Marrying an Ex-Polygamist
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- Опубликовано: 8 июн 2024
- My thoughts and feelings about marrying someone who grew up in a polygamist community and church.
FAQ:
What it's like for polygamous girls: • What It's Like For Pol...
What is it like for polygamous Mothers?: • What It's Like for Pol...
How do such big families survive financially?: • How Polygamous Familie...
What are FLDS views on race?: • FLDS Views on Race
My spiritual journey since leaving the FLDS: • My Spiritual Journey S...
Why and How I left Polygamy: • Leaving Polygamy: My H...
What it was like to grow up with 4 Mothers: • Growing Up In Polygamy...
What it was like to grow up wtih 34 siblings: • Growing Up In Polygamy...
Who in my family still believes: • Leaving Polygamy: Who ...
Is there arranged marriage?: • Growing Up in Polygamy...
Biggest culture shocks: • Leaving Polygamy: Cult...
What my education experience was: • Leaving Polygamy: From...
How Warren Jeffs became a prophet: • Leaving Polygamy: How ...
FLDS and the law: • FLDS vs. The Law
Why we didn't believe Warren Jeff's confession: • Warren Jeff's Confessi...
How we met: • How We Met...And Re-met
It is so wonderful that a "lost boy" (Sam) was able to find his forever family, and a happy life. You two are adorable!
Awesome that Samuel mentions "I'm not ashamed of where I come from. It's just life." That's a fantastic acceptance of "it is what it is." Can't change the past, can't change what you have no control of. Samuel comes from a family that loves him, regardless as to anything else. Absolutely should not be ashamed of being from a family that loves him, regardless of anything else. I hope there is a day where Samuel is able to reunite with those he's not allowed contact with because of leaving the FLDS church. I know the fact is that he left the church and may have physically left the family (but we all leave the family when we strike out on our own!)- it doesn't change the fact there's a piece of his heart for every single family member he has, regardless as to contact with them.
The part about differences culturally got me thinking about my Minnesota husband and my growing up in Texas. It's the little thing.....Duck, Duck, Goose in TX is Duck, duck, gray duck in MN. I almost missed a date with him because in TX it is often Breakfast, lunch and dinner and he was breakfast, dinner, supper. And finally, in my TX home, Santa came over night and presents were on Christmas morning, but in MN the presents came on Christmas Eve while they were at church. I'd love to hear what others have gone through. Made it 29 years so far with my MN man!!
In Oklahoma, we played 'Duck, Duck, Death Duck', lol. There's a flock on Lake Eufaula that are the stuff of nightmares.
It was nice hearing a little about Melissa. I would love to hear more about her and her backstory 💗
(Melissa Responding) Thank you so much!
Same here! I think u BOTH should do videos!
Your love for each other really shows throughout all of your videos and it's so sweet to see. ❤️ There's no doubt that you guys are very much perfect for each other.
Thank you so much!!
I appreciate how articulate, informative, kind & respectful you both are in talking about Sam's background. One can tell you are both quality people. Bless you for sharing all of this.
Thank you so much for your kinds words!
Would love to hear what Sam's 'hick accent' sounded like. Accents and dialects fascinate me.
He still has a little bit of a accent, it’s cute
Honestly, if I were to put a finger on the accent from the area, the best description would be very 1800's Upper New York/Illinois blend (really flat in strange parts, and a bit upper register in others). It's kind of a weird, linguistics study on insulated communities and their development.
@@pansprayers I agree. Kind of southern in parts but also sometimes kind of upper Midwest
I live in BC Canada and the FLDS from Bountiful have an unusual accent as well. They sound like they must have moved here from somewhere in Europe? Maybe. But no, born and raised in Canada/Utah.
Your story is interesting but most importantly, I love the respect with which you treat the people in your lives, past and present. Respect is charming. We need those examples!
Another good example is how you are so open. Secrets do limit our lives. I think the most important thing you have said Sam, is “I am not ashamed of my childhood. That was just my life.” Wow. I think that will be a lightbulb moment for many. Very freeing.
I will think of you two as I continue to clean up the hidden and dusty corners inside of me, growing and stretching to respect others even more.
Thank you so much for all your kind words. We appreciate your thoughts and feelings so much!
