This topic is so important. My best friend and her partner are both trans. My bestie just came out last year, her partner has been out for a while. Bestie has always been confident about her womanhood despite cis opinions, focuses on the joy of gender instead of the pain of dysphoria, and wore her transness loud and proud. Unfortunately, her partner started influencing her with transmed opinions. Suddenly, my bestie was making fun of other trans people for not passing, talking about how terrible "trenders" and metagender people are, and obsessing over cis opinions. I was horrified! I really thought I was going to lose my bestie, because her partner even told me to my face I "look cis" so I need to "transition more" if I want to be "taken seriously" as a nonbinary person. She admitted to loving Blaire and Kalvin's videos, so I knew she was coming from a place of insecurity and projecting on others to feel validated. I took a chance and talked to her one on one about why transmedicalism is transphobia. I told her the "brain scans" argument was weaker than she thought, and explained how depathologization is the way to liberation. Not only did she listen.... It woke her up. She admitted she'd been projecting her own insecurities on others, and even came out about her own nonbinary feelings. Knowing that I made a difference in someone's life by standing up for trans liberation was such a good feeling. We all deserve to love ourselves!
Would anyone mind explaining more about why brain scans aren't as conclusive as people make them out to be? I've seen that argument used quite a lot and while I see where it's coming from it never seemed quite right. That said, I don't think trans people really NEED a "biological" reason for being trans, it should just be accepted.
@@AZ-ty7ub There are a number of YT videos by other trans people that discuss this at length and, while I cannot think of any specific video off the top of my head right now, I am certain I can link to a couple when I get an opportunity to hop on YT via my laptop later. In the meantime, I can attempt to summarize, though I don’t have any resources handy for you right now. The main reason the studies on brain scans is inconclusive is because the one resource people have been referencing is a small study that only involved a handful of participants. Such a small sample size simply just doesn’t lead to anything scientifically conclusive. This is far from the only reason, but it is the most significant point as it alone discredits any conclusions anyone makes from said study. As far as I am aware (from my past research), there has only been one published study. And said study did not even necessarily purport anything conclusive, as far as I recall. Again, don’t have the resources handy via mobile, but I can always revisit here if you desire more information. Or someone else can step in to corroborate with links and/or videos by other content creators. Your question is a good one and the better we understand a subject, the better we can formulate meaningful conversations around it. Other content creators I do recommend who may or may not have discussed this very topic: Jammidodger, Noahfinnce, CopsHateMoe, Ash Hardell (tho I believe they are still on hiatus, they have a wonderful backlog of videos to watch surrounding their experiences as a nb person).... I’m blanking. But these people are a good start, I think.
Kalvin seems to have a complete inability to accept the uniqueness of other people's experiences. Ultimately he validates himself by invalidating others and is willing to push his own ideology through bullying. Most of his videos resort to ad hominem attacks and childish mockeries of aesthetics and actually have nothing to do with the topic being discussed. You cannot have a genuine dialogue with a person who is willing to personally injure you just to further their veiled agenda. Always happy to see your videos.
he’s lacks empathy. point blank period. that’s why he can’t fathom the fact that other people experience transness differently than him and that’s why he can’t put himself in other people’s shoes and try to understand them. it’s also why he doesn’t seem to show remorse or want to apologize to the people’s he’s harmed :/ he makes videos about his mental health being bad but doesn’t seem to care much about the mental health of the people he’s hurt 😕 he’s too wrapped up in himself and i think that’s due to insecurity and not straight up cruelness or evilness. but either way, he needs to get help so he can change.
Whether he does or doesn't is really irrelevant at this point. We can never know what's in his heart. And the damage he does is the same either way. Trash either way.
That wasn't supposed to be a combative comment btw haha I agree that he very well may know exactly what he's doing and not care -- in fact I think that's probably true. Just pointing out that even if his intentions WERE good, it still wouldn't matter!
@@rikkirikki4892 Exactly. 19th-century bloodletters thought they were doing good. Doesn't change the fact that they probably bled a whole bunch of sick people to death. Also not meant to be a combative comment. Just agreeing with Rikki Rikki that whether or not someone's intentions are good, doesn't change the harm they cause. Also not trying to equate Kalvin to someone who bleeds people to death, though it does feel like the life is getting sucked out of me anytime I watch one of his videos.
I used to be a supporter and I thought I was doing the “right” thing, so maybe not. But then again he’s the one spreading lies, misinformation and hate
I was experiencing gender dysphoria and I didn’t know what it was called. So I took to RUclips and I found Kalvin’s videos This was three years ago I internalized everything that he said and I believed it and believed it about myself I believed I wasn’t trans (I’m masc nonbinary) because I didn’t feel dysphoria about every aspect of myself, such as my voice I never attacked anyone except for myself. I’d call myself a “trans-trender” because I didn’t think I was dysphoric enough to be “real trans” It took me over 2 years to feel comfortable enough to finally come out with my pronouns, identity, and even my sexuality I still have a long way to go. Kalvin and his friends, their videos affected me so much and I’m finally breaking free of their toxic ideology Thanks to you, Samantha, Jammi, Moe, and so many other trans and nonbinary creators make me feel comfortable with myself I finally feel valid So thank you so much
I’m a non-binary person and I’ve had a similar experience. About 4 years ago when I first started to question my gender identity, I started watching trans RUclipsrs and I turned to Kalvin and Blaire’s channels to learn more. I became brainwashed with transmed rhetoric and I had a very toxic view of myself and the trans community. I suspected that I wasn’t cis before watching those videos but afterwards I told myself that I’m not “trans enough” to be trans since I don’t experience intense dysphoria all the time. The intensity of my dysphoria goes anywhere from non existent to very extreme and fluctuates a lot from day to day. I forced myself to identify as a cis woman even though I knew deep down that it wasn’t right since I didn’t have the exact same experiences with dysphoria as Kalvin did. This actually made me depressed and more dysphoric and it worsened my anxiety and ocd. It wasn’t until about a month ago when I unsubscribed to both of them and stopped believing the transmed garbage when I actually accepted myself as non-binary and became a lot happier person overall. I still struggle with internalized transphobia though due to all the time I spent watching both of their content.
Yowza. Going and peeking at kalvins channel rn is like one of those "im playing both sides, so I always come out on top" memes. "Im trans and I play mens sports get over it" Oh? "Why neopronouns hurt the trans community" Oh. "I read this transphobic book so you dont have to" Oh? "Why I use the R word" Oh.
@@synonymous_ not to defend him or anything, but he was bullied and called the r word as a kid bc his adhd was so debilitating for him. I think he has the right to use it, but not in the derogatory was he uses it towards other ppl
@@rencher013 what other way do you use it? Are people with adhd greeting eachother “what’s good my r****d”? There’s really one use for it, as an insult
Because of Kalvin’s videos (among others) I always second guess myself, “is this something a real trans person would do?” “Are you just doing that for attention?” Etc etc etc. it’s such a shitty feeling
Yesss. It was so hard back when I was also dealing with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, it made me feel pretty disgusting. I guess it makes it worse if you’re already in a mindset where you can’t think logically, plus being an impressionable kid.
@@useroffline9999 I also have OCD and it is the worst. I also have irrational, intrusive, anxiety provoking thoughts regarding these things. The transmed view just made me obsess over my gender identity and think that I wasn’t “trans enough” for 3 years instead of actually exploring my gender identity. Now I’ve finally accepted myself as a non-binary person and I’m going to start socially transitioning when I get back to college.
As someone who has been the target of similar videos by people with even bigger platforms than Kalvin, and who last year had the opportunity to have that kind of conversation with someone like Kalvin, this is a topic that I spent a fair amount of time thinking about. I don't think it's a safe idea to engage with someone like that in any kind of public forum, be it live or recorded. No matter what the outcome of the conversation, you will be on the radar of his supporters again. And they will harass you, no matter what the substance of the conversation is (because, let's be honest about, most of those with the worst behavior just like to tear into people and use people like Kalvin to find targets). At the same time, I do understand your instinct that you could get somewhere by talking to him. And I do agree... but I sincerely believe that it would only actually stand a chance to work in a private conversation with no audience and no recording equipment. And I don't mean "reach out to him privately," reach out however you feel is best, but I'm talking about the actual conversation itself. Remove the performative aspect of it and I think there's more possibility of breaking through. And I say that knowing that you run the risk of him not being held to account because if you reach common ground then nobody is witness and he can roll back on that. Except we've seen that happens anyways and public scrutiny didn't help. Move forward with caution in any case, and do what is best for your health.
I'm so sorry that happened to you! May I ask who it was? I won't hate on either side nor say anything so don't worry but I understand if you don't want to
Kalvin is definitely the “Blaire White” of trans masc people. I’m really glad both of them are finally getting the backlash they deserve and I hope that this will help prevent others from facing the same kind of harassment that y’all went through 💕
I'm so glad to see more and more of people Kalvin has talked about coming out, he's negatively affected so many trans people, especially younger trans people like myself. He was one of my first introductions to the transmasc comminity, and is a big part of the reason I couldn't come out for so long, especially to other trans people. Following you, and other creators he bashed has been such a positive influence on me and my self acceptance over the past few years, I hope these stories will be/do the same for some of his current fans.
I used to watch Kalvin and to be honest I used to think "transtrenders" existed. His videos seriously made me a bad person because I didn't understand what nonbinary people are. His videos really harm the community! Now I am a happy nonbinary agender person and I've never felt better with my identity.
I had a really similar experience to you! The affect Kalvin had on young me delayed me realizing I was bigender by around 5 years and affected me a lot. I'm out and comfortable with me and my gender but I hold firm that his content damaged so many of us and set us back years in our realizations and whatnot. Sorry for ranting a bit in your replies but just wanted to say something!
