No Contact with Avoidant Partners: What Your Ex Is Feeling Right Now
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- Опубликовано: 8 июл 2024
- No Contact with Avoidant: What Your Ex Is Feeling Right Now
Do avoidants come back after a breakup? Watch this video to find out!
Maybe you’re in no contact with an avoidant partner and you might be wondering if there’s a point in breaking no contact and getting in touch with your ex. Here’s what it means to go no contact with a dismissive avoidant and what your partner is feeling right now.
#nocontactwithavoidant #avoidantattachment #nocontact #brianamacwilliam
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Pain is unavoidable but suffering is completely optional
Thank you for commenting and sharing your perspective, @tomla2725.
Many times and every time he pleads and promise to become more loving and present and then go back to his usual self.
As an avoidant myself, if he gets another chance then goes back to his normal ways then he wasn’t serious about you and the relationship. Just wanted back what he couldn’t have and once he got it the thrill was gone. Those people don’t deserve chances
You say breaking no contact prolongs your healing… But you also say that dismissives will not be the ones to reach out … 🤷🏻♀️
Sometimes I think Time Heals All Wounds is just BS.
Some people aren't meant for you. It's harsh to come to terms with. But time at least removes the resentment that may have been there. Also, if you truly love the person, let them go. They might realize one day. Even if it's a year or longer
I totally understand where you're coming from. Healing takes time, but it's not always a guarantee. It's important to find healthy coping mechanisms and support systems that work for you.
The cliche is really true. By going no contact you will either be a much stronger person on the other side, feeling much more confident in yourself and YES have gotten over him/her, OR he/she realizes they could lose you for good and try to reach out again.
Everything was going well with an avoidant man I was dating for 2 months, he even told me he had feelings for me, was falling for me , left me alone in his space , wanted to wait to have sex, he wanted to take things slow, he made travel plans for us etc. than he ghosted me a little over a week ago … I just texted him one week after he ghosted me to tell him that he could have communicated with me to let me know that he didn’t want to see me anymore and that ghosing me shows me that he does not respect me. Even if he came back, I can’t be secure in a relationship with this person. It really hurts because I have deep feelings for him.😢
I find the process much easier since I am not repressing anything. I went through a myriad of feelings and thoughts and allowed them all to be. I reached peace way faster than with any other break up. When strangely enough, the love I felt for him was stronger. Yes I still love him and that's perfectly fine. No I'm not angry with him. I'm grateful i met him. That enables me to still hold love, appreciation, gratitude, for him and myself. We're together in a relationship and we're together in a break up also. I feel no separation. I understand them and I i understand me. All is accepted.
I'm at the very beginning of no contact after 4 years of living together. I'm working on myself: therapy, working out etc.
But I want her back. I truly believe we were and can continue to be amazing together.
Resonates with me. Im 62 and moved across the Country for my now ex who chased me hard and love bombed me. After 10 months, he became ambivalent and discarded. Problem is, I can’t move back home, am finding it hard to uphold the no contact rule as he always finds a way to reconnect. I saw him today and having returned home, am left with excruciating pain again. It really helps to understand what the drivers are and why it’s chemically impacting on me so intensely. Interesting and helpful. Thank you ❤
I feel your pain, probably you guys are not meant to be together, mine is a long story, I don't know if we can be friends my Caro?
Have you tried the Crappy Childhood Fairy's daily journaling and meditation plan? It works well along with some other tips for trauma. It may not seem like a trauma to the brain but with dopamine and adrenaline our brains don't know reality only the chemicals and feelings, our bodies don't know words, only feelings and emotions. This is why subconscious healing is quick and as easy as breathing thru fight, Flight, and other strong or overly-escalated emotions like Brianna says around 12:38.
I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you've been facing, especially when dealing with an ambivalent and on-again-off-again relationship. It's commendable that you're seeking to understand the emotional impact and the drivers behind these dynamics.