Thanks for switching it up. I so enjoy your channel; keep posting when you can. Your story is captivating.
Thank you! Will do!
These topics are always so interesting. Loved hearing the different perspective.
Glad you enjoyed it!
I love that Melissa said she has a crazy family. I really believe, we all do. The people that appear to “be normal” are usually the most screwed up.
Yes! We all do! =)
Awe what a good video I loved 🥰 it. So interesting 🤔 love seeing your videos. Keep them coming.
I would love to see an episode interviewing the bonus family.
It would be really neat to see an average day filmed with your family.. you guys are amazing!
It's great to see the strong relationship and commitment that the two of you have. Liked the role reversal of Melissa answering the questions, good to hear more of her side. Sam mentioned before that he lost his accent while living in Chile so it's funny Melissa noticed that right away when re-meeting him. With Sam having other brothers and sisters that left Polygamy at least he has them to have a relationship with. In a future video it would be interesting to hear Sam's reaction to the first Christmas Season, since leaving, and how he celebrated that year?
Thank you so much! That's a great video idea! =)
I met you when you we 18 though your bonus mom Casey!
It’s lovely to see you all grown up now!
Thank you so much for all of your videos! I have been binge watching them this past week, so this was perfectly timed!
I do have a question, but I COMPLETELY understand if you feel uncomfortable talking about it! What was the reproductive health education like while growing up in a religious environment? For example, were you taught about where babies came from, or about periods? Would somebody on their period have to behave any differently? For some reason, I have an image of that scene in Bridgerton where none of the adult women know how babies are made. 😂
Thanks again for making your videos. I love learning about different cultures!
My husband and met in June, engaged in August and married in December. We were married 50 years when he passed. Your videos have given me a look at your journey. The most important thing is having a relationship with Christ. Communicating with each other and studying the Bible together really helped us grow together. My pastor has always said don’t just take what he says but read and search the Bible ourselves.
Just curious do you think that your marriage wouldn’t have lasted 50 years, if you didn’t both have a relationship with Christ. My Grandparents were married 65 years and had no beliefs. I am always curious as see so many Christians think if good things happen it’s God and when bad things happen its the devil. I’m a firm believer in what will be will. My Dad left my Mum when I was 5 so she raised me and my 2 Brothers alone. She doesn’t have any religious beliefs. But we were always taught if you can’t help people don’t hurt them. Am glad you had a happy marriage and so sorry for the loss of your husband. Peace and Love. ❤️
Our marriage was centered in Christ after the first few years and the trust and communication with each brought us through the many ups and downs of life. Commitment to Christ played a big part.
@@helenlaboe1658 Thanks for answering it was a genuine question. ❤️
You two are adorable!! I just love it when I open up my computer and there is another video. Yea!!! I'll bet you have the cutest kids!!
Aww thank you so much! We think they are the cutest haha ;)
You guys seem to be very grounded and good people to me. Enjoy your life as you see fit. Cheers from Las Vegas
I've watched 4 of your videos back to back since this morning. One of them just randomly came up on my recommendations. Your story is so fascinating and I love both of your sincerity and honesty. In the first video, I thought Sam had a bit of a French Canadian accent, then Melissa said he had a strong accent when she first met him lol. 🙂
I wanna see a wedding video or story of your wedding next!
Loved the switch up tonight
Thank you so much!
Your videos have fascinated me over the past few days of watching!
A couple of questions, what happens to women who cant have children? And was their many mutiples born? I imagine with that many pregnant women twins/triplets would happen often?
Keep up the channel, Im really enjoying each video! Xx
You are so right children can never have too many grandparents.
I’m so interested in your “This Little Piggy” rhymes now!
Mine is:
This little piggy went to market
This little piggy stayed home
This little piggy had roast beef
This little piggy had none
And this little piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.
(Melissa Responding) Those are the same words we both use haha but Sam wiggles the toe while saying "wee wee wee" and I grew up with the "wee wee wee" running up to tickle their bellies haha. =)
So refreshing 🤗🤗😊.. You 2 are wonderful together .. As always, Appreciate the insight 😉 OLD G 🙂
Yay you did it! Awesome video
Yes! Thank you!