I watched RGR's conversation with Kalvin Garrah when it was live. During the conversation, he seemed reachable to me, and I had hope that he would change for better afterwards. But his subsequent actions haven't reflected a change of heart. Of course, change takes time and doesn't happen all at once, so maybe it will take many conversations over years before he gets it. I think it's great that you want to have one of those conversations, but please make sure you have the strength to handle it if things don't go well. This is the kind of task that some people, like RGR, can do easily, but other people might get hurt. I trust you to know what you can and can't do, but I just want you to be careful. I'm feeling a little protective of you now, like a parent, even though I don't know you. He may not want to talk to you, though, because your channel is not big enough. Part of me wonders if what seemed like openness to understanding other points of view was actually realizing that the "cooler people" are on the more inclusive side and he wants to be one of the "cool kids." He may be more motivated by popularity than principle. I hope I'm wrong, but I would not be surprised if he were.
God the Riley Dennis "reaction" vids were awful, I don't think there's a good enough apology they (Blair included) could make to her. Such hateful, spiteful people I wouldn't go near their content with a 10 foot pole
@@abig_old_swan Not even that, a lot of those videos were when she has already started HTR, she just didn't announced it because it wasn't anyone business. It's almost like judging people based on appearences is bound to backfire or something!
When you described transitioning away from something rather than towards something that's when things really clicked for me. Keep up the awesome work, love your stuff
It’s so interesting to see how a teenager(at the time) made such a negative effect on the trans community. I watched his videos for about a year and he was one of the biggest reasons I stopped connecting to/using the word genderfluid to describe my non-binariness because in one of his videos he said it’s not real and dumb. If he really wanted to show he’s changed he should delete every single video where he put down other trans/non-binary creators and put money that he made off the harassment into helping the community.
I’m super horrified that he is studying to become a lawyer. I have seen the comments saying how he uses bullying and misrepresent your and other’s videos, and I’m wondering if he will use these same tactics in a court of law. But then again, maybe in court they’d suspend his license if he did that.
The tide is turning, and I’m so glad people (queer and cishet) are waking up to his toxic ideology. The amount of people speaking out against him and receiving support for it speaks volumes. ♡
Memento mori 🖤🤍 I should have gotten the beanie. I got a hoodie and the poster and both were smaller than I thought they'd be 😅 can't believe it's been two months 😭
The payment system didn't seem to work for me, So didn't get merch, hashtag no regrets. But I love that I still see the little pieces people latched onto.
It is strange, without Kalvin, I wouldn't have found your channel, even though back then I had a negative connotation with it, but now that I have genuinely approached xenogenders with less of a "(channel name) rekt compilation" outlook, I actually have found this channel to be extremely informative on what the journey is like beyond the small scope of transmed videos on the topic.
Was just about to comment the same thing 😳 As nice as it is that the community seems to be changing, the scar kalvin left on the trans community will be here for a long time :(
@@christopherscroggins5528 Same with the scar Blair is continually opening as she parades to the people who would otherwise hate her guts that she's "one of the good ones."
Kalvin’s ideology has seriously fucked me up, i always thought of myself as “less trans” or a “transtrender” because i like to present myself in a feminine way. I still have imposter syndrome due to his videos but seeing people come out with their stories makes it so much better knowing that im not alone. Thank you for speaking out, Im so sorry.
I’m so sorry you have to feel that way because of him. I also felt that way after watching his videos but I’m starting not to as much. Also I love ur pfp lol
In same boat. I'm binary trans yet (finally) feel like I can express my self a. Man who from time has a feminine eq thing to me. I do like to wear jewelry, even some more femme type. Most rounds are around punk/masc/gender neutral. And I absolutely love kilts. They are amazing and even half kilts kick ass. I do wear some forum of pants under them cause be hell if I don't. I've always liked skirts but don't feel comfortable enough to be in them and I do like things with pockets. Onto kalvein his vids kept me in a mindset that was negative mainly to self but I still have to check myself when it comes to those who experience more euphoria rather than dysphoria. A part of that for me was my dysphoria was suicidal level and gets there still. Like female-oriented things happen to me and I am impatient due to the mental effect on me. While I get it's also the mass amount of internalized transphobe I still have I may not get why anyone would want to transition. I don't regret mine sometimes as I know id be dead otherwise. I am breaking out of that mindset and am accepting of all shorts of trans folx (never would tell or disrespect any trans person even if I struggled with my transphobic mindset FYI) it a my issue but it was featured by the shit kalvein spewed. And I hate that because I was impressionable and while slightly older than kalvein when 1st coming across his issues he spoke for the community and did so much harm. So f-ing much. And I was just looking for anything to say I had reason to be in this minority group because I was petrified that I am in this minority group.
Kalvin isn’t dumb he knows what he’s doing. It’s tempting to try and see the good parts in transphobic trans youtubers like you can imagine being friends with some of them if you just met at a party but you gotta remember they’re not just people with shit opinions they’re literally making hundreds of grand from degrading other trans people and even if they were open to change they’re def not gonna sacrifice their income stream over it
RUclips doesn't even allow monetization on Kelvin, or majority of LGBT RUclipsrs though...? Especislly if their content revolves around trans/lgbt rights..?? Dont get worked up over how much u think he's making...as if thats the issue out of all of this. If u want to come, come correct
@@bipsterhitch1009 they took away his monetization because he is controversial and spreads hate, they only do that to controversial tubers who they know get a lot of veiws, so yeah, it is a valid point.
Thank you for pointing out how you’d been out as Trans for a decade when Kalvin tried to come from you. Thats my story, too. Like - someone like him has no idea what we’ve been through, just to be ourselves and live as who we are today - somewhere along the gender spectrum that makes sense for us. Honestly - I’d rather take advice on “how to be trans” from you, someone with more nuance in their understanding than from a binary trans teenager that thinks all or nothing thinking, gatekeeping and punching down equals “trans rights.” Or claims it as such, anyway.
I just want to say that your first video had a really huge positive impact on me. I decided ultimately to stay on T, but for a while I was scared of what it meant. Staying on hormones meant a LOT of changes in my life, not the least of which an impact on my marriage. Hearing you say that you could stop and it didn't mean you're not really trans helped me so much. I did stop for a while around my top surgery because I was going through a lot emotionally and I just needed to kind of put things on pause and let my emotions catch up. Being off of T for a few months actually made me 100% sure that I needed to be on it. I was SURE, and when the world is questioning every single decision you make it's really easy to doubt yourself. I NEEDED to be sure and the break helped me figure that out. So I really appreciated your video because I was able to give myself permission to listen to myself and go at my own pace. Thank you Luxander. I'm sorry for everything you went through. You didn't deserve that. No one did.
I feel like I've heard your username before, But I don't know why... Eh, it's probably my fried brain mixing you up with 2 entirely unrelated people. However I wouldn't be me if I didn't write this all out.
Non disphoric trans people belong in the community because it is their community. I don't understand why we don't welcome more exploration or questioning individuals. The exclusionists are setting themselves up to cry about people "de-transitioning" in their attempts to draw hard lines/gatekeep.
Terrible that this happens :( But I'm so glad that you're still here, making content. You and people like you are really heartening for me to see being online and being out, showing that there is more than one way to be trans. I have been questioning my gender for a good while now and this type of content is really helpful. From the bottom of my heart truly I am grateful that you are here on RUclips.
As a former fan of him (not the kind that would go attack people because yikes, that's unacceptable behavior) thank you for talking about this. I didn't realize how harmful he and his fan base has been. Everyone that's been talking about him has really opened my eyes and I'm sorry for being complacent and being part of giving him a platform.
I think the point you make around 5:12 about KG being effectively an older teenager when he is making all of his most vitriolic content is REALLY key. He comes from an upper middle class white family in Maryland where he plays lacrosse, he was just out of high school and into college, and was/is doing what many people in both that cultural/social bracket and developmental stage of adolescence do: mistake *their own personal experiences* for the experiences of everyone around them. He cannot de-center himself from his own world. And that’s not even an insult; it’s just a general phenomenon of later adolescence (and it’s all complicated when you add transition into it, but let’s table that for now). Tl;dr he’s a rich white teenager and one of the large markers of adolescence is learning how to figure out that your life isn’t the only way the live. It is a huge problem that KG has this huge following of fans that are willing to viciously bully people for not living their lives the way he prescribes them to, because KG is neither a teacher, a guru, nor any sort of expert. He’s just one trans guy, living one trans guy’s life.
The fact that I myself was Truscum and watched Kalvin from ages 13-15 will always be my greatest source of shame. I stopped supporting him after he made fun of the person who attempted suicide and got out of that mentality soon after
God I'm so glad I've been introduced to the trans community through people like you and artsy trans gamedev twitter, instead of some of these transmed people :,D
One of the first things I came across when I first started questioning and looking into trans stuff was the truscum subreddit lol. Needless to say, that was a bad day. Fortunately, I discovered ContraPoints the same night and her videos really helped calm me down.
i think moe’s point about him waging war against a side that wasn’t fighting against him was really poignant. i think people like him and blaire white always create issues with trans people that weren’t really there. someone else’s lack of conformity shouldn’t be a threat to your identity.
I come here because you're an intelligent, sensitive, articulate, and courageous human being. You have every right to be confident and let the haters roll off your back. Your journey belongs to you, and you're doing it well.
I found your channel because of Kalvin's video about you. I am a nonbinary person not on T who is pursuing top surgery and was looking for other non-traditional transition stories. Kalvin's video came up on a search for "nonbinary transition". I watched some of it before deciding that I didn't want to hear Kalvin's interruptions and looked up the original video, but I'm sure my reaction would have been different if I had been new to the trans community and didn't know that Kalvin's views aren't representative of the community as a whole.