No contact can indeed be difficult, especially when there are lingering feelings and connections. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and emotional health. Remember that healing takes time, and it's okay to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate these emotions.
Understanding the chemical and psychological aspects of attachment can be a valuable tool on your path to healing and finding clarity. Take it one step at a time, and remember that your happiness and emotional health should always come first. You deserve to be in a relationship that brings you fulfillment and happiness.
Yes,definitely resonates in so many ways.
After watching so many videos and learning about my ex's avoidant traits, i now totally despise her mom! Its the emotional neglect and narcisstic abuse of the parents that has caused my ex to develop such traits, therefore hurting her boyfriends without really knowing why. 😭
That Boundary violation you speak of is way more Fearful avoidant or Anxious. DA are happy to give space and back up. I have not known one pure DA that breaks boundaries.... and doesn't respect space. The fearful avoidant, yes, yes.
Thank you for commenting and sharing your perspective. 🙏❤️
Edit: omg sorry for the long comment
Thank you for this video. It's coming out less than two weeks after our breakup from a 1yr relationship. It was one of the most healthy relationships I've been in, it was his longest also. He leans dismissive (with some fearfulness), I lean anxious... and we loved each other truly and I think we put so much effort to do things right by the other but finally he had to move away and figure out his job and future. He keeps his exes as close friends and we agreed we'd want that but I just think we could have pushed through a long distance arrangement and am generally regretful of breaking up, even though while it happened I escalated it (nothing aggressive, I was just trying to seem dignified)... I could sense regret in him inmediatly but he also couldn't see ways of salvaging it.
I told him I wouldn't be writing to contact him so often and he reassured me that I would be the one leading the interactions. Now he watches my every ig story and started a conversation in the wee hours of the night a few days ago. I was also awake and responded a bit until noticing he didn't really want to chat, he just wanted to express that he missed me.
All and all I feel exactly how you described "how can I drink while keeping sober", and also how to keep being friends and be there for him while respecting myself and the fact that I deserve someone to value me and be available to grow with me as a partner, not pull away when things get hard. In all of this no-contact sometimes feels insincere and manipulative... it's a mess but I am thankful for all the resources you're giving to people like me to figure things out ❤
Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Cari. Sending you well wishes on your journey.
Suggestion: What’s your goal or purpose in your life and how does having a partner for into it. There’s many dynamics is a relationship and trust and respect are the foundation of a healthy relationship with anyone you allow into your personal space. Once you’ve figured out the longer term goal, then assess family, friends, and outwards as far as your connections with people. We don’t really see a person’s true colours until there’s a crisis or events which require being vulnerable. If someone keeps score and the the resentments aren’t communicated, acknowledged and a consensus isn’t arrived at early in a relationship there’s not a lot of chance for emotional attachment and attractions. Thinking about “Does this serve my purpose, now and in the moments going forward? When you reach/are aware of your central purpose of self love and empathy for others, there’s more clarity overall and you’ll know via your intuition whether said persons support your greater purpose. You don’t have to reply to me. I’m just suggesting a way to figure out emotions, logic,responsibilities, self expression and how to be secure in owning your places/space in your life, and how you can have supportive people around you and you can make your psyche a lot lighter when it comes to interacting with all the people in your life. It’s not easy and might take a lot of time in self discovery. There’s no quick fix. Briana talks about healing. As she says boundaries are super important and without assessing purpose there’s not going to be any inner anchor or beacon within. Other people and to our lives. They don’t fulfill us. Life isn’t fulfillment. Our perceptions, perspectives form our choices. We decide what’s fulfilling every day and all day long as most people make over 10000 decisions in a day. First comes security and lack of fear. How that’s achieved is up to to you. Then there’s guilt and shame which are layers above our ego/persona. When the fountain is solid with ego and esteem then we can be free of things like attachments which do not serve in the short long term. All of the above can help to decide where to focus for a clearer, healthy future and life with people who love and support you. First comes self awareness, then we can find someone who’s kind and who’s truth and outlook on life meshes in a healthy way with our own
This sounds just like my ex. Most of his friends are exes, it gives them security knowing that they have you but don't want you. I cut that out after 3 months. It's not healthy to be around, if you're going to move on then move on.