This was such an interesting video!
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!
You can seethe love between you two, so beautiful!
Thank you so much!
Ya know we all would love to see pictures!
Sam, do you have family get togethers with siblings that also left? I am hoping you have a few family members that you can see now and then.
He was a polygamist CHILD. He wouldn't be a polygamist unless he had more than one wife. No one can control the family that they are born into. 😇🤗
Good point! The word "polygamist" or "pligs" is often what people refer to anyone from that community, not the actual act of being in a polygamous relationship, so we are used to saying that Sam was "polygamous" even though he never had multiple wives. haha I hope that makes sense.
God place us in our family of origin to seek Him and to be found by Him! 🙏✝️🙏
Great vid. Just a heads up that you might want to watch The Dad's Challenge recent podcast with an interview with a couple who have left the LDS church. It's interesting. (I privately recommended that he interview you guys, fwiw.)
That is so sweet of you to recommend us! We will have to go check it out! =)
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy I'm sure he'd have a private chat with you (he gets back to most of my DMs on IG). Insight on the FLDS, for sure - maybe featuring you both on his channel. (I don't think the two of you want to "spill" on the LDS too much, and he's found another couple for that anyway.) I'd just like to see you guys get more subs and this is one way. Josh is a former pastor and he's asking a lot of good questions about religion generally. But he's DEF controversial.
Considering how young you both were still when you met again, the start of your relationship sounds so honest and mature.
Thank you for such kind comments!
You two are sweet, and the grace you show when talking about Sam's family, is this something you both discussed or has it come naturally? It is amazing neither of you seem to blame his family.
As for the " lost" boys. Were they from Sam's flds group ? Or, another group ? It sounds as if Sam was not kicked out or really encouraged to leave but chose to do so.
You are so sweet, thank you. I think it is easy to not blame Sam's family because we understand what it is like to feel very deeply about a religion. Some "lost boys" came from Sam's group, but I have also heard that the term has been used from boys of other groups too. Sam left completely by choice. =)
I love how you kept saying “out there”. My dad is from Colorado City and we do the same thing.
That's awesome!
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy as@-
Thank you for talking about "bonus" family. I have bonus family(I was taken in by a family after I was legally an orphan at 15) and they are my kids grandparents who are on their pickup lists, my father-in-law remarried and my biomom remarried but I am not close to her. For my kids its a bit complicated but they get it.
I have bonus family too. I was married before and remain friendly with my ex and love love LOVE his parents. So my kids with my new husband have an extra set of grandparents!! I love it, they love it and my ex husband is grateful because he didn’t have children, and my new husband loves them too.
I've recently started watching and I'm finding it very interesting to hear the differences and how the two of you have handled these things. I'm an inactive LDS member who married an inactive LDS member after having been separated for over 30 years, he having done his mission and spent more time active than I did, so I feel like I'm still learning so much even though we don't attend the church. I do have a question, since Sam was an ex FLDS member were the two of your allowed to marry in the temple or did you have a traditional wedding in a chapel or some other location?
In watching so many of these videos and seeing all the restrictions you had growing up what are your favorite things to do that you weren’t allowed to when you lived with your FLDS family? Are there new traditions that you do with Melissa and your kids that you enjoy that wasn’t allowed when you were younger? Let’s say for instance, Christmas parties, Dressing up the kids for Halloween etc. Did you celebrate Christmas growing up? I don’t remember you mentioning that. Only that you didn’t do Halloween and stopped doing birthdays and the 4 th of July celebration and fireworks because everything fun... I mean “enjoyable” (that cracks me up that he banned the word fun) we’re pretty much banned.
This is a great topic for a video! We have so many traditions and love to celebrate every holiday. And Melissa has a lot of family traditions that we continue with our children as well.
❤❤❤❤
You guys are just the cutest couple.
Try dating someone from Arkansas.. those are hick accents and they do not know proper grammar. They seen this, thru seen that .. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Awww thank you so much!
Both of you are so adorable together. ❤️❤️
You are so sweet! I really enjoyed your video.
Thank you so much!
Lord yes !! No one has the perfect family I’ll be the first to say .....
