that need
"Speaking over transmascs." I'm so confused. You physically cannot have transmascs if you don't have transfemmes and andros. Why does Kalvin think that only transmasc voices matter? And of course, if transmascs don't have to same opinion as him they're "trying to speak over him." Jesus Christ, does he not think before he speaks? Or think, ever?
And then people still think I'm fucking insane for thinking that trans men can be misogynists. 🙂 He has such a powerful hatred for women and femmes, and he is the most popular trans guy on the internet, but apparently IM the asshole for saying the transmasc community is sexist. Men anger me. 🙂🙂🙂🙂
Both me and my sibling are nonbinary femmes so I have reppresed rage, sorry ☺
He only cares about his own opinion and is actively appropriating activist language in order to make it sound like he’s the victim it sucks so hard.
~✨ toxic masculinity isn’t just for cis men ✨~
Also how is an account averaging 50-500 views “speaking over” him
The way he portrayed “facts” and “evidence” against you in that original video just made no sense as time progressed. As a cis woman who used to watch him, I’m sorry I ever supported or watched such a garbage person like him. Kalvin used to actually call out true people in the LGBTQ+ group that were extremely damaging to the community, but then it became like weird nit picking or just empty words to attack random creators. I’m so glad you’re using your voice and your platform to call him out. 💕
Same, as someone questioning, I’m sorry that I ever gave him any support. And I am happy that you’re doing this. Lastly I hope you come back online because you seem like a cool voice to add to the community.
The same happened to me, but with Blaire White. She made me look into trans youtubers and sparked my interest in trans people and what they go through, their struggles, transphobia, etc. Now I'm an ally, but I can't believe I liked her and Kalvin (him just occasionally).
I agree. At the time I used to watch his videos I used to take what he said and use it as all the reasons I was not trans, because I wasn't what he said I should be. Looking back, it just doesn't make sense.
2021 must be the year of holding calvin accountable.
i’m here for this ^^
Nup
I’m all for it.
And Blaire White.
Kalvin Garrahs mindset doesn't let anyone experiment with their identity or gender expression out of fear that they could get called a 'trender'. I have a nb friend who would constantly get called a trender on instagram and i remember them literally being scared that kalvin would make a video on them even though they didn't do anything wrong. He makes it so people live in fear and feel like they can't experiment.
I thought i'd been a 'trender' and looking back i realise that I was just experimenting with myself and trying to come to terms with lots of other things. Even now, years later, while I don't currently identify as nb or as a trans guy, I still wear a binder on occasions, I wear mens clothes, I dress androgynously, and its more about expressing myself then a label for me. Kalvin made me feel like i couldnt do that which is so messed up and made me analyse everything about myself thinking I had to fit into a box.
Also, with Kalvin he told someone who is chronically ill that they were faking just because they could stand but used a wheelchair. That always majorly bothered me. Most wheelchair uses can stand and walk!!!! But he dragged them through the mud and said they were faking which is so wrong.
hey I'm sorry that he made you feel that way! and I'm glad you are able to express yourself now. I personally don't believe clothing has gender, so to me you are just expressing yourself in general. dress how you please! and I didn't know he said someone was taking an illness, wth!
omg i feel the same, like I'm not allowed in the community because I don't have a concretely defined identity but I do not see or think of myself as binary. Its really hard bc i feel like there is so much gatekeeping. It makes me constantly question myself when I literally should just feel okay doing whatever the fuck I want with my gender.
I was trans and had a very confusing idea of gender and watching his videos after I transitioned back to female ( I didn’t do much transitioning to begin with ) made me feel like a trender but I wasn’t, the feelings I had were valid and I was lucky enough to get proper gender therapy and figure myself out before I went to change my body permanently. I had REALLY bad dysphoria and still do, but it’s different. I’m so glad I figured myself out but legit watching his shit made me scared to tell my story and how I came to terms with my gender and sexuality. Like obviously there’s people who do it for attention but to invalidate people just because their experience doesn’t fit yours is soooo fucked up
@@hunterjardine7148 but you choose for that to happen, everything he says is his opinion not law.... he is not even a actual person in your life so how are you made at him because YOU hung off of his words. Your self esteem is YOUR alone and no ones else
@@bribro23 if you think influencers or people with large followings can’t affect ppl in good or bad ways you’re ignorant as fuck
I hated nonbinary people for a long time, thought they were "transtrenders", like my family said. I watched Kalvin's videos for a long time and agreed with them, and now I'm out and proud as a nonbinary person. I still have moments of doubts about who I am because of the ideas sprouted by these people in the trans community, but I know logically my dysphoria and gender identity are valid. Thank you for making this video, for all of us.
Honestly, I'm going through pretty much this exact same issue myself. Due to little knowledge on the subject, constantly doubting myself and people like Kalvin Garrah that I used to follow, made me question my own identity and look down on others for not fitting a specific mould.
It's dumb because the world isn't as black and white as GIRL and BOY. I realize this now and I'm really upset that I was forcing those kinds of specifics on myself and other people when it's not like that... It makes me feel better seeing a lot of people are coming out and having such similar stories as me, but I'm still super nervous to admit that I think I'm nonbinary... I'm just afraid of being attacked or being wrong or questioning myself.. idk iahsdfijahdf i don't really know how to go about testing it out to see how I feel idk lmao aaa
Same. I still don't really know if I'm non-binary even though I'm sure I am. With definitions and people experiences I relate a lot. But I'm in this period of time where I'm denying or I just don't give a fuck. It's been a week ago when I stabbed into a video of copshatemoe and they ware talking about non-binary and stuff. And I related so much. All what they said was basically me. And than I also watched a video about asexuality and other things. And finds out I'm asexual. It all came in the same time. I'm kinda confused. Even though I know I am. I'm glad that after all this time when I was calling myself a weird cis girl. Now I know who I am truly and I found people who shares the same experiences as mine.
Ikr. I listened to Blair White and Kalvin for a long time, thinking enby people don't exist but I was WAY wrong.
@@pumpkibeezpt My online friends helped me a lot, a lot of them were already nonbinary. I just asked they use they/them for me to see how I liked it, how it felt, and they were super good about it and it just felt right. I knew I didn't want to be a man from a young age, and eventually I overcame trying to force myself to be a woman. If you find close friends, especially other nonbinaries, and tell them what you feel, they'll be supportive.
You really said “I put myself back in the narrative”
fejdknskn OMFG IM NOT THE ONLY ONE
“It’s not a debate. It’s not an argument.”
THERE IT IS.
++++++
Kalvin alone is responsible for his actions.