12:13 I wouldn't have a conversation with him UNTIL he apologizes to every person he hurt and admits to all his wrong-doings instead of making the lame and exasperated excuse of "oh I was young back then......" Or just simply keeping silent about it pretending that it's gonna go away
I'm so sorry you had to go through this but I don't want to give you pity if you don't want it. you are so strong to come out and say these things and I think everyone should respect you and the other people that where hurt by Kalvin because it seems so scary to go through this. ❤️
Weirdly, I found you thanks to that video he did on you. I saw you and I realized that I saw so much of myself as someone who isn’t on hormones and doesn’t plan on doing so. It was super validating to me. But if I wasn’t in a place to just look you up, the path I could have gone on terrifies me.
I was a big fan of Kalvin for a long time. I started watching him when I was pretty young 14 or something, I'm 17 now. That part of the trans community has really affected my way of thinking and I dont like it. I'm a trans guy, I'm okay with fitting into the gender binary and I'm okay with expressing myself as a guy and only a guy and I still find it hard to understand people who are trans and dont want to express themselves as their gender but I work hard everyday to look past my judgements. I know my views are wrong to me now and it's so hard to change them but I feel terrible knowing that as a young child I was influenced to think this way because of my own insecurities. I'm not a fan of Kalvin anymore, I want to escape this way of thinking completely and I think I've grown as a person. I've formed my own opinions and I work hard to be a good person and understand people who arent like me. I've made mistakes and I've hurt people because of my past views and I want to make sure that never happens again.
you are so sweet, you seem so kind. thank you for taking the time to talk about these important topics. i’ve gotten a better understanding just from watching you talk for 15-20 mins. good stuff
This is my first video of yours and I just wanted to say, I love your vibe. I'm excited to binge your content haha I hope one day you're able to fully heal from the damage Kalvin has caused. ❤️
✨analytics✨ Man, a few years ago I toyed with the idea of making trans-related videos on this hecksite just to toss my perspective into the pile, but my passing familiarity with Kalvin types and what I'd have to put up with if I got even a modicum of visibility on the platform immediately killed that notion 🙃
one of my bigger regrets of my past points of view was following kalvin. The way he explains things and the way he words things hits so hard for younger, impressionable kids like I was and I think that's why his fanbase is so rabid. there were so many times where i argued with genuinely good people or stopped following people for simply disagreeing with kalvin and it was so so toxic. this also stunted my own discovery of gender identity and made it harder for me to find out what was right for me because i felt like, based on his ideologies, i was invalid somehow. he truly is something dangerous to the trans community
God every time a new video about Kalvin and his bullshit comes out, it pushes me closer to making one of my own. I really don't have anything new to add that hasn't already been said in terms of his harmful nature, but I still want to put my experiences out there. If the pain I went through bc of him could manifest itself in a video that could help even ONE person, it would be so worth it. That aside, I wanted to say that I appreciate you talking about these things and all the other stuff you do. Idk when I'll be able to get T, but your consistent openness about your transition and how it doesn't have to be a super strict, binary experience has helped me a lot. As a transmasc enby who really just wants a deeper voice and maybe some stubble, finding out that microdosing or going on & off is even an OPTION was incredible. I hope its something I can pursue in the future. I also deeply appreciate the bi/pan lesbian video you made. My friend IDs this way and is constantly fearful of expressing it bc of assholes in our own community telling her how wrong and destructive she is for existing. It kills me that exclusion like that in a community full of EXCLUDED PEOPLE is so accepted and normal. Then again, I guess that's the cycle of abuse for you. Regardless, it made me really happy to find your voice in a sea of negative ones, and it finally put into words a lot of the feelings I had on the matter. But anyway, yeah, that's all. Sorry for getting a bit derailed lol. I never comment on shit so this is like a year's worth of thoughts about your channel spilling out into a single place. Point is: you're cool and i hope ur day is even cooler :]
I was just introduced to Kalvins content and Miss London or whoever she is... I've been lucky enough to not notice these types of people in our community so far, but omg.. what they do... I would rather go have more scalding coffee thrown at me by cis folk than be targeted by other trans folk the likes of them. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with this.. It's so hard to understand our own identity at times, even I am wondering if maybe I'm more non-binary than full-on trans woman, or if I would've simply been a bit of a tomboy had I been born a cis woman. It's hard to tell sometimes. We need to be there for each other and encourage exploration, change, and progress in our individual journeys. I'm really glad I found your channel today though, because I appreciate your opinion and am looking forward to digging into some more of your content!💜 Keep your head up, it's not our job to save everyone from their own lack of empathy, and we don't owe them the remote control to our emotions. 💜💜💜
Kalvin was the first trans youtuber I found back when I was 14 and frankly the only one I watched for a while . I don't think I had even started to question my sexuality at that point, so I started watching his videos as a cis-het person wanting to understand trans people and become an ally. My mentality was " Kalvin is trans. Trans people obviously know stuff about gender etc and they all support each other. Therefore, everything he says must be in good faith and correct". I remember laughing at Brennen and feeling convinced that both you and them were invalid. I'm embarrassed I ever supported Kalvin and could not see through his bs. I'm glad I never actively contributed to the harm by sending people hate.
Your video about going off hormones is so important to me. I found it when I was in a dark place in my transition and it truly kept me afloat whenever I questioned myself. Starting T made me feel so validated as a genderqueer person, but there were side effects that I wasn't in the right mental state to deal with at the time. Back then I felt like there was no one I could talk to about going off hormones without being accused of either detransitioning or being a """trender.""" The work you do is important and I'm so grateful you've remained on RUclips despite the trouble.
I’m still sorry he did that to you. I’ve followed your work for a few years and I really appreciate what you’ve shared. Thank you for continuing to make videos.
I am happy for you that you feel comfortable enough to use this platform to share your experiences and feelings with others. It's good for others to find this and understand that they are not alone. I hope you do a follow up ont his one because i would like to know how the feelings around a conversation evolve and why.
Kalvin's videos about ''transtrenders'' set very harmful thoughts into my brain when i was around 16/17, and ultimately made me doubt myself so much that i did not transition when i could have.
Omg I was thinking about you the other day, and I’m so glad your channel was recommended to me!!! I manifested that shit!!! It’s so wonderful to hear your story. I’m so so so so proud of you. As an ex fan of Kalvin, seeing people tell their stories has been a huge learning experience for me! We love to see the growth
I remember watching his video about you. I never really considered myself a fan of him after he started making the transtrender posts. He annoyed me (and still does) because he reminded me of this one guy at this school that would shit talk me behind my back because when I was in high school I did not pass but I was out as trans at the time. His reason being that I presented femininely even though all of my clothes were from the men's section, but yet he still dead named me publicly behind my back on his public instagram account, and the only reason I ever found out was because my best friend sent me screenshots.
Sorry, kind of late to this, but thank you for sharing your perspective. And you may have already heard this, but just because you didn't experience "trauma" doesn't mean your experiences were/are invalid. Just wanted to throw that out there, and I'm sorry you went through that. (Also sick unus annus beannie! Memento Mori)
Sending a virtual hug. I'd say don't engage with the bully, it just gets off on hurting people and it makes him money because bullies like Trump and Kelvin will pay to watch someone else suffer. I'm glad I'm thousands of miles away, I'd be tempted to cancel the wee runt with the toe of my boot. Violence never solved anything, people say...
New subscriber here. I subscribed when you talked about the rejection you feel from your own community. As you have been out as Trans like you said for a decade or longer, being told you aren’t what you know yourself to be is very damaging. Honestly, I feel this issue permeates the entire LGBT community presently. I don’t feel I belong in it as a gay man, even though most people who are talking down to me are younger and honestly don’t realize how much easier it is to be gay today in the US than it’s ever been. Because I’m white, I’m also in the box of super privileged because apparently white gay men are the majority and most sought after. Honestly, I haven’t even really been too active in most LGBT events in my city and grew up in a small town where you hid your sexuality. I don’t feel I ever had resources and now I’m told I’m the problem, so if anything, I just have become one of those gay people who live for every outside that toxic community.
When you said the title of the video you made about stopping T, I gasped and feel horrible. I watched Kalvin's video of that when I was younger and hated you, I thought "ew, transtenders" I didn't even watch any of your videos, I just took Kalvin's word for it. This is the first time Im watching your videos and Im so sorry that was my thoughts back then. Kalvin was one of the first trans RUclipsrs I watched when I first came out and it really fucked me up, I threw out anything that was feminine even though I didn't mind femininity; I hated every aspect of myself and hated myself for not always having strong bottom dysphoria. Kalvin made me think that you had to hate everything about yourself, be masculine all the time and act like the "perfect man" to be a transman/masc. It took me a long while to be comfortable with being feminine and understanding that Im still a man even when Im comfortable wearing a skirt. I feel horrible for hating you when I didn't even know you! But Im glad this video popped up in my recommended and I get to actually see who you are. You don't seem like a bad person at all and Im sorry younger me thought that but Im happy I got to watch this and see that you're okay! What Kalvin did wasn't right, and again Im sorry I thought for so long that you were just some gross person pretending or some bull like that. Its nice to basically meet you! And Im happy I grew past believe Kalvin was right all the time
I came here from Kalvins video, it was recommended to me from youtube. I had a bad feeling about it and went on this channel to fact-check I guess. I disagreed on that one point that you clarified here, and I'm glad that now I understand where it comes from (even though I don't think it will change my opinion). Anyway, I liked your videos, so you got the abo (and not he).
i feel like thats how it is with all content creators. the larger ones will always have power over the smaller ones. it's like the ternat food chain. ffs i got my art stolen recently by a larger artist, they turned it on me, "exposed" me, and i got so anxious and sick to the point of deleting my insta account.
some people also cant take hormones. or sometimes the impact is too much. sometimes your body doesnt react as well and you have to stop. transmedicine is...very much excluding a lot of people
I discovered your channel through Kalvin’s video BUT I ended up subscribed to you^^ (I unsubscribed to Kalvin shortly after, finding his gatekeeping and bullying really toxic) Also people mocking Milo are really REALLY childish and it’s so so so uncalled for. Supportive of your content!!