Una pregunta, Sam, por qué ponéis en el título "ex-polygamist" si tú no lo eres? En tu comunidad se practicaba la poligamia, pero tú no lo hiciste.
Por lo demás, me interesan mucho vuestros vídeos. Sois encantadores los dos. Un abrazo
You both are just so lovely🥰 beautiful couple!!!
Thank you so much!!
They are so cute together
I like your analogy of your family tree...mine is a bunch of weeds 😄👍
Was Melissa able to meet Sam's parents. Were any if his family able to come to the wedding. Thanks for sharing your story
She has said she has met father .
Melissa was able to meet my Father in a very formal setting, but has never met my Mother. The only biological family that was able to come to my wedding were those that had left the FLDS religion.
Your wedding dress is beautiful!
Thank you soo much!
Lucky for us that you two got together!
Awww thank you!
What is it like for the mother’s of the kids that leave? And for the little kids being carried for by the teenagers who leave? Did your sister feel bad about leaving some of the little ones that she was caring for? It must be heart-wrenching.
Such great questions and so much to cover here. I think we will make a video answering these questions. The short response is, as you said, "heart-wrenching". My sister went through a very difficult time having to leave those children behind that she had cared for as her own. My mother (and I'm sure all mothers from the FLDS) is completely heart broken. She believes she has lost me forever both in this life and spiritually.
When will you be live next Central time please?
One first thought was he's very attractive and a calming voice.
💜💜💜from Oklahoma
Can you do a video on what was your favorite and least favorite things about living there
That's a great video idea!
Just fascinating
Is the FLDS group still in Hilldale and other area in 2022 ?
Hi from Oklahoma 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
When I finally gave up on my ex since high school and we had been talking about getting married since after. He graduated in ‘85 -different schools but after waiting for years I finally broke it off with him …I met my husband 2 weeks later and he and I were married 20 months later, Fe-23-91, we had our 33rd anniversary last week ❤❤ 33 years and 5 children and a son in law later were still going strong no grandchildren yet this married daughter and her husband are to busy traveling before they have children instead they have 2 cats and a dog 💜💜😂
If and when you engage with siblings that left the group, when you get together does your accent and slang return?
He made a video with one of his sisters who left and she still has a very obvious accent but Sam didn’t and talking with her on video didn’t trigger an accent for him
I can’t speak on slang though because I’m not sure what kind of slang they use
Melissa, did the fact that Sam came from the FLDS religion and all the different things they believed in, have anything to do with why you both left the LDS church?
Sam, can you show us how your accent sounded ? I am interested in accents and often can tell where people are from. Yours may stump me though.
Hi Myrna! I could try but I have a difficult time trying to talk like I used to haha.
You guys seem a perfect match. 😊 As a former teacher, your writing letters and numbers in pudding and eating it more than writing in it made me laugh. 😂We always used shaving cream for the same thing. Not as tasty as pudding, though. 😊
Aww thank you so much. Yah, I think pudding is the way to go for that activity hahaha yumm
😂
New to your channel and will probably learn this as I watch. more videos... but are you both LDS now? Did Sam leave FLDS for LDS? How would either of you feel if one or the other became an atheist or a muslim or an otherwise different belief system.
Sam left FLDS and joined LDS but later they both left LDS together
Can u take us on a tour out there?
We hope to do that some time over the summer!
Sam, how did you learn to be so open and honest? From my perspective, the culture you grew up in kind of seems anti feelings and expression. Did you go to therapy or use some other tool to help you open up and be authentic? Or are you just an anomaly? Thanks for sharing, both of you!
I think I am an anomaly haha. As strange as it sounds, when I got in a car accident as a teenager and went into a coma for 3 days, I woke up with a much more outgoing personality. I think that had some kind of impact on me. Also, when I lived in Chile for 2 years, being exposed to another culture definitely helped me become more open and honest with people in general.
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy I just finished watching your video about the accident. There's a lot medical studies/articles about personality changes after traumatic brain injuries so I think it's entirely possible the accident affected your personality. The most common personality change after a TBI is increased aggression, but it really depends on how bad the injury is and which part of the brain is damaged (i.e. the frontal lobe). I'm not a doctor or anything, but your theory makes sense to me. lol
What about chores and stuff like that? Is there a certain difference in how you were both raised to believe somethings are a "woman's job" while other are a "man's job" or did you pretty much have a similar mind in that regard?
is all of Colorado City apart of the FLDS? is anybody living in that town not flds?