@@face-in-the-crowd what an interesting assumption. I am friends with 2 exes. I don't own people. We both have moved on from the once romantic relationship and value each other as a person. I don't see what's so weird about that.
That's you. Not everyone is the same.
In service of your highest goods. Nailed it! Gave me some courage to resist the urge to temptation. Thank you.
I’m glad it was helpful!
I deleted her number and instagram. It's too much for an anxious like me.. i'v tried for 2 months, but in the last month, my body hurts and her messages are manipulative.. so yeah, one life to live, don't waste it. I will try to secure my atach style.. i know that i also have conunication problems.. but i m hell more open to negotiations then others.. i know, we re different but i m doing the work.
Good job on the self awareness and actually doing the work. Keep going!
I applaud your courage in taking steps to prioritize your well-being. Deleting her contact information and social media is a strong move, especially when dealing with the challenges of an anxious attachment style. It's important to recognize when a relationship becomes emotionally taxing or manipulative and to take action to protect yourself.
Your commitment to working on your attachment style and communication is admirable. Self-awareness and the willingness to grow are valuable assets on your journey towards secure attachment. Remember that it's a process, and it's okay to have moments of struggle. You're making choices that align with your emotional health, and that's a significant step forward. Keep focusing on your growth and well-being, and you'll create a brighter path for yourself. You've got this!
This video is so helpful
I love all your videos really
That’s me in a nutshell Briana.
You are a blessing. I am figuring this out. It is very helpful to heal some wounds, thank you!! I feel like relationships should not at all be about attachment but about boundaries. When it is attachment, we have one of these stories, push - pull me, or are you there, or I don't know what I want... and neither of that is even relationship. I can see clear now why I don't want that. Who needs that?!?
Thank you for commenting and sharing your experience. It sounds like you are in a state of growing awareness. And boundaries are an important part of navigating attachment needs for sure. That’s wonderful.
Yes! Broke it every time
It resonates with me Briana.
@chrismcevoy2503 💛💝✌ glad it resonates!
I love you, briana ....❤
Dear Briana, thank you so much for your wisdom and sharing with us. After overanalysing hundreds of YT videos, it was finding your channel that has opened my eyes to how I was behaving in the absolute worst triggering ways (as an anxiously attached person). I am rewatching your videos and taking notes to look at when I am about to explode, criticise or give ultimatums to the DA.
I am curious to see what changes, if I change my side of the dynamic. In any case, if he doesn't improve, I finally feel like I can.
Thank you 💜
I love your videos. They brought me so much relief and clarity because I can accept things that were just heartbreaking before. Now when my anxious avoidant partner breaks up with me, I consider it no contact, and relax if I'm not guilty. 😉
Yes!
Mine broke up with me after a year and a half of on again off again. She was always texting other guys during the relationship, one foot always outside the door, keeping her options open. She will have no issue moving on.
Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, @zoltszolts5632. Sending you well wishes on your journey.
DAs..dont heal up then go on to new healthy relationships..thats pandering..
Its like saying narcissists heal after a discard and go on to treat the next victim better ...thesexpeople need therapy or should be told not to try to engage in anything more than sexual fun with others..NSA or FWB situations..this way they can stop the cycle of wrecking the lives of others who might come to love them..until they take steps to heal this disorder..these coaches should be encouraging therapy ..for NPD. DA or FA attachment styles...
I hear you; the concerns you're raising about Dismissive Avoidants (DAs) are very real for many people. While it's crucial not to generalize everyone with an avoidant attachment style as incapable of change or improvement, your point about the importance of therapy is well-taken. Support from professionals can be essential for anyone looking to work through deep-rooted attachment issues. And yes, coaches and therapists should guide individuals toward personal growth and healthier attachment patterns before encouraging deeper connections with others. Thank you for bringing this perspective into the conversation. 🌱
Thank you.
