8 Signs An Avoidant Loves You
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- Опубликовано: 24 июл 2024
- 8 Signs An Avoidant Loves You//Curious about the signs an avoidant partner loves you? If you're wondering, "Does my avoidant partner love me?" or trying to decode the mysterious ways of avoidant attachment style, this video is for you! In "8 Signs an Avoidant Partner Loves You," we dive deep into the nuances of avoidant behavior and how to identify their unique ways of showing love. Understanding dismissive avoidant behaviors can be challenging, but with the right insights, you can navigate your relationship more confidently. Here's what you can expect in this video:
00:00 Introduction
02:27 Link: The Courageous Communicator program
03:34 What are signs of avoidant attachment?
04:23 How to love an avoidant partner?
05:46 What are the signs an avoidant loves you?
10:04 Video Recommendation: The Surprising Traits That Attract Avoidant Partners
11:04 How to communicate with an avoidant partner?
14:17 Link: The Courageous Communicator program
17:16 Final Thoughts
Discover how avoidant partners express their affection in subtle, often misunderstood ways. You'll learn about signs a dismissive avoidant misses you and explore if an emotionally unavailable man can fall in love with you. This video will also help you recognize the signs a dismissive avoidant likes you, giving you the clarity you need in your relationship.
Struggling to understand how to tell if your ex is into you or looking for signs your ex loves you? We'll cover that too! This video isn't just about current relationships; it offers insights into how to win an avoidant ex back by understanding their attachment style.
Don't miss out on the "Courageous Communicator" program, featured at 02:27 and 14:17, which is designed to help you improve your communication skills based on attachment styles. Whether you're dealing with a dismissive avoidant partner or just trying to understand avoidant attachment style better, this program can be a game-changer.
For those who want to dive deeper into the world of attachment styles and relationship dynamics, check out our recommended videos and free trainings below. And don't forget to take the Attachment Styles Quiz to get personalized insights into your relationship patterns.
#signsanavoidantlovesyou #avoidantattachment #avoidantattachmentstyle #avoidant #attachmentstyles #attachmenttheory #brianamacwilliam
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• 8 Signs An Avoidant Lo...
She doesn't tell me she loves me, but tells me she appreciates me, sends me heart and kissy face emojis, has a nickname for me, and says I'm the only person she feels she can open up to
definitely pays to make the focus of attention on actions more than words with this type of relationship.
@@r3v0lv3rz spot on,
Their words dont match their actions, they are people pleasers
You cant trust their words, they just tell you what you want to hear,
They are people pleasers.
Yes, their actions when drunk, as the saying goes "a drunk action is a sober thought"( if she is fighting and agitating conflict,) it is the true mindset, because, when they are sober, they'll send the nicest words in messages and emails, because they are playing you. Be on high guard, and protect your heart at all costs. Reality is they will walk away or make life unbearable sooner or later. It is only for a temporary period. Do not give 100%,until _true_ progress is made, this may take years. Most DA's have other great qualities, and beyond the lack of love can be a great friend. DA's are not true fulfilling relationship material unless they want to heal. I am so tired of begging for corrective therapy and healing, so I literally have to downgrade my love, affection and commitment to the 40th percentile to closely match their 30th percentile.
@@philipramsden4975 Your in the friendzone
I had an old mentor once told me the definition of love. It’s not a feeling it’s an action word. It’s three words, acceptance, service and respect. I’ve never forgot this. A lot of the times I have a hard time finding people to connect with and also at the same time, I do have some avoidance Problems it is what it is. Oh well.
He's doing all but letting me in his inner world of friends and family, but it's been a very long journey. Initially, he was all of these things the first 6 months, and then we fell apart. It was a very intense start. Through the years, we stayed in contact, but he moved into his avoidant side, and I moved into fearful avoidant tendencies. Two in a half years ago, we reconnected more lovingly as friends who openly admit we love each other. By this time, I had already started attachment work, and I always listened carefully to your videos, and with time , we started showing more secure behavior and the connection is so much more loving, safe, trusting, positive, and fun. We are not in a committed relationship, and he's leaning more towards having separate homes (we are both in our 50s). I would like to have more, but I do see the positive of having separate homes. I'm hoping that with our path towards more security, we will negotiate something closer, but I accept that this is where we are right now, and I do finally believe and SEE his love now.