Hildale and Colorado City used to be almost exclusively FLDS, but a few years ago Warren Jeffs told all of his followers to leave the area. Now there are almost no followers of Warren Jeffs out there any more.
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy wow that is so interesting that you for the reply! Do you know where they are now?
Do you have a fb account?
What’s Sam’s last name?
Do you two have an Instagram?
Are random questions allowed?
Sure! Shoot!
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy favorite foods books shows
❤
You have love. So beautiful.
Thank you! 😊
You have found a way of educating people on the shocking realities of polygamous communities but at the same time you are reminding folks that the people in those communities are just as ordinary (beautiful or otherwise) as those outside. And Sam is a beautiful person. God bless your family.
You should use the key words "mixed marriage" when you publish you videos. You truly come from different cultures.
That's a great idea!
Wait when ARE you going to be live?
This Friday, July 9th at 6pm PT
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy what's that Central time please? Hate timezones
That will be 8pm Central :)
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy Ty I'll try to be there! Glad you're not going to be live tonight we're going to do a part 2 bday celebration bcuz a few family members couldn't make it on the 6th and we don't want them to feel left out and I hope you post a reminder about going live Friday!(👀 u guys in an hour?)
That is hilarious that Sam had a hick accent. He has no trace of an accent that I can tell. He could be a news caster.
Where does Sam work now?
He is a Sales Rep for Sherwin Williams.
I’d really like to know your families last name Sam, I know that may be personal, but I know a lot of Barlow’s, Walls, Jeff’s Jassop’s, Steed’s. It would be so cool to see where you fall in. Also did your mom burn all of your items and pictures after you left and act as if you never were her child? I knew a girl growing up who her mom dropped her off in St. George after questioning things, the mom burned all of her stuff and pictures, my friend ended up scared in the foster system and adopted where I was at. Her mom was a Jeff’s who married into a Barlow I believe.
I am a Zitting. =)
Would you guys be comfortable talking about why you left the LDS church and where you’re at spiritually now and how you’re raising the kids as in religion..??
Honestly, right now we are working towards being more comfortable with talking openly about it, but it is still so fresh. This is something we know we want to talk about in the future, but we may need a little more time. We appreciate everyone's love and support and interest in this topic.
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy thank you for your honest answer .. all in good time
Can Sam do his hick accent some time?
bummer! No caption:(
I tried to find out why there aren't the automatic captions and it said that sometimes it takes a while after uploading a video for the captions to become generated. I hope it adds them soon for you!
Finally it’s captioning on. Sometimes it can happens. Thank you :)
Wrong headline. Sam may have been a member of the FLDS but he is not polygamist. A polygamist is a person married to two or more people at the same time. Worldwide there are other groups that follow this practice. There is no need to try and sensationalize Sam's story.
What are the culture shocks with raising children?
This topic deserves it's own video. Added to the list. =)
He still has an accent to me
Over here in Ohio and I wiggle the baby toe like you guys said Sam does:) Definitely just a random thing for sure
Haha that is awesome! =)
Well he did *dang* good gettin shed of that *dang* hick accent. 😆 🤣 It's completely gone now. 😆
the happiest women ive ever seen are polygamist , why wouldnt you want sam to be complete and happy?
Isn’t he technically the son of a polygamist...? Title is a bit misleading dontcha think? Lol. A polygamist is someone who practices polygamy. Polygamy is having more than one spouse. He did not have more than one spouse. He is, therefore, not a polygamist. Born out of polygamy? Sure. But a “polygamist”? Not at all. 🤦🏼♀️ Clickbait titles that are just straight up lies are not cool and turn people off. Just my opinion.
I totally understand why it seems like that. So the group I grew up in, we were often referred to as "polygamist" and would even call each other "pligs" referring to anyone in our community and the people in our church. I understand that the actual act of "polygamy" is being married to more than one person, but it was also kinda the term used for our community as a whole. I hope that helps in why we refer to me as polygamist sometimes even though I was never married out there. It is more of a cultural thing than a literal statement.