You're welcome!
No Contact isn’t easy.
Yes, it can be really tough!
I think I’m probably Fearful-Avoidant.
Yes
if you are going to stick to the "no contact" ( break up dynamic) no one gets better. the cycle repeats itself.
Yes 👍
lindsey updegrove 💛💝✌ glad it resonates!
i am almost at my 31th days of no contact without breaking it . hence she break my no contact a week ago saying sorry and accepting my dessperated offer to remain friend when she breaked up with me . obviously i declined the friendship and wished her well . i am proud i managed to that point being anxious . I want to shift it toward secure ♥ hopefully this will bring that bond back in a much better way . i accept her the way she is , i want to show her the way to go so she can feel safe to learn new patherns .
i love your video's thank you for bringing a different approach to the topic i am used to see on other coaching channel.
My ex was avoidant & come to find out it was because he was married.
😳
I'm so sorry to hear that you went through that. It must have been a difficult and painful experience for you.
Damn lol I don’t mean to laugh. Men 🙄🤡🤦🏾♀️
Why does my avoidant partner always reach out to me first? Is it because I'm disorganized attachment? When we are together it's both an intense (sexuallly) and also a relaxed feel (everything except for either one of our withdrawal periods). Our relationship is progressing but it's taking a long time. Which has been fine because he's definitely more interested in me despite his protests....because I NEVER contact him during withdrawal periods and he always comes back more available and being attentive in meaningful ways. It's all so confusing.
Hard. No contact. 😐
My ex told me he had insomia could not sleep unless we made peace.
No contact. So hard!
Very hard. It's torture sometimes.
tough deal: she- avoidant dismissive (no attachment knowledge). very independent. in masculine. cherishs independence.
me-anxious attachment. victim of horrid infidelity.
how could this work.
I don't know. I 'm the female who cherishes freedom and he's the one who has issues with infidelity. His parents split up over this. Major trauma for him. Just wanted to say I have never cheated, in my whole life, never felt like it but I do need freedom like others need air
It won’t. Go to EMDR Therapy, move on and understand that they are not capable of loving you. Overcome the trauma through EMDR and create strong boundaries
he asked me to date him several times, then 2-3 weeks later i accepted. then he made excuses to imply that he does not want a relationship. since then we don't talk... i believe he is fearful avoidant. because he wanted to have a relationship, he liked the idea of it but when it became real, he was afraid... it has been more than 1 month since i don't hear anything from him :( he used to text me everyday.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It can be difficult, but it sounds like rejection is protection in this circumstance. Now you know there’s something deeper that you are desiring and the universe has made space for it to come in. Big hugs on the journey.
Any update on your ex? Similar thing happened to me recently too…
@@joeyhuang7758 hi! he did not call and i forgot and moved on :D i don't care anymore and don't desire him. so if it does not work for some reason, the best thing is go ahead and do not push it.. you forget this person at one point and now i feel way better!
I am going through no contact with a FA ex. The breakup was not defined, I suggested it due to his lack of communication & availability - a lot was said, but he made it clear everything was fine and that he shuts down, his main priorities are his businesses, and he promised to call me the next day. I haven’t heard from him in 3-weeks. Incredibly hurtful after 5-months of a lot of effort. There was a lot of push and pull in that relationship, usually me pursuing far more than I’d like to admit. I felt it to be quite a bit one-sided. Despite this I do care for him and would like some closure as this is such bizarre behaviour. My question would be do I remain in no contact or seek closure? - thank you.
As a person that have had a relationship with an avoidant.. my advice is move on.. they are not people you want to do deal with..