You were bullied out of your safespaces by a larger creator when you had a small channel.
as a cis person, i used to eat up those “trans trender” videos when i was 14. i knew 1 trans person IRL who was kalvins version of the “correct” trans person.
i think dangelo wallace phrased it better in his blair white video, but i came to realize he capitalized on a lot of cis bias, where a lot of cis people get uncomfortable with people who “aren’t like us” or who’s identities we could never understand fully. he used those ideas and made himself out to be this person who called out these “fake” trans people and for a while i thought he was right, since he used facts and was trans himself.
then i met a lot of my internet friends, who kalvin would probably hate every aspect of- they use unconventional pronouns, they’re non-binary or have identified as non-binary at some point, and i could go on. i realized i had no say in what people identified as, and that the people kalvin made fun of were human too. i may never fully understand what they go though, but there’s no reason to hate and bully them.
Yeah. He takes advantage of the lack of knowledge that cis people have, and makes it easy for them. He puts trans people in a box, and makes it easy to understand. So from that point onward, anyone who experiences their gender in a way that isn’t easy to understand is immediately booted. I gradually stopped watching him and it was just so much more free of an experience. I stopped caring about what random cis people thought of me. Stopped caring if someone thought I was a trender, because I didnt care enough about anything they had to say. There is nothing wrong with wanting to pass as cis. But if you’re really going to believe and spread the narrative that being trans is okay, you also need to realize that not needing to pass as cis all the time is also okay. Because we aren’t cis. We are trans, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
And he fooled a lot of cis and trans people with zero facts! No sources, ever! Only his own anecdotes.
I hope the person who was dysphoric over a f***ing pop socket a wonderful day and a happy new year. I also hope you have a wonderful day and a happy new year, Brennan. And anyone who sees this comment, I hope you have a wonderful day and a happy new year.
I didn’t know that being transgender existed until I was a senior in high school and I had no idea that being non binary was even a thing. I remember being obsessed with learning about people who identified as trans and came across Kalvin Garrah’s video about you. I was afraid of identifying as being on the non binary spectrum because I felt that I didn’t belong, that I would some how be contributing to the harm against people who were trans. I still have trouble fully identifying as non binary because I’m afraid that how I feel about myself isn’t valid, but it’s slowly getting better. Finally starting to come out to my friends and I get giddy when I hear friends call me “they” in conversation. I’m so glad you are doing well. Thank you for making this video.
Kalvin taught me that trans women MUST express their gender in a feminine way, trans men MUST express their gender in a masculine way, and non binary people MUST express their gender in an androgynous way. Regardless of whether his beliefs on that have changed or not, I’m disappointed that he influenced my mindset in that way for such a long time.
person above is wrong, he is still like that but selectively like "see trans guys can be feminine i wear nail polish" but how dare u wear makeup or a dress
Its so wierd to me that people think trans women cant be masculine and trans men cant be feminine, because cis women can be masculine and cis males can be feminine.
@@mr.foster2879 I understand that your point is that the original poster shouldn't blame Garrah for their own formerly restrictive views on gender presentation and expression (though you can teach someone an idea without explicitly saying the idea), but please don't use "feeble-minded" as a synonym for "weak-willed". It's an offensive term for intellectually disabled people.
Yeah I will never understand how people think that way. A cis woman can be as masculine as she wants and no one is going to accuse her of not being a woman. (Well that isn't exactly true, but the vast majority of people won't). A cis woman can be hyper feminine, androgynous, or super masculine, but as long as you know she has a vagina, then of course she is a woman.
But the second a trans woman is not wearing a face full of makeup, or she doesn't shave, or is wearing a more masculine outfit, then she is faking it. And god forbid she doesn't "pass".
Why are trans people held to such different standards than cis people?
@Prince Billy did you even watch the video?
let me say this again
NEVER MISGENDER SOMEONE JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE THEM DON'T DO IT
I find Villains in Shows who respect the Hero's pronouns despite their hatred/villainy/evil immediately a lot sexier than other villains
@@LuzyWhitePhoenix Could you tell me about those villains, please? 0u0
@@itsMe_TheHerpes that's fucking creepy
I respect people as long as they respect me. That is all.
@@itsMe_TheHerpes Maybe develop some basic human empathy? Thanks. It costs you nothing to respect people’s pronouns.
finally got freed from this "be one of the good ones" mentality about 2 years ago and my life is so much better and i discovered i actually enjoy using all pronouns and might be nonbinary! yay
Woaaaah!! Thats so rad that you use all pronouns :D!! And it's also rad to see you finding yourself!!
That's awesome❤
hey Brennen, you probably don’t remember me but unfortunately you definitely would remember the hurtful thing i commented from my old account years ago. ): i came here to apologize, and to own up to my actions.
i am appalled at how the trans community has turned against ourselves, i could say i was blinded by Kalvin’s rhetoric of “fake trans” and “trenders”, but it wouldn’t be a genuine apology if i just used that to excuse my actions. Kalvin may have had/still has a great impact of how trans (men especially) act and think about gender, but ultimately i made that decision to type out something that was intentionally harmful, and post it. I feel so guilty, for giving in to Kalvin’s toxicity, for consciously saying something to you that was hurtful and wrong, and i absolutely regret it. you are 100% valid, your identity and emotions are real, and nobody should be able to take that away from you. thankfully i have grown, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that i added to your pain in the past. i am genuinely, sincerely sorry. you did not/still do not deserve any of the hate that has come your way, you are a ray of sunshine in the dark clouds, and i wish you the best on your transitions.
Me too...Your not the only one. Although I didn't comment anything to Brennen or anyone else's channel, I am still guilty for EVER enjoying his content.
Hey, Brennen, I'm also really sorry.
You are real regardless of whatever I or anyone else thinks. I'm glad you stayed strong.
@@VillagerCometh Same here, I’m so glad that I found other people to challenge Kalvin’s views.
People like you are the main character Because you can own up to your actions and grow as a person
@@VillagerCometh Me, too. I feel bad that I ever watched any of his content. I don’t think I really understood what he was saying back then, but I do now. Even with his influence, though, I had no excuse thinking that way. I promise I don’t think that way anymore and I am sorry to everyone in the non-binary, genderqueer, and genderfluid communities, as well as people in other communities that K****n dislikes. Stay strong!
^ this is what we need right now. fairplay to you time pepo :)
My dad always says “forgiving doesn’t mean reconciliation” look, if he changed it that’s good I never wish more crappy people spreading shadows but it doesn’t matter.
There are consequences to your actions and really being sorry is taking those consequences tbh if he was sorry he’d address you like a human being...and this is my opinion he’d honestly just get another job 🤷♀️
As the uncle of a trans woman, people like Kalvin Garrah really worry me for what they can do out of cruelty.
I wish more family could be like you, I know your niece appreciates you so much 🥺
As a trans guy and a former Kalvin Garrah stan I have to say on the off chance you actually read this I am so sorry I was ever a part of that. I’ve reevaluated my views over the past year or so and realised how bad Kalvins actions really are, I hope you’re in a better place mentally now and know that you’re not an impostor just because you’re not him.