When in my “secure self” this makes perfect sense yet it isn’t the natural self. Breadcrumbs from my “someone” has a masters degree in “push pull”… this always makes me go back to the woodshed to work on myself.
Omg me too. My avoidant made me dig up core wounds I buried. I’m working on them now and wow I enjoy him more and don’t freak out when he does the pull away.
Thank you for watching and sharing a bit of your personal experience.
I was wondering why I feel so peaceful, we are broken up but even so, I feel good being able to understand them, whether or not we end up together again.
I completely understand the pain, anguish, and misery that unhealthy relationship dynamics can cause, but holy cow, there are some really wounded people in this comment section. I didnt realize soooo many people were so jaded by avoidant partners.
No judgement. Just noticing. Never gave much credence to the idea that "the internet doesn't like avoidant," but apprently, theres some reality around it.
I'm in love with an 'in denial' man with Avoidant Attachment, He's LOVELY when I just behave as his friend. He's amazing and intensely intelligent/interesting, but has some awful ways as well.
We used to be closer, but as soon as it 'should have moved to the next level', he backed off & stopped touching me in any way.
It hurts me, but I'd ratber have this man in my life every single day (which I do) than lose him & settle for second best.
He deserves to have someone love him as everyone else does, and I don't think anyone could understand and accept him as I do.
He's opening up more & more, so who knows?
Thank you. I gets hard to swallow for FAs & DAs who are finally aware & able to access info about all this. We come looking for insights, questions/answers, commiseration...(Forbid - support & encouragement 🙄) and it's like, 👀🫣😯😬🫠... but then "Hey, wait a minute!" kicks in.
A lot of it is just normal broken hearts, looking to blame a bad relationship... "normal" incapadability on something bigger. It can't be that dimple-chinned man, it's ALL dimple-chinned men. It can't be that red haired woman, it's ALL red heads!
There is no such thing as "normal" unrequited love... they MUST be an Avoidant who was overwhelmed by their feelings & ran... and maybe they'll come back??? ("No I shan't take them back!" with dramatic flip of hair)
They have obviously never been on the receiving end of Anxious Type's worst potentials... twisted behaviors, lies, manipulations, endless neediness, verbal & emotional abuses.... and this weirdly attentive brand of emotional neglect (or is it dismissiveness toward a partner as a unique individual) that I think only avoidants can fully experience from more harmful types of Anxiously Attached folks.
Too read the comments, you would think Avoidants were intentionally abusive teflon.
I am a Dismissive leaning FA. It's so hurtful it pisses me off on behalf of milder DA varieties who just cringe from it and withdraw farther.
Lots of the haters are apparently unaware or stubbornly entrenched Anxiously Attached, or seriously messed up FAs who lean Anxious & try not to own their truth.
These are looking for scapegoats & don't seem to want to work on their own issues.
They tend to be very offended that a partner might need at least as much accommodation & consideration for having issues as THEM in a relationship. Which seems kinda telling.
One Giveaway is the "I gave & gave... they still abandoned me." tone.
I want to ask, "What were you giving though? Were you pumping gasoline into a diesel engine?"
Another is "Why should I change MY behavior, or learn THEIR language" & so on.
Yeah... we see it. There's a reason "Your" Avoidant was attracted to you... and why they left.
I've got a people like that. It's never anything about them either. I've never mattered as an individual personality, to be considered & known, or at all accomodated or made comfortable in THEIR relationships either. But they'll tell everyone how much they TRIED. They gave & gave... 😬
They're part of what landed me here. 😉
I have zero patience for it... & most avoidant types *should* probably know to look past the BS.
The ones I feel for are the truly hurt & damaged people. People who were pre-conditioned to become entrapped by truly despicable people. It can be hard for them not to see a group of maleable diagnostic behavior patterns, as concrete & universal same-ness.
