What It's Like For Polygamous Boys
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- Опубликовано: 17 май 2024
- What it was like growing up as a boy in a polygamous family and the FLDS religion.
FAQ:
What it's like for polygamous girls: • What It's Like For Pol...
What is it like for polygamous Mothers?: • What It's Like for Pol...
How do such big families survive financially?: • How Polygamous Familie...
What are FLDS views on race?: • FLDS Views on Race
My spiritual journey since leaving the FLDS: • My Spiritual Journey S...
Why and How I left Polygamy: • Leaving Polygamy: My H...
What it was like to grow up with 4 Mothers: • Growing Up In Polygamy...
What it was like to grow up wtih 34 siblings: • Growing Up In Polygamy...
Who in my family still believes: • Leaving Polygamy: Who ...
Is there arranged marriage?: • Growing Up in Polygamy...
Biggest culture shocks: • Leaving Polygamy: Cult...
What my education experience was: • Leaving Polygamy: From...
How Warren Jeffs became a prophet: • Leaving Polygamy: How ...
FLDS and the law: • FLDS vs. The Law
Why we didn't believe Warren Jeff's confession: • Warren Jeff's Confessi...
How we met: • How We Met...And Re-met
When the whole Warren Jeffs situation was going on and they took the children from the ranch in Laredo, I worked at a CPS facility in Texas that housed the children. I specifically was in charge of two of his babies. We all got super attached to the children. I believe we housed around 50. They also became attached to us. I loved on them ax a mother would and rocked them to sleep, sang to them, prayed over them etc. I learned so much about the culture. I was chosen to take care of them because I am Pentecostal and wear dresses all of the time so this was more familiar to them. What a cherished experience!!!!! ♥️
Melissa is doing a fantastic job asking Sam all the sort of questions the viewers want to have answers to.
I am completely addicted to this channel! It’s so open and honest and I can’t wait for more to be uploaded. I can think of loads more subjects I would love to hear about x
Thank you so much! We will try and keep the videos coming!
Did you see your father being kind or even affectionate with any of his wife’s? You are so respectful toward Melissa. Wondering how you learned to be such a good husband and father? Has Melissa had to prompt you to do certain things that you didn’t see modelled?
This was a lovely video. I think it's fair to say that you, Sam, have grown to be a very well rounded, balanced and caring adult. You and your wife seem to make a great team. Your love for one another cannot be denied. The way you look at each other says it all. ❤️
Thank you so much for such kind words!
My dad was also 6th of 12 in a very conservative Catholic family. I just realized this correlation after spending months watching your videos and thinking about the similarities between your background and intensely fundamental Catholicism. He also eased out of religion at a young age, then completely left it. Seems like the middle might be a sweet spot allowing people the space to consider their own options in a difficult situation
Sam and I say this kindly as a mom of three kids who are all teens now, I feel like you are the perennial middle kid. You got the memo to 'get along, go along' but with hidden strength of steel. You left that place willfully and with strength. I'm always surprised that you don't seem more pained in these vids. (Melissa's question about the population question goes right into the 'lost boys' in Big Love. It could never work out for a solid proportion of the boys. You MUST have known that. No?)
You are both easy to listen to. Remember, for someone who has never experienced Polygamy this is so different and hard to understand for us, too. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much. It is a good reminder for us to dig a little deeper sometimes because things that we think are common knowledge are actually not common at all.
I have no problem with longer videos!
That's good to know! We are always nervous that no one is going to watch something over 20 minutes haha. =)
I agree - I’m binge-watching these so they may as well be one long video 😂🤣 but I do love how they get straight to the point from the jump, and how Melissa’s questions are so direct and on-topic 🖤 Also, I do love the amount of 10 minute videos for when I need just a little fix 😂
Did they keep a master list so people didn't marry a sibling? I can't imagine how hard it was to keep track of everyone.
Love you guys and your channel ❤️❤️❤️❤️💙💙💙💙
So interesting to hear you talk about the church meetings!
Love your videos! You two are adorable. Thank you for sharing your story 😊
You should write down the family members and map out your family. Keep it confidential and just put mom/brother#1/sister#?/etc. that would be cool to see.
That's a really great idea! =)
I love this idea! Also maybe add a few people by name who provide permission, like his sister who was on one video!
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy I know in the Mormon church, there's a lot of things like canning taught and things like sewing, making blankets, et. (Yes, I realize Mormon & FLDS are slightly different in beliefs), Maybe over time @Growing Up in Polygamy might have someone who is able to do some kind of wall art blanket that shows the family tree to a degree for personal thing. There's a lot of family for your kids to learn what you can tell them about the family as individual people. Having a family tree in that manner can assist in remembering everyone's names, to help remember and tell your kids stories about interaction with different siblings.
