Dismissive Avoidant Breakup | How to stop obsessing over your avoidant ex
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- Опубликовано: 20 окт 2022
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How to stop obsessing over your avoidant ex is much easier when you know why the anxious preoccupied attachment style hyper focuses on their avoidant ex. Once you know why you can start to learn the tips on how to stop ruminating over your dismissive avoidant ex.
Article Referenced:
Marshall TC, Bejanyan K, Ferenczi N. Attachment styles and personal growth following romantic breakups: the mediating roles of distress, rumination, and tendency to rebound. PLoS One. 2013 Sep 16;8(9):e75161. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0075161. PMID: 24066169; PMCID: PMC3774645.
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SURVEY: How to stop obsessing over your avoidant ex!
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I think one of the hardest things for me to do with as someone who just had a situationship with a da, is that they seem so stable but they are so emotionally vacant and emotionally unavailable, which is so emotionally destabilizing for the person theyre with
Facts
The sadness is so real. The dismissive avoidant I dealt with triggered my issues that I had with my caretaker, who would show me loved one moment and then completely turn off the emotions and abused me the next. I find the actions of an unhealed dismissive avoidant to be very similar to that of a narcissist, which is what I grew up with. It doesn't matter that they're not actively abusing me, the emotional coldness and distance is so triggering. My inner child is just screaming out that it wants love, and they withhold it. Cruel and emotionally detached
You are worth the effort, no matter how anxious you can be
Had the same issue.
Cold and distant seems to be the trend. She was warm and compassionate at first and then suddenly cold and distant the next. It was extremely painful to go through and the loneliness was so overwhelming, I had to leave. I’d never had any type of relationship anxiety in the past but she brought it to the surface and I was a wreck. She’s pregnant with my child and I feel like an absolute monster but I was losing my f$&@“., mind. I need to be present and healthy for this child and I don’t think I could be, had I stayed. I wish it all could be different and I wish she was the same person she was when we met. I also wish we’d practiced safer sex….. What’s done is done though. The child does make it a lot harder to move on. I worry about her and the baby and wish I could have been there for her through all of it but i won’t fall into the state if depression and anxiety I was feeling with her. I tried…
Love the deeeeeeply righteous insight 👏
cruel. cruel. cruel.
All I know is DAs are awful.
Absolutely
They're not as bad as a narcissist, but I know what you mean. I have dealt with both in back to back relationships. I'm giving you a thumbs up on this! It's more frustrating than anything dealing with a DA.
I think they (Das) are demonic and lack the capacity to empathize! It's easy to hate them because they are such pieces of shit!
@@trollhunter3944 I just went through the same thing. Divorced a narcissist and just got broken up with by a DA. I empathize with you as it's been brutal dealing with it back to back for me. I am done with searching for my true life partner. My heart can't take this anymore. 😔
@@trollhunter3944not true. Narcs dont pretend to have empathy these creatures do. They are the covert ones.
This video describes my sitaution perfectly. The hardest part is not knowing and constantly blaming yourself, but at some point you need to realize that you aren''t soley to blame in the end of your relationship. I'm still working on that, but hopefully I will get there soon. Thank you for talking with me in our session!
Hi Sam! Yes, sometimes it’s the shock of the incident that catapults us into self-blame. I might make a video on that point alone. It’s very common to blame ourselves after experiencing something shocking. I’m glad you’re working on not blaming yourself. 🙌 And my pleasure for the conversation. : )
Am actually going through it right now😢.
The common thread from ppl who speak about dismissive avoidants, is that the person who is struggling to deal with their behaviors or question a break up, is assumed to have an anxious attachment style. Its always assumed that the anxious attacher is already insecure, needy, lacks confidence & will be left blaming themselves & what they did wrong. Im human & have uncertainty & doubts sometimes but I have a secure attachment style, set boundaries, am confident, safe & secure with myself. I have no problem standing up for myself & dont lose myself or chase after someone who isnt interested. But this DA threw me for a loop. I wasnt anxious around him because he treated me great & said we had the kind of connection he always wanted & I treated him the best he's ever been treated. Very unfamiliar to him. He didn't say he cared & not act like it. He always acted like he cared, but once he actually did care, he didn't want to say it. He told me this is what he wanted and his fears and lack of trusting himself, past trauma & rejection & abandonment issues were triggering him to withdraw and push me away. He expected me to stop going out with him. I didnt. I kept going back, tried to understand, tried to help until he finally ended it with me. His fears won. If I hadn't fell for him and instead, had treated him like an option & held him at arms length, we'd probably still be dating. I finally let go because its love that makes him feel unsafe. I dont doubt myself but it has been difficult to make sense out of this and why I still think about him at all.