Glad to hear from you, us non-binary trans folk deserve to have our voices heard and it’s fantastic to see so many of those affected by Kalvin come out about it! However, I do disagree with some of your points. I think kalvin has shown time and time again that he isn’t someone who genuinely doesn’t understand these things, he’s well aware of what he’s doing and what the consequences are. It’s not that he doesn’t understand non-binary people or non dysphoric trans people, he just doesn’t want to associate with them because in his eyes it’s what makes cis people disrespect him. He’s making a conscious effort to pander to cis people because he can’t live without their approval. And the only way to have that is to put other trans people down publicly. Then there’s gender. Now just because something is a social construct, doesn’t make it any less real! We made up money and that stuff is real as hell. It affects everyone’s lives in very real ways. It just happens to be socially constructed. I also think that even if gender was biological/not a social construct for SOME people, it doesn’t mean that it can’t be something else for others. That’s just my take tho!
great vid! it's great that people can finally safely talk about their experience, show the other side. also: i've came here from recommended and gotta tell you at first glance i thought it's a vid from bionicpig and was so confused why he'd have a vid considering kalvin haha
That man is fucking bully. And on top of that, he's an actual child. I mean, he's not underage anymore I'm pretty sure, but since he started he's pretty much a child and acts like he knows more of transition than any other trans person in the world. That's being so full of oneself, omfg. Thank you for making this video.
Much love Lux mate, I'm also part of the LGBT community and I hate all the infighting tbh, I have yet to see infighting between us asexuals but it's probably out there lol
I was a fan of Kalvin and Blaire last year, and I'm currently seriously considering that I may be non-binary. At the time that I was fans of them, I was openly LG(B)T and I thought at the time that I was just interested in trans issues (SO MUCH) because I'm part of the LGBT community. Kalvin was the gateway to Blaire, and Blaire was the gateway to worse ideologies like TERFs. (I never went full TERF but I perused their subreddits. It was really messing with my head and I realized that I had to stop before it was too late.) Ever since I let go of my attachment to Kalvin a few months ago, I started to realize that I was digitally self-harming myself by watching his content so that I could push down feelings of gender-non-conformity with a "valid" excuse. And I ate it up. I wholeheartedly believed everything he and she said because facing my feelings was too hard for me to handle. It felt like was easier to hurt myself with self-inflicted invalidation and suppression from Kalvin and Blaire than it was to recognize my possible identity. I still don't know where I lie. I have a lot of deconstructing to do inside my brain and I think it's gonna take me a long time to figure it out. But ultimately, I feel worse for Kalvin and Blaire than I do for myself. They are so much more miserable than I ever was, even when I was a self-hating closeted non-binary comp-cis TERF-lite. The people in the worst pain inflict the most on others. No excuses and no forgiveness until they apologize and change, but I pity them.
I am glad you felt like you could talk about this finally. I’m sorry it’s affected you for so long. I think you did the right thing by not watching the video. There are people who would argue that my sister isn’t non-binary because she doesn’t care that we use she/her pronouns. But that doesn’t cause her dysphoria. It is outward female features like having breasts and also other things that happen to people with uteruses (trying to explain without getting graphic) That doesn’t make her dysphoria any less than someone else’s. No one has the right to tell her how to feel. Just like no one has the right to tell you how to feel.
I just want you to know that 1: you're incredibly brave for putting so much of yourself out there, even before this person targeted you. 2: You are one of the main people who inspired me to accept who I am as a non-binary person. Your channel is the 1st one I send people to when they start asking me about information about transgender people, especially AFAB non-binary people like myself.
I am another person who watched PART of one of Kalvin's videos and quickly determined he's an insecure kid diverting attention by punching down. Tho for the record I found you through your commentary ContraPoints, found it to be very sensible and your online presence to be nice and chill, so I subscribed!
Kalvins videos contributed to a lot of internalised non-binaryphobia for me so I’m glad people are speaking up about him now. He needs to change his act but he’s not going to which is sad.
ive started listening to your videos recently, and im not sure exactly what it is, but your content just kinda,, clicks? like it seems like youre not trying to convince me of something, or sell me something, youre just talking. its nice. i really appreciate this type of content in the toxic hellscape that the internet can be sometimes
I just watched a Kalvin video for the first time in my life because of the Riley stream this week. He certainly seems to be (slooowly) coming around on his views, but the gross demeaning clickbaity titles for some of his videos are really inexcusable, not then and especially not now. I get the impression that he genuinely thinks certain non-dysphoric trans people "mistakenly" believe they are trans and that it's any of his business because he thinks it makes light of his plight and ignores how many trans people struggle or even die because of dysphoria. It honestly seems akin to white cis gay men condemning overly feminine members of their community for "making them look bad" and fearing that their rights would get taken away because of them, ignoring the fact that they were essentially trying to take away their rights as well. He thinks he's in the right, but he's so stuck on his experience that he refuses to acknowledge how many people are harmed by what he's doing and how it reflects transphobic things others have done to him. I'm sorry he did that to you, if anyone could get through to him I think it would be you. From Riley's stream, he appears to be willing to listen to reason. Maybe it's possible to start to heal some of the damage he has done, and maybe there's even a chance he would take down some of those videos to help stop even more from being spread - it's really disheartening and depressing how many more views the non-binary harassment videos have than the ones that appear to do anything positive for the trans community.
_"it's akin to white cis gay men condemning overly feminine members of their community for 'making them look bad' and fearing that their rights would be taken away because of them."_ lmao yoooooooooo just months ago i had similar convo wit me best mate. he's neither white nor gay, but we *_do_* live in a pretty homophobic -- and by extension, biphobic -- country (constantly regressing by the minute, which is neat /s) and he was just starting to come around accepting he was bi. he expressed those exact sentiments towards the more explicitly "flamboyant" dudes, some of them are bold enough to be openly gay, and he was like, "they're making the rest of us that're just acting normal look bad." and i was like, "my guy, they're just easy targets for the homophobes. so say they don't act so flamboyant anymore. then what? the homophobes and biphobes are still going to shit on us. that's just how it goes." and he was like, "i fucking hate it when you're right." HAHAHAHAHAHA.
When I first came out, I fell upon Kalvin Garrah's videos. They made me feel shitty and cringe, so I didn't watch mamy of them, but I definitely watched enough so it impacted my sense of self and internalized transphobia. As a lot of you know, the first few months after realizing our transness/coming out are the most vulnerable so those videos really fed into my inner critic. I am so glad, however, that I also had access to your content and other non-binary/GNC content because I don't know how I would be feeling about being trans right now otherwise. Thank you for speaking up! I remember the videos you mentioned, they did make me feel like it was ok to question and not be sure, that transition was not linear for everyone.
![Patiently Answering Arielle's Questions | Nonbinary Response [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/dlMgp-7Bp5c/mqdefault.jpg)
Hi, yes I've seen Moe's newest video :p
Yay
Fantastic! I’m glad everyone is supporting each other through this. You guys deserve the safest of healing ❤️
Yes! it was quite thorough
Ayyy
Loved Moe's Video, and of course Your's; Would love to get together with you and join you on a videp Lux!
This topic is so important.
My best friend and her partner are both trans. My bestie just came out last year, her partner has been out for a while. Bestie has always been confident about her womanhood despite cis opinions, focuses on the joy of gender instead of the pain of dysphoria, and wore her transness loud and proud. Unfortunately, her partner started influencing her with transmed opinions. Suddenly, my bestie was making fun of other trans people for not passing, talking about how terrible "trenders" and metagender people are, and obsessing over cis opinions. I was horrified! I really thought I was going to lose my bestie, because her partner even told me to my face I "look cis" so I need to "transition more" if I want to be "taken seriously" as a nonbinary person. She admitted to loving Blaire and Kalvin's videos, so I knew she was coming from a place of insecurity and projecting on others to feel validated.
I took a chance and talked to her one on one about why transmedicalism is transphobia. I told her the "brain scans" argument was weaker than she thought, and explained how depathologization is the way to liberation.
Not only did she listen.... It woke her up. She admitted she'd been projecting her own insecurities on others, and even came out about her own nonbinary feelings. Knowing that I made a difference in someone's life by standing up for trans liberation was such a good feeling. We all deserve to love ourselves!
This made my day! You are a fantastic friend ❤️
❤️ you are doing amazing
What a beautiful story 😍
Would anyone mind explaining more about why brain scans aren't as conclusive as people make them out to be? I've seen that argument used quite a lot and while I see where it's coming from it never seemed quite right. That said, I don't think trans people really NEED a "biological" reason for being trans, it should just be accepted.
@@AZ-ty7ub There are a number of YT videos by other trans people that discuss this at length and, while I cannot think of any specific video off the top of my head right now, I am certain I can link to a couple when I get an opportunity to hop on YT via my laptop later. In the meantime, I can attempt to summarize, though I don’t have any resources handy for you right now.
The main reason the studies on brain scans is inconclusive is because the one resource people have been referencing is a small study that only involved a handful of participants. Such a small sample size simply just doesn’t lead to anything scientifically conclusive.