I hope they come to realize that blaming one & all of members of an umbrella attachment type for the awfulness of a few... is actually like any other bigotry.
Too many Avoidant-haters in the coments seem to be people chronically attracted to one of the types of more classic JackHats who tend to have DA or FA Avoidant Attachment issues.
You know, those loner bad boys & girls people get mixed up with, & everyone likes to try to *save* or *fix* with their big LOVE 😂 I remember standing back & watching that show pre-social media, at 19-20 yrs old & thinking, "Noooooo! He's gonna run screaming if you do that Sweetie! Just cut that line & rebait! Find someone better suited to you. "
Now, instead of licking their wounds & moving on... there is the internet.
Folks get burned, & the problem is ALL Avoidants, or ALL FAs. Not just the subtype(s) of these groups that have actual personality disorders. It's as if they don't comprehend that the nice, normal, "moral" Avoidant types get bit by them too!
Heck, we're just as, if not more susceptible to the JackHats & psychos than they are (they seem to understand & "get us", you know. )
It doesn't occur to the Avoidant-haters to figure out their own disfunction, & what keeps attracting them to wallow in the same 💩 treatment repeatedly.
😅🤗
I’m involved with an avoidant and she’s shown all of these signs at one point. Once things became more serious, she pulled back. I also didn’t know much about attachment styles and communicated in ways that contributed to that too. She’s been reaching out more consistently now and I’ve been trying to contribute my part as well. So far things have been getting better with each week and I’m very appreciative of this video🙂
This is the best video on this subject that I have seen. Thank you
I lost my person. I didn't have a clue about attachment styles until I was ghosted and started doing some research. I found myself to have anxious attachment, and they have dismissive avoidant attachment. My heart is completely broken, and I have been in no contact since the end of May. I asked one question, and they took that question and twisted it into something I never even verbalized. They never answered the question and told me I had them completely f#@$ked up the next day. Then told me that I was never going to change and they were never going to change, and I was ghosted. I did everything to show them that I was there for them in every way possible and got sh#tied on. I don't ever want to experience this kind of coldness or heartache ever again. The whole thing didn't make any sense to me. I am working on my anxious attachment, so hopefully, next time, I can have a healthy relationship with someone, but that will be a long ways down the road, because it's going to take me a good while to heal from this. I have never felt pain like this ever before in my life with any of my other relationship's. At this point, if I ever run across this type of attachment style, I am going to run...it's too much, and the coldness is indescribable. I really trusted this person, and getting ghosted was the outcome. Ghosting to me is very immature and childish.
I'm sorry you had to go through that but if they ghosted you consider yourself lucky and move on.
You have been a true blessing! Everything you teach on avoidants has resonated with my partner….he does all of these things to express his love. Thank you for giving me peace!
I was in a 10 month relationship with a dismissive avoidant woman that started doing all of these signs of love very quickly with me early on. Even though I am an anxious attachment person, I always behaved in the relationship as a secure attachment person. The entire 10 months was surreal and "too good to be true"! My job was going to move me to another city for a while and when she found out, it was like a bulb burned out! She turned stone cold instantly and I was thrown out like a bag of trash! Now when we see each other in public places, she acts like a total stranger!
Wow! I didn't really believe it until now! I have never felt so incredibly loved. Thank you so much! This explains so much about my wonderful partner.
I’m so sorry for your pain.
The emotional crisis life puts you through is horrendous.
As an avoidant myself, I can share this:
you learn to rely on yourself so much
that you just feel frustrated at yourself
for not being able to let go and just ask for help.
You just lie to yourself and everyone around you
about being okay,
but inside is this storm of negative-painful-harmful emotions
and self-hate.
Avoidants are people-pleasers,
their words mean nothing,
and that's why their words don't match their actions;
hours of conversation and then the next day they are a completely different person.
They only think about themselves.
Healthy relationship
becomes impossible.
Please, journal your emotions and thoughts, take long walks, watch these videos,
and remember it was never about you.
Choose Peace.
Forgive and release.
Maybe even be grateful.
He helped activate emotions that your soul no longer wants to carry.
He activated them. That's the gift.