😔Their minds are so interesting. I'm not a secure attachment, but I was trying to heal and not let my triggers be the reason I left.
I kept going back and giving him love and forgiveness. But the more I did it, the more it became alien to him.
My limit was him looking to sleep with someone else tho while keeping me as a friend. I loved him but I won't enable self destructive behaviors, so I left for myself.
I still think about him.. But I find comfort in knowing that I truly loved him and he felt it. I want to hope that he remembers what that was like and don't run from the next understanding partner.
I’d never heard of attachment theory until about 6 months into a relationship with an avoidant woman. I always felt comfortable in my prior relationships and never had any need to look into all of this but this girl really messed me up. I loved her very much and I think she felt that as well, but I’ve never been so confused and lonely with someone in my life. I left her a month ago and I’m still a wreck over her. I guess knowledge is power. In the future, if I see any sign of this kind of dynamic, I’m out. I’ll never try to maintain a relationship with someone like this ever again. I’m pushing 40 and just don’t have it in me to tolerate a person like that anymore. Such a shame…
@@joyjemmott6278 Thing is, until HE heals, he will likely push away the kind, understanding & loving person & stick with the one who is reactive & helps keep things off balance so that the attachment & expectations are lowered for both ppl. That way he can remain unaccountable. To you & to himself. Instead he'll focus on the self defeating thoughts & beliefs that lead to an end result that proves his fears right. With fearful & dismissive avoidant attachment, it seems the more they like you, the greater the fear of loss. So they self destruct & sabotage something great bcuz its the only way to still feel in control of how it plays out. You cant love or reassure them enuf to feel safe or secure until they find that within by facing their unhealed trauma related to childhood abandonment & rejection issues. Until they do that, they are just not emotionally available. It sucks bcuz its not that they dont care. Altho, to protect their ego & not appear weak, they wont usually admit that.
@@juliandant5670 I agree that this is the kind of dynamic that I dont want to be involved in again. Its way too confusing & there's really nothing you can do. I feel your
pain.💖
@@mydreamsjourney Its just not worth the heartache. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt but these kind of people are just not worth the effort. I love her but I can't stand her... All the best.
I stopped drinking coffee to help with the anxiety just leave them alone we can do better they no good for us
That's a great way to lower anxiety during a particularly anxious time. Thanks for sharing.
Yes no caffeine really helps
Iv NEVER been anxious in my life to the point I didn’t even know what anxiety was, then I met an avoidant!! After a 4yr relationship from been totally in love for the 1st yr to the nxt 3 yr of confusion very damaging people!
I can relate. I’d never had issues with relationship anxiety until I met this person. She was beautiful, warm and compassionate at first. I thought I’d found my person. When we moved in together it was like flipping a switch. Hot/Cold, blamed me for everything, never accountable for anything and would give me the silent treatment when I expressed my concerns about her behavior. Broke my heart because I was very much in love with her. It honestly ruined me. I left her a month ago and am still a wreck over her. I can’t stop thinking about her and I keep wondering what happened or if I should have given it more time. The worse part though, was that her friends contacted me and told me how terrible of a person I am and that i don’t deserve her etc… It wasn’t hurtful enough to feel like I’d been fooled. I had to hear, yet again, that it was all my fault. She’d written her own narrative to avoid all of the icky feelings of being accountable for her own behavior. After all said and done, I feel crazy because, for some reason, I still miss her. I just want all of it out of my head so I can move on.