What a great video thanks Sam. Melissa you asked Sam such great questions thank you for that. You guys are amazing 🤩
when you speak about respecting the mothers, but you know who your mother is, it makes me think of ancient styles of communal raising of children. I think there's something to that, but I also think there must be a better way to do this than tying it into religion or other oppressive structures. I suppose my utopia would be a world where adults act like what we expect of parents, and where there are children who grow up around many loving , supportive, and safe parental figures- even those who may not be related by blood.
As a kid who grew up in the 50's and 60's the neighbor's were full of kids and all the parents were very good to all the kids running around the neighborhood. We would play in all the yards so everyone knew who belong to who. At the same time if some kids were being mean or doing something wrong and you got sent home those Mothers stuck together.
I think this is last video I needed to watch and now I'm all caught up and I've seen them all! I look forward to the "grand tour" where you will show us "out there"
I love the longer videos. I am thoroughly fascinated with the entire lifestyle and learning about the culture and whatnot. I am a newer subscriber and I’ve just about watched every video. I will be sad when I’ve watched them all and I have to actually wait on a new upload. Lol.
Y’all are such an adorable couple. Love your stories. Please keep them coming 🥰
Great video! Always so interesting to hear you two speak!
Thanks so much!
Great video, thanks for making it!
Thank you so much for watching! =)
If the leaders weren’t so sick and the cult not so misogynistic the community sounds great.
I’ve had your videos on non stop repeat I’ve finished them all and now I’m repeating them. Hahaha. I can’t wait for your videos!
Awww! Thank you so much!
Thank you for making this channel because I am a Utah native and very familiar with flds. I have read many books, documentaries and been down to short Creek and talked with some ex members. I am interested in the secrecy of it all. What started it all was that I saw some in a store and needed to know why they dressed that way. So then I got caught up in needing to know more and more. I have listened to all of Warren's sermons on RUclips. I just wish I could help them all from such a brain washing of information about him. It seems that most have had different experiences in getting away from it. I have watched many shows. I appreciate that you share your stories from it too. I can't imagine what that would have been like to come from such a background of control. I'm glad you are thriving in your life and have found what works for you!
Omg the marching thing sounds kind of cult-ish. That’s so interesting!! Especially saluting to Rulan and Warren Jeffs.
Great video!! I enjoy watching all your videos.
Thank you so much! We appreciate it!
I just found your channel yesterday. I love your videos so far
Glad you like them! Welcome! =)
So interesting!
@Kerensa Shirley- I have very much wondered about those who were like you, assisting in caring for the children from the ranch when Warren Jeffs was arrested and his minor children were taken into CPS care while investigation was going on, before kids were returned to their mothers. What a difficult time for the mothers and children alike. I don't doubt that by all those kids being in CPS care for a period of time before returned to their mothers, it has given some good (memories now) examples as to things not quite as the same as many are led to believe about the "outside world". I hope those like yourself who were able to be involved in that aspect are people of the outside world that are of fond memories of a difficult time in the lives of those kids who do remember being taken away from their moms for an extended period of time.
Another great video. I think I heard at some point that your Dad was no longer with the family. Would you mind talking about how and why that is.
Sitting up in the balcony is fun! I remember being in high school and that’s where us high schoolers would sit as a group!
Wow ! Five thousand subscribers,congratulations!!you both have a lovely rapport with people💖
Thank you so much! We feel so lucky to have such a wonderful group of people supporting us!
10K now - woop, woop!
- Kate
You are both beautiful and kind souls... thank you for sharing your stories and being so honest about your life and experiences. Much respect for you both.
Thank you so much!
Im early! Love your channel
Thank you so much!!
Y’all are just the sweetest couple! I love watching you!
Thank you so much! You are so sweet!
Rewatched this video and I also immediately thought:wow it is so amazing that you were/are so open minded to just observe everything so deeply and open. How man and women were together in the real world compared to what you were used too. I really admire that in you!
Thank you so much!
Congrats!
Another lovely one. I think it is a nice change to hear about people leaving who do not then screw up, take drugs or even commit suicide. I suspect the reason for the difference is if you grow up in any kind of home where you are loved you tend to do fine in life and if instead in any kind of culture the home is not like that and there is abuse etc then you don't....
("And the greatest of these is love....".. as the Jesuits from my religion said - "Give me a child to the age of 7 and I will show you the man")
I just love hearing your stories and I love how the two of you interact. Great video 😊
Thank you so much! We're glad you are here :)
Super interesting videos! Do the FLDS wear garments like the LDS?
