And agggaaaaiin soo rite I am not making my dude react RUDELY and accusational and verbal abusive yet he will constantly say I made him act that way I'm like I did nooottt make yu react that way
@@cherizeaustin0816 the statement implies that someone is impersonating Lisa and asking her followers for their contact numbers. She is saying please be careful and if it happens to you, note that it’s not her. My bank sends this type of message to me all the time.
Has anyone ever notice that the ppl who minimise your toxic experience or tell you , your too sensitive , are the ppl who get butt hurt over the slightest thing .
@@8all8at8once8Yep it sometimes take a long time for some people to realize that they need to stand up for themselves because they eventually learn that people will knowingly hurt them to the extreme when you don’t say or do anything. It’ll amaze you how far they’ll go just because you don’t speak up.
This starts in childhood imo. You'd be labled as disrespectful if you stood up for youself. This is why so many of us black women can seem passive. I hate how that shows up!
I think it is or was the same for everybody - children are usually punished and discouraged for standing up for themselves. Probably depended on the particular family as to how much was tolerated. My family didn’t tolerate it (& I’m white). I think many children develop ways of getting attention & having their needs met without directly challenging their parents authority.
Absolutely I refused to raise my daughter to be scared shy or passive It’s been great seeing her stand her ground with appropriate boundaries as she moves through life she will bring these skills with her for protection and growth I will share the name of the book to my circle TY
Your opinion is absolutely fact! I wish more people would speak out because this is the root, the origin, the exact place were innocent children become victims. This behavior is learned. Babies are born, pure, and healthy. By the time they are given their 70 💉💉💉 and raised by people who were not taught properly how to care for children their little minds and bodies are just not very healthy and are programmed to think a certain way. This is the result, narcissism. This is because of their terrible parents and the fear the parents use and induce to gain compliance. My sister terrified me to the point where I would wet my pants at times when she was around me and she did the most despicable things to me growing up and here I am decades later with the memories in my body as if it were five minutes ago. She tried to drown me in the ocean she would take me outside and beat me up to where I would have bruises all over my body and every time I would try to tell an adult she would sit back with a smirk on her face and deny it with so much conviction that I actually thought I must’ve dreamed it, knowing that I did not dream it, but it was so crazy making and then I would get grounded and was even sent to a psychiatrist because they really felt I had problems emotionally and that I was a liar. How can a child combat an environment like this. Children do not have the tools, emotionally to even understand this kind of environment. I know hundreds and thousands of people who had it way worse than me and my heart just breaks for the destruction to one’s psyche it creates. They cannot thrive or learn boundaries living in fear. They learned the only way is to go along with it and stifle your anger and stifle your rage and don’t tell because no one will believe you if you do tell. It’s a sick, horrible dynamic and this type of abuse, the gaslighting and the projection and the emotional violence, all needs to be ousted and criminalized but who’s going to do that, given the fact that most of the people running our country and our schools are the abusers themselves who grew up learning how to stifle other people’s voices because they witnessed a favorable outcome of the parent, such as lots of friends or success or great wealth so little children think wow that must be the way to act in the world. Just beat the shit out of people to get what you want and get away with sex crimes and all types of terrible behavior because that’s what they saw and witnessed growing up. As a result of being threatened to be sent away or to be grounded or to be this or to be that or to be given away to another family or to be cut off I just stopped complaining because I was terrified of the consequences and of course, as a result, took that fearful behavior into my toxic friendships and my toxic work environment and they were toxic because I only knew one type of person to be around. I was comfortable around abusers because that’s what I learned to navigate through and ways to respond and I thought every person on the planet was the same as my family subconsciously or consciously, who knows so the only way to stop at all and I’m sure it’s that way for thousands of others was to grovel and people please and be sugary sweet in order to try not to get beat up. Unlearning this type of programming is so hard and let me just say that the anger of being treated like this and really recognizing that your childhood was basically stolen and that who you are as a person is the result of abuse is a really hard pill to swallow. There’s a lot of beauty though and healing and freedom and while once you realize that evil people who purposely want to hurt you really exist you learn all new skills and it becomes kind of like a pinball machine where you can get bounced around from here to there but ultimately you’ll be just fine. Oh, and one more thing karma is real and will come for all the people who behaved badly and hurt and abused and were cruel so just let go and let God!
I've learned throughout the years how to communicate my boundaries because I got tired of feeling guilty of how I did not deal with things in the past. When someone repeats the bad behavior and does not respect your boundaries, you gotta cut them loose.
So interesting that Lisa comes from an environment where talking over each other is normal, and now she has this show where she demonstrates absolute patience and space-holding for the other person to speak and be heard.
It's impressive. Props to Lisa. For some years I lived in a country and culture where listening was just not a thing, truly. It felt very incongruent and I am glad to recalibrate back to spaces where listening is prioritised. And what a wonderful guest. I just loved what Nedra said in this episode.
I’ve always been strong and a power house what I never learned was developing real boundaries the family I was raised with expected me to give give and wear myself out My boundary lessons I learned have enabled me to see how I must be my own best protector I no longer worry about if someone is upset about me not fillin in their blanks I’m my most important person of interest
“Set Boundaries, Find Peace” is on constant stream whenever I kick on Audible. It’s changed my life in every way, and I don’t mean that lightly. It’s a rude awakening to see how I was at fault in many negative learned behavior patterns, and I spend time actively every day putting into practice the teachings in Nedra’s book. So much gratitude for a freedom I only dreamed was possible 🙏🏼
This video came at a right time for me. My fiancé broke things off because I dared bring up things I’m not comfortable with in the relationship. He says he can’t be in a relationship where we have arguments. And I was really considering apologizing, but then if I go back I’ll likely have to repress my feelings to make it work.
Hey girl, find a man who is willing to work through the issues within a relationship and not run from them! Do not compromise yourself for a man, you will find Mr. Right! 😊
I’ve noticed this response across the board with folks who expect you to never have any objection to a behavior that crosses your boundaries. They most likely cut you off because it’s too traumatizing for them to realize they are not the example of pure perfection.
Girl he did you a favor. Every relationship has arguments. That sounds as though he doesn't want to take responsibility and eventually it would have gotten worse.
He wants you to be his peace so that he can get away with things he knows good & well is unacceptable if you were the one doing them. Huge red flag and it gets worse!
All of this!!! Thank you for the conversation. These are the same internal conversations I have with myself and struggles. My goal is to stand up for myself so much more than I do. So tired of being a victim of other peoples toxicity.
Hi Charlene! Hell yeah! Glad you liked the episode. Thanks for sharing your feedback. Hope you have a wonderful day! Best, Impact Theory Community Manager
Love this. When I was in middle school/ high school I would come home from school and rack my brain about what I should have or would have said and it really bothered me. One day I told myself from this day fowrad I'm going to say how I feel rite in the moment. It was a decision that I made as a teen. I just turned 48 and I sleep good every nite. I say what I need to say and I move forward w/out any regret.
Our families set us up for problems in other areas I’m sick of us allowing bad behavior because it’s family my sister told me Oh just ignore her. Our mother … I can’t so I have distanced myself freedom feels great
Yes. It’s not all me… some things are. But not everything 🌹your guests, women with inner strength after unwarranted adversity- are a total inspiration.
Wow! Family members say I am a snob and alot has to do with the fact that no longer bend to them and their actions. I am ok with all of it. Not to mention, I have experienced a very hard loss, and nothing really could devastate me anymore.