It's your opportunity to release them. That's the magic.
Sometimes,
the poison IS the medicine (homeopathy).
He helped you to purify you.
Life is just a play out of our emotions, and really, a gift...
For purification,
for release,
for ascension.
Thank you for the content. Very informative, detailed, accurate and edifying. I can honestly say that my partner displays all 8 forms, so needless to say after not being clear about where she stood I am a lot more confident in her feelings towards me. Very helpful and encouraging!
Thanks for sharing!
This is very insightful
Thank you for watching! I’m glad you like it. ❤️🙏
Well you have to know how to handle them. It’s a push pull in and out with them. Stay detached and willing to move on. They have to know you have many other options.
I'm so thankful for this video! It SHOWS me what I have been dealing with! I didn't understand prior! This man has hurt me so bad- Broken Heart Syndrome is REAL! One night I felt like I was having Chest Pains but I didn't care! I felt a hole in my heart for 2 days after our break up tears tears
I like this video. Thank you so much. ❤
I'm glad you like it
Thank you so much for this video. I am a 66 yr old who has just married the love of my life a very beautiful woman of 45. I was starting to think if she really cared until watching this and now realise she shows every one of these traits. Thanks again.
Wow I'm so glad I found this I have been trying to figure out what was wrong with my boyfriend and why he was so cold at times and wanting to be left alone. Understanding him is a blessing . Now I know it's not me. Now he wants me with him everyday . Thank you for putting this on RUclips I'm so In love with him now it's going to work out I can now talk to him without him shutting me down thank you so much you saved us
Happy for you both
Thank you sooooo much for this amazing and game changer video Briana!❤
Yes I recognize all these signs from my avoidant person😅
Especially number 3. He always opens up and vulnerable to me. And most of the time I just listen actively and let him know and feel that I am always there for him as his safe space and comfort.
I just find it cute when he fixed our bed the last time we spend a weekend together. And make tea for me. Small things do really matters!!
Omg this makes sense. I am dealing with someone like this.
I CAN relate. I try not to push when he withdraws in communication change the subject
He tells you he’s going to build a wall around your heart ❤️ just for him
Wow, so sweet
I can relate to practically all of them. ❤
Thank you for sharing ❤️
It's simply not worth it. To be with an avoidant is way too complicated and heavy. I want an emotionally healthy woman who hasn't been so severely damaged in the past. It's such a blessing to be with a partner who is emotionally secure, healthy, clear and warm with great communication about anything.
I dont like how everyone in the comment section in every video about bonding types is always picking on the avoidants. It is a bonding type after all. You cant help it right away, you need to learn and understand about your way to react to closeness and everyone that has ever worked on a personal issue knows it is hard and long work. I understand it might be very hurtful for the people around, I dont want to belittle that. But please give eachother time to work on issues rather then just go full rant mode.
It's because they're horrible 🤷♀️ sorry, but that's just true
Deare Jana,
1. a securely attached person needs little or no therapy,
2. an anxiously attached person (when they realise they have a problem - usually after two or three failed relationships with an avoidant) seek therapy to check their anxiousness - i.e. learning to self sooth, but
3. the avoidant person finds it hard to accept they have a problem so they seldom seek help.
This is why avoidants receive little sympathy.
Thanks for sticking up for us!
Yes, most of these signs apply to my SP
I see all of the signs listed, except recently they stop initiating consistent time together 😖 it’s been 8 weeks of no quality time together. Prior to that, the time spent together was 4-6 days a week for a span of 5 months. I’m ready to walk away
They do that
Get feelings and run
Approach differently is all I can say
Also look in the mirror and look at your text messages possibly with a friend (don’t tell the avoidant this) and see if you went wrong from someone else’s point of view or that of a therapist.
@@taylorbee4010 I actually did this already! And everyone in my life agrees that I have done nothing “wrong” and that my avoidant partner is still very much “receptive” and present 🫠 hues I have to wait and see what time brings
Six year relationship and after one big fight and I'm shut out. I'm tired of apologizing and begging for any attention. She was super affectionate and now nothing. Used to cuddle into me, now she gets into bed with clothes on, a clear barrier and still no physical contact. Not even a kiss before bed
I'm an avoidant woman I will tell you what it works for me.