@@juliandant5670 I feel for you! I went no contact for 6wks in that time I used it to get myself back to the person I was before him, they do come back but the problem is the same! You have to get strong again to the point of realising the relationship is toxic, your mental health will suffer if you don’t put yourself first, they drain all your energy and feelings because you can’t understand what her problem is, that’s the whole point it’s her issues that are now yours! I’m now back to my normal self again and I too was heavily invested but you have to let go! When you do they always come back, when she does you have to start all the way back to the beginning, it’s all about them you will never feel good enough (you are!) take care
Just went thru it 5 years, awful
@@mjc21706 keep going you get over it eventually and you’ll come back stronger! They shouldn’t date full stop, remember it’s them with issues and not yours to carry xx
@@juliandant5670what you’re describing is purely hell. I’ve been there. It was so so bad. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Thank you for your content! For me the greatest hurt post discard is now the realisation of my self-betrayal/self-abandonment. I'm leaning anxious but mostly secure, but gave away three years of my life, largely as an extension of empathy to try and coerce the DA out of their emotional shell. As there were of course positive qualities in this person but so many red flags around their mood/energy, emotional emptiness, lack of social connection, solitude. So wasted time is another theme which creates anxiety in the rumination phase. A third factor is repressed anger and things unspoken. There were a lot of times that I was gaslit emotionally during this situationship and never really allowed my inner child to be angry and express healthy boundaries towards the DA. As you start to come out of the fog, your inner coach starts to feel more clear about what you needed to say and do far earlier on. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. But it hurts as I did have family and friends telling me long before the breakup that this wasn't the right person for me. So I guess for me:
* Self abandonment
* Time lost
* Repressed anger
* Fear or anxiety that the lack of closure has left a gate open for this person and how I'll respond if they do revisit in months or years.
All things that I struggle with now after the discard (I was dumped twice after the DA returned for a week, 5 weeks after ghosting me. Thankfully I didn't chase either time as I knew more about attachment dynamics, but the second rejection hurt even more).
Thank you for watching and for sharing here!
Eerily close to my experience. Slowly but surely moving forward.
I just walked last night, calmly. I was dumped at least 4 times just because I stood firm on standing my ground.I also learned about my attatchment style and I am still working with my therapist and I have owned up to my insecurities and poor behaviours. growth and a path to move forward on. My ex ignited that spark!
Forever gratefull
Exactly what's happening to me. Sadly I've begged but won't anymore. I feel you so much on the fear of lack of closure and how I'd react if he came closer to me now.
Omg you really describe my current thoughts so well. Thank youuu for making me feel relieving that what i feel is totally right and ending all of those hurting relationship indeed is the best option to take. I'm glad it ends but also sad because, as you said that person has good qualities that makes me keep questioning "is this the right decision to leave?". But again, you are right, all the self abandonment and betrayal, the constant denial, the supressed anger, hurt me a lot more than knowing all his good qualities. Nothing is more important than giving peace for us. Grieving while you are in a relationship with a guy really is a terrible thing. Thousand times i asked myself "will i be able to take all of this for a long term?" I know my gut feeling said no, but i deny it over and over again. But now, everything is over. I hope i could stop looking for reassurance like "is this right to stop?" Because yes girllll you're so so right, stop questioning, start empathize to yourself. You've been hurting, and ending all of this is also hurting, but that's better than hurting for your life time! I hope i will fully get over this soon.
I’ve noticed than recording voice messages and then listen to them later is beneficial. Especially if recording when I am calm and have a “clear mind”. Like journaling with my voice.
I started do this to remind myself of the pain while I was with my DA. It kept me less delusional
I started doing this as well and it’s been helpful!
I found writing letters to my ex that I never actually sent Very helpful…. Basically journaling
That’s a great tip! Thanks for sharing.
This is a good tip. I'm going to try this. I'm in a weird situation here. One minute talking daily and second gets too close ....he's gone and ignoring me. 😢
I do voice journals on my phone. I found my writing in the journal had a more romanticized take on things. Voice journals were more off the cuff, my thoughts as I think them. Then I’m about a week I go back and listen because it reminds me what the issues were in my relationship and I see what progress I’ve made
Thanks for sharing some insight into your process. That sounds like a really great idea.