Omg that hairstyle is soooo cute Lisa!!❤ Thanks for a beautiful conversation. I’m currently going through a friendship breakup where I’m not innocent but also not deserving of gaslighting, smear campaigns, or silent treatments. Sorting out what to take accountability for and where to actually draw the line is really difficult since I don’t want to become a bad person and this conversation really helped ❤
I absolutely LOVED this. I can relate. We've gotta set limits, because we show people how to treat us by what we will or won't allow. It's about putting YOU first. I loved when she talked about how when you're in an abusive/unhealthy relationship with significant other. Your family will say you need to leave him alone but when it's a family member who's being mentally or verbally abusive, then we're supposed to just let it go or told to just get along because we're blood, we're family. I have two estranged sisters. They are still holding my past and what I use to do against me....I'm doing better now and I'm closest to my Mom now. I was a drug addict and now I'm getting better....but there are some who will use anything.bad you've done to identify you. It's not right
“My should have said conversations were so good that I should have said them.” Best insightful moment that we can all relate to. Explaining to someone that they have crossed an acceptable boundary with you is sometimes needed to be said flat out. If they can deal with it great! If they can’t it’s time to cut and go! Even with family. They tend to prey on your emotions, cause guilt and try and twist things to their desired outcome. My own personal thought is, if you wouldn’t put up with a friend doing or saying something, don’t allow a family member to do it just because they’re “family.” Great episode! Thank you ladies! ❤
I have a friend that he tells me words are spells which is very true negative or positive and we as humans we need to choose our words wisely especially expressing things about ourselves
You really have to catch yourself at times especially when you know it wasn’t you. you are not responsible for other ppl behavior but you are responsible for your self.
I appreciate this video. I finally stood up for myself at my work after 12 years of harassment and abuse. The individual was reprimanded for the last incident. I then suffered retaliation from several others at my workplace that ended up with false allegations about me. Thankfully HR believed all of it was a form of retaliation and Nothing happened to me or my job. However now I still deal with harassment and defamatory comments from others. Was it worth it? I can say YES! I am no longer presenting myself in this world as a doormat any longer ❤
Only a few minutes in but I'm struggling to understand how this advice works in real life since often arguments can escalate to a place where BOTH sides feel accused of being responsible for mistreatment! One person states how something wasn't appreciated, they may be upset while expressing themselves but the other side gets defensive and gaslights instead of reflect and understand and/or apologise. It can be a never ending cycle if ppl continue to follow life scripts and want to be right, as opposed to try to understand. Your truth may be valid and legitimate for YOU, but others may feel just as strongly that their truth is just as valid. I think all truths are valid provided empathy and compassion is present. I appreciate how protecting your energy is vital and upholding your boundaries in a healthy fashion is important but if you're constantly in battle with individuals who don't understand and respect you then you need to decide what's important in life. We can't always agree with ppl or their choices but we can all work on being more present and empathetic for ourselves first, and others as an extension. The trickiest thing for me personally is knowing when to let things slide and when to uphold a boundary. Like knowing how to differentiate between what's a fight worth fighting and one that's not. When to rise above it and when to not be walked all over or disrespected. How do ppl make these decisions 🤯
@@jacquelinehelm356 The thing is I feel sometimes it's more about protecting Ur own energy, peace n well-being rather than challenging or battling someone who doesn't care to understand. Especially as someone else's disrespectful behaviour is a reflection of them, not u. I've also learnt that over-explaining is a trauma response and wanting to fight ppl on everything isn't healthy or sustainable. Like it's ok to take a breath and say to yourself, this isn't worth the emotional turmoil or upset.
I agree w/you on this. Folks make big bucks telling us how we can handle this and that like it’s cut and dry, when we know the truth, it really isn’t. Just like when you’re in a toxic workplace and you really need your job but miserable co-workers and bosses will take advantage of fact that you need it, and antagonize you, even though they need their’s too. The person giving advice will tell you to go to HR, but what if your torment is happening while working in the HR department? That’s why I’m highly discerning when listening to this type of content. People are complicated so it’s best to do what works best for you. It’s basically trial and error until you die.
I hope they listen and take action. 1. Never allow anyone to rewrite history on you and blame you for their mistakes. 2. Never apologize for things you did not do. They remember what happen but soon as they realize their mistake, they would rewrite it and try to get you to say you were the one in the wrong. 3. For people who do things like that, make every interaction internet chat. The internet allows you to screenshot their mistakes. Soon as you tell them what they said, keep your eyes on the comments they made and watch them erase it. That lets you know that they have been doing that all your life and it gives your brain peace to finally know that you were right all alone. 4. A strong super power is to be able to repeat anything you said. Make sure you never tell lies. It make it easy to repeat anything you say. When you see the look of shock in the eyes of the person you tell something to, be advised that they will tell the person you are talking about. Get ahead of it before they rewrite what you said and add more negativity to the conversation. Tell them, you don’t believe me? Watch me say it in front of them. Watch they say no, I believe you, just to get you to be quiet so they can tell your story their way. 5. You will then, have a problem of someone treating you badly because that person who told them their side of your story, told them, don’t let them know I told you because I don’t want to be involved in any mess. When it finally comes out, after their friendship ends with that other person, because they went through that person doing them the same thing they did to you, they tend to say they forgive you in order for you to take blame for things you never did. So be known as someone who can repeat anything you said. 6. If you make your life more exciting when someone ghost you, they will tend to come back into your life just to stop your happiness. 7. Let your friends and family know that you will not tolerate them making the decision to ghost you because they see you having fun with them. They will think you need them for that happiness. Never give them that same happy time again, unless others are around. They will watch you like a hawk to find a flaw in you, because they become envious of the positive way others take to you and talk about you. They want the love and positive way people talk about you. Watch they start to try and act like you before you make any moves, so they can take the love and respect you get. The thing is, they would act like you, but still dress like themselves so others would not enjoy their act because it looks fake. All movies dress the characters like the act they are playing. It becomes a bad movie when the look and personal actions do not match the surroundings. 8. Never raise your voice over the actors in your life, because they win when they can get you to act out of character. 9. Never feel you have to justify or prove fake stories people tell about you. Laugh at the stories and make the person have to tell the truth by saying, hay, it was almost true but their lie messed it up.
Example: When people would come tell me a boy, who ate lunch at my table in school and I had a conversation with him, told them that he had me. I would laugh and tell them, did he say I was good or not? I hope I was because that would mess up my reputation if I’m not good in bed. I need to be there the next time it happens. And the sad part about it is, I liked him and was thinking about really giving it to him. Watch he come to you in hopes that he can make his lie really happen. Make sure you are never alone when he comes near you. When he try to have a personal conversation with you about making that happen, tell him, I don’t sleep with the same person twice if they are packing small packages. Your package is so small that I am still a virgin. Thanks for trying though. You will never get married, because soon as your girlfriend realize that you can’t please her, she will need a side man to please her. So you need to stay a virgin and not let a girl see what you are packing before you say I do.
10. Never flinch or ask someone to stop their act when they are getting loud and demonstrating to you the fights they have had in their life. Just laugh and tell them to do that again. They are telling that story to see if they can control you with fear. It makes them fear you when they see you do not flinch. They will go to the next step by starting an argument with you. Just say, looks like you are having problems, let me go so you can figure out what is really wrong with yourself. When they call, block them. The friendship is over. They will come back every year and always apologize and blame their actions on something someone told them you said. They would also blame it on an illness like PTSD. Tell them that the only reason you are converting with them is because they never put their hands on you. But every time your illness comes up, I will have to leave and block you so you can get yourself together. 11. The thing that drives people crazy is when they see you get the love and respect they want, yet can’t get. They will dissect you with a fine tooth comb to find your flaws. 12. If they see people brag about your cooking, they would give get togethers at their home to show people they can cook too. Tell them you are full unless it’s catered food, because they will poison you.
Only 10 minutes in and I have such a mixture of emotions! The relatability, I’m cheering, clapping, wanting to cry, and even more so feel encouraged and motivated! Thank you so much for sharing this conversation! I really needed to hear this! 🙏🏽🥲🥰
Screenwriter .. spoke to me ! I have always continued conversations on my head or create a dialog . Later realizing not speaking up and avoiding conflict didn’t make me feel good. I use to beat myself as a person “ I’m bad daughter, friend, sister, etc” just to have the person come back and say you know what you were right. That’s when I to ownership of my actions and reactions . Operate with a pure heart the best of my ability and my conscience is clear. Triggers occur & I’ll tend to them then. I loved the “not mastered, I’m practicing”
This is a MAJOR component of my current, incredibly painful situation of estrangement with an adult son. Up until a couple of weeks ago, i was being 100% blamed for(and accepting)the total breakdown of what has previously been a close, loving relationship with my only child. It started when they got married and now I am faced with stepping back from having a relationship with my two toddler granddaughters. I just can't break through this wall of gaslighting and cruel treatment my son and daughter-in-law. Everything I read seems to advise "Do whatever you need to do" to have a relationship with your grandchildren, including but not limited to silence and total acquiescence to unkind, unreasonable treatment.