This is far from the only reason, but it is the most significant point as it alone discredits any conclusions anyone makes from said study. As far as I am aware (from my past research), there has only been one published study. And said study did not even necessarily purport anything conclusive, as far as I recall.
Again, don’t have the resources handy via mobile, but I can always revisit here if you desire more information. Or someone else can step in to corroborate with links and/or videos by other content creators.
Your question is a good one and the better we understand a subject, the better we can formulate meaningful conversations around it.
Other content creators I do recommend who may or may not have discussed this very topic: Jammidodger, Noahfinnce, CopsHateMoe, Ash Hardell (tho I believe they are still on hiatus, they have a wonderful backlog of videos to watch surrounding their experiences as a nb person).... I’m blanking. But these people are a good start, I think.
Yes! You're awesome! Thank you so much for sharing your experience and perspective, its such an important addition to this conversation!
Kalvin seems to have a complete inability to accept the uniqueness of other people's experiences. Ultimately he validates himself by invalidating others and is willing to push his own ideology through bullying. Most of his videos resort to ad hominem attacks and childish mockeries of aesthetics and actually have nothing to do with the topic being discussed. You cannot have a genuine dialogue with a person who is willing to personally injure you just to further their veiled agenda. Always happy to see your videos.
he’s lacks empathy. point blank period. that’s why he can’t fathom the fact that other people experience transness differently than him and that’s why he can’t put himself in other people’s shoes and try to understand them. it’s also why he doesn’t seem to show remorse or want to apologize to the people’s he’s harmed :/ he makes videos about his mental health being bad but doesn’t seem to care much about the mental health of the people he’s hurt 😕 he’s too wrapped up in himself and i think that’s due to insecurity and not straight up cruelness or evilness. but either way, he needs to get help so he can change.
"I've been out as trans since Calvin was 8 or 9 years old." "I don't need a teenager to tell me if I'm trans or not." The shade of it all.
I feel like Kalvin does understand and knows what he’s doing.
Whether he does or doesn't is really irrelevant at this point. We can never know what's in his heart. And the damage he does is the same either way. Trash either way.
That wasn't supposed to be a combative comment btw haha I agree that he very well may know exactly what he's doing and not care -- in fact I think that's probably true. Just pointing out that even if his intentions WERE good, it still wouldn't matter!
and that's the worst part of the person he is. even tho he is completely aware of his damaging actions, he behaves like that anyway.
@@rikkirikki4892 Exactly. 19th-century bloodletters thought they were doing good. Doesn't change the fact that they probably bled a whole bunch of sick people to death. Also not meant to be a combative comment. Just agreeing with Rikki Rikki that whether or not someone's intentions are good, doesn't change the harm they cause.
Also not trying to equate Kalvin to someone who bleeds people to death, though it does feel like the life is getting sucked out of me anytime I watch one of his videos.
I used to be a supporter and I thought I was doing the “right” thing, so maybe not. But then again he’s the one spreading lies, misinformation and hate
I was experiencing gender dysphoria and I didn’t know what it was called. So I took to RUclips and I found Kalvin’s videos
This was three years ago
I internalized everything that he said and I believed it and believed it about myself
I believed I wasn’t trans (I’m masc nonbinary) because I didn’t feel dysphoria about every aspect of myself, such as my voice
I never attacked anyone except for myself. I’d call myself a “trans-trender” because I didn’t think I was dysphoric enough to be “real trans”
It took me over 2 years to feel comfortable enough to finally come out with my pronouns, identity, and even my sexuality
I still have a long way to go. Kalvin and his friends, their videos affected me so much and I’m finally breaking free of their toxic ideology
Thanks to you, Samantha, Jammi, Moe, and so many other trans and nonbinary creators make me feel comfortable with myself
I finally feel valid
So thank you so much
I’m a non-binary person and I’ve had a similar experience. About 4 years ago when I first started to question my gender identity, I started watching trans RUclipsrs and I turned to Kalvin and Blaire’s channels to learn more. I became brainwashed with transmed rhetoric and I had a very toxic view of myself and the trans community. I suspected that I wasn’t cis before watching those videos but afterwards I told myself that I’m not “trans enough” to be trans since I don’t experience intense dysphoria all the time. The intensity of my dysphoria goes anywhere from non existent to very extreme and fluctuates a lot from day to day. I forced myself to identify as a cis woman even though I knew deep down that it wasn’t right since I didn’t have the exact same experiences with dysphoria as Kalvin did. This actually made me depressed and more dysphoric and it worsened my anxiety and ocd. It wasn’t until about a month ago when I unsubscribed to both of them and stopped believing the transmed garbage when I actually accepted myself as non-binary and became a lot happier person overall. I still struggle with internalized transphobia though due to all the time I spent watching both of their content.
Yowza.
Going and peeking at kalvins channel rn is like one of those "im playing both sides, so I always come out on top" memes.
"Im trans and I play mens sports get over it"
Oh?
"Why neopronouns hurt the trans community"
Oh.
"I read this transphobic book so you dont have to"
Oh?
"Why I use the R word"
Oh.
lmao me when i was an enlightened centrist 😭😭
Wait did u watch the r word video?
@@angelineameloot1331 He literally only has ADHD, like a large portion of the population. That video is the dumbest shit ever.
@@synonymous_ not to defend him or anything, but he was bullied and called the r word as a kid bc his adhd was so debilitating for him. I think he has the right to use it, but not in the derogatory was he uses it towards other ppl
@@rencher013 what other way do you use it? Are people with adhd greeting eachother “what’s good my r****d”? There’s really one use for it, as an insult
Because of Kalvin’s videos (among others) I always second guess myself, “is this something a real trans person would do?” “Are you just doing that for attention?” Etc etc etc. it’s such a shitty feeling
same. it doesn’t help that i have OCD and once these things get in my head, they become constant, grating, intrusive thoughts
Yesss. It was so hard back when I was also dealing with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, it made me feel pretty disgusting. I guess it makes it worse if you’re already in a mindset where you can’t think logically, plus being an impressionable kid.
Same
@@useroffline9999 I also have OCD and it is the worst. I also have irrational, intrusive, anxiety provoking thoughts regarding these things. The transmed view just made me obsess over my gender identity and think that I wasn’t “trans enough” for 3 years instead of actually exploring my gender identity. Now I’ve finally accepted myself as a non-binary person and I’m going to start socially transitioning when I get back to college.
Same, it’s so horrible and made it so hard to talk about how I feel to my friends
As someone who has been the target of similar videos by people with even bigger platforms than Kalvin, and who last year had the opportunity to have that kind of conversation with someone like Kalvin, this is a topic that I spent a fair amount of time thinking about. I don't think it's a safe idea to engage with someone like that in any kind of public forum, be it live or recorded. No matter what the outcome of the conversation, you will be on the radar of his supporters again. And they will harass you, no matter what the substance of the conversation is (because, let's be honest about, most of those with the worst behavior just like to tear into people and use people like Kalvin to find targets).
At the same time, I do understand your instinct that you could get somewhere by talking to him. And I do agree... but I sincerely believe that it would only actually stand a chance to work in a private conversation with no audience and no recording equipment. And I don't mean "reach out to him privately," reach out however you feel is best, but I'm talking about the actual conversation itself. Remove the performative aspect of it and I think there's more possibility of breaking through. And I say that knowing that you run the risk of him not being held to account because if you reach common ground then nobody is witness and he can roll back on that. Except we've seen that happens anyways and public scrutiny didn't help.
Move forward with caution in any case, and do what is best for your health.
Well said!
xoxo Vera Wylde!
I'm so sorry that happened to you! May I ask who it was? I won't hate on either side nor say anything so don't worry but I understand if you don't want to
@@peachxtaehyung Blaire White. It’s pretty public knowledge at this point.
Kalvin is definitely the “Blaire White” of trans masc people. I’m really glad both of them are finally getting the backlash they deserve and I hope that this will help prevent others from facing the same kind of harassment that y’all went through 💕
I'm so glad to see more and more of people Kalvin has talked about coming out, he's negatively affected so many trans people, especially younger trans people like myself. He was one of my first introductions to the transmasc comminity, and is a big part of the reason I couldn't come out for so long, especially to other trans people. Following you, and other creators he bashed has been such a positive influence on me and my self acceptance over the past few years, I hope these stories will be/do the same for some of his current fans.
I used to watch Kalvin and to be honest I used to think "transtrenders" existed. His videos seriously made me a bad person because I didn't understand what nonbinary people are. His videos really harm the community! Now I am a happy nonbinary agender person and I've never felt better with my identity.
❤️❤️❤️
I had a really similar experience to you! The affect Kalvin had on young me delayed me realizing I was bigender by around 5 years and affected me a lot. I'm out and comfortable with me and my gender but I hold firm that his content damaged so many of us and set us back years in our realizations and whatnot.
Sorry for ranting a bit in your replies but just wanted to say something!
I watched RGR's conversation with Kalvin Garrah when it was live. During the conversation, he seemed reachable to me, and I had hope that he would change for better afterwards. But his subsequent actions haven't reflected a change of heart. Of course, change takes time and doesn't happen all at once, so maybe it will take many conversations over years before he gets it. I think it's great that you want to have one of those conversations, but please make sure you have the strength to handle it if things don't go well. This is the kind of task that some people, like RGR, can do easily, but other people might get hurt. I trust you to know what you can and can't do, but I just want you to be careful. I'm feeling a little protective of you now, like a parent, even though I don't know you. He may not want to talk to you, though, because your channel is not big enough. Part of me wonders if what seemed like openness to understanding other points of view was actually realizing that the "cooler people" are on the more inclusive side and he wants to be one of the "cool kids." He may be more motivated by popularity than principle. I hope I'm wrong, but I would not be surprised if he were.