I've done this. It's a really effective technique.
I did multiple research articles in my undergrad on attachment theory and have always found I resourceful. As a man with anxious-preoccupied attachment, it was deeply affirming to see that I wasn’t the only one, and that men think like this too. The other week my girlfriend and I decided to break up, a mutual decision. I was great for the first week but found myself so obsessive in the second week that I had to call her and tell her that I missed her, wanted to be friends with benefits, and know how she was doing. It didn’t go very well and caused me a lot of pain. So I’m again returning to attachment theory to remind myself of how I can cope without her.
Be strong man
Mine ghosted me when I got cancer...still trying to pick my butt up off the floor
😢
That’s cruel.
I had similar. I have a chronic illness and felt v. Vulnerable & resistant to get involved. The profound hurt & loss following after I was assured by the ex DA that he wanted to care & love me for all time. Essentially begged me to be with him. Chased & love bombed me. After 10 months, the DA dumped me telling me that he didn’t want to be with a sick woman!!! As soon as. Agony
I really hope that you are getting the love and support that you need to recover your heart & yr health soon.
Blessings ❤
That’s why you have to leave avoidant partners…. They leave when you show any type of weakness including physical
Take care
omg same. She ghosted me and didn't respond while I was in the hospital on the bed for two weeks. After I got out they texted me and I forgave them, now its been 2 years and my cancer is back and they are NO WHERE TO BE FOUND. Never give an avoidant another chance.
I wish I knew about what a dismissive avoidant to begin with it’s so painful.
You've described my condition spot on. I've been trying to make sense of what's been going on with me and you've put it in exactly the right words. Thank you for that.
What was really helpful was how you have examples of healthier questions to ask ourselves. It’s very frustrating when looking for help and all I find is “don’t do this or that” but then no examples of healthier outlets or opportunities to grow is given. Very much appreciated. Thank you for you help:)
I’m glad you found the examples helpful! Thanks for your feedback.
Yes, I would be interested in a class about the how to stop obsessing over an avoidant ex. I would like to learn how to redirect all of the energy that I put into them…into me. My DA-ex broke up with me at the end of July, with no, and I mean zero, warning. We were together 3 1/2 years, blended our family - I have 3 kids and she has two kids, bought a house together a year and a half ago and planned for our future retirement together. We had built a wonderful life, never a single sign of her ambivalence and ultimately, she never even told me - I had to ask her about it and all she said was “I’m sorry”. Also, I have an anxious pre-occupied attachment style. We still tell each other that we miss eachother and that we love each other but she was brutally honest with me in a letter a month ago that our relationship is over and she doesn’t want me as her partner. The only answer that I’ve received from her was that she doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do about her. Blind-sided. Zero emotions being shared from her. She has never even shed a single tear. I don’t understand. Thank you!
Wow, I'm very sorry for your loss. I had the most amazing partner same deal as you, bought a house I'm AP we had so much chemistry a really great relationship. I could list 100 things I liked about her and what we had going for us. It was my birthday a week ago. She wrote in my birthday card how lucky she was all these things she loved about me (was like 20) then bang she left me. 3 weeks later I cannot stop thinking about her. She burnt me and as you said obviously she didn't love me like I did her
This is what modern women do..
Single mothers are worse ..they get all they could hope for..but dump it..there never satisfied long..then they repeat the cycle..in your future don't invest in single mothers..recreational use only..
Sorry to hear that. And I know this pain : when you have no answers and keep going round and round in circles trying to figure wtf just happened. It's traumatic and wreaked havoc on the mind and body.
Stay strong. You'll get through it.
Yes if you could expand or offer a webinar class that would awesome!
Thank you ❤ for your video, I am going to definitely try some of your suggestions.
My pleasure! Please do! Let me know how it goes. : )
This ruminating is a kicker.
Thank goodness for you & yr content. Really appreciate hvng strategies. It’s next level!! I’ve been writing I sent letters to my ex as a form of journaling. Unfortunately it makes me manic 🙄🙄
Please do more content on this topic. Understanding the psychology of ‘why’ I’m ruminating is the only thing that feels proactive.