Do people ever voice concern or challenge arrangements? Like if someone was arranged with someone significantly older or someone they didnt approve of for whatever reason would they ever challenge the leaders or did everyone just along with it? What was the largest age gap you saw between husband and wives?
Sam, I just started watching your videos. Have you connected with your siblings who have also left the church? I heard on the news a couple of years ago that your brother and family were killed in an airplane accident. Did you get to spend any time with your brother and his family before this? Sorry for your loss 💔💔
Hi Sam! Hi, Melissa! Always a pleasure to see a new video. And again, very informative.
I have questions, per my usual. Lol
Now that you're an adult, Sam, and you have lived both sides of the coin, are there any aspects of polygamy lifestyle that you have/wanted to incorporate in your current life? I don't agree with polygamy, but as I've said before, there are aspects of that life that I can see being beneficial i.e. taking in the 4th wife so she wasn't alone and left behind, pitching in to help with each other's children, coming together for meals, helping your neighbor/fellow church member, etc. Thanks again.
Hi Jill! Thanks for watching! Hard work and my family making "family time" a priority are both things that I try to incorporate in my current life and family.
This was a good one! Loved how long it was. I have another question tho, do u think your father ever changed a diaper?
Thanks for watching! No, my father never changed a diaper that I know of haha.
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy haha With that many kids I would be pretty upset about that 🤣🤣 I hope u have changed a few diapers lol
Thank you for this very interesting video, Sam and Melissa! I have a question having to do with the "numbers problem"- you talked about a little:
What DOES happen to all the young men that are left over, that don't get assigned a wife? The documentary "Sons of Perdition" says that most boys are eventually send away. Did this happen in Colorado City? If so, did you realize as a boy that this was going on? Did you ever notice young males disappearing?
Again, thank you so much for sharing!
That is my question also. I remember seeing a report or documentary that addresses this.
Like your videos. It gives us some insight into what many consider cults in the United States and Canada. I always wonder why we hear what sounds like Canadian accents. Is that because you live in a closed society or have you spent some of your lives in Canada. I love that you removed yourself from what you considered a society that you did not wish to continue to live in and have gone to college and married your wonderful wife and have a beautiful child. I wish you nothing but the best in your future.
Im Canadian and they both sound very American to me, especially Sam.
Questions.....are any of your siblings multiples eg twins etc? What would I like to see ....day in the life clog now vs day in the life of polygamy or would you ever vlog? You guys are so sweet, can tell your wife adores you Sam thanks for sharing
There are no multiples in my immediate family. We are hoping to do a video soon in my hometown to show what life was like there, so stay tuned! Thank you so much for watching! =)
I am curious about how you received the sacrament which, I guess, would be like our communion. We have bread or wafer and wine in the Lutheran Church. We go to the altar and are given first the bread by a Pastor and then the wine by another Pastor or assistant.
Melissa how different and/or similar was your church to Sam’s? Because you don’t seem so surprised by a lot of his upbringing. You guys have given me such an education on what goes on outside my Catholic religion ❤️💙❤️💕💕
I’m assuming she’s heard most of his stories before but asks questions based on what she thinks people would ask. She grew up LDS and he grew up FLDS so some of the aspects are similar with FLDS being very strict regarding certain things.
(Melissa Responding) Hi Debbie! His upbringing was not very surprising to me since our church's have the same history and origin. To me it just felt like his church was holding to the past compared to mine looking to the future.
It’s beautifully story. I’m very impressed that your mom care and lovely. I have 9 siblings and my mom and her families are from Canada then my mom moved to NYC AND Im first born In USA . My great grandparents joined church in Denmark by Joseph Smith. They moved in Canada. That’s how come from :) You seems that you have more willing helpful. You are more sacrifices since you were little boy. You have more experiences and gift of god. I bet your wife are proud of you! Thank you again.
Thank you so much for kind words!
Hey, I’m not sure if y’all have done a video about it yet but I’m curious about his extended family today. Who’s in, who’s out and how they are doing today.
Is your shirt ironed today, as it looks like it. Do you have your shirts ironed for everyday wear?
I’ve been fascinated with your stories; probably because it is in many ways opposite of my own. I was born (1954) and raised by adventurous homesteaders in what was, at that time, a very remote area in Alaska. Animals and nature have always been my comforts. Dogs, cats, cows, horses, and wildlife were my best friends and solace. I’m wondering about the importance of animals in your life. Did you have dogs and cats in the house or yard? Did anyone ride horses for pleasure? Were cows and horses viewed only as tools of survival? Did you hunt? Fish?