It’s a really difficult situation for you. I guess with regard to boundaries you are not responsible for any bad behaviour by your son and daughter in law- only for your own actions. You don’t have to accept bad behaviour from them. Your grandchildren are the responsibility of their parents so let them get on with it and enjoy your freedom! I know it’s painful and not what you would prefer but please put yourself first and spend your valuable time with the people in your life who treat you with respect. I’m in a similar situation with my son (my only child) and his fiancée who seriously disrespected me last year. I responded by setting very firm boundaries with them- my son got the message and his attitude has improved greatly however his fiancée’s attitude is much worse since then so I don’t see them at all now but my life is peaceful! I wish you all the best
I understand a little. My mom and I have no relationship with my brother. He’s basically estranged from the entire family out of his own choosing and claims that we have abused him God whole life, a lie he convinced his wife to vice. Our relationship with him has deteriorated since they got married. My mom finally had to let go for her own sanity. It’s wrong to expect mothers to give everything when they are receiving nothing and being blamed for everything that goes wrong in their child’s lives. Adult children need to take responsibility for their happiness and go to therapy. Mothers deserve respect at the very least.
@Lauren T. I read your response again. I'm wondering if his wife hasn't played a role in this estrangement. Your brother pulling away from his family might be just what she wanted to have happen. I've read so many accounts of heartbroken families who have lost their son to a toxic, manipulative daughter in law. It's becoming quite common.
How do you not get mad when other people won’t respect your boundaries because that’s what I find myself doing getting more and more irritated that they’re not respecting the boundary
You're allowed to be mad. Telk them the are over stepping and you will not tolerate it. Step back, keep them at arms length and remove any privilages they get from you in silence.
Its maddening yea, been struggling with a similar situation myself too.There was a section at the end of the video she was speaking about setting boundaries for yourself because you can't make others respect yours. That's where we have to decide how much the relationship is valued and decide what the boundary is with this person. Like @peep4674 said, step back (go within), acknowledge the anger, and then the satisfying part: silence. An awesome quote on that: 《Sometimes Silence speaks louder than words》❤...it communicates a refusal to engage. Some relationships can be so frustrating eh, but I guess we wouldn't grow without them. ❤
0:30 That’s right. Men are good at blaming women and us women need to not accept that all the time if it’s truly not us! I’m proud I do this. You can’t worry about if he thinks you’re a naggy bitch. Let him. He knows deep down it’s him but he will call you naggy. Let him and then leave. I had a guy say I was mean and a ticking time bomb because I yelled one time at my parents in front of him. He ignored the fact that I was never mean to him or anyone else and decided to say that this one moment of angwr (which I apologized to my parents for) meant I was a mean person. He ignored all the good and focused on one bad event. He refused to talk to me and I decided to block him because he wasn’t replying to texts. Best decision ever. He was probably using that as an excuse for him to leave the relationship.
5 years ago I got out of a toxic relationship with a narcissist who was physically, emotionally, and financially abusive. Recently I have been contacted by 3 girls after me who have been abused by him or are currently being abused by him. I have been told that this comes back to me specifically because I am the one he most resents as he still talks about me to each new girl he dates and has developed a target for vulnerable asian women. I'd like to move on from this part of my past and live my wonderful life without thoughts of him but I feel guilt and regret if I do not give solace and a listening ear to these women who have seeked me out. It breaks my heart to hear what they have been or are going through. I now have a beautiful and healthy relationship with the man of my dreams and it's unfortunate that this part of my life reappears ever so often because he will never change and the abuse will continue.What advice do you have for me in navigating this ongoing situation?
Forget about all that bad experience you had learn from it be happy with your relationship now and stop entertaining those young ladies coming to you . Move on who cares what your ex says it’s irrelevant
You can tell the young women you don’t want to be reminded of him. But perhaps listening to them validated your experience and it’s a good thing! Just have some boundaries on how long you wanna listen to it
Our delivery system, tact, and self-control surrounding boundaries are important. I love the point made that boundaries are about insuring, creating, and supporting a healthy relationship dynamic. So that if and or when a breach happens, hopefully only by mistake and not intentional, we can enforce our expectations accordingly and access any deal breakers. It's one thing to know what your standards, values, and let's say, morals are all about,. But it's also another thing in a situation or crisis to know how to use those tools and enforce them effectively. Like most things, it's going to take practice. We shouldn't hold strangers to higher standards than our closer relationships. If anything, we should hold friends and family to higher ones because they should definitely know better. And they are going to be who we're closer and more emotionally invested in. So, these relationships are the best to begin building our own emotional wealth in. And because treatment is all about behaviors, no one should be exempt. We're building healthy or we're we're feeding or buying into toxicity. Great discussion and well placed thoughts.
The first thing is to stop blaming yourself for every last little mistake under the Sun. That's hard for people to do who were raised in abusive narcissistic environments. The first rule of those is "You don't get an opinion, you don't get to speak it, you don't get to tell the truth." The second is "You earned the abuse you're receiving as a 'punishment' for upsetting me." When you are raised under these two rules, you learn that you are not a person, you don't matter, your only job is to exist and try to please others, and that you can expect to be punished at every turn. It's a genuine shock to you when you do grow up, you get out into the world, and the only people really operating under these two rules are the police and governments. No one else gives a damn; you can do what you want, so long as you aren't actually causing real harm to anyone. You're still always looking over your shoulder though. The PTSD from an abusive, narcissistic childhood is real. The next thing is to learn to state the truth along with "...and I'm not going to argue with you about it." Possibly the most useful phrase in the English language, aside from "No means no."
I have severe PTSD. The man whom I thought was my best friend... Has given me SEVERE SEVERE SEVERE PTSD. I beg to die. Please, Lord, let me die. I can't take this pain and panic anymore. I'm so desperately alone. I live in panic and despair. I am dizzy with grief and nauseous with panic and terror. I'm so very very very alone. HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK COULD HE DO THIS TO ME? HOW HOW HOW??? I trusted him. I loved him. I needed him. He raped my soul and left me in darkness. I live in constant panic and horrific terror. Can't believe what he's done to me. How could he do this to me? WHAT! A! MONSTER!!! I can't breathe. I don't breathe. I am paralyzed with frantic terrified panic. I am submerged in darkness. I am breathless and lonely and so very alone. Debilitating paralyzing panic attacks. They are almost constant. I'm in hell. I can't find escape nor relief. My soul is tortured and tormented and raped. He raped me. On a soul level. He raped my soul. I am in agony. Anguished. Haunted. Panicked. In despair. I die inside. The pain is unbearable. I drowned in terror and darkness. Nightmares all night. Panic attacks all day. When and how will I ever heal? This happened to me in February, and now we're in July... So... I release all chords, hooks, ties, and attachments to him specifically, and also generally: to any person, place, or thing, on any time continuum, that is no longer for my highest and best good, and healing... I release all of these things now, and forevermore, and I watch them dissolve into the nothingness, from which they came... Thank you, thank you, thank you - IT IS DONE! 🙏 And here are 13 gentle and urgent reminders: 1. You're ALWAYS exactly where you are supposed to be 2. Self-esteem is measured by you (nobody else gets to decide your worth) 3. Get rid of fear: FOREVER!!! 4. When things are tough, change the way you see things... 5. Don't dwell on/in the past (come back to this present moment!) 6. It's only temporary (all of it!) 7. You have what it takes 8. You don't need to change 9. Release your need for control 10. Accept. Allow. Breathe. Deep. 11. Remember where you came from 12. Remember that you are not alone (not ever!) 13. Remember who you are GOD has a purpose for your pain, A reason for your struggle, and a reward for your courage/bravery/faithfulness... Trust, and never give up. 🙏🏽 I'm walking into my victory! Thank you, God!❤💯 Instead of saying: “what’s the worst that could happen?” Let’s say: “what’s the BEST that could happen?” I choose God's LOVE and MIRACLES over the temptation of unbelief! I surrender all the pain, the darkness, the grief, the misery, and the self judgement. I am ready to have it all transmuted to joy, comfort, safety, bliss, miracles, magic, beauty, happiness, strength, and aliveness! AFFIRMING: - I am divine - I am sacred - I am radically honest - I am a warrior - I am an angel - I am light - I am love - I am one with the eternal - I am one with my twin flame (we are magnetized to each other!) - I am protected - I am strong - I am multidimensional - I am grateful - I am abundantly blessed - I am brave and courageous - I am creative - I am resilient - I am ambitious - I am a healer - I make the world a better place
Lisa, I love your question about causing a wound at 41 1/2 minutes. You’re so spot on and the fact that she said it did not cause a wound of any kind, makes me question how deep she can go. Her neutrality is just too neutral for me. I have feelings Just saying. 💝
I would have feelings about that too. I didn't hear her say it didn't create a wound 'of any kind'. But she did say "no, it didn't create a wound". Also twice she said that it was really sad. So she did have feelings to work through, but to her it wasn't severe enough to be considered a wound. I wonder if she may define 'wound' different than you? The same word can mean something a bit different to different people.