Hi Brennen, while I don’t fully understand non-binary identities, I do realize that just because I may not understand them doesn’t mean they aren’t real. Also I would never bully someone for having a certain gender identity or expression simply because I may not understand it. What Kalvin and his fans did to you was disgusting and it just shows how little self awareness and care for others they have. If Kalvin was truly sorry for bullying you, he would’ve apologized to you.
What do you not understand? I could possible help you and educate you! :)
@@leavemealoneha8042 I am not the original commenter, but I, too, don't fully understand nonbinary identities. Other than this lovely RUclipsr, do you know anyone else I could watch for information about it? I want to understand and be the best ally possible!!
@@leavemealoneha8042 A couple non-binary people I’ve met have told me they’re non-binary because they’re not fully masculine of fully feminine. While I would never invalidate their gender identities, I don’t believe masculinity or femininity determines your gender. I’m not fully masculine or fully feminine (although I think I lean towards feminine) and I’m still a woman. Butch women also exist and they’re just as much of women as more stereotypically feminine women.
I don’t understand how you’re gender identity can consist of more than one gender or change on certain days (in the case of genderfluid people). A lot of non-binary people believe that gender is a social construct and I disagree with this. Gender roles, certain ideas about gender, and gender expression are socially constructed. I believe gender is psychological. I know there are studies that show that binary trans men and women have brains that are similar to the opposite sex than that of their own and some sort of malfunction of hormones in the womb can contribute to people being trans I think. Idk. It would be very interesting to see more research on this especially more research on the brains of non-binary trans people.
I am a cis woman. And I’ve wondered if I could possibly be trans (binary or non binary). After like 30 seconds of thinking about it, I realized I’m happy being a woman. I’m happy with my physical female characteristics, being seen as a woman, going by she/her pronouns, and identifying as a woman. If I identified as nonbinary, it would feel wrong. If I identified as a trans guy, took hormones, and got surgeries, that would feel wrong.
The thought of my face looking like a man, having a male voice, male chest, and a penis makes me shudder because it just feels so wrong. I would get gender dysphoria if I medically transitioned. None of this is because society tells me I’m a woman. I don’t always conform to what society tells me to be. It’s because psychologically my gender is a woman. Like if gender is a social construct, wouldn’t gender dysphoria not exist?
Hey Olivia! While the comments section probably isn't the best forum for this kind of discussion, I think I can add at least one thing directly to respond to this. Trans people often have to reduce their identities to garner basic respect from cis people, it's good to ask deeper questions but consider that nb peoples self conception of gender might be deeper than they initially reveal to you. Much like cis people, trans people can also have less comprehensive ways of expressing gender. Part 2 in the video series will have a bit more gender theory in there so I hope some of your questions can also be answered when that drops. But I think we agree that masculinity and femininity do not determine your gender. - Moderator
@@brennenbeckwith Yeah, trans people shouldn’t have to identify as a gender they don’t want to identify as just so certain cis people will respect them. Here’s my message to these certain cis people as a cis person myself: If you don’t understand a trans person’s gender identity, I get that. Hell, when I was 15 and saw Caitlin Jenner transitioning, I was super confused because I wasn’t educated at all on trans people (but unlike a lot of cis people, I was willing to listen to others educate me and I would never go out and bully someone because of their gender identity).
If you’re confused about someone’s gender identity, do some research on it. Look at forums for people with this identity. Acknowledge you’re not educated about everything there is to gender. If you still don’t understand it, ok then. Just be respectful of their gender identity. Don’t misgender them. Realize they’re not harming anyone by identifying a certain way. Seriously, someone tell these so called truscums and trans meds that non-binary people and gender nonconforming binary trans people aren’t hurting trans people. Trans people shitting on these people and cis people being assholes instead of being respectful and at the very least trying to understand these people are what’s harming the trans community.
Edit: Yeah, I understand now that how non binary people’s gender identities may be deeper than what they tell me. After all, I’m not in their head so I don’t truly know how they feel and what their experience with gender is like.
When I was 11, I actually identified as genderfluid. After I watched his video, I forced myself back into the closet. I still have no idea who the hell I am. Kalvin Garrah has harmed so many people.
Me too!!! That same thing has happened to me.
Hello! Same- almost same- thing happened to me. Please please please don't let others police your identity in any way! Give yourself time, try everything out if you have to, change pronouns as much as you want. I promise you will find people who accept you- go looking for them, because they are looking for you too.
11??
Gender isn't real. Therefore who tf cares. Do whatever you want
I hope you, and those who relate to your experiences, can be comfortable with yourselves again. You deserve better, and im sorry that he hurt you so much. I never watched his videos, so I don't know how it feels to hear those things, but I send you my best wishes.
The link between becoming happier/more confident as a trans person and losing your respect for Kalvin Garrah is astonishing... I see it in so many people, including myself.
Haha same here, props
@@gamerguy5591 I honest to god don't understand what the point of this comment is :') but if you're a Kalvin fan I have literally no beef with you thats cool man
Same here
Same here. I unsubscribed from Kalvin Grrah 2 weeks ago and then shortly after that I finally felt comfortable coming out as non-binary.
Me too! And Blaire White.
“I am right about my identity, because I am me.” when i tell you i started tearing up -
i’m a cis girl as well as a lesbian, blaire white and kalvin garrah were huge influences. i cannot apologize enough to all of my trans siblings for being so awful and spreading their narrative and borderline attacking gnc folk and covering it up as a “playful debate.” there’s no excuse for how i acted and the amount of other cis people who’ve shared the same experience as me is... so concerning
The kind of people like this, who can openly apologise for past actions that hurt other people, honestly give me so much hope. i can only speak on my own behalf but i thank you :)
as a nonbinary lesbian, thank you sm
Yeah I used to be like that too. I’m bi and cis
Girl same, not only was I midly transphobic and refused to listen to any one lesson because I watched those two so I clearly wasn't transphobic 😂. But also midly racist, because I of course feel down a rabbit hole after the last election. Definitely not proud of it, lots of deprograming has taken place for me in the last 1-2 years.
me too. i am a lesbian who fell into the blaire white and kalvin garrah and ben shaprio whirlwind for about a year. i am so embarrassed by that but i’ve grown so much in my beliefs since being 16, but i do feel bad that i might have contributed to all that bullshit.
It disgusts me I ever liked or supported him. Brennan, I’m sorry.
Same here
Same... I'm so ashamed of myself for not understand what kind of person he is before...