If you're tired of apologizing, don't say that to her, instead:
'I'm so sorry for how I acted in our last fight. Can you pls tell me what can I do to make you feel better, because I really dont know. I love you and I miss you and this cold treatment really hurts me. Pls, let's talk this out
Then you give her time to process it, if she's like me, she'll come around. When she shuts down don't be reactive. Be proactive.
Lots of success 🙌
@@deeeboo- thank you. I appreciate the time you took for that. I did that and now I've come to accept it's on her terms or nothing. I'm working on living my life because it'll most likely be without her
Wow, 7 out of 8. 1 of which is more situational, so it may be 8 of 8.
I talked to a woman about this I've loved for many years we hook up here and there but whenever I start to feel close she shuts me off, then a year later she comes back. I like to think she just needed me for an ego boost because she has dated in between us hooking up but never went the distance. I'm ready to shut her off
Briana u r so super.
Aww thank you 🙏❤️
Is there a video on how to deal with stonewalling?
Gotta be honest here... As an avoidant person who watches these types of videos to try to understand myself and heal: If a partner said something like "I'm feeling really alone, is there any way we can connect?" or "I'm feeling really lonely right now, are you available for some support?" I would gag and look for the nearest exit. Do *not* put it on an avoidant to figure out how to regulate YOUR emotions. In both of those scenarios, you are telling the avoidant that it's up to them to regulate your emotions AND that they need to figure out how to do that (Seriously, "connect" and "support" can mean a million things, please don't be that vague).
If you *really* want to get through, you need to show an avoidant that you can regulate yourself and invite them in when you're feeling secure. It is going to be so much easier for an avoidant to want to spend time with you if they aren't constantly worried you're going to ask them to do emotional labor that they've always been told that they need to handle for themselves.
Think of regulating your emotions as tying your shoes. Imagine if you had a partner that asked you to tie their shoes all the time, and you couldn't figure out why they needed the help, because YOU don't have trouble tying your shoes, and your partner doesn't have any obvious disabilities that would stop them from tying their shoes on their own... They just keep asking you to do it. It would get annoying, right? But if your partner consistently showed you that they can tie their own shoes, and suddenly they're asking for help because they broke their finger, you'd be more than happy to step in and help, because you know that they'd do it on their own if they could. And on the flip side of that, if you had a partner who insisted on constantly tying YOUR shoes, you'd probably think it's weird and infantilizing, right?
With an avoidant partner, you really need to consider whether you are asking them to do something that they learned is something that everyone has to do for themselves. Avoidance is the result of being taught that it is SHAMEFUL to ask for help or co-regulation, and even if they logically know that securely attached people don't think that way, it can take a LOT of work to get that shameful feeling out of their body.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I understand where you’re coming from, and I appreciate the opportunity to discuss this further. Having been fearful, avoidant myself in the past, I can see your perspective, but want to expand upon it, because it does indicate a certain starting point on the journey.
It's important to recognize that everyone, regardless of their attachment style, is at different stages of readiness for change, especially within a committed relationship. In this video, I'm offering a starting point for a conversation. It’s essential to understand that asking for support is not a sign of neediness. When someone requests support, it’s an invitation for their partner to understand and engage with their needs. If an avoidant partner perceives this as emotional dependency, it often reflects their internal narratives and growth journey.
In other words, it’s not so bad that you gag. In fact, you probably need to gag, and dive deeper into where the gag comes from. Because that’s where you need to go to open up and loosen up and relax into connection.
You shouldn’t have to break a finger before your partner is willing to help you tie your shoes. That is a very cold, an isolated metaphor that you offer here. And my heart goes out to you. You do not have to be suffering or in tremendous pain before you are allowed to ask for help and support. And I would not advise my viewers, to adopt that advice.
I have many avoidant clients who are quite capable of responding to such requests. And you mis-quoted the first suggestion. “"I’m feeling really lonely right now. Are you available for some support? I really appreciate it when you...xyz." in this example, you are telling the Avoidant partner very specifically how they have succeeded with you in the past, and adding specificity around what would feel supportive.