Another white woman questioning a black woman's feelings...not her fault you're sensitive. Doesn't mean she can't go deep, she's just not sensitive like u
It’s wild, I was able to click “watch later” for other videos, but every time I try to do that with this video, it plays now. Trying to tell me something?
I never wanted to be with a partner that would try to 1up me it’s so important to talk competition is fine outside but in the household No we are on the same team sb the mantra
Most of us are consistent with behaviors. Some women are different people for men. I had a very close friend who is demanding with all of her friends, demanding at work and a bitch to anyone in customer service, but when her man said, “Jump”! She said, “how high”? She couldn’t wait to tell us any and every way we were imperfect, but she was scared to tell her man that being 40 years old and making $400 a week wasn’t enough.
@@bathemeinchampagne I HAD* (key word is had) a close friend who was this way. She was very demanding, and upfront with her feelings to everyone, BUT him. Even if the people had boundaries, we would tell her all the time about her mouth, but she always had an excuse for what she was justified in being that way. None of us just Rolled over and accepted her behavior. However She was still this way with EVERYONE in her life, BUT HIM. And he was very abusive. Mostly e optional.y, but physically too. Something i notice about abused women, when they are powerless in their home, they go out and project their emotional abuse on to others. The comedian Monique appears to be this way. Her husband Sydney is clearly very controlling, but she is know. To be demanding to everyone, BUT HIM.
You and her should do more videos together, good combo.very interesting convos. As wel as with the episodes with the greek blond reslient women and rc blakes.
Yes one guy told me that I did this to myself by loved him and he rejected me he didn't take any responsibility for his input into the experience that made me loved me at first place but I cut him off he did try to convince me
These days my new and improved now boundaries look to some people who are from the far left only like cruelty. Good advice for me to not argue with anyone about that.
when they bring it to you and discuss how they felt and what you did. How you said it, what you did, you can gauge what is right and wrong. I.e, sorry that my tone wasn't nice but i stand by what i did.
Sad 2 say this is me he said i cheated and now wants to break up packing my bags as I write this was working till 2am Not Cheating😢But I have suspicions he jus wants out!
You want a man who treats you with respect. I had a man who understood and saw me work hard till early morning for studies. Is this truely how you want to be loved? Go to family and friends for support or go to break up groups online for support. You got this!
9 times out of 10, the accuser is cheating which makes them think you are cheating too. He is most probably the one cheating on you. I am so sorry you are going through this. Yoy deserve better. No point fighting for a man who thinks the worst of you with no evidence proving their perspective. Walk away, heal and I pray you find a decent man who will honour and appreciate you. You will find that lovely! Walk away in silence. Don't text or call this guy. Give time, lovw and space to yourself now. You need it, he doesn't deserve it. ❤
Yes, I have not watched a single one in it's entirety because of this reason. 🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤 I want the info, and I want to support the channel and guests, but I can't justify spending this long on a one-subject video when that takes up over 1/12th of my whole day, respect your audience, plz 🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤 Much Love!!
I for example watch these videos while I do many other things so it's great that they're long so I don't have to stop what I'm doing every 30 min .. i guess it's like the thermostat 😂
I LOVE THAT "OUR FREEDOM IS WITH IN." -BY NEDRA THERE FOR, NO OTHER HUMAN WILL FREE YOU. IT IS A FREEDOM (POWER) THAT WE HOLD INSIDE. LET IT GO AND LET GOD RESTORE, GROW, AND HEAL US TO BE AT PEACE. FORGIVE BUT DON'T FORGET AND SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES FOR YOURSELF THAT GIVES YOU PEACE. HAVING A HEALTHY MENTAL STATE HELPS MAINTAIN GREAT RELATIONSHIPS FOR EVERYONE INVOLVE. ❤THIS WAS SO GOOD, THANKS FOR SHARING LISA.
Im half puerto Rican 🇵🇷 and half Cuban 🇨🇺 but my upbringing and behaviors and habits lean more toward my puerto rican 🇵🇷 side because i really didn't know my cuban side and my partner is fully rican 🇵🇷 i was brought up to be respectful and speak after the other person is done speaking and speaking properly, i had an aunt that would give you the death stair if you said shut up, but my partners family i do find are rude because they talk over you and cut you off and he obviously has those habits and I have made it clear to him that I find it rude and disrespectful. I mention this because its not always cultural differences he and I are from the same place but have alot of differences maybe that because my family is from the country in PR his is from the city. Hes a city boy im a country girl maybe thats why were the same but different. Lol
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
What are you talking about This statement is confusing??
And agggaaaaiin soo rite I am not making my dude react RUDELY and accusational and verbal abusive yet he will constantly say I made him act that way I'm like I did nooottt make yu react that way
@@cherizeaustin0816 the statement implies that someone is impersonating Lisa and asking her followers for their contact numbers. She is saying please be careful and if it happens to you, note that it’s not her.
My bank sends this type of message to me all the time.
@@BluSnoww-xq5gi Leave him.....
Has anyone ever notice that the ppl who minimise your toxic experience or tell you , your too sensitive , are the ppl who get butt hurt over the slightest thing .
I have! But it took me a long time…
Same here
The person I know that does that the most is actually a narcissist. When it happens you almost fell like your living in the twilight zone
@@8all8at8once8Yep it sometimes take a long time for some people to realize that they need to stand up for themselves because they eventually learn that people will knowingly hurt them to the extreme when you don’t say or do anything. It’ll amaze you how far they’ll go just because you don’t speak up.
They Project
This starts in childhood imo. You'd be labled as disrespectful if you stood up for youself. This is why so many of us black women can seem passive. I hate how that shows up!
I think it is or was the same for everybody - children are usually punished and discouraged for standing up for themselves. Probably depended on the particular family as to how much was tolerated. My family didn’t tolerate it (& I’m white). I think many children develop ways of getting attention & having their needs met without directly challenging their parents authority.
Absolutely I refused to raise my daughter to be scared shy or passive
It’s been great seeing her stand her ground with appropriate boundaries as she moves through life she will bring these skills with her for protection and growth
I will share the name of the book to my circle TY
They even say we are selfish for standing up for ourselves
Your opinion is absolutely fact! I wish more people would speak out because this is the root, the origin, the exact place were innocent children become victims. This behavior is learned. Babies are born, pure, and healthy.
By the time they are given their 70 💉💉💉 and raised by people who were not taught properly how to care for children their little minds and bodies are just not very healthy and are programmed to think a certain way.
This is the result, narcissism. This is because of their terrible parents and the fear the parents use and induce to gain compliance.
My sister terrified me to the point where I would wet my pants at times when she was around me and she did the most despicable things to me growing up and here I am decades later with the memories in my body as if it were five minutes ago.
She tried to drown me in the ocean she would take me outside and beat me up to where I would have bruises all over my body and every time I would try to tell an adult she would sit back with a smirk on her face and deny it with so much conviction that I actually thought I must’ve dreamed it, knowing that I did not dream it, but it was so crazy making and then I would get grounded and was even sent to a psychiatrist because they really felt I had problems emotionally and that I was a liar.
How can a child combat an environment like this.
Children do not have the tools, emotionally to even understand this kind of environment. I know hundreds and thousands of people who had it way worse than me and my heart just breaks for the destruction to one’s psyche it creates.
They cannot thrive or learn boundaries living in fear. They learned the only way is to go along with it and stifle your anger and stifle your rage and don’t tell because no one will believe you if you do tell.