God the Riley Dennis "reaction" vids were awful, I don't think there's a good enough apology they (Blair included) could make to her. Such hateful, spiteful people I wouldn't go near their content with a 10 foot pole
FRRRR theyre so pressed and for what?? riley is deadass just existing on the same planet as them, is she supposed to feel guilty for that?
@@abig_old_swan Not even that, a lot of those videos were when she has already started HTR, she just didn't announced it because it wasn't anyone business. It's almost like judging people based on appearences is bound to backfire or something!
@@abig_old_swan they also targeted her because she’s a non-binary trans woman, and they take issue with anyone non-binary.
When you described transitioning away from something rather than towards something that's when things really clicked for me. Keep up the awesome work, love your stuff
It’s so interesting to see how a teenager(at the time) made such a negative effect on the trans community. I watched his videos for about a year and he was one of the biggest reasons I stopped connecting to/using the word genderfluid to describe my non-binariness because in one of his videos he said it’s not real and dumb. If he really wanted to show he’s changed he should delete every single video where he put down other trans/non-binary creators and put money that he made off the harassment into helping the community.
Hey I left a stupid comment back when that video came out. No excuse for it, I apologize, Lux. Thank you for making this.
I’m super horrified that he is studying to become a lawyer. I have seen the comments saying how he uses bullying and misrepresent your and other’s videos, and I’m wondering if he will use these same tactics in a court of law. But then again, maybe in court they’d suspend his license if he did that.
The tide is turning, and I’m so glad people (queer and cishet) are waking up to his toxic ideology. The amount of people speaking out against him and receiving support for it speaks volumes. ♡
Memento mori 🖤🤍 I should have gotten the beanie. I got a hoodie and the poster and both were smaller than I thought they'd be 😅 can't believe it's been two months 😭
I know, sometimes I go a day or two not thinking about it and then I remember like T_T I need to get my tattoo soon
The payment system didn't seem to work for me,
So didn't get merch, hashtag no regrets.
But I love that I still see the little pieces people latched onto.
14:25 The day Kalvin Garrah graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for him, it was Tuesday.
It is strange, without Kalvin, I wouldn't have found your channel, even though back then I had a negative connotation with it, but now that I have genuinely approached xenogenders with less of a "(channel name) rekt compilation" outlook, I actually have found this channel to be extremely informative on what the journey is like beyond the small scope of transmed videos on the topic.
Was just about to comment the same thing 😳 As nice as it is that the community seems to be changing, the scar kalvin left on the trans community will be here for a long time :(
@@christopherscroggins5528 Same with the scar Blair is continually opening as she parades to the people who would otherwise hate her guts that she's "one of the good ones."
Typically the shop is uyyyy
Kalvin’s reaction was literally just misinterpreting almost everything you said, so it’s really not worth watching
Yeah, he does that a lot. He just likes lying, I guess...
Kalvin’s ideology has seriously fucked me up, i always thought of myself as “less trans” or a “transtrender” because i like to present myself in a feminine way. I still have imposter syndrome due to his videos but seeing people come out with their stories makes it so much better knowing that im not alone. Thank you for speaking out, Im so sorry.
I’m so sorry you have to feel that way because of him. I also felt that way after watching his videos but I’m starting not to as much. Also I love ur pfp lol
im so sorry that happened to you bUT BRUH YOUR PFP
@@duetopersonalreasonsaaaaaa HAHAHAHA
In same boat. I'm binary trans yet (finally) feel like I can express my self a. Man who from time has a feminine eq thing to me. I do like to wear jewelry, even some more femme type. Most rounds are around punk/masc/gender neutral. And I absolutely love kilts. They are amazing and even half kilts kick ass. I do wear some forum of pants under them cause be hell if I don't.
I've always liked skirts but don't feel comfortable enough to be in them and I do like things with pockets.
Onto kalvein his vids kept me in a mindset that was negative mainly to self but I still have to check myself when it comes to those who experience more euphoria rather than dysphoria. A part of that for me was my dysphoria was suicidal level and gets there still. Like female-oriented things happen to me and I am impatient due to the mental effect on me.
While I get it's also the mass amount of internalized transphobe I still have I may not get why anyone would want to transition. I don't regret mine sometimes as I know id be dead otherwise.
I am breaking out of that mindset and am accepting of all shorts of trans folx (never would tell or disrespect any trans person even if I struggled with my transphobic mindset FYI) it a my issue but it was featured by the shit kalvein spewed. And I hate that because I was impressionable and while slightly older than kalvein when 1st coming across his issues he spoke for the community and did so much harm. So f-ing much. And I was just looking for anything to say I had reason to be in this minority group because I was petrified that I am in this minority group.
Kalvin isn’t dumb he knows what he’s doing. It’s tempting to try and see the good parts in transphobic trans youtubers like you can imagine being friends with some of them if you just met at a party but you gotta remember they’re not just people with shit opinions they’re literally making hundreds of grand from degrading other trans people and even if they were open to change they’re def not gonna sacrifice their income stream over it
RUclips doesn't even allow monetization on Kelvin, or majority of LGBT RUclipsrs though...? Especislly if their content revolves around trans/lgbt rights..?? Dont get worked up over how much u think he's making...as if thats the issue out of all of this. If u want to come, come correct
A lot of us do have monetization, person who tried to make fun of my voice.
@@bipsterhitch1009 yeah because patreon, donations and sponsorships don't exist lol shush
@@bipsterhitch1009 they took away his monetization because he is controversial and spreads hate, they only do that to controversial tubers who they know get a lot of veiws, so yeah, it is a valid point.
Thank you for pointing out how you’d been out as Trans for a decade when Kalvin tried to come from you. Thats my story, too. Like - someone like him has no idea what we’ve been through, just to be ourselves and live as who we are today - somewhere along the gender spectrum that makes sense for us.
Honestly - I’d rather take advice on “how to be trans” from you, someone with more nuance in their understanding than from a binary trans teenager that thinks all or nothing thinking, gatekeeping and punching down equals “trans rights.” Or claims it as such, anyway.
I just want to say that your first video had a really huge positive impact on me. I decided ultimately to stay on T, but for a while I was scared of what it meant. Staying on hormones meant a LOT of changes in my life, not the least of which an impact on my marriage. Hearing you say that you could stop and it didn't mean you're not really trans helped me so much. I did stop for a while around my top surgery because I was going through a lot emotionally and I just needed to kind of put things on pause and let my emotions catch up. Being off of T for a few months actually made me 100% sure that I needed to be on it. I was SURE, and when the world is questioning every single decision you make it's really easy to doubt yourself. I NEEDED to be sure and the break helped me figure that out. So I really appreciated your video because I was able to give myself permission to listen to myself and go at my own pace. Thank you Luxander. I'm sorry for everything you went through. You didn't deserve that. No one did.
genuinely emotional seeing u talk about this for the first time
I feel like I've heard your username before,
But I don't know why...
Eh, it's probably my fried brain mixing you up with 2 entirely unrelated people.
However I wouldn't be me if I didn't write this all out.
Non disphoric trans people belong in the community because it is their community. I don't understand why we don't welcome more exploration or questioning individuals. The exclusionists are setting themselves up to cry about people "de-transitioning" in their attempts to draw hard lines/gatekeep.
like, even if people end up not actually being trans, so they questioned and figured out their answer. there's nothing wrong with that
Terrible that this happens :(
But I'm so glad that you're still here, making content. You and people like you are really heartening for me to see being online and being out, showing that there is more than one way to be trans. I have been questioning my gender for a good while now and this type of content is really helpful. From the bottom of my heart truly I am grateful that you are here on RUclips.
Here is one for those pretty analytics.
Oooo, shiny engagement metrics!
the glorius algorithm
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish 🐟
@@nautilusbelauensis6292 I'm taking this as a sign that I need sushi.... At some point... Hopefully soon 🍣
engagement comment
As a former fan of him (not the kind that would go attack people because yikes, that's unacceptable behavior) thank you for talking about this. I didn't realize how harmful he and his fan base has been. Everyone that's been talking about him has really opened my eyes and I'm sorry for being complacent and being part of giving him a platform.
I think the point you make around 5:12 about KG being effectively an older teenager when he is making all of his most vitriolic content is REALLY key. He comes from an upper middle class white family in Maryland where he plays lacrosse, he was just out of high school and into college, and was/is doing what many people in both that cultural/social bracket and developmental stage of adolescence do: mistake *their own personal experiences* for the experiences of everyone around them. He cannot de-center himself from his own world. And that’s not even an insult; it’s just a general phenomenon of later adolescence (and it’s all complicated when you add transition into it, but let’s table that for now). Tl;dr he’s a rich white teenager and one of the large markers of adolescence is learning how to figure out that your life isn’t the only way the live.
It is a huge problem that KG has this huge following of fans that are willing to viciously bully people for not living their lives the way he prescribes them to, because KG is neither a teacher, a guru, nor any sort of expert. He’s just one trans guy, living one trans guy’s life.
The fact that I myself was Truscum and watched Kalvin from ages 13-15 will always be my greatest source of shame. I stopped supporting him after he made fun of the person who attempted suicide and got out of that mentality soon after
God I'm so glad I've been introduced to the trans community through people like you and artsy trans gamedev twitter, instead of some of these transmed people :,D
One of the first things I came across when I first started questioning and looking into trans stuff was the truscum subreddit lol. Needless to say, that was a bad day. Fortunately, I discovered ContraPoints the same night and her videos really helped calm me down.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this Lux :(
Very grateful that you’re still making videos and talking about your experience.
i think moe’s point about him waging war against a side that wasn’t fighting against him was really poignant. i think people like him and blaire white always create issues with trans people that weren’t really there. someone else’s lack of conformity shouldn’t be a threat to your identity.