Me too. I’m sorry to all the non-binary people here. I was introduced to Kalvin Garrah by a binary trans friend and I thought I was being and ally. We both learned to de-idolize him and recognize him as a trans man projecting his internalized transphobia.
yeah im embarrassed
Same :-/, I’m so disappointed in him and me
Trans social work majors unite! I’m glad you have the confidence to speak about this. K*lvin has hurt too many in the trans community
Yesssss
We need more of y'all in the field!
I also feel this as a FTM who was a "late bloomer." I'm pretty masculine, but I spent so much of my teen years convinced I was a trender because I hadn't come out "early" enough and still felt a connection to my lesbian identity. I remember watching the video he made about you and crying because I recognized that you were more like me than I was him, and I wasn't old enough to know what to do with that feeling. All of my friends now are non-binary and genderqueer, not just because they're incredible people who have really opened my mind to gender, but also because I find to this day that online binary trans men communities can't seem to shake this "I'm better than you because I did X/didn't do Y" mentality, and I blame Kalvin for enabling it. It feels terrible to be cut off from people like you. I remember the time I was in a queer space and the one time another masculine trans man came he looked at me like I was a freak. This stuff hurts our community to this day. It was wonderful to hear from you again, I hope everything in your life goes well, you deserve so much love!
He's so angry at people he doesn't understand, and so privileged.
As a dysphoric trans guy, I stand with you guys, he's the worst and he takes to accountability for anything he's done.
Kalvin's content hurt me a lot. A lot of hatred, internalized and against others. I wore a skirt for Halloween this year (i'm transmasc) and it was one of the most amazing feelings to actually feel comfortable expressing myself in a feminine way at all. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that Brennen, Jesus Christ i cant imagine how that would've impacted someone. I hope your'e doing better now.
i’m so happy u could express urself like that!! skirts are fun to wear :> i made one for a cosplay a few years back and it takes some confidence to wear lol
I'm glad you were able to rock that skirt and feel good about yourself. I'm sure you looked great. Your gender is really valid dude, and it's not defined by anything other than what you know it is.
😐
@@Alllooclov ?????????,
that's so good !!! happy for you
i've seen a lot of ex-kalvin garrah fans sharing their stories, so i think i'll give mine a go:
hi. i'm a binary trans guy who was never really attracted to traditionally feminine clothes and experiences pretty standard gender dysphoria. basically, kalvin's target audience. and a lot of the reason i'm so adversed to femininity is because of him. i started following him while i was still in denial about my identity, and thought i was a cis lesbian. his videos appealed to me, like many others, in no small part because they made me feel comfortable as a "cis" person. i was looking at this trans guy who didn't threaten any of my ideas of gender or what "a man" could look like, pointing and laughing at some crazy person who did. someone who said, "hey. i have long hair and a large chest and i wear the color pink and i'm _not a girl."_ and as someone who, at the time, did look and act that way, his videos gave me a sense of comfort. i was standing next to him as he laughed and said, "no, you _are_ a girl. you have long hair and a large chest and wear the color pink and so you _are_ a girl." and that meant i didn't need to question anything. i just took him at his word.
so when my gender identity started plaguing my mind more and more, it was crushing me. it was the iron ball that followed me around everywhere, no matter how hard i tried to push it out. and i tried. a lot. when it got to the point where i could no longer ignore it, i had already stopped watching kalvin for about a year due to being uncomfortable with his usage of the "r" slur, but his rhetoric had already seeped its way into my mind and stuck. i was completely adamant about needing dysphoria to be trans, and even though i would never outright _deny_ the identities of trans people who seemed very GNC, i'd always side-eye them a bit. for almost a year of gender being the only thing on my mind daily, eventually i had to come to terms with the fact that i was a guy. and suddenly, the floodgates were open. in less than a month, i had cut my hair incredibly short, changed my entire wardrobe, and practically lived in a hoodie. and it turned out i was a lot more comfortable with some of those things, but his rhetoric had sent me into an identity of hypermasculinity. because of the people like him who had always told me that trans men couldn't be even slightly feminine, i had become miserable. my favorite tv shows? gone. my love of fashion and interesting clothing choices? gone. even art, which was something i had been doing for years and was one of my greatest passions, had become a source of dysphoria.
kalvin garrah was the catalyst for my obsession with hypermasculinity and his videos have contributed massively to my dysphoria. of course, a lot of what i changed about myself in that month had to do with basic passing (like the hair, clothes, etc.). but the fandoms? the subcultures? the painting? none of that was going to change how the starbucks barista or the macy's employee or the stranger asking for directions would gender me. that had to do with the idea that had been implanted into my head by people like him that trans men _must_ perform every expectation of masculinity imaginable or they're "not trans." and that... sucks. because it's still there. the idea is still lurking in the back of my mind that if i wear the wrong shirt or laugh the wrong way or walk at the wrong pace that that i am wrong about everything. that i am wrong about my identity and my gender and my dysphoria. that i'm... just wrong.
your video made me realize a lot of things about myself that had sort of been lurking under the surface for a while. so cheers to all the trans people who are still negatively affected by his rhetoric and someday being able to get over our collective trauma about nail polish.
Holy shit that was so brutal to read... im glad you got over it
I'm in my way finding out if I'm non-binary or just an akward cis person. Even thought I am 100% sure I am. I'm in this position were I am denying who I am. And today. Opening my phone. I found this video. I'm curious but I really don't want to go and search for his channel until I'll accept my identity. And I'll be 100% of who I'm to the point were even the strongest argument won't make me change my mind. I'm really sorry for what happen to you. He's was brainwashing you. And that's pathetic. Somehow I feel like he needed attention. And he was here just for clout. Seeing other people comment about what he said. They are all false. Even as a beginner. I know basic knowledge in the matter that makes me belive that what he says is false. He destroyed lifes and should take accountability for what he did. I hope people who were targeted by him are fine now.
@@blackfalcon3752 thanks for your reply! yeah, i really wouldn't recommend looking into his videos, especially as a nonbinary person. i agree that it's always good to research how people of different opinions think in order to develop your own worldview, but a lot of kalvin's "opinions" are really just bullying tactics meant to hurt GNC and nonbinary people. i wish you the best in working through your gender identity, and that however you choose to label yourself in the future is totally valid, my friend
he taught me that trans men cant be fem boys. I came out as trans in 2019 and now i am an enby. My style and identity is fluid. Im only 13 but ever since ive stopped watching him ive learnt that it isnt all muscles, moustaches and deep voices. Its about you and what you want. Im glad ive grown.