The second option, “I'm feeling really alone right now, is there any way that we could connect?" is for avoidant partners that would take exception to being “told what to do” and would rather come to their own ideas and conclusions without specific input.
The assumption that an avoidant person cannot engage in supportive dialogue is, in itself, a stereotype . Yes, Avoidant individuals often have a closed mental and emotional system when they begin the journey of healing, but part of the gift a partner brings is the invitation to open that system.
In any committed relationship, it is both normal and expected to support each other. There’s a significant difference between taking full responsibility for someone else’s emotions and wanting to contribute positively to your partner’s well-being. If your partner is struggling, wouldn’t you want to help them feel better? Similarly, wouldn't you want your partner to care about your feelings and well-being? I would agree with the tying your shoes analogy, to a point, But there is nothing in my example that suggests the person who is asking for support cannot tie their own shoes. And again, they should not have to have a broken finger in order to ask.
My suggestions do put some of the onus on the other person in the dialogue to ask for clarity if they need it, and that is intentional.
If the idea of contributing to a partner’s emotional state feels uncomfortable, it might be worth reflecting one’s personal growth journey. Creating a safe space for dialogue is crucial in building a supportive and secure relationship.
Regarding emotional regulation, co-regulation and auto-regulation are interconnected. What often appears as the avoidant’s capacity to self-regulate is actually a hypersensitivity to emotional stimuli and a rigid coping mechanism. True emotional regulation involves a balance that includes co-regulation. Shutting off external input to maintain internal equilibrium isn't genuine self-regulation; it's a sign of struggle with emotional processing.
For a more in-depth discussion on these topics, I recommend watching my video "How To Heal Avoidant Attachment: 4 Crucial Steps"
I hope this clarifies my perspective and provides a deeper understanding of how avoidant individuals can engage in supportive relationships. Thank you again for your comment.
How To Heal Avoidant Attachment: 4 Crucial Steps
ruclips.net/video/UwXAhWPzaBc/видео.html
Hello Anna I hope you're doing well.
Anna it would be of great help if you can kindly suggest me ways to connect with my Avoidant partner. I'd be gratefully thankful to you .
As I've tried many things but all in vain .
I'll be waiting for your response. Take care. Thank you. 😊 @AnnaFunk
Personally you need to skip these videos and seeks some serious therapy. Or plan to spend the rest of your life alone.
Wow!
@AnnaFunk can u give us some examples of how better to phrase pls?
Hi, he finally broke down came back in. After s&x the first time again he was all teared up right after. I later asked if he did indeed and he said yes he wants the best for me and he wasn’t that before. We had plans for him to come over later & he did not but explained why then with promises of following night. Slim communication that day and ended up saying he was too messed up to drive over. I remained calm n try to get him to see how it was hurting me. With him saying I’m thinking too much then later that he loves me, he doesn’t need to be scolded he needs me to save him. I’m trying to decode the save part at the moment. Please help
Is it ok to say i need you to be strong??
Words of affirmation work best, but why does he keep making plans and promises then cancel?
the issue here is that they'll never see how they've hurt you, even when you try to show them they'll simply discard it. They know they hurt you but they just won't do anything about it, not even an apology.
Beware whom you spend your time and effort on.
It should be called player attachment style....no other way around it. They hurt u like hell and never take accountability. That is asshole attachment style pretending to love you only to throw you when they run from commitments and responsibilities and compromise. Its absolutely impossible even if you are a secure person it will never work!!! Even 10 years down the line. I think this is worse than a narcissist. The narcissist you can just leave and forget. The avoidant you can never forget them because its a neverending illusion of love and happiness.
Honestly I think the fact he's looking to be saved is concerning 😬 . It doesn't mean he's a bad person but I think the likelihood that you can "save" him is pretty low. Saving is different than helping
I recognize that she doesn’t show any of the things you mentioned. I even decided to do my own laundry because they were never a priority too.