I come here because you're an intelligent, sensitive, articulate, and courageous human being. You have every right to be confident and let the haters roll off your back. Your journey belongs to you, and you're doing it well.
I found your channel because of Kalvin's video about you. I am a nonbinary person not on T who is pursuing top surgery and was looking for other non-traditional transition stories. Kalvin's video came up on a search for "nonbinary transition". I watched some of it before deciding that I didn't want to hear Kalvin's interruptions and looked up the original video, but I'm sure my reaction would have been different if I had been new to the trans community and didn't know that Kalvin's views aren't representative of the community as a whole.
I understand that feeling when your leg is bouncing like mad. Take care of yourself. Hope you have an okay day too.
12:13 I wouldn't have a conversation with him UNTIL he apologizes to every person he hurt and admits to all his wrong-doings instead of making the lame and exasperated excuse of "oh I was young back then......" Or just simply keeping silent about it pretending that it's gonna go away
I'm so sorry you had to go through this but I don't want to give you pity if you don't want it. you are so strong to come out and say these things and I think everyone should respect you and the other people that where hurt by Kalvin because it seems so scary to go through this. ❤️
Weirdly, I found you thanks to that video he did on you. I saw you and I realized that I saw so much of myself as someone who isn’t on hormones and doesn’t plan on doing so. It was super validating to me. But if I wasn’t in a place to just look you up, the path I could have gone on terrifies me.
I was a big fan of Kalvin for a long time. I started watching him when I was pretty young 14 or something, I'm 17 now. That part of the trans community has really affected my way of thinking and I dont like it. I'm a trans guy, I'm okay with fitting into the gender binary and I'm okay with expressing myself as a guy and only a guy and I still find it hard to understand people who are trans and dont want to express themselves as their gender but I work hard everyday to look past my judgements. I know my views are wrong to me now and it's so hard to change them but I feel terrible knowing that as a young child I was influenced to think this way because of my own insecurities. I'm not a fan of Kalvin anymore, I want to escape this way of thinking completely and I think I've grown as a person. I've formed my own opinions and I work hard to be a good person and understand people who arent like me. I've made mistakes and I've hurt people because of my past views and I want to make sure that never happens again.
you are so sweet, you seem so kind. thank you for taking the time to talk about these important topics. i’ve gotten a better understanding just from watching you talk for 15-20 mins. good stuff
Sounds like he should've been deplatformed a long time ago.
This is my first video of yours and I just wanted to say, I love your vibe.
I'm excited to binge your content haha
I hope one day you're able to fully heal from the damage Kalvin has caused. ❤️
Here’s some words for engaygement and hopefully pretty analytics to look at! 👀
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💜
I’m so glad everyone is coming forward. You all are so strong. WE ARE LISTENING
✨analytics✨
Man, a few years ago I toyed with the idea of making trans-related videos on this hecksite just to toss my perspective into the pile, but my passing familiarity with Kalvin types and what I'd have to put up with if I got even a modicum of visibility on the platform immediately killed that notion 🙃
The fact that I used to be a KG stan and now I'm a nonbinary lesbnian who uses neoprounouns. We love internalized enbyphobia 😬
I vaguely remember watching his video about you for you
one of my bigger regrets of my past points of view was following kalvin. The way he explains things and the way he words things hits so hard for younger, impressionable kids like I was and I think that's why his fanbase is so rabid. there were so many times where i argued with genuinely good people or stopped following people for simply disagreeing with kalvin and it was so so toxic. this also stunted my own discovery of gender identity and made it harder for me to find out what was right for me because i felt like, based on his ideologies, i was invalid somehow. he truly is something dangerous to the trans community
God every time a new video about Kalvin and his bullshit comes out, it pushes me closer to making one of my own. I really don't have anything new to add that hasn't already been said in terms of his harmful nature, but I still want to put my experiences out there. If the pain I went through bc of him could manifest itself in a video that could help even ONE person, it would be so worth it.
That aside, I wanted to say that I appreciate you talking about these things and all the other stuff you do. Idk when I'll be able to get T, but your consistent openness about your transition and how it doesn't have to be a super strict, binary experience has helped me a lot. As a transmasc enby who really just wants a deeper voice and maybe some stubble, finding out that microdosing or going on & off is even an OPTION was incredible. I hope its something I can pursue in the future. I also deeply appreciate the bi/pan lesbian video you made. My friend IDs this way and is constantly fearful of expressing it bc of assholes in our own community telling her how wrong and destructive she is for existing. It kills me that exclusion like that in a community full of EXCLUDED PEOPLE is so accepted and normal. Then again, I guess that's the cycle of abuse for you. Regardless, it made me really happy to find your voice in a sea of negative ones, and it finally put into words a lot of the feelings I had on the matter.
But anyway, yeah, that's all. Sorry for getting a bit derailed lol. I never comment on shit so this is like a year's worth of thoughts about your channel spilling out into a single place. Point is: you're cool and i hope ur day is even cooler :]
I was just introduced to Kalvins content and Miss London or whoever she is... I've been lucky enough to not notice these types of people in our community so far, but omg.. what they do... I would rather go have more scalding coffee thrown at me by cis folk than be targeted by other trans folk the likes of them. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with this.. It's so hard to understand our own identity at times, even I am wondering if maybe I'm more non-binary than full-on trans woman, or if I would've simply been a bit of a tomboy had I been born a cis woman. It's hard to tell sometimes. We need to be there for each other and encourage exploration, change, and progress in our individual journeys.
I'm really glad I found your channel today though, because I appreciate your opinion and am looking forward to digging into some more of your content!💜
Keep your head up, it's not our job to save everyone from their own lack of empathy, and we don't owe them the remote control to our emotions. 💜💜💜
Kalvin was the first trans youtuber I found back when I was 14 and frankly the only one I watched for a while . I don't think I had even started to question my sexuality at that point, so I started watching his videos as a cis-het person wanting to understand trans people and become an ally. My mentality was " Kalvin is trans. Trans people obviously know stuff about gender etc and they all support each other. Therefore, everything he says must be in good faith and correct". I remember laughing at Brennen and feeling convinced that both you and them were invalid. I'm embarrassed I ever supported Kalvin and could not see through his bs. I'm glad I never actively contributed to the harm by sending people hate.
You have such a calming voice!
You're a wonderful person, thanks for all you do 🖤🖤🖤
Being comfortable in your own skin is so important- for anyone. Socially, physically, emotionally.
Sending my love.
Your video about going off hormones is so important to me. I found it when I was in a dark place in my transition and it truly kept me afloat whenever I questioned myself. Starting T made me feel so validated as a genderqueer person, but there were side effects that I wasn't in the right mental state to deal with at the time. Back then I felt like there was no one I could talk to about going off hormones without being accused of either detransitioning or being a """trender.""" The work you do is important and I'm so grateful you've remained on RUclips despite the trouble.
I’m still sorry he did that to you. I’ve followed your work for a few years and I really appreciate what you’ve shared. Thank you for continuing to make videos.
I am happy for you that you feel comfortable enough to use this platform to share your experiences and feelings with others. It's good for others to find this and understand that they are not alone. I hope you do a follow up ont his one because i would like to know how the feelings around a conversation evolve and why.
Kalvin transitioned and asked his doctor to write him a scrip for Toxic Masculinity along with his T.
I'm just over here being jealous of your Unus Annus hat.
I feel like ey/em is the British version of they/them
I mean not all if them say it like that,
But are these pronouns I need to add to my list of things I'll never understand why they got invented.
Kalvin's videos about ''transtrenders'' set very harmful thoughts into my brain when i was around 16/17, and ultimately made me doubt myself so much that i did not transition when i could have.
Omg I was thinking about you the other day, and I’m so glad your channel was recommended to me!!! I manifested that shit!!!
It’s so wonderful to hear your story. I’m so so so so proud of you. As an ex fan of Kalvin, seeing people tell their stories has been a huge learning experience for me! We love to see the growth
I remember watching his video about you. I never really considered myself a fan of him after he started making the transtrender posts. He annoyed me (and still does) because he reminded me of this one guy at this school that would shit talk me behind my back because when I was in high school I did not pass but I was out as trans at the time. His reason being that I presented femininely even though all of my clothes were from the men's section, but yet he still dead named me publicly behind my back on his public instagram account, and the only reason I ever found out was because my best friend sent me screenshots.
So excited to hear what you have to say
Sorry, kind of late to this, but thank you for sharing your perspective.
And you may have already heard this, but just because you didn't experience "trauma" doesn't mean your experiences were/are invalid. Just wanted to throw that out there, and I'm sorry you went through that.
(Also sick unus annus beannie! Memento Mori)
Hiiiii I saw that you had responded to the last two comments- I’d just like to say I hope you’re having a good day and you’re 100% valid
Sending a virtual hug. I'd say don't engage with the bully, it just gets off on hurting people and it makes him money because bullies like Trump and Kelvin will pay to watch someone else suffer. I'm glad I'm thousands of miles away, I'd be tempted to cancel the wee runt with the toe of my boot. Violence never solved anything, people say...
New subscriber here. I subscribed when you talked about the rejection you feel from your own community. As you have been out as Trans like you said for a decade or longer, being told you aren’t what you know yourself to be is very damaging.
Honestly, I feel this issue permeates the entire LGBT community presently. I don’t feel I belong in it as a gay man, even though most people who are talking down to me are younger and honestly don’t realize how much easier it is to be gay today in the US than it’s ever been. Because I’m white, I’m also in the box of super privileged because apparently white gay men are the majority and most sought after. Honestly, I haven’t even really been too active in most LGBT events in my city and grew up in a small town where you hid your sexuality. I don’t feel I ever had resources and now I’m told I’m the problem, so if anything, I just have become one of those gay people who live for every outside that toxic community.