It’s a sick, horrible dynamic and this type of abuse, the gaslighting and the projection and the emotional violence, all needs to be ousted and criminalized but who’s going to do that, given the fact that most of the people running our country and our schools are the abusers themselves who grew up learning how to stifle other people’s voices because they witnessed a favorable outcome of the parent, such as lots of friends or success or great wealth so little children think wow that must be the way to act in the world. Just beat the shit out of people to get what you want and get away with sex crimes and all types of terrible behavior because that’s what they saw and witnessed growing up.
As a result of being threatened to be sent away or to be grounded or to be this or to be that or to be given away to another family or to be cut off I just stopped complaining because I was terrified of the consequences and of course, as a result, took that fearful behavior into my toxic friendships and my toxic work environment and they were toxic because I only knew one type of person to be around. I was comfortable around abusers because that’s what I learned to navigate through and ways to respond and I thought every person on the planet was the same as my family subconsciously or consciously, who knows so the only way to stop at all and I’m sure it’s that way for thousands of others was to grovel and people please and be sugary sweet in order to try not to get beat up. Unlearning this type of programming is so hard and let me just say that the anger of being treated like this and really recognizing that your childhood was basically stolen and that who you are as a person is the result of abuse is a really hard pill to swallow.
There’s a lot of beauty though and healing and freedom and while once you realize that evil people who purposely want to hurt you really exist you learn all new skills and it becomes kind of like a pinball machine where you can get bounced around from here to there but ultimately you’ll be just fine.
Oh, and one more thing karma is real and will come for all the people who behaved badly and hurt and abused and were cruel so just let go and let God!
@@thirstonhowellthebird I hope karma comes for your sister, what a horrible person she sounds like. Sorry that happened to you in your childhood 💔
I've learned throughout the years how to communicate my boundaries because I got tired of feeling guilty of how I did not deal with things in the past. When someone repeats the bad behavior and does not respect your boundaries, you gotta cut them loose.
Setting boundaries .. is like cleaning out your closet and kicking the garbage to the curb .. now we need a new wardrobe 😅
I love her confidence and chill presence in the interview. I want that relaxed state in my everyday.
Me too
I have it on the outside but on the inside its a different story
This demeanor is my goal!!! I feel like a damn baby rattle on this inside lol
Absolutely 💯
So interesting that Lisa comes from an environment where talking over each other is normal, and now she has this show where she demonstrates absolute patience and space-holding for the other person to speak and be heard.
It's impressive. Props to Lisa. For some years I lived in a country and culture where listening was just not a thing, truly. It felt very incongruent and I am glad to recalibrate back to spaces where listening is prioritised. And what a wonderful guest. I just loved what Nedra said in this episode.
I’ve always been strong and a power house what I never learned was developing real boundaries the family I was raised with expected me to give give and wear myself out
My boundary lessons I learned have enabled me to see how I must be my own best protector I no longer worry about if someone is upset about me not fillin in their blanks I’m my most important person of interest
I really love these conversations about boundaries because we need to set them, I realised if you don’t it gets you disrespected
“Set Boundaries, Find Peace” is on constant stream whenever I kick on Audible. It’s changed my life in every way, and I don’t mean that lightly. It’s a rude awakening to see how I was at fault in many negative learned behavior patterns, and I spend time actively every day putting into practice the teachings in Nedra’s book. So much gratitude for a freedom I only dreamed was possible 🙏🏼
I must read this book. Thank you 🙏🏻
Arguing is a choice. I like that
This video came at a right time for me.
My fiancé broke things off because I dared bring up things I’m not comfortable with in the relationship. He says he can’t be in a relationship where we have arguments. And I was really considering apologizing, but then if I go back I’ll likely have to repress my feelings to make it work.
Hey girl, find a man who is willing to work through the issues within a relationship and not run from them! Do not compromise yourself for a man, you will find Mr. Right! 😊
@@NessaJohnson777 thank you Vanessa. ❣️🫂 Yeah, I can’t let myself down like that, I have to move on. That was not a healthy relationship.
I’ve noticed this response across the board with folks who expect you to never have any objection to a behavior that crosses your boundaries. They most likely cut you off because it’s too traumatizing for them to realize they are not the example of pure perfection.
Girl he did you a favor. Every relationship has arguments. That sounds as though he doesn't want to take responsibility and eventually it would have gotten worse.
He wants you to be his peace so that he can get away with things he knows good & well is unacceptable if you were the one doing them. Huge red flag and it gets worse!
All of this!!! Thank you for the conversation. These are the same internal conversations I have with myself and struggles. My goal is to stand up for myself so much more than I do. So tired of being a victim of other peoples toxicity.
Good post. There's never enough information for people on boundaries.
My mother told me and taught me from an early age to always stand up for myself and take nobody’s bs and I did all my life. For me that is normal.
This has been my favorite video on boundaries for awhile now & I have watched it multiple times since it is rich in wisdom.
Hi Charlene!
Hell yeah! Glad you liked the episode. Thanks for sharing your feedback. Hope you have a wonderful day!
Best,
Impact Theory Community Manager
Love this. When I was in middle school/ high school I would come home from school and rack my brain about what I should have or would have said and it really bothered me. One day I told myself from this day fowrad I'm going to say how I feel rite in the moment. It was a decision that I made as a teen. I just turned 48 and I sleep good every nite. I say what I need to say and I move forward w/out any regret.
I am going to try this
I look forward to being this person hopefully, I get there
Found my voice, stood in my truth. Honored myself…
Our families set us up for problems in other areas
I’m sick of us allowing bad behavior because it’s family my sister told me Oh just ignore her. Our mother …
I can’t so I have distanced myself freedom feels great
Yes. “ winning” the fight in relationships -everyone loses.
Yes. It’s not all me… some things are. But not everything 🌹your guests, women with inner strength after unwarranted adversity- are a total inspiration.
The pause.. I've listened to Nedra Tawab for the longest time. I love the pause before speaking and answering questions.
Wow! Family members say I am a snob and alot has to do with the fact that no longer bend to them and their actions. I am ok with all of it. Not to mention, I have experienced a very hard loss, and nothing really could devastate me anymore.
Omg that hairstyle is soooo cute Lisa!!❤ Thanks for a beautiful conversation. I’m currently going through a friendship breakup where I’m not innocent but also not deserving of gaslighting, smear campaigns, or silent treatments. Sorting out what to take accountability for and where to actually draw the line is really difficult since I don’t want to become a bad person and this conversation really helped ❤
So much sense this guest speaks. Love it.
I absolutely LOVED this. I can relate. We've gotta set limits, because we show people how to treat us by what we will or won't allow. It's about putting YOU first.
I loved when she talked about how when you're in an abusive/unhealthy relationship with significant other. Your family will say you need to leave him alone but when it's a family member who's being mentally or verbally abusive, then we're supposed to just let it go or told to just get along because we're blood, we're family. I have two estranged sisters. They are still holding my past and what I use to do against me....I'm doing better now and I'm closest to my Mom now. I was a drug addict and now I'm getting better....but there are some who will use anything.bad you've done to identify you. It's not right
“My should have said conversations were so good that I should have said them.” Best insightful moment that we can all relate to. Explaining to someone that they have crossed an acceptable boundary with you is sometimes needed to be said flat out. If they can deal with it great! If they can’t it’s time to cut and go! Even with family. They tend to prey on your emotions, cause guilt and try and twist things to their desired outcome. My own personal thought is, if you wouldn’t put up with a friend doing or saying something, don’t allow a family member to do it just because they’re “family.” Great episode! Thank you ladies! ❤
I have a friend that he tells me words are spells which is very true negative or positive and we as humans we need to choose our words wisely especially expressing things about ourselves
11:00 one of my favorite boundaries is standing up for myself 🤎 omg 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿 MINE TOO.
You really have to catch yourself at times especially when you know it wasn’t you.
you are not responsible for other ppl behavior but you are responsible for your self.
This! It's hard man!
I appreciate this video.
I finally stood up for myself at my work after 12 years of harassment and abuse. The individual was reprimanded for the last incident. I then suffered retaliation from several others at my workplace that ended up with false allegations about me. Thankfully HR believed all of it was a form of retaliation and Nothing happened to me or my job. However now I still deal with harassment and defamatory comments from others.