That is absolutely lovely to hear, i hope you're doing okay and staying safe! I personally currently still identify as a cis woman, but am using she/they pronouns to try it out and notice how i feel about that. I hope you're able to keep experimenting with what you want and don't want in a safe space! May you have a wonderful lovely day, sending a lot of platonic love to you!! ❤
Exactly! I’m so glad I wasn’t exposed to his content back when I was still unsure about my gender identity because I now identify as a trans boy but still dress femininely and do “feminine” like wearing makeup and jewelry so his content would’ve made my already extreme denial even worse and I would’ve taken so much longer to figure out I was trans despite it being so obvious
imagine thinking a small creator who isnt exactly like you talking about their own experience is speaking over YOU, a conventional binary trans creator with a huge following
couldn’t have said it better👏👏
Omg we have the same name! I’ve never met anyone with my name that’s so cool!
Immortal Velociraptor finley is such a cool name honestly
to be fair i bet he only gained that large following by allowing transphobes to hate on the ''wrong kind'' of queer people. bigots LOVE someone palatable from a marginalized group criticizing that same group.
The one thing that makes me so furious about this whole subject is that Kalvin has hurt soooooooo many people. So many. It's unacceptable! And how the hell are we supposed to hold him accountable for all the damage he's done?
he cant be held accountable, he should get rid of his platforms and take himself out of the spotlight, the best thing he can do is to shut down everything which will get rid of his fan base and hopefully stop their harassing of others and open them up to new ideas
He's honestly just such a hateful person. I do not understand people like that and I never will. Everything he said in that video and many others, he could've just kept to himself.
“I am taking back my narrative by explaining how it was stolen” - this was really powerful
He’s friends with Blaire White, who is the queen of “trans people are only valid when they’re exactly like me”, so I’m not surprised that he’s just as bad. 🙃
I apologize as an ex-fan of his. You never should have gone through all that you did- no one should ever go through that.
I'd consider him slightly better in terms of the community since he hasn't made exclusively dogshit videos on trans people & he has made videos like packer recommendations, binder advice, etc. but he's still awful overall
Oh no yikes Blaire White is a huge jerk. Im gonna block this guy...
She's a racist transphobic fool
I used too be subscribed too Blarie White because she was friends with shoeonhead. Didn't like her at all. :/
Blair White literally misgenders people if they don't "look trans" like what😺
I remember Kalvin saying that he doesn't even want to identify as trans, he identifies as a cis man, so I am not surprised that he cares about cis people feeling comfortable more than he cares about trans community. He wants validation from cis people
How the fu-
how and why? he is a trans man and he does not support trans community, that no make any sense.
@@brisamoreii he cares about a specific part of the community that fits his definition and by that I mean exclusively binary cis-passing trans people
okay to be fair, thats more of an inside joke, and it was that he wished he'd just been amab.
edit: to clarify, i still think has a lot of negative impact, and im not really a fan
THANK U
kalvin fucked me up. i remember when i very first heard of the trans community and I was very accepting of everyone and thought i was genderfluid until i found garrah. i was a desperate trans baby who wanted a community. he made me feel like i was trans enough to i distanced myself from my own identity and made fun of those who fit it. it took me a long time to feel okay with my own identity and i still struggle with it. and i feel absolutely terrible for everything i said during that time. as of now i identify as a greygender demiboy (he/they) but im still not sure
I’m glad you’ve acknowledged how distractive his oppressive views are. Don’t worry about not being sure what you identify as yet, follow your gut because sexuality and gender are such complex things, no size fits all 💕
What does it mean to be a greygender demiboy? I never heard of this before and am not sure what that entails.
Demiboys represent
same
As someone who actually used to like his first "anti-sjw" vid, I want to thank you for coming back and telling the truth of what happened with class he never had. It really hit home for me that the toxicity that boiled over around that time was mostly just a bunch of bullies who twisted the vernacular of marginalized groups in order to justify why their bullying was ok.
"No trans guy would say that" is what got me. He would say that for himself, not for others. But, Brennan- imprint this. Gender dysphoria isn't a choice. The only choice in the matter is coming out/transitioning as yourself or not.
That line got me too, because I’m an EXTREMELY binary man and i had said EXACTLY that.
i think that we often cut kalvin way too much slack for his own internalised transphobia and accept it as an excuse for what he’s done. he’s straight up a bad person and needs to be taken accountable for it.
@Miss Jeanna @Miss Jeanna what was the point of this reply? Because it really read off as "Yeah he's a bad person and he chooses to be so you shouldn't be upset by that. That's just life 😊" Like that's such a dangerous mindset to have. Yeah bad ppl exist, but we're allowed to complain and criticize them as well. By your logic, we should all stop criticizing racists and homophobes because "bad ppl exist deal with it". Take a second to actually think about the implications of what you wrote.
@Miss Jeanna so he’s calculated for the potential reckoning coming if he’s held accountable for his actions... great. Thanks.
@Miss Jeanna yeah, people can be bad? that doesnt mean we should excuse it lmao. whether hes fine with it or not, it doesnt matter because he is a bad person and deserves to be treated as such. he should not have his platform. end of.
@User the thing is, noone is """"appropriating"""" gender dysphoria. you cant exactly appropriate a feeling lmao, let alone a feeling that noone in their right mind would go out of their way to experience. the people he makes fun of are just people presenting themselves in the way THEY like and the way that makes THEM feel the most comfortable. not everyone experiences dysphoria in the same way, and kalvin trying to decide who is and isnt trans based on arbitrary factors is both ridiculous and harmful. he seems to have internalised the idea that trans people arent valid unless they constantly try and bootlick cis people, and he hates other trans people for simply being trans in a way he doesnt approve of, i.e. internalised transphobia.
The way he and Blaire act towards trans people that are different from them is just so annoying. Like I used to watch him and blaire, but the way they acted so aggressive and rude towards people not like them made me feel very sus, and I kinda stopped watching cause i didn’t agree and didn’t like the way they bullied people
It's like if other trans people don't present themselves exactly like them, they're not valid. That definitely is an insecurity thing
Glad I'm not the only one. their toxicity chased me away from each of their channels, respectively.
ori ;-;: I feel like the stereotypical behavior of many cisgender males has rubbed off on him and many other trans-males.
@@trip7454 yeah same here. like, not all trans people feel the need to absolute slobber all over the boots of cis people. we don’t all worship them and want to be just like them. there’s nothing wrong with being trans.
Can we just acknowledge how well spoken Brennen is? geez kalvin, you have a lot to make up for lol
"transtrenders" are forced to learn how to word stuff well otherwise we're brushed off as rage-spitting stupid feminazi trenders :/
I feel like he manipulated a bunch of vulnerable young preteens, including me, into being extremely transphobic whilst thinking that we’re doing the right thing. Luckily I think most of us have realised how fucked up we were being, to which I apologise. I was also scared for years because of him to do or be anything remotely feminine, and I’m glad that now I am able to be myself
Oh he definitely manipulates his young audience. At the time I saw his video on Brennan I was very young and forced myself to think the way he did for a long time.