Hope to sign up fr coaching soon ❤
Do they reply?
I started smoking by missing him now I have stopped everything.
All I want is just to forget himm. I loved him so much I blocked him so that he can't come back and I have zero expectations that he will be back. I love you fuad 🙂
I find myself wondering if ending a relationship for no apparent reason, or the simple fact that someone ends the relationship blaming their partner for everything, is not a form of 1) control, 2) immature behavior and 3) a kind of "ghosting" typical of DAs. Ending a relationship in an avoidant way creates a ghost in the partner's life called Guilt. You have no answers, only this absent presence. It hurts the grief too much.
We must always think that the other is entitled to a dignified mourning. You don't have to stay with someone you don't want to, but you should respect that person's limits, experiences and survival. We deserve a healthy grief. Talk to your partner, write a letter, I don't know, but let that person know the end.
Unfortunately DAs are largely self centered cowards.
I blocked my DA ex ! Had to be done ! We live in a small village tho and drink down the same pub ! So it’s hard when we bump into each other ! But I just give him the silent treatment ! He still constantly stares at me from across the pub ‘ when I’m with my friends .. he pretends to put headphones in his ears, listening to music, but he doesn’t. He’s actually listening to my conversation with my friends…. !
Word of advice to you all !
Flowers don’t chase bees 🐝
The flowers just are ..
And the bees.. come !
All are great! Thanks!’
Thanks for watching!
I'm discovering more that links this obsessive style with addiction. An anxious person that relies on a partner or ex-partner as well as the approval of others for their own happiness isn't that different to relying on drugs.
Thanks for sharing. That’s an interesting connection to explore.
This was my first go with one. Wow. She did more to make sure we were never one on one than to be alone. Yet claimed that wasn't true.
Almost like a Narcissist in a way. I was lied to and that was it. Now I know to watch out for them. Run!!!!!
Yes please go deeper Into this topic.when can we expect to hear back from you if we filled survey? Thank you
I got dumped by text three weeks ago (after 18 months of seeing each other weekly).. and with hardly any explanation, and zero interest or opportunity to talk either on the phone or in person. To say I was shocked, is a understatement. But after some fairly serious self-reflection and education, this seems to be pretty typical behavior for a dismissive avoidant. However, that does not change the fact that this is so far outside my boundaries of fairness, respect and care for others that I still after three weeks have serious struggles in coping with the anger, grief and despair of being hung out in the wind, and not feeling like i have a path to closure... and healing. This video has helped, and doing some journaling and letter writing (not sending) has also helped.
Thank you! 💚
You’re welcome! ☺️
I don’t have limited people it’s just that after 3 years they’re tired of it! 😂😂
Thank you x
Use the power of detachment
I need to set myself free
You’re on your way. 🙌
Why do I try to compete
With the images
On tv or on the radio (on the radio)
I'm not that tall
And I can't do it all
And I can't get that high
Even if I tried
Cause that ain't me
Even if I wanted to be
Now will you stay
If I choose to live and never forgive
Anyone who acts crazy or deranged, yeah
well I'm insane
(pre-chorus)
I know it hard for us
To see the other way
And I know it's hard to go beyond that day
So move on and throw your hands up,and say…
(chorus)
If I fall
If I stall
And if I crawl cause I wanna go
It's ok. I'm on my way
So just love the life you live
Live the life you love
No matter what they say
Cause baby it's ok, I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Yeah, Yeah. 🎶
-Res
Let your mud settle 'till the waters of Lake Icky are clear as blue skies....
This video couldnt have come at a more perfect time. Can you do more videos like this and maybe on how to get over a fearful avoidant?
I’m glad to hear that. Thanks for the great suggestion.
Yes I am interested in the class
Journaling works well, i'm an anxious attachment type and just broke up with an avoidant, it was hard on me and in the end I had to ask what the reason was to get closure, there just was no feedback.
Yes!!
She started dating my neighbor… it’s very hard to ignore.