Was it worth it? I can say YES! I am no longer presenting myself in this world as a doormat any longer ❤
Good for you! ♥️💅🏾🎉
Only a few minutes in but I'm struggling to understand how this advice works in real life since often arguments can escalate to a place where BOTH sides feel accused of being responsible for mistreatment! One person states how something wasn't appreciated, they may be upset while expressing themselves but the other side gets defensive and gaslights instead of reflect and understand and/or apologise. It can be a never ending cycle if ppl continue to follow life scripts and want to be right, as opposed to try to understand.
Your truth may be valid and legitimate for YOU, but others may feel just as strongly that their truth is just as valid. I think all truths are valid provided empathy and compassion is present.
I appreciate how protecting your energy is vital and upholding your boundaries in a healthy fashion is important but if you're constantly in battle with individuals who don't understand and respect you then you need to decide what's important in life. We can't always agree with ppl or their choices but we can all work on being more present and empathetic for ourselves first, and others as an extension.
The trickiest thing for me personally is knowing when to let things slide and when to uphold a boundary. Like knowing how to differentiate between what's a fight worth fighting and one that's not. When to rise above it and when to not be walked all over or disrespected. How do ppl make these decisions 🤯
When you feel the disrespect.
@@jacquelinehelm356 The thing is I feel sometimes it's more about protecting Ur own energy, peace n well-being rather than challenging or battling someone who doesn't care to understand. Especially as someone else's disrespectful behaviour is a reflection of them, not u.
I've also learnt that over-explaining is a trauma response and wanting to fight ppl on everything isn't healthy or sustainable. Like it's ok to take a breath and say to yourself, this isn't worth the emotional turmoil or upset.
I agree w/you on this. Folks make big bucks telling us how we can handle this and that like it’s cut and dry, when we know the truth, it really isn’t. Just like when you’re in a toxic workplace and you really need your job but miserable co-workers and bosses will take advantage of fact that you need it, and antagonize you, even though they need their’s too. The person giving advice will tell you to go to HR, but what if your torment is happening while working in the HR department? That’s why I’m highly discerning when listening to this type of content. People are complicated so it’s best to do what works best for you. It’s basically trial and error until you die.
I hope they listen and take action.
1. Never allow anyone to rewrite history on you and blame you for their mistakes.
2. Never apologize for things you did not do. They remember what happen but soon as they realize their mistake, they would rewrite it and try to get you to say you were the one in the wrong.
3. For people who do things like that, make every interaction internet chat. The internet allows you to screenshot their mistakes. Soon as you tell them what they said, keep your eyes on the comments they made and watch them erase it. That lets you know that they have been doing that all your life and it gives your brain peace to finally know that you were right all alone.
4. A strong super power is to be able to repeat anything you said. Make sure you never tell lies. It make it easy to repeat anything you say. When you see the look of shock in the eyes of the person you tell something to, be advised that they will tell the person you are talking about. Get ahead of it before they rewrite what you said and add more negativity to the conversation. Tell them, you don’t believe me? Watch me say it in front of them. Watch they say no, I believe you, just to get you to be quiet so they can tell your story their way.
5. You will then, have a problem of someone treating you badly because that person who told them their side of your story, told them, don’t let them know I told you because I don’t want to be involved in any mess. When it finally comes out, after their friendship ends with that other person, because they went through that person doing them the same thing they did to you, they tend to say they forgive you in order for you to take blame for things you never did. So be known as someone who can repeat anything you said.
6. If you make your life more exciting when someone ghost you, they will tend to come back into your life just to stop your happiness.
7. Let your friends and family know that you will not tolerate them making the decision to ghost you because they see you having fun with them. They will think you need them for that happiness. Never give them that same happy time again, unless others are around. They will watch you like a hawk to find a flaw in you, because they become envious of the positive way others take to you and talk about you. They want the love and positive way people talk about you. Watch they start to try and act like you before you make any moves, so they can take the love and respect you get. The thing is, they would act like you, but still dress like themselves so others would not enjoy their act because it looks fake. All movies dress the characters like the act they are playing. It becomes a bad movie when the look and personal actions do not match the surroundings.
8. Never raise your voice over the actors in your life, because they win when they can get you to act out of character.
9. Never feel you have to justify or prove fake stories people tell about you. Laugh at the stories and make the person have to tell the truth by saying, hay, it was almost true but their lie messed it up.
Example: When people would come tell me a boy, who ate lunch at my table in school and I had a conversation with him, told them that he had me. I would laugh and tell them, did he say I was good or not? I hope I was because that would mess up my reputation if I’m not good in bed. I need to be there the next time it happens. And the sad part about it is, I liked him and was thinking about really giving it to him.
Watch he come to you in hopes that he can make his lie really happen.
Make sure you are never alone when he comes near you.
When he try to have a personal conversation with you about making that happen, tell him, I don’t sleep with the same person twice if they are packing small packages. Your package is so small that I am still a virgin. Thanks for trying though. You will never get married, because soon as your girlfriend realize that you can’t please her, she will need a side man to please her. So you need to stay a virgin and not let a girl see what you are packing before you say I do.
10. Never flinch or ask someone to stop their act when they are getting loud and demonstrating to you the fights they have had in their life. Just laugh and tell them to do that again. They are telling that story to see if they can control you with fear. It makes them fear you when they see you do not flinch.
They will go to the next step by starting an argument with you. Just say, looks like you are having problems, let me go so you can figure out what is really wrong with yourself.
When they call, block them. The friendship is over. They will come back every year and always apologize and blame their actions on something someone told them you said. They would also blame it on an illness like PTSD. Tell them that the only reason you are converting with them is because they never put their hands on you. But every time your illness comes up, I will have to leave and block you so you can get yourself together.
11. The thing that drives people crazy is when they see you get the love and respect they want, yet can’t get. They will dissect you with a fine tooth comb to find your flaws.
12. If they see people brag about your cooking, they would give get togethers at their home to show people they can cook too. Tell them you are full unless it’s catered food, because they will poison you.
My favorite hobby is standing up for myself.
Life and death is in the power of the tongue. You must choose your words wisely. 🙏🏼
Only 10 minutes in and I have such a mixture of emotions! The relatability, I’m cheering, clapping, wanting to cry, and even more so feel encouraged and motivated! Thank you so much for sharing this conversation! I really needed to hear this! 🙏🏽🥲🥰
This young lady's words are so eloquent and need to be heard by other family members and friends. Wonderful conversation.
I related to this whole conversation especially the assertive vs aggressive as people women of color
Screenwriter .. spoke to me ! I have always continued conversations on my head or create a dialog . Later realizing not speaking up and avoiding conflict didn’t make me feel good. I use to beat myself as a person “ I’m bad daughter, friend, sister, etc” just to have the person come back and say you know what you were right. That’s when I to ownership of my actions and reactions . Operate with a pure heart the best of my ability and my conscience is clear. Triggers occur & I’ll tend to them then. I loved the “not mastered, I’m practicing”
This was beautiful and enlightening. I appreciate your channel! ❤️
I'm a woman who stands up for herself. And I've always been labeled "bully" far from the truth
Same here!
It’s unfortunate strong women get ridiculed
Being honest and accepting people's truth still needs to be normalized. Confirming to societies sugar coating is exhausting. 🖤
When u standup for yourself they Gaslight you
@@tamarafryziuk774 CD z z 0xcz,,,,,,),)h C gchic I gyguuuc 😅gg ug😅f😅
This maybe simple, but I loveeee the pauses before the answer!
Thank you for the reading. You are very kind and love your readings.
This is a MAJOR component of my current, incredibly painful situation of estrangement with an adult son. Up until a couple of weeks ago, i was being 100% blamed for(and accepting)the total breakdown of what has previously been a close, loving relationship with my only child. It started when they got married and now I am faced with stepping back from having a relationship with my two toddler granddaughters. I just can't break through this wall of gaslighting and cruel treatment my son and daughter-in-law. Everything I read seems to advise "Do whatever you need to do" to have a relationship with your grandchildren, including but not limited to silence and total acquiescence to unkind, unreasonable treatment.