Wow, he's doing almost all of this. Not 5 yet, but we aren't officially a couple yet. LOTS of #6. #8 yes for a couple days after we've had an intense day together. Very interesting!
So everything but #5 so far, now for the next steps of communicating and letting him know he can trust and be safe and STILL get his space and time. I'm GREATLY working on my anxiety and communicating how I feel while saying I know his needs are there too.
Run! It doesn't get better from here...when times get tough and you need to have a deep conversation for the health of you and the relationship they won't be there. No contact is their thing and they do it better than you. Trust, they only care about themselves and will never show you any love. It will even be hard for them to say the word.
All air signs 😂
Stop lol hahaa 😭
As a libra with an Aquarius moon all I can say is... ouch😂😅
Cancers...the cancerous tumor Cancer ♋️
This may be a coincidence, but I had 2, lol. One Gemini and one libra, both men.
I think these signs come from any person who is interested, regardless their attachment style. They are not a hidden language and the other party could simply feel it.
5 out of 8 ain’t bad?
Love that top on you, so cute and comfy looking too
Oh thank you!
26 years with a DA and he rarely does any of these things!
Ouch
Who cares? You could be the love of their life, they marry you, and start a family with you, and they will still leave. Then you've got traumatized kids who eventually are emotionally abandoned by their avoidant parent too. When they walk away the first time - let them go and don't ever take them back. They ruin lives.
maybe but that wont be easy could even be a bad choice
This world teaches us to avoid real communication and run away from solving problems God have mercy on us I think love is a solution it balanced love
Well u can create and manifest a beautiful life with them maybe the opposite of it as well, but it all gotta stem from the belief u have inside ur mind space. If u deep down believe and feel, u can manifest a fantastical romance with them and why not do u think it won't be in ur 3d
I don’t know Briana. All was good except hearing someone’s feelings. It’s a burden. There’s another to connect with an avoidant without the feelings. Speaking as an avoidant. Ask to hang out with me. Not for me to fix their loneliness.
If you mean what you said about feelings, you have a lot more problems than being avoidant.
Sounds like a pretty shallow & empty sort of relationship and way to live, to me. In all honesty. We're humans, after all. Not robots. Having feelings and emotions and wanting to talk about them and share them with your significant other. In the desire to get to know one another on deeper levels, where you're both learning & finding out more about one another. In a reciprocated way. Seems to be the point of being with someone at the end of the day. Especially in regards to anything long-term. Most people would prefer that. To have a deep, well-connected, human relationship, where you both get to know each other very well. In special ways, that makes us feel uniquely bonded to you, more than anyone else. We're mammals, after all. That's the way we're naturally wired. Or supposed to be anyway.
Personally, I have zero interest in a partnership that is merely superficial, constantly casual, and ruled by the "let's just avoid all the feelings and serious stuff, and instead simply have endless meaningless small talk". Those don't tend to be successful forms of relationships.
If you could even call that a relationship, really. It's more like a selfish, closed off excuse for something simulating an actual relationship. One where it's all about the person who doesn't want to get deep or discuss feelings or anything of actual substance.
Instead, likely focusing on irrelevant, empty topics of discussion. Such as career, money, TV shows, political/ social bs. Or whatever else people could possibly choose to focus on. Instead of those things that matter most.
That's what it sounds like to me, anyway. I mean, I could be wrong. But it doesn't sound in any way interesting, or like there's a possibility for real or deep connection, or a future with that person. Sounds more like just having a friend to chat about pointless things and gossip with, to me.
That's a very one-sided dynamic, that would likely leave the other person feeling unimportant or unfulfilled. And then, what happens if you have some deep or important feeling or problem you'd like to talk about? Then would it matter, or be fair game? And again, if you never wanted or needed to talk about anything like that at all, then it's just not gonna be a very good or close relationship, tbh. Seems doomed to fail in any way I can see.
*Maybe I'm reading you and your intent all wrong, though. If so, then I apologize for that.