When you said the title of the video you made about stopping T, I gasped and feel horrible. I watched Kalvin's video of that when I was younger and hated you, I thought "ew, transtenders" I didn't even watch any of your videos, I just took Kalvin's word for it. This is the first time Im watching your videos and Im so sorry that was my thoughts back then. Kalvin was one of the first trans RUclipsrs I watched when I first came out and it really fucked me up, I threw out anything that was feminine even though I didn't mind femininity; I hated every aspect of myself and hated myself for not always having strong bottom dysphoria. Kalvin made me think that you had to hate everything about yourself, be masculine all the time and act like the "perfect man" to be a transman/masc. It took me a long while to be comfortable with being feminine and understanding that Im still a man even when Im comfortable wearing a skirt.
I feel horrible for hating you when I didn't even know you! But Im glad this video popped up in my recommended and I get to actually see who you are. You don't seem like a bad person at all and Im sorry younger me thought that but Im happy I got to watch this and see that you're okay! What Kalvin did wasn't right, and again Im sorry I thought for so long that you were just some gross person pretending or some bull like that. Its nice to basically meet you! And Im happy I grew past believe Kalvin was right all the time
you are such a kind soul. i’m sorry for what happened to you but i’m glad this video made me find you ❤️❤️❤️
I came here from Kalvins video, it was recommended to me from youtube. I had a bad feeling about it and went on this channel to fact-check I guess. I disagreed on that one point that you clarified here, and I'm glad that now I understand where it comes from (even though I don't think it will change my opinion). Anyway, I liked your videos, so you got the abo (and not he).
fuck, i'm so sorry ): proud of you for saying your peace, hope it was helpful in some way~
This really isn't the time, but your voice is really calming to listen to and not over stimulating so thank you. For...? Talking??? I dunno..?
Ikr
i feel like thats how it is with all content creators. the larger ones will always have power over the smaller ones. it's like the ternat food chain.
ffs i got my art stolen recently by a larger artist, they turned it on me, "exposed" me, and i got so anxious and sick to the point of deleting my insta account.
I'm so proud of you for this video, and support you fully!
some people also cant take hormones. or sometimes the impact is too much. sometimes your body doesnt react as well and you have to stop. transmedicine is...very much excluding a lot of people
Hi Lux happy Wednesday ❤️
I discovered your channel through Kalvin’s video BUT I ended up subscribed to you^^
(I unsubscribed to Kalvin shortly after, finding his gatekeeping and bullying really toxic)
Also people mocking Milo are really REALLY childish and it’s so so so uncalled for.
Supportive of your content!!
Glad to hear from you, us non-binary trans folk deserve to have our voices heard and it’s fantastic to see so many of those affected by Kalvin come out about it! However, I do disagree with some of your points. I think kalvin has shown time and time again that he isn’t someone who genuinely doesn’t understand these things, he’s well aware of what he’s doing and what the consequences are. It’s not that he doesn’t understand non-binary people or non dysphoric trans people, he just doesn’t want to associate with them because in his eyes it’s what makes cis people disrespect him. He’s making a conscious effort to pander to cis people because he can’t live without their approval. And the only way to have that is to put other trans people down publicly.
Then there’s gender. Now just because something is a social construct, doesn’t make it any less real! We made up money and that stuff is real as hell. It affects everyone’s lives in very real ways. It just happens to be socially constructed. I also think that even if gender was biological/not a social construct for SOME people, it doesn’t mean that it can’t be something else for others. That’s just my take tho!
great vid! it's great that people can finally safely talk about their experience, show the other side.
also: i've came here from recommended and gotta tell you at first glance i thought it's a vid from bionicpig and was so confused why he'd have a vid considering kalvin haha
❤️you ! Thank you for sharing your experience!
Fair play for making this video, hope you have an okay day Lux ☺️
That man is fucking bully. And on top of that, he's an actual child. I mean, he's not underage anymore I'm pretty sure, but since he started he's pretty much a child and acts like he knows more of transition than any other trans person in the world. That's being so full of oneself, omfg. Thank you for making this video.
Much love Lux mate, I'm also part of the LGBT community and I hate all the infighting tbh, I have yet to see infighting between us asexuals but it's probably out there lol
I was a fan of Kalvin and Blaire last year, and I'm currently seriously considering that I may be non-binary. At the time that I was fans of them, I was openly LG(B)T and I thought at the time that I was just interested in trans issues (SO MUCH) because I'm part of the LGBT community. Kalvin was the gateway to Blaire, and Blaire was the gateway to worse ideologies like TERFs. (I never went full TERF but I perused their subreddits. It was really messing with my head and I realized that I had to stop before it was too late.)
Ever since I let go of my attachment to Kalvin a few months ago, I started to realize that I was digitally self-harming myself by watching his content so that I could push down feelings of gender-non-conformity with a "valid" excuse. And I ate it up. I wholeheartedly believed everything he and she said because facing my feelings was too hard for me to handle. It felt like was easier to hurt myself with self-inflicted invalidation and suppression from Kalvin and Blaire than it was to recognize my possible identity.
I still don't know where I lie. I have a lot of deconstructing to do inside my brain and I think it's gonna take me a long time to figure it out. But ultimately, I feel worse for Kalvin and Blaire than I do for myself. They are so much more miserable than I ever was, even when I was a self-hating closeted non-binary comp-cis TERF-lite. The people in the worst pain inflict the most on others. No excuses and no forgiveness until they apologize and change, but I pity them.
I am glad you felt like you could talk about this finally. I’m sorry it’s affected you for so long. I think you did the right thing by not watching the video.
There are people who would argue that my sister isn’t non-binary because she doesn’t care that we use she/her pronouns. But that doesn’t cause her dysphoria. It is outward female features like having breasts and also other things that happen to people with uteruses (trying to explain without getting graphic)
That doesn’t make her dysphoria any less than someone else’s.
No one has the right to tell her how to feel.
Just like no one has the right to tell you how to feel.
As always, I super appreciate your thoughts, thank you! Hearing your thoughtful response to the harpy/cancel/hate mob was very useful for me. Thanks!
I just want you to know that 1: you're incredibly brave for putting so much of yourself out there, even before this person targeted you. 2: You are one of the main people who inspired me to accept who I am as a non-binary person. Your channel is the 1st one I send people to when they start asking me about information about transgender people, especially AFAB non-binary people like myself.
I am another person who watched PART of one of Kalvin's videos and quickly determined he's an insecure kid diverting attention by punching down.
Tho for the record I found you through your commentary ContraPoints, found it to be very sensible and your online presence to be nice and chill, so I subscribed!
too tired to leave a comment, have analytics juice
Hey, there’s lots of people who are happy and ready to support you 🖤🖤🖤
Kalvins videos contributed to a lot of internalised non-binaryphobia for me so I’m glad people are speaking up about him now. He needs to change his act but he’s not going to which is sad.
ive started listening to your videos recently, and im not sure exactly what it is, but your content just kinda,, clicks? like it seems like youre not trying to convince me of something, or sell me something, youre just talking. its nice. i really appreciate this type of content in the toxic hellscape that the internet can be sometimes
I just watched a Kalvin video for the first time in my life because of the Riley stream this week. He certainly seems to be (slooowly) coming around on his views, but the gross demeaning clickbaity titles for some of his videos are really inexcusable, not then and especially not now. I get the impression that he genuinely thinks certain non-dysphoric trans people "mistakenly" believe they are trans and that it's any of his business because he thinks it makes light of his plight and ignores how many trans people struggle or even die because of dysphoria. It honestly seems akin to white cis gay men condemning overly feminine members of their community for "making them look bad" and fearing that their rights would get taken away because of them, ignoring the fact that they were essentially trying to take away their rights as well. He thinks he's in the right, but he's so stuck on his experience that he refuses to acknowledge how many people are harmed by what he's doing and how it reflects transphobic things others have done to him.
I'm sorry he did that to you, if anyone could get through to him I think it would be you. From Riley's stream, he appears to be willing to listen to reason. Maybe it's possible to start to heal some of the damage he has done, and maybe there's even a chance he would take down some of those videos to help stop even more from being spread - it's really disheartening and depressing how many more views the non-binary harassment videos have than the ones that appear to do anything positive for the trans community.
_"it's akin to white cis gay men condemning overly feminine members of their community for 'making them look bad' and fearing that their rights would be taken away because of them."_ lmao yoooooooooo just months ago i had similar convo wit me best mate. he's neither white nor gay, but we *_do_* live in a pretty homophobic -- and by extension, biphobic -- country (constantly regressing by the minute, which is neat /s) and he was just starting to come around accepting he was bi. he expressed those exact sentiments towards the more explicitly "flamboyant" dudes, some of them are bold enough to be openly gay, and he was like, "they're making the rest of us that're just acting normal look bad." and i was like, "my guy, they're just easy targets for the homophobes. so say they don't act so flamboyant anymore. then what? the homophobes and biphobes are still going to shit on us. that's just how it goes." and he was like, "i fucking hate it when you're right." HAHAHAHAHAHA.
When I first came out, I fell upon Kalvin Garrah's videos. They made me feel shitty and cringe, so I didn't watch mamy of them, but I definitely watched enough so it impacted my sense of self and internalized transphobia. As a lot of you know, the first few months after realizing our transness/coming out are the most vulnerable so those videos really fed into my inner critic. I am so glad, however, that I also had access to your content and other non-binary/GNC content because I don't know how I would be feeling about being trans right now otherwise. Thank you for speaking up! I remember the videos you mentioned, they did make me feel like it was ok to question and not be sure, that transition was not linear for everyone.