It’s a really difficult situation for you. I guess with regard to boundaries you are not responsible for any bad behaviour by your son and daughter in law- only for your own actions. You don’t have to accept bad behaviour from them. Your grandchildren are the responsibility of their parents so let them get on with it and enjoy your freedom! I know it’s painful and not what you would prefer but please put yourself first and spend your valuable time with the people in your life who treat you with respect.
I’m in a similar situation with my son (my only child) and his fiancée who seriously disrespected me last year. I responded by setting very firm boundaries with them- my son got the message and his attitude has improved greatly however his fiancée’s attitude is much worse since then so I don’t see them at all now but my life is peaceful! I wish you all the best
Thank you so much for your response.
I understand a little. My mom and I have no relationship with my brother. He’s basically estranged from the entire family out of his own choosing and claims that we have abused him God whole life, a lie he convinced his wife to vice. Our relationship with him has deteriorated since they got married. My mom finally had to let go for her own sanity. It’s wrong to expect mothers to give everything when they are receiving nothing and being blamed for everything that goes wrong in their child’s lives. Adult children need to take responsibility for their happiness and go to therapy. Mothers deserve respect at the very least.
“God” was a typo. Ignore that please.
@Lauren T. I read your response again. I'm wondering if his wife hasn't played a role in this estrangement. Your brother pulling away from his family might be just what she wanted to have happen.
I've read so many accounts of heartbroken families who have lost their son to a toxic, manipulative daughter in law. It's becoming quite common.
Right exactly 💯 whatever their preference is.
Thank You for sharing this important knowledge 🤍🤍🤍
I learned so much from this interview ! Gratitude to this channel.
Love your wisdom and boundries
How do you not get mad when other people won’t respect your boundaries because that’s what I find myself doing getting more and more irritated that they’re not respecting the boundary
Just step back ,get mad and stay silence
@@peep4674 thank you
You're allowed to be mad. Telk them the are over stepping and you will not tolerate it.
Step back, keep them at arms length and remove any privilages they get from you in silence.
Leave them or ignore them
Its maddening yea, been struggling with a similar situation myself too.There was a section at the end of the video she was speaking about setting boundaries for yourself because you can't make others respect yours. That's where we have to decide how much the relationship is valued and decide what the boundary is with this person. Like @peep4674 said, step back (go within), acknowledge the anger, and then the satisfying part: silence. An awesome quote on that: 《Sometimes Silence speaks louder than words》❤...it communicates a refusal to engage. Some relationships can be so frustrating eh, but I guess we wouldn't grow without them. ❤
Amazing reality checks 😜 thank you for all your work Lisa I’m one of your silent fan but not today 😂
This episode is for me!
Same here. I am getting there faster ! I have been doing this for past 6 years.
Women better have boundaries☝🏿☝🏿....it keeps out immature Men Sis & trust...they R out there☝🏿😫😫😫
Great insights!❤
I have learned not to always defend myself. God is my defense!
0:30 That’s right. Men are good at blaming women and us women need to not accept that all the time if it’s truly not us! I’m proud I do this. You can’t worry about if he thinks you’re a naggy bitch. Let him. He knows deep down it’s him but he will call you naggy. Let him and then leave.
I had a guy say I was mean and a ticking time bomb because I yelled one time at my parents in front of him. He ignored the fact that I was never mean to him or anyone else and decided to say that this one moment of angwr (which I apologized to my parents for) meant I was a mean person. He ignored all the good and focused on one bad event. He refused to talk to me and I decided to block him because he wasn’t replying to texts. Best decision ever. He was probably using that as an excuse for him to leave the relationship.
5 years ago I got out of a toxic relationship with a narcissist who was physically, emotionally, and financially abusive. Recently I have been contacted by 3 girls after me who have been abused by him or are currently being abused by him. I have been told that this comes back to me specifically because I am the one he most resents as he still talks about me to each new girl he dates and has developed a target for vulnerable asian women. I'd like to move on from this part of my past and live my wonderful life without thoughts of him but I feel guilt and regret if I do not give solace and a listening ear to these women who have seeked me out. It breaks my heart to hear what they have been or are going through. I now have a beautiful and healthy relationship with the man of my dreams and it's unfortunate that this part of my life reappears ever so often because he will never change and the abuse will continue.What advice do you have for me in navigating this ongoing situation?
Forget about all that bad experience you had learn from it be happy with your relationship now and stop entertaining those young ladies coming to you . Move on who cares what your ex says it’s irrelevant
You can tell the young women you don’t want to be reminded of him. But perhaps listening to them validated your experience and it’s a good thing! Just have some boundaries on how long you wanna listen to it
Our delivery system, tact, and self-control surrounding boundaries are important. I love the point made that boundaries are about insuring, creating, and supporting a healthy relationship dynamic. So that if and or when a breach happens, hopefully only by mistake and not intentional, we can enforce our expectations accordingly and access any deal breakers. It's one thing to know what your standards, values, and let's say, morals are all about,. But it's also another thing in a situation or crisis to know how to use those tools and enforce them effectively. Like most things, it's going to take practice. We shouldn't hold strangers to higher standards than our closer relationships. If anything, we should hold friends and family to higher ones because they should definitely know better. And they are going to be who we're closer and more emotionally invested in. So, these relationships are the best to begin building our own emotional wealth in. And because treatment is all about behaviors, no one should be exempt. We're building healthy or we're we're feeding or buying into toxicity. Great discussion and well placed thoughts.
Queen energy! 👸
could someone write what are these 5 boundaries? thank you
The first thing is to stop blaming yourself for every last little mistake under the Sun. That's hard for people to do who were raised in abusive narcissistic environments. The first rule of those is "You don't get an opinion, you don't get to speak it, you don't get to tell the truth." The second is "You earned the abuse you're receiving as a 'punishment' for upsetting me." When you are raised under these two rules, you learn that you are not a person, you don't matter, your only job is to exist and try to please others, and that you can expect to be punished at every turn. It's a genuine shock to you when you do grow up, you get out into the world, and the only people really operating under these two rules are the police and governments. No one else gives a damn; you can do what you want, so long as you aren't actually causing real harm to anyone. You're still always looking over your shoulder though. The PTSD from an abusive, narcissistic childhood is real.
The next thing is to learn to state the truth along with "...and I'm not going to argue with you about it." Possibly the most useful phrase in the English language, aside from "No means no."
I have severe PTSD.
The man whom I thought was my best friend...
Has given me SEVERE SEVERE SEVERE PTSD.
I beg to die.
Please, Lord, let me die.
I can't take this pain and panic anymore.
I'm so desperately alone.
I live in panic and despair.
I am dizzy with grief and nauseous with panic and terror.
I'm so very very very alone.
HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?
HOW HOW HOW???
I trusted him. I loved him. I needed him.
He raped my soul and left me in darkness.
I live in constant panic and horrific terror.
Can't believe what he's done to me.
How could he do this to me?
WHAT! A! MONSTER!!!
I can't breathe.
I don't breathe.
I am paralyzed with frantic terrified panic.
I am submerged in darkness.
I am breathless and lonely and so very alone.
Debilitating paralyzing panic attacks.
They are almost constant.
I'm in hell. I can't find escape nor relief.
My soul is tortured and tormented and raped.
He raped me. On a soul level. He raped my soul.
I am in agony.
Anguished.
Haunted.
Panicked.
In despair.
I die inside.
The pain is unbearable.
I drowned in terror and darkness.
Nightmares all night.
Panic attacks all day.
When and how will I ever heal?
This happened to me in February,
and now we're in July...
So...
I release all chords, hooks, ties, and attachments
to him specifically, and also generally:
to any person, place, or thing,
on any time continuum,
that is no longer for my highest and best good, and healing...
I release all of these things now, and forevermore,
and I watch them dissolve into the nothingness, from which they came...
Thank you, thank you, thank you
- IT IS DONE! 🙏
And here are 13 gentle and urgent reminders:
1. You're ALWAYS exactly where you are supposed to be
2. Self-esteem is measured by you (nobody else gets to decide your worth)
3. Get rid of fear: FOREVER!!!
4. When things are tough, change the way you see things...
5. Don't dwell on/in the past (come back to this present moment!)
6. It's only temporary (all of it!)
7. You have what it takes
8. You don't need to change
9. Release your need for control
10. Accept. Allow. Breathe. Deep.
11. Remember where you came from
12. Remember that you are not alone (not ever!)
13. Remember who you are
GOD has a purpose for your pain,
A reason for your struggle,
and a reward for your courage/bravery/faithfulness...