The two of you have created quite an admirable life. Thanks for sharing it with us.
It sounds like a wonderful childhood to me. Being autistic I love the order and the specific roles. Sam sounds like he had a good family though, so of course it wouldn’t be like that for everyone and also each person will have their own perspective. I also don’t see different gender roles as being better or worse etc, but of course Warren Jeff’s definitely did see a difference.
Another question for Sam: did you ever convert anyone when you were on your mission in Chile? If so, do you regret it?
You are such nice couple, God bless
Thank you 😊
Sam does any of your family or others you may know even know why they have been sent away? And how do they get Warren Jeffs to allow them to go back to their families? I just got done reading Rachel Jeff’s book and their family was sent away a lot for ridiculous things that their dad would make up. I’m just curious if anyone who is sent away these days even get to go back into the community. He had his followers build so many different communities now that the Hildale area isn’t being occupied like before where do you think he sent the bulk of the members to?
what a stud!!!!
I would like to know what the names of all the children. Who chose the names? Were there any rules around names for each child? We’re there any duplicate names in each family?
Can you do a video on like your favorite things?
That is a great idea!
Can see he got that Quality FLDS homeschooled math education.
@Sam, did you know Rachel Jeff’s?
No I don't. I know of her, but I don't know her personally.
Is it okay to ask questions for Melissa about LDS?
You can ask me any questions about LDS, if you'd like
Absolutely! You can send specific questions to Melissa at growingupinpolygamy@gmail.com =)
The AUB polygamy group believe a minimum of three wives was required to reach the celestial kingdom. It’s the polygamy group “The Sister Wives” from TLC follow
Thank you for sharing! That is interesting to know where that came from!
Have you watched Sister Wives or the series Big Love? If so what do you think about these shows? it seems like in some ways they are different then the way you grew up.
Sorry, I haven't! Since I grew up in a polygamous family I never really watched a lot of those shows after I left haha.
The wheelbarrow thing was for paying taxes on the land owned by the church. Every family was supposed to pay their fair share toward the taxes throughout the year. But some families either couldn't or wouldn't pay. So when taxes came due, they had everyone bring whatever money they could to try and make up the difference.
I’m not sure if you mentioned this in another video but what is your sister who married Warren Jeffs doing now since he is in jail? Did she have children with him? I saw a video from his 65th wife who escaped as she said she was moved around and they tried to keep her there. She had said they never consummated the marriage.
My sister actually married Rulon Jeffs, Warren's father. He was 80 at the time and she was a teenager. When he passed away she became the wife of one of his sons. That son was then kicked out of the church and she was given as a wife to one of Rulon's other sons. It is hard to think of that happening and makes me super sad.
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy oh my goodness! I’m so sorry that happened to her. You aren’t able to talk to her either are you? I wish you could get her away from there. No one should just be passed along like property. That’s awful 😢
The question about being worried as a man if there would be enough women for you to have multiple wives was interesting, it made me think, what if some of the unexplained excommunication were at least partially motivated for that reason? Perhaps there were men that were expecting multiple wives but there just weren't enough women for everyone to have multiple wives so the leadership got rid of some of the men
I remember my cousin who was much older than me teasing me he asked " Are you your mom's kid, or the other mom's kid"
how was discipline handled? Like what if you refused to do a chore? what would happen to you?
I have heard you mention corals of meat animals...Did anyone in your community grow gardens...fruit trees or poultry????❤
WHAT DID YOU CALL THE OTHER MOTHER'S???
What part of the FLDS experience do you have the hardest time reconciling with?
My family being scattered and being told that they cannot communicate with those that have left.
I think if God came to earth and said “Nichole you must pick one of these religions which one do you pick?” I would go and go and pick the Hutterites because communal living, working together, minus the polygamy “ I would choose it. When he talked about how his one day we would go out and help with these things and the large family (my father has many children... with many women, all of us sibling are pretty tight) I like the idea of large families.. I jut don’t like the idea of a re-written Bible. Even the Amish would be alright and if people think signing doesn’t happen in Christianity it does! In different ways but it does. So I would choose to live among the Hutterite in a communal living setting. No abuse, no child brides, but everyone works together and no one is starving.
The info is out there that to get to the highest levels in heaven a man must have three wives. I heard this info on a dr Phil episode with the author of the book “the witness wore red”. The author’s father who had left the flds religion, was also on the show and he said it I believe.
With growing up with so many brothers, how did they keep everyone's clothing separate? Seems like doing laundry would be a nightmare with so many kids in a family.