My trans awakening was unfortunately Kai (Onision’s husband), Kalvin, Storm Ryan and Blair’s White. It wasn’t until my school had a GSA that I realised that I could just be nonbinary and I didn’t have to be a trans man to be valid and cared about. All their messages were so toxic and as someone raised by toxic people I tend to notice the signs way to late and usually not without help.
Kalvin and other people who made "non-binary cringe compilations" to this day make me terrified to come out
Same
@@Jjjbbb5678 Y’know, I think you’re probably the cringe person here, pal.
@@Jjjbbb5678 You know what's cringe? Judging people without knowing jack-squat about them and bullying them. You're acting cringy.
I'm so sorry, let a random internet stranger say: stay safe and kick ass
The dude is a fool. I understand your concerns but Kalvin ain't cool so don't sweat it. Be you.
i can now flex i was in an anti kalvin garrah video 🥰🥰🥰
He pushed so many enbies to spiral. I was here when he completely tried to dox gothfruits to the point where rin (gothfruits) became suicidal. Kalvin needs to be educated and held accountable.
Does anyone know if Rin is OK? They're another one I always wondered about.
@@xotbirdox yes rin is fine! he has twitter and still has his insta!
@@junkoe119 im not....its fact
@@junkoe119 ❄️
Isn’t Rin a r*pe apologists though? I thought that there was a huge uproar over their partner assaulting someone a few years ago.
brennen u are most definitely NOT an imposter in this community!! i cant tell u how happy i was to see u resurface on the internet again! i wasnt a huge kalvin fan, but i did see that video. im so relieved not only to see u just doing well, but to see that u werent permanently scarred from self identifying, ur strength to persist through the absolute shit storm of hate and rejection and to continue to evolve ur identity is so fucking impressive,, im so happy you are speaking up, i think this video is going to have a huge effect. this conversation is long overdue and im so glad to see u leading it.
*Brennen was not An Impostor. 1 impostor remains*
I would have realized i was agender like a year ago if i wasn't watching his content and leaving snarky comments on neoronoun posts and non trans medicalist trans people posts
i tried to be a “good ally” for so long before realizing i was learning about my ow community. and unfortunately, i watched kalvin and blaire. so now i have to reteach myself, and i even have to reteach my mom because i was sharing their bullshit with her.
due to him i thought neopronouns = bad
now i use xe/xym and find it quite comforting actually
@@maxhasproblems4885 hey, if you don't mind, could you tell me how someone would pronounce xe/xym pronuons?
@@rf0656 no problem! i basically just use xym(pronounced zim) as a replacement for him or her, xe(zee) as a replacement for he/she, and xyr(zare)as a replacement for his/hers
@@rf0656 pronounce them like "zee" and "zim"
Non binary person: *Exists*
GNC Trans person: *Exists*
Kalvin: "THIS HURTS ME"
Him: *WAIT. that's illegal*
Kalvin: And I took that personally
He acts like non-binary people and neo-pronouns are a personal attack lmao
What's GNC? Genuinely trying to learn.
@@ExhaustedRaccoonDad Gender Not Consistent
“I am my identity because I am me”
Holy shit you nailed it. We have the final say on ourselves periodt.
That's nonsensical. Your experience of yourself doesn't neccessarily align with either reality or the experiences of people around you. You could have the final say in your identity if you didn't need to live surrounded by other humans.
I am yet to see a convincing argument for gender self-determination.
@@CeliaTyree You don’t get to determine how somebody else identifies. The end.
+++
@@CeliaTyree What 'reality'?
I think we stood by Kalvin for so long was because of self hatred. He fueled our pain and some messed up part about it was that we liked it. We wanted the hurt that he brought us and even though we don't watch him anymore the scars he left are still there.
Couldn’t have said it better
Exactlyyyy. I still think about that video in the back of my mind to this day when I get dressed for the day, when I try to go out with someone romantically, when I do something sexually, and so on. Every little bit of my day has been directly or indirectly affected by the video he posted like a good 3, 4 years ago and I'm SO glad someone actually in the video has finally actually came forward about it and really opened my eyes pretty much.
I stopped watching him right as I figured out I'm genderfluid, and I think Kalvin is the main reason why I never thought of me being genderfluid, but once I caught on that he wasn't an ally to trans people that aren't exactly like him, I quit watching him. He's such a joke to the community.
D’Angelo really needs to cover Calvin , like a pt. 2 of Blair or smth
edit: JUNE 2021 GO AND WATCH COPSHATEMOE’S NEW VIDEO ON THE TOPIC RIGHT NOW PLEASE!
D'Angelo covered Blaire pretty well, I would trust him to do this story justice too
Yaay you responded! You’re so brave Brennen!! I am so glad people are starting to notice this and break their silence, after all you’ve been though (and many others as well). I watched the video you privated and i really liked it and agree with it. It really seems evil and mean that someone would bully and pick apart the identity of such a free spirit. All these bullying and toxic behavior in the trans community must stop!
@@brennenbeckwith and it would be good cause his platform is huge, and people trust him a lot. I hope it’d help you spread your message :)
@@ami5marion forgive me if I’m misinformed, but I thought Kalvin was sort of reforming himself a little these days? It’s still awful what he’s done in the past, but from what I hear he’s on track for a sort-of redemption arc
@@patrickchoque7720 I’m not really a fan so I may be wrong. But even though he’s “reformed” a few days ago he was still talking shit abt Brennen’s video, and saying he would share “his side of the story” (like.. just apologize, dude and move on, it’s not that difficult). I think if he did apologize and stop spreading hate, people would forgive him, he’s very young, if he shows that he’s changed, the community will accept him.
Kalvin Garrah and Blaire White stop gatekeeping the trans community challenge
Lol
can someone please explain to me who the f*ck this "Blaire White" person is?
challenge failed 😔
@@catonfire5010 go watch her content for yourself
I came here from CopsHateMoe's second vid on Calvin - was super happy to see that you're doing well now and looking to spread positivity. Grats and keep it up!
Expression of identity for fun doesn’t immediately correlate to gender identity. For example, a man might want to wear a dress every now and then but that doesn’t mean he’s a woman. It just means he’s a man who likes to wear a dress. The same can apply to trans people.
this is exactly why I hate Kalvin's stance, it's too reductive and narrow-minded!!! It reduces human beings to clothes and stereotypes!
THIS. for years I pretended to be a woman, and dressed full femme despite identifying as a binary man. I knew what I was, but changing my presentation was terrifying.
His content, along with other "anti-SJW" people at the time, honestly forced me to stay in the closet and in the constant cycle of questioning my gender for the past three or four years. I just recently found that it's ok to be nonbinary and it's not just a trend because people like that acted like it was fake and their opinions were fact for so long.