Trust, and never give up. 🙏🏽
I'm walking into my victory!
Thank you, God!❤💯
Instead of saying: “what’s the worst that could happen?”
Let’s say: “what’s the BEST that could happen?”
I choose God's LOVE and MIRACLES
over the temptation of unbelief!
I surrender all the pain, the darkness, the grief, the misery, and the self judgement.
I am ready to have it all transmuted to joy, comfort, safety, bliss, miracles,
magic, beauty, happiness, strength, and aliveness!
AFFIRMING:
- I am divine
- I am sacred
- I am radically honest
- I am a warrior
- I am an angel
- I am light
- I am love
- I am one with the eternal
- I am one with my twin flame (we are magnetized to each other!)
- I am protected
- I am strong
- I am multidimensional
- I am grateful
- I am abundantly blessed
- I am brave and courageous
- I am creative
- I am resilient
- I am ambitious
- I am a healer
- I make the world a better place
Lisa, I love your question about causing a wound at 41 1/2 minutes. You’re so spot on and the fact that she said it did not cause a wound of any kind, makes me question how deep she can go. Her neutrality is just too neutral for me. I have feelings
Just saying.
💝
I would have feelings about that too. I didn't hear her say it didn't create a wound 'of any kind'. But she did say "no, it didn't create a wound". Also twice she said that it was really sad. So she did have feelings to work through, but to her it wasn't severe enough to be considered a wound. I wonder if she may define 'wound' different than you? The same word can mean something a bit different to different people.
Another white woman questioning a black woman's feelings...not her fault you're sensitive. Doesn't mean she can't go deep, she's just not sensitive like u
I am struggling with "I should have said this"...I Need to practice and stay calm like how your guest is in a relaxed mode
Epic episode ❤️🙏🏼
I understand what she is saying nothing like a strong woman
I absolutely love you Lisa.😊❤
good one from Kenya ❤
We are or sb learning & evolving. We can always redo change fixing and grow
Lisa you hair is so coool
It’s wild, I was able to click “watch later” for other videos, but every time I try to do that with this video, it plays now. Trying to tell me something?
I never wanted to be with a partner that would try to 1up me it’s so important to talk competition is fine outside but in the household No we are on the same team sb the mantra
Most of us are consistent with behaviors. Some women are different people for men.
I had a very close friend who is demanding with all of her friends, demanding at work and a bitch to anyone in customer service, but when her man said, “Jump”! She said, “how high”? She couldn’t wait to tell us any and every way we were imperfect, but she was scared to tell her man that being 40 years old and making $400 a week wasn’t enough.
@@bathemeinchampagne I HAD* (key word is had) a close friend who was this way.
She was very demanding, and upfront with her feelings to everyone, BUT him. Even if the people had boundaries, we would tell her all the time about her mouth, but she always had an excuse for what she was justified in being that way. None of us just Rolled over and accepted her behavior. However She was still this way with EVERYONE in her life, BUT HIM. And he was very abusive. Mostly e optional.y, but physically too.
Something i notice about abused women, when they are powerless in their home, they go out and project their emotional abuse on to others.
The comedian Monique appears to be this way. Her husband Sydney is clearly very controlling, but she is know. To be demanding to everyone, BUT HIM.
I know this is so out of the ordinary, but she gives me Aaliyah teeth and facial vibes. Either way, I enjoyed this session.
Awesome podcast so true, I love the past that we live in a world with boundaries! ❤❤❤
Lisa ..love ur new hair style ❤
Was there specific boundaries listed? Or are they having general conversation about boundaries?
You and her should do more videos together, good combo.very interesting convos.
As wel as with the episodes with the greek blond reslient women and rc blakes.
amen!
I love your channel
Thank you!!!
Yes one guy told me that I did this to myself by loved him and he rejected me he didn't take any responsibility for his input into the experience that made me loved me at first place but I cut him off he did try to convince me
👍This was a great topic that really matters especially when it comes to family like Mother and Daugter Oh God!
Emotional intelligence ❤
"We can't make them anything other than what they are."
These days my new and improved now boundaries look to some people who are from the far left only like cruelty. Good advice for me to not argue with anyone about that.
Its not so ibvious...sometimes you think its nothing..and the other person is hurt...how can you say is IT harm or not...
when they bring it to you and discuss how they felt and what you did. How you said it, what you did, you can gauge what is right and wrong. I.e, sorry that my tone wasn't nice but i stand by what i did.
shes so super smart
Sad 2 say this is me he said i cheated and now wants to break up packing my bags as I write this was working till 2am Not Cheating😢But I have suspicions he jus wants out!
You want a man who treats you with respect. I had a man who understood and saw me work hard till early morning for studies. Is this truely how you want to be loved? Go to family and friends for support or go to break up groups online for support. You got this!
I am sorry he is not being loving, kind and supportive. You deserve better
9 times out of 10, the accuser is cheating which makes them think you are cheating too. He is most probably the one cheating on you.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Yoy deserve better. No point fighting for a man who thinks the worst of you with no evidence proving their perspective.
Walk away, heal and I pray you find a decent man who will honour and appreciate you. You will find that lovely! Walk away in silence. Don't text or call this guy. Give time, lovw and space to yourself now. You need it, he doesn't deserve it. ❤
Lisa, can you please bring Debbie Mirza to the show ... She's great on covert narcissism. Thanks.
This should’ve/ could’ve been broken up since it’s three different conversations put together but the content was great
YES
They won't make the bed? Just have separate bedrooms and have 'slumber parties' when you feel like being intimate. 😉
If you can just wrap these videos up in a 1/2 hour or less that would be GREAT!!
Yes, I have not watched a single one in it's entirety because of this reason.
🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤
I want the info, and I want to support the channel and guests, but I can't justify spending this long on a one-subject video when that takes up over 1/12th of my whole day, respect your audience, plz
🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤
Much Love!!
I for example watch these videos while I do many other things so it's great that they're long so I don't have to stop what I'm doing every 30 min .. i guess it's like the thermostat 😂
You can increase the play back speed which reduces the time.
Or just watch as you can, little by little. Some like longer videos.
@@endTHEhegemony_Today YASS 🙌🏾🙌🏾
It's a choice x3 on repeat with a beat HAS TO BECOME A SONG hahahahahha
💯🎯👏🏾
📣"THAT WAS ENOUGH FOR ME!"
📣"I WILL NOT PARTICIPATE IN YOUR ABUSE OF ME AND MY DAUGHTER ."
I LOVE THAT "OUR FREEDOM IS WITH IN." -BY NEDRA THERE FOR, NO OTHER HUMAN WILL FREE YOU. IT IS A FREEDOM (POWER) THAT WE HOLD INSIDE. LET IT GO AND LET GOD RESTORE, GROW, AND HEAL US TO BE AT PEACE. FORGIVE BUT DON'T FORGET AND SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES FOR YOURSELF THAT GIVES YOU PEACE. HAVING A HEALTHY MENTAL STATE HELPS MAINTAIN GREAT RELATIONSHIPS FOR EVERYONE INVOLVE. ❤THIS WAS SO GOOD, THANKS FOR SHARING LISA.
Life and death is in the power of the tongue. You do have to be careful what you say.
What have you done cuz you look especially healthy here; like you're glowing.
Are there good counselors on better help
Im half puerto Rican 🇵🇷 and half Cuban 🇨🇺 but my upbringing and behaviors and habits lean more toward my puerto rican 🇵🇷 side because i really didn't know my cuban side and my partner is fully rican 🇵🇷 i was brought up to be respectful and speak after the other person is done speaking and speaking properly, i had an aunt that would give you the death stair if you said shut up, but my partners family i do find are rude because they talk over you and cut you off and he obviously has those habits and I have made it clear to him that I find it rude and disrespectful. I mention this because its not always cultural differences he and I are from the same place but have alot of differences maybe that because my family is from the country in PR his is from the city. Hes a city boy im a country girl maybe thats why were the same but different. Lol