@@Genci-sj5qt thanks for your advice - I have taken that path and trying my best to accept what is and let go of what was ❤️🙏🏻
Him not delivering on promiss to call next day and not caring if you are alive or not - is the actual answer and is the actual closure. You have it. Block or best delete his nr, and move on. You deprive yourself of much better future partners.
My avoidant ex-girlfriend left me four months ago after a 10 year relationship of chaos. Back at least four times, but continues to lie to me about seeing other guys. Now I cut her off no contacts three weeks ago with no means to talk to me. I totally miss her.
Go out and have fun. It helps.
think of them in ways of being a malignant narccisct prob more true than not. Im starting to think APD is narc light
I'm now dealing my wife's decision to separate. She had left me before our marriage couple of times. It seems like she has got some BPD or Abovident disorders. She seems holding on the things that has been said or done during our argument. Hold on to it and memorize those things as weapon against me whenever we have agurment. Then she would do mind reading and gaslighting, exaggerating things for what i had said and make it like that is how I treated her the whole time, without any self reflection of how things started and ended the way it is. She initiate contacting me constantly. But with really short and cold auitutude. Sometime she even lashing out on me out of blue, but i always remain calm. I don't know what to do because I'm way too busy to deal with this. And She seems has got some problems that once there's challenging in our life or marriage. She always has this walk away opintion and blame everything on me and said that is all my problems. I really don't know should I just give up or keep waiting.
I'm really sorry you're dealing with such a challenging situation in your marriage. Emotional turbulence, especially when you suspect underlying issues like BPD, can be draining and confusing for both parties involved. It's tough when arguments get weaponized and conversations are distorted through gaslighting or exaggeration.
However, if these emotional behaviors are affecting your marriage, professional help might be beneficial for both of you. Therapy could provide coping mechanisms and a space to discuss your issues objectively.
As for whether you should wait or move on, that's a big question. Consider a few things:
Do you have the emotional energy to be a supportive partner in a challenging emotional landscape?
Are you both willing to work on your issues, or is it just one-sided?
Are you staying in the relationship out of love, or is it fear-like the fear of being alone?
Only you can decide what's right for you. Either way, taking care of yourself is crucial, especially when dealing with such emotional complexities. If the emotional toll becomes too high, it might be healthier for both parties to reassess the situation.
I hope this provides some clarity. Take care, and I wish you all the best as you navigate this difficult period.
I am trying to go no contact but have a tremendous urge to reach out. It’s been more than 2 weeks.
Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Monica Varela. Sending you well wishes on your journey.
Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Monica Varela. Sending you well wishes on your journey.
Thank you
@LUCKY2BSEXIRE Thank you! Much appreciated.
Is it advisable to contact them one last time to get closure before going cold turkey and cutting all contact ?
NO...If they broke up with you, THEY need to come back to you.
What for? What would you say? Write a letter to him but don't send it. See how it sounds.
It wint matter, they are not going to listen or understand anything untill they themselves decides
Still if u want u can gave time clean slate message saying u had great time, u disagree wiith breakup n u still believe u bith can do great but u accept their decision and space u both need, n tell them u wish them well.
But do this only if u done something very bad like cheating or abuse or other where u feel deep regret. Else stick to NC and work on urself
I’m married and go through this every three months. He is a veteran and has cptsd. I feel trapped
Marry me
I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this recurring cycle, especially when dealing with something as serious as C-PTSD. While my videos aim to help, the complexities of trauma often require professional intervention. If you haven't yet, consider seeking couples therapy with someone experienced in trauma. I hope you find the support and resources you need to navigate this challenging situation. You're not alone. 💕
Ok so trying no contact, it’s not easy for obvious reasons. But she is also getting rid of everything I gave her or had to do with me, by either giving it back to me or giving it away. So she is contacting me to do this. My question is why is she getting rid of everything? I’m the anxious attachment one and believe her to be disorganized attached.