Everything's swell as long as it's shallow then, eh? Coming from an avoidant...it figures.
do you not think that very one sided selfish? Work on healthy communication and not devaluing people for expressing emotions to you or forever act like a fairweather friend. Its quite creepy way to behave around someone youre supposed to be a friend to
Seems like a triggered a few people on here. I think there’s a misunderstanding. I don’t mind hearing feelings. I don’t want to be held responsible for someone telling me why they’re feeling that way. Would like a bit of ownership, responsibility that’s all
They were
Were
Yup.
I relate all of them....
Thank you for sharing!
I want to know if my bf is an avoidant or a covert narcissist. We are in LDR for almost 7 years. He could be consistent for 5 days then suddenly he just disappears for 24 hrs without notice.
Hello, if I may, I’d like to share to you my experience. I am also in a LDR, and yes, it’s common for them to take a day to recharge, me too, All of us should listen to ourselves, reflect on our things as part of our healing process from our attachments. It’s ok, I am on the other side towards a secure attachment and I now see both sides. It can be very overwhelming having to feel like a must check in every day. People say “it doesn’t take long to send a text, if they care they. Will” well, it doesn’t apply to all situations. People mostly won’t be ok with just one text, and will reply and expect another reply all through the day, and it can feel like engulfment. It’s awesome to have space and miss you and have things to talk about the following day. People who have not healed will let their insecurities blow up and right away assume they are doing something shady and it’s not the case. We are just simply taking some hours for ourselves and there is nothing wrong with that. We are not the ones to fill people’s voids or traumas, I know my partner is doing the stuff he loves and I use that time to also do the things I love for me and also need to do. I have also learned not to let people in your relationship because they will start instilling doubts and telling you he or she is cheating blah blah blah. Seven years is quite a time, I now feel that marriage is a lockdown, people will start to question and butt in why you haven’t gotten married. I now understand my partner for we have seen how people just assume that signing away that’s it, he’s mine she’s mine , and steer away for making any effort and find yourself stuck and unhappy. Every situation is different, not everyone understands the types of attachments, they run under a dogma or paradigm of what in society is expected, grow get married have kids that’s it, but then why are so many divorces? Because there is much more than that. If you learn to understand your partners language and way to show you love, then you have something there, despite of what people say. Hope it helps✨☺️blessings
@@TheBluemorpho2010also LDR here with a guy who is very independent and secretive.
He will send pictures of his food, a sunflower, and then nothing about his whereaboust or with who.. i, ( anxious ) find this very hard. I also love my own time but i do give him a short update.
Also he could send pictures' wish you were here' but never invite me over there.
The secrecy and lack of communication is very triggering.
I feel lost.
It doesn't matter. He's a turd. Dump him.
@@TheBluemorpho2010 You have completely rationalized the plank you are walking out on, you must be besotted. If this partner of yours is an avoidant then don't get attached, the clock is running. It doesn't matter how much you accommodate, there is no happy ending. EVER. Keep lowering your expectations as well, it lessens the impact of the emotional clobbering you will invariably face. Thoughts and prayers.
@@michellebeaver4809 You sound jaded. Most of these videos are made by accredited professionals with a great deal of experience and they seem to agree avoidants can become more secure with work. Your catch all don't ever get attached there is no happy ending ever is absurd.
She’s pulled away
Be grateful
Actually it doesn’t matter, feelings from avoidant is like castle of glass. One day everything is Ok, and another- Boom, everything has gone.
That's how it feels.
They wont tell you "they love you" because they dont. They arent capable of love and dont even know what it is. The only time they'll even show up in the relationship is when your bags are packed and you're out the door.... if that.
And if the avoidant is a woman its FAR WORSE!!! Because now they think they're right all the time and you cant tell them anything. 🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️
💯
He does most of these but says he isn’t in love with me 🫠 It’s fine if he isn’t but I think he may be
Thank you for watching and sharing a bit of your experience. You might find this video helpful: Why I LOVE YOU is a Trigger For Avoidant Attachment
ruclips.net/video/Q7AkSrNTlD8/видео.html
He's a turd. Dump him before he ruins your life and self esteem
When I expressed how I felt to my avoidant, she said “what is love?” 😂
Currently on the 4th off after 2 years.