We each had our own sections of closets and the mothers kept all of our clothes separate. They were pretty amazing to keep it all cleaned and separated for sure! =)
Do FLDS ever do mission trips like LDS?
My husband and I were just having a conversation about the two of you and I just happened to see you posted. Do you have a Instagram or some way to send a direct message? We are currently working through our own religious journey and would love to send a direct message if you’re open to that. We’ve loved listening to your videos ☺️
I also came to the comments searching for a way to direct message you. I would love to do a collaboration video with you guys, if you're interested.
We would absolutely love to hear from you! You can email us at growingupinpolygamy@gmail.com =)
We would love to hear from you! Our email is growingupinpolygamy@gmail.com
When you left FLDS and got married as LDS were you still shunned and your family couldn't come to the wedding?
Also was curious if military service is a thing with FLDS/LDS or if they are conscientious objectors?
Any of my family that was still following Warren Jeffs couldn't come to my wedding, but my siblings that had left did. My father was actually in the military. I don't know what the FLDS official stance on the military is, but the LDS support military service.
Did you call the other mothers mother or by their names
Can you take a trip out there so we could see the place
We are planning that video right now! Hopefully in the next few months! =)
What were mealtimes like? What did you eat? Were there shifts for eating?
This would make a great topic for a video! Thank you!
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy I'm glad I was able to suggest a good topic for you. I'd like to ask also what you make of the Lori Vallow-Daybell situation. I am a raised catholic dating a Mormon but a Buddhist by faith. My grandfather accepted my decision to convert after much debate
@ Melissa, do you know the other mothers?
(Melissa) I haven't had the privilege of meeting any of the mothers, including Sams.
do you have memories of warren jeffs there before he went to prison ? when did you find out the truth about him(Jeffs)? what age were you? What age were you when you decided i'm outta here?
Question for future vlog! I know your children are young, but have they asked about why one set of grandparents is around and one set isn’t? My kids also always ask what it was like when I was a child. How do you explain or plan to explain that to your children? Just genuinely curious 🙃
Great question! I just put it on the future video list! =)
A lot of times the Kingston group talks about having a lack of food. Did you experience that? It seems like you guys in the FLDS were not taken advantage of financially as much as the Kingstons.
Explain what exactly a chung is used for...
What did y'all do about having childhood/teen crushes? I cannot imagine going through my youth, without the crushes! Was that tamped down by God talk or punishment or... what?
❤
I made it to the end 😉
Thank you so much for watching! You are a trooper for making it to the end! =)
Do you think of 4th mother's children as your siblings?
I consider them family but they were already adults so we didn't grow up with them and didn't consider them siblings.
We’re they home births or at the hospital ?
They had a special birthing building that wasn't a hospital but where the women could have midwives help them.
How many of Warren Jeffs' brothers did you meet?
What did you call the other wives as a child? Auntie? Mom? By their first names?
We would call them "Mother (their first name)"
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy Thanks for sharing that!
What happens to the boys/men who can't marry because there are not enough to go around?
What number wife is your sister to Warren?
So he never answered the question of “how is there enough girls for all of the boys?” I math doesn’t work.
What are your views on traditional gender roles, and are those something you follow in your own life together?
When did you realise that polygamy wasn't something everyone did?
It sounds like you saw the other mothers kind of like aunts - they could tell you what to do but your own mother could override that.
I learned pretty early on that polygamy was something that was special to my community. We are taught from a very early age that it is what separated us from the mainstream LDS church and how and why God wanted us to continue to practice it.
The wheelbarrow was to help with the taxes for those who couldn't pay theirs.
Gotta know what life was like for your sister, married to Rulon. Yikes!
Your math Sam is not the best. Five brothers before you and six after. Not four.
Anyway I admire people who are brave enough to make a hudge change in their lives. I am catcholic and have different view on polygamy and religion rathet sect you left.
I wish you both all the best. I hope you will find your way to God.
Greetings from far away Poland
Yah I realized it wasn't right the moment I said it haha. Thank you so much for watching!
No offense but he kinda screwed on finding his way to god
I guess u were never taught if you can't say something nice keep your 👄 SHUT!
@@yesthatsme8963 how?
If you are referring to Sam it looks to me quite the opposite. He is deeply listening to God's calling and being faithful to where this is taking him rather than relying on institutional religion as something he takes in without thinking. For example, in the Catholic faith, Jesuits encourage people to question their faith and to use critical thinking to come to a reasoned decision about what is believed rather than grab on to faith without using thoughtful reasoning power.