Lol. Because gifts from those we no longer want to be reminded of are constantly bringing our thoughts to a place of sadness or hurt. FAs don't like receiving gifts in the first place. The reason we severe ties on social media and block out others are to prevent us from being reminded of sources of pain (our DA side), and to prevent us from doing something stupid like reaching out (AP side).
@@lmart16 Thank you
Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like a difficult time and sending you well wishes during this difficult phase. The behavior is an example of the “all in or all out,” thinking that individuals with insecure attachment tend to have. She will not want to keep reminders of your relationship because that will cause her pain, at the same time reaching out to you directly to give your things back to you is also an attempt to connect with you while punishing you at the same time. She wants you to feel the hurt that she feels. She wants you to feel rejected. Entirely. Because that’s probably how she feels.
Thank you for the reply. Your reply makes sense in some regards but she’s the one that broke up with me. She had just returned from a triathlon, I had looked after her two dogs for the week. She picked up her dogs and we visited for a bit. She went home then broke up with me later that night. Said she felt I had negative energy and that we were on different paths. I think there’s more to it but she won’t say. Still not sure what happened. She came back a different person from when she left.
That sounds like more than disorganized attachment to me. If you just took care of her dogs and things were going well, then a switch flips, the emotional closeness might have triggered an unconscious mechanism that says, "I better end this before the other shoe drops," and so her feelings go from hot to cold. The severity of the behavior you describe, however sounds more like a certain personality structure, which is more than just an underlying attachment anxiety. It is the filter through which that anxiety is expressed. @@kevinbaumgardt6068
My SP is hot and cold. I don’t want to but when she goes cold I go NC and I believe she is a DA and usually after 4 days she will text me like nothing has happened and end with I love and miss you. I’ve just taken a style test and this is what it says . Briana As I am new to this attachment style What made you want to make these RUclips channel. Was it because you’ve gotten help yourself and worked on you or was it what you wanted to do as your career. I’ve just taken the quiz and it says I am 31% an AP, 13% a DA, 25% an FA and 31% an SA. So I have all 4 traits in 1. How does that work ? . My SP makes plans for us to meet up and then cancels which then we go weeks without seeing each other given she works 7 days per week as her first job doesn’t pay well
It sounds like you're navigating a complex emotional landscape with your Special Person (SP), especially with the hot and cold dynamics. Attachment styles aren't one-size-fits-all; they exist on a spectrum, and it's possible to have a mix like you do. Your quiz results suggest you teter on the threshold between anxious and fearful avoidant, which can make relationships challenging but also offers you a nuanced understanding of attachment. I recommend watching this video for clarity: ruclips.net/video/N2vk8D3vO10/видео.html
As for your question about my RUclips channel, it's a blend of professional and personal motivations. My work is driven by my expertise as a relationship coach, but also my own past struggles with fearful avoidance. My goal is to guide people like you in understanding the intricacies of attachment, so you can form healthier connections. I hope you continue to find the content helpful. 🌟
Hi Briana,
Thank you for your videos. Very helpful!
I have a quick question please : i have been in a relationship for the past 5 months with an avoidant (long distance relationship)..we were planning to travel together & for some reasons he was postponing the trip a couple of times, at some point i did openly express to him that i am not happy about this & that i am not sure about his intentions anymore...he did agree about his poor behaviour, he appologized & suggested to have a proper discussion once he is back from his trip which I agreed to it but abrutly he just stopped talking to me & he didn't reach out when he came back from his trip...it is been 2 weeks now & i am not sure what to do here. Please help as I am a bit confused about this behaviour (are we still together or not)? Thank you very much!
Hi, I know you directed this question to Briana, but Thais Gibson of the personal development school has some great content on attachment styles, as well and you may find her videos on Avoidants cancelling plans, Avoidants not meeting up, helpful to your situation.
@@julesD0222 Thank you!! Yes i have seen her videos! Indeed it was helpful.