My DA dumped me 2 weeks ago, we are in contact but he refuses to tell me why … I still try to fight for him because I love him but .. breadcrumbing began … I asked him if there is a chance that we can get back together, no answer neither a yes nor a no ..
It’s so fucking hard to get something out of them, I was a safer attachment style with a bit of “needy” for cuddles and I love yous … this 3 year relationship made me anxious and I still struggle
Get yourself out of this dinamic you're just making your life on hold they will stonewall you drop you discard you every time you'll try to build a genuine intimacy every DA avoids they can't handle the vulnerability and emotions unless they're aware of their dysfunction & seek help and do the work then they'll never never change & this will make you go crazy and regret the time energy you waisted in such a relationship it's like pouring water into a Brocken glass they can't be full and the water it self weakens the glass more & more cz it's received only as a "pressure".
Get the hell out of this relationship
I dont blame myself but i find it really frustrating
I’m gonna make a appointment with you
I look forward to hearing from you.
Basically I feel like I am obsessed about why I am not able to stop ruminating- I am aware. Using the tools I do begin for example- journaling… I go right down a rabbit hole that makes me obsessive in journaling- it makes me have so many more questions & awareness of what I have done wrong in the marriage- it just enlighten how much more I wasn’t even aware of that I am shocked at my own inability to have learned that way of handling situations in our marriage- I feel like I have so many “ light bulb moments” where the knowledge I have gained from people like you (thank you ) it clicks w/ me. My thoughts are… that makes so much sense- the dynamics of our ways - in the marriage. I think “ why has this just now clicking when it seems so simple- I feel like I should have known this & be able to apply it… way b4 now. It hits me one after another…. Well too little to late to put that into the works- we are separated…
Married..... All the red flags were there with my wife... And I slowly lost myself trying to protect her from what I thought was depression.... And it turned out to be so much more. 2 years married 4 years together.... And the last year and a half..... I slowly started the process of losing everything... My mind , my wife , best friend and my sanity.... ! I Couldn't take it anymore the no talking , The texting to communicate Even though we lived in the same house. Seeing my wife... Missing so much... Not realizing it slowly all disappeared long before I caught on. What a mind Fuck. I came into this relationship... Secure.... Ended up looking like a weak.. too emotional... Needy man. 2 weeks after I moved out.... I started to see what I truly was dealing with. It was like a spell or a type of control.... Its so hard to explain.... But I saved myself. Still , 2 months later I'm getting better... Understanding myself understanding her and her choices... But I'm still hurting so bad inside. She was so perfect in the beginning and I believe that's what I was always trying to get back... But now I realize that she wasn't that person when we first met.... She'd always been the person I left... Thats her .. and that Is a true real life horror story that I'm still getting over. Divorce papers are ready to go.... And My wife my once beautiful loving wife.... Watched me die in front of her... And never offered a hand...a word or a positive gesture in any way.... It hurts so bad , still does.... And I'm glad she didn't reach out to save me or our marriage or I probably would have stood there eating those bird crumbs (she controlled me with) forever 😢!!! What an experience.....!!!! Some people will never be the same .... Loving a DA ..... I'm still wondering how long it will take for me..... To be at peace with it all !!!!
Ugh I eventually blocked him because he wasn’t responding but he showed up at my place a week later. He constantly re-opens the wound!
Why do I still think I can save my DA
Are you anxious?
You can’t, they have to save themselves
I'm FA trying repeatedly to break off with someone who is probably DA. Last break up it only took him a week to break my no contact with repeated contacts from him. As soon as I gave him I miss you, he disappeared, almost a week now. I was doing really well until I did that. Obsessing again.
I'm sorry to hear this, you have to be the one to stop the cycle, otherwise you'll be stuck in this pattern for a while. I told myself 3 months ago when we broke up that it would be the last breakup and the last heartache, l let myself fall apart and cried for about a month almost everyday. i did not try to reach out to make amends no matter how badly l wanted to. l told myself that l matter too and that if they want me back then they would have to go to therapy because there is no way in hell l am going through that pain again. l am in a better place now and feel like l have more power over the situation.