Yes! You are so valid as a nonbinary person! Im so sorry you had to deal with kalvin garbages bs
Ultimately, I think the reason Kalvin's message ended up being so effective is because a large percentage of his audience is young trans guys who are really insecure and are still trying to discern what it even means for them to be trans. They place this basis of their identity on something intangible, like their personal experience of dysphoria. So when someone also says they are trans but explains their dysphoria differently or has a different response to the dysphoria they do have, it feels like something is being taken away from them. When someone else "claims" to be trans but defines it in a different way, then either their own definition must be wrong - or the other person isn't trans. And people hate being wrong, so they assume the other person isn't trans and feel like they have to go on the attack to protect their own transness.
Interestingly, this phenomenon is the mirror image of many trans people's response to detransitioners. They feel they must attack detransitioners (even if they are only speaking about their own experience) because their story upsets their narrative about what it means to be trans. I wish more people would see this. We can all coexist.
Also, Kalvin, more than an other trans person I've seen, will BRAG about how he used to bind like 24 hours a day. And how he will never let his partner see him naked or touch his actual body. How sad. But also, he's so triggered by his own body that to see someone else (e.g, you in the video he responded to) who is trans not hide their chest probably just makes him panic because he's like "I was trying to convince everyone (and myself) that I didn't have those parts and now you've shown the world that I really do!!!!" And I think a lot of people feel that way but don't understand what they're feeling
@@gamerguy5591 except for the fact that those two things arent outwardly 'showing off' characteristics. maybe those are more comfortable for someone to wear. its unfair to categorize gender dysphoria as symptoms that are cut and dry, because thats not how that works. as a nonbinary person, sometimes i feel more feminine than others. does that mean i dont experience dysphoria? no, it just means that some days i feel more comfortable than others.
people wearing what they want doesnt inherently equal no gender dysphoria. if someone wears what makes them comfortable, why would the shape of their body inherently mean theyre 'showing off' those characteristics?
As someone who found out I was a binary trans man and not nonbinary from viewing his content, this is absolutely the case
Also I think some cishets, or at least cissies stumble over his channel sometimes and when there’s a transguy who kinda gives them permission to bully other trans ppl (that don’t fit in their binary and stereotypical understanding of gender) they’ll listen since it fits perfectly in their morals.
Idk if I’m really a young trans guy or even a trans person at all but while I watched him I definitely though I was, I’m still questioning so idk but I can confirm this. I was 100% convinced I was a trans guy, and I may be idk, but his content made me feel like “yeah I’m not a trender I’m a real guy” and it definitely preys off misinformation and honestly cisnormative views of male and female. I’m ashamed to ever have liked his content
As a person who really believed Kalvin at that time, I apologise.
hey! on the bright side, you grew. you know better now. that shows you’ve matured.
I did, too. I’m just glad we matured and changed, because he is really convincing sometimes. A lot of people still do believe him, and it’s sad.
I just Cannot understand why everyone and their mama is so mf pressed about someone else's identity. Like whether you do or don't understand or respect it, how hard is it to just treat people with some decency and refer to them the way they identify as? it ain't rocket science orst
Yeah the focus should just be peace of mind with how you see yourself,no one should tell others what to be .
Hatred of one's self
Don't know, hatred is irrational
Because people like Kalvin and Blair are so angry, they had to transition to the fullest (surgeries, T, estrogen- etc ) to feel comfortable and people like him (Brennen) are confident not having surgeries
@@Clownbunnycosplay We understand that Blaire and Kalvin are assholes, but we don't need to throw transitioning trans people under the bus to do so! Trans identity always has been on a spectrum, some may want to transition and others may not.
Even if you disagree with someone, this is the worst way he could have done this. You don't have to agree with this person to see that. And to Brennen, I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
I don’t like people, many of my ex’s are selfish and manipulative but I’ll never Misgender them , people like Blaire and Kalvin get joy out of hurting others.
Kalvin Garrah's new video on neopronouns is getting shat on with troll comments, memes/copypastas, and people pointing out his hypocrisy and I personally love how the tables have turned.
Brenen we love u boo, you do you.
So, I've literally never interacted with Kalvin Garrah's content, nor have I ever really been involved in the youtube trans community. But I've been running a non-binary support network for years now, and good LORD this guy's ideology is so prevalent, especially in the younger kids. So many young trans kids would come and ask the weirdest questions, if they're allowed to wear pink while being non-binary, can they be a transmasculine person while having long hair, asking if FEELING LIKE THEY'RE NONBINARY AND A LESBIAN makes them a trender, shit like that. Its terrifying! The harassment the group has been sent over the years by transmeds who align themselves with him has been WORSE than the cis transphobes, because they intentionally push to trigger dysphoria and place themselves as 'real trans people', using people's insecurities to make them question if the people harassing them are right. He's been a toxic influence on the whole of the newest generation of trans people and I'm relived to finally see some large scale pushback against this shit.
+++
It’s awful. As someone who is an AFAB femby who uses she/they I often don’t feel trans enough because of how many people have told me you have to be one way to be trans.
@@Eosinophyllis Oh shit!! I've never heard of she/they femboy before! That's actually SUPER cool!!! I'm a he/they femboy (in spirit, clothes are expensive, rip), and if it helps at all, I think you're not only valid, but cool and unique asf :D
@@ryanmackenzie6109 this comment is outdated I now use he/she (CERTIFIED NONBINARY MOMENT)
@@Eosinophyllis YOOOO LET'S GOOOOOO HAPPY GENDERING 💞
The sad part is, he was one of my first few exposures to the trans community (I didn’t even know I was trans at the time). I thought he was a kinda cool guy, I thought what he said was what people went by like they were rules. I watched him for a few months, but then stopped watching him because he wasn’t that interesting. But then I was introduced to what the trans community actually was, I realized I was non-binary, and it felt so great. He recently showed up on my RUclips for you page and I thought “Hey, why not. I haven’t watched him in a while” and watched it. I got around 5 minutes in and I felt invalid, I felt like what I was feeling wasn’t real. I got off the video very quickly and realized how bad he was. I’ve heard him being awful but thought “He can’t be _that_ bad, right?” Yes, he can be that bad, and he is.
Jesus, im so ashamed that I used to watch him as a cis person. I am really sorry, thank you for speaking your truth I have learned a lot from you
Same! I’m cis as well and when I found his channel i didn’t know anything about the trans community and since he’s trans himself I really believed anything he said. Now I know better and I’m really sorry.
@@jimenajaimes2826 As a cis person, I can tell you its less about him being a horrible monster, but more about the fact that he has done extremely harmful and horrible things, many of which he hasn't adressed or apologized for. I can't speak to the experiences and imapct he has had on all the trans people he has bullied and harmed. All I can do is listen and try to be empathetic.
goddamn ducks same! I’m a trans man believed a lot of what he said as I was trying to figure out who I saw and he was the only trans person with a decent platform so I got sucked into his narrative
Literally same. I wasn’t one who ever went and harassed Brennan but I watched that video and I’m sitting here feeling sick to my stomach from realising what these people really did to SO many others.