Hey there, I'm glad you find the videos helpful! Ah, the avoidant long-distance conundrum. Your confusion is understandable. If he's gone radio silent for two weeks, especially after promising to discuss important matters, that's a red flag. It's possible he's distancing himself due to the emotional intensity of the impending conversation.
As tough as it is, you might have to prepare for the possibility that his silence is an avoidant tactic to end things without direct confrontation. I'd recommend reaching out one final time to ask for clarity. If he doesn't respond or continues to be vague, you might have your answer, even if it's not the one you're hoping for. Sometimes silence speaks volumes. Take care! 💕
@@misskatia7215Any update?
If someone has a dismissive avoidant ex and they’re unlikely to be the ones to reach out first, does that mean that we have to be the ones to break no contact first? I’ve been in no contact with my ex boyfriend for 5 months. What do I do?
IT'S OVER
@@bashfrosttv NO ONE ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION SO STOP YELLING AT ME
my DA reached out 2.5 month after the break up
What happened?
@@joeb5578 he did send a long text. updating me on his life and asked, if we want to have a drink together. he also start liking my pictures again…
Does I still have a chance if I begged after breakup I feel I messed up so bad and they told me to move on is there still a chance
same😢
same
You do. IF YOU WANT THEM BACK, you need to go No Contact and do not deviate from it. He/She will eventually reach out, and if not you still win because you'll be over them. The Avoidant needs to feel like they may very well lose you for good.
Dont focus on getting them back.
I know its tough and painful
But focus on ur healing do things which u like without worrying or thinking about them.
If they come back be strong enough to take decisions if its safe to go back or not.
As getting back with avoidant is not important, Staying with them for longer period is important.
So unless if they have worked on their part and we have done on ourself, things will repeat again, sadly
👍
I hope to get back together
You send me e-mails every month. At one point I was questioning the relationship I was in, that is how I ended up on the e-mail list.
I find myself a bit psychologically stimulated when I watch your videos, or read your random relationship advice.
You're very poignant, and pragmatic about your explanations. Most of these advice videos usually take a three-prong approach which is good. Here's the problem -- Here's why it's happening -- Here's what you can choose to do in this situation.
You give suggestions, and aren't trying to convince people they're wrong for feeling a certain way. I'll probably stay on the email list a little longer.
Thank you for commenting and sharing your perspective, Därk Cløud.
Yes
You say breaking no contact prolongs your healing… But you also say that dismissives will not be the ones to reach out … 🤷🏻♀️
No contact is not for them to reach out or get them back. Its for us to heal and move on.
If Ex reaches to us with self improvement and if we have healed then its upto us to decide if we want them or not.
So follow no contact to get ourself back and be a better version of ourself and heal.
It will take time, journey might be very tough and painful but take it slow. One day at a time
@@Helpingbos yes thank u but we will all admit that first choice is to fix things with our SO. Btw I dont know that mine is an “ex.” Breakup words were not spoken. But we haven’t communicated in weeks, I think bc I gently asked him to open up, tell me what happened. Is this triggering for a DA? 😢 Also, for what it’s worth I am secure attachment. :)
It doesn’t matter if thry used the word or not.
If u guys have not specifically brokeup using clear words and think there is some misunderstanding then u can try only if other person is showing intent to talk.
About opening up, most avoidant dont want yo acknowledge or self reflect snd if u put pressure on them to be open or tell them they sre issue they will shut down their emotions and starts thinking that u r going to leave them.
My ex told me i can tell her my issue. On breakup she cursed me, hit me. Still i went ahead and later when i told her issue and she need to work, she brokup again after 1week and things kept getting worse the more i tried to explain her my side and ny emotions.
So its better to not tell then their flaws or issue, give them them, let them think. And dueing that time work on detaching urself and improving urself and understanding how ti live with avoidant partner if u truely love them and they are not evil.
It know it’s painful, it hurts badly, but trust me. We dont have any other options. All we can do is give them space and time they need and work on ourself yo make our life better and not be dependent on them and their valdiation.
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