A trick to maybe help with the obsession is to read comments under these type of videos...for me it really calms me down especially when i'm feeling anxious(like now)...its like a reminder of the reality of dealing with a DA that we can't fix them no matter how much we try...and that they are going to abandon us again and again until we put a stop to it...then they move on to new supply.
Update?
Yes please
Thanks for letting me know! 🙌
All of them to help me through it.
Great! Thanks for your feedback.
How can I get over them when we have a kid together. ?
Finally gave up .. they don’t want true love
My DA dumped me, he said he still had feelings for me and then ghosted me. It's been 2 months and I'm broken. I want to move on but I can't. I've lost weight and energy.
Update?
This can be especially brutal but you have to find the strength to pick yourself up and move. Get stronger little by little, one day at a time. Do not give up. You're gonna make it.
@@Oceansta thanks for your words ☺️. Yup, it's been 7 months and he didn't come back. I'm getting better, step by step but I still miss him sometimes. I'll be fine, he lost a great woman :)
Ik it’s been a year since this video and nobody will see this but I hope this helps because this is exactly me and my ex we went to a wedding together and then she just broke up with me the next day, I convinced her to try and talk later that week and it didn’t really do anything she just gave vague answers like it’s not you I need time or I need to work on myself and then after giving her weeks and months and trying to follow up she just said the same things over and over not giving me any specifics to latch onto like a date she’d contact me or any details of what she’s been up too it’s been about a year now and I still think about her daily and wonder if it was all my fault or if I just pursued a little more if it could’ve been prevented but I know I need to stop this process because it’s not getting me anywhere and just flat out ruining my mental health
There's always someone who will see this even if it takes a while and someone who will empathise for having been through the same thing. I was in a very similar situation. She suddenly decided it was over with no clear explanation. I kept on pursuing her for 9 months remote (LDR) being anxious myself. In retrospect, i should've let her walk away and said "k, bye". The more you pursue, the less they value you and start to see you as worthless or wretched. These people lack empathy and no amount of reason, rationale or regret will bring them back. Easier said than done, but it's best to move on and thank your stars for having been spared a possible life-long agony.
Hang in there, you'll make it.
@@Oceansta you too bud, appreciate u🤝
I feel you… The girl I was with ruined me. I’d always been secure and never had any reason to read or understand attachment theory. I loved her very much until I suddenly felt extremely lonely snd manipulated by someone who was impossible to communicate with. I actually feel sorry for her though. I wish she was self aware enough to seek therapy. She won’t though. I’d probably try again if she committed to it but she won’t. Such a shame that someone who seemed so great at first can be so lacking.
I need to love with katya for the next few months. I'm not doing well
Please be gentle to yourself ❤️ I’m also going through it atm…it’s a nightmare
@@finsen215 it is
Me too. I know he loved me as I did him, but sadly he was just too scared to love me back in a normal healthy way. I'd rather mourn for a while and get over him than go back to that constant emotional/mental gaslighting chaos.
Sending you my best wishes in your recovery. x
Yes by please
It's only been 4 days of complete NC on my end. As an Anxious Avoidant, every single day I think about sending a text, a call, or snail mail. She literally dumped me out of nowhere after randomly deciding we wouldn't work together - even though the day before she told me how much she loves me. Do I have any hope? lol
Any updates?
That is so effed up!
That is so effed up!
They come back, but they’ll leave again. That’s what DAs do when you show attachment
Is funny. All what that Russian girl has to take is to dm me a text and I’ll be setting a date right on the spot, we’ve always done that. But she chooses to mentally torturing herself of missing me, and trying to get me to reach out. Извините Меня! So guys, here’s the lesson, if somebody dumped you, it is their responsibility to do all the calling, texting, and pursuing(Corey Wayne, 7 principles to get an ex back) Mind game, structured woman will try to get you into her way. In my case, that was poor communication skill man, shitty communicator is hard to court in relationship. But damn, she’s hot, yet I’m no longer fooled by that.
I had an Anxiety Attachment girl stalking me during my senior year in high school. Dame! That was creepy as hell!
I must be a really rare example or something. Journaling does absolutely nothing for me.
Journaling🤍