@@jimenajaimes2826 I mean...... I’m pretty sure he did tell people not to go hate on anyone but the videos gone so I cannot double check.
I want to apologize. I allowed his comments to sway my opinion on your identity when I was maybe 12(?). I was impressionable, but I knew nothing about who you where and I should have been much more critical in how I think. You are valid, and I am sorry for thinking you were not
Same, I believed Kalvin when I discovered his videos about the "crazy transtrenders" about a year ago and I'm just now realising how damaging this content was. I still struggle with some opinions that come from watching him. I hope I can understand people's gender identities better in the future.
@@alienrat-z3g agreed. I'm glad I at least never had the sense to come to their socials and bully them
I don't think someone as young as you should need to feel bad for believing something an adult that SHOULD know what they're talking about was telling you, but it's very mature of you to apologize for taking part in it. Kalvin could learn a thing or two from you.
the person who said "i got dysphoria over a pop socket" i felt that
I use to be a fan of his, but i no longer agree with him. As i am now non binary, I understand how someone could be masc/femme/niether present and still be as vaild. I was in 6th grade when I watched his video and i have learn so much since then. Thank you for speaking out, I stand with you.
@Lucia tf u talm bout. grow up mamas
@Lucia no it's called being more open-minded and accepting. not being dumb.
I was just like you except instead of me being trans/non-binary/a-gender, it was when my friends came out as non-binary I knew that those ideas couldn’t be part of what I support any longer. It makes me sad, that for so long I oppressed completely valid, absolutely beautiful, trans people. I’m sorry.
There's a quote from a Brazilian educator (Paulo Freire) that says "The oppressed often want to be the opressors.", I think that this reflects on Kalvin and his part of the community, after seeking and molding himself to the norms and successfully getting the validation from the cishets that supposedly are the "normal" ones, he now feels the right to opress anyone who he thinks didn't work as hard as him to be validated, anyone who ventures outside the mold he so strictly forced himself into, because if he's now on the side of those who also opressed him that means he isn't the one being opressed. You are so strong and I'm so sorry if anyone made you feel anything less than that, I think Kalvin must still be working on his own sense of worth, as a community I think we were all traumatized, things aren't easy for us but we'll always have each other. Sending lots of love from northeastern Brazil ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Kalvin appears to be caught up in YT Fame and it's gone to his one head!
He made a video whining about how someone said his dysphoria comes from his bad childhood. He was super offended that someone was defining why he's trans for him yet that's what he does to everyone else.
Just had to do a double take at your username lol
@@AWorth-hj6uk same lmao
You ain't wrong!
Thank you kaitlyn 🥰
Based gun girl
I don't think Kalvin fully realizes the damage his videos cause. If he does, he's fucked up.
Kalvin garrah is the trans version of the "I'm not like other girls." meme.
(can I just say though I'm not trying misgender him I'm just saying he reminds me of the meme.)
I feel the exact opposite. I feel like Kalvin is the most normal out of all trans youtubers I've ever seen. Most other trans influensers you come across reek of "I'm not like other girls- so therefore I use LBTQ labels to make myself feel special". Kalvin Garrah stands out from the crowd, yes he does. But that doesn't always have to mean that he's trying way too hard to be "not like other girls". Yes I think I recently realised kalvin was a bit too agressive in his past videos, but I don't think he is a bad person. I think he was agressive because of how frustrated he was that alot of trenders ruin the name of other trans people and make LBTQ community seem crazy as a whole, and he personally felt like he was being affected. I think he had a right to be angry TBH. I would not want people that are offended by literally everything to be the representation of me either. People that are now saying they used to use Kalvins rhetorics as a way to self hate... That's on them. And the people that still use Kalvins rhetorics to bully/harass people... Those are shit people that would have found any way to bully... But I still don't disagree with Kalvins message. I refuse to believe that half the world is trans all of a sudden. Atleast 85% of those people must be trenders I'm sorry...
You see the same thing with Blaire White and others like those two. They consider themselves the “good trans people” because they appeal to what cis people find least threatening.
IKR??? this whole "transtrender" thing is just "i'm not like other girls" with extra steps. There is even "real trans people vs transtrender" pics that are just "me vs other girls" in a different color.
I had the same tought at the start of the year, it is JUST that, it is also the same as masc gay men putting down flamboyant gay men.
They're all putting their own people down to look good in the eyes of their opressors, is just that, wich is super sad.
he's the male version of blaire white..it makes sense they're friends
@@orignalityisdead3717 very true!
Kalvin Garrah is a large part of why I, after coming out as non-binary, pushed myself back into the closet for three years. I remember watching the video he made reacting to you and using it as a way to encourage myself that I’m not transgender.
I feel really terrible about all this, and want to apologise. I am a cis woman, but a few years ago I went through a period of questioning my gender identity, and like most of you here, went down the rabbit hole of watching trans (mostly men) youtubers, and Kalvin Garrah was one of them. I remember watching his video on you, and lots of other "transtrenders" as he called them, and believe that he was right, and that you had to have dysphoria and fit into specific rules to be trans. I have since grown up, and learnt so much more about the trans and non-binary community, and especially since my sibling has come out as non-binary, I have learnt how vast and unique every trans experience is. My point of this is, that Kalvin's rhetoric doesn't just hurt young trans people watching him, but it also taught any cis person watching some really fucked up ideas about what it means to be trans, and in doing so perpetuated transphobia from people looking for a reason to hate on non-binary people. I am so sorry I listened to him, and I hope that we all continue to learn, grow and heal.
I went through something very similar, I’m so happy I stopped watching him
I went through a he same thing(I wasn’t questioning my gender, just my sexuality) but I have sense learned that, even if someone is a “trans trender”, they are fine! They are exploring their gender and in the end, If they are cis, now they know! And if their trans, great now they know! Not everyone knows their gender right away, I have a friend who has transitioned and come out like 2 or 3 times and now he knows that he is not NB and he is not a female. And it’s fine that he went on that journey, it was his.
Wooooord. I went through the same thing. I now mostly just go by andro but holy shoot do i hate my hateful ass high school self
lucy, elizabeth, ginger
words will never express how thankful i am that there are cis people who will listen and change their beliefs accordingly, thank you so much.
you're better people than you once were and i'm so unbelievably grateful that you're being open about mistakes you've made, you're beautiful and wonderful people and i'm so happy to be on the same earth as all of you
How does he think someone speaking on GENDERQUEER DYSPHORIA is speaking over trans mens dysphoria???? They’re not even the same thing???
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story!! I’m so so beyond proud of you.